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Early Dating Red Flags and Self-Respect: Brittany's Guide to Navigating the Dating Minefield · Brunch with Brittany

• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Welcome back to another episode of Brunch with Brittany.
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: You know what to do, right?
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: We grab our drinks.
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: We grab our drinks.
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Whatever it is, it could be, you know, it could be tequila, it could be a mimosa.
• 0:26
  Speaker 1: I am doing water again.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, who am I?
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: That's how I know.
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: I've, like, made a lot of progress where I'm like you know what.
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: I'm not just going to do my typical drinking just to drink.
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: But I love both sides of me.
• 0:41
  Speaker 1: So this side of me today is the hydrated side, and if you are not hydrated but you are having a drink, add some water to it, let's go, all right.
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: So how are you feeling?
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: Checking in, how do you think you're feeling?
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: How are you doing?
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: Are you down bad, sis?
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: Are you down bad?
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: Are you doing well?
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: If you are, congratulations, happy for you, happy for you.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: You doing Wow.
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: If you are, congratulations, happy for you, happy for you.
• 1:05
  Speaker 1: So I was thinking that you know I've always big on working on myself.
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: All right, if you are that type of girl, this is definitely your episode.
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: Or if you're not that type of girl, this is definitely your episode.
• 1:23
  Speaker 1: Okay, you need to hear this one.
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: But I was thinking, you know, with all the self-work I've done over the years and I have done a lot between reading, okay, understanding my shortcomings as a person, as a woman, or in relationships, every aspect of a human's life.
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: Okay, I have self-evaluated and I've done a lot of work over the years of learning about it, learning how to be a better person, being just better at what I do and who I am.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: I'm very big on that.
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: So I was thinking today we could talk about are you setting yourself up to get played?
• 2:02
  Speaker 1: Ooh, ooh, did you get some chills up your spine?
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Ooh, girl, let's get into it.
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: Hold on, I got to get some more water in my system because this is going to be, um, ew, that sounded nasty Anywho.
• 2:20
  Speaker 1: So, yes, are you setting yourself up to get played?
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: If you are out there right now in the dating world, honey, I feel for you, I feel so.
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: I feel for you.
• 2:33
  Speaker 1: I know it's hard.
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: Every girl I talk to about the dating scene, it's like we all have the same consensus where it's like oh my God, horrible, oh my God, going terribly.
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: And I really wish, I promise you, when I speak to women and you know I'm out a lot, I'm out in different places, different age ranges are around me, you know, got the young girls, the Gen Z girls, the millennial girls and even even the women who are in their 40s and 50s, right.
• 3:02
  Speaker 1: And every time the topic of dating comes up and I'm sure you hear it it's always like a bad thing, right.
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: It's always trauma and drama and just like everything's going wrong.
• 3:14
  Speaker 1: And I've yet to hear well, maybe I've heard one or two good stories, good stories, Well, at least they started that way.
• 3:20
  Speaker 1: And then you know, you get the text later, like girl Wayne, he ghosted me.
• 3:24
  Speaker 1: Or girl he decided, you know, after a week, after love bombing me for a week, that you know gone.
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: Just, I'm not it, right?
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: So it's like, are you setting yourself up to get played?
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: And I don't necessarily just mean like cheated on or like you know any of that.
• 3:43
  Speaker 1: It could be that falls into it, but it's not just that, it's making sure that you are seeing those signs before you end up heartbroken, okay.
• 3:54
  Speaker 1: So, that being said, if you're setting yourself up to get played, I would say let's start with attention.
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, attention does not mean that you have his attention.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Let me say that again.
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: Attention from him does not mean that you have his attention and when I say that I mean full attention where he really is pursuing you because he wants to be in a relationship with you.
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: You know, are you clocking it?
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: If this is just for a good time to him, if this is just a fling to him, or if he is seriously looking for his partner to start and build a life with, for his partner to start and build a life with?
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm doing some research.
• 4:52
  Speaker 1: I came up with some five, five signs how men will test you, five signs that men will test you with.
• 4:56
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's start with number one.
• 4:58
  Speaker 1: I'm sure you've dealt with this.
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: Going on a first date where he asks you at the end of the night, right, let's say, you have a great date, you're.
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: You know you get some drinks.
• 5:09
  Speaker 1: You got a nice espresso martini.
• 5:12
  Speaker 1: Maybe.
