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Good Inside - The Parenting Rules Most of Us Weren’t Taught. · Other Peoples Parenting

• 0:00
  Hey,
• 0:00
  everybody.
• 0:00
  Welcome
• 0:01
  back
• 0:01
  to
• 0:01
  another
• 0:01
  episode
• 0:02
  of
• 0:02
  Other
• 0:02
  People's
• 0:03
  Parenting,
• 0:04
  where
• 0:04
  we
• 0:04
  read
• 0:05
  parenting
• 0:05
  books
• 0:05
  and
• 0:05
  review
• 0:06
  them
• 0:06
  for
• 0:06
  you.
• 0:07
  I
• 0:07
  am
• 0:07
  Skylar
• 0:08
  Hurwitz,
• 0:08
  amateur
• 0:09
  parent,
• 0:09
  and
• 0:09
  this
• 0:09
  is
• 0:10
  my
• 0:10
  mom,
• 0:10
  Karen
• 0:11
  Quinn.
• 0:11
  She's
• 0:12
  a
• 0:12
  New
• 0:12
  York
• 0:12
  Times
• 0:12
  bestselling
• 0:13
  author
• 0:13
  and
• 0:14
  the
• 0:14
  founder
• 0:14
  of
• 0:14
  Habit
• 0:14
  Coach
• 0:15
  and
• 0:15
  Testing
• 0:15
  Mom.
• 0:16
  Hello,
• 0:16
  Mom.
• 0:16
  Hi,
• 0:17
  Skylar.
• 0:18
  How
• 0:18
  are
• 0:18
  you
• 0:18
  today?
• 0:18
  I'm
• 0:19
  good.
• 0:19
  I'm
• 0:20
  good.
• 0:20
  I'm
• 0:20
  cold.
• 0:21
  Cause
• 0:21
  it's
• 0:21
  really
• 0:21
  cold
• 0:22
  outside.
• 0:22
  But
• 0:23
  I'm
• 0:23
  fine.
• 0:24
  I'm
• 0:24
  really
• 0:24
  happy
• 0:24
  to
• 0:25
  be
• 0:25
  here.
• 0:25
  I'm
• 0:25
  loving
• 0:25
  your
• 0:26
  snazzy
• 0:26
  gold
• 0:26
  shirt.
• 0:27
  Thank
• 0:27
  you.
• 0:28
  Yeah,
• 0:28
  it's
• 0:28
  got
• 0:28
  real
• 0:29
  gold
• 0:29
  thread
• 0:29
  going
• 0:30
  through
• 0:30
  it.
• 0:31
  Not
• 0:31
  real
• 0:31
  gold,
• 0:32
  but
• 0:32
  it's,
• 0:33
  you
• 0:33
  know,
• 0:33
  shiny
• 0:33
  gold.
• 0:34
  Yeah,
• 0:34
  I
• 0:34
  can
• 0:35
  tell.
• 0:35
  I
• 0:36
  love
• 0:36
  it.
• 0:36
  Thank
• 0:37
  you.
• 0:37
  Thank
• 0:37
  you.
• 0:37
  But
• 0:37
  one
• 0:38
  of
• 0:38
  your
• 0:38
  sleeves
• 0:38
  is
• 0:38
  longer
• 0:39
  than
• 0:39
  the
• 0:39
  other.
• 0:39
  Why?
• 0:40
  Because
• 0:40
  I
• 0:40
  don't
• 0:41
  know
• 0:41
  how
• 0:41
  to
• 0:41
  dress
• 0:41
  myself.
• 0:42
  I
• 0:42
  don't
• 0:42
  know.
• 0:43
  Don't
• 0:44
  ask
• 0:44
  me.
• 0:45
  I
• 0:45
  don't
• 0:45
  know.
• 0:46
  Is
• 0:46
  it
• 0:46
  really?
• 0:47
  Oh,
• 0:47
  no.
• 0:47
  Well,
• 0:47
  maybe
• 0:48
  it's
• 0:48
  just
• 0:48
  the
• 0:48
  angle
• 0:48
  at
• 0:49
  which
• 0:49
  I
• 0:49
  am
• 0:49
  looking
• 0:49
  at
• 0:49
  you.
• 0:49
  No.
• 0:50
  Maybe.
• 0:50
  Okay.
• 0:51
  I
• 0:51
  don't
• 0:51
  know.
• 0:54
  I
• 0:54
  don't
• 0:54
  know.
• 0:54
  I'm
• 0:55
  always
• 0:55
  having
• 0:55
  wardrobe
• 0:56
  malfunctions.
• 0:57
  I
• 0:57
  mean,
• 0:57
  welcome
• 0:58
  to
• 0:58
  the
• 0:58
  club.
• 0:59
  Exactly.
• 1:00
  We
• 1:00
  do
• 1:00
  what
• 1:01
  we
• 1:01
  can
• 1:01
  with
• 1:01
  what
• 1:01
  we
• 1:02
  have.
• 1:02
  That's
• 1:02
  true.
• 1:03
  That's
• 1:03
  true.
• 1:04
  Oh,
• 1:04
  my
• 1:04
  gosh.
• 1:04
  Today
• 1:05
  we're
• 1:05
  going
• 1:05
  to
• 1:05
  be
• 1:05
  covering
• 1:05
  a
• 1:06
  book
• 1:06
  called
• 1:07
  good
• 1:07
  inside
• 1:07
  by
• 1:08
  Dr.
• 1:08
  Becky
• 1:09
  Kennedy.
• 1:10
  This
• 1:11
  I
• 1:11
  became
• 1:11
  aware
• 1:12
  of
• 1:12
  Dr.
• 1:12
  Becky
• 1:13
  Kennedy
• 1:13
  during
• 1:13
  the
• 1:13
  pandemic.
• 1:14
  I
• 1:14
  started
• 1:14
  seeing
• 1:15
  videos
• 1:15
  of
• 1:15
  her,
• 1:16
  you
• 1:16
  know,
• 1:16
  trying
• 1:17
  to
• 1:17
  sort
• 1:17
  of
• 1:17
  talk
• 1:17
  parents
• 1:18
  off
• 1:18
  a
• 1:18
  ledge,
• 1:19
  because
• 1:19
  obviously,
• 1:20
  that
• 1:20
  was
• 1:20
  a
• 1:20
  very
• 1:20
  fraught
• 1:21
  time
• 1:22
  for
• 1:23
  families.
• 1:24
  It
• 1:24
  was
• 1:24
  where
• 1:25
  parents
• 1:25
  were
• 1:26
  simultaneously
• 1:26
  becoming
• 1:27
  remote
• 1:28
  workers,
• 1:28
  homeschool
• 1:29
  teachers,
• 1:30
  and
• 1:31
  literally
• 1:31
  their
• 1:32
  children's
• 1:32
  entire
• 1:33
  universe.
• 1:34
  I
• 1:34
  can't
• 1:34
  imagine
• 1:35
  how
• 1:35
  hard
• 1:35
  that
• 1:36
  was.
• 1:36
  Luckily,
• 1:37
  you
• 1:37
  guys
• 1:37
  were
• 1:37
  out
• 1:38
  of
• 1:38
  the
• 1:38
  house.
• 1:38
  Although
• 1:39
  Sam
• 1:39
  did
• 1:40
  come
• 1:40
  home
• 1:40
  to
• 1:40
  live
• 1:40
  with
• 1:40
  us.
• 1:41
  Sam
• 1:41
  was
• 1:41
  back
• 1:42
  in
• 1:42
  the
• 1:42
  house.
• 1:42
  He
• 1:43
  was
• 1:43
  back
• 1:43
  home.
• 1:43
  But
• 1:44
  you
• 1:44
  were
• 1:44
  still
• 1:45
  in
• 1:45
  New
• 1:45
  York
• 1:45
  at
• 1:45
  the
• 1:46
  time.
• 1:47
  Yeah.
• 1:47
  And
• 1:47
  we
• 1:47
  are
• 1:48
  still
• 1:48
  in
• 1:48
  New
• 1:49
  York.
• 1:49
  That's
• 1:49
  right.
• 1:49
  I
• 1:49
  have
• 1:50
  not
• 1:50
  left.
• 1:51
  And
• 1:51
  Sam
• 1:51
  is
• 1:51
  still
• 1:52
  here
• 1:52
  now.
• 1:52
  Now
• 1:52
  I'm
• 1:53
  here.
• 1:53
  But,
• 1:55
  yeah,
• 1:55
  back
• 1:55
  and
• 1:56
  forth,
• 1:56
  but
• 1:56
  whatever.
• 1:57
  I
• 1:57
  can't
• 1:58
  imagine
• 1:58
  having
• 1:58
  small
• 1:59
  children.
• 1:59
  It
• 1:59
  was
• 2:00
  really
• 2:00
  hard,
• 2:00
  actually,
• 2:01
  at
• 2:02
  Testing
• 2:02
  Mom.
• 2:02
  You
• 2:03
  know,
• 2:03
  we
• 2:03
  were
• 2:04
  a
• 2:04
  testing.
• 2:04
  We
• 2:04
  are
• 2:05
  a
• 2:05
  testing,
• 2:05
  test
• 2:06
  prep
• 2:06
  company,
• 2:07
  and
• 2:07
  we
• 2:07
  help
• 2:07
  kids
• 2:08
  get
• 2:08
  ready
• 2:08
  for
• 2:08
  tests
• 2:09
  for,
• 2:09
  you
• 2:09
  know,
• 2:09
  all
• 2:10
  kinds
• 2:10
  of
• 2:10
  things.
• 2:10
  But
• 2:11
  no
• 2:11
  school
• 2:11
  was
• 2:11
  testing
• 2:12
  at
• 2:12
  that
• 2:12
  time.
• 2:13
  So
• 2:13
  suddenly
• 2:14
  we
• 2:14
  became.
• 2:15
  We
• 2:15
  were
• 2:15
  homeschooling
• 2:16
  kids
• 2:16
  around
• 2:16
  the
• 2:16
  country.
• 2:17
  Wow.
• 2:17
  And
• 2:18
  we
• 2:18
  were
• 2:18
  putting
• 2:19
  on
• 2:19
  classes.
• 2:20
  Pivot.
• 2:21
  We
• 2:21
  totally
• 2:21
  pivoted.
• 2:22
  And
• 2:23
  it
• 2:23
  was
• 2:23
  actually
• 2:23
  a
• 2:24
  great
• 2:24
  time.
• 2:25
  It
• 2:26
  was
• 2:26
  so
• 2:26
  much
• 2:26
  fun.
• 2:27
  We
• 2:28
  had
• 2:28
  fun
• 2:28
  classes.
• 2:29
  We
• 2:29
  had
• 2:29
  academic
• 2:30
  classes.
• 2:30
  You
• 2:31
  Know,
• 2:31
  we
• 2:31
  just
• 2:31
  totally
• 2:32
  pivoted,
• 2:32
  and
• 2:33
  we
• 2:33
  became
• 2:33
  a
• 2:33
  place
• 2:34
  where
• 2:34
  parents
• 2:34
  could
• 2:35
  at
• 2:35
  least,
• 2:35
  you
• 2:35
  know,
• 2:36
  get
• 2:36
  their
• 2:36
  kids
• 2:37
  working
• 2:37
  and
• 2:38
  doing
• 2:38
  something
• 2:39
  constructive
• 2:40
  for
• 2:40
  at
• 2:40
  least
• 2:40
  a
• 2:40
  little
• 2:41
  while
• 2:41
  every
• 2:41
  day.
• 2:41
  Well,
• 2:42
  I
• 2:42
  love
• 2:42
  how
• 2:42
  it's
• 2:42
  like
• 2:43
  the
• 2:43
  gospel
• 2:43
  at
• 2:43
  that
• 2:44
  point
• 2:44
  was
• 2:44
  no
• 2:44
  screens.
• 2:45
  I
• 2:45
  know.
• 2:45
  And
• 2:46
  now
• 2:46
  it
• 2:46
  was
• 2:46
  like,
• 2:46
  there's
• 2:46
  nothing
• 2:47
  but
• 2:47
  screens.
• 2:47
  That's
• 2:48
  all
• 2:48
  it
• 2:48
  was.
• 2:49
  That's
• 2:49
  all
• 2:49
  you
• 2:50
  could
• 2:50
  do.
• 2:50
  All
• 2:51
  you
• 2:51
  could
• 2:51
  do.
• 2:51
  That's
• 2:51
  right.
• 2:52
  People
• 2:53
  love
• 2:53
  Dr.
• 2:54
  Becky
• 2:54
  Kennedy.
• 2:55
  She
• 2:55
  has
• 2:55
  a
• 2:55
  really
• 2:55
  wonderful
• 2:56
  reputation.
• 2:56
  And
• 2:57
  I'm
• 2:57
  reading
• 2:57
  this
• 2:57
  book.
• 2:57
  I
• 2:57
  can
• 2:58
  really
• 2:58
  understand
• 2:58
  why.
• 2:59
  Totally.
• 3:00
  Yeah.
• 3:00
  I
• 3:01
  love
• 3:01
  Dr.
• 3:02
  Becky.
• 3:02
  Now
• 3:03
  I'm
• 3:03
  like
• 3:05
  Dr.
• 3:05
  Becky.
• 3:05
  I
• 3:06
  am.
• 3:06
  I
• 3:06
  don't
• 3:06
  know
• 3:06
  what
• 3:07
  she
• 3:07
  goes
• 3:07
  by.
• 3:07
  Dr.
• 3:08
  Becky.
• 3:08
  Dr.
• 3:08
  Kennedy.
• 3:09
  I
• 3:09
  don't
• 3:09
  know.
• 3:09
  I
• 3:10
  like
• 3:10
  Dr.
• 3:10
  Becky.
• 3:10
  I
• 3:11
  like
• 3:11
  Dr.
• 3:11
  Becky.
• 3:11
  That
• 3:11
  makes
• 3:12
  it
• 3:12
  feel
• 3:12
  like
• 3:12
  she's
• 3:12
  just
• 3:13
  my
• 3:13
  friend.
• 3:13
  Dr.
• 3:14
  Becky.
• 3:14
  Dr.
• 3:14
  Becky.
• 3:15
  Yeah.
• 3:16
  I
• 3:16
  love
• 3:16
  her.
• 3:16
  I
• 3:17
  have
• 3:17
  to
• 3:17
  say,
• 3:18
  I
• 3:18
  just
• 3:18
  loved
• 3:19
  this
• 3:19
  book.
• 3:19
  I
• 3:20
  mean,
• 3:20
  I
• 3:20
  haven't
• 3:20
  said
• 3:20
  much.
• 3:20
  What
• 3:21
  did
• 3:21
  you
• 3:21
  love
• 3:21
  about
• 3:21
  it?
• 3:22
  Well,
• 3:23
  I
• 3:23
  learned
• 3:23
  so
• 3:24
  much.
• 3:24
  First
• 3:24
  of
• 3:24
  all.
• 3:25
  I
• 3:25
  learned
• 3:25
  so
• 3:26
  much.
• 3:26
  She
• 3:27
  also
• 3:27
  has
• 3:28
  a
• 3:28
  great
• 3:28
  way
• 3:28
  of
• 3:28
  framing
• 3:29
  things,
• 3:29
  so
• 3:30
  they're
• 3:30
  understandable,
• 3:31
  and.
• 3:32
  And
• 3:32
  what
• 3:33
  she
• 3:33
  says
• 3:33
  to
• 3:33
  me
• 3:34
  just
• 3:34
  makes
• 3:34
  so
• 3:35
  much
• 3:35
  sense.
• 3:36
  That's
• 3:36
  what
• 3:37
  I
• 3:37
  loved.
• 3:37
  What
• 3:37
  about
• 3:37
  you?
• 3:38
  I
• 3:38
  loved
• 3:39
  it
• 3:39
  because
• 3:40
  she's
• 3:40
  so
• 3:40
  thorough,
• 3:41
  and
• 3:42
  she
• 3:42
  covers
• 3:43
  all
• 3:43
  of
• 3:43
  the
• 3:44
  major
• 3:45
  difficulties
• 3:46
  that
• 3:46
  can
• 3:46
  come
• 3:47
  up
• 3:47
  with
• 3:47
  kids
• 3:47
  from
• 3:47
  when
• 3:48
  they're
• 3:48
  really
• 3:48
  little
• 3:48
  to
• 3:49
  when
• 3:49
  they
• 3:49
  are
• 3:50
  teenagers,
• 3:50
  is
• 3:51
  what
• 3:51
  I
• 3:51
  felt.
• 3:52
  And
• 3:53
  I
• 3:53
  like
• 3:53
  that
• 3:53
  she
• 3:53
  has
• 3:54
  a
• 3:54
  chapter
• 3:54
  on
• 3:54
  every
• 3:55
  specific
• 3:56
  issue.
• 3:57
  She
• 3:57
  covers
• 3:57
  sibling
• 3:58
  rivalry
• 3:58
  as
• 3:59
  they
• 3:59
  get
• 3:59
  older.
• 3:59
  She
• 4:00
  covers
• 4:00
  lying
• 4:01
  and
• 4:02
  these
• 4:02
  really
• 4:02
  sensitive
• 4:03
  things.
• 4:04
  And
• 4:04
  she
• 4:04
  tries
• 4:04
  to
• 4:04
  help
• 4:05
  you
• 4:05
  understand
• 4:05
  that
• 4:06
  the
• 4:06
  behavior
• 4:07
  is
• 4:07
  indicative
• 4:08
  of
• 4:09
  a
• 4:09
  larger
• 4:10
  problem
• 4:11
  that's
• 4:12
  sort
• 4:12
  of
• 4:12
  lurking
• 4:12
  beneath
• 4:12
  the
• 4:13
  surface.
• 4:13
  And
• 4:13
  when
• 4:13
  you
• 4:13
  just
• 4:14
  address
• 4:14
  the
• 4:14
  behavior
• 4:15
  and
• 4:15
  you
• 4:15
  just
• 4:15
  address
• 4:16
  and
• 4:16
  you
• 4:16
  just
• 4:16
  punish,
• 4:17
  it
• 4:17
  often
• 4:18
  doesn't
• 4:18
  solve
• 4:19
  the
• 4:19
  underlying
• 4:20
  issue.
• 4:21
  Absolutely.
• 4:22
  And
• 4:22
  that's,
• 4:24
  you
• 4:24
  know,
• 4:25
  it
• 4:25
  helped
• 4:25
  me
• 4:25
  so
• 4:26
  much
• 4:26
  because
• 4:26
  we've
• 4:27
  done
• 4:27
  a
• 4:27
  lot
• 4:27
  of
• 4:27
  books
• 4:28
  and
• 4:28
  a
• 4:28
  lot
• 4:28
  of
• 4:28
  books
• 4:29
  that
• 4:29
  deal
• 4:29
  with
• 4:30
  discipline
• 4:30
  and
• 4:31
  behavior.
• 4:32
  And.
• 4:34
  And
• 4:34
  I
• 4:34
  was
• 4:34
  getting
• 4:34
  confused
• 4:35
  because
• 4:36
  all
• 4:36
  these
• 4:36
  people
• 4:37
  have
• 4:37
  different
• 4:37
  approaches
• 4:38
  to
• 4:38
  handling
• 4:39
  what
• 4:40
  feels
• 4:40
  like
• 4:40
  misbehavior
• 4:41
  on
• 4:41
  the
• 4:41
  part
• 4:41
  of
• 4:42
  a
• 4:42
  child.
• 4:42
  And
• 4:43
  this
• 4:43
  made
• 4:43
  me
• 4:44
  want
• 4:44
  to
• 4:44
  go
• 4:45
  back
• 4:45
  and
• 4:46
  re
• 4:47
  review,
• 4:47
  like,
• 4:48
  1,
• 4:48
  2,
• 4:48
  3,
• 4:48
  Magic
• 4:49
  and
• 4:50
  the
• 4:50
  worst.
• 4:51
  Right.
• 4:52
  Well,
• 4:52
  1,
• 4:52
  2,
• 4:53
  3,
• 4:53
  magic
• 4:53
  and
• 4:54
  also
• 4:55
  nanny
• 4:56
  911,
• 4:57
  because
• 4:57
  all
• 4:58
  of
• 4:58
  the
• 4:58
  punishments
• 4:59
  in
• 4:59
  both
• 4:59
  of
• 5:00
  those
• 5:00
  books
• 5:00
  were
• 5:00
  just
• 5:01
  totally
• 5:01
  behaviorally
• 5:03
  oriented
• 5:04
  and
• 5:04
  would
• 5:04
  never
• 5:04
  get
• 5:05
  to
• 5:05
  the
• 5:05
  root
• 5:05
  of
• 5:06
  what
• 5:06
  was
• 5:06
  really
• 5:06
  going
• 5:07
  on.
• 5:08
  So
• 5:08
  it
• 5:09
  made
• 5:09
  me
• 5:09
  just
• 5:10
  want
• 5:10
  to
• 5:10
  rethink
• 5:11
  everything
• 5:11
  I've
• 5:12
  read.
• 5:12
  I
• 5:12
  mean,
• 5:13
  I
• 5:13
  can
• 5:13
  understand
• 5:13
  why
• 5:14
  parents
• 5:14
  are
• 5:14
  confused
• 5:15
  because
• 5:15
  there's
• 5:15
  so
• 5:16
  much
• 5:16
  out
• 5:16
  there
• 5:16
  and
• 5:17
  so
• 5:17
  Much
• 5:17
  conflicting
• 5:17
  information.
• 5:19
  But
• 5:19
  she
• 5:20
  really.
• 5:22
  I
• 5:22
  don't
• 5:22
  know,
• 5:22
  she
• 5:22
  explained
• 5:23
  things
• 5:23
  in
• 5:23
  a
• 5:23
  way
• 5:24
  that
• 5:24
  really
• 5:24
  helped
• 5:25
  you
• 5:25
  understand
• 5:27
  what
• 5:27
  this
• 5:27
  behavior
• 5:28
  indicates
• 5:29
  and
• 5:30
  how
• 5:30
  you
• 5:30
  can
• 5:31
  both
• 5:31
  deal
• 5:31
  with
• 5:32
  it
• 5:32
  effectively
• 5:33
  and
• 5:34
  create
• 5:34
  boundaries
• 5:35
  and
• 5:36
  not
• 5:36
  be
• 5:36
  a
• 5:36
  pushover
• 5:37
  as
• 5:37
  a
• 5:37
  parent,
• 5:37
  but
• 5:37
  also
• 5:38
  foster
• 5:38
  closeness.
• 5:39
  Yes.
• 5:40
  Yeah.
• 5:40
  And
• 5:40
  make
• 5:41
  your
• 5:41
  children
• 5:41
  feel
• 5:41
  like
• 5:42
  they
• 5:42
  are
• 5:42
  sort
• 5:42
  of
• 5:42
  a
• 5:43
  participant
• 5:44
  in
• 5:44
  their
• 5:45
  learning
• 5:45
  about
• 5:45
  these
• 5:46
  social
• 5:46
  emotional
• 5:47
  things,
• 5:47
  as
• 5:47
  opposed
• 5:48
  to,
• 5:48
  like,
• 5:48
  being
• 5:48
  dictated
• 5:50
  to.
• 5:50
  Right.
• 5:50
  Which
• 5:51
  I
• 5:51
  really
• 5:51
  liked.
• 5:52
  It
• 5:52
  makes
• 5:52
  you
• 5:52
  realize
• 5:53
  how
• 5:53
  important
• 5:53
  social
• 5:54
  emotional
• 5:55
  learning
• 5:55
  is
• 5:55
  for
• 5:56
  children,
• 5:57
  how
• 5:57
  critical
• 5:58
  that
• 5:58
  is
• 5:58
  to
• 5:59
  start
• 5:59
  at
• 5:59
  such
• 5:59
  an
• 5:59
  early
• 6:00
  age,
• 6:01
  because
• 6:01
  it's
• 6:01
  gonna
• 6:02
  impact
• 6:02
  them
• 6:02
  for
• 6:03
  the
• 6:03
  rest
• 6:03
  of
• 6:03
  their
• 6:03
  lives.
• 6:04
  Yeah.
• 6:04
  I
• 6:05
  also
• 6:05
  think
• 6:05
  here
• 6:06
  we
• 6:06
  have
• 6:07
  sort
• 6:08
  of
• 6:08
  warped
• 6:08
  expectations
• 6:09
  of
• 6:09
  kids
• 6:10
  emotional
• 6:11
  abilities.
• 6:11
  Like
• 6:12
  we
• 6:12
  expect
• 6:12
  them
• 6:12
  to
• 6:13
  be
• 6:13
  more
• 6:13
  civilized
• 6:14
  earlier
• 6:16
  than
• 6:16
  in
• 6:16
  other
• 6:17
  cultures.
• 6:18
  And
• 6:19
  I
• 6:19
  think
• 6:19
  that
• 6:19
  that
• 6:19
  is
• 6:20
  really
• 6:20
  detrimental
• 6:21
  because
• 6:21
  it's
• 6:21
  like,
• 6:22
  it's
• 6:22
  really
• 6:22
  hard
• 6:22
  to
• 6:22
  expect
• 6:23
  more
• 6:23
  of
• 6:23
  someone
• 6:23
  than
• 6:24
  they're
• 6:24
  capable
• 6:24
  of
• 6:25
  because
• 6:25
  it
• 6:25
  just
• 6:25
  creates
• 6:26
  disappointment
• 6:26
  and
• 6:26
  frustration
• 6:27
  for
• 6:27
  everybody
• 6:28
  involved.
• 6:28
  Right.
• 6:28
  And
• 6:29
  little
• 6:29
  children
• 6:30
  just
• 6:31
  learning,
• 6:31
  you
• 6:31
  know,
• 6:31
  they're
• 6:32
  learning
• 6:32
  how
• 6:32
  to
• 6:32
  handle
• 6:33
  themselves
• 6:34
  when
• 6:34
  they
• 6:34
  have
• 6:34
  emotions
• 6:35
  and
• 6:36
  what
• 6:36
  to
• 6:36
  do
• 6:37
  when
• 6:37
  they
• 6:37
  feel
• 6:38
  that
• 6:38
  way.
• 6:38
  And
• 6:38
  when
• 6:39
  they're
• 6:39
  little,
• 6:39
  they
• 6:39
  have
• 6:40
  no
• 6:40
  idea.
• 6:41
  I
• 6:41
  mean,
• 6:41
  they
• 6:41
  fall
• 6:41
  apart.
• 6:42
  And
• 6:42
  that's.
• 6:42
  And
• 6:43
  there's
• 6:43
  a
• 6:43
  good
• 6:43
  reason
• 6:43
  for
• 6:44
  it.
• 6:44
  Yeah.
• 6:44
  They
• 6:44
  just.
• 6:44
  They
• 6:45
  haven't
• 6:45
  learned
• 6:45
  yet
• 6:45
  how
• 6:45
  to
• 6:46
  regulate
• 6:46
  themselves.
• 6:47
  I
• 6:47
  also
• 6:47
  like
• 6:47
  that
• 6:47
  this
• 6:47
  book,
• 6:48
  you
• 6:48
  can
• 6:48
  sort
• 6:48
  of.
• 6:48
  You
• 6:48
  can
• 6:49
  read
• 6:49
  it
• 6:49
  all
• 6:49
  the
• 6:49
  way
• 6:49
  through,
• 6:50
  or
• 6:50
  you
• 6:50
  can
• 6:50
  treat
• 6:50
  it
• 6:50
  as
• 6:51
  like
• 6:51
  an
• 6:51
  encyclopedia.
