Latest / Unbalanced with Cerys Davage / 86. Authenticity over assumptions (ft. Gem Turner)

Transcript

86. Authenticity over assumptions (ft. Gem Turner) · Unbalanced with Cerys Davage

0:10
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Unbalanced
0:13
with me, Kara Starvage. I hope you're all doing well.
0:16
I'm really happy to be chatting to Jen today, who is also
0:21
matching me in pink. I love it.
0:23
How you doing? I'm doing well, thank you.
0:26
How are you? I'm doing great.
0:28
The sun is shining and I'm really happy about that.
0:31
Me too. We need it.
0:33
We need it. We really, really do.
0:35
It's crazy how different my mood is when the sun is out.
0:38
Like suddenly everything's OK, you know?
0:40
Me too. So we've been chatting online
0:43
for a while now. We're both content creators in
0:47
the disabled space, and I've been following your content for
0:50
a while, and so have my family. As it turns out.
0:53
When I was telling them that I was getting you on the podcast,
0:56
I was like, pulled up some of your videos and my sisters were
0:59
like, Oh yeah, I've seen her videos come up before, which is
1:01
great. You're reaching the right
1:03
people. Yeah.
1:05
Oh, that's cool. And when I think about people
1:07
actually watching me, I do feel a bit like totally about it.
1:10
But I appreciate it, obviously. It's nice to hear because I
1:15
think when you watch your own content back or when you edit
1:18
your own content, you can easily cringe and be like, oh, like,
1:21
are people really going to appreciate this?
1:24
But then when you hear the good feedback, it's like, Oh yeah,
1:26
this is this is what it's all for.
1:28
Definitely, and the messages that you get, it's so worth it.
1:31
Yeah, absolutely. Well, tell us a bit about that
1:34
content creation then. How did that journey come about?
1:38
So I, when I was born, I, you know, is someone who's the only
1:45
disabled person in my family. I've got a rare condition, which
1:49
I think we'll talk about later on in the episode.
1:52
And very much brought up like, you can do whatever you want,
1:56
you know, as long as you're happy.
1:58
That's all we care about is kind of the mindset that I was
2:01
brought up with. But then as I got older, I
2:04
realised that the people around me weren't like that.
2:07
So then I was like, wait a minute, my parents would just
2:09
say that I can do what I want. But you know, people at
2:12
university were saying, oh sorry, you can't get in this
2:15
room or, you know, the steps to this building.
2:18
So I start to realise that the world wasn't as equal as my mum
2:23
and dad, which, how dare they? So that's when I started to
2:28
like, write A blog because I realised that the way to educate
2:32
people in my sort of way of doing it is through humour.
2:39
I'm just telling storytelling basically.
2:42
So just start telling stories about, you know, what people
2:45
have said to me. Or in fact, my first blog was
2:48
what's in my bag. And do you know what was in my
2:50
bag? Vaseline, a pack of tissues.
2:53
Like it was the most basic dry content you've ever seen in your
2:58
life. But you've got to start
2:59
somewhere. It's.
3:00
Relatable though. I mean, my bag's pretty much the
3:02
same. Well, this is it, it's not
3:04
changed, but like I wanted to show that I am a person with a
3:09
personality and you know, I like the stuff that all other girls
3:13
my age liked as well. So to cut a Long story short, I
3:17
just started to blog and, and everything just kind of
3:21
snowballed from there really. And it turns out a lot of other
3:25
disabled people can relate to, you know, the things that people
3:28
say to me. I think as I've got older, I've
3:31
realised that that mindset of you can do anything you want.
3:36
Yes, that's true. And I love my parents to bits,
3:40
but it's really hard to live in a world where it is full of
3:46
barriers. And you also do have to have a
3:49
bit of realism and, you know, accepting that not everything's
3:55
going to go to plan and how do you deal with that?
3:58
So that's kind of where my journey started and why I do
4:02
what I do now, really. And you share your content in
4:05
such an authentic but also hilarious way.
4:08
Like you've just got such a good balance of just being
4:12
authentically you. And I think your bio says like
4:14
sarcastic Northerner, which I'm obsessed with.
4:17
Like sarcasm is just the best humour.
4:19
Like British humour at its finest.
4:21
But also disabled humour is just amazing.
4:25
It's really nice to be able to kind of laugh at ourselves.
4:28
But you also share a lot of encounters that you get maybe
4:31
from people, like on public transport, out on the street and
4:35
families with young children. And it educates a lot of people
4:39
that just maybe wouldn't know what to do when they encounter
4:42
disabled people or people that aren't quite like them.
