Latest / The Rooted Family / Ep 35 | Our Family Rhythms Aren’t Working Anymore— Here’s What We’re Doing (Part One)

Transcript

Ep 35 | Our Family Rhythms Aren’t Working Anymore— Here’s What We’re Doing (Part One) · The Rooted Family

• Christian Cornish: Now I know there's gonna be some of you listening right now that are thinking okay, this is really hardcore. Like They are really detailing out their life. can't they just be a little bit flexible, loosey goosey here? And I have to tell you, rhythms actually give us more freedom than we've ever had before. Because rhythms should not be adding more to your life. It should be making your life more efficient so that you have more time for the things you actually care about. And Have you ever had a season where your life isn't necessarily falling apart, but your rhythms just aren't working anymore? That is exactly where we have found ourselves. In the last few weeks, we have found ourselves rather frustrated with how our rhythms have been going. And as you know, if you've been listening for a little bit, we've been doing rhythms in our family for well over a decade, and we started with just one and we built them from the ground up. And so we're in a place now where we have, let's say, a lot of rhythms in our toolbox, but it feels like the tools are not working. Would you say that that's kind of how it feels? Yeah, we've started this new school year and it just has felt way more exhausting than the last couple of years. It's felt like we're squeezing in more than we have time for. And I there's just a lot of reasons for it. There's not a one single like, change this and we're back to feeling peaceful and rhythmic again. It's a moment of realizing like, wow, we have had so much change in the last year. And so it's not that we're doing the wrong things, but we've mentioned on the podcast before, we have a hybrid school situation. So we homeschool and then our kids go to school three days a week. And within all that, we actually added two kids into that schedule. like last year we had three kids at the school. Yeah, and now we have five kids at this hybrid school. And we had some of our younger kids at a different school more like a Montessori style. And we switched now the days of the week there were there. Mm-hmm. And they're less days now. Less days and completely days. and these are just some examples. What else have we done? I mean, the biggest change is we have seven kids now for a school year. So our daughter, our seventh baby, as many of you know, was born last February, so in the middle of the school year, but she lived most of her first life in and out of the hospital. So this is really our first full school year where we have seven kids at home. And not only that, she is still high medical needs. And so our life right now is it's like adjusting like we always adjust to the new kid, you know, whenever you grow your family, that's a huge adjustment. But we're also adjusting being medical parents on top of it while schooling five kids, And I just realized the other big change is you're working from home now. that is true. So that's a big change is your work life, you're not going into the office anymore. So we're getting used to you being home all the time and you're getting used to being home amongst all of the normal household noise and family life. lastly, we expanded our activities for the kids. So we have kids getting music lessons now. We had a little bit last year, but we expanded that. And then we have expanded our oldest daughter's dance schedule. because she's in ballet and she is up on point. And that's a really exciting thing. But That is a a true commitment for her health and safety. She actually has to dance more and to strengthen herself. And so these are all things that in a vacuum. yeah, add that half hour here here. Add this half hour there. yeah, just tack that on. That's no big deal. But I think what we realize now, like a month and a half into the school year, is maybe it was a little more than we realized in terms of an adjustment. Totally. The best way to describe it is it feels like we're trying to fit a square peg in a circular hole. You know, the phrase is round hole. Round hole. Okay. Let's re-say that. We're trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. And I I feel like that is the best way to describe it right now because it feels like we have all the right. things in place. we have been honing our rhythms for years. And we have so intentionally built all these different rhythms, which you're going to hear in just a moment, because we're going to actually lay out our core rhythms. So you can actually hear the collection of rhythms that we have. And we didn't build them overnight. I mean we spent time finessing each rhythm. But I think what we're realizing is Even though we have this collection of rhythms, which are beautiful and they serve us very well, rhythms can get to a point where they don't serve you anymore. They almost start to feel like masters when you still try to stick with the exact same rhythm, even though it doesn't fit your current season. And I think we're realizing we're in a new season. We're in a literal new season. It's the fall. The school year has just begun. But we're also in a new season of our family life and our marriage. And we're trying to do these rhythms the exact same way on the exact same day of the week at the exact same time that we did them last year when our life looked actually very different. And I think this is a good realization for anyone listening that even though you build these rhythms very intentionally, I think that