• 6:52
  Yes.
• 6:53
  So
• 6:53
  if
• 6:53
  you
• 6:53
  encounter
• 6:54
  one
• 6:54
  of
• 6:55
  the
• 6:55
  issues,
• 6:55
  you
• 6:56
  just
• 6:56
  turn
• 6:56
  to
• 6:56
  the
• 6:56
  chapter
• 6:57
  and
• 6:57
  say,
• 6:57
  okay,
• 6:58
  this
• 6:58
  is
• 6:58
  how
• 6:58
  Dr.
• 6:58
  Becky
• 6:59
  would
• 6:59
  handle
• 6:59
  it.
• 7:00
  Yes,
• 7:01
  I
• 7:01
  agree
• 7:01
  with
• 7:01
  you.
• 7:02
  I
• 7:02
  would.
• 7:02
  This
• 7:02
  is
• 7:03
  a
• 7:03
  book
• 7:03
  where
• 7:03
  I
• 7:03
  would
• 7:03
  say,
• 7:04
  you
• 7:04
  should
• 7:04
  get
• 7:04
  the
• 7:05
  book
• 7:05
  because
• 7:05
  it
• 7:06
  does
• 7:06
  give
• 7:06
  you
• 7:06
  the
• 7:07
  framework
• 7:07
  from
• 7:08
  which
• 7:08
  everything
• 7:08
  she
• 7:09
  says
• 7:09
  operates.
• 7:10
  The
• 7:10
  framework
• 7:10
  is
• 7:11
  right
• 7:11
  here.
• 7:11
  And
• 7:12
  then
• 7:12
  the
• 7:12
  specific
• 7:13
  situations,
• 7:14
  like
• 7:14
  if
• 7:14
  your
• 7:15
  child
• 7:15
  is
• 7:15
  lying,
• 7:16
  oh,
• 7:16
  my
• 7:16
  gosh,
• 7:16
  what
• 7:16
  do
• 7:17
  I
• 7:17
  do?
• 7:17
  Go
• 7:17
  to
• 7:17
  the
• 7:17
  lying
• 7:18
  chapter.
• 7:19
  You
• 7:20
  know,
• 7:20
  so,
• 7:21
  yeah,
• 7:21
  I
• 7:21
  agree
• 7:21
  with
• 7:22
  you.
• 7:22
  This
• 7:22
  is
• 7:22
  a
• 7:22
  great
• 7:23
  book
• 7:23
  to
• 7:23
  have
• 7:24
  on
• 7:24
  hand,
• 7:25
  and
• 7:26
  it's
• 7:26
  fun
• 7:26
  to
• 7:27
  listen
• 7:27
  to
• 7:27
  her
• 7:27
  online
• 7:28
  as
• 7:28
  well.
• 7:28
  I've
• 7:29
  been
• 7:29
  listening
• 7:29
  to
• 7:29
  some
• 7:30
  of
• 7:30
  her
• 7:30
  podcasts
• 7:30
  and
• 7:31
  some
• 7:31
  of
• 7:31
  her
• 7:32
  talks,
• 7:33
  and
• 7:34
  everything
• 7:35
  stems
• 7:35
  from
• 7:36
  what's
• 7:36
  in
• 7:36
  this
• 7:36
  book.
• 7:37
  So
• 7:37
  she.
• 7:38
  Whatever
• 7:38
  she's
• 7:38
  saying,
• 7:39
  the
• 7:39
  framework
• 7:40
  is
• 7:40
  huge.
• 7:40
  We
• 7:40
  think.
• 7:41
  Yes,
• 7:41
  we
• 7:42
  love
• 7:42
  it.
• 7:43
  I
• 7:43
  also
• 7:43
  think
• 7:44
  I
• 7:44
  like
• 7:44
  her
• 7:44
  perspective
• 7:45
  that
• 7:46
  ultimately
• 7:47
  you
• 7:47
  are
• 7:47
  good
• 7:47
  inside,
• 7:48
  your
• 7:48
  child
• 7:48
  is
• 7:49
  good
• 7:49
  inside.
• 7:50
  And
• 7:50
  these
• 7:50
  misbehaviors
• 7:51
  are
• 7:52
  not
• 7:52
  pathological
• 7:53
  necessarily.
• 7:54
  They're
• 7:55
  just
• 7:55
  like,
• 7:55
  the
• 7:55
  kids
• 7:55
  are
• 7:56
  learning.
• 7:56
  We're
• 7:56
  learning.
• 7:57
  Most
• 7:57
  of
• 7:58
  us
• 7:58
  are
• 7:58
  parents,
• 7:59
  you
• 7:59
  know,
• 8:00
  once,
• 8:00
  twice,
• 8:00
  maybe
• 8:01
  three
• 8:01
  times
• 8:02
  to
• 8:02
  three
• 8:02
  different
• 8:02
  children,
• 8:03
  and
• 8:03
  that's
• 8:03
  about
• 8:03
  it.
• 8:04
  It's
• 8:04
  not
• 8:04
  like
• 8:05
  we
• 8:05
  just
• 8:05
  immediately
• 8:06
  know
• 8:06
  what
• 8:07
  to
• 8:07
  do.
• 8:07
  Right.
• 8:08
  It's
• 8:08
  a
• 8:08
  lot
• 8:08
  of
• 8:08
  trial
• 8:09
  by
• 8:09
  fire.
• 8:10
  Exactly.
• 8:10
  You
• 8:10
  have
• 8:11
  no
• 8:11
  idea
• 8:11
  what
• 8:11
  to
• 8:11
  do.
• 8:12
  I
• 8:12
  remember
• 8:13
  not
• 8:13
  knowing
• 8:13
  what
• 8:13
  to
• 8:14
  do.
• 8:14
  You
• 8:14
  haven't
• 8:14
  a
• 8:14
  clue.
• 8:15
  No.
• 8:15
  And
• 8:15
  I
• 8:15
  didn't
• 8:16
  either.
• 8:16
  Nobody
• 8:17
  who
• 8:17
  does.
• 8:17
  You
• 8:18
  know,
• 8:18
  we
• 8:19
  never
• 8:19
  had
• 8:19
  a
• 8:19
  baby
• 8:19
  before.
• 8:21
  I
• 8:21
  didn't.
• 8:21
  I
• 8:22
  mean.
• 8:22
  And
• 8:22
  I
• 8:22
  just.
• 8:23
  What
• 8:24
  do
• 8:24
  you
• 8:24
  fly
• 8:25
  by
• 8:25
  the
• 8:25
  seat
• 8:25
  of
• 8:25
  your
• 8:25
  pants?
• 8:26
  That's
• 8:26
  what
• 8:26
  you
• 8:26
  do.
• 8:26
  Yeah.
• 8:27
  But
• 8:27
  you
• 8:27
  know
• 8:27
  what's
• 8:27
  great
• 8:28
  about
• 8:28
  the
• 8:28
  book,
• 8:28
  I
• 8:29
  thought
• 8:29
  too,
• 8:29
  is
• 8:29
  that
• 8:30
  so
• 8:30
  many
• 8:31
  things
• 8:31
  in
• 8:31
  here
• 8:31
  you
• 8:32
  can
• 8:32
  use
• 8:32
  with
• 8:33
  adults.
• 8:33
  Yeah.
• 8:34
  Oh,
• 8:34
  my
• 8:34
  God.
• 8:34
  Absolutely.
• 8:35
  Because
• 8:36
  the
• 8:36
  truth
• 8:36
  is
• 8:36
  we
• 8:37
  only
• 8:37
  evolve
• 8:37
  so
• 8:38
  much.
• 8:39
  Yeah.
• 8:39
  It's
• 8:40
  like.
• 8:40
  Oh,
• 8:41
  I
• 8:41
  could
• 8:41
  see,
• 8:41
  like
• 8:42
  at
• 8:42
  work
• 8:42
  how,
• 8:43
  you
• 8:43
  know,
• 8:43
  like
• 8:44
  there's
• 8:44
  a
• 8:45
  con.
• 8:45
  Some
• 8:45
  of
• 8:45
  the
• 8:45
  concepts
• 8:46
  which.
• 8:46
  We'll
• 8:46
  talk
• 8:47
  about
• 8:47
  how
• 8:47
  I
• 8:48
  could
• 8:48
  use
• 8:48
  those
• 8:48
  concepts
• 8:49
  at
• 8:49
  work.
• 8:49
  Yeah.
• 8:51
  You
• 8:51
  know,
• 8:51
  with
• 8:51
  my
• 8:51
  co
• 8:52
  workers
• 8:52
  and,
• 8:53
  you
• 8:54
  know.
• 8:54
  Oh,
• 8:55
  yeah.
• 8:55
  I
• 8:55
  just.
• 8:55
  And
• 8:55
  again,
• 8:55
  to
• 8:56
  like,
• 8:56
  assume
• 8:56
  the
• 8:56
  best
• 8:57
  in
• 8:57
  people,
• 8:57
  you
• 8:58
  know.
• 8:58
  Yeah.
• 8:59
  I
• 8:59
  think
• 8:59
  that
• 8:59
  is
• 8:59
  just
• 8:59
  a.
• 9:00
  Like
• 9:00
  a
• 9:00
  very
• 9:00
  valuable
• 9:01
  perspective
• 9:01
  and
• 9:02
  choice
• 9:02
  to
• 9:02
  me.
• 9:02
  Totally.
• 9:03
  That
• 9:03
  was
• 9:03
  one
• 9:04
  of
• 9:04
  the
• 9:04
  big
• 9:04
  ones,
• 9:04
  which
• 9:05
  was
• 9:05
  the.
• 9:06
  What?
• 9:06
  I
• 9:06
  forgot.
• 9:06
  She.
• 9:07
  There's
• 9:07
  an
• 9:07
  acronym
• 9:07
  for
• 9:08
  it.
• 9:09
  Like,
• 9:09
  it's.
• 9:10
  But
• 9:10
  assuming
• 9:10
  the
• 9:11
  best
• 9:11
  motive
• 9:11
  of
• 9:11
  a
• 9:11
  person.
• 9:12
  Yeah.
• 9:12
  She
• 9:12
  loves
• 9:12
  an
• 9:12
  acronym.
• 9:13
  She
• 9:13
  does.
• 9:13
  She
• 9:13
  has
• 9:13
  a
• 9:14
  lot
• 9:14
  of
• 9:14
  acronyms
• 9:14
  in
• 9:15
  this
• 9:15
  book.
• 9:15
  And
• 9:16
  honestly,
• 9:16
  too
• 9:16
  many
• 9:17
  for
• 9:17
  me
• 9:17
  to
• 9:17
  keep
• 9:17
  track
• 9:17
  of.
• 9:18
  But
• 9:18
  I'm
• 9:18
  sure
• 9:18
  we'll
• 9:19
  cover
• 9:19
  every
• 9:20
  single
• 9:20
  one.
• 9:20
  But
• 9:21
  I
• 9:21
  love
• 9:21
  that
• 9:21
  concept
• 9:22
  of
• 9:22
  assuming
• 9:22
  the
• 9:23
  best
• 9:23
  motive
• 9:24
  as
• 9:24
  opposed
• 9:24
  to
• 9:25
  the
• 9:25
  worst
• 9:25
  motive,
• 9:26
  which
• 9:26
  we
• 9:26
  sort
• 9:27
  of
• 9:27
  naturally
• 9:27
  go
• 9:27
  to
• 9:28
  when
• 9:28
  someone
• 9:28
  does
• 9:28
  something
• 9:29
  that
• 9:29
  upsets
• 9:29
  us.
• 9:30
  Yeah.
• 9:30
  Like
• 9:30
  they're
• 9:30
  a
• 9:31
  monster
• 9:31
  or
• 9:32
  he's
• 9:32
  intentional.
• 9:33
  That's
• 9:33
  true.
• 9:34
  They're
• 9:34
  trying
• 9:34
  to
• 9:34
  antagonize
• 9:35
  me.
• 9:35
  It's
• 9:36
  like
• 9:36
  they're
• 9:36
  probably
• 9:37
  not.
• 9:37
  No,
• 9:37
  no.
• 9:38
  That's
• 9:39
  not
• 9:39
  what
• 9:39
  happened.
• 9:40
  Anyway.
• 9:40
  Okay,
• 9:41
  so.
• 9:41
  Well,
• 9:41
  give
• 9:42
  us
• 9:42
  the
• 9:42
  overview.
• 9:45
  Okay.
• 9:45
  I
• 9:46
  have
• 9:46
  to
• 9:46
  start
• 9:46
  that
• 9:46
  way.
• 9:47
  I.
• 9:47
  That's.
• 9:47
  I.
• 9:48
  I
• 9:48
  don't
• 9:48
  know
• 9:48
  what.
• 9:48
  What
• 9:48
  it
• 9:48
  is.
• 9:49
  I
• 9:49
  have
• 9:49
  to
• 9:49
  see.
• 9:49
  Love
• 9:50
  it.
• 9:50
  You
• 9:50
  love
• 9:50
  a
• 9:50
  clear
• 9:51
  starting
• 9:51
  point.
• 9:51
  I
• 9:52
  do.
• 9:52
  I
• 9:52
  do.
• 9:52
  You're.
• 9:53
  You're
• 9:53
  an
• 9:53
  abstract
• 9:53
  thinker,
• 9:54
  but
• 9:54
  not
• 9:54
  when
• 9:54
  it
• 9:54
  comes
• 9:55
  to
• 9:55
  this.
• 9:55
  I'm
• 9:55
  very.
• 9:55
  I
• 9:56
  guess
• 9:56
  I
• 9:56
  have
• 9:56
  to.
• 9:56
  I'm.
• 9:57
  Yeah.
• 9:57
  I
• 9:57
  have
• 9:57
  to
• 9:58
  sort
• 9:58
  of
• 9:58
  look
• 9:58
  at
• 9:58
  the
• 9:58
  whole
• 9:58
  thing.
• 9:59
  And
• 9:59
  you
• 9:59
  need
• 9:59
  organization.
• 10:00
  I
• 10:00
  guess.
• 10:00
  I
• 10:01
  do.
• 10:01
  You
• 10:01
  need
• 10:01
  steps.
• 10:02
  And
• 10:02
  yet
• 10:02
  I
• 10:02
  am
• 10:02
  so
• 10:02
  disorganized
• 10:03
  in
• 10:03
  life.
• 10:04
  It's
• 10:04
  really
• 10:04
  crazy.
• 10:05
  But
• 10:05
  anyway.
• 10:06
  Okay.
• 10:06
  So
• 10:06
  the
• 10:07
  way
• 10:07
  the
• 10:07
  book
• 10:07
  is
• 10:07
  structured
• 10:08
  is
• 10:09
  it
• 10:09
  really
• 10:10
  opens
• 10:10
  up
• 10:10
  with
• 10:11
  team.
• 10:11
  They
• 10:12
  can't.
• 10:12
  They
• 10:12
  can't
• 10:13
  see
• 10:13
  it,
• 10:13
  but
• 10:13
  also
• 10:14
  they
• 10:14
  can't
• 10:14
  read.
• 10:15
  You
• 10:15
  don't
• 10:15
  have
• 10:16
  to
• 10:16
  look
• 10:16
  at
• 10:16
  it.
• 10:16
  I'm
• 10:17
  Just.
• 10:18
  Okay.
• 10:18
  But
• 10:18
  I
• 10:18
  just
• 10:18
  want
• 10:19
  to
• 10:19
  say
• 10:19
  that.
• 10:19
  That
• 10:20
  the
• 10:21
  way
• 10:21
  it
• 10:21
  is
• 10:21
  structured
• 10:22
  is
• 10:22
  it
• 10:22
  opens
• 10:23
  up
• 10:23
  with.
• 10:25
  Put
• 10:25
  it
• 10:25
  up
• 10:25
  here
• 10:25
  so
• 10:25
  you
• 10:25
  can
• 10:26
  see
• 10:26
  it.
• 10:26
  Yeah.
• 10:26
  It
• 10:27
  opens
• 10:27
  up
• 10:27
  with
• 10:27
  10
• 10:28
  parenting
• 10:29
  principles.
• 10:30
  And
• 10:30
  you
• 10:30
  go
• 10:31
  into
• 10:31
  each
• 10:31
  principle,
• 10:32
  and
• 10:32
  we'll
• 10:32
  go
• 10:32
  through
• 10:33
  them.
• 10:34
  And
• 10:34
  that's
• 10:34
  what
• 10:34
  you
• 10:35
  have
• 10:35
  to
• 10:35
  keep
• 10:35
  in
• 10:35
  mind.
• 10:35
  These
• 10:36
  are
• 10:36
  the
• 10:36
  parenting
• 10:36
  principles
• 10:37
  we're
• 10:37
  gonna
• 10:37
  go
• 10:37
  back
• 10:38
  to
• 10:38
  and
• 10:38
  back
• 10:38
  to
• 10:39
  over
• 10:39
  and
• 10:39
  over
• 10:39
  again.
• 10:40
  So
• 10:40
  there's
• 10:40
  10.
• 10:41
  So
• 10:41
  let's.
• 10:41
  We'll
• 10:41
  kind
• 10:41
  of
• 10:41
  go
• 10:42
  through
• 10:42
  them.
• 10:42
  There's
• 10:42
  10.
• 10:42
  Bring
• 10:43
  them
• 10:43
  through.
• 10:43
  Bring
• 10:44
  them
• 10:44
  through.
• 10:44
  Okay.
• 10:45
  So.
• 10:46
  Okay.
• 10:46
  The
• 10:46
  first
• 10:46
  thing
• 10:47
  she
• 10:47
  does
• 10:47
  say
• 10:47
  before
• 10:48
  we
• 10:48
  get
• 10:48
  into
• 10:48
  the
• 10:48
  principles
• 10:49
  is
• 10:49
  that
• 10:50
  when
• 10:50
  children
• 10:51
  misbehave,
• 10:52
  you
• 10:52
  look
• 10:52
  at
• 10:52
  their
• 10:53
  behavior
• 10:53
  as
• 10:53
  a
• 10:54
  clue
• 10:54
  to
• 10:54
  what
• 10:54
  they
• 10:55
  need,
• 10:56
  not
• 10:56
  a
• 10:56
  measure
• 10:57
  of
• 10:57
  who
• 10:57
  they
• 10:57
  are.
• 10:58
  If
• 10:59
  someone
• 10:59
  behaves
• 11:00
  badly,
• 11:01
  it's
• 11:01
  a
• 11:02
  sign
• 11:02
  that
• 11:02
  they
• 11:02
  are
• 11:03
  struggling
• 11:03
  inside.
• 11:05
  And.
• 11:06
  Oh,
• 11:06
  this
• 11:06
  was.
• 11:07
  It's
• 11:07
  right
• 11:07
  here
• 11:07
  on
• 11:07
  the
• 11:08
  first
• 11:08
  page.
• 11:09
  Tell
• 11:09
  us.
• 11:10
  Okay.
• 11:10
  So
• 11:11
  when
• 11:11
  someone
• 11:12
  behaves
• 11:13
  badly,
• 11:13
  the
• 11:14
  first
• 11:14
  thing
• 11:14
  that
• 11:15
  you
• 11:15
  want
• 11:15
  to
• 11:15
  ask
• 11:15
  yourself
• 11:16
  is,
• 11:16
  what's
• 11:16
  the
• 11:17
  most
• 11:17
  generous
• 11:18
  interpretation
• 11:18
  of
• 11:18
  what
• 11:19
  just
• 11:19
  happened?
• 11:20
  And
• 11:20
  that's
• 11:20
  the
• 11:20
  mgi.
• 11:21
  Mgi.
• 11:22
  That's
• 11:23
  the
• 11:23
  acronym.
• 11:23
  We
• 11:23
  can
• 11:23
  all
• 11:24
  use
• 11:24
  a
• 11:24
  little
• 11:24
  more
• 11:24
  MGI
• 11:25
  in
• 11:26
  our
• 11:26
  interactions.
• 11:26
  Right.
• 11:27
  He
• 11:28
  says,
• 11:28
  if
• 11:28
  a
• 11:28
  child
• 11:28
  says,
• 11:29
  I
• 11:29
  hate
• 11:29
  you
• 11:29
  when
• 11:30
  you
• 11:30
  tell
• 11:30
  them
• 11:30
  you
• 11:31
  and
• 11:31
  your
• 11:31
  spouse
• 11:31
  are
• 11:31
  going
• 11:32
  out
• 11:32
  to
• 11:33
  dinner
• 11:33
  and
• 11:34
  they're
• 11:34
  gonna
• 11:34
  be
• 11:34
  home
• 11:35
  with
• 11:35
  the
• 11:35
  grandparents
• 11:36
  and
• 11:36
  they
• 11:36
  hate
• 11:36
  you,
• 11:37
  they're
• 11:37
  just
• 11:37
  sad
• 11:38
  and
• 11:38
  jealous.
• 11:39
  These
• 11:39
  are
• 11:39
  big
• 11:40
  feelings
• 11:40
  that
• 11:40
  they
• 11:41
  don't
• 11:41
  know
• 11:41
  what
• 11:41
  to
• 11:41
  do
• 11:41
  with.
• 11:42
  The
• 11:42
  child
• 11:42
  is
• 11:42
  dysregulated.
• 11:44
  Their
• 11:45
  emotions
• 11:46
  overwhelm
• 11:46
  their
• 11:47
  current
• 11:47
  coping
• 11:48
  skill.
• 11:49
  And
• 11:49
  she
• 11:49
  said
• 11:50
  in
• 11:50
  a
• 11:50
  situation
• 11:50
  like
• 11:51
  that,
• 11:51
  rather
• 11:52
  than
• 11:52
  take
• 11:52
  it
• 11:53
  seriously
• 11:53
  that
• 11:53
  your
• 11:53
  child
• 11:54
  hates
• 11:54
  you,
• 11:55
  she
• 11:55
  might
• 11:55
  say
• 11:56
  something
• 11:56
  like,
• 11:56
  wow,
• 11:57
  those
• 11:57
  are
• 11:57
  big
• 11:57
  words.
• 11:58
  Let
• 11:59
  me
• 11:59
  take
• 11:59
  a
• 11:59
  bre.
• 12:00
  I
• 12:00
  can
• 12:00
  see
• 12:01
  how
• 12:01
  upset
• 12:01
  you
• 12:01
  are.
• 12:02
  Tell
• 12:02
  me
• 12:02
  more.
• 12:03
  So
• 12:03
  as
• 12:03
  opposed
• 12:04
  to
• 12:04
  getting
• 12:04
  mad
• 12:04
  at
• 12:04
  them
• 12:05
  and
• 12:05
  thinking
• 12:05
  they're
• 12:05
  a
• 12:05
  bad
• 12:06
  person,
• 12:06
  encourage
• 12:07
  them
• 12:07
  to
• 12:07
  elaborate.
• 12:08
  Exactly.
• 12:09
  And
• 12:10
  one
• 12:10
  of
• 12:10
  the
• 12:10
  first
• 12:10
  parenting
• 12:11
  principles
• 12:11
  are
• 12:12
  two
• 12:12
  things
• 12:12
  can
• 12:12
  be
• 12:13
  true.
• 12:13
  Yes.
• 12:13
  And
• 12:14
  you
• 12:14
  want
• 12:14
  to
• 12:14
  get
• 12:14
  into
• 12:14
  the
• 12:15
  two
• 12:15
  things
• 12:15
  can
• 12:15
  be
• 12:16
  true
• 12:16
  mindset,
• 12:17
  which
• 12:18
  is
• 12:18
  I
• 12:19
  can
• 12:20
  say
• 12:20
  no
• 12:20
  to
• 12:21
  screen
• 12:21
  time,
• 12:22
  and
• 12:23
  my
• 12:23
  child
• 12:23
  can
• 12:23
  be
• 12:24
  upset
• 12:24
  about
• 12:24
  it.
• 12:24
  Yeah.
• 12:25
  I
• 12:26
  can
• 12:26
  be
• 12:26
  angry
• 12:27
  that
• 12:27
  my
• 12:27
  child
• 12:28
  lied
• 12:28
  to
• 12:28
  me,
• 12:29
  but
• 12:29
  I
• 12:29
  can
• 12:29
  also
• 12:29
  be
• 12:30
  curious
• 12:32
  that
• 12:32
  maybe
• 12:34
  they
• 12:34
  were
• 12:35
  scared
• 12:35
  of
• 12:35
  what
• 12:35
  my
• 12:36
  reaction
• 12:36
  might
• 12:36
  be.
• 12:37
  So
• 12:37
  it
• 12:37
  helps
• 12:38
  you
• 12:38
  make
• 12:38
  sense
• 12:38
  of
• 12:39
  a
• 12:39
  lot
• 12:39
  of
• 12:39
  contradictions
• 12:40
  that
• 12:40
  are
• 12:40
  going
• 12:40
  to
• 12:40
  happen
• 12:41
  with
• 12:42
  kids
• 12:44
  now.
• 12:44
  Then
• 12:44
  she
• 12:44
  gets
• 12:45
  into
• 12:45
  the
• 12:46
  second
• 12:46
  principle,
• 12:47
  which
• 12:47
  is
• 12:47
  the
• 12:48
  early
• 12:48
  years
• 12:48
  matter
• 12:49
  so
• 12:49
  much,
• 12:49
  and
• 12:50
  she
• 12:50
  goes
• 12:50
  into
• 12:51
  attachment
• 12:51
  theory,
• 12:52
  which
• 12:52
  is
• 12:53
  something
• 12:53
  we
• 12:54
  have.
• 12:54
  We
• 12:54
  read
• 12:55
  about
• 12:55
  a
• 12:55
  lot.
• 12:56
  Yeah.
• 12:56
  Oh,
• 12:56
  my
• 12:57
  God.
• 12:57
  Yes.
• 12:57
  Everybody,
• 12:58
  I
• 12:58
  feel
• 12:58
  like,
• 12:58
  has
• 12:58
  such
• 12:59
  different
• 12:59
  Interpretations
• 13:00
  of
• 13:00
  attachment
• 13:01
  theory,
• 13:01
  even
• 13:02
  though
• 13:02
  there's
• 13:02
  only,
• 13:02
  like
• 13:02
  three
• 13:03
  kinds,
• 13:04
  it's
• 13:04
  like
• 13:04
  secure,
• 13:05
  something,
• 13:06
  insecure,
• 13:06
  something.
• 13:07
  Well,
• 13:07
  I
• 13:07
  don't
• 13:08
  know.
• 13:08
  Well,
• 13:08
  the
• 13:08
  idea
• 13:09
  is
• 13:09
  that
• 13:10
  babies
• 13:11
  are
• 13:11
  born
• 13:11
  with
• 13:12
  this
• 13:12
  drive
• 13:13
  to
• 13:13
  attach
• 13:14
  to
• 13:14
  their
• 13:14
  caregiver
• 13:15
  out
• 13:15
  of
• 13:15
  the
• 13:15
  interest
• 13:16
  in.
• 13:16
  In
• 13:16
  the
• 13:16
  interest
• 13:17
  of
• 13:17
  survival.
• 13:17
  Right.
• 13:18
  They
• 13:18
  need
• 13:19
  food
• 13:19
  and
• 13:19
  they
• 13:19
  need
• 13:19
  protection
• 13:20
  because
• 13:20
  they
• 13:20
  know
• 13:21
  they
• 13:21
  are
• 13:21
  vulnerable.
• 13:22
  Exactly.
