Latest / Aging ain't for Sissies / What If Getting Older Is Your Freedom?

Transcript

What If Getting Older Is Your Freedom? · Aging ain't for Sissies

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, and welcome to AG Nate for Sissies.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: My name is Marcy Backis, and I am your host.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Well, welcome back to AG Nate for Sissies, the podcast where we say the quiet parts out loud about getting older.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: And we do it with a whole lot of humor, a little bit of sass, and zero patience for nonsense.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: I am your host, Marcy, and around here, we are not trying to be 25 again.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: We are trying to feel good, live smart, and actually enjoy this stage of life.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Because let's be honest, aging isn't for sissies, but it can be done intentionally.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: And that's exactly what we're doing here.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Well, it is a warm day here in Chicago, finally.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, honestly, the weather in Chicago has been like Powerball numbers: 32, 64, 51, 27.
• 0:52
  SPEAKER_00: Honestly, it's been crazy.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: But today is beautiful and perfect because Craig and I are taking off this evening for Denver to spend time with Alec, our son, our youngest son.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, we're gonna see my great nephew Chris, which I'm very excited about.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: And his mom Angie's gonna be there, and I believe his girlfriend Tyler is going to be there also.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: So should be a lot of fun.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Get to see his campus, College of the Colorado College of the Mines.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Is that it?
• 1:25
  SPEAKER_00: It's a great engineering school, that's all I know.
• 1:27
  SPEAKER_00: Looking forward to seeing it in Golden.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: Alec works in Golden.
• 1:30
  SPEAKER_00: We'll have dinner in Golden.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: A lot of things happening in Golden.
• 1:34
  SPEAKER_00: How am I doing?
• 1:35
  SPEAKER_00: Doing well, doing fine, did a good hard workout today.
• 1:40
  SPEAKER_00: Bleaching my hair while I'm doing this, all packed and ready to go, doing a little bit of last minute laundry because I hate leaving with laundry.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: I also hate leaving with dishes in the dishwasher, and I should have probably started that.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: But nonetheless, ready to go, packed.
• 1:57
  SPEAKER_00: Following all my packing advice that I've given you guys, I never do anything more than a carry-on.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: I have my carry-on.
• 2:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm packed and ready to go.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: Went and picked up a prescription.
• 2:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Looking good.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: We'll leave the house about 5:30.
• 2:14
  SPEAKER_00: I think we board at 8:12.
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: So should be there in plenty of time, barring nothing horrible on the highway.
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: I hope your week is going well.
• 2:27
  SPEAKER_00: I hope it's everything you want it to be.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: Let me tell you something nobody talks enough about.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_00: There are some serious perks to getting older.
• 2:39
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I said it.
• 2:41
  SPEAKER_00: There are some serious perks to getting older.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like things that we can get away with now that we could that would have been a full social crisis 20 years ago.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_00: When we talk about this, I want you to think about them 20 years ago.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, I am leaning all the way in.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: I totally do.
• 3:02
  SPEAKER_00: As you know, and I've done podcasts on it, probably should do another one on the senior discount.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: Dang, if I can get a discount, you bet.
• 3:10
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care if it's 50 cents or a dollar or 20 bucks.
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_00: I just went to CVS as a matter of fact.
• 3:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, I love to play the CVS.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Let's make a deal.
• 3:20
  SPEAKER_00: I bought two bags of Connolly mini chocolates and a mascara.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_00: And anything else?
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: No, that was it.
• 3:30
  SPEAKER_00: And the bill was like$36.
• 3:33
  SPEAKER_00: I walked out paying$11.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: No lie.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: Totally true.
• 3:38
  SPEAKER_00: You just gotta play the game on their app.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: Their app is everything.
• 3:42
  SPEAKER_00: Grab every coupon, clip it, stick it in your wallet, and when you check out, say use it all.
• 3:48
  SPEAKER_00: It's awesome.
• 3:49
  SPEAKER_00: So there are a lot of perks, but they're not just financial.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, not just financial.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_00: The best part, we care less.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right, we're gonna start there.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna we're gonna start with we should care a lot less and we do care a lot less.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And it's really free.
