Latest / The Mental Healness Podcast / Some narcissists will let you know what you are getting yourself into

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Some narcissists will let you know what you are getting yourself into · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how some narcissistic
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  people will tell you exactly what you are about to get to get
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  into when you're dating them or get into a relationship with
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  them if you're new. Here.
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  My name is Lee Hammock. I'm a clinically diagnosed
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  narcissist. And welcome to another episode
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  of The Narcissist Code. So boom, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
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  So I've talked about this before, about how some
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  narcissistic people will lead off the relationship or will
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  will say things in the relationship early on.
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  Like, you're too good for me. I don't deserve you.
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  I have a drinking problem. I have a problem with drugs or
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  whatever it is, you know, they'll say, they'll say these
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  things to you up front. They will directly let you know,
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  say, hey, look, I got problems. I cheat a lot.
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  I beat a lot. I got charges upon charges upon
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  charges, but I want to change, you know?
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  I want to be better for you. You make me want to be better
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  you. I want to be.
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  I want to be better for you. You know what I mean?
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  Like I want to be better. And I feel different about this
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  right here. I know I didn't cheated.
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  On my. Last ten partners.
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  It's crazy, ain't it? But.
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  I ain't never thought this this connection right here.
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  I ain't never felt the connection.
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  Like this by the way, I'm cheating with you.
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  This is this date. It's me cheating, so I'm.
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  This is the last time. I promise I choose you.
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  You know what I mean? I know this.
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  Yeah, I know that sounds ignorant, but some of them will
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  say things like that to you upfront.
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  They will. It's like yo foreshadowing
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  narcissists. Some narcissists are excellent
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  at foreshadowing and letting you know what you are about to get
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  into. They and yo, it's it's this
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  little weird upfront, honestly, that they give you that allows
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  them later on to come back and say to you, they will say to you
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  why. Like if they when they start
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  cheating on you, when they start putting their hands on you, when
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  they start doing, they start drinking.
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  When they start doing their drugs or whatever it is, When
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  they say this to like, when they start doing it, they can look
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  you directly into your face, like a face and like it's like
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  I'm looking directly into this camera and say you knew what you
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  were getting yourself into. I told you up front who I was
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  and you made the active choice to be here.
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  They will tell you, look in in the mind of a narcissist, and
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  this is not what I'm saying to you, but in the mind of a
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  narcissist, if they tell you the bad stuff up front, you are not
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  a victim. You are a volunteer.
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  They think that you are signing up for it.
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  This is like you, you didn't, you read like they showed like I
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  showed you the fine print. You know how people trying to
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  sneak in stuff, the the the they had, they're trying to sneak in
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  stuff at the bottom of a contract in very tiny print so
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  you can, it's there, they show you the fine print, they blow it
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  up. They.
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  Blow up the fine print. The fine print is this big.
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  You know the fine print is this big.
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  You can read it, you can read it.
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  It says installation manual. You can read the fine print.
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  They show it to you. So they think you are
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  volunteering for that. They think you are signing up
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  for it. And guess what happens if you
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  decide to just OK. I didn't.
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  I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up for these
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  behaviors. I didn't sign up for this
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  toxicity. They're going to try to make you
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  feel guilty. Here comes the guilt trip.
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  Here comes what they used to call it back in the day, a Paddy
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  wagon. Here comes the here comes the
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  Paddy wagon of guilt trip. You know what I mean?
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  They'll pop over here and they'll come through.
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  And like you said, you. Would never.
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  Leave me. You know, I thought you was my
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  ride or die. You really going to leave me?
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  I told you. You all these other people I
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  heard, they wouldn't have told you nothing.
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  They wouldn't say nothing to you like I told you up front.
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  You gonna leave me? That's the type of stuff that
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  they will do. Y'all and this is Abe Lincoln
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  had I had for a class of my acting class.
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  I'm an Octo in Raleigh, Raleigh, NC.
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  But yeah, that's part of it right there.
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  Y'all. That's why I just tell people,
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  if you're dealing with a narcissistic person, that's how
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  it goes. They tell you upfront so they
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  have an excuse later on. And look, yo, I say this to a
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  lot of people. If you give them time to talk,
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  if you give them time, if you give them a chance to explain
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  themselves, they're going to exhaust you.
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  And a lot of times they're going to convince you that you should
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  give them another chance. That they that, that whatever
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  point that they're trying to make is right.
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  That's what they will do. That's the type of stuff that
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  they will do right there. They will absolutely take this
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  opportunity to speak and just try to drag you through the mud
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  like you knew what you were getting yourself into.
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  Ain't no way like you act. You act as a prize.
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  Like I didn't tell you this. You acted like I didn't tell you
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  this. I told you.
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  Exactly who I. Was I told?
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  You. I told you exactly what I was
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  going to do and look at. Look what?
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  I look what I get. Look at my look how.
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  I'll get repaid. I could have lied to you.
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  I'm working on it though, and I'm working on my honesty.
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  They will blame y'all. They will blame you for being
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  here. Let's keep it real.
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  They absolutely will blame you for being here.
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  It's your choice to be here. Like you made the choice to be
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  here. You absolutely did.
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  So they'll keep doing this type of stuff over and over and over
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  again to the end of the time. And like the longer you stay,
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  the more that you will put, The more.
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  The lower you stay, the worse it gets.
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  Because y'all, if you are accepting the behaviors, why
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  would they change them? I know how your mind works.
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  You would say things like if I actually love the person, I will
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  work on those behaviors. If I cared about the person, I
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  would truly work with them to try to change those behaviors to
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  make them happy. That's you, not them.
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  That's not how their mind works. Their mind wants to.