• 5:13
  Speaker 1: You know you got some oysters to start, maybe a seafood tower that's how I like to start.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: But okay, date goes well, right, you're having some good conversation.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: But okay, date goes well, right, you're having some good conversation, you're having fun, you're laughing.
• 5:26
  Speaker 1: He's having conversation with you, you know meaning, like it's not just he's asking you questions too.
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: Right, those are really good.
• 5:33
  Speaker 1: Green flags, all green flags.
• 5:35
  Speaker 1: So you do that.
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: And then you get to the end of the date and he walks you to your car.
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: Hopefully the first day you did not go with him in his car.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: That's unsafe, ladies.
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: Unless you really know the guy, then I'll allow it.
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: But never go in his car on a first date because you don't even know how it's going to go.
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: If it's going to go well, if you are going to end up being so disgusted by this man and his views, that can happen too.
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: Man and his views, that can happen too.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: So one way a man will test you is at the end of the date.
• 6:08
  Speaker 1: He will try to come over or try to have you come over.
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: And maybe some of you listening to this right now are like, well, I don't mind that I'm having a good time right now, I just only want that.
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: Okay, risky move in this era, in this time period, I don't recommend.
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: I highly discourage that.
• 6:31
  Speaker 1: And because, let's face it, to be real, when you gain in that kind of activity with someone, you're gonna catch feelings.
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: Stop it, you're gonna catch feelings.
• 6:41
  Speaker 1: So, again, that's self-awareness, be real with yourself.
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: So he will test you and he will want to try to come over.
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: Have you come over, don't do it.
• 6:52
  Speaker 1: If you are really actually looking for a relationship, if you're looking for this guy to take you seriously, do not.
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: That's a test.
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: And to the girls that do, again at your own risk.
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: But I would say you're setting yourself up to either get heartbroken or to get played.
• 7:13
  Speaker 1: All right, never go over it.
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: Never, never, never, never.
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: And you can tell, be straight up.
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: I don't go over to boys' houses on the first night or the second or the third.
• 7:22
  Speaker 1: Highly recommend you don't, but you're going to live your life the way you do.
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: I would just say for sure, though you got to make this a rule 100% first night, you don't come over.
• 7:32
  Speaker 1: Number two a man will test you by bringing up the conversation, the topic of sex.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: Ooh, have you ever had that happen to you?
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: Too soon, too soon.
• 7:47
  Speaker 1: I definitely remember when I first got back into the dating game, because remember I don't know if you remember, but I did say that like went in a relationship for years, went back out into the dating game and it was completely different, right, like it was insanely different.
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: So, anyway, so they'll test you by bringing up the topic of sex, Sometimes even on the, a lot of times on the first date not with me, but on the first date it happens, right, and that man is testing you to see like how's she feeling?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: And what can I?
• 8:21
  Speaker 1: What is you?
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: You know whether it's anything on that subject just shouldn't be spoken about.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: But again, this is always a test because they're trying to take you home that night, whether you want to believe that or not.
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: Most men wouldn't mind.
• 8:36
  Speaker 1: I should say, taking you home that first night.
• 8:39
  Speaker 1: Okay, I'm not saying all.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: Some of you men are gentlemen and no better, but too many aren't doing that.
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: So, and again, these are all from experiences I've heard and from my own.
• 8:51
  Speaker 1: Okay, so I uh went on a date with a guy and I remember it was like maybe he didn't bring it up on the on the first date, did not?
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: I was not having that, it didn't come up.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: But I believe, like a week and a half, within a week and a half, he was sending me like sexy memes, memes, okay, like the nature of the topic was definitely sexual, and I remember looking at that like what?
• 9:21
  Speaker 1: Like ew, first of all, ew, ew, but then also what do you?
• 9:26
  Speaker 1: How do I politely tell him?
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: And here I go, thinking about his feelings when he wasn't thinking about mine asking or sending those dirty memes.
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: But, uh, to respectfully be like, hey, I don't, this is not, I'm not that girl.
• 9:43
  Speaker 1: Do not talk to me about that, you, it's not.
• 9:47
  Speaker 1: You know, it's too soon, it's way too soon.
• 9:50
  Speaker 1: You don't even really know who I am yet, so don't start talking to me about sex.
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: But anyway, so he did that and I remember kind of being like, and he was a nice guy, okay, before all of that I felt like nice guy, you know, held the door open for me, a gentleman like that, all right, paid on the first date, all of those things, right, he did those well, except, you know, getting to know each other, he sends those things.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, let me just dead this here, like I, each other, he sends those things.
