Latest / We Didn't Plan for This Podcast / From the Archives: What Healing Actually Feels Like (Not What You Think)

Transcript

From the Archives: What Healing Actually Feels Like (Not What You Think) · We Didn't Plan for This Podcast

• 0:03
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to we didn't plan for this.
• 0:08
  SPEAKER_00: Normally on the podcast, we talk about practices like movement rather than meditation and how they change people's lives.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: The series is different.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's about the moment that you have everything.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: The seasons you didn't see coming.
• 0:27
  SPEAKER_00: And how we keep showing up anyway.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: And if something here resonates with you, follow our show.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: Share it with someone who might need it.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Or send us a message.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: Because the truth is we didn't plan for this.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_00: But we're here.
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_00: Hi friends.
• 0:46
  SPEAKER_00: This is Adrian and Nutritious Nora.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: And welcome to another episode of We Didn't Plan for This, a podcast, a special series through how yoga changed my life.
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: I'm here in bed with Nora at her house, and she is two weeks post-op surgery from her breast cancer.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so I wanted to follow up with her, give you guys an update on how she's doing.
• 1:13
  SPEAKER_00: If you haven't had a chance to listen to her episode, go back.
• 1:16
  SPEAKER_00: It is I don't remember what episode number it is.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_02: It doesn't matter.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_02: It's there.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, just go back and listen to her episode.
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: Nora, just wanted to catch up with you and kind of talk a little bit through the prep for your surgery, kind of what you expected, what you didn't expect, what were some highs, the lows, and all the shit in between.
• 1:39
  SPEAKER_00: So let's start with how did you prep for this major surgery?
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_02: And if you hear any whining in the background, that is my hundred-pound American bully who thinks that he is not being paid enough attention.
• 1:56
  SPEAKER_02: Even though I guarantee you he was two seconds ago lying, well crushing a trying to lay on the on the podcast.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_02: On the podcast machine and in her lap while he's mad that we're doing this instead of paying attention to him.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_02: So he's here with us as well.
• 2:16
  SPEAKER_02: Um, yes, so if you remember my diagnosis, I um took the surgery option of a bilateral mastectomy with something called a deep flap, a DIEP deep flap reconstruction surgery, which means that they took tissue and blood supply from my abdomen to replace the breast tissue that was removed from both of my breasts.
• 2:44
  SPEAKER_02: In this case, they had to slice my fascia from my rib cage to my pubic bone on both sides of my rectus abdominis, which is um your abdominal wall, so that they could get through the fatty tissue into the muscle to remove the blood supply that would keep the transplanted tissue alive once they got it into the breast where the breast tissue was removed.
• 3:15
  SPEAKER_02: And in order to basically plug that in, they had to remove uh cartilage from between my ribs on both sides of my breastbone to access the breast artery, and that's how they plugged the blood supply back in to keep that tissue alive where it wasn't originally born.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: It's like re-plumbing, right?
• 3:45
  SPEAKER_00: It's like re-plumbing, it's like taking, you know, a piece of a wall from one room and then you know, using the electrical wires to plug it back in or something crazy like that.
• 3:55
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_02: So as soon as I found out that this is what I was gonna have to do, which this is a major surgery, and of course, if I was not who I am and doing what I do for as long as I've done it and um in the shape physically uh that I am in, it it would not have been an option.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_02: This is this is a very traumatic, uh physically traumatic surgery.
• 4:24
  SPEAKER_02: So um immediately I went to a coworker of mine and I said, we we just um got metabolic testing back up and running, and I said, I need you, and I need you now.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_02: And I got um a metabolic assessment done, which uh is something that we only provide, we don't talk about where we work, but it's available if you want to look it up or if you want to ask us about it, you can absolutely uh DM on it Instagram or anything, and we can give you more information.
• 4:56
  SPEAKER_02: Uh basically, what it does is it tests your body during activity to find out the strength and efficiency of your heart and your lungs and gives gives you a measurement marker.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_02: Um, what that does is it uh it creates a program specific to your body in real time during activity so that you can maximize the efficiency of your workout, basically working smarter and not harder, not wasting time doing mindless cardio.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and that's a thing that I think that people don't understand is that uh especially for me, when I first started like my fitness journey after having kids, again, you know, was always very healthy and active, but then to really take it to the next level after having kids, I did the same kind of metabolic testing when I lived in Florida.
• 5:55
  SPEAKER_00: And then I was able to see, oh, running is really not the best option for me because I run and I'm burning sugar, I'm not burning carbs.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, not for carbs, I'm burning sugar, I'm not burning fat.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm running at this high anaerobic threshold where I'm just burning myself out, feeling like crap, and never getting raising your cortisol, yes, which does not help you lose fat.
• 6:20
  SPEAKER_00: And yeah, and I was hungry all the time, but then as soon as I cut back, and it literally stopped working out as hard, and I lost weight because I was listening to my body from the test results, right?
• 6:33
  SPEAKER_02: So working smarter, not harder.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so um I didn't have a lot of time, I had literally a month to prep um for my surgery date.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_02: So physically I got the test done, I got a protocol in place, and um my husband and I had just uh for Christmas, we just bought a concept two rower for ourselves that we spoiled it, and and we finally got one for us to have at the house.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_02: And so that's what I did my test on, and that's what I did my homework on, and I rode I rode the shit out of it.
• 7:10
  SPEAKER_02: I was also um emotionally and psychologically working through the anger of having this diagnosis when um, like I said before, I I have no precursor and I had don't have this in my history, and there was no reason, and it you know, just doesn't discriminate and and I take very good care of myself, and yet here I am still having to do this.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_02: So I was pissed.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I'm still pissed at a different level now.
• 7:37
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so in in uh I also increased my calories by an average of three to three hundred and fifty calories a day.
• 7:48
  SPEAKER_02: Um, 15 to 20 percent of that was an increase in protein.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: Klaus is such a whiner.
• 7:55
  SPEAKER_02: Do you hear him crying?
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: He's side-eyeing up to us, like, why can't I be in the bed right now?
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: You could come up here if you want to, but you just want to sit on the floor and cry.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: You can do that too.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay.
• 8:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'll edit some of you out.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: But no, what's crazy too is like you added 15 to 20 percent of your protein, plus well, no.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_02: So out of the 300 to 350 extra calories a day, um, part of that was the increase of my protein.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_02: I increased my protein by 15 to 20 percent a day.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_02: I added glutamine to my morning shake, um, which helps with recovery.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_02: I added um uh probiotic um because I knew that I was gonna be on heavy antibiotics, which wreck your gut health for surgery.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: I doubled uh a supplement that I take, which is specifically uh to certain collagen peptides that have evidence-based research um that help to heal skin specifically, because I knew these incisions are incredible.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_02: They're deep and they're layered and they're huge, and it it's just a big deal.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_02: So I doubled that, and then I also added um my collagen pudding that I make, um, but I added it like five nights a week, which I don't normally add again because of the calorie intake, but that was the other part of it.
• 9:29
  SPEAKER_02: Uh, have Adrian put in the recipe to that in um the show notes, yeah.
• 9:35
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and I want you to explain because I think specifically women would never think of adding 300 calories a day to their diet prepping for surgery like this.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_00: So, what knowledge can you share with us about why you did that?
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_02: Um, well, my degree's in nutrition.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so uh I have a I have a dietetic degree in nutrition, um, and the that that's where my knowledge base comes from.
• 10:05
  SPEAKER_02: I have to increase because I had to increase my stores.
• 10:10
  SPEAKER_02: I had to increase the storage capacity in my muscles.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_02: I had to increase the storage capacity in every facet because they were transplanting fat.
• 10:24
  SPEAKER_02: I I didn't have a lot of belly fat left from my previous journey, which we haven't even talked about yet on this podcast, but um at one point in my life I was 225 pounds and I lost 100 pounds, and that was 20 years ago.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_02: And so I and I this is before GLP1s and before all of the, you know, not I did it the right way, and um, so my knowledge is deep there.
• 10:53
  SPEAKER_02: What I knew I had to do was prepare to be depleted, I had to prepare to be empty, I had to prepare to be on the mend.
• 11:06
  SPEAKER_02: And in the the best way to do that is to increase your calories and it the right kind of calories.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't Chick-fil-A.
• 11:16
  unknown: Right.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not knocking Chick-fil-A.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_02: It but it wasn't crap.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_02: I was I increased my protein.