4:46
How important is it, do you think to, you know, share these
4:50
kind of experiences? Yeah, it's really important to
4:54
me because a lot of people, you know, non disabled people will
4:57
say to me, well, you know, we you just don't, you don't get
5:01
chance to talk to disabled people about what the right
5:04
thing to say is. So in my eyes, it's like I make
5:08
that content so that people can learn in their own time because
5:13
we have to allow for mistakes to happen, unfortunately.
5:17
Like, I would love to live in a world where everyone was just
5:20
totally fine with me, you know? But I didn't say anything weird.
5:23
But I say weird things to other people.
5:27
And I hate to admit, but I do. I've had, you know, what I call
5:30
Barbara moments. So I just think it's important
5:35
to lay it all out there, let people to figure it out
5:39
themselves almost, rather than lecturing.
5:42
You must not say this. And you must say, I mean, you
5:45
know, that content is out there and that's great.
5:47
But for me, I almost want them to get to that point themselves.
5:53
So I'll just reenact it and you can react to it in whatever way
5:59
you want to. And I just think that's for me,
6:04
that's the most powerful way to share.
6:07
Absolutely, because people can either relate from your content,
6:10
from what you're sharing, which is just so powerful to know that
6:13
you're not the only one going through these kind of
6:16
situations. But also I'm seeing from a lot
6:19
of your comments that people are saying, oh, well, thank you for
6:22
sharing that because I actually wouldn't know what to do or
6:25
maybe I would have done that in another situation.
6:28
What would you say are like your most common kind of encounters
6:31
that you that you tend to share? They have to tell me how many
6:36
disabled people they've met. Like, I don't know why.
6:40
It's almost like like I got a guy the other day being like, I
6:43
saw a guy in a wheelchair last week and he and I don't know
6:47
what to say to that. I'm like, cool.
6:51
Good for you. Yeah, and it's I get it, I get
6:54
it. It's almost like spot the
6:56
difference. She just kind of saying what you
6:58
see, but it's non information to me that I don't really know.
7:03
So I think that's the most common is I think what people
7:06
are trying to do is say I'm welcoming, I'm interested and
7:12
I'm a good person. But it doesn't land that way.
7:16
It lands us. I just see your wheelchair and I
7:20
don't see you as a person and I'm going to tell you there and
7:24
then while you're in Asda. You know what I mean?
7:29
Yeah, that's the thing. They just see you for your
7:31
disability and feel the need to just let you know that they're
7:34
cool with that. Yeah.
7:36
Which is like, I don't care, you know?
7:38
No, like, yeah, I don't. I get, I sort of get it in a
7:42
weird way, but like, I also don't need to know that everyone
7:47
in Asda is OK about me because I'm just getting my shop.
7:52
So you know, you, you don't even have to be the most inclusive
7:56
person. We're just existing together in
7:58
a big room and I'm going to go home.
8:01
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's not like you're going
8:04
to reply with like, oh, I saw a guy that looked like you the
8:06
other day too. Yeah, it's.
8:09
Really weird for me, I get a lot of people like if they try and
8:12
call me out for like parking in a blue barge space because my
8:15
disability isn't immediately obvious.
8:17
And then when I correct them that actually I do have a
8:20
disability, they try and rectify it with like, Oh yeah, that's
8:24
totally fair. My uncle has a disability.
8:27
I'm like, great. I mean, it's not, it's not a
8:30
rare thing for people to be using mobility aids or to have
8:34
disabilities. And that's not going to justify
8:37
why you questioned me. If anything it probably makes it
8:41
worse because if you have a relative with a disability, you
8:44
probably should know to just mind your business.
8:48
This is what I mean. I don't get it.
8:50
Let's get. Technical for a minute, you
8:52
obviously mentioned about your disability which is osteogenesis
8:57
imperfector type 3:00. AM I saying that right?
8:59
Yes, wow. Did my concentrate?
9:02
Yeah. Also known as brittle bones.
9:04
Yeah. Can you?
9:06
Maybe for some of us. Who don't know much about it?
9:09
How would you describe it? I'll just say brittle bones
9:11
because, you know, we don't want to keep saying the wrong word
9:14
all the time. Brittle bones is a genetic
9:17
condition. So it's like 1 in 15,000.
9:22
I think people have brittle bones in the UK and my mum and
9:27
dad aren't disabled. It's just literally I appeared
9:33
they knew nothing about disability before I was born.
9:36
So if they're very much alike, you know, play it by ear every
9:40
day and see what happens. But the the basic is that I have
9:46
very fragile bones and three foot 1 so very small and my
9:51
limbs are I was born with I think it's like 15 broken bones,
9:59
so a few in each arm, a few in each leg, my shoulder and my
10:04
jaw. So obviously I was born in a lot
10:08
of pain and obviously very traumatic for my parents.