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  Their mind is seeking pleasure and happiness and validation at
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  the expense of others a lot of time, right at the expense of
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  others. So they're seeking this
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  validation. They're seeking this pleasure.
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  They're seeking it out at the expense of others.
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  You see what I'm saying? That's what happens.
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  That's the mindset. That's the peace that goes into
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  it right there. And that's me being true with
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  it. That's me being.
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  There's there's the truth to it right there.
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  There's the pieces of it. That's what I tell people all
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  the time. Like you are responsible for
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  protecting your peace. Like when people tell you who
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  they are or show you who they are upfront believe them.
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  Especially in these situations where like some of y'all might
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  know that this person is in a relationship and you get happy
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  that they might pick or choose you or something like that.
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  They are setting you up because in their minds you know who
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  that. You know the type of person I am
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  if I, and this is going to sound super simplistic and you
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  probably heard this before, if I cheat with you, why don't you
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  think I will cheat on you? Like this is me setting the
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  baseline. I told you know I'm cheating.
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  You know I'm a liar. You know I'm a cheater.
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  Why would you think I'm actually going to change my behaviors.
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  And I know why you think it. But the narcissistic person's
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  mind doesn't work that same way. There's just is black and white.
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  Why would I change what I think you accept.
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  Why would I change what you tolerate?
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  You see what I'm saying? Why would I change the behavior
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  that is tolerated. And it sounds super simplistic.
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  It sounds mean. I know people are like Lee.
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  That's mean. It's victim.
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  Yeah, I am not victim blinding. I'm telling you literally what
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  goes inside the mind of a narcissist?
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  They are a victim blaming. They are a victim blaming you
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  because they think you're signing up for it.
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  They think that you are volunteering to be an abuse
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  victim. That's insane.
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  Those are insane thoughts. You are volunteering to be an
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  abuse victim. What the hell?
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  Ain't no way, Ain't no way I can see my voice, my voice cracking.
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  That's that's that narcissistic, narcissistic puberty kicking in.
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  Ain't no way. No, no people.
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  I'm done. I'm done.
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  I'm all full grown. But that's the mindset.
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  Y'all. So This is why I'm like, if they
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  tell you up front, if you are out of a narcissistic
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  relationship, right? If you are out of a toxic
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  relationship and people tell you this upfront, ask yourself this
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  question. I know people, people I know the
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  pushback I will get on this question is like, we'll leave
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  people. Don't people deserve a second
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  chance? Don't people deserve a chance to
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  grow? If you are willing to let them
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  grow on your time, by all means. But ask yourself this question
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  right here. What if it happens to you?
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  What if they do it to you? What if they telling you this
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  upfront and it actually happens to you and they will do it to
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  you? Or you going to look back at
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  this moment in time? Like, damn, they gave me the
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  opportunity to leave and I accepted it.
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  Three years later, four years later, five years later, 20
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  years later, 30 years later, I'm going to tell you, a lot of
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  people end up regretting not taking this opportunity to leave
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  because a narcissistic person, they will actually make you feel
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  bad if you do leave. They'll try to make you feel bad
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  in the beginning. If they tell you to, if they
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  divulge this information to you, they'll be like, well, I
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  shouldn't have just told you, well, nobody, nobody else is
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  going to be as honest as I am. It's nobody else is going to be
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  as honest as I am. But I didn't have to tell you
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  that. I told you all the kind.
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  It's my own heart. And look at you, I got left for
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  it. See, I know, I know.
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  Next time, not to be as honest. What I know next time not to be
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  as honest. What?
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  That's where it goes and that's the mindset of it.
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  I know next time I shouldn't be as honest because I'm going, I'm
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  going to get held accountable for it.
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  What? But that's the space that so
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  many of us fall into. Y'all I want y'all to heal.
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  I want y'all to grow. I want y'all to have happy,
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  healthy relationships after this toxic one.
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  When you go out there in the dating world, if people are
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  telling you the horrible stuff. That they do.
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  I'm. I said again, It's up to you.
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  Or the night you want to give somebody a chance that tells you
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  some the horrible, the horribleness of their past.
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  And sometimes, y'all I'm be I'm gonna end it on this guy and I
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  like to keep him around 11-12 minutes.
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  Sometimes they don't even be honest with you up front.
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  Their ex will reach out to you and tell you, hey, look, you
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  gonna regret meeting this person.
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  Hey, look, just yo. Woman to woman, man to man.
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  Whatever, yo, you want to regret that person they're going to,
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  they're going to ruin your life. They've ruined my life.
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  I'm just going to get your heads up, try to save you some time.
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  Some people, not everybody who reaches out to you is crazy, Al.
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  Not everyone who's reaching out to you is crazy or is out to get
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  you. Are there some bitter exes out
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  there? Yeah, but not everyone who
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  reaches out is trying to harm you.
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  People, some somebody, some people from their past might be
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  reaching out to try to save you a lot of time, effort, energy
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  and you know just resources. Maybe with y'all.
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  Thank you for tune into another episode.
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  I truly appreciate. Appreciate you for being here.
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  Make sure you subscribe to my e-mail list.
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  And I said my course is coming out here pretty soon.
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  Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Hill.
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  This is out. Peace.
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  Thank you so much for making it to the end of my video.
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  You are a mental illness rock star and I appreciate you for
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  being here. If you haven't already, make
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  sure to click on the screen to subscribe to the channel.
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  And watch another one of my videos on my.
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  Playlist. There's also a link available up
• 11:58
  here for you to. Purchase my kids.
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  But remember, it's not your fault on Amazon, so check that
• 12:03
  out. Thank you.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.