Latest / Rich Fulcher's TalkBox / Dan Tiernan: New Crystal Obsession, Sibling Rivalries & Psychosis Journey | TalkBox Ep.54

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Dan Tiernan: New Crystal Obsession, Sibling Rivalries & Psychosis Journey | TalkBox Ep.54 · Rich Fulcher's TalkBox

• 0:00
  Hey, podcast listeners, it's Rich Fulcher's talk box.
• 0:03
  I'm Rich Fulcher and if you want to support the show, why don't
• 0:09
  you follow or give a little review?
• 0:14
  That would be special. You don't have to.
• 0:17
  I'm not forcing you do it. A guest this week is Dan
• 0:23
  Tiernan, renowned UK comic. He's touring all over the place
• 0:28
  and Edinburgh. Tickets are now on sale for him,
• 0:32
  so let's give it a watch. See.
• 0:51
  I get my kicks above the waistline.
• 0:53
  Sunshine. Dan, what are you doing here?
• 1:00
  Well, I. Was hoping you might have me on
• 1:01
  your potty. Oh my God, welcome to the party.
• 1:05
  Yeah. Yeah, good to see you.
• 1:07
  Good to see you too. Welcome.
• 1:09
  Thanks to having me. I've got you just back from
• 1:13
  Australia. Yeah, 2 days ago.
• 1:15
  Are you serious? Yeah.
• 1:19
  I am serious. I might be inaccurate, it might
• 1:21
  be 3 days, but I am deadly serious just sitting.
• 1:26
  I am serious are. You like?
• 1:29
  No, I don't think I am. I slept like loads.
• 1:32
  Really. Yeah, so I slept on the first
• 1:35
  flight for six hours. Did you take anything I no
• 1:39
  comment? No, no, no, no, I don't give a
• 1:41
  fuck. I I took melatonin, but which is
• 1:46
  technically illegal. We'll cut that in Australia.
• 1:50
  It's illegal, yeah. Yeah, but it's not like it is in
• 1:54
  the same way that like pissing in the same way that like
• 1:58
  pissing in a police officer's heart is legal.
• 2:00
  Do you know what I mean? That's there's all those,
• 2:03
  there's all those like old laws that you can't eat in mince pie
• 2:06
  outside Christmas and shit like. That was the same.
• 2:08
  As melatonin Thursday. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 2:10
  All of that. It's not really, but I was.
• 2:13
  I was no, I with, with, yeah, I get really nervous about about
• 2:18
  smuggling drugs onto planes. Like Midnight Express?
• 2:21
  Did you ever see that? Movie.
• 2:22
  Oh my God, I boom boom too. Is that in the prison?
• 2:27
  Yeah, yes, and he bites his fucking Tonga.
• 2:29
  Turkish prison. My dad, my parents this explains
• 2:33
  a lot about me let me watch mad films when I was a.
• 2:35
  Kid No. And I watched out with my dad
• 2:37
  when I was really young. Yeah, how young?
• 2:42
  Definitely younger than 11. Son, there's a little film.
• 2:45
  It's called Saw. Yeah, it's.
• 2:49
  Well, he wouldn't, he wouldn't have seen it though.
• 2:51
  So he'd have been, I reckon even as a that age, I was like the
• 2:55
  cultural on films wise in my family.
• 2:57
  Yeah. So I'd have heard about,
• 2:58
  probably wanted to watch it like, yeah, stick it on as long
• 3:01
  as you're not going to be crying and stuff.
• 3:03
  And then once when I would have been 14 so my sister would have
• 3:07
  been 10, I really wanted to watch No Country for Old Men.
• 3:10
  And really, that first scene, he just cattle prongs him in the
• 3:14
  fucking head. Oh my God.
• 3:15
  And my sister just instantly bursts out crying.
• 3:18
  And I was thinking that he's pathetic.
• 3:20
  Yeah, it's not real. It's.
• 3:22
  Not real. Yeah, it's been, it's.
• 3:24
  Cinema. Yeah, sis.
• 3:26
  Yeah, she's always like that with with with stuff, but.
• 3:29
  That's what happens with younger siblings, they get to benefit
• 3:33
  from your watching the older films.
• 3:36
  And and everything and they can do what they want, but then that
• 3:39
  I think they turn out a lot of the times squares that they turn
• 3:42
  out to be quite because they're allowed to.
• 3:45
  I sense a little bit of resentment here and let's.
• 3:48
  Get it out. Yeah, you've got the keys to the
• 3:49
  castle. She could have been doing like
• 3:52
  she could have been doing ketamine in the house and she
• 3:54
  was barely oven caffeine, you know what I mean?
• 3:57
  Like. Yeah, she didn't get the most
• 4:00
  out of. It no situation, no where.
• 4:02
  I wasn't even allowed like sweet cereal as a kid.
• 4:05
  Yeah, yeah. You know, the first kids are
• 4:08
  usually most of the astronauts are first kids.
• 4:15
  Like, like leaders, right? Yeah.
• 4:17
  What are you? I'm like kind of an only child.
• 4:22
  Yeah, kind of, yeah, OK, kind of.
• 4:29
  But now I'm nervous if there's like dead siblings or something.
• 4:31
  Yeah, Yeah, OK. Yeah, sorry to hear that.
• 4:34
  No, no worries. The worst bit is they made you
• 4:36
  an only child, which is a disaster, isn't it?
• 4:43
  Yeah, that, yeah, definitely, definitely should have just
• 4:46
  stayed away when you said kind of what do you think I am?
• 4:55
  The thing if you're a first kid, you're a leader, you're more get
• 5:00
  better grades, you you achieve a lot.
• 5:06
  Yeah, and you've lived somewhere on your own, like you've been an
• 5:10
  only child, so you're not like as dependent.
• 5:12
  Yes, more independent. Yeah, I mean, my sister is
• 5:17
  definitely people think she's older than me.
• 5:20
  She she would be like she she would.
• 5:23
  She's the more she's more on it. And she's four years.
• 5:26
  Four years younger, but I'm definitely, I'm definitely more
• 5:32
  a leader, I reckon. I'd say so is she, to be fair,
• 5:38
  now I think about it, she's terrifying, actually.
• 5:41
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Really.
• 5:43
  This is actually a podcast about sibling relationships.
• 5:46
  It could be people. That'll be a thing, won't it?
• 5:49
  Yeah, it'll be rubbish, but it'll exist.
• 5:51
  Yeah, there is. A POD for everything.
• 5:54
  I'm sure there would be a POD for locksmiths if we looked if
• 5:58
  we looked it up. Yeah.
• 6:00
  And if and even if that is, there's probably a community
• 6:05
  like. Call it out for a better one
• 6:06
  though as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 6:08
  There's probably a podcast for like ex airline mechanics.
• 6:13
  I mean, you know, whatever. Yeah, what's this one?
• 6:18
  This is just me interviewing. People.
• 6:22
  Yeah, I got keys cut yesterday. You did.
• 6:27
  Yeah, yeah, I've been without. I've been fobless for for ages.
• 6:32
  Oh, so you had a nice one. You had a nice fob.
• 6:37
  Well, no, I I mean a fob to get into the building.
• 6:41
  Oh yeah, yeah, I, I, I lost it and I, I did the councillor
• 6:44
  landlord took like they. Didn't like it?
• 6:47
  No, they just took like, I'm going to say 7-8 weeks, no long.
• 6:51
  Yeah, about 8 weeks to get me a new fob.
• 6:53
  So I I lost my independence. Yeah.
• 6:55
  I just had to message my flatmates whenever I wanted to
• 6:57
  come home when they were out working.
• 6:59
  I couldn't run. It was like house arrest.
• 7:00
  It's actually mad and I'm talking about it's crazy gig.
• 7:04
  Some nights if they were in bed I would I would stay at my
• 7:06
  friend's house and I didn't. I didn't really.
• 7:10
  It was actually really shit and I wasn't really talking about
• 7:13
  how shit it was because I was just like.
• 7:15
  Because you're usually out late doing gigs, right?
• 7:18
  Yeah, wandering the streets. Yeah, like if it was like
• 7:23
  midnight, that's doable. And I'm trying to get less out
• 7:25
  of town. And if I do like I try and not
• 7:28
  you stay over more. Now oh, so will you drive out of
• 7:31
  town and then come? I don't drive, but I used to
• 7:34
  just be like mad on like late night train travel.
