Latest / Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad / Dear Banya: Where the Rubber Meets the Road

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Dear Banya: Where the Rubber Meets the Road · Scrubbing In with Becca Tilley & Tanya Rad

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Scrubbing In with Beca Tilly and Tanya rad and iHeartRadio.
• 0:04
  Speaker 2: And two times People's Choice Award winning.
• 0:07
  Speaker 3: Podcast Hello Everybody.
• 0:13
  Speaker 2: We are scrubbing in. I like my hair today. I
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: thought it looked so cute. Well, thank you, but I
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: don't like it. Such as life. Such as life that's
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: not much better. But that's okay. Hello everybody, Hello another
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: day another podcast.
• 0:35
  Speaker 3: 'tis right?
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: What a beautiful journey we are on?
• 0:38
  Speaker 3: When are you going to decorate for the holidays?
• 0:41
  Speaker 4: You know?
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: Has it gone earlier every year?
• 0:45
  Speaker 4: Well?
• 0:45
  Speaker 3: No, no, Thanksgiving has been extremely late this year and
• 0:50
  Speaker 3: last year.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: I know.
• 0:51
  Speaker 5: But there's only six days that Thanksgiving can fall on.
• 0:55
  Speaker 5: Seven it's not going to very much.
• 0:59
  Speaker 3: Eh.
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: I just feel like, well, I've always thought that Thanksgiving
• 1:05
  Speaker 2: was the third week of third Thursday of the month.
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: Is that fourth Thursday with the months?
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: Always okay?
• 1:13
  Speaker 1: But that's one of those things that people online say changed.
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: I have it. I have that with Thanksgiving. I thought
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: it was the third of every November, third Thursday of
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: every November. So then I was always like, okay, people
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: start decorating then. And then I felt like as soon
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: as Halloween's been over, it's immediately like Christmas is up, yeah,
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: and we skip Thanksgiving whichever. I don't know what decor
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: is that exactly.
• 1:39
  Speaker 3: That's the whole point.
• 1:41
  Speaker 2: So I normally get real Christmas trees, so I.
• 1:44
  Speaker 3: Don't Yes, you can't go too early.
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: Yeah, but I've I've been on the fence about leaning
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: towards a fake Yeah, it's it's something I'm considering.
• 1:54
  Speaker 3: Talk to me, talk me through.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: But I also the thing about, well, I'm talk me
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: through it.
• 1:59
  Speaker 3: Talk through the decision. Why not a fake tree? Oh?
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: Why not a fake tree? Because I love like the smell.
• 2:05
  Speaker 2: I just like the experience of going to get a tree.
• 2:07
  Speaker 3: Yes, I do like that as well.
• 2:09
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I like supporting the industry is for it. But
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: they have Christmas tree farms where they like grow them
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: for that.
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: I don't know if that's political. This is where I'm
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: not trying to be political.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: No, same, I'm not trying to be polular, but I'm like,
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: it feels better for the environment to not be chopping
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: down trees and putting them in our houses for like
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: four weeks. Sides though, right, because mine's like a synthetic
• 2:35
  Speaker 3: classic like.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: Eye who knows to teach them? But anyways, we always
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: do that, and so I've I've never even considered decorating
• 2:46
  Speaker 2: this early because my tree I do not have a
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: green thumb, so you know.
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: But I also think that they last longer than you
• 2:55
  Speaker 3: you would think. And also when they dry out a little,
• 2:58
  Speaker 3: they don't look so bad.
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: They don't look bad, but things start it's like brittle
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: and you rest your ornaments falling crashing to the ground.
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: But the thing with me is that by the time
• 3:11
  Speaker 2: Christmas is over, I am so ready to take to
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: get all the clutter and stuff cleared out from Christmas
• 3:17
  Speaker 2: de core that I feel like if I decorate this early,
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: that by the time Christmas is there, I'm gonna be
• 3:23
  Speaker 2: over it.
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: See you, It's so funny because I feel like I
• 3:27
  Speaker 3: get sad when I put all that stuff away, because
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: then it feels like my home is bare, Like I
• 3:32
  Speaker 3: feel like that room just turns into just like I'm like, oh,
• 3:35
  Speaker 3: it seems so empty and hopeless. But I now hope
• 3:40
  Speaker 3: is alive in my house.
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: Yeah, so maybe you should leave it up all year.
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I try and push it as much as I can.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: I'm deep into January.
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, I think Hayley would like that I'm like
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: pretty much the week after Christmas, it's like get it up,
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: get it out of here, get this dead tree out
• 3:58
  Speaker 2: of here.
• 3:58
  Speaker 3: I know, it's always like a big time because I'm like,
• 4:00
  Speaker 3: we have that time from work, you know what I mean,
• 4:03
  Speaker 3: Like we have that time where it's like slow. So
• 4:04
  Speaker 3: I'm like, I'd like to just like get everything down
• 4:07
  Speaker 3: and take the time, you know, because then once we're
• 4:10
  Speaker 3: back at work, it's like full blown into the new year.
