Latest / Jessi Morgan Devotions for the Christian Heart Podcast / You Can Be Loved...and Still Be the Disappointment

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You Can Be Loved...and Still Be the Disappointment · Jessi Morgan Devotions for the Christian Heart Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, hello.
• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: You're listening to the Jesse Morgan Devotions for the Christian Heart Podcast, episode 104.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: This week's devotional is titled, You Can Be Loved and Still Be the Disappointment.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: Study of David.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: Let's go.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Hi, I'm Jesse Morgan.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: I used to just share home decor and renovation tips on social media, but now I'm sharing something even closer to my heart.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: My journey in love for Jesus Christ, my Savior.
• 0:24
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Jesse Morgan Devotions for the Christian Hawk Podcast.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_00: This is a weekly devotional I started back in May 2024, but the inspiration for it came much earlier.
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_00: It was rooted in a faith journey that began when my daughter was born four months early in 2023.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_00: Through that challenging time, God worked in ways that truly amazed me.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_00: On this podcast, I share personal stories of faith woven together with Scripture to show just how incredible God's word can be in our everyday lives.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: My hope is that through these stories, you'll be encouraged, uplifted, and reminded of God's love and presence, no matter what you're going through.
• 1:02
  SPEAKER_00: So I invite you to spend less than 15 minutes with me each week as we reflect on these devotionals together.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_00: Let's all pray within.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: Episode 104, You Can Be Loved and Still Be the Disappointment.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_00: Key passages, 2 Samuel 18 and 19.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Hello, everyone, and welcome back.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: And again, I am so sorry, but it's a little heavy this week.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Again, we're continuing our story of David.
• 1:32
  SPEAKER_00: And we're still, like I said, we're still in his life, we're still going through it.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: And if you've been following along, you know this season of his life is not light.
• 1:42
  SPEAKER_00: It's layered, it's emotional, it's honestly really very real.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: But I will say this: even in the heaviness, there's so much reflection, there's so much truth.
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm just so thankful for what God is revealing through the study of David.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: So today we are in, like I said earlier, 2 Samuel chapters 18 and 19.
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: And just to recap where we are in the story, um, David's son, Absalom, has completely turned against him.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: He has undermined his father's leadership as king, he has created a full rebellion, and is now trying to take over as king of Israel.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: The nation is divided, there is literal civil war happening, and not only that, Absalon is plotting to kill his own father.
• 2:26
  SPEAKER_00: And at this point, David has fled.
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: He is barefoot out there, he is grieving, he is broken.
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: He has about 600 men with him that are loyal to him, but he is one of he is one of the lowest, this has to be one of the most lowest painful seasons of his life.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we know all of this traces back to 2 Samuel 11 and 12 with the sin of Bathsheba.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: And now we're seeing the ripple effects unfold in real time.
• 2:59
  SPEAKER_00: Absalon has taken advice on how to pursue his father.
• 3:03
  SPEAKER_00: He makes his move, and ultimately this rebellion leads to a really big and sad tragedy.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where we are.
• 3:11
  SPEAKER_00: And what we're really going to focus on today is David's grief, David's love, and what happens in those moments where relationships, you know, get complicated.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_00: Because this week we're talking about some deep emotional truths, what it looks like when love is tested, what grief does if we don't surrender it, and even what it feels like to be a disappointment to someone else.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: So let's get into it.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot going on in these two chapters, so bear with me.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_00: At this point, like I said earlier, David's on the run.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: He's but he but he's still stinking strategically in the midst of this.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: He organizes his men for battle against his son Absalon and splits his men into two groups under Joab and the other commanders.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: But before we go out, before they go out, David gives one specific instruction to his men, and this is important.
• 4:04
  SPEAKER_00: He says, Deal gently with my son Absalon.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And right there it just shows his heart because yes, Absalom was has rebelled.
• 4:13
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, he's trying to take the kingdom.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, he's even trying to kill David.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: But at the end of the day, that's still his son.