10:12
And I just think it's one of those things where I think you
10:15
didn't ask me later about, you know, the in depths of brittle
10:19
bones. But I think the hardest thing is
10:21
that it's not just about my bones as well.
10:24
It's everything that comes with it.
10:26
So, you know, the chronic pain every day I've got hearing loss
10:30
as well, which is part of it. So not only am I dealing with
10:35
the thought every day, everything I do, it's am I able
10:39
to do that? You know, if I go over and bump
10:43
in the street, I might break a bone.
10:45
You know, it's, it's very, I'm, I'm very fragile, as much as I'd
10:50
hate to admit it. So I'm type 3 and that's the
10:53
most severe of brutal bones. So yeah, there's different
10:57
severities. I'm not severe and it's
11:01
something that is very, it is hard to live with.
11:04
But also I've got such a lovely family of people that have also
11:10
got brutal bones and I'm also like really proud to have it as
11:14
well. So yeah, it that's to summarise,
11:18
but all bones basically. Well, thank you for summarising
11:21
that and for educating us. I've already learnt so much
11:24
about it just in that little bit there.
11:25
I had no idea that it affected things like your hearing, which
11:30
is, yeah, I obviously just wouldn't know.
11:34
So thank you for for summarising that because I think it's
11:37
important for us to to kind of understand and kind of get the
11:40
full picture. What was it like then kind of
11:43
growing up? I mean, I'm sure your parents
11:45
took on a lot of the trauma of it from when you were born.
11:50
Yeah, it was very much, you know, you like living in the
11:55
present of every day. So even now I find it really
11:59
hard to like plan in advance because I think, well, I don't
12:03
really know what my body is going to be like in that moment.
12:07
So I'm very much a here and now person.
12:09
Apparently I broke 50 times in the first year of being alive.
12:15
So that just shows you how many broke Mum.
12:18
I think my mum stopped counting because she just found it too
12:22
devastating to keep counting. But as I've got older, I've got
12:26
stronger. So that's the good news.
12:28
I would say. Now I break, probably break and
12:33
I don't even realise it because my pain tolerance is so high.
12:37
So, you know, I, I'm really flipping and I'll say, oh, I
12:41
think I've got a cheeky crack in my rib.
12:44
Like to anyone else that would be like, oh Jesus, you know,
12:49
like you're laying down in bed or whatever.
12:51
But you know, in the community we will laugh about it.
12:54
You know, if you break your toe, that's like a really basic, you
12:58
know, I'll just get on with it. So I think I've grown up, I've
13:01
had really, really awful traumatic breaks where, you
13:05
know, I've fallen over with friends and my friends have seen
13:10
how bad it can get. But I do think, you know, 20
13:14
parents of children with their eye, I always say we tend to
13:19
push that to the subconscious of our brain as well as well.
13:23
So I always remember the good stuff of my childhood.
13:27
I think that's just something that your brain naturally does.
13:30
So even though it sounds so traumatic, I basically just
13:34
remember playing PlayStation with my friends, walking to
13:38
school, you know, like it wasn't the be all and end all of my
13:44
childhood, yet it was in the way that it, you know, defined
13:49
everything what I did and how I did it.
13:52
So, but ultimately I had such a good childhood, you know?
13:57
Wow, fair play. And I suppose it probably seems
14:00
normal to you because that's all you've known.
14:02
It's not like you've inherited something later down the line.
14:05
This has always been your life, so maybe it is easier to focus
14:09
on the positives as well. You're like chronic pain, did
14:13
you say? Like, is that quite like a
14:14
fluctuating thing? Like the repercussions from a
14:18
broken bone? Can that take longer than usual?
14:21
Yeah, so the chronic pain side of things, I think what it is, I
14:26
mean, I'm no scientist, but yet anyone else that's non disabled,
14:31
if they break a bone, apparently from what my friends have said,
14:34
you feel it after, like it's just a weak part of your body
14:39
that you're like, Oh yeah, that's where I broke.
14:41
So you imagine for me, I've broken nearly every part of my
14:45
body. So I'm just getting these aches
14:48
and pains from previous fractures.
14:52
I've got weak spots where, you know, even it's not funny.
14:56
It's just so ridiculous. If I sneeze a certain way, I can
15:00
re break a shoulder that I've broke before.
15:04
So that's impressive. It really is.
15:07
I've, I've got one of my most like known stories is I sneezed
15:12
in the library and I went, Ah, and the librarian went and I was
15:19
just like, I think I broke my shoulder.
15:22
But OK. So like, it's just that it's
15:26
like I have different types. There's the trauma pain of
15:31
breaking, but then there's the everyday, especially in winter
15:35
where you feel all the aches from where you're broken.
