Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #17: Full Time Parents

Transcript

#17: Full Time Parents · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

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  Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Colson,
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  Speaker 1: where Luke and Susie and this is the podcast for
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  Speaker 1: the time poor parent who just wants answers Now.
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  Speaker 2: When you're at work all day long as a dad,
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  Speaker 2: it's difficult to know that you're missing out on big
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  Speaker 2: moments of your kid's life. But with a modern trend
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  Speaker 2: of working mums and to have both parents sort of
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  Speaker 2: missing big moments of a kid's life, and it's a
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  Speaker 2: significant battle that.
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  Speaker 3: We go through.
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  Speaker 2: There's a bit of parental guilt that comes into play
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  Speaker 2: with missing stuff, isn't.
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  Speaker 1: This Well absolutely there is, But we need to figure
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  Speaker 1: out a way when you're working full time, how do
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  Speaker 1: you make sure you still prioritize that connection with the kids.
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  Speaker 1: To help us navigate this from Happy Families dot com
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  Speaker 1: dot au, it is doctor Justin Colson.
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  Speaker 3: How are you, I, sue H work great?
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, well you are a full time more than full
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  Speaker 1: time working parent, I imagine. But a lot of stuff
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  Speaker 1: you do from home?
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  Speaker 3: Yeah ah yeah, and look I'm not going to it's
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  Speaker 3: which is harder. But let me tell you, it's really
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  Speaker 3: tough when you're working from home because your children might
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  Speaker 3: be two or three meters away and they want your attention,
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  Speaker 3: and sometimes you've got to say, you know what, the
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  Speaker 3: work's the priority right now. I've got this deadline, this
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  Speaker 3: person's payment, this money. I've got to do this stuff.
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  Speaker 3: Whether you're working from home though or working outside the home.
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  Speaker 3: Our children want us in their lives, and we want
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  Speaker 3: to be in their lives, and you're right, sometimes the
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  Speaker 3: guilt can be suffocating.
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  Speaker 2: We know over recent times, when I've been a little
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  Speaker 2: bit more available than I was for the first few
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  Speaker 2: years of our kids' life. When I've been there for
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  Speaker 2: significant moments like that, you could tell that that really
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  Speaker 2: mattered to them that I was there. Which then if
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  Speaker 2: I ever get put into a position where I can't
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  Speaker 2: be there, it's just increased my guilt being mostly available
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  Speaker 2: but not one hundred percent available, because previously I went, well,
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  Speaker 2: I've just got to work like that's just life. And
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  Speaker 2: now when I see how valuable it is to our boys,
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  Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I feel bad if I have to
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  Speaker 2: miss it.
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  Speaker 3: There's something about being there for those moments that make
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  Speaker 3: the children feel like they matter. There's a psychological construct
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  Speaker 3: or idea called mattering, and how much we matter matters.
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  Speaker 3: Kids need to feel like they're important in our lives,
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  Speaker 3: and one of the best ways that we can show
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  Speaker 3: them is to actually be there for them. Now, I
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  Speaker 3: know that's not doing anything to assuage that guilt and
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  Speaker 3: probably makes it feel even worse, But this is where
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  Speaker 3: we need to be creative and comparable ways that we
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  Speaker 3: can really be there for them. I know one dad
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  Speaker 3: who said he sits down with his family and they
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  Speaker 3: look at the calendar and they work out the days
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  Speaker 3: that are going to matter. At the start of the year,
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  Speaker 3: or as soon as the days become you know, they've
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  Speaker 3: become aware of them, and he applies for leave because
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  Speaker 3: he's got his hands tired. He's got to do what
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  Speaker 3: the boss says. He applies for leave, and they prioritize
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  Speaker 3: the ones that are going to matter the most, and
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  Speaker 3: the kids understand that within certain restrictions, that will be
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  Speaker 3: a what he can, he'll attend when he can. I
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  Speaker 3: know another family who are in a slightly different position.
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  Speaker 3: They're quite affluent, and there they've worked themselves into a
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  Speaker 3: point where dad absolutely commits to taking one to two
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  Speaker 3: weeks off every time there's a school holidays. He can't
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  Speaker 3: take off other times, but he takes off those school
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  Speaker 3: holidays so that they've got absolute quality time together.
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  Speaker 2: It sounds like it's just as important for your kids
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  Speaker 2: to understand, even if you're not always there, you always
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  Speaker 2: want to be there, and you prove that in the
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  Speaker 2: times that you can.
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  Speaker 3: That's pretty much it. It comes down of communication. If the
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  Speaker 3: children's sense that it doesn't matter to us, then they
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  Speaker 3: won't feel loved. If they know how much we wish
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  Speaker 3: we could be there, but unfortunately circumstances just don't allow it.
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  Speaker 3: They're pretty forgiving.
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  Speaker 1: We're still full time parents in a full time working world.