• 13:23
  And
• 13:23
  so
• 13:24
  they
• 13:24
  are
• 13:25
  wired
• 13:25
  to
• 13:25
  adapt
• 13:26
  to
• 13:26
  their
• 13:26
  early
• 13:26
  environment
• 13:27
  and
• 13:28
  form
• 13:28
  all
• 13:28
  expectations
• 13:29
  of
• 13:29
  the
• 13:29
  world
• 13:30
  and
• 13:31
  themselves
• 13:31
  based
• 13:32
  on
• 13:32
  what
• 13:32
  happens
• 13:32
  to
• 13:33
  them
• 13:33
  as
• 13:33
  babies.
• 13:34
  So
• 13:34
  if
• 13:34
  a
• 13:34
  child
• 13:35
  has
• 13:35
  a
• 13:35
  tantrum
• 13:36
  over
• 13:36
  wanting
• 13:36
  ice
• 13:37
  cream
• 13:37
  and
• 13:37
  you
• 13:37
  send
• 13:38
  them
• 13:38
  to
• 13:38
  their
• 13:39
  room
• 13:39
  because
• 13:39
  they're
• 13:40
  having
• 13:40
  a
• 13:40
  tantrum
• 13:40
  and
• 13:41
  being
• 13:41
  bad,
• 13:42
  they're
• 13:43
  going
• 13:43
  to
• 13:43
  learn
• 13:43
  that,
• 13:43
  oh,
• 13:44
  when
• 13:44
  I
• 13:44
  act
• 13:45
  this
• 13:45
  way,
• 13:45
  I'm
• 13:45
  going
• 13:45
  to
• 13:45
  be
• 13:46
  abandoned.
• 13:47
  But
• 13:47
  if
• 13:47
  you
• 13:48
  say,
• 13:48
  I
• 13:49
  know,
• 13:49
  but
• 13:50
  that's
• 13:50
  what
• 13:50
  many
• 13:52
  parenting
• 13:52
  experts
• 13:53
  say.
• 13:54
  Put
• 13:54
  them
• 13:54
  in
• 13:54
  time
• 13:54
  out,
• 13:54
  abandon
• 13:55
  them,
• 13:55
  abandon
• 13:56
  them,
• 13:57
  leave
• 13:57
  them
• 13:57
  on
• 13:57
  the
• 13:57
  street.
• 13:59
  And
• 13:59
  then
• 13:59
  if
• 13:59
  you
• 13:59
  say
• 14:00
  instead,
• 14:00
  if
• 14:00
  you
• 14:00
  say,
• 14:01
  look,
• 14:01
  I
• 14:01
  know
• 14:01
  you're
• 14:02
  sad,
• 14:02
  but
• 14:02
  ice
• 14:03
  cream
• 14:03
  isn't
• 14:03
  possible
• 14:04
  right
• 14:04
  now,
• 14:04
  and
• 14:05
  you
• 14:05
  are
• 14:05
  allowed
• 14:05
  to
• 14:05
  be
• 14:06
  upset
• 14:06
  about
• 14:06
  this,
• 14:07
  then
• 14:07
  the
• 14:07
  child
• 14:08
  learns
• 14:09
  that
• 14:09
  they
• 14:09
  are
• 14:09
  allowed
• 14:10
  to
• 14:10
  want
• 14:10
  things
• 14:11
  in
• 14:11
  close
• 14:11
  relationships.
• 14:12
  And
• 14:12
  even
• 14:13
  if
• 14:13
  they
• 14:13
  don't
• 14:13
  get
• 14:13
  them,
• 14:15
  it
• 14:15
  goes
• 14:15
  on.
• 14:16
  Things
• 14:16
  will
• 14:16
  be
• 14:17
  good
• 14:17
  with
• 14:17
  their
• 14:17
  caregivers
• 14:18
  so
• 14:18
  they
• 14:19
  can
• 14:19
  stay
• 14:19
  attached.
• 14:19
  And
• 14:20
  so
• 14:20
  being
• 14:20
  attached
• 14:21
  is
• 14:21
  really
• 14:21
  important.
• 14:22
  And
• 14:22
  if
• 14:22
  a
• 14:22
  child
• 14:23
  is.
• 14:24
  Or,
• 14:24
  I'm
• 14:24
  sorry,
• 14:24
  if
• 14:24
  a
• 14:25
  parent
• 14:25
  is
• 14:25
  responsible,
• 14:26
  responsive,
• 14:26
  warm,
• 14:26
  predictable,
• 14:27
  and
• 14:28
  they
• 14:28
  repair
• 14:29
  things
• 14:29
  when
• 14:29
  something
• 14:30
  feels
• 14:30
  bad,
• 14:31
  then
• 14:31
  the
• 14:31
  child
• 14:31
  has
• 14:32
  what's
• 14:32
  called
• 14:32
  a
• 14:32
  secure
• 14:33
  base.
• 14:34
  The
• 14:34
  parent
• 14:34
  is
• 14:35
  their
• 14:35
  sense
• 14:35
  of
• 14:35
  safety
• 14:36
  in
• 14:36
  the
• 14:36
  world.
• 14:38
  The
• 14:38
  more
• 14:38
  a
• 14:38
  child
• 14:39
  feels
• 14:39
  they
• 14:39
  can
• 14:40
  depend
• 14:40
  on
• 14:40
  their
• 14:40
  parent,
• 14:41
  the
• 14:41
  more
• 14:41
  independent
• 14:42
  they
• 14:42
  can
• 14:42
  ultimately
• 14:43
  be.
• 14:43
  Yes.
• 14:43
  Right.
• 14:44
  So
• 14:44
  ultimately,
• 14:46
  having
• 14:46
  that
• 14:46
  secure
• 14:47
  attachment
• 14:48
  with
• 14:48
  the
• 14:49
  caregiver,
• 14:49
  whether
• 14:50
  it's
• 14:50
  the
• 14:50
  mother,
• 14:51
  the
• 14:51
  father,
• 14:52
  whoever
• 14:52
  their
• 14:53
  caregivers
• 14:53
  are,
• 14:55
  grandmother,
• 14:55
  babysitter,
• 14:56
  it's
• 14:56
  a
• 14:56
  kind
• 14:56
  of
• 14:56
  trust.
• 14:57
  Total
• 14:58
  trust.
• 14:58
  Yeah.
• 14:59
  That
• 14:59
  they're
• 14:59
  going
• 14:59
  to
• 14:59
  be
• 14:59
  taken
• 15:00
  care
• 15:00
  of.
• 15:00
  Second
• 15:01
  principle
• 15:02
  is
• 15:02
  know
• 15:02
  your
• 15:03
  job.
• 15:04
  Parents
• 15:05
  job
• 15:05
  is
• 15:05
  to
• 15:05
  establish
• 15:06
  safety
• 15:06
  through
• 15:07
  boundaries,
• 15:07
  validation,
• 15:08
  and
• 15:08
  empathy.
• 15:09
  A
• 15:10
  child's
• 15:10
  job
• 15:10
  is
• 15:10
  to
• 15:11
  explore
• 15:11
  and
• 15:12
  learn
• 15:12
  through
• 15:12
  experience
• 15:13
  and
• 15:13
  emotions.
• 15:14
  If
• 15:15
  safety
• 15:15
  is
• 15:16
  at
• 15:16
  stake,
• 15:16
  a
• 15:16
  parent
• 15:17
  may
• 15:17
  have
• 15:17
  to
• 15:17
  just
• 15:17
  jump
• 15:18
  in
• 15:18
  and
• 15:18
  physically
• 15:19
  create
• 15:19
  the
• 15:19
  boundary,
• 15:20
  she
• 15:20
  says.
• 15:20
  And
• 15:21
  she
• 15:21
  explains
• 15:21
  what
• 15:21
  boundaries
• 15:22
  are,
• 15:22
  which,
• 15:22
  again,
• 15:23
  I
• 15:23
  don't
• 15:23
  think
• 15:24
  I
• 15:24
  quite
• 15:24
  knew
• 15:24
  that.
• 15:25
  Definitely
• 15:25
  people
• 15:25
  like
• 15:26
  her.
• 15:26
  The
• 15:26
  word
• 15:26
  boundary,
• 15:27
  it
• 15:27
  is
• 15:27
  so
• 15:27
  overused,
• 15:28
  it
• 15:28
  is
• 15:28
  so
• 15:29
  vague,
• 15:29
  and
• 15:29
  no
• 15:29
  one
• 15:30
  is
• 15:30
  telling
• 15:30
  us
• 15:30
  what
• 15:31
  it
• 15:31
  means.
• 15:31
  Well,
• 15:31
  Dr.
• 15:32
  Kennedy,
• 15:33
  I
• 15:33
  mean,
• 15:33
  Dr.
• 15:33
  Becky.
• 15:34
  Dr.
• 15:34
  Becky.
• 15:35
  Dr.
• 15:35
  Becky,
• 15:35
  our
• 15:35
  friend,
• 15:37
  she
• 15:37
  tells
• 15:38
  us
• 15:38
  what
• 15:38
  it
• 15:38
  is.
• 15:39
  Okay?
• 15:39
  So
• 15:40
  she
• 15:40
  says,
• 15:41
  boundaries
• 15:42
  are
• 15:43
  not
• 15:44
  what
• 15:44
  we
• 15:44
  tell
• 15:45
  kids
• 15:45
  not
• 15:45
  to
• 15:45
  do.
• 15:46
  So,
• 15:46
  for
• 15:46
  example,
• 15:47
  please
• 15:47
  don't
• 15:48
  hit
• 15:48
  your
• 15:48
  Brother,
• 15:48
  that's
• 15:49
  not
• 15:49
  a.
• 15:49
  You're
• 15:50
  not
• 15:50
  setting
• 15:50
  a
• 15:50
  boundary.
• 15:51
  You're
• 15:51
  sort
• 15:52
  of
• 15:52
  like,
• 15:52
  you're
• 15:52
  outsourcing.
• 15:53
  Yeah.
• 15:54
  And
• 15:54
  you're
• 15:54
  asking
• 15:55
  them
• 15:55
  to,
• 15:56
  like,
• 15:56
  I
• 15:57
  don't
• 15:57
  know.
• 15:57
  I
• 15:57
  feel
• 15:57
  like
• 15:57
  that's
• 15:58
  just
• 15:58
  too
• 15:58
  big
• 15:59
  of
• 15:59
  a
• 15:59
  thing.
• 15:59
  Ask
• 16:00
  for
• 16:00
  a
• 16:00
  kid
• 16:01
  who
• 16:01
  can't
• 16:01
  regulate
• 16:01
  their
• 16:01
  emotions.
• 16:02
  Yeah.
• 16:02
  You
• 16:02
  have
• 16:03
  to
• 16:03
  be
• 16:03
  clearer.
• 16:04
  Well.
• 16:05
  And
• 16:05
  she
• 16:05
  says,
• 16:05
  boundaries
• 16:06
  are
• 16:06
  what
• 16:06
  we
• 16:06
  tell
• 16:07
  kids
• 16:07
  we
• 16:08
  will
• 16:08
  do,
• 16:10
  and
• 16:10
  it
• 16:10
  requires
• 16:11
  the
• 16:11
  other
• 16:12
  person,
• 16:12
  the
• 16:12
  child,
• 16:13
  to
• 16:13
  do
• 16:13
  nothing.
• 16:13
  So
• 16:14
  it's
• 16:14
  like,
• 16:14
  I
• 16:15
  won't
• 16:15
  let
• 16:15
  you
• 16:15
  hit
• 16:15
  your
• 16:16
  brother.
• 16:16
  As
• 16:16
  you
• 16:17
  physically
• 16:17
  put
• 16:17
  yourself
• 16:18
  between
• 16:18
  two
• 16:19
  kids
• 16:19
  who
• 16:19
  are
• 16:19
  fighting
• 16:20
  so
• 16:20
  they
• 16:21
  don't
• 16:21
  have
• 16:21
  to
• 16:21
  do
• 16:21
  anything.
• 16:22
  You
• 16:22
  have
• 16:22
  stopped
• 16:22
  it.
• 16:23
  You
• 16:23
  have
• 16:23
  created
• 16:23
  a
• 16:24
  boundary.
• 16:26
  She
• 16:26
  also
• 16:26
  talks
• 16:26
  about
• 16:27
  validation,
• 16:28
  which
• 16:28
  is
• 16:28
  the
• 16:29
  process
• 16:29
  of
• 16:29
  seeing
• 16:29
  someone's
• 16:30
  emotional
• 16:30
  experience
• 16:31
  as
• 16:31
  real.
• 16:34
  So
• 16:34
  you
• 16:34
  boundary
• 16:34
  set.
• 16:35
  But
• 16:35
  then
• 16:35
  you
• 16:35
  can
• 16:36
  validate.
• 16:36
  You
• 16:36
  can
• 16:36
  say
• 16:36
  you're
• 16:37
  upset.
• 16:37
  I
• 16:38
  see
• 16:38
  that.
• 16:38
  And
• 16:39
  then
• 16:39
  your
• 16:39
  empathy
• 16:40
  has
• 16:40
  to
• 16:40
  get
• 16:41
  involved,
• 16:42
  the
• 16:42
  ability
• 16:42
  to
• 16:43
  relate
• 16:43
  to
• 16:43
  your
• 16:43
  child's
• 16:44
  feelings.
• 16:45
  So
• 16:45
  the
• 16:45
  way
• 16:46
  she
• 16:46
  says
• 16:46
  to
• 16:46
  handle
• 16:47
  these
• 16:47
  situations
• 16:48
  is,
• 16:48
  I
• 16:49
  won't
• 16:49
  let
• 16:49
  you
• 16:49
  hit
• 16:49
  your
• 16:50
  brother.
• 16:50
  I
• 16:50
  know
• 16:51
  you're
• 16:51
  upset.
• 16:52
  I
• 16:52
  know
• 16:52
  you're
• 16:52
  frustrated.
• 16:53
  Having
• 16:53
  a
• 16:54
  brother
• 16:54
  who
• 16:54
  gets
• 16:54
  into
• 16:54
  your
• 16:55
  stuff
• 16:55
  is
• 16:55
  hard.
• 16:56
  I'll
• 16:56
  help
• 16:56
  you
• 16:57
  figure
• 16:57
  out
• 16:57
  what
• 16:58
  to
• 16:58
  do
• 16:58
  to
• 16:58
  keep
• 16:58
  your
• 16:59
  stuff
• 16:59
  safe.
• 17:00
  Yeah.
• 17:00
  You
• 17:00
  know,
• 17:00
  so
• 17:01
  you
• 17:01
  can't
• 17:01
  hide
• 17:01
  it.
• 17:02
  Hide
• 17:02
  it
• 17:02
  or
• 17:03
  put
• 17:03
  it
• 17:03
  away.
• 17:04
  But
• 17:04
  the
• 17:04
  point
• 17:05
  being,
• 17:06
  that's
• 17:07
  going
• 17:07
  to
• 17:07
  create
• 17:07
  less
• 17:08
  of
• 17:08
  a
• 17:08
  conflict
• 17:09
  because
• 17:09
  the
• 17:10
  child
• 17:10
  sees
• 17:10
  that
• 17:11
  you
• 17:11
  understand
• 17:11
  them.
• 17:12
  Yeah.
• 17:12
  And
• 17:12
  they
• 17:13
  feel
• 17:13
  supported.
• 17:14
  The
• 17:14
  hardest
• 17:14
  thing,
• 17:15
  I
• 17:15
  think,
• 17:15
  for
• 17:15
  parents,
• 17:15
  especially
• 17:16
  when
• 17:16
  it's
• 17:17
  getting
• 17:17
  in
• 17:17
  between
• 17:18
  siblings,
• 17:18
  is
• 17:19
  one
• 17:19
  sibling
• 17:20
  always
• 17:20
  feels
• 17:20
  supported
• 17:21
  and
• 17:21
  the
• 17:21
  other
• 17:21
  feels
• 17:21
  abandoned.
• 17:22
  And
• 17:22
  if
• 17:22
  you
• 17:23
  can
• 17:23
  avoid
• 17:23
  that
• 17:24
  experience,
• 17:25
  I
• 17:25
  think
• 17:25
  that
• 17:26
  is
• 17:27
  a
• 17:27
  gold
• 17:27
  mine.
• 17:28
  Yes,
• 17:28
  absolutely.
• 17:30
  I
• 17:30
  remember
• 17:31
  not
• 17:31
  knowing
• 17:31
  what
• 17:32
  to
• 17:32
  do
• 17:32
  when
• 17:32
  you
• 17:32
  and
• 17:32
  Sam
• 17:33
  were
• 17:33
  fighting.
• 17:34
  Like,
• 17:34
  should
• 17:34
  I
• 17:35
  intervene?
• 17:35
  Well,
• 17:35
  I
• 17:36
  was
• 17:36
  always
• 17:36
  right.
• 17:37
  So
• 17:38
  were
• 17:38
  you.
• 17:39
  I
• 17:39
  don't
• 17:39
  even
• 17:40
  remember,
• 17:40
  to
• 17:40
  be
• 17:40
  honest.
• 17:40
  I
• 17:40
  don't
• 17:41
  even
• 17:41
  remember
• 17:41
  fighting
• 17:41
  with
• 17:42
  my
• 17:42
  brother
• 17:42
  because
• 17:42
  I
• 17:42
  feel
• 17:42
  like
• 17:43
  we
• 17:43
  must
• 17:43
  have
• 17:43
  been
• 17:44
  so
• 17:44
  young
• 17:44
  because
• 17:45
  we
• 17:45
  got
• 17:45
  close
• 17:46
  pretty
• 17:47
  early.
• 17:48
  Yeah,
• 17:48
  I
• 17:49
  do.
• 17:49
  Again,
• 17:49
  I
• 17:49
  remember
• 17:50
  being
• 17:50
  jealous
• 17:50
  of
• 17:51
  all
• 17:51
  of
• 17:51
  the
• 17:51
  stuff
• 17:51
  he
• 17:52
  got
• 17:52
  to
• 17:52
  wear
• 17:52
  in
• 17:52
  the
• 17:52
  pool
• 17:53
  that
• 17:53
  I
• 17:53
  didn't.
• 17:54
  I
• 17:54
  was
• 17:54
  so.
• 17:55
  Yeah.
• 17:55
  Oh,
• 17:56
  that
• 17:56
  was
• 17:56
  hysterical.
• 17:57
  Yeah.
• 17:57
  I
• 17:57
  was
• 17:57
  resentful
• 17:57
  because
• 17:58
  he
• 17:58
  had
• 17:58
  ear.
• 17:59
  He
• 17:59
  had
• 17:59
  accessories
• 17:59
  for
• 18:00
  his
• 18:00
  ear
• 18:00
  infections.
• 18:01
  He
• 18:01
  used
• 18:01
  to
• 18:01
  get
• 18:01
  ear
• 18:02
  infections.
• 18:02
  So
• 18:02
  we
• 18:02
  had
• 18:03
  to
• 18:03
  put
• 18:03
  earplugs
• 18:03
  in
• 18:03
  his
• 18:04
  ears
• 18:04
  and
• 18:05
  then
• 18:05
  a
• 18:05
  headband
• 18:05
  around
• 18:06
  his
• 18:06
  head.
• 18:07
  And
• 18:07
  then.
• 18:08
  I
• 18:08
  know.
• 18:10
  Oh,
• 18:10
  my
• 18:10
  God.
• 18:11
  Sometimes
• 18:11
  when
• 18:11
  it
• 18:12
  was,
• 18:12
  like,
• 18:12
  dry
• 18:12
  before
• 18:13
  he
• 18:13
  got
• 18:13
  in
• 18:13
  the
• 18:13
  pool,
• 18:13
  I
• 18:13
  would
• 18:14
  put
• 18:14
  it
• 18:14
  on,
• 18:14
  look
• 18:14
  in
• 18:14
  the
• 18:14
  mirror,
• 18:15
  and
• 18:15
  be
• 18:15
  like,
• 18:16
  you
• 18:16
  look
• 18:16
  so
• 18:16
  cool.
• 18:17
  Oh,
• 18:17
  my
• 18:17
  God.
• 18:18
  Did
• 18:18
  you
• 18:18
  really
• 18:19
  that's
• 18:20
  hysterical.
• 18:20
  Because
• 18:21
  it
• 18:21
  was
• 18:21
  just.
• 18:21
  That's
• 18:22
  like
• 18:22
  one
• 18:22
  of
• 18:22
  them.
• 18:22
  I
• 18:22
  know.
• 18:22
  And
• 18:22
  getting
• 18:23
  him
• 18:23
  to
• 18:23
  wear
• 18:23
  it
• 18:24
  was
• 18:24
  a
• 18:25
  nightmare.
• 18:25
  And
• 18:26
  it
• 18:26
  was
• 18:26
  impossible.
• 18:27
  I
• 18:27
  was
• 18:27
  like,
• 18:27
  sam,
• 18:27
  you've
• 18:28
  no
• 18:28
  idea
• 18:28
  how
• 18:28
  lucky
• 18:28
  you
• 18:28
  are.
• 18:30
  Look
• 18:30
  at
• 18:30
  all
• 18:30
  the
• 18:31
  accessories
• 18:31
  you
• 18:31
  get.
• 18:32
  Those
• 18:32
  are
• 18:32
  cool
• 18:33
  accessories.
• 18:34
  You
• 18:34
  get
• 18:34
  to
• 18:34
  look
• 18:34
  so
• 18:35
  cool
• 18:35
  in
• 18:35
  the
• 18:35
  pool.
• 18:36
  Got
• 18:37
  the
• 18:37
  things
• 18:37
  kids
• 18:38
  want.
• 18:38
  It's
• 18:38
  hysterical.
• 18:39
  Oh,
• 18:40
  my
• 18:40
  God.
• 18:41
  Well,
• 18:42
  she
• 18:42
  says,
• 18:42
  you
• 18:42
  know,
• 18:43
  when
• 18:43
  a
• 18:43
  child
• 18:43
  loses
• 18:44
  it,
• 18:44
  when
• 18:44
  you're
• 18:44
  setting
• 18:45
  boundaries,
• 18:46
  they're
• 18:46
  just
• 18:46
  doing
• 18:47
  their
• 18:47
  job
• 18:47
  of
• 18:47
  exploring,
• 18:48
  experiencing
• 18:49
  emotions,
• 18:50
  and
• 18:50
  they're
• 18:50
  going
• 18:50
  to
• 18:50
  test
• 18:50
  our
• 18:51
  boundaries.
• 18:51
  They're
• 18:51
  going
• 18:51
  to
• 18:52
  ask
• 18:52
  for
• 18:52
  what
• 18:52
  they
• 18:52
  want.
• 18:52
  They're
• 18:53
  going
• 18:53
  to
• 18:53
  go
• 18:53
  too
• 18:53
  far.
• 18:54
  That's
• 18:54
  their
• 18:54
  job.
• 18:56
  Their
• 18:56
  job.
• 18:56
  But
• 18:57
  our
• 18:57
  job
• 18:57
  is
• 18:57
  to
• 18:57
  keep
• 18:58
  them
• 18:58
  safe.
• 18:58
  And
• 18:58
  that's.
• 18:59
  That's
• 18:59
  what
• 18:59
  exists.
• 18:59
  That's
• 18:59
  hysterical.
• 19:00
  I
• 19:00
  cannot
• 19:00
  believe
• 19:01
  you
• 19:01
  wanted
• 19:01
  that
• 19:02
  desperately.
• 19:02
  That's
• 19:02
  like
• 19:03
  wanting
• 19:03
  to
• 19:03
  wear
• 19:03
  a
• 19:05
  headgear
• 19:05
  that
• 19:05
  goes
• 19:06
  around
• 19:06
  your
• 19:06
  whole
• 19:06
  head.
• 19:06
  Like.
• 19:07
  Like.
• 19:07
  I
• 19:07
  mean,
• 19:07
  it's.
• 19:08
  It's
• 19:08
  also.
• 19:08
  It's
• 19:08
  sort
• 19:09
  of
• 19:09
  like,
• 19:09
  I
• 19:09
  feel
• 19:09
  like.
• 19:09
  Relates
• 19:10
  to
• 19:10
  that
• 19:10
  weird
• 19:11
  urge
• 19:11
  when
• 19:11
  you're
• 19:12
  a
• 19:12
  kid
• 19:12
  to
• 19:12
  want
• 19:13
  crutches.
• 19:14
  Was
• 19:14
  that
• 19:14
  a
• 19:14
  thing
• 19:14
  for
• 19:15
  you?
• 19:15
  I
• 19:15
  feel
• 19:16
  like
• 19:18
  this
• 19:18
  is
• 19:18
  a
• 19:19
  total
• 19:19
  thing.
• 19:19
  Did
• 19:19
  you?
• 19:20
  Yeah.
• 19:20
  I
• 19:20
  wanted
• 19:21
  crutches
• 19:21
  so
• 19:21
  bad.
• 19:22
  When
• 19:22
  kids
• 19:22
  were
• 19:23
  on
• 19:23
  crutches
• 19:23
  in
• 19:24
  my
• 19:24
  school,
• 19:25
  I
• 19:25
  had
• 19:25
  this
• 19:25
  urge.
• 19:26
  I
• 19:26
  was
• 19:26
  like.
• 19:26
  Like,
• 19:26
  God,
• 19:27
  do
• 19:27
  I
• 19:27
  want
• 19:27
  some
• 19:28
  crutches.
• 19:29
  I
• 19:30
  wear
• 19:30
  crutches.
• 19:30
  Yeah.
• 19:31
  I
• 19:31
  didn't
• 19:31
  want
• 19:31
  to
• 19:31
  be
• 19:31
  injured,
• 19:32
  but
• 19:32
  I
• 19:32
  was
• 19:33
  like,
• 19:33
  that
• 19:33
  would
• 19:34
  be
• 19:34
  fun.
• 19:34
  That
• 19:34
  would
• 19:35
  be
• 19:35
  cool.
• 19:35
  But
• 19:35
  then
• 19:36
  I
• 19:36
  got
• 19:36
  crutches
• 19:36
  once
• 19:37
  because
• 19:37
  I
• 19:37
  was
• 19:37
  skateboarding,
• 19:38
  and
• 19:38
  I
• 19:38
  think
• 19:38
  I,
• 19:39
  like,
• 19:39
  did
• 19:39
  something
• 19:39
  to
• 19:40
  my
• 19:40
  ankle
• 19:40
  and
• 19:40
  my
• 19:41
  armpits
• 19:41
  hurt
• 19:42
  so
• 19:42
  bad.
• 19:42
  Oh,
• 19:42
  I
• 19:42
  know.
• 19:43
  Well,
• 19:43
  you're
• 19:43
  not
• 19:43
  supposed
• 19:43
  to
• 19:44
  lean
• 19:44
  on
• 19:44
  them,
• 19:44
  but
• 19:44
  anyway.
• 19:45
  No,
• 19:46
  I
• 19:46
  wasn't
• 19:46
  a
• 19:46
  professional.
• 19:47
  Nobody
• 19:47
  taught
• 19:47
  you
• 19:48
  how
• 19:48
  to
• 19:48
  use
• 19:48
  your
• 19:48
  crutches
• 19:49
  correctly.
• 19:50
  You
• 19:50
  gotta.
• 19:50
  You
• 19:50
  gotta
• 19:50
  use
• 19:51
  your
• 19:51
  strength
• 19:51
  in
• 19:51
  your.
• 19:51
  I
• 19:52
  had
• 19:52
  no
• 19:52
  strength.
• 19:52
  I
• 19:52
  was
• 19:53
  like
• 19:53
  10.