15:38
So yeah, I would say, like a lot of the community, you get to
15:43
know your body and you know how to deal with it and what to do,
15:47
what not to do. And it's, yeah, it's just become
15:50
part of my everyday. Even though it can be
15:54
frustrating, I've got to know what to do.
15:58
That's good. I can definitely relate to that
16:00
as someone who's day-to-day looks very different depending
16:04
on like my energy levels or how my muscles are doing at the
16:08
time. And sometimes I'd feel like
16:10
really strong and I'd go out for a walk and then my knees would
16:13
just randomly give way and I would just fall out of nowhere.
16:16
And I'm like, right, great. Well, that's kind of ruined my
16:19
plans for today. Now I have to go home and rest.
16:21
So sometimes it is just a matter of listening to your body,
16:25
despite your plans and despite what you want to do.
16:29
Yeah, Yeah, it is. And I, I would say that was the
16:33
most frustrating thing. Like, you know, I'd have a
16:35
school trip and then my dad would pick me up out of the car,
16:40
put me in my chair and I'd just catch my arm on my coat and
16:44
break my arm. And then I couldn't go to a
16:46
school trip. You know, it's, we're used to
16:48
that almost waiting for the next thing to happen.
16:53
And it's not even in like a negative way.
16:55
It's just like a realistic it will happen.
16:59
It's just when will it happen? So I think that's something that
17:03
we can all kind of relate to one way or another.
17:07
Definitely that kind of takes the spontaneity out of it a bit
17:10
because I'm like guys like to my friends, like please don't
17:13
expect me to be like completely perfect because plans may
17:17
change, I may not be able to come and it is kind of
17:21
frustrating. But like you said, it's kind of
17:23
normal. So you just have to get used to
17:25
it. Otherwise the other alternative
17:27
is to just be like really frustrated with it.
17:29
And I think that'll be working against your own body and it's
17:32
just not worth it. Yeah, it's, yeah.
17:35
It's like, I think in the winter I definitely allow myself to
17:38
wallow because, you know, it's not being able to, like,
17:43
socialise as much as I'm used to in the summer.
17:47
But yeah, like, I think it's just thinking about this is
17:50
temporary and like, there will be good days.
17:53
It's just today is not a good day.
17:56
But, you know, easier said than done.
17:58
I'm just terrible in the winter, like I definitely hibernate and
18:01
don't do anything. Yeah.
18:03
Do you know what I have actually like made a pact on myself that
18:07
this winter I am going to say to my friends, have no
18:11
expectations, like because I just make myself sad because I'm
18:16
like, yeah, I'll go do the Christmas markets.
18:19
I'm not going to do the Christmas market.
18:20
Like it's so cold. And I know that like people
18:24
looking in will be like, oh, that's so sad.
18:26
But now I'd rather hibernate. You come to me.
18:29
We'll get a take away. Do you know what I mean?
18:31
There's ways to do it. I think the best way to
18:34
socialise during the winter is to get people to come to you
18:37
because there's no way I'm going out in the winter and if I do go
18:42
out then I'll be wearing lots of layers and not looking my best,
18:46
so you know, it's not ideal. No, it's not Instagramable, is
18:51
it? Let's just say that.
18:52
Thank you for giving us an insight again into kind of just
18:56
the the fragility of this condition.
18:59
I suppose it is your normal, but for me, as someone who's hearing
19:02
about this like in depth for the first time, it's kind of mind
19:06
blowing. But I really admire your
19:09
resilience and your, like, positive mindset to just like,
19:12
keep going. And that's definitely something
19:14
I do as well. I think it's very easy to kind
19:17
of wallow in the soundness and compare yourself to everyone
19:20
else and be like, why did I have to have the body that's like
19:23
broken? Quite literally in your case,
19:25
yeah. No, it's fine.
19:28
Too good. Exactly.
19:30
But I think, yeah, just keeping that positive mindset where you
19:35
and like joke about it, it's just like it just makes life
19:38
like so much lighter. Yeah, humour is the way forward
19:42
for me. How are you doing now though?
19:44
Like I know you said that you are like better at listening to
19:48
your own body. Do you think you're good with
19:50
like boundaries and stuff like that?
19:53
Oh God, yeah. Like, I think I went through a
19:56
bit of a revelation a couple of years ago of in my 20s, so I'm
20:03
33 now. And in my 20s, I was a people
20:09
pleaser. I wanted to prove to everyone
20:12
that, you know, despite everything going on, I'm the
20:16
party animal. I'm the one, you know, like my
20:19
friends would say, Oh my God, you can drink more than me,
20:21
which it was just so dangerous. Like, I didn't need to do that.
