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Transform Emotional Pain: The 'Taking It Personally' Tip Jar Challenge · STOPTIME: Live in the Moment.

• 0:23
  Speaker 1: Hey there, I'm willing to bet that, even if you aren't taking something personally right now that you have held on to, or are maybe still holding on to, something that hurt you, science tells us that we are hardwired to connect with others.
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: It's integral to our very survival as social beings.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: So when our social connections are threatened by the feeling of being judged or by the opinions of others, it can be a very triggering place.
• 0:55
  Speaker 1: We come by it naturally.
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: So we become sad and depleted, questioning our self-worth or even angry and resentful, spending a lot of time building up and holding on to negative energy.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: And I get it.
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: We all want to be accepted, we all want to fit in for fear of being left out in the cold by ourselves.
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: But here's the thing when someone ignores us or doesn't value our opinion and passes over or criticizes us, that's about them, not us.
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: When we take things personally, now that is on us.
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: The story that we tell ourselves is that we aren't appreciated, that someone doesn't like us, aren't appreciated, that someone doesn't like us, and the feelings those thoughts create can spiral into feeling ashamed and retreating, or maybe even trying harder to prove our self-worth to the offending party, bending ourselves sideways to show that we are cool, that we're in the know or whatever it is that we think we need to be accepted.
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: But the thing is ghosting who you truly are by contorting into some version of what you think others want you to be.
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: It's the antithesis of personal growth and connection.
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Stop making this about yourself and start to use your taking it personally trigger to open up new ways of being.
• 2:35
  Speaker 1: So how do we do that, lisa?
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Well, I've got an idea.
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: We're going to do this by creating a tip jar, taking it personally, a tip jar.
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: So all you need is a jar, a mason jar, a strawberry jam jar, empty of course, and two colors of post-it notes or paper one to represent the message of what you're taking personally and one to be an affirmation.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: So, for the first week, one to be an affirmation.
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: So for the first week, I want you just to notice and write down every time that you are taking something personally.
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I want you to fill your jar with whichever color you've chosen to represent taking it personally.
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: Let's say it's green.
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: So include very small things, such as somebody didn't notice you, or like your sweater, or return your text, for example, and, of course, the bigger things, which will be more of a standout and easier to identify Sidebar.
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: Sometimes, when you're feeling indignant or resentful or defensive, that's actually a cover for taking things personally.
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: So those are good places to look at and dig deeper as well and challenge the reasons why these things are making you feel the way they do.
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: So at the end of the week, just notice how full your jar is.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: How interested would you be in converting that negative cycle into something that serves you?
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: So each day for the next week, I want you to take one of the green notes out of the jar and replace it with a yellow note on which you write an affirmation that corresponds to what you wrote.
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: For instance, if on the green note you said my boss didn't appreciate my extra effort, you replace that message with a yellow post that says something like I am proud of the work I did on that project.
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: And you put the yellow note in the jar and you crumple up the green one and as you continue to connect to yourself through this process, you will begin to notice that taking things personally by holding onto these negative thoughts is only hurting you more.
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: And you'll feel better and better as you start to eliminate and replace the green taking it personally, notes with the yellow ones that connect to how you really feel and take the power away from others to trigger you into feeling less than when we draw awareness around patterns of our own behavior.
• 5:22
  Speaker 1: We can rethink and even disrupt or shift these patterns to better serve us, after all, or shift these patterns to better serve us, after all.
• 5:29
  Speaker 1: The more connected we truly are to ourselves, the better connected we can be with others.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: Soon your tip jar will be full of affirmations and appreciations.
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: I mean, really, isn't that what a tip jar is actually for?
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: I'm Lisa Hopkins.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: Thanks so much for listening.
• 5:50
  Speaker 1: Stay safe and healthy, everyone, and remember to live in the moment.