• 7:39
  Like, I'd just be like, you know, waiting in train stations
• 7:42
  for hours and all that. Sort of stuff, everybody.
• 7:44
  Dan Tiernan does not drive. I don't.
• 7:47
  OK. Pass it on.
• 7:54
  So how? Was it?
• 7:55
  Is that outrageous to you that I don't drive?
• 7:57
  It's racist. I don't.
• 7:59
  It is a little bit. I'm sorry, I apologise.
• 8:04
  Racist to white people? I don't I I I, but how do you
• 8:11
  feel about me not being able to drive?
• 8:13
  You know, it's common. I mean people I know in London.
• 8:17
  So you feel different about it yeah yeah, because I I said
• 8:20
  recently I I only don't I I I plan to never learn to drive
• 8:25
  right. I'm a big main thing I give me
• 8:27
  on for that is when when men specifically get pissed off that
• 8:31
  I don't drive men who have no investment in my life, just taxi
• 8:36
  drivers, older comics. Why I like they just think it's
• 8:39
  absolutely ridiculous. They think it's like not being
• 8:41
  able to eat with a knife and fork, you know, like they think.
• 8:44
  They think it's like pathetic that as a man, I can't drive and
• 8:48
  I'm like, I don't want to there. Is the horror movie scenario
• 8:52
  where there's the guy with an axe in the cabin and you are
• 8:56
  you're running to the car, What do you do?
• 8:59
  Would you know how to get out? OK, so the guy running run into
• 9:05
  that with the car. I'm in the car.
• 9:07
  Yeah, the the guy with the axe is in the house, run out of the
• 9:12
  house. He's chasing you.
• 9:14
  You're running to the car. You get in the car, what do you
• 9:17
  do? Why if I got in the car, if I
• 9:19
  can't drive, That's the thing, I don't know.
• 9:23
  I probably, I probably I did. I did lessons for two years.
• 9:26
  Oh, good. So I could.
• 9:28
  I don't know if I'm risking it though, because I've only, I
• 9:30
  don't know if I could catch the bite, you know?
• 9:34
  You just run into the woods. I know I'm running to a nearby
• 9:37
  house and I'm knocking on the door.
• 9:38
  OK, that's what I'm doing in that situation.
• 9:40
  Right, I'd be. I don't know if I'd let you in.
• 9:46
  Because I don't drive, yeah. Do you drive?
• 9:51
  I've learned for two years I can catch the bite, I just don't
• 9:54
  want to risk on a new vehicle. Manual or automatic?
• 9:59
  OK, Hello guys. If you enjoy the episode, please
• 10:06
  consider becoming a Patreon member.
• 10:09
  You'll be in the credits at the end of the episode and you'll
• 10:13
  get the episodes much earlier than all of the other minions
• 10:18
  out there. It's just a little thing we do.
• 10:23
  So let's get back to the episode.
• 10:26
  But think about it. OK, But.
• 10:28
  Do you drive a manual or? I can drive a manual but I took
• 10:33
  the test out here but you have to choose which one you want to
• 10:38
  take Automatic. I chose automatic because look,
• 10:42
  there's going to be driverless cars soon.
• 10:45
  Yeah, the manual thing's ridiculous.
• 10:46
  Yeah, manuals. With electric cars you don't
• 10:49
  need manual. You don't need it like my
• 10:52
  because I have dyspraxia. It's like coordination and
• 10:55
  stuff. My mates have got dyspraxia and
• 10:57
  they drive automatics and they're like, it's a piece of
• 10:59
  piss. Yeah, they're like you just
• 11:01
  fucking you. Just go turn.
• 11:03
  And you, some of them, the one I'm driving, you take your hands
• 11:07
  off the wheel and it's kind of going by itself.
• 11:11
  Wow. Yeah, bonkers.
• 11:13
  Have you been in one of those driverless cars?
• 11:15
  Yeah. I forgot to add that part, yeah.
• 11:19
  Into kids. Oh Lord.
• 11:22
  Have you been in the driverless car before?
• 11:24
  No. Have you heard about them
• 11:25
  Hueymos? Have you?
• 11:27
  No, I've heard about them in Lai.
• 11:30
  Don't like. I don't like that one bit.
• 11:31
  I know what? How do they know?
• 11:36
  Yeah, it is a good point. How do they know?
• 11:39
  Yeah. And who are they?
• 11:41
  Who are they? Yeah.
• 11:43
  Who's running though? But they will be prevalent
• 11:47
  though. They'll be like a driverless
• 11:51
  lane, probably. Yeah.
• 11:55
  Fast, people. It would be good like if you're
• 11:58
  in an Uber because a big, big, I think they're more expensive,
• 12:02
  but people like them because you don't have to talk to the
• 12:03
  driver. Yeah.
• 12:04
  But I bet when people have done some talk, some abhorrent things
• 12:08
  in in them, yeah. Do you like to talk to the
• 12:12
  driver in a cab or something? On the whole, no, unless I'm in
• 12:18
  a particular mood and they have a particularly good vibe or
• 12:21
  energy. If they're UKIP, I'll talk to
• 12:24
  them, Yeah. If I say are you into Brexit,
• 12:30
  I'll start to talk to him. Yeah.
• 12:34
  What do you think about Nigel Farage?
• 12:37
  Yeah. Yeah, kind of rather that they
• 12:39
  would be, you know what I mean? But that's why we need, that's
• 12:44
  why we need UKIP. Exactly, exactly.
• 12:48
  So Australia was good, You had a.
• 12:50
  Great time a vote for the Green Party.
• 12:52
  By the way, that was a. Joke.
• 12:53
  Oh nice. Yeah, it was voting yesterday.
• 12:56
  Yeah, I and I've moved house and I, I got back from Australia and
• 13:01
  I was like panicked on my only electoral register and I
• 13:04
  couldn't remember. So then I I gambled and I
• 13:07
  travelled an hour to my old polling station.
• 13:09
  And you found it. Yes.
• 13:12
  Nice. Yeah.
• 13:14
  What was Australia? A good experience?
• 13:17
  It was. You've been before I.
• 13:18
  Have Yeah, I went on a working visa when I was 21 and then when
• 13:24
  I just started comedy or with a bunch of mates who were not
• 13:26
  comics and had like a really to I was about three years in
• 13:31
  refleeted comedy and had a pretty tough time getting gigs.
• 13:36
  I got some. You know.
• 13:38
  Australia, yeah. In Melbourne and Sydney I
• 13:40
  struggled. I got some, but then it was one
• 13:42
  of those. I'd wait ages for a good one and
• 13:44
  then I just bomb. Because it was too much invited
• 13:46
  by the festival. This was the first time, yeah.
• 13:48
  When I was, Yeah, No, I literally.
• 13:50
  Went to work. With a load of mates who weren't
• 13:53
  comics to kind of like travel as I'm three years in comedy is not
• 13:57
  at a point yet where leaving would disrupt my career, right.
• 14:01
  And you can gig there so I can progress or get better.
• 14:05
  But yeah, I got a much worse there and then I went to
• 14:10
  Brisbane finally in the trip and.
• 14:12
  That's where Kenny's from, yeah. Yeah, you saw because like near
• 14:17
  the Gold Coast, Sunshine Coast. Yeah, I went to Brisbane after a
• 14:21
  rough time in Sydney, Melbourne. I I love Brisbane.
• 14:24
  It is the centre of the universe.
• 14:26
  I I got treated like a king that it was bananas.
• 14:29
  I did 1 gig and every single person on the scene knew me
• 14:32
  instantly. You were like the man and I.
• 14:34
  Just got bumped on every single gig straight away.
• 14:36
  Really. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 14:37
  I mean, admittedly the standard was very low, but there were
• 14:43
  some really good people. That's when I first saw Dan Raff
• 14:46
  was that trip. So if we did a movie about this,
• 14:48
  it's like all the gigs were going really badly and then you
• 14:52
  get to Brisbane, Yeah, and then all of a sudden it explodes.
• 14:56
  And I lived in a great hostel, which I really liked.
• 14:58
  I had a good job, and the whole time was like, Sydney's better,
• 15:01
  Melbourne's better. And then I went two months and I
• 15:03
  was like, it's all about Brisbane, baby.
• 15:05
  Yeah, like. I get my kicks above the
• 15:08
  waistline. Sunshine.
• 15:13
  No, because the Sunshine Coast, right?