• 19:54
  That's
• 19:54
  great.
• 19:55
  Okay.
• 19:56
  So
• 19:56
  they
• 19:56
  say
• 19:56
  the
• 19:56
  early
• 19:57
  years
• 19:57
  matter.
• 19:57
  This
• 19:58
  is.
• 19:58
  This
• 19:58
  is
• 19:58
  the
• 19:58
  third
• 19:59
  idea.
• 20:00
  The
• 20:00
  way
• 20:01
  parents.
• 20:02
  Oh,
• 20:03
  wait,
• 20:03
  I've
• 20:03
  already
• 20:03
  done
• 20:03
  that
• 20:04
  one.
• 20:04
  We're
• 20:04
  not
• 20:04
  gonna
• 20:04
  do
• 20:04
  that.
• 20:04
  Teen.
• 20:05
  I'm
• 20:06
  sorry.
• 20:06
  Focus.
• 20:07
  I
• 20:07
  know.
• 20:07
  I
• 20:08
  got
• 20:08
  too.
• 20:08
  I
• 20:08
  got
• 20:08
  too
• 20:09
  caught
• 20:09
  up
• 20:09
  in
• 20:09
  you
• 20:09
  wanting
• 20:10
  to
• 20:10
  wear
• 20:10
  that
• 20:10
  whole
• 20:10
  headgear.
• 20:11
  That's
• 20:11
  okay.
• 20:12
  You
• 20:12
  are
• 20:12
  forgiven.
• 20:12
  All
• 20:13
  right.
• 20:13
  All
• 20:13
  right.
• 20:13
  Because
• 20:14
  I
• 20:14
  have
• 20:14
  empathy,
• 20:15
  like
• 20:15
  Dr.
• 20:15
  Becky.
• 20:16
  Dr.
• 20:16
  Becky
• 20:17
  says.
• 20:17
  Okay,
• 20:18
  it's
• 20:19
  not
• 20:19
  too
• 20:19
  late.
• 20:19
  Okay.
• 20:20
  So
• 20:20
  if
• 20:20
  you
• 20:20
  have
• 20:20
  an
• 20:20
  older
• 20:21
  child,
• 20:21
  let's
• 20:21
  say.
• 20:22
  And
• 20:22
  you're
• 20:22
  going,
• 20:22
  oh,
• 20:23
  my
• 20:23
  God,
• 20:23
  I
• 20:24
  messed
• 20:24
  up
• 20:24
  in
• 20:24
  the
• 20:25
  younger
• 20:25
  years.
• 20:25
  I
• 20:25
  have
• 20:26
  not
• 20:26
  been
• 20:26
  doing
• 20:26
  it
• 20:26
  this
• 20:27
  way.
• 20:27
  I've
• 20:27
  been
• 20:27
  sending
• 20:27
  them
• 20:28
  to
• 20:28
  timeout.
• 20:28
  I've
• 20:29
  been
• 20:29
  punishing
• 20:29
  them.
• 20:29
  What
• 20:30
  do
• 20:30
  I
• 20:30
  do
• 20:30
  now?
• 20:31
  It's
• 20:31
  not
• 20:31
  too
• 20:31
  late.
• 20:32
  If
• 20:32
  you
• 20:32
  change
• 20:32
  the
• 20:32
  way
• 20:33
  you
• 20:33
  respond
• 20:33
  to
• 20:33
  your
• 20:33
  child,
• 20:34
  they're
• 20:34
  going
• 20:34
  to
• 20:34
  change
• 20:34
  how
• 20:35
  they
• 20:35
  relate
• 20:35
  to
• 20:36
  you.
• 20:38
  Our
• 20:38
  kids
• 20:39
  brains
• 20:39
  are
• 20:39
  wired
• 20:40
  to
• 20:40
  respond
• 20:40
  to
• 20:41
  our
• 20:41
  interactions
• 20:41
  with
• 20:42
  them.
• 20:44
  Like
• 20:44
  if
• 20:44
  you
• 20:44
  yell
• 20:44
  at
• 20:45
  your
• 20:45
  child,
• 20:46
  they're
• 20:46
  going
• 20:46
  to
• 20:46
  feel
• 20:47
  self
• 20:47
  doubt,
• 20:47
  self
• 20:48
  blame.
• 20:48
  But
• 20:49
  you
• 20:49
  can
• 20:49
  repair
• 20:50
  that
• 20:50
  with
• 20:50
  connection
• 20:51
  after
• 20:52
  disconnection.
• 20:53
  So
• 20:53
  you
• 20:54
  can
• 20:54
  say
• 20:54
  to
• 20:54
  them,
• 20:54
  I'm
• 20:55
  sorry,
• 20:56
  mommy
• 20:56
  was
• 20:57
  having
• 20:57
  some
• 20:58
  big
• 20:58
  feelings
• 20:58
  and
• 20:59
  they
• 20:59
  came
• 20:59
  out
• 20:59
  in
• 20:59
  a
• 21:00
  yelling
• 21:00
  voice.
• 21:00
  It's
• 21:01
  not
• 21:01
  your
• 21:01
  fault.
• 21:01
  When
• 21:02
  I
• 21:02
  yell,
• 21:02
  I
• 21:03
  need
• 21:03
  to
• 21:03
  figure
• 21:04
  out
• 21:04
  a
• 21:04
  way
• 21:04
  to
• 21:04
  stay
• 21:04
  calmer.
• 21:05
  I
• 21:05
  love
• 21:06
  you.
• 21:06
  So
• 21:06
  as
• 21:06
  long
• 21:07
  as
• 21:07
  you
• 21:07
  go
• 21:07
  back
• 21:07
  and
• 21:07
  repair
• 21:08
  the
• 21:09
  damage
• 21:09
  you've
• 21:09
  done,
• 21:10
  whatever,
• 21:11
  then
• 21:13
  shouting
• 21:13
  is
• 21:13
  very
• 21:14
  rarely
• 21:14
  the
• 21:14
  answer.
• 21:15
  Unless
• 21:15
  you
• 21:15
  are
• 21:15
  shouting
• 21:16
  because
• 21:16
  your
• 21:16
  child
• 21:16
  is
• 21:17
  far
• 21:17
  away
• 21:17
  and
• 21:18
  about
• 21:18
  to
• 21:18
  get
• 21:19
  physically
• 21:20
  endangered.
• 21:21
  That's
• 21:21
  right.
• 21:21
  Right.
• 21:22
  Then
• 21:22
  shouting
• 21:23
  is
• 21:23
  okay.
• 21:24
  Yeah.
• 21:24
  Then
• 21:24
  only.
• 21:25
  That's
• 21:25
  the
• 21:25
  only
• 21:25
  time.
• 21:26
  But
• 21:26
  otherwise
• 21:27
  you
• 21:27
  do
• 21:27
  not.
• 21:28
  You
• 21:28
  know,
• 21:28
  you're
• 21:28
  going
• 21:28
  to
• 21:28
  make
• 21:28
  your
• 21:28
  child
• 21:29
  feel
• 21:29
  bad,
• 21:29
  but
• 21:29
  you
• 21:30
  can
• 21:30
  repair
• 21:30
  any
• 21:31
  you
• 21:31
  can
• 21:31
  repair
• 21:32
  and
• 21:32
  it's
• 21:32
  not
• 21:33
  too
• 21:33
  late.
• 21:33
  Right.
• 21:33
  And
• 21:33
  this
• 21:34
  is
• 21:34
  important
• 21:34
  not
• 21:34
  only
• 21:35
  with
• 21:35
  children,
• 21:35
  but
• 21:35
  with
• 21:36
  adults.
• 21:37
  Yeah.
• 21:38
  Resilience
• 21:38
  is
• 21:39
  more
• 21:39
  important
• 21:39
  than
• 21:39
  happiness.
• 21:40
  Another
• 21:40
  idea
• 21:41
  which
• 21:41
  I
• 21:41
  think
• 21:41
  is
• 21:41
  great.
• 21:42
  We
• 21:42
  need
• 21:43
  to
• 21:43
  teach
• 21:43
  our
• 21:43
  kids
• 21:43
  to
• 21:44
  handle
• 21:44
  pain
• 21:44
  and
• 21:45
  hardship
• 21:45
  because
• 21:46
  this
• 21:46
  is
• 21:46
  going
• 21:47
  to
• 21:47
  impact
• 21:47
  how
• 21:47
  they
• 21:48
  think
• 21:48
  of
• 21:48
  themselves.
• 21:50
  You
• 21:50
  know,
• 21:50
  a
• 21:50
  lot
• 21:50
  of
• 21:50
  times
• 21:50
  we
• 21:51
  want
• 21:51
  to
• 21:51
  keep
• 21:51
  our
• 21:51
  kids
• 21:52
  happy
• 21:52
  all
• 21:52
  the
• 21:52
  time.
• 21:53
  You
• 21:53
  know,
• 21:54
  have
• 21:54
  them
• 21:54
  avoid
• 21:55
  bad
• 21:55
  things
• 21:56
  happening.
• 21:57
  But
• 21:57
  instead
• 21:57
  we
• 21:58
  should
• 21:58
  be
• 21:58
  focused
• 21:58
  on,
• 21:58
  on
• 21:59
  teaching
• 21:59
  them
• 22:00
  how
• 22:00
  to
• 22:00
  handle
• 22:01
  themselves
• 22:03
  during
• 22:03
  moments
• 22:04
  of
• 22:04
  distress.
• 22:06
  Resilience
• 22:06
  is
• 22:07
  our
• 22:07
  ability
• 22:07
  to
• 22:07
  experience
• 22:08
  a
• 22:08
  wide
• 22:08
  range
• 22:08
  of
• 22:09
  emotions
• 22:09
  and
• 22:09
  still
• 22:10
  feel
• 22:10
  like
• 22:10
  ourselves.
• 22:11
  It
• 22:11
  helps
• 22:12
  us
• 22:12
  bounce
• 22:12
  back
• 22:12
  from
• 22:13
  stress,
• 22:13
  failure,
• 22:14
  disappointment.
• 22:15
  Are
• 22:15
  you
• 22:16
  frustrated
• 22:16
  watching
• 22:17
  your
• 22:17
  child,
• 22:17
  who
• 22:18
  has
• 22:18
  so
• 22:18
  much
• 22:19
  potential,
• 22:19
  struggle
• 22:20
  with
• 22:20
  everyday
• 22:21
  life,
• 22:21
  Getting
• 22:22
  them
• 22:22
  ready
• 22:22
  for
• 22:22
  school,
• 22:23
  writing
• 22:23
  down
• 22:23
  assignments,
• 22:24
  bringing
• 22:25
  home
• 22:25
  the
• 22:25
  right
• 22:25
  textbook,
• 22:26
  organizing
• 22:27
  their
• 22:27
  backpack.
• 22:28
  You're
• 22:28
  thinking,
• 22:29
  the
• 22:29
  other
• 22:29
  kids
• 22:30
  can
• 22:30
  do
• 22:30
  it,
• 22:30
  why
• 22:30
  can't
• 22:31
  mine?
• 22:32
  Your
• 22:32
  friend's
• 22:32
  kids
• 22:33
  don't
• 22:33
  put
• 22:33
  off
• 22:33
  doing
• 22:34
  their
• 22:34
  homework,
• 22:35
  lose
• 22:35
  track
• 22:35
  of
• 22:36
  time,
• 22:36
  get
• 22:36
  distracted
• 22:37
  when
• 22:37
  studying,
• 22:38
  or
• 22:38
  fall
• 22:39
  apart
• 22:39
  when
• 22:39
  their
• 22:39
  screen
• 22:40
  time
• 22:40
  gets
• 22:40
  limited.
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  You've
• 22:41
  tried
• 22:42
  everything,
• 22:43
  explaining,
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  cajoling,
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• 22:48
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• 22:48
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• 22:49
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• 22:50
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• 22:50
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• 22:51
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• 22:51
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• 22:51
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• 22:52
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• 22:52
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• 22:53
  habits
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• 22:54
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• 22:54
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• 22:54
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• 22:54
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• 22:55
  called
• 22:55
  executive
• 22:56
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• 22:56
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• 22:57
  You
• 22:57
  can't
• 22:58
  talk,
• 22:58
  incentivize
• 22:59
  or
• 22:59
  punish
• 23:00
  a
• 23:00
  child
• 23:00
  into
• 23:01
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• 23:01
  skills
• 23:02
  they
• 23:02
  just
• 23:02
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• 23:03
  have.
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• 23:35
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• 23:36
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  Resilience
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  a
• 23:46
  wide
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• 23:46
  emotions
• 23:47
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• 23:47
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• 23:47
  feel
• 23:48
  like
• 23:48
  ourselves.
• 23:49
  It
• 23:49
  helps
• 23:49
  us
• 23:50
  bounce
• 23:50
  back
• 23:50
  from
• 23:50
  stress,
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  failure,
• 23:51
  disappointment.
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  It's
• 23:53
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• 23:54
  developing
• 23:54
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  tolerate
• 23:56
  distress,
• 23:57
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• 23:57
  stay
• 23:57
  with
• 23:58
  challenging
• 23:58
  moments,
• 23:59
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• 24:00
  find
• 24:00
  our
• 24:00
  footing
• 24:01
  even
• 24:01
  before
• 24:01
  we
• 24:02
  know
• 24:02
  if
• 24:02
  things
• 24:02
  are
• 24:02
  gonna
• 24:03
  work
• 24:03
  out.
• 24:04
  And
• 24:04
  the
• 24:04
  way
• 24:05
  that
• 24:05
  you
• 24:06
  help
• 24:06
  kids
• 24:06
  develop
• 24:07
  this
• 24:07
  is
• 24:07
  if
• 24:08
  you
• 24:08
  show
• 24:09
  them
• 24:09
  empathy,
• 24:10
  listen
• 24:10
  to
• 24:11
  them,
• 24:11
  accept
• 24:11
  them
• 24:12
  for
• 24:12
  who
• 24:12
  they
• 24:12
  are,
• 24:13
  allow
• 24:13
  for
• 24:14
  their
• 24:14
  mistakes,
• 24:14
  help
• 24:15
  them
• 24:15
  build
• 24:15
  responsibility
• 24:16
  and
• 24:16
  problem
• 24:17
  solving
• 24:17
  skills.
• 24:18
  Yes.
• 24:18
  So
• 24:19
  rather
• 24:19
  than,
• 24:19
  like,
• 24:20
  if
• 24:20
  their
• 24:20
  tower
• 24:21
  falls
• 24:21
  down,
• 24:21
  if
• 24:22
  you
• 24:22
  wanna
• 24:22
  keep
• 24:22
  them
• 24:22
  happy,
• 24:23
  you
• 24:23
  might,
• 24:23
  might
• 24:23
  build
• 24:23
  it
• 24:24
  back
• 24:24
  up
• 24:24
  for
• 24:24
  them.
• 24:24
  Yeah,
• 24:25
  but
• 24:25
  you're
• 24:25
  not
• 24:25
  helping
• 24:25
  them.
• 24:26
  No.
• 24:27
  They
• 24:27
  need
• 24:27
  to
• 24:27
  build
• 24:27
  it
• 24:27
  up
• 24:28
  themselves.
• 24:28
  That's
• 24:28
  right.
• 24:29
  That's
• 24:29
  right.
• 24:29
  So
• 24:30
  you
• 24:30
  can
• 24:30
  say,
• 24:30
  oh,
• 24:31
  must
• 24:31
  be
• 24:31
  so
• 24:31
  annoying
• 24:32
  when
• 24:32
  your
• 24:32
  tower
• 24:33
  falls
• 24:33
  down.
• 24:34
  How
• 24:34
  can
• 24:34
  you
• 24:34
  make
• 24:34
  the
• 24:35
  base
• 24:35
  sturdier?
• 24:36
  So
• 24:38
  that's
• 24:38
  resilience,
• 24:40
  you
• 24:40
  know,
• 24:41
  do
• 24:41
  not
• 24:41
  be
• 24:41
  all
• 24:41
  about
• 24:42
  helping
• 24:42
  your
• 24:42
  child.
• 24:43
  Avoid
• 24:43
  discomfort.
• 24:44
  Instead,
• 24:46
  resilience,
• 24:46
  which
• 24:47
  I,
• 24:47
  you
• 24:47
  know,
• 24:47
  I.
• 24:48
  It
• 24:48
  is
• 24:50
  very
• 24:50
  tempting
• 24:50
  to
• 24:51
  try
• 24:51
  to
• 24:51
  save
• 24:51
  your
• 24:52
  child
• 24:52
  from
• 24:52
  discomfort.
• 24:53
  Yeah.
• 24:53
  It's
• 24:53
  heartbreaking
• 24:53
  to
• 24:53
  see
• 24:54
  them,
• 24:54
  you
• 24:54
  know,
• 24:55
  dealing
• 24:55
  with
• 24:55
  something
• 24:55
  that
• 24:56
  they
• 24:56
  hate.
• 24:57
  But
• 24:57
  like,
• 24:57
  again,
• 24:58
  life
• 24:58
  is
• 24:58
  full
• 24:59
  of
• 24:59
  things.
• 24:59
  It's
• 25:00
  gonna
• 25:00
  happen.
• 25:00
  It's
• 25:00
  gonna
• 25:01
  happen.
• 25:01
  And
• 25:02
  the
• 25:02
  earlier,
• 25:03
  like,
• 25:04
  I
• 25:04
  went
• 25:04
  to
• 25:04
  a
• 25:04
  lot
• 25:04
  of
• 25:04
  different
• 25:05
  schools,
• 25:05
  and
• 25:06
  every
• 25:06
  time
• 25:06
  I
• 25:06
  had
• 25:06
  to
• 25:06
  switch
• 25:07
  schools,
• 25:07
  it
• 25:07
  was
• 25:07
  hard.
• 25:08
  I
• 25:08
  had
• 25:08
  to
• 25:08
  make
• 25:08
  new
• 25:08
  friends.
• 25:09
  I
• 25:09
  had
• 25:09
  to,
• 25:09
  like,
• 25:10
  really
• 25:11
  learn
• 25:11
  to
• 25:11
  fit
• 25:11
  in.
• 25:12
  And
• 25:13
  ultimately,
• 25:14
  I'm
• 25:14
  really
• 25:14
  grateful
• 25:15
  because
• 25:15
  I
• 25:15
  got
• 25:15
  to
• 25:16
  meet
• 25:16
  all
• 25:16
  different
• 25:16
  kinds
• 25:16
  of
• 25:16
  people
• 25:18
  and
• 25:18
  I
• 25:18
  did
• 25:18
  learn
• 25:18
  to
• 25:19
  be
• 25:19
  a
• 25:19
  little
• 25:19
  more
• 25:19
  resilient.
• 25:20
  You
• 25:20
  know,
• 25:20
  change
• 25:21
  doesn't
• 25:21
  freak
• 25:22
  me
• 25:22
  out
• 25:22
  quite
• 25:22
  as
• 25:23
  much
• 25:23
  as
• 25:23
  it
• 25:23
  is.
• 25:23
  Yeah.
• 25:23
  It's
• 25:24
  funny,
• 25:24
  I
• 25:24
  felt
• 25:25
  so
• 25:25
  bad
• 25:25
  that
• 25:26
  we
• 25:26
  couldn't
• 25:26
  find
• 25:27
  the
• 25:27
  right
• 25:27
  school
• 25:27
  for
• 25:27
  you
• 25:28
  and
• 25:28
  that
• 25:28
  you
• 25:28
  did
• 25:28
  have
• 25:28
  to
• 25:29
  keep
• 25:29
  changing
• 25:29
  schools.
• 25:30
  So
• 25:30
  for
• 25:30
  me,
• 25:30
  it
• 25:30
  was
• 25:31
  horrible
• 25:31
  that
• 25:32
  I
• 25:32
  had
• 25:32
  to
• 25:32
  do
• 25:33
  that.
• 25:33
  But
• 25:33
  then
• 25:34
  I
• 25:34
  saw
• 25:35
  how
• 25:35
  resilient
• 25:36
  you
• 25:36
  became
• 25:36
  and
• 25:37
  how
• 25:37
  flexible
• 25:38
  you
• 25:38
  became
• 25:39
  because
• 25:39
  you
• 25:39
  kept
• 25:40
  having
• 25:40
  to
• 25:40
  learn
• 25:40
  how
• 25:41
  to
• 25:42
  fit
• 25:42
  in
• 25:42
  in
• 25:43
  all
• 25:43
  these
• 25:43
  different
• 25:43
  situations.
• 25:44
  So
• 25:44
  that
• 25:44
  was
• 25:45
  the
• 25:45
  best
• 25:45
  thing.
• 25:45
  It
• 25:46
  was
• 25:46
  great
• 25:46
  for
• 25:46
  you.
• 25:46
  It
• 25:47
  was.
• 25:47
  It
• 25:47
  really
• 25:48
  was.
• 25:48
  Especially
• 25:48
  because
• 25:50
  all
• 25:50
  the
• 25:50
  schools.
• 25:50
  New
• 25:51
  York
• 25:51
  City
• 25:51
  has
• 25:51
  such
• 25:52
  different
• 25:53
  schools,
• 25:53
  like,
• 25:54
  different
• 25:55
  neighborhoods.
• 25:55
  I
• 25:56
  mean,
• 25:56
  everybody
• 25:56
  is
• 25:56
  just
• 25:56
  so
• 25:57
  different
• 25:57
  from
• 25:57
  each
• 25:57
  other.
• 25:58
  It
• 25:58
  really
• 25:58
  is
• 25:58
  like
• 25:59
  A
• 25:59
  melting
• 26:00
  pot.
• 26:00
  And
• 26:00
  it
• 26:00
  was
• 26:00
  cool
• 26:01
  to
• 26:01
  just
• 26:02
  be
• 26:02
  a
• 26:02
  part
• 26:02
  of
• 26:03
  all
• 26:03
  these
• 26:03
  different
• 26:03
  groups
• 26:04
  of
• 26:04
  people
• 26:04
  to
• 26:04
  sort
• 26:05
  of
• 26:05
  see,
• 26:05
  oh,
• 26:05
  this
• 26:05
  is
• 26:05
  how
• 26:06
  they
• 26:06
  do
• 26:06
  it,
• 26:06
  this
• 26:06
  is
• 26:06
  how
• 26:06
  they
• 26:07
  do
• 26:07
  it,
• 26:07
  you
• 26:07
  know?
• 26:08
  Yeah.
• 26:08
  And
• 26:08
  you
• 26:08
  became
• 26:09
  very
• 26:09
  resilient
• 26:10
  and.
• 26:10
  No,
• 26:11
  that
• 26:11
  was,
• 26:12
  you
• 26:12
  know,
• 26:13
  I
• 26:13
  would
• 26:13
  have
• 26:13
  tried
• 26:14
  to.
• 26:14
  I
• 26:14
  would
• 26:14
  have
• 26:15
  wanted
• 26:15
  to
• 26:15
  protect
• 26:15
  you
• 26:15
  from
• 26:16
  that,
• 26:16
  but
• 26:16
  for
• 26:16
  whatever.
• 26:17
  We
• 26:17
  needed
• 26:17
  to
• 26:18
  change
• 26:18
  schools
• 26:18
  and
• 26:19
  you
• 26:20
  just
• 26:20
  change
• 26:20
  schools.
• 26:21
  Schools
• 26:22
  were
• 26:23
  being
• 26:23
  very
• 26:23
  generous.
• 26:24
  Yeah,
• 26:24
  I
• 26:24
  didn't
• 26:25
  really
• 26:25
  have
• 26:25
  an
• 26:25
  option.
• 26:26
  Well,
• 26:27
  I
• 26:27
  had
• 26:27
  to
• 26:27
  change.
• 26:28
  She
• 26:28
  was
• 26:28
  struggling.
• 26:28
  We
• 26:29
  had.
• 26:29
  It
• 26:29
  was
• 26:29
  just,
• 26:29
  you
• 26:30
  know,
• 26:30
  that's
• 26:30
  another
• 26:31
  story.
• 26:31
  Yeah.
• 26:31
  You
• 26:31
  know,
• 26:32
  that's
• 26:32
  a
• 26:32
  whole
• 26:33
  nother
• 26:33
  session,
• 26:34
  actually.
• 26:35
  All
• 26:35
  right,
• 26:35
  so
• 26:35
  let's
• 26:35
  get
• 26:36
  into
• 26:37
  the
• 26:38
  next
• 26:39
  principle,
• 26:39
  which
• 26:39
  is
• 26:40
  bad
• 26:40
  behavior
• 26:41
  is
• 26:41
  a
• 26:41
  window
• 26:42
  into
• 26:42
  your
• 26:42
  child's
• 26:43
  feelings,
• 26:43
  urges,
• 26:44
  and
• 26:44
  unmet
• 26:45
  needs.
• 26:47
  Some
• 26:47
  core
• 26:47
  struggles
• 26:48
  are
• 26:48
  going
• 26:49
  to
• 26:49
  be
• 26:49
  motivating
• 26:49
  a
• 26:49
  person's
• 26:50
  behavior.
• 26:50
  So
• 26:51
  if
• 26:51
  a
• 26:51
  child
• 26:51
  grabs
• 26:52
  a
• 26:52
  toy
• 26:52
  from
• 26:52
  his
• 26:53
  baby
• 26:53
  sister,
• 26:54
  he
• 26:54
  looks
• 26:54
  selfish.
• 26:55
  Right.
• 26:55
  But
• 26:56
  really,
• 26:56
  maybe
• 26:57
  inside
• 26:57
  he's
• 26:58
  struggling
• 26:58
  with
• 26:58
  the
• 26:59
  basic
• 26:59
  world
• 26:59
  shift
• 27:00
  of
• 27:00
  having
• 27:00
  to
• 27:00
  suddenly
• 27:01
  share
• 27:01
  his
• 27:01
  parents.
• 27:03
  Now,
• 27:03
  behavior
• 27:04
  modification
• 27:05
  methods,
• 27:05
  like
• 27:05
  1,
• 27:05
  2,
• 27:06
  3,
• 27:06
  magic
• 27:08
  sticker
• 27:08
  charts,
• 27:09
  timeouts,
• 27:09
  punishments.
• 27:10
  They
• 27:10
  might
• 27:11
  change
• 27:11
  the
• 27:11
  undesirable
• 27:12
  behavior,
• 27:13
  but
• 27:13
  they
• 27:13
  missed
• 27:14
  what's
• 27:15
  going
• 27:15
  on
• 27:15
  inside
• 27:16
  the
• 27:16
  child.
• 27:16
  I
• 27:17
  loved
• 27:17
  her
• 27:18
  metaphor
• 27:19
  for
• 27:19
  this
• 27:19
  where
• 27:20
  she's
• 27:20
  like,
• 27:20
  imagine
• 27:21
  you're
• 27:21
  a
• 27:21
  wife
• 27:22
  and
• 27:22
  one
• 27:22
  day
• 27:22
  your
• 27:23
  husband
• 27:23
  comes
• 27:23
  home
• 27:23
  and
• 27:23
  he
• 27:24
  says,
• 27:24
  look,
• 27:24
  look,
• 27:24
  I
• 27:25
  got
• 27:25
  a
• 27:25
  little
• 27:25
  wife,
• 27:26
  a
• 27:26
  new
• 27:26
  wife.