• 4:13
  Speaker 3: But I always lose that battle with myself. Yeah, I
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: choose not to put it away.
• 4:17
  Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, well you just kind of enjoy what the
• 4:20
  Speaker 2: heart wants, you know. And I think this year, I'm
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: gonna I'm gonna leave it up. As long as Haley
• 4:25
  Speaker 2: wants to leave it up. We can leave the Christmas
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: lights up till January. It sucked, please leave it whatever.
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: So I actually like this year. So we never decorate
• 4:38
  Speaker 3: the outside of our house. We only decorate the inside
• 4:39
  Speaker 3: of our house. Also, this is like very new for
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: Robbie because he's never decorated for Christmas in his life.
• 4:45
  Speaker 3: And so yesterday I was like feeling so ambitious. I
• 4:49
  Speaker 3: was like, let's decorate the outside too, And I'm like,
• 4:52
  Speaker 3: go outside to see like what trees we can wrap
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: and stuff, and I like, come out there for five minutes.
• 4:56
  Speaker 3: I'm like, inside's fine. Decorating, it's just fine.
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: Every year I see people with what looks to be
• 5:04
  Speaker 2: professional lights installed on their out the outside of their house,
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: you know, yeah, it looks so crisp and nice. Then
• 5:11
  Speaker 2: I'm gonna do it. And every year I get a
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: quote and it's so expensive, and I'm like, well, maybe
• 5:15
  Speaker 2: next year I can do it myself.
• 5:19
  Speaker 3: Yeah, it's so hard to actually did.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: Do it myself. One year, I hung the lights outside
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: on top of that.
• 5:23
  Speaker 3: Around just your house. I haven't think just like one
• 5:25
  Speaker 3: string around the house is so chic.
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it definitely looks like Okay, she didn't.
• 5:30
  Speaker 3: Want and so she said no more.
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: But yeah, but yeah, maybe this year, maybe I can
• 5:37
  Speaker 2: focus on that as my pre decoration, like I can
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: do the outside because if it just costs the base costs,
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: and that's what it is until after Christmas, like I
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: don't know if it's they're like, oh, if you keep
• 5:52
  Speaker 2: it up for a certain amount of time, it costs
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: this much, versus if you do it this amount of time,
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: it's this much. Huh, I'm saying, like, if I get
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: professor done on the outside, I don't know if it's
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: based the price is based on how long they're up.
• 6:06
  Speaker 3: Why would it be based on how long they're up?
• 6:07
  Speaker 3: But they don't care because.
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: You're basically borrowing the lights and stuff.
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Oh you're not.
• 6:12
  Speaker 3: You're not putting up your own lights.
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: No, I'm saying, I would hire someone.
• 6:17
  Speaker 3: You have to supply the lights.
• 6:19
  Speaker 2: Oh, I would think I'll have to inquire about Yeah,
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: I would.
• 6:23
  Speaker 3: Think they would. They're not borrowing your their lights.
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: Yeah. Oh okay, well that's different then. Anyways, didn't think
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: about that, just not they supplied the thought I was
• 6:35
  Speaker 2: borrowing them and they put them up and then they
• 6:38
  Speaker 2: come take them down and take up.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: If it's that expensive, it seems like that makes sense.
• 6:42
  Speaker 3: No, I don't think so. I don't know the answer,
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: but I feel very strongly in my conviction.
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: Anyways, moving on, moving on. So last week we played
• 6:54
  Speaker 2: a game on the podcast, and some people took to
• 6:59
  Speaker 2: it and loved it. Some people still don't get it,
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: and some people were like, we needed the video for contexts. Yeah,
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: so we might not be able to do that.
• 7:09
  Speaker 5: I think what we missed was saying that, like when
• 7:11
  Speaker 5: we picked four, that's a ranking on a scale of
• 7:14
  Speaker 5: one to ten. I think that might be the key
• 7:16
  Speaker 5: to understanding the game that we didn't make very clear.
• 7:20
  Speaker 5: So like it's a four and you guys said Carl's junior.
• 7:22
  Speaker 5: They're saying Carls Junior is about a four on a
• 7:24
  Speaker 5: scale of one to ten in terms of fast food restaurants,
• 7:27
  Speaker 5: and that way Marcus getting us four, right, Yeah, that's
• 7:30
  Speaker 5: the idea.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: That wasn't just.
• 7:34
  Speaker 3: It wasn't explained at the beginning.
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: I think.
• 7:36
  Speaker 3: I think as we were playing, we were playing that.
• 7:39
  Speaker 3: I think in the initial breakdown in the rules, Yes,
• 7:43
  Speaker 3: it was not clear.
• 7:45
  Speaker 5: I think so okay, like all's fair would be a
• 7:47
  Speaker 5: zero for TV shows.