• 10:24
  Speaker 1: So I'm like, okay, let me just dead this here, like I don't talk about those things, that's too soon, too soon, buddy.
• 10:30
  Speaker 1: And he was like, oh, oh, I was just.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I think he tried to play it off as like, oh, it wasn't that serious, but also he wouldn't do it again, is what he said, and that's as simple, simple as that.
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: No, we're not playing that game, we're not going to you know a home run, even through the phone, before I actually get to know that person.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: That is so important.
• 10:52
  Speaker 1: Again, he's testing you, though, because if you do fall for it, if you do engage in that sexual conversation, oh he's definitely feeling like all right, the next time I see her is happening, or I can call her over tonight.
• 11:04
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: So you're really helping speed up that process.
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: When you talk about that subject, you're speeding up that process for it to happen Again before you really know the guy, and I think that that's so dangerous, because, well, you know what I could do a whole other episode on that.
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: It's just dangerous.
• 11:25
  Speaker 1: Well, you know what I could do a whole nother episode on that.
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: It's just dangerous.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: Don't do it, girl.
• 11:27
  Speaker 1: You're setting yourself up again to get heartbroken or to get left or to feel played.
• 11:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, another man, another way, a man will test you is oh, this one I hate.
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: Oh my God, I hate this one.
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: Like immediately, I will stop.
• 11:45
  Speaker 1: I will stop talking to the guy.
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I will.
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: Asking for photos, asking for photos of any kind, even if it's just a selfie, and you know they never really mean.
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: Send me a selfie of your face, right, like, send me a photo.
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: Or sometimes they're very direct and it's like send me a sexy photo, right, you should not be engaging in that.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Don't do that.
• 12:13
  Speaker 1: Why would you send a photo of yourself to a man who barely worked for it, to a man who didn't deserve it?
• 12:18
  Speaker 1: And when I say don't deserve it, that's something that you should take.
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: That is very precious of you, very sacred, very rare.
• 12:26
  Speaker 1: Okay, like, think about it.
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: If you give that man the photo that he asked for, do you think you're the only one he asked for a photo of and from?
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: No, really, think about that.
• 12:41
  Speaker 1: Do you think that you are the only woman that he asked that day or that week to send him photos?
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: I'm gonna bet that you're not.
• 12:53
  Speaker 1: You're not.
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: So let's say oh, it's, it's, it's, it's not that serious if I send him a selfie, right, he?
• 13:00
  Speaker 1: He asked for a pic of me.
• 13:01
  Speaker 1: Oh, he's thinking of me.
• 13:03
  Speaker 1: Let me send him a photo, girl.
• 13:05
  Speaker 1: He's got a gallery of those photos, of different selfies of different women and all kinds, whether they're of their face or they're sexy, like.
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: You have to treat that as something very, very important to you, that you do not just give away photos of yourself.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: Don't do that.
• 13:23
  Speaker 1: You're setting yourself up to get played again.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: But that man will test you because if you do it, then you're just another one of the girls who do it, and all he had to do was ask for it.
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: Think about that, that's it.
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: And fellas, if you're listening, do not ask for photos from women, don't, not in the beginning, not in the first week, not.
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: Don't, just don't do it.
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: If you want to get a photo of her, I would suggest that maybe, like, get her nails done for her, pay for her nails, and then you can ask for a photo and she can send you one with her face and her nails in it.
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: Okay, like, but it's got to be that innocent too.
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: Like that to me, you can start thinking about sending a photo, but never just send a photo of yourself, girlfriend, because he has so many.
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: And again, not saying every man is like this.
• 14:19
  Speaker 1: But, men, be real with yourself and you know your boys.
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: Maybe you're not the guy, but when you get around your boys, don't act like y'all.
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: Do not talk about women and and high five each other.
• 14:33
  Speaker 1: If you bagged a girl or if you got photos, some, some men, will even share the photos.
• 14:38
  Speaker 1: That's sick, very sickening.
• 14:40
  Speaker 1: They'll share the photos you ever hear.
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: You know, when a girl has an OnlyFans too, one guy will buy it and then he'll show all his friends and they think it's so funny and haha, and I didn't have to pay for that.
• 14:52
  Speaker 1: Ew, it's low vibrational.
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: You don't want a man like that.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: So photos take that seriously.
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: It is bigger than just a selfie of you like I promise you you don't just want to be another girl in their gallery and it also makes them less likely to chase you after that or to take you seriously after that.
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: Right, like you're making it too easy.