• 27:27
  And
• 27:27
  she's
• 27:28
  gonna
• 27:28
  be
• 27:28
  little
• 27:28
  wife,
• 27:29
  and
• 27:29
  you're
• 27:29
  gonna
• 27:29
  be
• 27:29
  big
• 27:29
  wife
• 27:30
  and
• 27:30
  you're
• 27:30
  gonna
• 27:31
  love
• 27:31
  her
• 27:31
  and
• 27:32
  you
• 27:32
  just
• 27:32
  have
• 27:32
  to
• 27:33
  accept
• 27:33
  her
• 27:33
  into
• 27:34
  our
• 27:34
  family.
• 27:35
  And
• 27:36
  that's
• 27:36
  that.
• 27:37
  And
• 27:38
  it's
• 27:38
  like,
• 27:38
  what?
• 27:39
  Excuse
• 27:39
  me,
• 27:40
  like
• 27:41
  that
• 27:41
  to
• 27:41
  me
• 27:42
  was
• 27:42
  such
• 27:42
  a
• 27:42
  hilarious,
• 27:43
  perfect
• 27:43
  metaphor
• 27:44
  for
• 27:44
  what
• 27:44
  it
• 27:44
  might
• 27:44
  feel
• 27:45
  like
• 27:45
  as
• 27:45
  a
• 27:46
  little
• 27:46
  kid
• 27:46
  who
• 27:46
  has
• 27:46
  no
• 27:47
  idea.
• 27:47
  You
• 27:47
  might
• 27:48
  understand,
• 27:48
  like
• 27:48
  you're
• 27:48
  expecting
• 27:49
  a
• 27:49
  sibling,
• 27:49
  but
• 27:50
  like,
• 27:50
  not
• 27:50
  till
• 27:51
  you
• 27:51
  see
• 27:51
  it.
• 27:51
  Till
• 27:51
  you
• 27:51
  see
• 27:51
  it.
• 27:52
  And
• 27:52
  you're
• 27:52
  like,
• 27:52
  oh,
• 27:53
  that
• 27:53
  means
• 27:53
  I
• 27:53
  have
• 27:53
  to
• 27:53
  share
• 27:54
  my
• 27:54
  mom.
• 27:55
  Uh
• 27:55
  huh.
• 27:56
  No
• 27:56
  one
• 27:57
  mentioned
• 27:57
  that.
• 27:58
  Yeah,
• 27:59
  no.
• 27:59
  I'm
• 27:59
  not
• 27:59
  the
• 27:59
  center
• 28:00
  of
• 28:00
  the
• 28:00
  universe
• 28:01
  anymore.
• 28:02
  Oh
• 28:02
  my
• 28:03
  God.
• 28:03
  I
• 28:03
  wouldn't
• 28:03
  have
• 28:04
  agreed
• 28:04
  to
• 28:04
  this.
• 28:05
  Right?
• 28:05
  Well,
• 28:05
  she
• 28:06
  said,
• 28:06
  you
• 28:06
  know,
• 28:06
  she
• 28:06
  says
• 28:07
  if
• 28:07
  you
• 28:08
  punish
• 28:08
  a
• 28:09
  child
• 28:09
  just
• 28:09
  for
• 28:10
  their
• 28:10
  behavior,
• 28:11
  that
• 28:11
  you
• 28:12
  are
• 28:12
  controlling
• 28:12
  them,
• 28:13
  but
• 28:14
  you're
• 28:14
  not
• 28:14
  building
• 28:14
  the
• 28:15
  relationship
• 28:15
  with
• 28:15
  them.
• 28:16
  And
• 28:16
  think
• 28:16
  about
• 28:16
  it
• 28:17
  when
• 28:17
  they're,
• 28:17
  you
• 28:18
  can
• 28:18
  do
• 28:18
  that
• 28:18
  when
• 28:18
  they're
• 28:19
  three
• 28:19
  and
• 28:19
  four
• 28:19
  and
• 28:19
  five,
• 28:20
  but
• 28:20
  when
• 28:20
  they're
• 28:21
  16,
• 28:22
  you
• 28:22
  can't.
• 28:22
  That's
• 28:23
  not
• 28:23
  gonna
• 28:23
  work.
• 28:24
  No.
• 28:25
  Oh
• 28:25
  my
• 28:25
  God.
• 28:25
  Imagine.
• 28:26
  Get
• 28:27
  in
• 28:27
  time
• 28:28
  fries.
• 28:28
  I'm
• 28:29
  leaving.
• 28:30
  That's
• 28:30
  right.
• 28:30
  So
• 28:31
  when
• 28:31
  kids
• 28:31
  are
• 28:31
  young,
• 28:32
  we
• 28:32
  need
• 28:32
  to
• 28:32
  spend
• 28:32
  that
• 28:32
  time
• 28:33
  as
• 28:33
  much
• 28:33
  as
• 28:33
  Possible.
• 28:34
  Building
• 28:34
  a
• 28:34
  sturdy
• 28:35
  foundation
• 28:36
  built
• 28:36
  on
• 28:36
  trust,
• 28:37
  understanding,
• 28:38
  curiosity,
• 28:40
  and
• 28:40
  behavior.
• 28:40
  First,
• 28:41
  methods
• 28:42
  can
• 28:42
  seem
• 28:42
  appealing
• 28:43
  because
• 28:43
  they're
• 28:43
  very
• 28:44
  tangible.
• 28:44
  Clear.
• 28:45
  Yes.
• 28:45
  Do
• 28:45
  it
• 28:46
  this
• 28:46
  way.
• 28:46
  It's
• 28:46
  just
• 28:47
  easy.
• 28:47
  I
• 28:48
  feel
• 28:48
  like
• 28:48
  all
• 28:48
  the
• 28:48
  discipline
• 28:48
  books,
• 28:49
  the
• 28:49
  people
• 28:49
  who
• 28:49
  write
• 28:50
  them,
• 28:50
  are
• 28:50
  like,
• 28:50
  this
• 28:50
  is
• 28:50
  the
• 28:51
  way,
• 28:51
  and
• 28:51
  this
• 28:51
  is
• 28:51
  the
• 28:52
  only
• 28:52
  way.
• 28:52
  And
• 28:53
  if
• 28:53
  you
• 28:53
  try
• 28:53
  it
• 28:53
  a
• 28:54
  different
• 28:54
  way,
• 28:54
  you're
• 28:55
  wasting
• 28:55
  your
• 28:55
  time.
• 28:56
  You're
• 28:56
  an
• 28:56
  idiot.
• 28:57
  And
• 28:57
  it's
• 28:57
  like.
• 28:58
  Like
• 28:59
  there's
• 29:00
  more
• 29:00
  nuance.
• 29:00
  Yes.
• 29:01
  There's
• 29:01
  a
• 29:02
  little
• 29:02
  more
• 29:02
  nuance
• 29:02
  to
• 29:02
  what's
• 29:03
  going
• 29:03
  on
• 29:03
  here.
• 29:04
  And
• 29:04
  you
• 29:04
  need
• 29:04
  to
• 29:05
  get
• 29:05
  to
• 29:05
  the
• 29:05
  root
• 29:05
  of
• 29:06
  what
• 29:06
  is
• 29:06
  causing
• 29:07
  the
• 29:07
  child
• 29:07
  to
• 29:07
  act
• 29:08
  out
• 29:08
  in
• 29:08
  the
• 29:08
  first
• 29:08
  place.
• 29:10
  And.
• 29:10
  And
• 29:11
  that's
• 29:11
  when
• 29:11
  she
• 29:11
  often
• 29:12
  she
• 29:12
  goes
• 29:12
  back
• 29:12
  to
• 29:13
  her
• 29:13
  most
• 29:13
  generous
• 29:14
  interpretation.
• 29:14
  Yes.
• 29:15
  Whenever
• 29:15
  there's
• 29:16
  a
• 29:16
  bad
• 29:17
  behavior,
• 29:17
  ask
• 29:18
  yourself,
• 29:18
  what
• 29:18
  is
• 29:18
  the
• 29:19
  most
• 29:19
  generous
• 29:19
  interpretation
• 29:20
  of
• 29:20
  what's
• 29:20
  going
• 29:21
  on?
• 29:21
  What
• 29:21
  are
• 29:22
  they
• 29:22
  feeling?
• 29:22
  What
• 29:22
  is
• 29:23
  the
• 29:23
  urge
• 29:23
  they're
• 29:23
  not
• 29:23
  able
• 29:24
  to
• 29:24
  regulate?
• 29:24
  What
• 29:25
  might
• 29:25
  they
• 29:25
  need?
• 29:26
  What
• 29:26
  might
• 29:26
  they
• 29:26
  actually
• 29:27
  need
• 29:27
  from
• 29:27
  me
• 29:28
  in
• 29:28
  this
• 29:28
  moment?
• 29:29
  Uh,
• 29:30
  yes,
• 29:31
  exactly.
• 29:31
  And
• 29:31
  she
• 29:32
  gives
• 29:32
  you
• 29:32
  so
• 29:32
  many
• 29:33
  little
• 29:33
  scripts
• 29:34
  that
• 29:34
  tell
• 29:35
  you
• 29:35
  how
• 29:35
  to
• 29:35
  handle
• 29:36
  a
• 29:36
  sit.
• 29:37
  Like,
• 29:37
  how
• 29:37
  does
• 29:37
  it
• 29:38
  play
• 29:38
  out
• 29:38
  in
• 29:38
  real
• 29:38
  life?
• 29:39
  You
• 29:39
  know,
• 29:40
  my
• 29:40
  child
• 29:40
  is
• 29:40
  loud.
• 29:41
  I'm
• 29:41
  on
• 29:41
  a
• 29:41
  call.
• 29:42
  And
• 29:42
  the
• 29:43
  generous
• 29:43
  interpretation
• 29:44
  is
• 29:44
  my
• 29:44
  child
• 29:44
  wants
• 29:45
  my
• 29:45
  attention.
• 29:46
  They
• 29:46
  feel
• 29:46
  unseen,
• 29:47
  and
• 29:47
  they
• 29:48
  just
• 29:48
  can't
• 29:48
  manage
• 29:48
  that
• 29:49
  feeling.
• 29:50
  So
• 29:50
  you
• 29:50
  could
• 29:50
  say
• 29:51
  to
• 29:51
  them,
• 29:51
  it's
• 29:51
  hard
• 29:52
  to
• 29:52
  stay
• 29:52
  quiet
• 29:52
  when
• 29:52
  I'm
• 29:53
  on
• 29:53
  a
• 29:53
  call.
• 29:53
  I
• 29:54
  know
• 29:54
  it
• 29:54
  feels
• 29:54
  bad
• 29:55
  when
• 29:55
  you
• 29:55
  want
• 29:55
  to
• 29:55
  play
• 29:56
  and
• 29:56
  I
• 29:56
  have
• 29:56
  to
• 29:56
  get
• 29:56
  on
• 29:56
  the
• 29:57
  phone.
• 29:57
  I
• 29:57
  understand.
• 29:58
  Let's
• 29:59
  practice
• 29:59
  this
• 30:00
  moment
• 30:00
  again.
• 30:01
  Well,
• 30:01
  let's
• 30:01
  have
• 30:02
  a
• 30:02
  secret
• 30:02
  handshake,
• 30:03
  which
• 30:03
  I'll
• 30:03
  give
• 30:04
  you
• 30:04
  when
• 30:04
  I
• 30:04
  pick
• 30:04
  up.
• 30:05
  So
• 30:05
  you
• 30:05
  know
• 30:06
  I'm
• 30:06
  thinking
• 30:06
  of
• 30:07
  you
• 30:07
  when
• 30:07
  I'm
• 30:07
  on
• 30:07
  my
• 30:08
  call.
• 30:08
  So
• 30:08
  she
• 30:08
  tells
• 30:09
  you
• 30:09
  things,
• 30:09
  you
• 30:09
  can
• 30:09
  say,
• 30:10
  yeah,
• 30:10
  that.
• 30:10
  Which
• 30:11
  is
• 30:11
  great.
• 30:11
  It
• 30:11
  is
• 30:11
  great.
• 30:12
  Yeah.
• 30:12
  That's
• 30:13
  why
• 30:13
  you
• 30:13
  want
• 30:13
  to
• 30:13
  have
• 30:13
  the
• 30:13
  book.
• 30:14
  Yeah.
• 30:15
  We
• 30:15
  very
• 30:15
  rarely
• 30:15
  say
• 30:16
  actually
• 30:16
  get
• 30:16
  the
• 30:16
  book.
• 30:17
  Usually
• 30:17
  we
• 30:18
  just
• 30:18
  give
• 30:18
  you
• 30:18
  the
• 30:18
  gist,
• 30:18
  and
• 30:18
  the
• 30:19
  gist
• 30:19
  is
• 30:19
  enough.
• 30:19
  This
• 30:20
  is
• 30:20
  a
• 30:20
  book
• 30:20
  that
• 30:20
  you
• 30:21
  want
• 30:21
  to
• 30:21
  have.
• 30:21
  I
• 30:21
  think
• 30:22
  you
• 30:22
  do.
• 30:22
  Yeah.
• 30:23
  Anyway.
• 30:23
  All
• 30:24
  right,
• 30:24
  so
• 30:24
  then
• 30:25
  here's
• 30:25
  another
• 30:26
  principle.
• 30:26
  Reduce
• 30:27
  shame,
• 30:27
  increase
• 30:28
  connection.
• 30:29
  So
• 30:29
  she
• 30:29
  defines
• 30:30
  shame
• 30:30
  as
• 30:31
  the
• 30:31
  feeling
• 30:31
  that
• 30:31
  this
• 30:32
  part
• 30:32
  of
• 30:32
  me
• 30:33
  is
• 30:33
  not
• 30:33
  connectable.
• 30:34
  No
• 30:35
  one
• 30:35
  wants
• 30:35
  to
• 30:35
  know
• 30:36
  or
• 30:36
  be
• 30:37
  with
• 30:37
  this
• 30:37
  part
• 30:37
  of
• 30:38
  me.
• 30:39
  And
• 30:39
  when
• 30:39
  a
• 30:39
  child
• 30:39
  is
• 30:40
  shamed,
• 30:41
  they're
• 30:41
  kind
• 30:41
  of
• 30:41
  frozen
• 30:42
  in
• 30:42
  place.
• 30:42
  And
• 30:42
  what
• 30:43
  it
• 30:43
  might
• 30:43
  look
• 30:43
  like
• 30:43
  is
• 30:44
  a
• 30:44
  refusal
• 30:45
  to
• 30:45
  apologize.
• 30:46
  Someone
• 30:47
  who
• 30:47
  won't
• 30:47
  accept
• 30:47
  help,
• 30:48
  someone
• 30:48
  who
• 30:48
  won't
• 30:48
  tell
• 30:49
  the
• 30:49
  truth.
• 30:49
  If
• 30:50
  your
• 30:50
  child
• 30:50
  seems
• 30:51
  stuck,
• 30:51
  it
• 30:52
  may
• 30:52
  be
• 30:52
  shame.
• 30:53
  And
• 30:53
  when
• 30:53
  your
• 30:53
  child
• 30:54
  is
• 30:54
  in
• 30:54
  this
• 30:54
  place,
• 30:54
  you
• 30:55
  need
• 30:55
  to
• 30:55
  shift
• 30:56
  from
• 30:56
  correcting
• 30:56
  their
• 30:57
  Behavior
• 30:57
  to
• 30:57
  helping
• 30:57
  them
• 30:58
  feel
• 30:58
  good
• 30:58
  inside,
• 30:59
  showing
• 30:59
  them
• 31:00
  they're
• 31:00
  lovable.
• 31:01
  So
• 31:01
  one
• 31:02
  way
• 31:02
  you
• 31:02
  can
• 31:02
  do
• 31:02
  this,
• 31:02
  and
• 31:03
  she
• 31:03
  gives
• 31:03
  you
• 31:03
  lots
• 31:03
  of
• 31:04
  ideas,
• 31:04
  is
• 31:05
  if
• 31:05
  a
• 31:05
  kid
• 31:05
  is
• 31:05
  stuck
• 31:06
  and
• 31:06
  they're
• 31:07
  young,
• 31:07
  you
• 31:07
  might
• 31:08
  act
• 31:08
  out
• 31:08
  an
• 31:08
  apology
• 31:09
  with
• 31:09
  their
• 31:09
  stuffed
• 31:10
  animals.
• 31:10
  Yeah.
• 31:11
  Which
• 31:11
  would
• 31:12
  be
• 31:12
  so
• 31:12
  cute.
• 31:13
  Adults
• 31:14
  feel
• 31:14
  shame
• 31:14
  about
• 31:14
  parts
• 31:15
  of
• 31:15
  ourselves
• 31:16
  that
• 31:16
  were
• 31:16
  not
• 31:17
  embraced
• 31:17
  by
• 31:17
  our
• 31:17
  parents.
• 31:18
  So
• 31:19
  if
• 31:19
  we
• 31:19
  were
• 31:19
  always
• 31:19
  being
• 31:20
  told
• 31:20
  that
• 31:21
  we
• 31:21
  have
• 31:21
  to
• 31:21
  be
• 31:21
  strong
• 31:22
  not
• 31:22
  to
• 31:22
  show
• 31:22
  emotions,
• 31:23
  we'll
• 31:24
  feel
• 31:24
  ashamed
• 31:25
  when
• 31:25
  we
• 31:25
  break
• 31:25
  down.
• 31:27
  And
• 31:27
  connection
• 31:28
  is
• 31:28
  the
• 31:28
  opposite
• 31:29
  of
• 31:29
  shame.
• 31:29
  It's
• 31:30
  when
• 31:30
  we
• 31:30
  show
• 31:30
  our
• 31:30
  kids
• 31:31
  it's
• 31:31
  okay
• 31:32
  to
• 31:32
  be
• 31:33
  with
• 31:33
  you
• 31:33
  right
• 31:34
  now,
• 31:34
  even
• 31:34
  if
• 31:35
  you're
• 31:35
  struggling.
• 31:35
  I'm
• 31:36
  okay
• 31:36
  with
• 31:36
  it.
• 31:36
  I'm
• 31:37
  here
• 31:37
  with
• 31:37
  you
• 31:37
  just
• 31:38
  as
• 31:38
  you
• 31:38
  are.
• 31:39
  So
• 31:39
  here's
• 31:39
  another
• 31:40
  principle.
• 31:40
  Yes.
• 31:41
  Tell
• 31:41
  the
• 31:41
  truth.
• 31:41
  Tell
• 31:42
  the
• 31:42
  truth.
• 31:42
  Kids
• 31:43
  know
• 31:43
  when
• 31:43
  something
• 31:44
  isn't
• 31:44
  right.
• 31:45
  So
• 31:46
  you
• 31:46
  need
• 31:46
  to
• 31:46
  explain
• 31:47
  things
• 31:47
  to
• 31:47
  them.
• 31:48
  They
• 31:49
  feel
• 31:49
  alone
• 31:49
  when
• 31:49
  there's
• 31:50
  no
• 31:50
  clear
• 31:50
  explanation.
• 31:51
  So
• 31:51
  when
• 31:52
  something's
• 31:52
  happening,
• 31:53
  you
• 31:53
  need
• 31:53
  to
• 31:53
  give
• 31:53
  them
• 31:54
  clear,
• 31:54
  direct,
• 31:55
  honest
• 31:55
  information
• 31:56
  from
• 31:57
  their
• 31:57
  loving
• 31:57
  adult.
• 31:59
  So
• 31:59
  if
• 32:00
  you
• 32:00
  know
• 32:00
  they're
• 32:00
  noticing
• 32:01
  something.
• 32:01
  So
• 32:01
  you
• 32:02
  want
• 32:02
  to
• 32:02
  confirm
• 32:02
  their
• 32:03
  perceptions,
• 32:03
  honor
• 32:04
  their
• 32:04
  questions,
• 32:05
  label
• 32:06
  what
• 32:06
  you
• 32:06
  don't
• 32:06
  know.
• 32:08
  So
• 32:08
  if
• 32:08
  a
• 32:09
  child,
• 32:09
  you
• 32:09
  know,
• 32:09
  asks
• 32:10
  about
• 32:10
  something,
• 32:11
  you
• 32:11
  know,
• 32:14
  I
• 32:14
  don't
• 32:14
  know,
• 32:14
  something's
• 32:15
  happening,
• 32:15
  you,
• 32:15
  you
• 32:16
  and
• 32:16
  your
• 32:16
  spouse
• 32:16
  are
• 32:17
  fighting.
• 32:17
  You
• 32:17
  know
• 32:18
  how
• 32:18
  to
• 32:18
  fight.
• 32:19
  Yes.
• 32:19
  You
• 32:19
  know,
• 32:20
  daddy
• 32:20
  and
• 32:20
  I
• 32:20
  just
• 32:21
  disagreed
• 32:21
  about
• 32:21
  something.
• 32:22
  We
• 32:22
  disagreed
• 32:22
  about
• 32:22
  something.
• 32:23
  And
• 32:23
  I'm
• 32:23
  right.
• 32:24
  No,
• 32:24
  FYI,
• 32:26
  Dr.
• 32:26
  Becky
• 32:26
  wouldn't
• 32:27
  say
• 32:27
  it
• 32:27
  that
• 32:27
  way.
• 32:29
  Civilized.
• 32:30
  Civilized.
• 32:30
  She
• 32:31
  would
• 32:31
  say,
• 32:31
  you're
• 32:31
  right
• 32:31
  to
• 32:32
  have
• 32:32
  noticed
• 32:32
  Daddy
• 32:33
  and
• 32:33
  I
• 32:33
  had
• 32:33
  a
• 32:33
  fight.
• 32:34
  You
• 32:34
  were
• 32:34
  right
• 32:34
  to
• 32:34
  notice
• 32:35
  that.
• 32:36
  You
• 32:36
  know,
• 32:36
  sometimes
• 32:37
  moms
• 32:37
  and
• 32:37
  dads
• 32:38
  fight
• 32:38
  about
• 32:38
  things.
• 32:39
  Don't
• 32:39
  gaslight
• 32:39
  your
• 32:39
  kids
• 32:40
  and
• 32:40
  tell
• 32:40
  them
• 32:40
  there
• 32:40
  was
• 32:40
  no
• 32:40
  fight.
• 32:41
  Yeah,
• 32:41
  exactly.
• 32:42
  That
• 32:42
  makes
• 32:42
  them
• 32:43
  feel
• 32:43
  crazy.
• 32:43
  Yes.
• 32:44
  She
• 32:44
  says
• 32:44
  you
• 32:44
  have
• 32:44
  to
• 32:44
  validate
• 32:45
  your
• 32:45
  kids
• 32:45
  perceptions
• 32:46
  and
• 32:46
  that
• 32:46
  wires
• 32:47
  them
• 32:47
  for
• 32:47
  self
• 32:47
  trust.
• 32:48
  It
• 32:48
  helps
• 32:49
  them
• 32:49
  recognize
• 32:49
  when
• 32:50
  things
• 32:50
  don't
• 32:50
  feel
• 32:51
  right
• 32:51
  in
• 32:52
  the
• 32:52
  future
• 32:52
  and
• 32:52
  it
• 32:52
  helps
• 32:53
  them
• 32:53
  speak
• 32:53
  up
• 32:53
  about
• 32:54
  what
• 32:54
  they
• 32:54
  see
• 32:54
  and
• 32:54
  feel.
• 32:57
  Include
• 32:58
  phrases
• 32:58
  like,
• 32:59
  you're
• 32:59
  allowed
• 32:59
  to
• 32:59
  feel
• 33:00
  that
• 33:00
  way.
• 33:00
  You're
• 33:00
  the
• 33:01
  only
• 33:01
  one
• 33:01
  who's
• 33:01
  in
• 33:01
  your
• 33:01
  body,
• 33:02
  so
• 33:02
  you're
• 33:03
  the
• 33:03
  only
• 33:03
  one
• 33:03
  who
• 33:03
  knows
• 33:03
  how
• 33:04
  you
• 33:04
  feel.
• 33:04
  I
• 33:04
  like
• 33:05
  how
• 33:05
  she
• 33:05
  applies
• 33:06
  that
• 33:06
  particular
• 33:07
  phrase
• 33:07
  in
• 33:08
  so
• 33:08
  many
• 33:08
  different
• 33:09
  ways.
• 33:10
  There's
• 33:10
  a
• 33:10
  whole
• 33:10
  section
• 33:11
  later
• 33:11
  on
• 33:11
  about
• 33:11
  consent
• 33:12
  and
• 33:13
  teaching
• 33:13
  little
• 33:14
  kids
• 33:14
  consent,
• 33:15
  which
• 33:15
  is
• 33:16
  a
• 33:16
  huge
• 33:17
  new
• 33:17
  thing.
• 33:18
  Right.
• 33:19
  You
• 33:19
  know,
• 33:19
  teaching
• 33:20
  kids
• 33:20
  that
• 33:20
  about
• 33:21
  their
• 33:21
  bodily
• 33:21
  experience
• 33:22
  and
• 33:23
  about
• 33:23
  the
• 33:23
  fact
• 33:23
  that
• 33:24
  like
• 33:24
  they
• 33:24
  are
• 33:25
  allowed,
• 33:25
  like
• 33:25
  if
• 33:26
  say
• 33:26
  like
• 33:26
  a
• 33:26
  relative
• 33:27
  wants
• 33:27
  to
• 33:27
  give
• 33:27
  them
• 33:27
  a
• 33:27
  hug,
• 33:28
  but
• 33:28
  they
• 33:28
  don't
• 33:28
  want
• 33:28
  a
• 33:28
  hug.
• 33:29
  Right.
• 33:29
  Kids
• 33:29
  are
• 33:30
  now
• 33:30
  allowed
• 33:30
  to
• 33:30
  say,
• 33:31
  no,
• 33:32
  I
• 33:32
  don't
• 33:32
  want
• 33:32
  that.
• 33:33
  And
• 33:33
  as
• 33:33
  parents,
• 33:34
  it
• 33:34
  is
• 33:35
  our
• 33:35
  job
• 33:35
  to
• 33:35
  encourage
• 33:36
  this
• 33:36
  idea
• 33:37
  of
• 33:37
  bodily
• 33:37
  autonomy
• 33:38
  and
• 33:38
  say,
• 33:38
  listen,
• 33:39
  if
• 33:39
  you
• 33:39
  don't
• 33:39
  want
• 33:39
  to
• 33:40
  hug
• 33:40
  somebody,
• 33:40
  you
• 33:41
  don't
• 33:41
  have
• 33:41
  to.
• 33:41
  And
• 33:41
  not
• 33:41
  make
• 33:42
  them
• 33:42
  feel
• 33:42
  guilty
• 33:42
  about
• 33:42
  it.
• 33:43
  And
• 33:43
  if
• 33:43
  anybody
• 33:44
  doesn't
• 33:44
  understand
• 33:44
  you,
• 33:44
  just
• 33:45
  explain
• 33:45
  it
• 33:45
  to
• 33:45
  them.
• 33:45
  Listen,
• 33:46
  we're
• 33:46
  teaching
• 33:46
  him
• 33:47
  about
• 33:47
  bodily
• 33:47
  autonomy
• 33:48
  and
• 33:48
  consent.
• 33:49
  And
• 33:49
  this
• 33:49
  is
• 33:49
  him
• 33:50
  exercising
• 33:50
  his
• 33:51
  consent.
• 33:51
  So
• 33:51
  this
• 33:52
  is
• 33:52
  how
• 33:52
  he's
• 33:52
  learning
• 33:53
  about
• 33:53
  it.
• 33:54
  He's
• 33:54
  feeling
• 33:54
  this
• 33:55
  way
• 33:55
  now
• 33:55
  so
• 33:56
  that
• 33:56
  he
• 33:56
  can
• 33:56
  then
• 33:56
  also
• 33:57
  recognize
• 33:57
  it
• 33:57
  in
• 33:58
  others.