20:26
So now I've gone through a phase of actually what does my body
20:31
want to do? And my body just wants to exist.
20:36
You know, my job, which some people don't understand what my
20:40
job is. My passion and content creating
20:44
now comes first. And I'm just enjoying doing what
20:49
I want to do and not proving to people that I'm happy because
20:54
you know, why? Why do I care if Barbara thinks
20:57
I'm happy or if I'm sad? But that was like a genuine
21:01
worry when I was in my 20s. You know, if someone pitted me,
21:05
I'd be like, I'm fine, I'm having a good time.
21:08
But now I'm like, I don't mind. So I think boundaries wise, I
21:12
think the boundaries are with me now rather than other people
21:16
almost. It's like I have to just not
21:19
care as much, which is really hard to do.
21:23
And I'm still working on it. But yeah, it's definitely
21:27
getting better. That's a mindset I need to
21:29
harness as a chronic people pleaser.
21:32
I think I've definitely gotten back since I like when I was in
21:35
school, I didn't want anyone to know about my condition because
21:38
I cared so much about what other people thought of me, which is a
21:42
hard thing to admit, I guess. But now I'm just at the point
21:45
where I'm like, I don't actually care how other people see me.
21:48
As long as I know that I'm a good person and that I'm
21:52
enjoying life and I'm doing things that I want to do, who
21:56
cares what other people like have to say?
21:59
Exactly. Do you want to know?
22:01
I've never told anyone this but I was such a people pleaser like
22:07
2 years ago let's say that I would answer all my Whatsapps on
22:13
an evening instead of doing the basics like showering, eating
22:19
because I needed to be able to get back to everybody.
22:23
Like how bad is that? And I was just like, what am I
22:27
doing? I stink, I'm starving and I'm
22:30
tired. And like I just had this
22:33
realisation of if my friends are my friends, they won't care if I
22:38
go and get a shower and have an early night.
22:40
But I had it in my head that I am this disabled person that's
22:45
lucky to have friends, which is such a bad mindset to have, bad
22:50
way. And now I'm just like, you know,
22:53
I've got to look after myself 1st and then my friends will
22:58
have me when I'm able to be commutative and stuff like that.
23:02
So yeah, it was pretty bad, not going to lie.
23:06
I'm sure you're looking back at like that version of yourself
23:08
now, Like what are you doing? The people that understand will
23:12
understand and what I realised was everybody that wasn't a
23:19
Barry or a Barbara, which to listeners that don't know is
23:23
when I do the skits, I talk about barriers and the barbers
23:27
that are weird to me. I considered them as really good
23:31
friends. But actually you can't keep up
23:34
with and I'm not, I'm not, you know, exaggerating 50 people
23:39
like I, it was so unhealthy to try and keep up with so many
23:44
people just because they were being nice to me.
23:47
Whereas now I'm like, actually a friend, you know, you've got
23:50
standards and friendships. What, Like, what do they give
23:53
you back? And it's not just that they're
23:55
not a weirdo. Like, what do they do for you?
23:58
Do they listen to you? Do they, you know, make you
24:01
laugh? I don't know why.
24:03
I think it's a deep thing about being disabled that you want to
24:07
be seen and validated so much that you will do anything to
24:12
keep that validation. I thought makes sense.
24:17
I think that's definitely a common feeling within just
24:20
disabled people in general. Yes, you might lose some people
24:24
you thought were your closest friends, but they clearly
24:27
weren't if they didn't like, respect those boundaries and
24:30
actually wanted to see you for you.
24:33
Yeah, and also, you know, I saw on Instagram life is like a
24:39
train. You know, some friends jump on
24:42
for a couple of carriages and then they get off again and then
24:46
some friends stay with you for the whole journey.
24:48
And I really do believe that that, you know, everybody gives
24:52
you a message in life and it doesn't have to be an argument
24:56
or a disagreement. It, you know, it's just you're
25:00
distance from people and that's OK.
25:02
And, you know, I think we should allow for that to happen.
25:06
I love that train metaphor. I've never heard that.
25:10
I really like it. Yeah, I'm definitely going to be
25:12
visualising my life like that now.
25:15
When I'm on a train as well. Yeah, like, wow, this is like
25:19
definitely a metaphor something. Yeah, a bit of a dare one in the
25:22
background. Really feel like you're in a
25:24
music video. Yeah, well, that's kind of main
25:27
character energy, though. I really like that.
25:28
And it sounds like you've you're like harnessing that now.
25:32
And before you were prioritising other people and like pushing
25:36
yourself to the limits and neglecting yourself in a lot of
25:39
ways to show up for people. But now it's kind of like gone
25:43
the opposite way, where you know when you can best show up for
25:47
people, but you have to prioritise yourself to do that.