they do deserve every season to be looked at again. be adjusted. And I think that's what our hope is today is we're actually having a full out, just raw marriage conversation. Like if you were sitting by the fireplace with us right now in our house with a cup of coffee and just listening in, this is what our conversations look like when we're trying to rehash out the frustrating parts of our home life. Yeah. We're just We just stopped and said, let's hit record before we have the conversation. Exactly. to be clear with you, we did iron out a few things before coming to this conversation because there were a few things we were like, Well, do we add this in? Do we not add this in? some kind of hanging questions. Like admittingly, we haven't been in a small group. We've been unable to commit to one because of our medical daughter and all the the appointments and the running and you know, she's in a more stable place now So now we feel comfortable and ready. So we hash that out ahead of time to decide before this, are we ready to add that in, for instance? So there's a few things that, you know, you may need to iron out and you may realize it as you go. Like, hey, do we really want to say yes to this? Is this something we need to remove? We had some of those conversations already. So if you feel like that's a missing piece, that would be why. Well, and if you feel like okay, did it really only take them 30 to 40 minutes to get from A to B? But I think you bring up a good point. there's been a lot of side conversations leading up to this bigger conversation. And so yeah, as a listener, if you're like, Okay, why is this conversation taking my husband and I or my spouse and I you know, hours to hash through. That is totally normal. Actually very okay to do that. And maybe it's wise to to just break it into into parts. Yeah. that's how it works for us. We break kind of things into parts. we have a tool and we advise you guys to do this too as you're doing this with your spouse is create a parking lot. And so what we mean by that is just take a blank piece of paper and label it the parking lot. And then if you want to use sticky notes or if you want to just write right on the piece of paper. But anytime something comes up in your conversation that is not related to this conversation around readjusting your rhythms, just put it in the parking lot and you can come back to it later. So that way you just don't forget about that really good idea that came up, but you just don't want to take the time away right now to to hash that out. So Yeah, get this conversation finished. And you might hear us do that in this discussion today. But that would be a huge encouragement is you need to walk away with where are you going to Do your rhythms throughout the week. Where are they going on the calendar? so if you find yourself sidetrack, say, wait, let's park this. I love how you said that. Because your goal is to get this conversation done. If you don't finish this conversation, I can tell you from experience, the frustration you have will continue to linger. Yeah. And that's what you don't want. Get this conversation done, honor your parking list after. So let's talk about what we have in front of us here to work with. What we're working on today is we are working on not the nitty gritty details of our rhythms. We are going to hash out the the bigger overall picture of where our rhythms are going in our week to week life. And in just a moment, we're going to share what tools you need for this conversation. If you are listening to this right now and you are driving or you're Cleaning or doing something that you can't take notes, feel free to listen to the rest of the episode to get a good background of what we're doing. But then we would really encourage you to get your spouse if you're married and sit down with the tools that we're going to share and do this for yourself. You know, this is a real life conversation for us right now. We're not trying to do some theory here. This is what we actually do. And It really does help us with rhythms to make it very practical. Rhythms are not a theory for us. They are a literal real life strategy that we use to help root our family, create peace in our home, and really just help us function with flow on a day-to-day life. And here's the deal: we make space for the things we care about. I mean, we do this literally with our physical space. For example, we put a couch in our living room with a TV because we care about hanging out as a family, or we put a you know, table in our dining room because we care about family meals. So when you look at your your schedule, you're putting things on your schedule and your calendar because you care about them. And sometimes we get away from it. Sometimes instead of making space for the things we care about. Sometimes things just take up space that we didn't actually mean for them to do. And so today we're going to take a real good look at our schedule, our what we call our ideal week plan. And we're going to say, okay, are the rhythms that we have right now in the right places on the right days? Are they the right rhythms? Or do we need some new rhythms? And again, we're not going to hash out the details of those rhythms. We're simply going to plug and chug. these rhythms on the ideal week plan. And so that is the question we're asking today is are we actually making space for the things we care about or are things just taking up space? So Chris, do you want to share the tools that they're going to need for this conversation? Because then we're going to take you step by step through the process But