Latest / The Body Pod / Why Midlife Demands a Renegotiation: Executive Coach Bryn Pane'e Burkhart

Transcript

Why Midlife Demands a Renegotiation: Executive Coach Bryn Pane'e Burkhart · The Body Pod

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: There's a lot of lives that are looking really good,
• 0:02
  Speaker 1: and this is why we kind of have this mental
• 0:03
  Speaker 1: health crisis with kids right now, is they're looking online
• 0:07
  Speaker 1: and everybody's posting the happy, happy, happy, joy, joy. And really,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: there are women that are struggling. Hi, everyone.
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: My name is Haley.
• 0:17
  Speaker 3: And this is Laura.
• 0:18
  Speaker 2: And welcome to The Body Pod. Anything juicy? Not like
• 0:26
  Speaker 2: there's going to be these old... ultra juicy maybe maybe
• 0:31
  Speaker 2: they're coming um never know but yeah so let's just
• 0:35
  Speaker 2: get started and let's just see where i mean i'm
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: like so excited for this conversation so brin brin welcome
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: to the body pod.
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: Thank you i am so looking forward to this conversation
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Can you give a.
• 0:52
  Speaker 2: Little, like, I want everyone listening to hear it from
• 0:56
  Speaker 2: you of kind of how we met and the start
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: of your story, I guess, with Haley Happens Fitness and
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: then how we've morphed into bringing you on the podcast.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: Strength journey. I will say, I do want to preface
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: that I lived in Boston for 20 years before we moved.
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: And when I turned 45, I... gained 12 pounds in
• 1:22
  Speaker 1: a year with doing nothing different. And I've been active
• 1:25
  Speaker 1: my whole life. So for some context, I was raised,
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: I danced. I was a trained dancer from three until college.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: I was in a company, have always been active. Movement
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: is medicine for me. Exercise has always been a very
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: integral part of my life. It's never been hard. That's
• 1:42
  Speaker 1: the great thing. And so I was active, but when
• 1:45
  Speaker 1: I was 45, my kids were like 10 and 17.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: We were doing all the things, living the hamster wheel
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: life on the East Coast of work, kids, sports, blah, blah, blah.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: And I gained this 12 pounds doing nothing different. Now,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: it was perimenopause. I didn't know it back then that
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: the depletion of estrogen leads to more visceral fat and
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: you can just gain more weight because your body can't
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: fight it off. And so I found a strength. I
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: got into strength training. I hired a trainer. He was awesome.
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: For the first time in my life, because I was
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: raised Gen X, we're like cardio bunnies, right? We've been
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: like step class and Taibo and all the things. He
• 2:29
  Speaker 1: introduced me to strength training. It was awesome because I
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: was like, oh, I don't have to smash myself in
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: a 60-minute cardio. I can do a set of heavy
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: weights and take a rest. It was revelatory. I was like,
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: I love this. And I lost all the weight within
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: nine months. And I learned really good foundational principles and
• 2:47
  Speaker 1: movement principles, which was easy for me because I was
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: already kind of in my body as a dancer. And
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: so I think that gave me a nice foundation for
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: six years later, fast forward, we're living in Hawaii. It
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: was a dream to move to Hawaii. I'm a trained coach.
• 3:04
  Speaker 1: I help people figure out where do you want to
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: go in your life? What do you want it to
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: look like? What's possible? And so the pandemic afforded my
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: husband and me, the opportunity to really think about what
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: we wanted our family to look like. And I'm from Hawaii.
• 3:18
  Speaker 1: My parents were born and raised here. And we visited
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: every year for three weeks every summer. It was a
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: dream come true. We were always like, when can we
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: move to Hawaii? Well, the pandemic made it possible because
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: of remote work.
• 3:29
  Speaker 2: Everyone is jealous of you because we all want to
• 3:33
  Speaker 2: just uproot and move to Hawaii for sure.
• 3:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I mean, it was, yes, it was a
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: bold move. I mean, we had a great life in
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: the East Coast and, you know, we had, we loved
• 3:45
  Speaker 1: our jobs. We had a great house. We had a
• 3:47
  Speaker 1: wonderful community. Our kids were thriving. But I just felt
• 3:51
  Speaker 1: this little pull, like, could we leave a really great
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: life and have like a fabulous life? And I would
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: get to, most importantly, I wanted my kids to understand
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: that they were native Hawaiian. And I wanted them to
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: learn how to hula. I wanted them to surf. I
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  Speaker 1: wanted them to live this life. I wanted them to
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  Speaker 1: know their family. So anyway, we brought my dad back
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  Speaker 1: with us. He moved back with us to Hawaii after
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  Speaker 1: 50 years off island. So that was big. But now
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  Speaker 1: he's living with us. And what happened is we moved. Okay,
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  Speaker 1: so now here's where my story starts. That was a
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: lot of context. We moved and I quickly became the
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: lead parent. So when we were living back in Boston,
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  Speaker 1: we lived in a town where my kids could bike
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  Speaker 1: to school and I just never had to worry. It
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  Speaker 1: was walkable or bikeable. We moved to Hawaii. My husband's
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: working in his Boston-based job. So he was on calls
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: from 5 a.m. to like, you know, 1 or 2 a.m.
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  Speaker 1: So I'm the one getting the kids up, getting them breakfast,
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: making sure we had to drive them to school now
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: because that was a trade-off. Life is about trade-offs. Now
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: I had to get them to school. And then my dad,
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: within six months of us moving home, was diagnosed with
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: prostate cancer. So I became kind of manager of his care,
• 5:10
  Speaker 1: all the doctor appointments. Do you know how many doctor
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: appointments you go to when you're in your 80s? It's
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: flipping ridiculous. It's like cardiologist, urologist. Yeah, all the things.
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  Speaker 1: And then his sister, my aunt, was diagnosed with dementia
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  Speaker 1: also when we moved back. And then I became her
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  Speaker 1: power of attorney and her trustee. So it's like caring
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: for the elders, caring for the kids. And my kids too,
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  Speaker 1: we just uprooted them. They were having adjustments. It wasn't
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: all sunshine and rainbows, even though we were in Hawaii.
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  Speaker 1: So I was very much in that sandwich generation. And then....
• 5:49
  Speaker 2: And going through perimenopause.
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  Speaker 1: Exactly. So all of a sudden, I would be walking
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: the dog. We live up a big hill because we
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: live on the side of a mountain. And I would
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: be walking up the hill feeling like I was looking
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: at the sidewalk going, I just want to lay down
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: and take a nap. I was so bone tired. And
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: I was still exercising, although I had kind of gotten
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: away from my strength training. I started doing more of
• 6:13
  Speaker 1: like a on-demand dance cardio. I was recycling my strength
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: workouts that I'd gotten from my trainer, but I wasn't invested.
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: I was just kind of doing this dance-based cardio, which
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: was fun, but not helpful. And yeah, I was ragey.
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: I was moody. I think I was also dealing with
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: the fact that my kids were evolving from... you know,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: littles to like tweens and teens where they get sassy
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: and it's just not the same. I was a really
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: good mom when they were little. Fun.
• 6:45
  Speaker 2: Oh, me too. I was brushing it in elementary. Let's
• 6:51
  Speaker 2: go to all the fun places. Let's do all the
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: fun things. And then teenage years, I feel like I
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: dropped the ball big time. I was like, I'm not
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: cut out for this.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. I always think like, thank God I have
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: my husband. He's a much better parent. He's just more grounded.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I don't like it when they talk back. I like
• 7:11
  Speaker 1: it when they're sweet. You have a little, right? Don't
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: you have a little, Laura?