25:50
Yeah, it is hard though, and there's still guilt there that
25:54
like, I'm not being that party animal that's out every Friday
25:58
and whatever, but it's not me. I'm like, it was me, but it's
26:02
not anymore and that's OK. If I just want to crochet on a
26:05
Friday with my dog, then that's what I want to do.
26:08
That's not perfect, exactly. I sometimes feel guilty for not
26:13
going out. I mean, I'm only 24 and people
26:16
are like, you should be going out all the time.
26:18
Like this is your prime time. And I'm like I actually am
26:21
trying to get more into reading but thanks.
26:23
Yeah, I don't know. We're getting better a bit.
26:26
I feel like the generation younger than me are kind of
26:30
changing a lot. And drink isn't either be all
26:33
and end all. But there's still pressure to
26:36
be, you know, like doing photo dumps of like millions of
26:39
friends. And you're like, you know,
26:42
life's not about that. Life's about just doing what you
26:46
enjoy. And life exists outside of
26:49
social media. And Despite that, that is your
26:53
job. I think how actually, that is
26:55
actually a good question. I want to ask like, how do you
26:57
find like, how do you separate your personal life to your
27:01
online life, I guess? Good question.
27:04
It's very hard because I also have this thing of like, I
27:11
really believe in being as real as I can, but I do have
27:14
boundaries, you know, posting online.
27:16
I think one thing that I've learned is don't post much about
27:20
my dog because a lot of people have a lot of opinions about dog
27:25
owning. Bloody hell.
27:27
Oh my God, everything I put everything.
27:30
It's the, you know, that's dangerous.
27:33
You know, Rosie had a stick in the mouth and someone said
27:38
please never put sticks in the mouth.
27:41
First of all, I'm not putting a stick in her.
27:43
She picked up a stick. And also Aunt Dog
27:46
stereotypically made to pick up sticks on the floor.
27:51
So and I think because I chronically care about my
27:56
perception, I hate it, but I do. I just, I don't want to open
28:00
that anymore so that people get pictures of Rosie.
28:05
Well, that's it. Like I'm not.
28:07
Saying what she eats. I love that.
28:10
Content and now when you know, I don't share what she eats, I
28:14
don't share the treats that she eats because everything has an
28:18
opinion and I understand that. I think it's the way people give
28:23
you feedback that it's like, oh, it's too stressful.
28:28
So anyway, yeah, so that side of things, my family don't like
28:32
being online. So I don't really share much of
28:36
my family. But in terms of me, I would say
28:41
I went to the Scope Awards last week and someone said, oh, I
28:45
follow you and I enjoy your content.
28:48
And I was like, do you think I'm like, I am online?
28:51
And she was like, oh, absolutely.
28:53
And I was like. Yes, I definitely get that vibe
28:57
as well from you. I hope so.
29:00
I think, you know, it's really easy to edit yourself online,
29:04
like quite literally. But I just think I if you're
29:07
going to meet someone, you're going to get caught out, so you
29:11
might as well just be you. Absolutely.
29:12
Yeah, that's very true. But thanks for sharing that.
29:16
I mean, it's a constant battle when you don't know whether
29:19
you'll get like negativity for something, but it is very good
29:23
to have those boundaries, especially with the amount of
29:25
followers that you have. I want to ask you what else
29:28
brings you joy in life? I know you said you've got a
29:30
dog, you like to crochet. What other things bring you joy
29:34
in life? Do you know what I would say?
29:37
Like random chats with random people?
29:42
Like I'll just start chatting to someone like the other day.
29:46
This woman sighed. She worked at Boots and I'll
29:50
just turn around and I went, are you fed up?
29:53
She went, yeah, I am a bit. And I went, what can I do to
29:56
make that better? And she went, oh, you already
30:00
have love. And that, that was just a simple
30:03
little, you know, 1 to one for a quick chat.
30:08
And it turned out it was my birthday.
30:10
So I told it on my birthday. And I think what makes me happy
30:14
is like genuine connection with people, you know, just having a
30:20
chit chat. I love chatting to my
30:21
neighbours, which is so ironic because I take the piss out of
30:25
Barry's and Barbara's. But the point is, I do love
30:29
humans in general. So I get frustrated that they
30:33
don't see me because there's potential to have such good
30:36
conversations. But the fact that they're just
30:39
being like, oh, don't run me over.
30:42
I'm like, we could have had such a good chat but you've ruined
30:46
it. No, sorry.
30:49
I've turned that from a positive to a negative, but.
30:51
No, I think that that's good. Like even though you've had a
30:54
lot of berries and Barbaras through the years, that hasn't
30:58
put you off society, which is really good.