I think just laying out the tools so they can pause this, grab the tools and come back. Yeah, so the first tool and the the biggest tool in front of you is gonna be your ideal week plan. And we've actually linked to an ideal week plan that Kayla has made and so it's in the show notes. So go ahead and grab it right now and get that immediate download and then go ahead and print it. I do encourage you to print it because we're gonna work with some sticky notes as well. because what's gonna happen is we're gonna write in with a pencil on this calendar our big things first that we can't move. And then we're gonna have the sticky notes of all the things that we get to move around. Because I totally get as you're going, you're like, well, what if we did this on this day? Well, what if we did it on this day? And the sticky notes are super helpful because you're going to be able to lay out the plan and then we're going to have you literally pick it up and move stuff around and try out, well, how does this look and feel? What do you think about this and rearrange before you decide this is the plan we're going to try first? So have that and then have a sheet of paper for the parking lot. And that's just where you're going to be like, I don't know where this goes right now. So Put it on the parking lot. That way you've captured ideas, but you are able to continue progressing through the conversation. Yep. And so you're gonna need a pencil, the small sticky notes that he mentioned. You're gonna need your family calendar and a planner. You're gonna need a cold one. Just kidding. But maybe that might be might be helpful. Or a hot tea or coffee. And so those are cold one. What do you have for a cold one when it's eight o'clock in the morning? Sparkling water. I mean, they could be doing this on four o'clock in the afternoon. And a nice cold beer might be helpful. So okay, so just to review the tools, have your ideal week planning worksheet, loose leaf paper for taking notes and brainstorming, a pencil, some small sticky notes, a family calendar planner, and your current schedule. would be very helpful during this conversation. Yeah. And you can do this kid free. That would also be ideal. Because when you're in the middle of hashing things out, you just don't want the little ones interrupting. It can really throw off the conversation. No, I think you bring up a really good point though, because this does happen. in our house, we don't have a basement where everybody runs off to. And so sometimes they start butting into your conversation. Yeah, they have thoughts and opinions too. And I'm just gonna say as a parent and as a dad, this is our conversation. yes, of course we're taking their input in, like their desires. but we're the ones who make the decision on the schedule at the end of the day. And if we let them do it, gosh, it's gonna get a little crazy. So definitely Have a heart to serve your children through this. Mm-hmm. But also remember at the end of the day, you might be making decisions that are gonna not be the most popular thing to start. So true. And you don't need the moaning and groaning in the background of s of disappointment while you're trying to have this very important and focused conversation. Totally. so to be honest, we have the door closed right now for a reason. if everybody came in here and gave their opinion, we'd never finish. And we never make everybody happy throughout. And so it it is important that you are the mom and dad and you are having a mom and dad conversation. Totally. Yeah, you're directing the ship. And that's really what we're doing right now is we're directing the ship. we have the vision. We know exactly where we're going as a family because we're so clear on our family roots. We know what we're about. if that is something you're not clear on right now, which is so tremendously helpful in these conversations, we would encourage you to go back and listen to our episode on Family Roots. We'll link it in the show notes. We did a whole episode on the beginning of how to discover your family roots and your family values, but we come back to that time and time again. And in a conversation like this where we're really directing and steering the ship, we know where we're going. And sometimes it can feel like when you do this kind of conversation where you're hashing things out, you can feel a little lost along the way if you don't have a clear idea on where the ship is actually sailing. So I would just encourage you to go back and take a listen to the roots conversation probably first, if you have not already listened to that conversation. Yeah, you will come to decision points in this discussion where You are really deciding based on your values of do we say yes to this, do we say no to this? Do we move these things around? You're always saying yes to something and you're always saying no to something else. Yeah. And how can you do that if you don't know what's really important to you? So true. so that's that's a really good thought because you may be able to pick out some things in this conversation that we're not gonna say maybe out loud, but Some of these decisions will be based on our our roots and what's important to us. And they're not the same kind of decision you would make. Totally. And so hear us say that today. We're trying to help you have a window into what it looks like to have this kind of conversation. Yeah. We're not telling you Hey, make your week like this. Do this on this day. you should not be doing this activity. You should be doing this activity. That's not the heart behind this discussion. at all and zero