• 15:16
  Yeah, yeah, sure. What about the cakes in the?
• 15:19
  There's from that musical chess, right, Right.
• 15:23
  Yeah. Yeah, yeah, everyone knows that.
• 15:28
  So I did that trip and then two years ago I got bought by the
• 15:32
  festival to do New Order, which is like a showcase with two of
• 15:37
  like free, free, yeah, free English comics.
• 15:40
  New World Order. It's called New Order.
• 15:42
  OK. Yeah, yeah, it.
• 15:45
  Sounds a bit fascist. Yeah, yeah.
• 15:49
  And yeah, no, I'm not going to continue what I was going to
• 15:55
  say. Yeah, I was going to call the
• 15:58
  festival fascist, but that's not that's, that's not fair or or
• 16:01
  true. That was a great.
• 16:03
  Time. Thank you for having me.
• 16:06
  Yeah, that was that was good. But then I was kind of like when
• 16:11
  I was. It was very fun, but didn't feel
• 16:13
  particularly useful. And then I had to get my new
• 16:15
  show ready two months after that.
• 16:20
  And I hadn't been doing the show, I'd just been doing the
• 16:22
  showcase, which was quite like the audience who are going to go
• 16:28
  to to a show that's in like a really established like theatre
• 16:33
  just to see like British comedians, like acclaimed
• 16:37
  British comedians. They're not, they're not what
• 16:39
  they're not my people. Certainly, you know, like,
• 16:44
  because then I come out screaming and they're like, what
• 16:47
  the fuck is this? And it wasn't even one solid
• 16:51
  demographic. It's not like you can say, oh,
• 16:53
  these are people who who like middle of the road comedy but
• 16:56
  don't know much about it and they're all 60, a middle class.
• 17:00
  Instead, you've got all ages, all but all with that one sort
• 17:03
  of uninspiring taste. It's funny.
• 17:07
  I did a festival once. It wasn't Melbourne, but it was
• 17:11
  all about different comedy nights.
• 17:14
  There was an Irish comic night, there were Geordie comics.
• 17:19
  I think they like to have them. People love it spelled out for
• 17:23
  them. Yeah, when I was still like,
• 17:25
  footballs at the fringe. We'd like to do clever names.
• 17:27
  And then you're like, no, you need to be like 4 comedians
• 17:31
  wearing green, telling Dick jokes.
• 17:32
  That's like the name of the show.
• 17:33
  Like, you know, I mean, beauties. 1 ginger, one blonde
• 17:37
  and one baldy. Like, you know, that's good.
• 17:40
  Three really good. Yeah. 1 ginger brown baldy.
• 17:44
  That's G that that is. Do it.
• 17:46
  Yeah. So you've been three.
• 17:50
  This this was the third time and.
• 17:51
  Then this was this is a this is a brand new show for for
• 17:55
  Melbourne, which is, which was a race, but I think is the pert.
• 17:59
  Of force, can I say Tour de force?
• 18:02
  Tour de force. When you did it.
• 18:05
  Not Tour de force, but certainly when were better than expected.
• 18:11
  Well done. Yeah.
• 18:13
  And I think it will Tour de force.
• 18:14
  What? What does that mean again?
• 18:16
  It's like a, like a whirlwind. I, I, I, I've a recent
• 18:21
  insecurity that I've always had for a while and it's really hit
• 18:24
  hard since the Russell Brand interview.
• 18:28
  I'm a rape. No, no, my vocabulary is awful.
• 18:36
  I, I, I've seen Russell Brand and I'm like, he's an idiot and
• 18:39
  I'm like, and he knows so many words and I'm like, I'm really
• 18:43
  clever, but I can't articulate what I mean.
• 18:48
  I'm, I'm 29 and they're not. Where are they?
• 18:50
  Well. Over time, don't you learn new
• 18:52
  words? Hello.
• 18:53
  Yeah. Hiya.
• 18:54
  That's all I got. Hello.
• 18:55
  Hiya. There's probably another one.
• 18:56
  You know what I mean. Hola.
• 18:58
  Hola. Yeah, but we're not ready to do
• 18:59
  other languages. I'm not even correct.
• 19:00
  This one. Yeah, I need.
• 19:02
  How do you improve vocabulary? You get one of those
• 19:05
  refrigerator post its that has one word.
• 19:09
  Every day. But we did that in my old house
• 19:13
  that someone would do. I can't remember any of them.
• 19:15
  Would you use it a bit? Stick them in your pocket and
• 19:18
  then you get a whole pocket I. Think, I think I need to
• 19:20
  actually contextualise the word. I guess reading is probably is
• 19:23
  key, isn't it? Yeah, but this is a problem if I
• 19:27
  try and read. If I try and read a book with
• 19:29
  big words in it, I don't have a fucking clue what's.
• 19:30
  Going on, would you ever look up the word?
• 19:35
  Yeah, like if it feels like really important to the plot,
• 19:41
  you know, if it's like she chapter end, you know,
• 19:47
  exclamation. What chapter end?
• 19:48
  I'm not. Well, I need to know.
• 19:49
  What she was murdered by blah blah blah.
• 19:51
  I. Need to know what she did, what
• 19:52
  happened to her. But apart from that, if they're
• 19:55
  saying that the grassy I don't give a fuck.
• 19:58
  Is there ever a word like that? You learned recently that it was
• 20:02
  like, shit, how did I not know that?
• 20:06
  Well, yeah, I often my thing with what is I hate, I think on
• 20:12
  subconsciously, like here's someone use a word in a sentence
• 20:16
  and then I use the word later on in a similar sentence.
• 20:21
  And then it kind of slips into my VO vocabulary.
• 20:23
  And then I find out what the word means and find out that
• 20:26
  I've actually kind of like it's wrong.
• 20:29
  It works in that context. So for example like nefarious.
• 20:33
  Oh, that's a good word. That am I right thinking means
• 20:35
  almost like like naughty. Is it?
• 20:38
  Yes. But but naughty if a criminal
• 20:42
  was nefarious, yes, What are you?
• 20:44
  Are they like a sex? They're like they're they're
• 20:46
  bad. Yes, they're like sex crimes and
• 20:48
  stuff. Not no.
• 20:50
  I mean how? Doesn't have to be sex crimes.
• 20:53
  Yeah, like I, I described, I described myself as nefarious
• 20:56
  recently. And I saw someone kind of
• 20:58
  flinch, you know? Yeah, Yeah.
• 21:00
  And that's a weird thing to say about yourself.
• 21:02
  You. Are a Russell Brand, yeah.
• 21:06
  Double Russell Brand. Yeah, nefarious and using a big
• 21:08
  word for it. Gentlemen, the nefarious Russell
• 21:12
  the. Preposterous.
• 21:12
  Nefarious. Not bad.
• 21:15
  No, I don't think it's just sexual you.
• 21:19
  Know not just yeah yeah yeah. And what else?
• 21:25
  I used nuance for years without knowing what happened.
• 21:27
  Nuance is a good word. Nuance is good.
• 21:31
  Balsamic that's AI didn't know that I just.
• 21:38
  Really. Go.
• 21:38
  Oh, I was going to get excited. I thought you were going to tell
• 21:40
  me. You know what balsamic means?
• 21:43
  Well, it's just vinegar. Vinegar.
• 21:44
  Yeah. But I would be believable if it
• 21:47
  has a definition. And it probably does.
• 21:49
  Does it? Yeah, probably does.
• 21:50
  What does it mean like? Kenny, will you look it up?
• 21:53
  Yeah. It means like, stingy and tasty.
• 21:56
  Yeah, and nefarious vinegar. Well, the.
• 22:00
  Vinegar. Remind nefarious vinegar.
• 22:08
  So what is going on with the so the show you did in Australia,
• 22:12
  are you going to be developing that and touring it or?
• 22:16
  Yeah, big time so. Melatonin.
• 22:23
  You'll be taking melatonin. No, I won't be taking melatonin
• 22:26
  because melatonin helps you sleep, so I'll be taking
• 22:29
  dexamphetamine and Elvance for TMG whilst I continue working on
• 22:34
  the show. Write that down.
• 22:35
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, honestly, yeah.
• 22:37
  And then a melatonin to to help me sleep afterwards, because
• 22:40
  after that much Medicaid speed obviously do you?
• 22:43
  Take stuff to write due to I drink coffee sometimes or.