• 11:23
  SPEAKER_02: Like I said, I increased my fiber, I increased my um my, like I said, my um my collagen pudding every night, which is made with coconut milk, which is a good fat, you know, it and um my girls, they knew how much I was freaking out about um, even though we have fantastic benefits where we work, you know, my short-term disability it's it's only for a specific amount of time, and it's only a specific percentage of what my normal income is.
• 11:58
  SPEAKER_02: And um that's not coming at a great time, especially with all of the added expenses that come with getting cancer.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_02: All the shit you don't think about, having to rent an Airbnb for a week in Austin, not for a family vacation of any kind, but just so that your family has a place to be and to feel safe and sleep and eat meals and and so on and so forth.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_02: And my girls know me so well that they they sent me three months worth of all of the supplements that I take.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_02: You have no idea how much that is.
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_02: My my it's an obsession.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_02: My supplement routine in a normal, like before I found out I had cancer, I I I'm very regimented, like I'm I'm I'm so boring in how diligently disciplined I am in my routines and my my nutrition specifically.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_02: I mean, that's what my degree is in.
• 13:11
  SPEAKER_02: I understand it.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_02: And the just the fact that my girls knew that just having those supplies already on hand would relieve the amount of stress and anxiety from me that it did just shows me how much how much better they know me.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_02: And I love them for that.
• 13:35
  SPEAKER_02: So three little witches sent me the largest supplement package.
• 13:43
  SPEAKER_02: It had to come in two boxes, which of course Denny freaked out at first because he was like, What the fuck is this?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, Did they did they auto ship all this shit on vaccine?
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_01: Oh my god, you better check the bank account right now.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_01: He was like, What the fuck is going on?
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_01: We have never, you have never done this before.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_01: And I was like, I didn't do it.
• 14:03
  SPEAKER_01: I swear to God, I don't know what's happening.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Like, yes, it is everything that I take.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: I don't know how.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean it must be in my record somehow, but I I don't know how this would have happened.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_02: I don't know what kind of a mistake it is.
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_02: But if they made this mistake, I ain't sending it back.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like, that's all.
• 14:17
  SPEAKER_02: That's all I gotta say about that, you know.
• 14:19
  SPEAKER_02: Come to find out it wasn't a mistake.
• 14:22
  SPEAKER_02: It was my girls, it was them coming because they they didn't know how else to help.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_02: And and I do live an hour away, and and I and and we're the ones that cook for you guys, you know, and they and they knew that that my firefighter paramedic husband is also a damn good chef, so I am spoiled shitless in that department.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_02: And and but this was a way that they could help, and I am eternally grateful for that.
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_02: In doing all of that nutritionally, along with the added cardio that I was not previously doing, you can't add cardio to strengthen your heart and your lungs.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_02: The reason I are the reason I needed to get on a metabolic program, or what was making my mind feel better about it, is that this was a nine-hour surgery that is an incredibly long time for your body to be under anesthesia, and it's hard on your heart and your lungs, and that's scary.
• 15:29
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and nobody really thinks about that.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's interesting when we start talking about breathing, is to bring that back in about what you what you had to do in the hospital with that extra oxygen as well.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so we'll get yeah, absolutely, we'll get into that.
• 15:45
  SPEAKER_02: So, but it to sum up the prep for the surgery.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_02: Nutritionally, I added the calories, I added the supplements, and metabolically and physically, in doing that, I 28 days after I did the initial assessment, I was again retested and I gained two pounds of weight, which would freak some people out.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_02: But out of that two pounds of weight, 1.6 pounds of it was solid muscle, which is insane because you're in your 40s and you're a woman.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_02: I'm 46.
• 16:23
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not just in my 40s.
• 16:25
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah, that's right.
• 16:26
  SPEAKER_00: I know, but you feel like a baby to me.
• 16:28
  SPEAKER_02: I'm past the I'm past the midway point, babe.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm definitely I'm a middle-aged menopausal woman.
• 16:35
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, you can say it.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_02: Um I'm totally fine with it.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just not hi, my name is Adrian, and I'm a middle-aged menopausal woman.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna get that on my name tag and dash widow.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, middle cancer survivor widow.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: Shit show A, shit show B.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_00: Thing one, thing two.
• 16:56
  SPEAKER_00: Here we go.
• 16:57
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, so in that, so I gained two pounds of I'm doing air quotes weight, 1.6 pounds of that solid muscle.
• 17:07
  SPEAKER_02: And I increased my VO2 max by four and a half percent in 28 days.
• 17:14
  SPEAKER_00: So then when you're looking at VO2 max or you're looking at the increase or the decrease, whatever the numbers may show after the initial test and they come back for the second test, do you see a good amount of people that follow the regimen increasing their VO2 max?
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, and when they do the homework.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's it.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_02: If you do the work, it works.
• 17:38
  SPEAKER_02: If you take the test and you don't know, don't do any of the homework, then no, you don't see a change.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_02: Just like anything else.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_02: If you don't do the homework, you're not gonna learn the shit.
• 17:47
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah.
• 17:48
  SPEAKER_00: So well, let's also talk about the fact that you're a big time fucking rule follower, which is really funny because Exactly.
• 17:55
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm also I'm also um a rule breaker.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: I know that's what I find really funny, is that I want to know anarchists.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: So which which rules do you get to pick that you are gonna follow?
• 18:11
  SPEAKER_02: The ones that make sense.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay, the ones that make sense to my analytical rational brain.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_02: And I tr I trust the science.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_02: I know this.
• 18:23
  SPEAKER_02: I am a metabolic technician.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_02: I have been a metabolic technician with this company for eight years.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_02: I have watched it literally save people's lives.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_02: I had a client of mine not very long ago who came to me and told me that her metabolic test, I had been testing her for years, and her metabolic test was the thing that told her that when her doctor said, Oh, it's just a fatty lump in your breast, don't worry about it.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_02: Her doctor of over 20 years, she knew something was wrong because when she was doing her homework, she could no longer hit her zones.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_02: And she was an at she's been an athlete her whole life.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_02: She knew, just like we, she knew her body, and she went and got a second opinion.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_02: And guess what?
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Breast cancer.
• 19:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 19:14
  SPEAKER_02: Stage two.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_02: But she's yeah, she's okay, and she's with us still, and she's still a client, and it's fantastic.
• 19:22
  SPEAKER_02: But I'm what I'm saying is that these things uh I trust the system, I know the system, and I know that it works, which is why I went to road as soon as I knew that we that I needed this, and I said, help me, and he did.
• 19:37
  SPEAKER_02: And and look what happened.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_02: I yeah, what it means for those who don't understand what a VO2 max is, that's the volume of oxygen that your body is able to convert from your heart rate.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like you breathe in, and then your the oxygen has to go somewhere, it has to get converted and and get into your bloodstream so that then your heart can then push the blood with the oxygen out to the tissues that need it.
• 20:11
  SPEAKER_02: So, because oxygen is fuel for the for the muscle in the body, right?
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 20:15
  SPEAKER_02: So that's it.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_00: So let's go back to your rule following and your anarchist mindset as well.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_00: Um so before surgery, you had to do some preparatory things, like the striker pads.
• 20:32
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so so coming up to um leading that was all the month before, right?
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_02: Coming up to the day before.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_02: Um I had downloaded a 42-page document from John Hopskins University on this exact um bilateral mastectomy with the deep flap surgery and the prep and everything to get the instructions.
• 20:59
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I loved my entire team.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_02: I love the hospital system that I'm supposed to be in.
• 21:05
  unknown: I know.
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_02: Really?
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_02: You are so dramatic.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, so leading up to um that was all the stuff that I did prep-wise.
• 21:16
  SPEAKER_02: You know, worked out, did the thing, got the retest, got which helped my confidence level and the anxiety that was building in my brain about this horrendous procedure I was gonna have to go through.
• 21:29
  SPEAKER_02: And then um the day, so what it said was you had to wash your entire body with an antibacterial uh soap, and when they mean it's head to toe, you have to wash your hair with it, wash your entire body, scrub everything, sleep in clean clothes on clean sheets, oh, and wipe yourself with these striker pads, which Or like it's it's it's a it's a bunch of chemicals to just basically remove all of the bacteria from the outside of your skin.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_02: And also all the like oils and such, right?
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, everything.
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_02: You're not allowed to put any lotion or chapstick or uh uh deodorant or anything else on your skin.