judgment if you would do this exercise and your schedule would look completely different than ours. Yeah. that's not the point at all. Yeah. Maybe let's just share what our family roots are because I think it it would be interesting to know from the listener perspective if they can actually pick out our family roots while they're listening in. They might actually have more clarity on why we're making certain decisions if they already know what our family values are. so our number one family route is God first. Our next one is family always. And then the rest are kind of just not in any specific order, but they're just things we deeply care about and where we feel very rooted in. And so those things would be adventure, learning. We're all about learning and continuously learning. inspiring. So we want to always be in a position where we're inspired, but we inspire others as well. serving. And so this is about serving each other in our family unit, but also serving outside of our home. Well, there you go. Now you know our family roots. These are things that we care deeply about. And we will keep these in mind actually. it's good to just remind ourselves at the beginning of this conversation that these are the things that our family is rooted in. Yeah. Of course we care about many other things too, but if you could define the Cornish clan, I would say that hopefully those things come through when you think of our family. Because that's what we deeply, deeply care about. Yeah. Can I ask you something? When was the last time you actually felt at peace? Not just productive, not just caught up, but settled. Because most of us aren't lacking desire for a slower, deeper life, we're just stuck in the busyness that keeps us rushing right past it. That's why we created the Slow and Savor Society. It's a snail mail club. Yes, it comes straight to your mailbox. It's a simple, tangible way to slow down each month with a piece of art, a cozy recipe, and a letter designed to help you reconnect with what actually matters, with God, with your family, and with your own soul. if your life has felt full, but not meaningful. This is your invitation to begin again. You can learn more or join us at legacyrootsco.com slash Mel Club. And right now, if you use Code Podcast, you'll get 50 % off your first month so you can try it out. Now back to the episode. So let's get started. So what we're about to go through is actually a step-by-step process. We don't want you to get caught up in the weeds. So we want to make sure that you know that we're gonna take you step by step through this and we're gonna take ourselves step by step. So let's do the first step, which is list building. And there's gonna be somebody in the marriage that really, really loves us. Task and one of you that probably doesn't love it as much. so we're just gonna encourage you both to try your best to brainstorm. And that's where we want to start with this exercise is before we get into the ideal plan, before we get into the scheduling, we're just gonna take a very fun moment. I'm trying to remind us both that this is gonna be fun. We're gonna brainstorm our current. Rhythms and we want you to make three different lists. So, this is where you're going to use your piece of paper. You're going to make three different lists of rhythms, and you may be totally new at rhythms, and it's it's okay if the these lists are short because this is new for you, or you might be building rhythms for a long time. So you might have a lot for this exercise, but just do your best to brainstorm and Not think ahead to the scheduling piece just yet. Your first list is going to be a list of all of your core rhythms, these are rhythms that your family absolutely needs to function. So that's list number one is your core or your need-based rhythms. For example, our laundry rhythm. You know, I think every family needs to have a laundry rhythm, whether you have one or not. you know, that's a different conversation, but we all need to do the laundry. the second list you're gonna make is your kind of like nice to have rhythms, but not totally necessary. These would be like good to have if you could. And then the third list are gonna be rhythms that are fun or new ideas. So as you're talking with your spouse, you might come up with some new rhythm ideas that you haven't had before, but the current season warrants them. And so you want to have a place to put those. It doesn't mean you're going to activate on all those ideas in the season, but it's good to just brainstorm potential fun new ideas. You might even hear us in this conversation share some rhythms that we have and you don't currently have, and you're like, wow, that's a that's a really cool new fun idea. Let's add that to our new ideas list. So let's start with our own list here. What are some of our Four necessary rhythms that we can just list out. So I would say meal planning. So Chris, do you want to write these down as we brainstorm here? Yes, meal. Okay. So meal planning. And then along with that, grocery shopping. Yeah, and then the pickup side of it too, because it takes longer than you expect to go pick it up to bring it all home. Yeah. I think that's a good point. So you're separating out the the physical putting items in the online cart from the actual picking it up. Yeah, because in in our home, those those are three different things that happen at three very different times. Three different timestamps. Yeah. And actually that that brings up a good point, is that we believe rhythms are real. when they have a timestamp. It's not just in your head. It's something that actually