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Transcript

Inside My Six-Year Battle Against Jeffrey Epstein: Before the World Listened (Part 2) · The Epstein Chronicles

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: What's up everyone, and welcome to another episode of the
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: Epstein Chronicles. In this episode, we're going to pick up
• 0:05
  Speaker 1: where we left off talking about my fight against Jeffrey
• 0:08
  Speaker 1: Epstein for the past six years. After that day at
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: Zoro Ranch, something inside me shifted permanently, like whatever fragile
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: parts of me that were still clinging to some illusion
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of safety finally snapped clean off and fell away. I
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: stopped worrying about what I could lose because whatever fear
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: people thought that they could use against me evaporated the
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: moment I realized there was nothing left that they could take.
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: My career had already taken a beating. Opportunities had already
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: dried up. People had already walked away because they were
• 0:39
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable with the fight I wouldn't abandon. Doors had already
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: slam shut that I spent years trying to open. I
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: had already paid socially, professionally, and emotionally long before anyone
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: ever heard a voicemail threat. So when people last if
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: I was scared, I laugh, because fear only controls you
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: when it has a whold of you. Once everything soft
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: has been burned away, all that's left is bone and
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: will power. Look. I lost work because of this. I
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: lost financial stability because of this. I lost relationships because
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: of this. I lost people I loved because the subject
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: matter was too heavy, too messy, too dangerous, too dark
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: for them to live beside. Every day I watched people
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: fade out of my life, slowly, like lights dying across
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: a distant skyline, one at a time. They didn't leave
• 1:26
  Speaker 1: with screaming matches or dramatic endings, just silence. Silence that
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: felt like abandonment masked as politeness. Silence that said I
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: can't handle this version of you. Silence that cut deeper
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: than any insult ever could, and it forced me to
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: rebuild myself in isolation. There were nights where I sat
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: on the floor, staring at the wall, not crying, not shaking,
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: just numb, like someone unplugged me. Internally, I wasn't sad
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: in the traditional sense. I was hollowed out, scraped clean emotionally,
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: like the inside of my chest had been scooped with
• 1:59
  Speaker 1: an ice cream ladle. Food didn't taste like anything, Sleep
• 2:03
  Speaker 1: didn't exist in a real way. I'd lie there with
• 2:06
  Speaker 1: my eyes closed, but my mind would keep replaying every
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: voice that trusted me to speak for them. Every story,
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: I couldn't forget, every detail that clawed at the inside,
• 2:15
  Speaker 1: Oh my skull. You know, people throw around the word
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: trauma like it's trendy, but living with it is suffocating.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: It's like drowning in air. Your breathing but nothing reaches
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: your lungs. Every day felt like carrying dead weight up
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: an endless staircase, and every time I thought I made progress,
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: the stairs stretch longer. I'd sit at my desk and
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: open a blank document twenty different times without writing a
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: single sentence because my brain felt like cement. I'd replay
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: every decision I'd ever made, asking myself if I was
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: completely fucking insane for not letting this go. I'd wonder
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: why I wasn't stronger, why I felt so worn down,
• 2:54
  Speaker 1: why the armor cracked even though I kept telling the
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: world I was solid steel. I'd stare at my phone,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: knowing I needed to answer messages, but my hands wouldn't move.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I felt disconnected from my own body, like I was
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: floating above myself, watching everything fall apart in slow motion.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: And look that kind of fatigue. It's not physical, it's spiritual.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: But here's the truth. I never once wished someone else
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: would carry the load instead. I just wished I could
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: breathe once in a while without feeling like I was
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: being crushed under the gravity of a dying star. People
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: call me strong, but strength isn't what carried me. It
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: was obligation. It was loyalty. It was fury. It was
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: responsibility to the voices that trusted me. It was the
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: knowledge that walking away meant leaving people behind who never
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: got the luxury of escape. Listen, Folks' strength isn't glamorous.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: Strength is built out of moments where you have every
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: reason to quit and you don't. Anyway, there were days
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: where I felt like two people living inside of one's skull.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: One person was the fighter, the loud, relentless, raging force
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: who could stand in front of anyone without flinching. The
• 4:00
  Speaker 1: other was the broken one, the exhausted, hollow, quiet version
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: of me who wondered if any of this was actually
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: changing anything. It felt like I was splitting in half,
• 4:10
  Speaker 1: one part weapon and one part wound. I'd walk through
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: public spaces, watching normal life unfold around me and feel
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: like I was watching a movie instead of participating in reality.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: Everyone else looked weightless, while I felt like I was
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: dragging chains. Everyone else got to forget I never did.
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: And here's why. The guilt, Jesus Christ. The guilt was vicious.