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  Speaker 1: More next as we discuss this topic with doctor Justin Coilson.
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  Speaker 1: It's The Happy Family's podcast.
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  Speaker 4: Family life is pretty tough going sometimes. Most days are
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  Speaker 4: a struggle between strong willed children and frazzled parents. And
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  Speaker 4: while no parent wakes up in the morning saying today's
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  Speaker 4: the day I'm going to ruin everyone's lives, it sometimes
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  Speaker 4: feels like that by the end of the day. Twenty
• 3:58
  Speaker 4: one Days to a Happier Thing Family is the number
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  Speaker 4: one parenting book by doctor Justin Crulson for parents who
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  Speaker 4: want their kids to be better, themselves, to be calmer,
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  Speaker 4: and their family to be Happier Now. The book is
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  Speaker 4: also available as an online video course. In the program,
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  Speaker 4: you'll find specific strategies to help you be at your best,
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  Speaker 4: evidence based ideas to strengthen your relationship with your children,
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  Speaker 4: research proven practices to improve understanding between you and your child,
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  Speaker 4: discipline strategies that work because they're about discipline and not punishment,
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  Speaker 4: and more tips to make your family happier. And as
• 4:32
  Speaker 4: a special offer only for podcast business, use the Code
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  Speaker 4: podcast to check out for a massive fifty dollars saving
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  Speaker 4: twenty one days to a happier family. The online video
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  Speaker 4: course by doctor Justin Coulson Get it now from Happy
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  Speaker 4: Families dot com dot au.
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  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coulson. And
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  Speaker 1: working as a full time parent, it can sometimes be
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  Speaker 1: hard to really make proper focus time for our children,
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  Speaker 1: probably harder for some than for others.
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  Speaker 3: Justin, I gave it to all Talk a little while ago.
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  Speaker 3: As you know, I travel around the country. I get
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  Speaker 3: talks in schools and corporations and organizations all over the place,
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  Speaker 3: and one of the nation's top law firms hired me
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  Speaker 3: to speak in their Sydney offices to about sixty or
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  Speaker 3: seventy of their lawyers, and they all came in to
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  Speaker 3: have a chat. And you know, lawyers seem to work
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  Speaker 3: longer hours than the most ordinary people. It's not uncommon
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  Speaker 3: for them to be doing sort of sixteen hour days.
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  Speaker 3: And here I am trying to talk to about about
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  Speaker 3: how to get that relationship right with your kids and
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  Speaker 3: how to you know, when you're busy, how to get
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  Speaker 3: some time in. And I said to them, how many
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  Speaker 3: how many minutes are in each of your billable units?
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  Speaker 3: They said six. I said, okay, so can you find
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  Speaker 3: two billable units per day for your kids? And they
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  Speaker 3: kind of looked at me find I'm like, seriously, twelve minutes.
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  Speaker 3: Can you find a six minute space somewhere in another
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  Speaker 3: six minutes space somewhere else, or just twelve minutes at
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  Speaker 3: some particular point of the day. And also, yeah, we
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  Speaker 3: probably could do that, And sometimes that's all we can do. Now.
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  Speaker 3: I don't think that that's enough in an ongoing way,
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  Speaker 3: but if that's all you can do some days, then
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  Speaker 3: just give them that six minutes or that twelve minutes.
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  Speaker 3: And if you're away, we've got this fantastic technology now
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  Speaker 3: called Skype or FaceTime. Just let them, see your face,
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  Speaker 3: let them know that you care. Give them a quick call.
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  Speaker 3: I had a chat with one girl. She was thirteen
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  Speaker 3: years old. Her name was Ray and she was a shamble.
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  Speaker 3: So life was falling apart. But her parents were very
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  Speaker 3: well off. They'd just built a brand new house on
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  Speaker 3: Sydney's Northern Beaches. On the beach. They'd spent a huge
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  Speaker 3: amount of money and I said, well, it must be
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  Speaker 3: exciting at least to be moving into this house and
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  Speaker 3: she said, doesn't matter what the house is like if
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  Speaker 3: the people inside the house don't care about each other.
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  Speaker 3: She said yeah. And then to top it off, she
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  Speaker 3: said she was living with her mum and her stepdad.
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  Speaker 3: She said, my dad hasn't called for about six weeks
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  Speaker 3: even to say hi or ask how I'm doing. We've
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  Speaker 3: just got to take the time to nurture them, even
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  Speaker 3: if it's for a few minutes. Just reach out and
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  Speaker 3: touch them in one way or another. That's what makes
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  Speaker 3: kids resilient, That's what makes families happy.
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  Speaker 2: Well, Doctor Justin Coulson at twenty one day, so a
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  Speaker 2: happier family. And there is one big step in just
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  Speaker 2: twelve minutes, I can tell you, Justin thank you so
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  Speaker 2: much for your time.
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  Speaker 3: Love talking to you guys.
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  Speaker 1: For more info in all of Justin's books, podcasts, and programs,
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  Speaker 1: you can jump online to Happy Families dot com dot
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  Speaker 1: are you to find out how to have Justin speak
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  Speaker 1: at your school, or you can come along to your
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  Speaker 1: organization as well. Go to Justinculson dot com