• 22:22
  SPEAKER_02: You sleep in in clean clothes, in clean sheets, then you have to wake up and repeat the process again.
• 22:28
  SPEAKER_02: Wash, remove all the oils from your hair, your scalp, your skin, your body, remove um, excuse me, metal, um, jewelry.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_02: I had to take my nose ring out, you know, everything like that.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then wipe again with these crazy wipes.
• 22:47
  SPEAKER_02: So we go, we check into the hospital.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_02: Um, St.
• 22:51
  SPEAKER_02: David's is a fantastic facility.
• 22:53
  SPEAKER_02: They were right on time.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_02: We were right on time.
• 22:56
  SPEAKER_02: They got me in.
• 22:57
  SPEAKER_02: I had to fill out again all of the forms.
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_02: The repetitiveness is just Well, that's what that's one thing I was gonna say.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, can that we figure out some way to make it so that that information is shareable?
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: So we don't have to answer the same fucking questions over and over and over again.
• 23:17
  SPEAKER_00: So annoying.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's not that it's shareable.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_02: I believe that it's it it's redundancy and it's it's excess and it's it's wasteful, which is which why do we do that?
• 23:29
  SPEAKER_02: So we can charge more money.
• 23:31
  unknown: Oh, well, there we go.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_02: So we can give more people jobs and we can charge more money.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_02: That's why.
• 23:38
  SPEAKER_02: So it because it's unnecessary, it's absolutely unnecessary.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_02: No one else, yeah.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, that's a whole nother subject, and we have a whole lot more to talk about.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_02: I um so we get in and then and then I find out after doing all of my prep exactly the way that I was told to do.
• 23:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, we get in and the nurse tells me, Okay, now you got to strip down, and I need you to wipe your body head to toe with these wipes for a third time.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Are you kidding me?
• 24:13
  SPEAKER_02: And my husband just looked at me and he's like, Listen, he was like, Nobody does what you did, nobody listens, nobody reads the directions, nobody, everybody lies, you know, nobody, nobody does what they're supposed to do.
• 24:27
  SPEAKER_02: So yeah, they're gonna make sure because it's the liability that they're if you get an infection, they're liable for it.
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_02: So bring on the hives.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_02: My entire body breaks out um head to toe.
• 24:42
  SPEAKER_02: My skin is on fire.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_02: I'm crying at this point because I'm itching so bad, and my skin is hot, and then the hot flashes hit, and I lose my shit.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, I need you to get someone, better put me to sleep because no one is gonna want to live with me if I have to be in here for much longer like this.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I'm I'm literally I'm itching out of my skin.
• 25:10
  SPEAKER_02: Like, itching is one of the worst things in your mind, and so I need to put that in the column of what I was not expecting.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 25:18
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea that I was gonna have to deal like with that.
• 25:22
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea that my skin was gonna react that way.
• 25:25
  SPEAKER_02: I had no idea that nobody actually follows the directions, you know?
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_02: And if I hadn't done it, if I had not followed the directions and been like the general population of idiots that they're walking around everywhere, I probably would have been fine because it would have wiped it off once and I probably wouldn't have had this, but it it was it was miserable.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and and then I was introduced to a beautiful drug called gabapentin.
• 25:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I'm not a big fan of gabapentin, but that's because I was on a fuck ton of it for a very long time.
• 26:00
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, these this was a very different situation.
• 26:03
  SPEAKER_02: I had never had it before.
• 26:05
  SPEAKER_02: My husband actually told me that he has never seen a reaction the way that, like, five the girl gets my IV in, they're doing all the prep.
• 26:14
  SPEAKER_02: They can see my anxiety.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_02: I'm crying, I'm freaking out, like they can see it's getting worse by the moment my my blood pressure is going through the roof, my pulse is like crazy.
• 26:24
  SPEAKER_02: And um, she gives me the gabapentin, and instantly my anxiety comes down, and I can breathe.
• 26:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, that's crazy.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_02: And I so then I go into my head and I start with my deep breaths, and I'm breathing, and I'm trying to get comfortable in the hospital, ugly sticky socks, and the you know, all this other stuff.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_02: And after that, the last thing I remember is um my stretcher hitting the wall.
• 27:00
  SPEAKER_02: Because somebody steered you into the wall.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_02: Yep, absolutely.
• 27:04
  SPEAKER_02: I kissed I kissed my husband goodbye and I asked him to please not lose my glasses or my cell phone, and and and I told him I would see him on the other side, and and then the and then the the last thing I remember is somebody wheeled me into a wall.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know where.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_00: Can you imagine if like that literally was your last memory ever?
• 27:29
  SPEAKER_00: And I hit a wall.
• 27:30
  SPEAKER_02: I hit a wall, and then um I wake up in um or I'm starting to become conscious in recovery, and I'm not in pain.
• 27:41
  SPEAKER_02: I am hot as hell because I believe that I'm having a hot flash, but I can't talk yet.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_02: I can hear everybody around me, and all I can all I'm thinking is, what are they trying to do?
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_02: Cook me to death?
• 27:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I hear my nurse, and she's really sweet, like she had not left my side.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_02: I could feel her next to me on my left side because my right side is where um they had to take the lymph nodes out.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_02: So they were being real real careful on that side.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: She's on my left side, and I heard her tell somebody else, absolutely not.
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_02: She's been waiting an hour and a half.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_02: The next bed is hers.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_02: Call her husband and tell her ever tell him everything's okay.
• 28:23
  SPEAKER_02: We just need to wait on her room.
• 28:25
  SPEAKER_02: I find out later that I was I was in recovery for three hours waiting on my room.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, we were all kind of freaking out because we knew you were okay, but then he hadn't gone back to see you yet.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, which is not a good feeling for your family after a nine-hour or it wait, it was supposed to be a nine-hour surgery.
• 28:43
  SPEAKER_02: Ended up only being seven and a half because my surgeon said that it was textbook.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_02: Everything was perfect.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_02: My tissue couldn't have been more perfect the way that they needed it to be.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and I didn't really understand what that meant because I was under I'm still on drugs, but I was on a lot more drugs then.
• 29:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so come to find out, it's because I move for a living.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_02: My fascia is healthy, my muscle is strong and pliable, which means that they were able to move things around the way that they needed to in order to do what they needed to do.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, and that makes sense too, because if you think about your fascia and it's it is like a living organism that wraps as a sheath around your whole body, right?
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_00: Inside, and it wraps in different patterns and energy lines that follow different muscle lines of the and uh movement in the body.
• 29:41
  SPEAKER_00: So the fact that you had this much knowledge of your body beforehand, and then basically were like what they would be studying in school textbook.
• 29:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yep.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_02: So, yeah, so um my cancer surgeon, she had said that it would take about two and a half hours.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_02: She was done with her part in less than two, um, which made Dr.
• 30:03
  SPEAKER_02: Snyder even happier.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_02: Um, because he and Dr.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_02: Jen got in and got started and then ended up getting finished again ahead of schedule because um my tissue moved where they needed it to.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't have to struggle to like, you know, pull apart the muscle fibers and to get things to um cooperate, I guess.
• 30:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, and the uh so one of the things that's really cool about fascia, and there's a a video by a guy named uh Dr.
• 30:29
  SPEAKER_00: Gil Headley, and it's called The Fuzz.
• 30:32
  SPEAKER_00: Um, you can see it on YouTube.
• 30:34
  SPEAKER_00: If I remember, I'll try to throw it in the show notes.
• 30:36
  SPEAKER_00: He talks about fascia and he talks about how if you go to sleep at night and you wake up in the morning and you stretch, right?
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_00: Like you take a big morning stretch, you'll feel the fuzz of the fascia settling overnight kind of break up.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: But when people have surgeries or they have an injury, let's say I hurt my shoulder, so I don't move my shoulder for the night.
• 31:01
  SPEAKER_00: And the next morning I don't stretch out my shoulder, I keep it tight to my body, and then that's one day a fuzz, next day a fuzz, and fuzz develops between the tissue of the muscle and the fascia and skin.
• 31:12
  SPEAKER_00: All that tissue needs to be able to glide, and when it's not gliding, it's like two pieces of paper glued together and you're trying to fix it.
• 31:21
  SPEAKER_00: And that's how you get frozen shoulder.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah, exactly, because you don't move, and because fear-based non-movement is really difficult for people.