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: Guilt that I couldn't do more. Guilt that survivors trusted
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: me with their stories. Guilt that I sometimes needed a
• 4:38
  Speaker 1: break from trauma, that they had to live with every
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: second of every day. Guilt that I felt tired when
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: they never got rest. Guilt that I was human when
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be indestructible. Guilt that I still felt
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: pain when none of this happened to me personally. Guilt
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: that I wasn't enough, and that guilt metastasizes into self
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: loathing if you're not careful. There were moments when I
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: felt like disappearing, like I was dissolving from the inside out.
• 5:05
  Speaker 1: I didn't feel joy anymore. I didn't feel lightness, I
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: didn't feel anticipation for anything. Life loss texture and color.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Everything flattened into gray scale. I wasn't depressed in the
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: traditional sense. I was emotionally emptied, scoop clean and left echoing.
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: And you don't talk about it because nobody wants to
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: hear that the person they think is strong is actually
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: held together with frayed string and adrenaline. But even at
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: my lowest, even when I was hanging on by a
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: thread that felt like it could snap at any second,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: quitting was never an option, not even once. The thought
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: would flicker, and something inside of me violently would reject
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: it before it even completed itself. Because walking away was
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: in self preservation, It was betrayal. It was abandoning every
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: survivor who risked everything to speak. It was surrendering to
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the people who wanted silence more than anything. It was
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: letting the monsters win. And I refuse to live in
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: a world where that's considered acceptable. So I rebuilt myself
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: piece by piece, like assembling a machine out of wreckage.
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: I learned how to survive without softness. I learned how
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: to turn pain into fuel. I learned how to stand
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: up even when my knees were shaking. I learned how
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: to walk through the fire without expecting water on the
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: other side. I learned how to become someone who doesn't
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: need safety to move forward. I learned how to be
• 6:23
  Speaker 1: unbreakable because breaking was not allowed, And every time I
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: put myself back together, I became something harder, sharper, and
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: less willing to bend, and somewhere in that transformation, something
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: unexpected happened. I stopped giving a single ounce of energy
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: to fear. Look, it's not bravery, it's not muchisimo, it's
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: not ego. It's a simple realization that fear had nothing
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: left to threaten me with. Fear only works when you
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: have something left to lose, when everything soft inside of
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: you has already burned away. Fear becomes irrelevant. Once you
• 6:56
  Speaker 1: survive your darkest internal war, external enemies lose their power,
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: and at that point I became something dangerous to the
• 7:04
  Speaker 1: people who depend on silence. And look the intimidation. It
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: didn't start loud. It started subtle, like a slow drip
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: meant to wear a hole through stone. First it was
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: strange calls with nobody speaking on the other end, just breathing,
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: just silence, thick enough to feel like somebody was standing
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: behind me. Then it turned into whispered threats, vague enough
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: to deny, sharp enough to feel deliberate. Then it escalated
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: to more direct messages, people telling me to stop digging,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: telling me I was getting too close, telling me that
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: there were consequences for people who didn't know when to
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: shut up, and I have to tell you it was
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: almost funny at first, like watching amateurs try to stage
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: a thriller. But then the tone changed and the frequency changed,
• 7:48
  Speaker 1: and suddenly they weren't whispering anymore. They were saying that
• 7:51
  Speaker 1: they knew where I lived. They were saying they were coming.
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: They were saying I should be afraid, And I remember
• 7:57
  Speaker 1: sitting there thinking, you motherfuckers fucked up. See these people,
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: they don't understand men like me. They don't understand what
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: it means to grow up in a world where violence
• 8:08
  Speaker 1: is not theoretical. They don't understand what it means to
• 8:11
  Speaker 1: come from a place where danger is just background noise.
• 8:16
  Speaker 1: They don't understand what it means to have watched friends
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: bleed out on pavement while sirens screamed too far away
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  Speaker 1: to matter. They don't understand what it means to have
• 8:24
  Speaker 1: buried young men who never made it to adulthood. They
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: don't understand what it means to have known people who
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: have went to prison for murder before they were old
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: enough to vote. They don't understand what it means to
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: have to live in a reality where fights ditting in
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: with handshakes, they ended with funerals. They thought they were
• 8:42
  Speaker 1: dealing with some soft civilian they could spook. They had
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: no idea they were talking to somebody who learned to
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: stop flinching a very long time ago. And look, I
• 8:52
  Speaker 1: don't say any of that to sound tough. I'm not
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: a gangster, I'm not a hit man. I'm not some
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Hollywood action figure who thinks a punch in the face
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: is a personality trade. I say it because growing up
• 9:03
  Speaker 1: with that level of chaos rewires your brain. You stop
• 9:06
  Speaker 1: reacting to fear the way other people do. You stop
• 9:09
  Speaker 1: believing threats automatically mean danger. You stop letting your body
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: shake when someone tries to frighten you. Fear stops being
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: an alarm system and starts being background static. So when
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: these powerful, polished cowards tried to scare me with anonymous
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: voices and vague promises of violence, that shit didn't land.