• 15:16
  Speaker 1: He just has to ask and there you go doing that.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: I think you can wait.
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: I think you can wait so that you can see the true character of him and see if he really is serious.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: Then you know he'll wait around when he really earns that photo and then he can have a photo of you in his phone.
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: Okay, number four men will test you by asking for favors.
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: Now, this one I'm not too familiar with.
• 15:41
  Speaker 1: I don't know what kind of favors a man would ask.
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: I mean, if he's asking like let me borrow your car, I'm gonna say you need to exit immediately.
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: That is not a favor.
• 15:54
  Speaker 1: Okay, if he's asking you for a favor of even just picking him up somewhere in the beginning, in the beginning, what's the reason it's got to be important?
• 16:06
  Speaker 1: It's got to be worth it.
• 16:08
  Speaker 1: Are you driving two hours away to go pick him up?
• 16:12
  Speaker 1: Are you meeting him two hours away to meet him, when he could have driven those four hours to come see you?
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: That that's important Because, again, you are allowing him to chase you.
• 16:27
  Speaker 1: When you meet a man halfway, even for a date, I think you're making it too easy for him.
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: Okay, now, maybe some people might hear that and think like, well, that's, you know, it's not much to, if I can, you know, make it easier on him.
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: You know it's not much to, if I can, you know, make it easier on him In the beginning.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: Do you want to just?
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: Do you want easy in the beginning?
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: I don't know.
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: I don't know that you really want that, because I don't think that that's going to lead to a strong partnership.
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: Right when, again, you didn't make him work very hard for that photo.
• 17:03
  Speaker 1: You didn't make him work very hard to meet you.
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: All right, I think you're worth the drive.
• 17:11
  Speaker 1: I think that's another self-evaluation of what is your worth.
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Are you worth the drive?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: If you believe so, then he should be driving those four hours to you.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: Okay, and I'm just using four hours as an example.
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: It could be whatever.
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: It could be one hour, it could just be.
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: I've heard of women going out on dates where they literally went to his side of the town, which, in a big city, was three hours away, you know, and they'll meet him, close to him, and he's like down the street from his place, probably takes women on that street all the time, right, but here you go, you went above and beyond and drove to him.
• 17:45
  Speaker 1: In his mind.
• 17:47
  Speaker 1: I think that men would see that as like, again, I didn't have to try, she'll come to me.
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: I can call her at a whim.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: You know, I've already got her.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying Versus, like, oh, she's not going to see me if I don't come drive to her.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: Well then, that's the test, right, will, are they willing to drive to come see you?
• 18:08
  Speaker 1: Are they really that interested in having something with you to do so?
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: To do that?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: If they're not, they're not going to make the drive, they're going to make the excuse.
• 18:17
  Speaker 1: Meet me halfway and let me tell you, the girls that I know that are meeting these men halfway are having bad experiences.
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: They find out so many red flags soon after and I'm not kidding you, I'm not making that up.
• 18:30
  Speaker 1: That's why I feel like that is a test that men will do and again, if it's not a test, it's just you're making it too easy for them.
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: So they may not feel like they're testing you, but they're also just not trying hard enough.
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: And if you are seriously looking for a relationship, that needs to be like a stand, it has to be a standard of yours, right?
• 18:53
  Speaker 1: I'm not coming to you.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: You come see me.
• 18:54
  Speaker 1: You should have a lot going on that you shouldn't even be able to just go and drive and do that.
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: You know like absolutely not.
• 19:00
  Speaker 1: I got things going.
• 19:12
  Speaker 1: I got to work in the morning.
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: The morning I have to be up early, okay, I have my own bills to pay and this I don't know.
• 19:15
  Speaker 1: I don't know yet.
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: Okay, think about that number five and this one immediately.
• 19:18
  Speaker 1: You should know better, but I'm I let me.
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: Let me hold your hand while I say this, because I'm not judging you.
• 19:23
  Speaker 1: If you have done this, I just don't want you to do it anymore.
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, the fifth way a man will test you is asking for money.
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: I think you should run if that happens.
• 19:36
  Speaker 1: You're meeting this man, it's the beginning of dating and he's asking for money.
• 19:44
  Speaker 1: Then he's not ready to date, but again he'll ask because if you do it and there are women that do, then now he knows he can come to you for that.
• 19:56
  Speaker 1: Now he knows you're one of those contacts that he can hit up and with whatever sob story he has, with whatever sad story he allegedly has you never know but I think that is a huge red flag that him asking for money, he's not ready to date you.