• 31:30
  SPEAKER_00: They don't understand that your fascia is what's holding you together, it's what's keeping you healthy.
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_00: And if you're you're drying out, if you're dehydrated, your fascia gets dry, your muscles get dry.
• 31:42
  SPEAKER_00: Everything starts to break down quicker.
• 31:45
  SPEAKER_00: So the fact that you know this and you have this information, like I can't imagine an average Jane that goes into the surgery.
• 31:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how?
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_02: I'm definitely not the average bear, and I know that.
• 31:58
  SPEAKER_02: I have I've been underestimated my entire life, and usually I'm I'm used to it.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_02: I I've actually learned to use it.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_00: Channel it to your to your wit to your uh you can channel that kind of energy into your strength.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_02: Well, it it's more than that.
• 32:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's like uh they don't see me coming.
• 32:21
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're sneaky.
• 32:24
  SPEAKER_02: So I'm just like, okay, don't pay attention to me.
• 32:27
  SPEAKER_02: I'll just win.
• 32:29
  SPEAKER_02: And yeah, and you'll figure it out later.
• 32:33
  SPEAKER_02: Um that's so not where we were going with this next.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, it's widow brain and drug brain are not a good No, we were talking about how like then you woke up from the anesthesia, you hear this woman who's advocating for you, and then you're talking about being underestimated by people, and this is the perfect segue into that.
• 32:53
  SPEAKER_00: Gotcha.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 32:54
  SPEAKER_02: So I finally, so I get into my room, which I'm telling you, I'm really impressed with the St.
• 33:00
  SPEAKER_02: David's entire system in Austin, Texas.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_02: They're fantastic.
• 33:05
  SPEAKER_02: My my team, every single nurse was fantastic.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_02: Every every person in my care team was fantastic, um, except for one, and we'll get to that.
• 33:18
  SPEAKER_02: But um I I was not I did not expect to have to have um a nasal candula candula?
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_02: Cannula.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_02: Cannula.
• 33:32
  SPEAKER_00: C-A-N-N-U-L-A.
• 33:34
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_02: Um, which is the oxygen that has the two little tubes that go up your nose, right?
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_02: And they're feeding you oxygen.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_02: And so that confused me.
• 33:46
  SPEAKER_02: And because I know that I'm in good shape, and I'm like, how much longer do I have to have this thing?
• 33:51
  SPEAKER_02: Like it was drying my nose out, and and I started getting bloody noses.
• 33:56
  SPEAKER_02: And and so the nurse she explained to me, she's like, no, she's like, honey, we're super oxygenating your tissue because you just had a tissue transplant.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, oh my god.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_02: And then I think Joseph Pilates was so ahead of his time because the whole reason we do the hundred, anybody that's ever done Pilates, the whole reason we do the hundred is to super oxygenate your tissue to get it full of oxygen so that you can move and that you can heal and you can um yeah, just live better.
• 34:29
  SPEAKER_02: And so that made me feel better.
• 34:32
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but then at the same time, I was like, oh shit, what do you mean I have to have this thing in the whole for three days?
• 34:37
  SPEAKER_02: I have to wear this thing.
• 34:39
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my lord.
• 34:41
  SPEAKER_02: So um, and and she had said that the she was like, Are you it it's still dry?
• 34:47
  SPEAKER_02: What well we have it all the way um um what do you call um humidified?
• 34:54
  SPEAKER_02: Like we have we have it, it's all the way humidified.
• 34:56
  SPEAKER_02: Like she's talking about, oh well, it shouldn't be.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just like But you're in a hospital, it's dry in a hospital, it's super fucking dry in a hospital.
• 35:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I breathe for a living.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 35:08
  SPEAKER_02: It it was just a weird that I was not I was not expecting that.
• 35:12
  SPEAKER_00: That was no, I didn't expect that either.
• 35:14
  SPEAKER_00: And in fact, like we talked about beforehand going into the surgery of like prepping yourself and breathing and practice breathing, and that's the biggest tool you have for sure.
• 35:23
  SPEAKER_02: It's one of my crutches, like it's one of the things that saved me in so many different ways in my life.
• 35:30
  SPEAKER_02: It's not a crutch though, and and well, no, because it's a tool, it's a tool, that's right.
• 35:35
  SPEAKER_02: That's a better word.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_02: It's a better word.
• 35:37
  SPEAKER_02: I was also really not understanding exactly the extent of not being able to move at all.
• 35:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like, at all, at all.
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_02: I I I couldn't sit up, I couldn't twist, I could not bring my own ass cheek up on one side when I was sliding down the bed.
• 36:01
  SPEAKER_02: Like I had to have I had I learned how Denny moves patients in in and out of stretchers like really easily, and he's damn good at it.
• 36:10
  SPEAKER_02: But I had no idea.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, damn, babe, no wonder your back hurts all the time.
• 36:13
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, this you're doing because I'm not an overweight person, and the majority of our population is, and he's doing this, you know.
• 36:21
  SPEAKER_02: They're they that's how they do these things, you know, all the time.
• 36:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, so that was also a really unexpected um thing.
• 36:30
  SPEAKER_00: Um well, and you have a really strong relationship with your body, and most people don't.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_00: And so when you have a strong relationship with your body, and then your body has been surgically cut open, and you are now in a situation of I can't even feel my stomach.
• 36:48
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, yeah.
• 36:49
  SPEAKER_02: That was the yeah, that was sorry, that was my whole point.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_02: Was like um for this specific, because it's so traumatic and it's so intense, they inject this like numbing agent really deep into your tissue, which I am eternally grateful for because I cannot imagine like I know the pain that I've been through now, and um I can't imagine what it would have been like if they had if they didn't do that part of it.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: Excuse me.
• 37:23
  SPEAKER_02: But the other part is it's completely numb.
• 37:27
  SPEAKER_02: So then when I'm trying to breathe and like like belly breathe, oh that's the other thing I said, they said, Oh yeah, your stomach is just gonna feel really tight.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_02: And I I didn't understand what they meant, like I thought I understood what they meant by that because they explained to me, you know, oh, we're gonna cut this part of your skin, and then we're gonna stretch this part down, and then we're gonna stitch you, and it's gonna look like you got a tummy tuck, and we're gonna cut you from hip to hip.
• 37:55
  SPEAKER_02: And so I thought, okay, well, that just means like it's gonna feel like the skin is like like tight.
• 38:03
  SPEAKER_02: But it wasn't that that that is so not the case.
• 38:06
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I mean, that's there, but that's like 10% of it.
• 38:11
  SPEAKER_02: The rest of it was I could not feel my core at all.
• 38:18
  SPEAKER_02: Like, and here I am two weeks out, and I'm I'm barely able to feel parts of it now.
• 38:24
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I I took a breath for you earlier, and you were just like, Oh my god, because like a week ago I couldn't do that, and um that shocked me because because you know, yeah, I'm like, well, surely, like this is the average population.
• 38:43
  SPEAKER_02: Like, they're like talking about, oh, you're in your you know, this is gonna happen, and all of the studies are done on mostly most people that are not in shape and that don't have a connection to their body and don't understand how to breathe and and don't use the muscles that we have control over.
• 39:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, they can they can't feel their pelvic floor, they don't know what you know, engaging any of that stuff feels like.
• 39:06
  SPEAKER_02: So all of a sudden that was taken from me.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_00: And it's your biggest tool because you are a mover and a breather, and you've used breath to help regulate your nervous system.
• 39:19
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 39:21
  SPEAKER_02: That that was one of the things, and and starting to feel trapped and a little claustrophobic and being in the bed and not being able to move, and I like I literally couldn't even move my own pillow.
• 39:35
  SPEAKER_02: Like I I that's so not me.
• 39:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um well no, and think about too.
• 39:41
  SPEAKER_00: So, like once once you were in the hospital the next day after the surgery, you had PT come in.
• 39:50
  SPEAKER_02: No, I had the respiratory therapist come in.
• 39:54
  SPEAKER_02: And um, so they give you this, they give you this little weird-looking tool.
• 40:01
  SPEAKER_02: Um, for anybody that doesn't know it's um oh my god spirometer.
• 40:06
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
• 40:07
  SPEAKER_02: God, I'm still, guys, I'm still on painkillers, and my brain is still not a hundred percent.