• 7:15
  Speaker 2: I have a little.
• 7:16
  Speaker 3: She turns three this month.
• 7:18
  Speaker 1: It's different. Yes. Yeah. Yes. I mean, there's pain and
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: there's joy at every stage, right? But I just really
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: was kind of smacked in the face like with, oh
• 7:30
  Speaker 1: my God, my child is not listening to me anymore
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: and his friends are more important. And I, you know,
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: it's just that lack of control, which I have control issues,
• 7:37
  Speaker 1: but I've worked on them a lot. That's what we'll talk.
• 7:38
  Speaker 1: We can talk about that. I've helped. Thank God for mindfulness.
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  Speaker 1: But yeah, I was just like ragey, moody, exhausted, waking
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  Speaker 1: up at 2 a.m. And then I read this article
• 7:50
  Speaker 1: in the New York Times Magazine. It was February, 2023.
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: I'll never forget. It was called Women Have Been Misled
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  Speaker 1: About Menopause. And it was this very science fact-based article
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  Speaker 1: that came out and it kind of caused a... It
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: was kind of like this menopause was starting to have
• 8:04
  Speaker 1: a moment kind of thing. This was one of the
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  Speaker 1: contributors to it. And I read that article and I
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: was like, oh my God, that's what's happening. I didn't
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  Speaker 1: even know. I didn't know. And then I realized that's
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: what happened to me five years ago when I had
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: this 12-pound weight gain. That was perimenopause. I had no idea.
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: I had a dude trainer. He never said anything. Not
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: his fault, but it's just... I was like, what is happening?
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  Speaker 1: And then I started to go down this rabbit hole
• 8:32
  Speaker 1: and I, you know, I'm kind of a dog with
• 8:34
  Speaker 1: a bone. If I get curious about something, I just
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: like go digging. And I started to read books like
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Why Estrogen Matters and The Menopause Brain by Dr. Lisa Moscone.
• 8:43
  Speaker 1: I was introduced to, you know, you've had many guests
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: on your podcast like Kelly Kasperson and obviously Stacey, Vonda Wright.
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  Speaker 1: I was reading, I was listening to all the podcasts.
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  Speaker 1: I was getting all this information and I was just like, oh,
• 8:58
  Speaker 1: this is what I need to be doing. I needed
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: to change things. And what I found, again, disclaimer, I'm
• 9:04
  Speaker 1: not a clinician, but I was like, I'm finding that
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: in my research, the benefits of me having hormone replacement
• 9:12
  Speaker 1: therapy are going to outweigh the risks, right? I think
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: everybody needs to make their own decision. But then I
• 9:17
  Speaker 1: had to go find a doctor. I had to go
• 9:18
  Speaker 1: to three doctors. I had somebody who wanted me to
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: go to therapy before they gave me progesterone. No, thank you.
• 9:25
  Speaker 1: So moving on.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: We've all done that.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah. But I finally got some progesterone and estrogen in
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: my system and I felt like so much better within weeks.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: And then I got pissed because I was like, why
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: are all these women suffering? This is ridiculous. We need
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: to sound the alarm like I started texting all my
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: girlfriends and even I'd meet random people at my kids' school.
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: And if they were middle-aged and talked about being tired,
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: I would be like, have you heard that estrogen is helpful?
• 10:00
  Speaker 1: replenishing your body's hormones? And for me, the big thing was, again,
• 10:06
  Speaker 1: not a clinician, but through the research and what I've
• 10:08
  Speaker 1: learned is that we have estrogen receptors all over our body.
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: And when our estrogen is declining, because again, we're going
• 10:15
  Speaker 1: through perimenopause, we run the risk of increasing Alzheimer's osteoporosis
• 10:21
  Speaker 1: and heart disease. You know, those are the biggest killers
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: of women. And when we are able to replenish our estrogen,
• 10:28
  Speaker 1: we are able to, it's preventative. It's preventative. So I
• 10:32
  Speaker 1: don't know, as you can tell, I'm passionate about it.
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: I got very, you know, excited about it. And that
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: led me to all the research and that led me
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: to you. And I've been able to make some really
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: great lifestyle shifts in the last year and a half.
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: And I don't have it all figured out. And I'm
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: still a work in progress. And I'm still going to
• 10:53
  Speaker 1: keep tweaking. But I feel like I'm living now. I'm
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: the healthiest I've ever been. I feel the strongest I've
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: ever been at 52. I feel the most confident I've
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: ever been. And I'm just kind of on fire for
• 11:07
  Speaker 1: every woman to feel the same.
• 11:08
  Speaker 2: I have the chills.
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: I love that.
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: I had the privilege of meeting you last year.
• 11:16
  Speaker 1: So....
• 11:19
  Speaker 2: And I was having such a hard time. I mean,
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I was meeting Brynn for the first time, no intention
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: of having a breakdown and crying in front of this
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: person that I didn't know at all. And it just
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: came out, like all of it came out. And I
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: attribute that to you don't do that because I don't cry.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: I was just going to say, this is not normal
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: for Haley.
• 11:44
  Speaker 2: And it's not like a badge of honor at all.
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: I don't, cry. And so when I came and just like,
• 11:52
  Speaker 2: it was a testament to your very warm, welcoming, cold space,
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: beautiful personality that I didn't, like I was, I went
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: home and was like, what the hell just happened? Like,
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: Brina's going to think, holy cow, I did not sign
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: up for that at all. But Haley just had like
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: this massive life conversation. So that's kind of like, I
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: love how I've had a part in your life. You've
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: had a part definitely in mine. And I've had you
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: on like my courses before. Can we talk about what
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: you do and how you got into that? Because you're
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: definitely gifted. And I feel like I, I have, um,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: a lot of really gifted experts in my space. And
• 12:44
  Speaker 2: you definitely are such a pillar of just strength and
• 12:52
  Speaker 2: beautiful energy. So I'm going to hand it over to
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: you to kind of tell what you do and that
• 12:58
  Speaker 2: will explain why we were meeting.
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: Okay.
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: And I left that out when you'd asked how we met.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: So So, well, I'm an executive coach. What does that mean?
• 13:07
  Speaker 1: So I work primarily with, in my background is, I
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: have my master's in education. I worked at, before we
• 13:16
  Speaker 1: moved to Hawaii, I worked for 15 years at MIT.
• 13:20
  Speaker 1: I was overseeing alumni career services at the Sloan School
• 13:24
  Speaker 1: of Management. And that's where I was trained as a coach.
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: So I did my executive coaching program there. What I
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: was finding is that I was working with people who
• 13:35
  Speaker 1: came out of MIT, super smart, right? And they were
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: going into their careers and then they were finding that
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: they got stuck or they were at an inflection point.
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: And so I was kind of their first stop of
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: how do I figure out my life? And so I
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: started with more of a career focus, but I soon
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: realized that people might be coming to me because they
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: don't want to be a hedge fund manager anymore and
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: they want to do something else, but it's deeper than that.
• 14:01
  Speaker 1: it is about what do I want my life to
• 14:03
  Speaker 1: look like? How do I, and most people that I
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: work with are, you know, they've been successful. So they're
• 14:10
  Speaker 1: like midpoint in their careers and they're starting to realize
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: that what got them here, you know, and made them
• 14:15
  Speaker 1: very successful is either no longer sustainable or they just
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: need new tools. And so as a coach, I am
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: kind of the trusted, unbiased, third party that's hired to
• 14:29
  Speaker 1: help them achieve their goals. It's about them. It's not
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: about me. I'm not the expert. It's different than therapy
• 14:35
  Speaker 1: or consulting because I'm not there to tell the client
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: what to do or provide the answers, but I am
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: there to ask really discerning questions, to point out observations
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: as to what I'm seeing, test their limiting beliefs and assumptions,
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: and kind of help draw out their own inner intelligence
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: and wisdom. I mean, I think about that conversation you
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: and I had last September, and you were saying all
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: the things that you felt. And you were speaking truth.