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: Honey, you need to onto the next.
• 20:17
  Speaker 1: Cut that off.
• 20:18
  Speaker 1: You need money.
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: Call your mom, call your sister, call your brother, call 411 411 pain, don't call me.
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: Call anybody else.
• 20:29
  Speaker 1: Okay, call a hotline, I don't know, throw your cash app on your Instagram story, but you should run from a man like that.
• 20:37
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, make sure that you are not setting yourself up to get played, because not all attention means that you have his full attention, and that is something that I have definitely practiced with.
• 20:51
  Speaker 1: I've had better experiences because of that.
• 20:56
  Speaker 1: Again, just having standards, standards and standing on those standards like you cannot.
• 21:03
  Speaker 1: I promise you, once you start lowering or bending you know your standards to a guy, because maybe you're like he's so cute, oh, he's so fine, or he's got a great body, or you know, he makes me laugh and it's like honey, we need, we need more in the package than that.
• 21:21
  Speaker 1: We need more in that package than that.
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: We need more in that package than that.
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: So men will test you to see how far you will go and how easy you will be to get.
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: Do not make it easy for them.
• 21:32
  Speaker 1: You're going to save yourself time.
• 21:34
  Speaker 1: You're going to save yourself disappointment, heartbreak, just all the things, all those feelings you don't like.
• 21:41
  Speaker 1: You will run into them if you rush into this too fast, not being aware of those red flags and those signs that he's really not that serious about you, even if he's calling you every day.
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: You know how many women get love bombed.
• 21:56
  Speaker 1: Have you experienced that?
• 21:58
  Speaker 1: You know where they're always calling and texting.
• 22:01
  Speaker 1: They're always.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: You know they're blowing up your phone, they're always trying to see you.
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: And then and then, if you do, if you do sleep with them I have such trouble talking about it like saying sex, sex, right, but if you do sleep with him and then he ghosts you or the communication slows down.
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying?
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: Like he was never really trying to have something serious with you, but you rushed into it so you couldn't call it right, you couldn't clock that yet.
• 22:35
  Speaker 1: So that's why, with time, you'll really be able to know that and then you can make a better informed decision on do I want to give this man any more of my time?
• 22:45
  Speaker 1: Your time is so valuable, sis, it's very valuable.
• 22:49
  Speaker 1: Do not sleep on that.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: And um, yeah, what is?
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: Uh, by the way, what is talking about sex too soon?
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: What is that right?
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: Like, what would you say is the window for that?
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I was trying to come up with that answer for myself because I still feel like in the first month I'm still getting to know you.
• 23:07
  Speaker 1: We shouldn't be talking about sex, right?
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: We should have so many other topics to talk about other than that, while getting to know each other.
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: Right, because at the same time when you get into the bedroom, you'll figure things out.
• 23:20
  Speaker 1: Then I just don't see a reason in talking about it.
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: As far as like, what you like, what you're into, that's none of his business.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: How many partners you've had, none of his business.
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: I'm telling you, and it shouldn't matter.
• 23:35
  Speaker 1: By the way, that's another thing.
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: If a guy cares about that, he's immature and that's a red flag that's going to cause problems for you in the future.
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: That's an insecurity.
• 23:45
  Speaker 1: A a confident man will not care because that is whatever happened before him, that is in your past and that shouldn't even be on his mind.
• 23:54
  Speaker 1: I mean, it has nothing to do with him, and let's not act like these men, aren't that?
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: Men don't also have sexual relations with women, with lots of them?
• 24:04
  Speaker 1: Do we ever ask them?
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: Oh, how many women have you been with?
• 24:07
  Speaker 1: I'm sure there are women who have asked.
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: Again, I wouldn't ask.
• 24:11
  Speaker 1: I don't see why.
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: It doesn't matter for either side.
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: We're here now.
• 24:15
  Speaker 1: Let's try to make this work if that's what we want.
• 24:19
  Speaker 1: But yeah, if you're going on a date too, I was like all right, let's get into.
• 24:25
  Speaker 1: How do you dress for a date, how do you dress for a first date?
• 24:29
  Speaker 1: All right, I'm going to tell you how not to dress.
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you ladies, you might not want to hear this.
• 24:35
  Speaker 1: No, you need to hear this.
• 24:37
  Speaker 1: All right, hold on, I need some water, hold on.
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: Okay, how you dress for a date is very important and maybe you don't know how to dress for the first date.
