Latest / Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers / 140: Emotional Flashbacks: What They Mean and How to Move Forward

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140: Emotional Flashbacks: What They Mean and How to Move Forward · Inner Work With MaryAnn Walker: Life Coach for People Pleasers

• 0:21
  Well, hello and welcome back.
• 0:22
  My name is MaryAnn Walker I'm the life coach for empath and highly sensitive people.
• 0:27
  And this is the last episode of 2024.
• 0:31
  And as we approach the end of the year, then many of us naturally reflect on the months gone by, and it's really a time to celebrate our wins, acknowledge our challenges and also to dream about what's ahead, but if you're currently navigating a tough time, Then that reflection can sometimes trigger emotional flashbacks moments where you feel like you're right back where you started.
• 0:51
  And so maybe you've encountered an abusive ex and you felt those familiar pings of fear or perhaps being around family, brought you back to old childhood responses, or maybe your child's current struggles remind you of darker scarier days or an argument with your spouse left you questioning whether the two of you have truly grown in your relationship.
• 1:11
  So if you're experiencing emotional flashbacks, you might be thinking thoughts, like: nothing has changed.
• 1:17
  I'm still stuck.
• 1:18
  It's never going to change.
• 1:20
  It's all happening again.
• 1:23
  I'm too broken to handle this.
• 1:25
  Now these emotional flashbacks, they can feel really disorienting and even defeating, but here's the truth is they are a normal part of the human experience.
• 1:34
  We don't talk about it enough culturally, but everyone is experiencing these emotional flashbacks.
• 1:40
  We all have times where we're reliving a past experience because our current situation is feeling a little bit similar to the past.
• 1:47
  But these emotional flashbacks, they do not define your journey.
• 1:51
  So today we're going to be exploring what emotional flashbacks are, how they can obscure your progress and how to ground yourself in the reality of your personal growth.
• 2:02
  Now emotional flashbacks occur when a present situation is mirroring something painful.
• 2:08
  From the past and this causes your brain to react through that historical lens.
• 2:12
  We're seeing things as if we are that past self and that history is repeating itself.
• 2:18
  And this isn't only a mental flashback where we're thinking as if, but we're also feeling as if, so you might be re-experiencing the fear and the insecurity, and it feels so real and so loud that it can be hard to be with your present situation.
• 2:36
  In fact, it can be really a challenge to even know if what we're feeling and thinking and experiencing is about our past, or if it's about our present, because they feel one in the same.
• 2:47
  Your mind is really eager to help you.
• 2:48
  And so once it gets that little seed of, oh, this is really similar, I know how this story ends.
• 2:54
  It's going to start to jump to conclusions and it tends to have that negativity bias.
• 2:58
  So it's going to be telling you all the things that went wrong last time.
• 3:01
  All the ways that it's the same in all of the things that are out of your current control.
• 3:06
  Your brain really wants to be right more than it wants to be happy.
• 3:09
  So it's going to remind you of all of these things and finish a story it thinks it already knows.
• 3:14
  So your brain is going to say, yep.
• 3:15
  This is just like last time.
• 3:17
  I know how this story ends.
• 3:18
  And then it fixates on what isn't working, what's out of your control and how bad you felt before.
• 3:24
  The brain always takes the path of least resistance and that's just a downhill slope and it's a path that we've already taken.
• 3:31
  Right.
• 3:31
  So it's going to continue to take that path, even if that path isn't super supportive, because your brain thinks that if something is familiar, then that means it's the right path.
• 3:40
  That, that means it's the safe path.
• 3:42
  But really, it just means that you've been there before.
• 3:44
  And it's okay to mix things up.
• 3:46
  And also just because something is similar, it doesn't mean that it's the same.
• 3:52
  Even if the external circumstances resemble past struggles, you are no longer that person that was in that struggle.
• 4:00
  You have been learning, you have been growing and you have been building resilience.
• 4:04
  And I know this because people that aren't wanting to learn and grow, they do not listen to podcasts like this that help to create personal growth and create that self-reflection.
• 4:17
  The truth is that these emotional flashbacks, while they are sometimes very loud and sometimes very convincing.
