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Transcript
- 0:01Speaker 1: Asian-American writer Amy Tan had a difficult relationship with her mother, Daisy.
- 0:06Speaker 1: At one point, Daisy held a knife to her throat
- 0:09Speaker 1: and threatened to kill her when the two of them
- 0:11Speaker 1: argued over Amy's new boyfriend. Daisy would often threaten to
- 0:14Speaker 1: kill herself and attempted suicide once, but failed, hoping to
- 0:18Speaker 1: join her mother, who died committing suicide. Amy Tan grew
- 0:21Speaker 1: up with an erratic, toxic relationship with her mother that
- 0:24Speaker 1: was life-threatening and traumatizing. What's scary about toxic relationships is
- 0:29Speaker 1: that the signs aren't always clearly visible. In fact, some
- 0:33Speaker 1: girls don't realize they have an unhealthy bond with their
- 0:35Speaker 1: mothers until they are older, or in some cases, when
- 0:38Speaker 1: it's too late. Has there always been a subtle tension
- 0:41Speaker 1: between you and your mother, but you're not sure why?
- 0:43Speaker 1: Do you often feel afraid of your mother? Here's six
- 0:46Speaker 1: types of unhealthy mother-daughter relationships. This is when the mother
- 0:54Speaker 1: is more concerned about being her daughter's best friend more
- 0:57Speaker 1: than playing the role of a parent. The mother knows
- 1:00Speaker 1: every little detail about her daughter's life and although she
- 1:02Speaker 1: offers great emotional support, as her daughter gets older and
- 1:06Speaker 1: wants to branch out and do independent activities, the mother
- 1:09Speaker 1: will continue to smother her. In this type of relationship,
- 1:12Speaker 1: the daughter rarely gets disciplined by her mother and has
- 1:15Speaker 1: a hard time building practical life skills because she wasn't
- 1:18Speaker 1: given the proper guidance. Boss and Subordinate This is when
- 1:23Speaker 1: the mother wants to control and dominate her daughter's life.
- 1:27Speaker 1: The mother is often very demanding, rigid, close-minded and expects
- 1:31Speaker 1: the daughter to follow her rules and expectations. She typically
- 1:35Speaker 1: lacks empathy and puts pressure on her daughter to perform well.
- 1:38Speaker 1: The daughter often feels as though she has to be
- 1:40Speaker 1: perfect to win her mother's approval. She also suffers from
- 1:44Speaker 1: low self-esteem problems and fears being rejected or judged harshly
- 1:48Speaker 1: by others. As the daughter gets older, she will grow
- 1:51Speaker 1: resentful of her mother and will typically rebel, whether it's
- 1:54Speaker 1: done loudly or quietly. In this relationship, the mother sees
- 2:00Speaker 1: her daughter as a rival or threat. Although the mother
- 2:03Speaker 1: may seem as though she is supportive of her daughter,
- 2:06Speaker 1: on the inside, she feels insecure about herself when she's
- 2:09Speaker 1: with her. The mother constantly compares herself to her daughter
- 2:12Speaker 1: to see who is prettier, thinner, smarter and more successful.
- 2:16Speaker 1: Rather than developing a relationship based on understanding and acceptance,
- 2:20Speaker 1: the daughter usually feels internally conflicted and unworthy. This is
- 2:28Speaker 1: when the mother expects her daughter to play the role
- 2:30Speaker 1: of a parent and be there to support her. This
- 2:33Speaker 1: relationship is one-sided and the daughter feels abandoned, used and neglected.
- 2:38Speaker 1: The mother is only concerned about her own needs and
- 2:40Speaker 1: makes sure she's the one being nurtured by her daughter.
- 2:44Speaker 1: At a young age, the daughter learned that she must
- 2:46Speaker 1: sacrifice herself and put others first. As she gets older,
- 2:50Speaker 1: she often suffers from low self-esteem issues and has a
- 2:53Speaker 1: hard time saying no and setting healthy boundaries for herself.
- 2:59Speaker 1: In this relationship, the mother can either be emotionally and
- 3:02Speaker 1: or physically unavailable to her daughter. If the mother is
- 3:06Speaker 1: emotionally unavailable, she may choose to withdraw or withhold love
- 3:09Speaker 1: from her daughter and give it to her other child.
- 3:12Speaker 1: If the mother decides to ghost, she leaves and gives
- 3:15Speaker 1: her daughter up to either her other biological parent or
- 3:18Speaker 1: another guardian who can take care of her. The daughter
- 3:21Speaker 1: usually doesn't receive an explanation or closure for why her
- 3:24Speaker 1: mother left and usually grows up with an empty void.
- 3:31Speaker 1: This is an erratic relationship between the mother and daughter.
- 3:34Speaker 1: The daughter never knows whether the bad mom or good
- 3:37Speaker 1: mom will show up. She often faces hot and cold
- 3:40Speaker 1: treatment from her and fears her mom. The mother usually
- 3:43Speaker 1: acts good when they are out in public and there
- 3:45Speaker 1: are others around them. She displays kind behavior, smiles, and
- 3:49Speaker 1: pretends to care for her daughter. But when it's just
- 3:52Speaker 1: the two of them, the mother will show her true
- 3:54Speaker 1: colors and acts dismissive, neglectful, and cold. In this relationship,
- 3:59Speaker 1: the mother only wants to put up a good image
- 4:01Speaker 1: when she has to and fails to connect with her daughter.
- 4:05Speaker 1: Which type of unhealthy mother-daughter relationship do you resonate with?
- 4:09Speaker 1: We know how hard it is to talk about toxic
- 4:11Speaker 1: family dynamics and want to be a safe, non-judgmental place
- 4:14Speaker 1: for you. Please share your story with us down below. Also,
- 4:18Speaker 1: don't forget to subscribe for more content from Psych2Go and
- 4:21Speaker 1: check out our Patreon. Thanks for watching.