• 40:12
  SPEAKER_02: So uh dots are not connecting.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_00: I also think that your brain just does not want to remember that word because I've said that word to you like 18,000 times, and every time you look at me and you just go, and I go, spirometer.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_02: Thank you, because I just don't know why.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_02: Anyway, so yeah, she comes in and she's like, Okay, this might this is gonna hurt, but I'm gonna need you to inhale as deep as you can.
• 40:37
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna need you to pull this, like, and and it and this little uh mouthpiece goes in your mouth and it's connected to a tube-like thing with a with a ball inside of it, basically, and that has a little marker.
• 40:51
  SPEAKER_02: And so as you inhale, it's supposed to measure the volume of air, I guess, that you can take into your lungs, right?
• 40:59
  SPEAKER_02: Because they don't when especially when you're under an anesthesia for as long as I was, um, you can get pneumonia and and parts of your lungs.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_02: I found out parts of your lungs sometimes don't wake up from the anesthesia.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, they kind of go to sleep.
• 41:14
  SPEAKER_02: And so um I was like, wait, what?
• 41:18
  SPEAKER_02: And so um, and I remember when my son had surgery uh years ago, I thought it was a blow.
• 41:25
  SPEAKER_02: You know, and maybe they do for different for different surgeries, I don't know, but mine it was an inhale, and so I was like, okay, I kind of looked at her funny, and this is remember, this is when I had the button for delauded.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my god, wait, so I need to I need to take a little tangent here because that was probably one of my fucking favorite moments of this hellhole that we've been through for the past few months.
• 41:47
  SPEAKER_00: Is that you called me up and you just go, wait, listen, listen, and it was silent, and then I heard beep beep, and she goes, That's my drugs.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_00: I got a button, and I can press the button and have drugs whenever I wanted.
• 42:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was looking for high points, okay, quite literally.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_02: Looking for high points, and I was bored and I was feeling I was missing you guys, and just you know, feeling so far away.
• 42:17
  SPEAKER_02: And it but yeah, there was it.
• 42:19
  SPEAKER_02: That was that was that was I thought that was really cool.
• 42:22
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, really?
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_02: I can just push as many times I want.
• 42:25
  SPEAKER_02: She's like, Yeah, baby, it's on a regulator, like you're not gonna OD or anything, but if you feel like you need it, press it.
• 42:31
  SPEAKER_02: That's what we're here for.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_02: If you're in pain, you can't heal.
• 42:34
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, okay.
• 42:36
  SPEAKER_02: So um, and I believe that I had just hit the um button when the um respiratory respiratory, thank you.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_02: The respiratory therapist came in with this thing, right?
• 42:50
  SPEAKER_02: And so I'm like looking at her, kind of confused.
• 42:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a little out of it, or whatever.
• 42:54
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, it's okay.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, it's gonna take you some practice.
• 42:58
  SPEAKER_02: Nobody gets this on the first time, don't worry.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_02: And so I was like feeling like, okay, this is the weirdest thing.
• 43:04
  SPEAKER_02: So I put the thing in my mouth, and again, I can't feel my belly, and that's usually where I breathe.
• 43:11
  SPEAKER_02: I don't, I don't breathe like you don't breathe in upper quadrant.
• 43:15
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 43:16
  SPEAKER_02: Like uh I had uh uh one of my Pilates um instructors uh um at another place, not where we work, um, but she explained to me that the majority of the population run around breathing like hyperactive chihuahuas all the time, you know.
• 43:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's called paradoxical breathing, it's backwards breathing.
• 43:35
  SPEAKER_00: You breathe into just your upper quadrants of your lungs and you never take a full breath.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 43:39
  SPEAKER_02: So, and that's not how I breathe.
• 43:41
  SPEAKER_02: But I was like confused because I'm like, she wants me to breathe in, but I can't feel my stomach.
• 43:47
  SPEAKER_02: I can't feel okay, and I'm like, okay, well, I just hit the button, so let's see, let's see how we can.
• 43:53
  SPEAKER_02: And so I took what was at that point a full breath for me.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_02: And it did not feel like a full breath for me.
• 44:02
  SPEAKER_02: It felt like a third of a breath for me.
• 44:06
  SPEAKER_02: And I like almost started crying.
• 44:09
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, and oh, I should say the ball went over the line.
• 44:16
  SPEAKER_02: So she was like, Oh my God, that was amazing.
• 44:20
  SPEAKER_02: You can you do that again?
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, what?
• 44:24
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, that's not a full breath.
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, honey, you're doing fantastic.
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_02: You need to, yeah, can you do that again?
• 44:30
  SPEAKER_02: I was like, yeah, like it's no big deal.
• 44:32
  SPEAKER_02: Like it's like, that's not even a full breath here, you know.
• 44:35
  SPEAKER_02: And so I did it again.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_02: And then I did it again.
• 44:38
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, okay.
• 44:39
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, so what I need you to do is I need you to do that 10 times every hour, or just like whenever you remember, you know, because I think you pretty much got this down.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_02: And um, maybe tomorrow, like, you know, we'll push the button up or something.
• 44:52
  SPEAKER_02: Or uh no, she she she raised the line, is what she did.
• 44:57
  SPEAKER_02: She raised the line and she was like, Okay, can you can you can you hit can you do that line?
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, oh my God, this is gonna get really annoying.
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I did it and I did it again, and I hit that, and she was like, Oh my god.
• 45:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Okay, now I'm tired.
• 45:11
  SPEAKER_02: And I mean, this is like a day after surgery, so yeah.
• 45:15
  SPEAKER_02: But she was like, kind of, you don't have to do any more.
• 45:17
  SPEAKER_02: That was fantastic.
• 45:18
  SPEAKER_02: Um, but it was just another example of being underestimated, you know, in every aspect of this journey.
• 45:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I try and tell people what I do for a living and who I am and how um important my body is and what I've been doing.
• 45:38
  SPEAKER_00: And um yeah, I just thought that was really funny.
• 45:43
  SPEAKER_00: For me, that was something that I was most concerned about was hey, how are we breathing?
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the things that you said was it feels better to breathe into your back.
• 45:53
  SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
• 45:54
  SPEAKER_02: Well, I mean, I I couldn't feel my stomach.
• 45:56
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 45:57
  SPEAKER_02: My husband, he knew on how to manipulate the way that I needed to sit, or it wasn't even a sit.
• 46:05
  SPEAKER_02: It's like a lie with um with your your your knees had to be up because your legs can't be straight because you can't stretch your stomach.
• 46:14
  SPEAKER_02: You can't stretch those incisions, then you can't lay flat because again, you can't stretch the stomach.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and they have to come and literally take this surgical bra off and check your breast tissue every hour on the hour to make sure that that the transplant took, basically, right?
• 46:35
  SPEAKER_02: So you have these weird little sensors attached to where my nipples used to be on the what I found out was the abdominal muscle that they took.
• 46:46
  SPEAKER_02: That's the skin that's gonna become the new nipples.
• 46:50
  SPEAKER_02: And but they had surgically attached these uh sensors that had lights on them, so it was they were sewn to my skin, or well, I guess muscle, but it muscle is now turning into skin.
• 47:09
  SPEAKER_02: They were sewn in, yeah.
• 47:11
  SPEAKER_00: So your boobies were light nap?
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, I had two.
• 47:15
  SPEAKER_02: It was the weirdest thing I was I remember being high on the drugs at one time, and I was telling Denny, I was like, Well, you've never seen these at Burning Man.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_02: Ow, that hurts.
• 47:29
  SPEAKER_02: Don't make me laugh.
• 47:31
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, okay.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_02: Breathe.
• 47:33
  SPEAKER_02: But again, they didn't tell they told me that I was gonna have sensors.
• 47:38
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't tell me they were gonna be sewn into my body.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_02: You know what I mean?
• 47:43
  SPEAKER_00: So are they still there?
• 47:45
  SPEAKER_02: No, no, they they no they clipped them out on the third day when I was when I was finally like um detached from everything and able to take a shower.
• 47:53
  SPEAKER_02: Like they had to, they had to do, I couldn't take a shower.
• 47:55
  SPEAKER_02: I still had um my my whole right boob was blue, like alien blue, from the dye that they had to put in in order to find the lymph node that they needed to take out.
• 48:07
  SPEAKER_02: I I was lucky and I they only had to take one out.
• 48:10
  SPEAKER_02: But they didn't tell they told me they had to inject dye.