• 22:48
  Yeah, I I bought a book called like the the the the the going
• 22:53
  to focus. And the 1st chapter was about
• 22:56
  how to drink coffee to help you work.
• 22:57
  I was like, what? That this is isn't, you know
• 22:59
  what I mean. The master gun it.
• 23:01
  Was something like that. It was like the little butt of
• 23:03
  the Ultimate Book of Focus and the 1st, the first chapter there
• 23:09
  was drink coffee before your work.
• 23:10
  It's like, what do you think I'm doing?
• 23:12
  I'm not drinking it before bed, am I?
• 23:13
  Doing. Yeah, but no, yeah, I mean, I'm
• 23:17
  on. I've been dying recently and so
• 23:21
  I'm on meds for that, which in indirectly is to help me, right?
• 23:27
  I guess because writing is a big part of my life and it's
• 23:29
  something I procrastinate. See.
• 23:31
  I think I have it, but the what you would have to take you'd
• 23:36
  you'd be kind of wired, right. That's what I'm.
• 23:41
  Worried about Yeah. And you are to begin with, I
• 23:43
  mean, your first day. I spoke to a few people.
• 23:44
  Your first day when you have alvance is like it's like mental
• 23:50
  like I've heard to a few people who had the same experience,
• 23:52
  like I, I just I I had one in the morning and then someone
• 23:57
  advised me like have it have it early as possible to help you
• 24:00
  sleep because your first day it's going to really like why?
• 24:02
  So I had it sort of 8:00 AM and then went back to sleep.
• 24:05
  And I really struggled with, like, bedrock, like staying in
• 24:07
  too late. And at 9, AMI just like, floated
• 24:12
  out of bed. Yeah, like, floated.
• 24:14
  And just like, grabbed my notebook and start journaling
• 24:17
  for 20 minutes. Then I just, like, wrote A to do
• 24:19
  list. And then I just worked all that
• 24:23
  on my To Do List. And then I was like, finally,
• 24:25
  like, it's getting late, you need to go to bed.
• 24:26
  And I couldn't sleep. And my jaw was like was aching.
• 24:32
  So I asked ChatGPT like why my jaw was in so pain.
• 24:35
  It was basically I explained it was basically like all the
• 24:37
  excitement. Basically I was over excited
• 24:41
  about how much I was achieving to the point where I was gurning
• 24:43
  all day like. Oh, I see, I see.
• 24:46
  And then? I couldn't sleep and that
• 24:47
  relaxed me a bit and I breathed a bit and then I finally fell
• 24:50
  asleep and as I was dozing off, I just opened my eyes and went
• 24:52
  I'm joining the Green Party and then got back up and joined the
• 24:55
  Green Party like. But sadly that doesn't.
• 25:00
  That wears off, you get, you get used to it.
• 25:02
  So you are really wide. Do another party.
• 25:04
  And then you need to like I've been like open my dose a bit to
• 25:07
  try and get the perfect sweet spot.
• 25:10
  I mean it's. All about experimenting with the
• 25:14
  right amount. Yes, yes and you are wipe if you
• 25:19
  do have ADHD. Being wired, when your brain's
• 25:22
  wired, it kind of makes you often seem calmer or more
• 25:27
  relaxed. Like I wasn't expecting the meds
• 25:30
  to help so much with anxiety. That's the really shocking bit
• 25:34
  for me. Oh, really?
• 25:34
  Yeah, just. Because I can organise my brain
• 25:36
  a lot better. I don't feel like someone
• 25:39
  described it recently in their spot on who's on the same as
• 25:41
  It's like, you're not like drowning in this fucking pool
• 25:45
  that you can't swim in, right? You're like still very much in
• 25:49
  the pool with all the shit around you, but at least you're
• 25:53
  like, OK, I can't, I can swim and I I, I and I'm still.
• 25:57
  There's a corpse, there's. A yeah, yeah, exactly.
• 26:01
  And you still have to do the thing.
• 26:04
  You still have to be motivated enough to do the tasks.
• 26:07
  So like in Australia, I was just focusing on the show and then
• 26:12
  let everything at home like go like loads of of work just was
• 26:15
  not engaging with it. I was a bit disappointed because
• 26:18
  I was like I'm surely these meds are are meant to help me do that
• 26:21
  but for whatever reason I was just like only you need the
• 26:24
  motivation. Whereas when you have ADHD, you
• 26:26
  can have all the motivation in the world, but you you won't
• 26:29
  that won't necessarily make you do the thing.
• 26:33
  How are you on the Mary Jane you know?
• 26:36
  Very good question. Yeah, so I was.
• 26:38
  I get focused on it sometimes. Yeah, well, I convinced my I
• 26:42
  smoked weed for maybe 10 years at one point, about four or five
• 26:48
  years, constantly, every day to the point where I'd be, I'd be
• 26:53
  high now if I was still smoking it.
• 26:55
  And I convinced and I think I was self medicating, but it had
• 26:58
  lots of downsides as a result. And then I became dependent on
• 27:02
  it. So if I didn't smoke weed, I
• 27:05
  was, you're not high now, are you?
• 27:07
  Just because if you are, this is the worst thing to hear in the
• 27:08
  world. I've done this before, I've done
• 27:10
  this before. I've done this before.
• 27:12
  I've I've gone on my weed journey story.
• 27:14
  And then I, I realise that the people are high and they go
• 27:16
  like, they go like a pale, like it's the worst thing to hear
• 27:19
  ever. But yeah, I became dependent on
• 27:20
  it. And then so if I didn't smoke
• 27:22
  it, I would feel ill. I had a headache, I couldn't
• 27:24
  eat, I couldn't sleep. So I was, yeah, I couldn't quit.
• 27:28
  And then that's what my last show was about.
• 27:30
  And then I and then I and then I had a psychosis and then I got
• 27:34
  section Yeah. And so.
• 27:38
  So no, I'm not, no. OK.
• 27:40
  Sorry, no, no withdrawals. You had a bit of withdrawal.
• 27:44
  Big time for me. And then after this, it took the
• 27:47
  psychosis for me to actually quit it.
• 27:50
  And there was some other drugs involved in the psychosis.
• 27:52
  I can't lie to you, but I think the, the weed all the time for
• 27:57
  years was definitely a big, big issue.
• 28:00
  I, I, I know people who've had psychosis just from weed or from
• 28:04
  we've withdrawal. But yeah, I that made me quit,
• 28:10
  basically. But it sounds like you're in a
• 28:13
  good place right now in terms of.
• 28:16
  My equilibrium. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 28:20
  That was a good word, wasn't it? Equilibrium that goes on the
• 28:23
  fridge. Right.
• 28:24
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. And are you so you doing
• 28:30
  Edinburgh? Yes.
• 28:32
  So this, this, this cycle. So I finished that show all in,
• 28:37
  which is about the psychosis, finished that in August and
• 28:42
  then. All in is all out.
• 28:43
  Yeah, all in is out, finished then.
• 28:46
  Taught that and the plan was for me, because that would be my
• 28:50
  third hour in a row, was to have a year off from writing hours at
• 28:55
  Edinburgh. But then a bit before Edinburgh
• 28:59
  that last year and massively joined, I got really into
• 29:03
  healing crystals and like, and our own like probably about 40
• 29:09
  healing crystals, really spent hundreds on them And, and I was
• 29:15
  like, well, I'm going to have to write a show about that in
• 29:17
  Edinburgh. I was like, oh shit, I'm going
• 29:20
  to have to write a show now. I'm going.
• 29:21
  To do a work in progress. Now, because I've done these
• 29:23
  quotes and all, so which is the show that I took to Melbourne
• 29:27
  this year? Oh great.
• 29:28
  Yeah, hence why it wasn't quite a Tour de force, because it
• 29:31
  wasn't the old show. It was a new tour.
• 29:33
  Yeah, so, but luckily normally in May I'd be like panicking
• 29:37
  about the show, but now I've done it, I've done it 40 times
• 29:40
  or something. That's amazing.
• 29:41
  Which is awesome. Yeah.
• 29:43
  So that's the show that I'm taking to Edinburgh this year.
• 29:46
  Not to put a quantitative value on it, but what's your most
• 29:51
  expensive crystal? 150 lbs Yeah, but but that
• 30:00
  question would be what's your most valuable in money?
• 30:04
  Crystal, because I've got, I've got a bargain.
• 30:06
  I bought a rose quartz for the poster, of course, of the show.