31:01
Yeah, like I'll always give a compliment to someone, You know,
31:04
someone's got nice nails. I'll say, well, I like your
31:06
nails or, you know, I like your outfit.
31:09
And I just think it's so important to, you know, the
31:12
world is so heavy right now. Like, there's so much going on
31:16
and just having, like, a genuine comment as well, not just
31:22
something that you say in it because, you know, you think it
31:25
sounds good. Like, yeah, I just think that
31:28
can make someone's day. And it also makes my day because
31:32
it reminds me that, like, you know, I live on my own as well.
31:36
So I really rely on other people to give me sparkle because I'm
31:42
an extra. I don't know if you can tell.
31:45
So yeah, I think that that brings me joy as well.
31:48
I love that. I'm also an extrovert and I just
31:51
love meeting new people. That's kind of the only reason
31:54
why I wanted to start a podcast, just the way to meet people, to
31:56
be honest. Yeah, it's.
31:59
I guess you just don't know the impact that just having a small
32:03
conversation or complimenting someone on the street will have
32:06
on their day, on their life. And so, yeah, I, I really love
32:11
that for you. And I need to do more of that.
32:13
I think I need to do more just like random chats with random
32:16
people on the street or in shops or whatever.
32:19
But you clearly bring sunshine to people's lives both on and
32:22
offline, which I love. You are just like a ray of
32:25
sunshine. Oh, thank you.
32:28
Like, I think, yeah, we definitely need more people like
32:30
you. Like I said, you keep it real.
32:34
You're hilarious. You bring a lot of positivity,
32:36
but also just a lot of education.
32:40
And a big thing you do is you address a lot of comments and
32:45
things, maybe from like ignorant people.
32:47
I suppose there are a lot of misconceptions around brittle
32:51
bones. What would you say is like the
32:53
most common one that you'd like to address?
32:55
I would say I think the whole dating life is probably the and
33:02
I get it to A to a degree, because if I say, you know, I
33:07
can sneeze and break a bone, obviously naturally people
33:11
think, well, how can she be with anyone if she can't even sneeze?
33:16
But like, if so many layers to this disability and also so many
33:22
layers to human connections, like it's not just about
33:27
physical stuff. And also it's so hard putting
33:31
yourself out there anyway at the moment in life.
33:35
But in terms of dating, first of all, people think you've just
33:39
got so much audacity that you say, you know, you want to be
33:44
with somebody to think that how could a disabled person, you
33:48
know, have desires or preference of God forbid we have
33:54
preferences. Because, you know, disabled
33:57
peoples are aliens, right? They're.
33:59
Not Yeah, like it's so weird that we would want to, you know,
34:03
that we have desires at the age of 27.
34:06
I wrote this text somehow from or because I wrote a blog about
34:10
dating and I almost like, well, I came out straight and that I
34:17
wanted to date and it felt like I was announcing that I had
34:25
desires to be with a man. And it was such a big thing from
34:30
and I'm not, I'm not saying it's the same as coming out, but like
34:33
it felt like such a big thing to be a disabled person say because
34:38
you're infantilized so much. I felt so embarrassed and it was
34:43
such a weird thing that I had to get over myself.
34:47
So now I'm like quite openly chatting about it to get myself,
34:53
you know, get that internalised ableism out of myself.
34:58
And you know, following different disabled couples
35:01
really helps as well to It's silly.
35:04
It's silly, but I would say that is such a such a myth that
35:10
people still have around disability.
35:13
It's really silly that it is a thing that you have to kind of
35:17
justify like you, you need like a second coming out.
35:22
Like, yeah, I'm a woman, but also I like with a disability.
35:26
But also, yes, I would like to find someone and have, you know,
35:31
intimacy, whatever that looks like.
35:34
It's so it is really silly that a lot of disabled people have to
35:38
do that and have to fight a lot of comments online like, wait,
35:42
how can you do it though? And it's like, actually, it's
35:46
none of your business. First of all, like you're just
35:48
being nosy. You don't actually want to know.
35:50
I think you're just being nosy. But I guess people sharing their
35:54
experiences and being more open about it will hopefully one day
35:59
just bring that awareness to like just get people to stop
36:01
questioning it because it shouldn't be something that
36:04
should. That's questions because you
36:06
wouldn't question it and from anyone else.
36:08
No. And I'm like, why are you so
36:11
bothered? But we're in such a nosy era,
36:15
like because of social media. I get it because I put my life
36:20
out there. You know, in one way I should
36:22
expect it. But like, if your first thought
36:27
of someone is how do they have sex?
36:30
I think that's a them issue like.