• 4:20
  SPEAKER_00: So the battle begins.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_00: And what's interesting is it doesn't even feel like a traditional, like kind of structured battle.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it even says in verses, it says the forests actually devoured more people than the sword.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: So it's chaotic, it's messy.
• 4:37
  SPEAKER_00: And in the middle of all that, Absalom is riding through the forest on his mule, and his hair, his long, heavy, flowing hair that he's known for, gets caught in a tree.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_00: And he's there hanging from there, and he's there hanging.
• 4:52
  SPEAKER_00: And one of the men, one of David's men, sees him and tells Joab, now the men, now the man that saw him in the tree didn't touch him because he knows what David said.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: He knows David wanted Absalom spared.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And Joab, he doesn't listen.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: He takes matters into his own hand and he kills Absalon right then and there.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_00: And just like that, the rebellion is over.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: So they send word back to David, and there's this moment where David is waiting.
• 5:21
  SPEAKER_00: He's anxious, he's nervous, he's asking, Is this young man Absalom safe?
• 5:26
  SPEAKER_00: And when he finally hears the news, he breaks, he goes up to his room, he weeps, he says, Oh my son Absalon, my son, my son, if only I had died instead of you.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just heavy because this is supposed to be a victory.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: You're winning your civil war, you're winning your rebellion, and the kingdom has been preserved.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: His men fought for him.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: But instead of celebration, there's grief.
• 5:54
  SPEAKER_00: Deep, deep grief.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And it actually affects everyone around him.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: The men who just risked their lives for David, they come back quietly, almost ashamed, because the king was mourning instead of honoring what they did.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: And that's when Joab steps in again, and this time he confronts David harsh.
• 6:14
  SPEAKER_00: He basically tells him, I'm just paraphrasing, but he says, You're dishonoring the people who just saved you.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: You're acting like you wished your enemies were alive and your supporters were dead.
• 6:24
  SPEAKER_00: And it's a hard, hard, you know, that's harsh feedback.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: But David listens, he gets up, he goes to the gate, and he shows himself to the to his people, and that restores order.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And then in chapter 19, we start to see this transition.
• 6:41
  SPEAKER_00: David begins to return as king, and now the people who once turned on him are trying to come back to him.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: So you have this these mix of moments, and it's just this, it just shows that people that, you know, basically turned against him are trying to come back, trying to ask for forgiveness, trying to restore their their positions with him or their relationships with him, all those things.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: And you know, it just this is just a great picture of restoration, but not without tension either, because even as David returns as king, there's still division in the tribes.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's still underlying conflict and frustration.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, David is back, but everything isn't just magically fixed.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's still work to do, there's still healing that needs to be done.
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: And when you step back and look at both of these chapters together, you really see the emotional weight of leadership, the complexity of relationships, and how quickly things can shift.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: You see victory and grief happening at the same time.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: You see loyalty and betrayal in the same story.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: You see love, even when it's just it hurts and it's complicated.
• 7:54
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we're going to lean into today a bit.
• 7:57
  SPEAKER_00: So, this first lesson I wanted to kind of cover, or this first theme that really spoke to me through the through, you know, through the book, through these scriptures, is love will be tested.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: So let me explain.
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_00: Absalom, not only he rebelled, he was trying to take over the kingdom, he was dividing the people, he was plotting to kill his father.
• 8:16
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, this is betrayal on the deepest level ever.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And yet David gives that command to his army saying, deal with him gently.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: And when Absalom is eventually killed, David doesn't celebrate.
• 8:26
  SPEAKER_00: He mourns, he grieves.
• 8:28
  SPEAKER_00: And, you know, Absalom was wrong.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_00: He was completely wrong.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: But David still loved him.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: And it shows us something powerful that love doesn't always disappear when someone does something wrong.
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: And as I was reflecting on that, it made me think of a moment in my own life.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: And but this time it wasn't, it was I wasn't David per se.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: I was Absalon in this story.
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna be vulnerable here.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: Not in a rebellion sort of way, of course, but in the sense that I was the one who disappointed someone who loved me.
