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What to Do When You're Afraid Your Child Is Dating the Wrong Person · Daily Devotions for Busy Lives

• 0:01
  Bart Leger: Back in 1972, a team of researchers set out to test
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  something every worried parent wonders about. Whether pushing
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  against the person your kid is dating or only backfires. They
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  tracked dating and married couples for months, watching
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  what happened as families pushed against the match. When the
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  numbers came back, they seemed to confirm a parent's worst fear.
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  The more the parents disapproved, the more in love the couple said
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  they were. They called it the Romeo and Juliet effect. And the
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  name stuck. For decades, this was their takeaway. Fight your
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  kid's relationship and you only pour gas on it. We'll come back
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  to what happened to that study. But
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  first, welcome to Daily Devotions for Busy Lives. I'm
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  Bart Leger. I've had this conversation with parents a few
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  times. A mother and a father worried sick about who their son
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  or their daughter is dating. What they want is something they
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  can take home and say that will make their kids see it. And I
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  don't have that something. I've never had it. What I've watched
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  over the years is that the more a family pushes, the less access
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  they potentially end up with. Then, they're worried and shut
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  down at the same time. And which is the worst of both. So what I
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  tell parents doesn't make them feel better right away. Because
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  at the end of the day, it's in God's hands. And up to the child
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  to listen to the Holy Spirit if they're a follower of Christ.
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  Few things pull on a parent like watching your child with
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  somebody you're worried about. You see the things they can't
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  see yet. You've been around long enough to know how much a
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  partner shapes a life. And you can already picture the next 10
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  years of it. And you're walking a fine line every single day.
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  Say too much and you push them closer to that person and
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  further from you. Say nothing and you feel like you stood
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  there and just watched it happen. A lot of parents end up doing
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  both. You hold it in for weeks and then it comes out all of a
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  sudden at the supper table in a tone you never planned on using.
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  The psalmist gives us a dose of wisdom in Psalm 25 speaks to
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  this very issue and many more. It's in Psalm 25, 12.
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  Look at who does the work in that sense. He will show them.
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  God does the showing. The path gets revealed to the person
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  walking it and it's God who does the work. That ought to change
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  what you ask God for. Most of us pray about the other person.
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  Lord, get him out of our life. Lord, let this thing change and
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  fall apart by Christmas. Psalm 25 points somewhere else
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  entirely. Pray that your child can see. Pray for discernment in
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  your son or daughter. Ask God to give them eyes for what's in
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  front of them and the spine to act on what they see. That
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  prayer has an advantage. The other one doesn't. It never
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  requires you to be right about this person. You might be right.
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  You might also be wrong. And every parent listening knows a
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  family who was dead wrong about somebody. Either way, a child
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  who sees clearly ends up where they need to be. Now, about
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  speaking. The door does open sometimes. A question they ask
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  you out of nowhere. A long drive with nobody else in the car.
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  When it opens, you don't have to be too aggressive. Just keep it
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  to what you've noticed.
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  Then, other researchers went back and tried to repeat the
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  study. And the original story didn't come back the same. It
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  kind of fell apart. The Romeo and Juliet effect mostly didn't
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  hold up. What they found was messier and more human.
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  Sometimes, pressure pushed a couple closer. And sometimes,
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  strong disapproval went right along with the breakup. There
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  was no reliable lever a parent could pull to change what a
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  child's heart wanted. The one thing the research kept
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  confirming was the limit of a parent's control. You can pray
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  and you can speak when the door opens. But the real work of
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  turning a heart belongs to God. Look at what 50 years of
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  studying this came back with. No lever or lever, whichever way
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  you want to pronounce it. The first finding said pushing
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  backfires. The retest said sometimes and sometimes the
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  opposite. What survived all of it was the size of a parent's
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  control or the span of their control, if you will, which is
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  smaller than any of us want it to be. That's uncomfortable to
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  hear. And it's a relief also. Because it means this was never
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  resting on whether you found the right words. Here's today's
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  challenge. Change your prayer today. For the next 30 days, aim
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  it at your child's discernment. Lord, show her the path she
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  should choose. Use the words of Psalm 25 if you want them
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  because God gave them to us for this. And do one thing for the
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  relationship you still have. Call your kid this week about
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  something that has nothing to do with any of this. Ask about work
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  or their school work if they're still in school. And tell them
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  what the dog did. A door stays open by being used. Father, you
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  said you would show the way to those who fear you. And we're
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  asking you to do that for our children. For every parent
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  listening who's worried today about their son or their
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  daughter and who they're with, settle them and keep them close
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  enough to be there when the door opens. Give our children eyes to
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  see what's in front of them and the courage to act on what they
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  see. In Jesus' name, amen. If you need prayer today, I'd love
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  to hear from you. You can leave me a voicemail at
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  dailydevotionsforbusylives.com slash voicemail. I listen to
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  every single one, and it would be an honor to bring your name
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  before the Lord. Thanks for joining me on Daily Devotions
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  for Busy Lives. Remember, God is the one who shows a person the
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  path. Pray for your child's eyes and keep the door open. Come
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  back next time for more encouragement to help you look
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  grounded in God's truth. Until then, God bless and have a great
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  day.