• 15:05
  Speaker 2: It was like a word vomit. I don't even know
• 15:08
  Speaker 2: how it just started coming out, and it just came out.
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: But I was like, so do you find that?
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: Because I.
• 15:19
  Speaker 2: Obviously in a different situation, um, this path, as I
• 15:24
  Speaker 2: would say, found me like, I think I was destined to,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: to do, do what I'm doing. But I, I honestly,
• 15:34
  Speaker 2: like from whatever you feel like that is from a
• 15:37
  Speaker 2: spiritual standpoint or universe standpoint, this, this course that I'm on,
• 15:44
  Speaker 2: I didn't plan.
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: To be on.
• 15:47
  Speaker 2: And that's kind of what, like, do you find that
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: with the people that you work with that are kind
• 15:54
  Speaker 2: of at this midpoint where, yeah, maybe they're at a
• 15:58
  Speaker 2: crossroads where they're like, sure, I'm a brainiac that just
• 16:03
  Speaker 2: that came out of MIT. But I'm imagining that some
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: of them still might feel lost. Like, sure, this brings
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: in the paycheck. It's a very affluent job and it
• 16:16
  Speaker 2: was everything that I wanted at some point, but now
• 16:19
  Speaker 2: maybe they want something different. And that probably comes with,
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: that could come with a massive status change. It could
• 16:26
  Speaker 2: come with a massive pay change. Not always, but I
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: want to know about that.
• 16:32
  Speaker 1: Yes. I think again, you know, I mean, this is
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: like your audience is midlife. I think a lot of
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: the people I coach are midlife. And I think, you know,
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: one of the things I've come to realize is midlife
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: often demands a renegotiation of who we are. You know,
• 16:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, sometimes it's because, you know, we're stripped of
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: these roles, right? Our kids grow up or we become
• 16:52
  Speaker 1: caregivers to our parents. But it's also kind of this,
• 16:56
  Speaker 1: you know, society has us on this treadmill sometimes. And
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: that's how, that's very much how I felt in, when
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: we lived in Boston, you know, East coast is more
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: of a grind mentality. Yeah.
• 17:10
  Speaker 2: Laura's there now.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Where do you live again? You said East coast.
• 17:16
  Speaker 3: In DC.
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: Oh, for the love. You're just in the smack dab
• 17:20
  Speaker 1: middle of the. Yeah.
• 17:21
  Speaker 2: And I was in New Jersey. So we all know
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: that really it is.
• 17:24
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 17:25
  Speaker 2: It is a different vibe.
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: Yes.
• 17:28
  Speaker 2: And that's not meaning it's a bad vibe. It's just a,
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: it's a hustle vibe way more than Boulder, Colorado.
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: Way more than LA where I was. Yeah. Yeah. And that's,
• 17:41
  Speaker 1: you're exactly right. It's like a hustle. And so I
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: think that the shift I see most often that I love,
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: I mean, some people are like, you know, I just
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: want to keep doing more of the same and whatever. It's,
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: it's fine. But I do feel, especially since I've gone
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: through my own midlife transformation and course correcting around how
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: I'm showing up and what I'm prioritizing, it's like we're
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: moving from external sources of validation, the money, the title,
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: the approval, the job, to internal, intrinsic. Like, okay, why
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: am I worried about what my boss expects or my
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: family wants or what I should do or what will
• 18:28
  Speaker 1: make people happy. It's like I'm going to now shift
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: to understanding my own values. And that's a big part
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: of what I do is we work on values, like
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: what is, because everybody's different. What are the things that
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I need to feel like I can thrive that give
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: me energy? And where do I find those things? And
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: can I do more of that? And It does sometimes
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: mean making career shifts or changes. And a lot of times, though,
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: and I think maybe this is because my own life
• 18:59
  Speaker 1: has changed. I've been out here for four years. And
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: the longer you're away from the East Coast, the less
• 19:04
  Speaker 1: I feel inclined to support that. I have great East
• 19:10
  Speaker 1: Coast clients. But I've really started to spin it. It's
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: been more of a shift for me. Two, I enjoy
• 19:21
  Speaker 1: working with people midlife who are willing to look at
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: more than the external stuff and more of the like,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: keep checking the boxes and more of the, who am I?
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: You know, what do I want? What is important to me? Like, yeah.
• 19:38
  Speaker 3: Hard.
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: It's hard to do. It's so easy to say and
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: be like, yes, I'm ready for a change. It's really
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: hard to, well, it also, I mean, it takes courage
• 19:50
  Speaker 2: to even get there especially when you're doing well but
• 19:54
  Speaker 2: you're not necessarily connected like.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Well the words I think the word connected it's like
• 19:59
  Speaker 1: you want to like come home to yourself almost if
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: that sounds kind of woo woo but it I mean
• 20:04
  Speaker 1: it's true like I believe that The way we look
• 20:08
  Speaker 1: at ourselves and our own self-talk, that inner cognitive script
• 20:11
  Speaker 1: that we all have in our mind, that influences the
• 20:13
  Speaker 1: trajectory of our life, right? That how we perceive ourself
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: is going to inform the choices we make or don't make,
• 20:21
  Speaker 1: the risks we take or don't take, the people we
• 20:23
  Speaker 1: surround ourselves with. And so the point I think of
• 20:26
  Speaker 1: midlife and the valuable shift is we want to move
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: from being reactive to more intentional, right? to just really understanding,
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: taking a beat and acting from a considered place where
• 20:41
  Speaker 1: we can define who we want to be. And then
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: if we know who we want to be, then we
• 20:49
  Speaker 1: want to do the things that support who we want
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: to be. So there's this whole balance between being and doing, right?
• 20:55
  Speaker 1: We're human beings, but we spend 90% of our time doing, doing, doing, going, going, going, like,
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: you know, energizer bunnies and not without even a thought
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: as to like our time and how we're like, where
• 21:07
  Speaker 1: we're putting our attention. And so the point is to like,
• 21:11
  Speaker 1: you know, kind of bring it in, get really quiet
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: and still with ourself. Cause that's when we can really
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: bring out, like I call like our inner leader, our
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: inner wisdom and have some real conversations with ourselves about
• 21:26
  Speaker 1: what do I want this second half of my life
• 21:27
  Speaker 1: to look like when I'm 90 years old? Sometimes I
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: do this visualization with people, like pretend like you're 90.
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: Let's just envision yourself. Where are you? Where are you living?
• 21:38
  Speaker 1: Who's around you? Who are you loving? What's your legacy?
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: What do you want to be proud of? And when
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: you kind of take that zoomed out picture, sometimes that
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: can clarify who we want to be. And then we
• 21:51
  Speaker 1: can make very intentional shifts in how we're spending our
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: time and our energy to support who we want to be.
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: I feel like that goes for a couple different type
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: of scenarios. The scenario you guys just talked about, someone
• 22:09
  Speaker 3: in a very high position. I had a conversation the
• 22:12
  Speaker 3: other day with a midlife woman that's a lawyer and
• 22:15
  Speaker 3: she said, I don't know if I want to do this.