• 9:01
  SPEAKER_00: I remember when I was in college in Alabama, I um there was this girl in my sorority who really looked up to me.
• 9:06
  SPEAKER_00: She loved me like a big sister.
• 9:08
  SPEAKER_00: We had such a genuine like relationship, friendship.
• 9:11
  SPEAKER_00: She supported me, admired me, and truly cared about me.
• 9:14
  SPEAKER_00: After I graduated from Bama, um, I went back for homecoming that fall.
• 9:20
  SPEAKER_00: And if you know Alabama Homecoming, it's a lot.
• 9:23
  SPEAKER_00: Games, events, parties, the football game.
• 9:25
  SPEAKER_00: There's so much going on.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: I needed somewhere to stay.
• 9:28
  SPEAKER_00: So I asked if I could stay with her for the weekend.
• 9:30
  SPEAKER_00: She was so excited, like genuinely excited to have me there.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: And what I didn't fully realize was it was her birthday weekend.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And I had already had, I already had made a lot of plans.
• 9:42
  SPEAKER_00: People to see, events to go.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_00: So even though I was staying with her, I wasn't really with her.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: I missed her pool gathering.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: I barely showed up to her birthday dinner.
• 9:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was in and out the whole weekend.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: And in my mind, I justified it.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_00: I thought, well, I didn't know.
• 9:56
  SPEAKER_00: I already had plans.
• 9:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I'll never forget, right before I left for the airport, she stopped me and she said, You weren't there for my birthday.
• 10:04
  SPEAKER_00: And she was hurt, like deeply hurt.
• 10:06
  SPEAKER_00: And in that moment I realized something.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: I had disappointed someone who really, really, really cared about me.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_00: And here's what stayed with me.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_00: She still loved me, she still spoke highly about me, but something shifted.
• 10:21
  SPEAKER_00: And when I read about David and Absalom, it hit differently.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_00: Because Absalom betrayed David in a major way, and yet David still loved him.
• 10:29
  SPEAKER_00: And in a much smaller human way, that's what I saw in my own life.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_00: Someone loving me, even when I got it wrong.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_00: And this is the lesson that really stood out to me.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_00: Love will be tested.
• 10:42
  SPEAKER_00: Not just when people hurt you, but when you're the one who hurts someone else.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_00: We talk a lot about being disappointed, but we don't always talk about the moments where we are the disappointment and how someone chooses to love us anyway.
• 10:55
  SPEAKER_00: Because real love isn't proven when everything goes right, it's revealed when someone gets it wrong.
• 11:01
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that's what David shows us.
• 11:04
  SPEAKER_00: He can love, I mean, not he, but you can love someone deeply and still be hurt by them.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_00: You can love someone deeply and still know that they were wrong.
• 11:15
  SPEAKER_00: But love doesn't just disappear.
• 11:17
  SPEAKER_00: And maybe for some of us listening, we just need to ask ourselves, who have I disappointed and never fully acknowledged it?
• 11:24
  SPEAKER_00: Or who's disappointed me and I've struggled to still love?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: Because that tension right there is where growth happens.
• 11:33
  SPEAKER_00: And that's where God works on our hearts.
• 11:37
  SPEAKER_00: You know, so love will be tested, but what you do and that tension is what really defines it.
• 11:45
  SPEAKER_00: And I just want to leave that with you.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_00: So the next thing I really that stood out to me um in these chapters, it's been a lot already.
• 11:55
  SPEAKER_00: So, anyways, point number two, or like the second lesson that really stood out to me is that grief will come.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_00: Because when Absalom was killed, David is completely undone.
• 12:05
  SPEAKER_00: And this is what's so striking to me.
• 12:07
  SPEAKER_00: Absalom tried to kill him, the whole thing we know, and yet David's response was he wished he had died instead of Ab instead of him.
• 12:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the heart of a father.
• 12:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's not logic, that's strategy, that's love.
• 12:19
  SPEAKER_00: But I also think it's more than just losing his son.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think David was grieving everything.