• 30:10
  And it is, it's it's fucking massive.
• 30:12
  And I bought it from a crystal wholesaler, from a guy called a
• 30:16
  teak who had a big connection with and he sold me it for £120
• 30:22
  and he assured me that it was actually worth £400.
• 30:25
  But he did also assure me like that these crystals would change
• 30:29
  the future. So you don't really know whether
• 30:31
  I can fully believe him? Now you put this big crystal on
• 30:34
  your chest. Is that what happens or?
• 30:40
  No, no, no, this this crystal is so, so weighty.
• 30:44
  I can't, I've actually neglected it because it's, it's too big to
• 30:47
  pick up. Yeah, I've got too many, to be
• 30:52
  honest. But to the because as you can't
• 30:55
  just use your crystal, you can't be like, right, You're going to
• 30:57
  get me laid. You're going to get me
• 30:58
  Taskmaster. Why are you going to be laid?
• 31:00
  Why don't you got me Taskmaster? You know, you got to be like,
• 31:03
  you got, you got to have a relationship with your crystal.
• 31:06
  You know, you got to be like, please.
• 31:08
  But you did get Taskmaster. No, I've not done it.
• 31:11
  You haven't done it. No, no, no, no.
• 31:12
  I thought you did it. No, but that's just this is
• 31:15
  good. Yeah, this is good that you
• 31:16
  think I'm trying. Please.
• 31:20
  Please. How did you get without?
• 31:22
  You also thought I'd be laid before as well.
• 31:23
  And how did I? Without going over your shows
• 31:30
  material, how did you get involved in the whole crystal
• 31:33
  thing? Because.
• 31:34
  Yeah, no, I'm so it was exactly a year since I'd had a
• 31:40
  psychosis. And the reason that's relevant
• 31:43
  is because when a big issue for me certainly was all the time,
• 31:49
  like my friends and family were understandably worried that I
• 31:53
  was kind of going insane again, which kind of made me very
• 31:57
  paranoid. And because of weird paradoxical
• 31:59
  thing is big word is it's a trigger.
• 32:04
  People thinking I'm going mad is a trigger for me going mad.
• 32:07
  It's quite hard to explain because if someone says you're
• 32:10
  going mad, then you start doubting your perception, you
• 32:13
  start being like, well, if that's not real and that's not
• 32:14
  real and everyone's not, you know.
• 32:16
  And so I bet for that reason, I probably, I didn't engage or
• 32:20
  talk about anything that was at all like weird.
• 32:23
  Even that's always been a thing, but it's been a year and I was
• 32:26
  like start to speak to friends, but just sort of feeling like
• 32:30
  maybe I, I was like atheist when I was younger and then kind of
• 32:36
  before sight. I had an existential crisis when
• 32:39
  I was 25, like big existential doom.
• 32:41
  And then kind of following that kind of gave in a little bit to
• 32:45
  like just like just like, oh, you just don't know and just
• 32:48
  just just stop worrying or thinking.
• 32:50
  And then I sort of found myself being definitely more open to
• 32:53
  this kind of thing. And then I was going to a
• 32:56
  wedding and they asked for money and I just just had this just, I
• 33:01
  just felt drawn to buy them a crystal for prosperity.
• 33:04
  And I never even like seeing crystals.
• 33:06
  But I was like, I bet. Where did you get that thing?
• 33:08
  I just found a shop in Brixton owned by a woman called Carol.
• 33:12
  And I came in and it was like just a way, I can't explain it.
• 33:16
  Like it was just like I just it just felt so right.
• 33:23
  I can't believe I'm saying this stuff.
• 33:24
  And then she bought it was it was two women getting married my
• 33:27
  mates. But when I told them it was a
• 33:32
  wedding she started bringing out, she bought out a really
• 33:35
  masculine crystal because I think she presumed it was like a
• 33:37
  man and woman gift. And I didn't know she bought
• 33:41
  this. Like it's, it's my black
• 33:43
  tourmaline. It's what it is.
• 33:44
  And it was like, it looks like the philosopher's stone, but
• 33:47
  black and shiny and spiky and massive, looks like a weapon.
• 33:53
  And I didn't know crystals could look like that.
• 33:55
  And she was like black tourmaline.
• 33:57
  Boom. And I was like, what the fuck is
• 33:59
  that? And she was like, this helps
• 34:01
  with grounding and protection. And I, I just went that straight
• 34:05
  away. I went that's that's that's
• 34:06
  mine. That's not a wedding present.
• 34:09
  No, and I hadn't gone in there to buy myself 1 And I went,
• 34:11
  that's for me like that right? And then I bought them a rose
• 34:15
  quartz which helps with love, self love, unconditional love,
• 34:22
  and a citrine which does all sorts but prosperity is a big
• 34:26
  one. Then I wrap the citrine in money
• 34:29
  and and because my one of my they're my best friends and it's
• 34:33
  our first friends like wedding. And then when I went there, she
• 34:37
  told me you had to like cleanse them and charge them in the
• 34:39
  moon. And this has been a year you.
• 34:42
  Gave them to somebody. She was like ideally, she was
• 34:46
  like ideally you don't want to be taking.
• 34:47
  These are going to have everyone's energy in them that's
• 34:50
  been touching them in the shop. You don't really want to be
• 34:53
  taking them to a wedding. Big house in Sheffield, which is
• 34:57
  where I met all my mates actually.
• 34:59
  It's a really bizarre time in my life, exactly a year since my
• 35:01
  psychosis. Just been to Glastonbury, so
• 35:04
  it's all a bit. And I'm the night before the
• 35:08
  wedding I'm in the garden secretly cleansing and charging
• 35:12
  crystals because I think that if they see me they'll think I'm
• 35:16
  going insane. Right, Right, because.
• 35:18
  You're so I'm genuinely you're. Naked, right.
• 35:23
  I I wasn't. But funny you should say that.
• 35:26
  Whenever I tell people about me charging crystals, I imagine I'm
• 35:30
  Naked. Like in my head I am, right.
• 35:33
  When you said obviously you're naked, I was like, I wasn't in
• 35:35
  real life, but in my head then I was.
• 35:37
  Yeah, right. And what?
• 35:39
  Do you do you hold it up to the moon for a certain amount of
• 35:43
  time? The thing is, there's no exact.
• 35:44
  Right answer. Like it doesn't need to be a
• 35:47
  full moon. That there's so many different
• 35:50
  opinions. And I think the, the, what they
• 35:54
  all say is whatever feels right to you.
• 35:56
  And what I like to, the way I like to see it is it's like what
• 36:01
  the, the, the, the, the law of it changes depending on what's
• 36:05
  right to you. So I like to go for, yeah, like,
• 36:10
  like a full moon and leave them out in front of the full moon.
• 36:13
  And ideally, I'd like to do a bit of a ceremony with a mate
• 36:15
  where we like, light a candle and like, decide what we want
• 36:19
  from this moon cycle. And if I have time, but I have
• 36:22
  so many crystals, I would love to like cleanse each one with
• 36:26
  water and then like some sage and then actually decide what I
• 36:32
  like, speak to the crystal and decide and be grateful for the
• 36:36
  things it has done for me and what I want it to do.
• 36:39
  But it's there's so many, there's no instruction.
• 36:43
  Manual for crystals either. There seems like there are, but
• 36:46
  they all say different. Things right, they all say
• 36:47
  different things and they all say it like it's fucked and then
• 36:50
  it's crazy to. Me, I don't know much about
• 36:53
  this, but it seems like each person that's kind of an expert
• 36:57
  has different opinions or a different and and.
• 37:00
  As soon as they're an expert, I think, well, you must be a
• 37:04
  charlatan because how can you know?
• 37:07
  How can you back yourself so hard in this thing with no data
• 37:11
  or proof? How?
• 37:14
  And even if it is just a feeling, how can you be so
• 37:16
  certain of that feeling? But I, I, I'm never in, I never
• 37:21
  want to. I do not give a fuck about
• 37:23
  converting people to them. I don't even know if they're
• 37:25
  real or not or or or if they're part I don't I, I don't care is
• 37:29
  the point. Yeah.
• 37:30
  They they, they, they sort of solve a a bigger purpose for me,
• 37:34
  which I don't as of yet have the vocabulary to understand.
• 37:38
  You will to to explain. But when I do this word thing,
• 37:42
  Yeah. On the fridge?