• 4:23
  They can't erase your growth and your progress, even if they try.
• 4:28
  It's really always fascinating for me as a coach to see how many clients return to me at a later date.
• 4:34
  So for example, maybe we worked together a year prior and we worked through some things and they feel like, yes, now I have the tools to move forward.
• 4:41
  And now a year later they're coming back and saying hey, so I'm kind of experiencing some emotional flashbacks here.
• 4:48
  I am recognizing I need some help working through this.
• 4:51
  So I really wanted to talk about, yeah, like you have been doing the work and it's actually a sign of growth that you recognize.
• 4:59
  Number one, that you might need some help and support.
• 5:01
  And number two, that, okay.
• 5:03
  I am experiencing a pattern here.
• 5:05
  What is it that I need to cut loose?
• 5:07
  What is it that I need to be changing right now?
• 5:10
  And generally speaking, as we get talking to each other, we can realize that.
• 5:14
  Yeah.
• 5:14
  Guess what?
• 5:15
  You have changed.
• 5:16
  You have grown.
• 5:18
  You are a different person now.
• 5:20
  And so now you have an opportunity to show up differently.
• 5:24
  And then I help them really focus on their personal growth.
• 5:27
  One way to focus on how much you've grown and not get stuck in those emotional flashbacks is to remind yourself of where you've been and then remind yourself of who you are.
• 5:38
  Sometimes it takes the brain a little while to catch up to current circumstances.
• 5:43
  We're so used to the old way of thinking that we forget how far we've come.
• 5:48
  So here's a few statements that you might want to think on and see if they're true for you.
• 5:52
  I used to shrink.
• 5:54
  Now I stand up tall.
• 5:56
  I used to bend.
• 5:58
  Now I'm strong.
• 5:59
  I used to remain silent.
• 6:02
  Now I speak up.
• 6:04
  I used to let my circumstances control me.
• 6:07
  Now I focus on what I can control.
• 6:10
  I used to think I couldn't handle it.
• 6:12
  I'm handling it now.
• 6:14
  I used to doubt myself.
• 6:16
  Now I trust my inner wisdom.
• 6:19
  I used to avoid conflict.
• 6:21
  Now I face challenges with courage and conviction.
• 6:25
  I used to seek validation.
• 6:28
  Now I validate myself.
• 6:30
  I used to feel powerless now I recognize strength.
• 6:35
  I used to fear change.
• 6:37
  Now I embrace growth.
• 6:39
  These are the kinds of transformations that emotional flashbacks can make you forget.
• 6:45
  The brain wants to focus on the first half of each of those phrases and really turn down the volume on the affirmation at the end.
• 6:52
  So essentially what we're doing here is we're affirming where we used to be.
• 6:56
  And we're also affirming where we are now.
• 6:59
  We're making sure that the volume on each of those statements is at least the same instead of turning it up on how we used to be and turning it down on who we are now, make sure the volume is at least the same.
• 7:11
  Give them both some validity.
• 7:13
  We've been talking about this recently, right?
• 7:15
  Those and statements that yes.
• 7:16
  And what else is true?
• 7:18
  I used to show up this way, and now I'm choosing to show up this way.
• 7:23
  It's just adjusting the volume on both of those things.
• 7:26
  Because you are not that person anymore.
• 7:28
  So finish the phrase when your brain wants to say, yeah, well, I remember last time I showed up as really weak.
• 7:35
  So I guess I'm a weak person.
• 7:36
  That's what the brain wants to say, but take the time to finish the sentence and say, yeah, I used to show up that way.
• 7:42
  Now I show up this way.
• 7:44
  Write your list down and acknowledge how far you've come.
• 7:48
  And when you find yourself feeling discouraged, take that list out and remind yourself of who you are now.
• 7:54
  Remind yourself of your personal growth and remind yourself how much more capable you are now.
• 8:01
  This podcast is called inner work with MaryAnnWalker.
• 8:04
  And here's the thing about inner work.
• 8:06
  Is oftentimes it feels invisible.
• 8:08
  Because it's what's happening beneath the surface.