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: Shoot not to Tanya, see if Tanya was doing it.
• 7:53
  Speaker 5: Well, that's the other question. Is it your opinion or
• 7:55
  Speaker 5: is it a guesser's opinion.
• 7:56
  Speaker 2: That's that's the whole.
• 8:00
  Speaker 3: The rubber meets the road.
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: Yeah, that's where the rubber meets there.
• 8:06
  Speaker 3: That's the rub Well.
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: We haven't done a Dear Bonnie in a while because
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: we've had birthdays galore, and I think it's time to
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: give the people some advice.
• 8:15
  Speaker 3: I think such too I'm feeling very wise.
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: We love when she's feeling wise.
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: Okay, Grayson Heidi, you want to hear from Grayson Heidi?
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: Of course.
• 8:23
  Speaker 5: Dear Becca, Tony Easton, and Mark. Wow, I'm almost fully
• 8:25
  Speaker 5: caught up un scrubbing, and I started from the very
• 8:27
  Speaker 5: beginning and I'm just under a year behind.
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: Now, what a fantastic ride it's been. I love you all.
• 8:32
  Speaker 5: You've kept me laughing, cheering up, and talking back to
• 8:35
  Speaker 5: my headphones for months. Becca and Tanya. Listening to you
• 8:38
  Speaker 5: both grow and learn and find your people has been
• 8:40
  Speaker 5: such a joy. The confidence you found is inspiring. I've
• 8:43
  Speaker 5: grown right alongside you. Binging an eight year podcast takes
• 8:47
  Speaker 5: real dedication, but it's been worth every minute we listen
• 8:50
  Speaker 5: to you. Before bed, my wife calls you my girls.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: Becca.
• 8:54
  Speaker 5: What you've shared is resonated deeply with me. We got
• 8:56
  Speaker 5: married in July of twenty five, this past July been
• 8:59
  Speaker 5: together six. So I must submit a Dear Banya question
• 9:03
  Speaker 5: as my binge comes to an end. You both talk
• 9:05
  Speaker 5: about your relationship so openly, and I've learned so much
• 9:07
  Speaker 5: from these conversations. What small habits or rituals do you
• 9:11
  Speaker 5: think make the biggest difference in keeping a relationship strong
• 9:13
  Speaker 5: and connected over time. Thank you for all the laughs,
• 9:16
  Speaker 5: the heart, the real talk you share with us. With
• 9:18
  Speaker 5: love to the entire scrubbing and crew, Grace and Heidi.
• 9:22
  Speaker 3: Resent such a nice dam girls.
• 9:27
  Speaker 2: Would you like to start?
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: WHOA? I don't know. You know, I find a lot
• 9:33
  Speaker 3: of things on Instagram that I just constantly forward to Robbi,
• 9:36
  Speaker 3: which is probably very annoying about like how to have
• 9:39
  Speaker 3: a strong marriage, you know, like those little bite sized
• 9:42
  Speaker 3: I'm like the biggest sucker.
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: For those the main audience.
• 9:46
  Speaker 3: Yeah I am, I am the main Yeah. I think
• 9:51
  Speaker 3: something that we try to do. I mean, for me,
• 9:54
  Speaker 3: family meetings are really great because it gives us a
• 9:58
  Speaker 3: chance to like that's when we do all our admin stuff,
• 10:03
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: So we're not at all on Thanksgiving et cetera.
• 10:05
  Speaker 3: Yes, correct, but like that's where we're doing all of
• 10:08
  Speaker 3: our admin talking. And so I don't feel like every
• 10:10
  Speaker 3: day we're not. Like I think sometimes you can get
• 10:12
  Speaker 3: lost in every day of just like getting bogged down
• 10:15
  Speaker 3: the admin of life, like kids schedules and work schedules
• 10:18
  Speaker 3: and date nights and double date nights and events and
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: you know what I mean, like that type of stuff.
• 10:22
  Speaker 3: So I feel like the family meetings give us a
• 10:24
  Speaker 3: place to just like focus on those things. And I think,
• 10:30
  Speaker 3: like cuddling every night.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: Yeah, why why is that so controversial?
• 10:35
  Speaker 3: I don't know, because I like it?
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: Why is it controversial?
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: I think, No, no, he does. But like touching being
• 10:44
  Speaker 3: physical every day, Yeah, I agree.
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: I think like I would say things that Hayley's really
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: good about having. She loves to recap. So every night
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: I'll go to like get my phone to play wordle
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: in the New York Times, games or whatever took go,
• 11:02
  Speaker 2: are you gonna look into my eyes? And we'll look
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: into each other's eyes.
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: Crazy how Haley and I are the same person.