• 37:43
  Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
• 37:45
  And then we. And then I come back on the pod
• 37:47
  when courts and all, I've been nominated and won the main
• 37:50
  award. Then I'll come back and I'll
• 37:51
  have the vocabulary at that point to explain what they do
• 37:54
  for me exactly. Yeah.
• 37:57
  Have you ever met? Any other comics who are into
• 38:00
  crystals as well? There were, yeah.
• 38:03
  But not enough. So a few of my mates are now
• 38:07
  into them because they're perfect for comedy in in the
• 38:10
  sense that comics all have rituals and stuff that they like
• 38:14
  to do, superstitions. And if you just get a crystal,
• 38:18
  it's so much more efficient because you'd be like, that's
• 38:21
  just going to do it all for me. I don't, it doesn't matter what
• 38:23
  shirt I'm wearing, it doesn't matter untie and tie my laces.
• 38:27
  We're just given to the crystal and the crystal panacea.
• 38:30
  OK. What does that mean overall?
• 38:31
  Cure. Bosh Panacea.
• 38:33
  That's awesome Panacea. I pulled that one out of my.
• 38:37
  Ass Yeah, yeah, that's where I got my crystals.
• 38:40
  Hello you. Got to hold those up to the
• 38:43
  moon. Shit, yeah, I need a big cleanse
• 38:46
  after that. Big cleanse in charge.
• 38:49
  Hey, better hope it's a full moon that day and how you've got
• 38:56
  a lot of. Material on crystals, yeah.
• 38:59
  And then my. Director Sammy Lee, who's
• 39:01
  awesome, he does, he's debuting his show.
• 39:05
  He did last my last year one as well.
• 39:07
  He's doing his show of a character, Basil Cromwick, which
• 39:09
  is awesome. But he we've been talking a lot.
• 39:12
  His first thoughts was he was like, you are the majority of
• 39:16
  people in the audience are not going to believe in crystals.
• 39:19
  But he said. The thing that worries me is
• 39:21
  that a lot of them not only won't believe in them but will
• 39:24
  not, will not give a foot, will be completely bored and
• 39:28
  uninspired by the idea. So he was like how do you make
• 39:32
  someone care? Because he was like it cannot
• 39:34
  just be an hour of jokes about Chris.
• 39:37
  He said this on the 1st. Day you met about that, that was
• 39:40
  a a concern. Yeah.
• 39:42
  And then I think certainly young people after a preview, we we
• 39:46
  were both more like, wow, people are more on board with this than
• 39:51
  yeah, definitely people sort of are kind of age, but older
• 39:55
  people is definitely be more tough.
• 39:57
  So the key is, is, and we made huge inroads with this in
• 40:01
  Melbourne, but how, how do you make it not about crystals and
• 40:06
  more about you, It's you don't care because they care about
• 40:11
  you. And that's the sort of story.
• 40:15
  And the crystals are just. Crystals are the means.
• 40:18
  To the end, yeah, yeah, and. For me, like it's also exciting
• 40:24
  this show because have all my my last three.
• 40:27
  Obviously psychosis quite a deep thing.
• 40:29
  I've talked about deep things, but I've never explored
• 40:33
  anything. I'm quite a philosophical guy.
• 40:38
  I don't know if that as in I think about this stuff a lot,
• 40:41
  like it's a big, I'm tormented by desperately and hopelessly
• 40:47
  trying to understand what I think life is and the point of
• 40:51
  it is and stuff. Well, then on stage, my last
• 40:54
  shows have been predominantly like, like, just like fucking
• 40:58
  like, I'm going to shit on your face, you know, like that, like
• 41:01
  the word, like, really like, shock, sort of grubby humour.
• 41:05
  And out of the front row, yeah. And I'm going to.
• 41:07
  I'm, I'm, I'm hoping that this show is sort of allows me to
• 41:13
  explore these deeper things without seeming pretentious.
• 41:17
  It's a way to get into. It's a fine line, isn't?
• 41:19
  It yeah, because I'll. Talk about, like, times where
• 41:24
  Islam spoke to me and then pull out a crystal and go, you know,
• 41:28
  I like. So yeah, I'm really excited
• 41:34
  about it. And in terms of How I Met other
• 41:37
  comics with crystals, I think the universe has been keeping us
• 41:39
  apart because I've heard that that Carl Donnelly used to be
• 41:44
  massively into them. And then I didn't give him for
• 41:46
  ages. And I saw him actually Melbourne
• 41:47
  briefly. And I was like, I was like, oh,
• 41:52
  I, I was like, I heard I heard you into crystals.
• 41:55
  And he was like, oh, I used to be a bit.
• 41:57
  And then and then kind of change the subject.
• 41:59
  So for, you know, the reason he didn't want to engage Lou
• 42:03
  Sanders. I got to go, Lou.
• 42:04
  Sanders is massively into. Them.
• 42:05
  Everyone's been telling me that, but we're not.
• 42:07
  We're not gigged together yet. She's been on the spot.
• 42:11
  See, I thought we were getting together last night and Eva, I
• 42:17
  made that up. She was on the lineup, but she
• 42:20
  all the universe went like that. No, took her.
• 42:23
  Off you can't have. 2 Heavy. Crystallites, but then in.
• 42:27
  Melbourne. There was a girl, Irvy.
• 42:31
  I should know her surname. Irvy was her name comic and a
• 42:36
  few people have said that she's got loads of material on
• 42:38
  crystals. And then on one of the last
• 42:42
  nights in Melbourne, she came over and was like, Dad, I was
• 42:44
  like Irvy. And then she was like, because
• 42:46
  she'd heard, obviously. And then we chatted for ages and
• 42:50
  then a few people came back to afters on the last night,
• 42:54
  including her, and it was like we'd known each other for years.
• 42:56
  It was a crazy connection. And we both had a very similar
• 42:59
  outlook on it. And it.
• 43:01
  Yeah, it is. I'd like to see more men
• 43:05
  engaging crystals, I think. Yeah, if you want to get into.
• 43:09
  Crystals like all this stuff like talk about your.
• 43:10
  Mental health? Nah, like just get, just get
• 43:13
  some crystals. You don't have to talk.
• 43:15
  Talk to the crystals. Talk to the crystals who are.
• 43:18
  You going to talk to of a? Bloke, what are they going to
• 43:19
  say? You know what I mean?
• 43:21
  Talk to the crystals about, you know, there was a country.
• 43:24
  Singer called Crystal Gayle. Yeah.
• 43:27
  I don't know if that has. Anything to do?
• 43:31
  Well, I would say that that was just a name.
• 43:34
  Oh, right, okay. But I said that, yeah, I think I
• 43:38
  could be on to. Something with the mental health
• 43:39
  and the crystal thing, don't you think?
• 43:41
  Yeah. And then if it doesn't work, you
• 43:42
  do want to kill yourself. You got the perfect weapon.
• 43:46
  Because I didn't know. I my, I always thought that they
• 43:49
  were clear. First of all, me too.
• 43:53
  And I didn't know they were. That heavy that you could use
• 43:56
  them just have them there as a source of, you know, energy yeah
• 44:02
  and they go in all. Shapes and sizes as well, yeah.
• 44:06
  And do you frequent? A crystal shop?
• 44:08
  Yeah, I've got a few, Yeah. I've got some on me.
• 44:10
  Do you want to see them? Yeah, Will.
• 44:12
  You be able to fit them in lens. So I got them, yeah.
• 44:17
  This is the point where Dan is getting the crystals, so I
• 44:23
  didn't know you brought them. You always have crystals on you
• 44:26
  00. I thought I had one there.
• 44:30
  It's an adapter. It's an adapter.
• 44:33
  No, there'll be one on me. This is the crystal if I'm left.
• 44:36
  Without. Crystals.
• 44:37
  That is terrifying for my day. Oh no.
• 44:40
  Right. We've got one, please.
• 44:41
  Have a crystal. OK Bosh.
• 44:44
  Holy MO. Can I touch you?
• 44:45
  Yeah. Please.
• 44:46
  Please. Please No.
• 44:47
  I like. I like your vibe.
• 44:47
  I like your energy. Get it in there.
• 44:49
  Look at that. Does it matter how many sides it
• 44:53
  has? Some people would.
• 44:55
  Say no and then some people would say absolutely like no.
• 45:01
  If it feels right, get it. In there, brother.
• 45:04
  This is, do you want to see my latest one?