• 22:17
  Speaker 3: Say exactly what you're talking about. I might want to
• 22:19
  Speaker 3: make a shift. But then there's a lot of moms
• 22:23
  Speaker 3: who have just raised all of their children and now
• 22:27
  Speaker 3: they want to make a change. And then Even with me,
• 22:31
  Speaker 3: I have a three-year-old, but I just moved and I,
• 22:37
  Speaker 3: you know, what about, well, what if I want to
• 22:39
  Speaker 3: try something different, do something totally different than I've ever
• 22:43
  Speaker 3: done in the past? And so would you give that
• 22:46
  Speaker 3: same advice to any of these scenarios?
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: Do you feel like.
• 22:51
  Speaker 3: Do that same exercise of zooming out?
• 22:56
  Speaker 1: Mm-hmm. I think that is definitely an exercise you could do.
• 22:59
  Speaker 1: It's certainly not the only thing. But you're right. I
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: think there's a lot of... I just coached someone yesterday
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: who is very successful. She's the primary breadwinner, executive VP.
• 23:13
  Speaker 1: We're just starting our work together. And it's like, I
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: don't love my work anymore, but I'm also the breadwinner.
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: So how do I manage this tension? And with you... Two, Laura,
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: I mean, I would imagine, I don't know, tell me
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: how this lands with you. Like you are probably, you're adjusting,
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: you're probably making sure your family's settled. Your daughter is,
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: you know, feeling like rooted and attached and all good.
• 23:39
  Speaker 1: Your husband's probably figuring out, you know, you're just getting
• 23:42
  Speaker 1: to know this new place. Are you kind of like
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: the COO of your household? CEO of your household? Yes. Okay.
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: So you are the CEO. So, you know, what I
• 23:53
  Speaker 1: think it's, okay, I have my priorities. because family is
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: a priority, but also I need to be a priority.
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: I need to fill my cup. You are only going
• 24:03
  Speaker 1: to be as good of a mom or show up
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: strong as a mom, as a wife, as a partner,
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: as a whatever you want to be. If you are,
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: you know, kind of putting on your oxygen mask first,
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: have you heard this analogy? Like, you know, we are,
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: we're riding a plane. We're always told if the plane
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: goes down, put on your oxygen mask first, then help
• 24:22
  Speaker 1: the children. But I think what happens is with women,
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: You know, we don't put on our figurative oxygen mask
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: till the plane's going down, right? Until we're like exhausted
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: and depleted. And you are worth investing in yourself now,
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: figuring out what gives you energy and doing little things
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: every day. It doesn't have to be a huge lifestyle shift,
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: but like what's the Laura time? How is Laura investing
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: in herself? What are you doing that brings you joy?
• 24:51
  Speaker 1: Who do you want to be? What's important to you?
• 24:54
  Speaker 1: I love that you guys have had this 20 year
• 24:57
  Speaker 1: plus year friendship and you get to be together. Like that's,
• 25:01
  Speaker 1: I would imagine that's joy, right? Oh, it's so great.
• 25:05
  Speaker 2: And we've seen each other. The best part about working
• 25:08
  Speaker 2: with friends when you're older, I would say is we've
• 25:13
  Speaker 2: seen each other in a lot of different lives, like
• 25:17
  Speaker 2: a lot of different stages of life. And the person
• 25:22
  Speaker 2: that sticks around and can love you and all of
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: the different phases of life.
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: Are, are your people are your true people.
• 25:30
  Speaker 2: Um, and I feel like it's a total blessing that when,
• 25:34
  Speaker 2: when you get to keep those, those few people that
• 25:38
  Speaker 2: stay in your life, not just for a season of time,
• 25:40
  Speaker 2: because there's plenty of those and those are, and they're great.
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: And you needed those connections and those relationships at the
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: time for a season. Um, As we look at this,
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: what pillar do most women struggle with the most when
• 25:56
  Speaker 2: we're all kind of at this place? Yeah.
• 26:01
  Speaker 1: Okay. Well, let me introduce my pillars. This is my
• 26:04
  Speaker 1: framework that I have used to kind of shift my
• 26:08
  Speaker 1: lifestyle to being more purposeful. And can I also just
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: say really quickly why I got in touch with you?
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: because I think it sets up. So, so Laura, I
• 26:22
  Speaker 1: started doing Haley Happens Fitness, January, 2025. I did Power Happens.
• 26:27
  Speaker 1: And then I did Shred because it kind of rolled
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: into that May Shred. And it was awesome because the
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: one thing I will say, I like, if we're going
• 26:36
  Speaker 1: to talk about a little bit about more coaching is
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: I always say a goal without a plan is just
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: a wish. And through my kind of desire to like
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: figure out menopause, I realized, okay, I got to build muscle.
• 26:47
  Speaker 1: Like I got to really get back to the strength training.
• 26:50
  Speaker 1: So Haley Happens Fitness is my goal. It's my, I like,
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: that's my plan. That's my plan. So I can achieve
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: my goal rather. It's like gives me set it and
• 26:58
  Speaker 1: forget it. I love it. I just finished like my
• 27:00
  Speaker 1: eighth program. It's my thing. Incredible. Yeah. I'm so excited.
• 27:05
  Speaker 1: Like I just finished agility happens and I'm going back
• 27:07
  Speaker 1: to foundations for the second time. And it's super fun
• 27:10
  Speaker 1: to like have that periodization and I don't have to
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: worry about it because it's like intelligent programming designed for
• 27:18
  Speaker 1: women by women. Anyway, I love it. So I moved
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: into shred happens and I was doing the expert calls. Right.
• 27:25
  Speaker 1: And I remember listening to one of the calls with
• 27:27
  Speaker 1: Mickey and It was lovely. And the questions that were
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: coming up were all, and this is no judgment, but
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: they were all kind of fear-based. Like, what if I can't,
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: what if I hurt myself and I can't exercise? Don't exercise. Like,
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: what if, what if, what if? And I was at
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: baseball practice. My son was doing baseball practice and I
• 27:51
  Speaker 1: was walking. I usually walk at night while he was,
• 27:53
  Speaker 1: and I was listening. I was like, these people need
• 27:56
  Speaker 1: mindset coaching. Like, this is what I do. I help
• 28:00
  Speaker 1: people kind of figure out the voices in their head,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: the reactive and the more intentional. And so that's where,
• 28:05
  Speaker 1: that's why I reached out to you. I was like,
• 28:07
  Speaker 1: I'm just going to send her a note and I'm
• 28:08
  Speaker 1: going to say, have you considered having anyone talk about mindset?
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: And if so, I would love to do this because
• 28:15
  Speaker 1: I'm in this journey. So you are so gracious. And
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: so that's how we met. So, and I happened to
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: be going to Colorado because I was having my own
• 28:21
  Speaker 1: college reunion, girlfriend's weekend. And I was like, can I
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: come meet you? So that's where we met at a
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: coffee shop in gabbed for three hours. What was the question?
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: Now I forgot. Oh, it was like the pillar.
• 28:36
  Speaker 2: Okay.
• 28:37
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So back to the pillars. So through my kind
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: of figuring this out, I was listening to tons of
• 28:44
  Speaker 1: podcasts and I need protocols, right? A goal without a
• 28:46
  Speaker 1: plan is just a wish. So I was realizing that, okay,
• 28:50
  Speaker 1: I'm going to come up like these wellbeing, if I'm
• 28:52
  Speaker 1: going to help myself, I need to attend to what
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: I now call my five pillars of wellbeing. sleep and mindfulness.
• 29:03
  Speaker 1: We can talk more about mindfulness. Exercise, nutrition, and then relationships, right?