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: Their tactics were amateur hour compared to the real world
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: I came from. Their threats sounded like jokes whispered through
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: trembling teeth. But these motherfuckers didn't quit. They kept calling
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: over and over, day after day, night after night, the
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: same recycled intimidation script, repeating like a broken record until
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: one night the voice on the other end finally dropped
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: the pretense and said that they were coming to my house.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: No more suggestion, no more innuendo, a direct statement, said
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: with the full expectation that it would send me spiraling
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  Speaker 1: into panic. And instead of fear, something else switched on
• 10:02
  Speaker 1: inside of me. A heat, a clarity, a level of
• 10:05
  Speaker 1: street focus that felt like everything in the world suddenly
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: snapped into perfect sharpness. I hung up the phone, and
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: instead of pacing around, instead of checking my windows, instead
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: of grabbing a weapon or calling anyone or strategizing, I
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: got on the computer and I booked a flight to
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: Zoro Ranch. I wasn't going to wait to be hunted.
• 10:25
  Speaker 1: The predator was going to become the prey. And we
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: all know about Zoro Ranch, Epstein's desert fortress, the place
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: people whispered about but never confronted, the place designed for secrecies, silence,
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: and fear, the place nobody dared walk up to until
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: someone like me did. There's this long stretch of empty
• 10:43
  Speaker 1: road leading to Zorro Ranch that feels like driving across
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: the surface of the moon. No houses, no gas stations,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: no lights, just miles of flat earth, desert, wind, and
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: the kind of silence that swallow sound. Most people would
• 10:55
  Speaker 1: turn around before they reached the halfway point. Most people
• 10:59
  Speaker 1: would feel the way of ice relation, maybe think twice.
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: Most people would feel the presence of something dark waiting
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: ahead and slam the brakes. But my foot only pressed
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: harder on the gas. Every mile stripped another layer of
• 11:12
  Speaker 1: hesitation off me. By the time the gates came into view,
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: I was ready to rock. I pulled up to the
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: mass of Iron Gate and killed the engine. The air
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: felt unreal, like the whole world was holding its breath,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: no movement, no sound except wind. It was a place
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: built to make people feel small, insignificant, and powerless, a
• 11:32
  Speaker 1: place meant to intimidate on site, and I remember standing there,
• 11:36
  Speaker 1: looking up at the massive structure, thinking, all this money,
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: all this land, all this power, and it still couldn't
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: save his bitch ass. I walked right up to the intercom,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: pressed the call button, and stared directly into the camera
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: like I was daring whoever was watching to blink first.
• 11:53
  Speaker 1: When the voice crackled on the other end, they sounded startled,
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: like nobody had ever actually done this before. I said,
• 12:00
  Speaker 1: in the clearest voice, I think I've ever spoken in
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: my life. Yo, you said you were coming to my house,
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: so here I am at yours. If you want to talk,
• 12:07
  Speaker 1: come talk. If you want that smoke, come get it.
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: And look, I wasn't performing. I was simply done, done
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: being stoked, done being threatened. Don't letting these cowards think
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: that they own fear. And look, nothing dramatic happened after that.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: No black SUVs pulled out, no dramatic standoff, just silence, thick,
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: heavy charge silence. And in that silence, I realized that
• 12:32
  Speaker 1: everything they used to control people, fear, intimidation, manipulation, shit
• 12:37
  Speaker 1: don't work on me. You can't threaten someone who has
• 12:40
  Speaker 1: already walked into a lion's den on purpose. You can't
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: scare someone who has lived through worse than anything you
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: can invent. You can't scare someone who refuses to bow.
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: In that moment, I stopped being a target and I
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: became a problem. Driving away from Zoro Ranch that night
• 12:56
  Speaker 1: felt like leaving a graveyard after burying someone. Except role
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: wasn't for Epstein. It was for the version of me
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: that still cared about consequences. That man died on the
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: desert road under a full sky of stars that didn't
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: give a damn about human power structures. I left a
• 13:12
  Speaker 1: ghost behind at that gate, and the version of me
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: who drove away had nothing left to loose, nothing left
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: to fear, nothing left to protect. There was nothing left
• 13:21
  Speaker 1: except the mission. All right, folks, we're gonna wrap up
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: right here, and in the next episode, we're gonna pick
• 13:26
  Speaker 1: up where we left off. All of the information that
• 13:29
  Speaker 1: goes with this episode can be found in the description box.