lives on your calendar. And if you haven't gone back and listened to our timestamp episode, we actually talk all about the strategy and having specific timestamps. And so we'll link that as well in the show notes so that you can learn the strategy. another one is Sabbath. That is definitely not a want that's a need for our family. Mm-hmm. going to church weekly? Yes. Sunday church. Family meeting. Mm-hmm. Date night. And I would say date night is something that I'm feeling a need for. I feel like we always have a need, but we haven't necessarily prioritized in the recent seasons. So I would say for me, my heart says this is a need. I don't know how you No, I agree. I would say I've been thinking the same thing and as we approach this conversation, it was a Item that I wanted to make sure ended on this category as well. Yeah. And maybe it's not date night, maybe it's just date time, you know, because that could look like a breakfast for them. Sure. You know, on a Tuesday, Thursday when all the kids are in school. But I think just like a date time. Because in this season of having small kids, date nights can sometimes be tricky. we're kind of tired at night. Kind of. And I do appreciate actually the date nights where we get takeout and we just have have pizza after the kids go to bed. That's fine too. Okay, so date time. I think that's good to differentiate. I wrote that in. I think exercise also is a need forever for both of us. Yeah. we have work. Yep, our work rhythms. Podcasting. Podcasts. Yes. That is definitely a need because we care so much about you as our listener. We want to have a rhythm for podcasting, which we already do, but it's good to recognize that's a need. And I mean our regular morning. Yep. I think all the right rhythms that we need need to go on this list. Yeah. something we've realized that we need to have on this section lately and we've talked about is just house administrative time. Totally. It's so easy for you and I. Like we get to the end of the week and our list is just long of all the stuff we did not get to. And sometimes it creates a lot of friction because we're exhausted and like something has to get done. Like that deadline To sign up for this thing or turn in this paperwork it's required is tomorrow. Yeah. And we're at our wits' end. Scheduling doctor's appointments. Yeah. You know, there's so many family admin activities that with a family our size, it's just never ending. And so I think you and I have gotten frustrated because yeah, those things kind of go in the back burner. And I think it'd be wise if you and I both had our own family admin rhythms to work on that stuff. Yeah. I think this is also a really good time to decide when we want to go to bed. I think when we get out of rhythm, we we get into this rut of trying to squeeze everything in and then we can't even function by the end of the week. it's like we you can throw out half your rhythms just because you're so exhausted. You know, we've never really said it like this before, but I think we we're getting to a place in our middle aged years here. That we just need a literal sleep rhythm. And I think that includes when do you go to bed and when do you wake up? you know, people can have a bedtime rhythm where certain things they want to do before they go to bed. Like have a cup of tea, wash your face, brush your teeth. But I almost wonder if we called it a sleep rhythm. We'd take it more seriously. can you imagine if we had a timestamp in our calendar that said we are literally sleeping from 9 30 to 5 30? Like we're scheduling our sleep. Have we gotten to the middle-aged place? I think I live by we will never sleep, because sleep is for the week. We'll sleep when we die. We will never rest. Until we die. Until we're dead. That was a reference that if someone gets to drop it in the comments. Clearly I'm not as cool as you. No, you're not. But it's okay. I hate that. I hate when you have cool references and I don't even know. okay. so you said meal planning, grocery shopping, laundry. Did you put laundry down? no. Laundry is a must for our and we always separate out again by washing because for us that is one time space. usually and then folding is happens at a different time. And that's because we have a unique rhythm where we wash everything and yeah at one time and then we fold everything at one time. And some people like to do their rhythm where they wash a load a day and they fold it right away and put it away. Our family we have found that it works best if we just wash everything on one day. And then we fold everything in one sitting and then we put everything away at one time. Maybe putting it away is another rhythm that putting laundry away. Very frequently it sits longer than we want it to. And that does require a very specific timestamp, I think. and when we say timestamp, just to give you clarity, this isn't like we have to do it at 10 o'clock in the morning, or we have to do this at a very specific time. time of day. Sometimes our timestamps are just a day of the week. So laundry could be a Friday, for example. Okay, other rhythms that are needs. Anything else? obviously kids' bedtime rhythm. That's a need. yeah. And then right now I would say any other commitments we have. So we have dance, we have music. And I don't know if we need to break these down. I would say there's a difference between having a rhythm and having just a scheduled item on your calendar. Like we all have doctor's appointments. We all have things we have to show up for at school and things like this. Those would be like things you're scheduling on the on your ideal plan. But