• 12:24
  SPEAKER_00: He was grieving his son, he was grieving the relationship, he was grieving his own mistakes and how he handled things.
• 12:30
  SPEAKER_00: I because, you know, when you really look at the full story of this situation with David and Absalom, I mean, the situation with Tamar, Absalon's sister, was never addressed.
• 12:41
  SPEAKER_00: The sin with Bathsheba set things in motion in the first place, and the family breakdown, the distance, the dysfunction, occurred.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_00: David knew there were things he could have handled differently.
• 12:55
  SPEAKER_00: Now Absalom is still responsible for his own actions.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_00: That's important to mention.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: But I do believe David felt the weight of how did we get here?
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_00: And that kind of grief is heavy.
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: And here's the thing David's grief didn't just stay internal.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_00: It started to affect everyone around him.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_00: It affected his leadership, it affected his people, it affected the moments he was in, because this was supposed to be a victory after defeating Absalom, but the grief took over and it was like he completely disregarded the feelings of his people that fought for him and risked their lives.
• 13:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I was reading this and I had to reflect on my own life again because I realized grief doesn't always come from loss alone.
• 13:37
  SPEAKER_00: It sometimes comes from what you went through.
• 13:39
  SPEAKER_00: I remember for my birthday, not this past one, but the one before in 2024, my mom surprised me with this beautiful tea party.
• 13:48
  SPEAKER_00: It was um really cute place down in Homestead.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_00: There were about 15 people there.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_00: It was so thoughtful and so special.
• 13:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I remember my mom saying something to me that really caught me off guard.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: She said, I just want to celebrate you.
• 14:01
  SPEAKER_00: You've been through a lot, you've experienced a lot of trauma.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I was and I remember thinking, I was like, trauma?
• 14:08
  SPEAKER_00: Like, what do you mean?
• 14:09
  SPEAKER_00: And then it hit me.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_00: What I went through with my daughter.
• 14:12
  SPEAKER_00: For those that know, my daughter was born at 23 weeks, under two pounds, less than 20% chance to live.
• 14:18
  SPEAKER_00: Um, she was in the NICU for four and a half months.
• 14:20
  SPEAKER_00: She had two brain surgeries, two infections, and two, and like over 20 blood transfusions.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_00: And then bringing her home, I was navigating therapy, early intervention, protecting her immune system, learning how to be a mom in a situation that just didn't feel normal.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_00: And even though she's here, thank God, there's still something in me that was grieving.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_00: Grieving what I thought motherhood would look like, grieving the fear, grieving the questions.
• 14:47
  SPEAKER_00: I found myself asking, did I do something wrong with my pregnancy?
• 14:52
  SPEAKER_00: Um, did I wait too long to have children?
• 14:54
  SPEAKER_00: Was it my age?
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_00: Could I have prevented this?
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: Um, even though doctors told me no, as a mom, you feel it.
• 15:02
  SPEAKER_00: And I realized something.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_00: If I stayed in that place, if I stayed in that grief, I would start to affect everything.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_00: My joy, my relationships, my motherhood, my future.
• 15:13
  SPEAKER_00: That's exactly what we see with David.
• 15:16
  SPEAKER_00: His grief was real, his grief was valid, but it was also holding him back.
• 15:21
  SPEAKER_00: So the question becomes, what do you do with grief?
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_00: Because it's going to come.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: You can't avoid it, you can't skip it, but you also can't live in it.
• 15:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I realize in my own life the only place for that grief to go is to God.
• 15:35
  SPEAKER_00: I had to surrender it.
• 15:37
  SPEAKER_00: The loss, the questions, the trauma, even the things you blame yourself for.
• 15:41
  SPEAKER_00: Because if you sit in it too long, it will start to block what God's trying to do for you.
• 15:46
  SPEAKER_00: Next.
• 15:47
  SPEAKER_00: And even with David, yes, his grief affected him, but God still blessed him because God knew his heart, God knew he loved him.
• 15:56
  SPEAKER_00: So if you're in a season where you're carrying grief, whether it's a loss or it's just what you've been going through, don't stay there.