• 29:09
  Speaker 1: Or support, community, you know, connection, right? And so I
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: established these protocols for each that I started to follow.
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: Like I'd never had sleep protocols before. I didn't know
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: about circadian rhythm. Do you know you're supposed to get
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: outside in the morning and get the sunlight on your
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: retinas and that's going to help you go to sleep
• 29:25
  Speaker 1: at night? I'd never heard of it, you know? Blue
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: light glasses at night, all the things, progesterone. So I
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: had these protocols. And then I realized that, okay, I'm
• 29:34
  Speaker 1: coaching all these high performing women. And even though we're
• 29:37
  Speaker 1: talking about, you know, expanded scope at work and more
• 29:40
  Speaker 1: complex team navigation, you know, got to help navigate through change.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: That's like the big topic. Taking on a new leadership role.
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: These pillars are foundational for anybody, any human, even if
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: you're not, you know, even if you're not going through perimenopause,
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: like this is like what we need as humans to thrive.
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: And I was so excited about everything I was doing
• 30:02
  Speaker 1: and learning that I, you know, so with my women clients,
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: I would say, you know, here's one thing I'm doing.
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like if they were in their 40s,
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: I would broach this. And it resonated really deeply with them.
• 30:18
  Speaker 1: So these are the five pillars that I put together.
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: It's a wellness framework. It functions alongside their client goals.
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: Because again, I'm not telling them what to do. I'm
• 30:25
  Speaker 1: just saying, here's something we could look at to help
• 30:29
  Speaker 1: you To help support the goals that we're working towards.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: The pillar that people find the hardest, I would say,
• 30:38
  Speaker 1: is this idea of mindfulness. What do you guys do
• 30:43
  Speaker 1: for mindfulness? When I say that, how does that land
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: for you?
• 30:51
  Speaker 3: I like mindfulness.
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Practices. Do you have a practice? No.
• 30:57
  Speaker 3: Well, I'm not good at it, but yeah, I try
• 30:59
  Speaker 3: to meditate. But exercise, I would say, is one of
• 31:03
  Speaker 3: my mindful exercises because it's when I can get out
• 31:07
  Speaker 3: of my mind and just into my body. And whether
• 31:12
  Speaker 3: that's weight training or walking or running, cycling, whatever it is,
• 31:21
  Speaker 3: I like writing things down. I need to be better
• 31:25
  Speaker 3: at all of these practices, but I know some people, yeah,
• 31:28
  Speaker 3: with the yoga or the meditation or the mindfulness, it
• 31:32
  Speaker 3: doesn't land as well, but I feel connected to that.
• 31:34
  Speaker 3: But I know not a lot of people do, which
• 31:39
  Speaker 3: it doesn't surprise me that that's the pillar that most
• 31:41
  Speaker 3: people struggle with.
• 31:44
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Can I just tell you, don't be hard on
• 31:47
  Speaker 1: yourself in terms of, I need to be better. You
• 31:49
  Speaker 1: are where you're at. And you are where you need
• 31:52
  Speaker 1: to be. And it's like, again, we punish ourselves so
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: much as women, right? Like I should, I should be
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: doing this. We are shooting all over ourselves. No, no more.
• 32:02
  Speaker 1: Like you are exactly where you need to be. And
• 32:06
  Speaker 1: it is what it is. Do you have a mindfulness practice, Haley?
• 32:09
  Speaker 1: I know you did Brooke's retreat. And that was, yes,
• 32:14
  Speaker 1: that was my first time.
• 32:15
  Speaker 2: And I will say that I still, um, I'm not
• 32:20
  Speaker 2: doing it every day, but most of the time, like
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: if I can get up in the morning and I
• 32:26
  Speaker 2: actually sit in my hot tub and I put on
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: my meditation music, sometimes I will take only one song.
• 32:36
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I'll take a couple of songs and it can
• 32:40
  Speaker 2: morph from, sometimes I will do somewhat of like a prayer.
• 32:45
  Speaker 2: Sometimes I will, But most of the time for at
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: least a minute, I will say, and I hated this
• 32:54
  Speaker 2: when Brooke made me do it. She made me do
• 32:55
  Speaker 2: it live on a Zoom with my Fat Loss Happens
• 32:59
  Speaker 2: course in the spring. And I wanted to murder her.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: She was like, Haley, let's do the I am. I
• 33:04
  Speaker 2: have to say like, I am this. And then you go,
• 33:07
  Speaker 2: I couldn't even think of it. All of mine were,
• 33:09
  Speaker 2: I'm embarrassed to say were like, maybe negative. And she's like,
• 33:14
  Speaker 2: just say whatever. And I'm like, I'm scared.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, I hate this.
• 33:18
  Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't even know what to say, but
• 33:20
  Speaker 2: I was just like copying whatever she said. But now
• 33:22
  Speaker 2: I sit out there and I will say it. And
• 33:25
  Speaker 2: I will say for a minute, I'm whatever comes out
• 33:29
  Speaker 2: of my mouth. I'm confident. I'm learning. I'm experimenting. I'm collaborating.
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: I'm whatever it is that comes out. And what that's
• 33:41
  Speaker 2: done for me is it's.
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: Given me like this.
• 33:47
  Speaker 2: New confidence that I didn't have. I don't feel imposter
• 33:51
  Speaker 2: syndrome as much.
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: Amazing.
• 33:55
  Speaker 2: And that's huge. But I also just feel like I
• 34:00
  Speaker 2: trust myself more that I can do anything. Before I
• 34:03
  Speaker 2: was just sink or swim. I was just jumping off
• 34:05
  Speaker 2: the cliff and figuring it out as I went. And
• 34:08
  Speaker 2: sometimes you have to do that as an entrepreneur and
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: you just sink or swim and you're just whatever that brings.
• 34:15
  Speaker 2: But I have this new small confidence that I didn't
• 34:21
  Speaker 2: have before in myself that I'm like, you could throw
• 34:25
  Speaker 2: something at me and it might be really hard, but
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: I know I can make it through. And honestly, Brynn,
• 34:30
  Speaker 2: that is the one thing that I want for my kids.
• 34:34
  Speaker 2: And I'm telling my kids that it... I might be
• 34:37
  Speaker 2: taking this conversation way off the rails, but I'm trying
• 34:42
  Speaker 2: to tell them, if you don't ever.
• 34:45
  Speaker 2: Believe, like tell your mind that you can do these
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: things and try hard things and be okay with failing,
• 34:51
  Speaker 2: you're never going to know what this feels like to
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: have this confidence. And I think before I would just
• 34:57
  Speaker 2: focus on the win or the fail. But for whatever reason,
• 35:03
  Speaker 2: I was never into it. It was way too woo-woo
• 35:07
  Speaker 2: for me, not down with it at all. And now
• 35:10
  Speaker 2: it's something that I can devote.
• 35:15
  Speaker 2: Five minutes, maybe 10 minutes most days, not every day.
• 35:20
  Speaker 2: But I feel like it's changed my interpretation of my
• 35:27
  Speaker 2: relationship with myself, which is weird to say.
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: No, it's beautiful. And it's so awesome. And I like, yes, yes, yes.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: And here's the thing. I specifically named the pillar mindfulness
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: instead of meditation, because I think people hear meditation and
• 35:44
  Speaker 1: they're like, oh my God, I've got to go be
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: like a Buddha and Zen out on cross-legged on a cushion.
• 35:47
  Speaker 1: Hell no. And for years I was like, I could
• 35:51
  Speaker 1: never meditate. My husband used to do silent retreats. Okay.