• 4:09
  SPEAKER_00: It's one of the greatest gifts of aging.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: We care less what people think.
• 4:19
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to say it out loud with me.
• 4:21
  SPEAKER_00: We care less what people think, and if you don't, you should.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not saying zero.
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, we still give a rat's ass about people half the time, but we care dramatically less.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: And that changes everything.
• 4:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because when you stop worrying about what people think, how you're perceived, whether you're doing things right, you start living differently.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where the fun begins.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: So buckle up, buttercup.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_00: First thing, leaving early without guilt.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about leaving early.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_00: This used to be a whole thing.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: You'd make an excuse, explain yourself, feel guilty the whole time.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: Now I'm gonna head out.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's like I say, nobody really questions you.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: At least I haven't been questioned.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna head out, we're gonna head out, we're heading out.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 5:25
  SPEAKER_00: No story, no drama.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: Because if I'm tired, I'm leaving.
• 5:31
  SPEAKER_00: If I'm not enjoying myself, I'm leaving.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And guess what?
• 5:35
  SPEAKER_00: The whole world keeps spinning.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: When we were younger, oh, that could have been, you know, just a whole social faux pas.
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Anyways, that's number one.
• 5:50
  SPEAKER_00: Leaving early without guilt.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: How about saying no like a professional?
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now I've shared no is a complete sentence.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: I've been trying to drive that home with you.
• 6:00
  SPEAKER_00: No is a complete sentence, but this one deserves a moment.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Saying no used to come with overexplaining.
• 6:07
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, please.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: No, I la la la la.
• 6:10
  SPEAKER_00: We guilt and anxiety.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: Oh.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Can you bake something for the bake sale?
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Well, uh, the anxiety hits, the guilt hits, and then you overexplain.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not really a good baker.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: I could pick up something from the store, but nobody wants store-bought things for a bake sale.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then silence.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Practice that.
• 6:39
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't.
• 6:42
  SPEAKER_00: Can you pick up something for the bake sale?
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't.
• 6:48
  SPEAKER_00: Can you give me a reminder?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Can you send me an email about that?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_00: No, I can't.
• 6:56
  SPEAKER_00: And then silence.
• 6:59
  SPEAKER_00: We don't justify it, soften it, turn it into a 10-minute explanation.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the truth.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: No is a complete sentence.
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: We've talked about this multiple times.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: No is a complete sentence.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: And learning that is life-changing.
• 7:14
  SPEAKER_00: So if you didn't pick it up on any of my other episodes, pick it up today.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because guess what?
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: No is a complete sentence.
• 7:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that goes for your spouse too.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: Do you want to eat here?
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: Anything?
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I don't need to explain it to him either.
• 7:32
  SPEAKER_00: And he better not ask.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 7:36
  SPEAKER_00: So those are some life-changing things.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 7:42
  SPEAKER_00: Quick side note because I don't want you to miss this.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_00: If you're doing any traveling coming up, I put together a super simple, actually useful travel check list, and it's on my website, MarcyBacchusMedia.com.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_00: Don't forget to put that H in Backus B-A-C-K-H-U-S.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: Marcy with a Y.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: Marcybacchusmedia.com.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: It's nothing complicated, just things that make life easier.
• 8:05
  SPEAKER_00: I used it for this trip because clearly we are not making life harder than it needs to be anymore.
• 8:11
  SPEAKER_00: Check out my website.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's a few things that I've linked on there.
• 8:14
  SPEAKER_00: Grab that uh packing, preparing to leave checklist.
• 8:20
  SPEAKER_00: I think you'll love it.
• 8:22
  SPEAKER_00: All right, here's another thing.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: Let's talk about clothes.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: There was a time when we dressed for trends, other people, what we thought we should wear.
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Guess what?
• 8:34
  SPEAKER_00: Now, comfort means I like it.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Now, I number one love clothes I love being fashionable.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: But I also want to be appropriate.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_00: I want to be classy.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: I have a look, I have a style.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_00: It's mine.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: I claim it.
• 8:52
  SPEAKER_00: I do like classy.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: I go between classic and boho.