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: And then it'll be like, what was your favorite part
• 11:11
  Speaker 2: about today? What was something I did that made you
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: feel loved? You know? Just things like that that are small,
• 11:17
  Speaker 2: little connection connectors that I always laugh about. But when
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: I think about our relationship, I think there are moments
• 11:25
  Speaker 2: that help us connect even if it's been a busy
• 11:27
  Speaker 2: dare we haven't seen each other a lot, or like
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: didn't have physical eye contact or connection. And I think
• 11:36
  Speaker 2: also I agree, like the little moments of holding hands
• 11:40
  Speaker 2: or having a physical connection in the car, we always
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: hold hands. I just think those things are there. And
• 11:45
  Speaker 2: then also sharing things about our day that like it's
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: that bird theory thing where it's like a bid for connection,
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: but having interest in those things of like if Haley
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: had a moment in her day where she's sing it
• 12:00
  Speaker 2: with me, instead of just being like, oh wow, that's cool,
• 12:03
  Speaker 2: but like actually asking deeper into it because it's it's
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: important enough for her to say to bring up to me,
• 12:09
  Speaker 2: So it's like it should be important enough for me
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: to have follow up questions about. So I think those
• 12:14
  Speaker 2: moments too.
• 12:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I do my daily letters every morning. I think
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: those are like a nice way of showing how much
• 12:21
  Speaker 3: I love him.
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: Yeah, and also listening binging the podcast is crazy, the
• 12:27
  Speaker 2: level of commitment.
• 12:28
  Speaker 3: That it's like binging Grace from the beginning basically, yeah,
• 12:32
  Speaker 3: so thanks for thanks for joining, and I'm happy you're
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: almost fully caught up.
• 12:37
  Speaker 2: Spoiler alert.
• 12:38
  Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't know if this is Grace or Heidi
• 12:40
  Speaker 5: writing this, but let's say it's Grace. Heidi should know
• 12:44
  Speaker 5: Grace is committed and she is loyal. Yes, yeah, those
• 12:47
  Speaker 5: are two traits that you Yes, that's a good thing.
• 13:07
  Speaker 5: This is from anonymous Tanya, it's for you. Do youar
• 13:11
  Speaker 5: Becka Tanya Marketing Easton. I've been a long time listener
• 13:13
  Speaker 5: of scrubbing in and love tuning in every week. My
• 13:15
  Speaker 5: question is mainly for Tanya and her trying to conceive journey.
• 13:18
  Speaker 5: My husband and I just celebrated our first wedding anniversary
• 13:21
  Speaker 5: last month. I made the decision you want to start
• 13:22
  Speaker 5: trying for a baby next fall, once we're both thirty.
• 13:26
  Speaker 5: I'm taking the next year to prepare my body for
• 13:28
  Speaker 5: this journey. Do you have any tips you would feel
• 13:30
  Speaker 5: you'd be helpful starting this journey. I'll take any advice
• 13:33
  Speaker 5: foods to eat, avoid, supplements, to take exercises. Tanya, I
• 13:37
  Speaker 5: appreciate you sharing about this subject. I feel like it's
• 13:39
  Speaker 5: still taboo to talk about. I love you all look
• 13:41
  Speaker 5: forward to hearing any advice you may have.
• 13:43
  Speaker 3: You know, I think it's taboo because I think the
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: biggest misconception with trying to conceive is and I fall
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: victim to this too, is like if it worked for you,
• 13:52
  Speaker 3: it'll work for me. And I think it's such a
• 13:58
  Speaker 3: it's just such a crapshoot on what it's going to
• 14:00
  Speaker 3: work for you. Do you know what I mean. So
• 14:02
  Speaker 3: it's like I don't want to give advice because I
• 14:06
  Speaker 3: don't know what's working. Nothing's worked for me yet. But
• 14:09
  Speaker 3: I also feel strongly in my convictions of what I've
• 14:13
  Speaker 3: chosen to do, which is not drinking but drinking but drinking.
• 14:20
  Speaker 3: So let me rephrase that limit limiting. I used to
• 14:23
  Speaker 3: drink a lot, and I made the conscious decision when
• 14:27
  Speaker 3: we started trying to to only drink when I felt.
• 14:31
  Speaker 3: And I think the biggest thing is that I've also
• 14:33
  Speaker 3: learned is stress is like a big thing. So I've
• 14:36
  Speaker 3: been trying to really limit my stress, meaning more like
• 14:40
  Speaker 3: acupuncture and things that just kind of like make you calm.
• 14:43
  Speaker 3: But if I find myself getting really wound up from
• 14:45
  Speaker 3: like work or something going on in my life, I'll
• 14:48
  Speaker 3: have a glass of wine just to like calm me down.
• 14:50
  Speaker 3: But I'm not like drinking for fun anymore. I'm trying
• 14:54
  Speaker 3: to eat. I'm trying to eat an anti inflammatory diet.