• 35:54
  Speaker 1: We're so different. He would go on three or four
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: day silent retreats. That would be my nightmare. Yes. Now I'm,
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: I don't know that I could do it, but I
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: am not that far along, but he's just a very
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: different beast. But the thing is, which was interesting side
• 36:08
  Speaker 1: note is all the people at these retreats were like
• 36:11
  Speaker 1: CEOs of companies. And like, there were these people who'd
• 36:14
  Speaker 1: kind of like gotten the memo and realized like the
• 36:17
  Speaker 1: hustle is not worth it. Like I'm going to like
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: ground myself and be intentional anyway.
• 36:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: But mindfulness, here's the thing. Mindfulness is Just paying attention
• 36:28
  Speaker 1: on purpose. That's all it is. It's being in the moment.
• 36:32
  Speaker 1: It's the capacity to slow down and just be aware,
• 36:37
  Speaker 1: be present, notice. What's going on? How am I feeling?
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: Who am I being? Right? It's that doing being, there's
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: no balance, but just that doing being kind of continuum.
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: It's a chance to stop doing and just attune to,
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: you know, What am I feeling? How's my body? What
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: am I noticing? Do I feel my breath? And you
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: can be mindful engaging any sense. Like you mindfully exercise, Laura,
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: you said that. You can mindfully eat. You can mindfully
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: brush your teeth. So for people who say they don't
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: have time for mindfulness, what I would challenge people is,
• 37:20
  Speaker 1: to do is take an everyday thing you do. Go
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: be in the shower, like meaning actually feel the water
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: in your hair. Look at yourself, soaping yourself up. I
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: don't know. Have at it. Have your own experience with
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: the shower. But be in the shower, right? Because we
• 37:40
  Speaker 1: take showers and we don't even know what we're doing.
• 37:42
  Speaker 1: Because we're always ruminating about the past or thinking about
• 37:46
  Speaker 1: the future. And so what I have come to appreciate
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: so much about this, and this is why you are
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: resonating with it, Haley, it is regulating your nervous system.
• 37:57
  Speaker 1: Our nervous systems are in overdrive. And because of this
• 38:01
  Speaker 1: stage of life we're in, and you're obviously in a
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: very busy season, growing your business, your business exploded. And
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: it's like, holy... And I'm sure, I think we talked
• 38:11
  Speaker 1: about this last year, you were so reactive. It's happening, happening, happening.
• 38:15
  Speaker 1: I got to, got to, got to do, do, do.
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: And all these people. But now what I sense just
• 38:20
  Speaker 1: from what you said is you've been able to shift from, okay,
• 38:24
  Speaker 1: I am going to do the best I can do.
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: I'm going to be as intentional as I can be.
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: I will navigate it. I have this, do you see
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: this surfer girl behind me? Can you see in my office?
• 38:37
  Speaker 1: So this is my mantra. We cannot control the wind
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: or the waves in our life, but we can learn
• 38:44
  Speaker 1: to be good surfers. That's the thing. We don't have
• 38:50
  Speaker 1: control over so many things. We can't control all the
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: circumstances in our life, but we, We always have a
• 38:57
  Speaker 1: choice as to how we respond to the circumstances, how
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: we move forward from the circumstances, what we create from
• 39:05
  Speaker 1: the circumstances. So it's really about agency, right? I am able.
• 39:10
  Speaker 1: I can deal. I will be okay. I will figure
• 39:13
  Speaker 1: it out. I don't know what's happening. And that's to
• 39:16
  Speaker 1: the point about instilling that in our kids, that ability
• 39:19
  Speaker 1: to figure it out. We can do hard things. That
• 39:24
  Speaker 1: is so essential, I think, for our growth. We're all
• 39:28
  Speaker 1: works in progress. I don't have it figured out. I'm
• 39:31
  Speaker 1: doing fine right now, but I don't know. I was
• 39:35
  Speaker 1: doing really great last year. In fact, I hired AJ
• 39:38
  Speaker 1: as a nutrition coach because I do want to praise
• 39:44
  Speaker 1: the results I've gotten when I started your program. I
• 39:48
  Speaker 1: did a DEXA scan, May 2025, my first DEXA scan.
• 39:52
  Speaker 1: I was at 28% body fat. And I did one
• 39:55
  Speaker 1: again six months later, November 2025. And I had gone
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: to 24% body fat because I was just working the program, right?
• 40:04
  Speaker 1: Set it and forget it. It was awesome. Felt great.
• 40:09
  Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what? I had learned
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: about macros in the shred and then in nutrition happens.
• 40:16
  Speaker 1: I was entering my little macros like a faithful, good student.
• 40:20
  Speaker 1: And I decided, I'm kind of tapped out with exercise.
• 40:23
  Speaker 1: I'm doing all I can do. I think I really
• 40:24
  Speaker 1: want to refine and tweak my nutrition. And I was
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: ready to go, met with AJ. And then my son,
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: I have two boys, and my son was a senior
• 40:38
  Speaker 1: in high school. And over the holidays, he had a
• 40:41
  Speaker 1: little health crisis, was hospitalized. So we kind of And
• 40:44
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, AJ? I can't go
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: into a calorie deficit right now. It's just not the time.
• 40:50
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to do this to myself. Two years earlier,
• 40:54
  Speaker 1: I might have been like, you signed up for this.
• 40:56
  Speaker 1: You're doing it, right? But I gave myself that grace
• 41:00
  Speaker 1: to know this is not the time. And now I've
• 41:03
  Speaker 1: kind of forgotten what was the point of what I
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: was saying. Oh, the surfer girl. It's just that I
• 41:09
  Speaker 1: got knocked down by a wave, right? And... I just
• 41:13
  Speaker 1: was like, you know what? Then this is what my
• 41:15
  Speaker 1: priority is. I got to shift back to focusing on
• 41:17
  Speaker 1: my family. And we worked together and had a great
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: relationship in that she just helped me kind of refine
• 41:24
  Speaker 1: my current diet, right? Don't put tablespoons of flax and
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: hemp and chia bread and just cut it out. She
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: gave me little tweaks that were so valuable, but I
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: just figured out what I needed and that's what I did.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: So that idea of agency, leading your life rather than
• 41:41
  Speaker 1: letting your life lead you. That's what I want to teach.
• 41:45
  Speaker 1: I love that so much. That's it.
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: And that's hard to do. And it takes a long time.
• 41:51
  Speaker 2: I feel like I'm kind of there, but for a
• 41:55
  Speaker 2: long time, it was definitely leading me. And I think
• 41:58
  Speaker 2: that's when I had the breakdown to you. And you
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: gave me those wise words that I was not expecting.
• 42:05
  Speaker 2: And I mean, I want to thank you for that because...
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: I know that you're like.
• 42:12
  Speaker 1: Oh, it's no big deal.
• 42:13
  Speaker 2: I was there, but it was, it meant so much
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: to me because it was foreign that I just opened
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: up to somebody that I didn't know. And I was
• 42:22
  Speaker 2: desperate at the time. Like I was just like, I'm
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: not doing well is what I kept saying to myself.
• 42:27
  Speaker 2: I knew I wasn't doing well. Um, but it's definitely,
• 42:34
  Speaker 2: I I've, I've had to work on about coming on top.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: I mean, Laura, you, You've had a similar, like when
• 42:39
  Speaker 2: you have a new boy, I mean, I won't speak
• 42:41
  Speaker 2: for you, but you have these changes in life where
• 42:44
  Speaker 2: you think, well, I'm totally changed, but is it a
• 42:50
  Speaker 2: good change? Or like, you almost have to go through
• 42:53
  Speaker 2: these hard, this is exactly what you wanted. Yeah. This
• 42:58
  Speaker 2: is exactly what you wanted, but that doesn't mean that
• 43:00
  Speaker 2: it's been like this easy.