• 48:12
  SPEAKER_02: They didn't tell me that my right whole my whole right breast was gonna be alien piss blue.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, that's something that they should include in the in the pre-op notes.
• 48:21
  SPEAKER_02: You would think I just I don't know, because like when you go for a CT scan and they say, Oh, we're gonna inject the dye now, you never see the dye.
• 48:31
  SPEAKER_02: So this was a completely different scenario.
• 48:33
  SPEAKER_02: And then, because I had to have a catheter, you um, they were measuring.
• 48:38
  SPEAKER_02: So then my piss was alien piss blue as the dye was leaving my body.
• 48:44
  SPEAKER_02: So this is another thing I was not prepared for, and that they didn't tell me it was gonna happen.
• 48:49
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like freaking out at first.
• 48:52
  SPEAKER_02: What is happening?
• 48:53
  SPEAKER_00: And they're like, Well, plus the fact that you are very um conscious about plastics, about um, you know, detergents, about poisons, toxic stuff in our food and and in your clothing.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_00: So then to see your pea and your boob blue is fucking terrifying.
• 49:11
  SPEAKER_02: It was like neon blue, Adrian.
• 49:13
  SPEAKER_02: It wasn't even like a normal, it was like it was like the you know, the little videos I send you guys of the aliens, the blue one, like that's the color it was.
• 49:22
  SPEAKER_02: It was crazy.
• 49:23
  SPEAKER_02: I just don't know how to it was like that blue, it was nuts.
• 49:27
  SPEAKER_02: So that's that was another thing that was just not expected and it was not explained, and it was not in the 42-page document that I downloaded from Johns Hopkins University.
• 49:39
  SPEAKER_02: And um, yeah, I think people should know that.
• 49:42
  SPEAKER_02: This is just uh it it's it's amazing.
• 49:44
  SPEAKER_02: We've made fantastic.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_02: I I mean, just the the fact that you can transplant your own body tissue from one place to another so that you don't have to have plastics in your body and other kinds of implants, like that, that's an amazing um advancement.
• 50:01
  SPEAKER_02: But we need to do better at educating and preparing people for what they're gonna, you know, do.
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_02: Um the drains were awful.
• 50:12
  SPEAKER_02: They they did tell me that I was gonna have to have four drains.
• 50:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I they did not tell me that they were stitched into your body.
• 50:20
  SPEAKER_02: They that that were, you know, they didn't tell me um that I was gonna have to squirt the liquid out of them every single day and measure it and keep a log for weeks.
• 50:32
  SPEAKER_02: I they that part was not explained.
• 50:35
  SPEAKER_00: You aren't one to be like, hey, can you guys help me do this?
• 50:38
  SPEAKER_00: Like, hey, would you mind like picking up this bag and putting it in my car for me?
• 50:43
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't ask for help.
• 50:45
  SPEAKER_00: And now you're in a situation where you don't have a choice.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_02: No, I'm the helper.
• 50:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm the one that's there, I'm the one that that's my job.
• 50:53
  SPEAKER_02: I'm I'm that's what I do, that's how I fill my cup is by helping others, and psychologically, oh my god, this fucked me up.
• 51:07
  SPEAKER_02: Having to literally make my poor, exhausted husband who I have to remind everyone, lost his mother to metastatic breast cancer.
• 51:22
  SPEAKER_02: And I had to wake him because I couldn't move a fucking pillow.
• 51:28
  SPEAKER_02: Like that's just ridiculous, you know?
• 51:30
  SPEAKER_02: And and and and the nursing staff was fantastic, but they can't be with you all the time.
• 51:35
  SPEAKER_02: So the first day checks were every hour on the hour for the first 24 hours.
• 51:40
  SPEAKER_02: The second day it was every two hours.
• 51:43
  SPEAKER_02: The third day, it was every four hours, and then I got to go home because I did so well.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_02: These stays are generally five-day stays, and I went home on the third day.
• 51:54
  SPEAKER_02: So um, and that's because of all of the things, you know, that we just talked about.
• 51:59
  SPEAKER_02: I am someone who is connected to my body very strongly, and I was not prepared for post-operative, what they call post-operative body disconnect.
• 52:14
  SPEAKER_02: Um where it it's a traumatic experience that involves a disruption in the mental image of one's physical self and feelings of complete alienation and strangeness toward the body.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I think I just told you guys, like yesterday.
• 52:37
  SPEAKER_02: Yay, I have a new belly button, but my birthmark is gone, and like it's just my my surgeons were fantastic, they are great people.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_02: My plastic surgeon, literally, I told you every single nurse that came, they were so good, and every single one of them that had to check my breasts were they were shocked.
• 53:01
  SPEAKER_02: They were like, they look so good.
• 53:03
  SPEAKER_02: Oh my god, he the man is an artist.
• 53:07
  SPEAKER_02: My husband agrees, by the way, which is good because I was, of course, worried about Frank and titties, and I I still believe I still feel like I have Frank and titties because I don't have nipples yet, and um, you know, all the incisions and everything are still very raw and well, and you're still really swollen too, and it's like uncomfortable.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's uncomfortable, and and I don't know what I'm what I'm actually gonna end up with yet, but um, you know, I I'm very familiar with body dysmorphia.
• 53:36
  SPEAKER_02: I'm very familiar with kind of like these other things because we deal with that a lot in in our industry and what we do.
• 53:46
  SPEAKER_02: I was not prepared for this for me, and I still am struggling with it because I it doesn't I don't feel like me, and I I don't know how long it's gonna take.
• 54:00
  SPEAKER_02: Um, I don't know.
• 54:02
  SPEAKER_02: All I know is that being able to slowly and intentionally move my body the way that I know that I can and that I will again, um, is the only thing that's keeping me sane.
• 54:21
  SPEAKER_02: I literally, there's people that don't know what gyrotonic, the gyrotonic method is will not understand this at all.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_02: But one of the only um I need to back up a second.
• 54:35
  SPEAKER_02: When your stomach is that tight, when you get up to walk or you get up at all, you cannot stand up straight.
• 54:45
  SPEAKER_02: So the erector spinae muscles, the muscles that are uh in your lower back, on either side of your spine, are taking the majority of your body weight.
• 54:56
  SPEAKER_02: And that is my body is not used to that at all because I walk with perfect posture.
• 55:02
  SPEAKER_02: I'm a Pilates instructor for God's sakes.
• 55:04
  SPEAKER_02: Posture is one of my pillars that was extremely hard to deal with.
• 55:10
  SPEAKER_02: And not like my pride was hurt.
• 55:13
  SPEAKER_00: It was more like it's almost like when we say recovery, we say healing.
• 55:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's not really we're not going back in time, we're not fixing things, we're not going back to the body that we used to have or back to uh, you know, uh a situation that's different.
• 55:28
  SPEAKER_00: It's like, no, we are moving forward with a new body, with a new way of moving, but the same knowledge.
• 55:36
  SPEAKER_02: I do have to say is that at every step, not only were the nurses and the respiratory therapist and the PT, which I have to talk talk about in a minute, every I blew their minds.
• 55:49
  SPEAKER_02: Like they didn't know what to do with me because I am an atypical patient.
• 55:55
  SPEAKER_02: I am not the typical patient.
• 55:57
  SPEAKER_02: So the things that I was able to do shocked them, and I didn't understand because I was like, What?
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_02: You want me to what?
• 56:09
  SPEAKER_02: Like okay, so now we have to talk about the PT.
• 56:12
  SPEAKER_02: The second day, the PT comes and she's like, Okay, now that we got the catheter out, you're gonna need to get up and walk.
• 56:21
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, thank God I need to get out of this bed.
• 56:25
  SPEAKER_02: I feel horrible.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_02: So stretching your legs, engaging your glutes, wrapping your glutes around your pelvis to stretch your low back and really engage deep into your pelvic floor, which had not been severed and had not been cut.
• 56:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I absolutely could engage that and not um uh wreck my recovery, you know, freaked the PT out.
• 56:54
  SPEAKER_02: She had no idea.
• 56:55
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, oh my god, what are you doing?
• 56:57
  SPEAKER_02: You shouldn't be doing that.
• 56:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I yes, I absolutely should.
• 57:00
  SPEAKER_02: I need to stretch this before I have to use my glutes and my quads to get up out of this bed because I cannot use my core.
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_02: Then she tells me, okay, we're gonna do this log roll.
• 57:14
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, what?
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, so this is how you're gonna have to do it.