• 24:48
  Speaker 1: Let me tell you something right now Never wear lace on a first date.
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: Don't wear lace on a first date.
• 24:58
  Speaker 1: Lace screams sex.
• 25:00
  Speaker 1: It screams objectify me.
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: It screams I want to engage in sexual behavior.
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: And then it also takes away the focus of him getting to know you, your brain and, just yeah, your personality.
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: Right, like you have already.
• 25:18
  Speaker 1: It's like someone's hungry and then you put a filet mignon on the table, okay, a wagyu on the table, and you're just like sitting there in front of them and you think they're not going to just be thinking about like, when can I eat that?
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly right.
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: So the cleavage little to no cleavage on a first date.
• 25:41
  Speaker 1: Again, you are making the focus about that.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: I will never forget.
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: I remember and I made the mistake of doing this because, again, if I tell you this, I have also done some of this stuff I went with so much damn cleavage on one day and it wasn't you know what Matter of fact, it was side.
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: It was side cleavage, that's right, side cleavage.
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: And, um, I forgot, I forgot to wear like pasties.
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I don't, I think I maybe I ran out.
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: I don't freaking know, okay, but it was a little too much right for the visuals.
• 26:17
  Speaker 1: I, this guy, would not make eye contact with me like there were.
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: He did, but there were so many times where I saw his eyes just looking at my boobs, to the point where he wasn't even trying to hide it, you know, to the point where it was like I was so annoyed and so disgusted like, wow, I mean, he's not even hiding it, at least hide it.
• 26:38
  Speaker 1: Stupid, don't be like.
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: Right there we're talking, I'm looking at your eyes and your eyes are looking at my chest.
• 26:43
  Speaker 1: It was that evident, right.
• 26:44
  Speaker 1: But I also did that to myself because I went dressed like that I shouldn't have, and then, of course, he turned out to be just like the most douchiest douchebag.
• 26:54
  Speaker 1: I could do a whole episode on that loser.
• 26:56
  Speaker 1: But that was years ago.
• 26:59
  Speaker 1: But that happened, it happened.
• 27:02
  Speaker 1: I was again when I was like getting into the dating game again and not like how do I dress?
• 27:11
  Speaker 1: And me being used to being sexy around my man.
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: You know what I mean.
• 27:14
  Speaker 1: But you can't do that on the when you're first getting to know a guy because, again, you're just making it like too much about sex around him.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: He can't handle it, lady.
• 27:24
  Speaker 1: I promise he cannot handle it.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: Um, most men, most men I have to throw that in there because there's some guys who can handle it.
• 27:30
  Speaker 1: Where are you?
• 27:31
  Speaker 1: I'm just kidding.
• 27:34
  Speaker 1: I'm kidding a little bit, okay.
• 27:35
  Speaker 1: So, yeah, light to little cleavage.
• 27:38
  Speaker 1: You don't need to have your tetas all out there.
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: It's none of his business.
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: It should be none of his business.
• 27:44
  Speaker 1: Yet, okay, the mini skirts.
• 27:48
  Speaker 1: The mini skirts.
• 27:50
  Speaker 1: You look good in them, your legs look great.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: But again, you're drawing attention to something sexual and you want him to be trying to get to know what's in your brain, if he even likes that, if you even like what's in his brain.
• 28:04
  Speaker 1: But again, if you're dressing too provocatively, you're never gonna find a substance in a man.
• 28:11
  Speaker 1: You're just not because you're starting it off on that foot.
• 28:14
  Speaker 1: I've had men also tell me like, once they have a conversation with me wow, oh wow.
• 28:19
  Speaker 1: I wasn't expecting that from you, for you to be intelligent, for you to have more to say.
• 28:25
  Speaker 1: You know, and I used to get that a lot because I used to dress very, very, very provocatively I felt it was like me being empowered, me empowering myself.
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: I felt it was like me being empowered, me empowering myself, and I think we got that part a little bit wrong, you know, because while we feel empowered, the men are actually see us as less powerful.
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: If that may, if that, do you see what I'm saying?
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: Like they didn't see that as like, look at this strong, independent woman.
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: She dresses how she wants, she's sexy, but she's intelligent, she's got things going on for herself.
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: Girl, men don't think like that.
• 29:02
  Speaker 1: Men are not thinking like that.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Men see you sexy and they, if they don't know you, they're immediately think oh, she's, she's for the streets.
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: They love to say that she's for the streets.