• 33:58
  Others
• 33:59
  and
• 33:59
  in
• 33:59
  other
• 33:59
  social
• 34:00
  interactions.
• 34:01
  Yes.
• 34:02
  In
• 34:02
  their
• 34:02
  own
• 34:02
  life.
• 34:02
  To
• 34:03
  be
• 34:03
  right.
• 34:04
  And
• 34:06
  she
• 34:06
  says,
• 34:07
  if
• 34:07
  you
• 34:07
  don't
• 34:07
  know
• 34:08
  the
• 34:08
  answer
• 34:08
  to
• 34:08
  something
• 34:08
  they're
• 34:09
  asking,
• 34:09
  you
• 34:09
  can
• 34:10
  be
• 34:10
  honest
• 34:10
  about
• 34:10
  what
• 34:11
  you
• 34:11
  know
• 34:11
  and
• 34:11
  what
• 34:11
  you
• 34:12
  don't
• 34:12
  know,
• 34:12
  you
• 34:12
  can
• 34:12
  say,
• 34:13
  well,
• 34:13
  here's
• 34:13
  what
• 34:13
  I
• 34:13
  do
• 34:13
  know,
• 34:14
  here's
• 34:14
  what
• 34:14
  I
• 34:14
  don't
• 34:15
  know.
• 34:16
  And
• 34:17
  when
• 34:17
  news
• 34:17
  is
• 34:17
  hard,
• 34:18
  you
• 34:18
  want
• 34:18
  to
• 34:19
  prepare
• 34:19
  them
• 34:19
  before
• 34:20
  you
• 34:20
  tell
• 34:20
  them.
• 34:20
  You
• 34:21
  say,
• 34:21
  I
• 34:21
  want
• 34:21
  to
• 34:21
  talk
• 34:22
  about
• 34:22
  something
• 34:23
  that
• 34:23
  we're
• 34:23
  all
• 34:23
  going
• 34:23
  to
• 34:23
  have
• 34:24
  really
• 34:24
  big
• 34:24
  feelings
• 34:25
  about.
• 34:26
  So
• 34:26
  and
• 34:26
  so
• 34:26
  died
• 34:27
  today.
• 34:28
  Dying
• 34:29
  means
• 34:29
  this.
• 34:30
  The
• 34:30
  body
• 34:30
  stops
• 34:31
  working.
• 34:31
  I
• 34:31
  feel
• 34:32
  so
• 34:32
  sad.
• 34:32
  How
• 34:33
  did
• 34:33
  you
• 34:33
  teach
• 34:33
  us
• 34:33
  about
• 34:33
  death?
• 34:35
  I
• 34:36
  think
• 34:36
  that,
• 34:36
  you
• 34:36
  know,
• 34:36
  when
• 34:37
  grandpa
• 34:37
  died
• 34:38
  was
• 34:38
  the
• 34:38
  first.
• 34:38
  My
• 34:39
  dad
• 34:39
  died.
• 34:40
  And
• 34:40
  I
• 34:40
  think
• 34:40
  we
• 34:41
  just.
• 34:42
  I
• 34:42
  think
• 34:42
  we
• 34:42
  just
• 34:43
  told
• 34:43
  you.
• 34:43
  I
• 34:44
  think,
• 34:44
  you
• 34:44
  know,
• 34:44
  we
• 34:45
  just.
• 34:45
  I
• 34:45
  don't
• 34:45
  know
• 34:45
  how
• 34:45
  we
• 34:46
  said
• 34:46
  it.
• 34:46
  I
• 34:46
  don't
• 34:47
  remember.
• 34:47
  It's
• 34:47
  been
• 34:48
  a
• 34:48
  long
• 34:48
  time,
• 34:49
  but
• 34:49
  I
• 34:49
  think
• 34:49
  we
• 34:50
  tried
• 34:50
  to
• 34:50
  be
• 34:50
  honest
• 34:50
  with
• 34:51
  you
• 34:51
  about
• 34:51
  it.
• 34:52
  And
• 34:52
  you
• 34:52
  were
• 34:52
  both
• 34:52
  sad.
• 34:53
  Cause
• 34:53
  you
• 34:53
  knew
• 34:54
  Grandpa.
• 34:55
  You.
• 34:55
  You
• 34:55
  didn't
• 34:56
  quite
• 34:56
  understand
• 34:56
  it.
• 34:57
  You
• 34:57
  were
• 34:57
  both
• 34:57
  very
• 34:57
  young.
• 34:58
  Yeah,
• 34:58
  we
• 34:58
  were
• 34:59
  little.
• 34:59
  You
• 34:59
  were.
• 35:00
  But.
• 35:00
  Yeah,
• 35:00
  I
• 35:00
  don't
• 35:01
  remember.
• 35:01
  Like,
• 35:01
  I
• 35:01
  don't
• 35:02
  think
• 35:02
  I
• 35:02
  really
• 35:02
  understood
• 35:03
  what
• 35:03
  death
• 35:03
  was
• 35:03
  until
• 35:04
  Kitty.
• 35:05
  Oh,
• 35:05
  our
• 35:06
  cat
• 35:06
  fell
• 35:06
  out
• 35:06
  the
• 35:06
  window.
• 35:07
  Yeah.
• 35:07
  And
• 35:08
  then
• 35:08
  I
• 35:08
  understood
• 35:08
  what
• 35:08
  death
• 35:09
  was.
• 35:09
  Yeah,
• 35:09
  you
• 35:10
  guys
• 35:10
  were
• 35:10
  very
• 35:10
  angry
• 35:12
  at
• 35:12
  me
• 35:12
  over
• 35:13
  Kitty
• 35:13
  going
• 35:14
  out
• 35:14
  the
• 35:14
  window.
• 35:14
  Well,
• 35:14
  it
• 35:14
  was
• 35:15
  an
• 35:15
  accident.
• 35:15
  It
• 35:16
  was
• 35:16
  an
• 35:16
  accident.
• 35:16
  But
• 35:17
  I
• 35:17
  had
• 35:17
  left
• 35:17
  the
• 35:17
  window
• 35:18
  open.
• 35:18
  But
• 35:19
  you
• 35:19
  still
• 35:19
  called
• 35:19
  me
• 35:19
  a
• 35:19
  cat
• 35:20
  murderer.
• 35:20
  And
• 35:21
  I
• 35:21
  wasn't
• 35:21
  a
• 35:22
  murderer.
• 35:22
  I
• 35:23
  was.
• 35:23
  You
• 35:23
  were
• 35:23
  a
• 35:23
  cat.
• 35:24
  Manslaughter.
• 35:25
  It
• 35:25
  was
• 35:25
  manslaughter.
• 35:26
  It
• 35:26
  was
• 35:26
  an
• 35:26
  acc.
• 35:27
  It
• 35:27
  was
• 35:27
  an
• 35:27
  accident.
• 35:28
  Yeah.
• 35:28
  Didn't
• 35:29
  realize
• 35:29
  the
• 35:30
  other
• 35:30
  crazy
• 35:30
  thing
• 35:30
  was,
• 35:30
  like,
• 35:31
  windows
• 35:32
  were
• 35:32
  open
• 35:32
  all
• 35:32
  the
• 35:33
  time
• 35:33
  a
• 35:33
  little
• 35:34
  bit.
• 35:34
  And,
• 35:34
  like,
• 35:35
  he'd
• 35:36
  never
• 35:36
  gone
• 35:36
  outside.
• 35:37
  He'd
• 35:37
  never,
• 35:37
  like,
• 35:38
  really
• 35:38
  done
• 35:38
  anything
• 35:39
  like
• 35:39
  that.
• 35:39
  Well,
• 35:40
  actually,
• 35:40
  he
• 35:40
  had.
• 35:41
  He
• 35:41
  had
• 35:42
  almost
• 35:42
  gone.
• 35:42
  Revelations.
• 35:43
  He
• 35:43
  had
• 35:44
  almost
• 35:44
  gone
• 35:44
  out
• 35:44
  the
• 35:44
  window
• 35:45
  at
• 35:45
  Thanksgiving.
• 35:46
  And
• 35:46
  he
• 35:47
  was
• 35:47
  halfway
• 35:47
  out,
• 35:47
  and
• 35:48
  dad
• 35:48
  grabbed
• 35:48
  him
• 35:48
  and
• 35:49
  pulled
• 35:49
  him
• 35:49
  back
• 35:49
  in.
• 35:50
  But
• 35:50
  dad
• 35:50
  kept
• 35:50
  saying,
• 35:51
  a
• 35:51
  cat
• 35:52
  knows
• 35:52
  not
• 35:52
  to
• 35:53
  go
• 35:53
  out
• 35:53
  the
• 35:53
  window,
• 35:54
  not
• 35:54
  to
• 35:54
  jump.
• 35:54
  Apparently
• 35:55
  not.
• 35:55
  But
• 35:55
  what
• 35:55
  happened
• 35:56
  Was.
• 35:56
  He
• 35:56
  went
• 35:56
  out
• 35:56
  the
• 35:57
  window.
• 35:58
  There
• 35:58
  was
• 35:58
  a
• 35:58
  ledge,
• 35:59
  and
• 35:59
  I
• 35:59
  think
• 35:59
  he
• 35:59
  tried.
• 36:00
  It
• 36:00
  was
• 36:01
  a
• 36:01
  horrible,
• 36:01
  horrible
• 36:02
  thing
• 36:02
  that
• 36:02
  happened.
• 36:02
  Horrible
• 36:03
  thing.
• 36:03
  It
• 36:03
  was
• 36:03
  terrible.
• 36:04
  But
• 36:04
  then
• 36:05
  when
• 36:05
  you
• 36:05
  had
• 36:05
  to
• 36:05
  call
• 36:05
  dad
• 36:06
  and
• 36:06
  tell
• 36:06
  him
• 36:06
  what
• 36:06
  happened,
• 36:07
  he
• 36:07
  thought,
• 36:07
  my
• 36:08
  great
• 36:08
  grandma
• 36:08
  fell
• 36:09
  out
• 36:09
  the
• 36:09
  window.
• 36:09
  Well.
• 36:09
  Cause
• 36:10
  I
• 36:10
  said
• 36:10
  kitty
• 36:11
  died,
• 36:11
  and
• 36:11
  he
• 36:11
  thought.
• 36:12
  I
• 36:12
  said,
• 36:12
  Mimi
• 36:13
  died.
• 36:13
  And
• 36:13
  so
• 36:14
  she
• 36:14
  was
• 36:14
  95,
• 36:15
  and
• 36:15
  so
• 36:15
  he
• 36:15
  thought
• 36:16
  it
• 36:16
  was
• 36:16
  natural.
• 36:17
  And
• 36:17
  he
• 36:17
  goes,
• 36:17
  how
• 36:18
  did
• 36:18
  she
• 36:18
  die?
• 36:18
  And
• 36:19
  you
• 36:19
  go,
• 36:19
  she
• 36:19
  fell
• 36:20
  out
• 36:20
  the
• 36:20
  window.
• 36:21
  Yeah.
• 36:21
  And
• 36:21
  then
• 36:22
  he
• 36:22
  was
• 36:23
  like,
• 36:23
  what?
• 36:24
  And
• 36:25
  then
• 36:25
  you
• 36:25
  were
• 36:26
  like,
• 36:26
  okay.
• 36:26
  He
• 36:26
  was
• 36:26
  like,
• 36:26
  when's
• 36:27
  the
• 36:27
  funeral?
• 36:27
  Funeral?
• 36:28
  And
• 36:28
  you
• 36:28
  were
• 36:28
  like,
• 36:28
  they
• 36:29
  put
• 36:29
  her
• 36:29
  in
• 36:29
  a
• 36:29
  garbage
• 36:30
  bag
• 36:31
  and
• 36:31
  threw
• 36:31
  her
• 36:31
  away.
• 36:32
  He's
• 36:32
  like,
• 36:33
  well,
• 36:33
  I
• 36:33
  know
• 36:33
  it's
• 36:33
  Texas,
• 36:34
  but
• 36:34
  good
• 36:34
  grief.
• 36:35
  I
• 36:35
  know,
• 36:36
  I
• 36:36
  know.
• 36:36
  It
• 36:36
  was
• 36:36
  a.
• 36:36
  It
• 36:37
  was
• 36:37
  a
• 36:37
  huge
• 36:37
  misunderstanding.
• 36:38
  This
• 36:39
  was
• 36:39
  before
• 36:39
  we
• 36:40
  had,
• 36:40
  like,
• 36:40
  good
• 36:40
  cell
• 36:41
  phones.
• 36:41
  Exactly.
• 36:42
  You
• 36:42
  couldn't
• 36:43
  text
• 36:43
  anybody
• 36:43
  at
• 36:44
  that
• 36:44
  time,
• 36:44
  but.
• 36:44
  No,
• 36:45
  I'm
• 36:45
  sorry
• 36:45
  I
• 36:46
  called
• 36:46
  you
• 36:46
  a
• 36:46
  cat
• 36:46
  murderer.
• 36:47
  Thank
• 36:47
  you.
• 36:47
  Thank
• 36:48
  you.
• 36:48
  I'm
• 36:49
  repairing.
• 36:49
  Thank
• 36:50
  you.
• 36:50
  Well,
• 36:50
  that's
• 36:50
  an
• 36:51
  apology
• 36:51
  to
• 36:52
  repair.
• 36:53
  It's
• 36:53
  a
• 36:53
  little
• 36:54
  different.
• 36:55
  How
• 36:55
  can
• 36:56
  I
• 36:56
  repair
• 36:56
  this?
• 36:57
  I've
• 36:57
  downgraded
• 36:58
  your
• 36:58
  charges
• 36:58
  to
• 36:59
  Catman
• 36:59
  Slaughter.
• 37:00
  Well,
• 37:00
  that's
• 37:00
  true.
• 37:00
  To
• 37:00
  cat
• 37:01
  Slaughter,
• 37:01
  you
• 37:01
  say.
• 37:01
  I.
• 37:02
  Well,
• 37:02
  you
• 37:02
  could
• 37:02
  say.
• 37:03
  Yeah,
• 37:03
  I
• 37:03
  was
• 37:03
  very
• 37:04
  emotional
• 37:04
  and
• 37:04
  upset,
• 37:05
  and
• 37:05
  I
• 37:06
  shouldn't
• 37:06
  have
• 37:06
  called
• 37:06
  you
• 37:07
  a
• 37:07
  cat
• 37:08
  murderer.
• 37:09
  And
• 37:09
  I
• 37:09
  know
• 37:10
  you
• 37:10
  were
• 37:10
  only
• 37:10
  a
• 37:10
  cat
• 37:11
  manslaughter,
• 37:13
  but
• 37:13
  I
• 37:13
  know
• 37:13
  it
• 37:13
  was
• 37:14
  an
• 37:14
  accident,
• 37:14
  and
• 37:15
  I
• 37:16
  fully
• 37:16
  appreciate
• 37:17
  it.
• 37:17
  Yeah.
• 37:18
  And
• 37:19
  next
• 37:19
  time,
• 37:19
  if,
• 37:19
  God
• 37:20
  forbid,
• 37:20
  anything
• 37:20
  like
• 37:20
  that
• 37:21
  happens,
• 37:21
  I
• 37:22
  will
• 37:22
  not
• 37:22
  call
• 37:23
  you
• 37:23
  a
• 37:23
  murderer.
• 37:23
  Well,
• 37:24
  I
• 37:24
  think
• 37:24
  that's
• 37:24
  part
• 37:24
  of
• 37:25
  why,
• 37:25
  when
• 37:25
  Cookie
• 37:26
  disappeared,
• 37:27
  you
• 37:27
  went
• 37:28
  the
• 37:28
  distance.
• 37:29
  Yes.
• 37:29
  Yes.
• 37:30
  We
• 37:30
  had
• 37:30
  another
• 37:30
  cat
• 37:31
  who
• 37:31
  disappeared.
• 37:32
  And
• 37:32
  I
• 37:32
  actually
• 37:32
  hired
• 37:33
  a
• 37:33
  cat
• 37:34
  pet
• 37:35
  detective
• 37:36
  to
• 37:36
  find
• 37:36
  the
• 37:37
  cat.
• 37:37
  So
• 37:38
  this
• 37:38
  guy
• 37:38
  drives
• 37:39
  up
• 37:39
  from
• 37:39
  Georgia
• 37:40
  with,
• 37:40
  like,
• 37:40
  three
• 37:41
  bloodhounds.
• 37:42
  Yes.
• 37:42
  Searching
• 37:43
  Miami
• 37:43
  Beach.
• 37:44
  And
• 37:44
  it
• 37:44
  turns
• 37:44
  out
• 37:45
  the
• 37:45
  cat
• 37:45
  was
• 37:45
  in
• 37:45
  our
• 37:46
  lobby
• 37:46
  in
• 37:47
  a
• 37:47
  plant
• 37:47
  the
• 37:47
  whole
• 37:48
  time.
• 37:48
  Right,
• 37:49
  right.
• 37:49
  But
• 37:49
  we.
• 37:50
  I
• 37:50
  did
• 37:50
  go
• 37:50
  the
• 37:50
  full
• 37:51
  distance.
• 37:51
  You
• 37:51
  went
• 37:51
  the
• 37:51
  distance.
• 37:52
  Because
• 37:53
  I
• 37:53
  felt
• 37:53
  I
• 37:53
  was
• 37:53
  trying
• 37:54
  to
• 37:54
  repair.
• 37:54
  Okay,
• 37:55
  back
• 37:55
  to
• 37:55
  Dr.
• 37:55
  Becky.
• 37:56
  Back
• 37:56
  to
• 37:56
  Dr.
• 37:56
  Becky.
• 37:57
  Okay,
• 37:57
  self.
• 37:58
  There's
• 37:59
  a
• 37:59
  whole
• 37:59
  part
• 37:59
  about
• 38:00
  how
• 38:00
  important
• 38:00
  it
• 38:01
  is
• 38:02
  that
• 38:02
  you,
• 38:03
  as
• 38:03
  a
• 38:03
  parent,
• 38:03
  take
• 38:04
  care
• 38:04
  of
• 38:04
  yourself.
• 38:04
  So
• 38:05
  there's
• 38:05
  a
• 38:05
  whole
• 38:05
  chapter
• 38:06
  on
• 38:06
  self
• 38:06
  care.
• 38:07
  It's
• 38:08
  really
• 38:08
  important
• 38:09
  that
• 38:09
  you
• 38:09
  take
• 38:10
  care
• 38:10
  of
• 38:10
  yourself
• 38:11
  when
• 38:12
  you're
• 38:12
  taking
• 38:12
  care
• 38:12
  of
• 38:13
  children.
• 38:14
  And
• 38:14
  there's
• 38:15
  a
• 38:15
  whole
• 38:15
  chapter
• 38:15
  on
• 38:16
  different
• 38:16
  ways
• 38:16
  you
• 38:17
  can
• 38:17
  do
• 38:17
  this.
• 38:17
  So
• 38:18
  that's
• 38:18
  a
• 38:18
  really
• 38:18
  big
• 38:18
  thing.
• 38:20
  Then
• 38:20
  the
• 38:20
  next
• 38:21
  part
• 38:21
  of
• 38:21
  the
• 38:21
  book.
• 38:22
  And
• 38:22
  I'll
• 38:23
  let
• 38:23
  you
• 38:23
  talk
• 38:23
  about
• 38:24
  a
• 38:24
  lot
• 38:24
  of
• 38:24
  this,
• 38:24
  because
• 38:24
  I
• 38:25
  did
• 38:25
  the
• 38:25
  first
• 38:25
  part.
• 38:26
  Part
• 38:26
  two
• 38:26
  is
• 38:27
  about
• 38:27
  what
• 38:27
  she
• 38:27
  calls
• 38:28
  building
• 38:28
  connection
• 38:29
  capital,
• 38:30
  because
• 38:30
  if
• 38:31
  you
• 38:31
  build
• 38:31
  connection
• 38:32
  capital
• 38:32
  with
• 38:32
  your
• 38:33
  children,
• 38:35
  you're
• 38:35
  gonna
• 38:36
  be
• 38:36
  asking
• 38:36
  a
• 38:36
  lot
• 38:36
  of
• 38:37
  them.
• 38:38
  You
• 38:38
  want
• 38:38
  them
• 38:39
  to
• 38:39
  want
• 38:39
  to
• 38:40
  do
• 38:40
  what
• 38:40
  you
• 38:41
  want
• 38:41
  them
• 38:41
  to
• 38:42
  do.
• 38:42
  And
• 38:43
  in
• 38:43
  order
• 38:43
  to
• 38:43
  do
• 38:43
  that,
• 38:44
  it's
• 38:45
  like
• 38:45
  a
• 38:45
  bank,
• 38:46
  right?
• 38:46
  You
• 38:46
  gotta
• 38:46
  make
• 38:47
  deposits
• 38:47
  into
• 38:48
  that
• 38:48
  connection
• 38:49
  account.
• 38:50
  So
• 38:51
  you
• 38:51
  need
• 38:51
  to
• 38:51
  do
• 38:51
  things
• 38:52
  that
• 38:52
  make
• 38:52
  them
• 38:52
  feel
• 38:53
  close
• 38:53
  to
• 38:53
  you,
• 38:54
  spend
• 38:54
  time
• 38:54
  with
• 38:55
  them,
• 38:56
  you
• 38:56
  know,
• 38:56
  teach
• 38:56
  them
• 38:57
  things,
• 38:57
  read
• 38:57
  with
• 38:58
  them,
• 38:58
  you
• 38:58
  know,
• 38:58
  really.
• 38:59
  Really
• 39:00
  show
• 39:00
  up
• 39:00
  and
• 39:00
  be
• 39:01
  present
• 39:01
  with
• 39:01
  them.
• 39:02
  And
• 39:02
  there
• 39:02
  are
• 39:03
  specific
• 39:03
  ways
• 39:04
  that
• 39:04
  she
• 39:04
  has
• 39:04
  to
• 39:05
  do
• 39:05
  it.
• 39:05
  I'm
• 39:05
  struggling
• 39:06
  to
• 39:06
  find
• 39:06
  the.
• 39:06
  There's.
• 39:07
  There's
• 39:07
  like.
• 39:08
  There's
• 39:08
  like.
• 39:09
  I
• 39:09
  think
• 39:10
  all
• 39:10
  these
• 39:10
  different
• 39:10
  games,
• 39:11
  like
• 39:11
  play
• 39:12
  no
• 39:12
  phone
• 39:13
  time,
• 39:13
  where
• 39:13
  you
• 39:13
  put
• 39:14
  away
• 39:14
  your
• 39:14
  phone
• 39:14
  for
• 39:14
  10
• 39:15
  or
• 39:15
  15
• 39:15
  minutes
• 39:16
  and
• 39:16
  you
• 39:16
  focus
• 39:16
  100%
• 39:17
  on
• 39:17
  them.
• 39:18
  I
• 39:18
  know
• 39:18
  some
• 39:18
  families
• 39:19
  that
• 39:19
  don't
• 39:19
  bring
• 39:20
  phones
• 39:20
  into
• 39:21
  their
• 39:21
  children's
• 39:21
  room.
• 39:21
  So,
• 39:22
  like,
• 39:22
  when
• 39:22
  I'm
• 39:22
  playing
• 39:22
  with
• 39:23
  my
• 39:23
  kid
• 39:23
  and
• 39:23
  in
• 39:23
  their
• 39:24
  room,
• 39:24
  the
• 39:25
  phone
• 39:25
  is
• 39:25
  someone
• 39:25
  out
• 39:25
  somewhere
• 39:26
  else.
• 39:26
  That's
• 39:26
  a
• 39:26
  good
• 39:26
  ide.
• 39:27
  I
• 39:27
  would
• 39:27
  like
• 39:28
  to
• 39:28
  implement
• 39:28
  that
• 39:28
  into
• 39:29
  my
• 39:29
  own
• 39:29
  life.
• 39:30
  Okay,
• 39:30
  That's
• 39:31
  a
• 39:31
  great
• 39:31
  idea.
• 39:31
  Although
• 39:32
  I
• 39:32
  spent
• 39:32
  a
• 39:32
  lot
• 39:32
  of
• 39:33
  time
• 39:33
  in
• 39:33
  my
• 39:33
  baby's
• 39:34
  room,
• 39:34
  so
• 39:35
  maybe
• 39:35
  eat
• 39:35
  it.
• 39:36
  But.
• 39:36
  But
• 39:36
  when
• 39:36
  you're
• 39:37
  playing
• 39:37
  with
• 39:37
  her,
• 39:37
  put
• 39:37
  it
• 39:38
  aside.
• 39:38
  Yeah.
• 39:39
  And
• 39:40
  then
• 39:40
  there's.
• 39:40
  There's
• 39:40
  all
• 39:41
  these
• 39:41
  different
• 39:41
  games.
• 39:41
  I
• 39:42
  mean,
• 39:42
  there's
• 39:42
  the
• 39:42
  fill
• 39:42
  up
• 39:42
  game.
• 39:43
  I
• 39:43
  won't
• 39:43
  go
• 39:43
  into
• 39:43
  each
• 39:44
  one
• 39:44
  because.
• 39:44
  Oh,
• 39:44
  I
• 39:44
  like
• 39:44
  that.
• 39:45
  So
• 39:45
  that
• 39:45
  was
• 39:45
  cute.
• 39:46
  Because
• 39:46
  it
• 39:46
  helps
• 39:47
  separation.
• 39:48
  So
• 39:49
  you
• 39:49
  have
• 39:49
  your
• 39:50
  kid
• 39:50
  and
• 39:51
  you
• 39:51
  squeeze
• 39:51
  them
• 39:51
  really
• 39:52
  tight,
• 39:52
  and
• 39:52
  you
• 39:52
  basically
• 39:53
  say,
• 39:53
  I'm
• 39:53
  gonna
• 39:53
  fill
• 39:54
  you
• 39:54
  you
• 39:54
  up
• 39:55
  with
• 39:55
  mommy,
• 39:56
  and
• 39:57
  oh,
• 39:57
  that
• 39:57
  wasn't
• 39:58
  enough.
• 39:58
  So
• 39:58
  you
• 39:58
  squeeze
• 39:58
  them
• 39:59
  and
• 39:59
  hug
• 39:59
  them
• 39:59
  really
• 39:59
  tight
• 39:59
  again.
• 40:00
  And
• 40:00
  you
• 40:00
  do
• 40:00
  it
• 40:00
  a
• 40:00
  couple
• 40:01
  more
• 40:01
  times
• 40:01
  so
• 40:02
  that
• 40:02
  when
• 40:02
  you
• 40:02
  do
• 40:03
  have
• 40:03
  to
• 40:03
  separate
• 40:03
  from
• 40:04
  them,
• 40:04
  it's.
• 40:05
  It's
• 40:05
  sort
• 40:05
  of
• 40:05
  like
• 40:05
  they
• 40:06
  can
• 40:06
  understand.
• 40:07
  I
• 40:07
  have
• 40:07
  my
• 40:07
  mom
• 40:08
  with
• 40:08
  me.
• 40:08
  I'm
• 40:09
  carrying
• 40:09
  you.
• 40:09
  I
• 40:09
  am
• 40:09
  carrying
• 40:10
  you.
• 40:10
  Yeah.