• 15:00
  Speaker 3: I'm trying to eat warming foods. I keep socks on
• 15:03
  Speaker 3: at night because I heard that's also good to keep
• 15:05
  Speaker 3: your feet warm during this trying to conceive process.
• 15:11
  Speaker 2: Is not only during a certain time in the month
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: or you just are always sucks in bed.
• 15:16
  Speaker 3: I think it's probably during the like ovulation period, it's
• 15:19
  Speaker 3: probably most important to me.
• 15:20
  Speaker 2: Like that makes sense to me.
• 15:21
  Speaker 3: Yeah, warm, But I'm obviously I'm doing it every night
• 15:25
  Speaker 3: because why would I not exercise. I'm trying to take
• 15:31
  Speaker 3: it easy. I'm trying to just do pilates and like walking.
• 15:34
  Speaker 3: I'm not even really like weightlifting anymore, running any of
• 15:37
  Speaker 3: that stuff. I'm just trying to like make my body.
• 15:41
  Speaker 2: Hospitable.
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like it's so weird. And I was talking to
• 15:44
  Speaker 3: my girlfriend about this this weekend. I was like, it's
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: so weird, especially going from having a wedding where you're
• 15:50
  Speaker 3: so body like you're so focused on your body and
• 15:53
  Speaker 3: looking your best and wanting to like be your best
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: on your wedding day, and then the mind shift of
• 15:58
  Speaker 3: like my body is a vessel and I just wanted
• 16:00
  Speaker 3: to be like a the a vessel for a baby,
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: do you know what I mean? Like I don't care
• 16:07
  Speaker 3: about I mean, I obviously care about what I look like,
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: but like I don't care anymore, Like I just want
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: to eat what's good and nourishing, and like, I don't know,
• 16:16
  Speaker 3: it's really weird. It was like whiplash. It was like
• 16:19
  Speaker 3: I cared so much and then like quickly like not
• 16:22
  Speaker 3: at all.
• 16:23
  Speaker 2: But I think that's the mentality of motherhood. Motherhood is
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: like the lack. It's like a selflessness, like you're so
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: you go from like selfish and every not like a
• 16:33
  Speaker 2: bad way, but like you all you have to think
• 16:34
  Speaker 2: about is yourself and your body and how you look
• 16:36
  Speaker 2: right to how do I make this a place for
• 16:40
  Speaker 2: the baby.
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: Yeah.
• 16:40
  Speaker 3: Like and even this is like the dumbest example, but
• 16:42
  Speaker 3: like even today, I was gonna wear a blazer and
• 16:46
  Speaker 3: jeans and like these little like white loaf like little
• 16:49
  Speaker 3: white loafers to work today. I had it on. I
• 16:51
  Speaker 3: was like I had to keep my feet warm, so
• 16:53
  Speaker 3: I put socks on and tennis shoes and I was like,
• 16:55
  Speaker 3: guess what outfit it is? You know, like it's it's
• 16:57
  Speaker 3: it's something. It's like literally every day it's like constantly
• 17:00
  Speaker 3: my mind.
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you're putting in the work, you're putting it
• 17:04
  Speaker 2: out there.
• 17:05
  Speaker 3: Yeah. So I would say, like read up on stuff
• 17:09
  Speaker 3: and do whatever makes you feel best, because I think
• 17:13
  Speaker 3: that's the biggest key.
• 17:15
  Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's great advice.
• 17:18
  Speaker 3: Thanks.
• 17:18
  Speaker 2: Yeah, we're wishing you the best. Anonymous and Tanya, Yes,
• 17:24
  Speaker 2: all the good vibes and what the things that I
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: think it's so true, Like you, you you can't get
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: too into your head of like what everyone else is doing,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: because your body is different and what's going to work
• 17:36
  Speaker 2: for you or what's going to work for them could
• 17:38
  Speaker 2: be different, and so I think it's important to to
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: focus on that too and not get too in your
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: head about like what is everyone else doing? Yeah, and
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: just if if something that Tanya is doing sticks out
• 17:49
  Speaker 2: to you can be like, oh, that would be something
• 17:51
  Speaker 2: I would that would be easy for me to try.
• 17:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, get I started doing acupuncture. I've never done accupuncture
• 17:55
  Speaker 3: in my life, and I'm loving it. It's like the
• 17:57
  Speaker 3: deepest nap I've ever had in my life. I'm like,
• 18:00
  Speaker 3: this is great, Like I'm going to continue to do this,
• 18:03
  Speaker 3: you know. And like when you're trying to find prenatals,
• 18:05
  Speaker 3: like everybody's telling you this one's the best. No, this
• 18:07
  Speaker 3: one's the best, No, this one's the best. So it's
• 18:08
  Speaker 3: just like fine, whatever feels good to you, m all.
• 18:13
  Speaker 2: Right, Well there's that. Is it time for a break?
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: It is indeed?
• 18:18
  Speaker 5: Coming up next, Yeah, we'll talk about a toxic friendship
• 18:21
  Speaker 5: and how to end it.