• 29:11
  Speaker 1: Homie, I saw you in the streets too.
• 29:14
  Speaker 1: No, I'm kidding, but they always want to.
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: You know, that's like their first thing.
• 29:22
  Speaker 1: Because, men, I think it's hard for them to understand that you can be both but at the same time, when you're giving out so much of your body visually, that's the first thing they're going to think.
• 29:32
  Speaker 1: So they're not going to think much of you Just showing too much, being too sexy on that first date.
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: I remember this girl did a video.
• 29:39
  Speaker 1: She had one on the first date.
• 29:41
  Speaker 1: She wore this.
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: You remember, okay, it's actually it was a two piece matching set.
• 29:46
  Speaker 1: Right, real, real pretty.
• 29:47
  Speaker 1: The thing is that the side it was a dress, the side of it like a two piece.
• 29:52
  Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying.
• 29:53
  Speaker 1: It's like connected, but not fully connected, because they had like all the side out, right Like where you can't even wear underwear with it.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: So she wore a dress like that beautiful on her, she looked great.
• 30:04
  Speaker 1: It was very, very sexy.
• 30:06
  Speaker 1: The guy told her this isn't going to work.
• 30:08
  Speaker 1: You, dressing like this on our first date is a no for me.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: He told her that, okay, so it does happen, fellas, it does.
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: You do have some standards.
• 30:19
  Speaker 1: I get it, but I'm just saying like her.
• 30:22
  Speaker 1: She thought like oh, let me go sexy, let me for him to want me, right, that's what you think it's like.
• 30:27
  Speaker 1: Oh, I got to get his attention, so you want to do it through that way as well?
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: Don't do it, just don't.
• 30:33
  Speaker 1: It's too much, too sexy.
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: You should be wearing something feminine.
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: I would suggest a dress, right Covered up, but it still can be very sexy, sensual, very elegant, sexy.
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: You know, no minis.
• 30:51
  Speaker 1: I would say, if you're going to do a two-piece, make sure it's got very minimal midriff, even what I'm wearing today, right like I've worn this on a date.
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: I love it because it's just classy, sexy.
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: It's not too much, has a little bit too much cleavage, if you ask me.
• 31:09
  Speaker 1: So I kind of like actually wouldn't recommend this outfit completely, maybe on the third date, not the first date.
• 31:17
  Speaker 1: Cover yourself up for the most part, but still feel sexy.
• 31:21
  Speaker 1: There's outfits for that, you know there's.
• 31:26
  Speaker 1: Again, if you stick with a dress and it's long, fits your body nicely, but it's not.
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: It doesn't show too much you don't have.
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: It's not that that lacy stuff, it's not that mesh, see-through stuff.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Oh, my goodness, do not.
• 31:38
  Speaker 1: Do not wear those please.
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: Those body suits with the see-through mesh.
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: They scream sex worker.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: No offense to the sex workers out there.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I love you girls.
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: I think you know I couldn't do what you do.
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: It's hard to do what you do, but you do it.
• 31:55
  Speaker 1: But if you're not that girl, don't wear that, because that's what you're going to be screaming.
• 32:00
  Speaker 1: Yeah, you are definitely going to be doing that.
• 32:04
  Speaker 1: As far as clothing, though, I'm thinking, yeah, keep it safe and ask, call a girlfriend If you're not sure about your outfit.
• 32:13
  Speaker 1: If it's too sexy and you're by yourself, call a girlfriend.
• 32:16
  Speaker 1: Or and you got to be particular with this if you have a guy friend that you really feel like.
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: That's a guy friend, that's your homie.
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: And yes, girl, he does want to sleep with you.
• 32:27
  Speaker 1: He's just not trying it because he knows he has no chance, or he knows you friend zoned him, or he's waiting to get out the friend zone.
• 32:37
  Speaker 1: Don't play yourself, so don't do anything crazy.
• 32:39
  Speaker 1: But FaceTime someone and be like hey, is this too much?
• 32:42
  Speaker 1: What does this outfit say about me?
• 32:44
  Speaker 1: You know?
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: Does it?
• 32:46
  Speaker 1: Does it look like I'm desperate for attention?
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: How do you look like you're desperate for attention?
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: Showing too much, that's how you want that attention.
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: So bad that you're showing off your body too much, off your body too much?
• 32:59
  Speaker 1: No, make him, you know, guess, keep it a little mysterious.
• 33:05
  Speaker 1: You know they talk about being that mysterious girl.