• 40:11
  And
• 40:11
  I
• 40:12
  think
• 40:12
  that's
• 40:12
  a
• 40:12
  really
• 40:12
  cool
• 40:13
  image
• 40:13
  to
• 40:14
  create
• 40:14
  for
• 40:14
  a
• 40:14
  kid.
• 40:15
  Yeah,
• 40:15
  that
• 40:15
  could
• 40:15
  create
• 40:16
  security,
• 40:17
  you
• 40:17
  know,
• 40:17
  because
• 40:18
  that
• 40:18
  is
• 40:18
  really
• 40:18
  hard
• 40:18
  when
• 40:19
  you're
• 40:19
  little
• 40:19
  and
• 40:19
  you
• 40:19
  have
• 40:19
  to
• 40:19
  separate
• 40:20
  from
• 40:20
  your
• 40:20
  mom.
• 40:21
  You
• 40:21
  know,
• 40:21
  some
• 40:21
  kids
• 40:22
  have,
• 40:22
  you
• 40:22
  know,
• 40:23
  those
• 40:23
  objects
• 40:24
  like
• 40:24
  a
• 40:24
  blanket
• 40:24
  or
• 40:25
  a
• 40:25
  stuffed
• 40:25
  animal.
• 40:26
  That's
• 40:26
  sort
• 40:26
  of
• 40:26
  like
• 40:26
  a
• 40:26
  security
• 40:27
  thing.
• 40:28
  But
• 40:28
  I
• 40:28
  think
• 40:28
  if
• 40:28
  you
• 40:29
  can
• 40:29
  teach.
• 40:29
  That's
• 40:30
  an
• 40:30
  important
• 40:30
  lesson
• 40:30
  for
• 40:31
  life
• 40:31
  that
• 40:31
  like
• 40:32
  relationships,
• 40:33
  sometimes
• 40:33
  there
• 40:34
  are
• 40:34
  distance,
• 40:34
  you
• 40:34
  know,
• 40:35
  sometimes
• 40:35
  your
• 40:35
  best
• 40:35
  friend
• 40:35
  moves
• 40:36
  away,
• 40:36
  sometimes
• 40:37
  your
• 40:37
  grandparents
• 40:38
  are
• 40:38
  far
• 40:38
  away,
• 40:39
  but
• 40:39
  that
• 40:40
  you
• 40:40
  can
• 40:40
  have
• 40:41
  carry
• 40:41
  them
• 40:41
  with
• 40:42
  you.
• 40:42
  Right.
• 40:42
  Is
• 40:43
  such
• 40:43
  an
• 40:43
  important
• 40:43
  thing
• 40:44
  to
• 40:44
  learn.
• 40:45
  And
• 40:45
  that.
• 40:45
  That
• 40:46
  game
• 40:46
  really
• 40:47
  does
• 40:47
  that.
• 40:47
  I
• 40:48
  think
• 40:48
  that's
• 40:48
  a.
• 40:48
  That
• 40:48
  is
• 40:49
  a
• 40:49
  really
• 40:49
  great
• 40:49
  game.
• 40:50
  And
• 40:50
  there's
• 40:51
  others
• 40:51
  there's,
• 40:51
  there's
• 40:52
  what
• 40:52
  you.
• 40:52
  Emotional
• 40:53
  vaccination,
• 40:54
  the
• 40:54
  feeling
• 40:54
  bench.
• 40:55
  Being
• 40:55
  playful.
• 40:56
  Just
• 40:56
  being
• 40:56
  playful
• 40:57
  with
• 40:57
  them.
• 40:57
  Yeah,
• 40:58
  you
• 40:58
  know,
• 40:59
  telling
• 40:59
  them
• 40:59
  stories
• 41:00
  about
• 41:00
  your
• 41:00
  own
• 41:01
  childhood.
• 41:03
  All
• 41:03
  kinds
• 41:04
  of
• 41:04
  things
• 41:04
  that
• 41:05
  she
• 41:05
  tells
• 41:05
  you,
• 41:05
  you
• 41:06
  know,
• 41:06
  gives
• 41:06
  you
• 41:07
  how
• 41:07
  to
• 41:07
  play
• 41:07
  and
• 41:07
  do
• 41:08
  with
• 41:08
  them
• 41:08
  to
• 41:09
  make
• 41:09
  them
• 41:09
  feel
• 41:10
  filled
• 41:10
  up.
• 41:10
  Yes.
• 41:11
  And
• 41:11
  that's,
• 41:12
  that's
• 41:12
  important.
• 41:13
  Then
• 41:13
  the
• 41:14
  next
• 41:15
  group
• 41:15
  of
• 41:15
  chapters,
• 41:16
  there's
• 41:16
  12
• 41:17
  to
• 41:17
  29.
• 41:18
  Chapters
• 41:18
  12
• 41:18
  to
• 41:19
  29,
• 41:20
  they
• 41:20
  get
• 41:20
  very
• 41:21
  specific.
• 41:21
  That's
• 41:21
  what
• 41:22
  you
• 41:22
  were
• 41:22
  talking
• 41:22
  about
• 41:22
  at
• 41:22
  the
• 41:23
  beginning,
• 41:23
  which
• 41:23
  is
• 41:25
  they
• 41:25
  take
• 41:25
  on
• 41:25
  common
• 41:26
  problems
• 41:26
  that
• 41:27
  parents
• 41:27
  and
• 41:27
  kids
• 41:28
  have
• 41:28
  and
• 41:29
  she
• 41:29
  shows
• 41:30
  you
• 41:30
  how
• 41:30
  to
• 41:30
  handle
• 41:31
  the
• 41:31
  issue.
• 41:33
  Now
• 41:33
  some
• 41:33
  of
• 41:33
  the
• 41:33
  issues
• 41:34
  she
• 41:34
  takes
• 41:34
  on
• 41:35
  are
• 41:35
  kids
• 41:36
  who
• 41:36
  don't
• 41:36
  listen.
• 41:36
  I
• 41:36
  mean,
• 41:37
  that's
• 41:37
  a
• 41:37
  big
• 41:37
  one.
• 41:38
  Emotional
• 41:38
  tantrums.
• 41:39
  Aggressive
• 41:40
  tantrums
• 41:40
  which
• 41:40
  are
• 41:41
  hitting,
• 41:41
  biting
• 41:41
  and
• 41:42
  throwing.
• 41:42
  Sibling
• 41:43
  rivalry,
• 41:43
  rudeness
• 41:44
  and
• 41:44
  defiance.
• 41:45
  Does
• 41:46
  your
• 41:46
  child
• 41:46
  have
• 41:46
  ADHD
• 41:47
  medication?
• 41:48
  Might
• 41:48
  not
• 41:48
  be
• 41:48
  the
• 41:49
  only
• 41:49
  answer.
• 41:50
  At
• 41:50
  habit
• 41:50
  Coach,
• 41:50
  our
• 41:51
  coaches
• 41:51
  work
• 41:51
  one
• 41:52
  on
• 41:52
  one
• 41:52
  to
• 41:52
  help
• 41:52
  kids
• 41:53
  stop
• 41:53
  procrastinating,
• 41:54
  manage
• 41:54
  their
• 41:55
  time,
• 41:55
  control
• 41:56
  distractions,
• 41:56
  get
• 41:57
  organized,
• 41:57
  learn
• 41:58
  to
• 41:58
  plan,
• 41:58
  build
• 41:59
  study
• 41:59
  skills,
• 42:00
  stop
• 42:00
  losing
• 42:00
  things,
• 42:01
  limit
• 42:01
  screen
• 42:02
  time
• 42:02
  and
• 42:02
  handle
• 42:03
  their
• 42:03
  emotions
• 42:03
  with
• 42:03
  more
• 42:04
  control.
• 42:04
  We
• 42:05
  do
• 42:05
  this
• 42:05
  by
• 42:05
  helping
• 42:05
  kids
• 42:06
  build
• 42:06
  new
• 42:06
  habits
• 42:07
  that
• 42:07
  take
• 42:07
  the
• 42:07
  place
• 42:07
  of
• 42:08
  old
• 42:08
  counterproductive
• 42:09
  behavior
• 42:09
  patterns.
• 42:10
  Research
• 42:11
  shows
• 42:11
  that
• 42:11
  coaching
• 42:12
  kids
• 42:12
  really
• 42:12
  want
• 42:12
  works.
• 42:13
  And
• 42:13
  the
• 42:13
  habit
• 42:13
  coach
• 42:14
  system
• 42:14
  of
• 42:14
  weekly
• 42:15
  coaching,
• 42:15
  check
• 42:15
  ins
• 42:16
  and
• 42:16
  parent
• 42:16
  meetings
• 42:17
  is
• 42:17
  the
• 42:17
  most
• 42:17
  effective
• 42:17
  model
• 42:18
  out
• 42:18
  there.
• 42:19
  You
• 42:19
  can
• 42:19
  get
• 42:19
  started
• 42:19
  for
• 42:20
  less
• 42:20
  than
• 42:20
  $10
• 42:21
  a
• 42:21
  month.
• 42:21
  Don't
• 42:22
  go
• 42:22
  another
• 42:22
  day
• 42:22
  without
• 42:23
  help.
• 42:23
  The
• 42:24
  longer
• 42:24
  you
• 42:24
  wait,
• 42:24
  the
• 42:25
  tougher
• 42:25
  those
• 42:25
  old
• 42:26
  negative
• 42:26
  habits
• 42:26
  take
• 42:27
  to
• 42:27
  fix.
• 42:27
  Start
• 42:28
  now@habitcoach.com
• 42:30
  sibling
• 42:31
  rivalry,
• 42:32
  rudeness
• 42:32
  and
• 42:32
  defiance.
• 42:33
  Whining,
• 42:34
  lying.
• 42:34
  Fears
• 42:35
  and
• 42:35
  anxiety.
• 42:36
  Hesitation
• 42:36
  and
• 42:37
  shyness,
• 42:37
  Frustration
• 42:38
  and
• 42:38
  tolerance.
• 42:39
  Food
• 42:39
  and
• 42:40
  eating
• 42:40
  habits.
• 42:40
  Conceit,
• 42:42
  tears,
• 42:42
  building
• 42:42
  confidence,
• 42:43
  perfectionism,
• 42:44
  separation
• 42:45
  anxiety,
• 42:45
  sleep.
• 42:46
  Kids
• 42:47
  who
• 42:47
  don't
• 42:47
  like
• 42:47
  talking
• 42:47
  about.
• 42:48
  It's
• 42:48
  very
• 42:48
  specific.
• 42:49
  Yeah,
• 42:49
  very
• 42:49
  specific,
• 42:50
  but
• 42:50
  it
• 42:50
  covers
• 42:50
  everything.
• 42:51
  It
• 42:51
  is
• 42:52
  thorough.
• 42:52
  This
• 42:52
  is
• 42:53
  your
• 42:53
  encyclopedia?
• 42:54
  Yes,
• 42:54
  this
• 42:54
  is
• 42:54
  your
• 42:54
  encyclopedia.
• 42:55
  So
• 42:56
  you
• 42:56
  really
• 42:56
  need
• 42:56
  to
• 42:56
  read
• 42:57
  through
• 42:57
  the
• 42:57
  first
• 42:57
  12
• 42:57
  chapters
• 42:58
  and
• 42:58
  then
• 42:58
  you
• 42:59
  sort
• 42:59
  of
• 42:59
  refer
• 42:59
  to
• 42:59
  the
• 42:59
  encyclopedia
• 43:00
  as
• 43:01
  things
• 43:01
  come
• 43:01
  up.
• 43:01
  Yeah,
• 43:02
  I
• 43:02
  mean
• 43:02
  we
• 43:02
  can
• 43:02
  cover
• 43:03
  one
• 43:03
  of
• 43:03
  them.
• 43:03
  We
• 43:04
  can
• 43:04
  cover
• 43:04
  a
• 43:04
  couple
• 43:04
  of
• 43:04
  them.
• 43:05
  I
• 43:05
  mean
• 43:05
  like
• 43:05
  emotional
• 43:05
  tantrums.
• 43:06
  I
• 43:06
  thought
• 43:06
  this
• 43:06
  was
• 43:06
  interesting,
• 43:07
  but
• 43:07
  because
• 43:08
  I
• 43:08
  feel
• 43:08
  like
• 43:08
  tantrums
• 43:09
  are
• 43:09
  such
• 43:09
  a
• 43:09
  hot
• 43:10
  button
• 43:10
  thing.
• 43:11
  We
• 43:12
  are,
• 43:12
  I
• 43:13
  think
• 43:13
  hardwired
• 43:14
  to
• 43:14
  try
• 43:15
  and
• 43:15
  quell
• 43:15
  a
• 43:16
  tantrum
• 43:16
  as
• 43:16
  soon
• 43:17
  as
• 43:17
  it
• 43:17
  starts.
• 43:18
  I
• 43:18
  think
• 43:18
  it's
• 43:19
  embarrassing,
• 43:19
  especially
• 43:19
  if
• 43:20
  it's
• 43:20
  in
• 43:20
  public.
• 43:21
  It's
• 43:21
  hard
• 43:21
  to
• 43:22
  deal
• 43:22
  with.
• 43:22
  But
• 43:22
  they
• 43:23
  are
• 43:23
  so
• 43:23
  healthy
• 43:24
  and
• 43:24
  they're
• 43:25
  really
• 43:25
  important
• 43:26
  for
• 43:26
  little
• 43:26
  kids
• 43:27
  to
• 43:27
  experience
• 43:29
  because
• 43:31
  it
• 43:31
  teaches
• 43:32
  them.
• 43:32
  It's
• 43:32
  almost
• 43:32
  like
• 43:33
  a
• 43:33
  self
• 43:33
  soothing
• 43:34
  Thing
• 43:35
  you
• 43:35
  can
• 43:35
  teach
• 43:35
  them
• 43:35
  that
• 43:36
  they're
• 43:36
  okay.
• 43:36
  And
• 43:36
  then
• 43:37
  eventually,
• 43:37
  once
• 43:37
  they
• 43:37
  sort
• 43:38
  of
• 43:38
  come
• 43:38
  down,
• 43:39
  they
• 43:39
  realize
• 43:40
  that
• 43:40
  they
• 43:40
  can
• 43:40
  have
• 43:40
  these
• 43:40
  big
• 43:40
  feelings
• 43:41
  and
• 43:41
  that
• 43:42
  they
• 43:42
  will
• 43:42
  ultimately
• 43:43
  be
• 43:43
  okay
• 43:43
  even
• 43:44
  if
• 43:44
  they
• 43:44
  don't
• 43:44
  get
• 43:44
  what
• 43:45
  they
• 43:45
  want
• 43:45
  through
• 43:46
  the
• 43:46
  tantrum.
• 43:46
  Right?
• 43:47
  Yeah.
• 43:48
  And
• 43:48
  what
• 43:48
  she
• 43:49
  says
• 43:50
  about
• 43:50
  this
• 43:51
  is,
• 43:52
  when
• 43:52
  it's
• 43:52
  going
• 43:52
  on,
• 43:54
  you
• 43:54
  need
• 43:54
  to
• 43:54
  tell
• 43:55
  yourself,
• 43:56
  nothing's
• 43:57
  wrong
• 43:57
  with
• 43:58
  me
• 43:58
  or
• 43:58
  her.
• 43:59
  I
• 43:59
  can
• 43:59
  cope
• 44:00
  with
• 44:00
  this.
• 44:01
  And
• 44:01
  this
• 44:01
  is
• 44:01
  where
• 44:01
  you
• 44:02
  use
• 44:02
  the
• 44:02
  two
• 44:02
  things
• 44:03
  are
• 44:03
  true,
• 44:03
  which
• 44:04
  goes
• 44:04
  back
• 44:04
  to
• 44:04
  the
• 44:04
  concepts.
• 44:06
  I'm
• 44:06
  in
• 44:06
  charge
• 44:06
  of
• 44:07
  this
• 44:07
  decision,
• 44:07
  and
• 44:08
  my
• 44:08
  answer
• 44:08
  is
• 44:08
  no.
• 44:09
  You're
• 44:09
  in
• 44:09
  charge
• 44:10
  of
• 44:10
  your
• 44:10
  feelings,
• 44:11
  and
• 44:11
  you're
• 44:11
  allowed
• 44:11
  to
• 44:11
  be
• 44:12
  upset.
• 44:13
  So
• 44:13
  let's
• 44:13
  say
• 44:13
  a
• 44:14
  child
• 44:14
  isn't
• 44:14
  getting
• 44:14
  what
• 44:15
  they
• 44:15
  want.
• 44:16
  You
• 44:16
  know,
• 44:17
  convey,
• 44:18
  you
• 44:18
  know,
• 44:18
  permission
• 44:19
  and
• 44:20
  empathy.
• 44:20
  But
• 44:21
  you
• 44:21
  can
• 44:21
  say,
• 44:21
  you
• 44:21
  know,
• 44:22
  hey,
• 44:22
  I
• 44:22
  can
• 44:22
  see
• 44:22
  why
• 44:23
  you're
• 44:23
  upset
• 44:23
  that
• 44:24
  you
• 44:24
  can't
• 44:24
  have
• 44:24
  ice
• 44:25
  cream
• 44:25
  right
• 44:25
  now.
• 44:26
  It
• 44:26
  feels
• 44:26
  bad,
• 44:28
  but
• 44:28
  this
• 44:29
  isn't
• 44:29
  the
• 44:29
  time
• 44:29
  for
• 44:29
  that,
• 44:30
  you
• 44:30
  know?
• 44:30
  And
• 44:31
  then
• 44:31
  if
• 44:31
  the
• 44:31
  child
• 44:31
  is
• 44:32
  upset
• 44:32
  when
• 44:32
  they're
• 44:33
  melting
• 44:33
  down,
• 44:34
  you
• 44:34
  can
• 44:34
  say.
• 44:35
  You
• 44:35
  can
• 44:35
  name
• 44:35
  the
• 44:35
  wish
• 44:36
  that
• 44:36
  they
• 44:36
  must
• 44:36
  have.
• 44:37
  Like,
• 44:37
  I
• 44:37
  know
• 44:37
  you
• 44:38
  wish
• 44:38
  you
• 44:38
  could
• 44:38
  have
• 44:39
  ice
• 44:39
  cream
• 44:39
  for
• 44:39
  breakfast.
• 44:40
  I
• 44:40
  get
• 44:40
  that.
• 44:41
  You
• 44:41
  did
• 44:41
  let
• 44:41
  me
• 44:41
  have
• 44:42
  ice
• 44:42
  cream
• 44:42
  for
• 44:42
  breakfast.
• 44:43
  Yeah.
• 44:43
  And
• 44:44
  I
• 44:44
  would
• 44:44
  eat
• 44:44
  it
• 44:44
  in
• 44:44
  the
• 44:44
  shower.
• 44:45
  Did
• 44:45
  I?
• 44:46
  Yeah.
• 44:46
  Why
• 44:46
  would
• 44:47
  I
• 44:47
  do
• 44:47
  that?
• 44:47
  I
• 44:47
  don't
• 44:47
  know.
• 44:47
  You
• 44:48
  let
• 44:48
  me
• 44:48
  have
• 44:48
  mint
• 44:48
  chocolate
• 44:49
  chip
• 44:49
  ice
• 44:49
  cream
• 44:49
  for
• 44:49
  breakfast,
• 44:50
  and
• 44:50
  I
• 44:50
  would
• 44:50
  let
• 44:50
  it
• 44:50
  melt
• 44:51
  while
• 44:51
  I
• 44:51
  was
• 44:51
  in
• 44:51
  the
• 44:51
  shower,
• 44:52
  and
• 44:52
  then
• 44:52
  I
• 44:52
  would
• 44:52
  eat
• 44:52
  it
• 44:52
  right
• 44:53
  before
• 44:53
  I
• 44:53
  got
• 44:53
  out.
• 44:54
  Did
• 44:54
  I
• 44:54
  do
• 44:54
  that
• 44:54
  a
• 44:54
  lot
• 44:55
  or
• 44:55
  just
• 44:55
  every
• 44:56
  special
• 44:56
  for
• 44:56
  like
• 44:56
  a
• 44:57
  year?
• 44:57
  What
• 44:57
  was
• 44:57
  I
• 44:58
  thinking?
• 44:58
  I
• 44:58
  mean,
• 44:58
  I
• 44:59
  don't
• 44:59
  know.
• 44:59
  What
• 44:59
  kind
• 45:00
  of
• 45:00
  parent
• 45:00
  was
• 45:00
  I?
• 45:01
  Oh,
• 45:01
  my
• 45:01
  God.
• 45:02
  Dr.
• 45:02
  Becky
• 45:02
  would
• 45:03
  get
• 45:03
  so
• 45:03
  upset,
• 45:03
  so
• 45:04
  mad.
• 45:04
  Oh,
• 45:04
  no.
• 45:05
  But
• 45:05
  she.
• 45:05
  One
• 45:06
  thing
• 45:06
  she
• 45:06
  also
• 45:06
  says,
• 45:07
  if
• 45:07
  the
• 45:07
  Rashad's
• 45:08
  really
• 45:08
  upset,
• 45:09
  something
• 45:09
  to
• 45:09
  do
• 45:09
  is
• 45:09
  say,
• 45:10
  are
• 45:10
  you
• 45:10
  as
• 45:11
  upset
• 45:11
  as
• 45:11
  a
• 45:11
  whole
• 45:12
  car?
• 45:13
  Are
• 45:13
  you
• 45:13
  as
• 45:13
  upset
• 45:13
  as
• 45:14
  the
• 45:14
  whole
• 45:14
  world?
• 45:15
  You
• 45:15
  know,
• 45:15
  so
• 45:15
  a
• 45:16
  child
• 45:16
  can
• 45:16
  really
• 45:16
  express
• 45:17
  the
• 45:17
  scale
• 45:18
  of
• 45:19
  their
• 45:19
  upset.
• 45:19
  So
• 45:19
  you're
• 45:19
  teaching
• 45:20
  them
• 45:20
  relativity
• 45:20
  while
• 45:21
  you're.
• 45:22
  God.
• 45:23
  She's
• 45:23
  really
• 45:23
  just
• 45:23
  got
• 45:24
  an
• 45:24
  answer
• 45:24
  for
• 45:24
  everything.
• 45:25
  I
• 45:25
  know.
• 45:25
  One
• 45:25
  thing
• 45:25
  I
• 45:26
  like
• 45:26
  that
• 45:26
  she
• 45:26
  said
• 45:26
  about
• 45:26
  lying
• 45:27
  is
• 45:27
  that
• 45:27
  lying
• 45:28
  is
• 45:28
  almost
• 45:28
  never
• 45:28
  about
• 45:28
  being
• 45:29
  defiant,
• 45:29
  sneaky,
• 45:30
  or
• 45:30
  that
• 45:30
  they're
• 45:30
  a
• 45:30
  sociopath.
• 45:31
  When
• 45:31
  a
• 45:32
  child
• 45:32
  lies,
• 45:33
  your
• 45:34
  approach
• 45:34
  is
• 45:34
  not
• 45:34
  about
• 45:35
  getting
• 45:35
  a
• 45:35
  confession.
• 45:36
  It's
• 45:36
  about
• 45:36
  to
• 45:36
  get
• 45:36
  to
• 45:36
  the
• 45:37
  core
• 45:37
  of
• 45:37
  what
• 45:37
  drives
• 45:38
  the
• 45:38
  lie.
• 45:38
  Because
• 45:38
  kids.
• 45:39
  Kids
• 45:40
  don't
• 45:40
  have.
• 45:41
  The
• 45:41
  line
• 45:41
  between
• 45:42
  fantasy
• 45:42
  and
• 45:42
  reality
• 45:43
  is
• 45:43
  murkier
• 45:43
  for
• 45:44
  them.
• 45:45
  And
• 45:45
  they
• 45:46
  might
• 45:46
  be
• 45:46
  coping
• 45:46
  with
• 45:47
  something
• 45:47
  with
• 45:47
  their
• 45:47
  lie.
• 45:48
  Like,
• 45:48
  they
• 45:48
  might
• 45:48
  be
• 45:48
  afraid
• 45:48
  of
• 45:49
  your
• 45:49
  reaction.
• 45:49
  Like
• 45:50
  maybe
• 45:50
  they
• 45:50
  broke
• 45:50
  something
• 45:51
  and
• 45:51
  they
• 45:51
  feel
• 45:52
  Guilty
• 45:53
  or
• 45:54
  they
• 45:54
  don't
• 45:54
  want
• 45:54
  to
• 45:54
  disappoint
• 45:55
  you,
• 45:56
  or
• 45:57
  it's
• 45:57
  like
• 45:57
  something
• 45:58
  that
• 45:58
  they
• 45:58
  wish
• 45:58
  was
• 45:59
  true.
• 46:00
  Like,
• 46:00
  remember
• 46:00
  when
• 46:00
  I
• 46:01
  used
• 46:01
  to
• 46:01
  say
• 46:01
  that
• 46:01
  I
• 46:01
  had
• 46:01
  a
• 46:02
  mouse
• 46:03
  in.
• 46:03
  In
• 46:03
  a
• 46:03
  box?
• 46:04
  Yeah.
• 46:04
  Living
• 46:04
  in.
• 46:05
  Living
• 46:05
  in
• 46:05
  your
• 46:05
  closet.
• 46:06
  Yeah,
• 46:06
  you
• 46:06
  used
• 46:07
  to.
• 46:07
  You
• 46:07
  used
• 46:07
  to
• 46:07
  tell
• 46:08
  that
• 46:08
  story
• 46:08
  at
• 46:08
  school.
• 46:09
  And
• 46:09
  they
• 46:09
  called
• 46:10
  me
• 46:10
  into
• 46:10
  school
• 46:11
  to
• 46:11
  say
• 46:11
  they
• 46:12
  were
• 46:12
  worried
• 46:12
  about
• 46:12
  you
• 46:13
  because
• 46:13
  you
• 46:13
  were
• 46:13
  lying
• 46:14
  about
• 46:14
  this
• 46:15
  mouse.
• 46:15
  I
• 46:15
  wanted
• 46:15
  the
• 46:16
  mouse.
• 46:16
  Yeah.
• 46:17
  I
• 46:17
  wanted
• 46:17
  a
• 46:17
  pet.
• 46:18
  Was
• 46:19
  really
• 46:19
  what
• 46:19
  I
• 46:19
  wanted.
• 46:19
  When
• 46:20
  I
• 46:20
  was
• 46:20
  really
• 46:20
  little,
• 46:20
  I
• 46:21
  once.
• 46:21
  Me
• 46:21
  and
• 46:21
  my
• 46:21
  brother
• 46:22
  went.
• 46:22
  We
• 46:22
  had
• 46:22
  this
• 46:22
  humongous
• 46:23
  building.
• 46:23
  Four
• 46:24
  towers,
• 46:24
  30
• 46:24
  floors,
• 46:25
  10
• 46:25
  apartments
• 46:25
  per
• 46:26
  floor.
• 46:26
  And
• 46:27
  we
• 46:27
  got
• 46:27
  nearly
• 46:28
  every
• 46:28
  apartment
• 46:29
  to
• 46:29
  sign
• 46:29
  a
• 46:29
  petition
• 46:30
  to
• 46:30
  let
• 46:30
  us
• 46:30
  get
• 46:31
  a
• 46:31
  puppy.
• 46:31
  Because
• 46:31
  dad
• 46:32
  was
• 46:32
  like,
• 46:32
  if
• 46:32
  you
• 46:32
  can
• 46:32
  get
• 46:33
  500
• 46:34
  signatures,
• 46:34
  we'll
• 46:35
  get
• 46:35
  a
• 46:35
  puppy.