rhythms are more of a chunk of activities that you're doing at a set time. I would say three or more things in a time block is a rhythm. It's like a start, a middle, and an end. So some of those things are good to know for your ideal plan, but I wouldn't call bringing your child to dance as a rhythm necessarily. Although it is happening every week. It's just not something that is an all encompassing rhythm. Yeah. the other one that I just wrote down was home school because for us Homeschool. That is a totally huge thing. I think also some needs that we have not shared. I don't know if you would put these in the nice category or the need, but I'm thinking of our family Bible study. we started last year big kids Bible study. And I know we really want to continue that this next year. We've also talked about having more one on one time with the kids, especially with the older kids and like discipling them. So I don't know if we want to put that under our new idea list or the need. list. What do you think about those? I just don't want to lose sight of those as we're talking. My vote is that we put discipleship as a line under need. Uh-huh. And then under ideas we list some of these ideas so that they end up on these posted notes and they're covered. Yep. But I don't know if we're clear yet on how we want to execute that. Yeah. But maybe it will give us clarity as we go. for instance, if we feel like too many of our evenings are taken up, once we start to lay things on paper, then we can take one of the other ideas, which was doing a walk with them weekly or or something. we had a couple of different discipleship ideas. And so maybe instead of trying to squeeze in all the discipleship ideas, it's just saying, well, which ones actually fit within the things we can't move around very well. Well, and I think this brings up also another good point that timestamps don't necessarily have to be a weekly thing either. you're gonna have daily rhythms and weekly rhythms, but we also can have monthly rhythms which aren't gonna necessarily land on your weekly ideal week because this is like a week and a snapshot. But we may have some of these rhythms that we label as a monthly rhythm. And that would be a monthly timestamp. Like on the first Monday of every month, we're doing this. And so maybe that's a good idea that maybe next to some of the rhythms, we just put like an for monthly. Because I could see us doing one-on-one time with the kids, but instead of weekly, we make that like a monthly rhythm. Or maybe it's a fun rhythm that we want to do, like a hike might be a monthly thing, but not a weekly thing because we love adventure. So it might make sense for us to have a monthly hike. Or you talked about recently. I love that you brought this up that you've been wanting to do more daytime excursions because We're so blessed to live so close to so many national parks. And we talked about maybe taking one Saturday a month. And going to a national park locally. and that would be like a monthly excursion or monthly rhythm. You know, this reminds me we have a monthly rhythm, and this goes under the needs of going to Sam's Club, which we live an hour and a half from our nearest Sam's club, but it's become a very important part of our meal planning process. Yeah. And These things are important to write down, even if it's not this perfect fashion. But the idea is as we begin to place them, we want to just mark them off. Yeah. And we won't forget them because now we can say, all right, let's go through and start placing our big rocks. and as we do that, we can start to check all this stuff off. Yeah. And then we're gonna see these things. So maybe sometimes don't get too caught up in the perfection of this step. But there is no perfection in this step. It's having it just listed somewhere. On the paper. And so don't don't get yourself in an argument right now about well, I need that in the need and that that needs to be a nice and that has to be an idea. that can be a point of contention sometimes. That's not the goal here. Put it on the paper somewhere. Come back to it. And that way though you're gonna be able to to kind of mark these off as you go. Yeah. Some things that would be nice to have would be a family game night. I know that we kind of combine that with our Sabbath kickoff for them, but just want to put it on the paper. I like it. Family hike, I think we said. I think having creative time would be nice to have. Can you tell me what you mean by creative time? Like maybe more intentionality with the kids doing creative projects together, baking or painting. for me, I would really appreciate having painting time that's not work related. I'm an artist, I'm a watercolor artist for those that you don't that don't know, and I paint a lot for my work. But I think it would be kind of fun to have my own rhythm of hey, this is creative time. along with that, I have been wanting to put time into making the kids baby books. And it would be nice to have a, even if it was one hour a week, a rhythm around making kids baby books so that I can really stay on top of that. I think something else that would be nice to have for you and I both, just like in our finances, having our own spending money is having our own time. It'd be nice to have, you know. That's a new idea. Maybe it's like an hour, two hours for each of us, like a time block that's not exercise related or not necessarily a need, but it's just like, hey, here's your two hours to go to the river and read a book or you know, I don't know if that's something we have to do because we get a lot of pockets of time throughout the