• 43:03
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 43:04
  Speaker 3: Just because you get what you want doesn't mean, yeah,
• 43:07
  Speaker 3: it's going to come without.
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: Difficulty.
• 43:10
  Speaker 3: And I think, I mean, one of the best blessings
• 43:12
  Speaker 3: of my life has been doing this podcast with Haley
• 43:15
  Speaker 3: because during that change and that time in my life
• 43:18
  Speaker 3: where it was so difficult, I tried to have a baby.
• 43:23
  Speaker 1: For like five years.
• 43:24
  Speaker 3: So she's this miracle, just overjoyed, so incredible, but all
• 43:30
  Speaker 3: of a sudden everything in my life changed.
• 43:33
  Speaker 1: And so.
• 43:35
  Speaker 3: I think doing something that makes you feel grounded.
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: And so.
• 43:42
  Speaker 3: The podcast where I had to show up as Lara,
• 43:46
  Speaker 3: I wasn't Chloe's mom. And I think doing it with
• 43:50
  Speaker 3: someone that I love and respect so much helped in
• 43:54
  Speaker 3: that too. But it was sort of after we had
• 43:57
  Speaker 3: done it and Chloe was like eight months old that
• 44:00
  Speaker 3: I looked back and I'm like, that's one of those
• 44:03
  Speaker 3: things that anchored me during those times. And so I
• 44:06
  Speaker 3: think during the times of change too, having something that
• 44:13
  Speaker 3: anchors you or kind of brings you back to you
• 44:18
  Speaker 3: was one of the things that really helped me and
• 44:21
  Speaker 3: embracing the change and being present probably also like, well,
• 44:26
  Speaker 3: this is what's happening.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: So be here and do it.
• 44:32
  Speaker 3: But, you know, this change to move to, the East
• 44:36
  Speaker 3: coast has been really difficult too. And yeah, it's a
• 44:42
  Speaker 3: struggle just to feel, um, to show up like in this.
• 44:48
  Speaker 1: Happy way.
• 44:52
  Speaker 3: When you feel like you're drowning and you're sad and
• 44:56
  Speaker 3: you're having a hard time. But I also think that
• 44:58
  Speaker 3: is important because there were times like when I had
• 45:02
  Speaker 3: been there for a few months and I, like broke
• 45:05
  Speaker 3: down to Haley and, you know, people that were close
• 45:09
  Speaker 3: to me. And I think it's also important to say like,
• 45:11
  Speaker 3: I'm really having a hard time and not just like,
• 45:14
  Speaker 3: I'm fine.
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: It's okay.
• 45:16
  Speaker 3: And, and then you get that validation. He was Haley,
• 45:20
  Speaker 3: you know, because she had been through the same thing.
• 45:24
  Speaker 3: It's like, it's, it is, it's so hard. It's going
• 45:28
  Speaker 3: to take a year, just all of those things. So
• 45:30
  Speaker 3: I think being vulnerable and also saying like, actually, I'm
• 45:34
  Speaker 3: not good. right now is really important. And even like
• 45:39
  Speaker 3: what you were just saying about you're wanting to sign
• 45:41
  Speaker 3: up and do this thing, but then you, instead of
• 45:44
  Speaker 3: feeling like a failure because you didn't do it, like
• 45:47
  Speaker 3: actually it's just not the right time. And I think
• 45:51
  Speaker 3: that a lot of midlife women, we want to say yes,
• 45:55
  Speaker 3: or we want to show up for all the, for
• 45:57
  Speaker 3: all the things. I think realizing that It's okay to
• 46:04
  Speaker 3: say no when we're not failures as to ourselves or
• 46:07
  Speaker 3: to our friends or to our family or our jobs
• 46:10
  Speaker 3: or whatever. But yeah, no, I think it's like really
• 46:15
  Speaker 3: important to honor yourself and your emotions and be vulnerable
• 46:19
  Speaker 3: and speak your truth.
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: Sure. For sure.
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: I mean, and I think it's, that's courageous, right? I
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: think more, this is why I'm not really active on
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: social media because I know, no shame. I think it's
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: a great place for people to connect, but I do
• 46:37
  Speaker 1: think there's a lot of lives that are looking really good.
• 46:40
  Speaker 1: And this is why we kind of have this mental
• 46:41
  Speaker 1: health crisis with these kids, with kids right now is they're,
• 46:43
  Speaker 1: they're looking online and everybody's posting the happy, happy, happy joy.
• 46:49
  Speaker 1: And really there are women that are struggling, you know, like,
• 46:53
  Speaker 1: You just moved. The same thing, Laura. When I moved
• 46:54
  Speaker 1: to Hawaii, I was like, dream move. Like boldness, awesome.
• 46:58
  Speaker 1: And it's been the best thing we've ever done. But
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: I didn't plan to all of a sudden be caretaking
• 47:04
  Speaker 1: my aunt, my dad, and then having to do the
• 47:07
  Speaker 1: lead parent thing. I was like, what the hell? We're
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: all surfing through life, but we have to talk about it.
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: The change and the challenge are always going to be there.
• 47:18
  Speaker 1: And if we feel like we have to put on
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: a happy face and like grind through it, no, this
• 47:23
  Speaker 1: is why relationships are one of my pillars because we
• 47:26
  Speaker 1: have to connect with people. We have to, we have
• 47:29
  Speaker 1: to lean on our, on our friends, on our, you know,
• 47:32
  Speaker 1: on our, on our, on the people that are our
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: ride or dies that we know are going to be
• 47:37
  Speaker 1: there and know us and have known us.
• 47:39
  Speaker 3: Right.
• 47:39
  Speaker 1: That's what's so great about, I'm so grateful for my
• 47:42
  Speaker 1: longtime friendships too. People have seen me through all the things, right. We've, we've,
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: you know, we're just at this point now where we're
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: really seasoned. We have this earned wisdom. We have lived
• 47:53
  Speaker 1: for decades now and we have loved and we have
• 47:56
  Speaker 1: lost and we have lived and I don't know the
• 47:58
  Speaker 1: other L word, but anyway, we've survived. We've survived. We've
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: done all the things. And now we can kind of
• 48:03
  Speaker 1: look at ourselves and go, okay, you know, how do
• 48:06
  Speaker 1: I want to be showing up? Do I need to
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: be perfect all the time?
• 48:09
  Speaker 2: No.
• 48:10
  Speaker 1: And I'm okay with that.
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: It has been such a beautiful, I would say, from
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: looking in, because I've seen Laura go through this struggle
• 48:19
  Speaker 2: and it was exactly where I was at just 20
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: years ago. It was the exact same starting to question, like.
• 48:28
  Speaker 1: Am I okay?
• 48:29
  Speaker 2: Just being, I love being a mom. I love this child,
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: but I'm losing myself is how I felt. And I
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: want to have my own autonomy too, but I don't
• 48:42
  Speaker 2: know how to do that because it's a new, so
• 48:44
  Speaker 2: it's been like, For me, I feel like, Laura, I've
• 48:49
  Speaker 2: watched you go through this. And it's the only time,
• 48:52
  Speaker 2: I think, because we're the same age, that I can
• 48:55
  Speaker 2: be like, you're going to be fine, kid. Because I've
• 48:59
  Speaker 2: been there and I know from my heart what you're feeling.