• 16:03
  SPEAKER_00: Bring it to God.
• 16:05
  SPEAKER_00: Lay it down, because grief will come, but it was never meant to lead your life.
• 16:11
  SPEAKER_00: Again, it was never meant to lead your life.
• 16:17
  SPEAKER_00: And this last lesson or reflection, I know this is so heavy today, guys, but bear with me.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_00: I think it's really good though.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I just want to close out with this last part, um, because I think it's really important.
• 16:29
  SPEAKER_00: When we get into chapter 19 of 2 Samuel, what we're really seeing is the aftermath.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: Absalom is gone, the rebellion's over, everything isn't just fixed.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: David is stepping back into being king, he's returning to his people, but there's still division because there's tension and there's trust that still needs to be restored.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_00: Because you really, if you really think about it, David was known as a warrior.
• 16:52
  SPEAKER_00: He was bold, he was fearless, he fought for his people.
• 16:54
  SPEAKER_00: Even when he himself was on the run from Saul, he still would go fight for his people.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_00: He would go into battle, defend his people, and then go back into hiding.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the kind of leader he was.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_00: But now he fled his kingdom on foot, barefoot, because of his own son, and he left with with only like 600 people who stayed loyal to him.
• 17:15
  SPEAKER_00: So imagine how that looks to everyone else.
• 17:17
  SPEAKER_00: People are questioning if he's still strong, if he still is the same leader, can we trust him?
• 17:22
  SPEAKER_00: So now David has to rebuild, rebuild trust, rebuild unity, re-establish himself as king.
• 17:28
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what we start to see happening in chapter 19.
• 17:31
  SPEAKER_00: And I think this is such an important reminder for us because even after the grief, even after the disappointment, even after you've surrendered everything to God, there can still be aftermath.
• 17:42
  SPEAKER_00: There can still be awkwardness, broken trust, lingering tension, things that need to be things that need to heal and be addressed.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I want you, I want to say this clearly.
• 17:52
  SPEAKER_00: Just because there's still hardship does not mean God is not working.
• 17:56
  SPEAKER_00: God is still moving, God is still restoring, God is still rebuilding.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_00: And we're actually gonna see in the next chapters the strength of David come back.
• 18:06
  SPEAKER_00: We're gonna see God continue to bless him.
• 18:10
  SPEAKER_00: But here's the key: you cannot let your past, your grief, your disappointment control your future.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: You just can't.
• 18:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because that's exactly what the enemy wants, which is Satan.
• 18:22
  SPEAKER_00: He wants you to hold on to it, he wants you to replay it, he wants you to sit in it, he wants you to carry the trauma, the loss, the guilt, the anxiety forever.
• 18:32
  SPEAKER_00: He wants you to hold a grudge, he wants you to stay stuck.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: But when you surrender it to God, you leave it there, you don't pick it back up, you don't go back and live in it, you move forward.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_00: So, yes, love will be tested, grief will come, correction will be required, or being called out will be required, loyalty will be revealed, and even after all that, there may still be some rebuilding.
• 18:58
  SPEAKER_00: But God is in the rebuilding phase, God is in the restoration phase, God is moving forward.
• 19:06
  SPEAKER_00: So don't go back, don't stay stuck in what was.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_00: Trust God with what's next.
• 19:11
  SPEAKER_00: Let's pray.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_00: Heavenly Father, I thank you so much for this study.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_00: This was a really tough one for me, and I thank you so much that I got through it.
• 19:19
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much for the reflections.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_00: Bless everyone who took the time to listen to this podcast.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: Father, thank you so much for the study of David.
• 19:27
  SPEAKER_00: Father, I love you and I praise you.
• 19:29
  SPEAKER_00: In Jesus' name.
• 19:30
  SPEAKER_00: Amen.
• 19:31
  SPEAKER_00: Love you all.
• 19:32
  SPEAKER_00: Went a little longer today, but it was just so rich.
• 19:35
  SPEAKER_00: Till next time.