• 8:57
  SPEAKER_00: I like both.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: My boho is my comfortable look.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: Classic is not always comfortable, but looks polished.
• 9:05
  SPEAKER_00: Just because comfort means I like it doesn't mean it has to be ugly.
• 9:12
  SPEAKER_00: Comfort means I like it and that's enough.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: If I like it, I'm wearing it.
• 9:16
  SPEAKER_00: If it's comfortable, I'm keeping it.
• 9:18
  SPEAKER_00: If someone doesn't like it, guess what?
• 9:21
  SPEAKER_00: They'll recover.
• 9:22
  SPEAKER_00: Someone doesn't like the way I have my shirt tucked in, they'll recover.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Someone doesn't like how I have my sleeves rolled up, they'll recover.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: If somebody doesn't like my color combinations, they'll recover.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't care.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: You shouldn't either.
• 9:37
  SPEAKER_00: If you look in the mirror and you're thinking, damn, I look hot, or damn girl, you're looking good, or damn guy, you're looking good.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: Wear it.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: They'll recover.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: Ignoring calls.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, we're going there.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say it out loud.
• 9:58
  SPEAKER_00: We do not answer every call anymore.
• 10:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we don't feel bad about it.
• 10:03
  SPEAKER_00: If I don't recognize the number, don't feel like talking, or just don't have the energy, I'm not answering.
• 10:11
  SPEAKER_00: And you know what?
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: I would appreciate it if you don't answer my calls either.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_00: If you're not feeling like talking, there is nothing worse than somebody answering your call and going, I can't talk right now.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_00: Just don't answer my freaking call.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Or answering my call and you don't feel like talking at the moment.
• 10:28
  SPEAKER_00: Don't answer the call.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_00: Let it go to voicemail.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_00: I'll live, so will you.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not answering anymore.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the wildest part: nothing bad happens when you do this.
• 10:41
  SPEAKER_00: You know what's really weird?
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: All these things, if we don't do them anymore, nothing bad happens.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't go on your permanent record.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_00: Nobody really cares.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_00: Okay.
• 10:54
  SPEAKER_00: We call back or we don't, and life goes on.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 11:02
  SPEAKER_00: Time for our segment.
• 11:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing this anymore.
• 11:05
  SPEAKER_00: What am I not doing anymore this week?
• 11:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not explaining myself.
• 11:08
  SPEAKER_00: Nope, I am not.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: I am not over-justifying my decisions, over-explaining my choices, or giving a full presentation on why I said no.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: Because here's the thing: I'm allowed to make decisions that work for me.
• 11:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that goes for Craig.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_00: Craig's life has changed a lot in the last six months.
• 11:28
  SPEAKER_00: I put in my time, and now he needs to put in his.
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we've had some big discussions, some life-changing and life-altering things.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm allowed to make decisions that work for me.
• 11:39
  SPEAKER_00: I'm allowed to protect my time and I'm allowed to change my mind without a full explanation.
• 11:44
  SPEAKER_00: And honestly, that one right there, that might be the best part of getting older.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_00: I spent 35 years trying to make Craig happy.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I will be honest with you, I don't think he spent 35 years trying to make me happy.
• 12:02
  SPEAKER_00: But Mr.
• 12:03
  SPEAKER_00: Backis got a little wake-up call about six months ago, and he is now living his life to please me.
• 12:09
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not mad at that.
• 12:11
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not mad at that.
• 12:13
  SPEAKER_00: It's my turn.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to be in charge of everything.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have to know everything.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_00: I deserve to be taken care of.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: Best part about getting older is I finally put my foot down.
• 12:29
  SPEAKER_00: So here's another one: choosing peace over people pleasing.
• 12:32
  SPEAKER_00: This is a real shift.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_00: We stop asking, will they be upset?
• 12:37
  SPEAKER_00: We start asking, will I be okay if I do this?
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: That changes everything.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_00: That's just perspective shift, people.
• 12:45
  SPEAKER_00: Instead of asking yourself, will they be upset?
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: I want you to start asking, will I be okay if I do this?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: That changes everything.
• 12:56
  SPEAKER_00: Because people pleasing is exhausting.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's exhausting.