• 18:22
  Speaker 4: Oh, all right, we're back.
• 18:39
  Speaker 2: This one's a little intense.
• 18:41
  Speaker 5: Hey, fam does it's not oft intense? Becca, Tanya Easton,
• 18:45
  Speaker 5: and Mark. I'm in the process of ending a toxic friendship.
• 18:47
  Speaker 1: I'll speak you. The drama should have been on a
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: year ago.
• 18:50
  Speaker 5: What's made it complicated is my friend's kids are my godkids,
• 18:54
  Speaker 5: and I've always taken that seriously, treated them like my
• 18:56
  Speaker 5: blood niece and nephews. But my friend has made our
• 18:58
  Speaker 5: friendship unbearable. And I've been a punching bag for quite
• 19:02
  Speaker 5: some time. I'm curious if any of you guys have
• 19:04
  Speaker 5: been in a situation we had to end a friendship.
• 19:06
  Speaker 5: How did you handle it? How is it on the
• 19:08
  Speaker 5: other side? Encouragement is welcomed. I picture love without my friend,
• 19:12
  Speaker 5: and I picture such peace. I just need to get
• 19:15
  Speaker 5: through the messy park Day one listener, thankful for you guys.
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: Dang, this is so hard, the God kids em and
• 19:22
  Speaker 2: of it. Yeah, and it sounds like you've probably had
• 19:24
  Speaker 2: some conversations to get to a point where you're just
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: ready to end it. Like I imagine you've had the
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: hard conversations that we would probably normally suggest, which is
• 19:33
  Speaker 2: let her know, like y'all are obviously close enough that
• 19:36
  Speaker 2: she chose you to be her god, her big her
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: kid's godparent, godmother, godmother. So I feel like that's that
• 19:45
  Speaker 2: would be redundant to even tell you. But if you
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: haven't had a conversation, I would just say, hey, I'm
• 19:51
  Speaker 2: kind of I'm at my peak. I can't do this anymore.
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: This is what would need to change for us to
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: continuing have a friendship. And if you're not able to
• 20:00
  Speaker 2: change it, I need space.
• 20:03
  Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't even know how I would handle this,
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: to be honest, I don't think like I've had friendships
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: not like not breakups, but like they've just kind of
• 20:13
  Speaker 3: naturally like.
• 20:16
  Speaker 2: In different directions.
• 20:17
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like especially a lot from college is like I
• 20:19
  Speaker 3: feel like that's when I got super into like career focused,
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: and everybody started getting married and having kids, and like,
• 20:26
  Speaker 3: you know, my life was just like on a different
• 20:29
  Speaker 3: path and things just kind of all went their own ways.
• 20:34
  Speaker 3: Like I've never had like an actual breakup where I
• 20:35
  Speaker 3: had to like have a conversation with somebody about it
• 20:37
  Speaker 3: just kind of naturally happened.
• 20:40
  Speaker 2: I think that the fact that you think about life
• 20:43
  Speaker 2: without this friend, this peace is a very huge realization
• 20:49
  Speaker 2: to have, so maybe you just I mean, it's just
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: gonna be a hard conversation. There's no unless you just ghoster,
• 20:56
  Speaker 2: which I don't think is the right thing to do.
• 20:59
  Speaker 2: I think that you need to have a conversation and
• 21:01
  Speaker 2: just say these are the things that I've noticed are
• 21:03
  Speaker 2: repetitive and that are really hard for me to continue
• 21:06
  Speaker 2: being a good friend to you. And if she has
• 21:09
  Speaker 2: a reason for how she acts and can respond, maybe
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: there's a way forward. But I think you just need
• 21:16
  Speaker 2: to let her know that you need space and that
• 21:18
  Speaker 2: you're not happy in the friendship. And the thing is,
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: people always like a relationship, whether a friendship is a relationship,
• 21:25
  Speaker 2: so whether it's romantic or not, if you're still disinvested
• 21:27
  Speaker 2: in each other's lives, like, it's just as hard to
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: have these conversations as it would be a romantic partner, right,
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: And I think they're just as necessary. But I also
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: think if you're envisioning life without this person and its
• 21:40
  Speaker 2: peacefulness rather than sadness, this is a conversation that needs
• 21:45
  Speaker 2: to happen tomorrow. But I've never had to do it,
• 21:49
  Speaker 2: so I don't really have great advice on having that conversation.
• 21:52
  Speaker 2: Maybe just be like, I feel like we're in different places.
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: I feel like it's a text message you make me.
• 21:56
  Speaker 2: I don't think so.
• 21:58
  Speaker 3: Am I crazy? Just lobbery little text like, Hey, this
• 22:01
  Speaker 3: is not working out for me. I express your feelings,
• 22:05
  Speaker 3: but I feel like a text messages to me.