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: And that happens multiple times in a woman's life. And
• 49:09
  Speaker 2: every time you're in there, nobody wants it. Nobody wants
• 49:13
  Speaker 2: to be in the throes of the wave. Not fun.
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: It's hard.
• 49:17
  Speaker 2: It's painful. You question everything. But as you say, Brynn,
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: I think those pillars really speak to what I'm trying
• 49:28
  Speaker 2: to tell my very, not young children, because my kids
• 49:35
  Speaker 2: are adulting, But they're young in their experience. And I
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: want to say, just go do the things.
• 49:42
  Speaker 1: Go try.
• 49:42
  Speaker 2: Go fail. Go be okay not knowing where your path
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: is going to go.
• 49:47
  Speaker 1: Feel lost.
• 49:48
  Speaker 2: That's part of it.
• 49:51
  Speaker 1: It's not fun when you're in there.
• 49:53
  Speaker 2: But that's why you have wise friends or mentors or
• 49:59
  Speaker 2: someone like you, Brynn, a coach to say, I've got
• 50:03
  Speaker 2: your back. I might not be going through the same thing.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: But you're going to make it through. Because there's times
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: where I felt like there's... Learned wisdom is something that
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: you can't just pass on to your kids. They have
• 50:19
  Speaker 2: to experience it. And it's hard.
• 50:24
  Speaker 1: It's hard. And I think our growth... Growth and comfort
• 50:28
  Speaker 1: cannot coexist. You cannot grow unless you are uncomfortable. And
• 50:32
  Speaker 1: so you are growing like hell, girl, right now, Laura.
• 50:35
  Speaker 1: I mean, you are just... learning all the things, but
• 50:39
  Speaker 1: you have your exercise to keep you sane. You have,
• 50:42
  Speaker 1: hopefully you're sleeping well. Hopefully you're, you've got your, your,
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: you know, you got your tribe, you got your village
• 50:47
  Speaker 1: to support you, you know, control what you can control.
• 50:51
  Speaker 1: And then there's also, I think this is another nice thing.
• 50:54
  Speaker 1: It's like, we can also surrender stuff. Like there's just
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: stuff like, I gotta like make peace with where I'm at.
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: And instead of where I want to be or where
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: I think I should be, like that self-acceptance for the
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: stage of life that you're at, which is such a
• 51:10
  Speaker 1: precious stage. I know you're exhausted. Like that's the thing
• 51:12
  Speaker 1: I do. I've been mourning. My son just started college.
• 51:16
  Speaker 1: So my oldest just went to college and I had
• 51:18
  Speaker 1: this whole like, who am I crisis this summer. But
• 51:21
  Speaker 1: I also, you know, those days where thank, you know,
• 51:25
  Speaker 1: your sweet angel baby daughter is like, so you're so
• 51:28
  Speaker 1: in love with each other, but it's exhausting and that's okay.
• 51:32
  Speaker 1: You know, it's like, You can love this stage of
• 51:34
  Speaker 1: life and you can be exhausted by it. Yeah. You
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: can be grateful for all that you have and you
• 51:40
  Speaker 1: can be like, but I want more. There's, there's something
• 51:43
  Speaker 1: I got to figure out. It's like we just navigate
• 51:47
  Speaker 1: it and we know that, you know, I think change
• 51:51
  Speaker 1: only come like growth. We're all works in progress, right?
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: We're all works in progress. Like hopefully if we've got
• 51:56
  Speaker 1: a growth mindset, which hopefully, That's what we should have, right?
• 52:00
  Speaker 1: We have to believe that life gets better. We are learning.
• 52:03
  Speaker 1: And I think that authenticity comes with age too, right?
• 52:08
  Speaker 1: We get more confident because we know ourselves more. We're
• 52:11
  Speaker 1: capable of, you know, become more fully who we are
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: and growth and comfort don't exist, but gosh, they are,
• 52:19
  Speaker 1: it's a reward when we kind of keep leveling up. Yeah. Yeah.
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: So as we wrap this conversation up, and I'm always
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: really bummed when I feel like this great conversation has
• 52:31
  Speaker 2: to come to an end. I'm hoping that you as
• 52:34
  Speaker 2: the listeners, I'm going to speak to the listeners, which
• 52:36
  Speaker 2: I've never actually done. I hope that you feel this,
• 52:43
  Speaker 2: some acceptance and some of this warmth that Brynn as
• 52:50
  Speaker 2: a human brings. Brynn, I think that you have a
• 52:54
  Speaker 2: very special gift. I know that others have felt it,
• 52:59
  Speaker 2: but I want to thank you for being a part
• 53:01
  Speaker 2: of my life. I feel like our paths were meant
• 53:05
  Speaker 2: to cross when they did. And if for other women
• 53:10
  Speaker 2: that might feel like they need a little bit of
• 53:13
  Speaker 2: a push from a coach, where can women work with
• 53:17
  Speaker 2: you from all over? What does that look like?
• 53:21
  Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you for that. Yes, I feel a calling
• 53:26
  Speaker 1: to work more with women in midlife who are trying
• 53:31
  Speaker 1: to kind of navigate Like what's next for me? What's
• 53:34
  Speaker 1: my growth edge? So I am, like honestly, the social
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: media platform that I use the most is LinkedIn. It's
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: more professional, I know. But you can find me on
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: LinkedIn at Bryn Penne Burkhart. Or you can just email me.
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: Can I give out my email address?
• 53:49
  Speaker 3: No, no.
• 53:50
  Speaker 1: Direct email me and I am happy. You can also
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: set up a 30-minute like intro call on my website.
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: My business, my leadership coaching practice is called Bright Evolution.
• 54:02
  Speaker 1: So brightevolutioncoach.com is my website. So go there. You can
• 54:06
  Speaker 1: book a 30-minute call or just email me at Brynn
• 54:09
  Speaker 1: at brightevolutioncoach.com. Bright Evolution Coach.
• 54:13
  Speaker 3: Yeah.
• 54:14
  Speaker 2: You will not regret it.
• 54:16
  Speaker 1: Oh, well, you're very kind. It's a mutual admiration society, Haley.
• 54:22
  Speaker 1: I'm in awe of what you've built. I think you...
• 54:25
  Speaker 1: I just.
• 54:27
  Speaker 1: I just, what I want for every woman is to
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: like lean into their potential, right? We're all meant for more.
• 54:33
  Speaker 1: We are meant, we are capable of so much more
• 54:36
  Speaker 1: than we, than we know ourselves to be. And I've
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: just like, it's been like a joy to see how
• 54:42
  Speaker 1: successful you are. You know, just you hit like a
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: hundred thousand downloads, like let's go. And you're helping women,
• 54:49
  Speaker 1: like women are feeling more powerful. Like that's what we
• 54:52
  Speaker 1: are going to change the world. You guys, this world is,
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: a mess, a hot mess. It's women that are going
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: to change it, but we have to start by investing
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: in ourselves. Yeah. You're worth it. You're worth it. So
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: we're worth it.
• 55:04
  Speaker 2: Thank you so much, for your time and for your expertise.
• 55:07
  Speaker 2: It's been such a, such a lovely conversation. Thank you
• 55:11
  Speaker 2: for spending it with us.
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: My pleasure. It's been a privilege. So it was great
• 55:16
  Speaker 1: to meet you, Laura and Haley. We'll talk again soon.
• 55:21
  Speaker 1: Thanks for listening, everyone.
• 55:23
  Speaker 3: If you enjoyed this episode, please consider giving us a
• 55:26
  Speaker 3: five-star rating and sharing the BodyPod with your friends.