week. Well it's let's put it on the list, right? You said it out loud, so I think it's good to not lose sight of it. What about hosting people? Like hosting time. I don't know if that's a nice to have rhythm or if that's in our already combined in our Sabbath rhythm, you know? full disclosure, one thing we've talked about is adjusting our Sabbath day of the week. and we'll be kind of coming to that sooner, but you might have heard us talk a lot about how we start Sabbath on Fridays and then we practice the Sabbath throughout Saturday. And what we're realizing is we're not sure in this season if that might work for us. So one thing that didn't come up in that discussion was We were kind of piggybacking our hosting with the Sabbath. So we would say Friday night, that's our hosting night. So I think you bring up a really great point because if we're not going to practice the Sabbath on Fridays night anymore, you know, that may not be a great time. Maybe it is moving it to Saturday with it, or maybe it's keeping them separate. you're shaking your head right now, like, yeah, that's a a thing. So I think we should separate it out for the moment. Uh-huh. And it's not that we can't piggyback them like they have been done for the last many, many years. but it's not a bad idea either because you love hosting, but it does take a lot out of you. Mm-hmm. And so I do wonder if you would be more satisfied if we separated them. Yeah. So that's why I'm wondering if it's not a bad idea to write them separately on the paper and we can always put them together. Keep them together or separate. Yeah. Now I know there's gonna be some of you listening right now that are thinking okay, this is really hardcore. Like They are really detailing out their life. can't they just be a little bit flexible, loosey goosey here? And I have to tell you, rhythms actually give us more freedom than we've ever had before. Because rhythms should not be adding more to your life. It should be making your life more efficient so that you have more time for the things you actually care about. And that's a thing I want to keep bringing us back to during this conversation is that We are doing this with the sole purpose of does this rhythm make space for what we actually care about? We're not trying to be legalistic about our life or have all these rules in place and that we have to follow it so perfectly. you're gonna see at the end, all we care about is creating some sort of strategy plan on our ideal worksheet so that we can follow it 80% well. when we follow up. Our plan. We are not shooting for perfection, but we know that if we have a plan, we are going to live more intentionally than if we were just like, hey, let's just wake up each day and hope it all kind of pans out. the people that do that, and we know people who do that, they are living like chickens with their heads cut off because they care about so many things, just like we do, but they don't know how to fit it all in because they're not. Putting the puzzle pieces together. And that's really what we're doing right now is we want to make sure the things we actually want to make time for happens. It's like budgeting. Do you feel like there's a connection here between budgeting and doing this exercise? yeah, you if you want to take care and of your money and not actually be in debt over silly things or have just peace. I mean. you have to make the most important things the most important and you have to decide when they're gonna happen. Because otherwise, if you get to Saturday and you say, all this stuff is super important and I didn't do it, well, you're just not gonna have it happen. And then instead of living the life you want to lead, you're actually just at the mercy of your to do list and your schedule. And you're letting life happen to you instead of taking some level of control over it. And you have control. Like Totally. You you don't have control over whether somebody gets sick or not, but you do have control over I know what I need to do to function as an adult, to care for my family, to have some time to plug into the Lord, all of these things. you do have control over those things mostly. Yeah. And when you have more control and you have a rhythm in place, when things kinda get chaotic and crazy, instead of losing sight or going bananas, you simply say, Okay, well now this emergency's come up, which means these four next things in my regular rhythm are not gonna be able to happen. And now I can take a moment to reschedule them, move them around, whatever, and you move and you execute. I mean that kinda happened this week. our baby got sick. She had a really, really bad infection, and she was admitted unexpectedly. She was admitted unexpectedly. And we just moved so peacefully through that in the sense of, Okay, well that means that this music lesson today isn't gonna happen. Okay, I can go into the scheduling, reschedule and say, Hey, we can't make music lessons. Here's when we can make them work because I know the rest of my week and we know when the rhythms are, we know what can move and what can't. And say, could we do this day, this time, or this day, this time? it was just so easy to say yes or no and shift appropriately. And then you and I covered each other, we cover each other's back. So you can leave and I can keep the laundry moving. I can know what's for dinner tonight. You could jump into the homeschooling rhythm. And we very naturally could move forward through a very difficult circumstance. Yeah. Because we're on the same page about all of these things. So that's the the cool part that is probably I don't want to