36:32
Why are you interested? You should say well.
36:34
Yeah, well, one of my proudest moments is I was doing a work, a
36:40
work thing, mind you, and I was like, no question is a silly
36:44
question. Never.
36:46
Say that again, which I've never said that again.
36:49
Someone was like, can you upset her?
36:52
And I'm just like let a pause happen, stared right at home and
36:56
I went I'm really sorry you're not my type.
36:59
And everyone went, that's like, yes, but you know, it's like,
37:07
oh, shut up. It's just the nosiness, isn't
37:10
it? It is and it's, it's almost like
37:13
you're either infantilized or fetishized and there's no in
37:18
between. Like, and it's so confusing
37:22
because it, it make like, I don't know how it makes you feel
37:28
like you can't just be a confident woman.
37:32
Well, fair play. You're really good at holding
37:34
your ground and having those, like, witty comebacks to the
37:36
people who really need it need to be just humbled for a SEC.
37:42
Excellent. I guess we should round this
37:44
episode off, but before we finish, what is a piece of
37:48
advice that you would give to your younger self or maybe
37:52
someone else that's struggling with their condition?
37:55
Good question. I would say as annoying as it is
38:00
to hear, everything in the disability world takes time.
38:07
And it's taken me well, I first moved out of my house, my family
38:13
home at 27. And that is quite a late age for
38:19
some people. It's not late for everybody.
38:22
But you know, it's the classic thing of it's the domino effect.
38:26
You can't do one thing until you've done this paperwork.
38:31
I mean, you can't do that paperwork until you've handed in
38:34
your ID and your class bar and you, I don't know how many pose
38:38
you've done in a day. So it's just like, have
38:42
patience, try not to get, you know, defeated by it and allow
38:49
yourself to wallow when it is harder to achieve stuff.
38:53
But just keep plodding because eventually you'll see that what
38:58
you're doing now is not what you were doing, you know, one year
39:02
ago, two years ago, however many.
39:05
But yeah, just keep swimming I would say.
39:07
Thank you for sharing that. It's so important to recognise
39:11
how far you've come as well, especially through the battles
39:15
and the tough moments that you think, how on earth am I going
39:18
to get through this? You always do.
39:21
You do. And like I'm especially someone
39:23
who I'm kind of working out that, you know, my brain might
39:26
work differently to others. And, you know, going on a train
39:30
journey, I'm like, I've got to get the tickets, I've got to
39:34
book assistance and all of that feels really overwhelming.
39:38
So like breaking it down, doing one thing at a time, things
39:42
change, but it's just, you know, does take longer than most
39:46
people. Yeah, but that's OK Everyone's
39:49
on the different timelines, different journeys.
39:52
Exactly, I made my first cup of tea at like age 25 when it was a
39:57
bloody good cup of tea. Wow, that's a good achievement.
40:00
So play. It was worth it.
40:02
It was worth waiting 25. Years with the wait.
40:05
Yeah, I'm such a good brew maker now.
40:08
Oh. There we go.
40:09
She's a champion, now I gotta go.
40:11
Come round, you have to come round for a cup of tea.
40:13
Oh, I really want to. I would love that.
40:15
Thank you. Yeah.
40:17
And you're welcome to Cardiff anytime.
40:19
Absolutely. I'd love to come to Cardiff
40:21
actually. There we go.
40:22
Right, We'll get a date in for a cuppa.
40:25
You'll have to make me a brew. Show me how it's done.
40:27
I will put it in my auction mug as well.
40:30
Perfect if there's anyone who wants to follow your journey, I
40:34
really recommend that you do if you don't already.
40:36
Where can we find you on social media?
40:39
So on Instagram I'm gem underscore Turner, TikTok the
40:43
same but with an underscore at the end and basically just
40:47
search gem Turner and I'm on pretty much every platform.
40:50
So yeah. Perfect.
40:52
Thank you so much for coming on the podcast today.
40:55
Thank you so much, had a great time.
40:57
Oh good, I'm really glad. I'm so so happy you came on and
41:00
thank you for sharing your story once again.
41:02
I can't wait to see what the future holds for Jen Turner.
41:06
Thank you you too as well. Keep going, it's a great
41:09
podcast. Thank you so much.
41:11
Thank you guys for listening to our episode today.
41:13
If you enjoyed it, don't forget to like the episode if you're
41:16
watching on YouTube and to subscribe and to follow the
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41:22
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41:25
Don't forget to press the bell button next to the follow button
41:28
so that you know exactly when the next episode is coming out.
41:31
You don't want to miss it. Thank you so much to Cure LGMD 2
41:35
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41:38
I'll be back with you guys with another episode very soon, but
41:41
until then, bye.