• 45:06
  Yeah, this is this is Moonstone. So that's Moonstone.
• 45:10
  And this is a citrine. Citrine.
• 45:13
  Yes, so citrine. Is the one that helps with
• 45:15
  prosperity. Is is a big abundance really.
• 45:18
  So if you want a lot of something, I think it's good.
• 45:21
  And then I still not got my head around this, but if you want to
• 45:24
  take something in from the crystal, then it's left hand, I
• 45:27
  think. And if you want to put something
• 45:30
  into it, it's right hand. I still it.
• 45:33
  It's all that's a bit confusing to me.
• 45:36
  So depending on what? You're doing during the day, you
• 45:39
  bring out different crystals with you.
• 45:41
  Yeah, try not to. Overthink it sometimes I like
• 45:44
  look at them and just like who fancies the trip lads?
• 45:47
  And then one will scream out and I'm like, you're coming, which
• 45:49
  one of you is coming? And then I I often.
• 45:51
  Go through a phrase where I get really connected to 1 and that's
• 45:54
  my favourite 1 and I take it every when I have it in my hand
• 45:58
  and then I always lose it. And then they they say that's
• 46:01
  because it means it served you. But I'm like, but it fucking it
• 46:04
  like I I, I want it. Yeah, yeah.
• 46:08
  So what about for stand up? What would be a normal crystal
• 46:12
  selection for you? Again, for me, like when I'm
• 46:19
  doing stand up, it would be the same, but I mean like it's often
• 46:24
  it's, if I'm going to have a good gig, then it's often
• 46:27
  because I I feel good in my life generally.
• 46:29
  So it's usually, yeah, it's usually it depends what I want
• 46:33
  from the gig. So like Tiger's eye, that's the
• 46:37
  one that I had. I had a sphere of it like that.
• 46:40
  This is a snooker ball. Yeah, they're, they're they're.
• 46:43
  Usually really expensive because the spheres because they have to
• 46:46
  lose a lot of crystal to to to make it into a sphere.
• 46:51
  Well then rough. I might even have one more.
• 46:52
  Do you know if something is? Perfectly spherical.
• 46:55
  It'll just keep rolling, really. Let's find out then, shall we?
• 47:02
  OK, there we go, being sold a fucking very spherical being.
• 47:06
  Sold a dud? Oh, we've got one more player.
• 47:10
  Oh shit, it's the black Tourmaline.
• 47:13
  It's about totally, but it has been battered.
• 47:16
  It didn't look like that originally.
• 47:17
  I've lost so much of it snaps off and that's the one you.
• 47:20
  Initially got it. It did.
• 47:21
  Look better at the time. I promise.
• 47:23
  Yeah. Now it's heavy.
• 47:25
  Yeah. Yeah, they all are.
• 47:29
  Is this is this good stuff for you, your listener, do you
• 47:32
  think? Absolutely.
• 47:34
  We. Have a heavy crystal audience.
• 47:36
  Really. Yeah, I think so.
• 47:39
  Now, have you ever seen natural crystals come where they come
• 47:44
  out of the Yeah, I went to. Crystal caves in Bermuda and
• 47:49
  there was like, they were all they were.
• 47:52
  I don't think they were actually crystals.
• 47:54
  And I think about I think they were stalactites.
• 47:57
  Stalactites maybe? But they look.
• 47:59
  Like crystals, but I don't think they technically were.
• 48:03
  And then as a kid I've been to like Blue John mine and stuff
• 48:06
  where they doesn't. It doesn't.
• 48:09
  People were like, oh, you got, you like crystals, you got to go
• 48:13
  to this place. And bizarrely, I'm not that
• 48:15
  bothered about seeing them all in like a cave.
• 48:18
  It's a bit like seeing how the sausages get made, you know,
• 48:21
  that I don't want to unless they've been like removed and a
• 48:24
  witch has blessed them. I'm not really, like, bothered
• 48:27
  about them, you know? This is a fascinating thing.
• 48:32
  Yeah. That you're doing, Yeah.
• 48:34
  No thanks. I do sometimes I'm like is it a
• 48:37
  bit? Is it not?
• 48:38
  And I think it's both. Yeah, I think it's both for
• 48:41
  sure. I also, I never own things I've
• 48:43
  never own. Certainly not like valuable
• 48:46
  things. I'm really bad.
• 48:48
  All my money just goes on, like cigarettes, alcohol and then
• 48:52
  clothes because I don't really put wash on.
• 48:53
  So I usually just go to Uniqlo and buy a new outfit fresh.
• 48:56
  Yeah. Yeah, well, I'm too busy.
• 48:58
  Like blessing crystals. Yeah.
• 48:59
  And these are like permanent. Items.
• 49:02
  Yeah, that are cool. Yeah, like whether you believe
• 49:06
  in it or not, you, you, they are that this, they come from the
• 49:10
  ground. It's millions years old that
• 49:11
  like, you know, conversation starters.
• 49:14
  Definitely. Yeah, yeah.
• 49:17
  And but some of the conversations I I'm not Yeah, I
• 49:21
  enjoy speaking to some people with No, no, no, no.
• 49:24
  It's private. No, it's just some people who
• 49:27
  are like open minded and, and, and think it's like interesting,
• 49:30
  but some people are patronising that they talk to you about in
• 49:32
  the same way you would if you said you were like a Muslim in
• 49:35
  the Bala. Like, OK, I'm totally fine with
• 49:37
  that. You know, like they're, you
• 49:39
  know, they're not, they're trying to be.
• 49:40
  Oh yeah, yeah. I'm like, oh, you don't have to
• 49:42
  be. I'm not going to be offended
• 49:44
  that you don't think this big bag of rocks I've got is is
• 49:48
  going to change my life. So after you do the.
• 49:52
  Show in Edinburgh, you're going to try to tour the whole yeah,
• 49:56
  then we'll tour. It for sure wow in I I never
• 50:01
  know what's autumn and spring. I know what winter and summer
• 50:03
  is, but I think, you know, in in autumn, autumn and winter.
• 50:06
  I think the tour will be, is that is that right or spring,
• 50:09
  spring and winter, straight after Edinburgh.
• 50:12
  Tom knows. Yeah, yeah, I.
• 50:15
  I've Tom probably doesn't know actually, Yeah, but that's all.
• 50:19
  No, I'm joking now. We're just not, we've not, we've
• 50:21
  not finalised the the tour, the tour yet.
• 50:24
  Tom might know when spring is though.
• 50:27
  Yeah, he knows that. OK.
• 50:30
  So yeah, no, I'll be straight. I like October, we'll get going
• 50:33
  on October. So Edinburgh is obviously
• 50:35
  August, Everyday Monkey Barrel 11025 dantin.co.uk and then
• 50:42
  we'll get going in October, November, December, January for
• 50:46
  March, probably touring all around the country and maybe the
• 50:49
  world if this lad pulls his fucking weight.
• 50:51
  Please please. Guys, pull together, make this
• 50:55
  thing happen. No, Dan, there's a segment in
• 50:59
  the show called Fill in the Blank.
• 51:01
  OK, I've written some questions for you and you have to fill in
• 51:05
  the blank. OK, All right, Number one, my
• 51:09
  favourite magician is blank. Pete Furman, I would say.
• 51:18
  Pete Furman, yeah, I reckon. OK.
• 51:20
  It's hard. Did you?
• 51:22
  Know I was a magician, I've heard.
• 51:24
  Tell all such things. Yeah, Pete Furman was a.
• 51:27
  My favourite magician as a kid. I've not seen him like in ages.
• 51:32
  I'm not like super into magic anymore.
• 51:34
  I used to turn into a rabbit. Yeah, it.
• 51:38
  Went wrong. Yeah, it went all wrong.
• 51:41
  Yeah, so or maybe. Like that was like the ultimate
• 51:44
  trick was like, I'm going to turn myself into a rabbit.
• 51:47
  And then he did it and the audience went crazy and I was
• 51:49
  like, well fuck, what now? I'm not magician anymore, I'm a
• 51:51
  rabbit. Can't top himself.
• 51:52
  Either. Yeah, OK, Pete, he can top hat
• 51:56
  himself yellow. All right, he's waking up.
• 52:01
  Good morning #2 The. Best way to blank is just to
• 52:06
  relax. Does it need to be a word?
• 52:11
  No, it can be. A sound.
• 52:18
  No, there's a few words. Can it?
• 52:23
  Yeah. All right.