• 8:11
  So I want you to imagine a tree.
• 8:13
  And the trees they're staying upright because they have put roots down into the soil.
• 8:18
  When you look at a tree it's near impossible to see how deep the roots go.
• 8:22
  In fact, you might not even know how deep the roots are until a storm comes and tries to blow them over.
• 8:28
  After a storm it's always interesting to me to see on some of those trees, how shallow their roots are.
• 8:33
  But we recognize how deep our conviction is and how much we have truly grown when those storms arise.
• 8:40
  So when these patterns are coming back up for you, when you see those similar things, remind yourself.
• 8:45
  Yeah.
• 8:45
  And I have so much stronger roots now.
• 8:47
  I am stronger.
• 8:48
  I am more resilient than I've ever been before.
• 8:52
  You are standing taller.
• 8:54
  You are a new person now through that experience and through doing your own inner work.
• 9:00
  Just because some people around you don't seem to see or notice your personal growth, it doesn't mean that you haven't grown.
• 9:07
  And yet it can be really validating what other people do see your growth.
• 9:10
  In fact, this last week I got an email from a client where she said that her husband had told her that he had noticed how much more relaxed she seems now.
• 9:19
  And he was encouraging her to do another round with me because he had seen so much growth.
• 9:23
  And that is amazing when other people are able to see it.
• 9:26
  And also, sometimes people choose not to see it, or they're just unable to see it at that time.
• 9:32
  Maybe the way that you showed up in the past, benefits them.
• 9:35
  So they're resisting seeing your personal growth, but that does not mean that you haven't been growing.
• 9:42
  When emotional flashbacks arise and make you want to believe that you are who you used to be and convinced you that the situation is the same as before, take that time to ground yourself in what has changed.
• 9:53
  So here's some questions to kind of spark that conversation with yourself and help you to shift that focus.
• 9:58
  How have you responded differently this time?
• 10:02
  What tools have you used to navigate the situation that you didn't have before?
• 10:07
  What lessons have you carried forward that have shifted your perspective and how you're showing up through the situation?
• 10:15
  You have been doing the work.
• 10:17
  And again, the fact that you are here listening to this podcast is proof of your commitment to personal growth.
• 10:24
  And if you're just beginning your personal development journey, know that it is never too late to start and together we can deepen those roots and build a foundation of self-awareness resilience and empowerment.
• 10:36
  As we move into 2025, I encourage you to take some time to celebrate your growth and to celebrate your progress.
• 10:43
  Reflect not only on what still feels hard, but also on how far you have come.
• 10:49
  You are growing and you are evolving and you are exactly where you need to be.
• 10:55
  When you notice an emotional flashback, pause and reflect on the ways that you've grown.
• 11:00
  Write down five specific changes or five specific lessons that you have experienced this year and celebrate those wins no matter how small they seem, because they're not small.
• 11:10
  You are growing.
• 11:11
  And celebrate that growth.
• 11:14
  If you are ready to deepen your personal growth as you step into 2025 and if you want to show up in 2025 with clarity and more strength than let's work together.
• 11:24
  Whether we've worked together before, or if you're just starting your journey, I am here to support you wherever you are at.
• 11:29
  So reach out now you can find all my contact information in the show notes.
• 11:33
  You can find me on social media.
• 11:34
  I'm on Instagram Tik, TOK, Facebook, you can contact me on social media.
• 11:38
  You can email me at maryann@maryannwalker.life or come to my website, www.maryannwalker.life but come and work with me.
• 11:45
  I would love to work with you.
• 11:47
  And let's really work together to make this your year of transformation.
• 11:52
  Also, if you have found this podcast helpful, will you please leave me a rating and a review?
• 11:57
  I really do want to work to build a larger community and 2025.
• 12:01
  And I would appreciate your help and support in doing that and leaving me a review it really does help me to grow and to reach other people.
• 12:09
  So I really appreciate that.
• 12:10
  All right.
• 12:11
  Well, here's to reflecting on the personal growth in 2024 and stepping into 2025.
• 12:17
  I will see you next year.
• 12:18
  Have a great one.
• 12:19
  Bye now.