• 46:36
  Did
• 46:36
  I.
• 46:36
  Dad
• 46:37
  said
• 46:37
  this?
• 46:37
  And
• 46:37
  we
• 46:38
  did.
• 46:38
  Me
• 46:38
  and
• 46:39
  Sam
• 46:39
  canvassed.
• 46:40
  We
• 46:40
  got
• 46:40
  500
• 46:41
  signatures.
• 46:41
  We
• 46:41
  didn't
• 46:41
  get
• 46:43
  no.
• 46:43
  What
• 46:43
  was
• 46:43
  wrong
• 46:43
  with
• 46:44
  us?
• 46:44
  I
• 46:44
  don't
• 46:44
  know.
• 46:44
  Then
• 46:45
  Kitty
• 46:45
  showed
• 46:45
  up.
• 46:46
  Oh,
• 46:46
  right.
• 46:47
  Kitty
• 46:47
  showed
• 46:47
  up.
• 46:47
  And
• 46:47
  we
• 46:48
  were
• 46:48
  like,
• 46:48
  okay,
• 46:48
  this
• 46:48
  works.
• 46:49
  Yes.
• 46:49
  Kitty
• 46:50
  just
• 46:50
  showed
• 46:50
  up
• 46:50
  at
• 46:51
  the
• 46:51
  front
• 46:51
  door.
• 46:52
  And
• 46:52
  we.
• 46:52
  And
• 46:52
  that.
• 46:53
  That's
• 46:53
  when
• 46:53
  we
• 46:53
  adopted
• 46:54
  her.
• 46:54
  And
• 46:55
  him.
• 46:55
  It
• 46:55
  was
• 46:55
  a
• 46:55
  boy.
• 46:56
  Sorry,
• 46:56
  I
• 46:56
  always
• 46:56
  misgender.
• 46:57
  You
• 46:57
  miss
• 46:58
  gender.
• 46:58
  Animals.
• 46:58
  Animals
• 46:59
  all
• 46:59
  the
• 46:59
  time.
• 46:59
  Yeah.
• 47:00
  It's
• 47:00
  like,
• 47:00
  I
• 47:00
  tell
• 47:00
  you
• 47:01
  what
• 47:01
  they
• 47:01
  are,
• 47:01
  and
• 47:02
  then
• 47:02
  you're
• 47:02
  like,
• 47:02
  no,
• 47:04
  no.
• 47:05
  Kitty
• 47:05
  was
• 47:05
  a
• 47:05
  boy,
• 47:06
  and
• 47:06
  he
• 47:06
  showed
• 47:06
  up
• 47:06
  at
• 47:07
  our
• 47:07
  building.
• 47:07
  And
• 47:07
  that's
• 47:07
  how
• 47:07
  you
• 47:08
  got
• 47:08
  your
• 47:08
  first
• 47:08
  pet?
• 47:09
  Yeah.
• 47:09
  We
• 47:09
  put
• 47:09
  posters
• 47:10
  up
• 47:10
  because
• 47:10
  we
• 47:10
  thought
• 47:10
  he
• 47:11
  must
• 47:11
  belong
• 47:11
  to
• 47:11
  someone,
• 47:11
  but
• 47:12
  no
• 47:12
  one
• 47:12
  claimed
• 47:12
  him.
• 47:12
  And
• 47:13
  they're
• 47:13
  like,
• 47:13
  he
• 47:14
  stays
• 47:14
  till
• 47:15
  he
• 47:15
  died.
• 47:15
  Yes.
• 47:16
  Went
• 47:16
  out
• 47:16
  the
• 47:16
  window.
• 47:17
  Rest
• 47:17
  in
• 47:17
  peace.
• 47:18
  We
• 47:18
  loved
• 47:18
  Kitty.
• 47:19
  Such
• 47:19
  a
• 47:19
  great
• 47:20
  cat.
• 47:21
  I
• 47:21
  still
• 47:21
  feel
• 47:22
  guilty
• 47:22
  about
• 47:22
  that.
• 47:23
  But
• 47:23
  listen,
• 47:23
  he
• 47:23
  might
• 47:24
  still
• 47:24
  be
• 47:24
  alive.
• 47:24
  Cats
• 47:24
  live
• 47:25
  forever.
• 47:25
  That's
• 47:25
  true.
• 47:26
  They
• 47:26
  have
• 47:26
  nine
• 47:26
  lives.
• 47:26
  But.
• 47:27
  And
• 47:27
  I
• 47:27
  did
• 47:27
  never
• 47:28
  see
• 47:28
  the
• 47:28
  body.
• 47:28
  Well,
• 47:29
  no,
• 47:29
  that's
• 47:30
  not
• 47:30
  what
• 47:30
  I
• 47:30
  meant.
• 47:31
  What
• 47:31
  do
• 47:31
  you
• 47:31
  mean?
• 47:31
  Kitty
• 47:32
  was
• 47:32
  definitely
• 47:32
  dead?
• 47:33
  Well,
• 47:33
  I
• 47:33
  didn't
• 47:33
  see
• 47:34
  the
• 47:34
  body.
• 47:34
  I'm
• 47:35
  just
• 47:35
  saying.
• 47:35
  They
• 47:36
  put
• 47:36
  him
• 47:36
  in
• 47:36
  a
• 47:36
  trash
• 47:37
  bag.
• 47:38
  For
• 47:38
  what
• 47:38
  purpose
• 47:39
  might
• 47:39
  they
• 47:39
  know?
• 47:40
  Maybe
• 47:40
  he
• 47:40
  got
• 47:41
  away.
• 47:41
  I
• 47:41
  don't
• 47:41
  know.
• 47:42
  I'm
• 47:42
  just
• 47:42
  saying
• 47:43
  I
• 47:43
  didn't
• 47:43
  see
• 47:43
  the
• 47:43
  body.
• 47:44
  Body,
• 47:44
  who
• 47:45
  knows?
• 47:45
  Listen,
• 47:46
  if
• 47:46
  this
• 47:46
  were
• 47:46
  a
• 47:46
  murder
• 47:47
  investigation,
• 47:47
  the
• 47:48
  case
• 47:48
  would
• 47:48
  still
• 47:48
  be
• 47:48
  open.
• 47:49
  That's
• 47:49
  right.
• 47:49
  No,
• 47:50
  but
• 47:50
  I
• 47:50
  meant
• 47:50
  cats
• 47:50
  live
• 47:51
  a
• 47:51
  long
• 47:51
  time.
• 47:51
  They
• 47:52
  do.
• 47:52
  And
• 47:52
  he
• 47:52
  had
• 47:53
  come
• 47:53
  to
• 47:53
  us
• 47:53
  after
• 47:54
  being.
• 47:54
  Having
• 47:55
  another
• 47:55
  life
• 47:55
  somewhere
• 47:56
  else
• 47:56
  because
• 47:56
  we
• 47:57
  don't
• 47:57
  know.
• 47:57
  But
• 47:58
  anyway.
• 47:59
  Yeah,
• 47:59
  but.
• 47:59
  But
• 48:00
  the.
• 48:00
  The
• 48:00
  idea
• 48:00
  of
• 48:01
  lying,
• 48:01
  she
• 48:01
  says,
• 48:02
  you
• 48:02
  know,
• 48:02
  is
• 48:02
  really
• 48:02
  interesting.
• 48:04
  A
• 48:04
  lot
• 48:04
  of
• 48:04
  times
• 48:04
  kids
• 48:05
  say
• 48:05
  what
• 48:05
  they
• 48:06
  wish
• 48:06
  were
• 48:06
  true
• 48:07
  because
• 48:08
  they
• 48:08
  want
• 48:08
  to
• 48:08
  preserve
• 48:09
  their
• 48:09
  goodness
• 48:09
  in
• 48:09
  your
• 48:10
  eyes.
• 48:10
  And
• 48:11
  they
• 48:11
  lie
• 48:12
  if
• 48:12
  they
• 48:12
  think
• 48:12
  the
• 48:13
  truth
• 48:13
  will
• 48:13
  threaten
• 48:14
  their
• 48:14
  attachment
• 48:14
  to
• 48:15
  the
• 48:15
  parent.
• 48:16
  And
• 48:17
  they
• 48:17
  might
• 48:17
  lie
• 48:17
  to
• 48:17
  preserve
• 48:18
  their
• 48:18
  independence,
• 48:19
  but,
• 48:19
  you
• 48:19
  know,
• 48:19
  like,
• 48:20
  if
• 48:20
  they
• 48:20
  steal
• 48:20
  a
• 48:20
  cookie
• 48:21
  when
• 48:21
  they're
• 48:21
  not
• 48:21
  allowed
• 48:21
  to
• 48:22
  have
• 48:22
  cookies,
• 48:22
  they're
• 48:22
  trying
• 48:23
  to
• 48:23
  preserve
• 48:23
  their
• 48:23
  independence.
• 48:25
  And
• 48:26
  she
• 48:26
  says,
• 48:26
  try
• 48:26
  to
• 48:27
  reframe
• 48:27
  their
• 48:27
  lie
• 48:28
  as
• 48:28
  a
• 48:28
  wish.
• 48:28
  You
• 48:29
  wish
• 48:29
  your
• 48:29
  sister's
• 48:30
  tower
• 48:30
  was
• 48:31
  still
• 48:31
  up
• 48:31
  or
• 48:33
  sometimes
• 48:33
  I
• 48:33
  do
• 48:34
  things,
• 48:34
  and
• 48:34
  then
• 48:34
  I
• 48:35
  wish
• 48:35
  I
• 48:35
  hadn't
• 48:35
  done
• 48:36
  them.
• 48:36
  And
• 48:36
  that's
• 48:37
  hard
• 48:37
  when
• 48:37
  that
• 48:37
  happens.
• 48:38
  Yeah.
• 48:39
  And.
• 48:40
  And
• 48:40
  she
• 48:40
  says,
• 48:41
  you
• 48:41
  can
• 48:41
  also
• 48:41
  just
• 48:42
  wait
• 48:42
  if
• 48:43
  they
• 48:43
  tell
• 48:43
  you
• 48:43
  a
• 48:43
  lie
• 48:44
  and
• 48:44
  go,
• 48:45
  really?
• 48:46
  That's
• 48:47
  one
• 48:47
  of
• 48:47
  my
• 48:47
  favorite
• 48:47
  expressions.
• 48:49
  Really?
• 48:50
  And
• 48:50
  see,
• 48:51
  I
• 48:51
  think
• 48:51
  I
• 48:51
  have
• 48:51
  some
• 48:52
  of
• 48:52
  your
• 48:52
  other
• 48:52
  cards,
• 48:52
  Tina.
• 48:53
  Oh,
• 48:53
  well,
• 48:54
  yes.
• 48:54
  FYI,
• 48:57
  they
• 48:57
  just
• 48:57
  showed
• 48:58
  up.
• 48:58
  Okay.
• 48:58
  That's
• 48:58
  weird.
• 48:59
  Yes.
• 49:00
  Okay,
• 49:01
  well,
• 49:01
  anyway,
• 49:02
  so
• 49:02
  those
• 49:03
  are
• 49:03
  some
• 49:03
  of
• 49:03
  the
• 49:03
  things
• 49:03
  that
• 49:04
  are
• 49:04
  in
• 49:04
  the
• 49:04
  second
• 49:04
  half
• 49:05
  of
• 49:05
  the
• 49:05
  book.
• 49:05
  Yes.
• 49:05
  And.
• 49:07
  And
• 49:07
  that's
• 49:07
  why
• 49:08
  it's
• 49:08
  like
• 49:08
  an
• 49:08
  encyclopedia.
• 49:09
  So
• 49:10
  you
• 49:10
  really
• 49:10
  want
• 49:11
  to
• 49:11
  have
• 49:11
  the.
• 49:12
  Plus,
• 49:13
  it
• 49:13
  looks
• 49:13
  so
• 49:13
  cute
• 49:13
  on
• 49:13
  your
• 49:14
  bookshelf.
• 49:14
  I
• 49:14
  know.
• 49:15
  It's
• 49:15
  a
• 49:15
  cute.
• 49:16
  Really
• 49:16
  good
• 49:17
  cover.
• 49:18
  I
• 49:18
  like
• 49:18
  that.
• 49:18
  Whoever
• 49:19
  did
• 49:19
  the
• 49:19
  COVID
• 49:19
  art,
• 49:20
  good
• 49:20
  work.
• 49:20
  Nice.
• 49:21
  Yeah.
• 49:21
  On
• 49:22
  a
• 49:22
  scale
• 49:22
  of
• 49:22
  readability,
• 49:23
  teen,
• 49:23
  how
• 49:24
  readable
• 49:24
  was
• 49:24
  this
• 49:25
  book?
• 49:26
  This
• 49:26
  book
• 49:26
  was,
• 49:27
  oh,
• 49:27
  I
• 49:27
  would
• 49:28
  say
• 49:28
  an
• 49:28
  8
• 49:29
  or
• 49:29
  a
• 49:29
  9.
• 49:29
  It
• 49:29
  was
• 49:30
  very
• 49:30
  readable.
• 49:31
  I
• 49:31
  actually
• 49:32
  almost.
• 49:33
  I
• 49:33
  read
• 49:33
  it
• 49:34
  twice
• 49:35
  because
• 49:35
  the
• 49:35
  first
• 49:35
  time
• 49:36
  just
• 49:36
  gave
• 49:36
  me
• 49:36
  the
• 49:36
  gist
• 49:37
  of
• 49:37
  what
• 49:37
  was
• 49:37
  in
• 49:37
  it.
• 49:38
  And
• 49:38
  then
• 49:38
  the
• 49:38
  second
• 49:38
  time
• 49:39
  I
• 49:39
  went
• 49:39
  in
• 49:39
  with
• 49:39
  more,
• 49:40
  like,
• 49:40
  really
• 49:41
  trying
• 49:41
  to
• 49:41
  make
• 49:41
  sure
• 49:41
  I
• 49:42
  got
• 49:42
  it.
• 49:42
  Yeah.
• 49:44
  And
• 49:44
  then.
• 49:45
  And
• 49:45
  so
• 49:46
  it
• 49:46
  was
• 49:46
  very
• 49:46
  readable.
• 49:47
  And
• 49:47
  what
• 49:47
  I
• 49:48
  have
• 49:48
  found
• 49:48
  is
• 49:48
  if
• 49:48
  you
• 49:49
  do
• 49:49
  listen
• 49:49
  to
• 49:49
  her
• 49:49
  in
• 49:50
  any
• 49:50
  podcast
• 49:50
  or
• 49:51
  whatever,
• 49:52
  everything
• 49:52
  she's
• 49:53
  saying
• 49:53
  relates
• 49:53
  to
• 49:54
  what
• 49:54
  is
• 49:54
  in
• 49:54
  that
• 49:54
  book.
• 49:55
  Yeah.
• 49:55
  Yeah.
• 49:55
  So
• 49:56
  she
• 49:56
  really
• 49:56
  believes
• 49:57
  in
• 49:57
  this
• 49:57
  method?
• 49:57
  Yes.
• 49:58
  Yes.
• 49:59
  What
• 49:59
  did
• 49:59
  you.
• 49:59
  How
• 50:00
  readable
• 50:00
  did
• 50:00
  you
• 50:00
  think?
• 50:01
  I
• 50:01
  found
• 50:01
  it
• 50:01
  to
• 50:01
  be
• 50:01
  really
• 50:01
  readable.
• 50:02
  It
• 50:03
  wasn't
• 50:03
  super
• 50:04
  dense.
• 50:04
  It
• 50:04
  was
• 50:05
  like.
• 50:06
  Also,
• 50:06
  she
• 50:06
  didn't
• 50:07
  repeat
• 50:07
  herself
• 50:07
  a
• 50:08
  ton,
• 50:08
  which
• 50:08
  I
• 50:09
  feel
• 50:09
  is
• 50:10
  a
• 50:10
  problem
• 50:11
  in
• 50:11
  this
• 50:11
  industry,
• 50:12
  where
• 50:12
  when
• 50:13
  you're
• 50:13
  trying
• 50:13
  to
• 50:13
  prove
• 50:13
  a
• 50:13
  thesis,
• 50:14
  you
• 50:14
  repeat
• 50:15
  the
• 50:15
  thesis
• 50:16
  every
• 50:16
  chapter
• 50:17
  and
• 50:17
  explain
• 50:18
  one
• 50:18
  tiny
• 50:19
  minute
• 50:19
  new
• 50:19
  detail.
• 50:20
  Right.
• 50:20
  And
• 50:20
  it's
• 50:21
  like
• 50:22
  this.
• 50:22
  No,
• 50:22
  this
• 50:23
  could
• 50:23
  have
• 50:23
  been
• 50:23
  a
• 50:23
  pamphlet.
• 50:24
  Right.
• 50:24
  This
• 50:24
  book
• 50:25
  has
• 50:25
  lots
• 50:26
  of
• 50:26
  content.
• 50:27
  Yes.
• 50:27
  Yeah.
• 50:28
  And
• 50:28
  it's
• 50:28
  all
• 50:28
  useful.
• 50:29
  It's
• 50:29
  all
• 50:29
  relevant.
• 50:31
  And
• 50:31
  we
• 50:31
  really
• 50:31
  like
• 50:31
  Dr.
• 50:32
  Becky.
• 50:32
  We
• 50:32
  do.
• 50:33
  And
• 50:33
  one
• 50:33
  last
• 50:33
  thing
• 50:33
  I
• 50:34
  want
• 50:34
  to
• 50:34
  say
• 50:34
  is,
• 50:34
  I've
• 50:35
  been
• 50:35
  kind
• 50:35
  of
• 50:35
  thinking,
• 50:36
  just
• 50:36
  you
• 50:36
  may
• 50:37
  know
• 50:37
  more
• 50:37
  about
• 50:37
  this,
• 50:37
  but
• 50:38
  of
• 50:38
  gentle
• 50:39
  parenting,
• 50:39
  which
• 50:39
  you
• 50:39
  hear
• 50:40
  about
• 50:40
  all
• 50:40
  the
• 50:40
  time.
• 50:41
  I
• 50:41
  don't
• 50:41
  think
• 50:41
  this
• 50:41
  is
• 50:42
  gentle
• 50:42
  parenting,
• 50:43
  because
• 50:44
  she's
• 50:44
  all
• 50:45
  about
• 50:45
  boundaries
• 50:46
  and
• 50:46
  holding
• 50:47
  firm
• 50:47
  on
• 50:47
  boundaries,
• 50:49
  which
• 50:49
  I
• 50:49
  think
• 50:49
  gentle
• 50:50
  Parenting
• 50:50
  doesn't
• 50:50
  do
• 50:51
  gentle
• 50:51
  parenting.
• 50:51
  Means
• 50:52
  you.
• 50:52
  I
• 50:53
  don't
• 50:53
  know,
• 50:53
  I
• 50:53
  don't
• 50:53
  actually
• 50:53
  know
• 50:53
  what
• 50:54
  it
• 50:54
  means,
• 50:54
  but
• 50:54
  from
• 50:54
  my
• 50:54
  interpretation,
• 50:55
  you're
• 50:56
  kids
• 50:56
  get
• 50:56
  to
• 50:57
  do
• 50:57
  what
• 50:57
  they
• 50:57
  want.
• 50:57
  Yeah.
• 50:58
  It's
• 50:58
  much
• 50:58
  more
• 50:59
  laissez
• 50:59
  faire.
• 51:00
  Super
• 51:00
  laissez
• 51:01
  faire.
• 51:01
  But
• 51:01
  this
• 51:01
  is
• 51:02
  no
• 51:02
  boundaries.
• 51:03
  There
• 51:03
  are
• 51:03
  boundaries,
• 51:04
  but
• 51:05
  you,
• 51:05
  you
• 51:05
  know,
• 51:06
  you,
• 51:06
  you
• 51:06
  get
• 51:06
  to
• 51:07
  the
• 51:07
  root
• 51:07
  of
• 51:07
  what's
• 51:08
  causing
• 51:08
  bad
• 51:08
  behavior.
• 51:09
  So
• 51:09
  it's
• 51:09
  a
• 51:09
  different
• 51:10
  thing.
• 51:10
  It's.
• 51:10
  Kids
• 51:11
  need
• 51:11
  structure
• 51:12
  and
• 51:12
  they
• 51:12
  want
• 51:12
  structure.
• 51:13
  And
• 51:13
  I
• 51:14
  feel
• 51:14
  like
• 51:14
  they
• 51:14
  act
• 51:14
  out
• 51:15
  more
• 51:16
  when
• 51:16
  boundaries
• 51:17
  are
• 51:17
  not
• 51:17
  clear.
• 51:18
  Right.
• 51:18
  You
• 51:18
  have
• 51:18
  to
• 51:19
  be
• 51:19
  consistent
• 51:19
  and
• 51:20
  they
• 51:20
  have
• 51:20
  to
• 51:20
  understand.
• 51:21
  It's
• 51:21
  like
• 51:21
  entering
• 51:21
  into
• 51:22
  a
• 51:22
  contract
• 51:22
  with
• 51:22
  someone.
• 51:22
  Yeah.
• 51:23
  Read
• 51:23
  the
• 51:23
  find
• 51:24
  print,
• 51:24
  know
• 51:24
  the
• 51:24
  fine
• 51:25
  print
• 51:25
  and
• 51:26
  abide
• 51:26
  by
• 51:27
  the
• 51:27
  contract
• 51:27
  at
• 51:27
  hand.
• 51:28
  That's
• 51:28
  right.
• 51:28
  That's
• 51:29
  right.
• 51:29
  Okay.
• 51:30
  No,
• 51:30
  I.
• 51:31
  Great
• 51:31
  book.
• 51:32
  We
• 51:32
  recommend
• 51:33
  it.
• 51:33
  We
• 51:33
  recommend
• 51:35
  we.
• 51:35
  And
• 51:35
  you
• 51:35
  know,
• 51:35
  I,
• 51:36
  I'm
• 51:36
  so
• 51:36
  happy
• 51:36
  that
• 51:36
  you
• 51:37
  read
• 51:37
  it
• 51:37
  because
• 51:37
  I
• 51:37
  feel
• 51:37
  like
• 51:38
  it's
• 51:38
  going
• 51:38
  to
• 51:38
  help
• 51:38
  you
• 51:39
  be
• 51:39
  a
• 51:40
  better
• 51:40
  parent.
• 51:40
  Yeah.
• 51:41
  You
• 51:41
  know,
• 51:41
  and
• 51:41
  know
• 51:41
  what
• 51:41
  to
• 51:41
  do.
• 51:42
  Yeah.
• 51:42
  It's
• 51:42
  not
• 51:42
  too
• 51:42
  late,
• 51:43
  teen.
• 51:43
  You
• 51:43
  could
• 51:44
  still
• 51:44
  use
• 51:44
  the
• 51:44
  bed
• 51:45
  on
• 51:45
  you.
• 51:45
  Could
• 51:45
  I
• 51:45
  use
• 51:45
  it?
• 51:46
  Okay.
• 51:47
  I'll
• 51:48
  still
• 51:48
  try
• 51:48
  to.
• 51:48
  I
• 51:49
  actually
• 51:49
  have
• 51:49
  some
• 51:49
  repair
• 51:50
  to
• 51:50
  do,
• 51:50
  actually.
• 51:51
  What's
• 51:51
  your
• 51:51
  repair?
• 51:52
  What
• 51:52
  do
• 51:52
  you
• 51:52
  need
• 51:52
  to
• 51:52
  repair?
• 51:53
  You
• 51:53
  know,
• 51:53
  maybe
• 51:54
  things
• 51:54
  that
• 51:54
  I
• 51:54
  didn't
• 51:55
  do
• 51:55
  correctly.
• 51:56
  I,
• 51:57
  I,
• 51:57
  I
• 51:57
  have
• 51:57
  to
• 51:57
  think
• 51:57
  about
• 51:58
  all
• 51:58
  the
• 51:58
  mistakes
• 51:58
  I've
• 51:58
  made.
• 51:59
  Oh,
• 51:59
  my
• 51:59
  God.
• 52:00
  Don't
• 52:00
  flagellate
• 52:00
  yourself.
• 52:01
  Okay.
• 52:02
  Okay,
• 52:02
  listen.
• 52:02
  All's
• 52:03
  well
• 52:03
  that
• 52:03
  ends
• 52:03
  well.
• 52:03
  I
• 52:04
  turned
• 52:04
  out
• 52:04
  fine.
• 52:04
  So
• 52:05
  did
• 52:05
  Sam.
• 52:05
  Okay.
• 52:06
  So
• 52:06
  I'll
• 52:06
  let
• 52:06
  yourself
• 52:07
  Let
• 52:07
  it
• 52:07
  be.
• 52:07
  But
• 52:08
  if
• 52:08
  I
• 52:08
  think
• 52:08
  of
• 52:08
  anything
• 52:08
  I
• 52:09
  need
• 52:09
  to
• 52:09
  repair
• 52:09
  over,
• 52:10
  I
• 52:10
  will.
• 52:11
  You
• 52:11
  can,
• 52:11
  but
• 52:12
  don't
• 52:12
  feel
• 52:13
  obligated.
• 52:13
  Okay.
• 52:14
  It's
• 52:14
  okay.
• 52:14
  Thank
• 52:15
  you.
• 52:15
  I
• 52:15
  am,
• 52:15
  I
• 52:16
  am
• 52:16
  absolving
• 52:17
  you.
• 52:17
  Thank
• 52:18
  you.
• 52:18
  Thank
• 52:19
  you.
• 52:19
  I
• 52:20
  appreciate
• 52:20
  that.
• 52:21
  You're
• 52:21
  welcome.
• 52:21
  Okay.
• 52:22
  I
• 52:22
  love
• 52:22
  you
• 52:22
  and
• 52:23
  love
• 52:23
  you
• 52:23
  too.
• 52:23
  Okay.
• 52:24
  Okay.
• 52:25
  Thank
• 52:25
  you.
• 52:26
  Gu.
• 52:27
  Thank
• 52:27
  you
• 52:27
  for
• 52:27
  joining
• 52:27
  us
• 52:27
  for
• 52:27
  this
• 52:28
  episode
• 52:28
  of
• 52:28
  Other
• 52:28
  People's
• 52:29
  Parenting.
• 52:30
  If
• 52:30
  you
• 52:30
  guys
• 52:30
  have
• 52:31
  anything,
• 52:31
  anything,
• 52:32
  anything
• 52:32
  you
• 52:33
  want
• 52:33
  to
• 52:33
  say
• 52:33
  to
• 52:33
  us,
• 52:34
  anything,
• 52:34
  or
• 52:34
  request
• 52:35
  a
• 52:35
  book
• 52:35
  or
• 52:35
  anything
• 52:36
  in
• 52:36
  the
• 52:36
  future,
• 52:37
  feel
• 52:37
  free
• 52:37
  to
• 52:37
  email
• 52:38
  us
• 52:38
  at
• 52:38
  anything@other
• 52:40
  peoplesparenting.com
• 52:42
  we
• 52:42
  really
• 52:42
  hope
• 52:42
  to
• 52:43
  hear
• 52:43
  from
• 52:43
  you
• 52:43
  and
• 52:44
  thank
• 52:44
  you
• 52:44
  for
• 52:44
  joining
• 52:44
  us
• 52:45
  and
• 52:45
  we'll
• 52:45
  see
• 52:46
  or
• 52:46
  speak
• 52:46
  to
• 52:46
  you
• 52:46
  next
• 52:47
  week.