• 22:07
  Speaker 5: This is probably the wrong way to handle this. To me,
• 22:09
  Speaker 5: I just let it die on the vine. I just
• 22:11
  Speaker 5: start not being available. I always give them gifts for
• 22:15
  Speaker 5: their birthday. I send them gifts every year for their
• 22:18
  Speaker 5: birthday because that's the right thing to do.
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: Other than that, though I'm not really around.
• 22:23
  Speaker 2: Dang, Yeah, you can handle it that way, Tony says,
• 22:27
  Speaker 2: hands off to I say, have a conversation. I think
• 22:31
  Speaker 2: it's gonna be hard.
• 22:32
  Speaker 3: Maybe an email.
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: It's just text can get so misconstrued.
• 22:36
  Speaker 3: I know.
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: But and I don't know if she cares or he cares. Yeah,
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: I don't know if they care, but I would. I
• 22:44
  Speaker 2: would just this person was very important to you at
• 22:47
  Speaker 2: a certain point in life. So I just say things
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: aren't working. I'm not happy in this friendship. And I
• 22:53
  Speaker 2: love you, I love your kids, but I need space
• 22:55
  Speaker 2: from this friendship. That's what I would say.
• 22:58
  Speaker 5: And a fun one from Haley, Yo, Becka, Tani Arson,
• 23:02
  Speaker 5: and Mark. My name is Haley, and I have a
• 23:03
  Speaker 5: simple question for you today, mostly for Becka and Tanya,
• 23:06
  Speaker 5: but boys chime in if you have answers. My girlfriend
• 23:08
  Speaker 5: and I love to play games. We're always looking for
• 23:10
  Speaker 5: new games for just the two of us. Tanya, I
• 23:12
  Speaker 5: know you and Robbie have a card game you always play,
• 23:14
  Speaker 5: and I've been curious what it is. Becky, I know
• 23:16
  Speaker 5: you and Haley enjoy game nights together. Two and I
• 23:19
  Speaker 5: lost the second page of this, but you got the
• 23:20
  Speaker 5: idea they want to know here. Would you mind sharing
• 23:23
  Speaker 5: your favorites with us? Some of our favorites are Cribbage,
• 23:25
  Speaker 5: Gin Rubby, and Chinese Checkers. Thanks so much, thank you
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: for all the consistent, high quality, feel good podcasts for
• 23:31
  Speaker 5: all of us to enjoy it.
• 23:32
  Speaker 1: Cheers, Haley.
• 23:34
  Speaker 2: We do love a game night.
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: I think Gin Rummy is kind of a kind of
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: what Robbi and I play together. It's Serbian Rummy, so
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: it's like a little bit different, but I think essentially
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: the same concept. Thirteen cards, you have to put them
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: in order.
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: Do you have any other thing they play that that's
• 23:53
  Speaker 2: what we play, That's literally all we play.
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: Now, we're learning Canasta, we play I want to learn Myjong?
• 24:00
  Speaker 2: Wow, are you gonna be like a game blogger?
• 24:04
  Speaker 5: But I feel like all the games she's choosing are
• 24:05
  Speaker 5: played mostly in retirement homes.
• 24:07
  Speaker 3: Yes, but they're making a big splash right now, like yes,
• 24:10
  Speaker 3: your mark, you're not wrong. But I feel like they're
• 24:13
  Speaker 3: having a moment right now, like Hillary Duff is playing
• 24:15
  Speaker 3: my Jong with her friends. Mmm, okay, don't go down.
• 24:19
  Speaker 3: I can't wait it what.
• 24:22
  Speaker 2: We love code names and sometimes we'll just play with
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: the two of us. There is a way to play
• 24:27
  Speaker 2: with two people. We love. Oh my gosh, what's the game?
• 24:31
  Speaker 3: Oh uh, genius Square loves game to play with your
• 24:36
  Speaker 3: part games so much fun.
• 24:39
  Speaker 2: There's a game that I'm literally blinking on and it's
• 24:42
  Speaker 2: one of our favorite games, and it's basically standby.
• 24:45
  Speaker 1: Why you look for it.
• 24:46
  Speaker 5: I'll tell you that my daughter and I play games together,
• 24:48
  Speaker 5: and these are games. This game is for more than
• 24:51
  Speaker 5: two people, but we play it as two people and
• 24:53
  Speaker 5: it's still very fun. And my daughter's addicted to it.
• 24:56
  Speaker 5: And it's called Rat Attack Cat. You might think, oh,
• 24:59
  Speaker 5: that sounds like a game for little kids. Well, they
• 25:01
  Speaker 5: love their little kids. They love it now and they
• 25:02
  Speaker 5: will love it forever because it is a very fun
• 25:04
  Speaker 5: and smart game to play with rats and cats on
• 25:08
  Speaker 5: the cards.
• 25:08
  Speaker 1: It's really good. Ratitat cat. Look at that up.