• 52:23
  I've got 1-1, but I think I can do that.
• 52:29
  The best way to write comedy is just to relax.
• 52:33
  That's true. Because your mind is just free.
• 52:37
  Just chill. Chill.
• 52:38
  Yeah, yeah. And then get.
• 52:41
  In a habit of writing. Stuff down whilst you chill.
• 52:44
  So yeah, because you don't edit. Yourself.
• 52:46
  You just Yeah, yeah, my mate Adam Floyd gave.
• 52:49
  Me a really good note. He's like 2 stages to write and
• 52:52
  like you write like you know, you're a stream of
• 52:54
  consciousness. But then he was like, there's
• 52:57
  that stage of writing, but it's like, don't think about is this
• 53:00
  a joke or not? He's like that's for the editor
• 53:02
  and the editor is future you, so you should be the editor and the
• 53:06
  you have to be too. Left and right brand yeah #3
• 53:12
  last time I ran full Sprint was blank.
• 53:19
  This is like running at. The top speed I was going.
• 53:23
  To say today because I was late, but in truth I won't.
• 53:26
  I did leisurely walk even though I was like OK, and I'm only
• 53:29
  telling that because I feel like so you're lying.
• 53:32
  No, I'm I'm telling the truth. I'm telling the truth.
• 53:34
  Yeah. I'm being completely honest.
• 53:35
  Yeah. Opposite of lying.
• 53:37
  Hello. Put your new words last time I
• 53:43
  went. It will be recently.
• 53:44
  Like, do you mind if I just go through the last few days full
• 53:48
  Sprint, really fast. Really fast, Yeah.
• 53:52
  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Running.
• 53:54
  It was. It was yesterday.
• 53:56
  Yeah, Really. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 53:57
  I won't. I'm always late and I'm
• 54:00
  actually, I'm an unfit guy, but I got like, I got good running
• 54:04
  legs. I'm through like a really
• 54:06
  unsported guy. I'm a I'm a decent runner that's
• 54:09
  good, less sprinter, but I got like good, good.
• 54:12
  I can, I can run without, even if I'm really unfit, I can run
• 54:18
  in a way that doesn't tie me out in the same way picking a box up
• 54:21
  would be. So I ran yesterday.
• 54:23
  I, I was, it was when I was trying to vote, so I had to go
• 54:26
  all the way there. I also wanted to fit in a
• 54:27
  haircut. That didn't happen, as you can
• 54:29
  probably tell, somebody had an axe and.
• 54:32
  Then yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's why I try.
• 54:35
  Yeah, that's what I do. I'm fucking run.
• 54:36
  You can run, but I just like, ran down the side for a tube.
• 54:40
  And I think it was Victoria Line, so it wasn't even
• 54:42
  massively important. I got it there being another one
• 54:43
  in a minute. But I want it to be as efficient
• 54:44
  as possible. So I legged it down the stairs
• 54:47
  and you know when I've lived in 2 1/2 years now and I think I
• 54:50
  finally picked up like the timing.
• 54:52
  I just knew they're about to close.
• 54:55
  Like as in by the split second I knew exactly how much time I
• 55:00
  had. And it was honestly, I'm I'm
• 55:03
  genuinely shocked no one high fived me.
• 55:05
  It was. It was no, but it was it.
• 55:07
  Wasn't just that I made it close.
• 55:09
  It was clean. It wasn't when you get stuck in
• 55:12
  the doors, get in. It was so clean.
• 55:13
  It was like, it was like Mission Impossible.
• 55:16
  Like I dived in after the door shut behind me.
• 55:19
  And there was one guy. He he didn't nod, but he came
• 55:22
  close. He looked at me like, like
• 55:24
  almost, almost. He nodded with his eyes at me.
• 55:26
  Motherfucker. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 55:30
  He's like a white old man. But is that impressive?
• 55:31
  Is that motherfucker and drool? Yeah.
• 55:37
  Blank is the food. I'll only eat if I'm super super
• 55:42
  super hungry or drunk. Which?
• 55:46
  They're different. Hungry.
• 55:51
  I only eat if I'm super hungry. Yeah, really hungry.
• 55:55
  So now I'm thinking it's. OK, OK.
• 56:01
  Like bread on its own, yes. I would only eat if I.
• 56:06
  Was really hungry. Yeah, not even toast.
• 56:08
  Toast. No.
• 56:10
  Butter no Thai. I'm too hungry because I I do.
• 56:13
  Do you have this where you're like, this is a big ADHD thing
• 56:16
  where you just like, you just don't eat.
• 56:19
  You just don't need to eat. And then nine hours later you're
• 56:22
  like, I'm going to die if I don't eat right now.
• 56:24
  That's I'm, I'm going to, I'm going, I'm going to die.
• 56:27
  And then it's. Just.
• 56:29
  Loaf of. Warburtons.
• 56:32
  Pickles I. Don't normally pick.
• 56:35
  Oh yeah, I love Pickles. Out the jar delicacy that that'd
• 56:39
  be a great answer for that actually, because I'd do that if
• 56:41
  I was only really hungry or really drunk as well yeah
• 56:44
  Pickles Pickles of bread Pickles is funny I.
• 56:48
  Say to my housemates if I've. Got nothing there.
• 56:50
  Have you got any bread or any Pickles?
• 56:54
  I've only got both. I've got both.
• 56:55
  I don't need both, just one more surprise if I am.
• 56:59
  Blank. I will talk to strangers.
• 57:05
  Horny if I'm horny. I will talk to stranger.
• 57:09
  Yeah, that's good. Do you normally talk to like say
• 57:13
  you're in a no. I'm lying, I've been more.
• 57:16
  I'm actually really socially awkward as regards today and if
• 57:20
  I was horny I would I would feel shameful and I would remove
• 57:23
  myself from a situation. No, but eventually.
• 57:25
  If you were really super horny, like unbearably.
• 57:31
  Yeah, but then I'll be I'll be back to the bread and the then I
• 57:33
  go bread on Pickles. Yeah, you spread.
• 57:40
  This Lopez holes it up. Now what the fuck?
• 57:49
  I don't know what I was expecting from today, but it
• 57:51
  wasn't the hour we've had. It wasn't.
• 57:52
  No, no, I don't know what it was.
• 57:55
  Do you want to plug 1? More time your show because your
• 57:57
  tickets just came on sale, didn't they?
• 58:00
  Yeah, they are. Yeah, like I, I mean, I've said
• 58:05
  a lot. If you don't want to come so far
• 58:08
  that it is, it's not a, you know, but you're not going to
• 58:11
  like it. You know what I mean?
• 58:12
  If there's any doubt, you won't like it.
• 58:14
  So if there isn't a doubt. Come to the show, but you'll
• 58:18
  you'll be doing. That yeah, I think no, like in,
• 58:23
  in, in, in, in in some some podcasts, I feel I'm like, oh
• 58:29
  God, this isn't who I am. I need to.
• 58:30
  But you, you've, you've you've got, you've got the real me.
• 58:33
  You've managed to get that out of me.
• 58:34
  I did, yeah. You really did.
• 58:36
  So well done to a point. I'm like that start that this is
• 58:39
  who I am. So if you want to come, come.
• 58:41
  And if you don't, don't. Yeah, yeah.
• 58:44
  It's all basically here. But but.
• 58:46
  Instagram as well, definitely. I do Reels and all of that stuff
• 58:50
  and obviously updates for everything.
• 58:53
  Well damn. Best of luck.
• 58:54
  Thanks for coming. Thank you so much.
• 58:56
  You're the man. I'd love it.
• 58:57
  If like in your own. Studio, you got up and left and
• 59:00
  I never saw you again. That's.
• 59:03
  It and the podcast. Never came.
• 59:05
  Out to Tom, as Rich said. Who's Rich?
• 59:11
  He's all a scam. Yeah, thank you for.
• 59:14
  Watching that wasn't that interesting.
• 59:18
  I'm sure you're all going to buy crystals now.
• 59:21
  I know I will. If you'd like to support the
• 59:25
  show, consider putting down some comments.
• 59:29
  Positive. I'm hoping Crystal esque.
• 59:33
  And also if you want to support us even more, join Patreon.
• 59:39
  You can see the episodes ahead of time and you can also get
• 59:43
  little perks which we'll mention in the future.
• 59:47
  Thank you. Rich vultures.
• 1:00:04
  Talk box.