• 57:18
  SPEAKER_02: You need to pull your knees up, you know, towards your chest, don't use your abs.
• 57:23
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm thinking, okay, first of all, do you even understand how we move our legs?
• 57:30
  SPEAKER_02: So, and then, and then she's like, and then you're gonna need to roll to your side, but you can't use your core, you can't pull with your arms, you can't push with your arms.
• 57:40
  SPEAKER_02: And I said to her, What do you want me to levitate?
• 57:44
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I looked at her like she was batshit crazy, and I'm like, you say these things to normal people and they don't understand what you mean.
• 57:51
  SPEAKER_02: I understand what you mean.
• 57:53
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, that's not possible.
• 57:55
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, Well, you're gonna need help.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Okay, well, what kind of help do I need?
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_02: Then how about you tell me?
• 58:01
  SPEAKER_02: Well, how let's have him come behind you and then he can push you over on your side, and then he can pull you up.
• 58:08
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, Oh my god, okay.
• 58:12
  SPEAKER_02: So we did that, and then she's like, Okay, now take just a minute.
• 58:16
  SPEAKER_02: And so I was like, Yeah, I need to take a couple of breaths because I need to like um make sure that I don't get lightheaded.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_02: I've been in the bed for I don't even know how long at this point.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and so I engage my quads, I engage my glutes, and I stand up into my old lady stance, which I knew was as much as I could do.
• 58:37
  SPEAKER_02: And so she's like, Oh, she's like, Are you okay with that?
• 58:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Yeah.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_02: I thought you said we were gonna walk.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_02: I'm just standing.
• 58:47
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, Well, yeah, that's the first step.
• 58:50
  SPEAKER_02: And I was just like, Okay, where are we walking to?
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, Well, let's just go to the door and back.
• 58:55
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, Oh my god.
• 58:58
  SPEAKER_02: I took another deep breath and I looked at my husband and he was just like, Oh my god.
• 59:03
  SPEAKER_02: He's like, She's gonna kill her.
• 59:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I walked to the door and she's like, You're fine.
• 59:09
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, Yeah, I need to go for a walk.
• 59:12
  SPEAKER_02: Like, I need to move my body.
• 59:14
  SPEAKER_02: I need to go, I need to move.
• 59:15
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, which way do you want me to go?
• 59:18
  SPEAKER_02: I'm not going back to the bed.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so she, I'm like, right or left.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_02: And she's like, okay, go left.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_02: We'll just go for a couple and then we can come back whenever you're tired.
• 59:26
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, okay.
• 59:27
  SPEAKER_02: So I walked to the end of the hallway, and she, and we're at the gym already.
• 59:33
  SPEAKER_02: And she was like, Oh my God, I can't believe she's like, Are you sure you're okay?
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_02: You're not lightheaded, you're not tired, you're not this, you're not that.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, no.
• 59:41
  SPEAKER_02: And I'm still in my old lady's stance.
• 59:43
  SPEAKER_02: Oh, oh, I forgot about the walker.
• 59:45
  SPEAKER_02: She wanted me to use a walker.
• 59:48
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I'm a 46-year-old physical, like, I'm a movement professional.
• 59:54
  SPEAKER_02: I've been pre and post-oping people for operations for 15 years.
• 1:00:01
  SPEAKER_02: I've I've uh I was a competitive swimmer for 10 years.
• 1:00:04
  SPEAKER_02: I was in the military.
• 1:00:05
  SPEAKER_02: I've told all these people who I am, and they just don't, they don't hear me.
• 1:00:10
  SPEAKER_02: They don't hear me.
• 1:00:11
  SPEAKER_02: They just, okay, whatever.
• 1:00:13
  SPEAKER_02: So we get to the gym, and their little, and I'm using air quotes again, their gym is this tiny little room with like a couple of medicine balls and like a couple of restrict um resistance bands.
• 1:00:25
  SPEAKER_02: And then they have this little setup that has it's like a triangle, three steps up to a little tiny platform, three steps down.
• 1:00:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like what you would see a dog go over in an agility course.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, exactly.
• 1:00:38
  SPEAKER_02: Exactly.
• 1:00:39
  SPEAKER_02: And so um, she's like, Tomorrow we'll do the stairs.
• 1:00:43
  SPEAKER_02: And I was like, I think I'll do them now.
• 1:00:45
  SPEAKER_02: And so I just walked up and I walked up the stairs.
• 1:00:49
  SPEAKER_02: She was like, Oh my god, that doesn't hurt.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_02: Are you sure you're okay?
• 1:00:52
  SPEAKER_02: I'm like, I'm fine.
• 1:00:54
  SPEAKER_02: I really need you to understand who I am and what I'm capable of because I'm really getting sick and tired of people not hearing me when I tell you what I can do.
• 1:01:05
  SPEAKER_02: And so I walk up the stairs and then I walk down the other side, which freaked her out.
• 1:01:11
  SPEAKER_02: And then she was like, Well, um, I guess I can sign you off then.
• 1:01:16
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, Would you please just sign the paper and tell them I can go home?
• 1:01:19
  SPEAKER_02: And so I walked all the way back and we were just fine.
• 1:01:23
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and then thank God I never had to see her again.
• 1:01:27
  SPEAKER_02: She was she was extraordinarily annoying because she she didn't listen to me.
• 1:01:33
  SPEAKER_02: Not one word that came out of my mouth.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_02: She just she didn't listen.
• 1:01:37
  SPEAKER_00: But do you also think that they're not listening because they don't have it themselves?
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_02: In this case, that's 100% accurate because this woman was not in shape, and she's a physical therapist.
• 1:01:50
  SPEAKER_02: I know brilliant physical therapists.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_02: I I believe that one of our besties is married to one.
• 1:01:58
  SPEAKER_02: And I believe that, but that is not the that that was not the case.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_02: This person was the only person in my care team that I was less than thrilled with at all.
• 1:02:07
  SPEAKER_02: Everybody else was phenomenal.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_02: I did shock the respiratory person, but everybody else was phenomenal.
• 1:02:13
  SPEAKER_02: My nurses, they just praised me.
• 1:02:16
  SPEAKER_02: They were like, You're doing so great.
• 1:02:17
  SPEAKER_02: I can't believe your support system.
• 1:02:20
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, so my amazing Sumi.
• 1:02:27
  SPEAKER_02: My amazing Sumi knew she knows me so well.
• 1:02:31
  SPEAKER_02: Sumi Sumi used to work with us um in San Antonio.
• 1:02:37
  SPEAKER_02: And for those who don't know Texas, um, Austin is about an hour to an hour and a half from San Antonio.
• 1:02:44
  SPEAKER_02: Her husband's job forced them to relocate to Austin a year ago.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_02: We are very close, and I did not want to have to tell her over the phone or in text or on Instagram that I had damn breast cancer.
• 1:03:02
  SPEAKER_02: And I knew Adrienne needed to get the hell out of the house.
• 1:03:05
  SPEAKER_02: And I said, bitch, get in the car, we're going to Austin.
• 1:03:08
  SPEAKER_02: We need a road trip, and we need to go and talk to Sumi.
• 1:03:11
  SPEAKER_02: We need to go and see her.
• 1:03:12
  SPEAKER_02: I need to tell her what's going on.
• 1:03:14
  SPEAKER_02: And um, and so we we had a fantastic lunch.
• 1:03:18
  SPEAKER_02: She picked a beautiful, beautiful vegan restaurant with it's operated by all volunteers because she knows me and she knows my mission so well.
• 1:03:32
  SPEAKER_02: And when I told her what I was gonna have to happen, she immediately, like, she didn't even skip a beat.
• 1:03:42
  SPEAKER_02: She told me, I'm gonna feed you.
• 1:03:45
  SPEAKER_02: Don't worry, I know you won't eat the hospital food.
• 1:03:48
  SPEAKER_02: You don't worry about a thing.
• 1:03:49
  SPEAKER_02: I'm gonna make you miso, I'm gonna bring you tofu and veggies.
• 1:03:52
  SPEAKER_02: Don't you worry, I'm gonna bring you food in the hospital.
• 1:03:56
  SPEAKER_00: And she did.
• 1:03:57
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, like, I think that's one thing that both of us can agree upon that through the trauma of 2026 our friends have been our angels.
• 1:04:11
  SPEAKER_00: Our tribe, our coven, our people, they've been there for us.