• 25:13
  Speaker 3: That's really all I have. What more could you want
• 25:18
  Speaker 3: than jin rummy? So you can play that for hours
• 25:20
  Speaker 3: on end.
• 25:21
  Speaker 5: It's amazing how many games can be played. Which is
• 25:23
  Speaker 5: a deck of fifty two.
• 25:24
  Speaker 3: Cards literally, like we played that our entire honeymoon every day.
• 25:28
  Speaker 3: We're just like you bring it to lunch every lunch.
• 25:30
  Speaker 3: We had we bought the car and our scoreboard, and
• 25:33
  Speaker 3: we were just constantly playing.
• 25:34
  Speaker 1: Who won, like who won the most games on your honeymoon?
• 25:37
  Speaker 3: I don't know, I have to look back. We have
• 25:39
  Speaker 3: it like all like a little like thanks. Yeah.
• 25:42
  Speaker 5: There is somewhere between one thousand and ten thousand different
• 25:44
  Speaker 5: card games.
• 25:45
  Speaker 1: Wow, they can play with fifty two cards.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: We love bananagrams to bananagrams. Hey, And it's easy to
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: pack in the bag, you know, you just take it easy.
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: I'm blinking on the game. I'll think of it. But
• 25:57
  Speaker 2: it's basically you have like a board and you have cards,
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: and then you each have coins and you try to
• 26:02
  Speaker 2: get five in a row. So like you if whatever
• 26:05
  Speaker 2: card you have it, no, whatever card you have in
• 26:09
  Speaker 2: your hand, you match it on the board. You put
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: a coin there. So you only have seven cards at
• 26:13
  Speaker 2: the time and you're trying to get five in a row.
• 26:15
  Speaker 1: Is it a card game or a board game.
• 26:16
  Speaker 2: It's a board game with cards playing cards. Yeah, but
• 26:20
  Speaker 2: it's really fun, and it's like you kind.
• 26:23
  Speaker 1: Of have to have sequence.
• 26:25
  Speaker 2: Yes, it's sequenced. It's so much fun. And you can
• 26:29
  Speaker 2: play with four people I think four. Yeah, it's really
• 26:33
  Speaker 2: it's a great game. We can play two. We played
• 26:36
  Speaker 2: it all the time. Great game. If you take a
• 26:38
  Speaker 2: little gummy, have a little TV show Disney movie on
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: in the background. Wow, that's the scene. Yeah, it's the great.
• 26:45
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna do that in two hours, actually.
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: Two hours tonight, have some respect nighttime thing. But that's
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: all for today.
• 26:55
  Speaker 3: That's it.
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: That's all.
• 26:57
  Speaker 3: We love you so much.
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: Wonderful weekend. We'll be back Monday for more of this
• 27:04
  Speaker 2: than that and all the around buzz things that happen.
• 27:08
  Speaker 3: Should we do Thanksgiving special?
• 27:10
  Speaker 2: Oh?
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: Interesting?
• 27:12
  Speaker 3: What's that?
• 27:13
  Speaker 1: Yeah?
• 27:13
  Speaker 2: I don't know.
• 27:13
  Speaker 3: This is just me spitting it out. So I'm gonna
• 27:15
  Speaker 3: have to have some time to think on it. But
• 27:16
  Speaker 3: it feels cute, like a little Thanksgiving special, like a
• 27:21
  Speaker 3: Thanksgiving Day parade of our own.
• 27:26
  Speaker 2: No, nobody like what we're just talking about Thanksgiving.
• 27:29
  Speaker 5: I don't know.
• 27:29
  Speaker 3: I'm workshopping it right now in my head.
• 27:31
  Speaker 2: I just spat it out. Well, get back to us
• 27:33
  Speaker 2: all much.
• 27:34
  Speaker 3: Thursday is Thanksgiving?
• 27:35
  Speaker 5: Right?
• 27:36
  Speaker 3: We can't do a Dear Bonya on Thanksgiving?
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: Why?
• 27:39
  Speaker 3: Okay?
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 27:42
  Speaker 2: Potatoes a dear Bonya with some turkey stuffing? What do
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: you want? I love it. I love an idea. I
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: love a new idea I knew. I love a new concept.
• 27:52
  Speaker 2: I love trying something new.
• 27:53
  Speaker 3: Yeah, Like we could be like at the Thanksgiving table
• 27:55
  Speaker 3: and we can all like share what we're thankful for,
• 27:58
  Speaker 3: or maybe we could like play a game or I
• 28:03
  Speaker 3: don't know. Again, I'm just throwing it out there. Two
• 28:06
  Speaker 3: weeks yeah, yeah, one two more Yeah.
• 28:09
  Speaker 2: Do some trouble shooting on that, and we'll be back
• 28:11
  Speaker 2: Monday with the concept potentially. We love you.
• 28:15
  Speaker 4: Bye,