• 33:14
  Speaker 1: It's a real thing.
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: Be yourself, they say.
• 33:16
  Speaker 1: Well, depends.
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Who are you?
• 33:25
  Speaker 1: Who are you?
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I don't know you there's.
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: You do need to be yourself, but you also need to carry yourself much more elegantly, and I say that in the beginning.
• 33:31
  Speaker 1: It's not like you're going to be a completely different person once time passes, but you definitely want to start with.
• 33:37
  Speaker 1: Respect me, respect me, look me in my eyes and really and you know what else is too really good is, um, after you've been on a few dates, if he's really still talking to you, if he's still messaging you, uh, what are the compliments that he's giving you?
• 33:54
  Speaker 1: Is it just all physically based?
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: You're so beautiful, really.
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: Ask, guy, like, why do you like me?
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: I think that's a fair question, not on the first date, but you know after a few days why.
• 34:05
  Speaker 1: Why are you into me?
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: And if it's only physical, well, you have an answer there, right, like, that's mostly it.
• 34:12
  Speaker 1: But if he can articulate why he likes you more beyond your beauty, right, he can point out specific things I really like.
• 34:21
  Speaker 1: I really like the way you care about the environment, or I really like that you can talk about anything you know.
• 34:32
  Speaker 1: Specifics like that, those are great indicators that he is really into you and that he it's more than just your physical looks or your body and more than him just trying to sleep with you.
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: Because while all men do want to sleep with you, they all have different reasons.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: Some are good, some are bad.
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: How do you know?
• 34:57
  Speaker 1: That's how you know.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I just told you Were you listening?
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: Take care of yourselves.
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: Make sure you are looking out for those red flags, those green flags.
• 35:08
  Speaker 1: But never give in too soon.
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: Don't give too much of yourself too soon.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: Use your mind, use everything.
• 35:17
  Speaker 1: Everything that's up here is going to get you the furthest your body, body that is short term.
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: And again, you have too much to lose using trying to get a man's attention and love through your body.
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: Most of the time, again, that's short term.
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: That's short term.
• 35:36
  Speaker 1: But when you can get a man to really care about you, for the person that you are, he'll stick around longer.
• 35:42
  Speaker 1: No, I'm not saying that's 100% proof, but at least you won't just be like that one night stand or that like love bombing for a few weeks and he's out of there and again he's already experienced your body and you're done with.
• 35:57
  Speaker 1: Don't do that to yourself.
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: Your body and you're done with.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Don't do that to yourself.
• 36:03
  Speaker 1: Give yourself the time.
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: You really need to know who you are dealing with.
• 36:05
  Speaker 1: Okay, because in this day and age, anyone can pretend to be someone they're not and there's so many ways to do it and it's easy to do so.
• 36:12
  Speaker 1: A lot of men are out there.
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: You know running game, trying to get as much as they can for as little as possible.
• 36:21
  Speaker 1: Running game, trying to get as much as they can for as little as possible.
• 36:24
  Speaker 1: And you don't know if that's the man sitting across from you at that dinner table.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: You do not know.
• 36:27
  Speaker 1: You don't know yet and you owe it to yourself to find that out.
• 36:31
  Speaker 1: And if you're just having fun, good luck.
• 36:35
  Speaker 1: Don't get pregnant, girl, because the laws right now are not in your favor and you can end up having a baby you don't want by a man who will not participate in helping you parent that child, finance that child.
• 36:53
  Speaker 1: You got a lot to lose.
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: Don't forget that, but don't play yourself.
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: I'm Brittany Gonzalez and this is Brunch with Brittany Cheers.
• 36:59
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me.
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: I am on our and this is Brunch With Brittany Cheers.
• 37:01
  Speaker 1: Thanks for joining me.
• 37:02
  Speaker 1: I am on our free iHeartRadio app.
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: I'm on YouTube, spotify, apple Podcasts Brunch With Brittany.
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: Share this episode with all your girlfriends.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: It's a girl's girl podcast.
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: Fellas, you can learn something too.
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: And if I'm wrong, leave me.
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: I'm talking to the men.
• 37:19
  Speaker 1: If I'm wrong, leave me.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: I'm talking to the men.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: If I'm wrong, leave me something in the comments.
• 37:22
  Speaker 1: Tell me what I said wrong.
• 37:23
  Speaker 1: Be specific about it.
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: Don't just write down in there.
• 37:27
  Speaker 1: Not all men.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: Be specific, cheers, bye.