say hidden, but unforeseen about having These rhythms in place. Yeah. So it's interesting because when we got into this conversation, I'm thinking, okay, we're gonna get through all the steps and this is gonna be super efficient. We're kid free right now. But it always takes longer, I think, than we anticipate. I think that's real life. And so I think what would serve all of you, our listeners, right now, and you probably need a break too, because this is a lot to think through. We're gonna actually create a part two to this conversation. We're gonna wrap this up here because we're running out of time. And we want to give you guys space to just have a really good conversation right now on your rhythms, creating these three lists. So we're gonna give you some homework this week, we want you to print out the weekly time plan sheet, and we want you to do step two. Which is writing down your big rocks. And what we mean by that is that you're going to just look at your current weekly calendar and write down in pen or pencil on the weekly time plan sheet what you have in place right now that cannot be moved. So these things would be like school schedules, work schedules. If you have a recurring like physical therapy appointment or you have a small group that meets on a certain day or you go to church at a specific time, anything that is set in stone, we want you to put on that weekly time plan sheet. And keep an open mind though, because you may walk into that thinking, this is set in stone, and realize, well, actually maybe there is some flexibility. And then I would not write that down. I'm gonna give you an example because you brought up the church time. A lot of churches nowadays have multiple services and Maybe something you want to be flexible to is saying, Hey, you know, we've gone to 11 o'clock for the last five years. I totally get that. But that means we're saying no to other things we want to fit in our schedule. So what if we went to the 9 30 service and tried that for a season? so if there's an option to move, for instance, even your work time. pencil your work times in if you're like me, I'm blessed right now. I have a little layer of flexibility on my work start and end time. I can wiggle that a little bit. And so I wouldn't want to go in and hard code that in, but you might not have that opportunity in the season. I've not always had that opportunity. So just an encouragement to keep an open mind to the things on the big rocks that they are truly like I literally can't shift that item. Yeah. And I encourage you to start there because with rhythms, we love to have white space and and an ebb and a flow to things. but we totally get that's not real life for everyone and everything. Yeah. Yeah. So maybe using a pencil in this this part of the exercise is best, just in case you have to erase some things. And as you're hashing this out with your spouse, there's gonna be some friction points that come up. it always happens when you have a good, you know, heart to heart with the spouse about these type of things. So I want to just encourage you to use that parking lot as a place to put down anything and everything that is coming up that's just not exactly related to this higher level rhythms conversation, but might be a frustrating or like a friction point that just naturally popped up in the conversation. Because you're having a hash out. And again, in marriage, that is totally normal. I mean, some of these conversations for us do get heated, but it's because we care so much about our family and we care so much about each other. And oftentimes we don't take this type of time to hash out things. And so it's very natural that friction points will come up. So use that parking lot in the next few minutes as you guys are working out your ideal plan. And then next week. We're gonna come back with the last few steps of this process. So that way you get to a place where you do have a good strategy for your rhythms for the school year. our hope is that you can come back to these two episodes in future seasons and go right back through these steps and really figure out what's the best rhythms for this season for your family. Yeah. And our final encouragement truly is you know, yes, this is an investment in time. But think about all the wasted time, energy, and just the restlessness and the exhaustion and the friction in your home. I just want to remind you, this investment today is going to remove so much of that. And it it it's truly an investment. It will have a return that you will be so blessed by. So I know this is some time. I know this may feel like an interruption or it may take longer than you wish. I feel like we're always like, yeah, let's sit down and knock this out in an hour. And it always bleeds into two or three. It does. but the investment is always worth it. Yeah. And so we promise that it you will reap a harvest by doing this and putting in the time because this has a multiplication impact in your home. You want to be a rooted family. I mean, that's why you're here. And this is one of those things that helps you to become a rooted family. And so we hope and pray that you take this episode seriously, that you go back with your spouse and listen to it and make sure you do your homework because next episode, we're going to take you then through those next steps, which are going to be plugging and chugging the rhythms and really finding homes for the rhythms that you you really care about. Yeah. Thanks for being here today. Yes, we're so glad you were here. And thanks for joining us on the Rooted Family Podcast. We'll see you next time. Bye now.