• 1:04:16
  SPEAKER_00: And you even said, like, in the hospital, they'd never even seen someone get food delivered from home.
• 1:04:22
  SPEAKER_02: No, they it's Uber Eats.
• 1:04:25
  SPEAKER_02: It's Uber Eats, but they I mean, even the hospital food, you know, is she knows me so well, and she didn't even skip a beat, and she knew that that would make me feel better immediately, that I wouldn't have to worry about trying to feed myself, and then not only that, she brought my husband and my children food so that I wouldn't have to worry about them eating Uber Eats or whatever, you know.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_02: And and and we did get an Airbnb, and my mother was there and they all cooked in the house, and and and that's something else that really helped was that you know, the support system of having my my husband and my family, my children there, my grown, uh, my my fully grown but not fully cooked yet children.
• 1:05:15
  SPEAKER_02: Um they're fully cooked.
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_02: They're they're getting there, but they just having them with me.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_02: Um, you know, the only the only people I missed were my my my girls, my tribe.
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_02: And I remember in the in the drug haze um being able to video call Adrian and just feel so much better because I felt my connection to my people.
• 1:05:40
  SPEAKER_02: Um, and that is you gotta find your tribe.
• 1:05:45
  SPEAKER_02: And if you're not in the situation that you need to be in, if you're not feeling, if you're not in an equal relationship, whether it be a romantic relationship or a friendship of any kind, if there's not an Equal energy exchange there.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_02: Get the fuck out.
• 1:06:05
  SPEAKER_00: Seriously.
• 1:06:06
  SPEAKER_02: Because this is where not only did it help me, but it also overwhelmed the staff.
• 1:06:19
  SPEAKER_02: The fact that my family came, that they were there, as many of them that there were there, that Sumi brought me homemade food.
• 1:06:29
  SPEAKER_02: Massa made me soup.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_02: I just felt the love and I needed it very badly because I didn't feel like myself.
• 1:06:42
  SPEAKER_02: I am used to being the helper, not the one being helped.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_00: When you came back from Austin, I got to spend the night here with you.
• 1:06:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember Yeah, the first day.
• 1:06:55
  SPEAKER_02: The first day when Denny had to leave and go to work.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you came to stay with me.
• 1:07:02
  SPEAKER_02: And immediately, like my anxiety just dropped because I felt safe.
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_02: And um yeah, I I just that the combination of my um my team there, like my caregiving team validating me because I got to leave on the third day, because I was able to shower myself the first time, and I didn't need any help because I was able to dress myself, because I was able to walk and check off the boxes and just do everything the first time.
• 1:07:41
  SPEAKER_02: That's the first time I felt validated and not underestimated.
• 1:07:47
  SPEAKER_02: And the combination of that, and then my circle of influence literally blowing everyone else away, reminded me that I am still me, even though I don't feel like me right now.
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_00: I can relate in a different way, you know, losing Brian and losing my other half for lack of a better term, and then having you, who, you know, you live an hour and a half from me, and you would drive over after working, you know, a 10-hour day and bring me dinner that your husband and your kids came and made dinner, and you showed up for me.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_00: And it was like, there's no fucking way I'm gonna let you be by yourself.
• 1:08:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, and here you are again.
• 1:08:37
  SPEAKER_00: No problem here.
• 1:08:38
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah, I love you.
• 1:08:40
  SPEAKER_00: I love you too.
• 1:08:41
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna get through all of this like we always do.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like, you know, kind of putting a little somewhat neat bow on this, you know, when you think about what actually is helping.
• 1:08:55
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's the small things, it's really not the big solutions.
• 1:08:59
  unknown: No.
• 1:09:01
  SPEAKER_02: No, it's the each day being able to breathe a little deeper, each day standing a little straighter, each day feeling a little stronger, each day feeling a little more connected to my people, even though I miss them so much.
• 1:09:23
  SPEAKER_02: I miss my clients so badly.
• 1:09:26
  SPEAKER_02: I feel like I've been I've been away from work for is it three weeks now?
• 1:09:31
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, almost almost a month.
• 1:09:34
  SPEAKER_02: It feels like forever.
• 1:09:37
  SPEAKER_00: Time just is not a normal construct anymore.
• 1:09:41
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that, you know, learning from you, I'm able to say like healing is showing up, it's being adaptable, it's staying present.
• 1:09:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's not about feeling good to be moving forward.
• 1:09:59
  SPEAKER_02: No, and it's also really important.
• 1:10:01
  SPEAKER_02: I think we remind each other quite a bit that I never have to do today again.
• 1:10:10
  SPEAKER_02: I did today, and now I just have to worry about tomorrow.
• 1:10:15
  SPEAKER_00: And you don't even have to worry about tomorrow.
• 1:10:17
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to breathe right now.
• 1:10:20
  SPEAKER_00: That's it.
• 1:10:21
  SPEAKER_00: Nora, thank you for being so vulnerable and thank you for being so open to share your story because I really hope and pray that the messages that we are giving on this podcast are not to be preachy.
• 1:10:35
  SPEAKER_00: We're not experts.
• 1:10:36
  SPEAKER_00: We are just normal average people that have a connection with our breath and our body and movement, and we want to share that with others so that you don't have to go through and tell your story.
• 1:10:47
  SPEAKER_00: You can learn from ours.
• 1:10:49
  SPEAKER_02: Yes.
• 1:10:50
  SPEAKER_02: I hope to bring awareness and understanding again that be living a healthy way of life is so much more than the fucking bikini body, or the I need to lose 10 pounds so I look good for these reunion pictures, or I need to wear this dress to this what like it's so much more than that.
• 1:11:18
  SPEAKER_02: It's I want to be able to get down on the ground and get back up again when I'm 96 years old.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_02: I want to be able to, I want to be able to beat cancer when it comes out of fucking nowhere.
• 1:11:31
  SPEAKER_02: I want to be able to be the example of what we eat, what we consume, not just like food-wise, but energy-wise on a daily basis, is it's more important than you think it is.
• 1:11:53
  SPEAKER_02: It's not our physical bodies require constant maintenance.
• 1:12:01
  SPEAKER_02: The second that you stop moving and stop learning, you start dying.
• 1:12:09
  SPEAKER_02: And that's where it's at through and through.
• 1:12:13
  SPEAKER_02: And if you want to be strong enough to live through when life throws shitballs at you, then you have to do something about it, and you have to do something about it on a regular basis.
• 1:12:24
  SPEAKER_02: It can't be on the back burner, it needs to be the way that you are, it needs to be who you are.
• 1:12:30
  SPEAKER_00: It takes time and it takes consistency and it takes patience with yourself and grace and being able to move forward.
• 1:12:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's not done overnight.
• 1:12:40
  SPEAKER_00: Just pick one little thing that you're gonna focus on this week and go with that.
• 1:12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe it's I'm gonna learn how to breathe.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take that extra second before I walk into that meeting.
• 1:12:48
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna take an extra breath before I respond to this email or this text.
• 1:12:52
  SPEAKER_00: The energy that you think about, you bring about.
• 1:12:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, there will be more in this story as my journey continues.
• 1:13:01
  SPEAKER_00: All right, say something to wrap it up.
• 1:13:04
  SPEAKER_02: Eat your beans, bitches.
• 1:13:06
  SPEAKER_00: We'll talk to you next week.
• 1:13:09
  SPEAKER_00: Bye.
• 1:13:10
  SPEAKER_00: Wherever you are right now, before you go, just pause with me.
• 1:13:18
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale and scrunch your shoulders up towards your ears super tight, like you're trying to hide your earlobes with your shoulders.
• 1:13:30
  SPEAKER_00: As you exhale, drop and release your shoulders down.
• 1:13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Allow them to feel heavy again.
• 1:13:41
  SPEAKER_00: Inhale and release everything.
• 1:13:56
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to hold all of it so tightly.
• 1:14:06
  SPEAKER_00: And when you're ready, I go to the end of the world.
• 1:14:12
  SPEAKER_00: If this conversation meant something to you, share it with someone who might need it too, or reach out and tell us what landed with you, you'll get changed on Instagram.
• 1:14:21
  SPEAKER_00: And before you go, take a breath.
• 1:14:26
  SPEAKER_00: Take a second.
• 1:14:29
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to have everything figured out right now.
• 1:14:33
  SPEAKER_00: We didn't plan for this.
• 1:14:35
  SPEAKER_00: Over here.