• 13:01
  SPEAKER_00: I've done it for years.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not doing it anymore.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And at this stage, we don't have the energy for it.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: I don't.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know about you.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: I just don't.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_00: I don't have the energy for shit anymore.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: My kids need to be grown-ups.
• 13:16
  SPEAKER_00: My husband needs to be a full ass adult.
• 13:20
  SPEAKER_00: I will always be there for them.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_00: I will always help.
• 13:23
  SPEAKER_00: But man, I'm not being everybody's doormat anymore.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 13:29
  SPEAKER_00: Here's a quick pause because I want to make sure you know where else to find me.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_00: If you're loving this conversation, I've got two other podcasts you need to check out.
• 13:38
  SPEAKER_00: Inside Marcy's Mind, where we talk life hacks, life situations, and all things that are in my mind.
• 13:44
  SPEAKER_00: We're all trying to figure out, but nobody's really saying out loud.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: I and I say it out loud a lot of times on that one.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: Unbottled, which is all about sobriety, real talk and what it actually looks like to change your life.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something sobriety isn't just about stopping drinking.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: If you're an over-scroller, if you're an over-shopper, if you're an overeater, you can take everything I talk about in Unbottled and you can apply it to your life.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: And everything lives on my website.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's also wherever you can find your podcasts.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: I'm everywhere.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: Apple, Spotify, Google, you name it.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: But you can also find everything in one place at Marcybackismedia.com.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_00: So go check it out and then come right back here and listen some more.
• 14:28
  SPEAKER_00: What else that aging has given us?
• 14:31
  SPEAKER_00: It's given us freedom that we've earned.
• 14:34
  SPEAKER_00: Here's what it all comes down to.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: This isn't about being rude.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: And I cannot stand a rude old person.
• 14:42
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna tell you right now, and I had this conversation with my girlfriend Annette the other day.
• 14:48
  SPEAKER_00: We can speak our mind without being assholes as old people.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be an asshole.
• 14:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'm just telling you now, don't be an asshole, but you can speak your mind.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_00: You can stand your ground, but don't be a jerk.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And let me tell you something.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: If you're if you're sick of the young kids telling you their pronouns, shame on you.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: Things change.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_00: People's pronouns are important to them.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: You should you should understand that and you should respect it.
• 15:17
  SPEAKER_00: You're not going to be perfect at it.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: I'm not, I have a transgendered oldest child.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_00: I mess up pronouns all the time, but I try.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't go, well, that wasn't this way when I was a kid.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_00: You also were using a rotary phone, Dolores.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_00: Are you using it anymore?
• 15:30
  SPEAKER_00: No.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: Things change.
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_00: The world changes.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Change with it.
• 15:34
  SPEAKER_00: Don't be an asshole.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_00: But also, we have freedoms that we've earned.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: We can be honest without being an asshole.
• 15:43
  SPEAKER_00: We can be comfortable without being an asshole.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_00: And we can be at peace with ourselves without being an asshole.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've spent years showing up, doing the right thing, and taking care of everyone.
• 15:52
  SPEAKER_00: And now we get to choose ourselves a little bit more.
• 15:59
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: You can tell I was passionate about this episode.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: So if you've been feeling that shift where you just don't have the patience for things you used to tolerate, lean into it, but don't be an asshole because it's not you being difficult.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_00: It's you being clear and around here, we're not aging quietly, we're aging intentionally.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: I want to always, always, always thank you for spending this time with me today.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_00: If this episode made you laugh, nod your head, or finally say no without a 10-minute explanation, then I'm doing my job.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: Make sure you follow me, share me with a friend, and come back next week.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: This episode is growing exponentially.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: This episode, this podcast of mine is growing exponentially right now.
• 16:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm grateful to you for sharing it with your friends, telling people about me and people finding me and staying.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_00: Because we've got a lot more life to live, and we're going to do it our way.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: I'll see you next time.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: I'll let you know what happened in Denver.
• 16:58
  SPEAKER_00: Probably had a great time.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_00: I hope you have a great week.
• 17:01
  SPEAKER_00: Be safe, be joy, and happy spring.
• 17:04
  SPEAKER_00: Go out and do something positive.