Latest / WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas / 99: How to develop executive presence & own the room you’re in (replay to my talk to Fortune 500 female execs)

Transcript

99: How to develop executive presence & own the room you’re in (replay to my talk to Fortune 500 female execs) · WOC and Allies: Business and Career Realtalk with Elaine Lou Cartas

0:00
SPEAKER_05: 99 problems and my speakers were one.
0:04
SPEAKER_05: You know I had to crack a joke with my 99th podcast episode, especially since my speakers were a problem at this incredible talk.
0:16
SPEAKER_05: Yet despite having this problem, I had a standing room with people sitting on the floor and staff having to close the doors and turn people away because it was a fire hazard.
0:30
SPEAKER_05: I know you hit play on this podcast, but before we get into my replay, some of you are new here to me, to this podcast.
0:40
SPEAKER_05: So I'm not all about let's be professional and buttoned up.
0:44
SPEAKER_05: I just want to do a catch-up talk with you so you get to know me personally.
0:48
SPEAKER_05: So I just got off a therapy call right before recording this intro.
0:53
SPEAKER_05: So your girl is just vulnerable.
0:55
SPEAKER_05: I always forget to bring tissue with me when I'm about to do therapy sessions.
0:59
SPEAKER_05: And I scheduled my therapy session intentionally the Monday, so six days after I got back from this big talk on executive presence in front of Fortune 500 leaders and executives because I knew, I knew in my gut that this talk was going to be life-changing.
1:23
SPEAKER_05: And I've been doing a lot of inner child healing with my therapist, and I talk about this during my talk as well.
1:31
SPEAKER_05: And for me, when I was younger, I felt like I never honored my own voice until I had this turnaround moment when I was graduating from grad school, and I've talked about it many times in different podcast episodes.
1:46
SPEAKER_05: But being on stage last Tuesday, talking and coaching to 200 plus leaders about executive presence was how I was owing my voice.
2:01
SPEAKER_05: I was in a complete state of euphoria.
2:05
SPEAKER_05: And one of my fellow speakers, Tounde, who is a Peloton instructor and just incredible, shared when she spoke how when she first rode on a bike, she felt like she was in a state of euphoria.
2:18
SPEAKER_05: And that's exactly how I felt like in my talk.
2:21
SPEAKER_05: Despite people rushing into my talk doors closed, people being turned away in my speakers.
2:27
SPEAKER_05: So that's why it took a while.
2:28
SPEAKER_05: I was hoping to get this podcast episode out two days later from my talk, but because of the tech issues, I needed to give my team time to edit the audio.
2:39
SPEAKER_05: And you know what's interesting, it was fascinating because I know people wanted to come in, get the exact formula of executive presence, that there's a certain percentage of being an extrovert, which you don't need to be an extrovert, a certain percentage to be charismatic, which you don't necessarily have to.
2:57
SPEAKER_05: Instead, I gave them tools and frameworks, which you will soon get once we play the replay, to figure out how to create their own executive presence.
3:08
SPEAKER_05: And during this talk, I'm teaching you how to see your fellow team members and colleagues in a curious mindset to see how each meeting and encounter can be a data point to understand another person's goal.
3:23
SPEAKER_05: In my talk, I shared vulnerable stories from living in a house where there was a shooting next door.
3:31
SPEAKER_05: And I shared some jokes, because I'll be honest, I have a secret dream to be a comedian.
3:36
SPEAKER_05: So since I am not, I'll be a speaker and crack jokes.
3:39
SPEAKER_05: And I'm curious, I mean, I'm considering I mean, maybe taking improv classes.
3:44
SPEAKER_05: Anyways, that is a conversation in my head that I will have.
3:47
SPEAKER_05: You're going to want to take notes on this one.
3:50
SPEAKER_05: Let me just say, you probably want to watch the replay.
3:52
SPEAKER_05: I give so much nuggets, and I share in a talk.
3:57
SPEAKER_05: I am not here to be a motivational speaker to inspire you.
3:59
SPEAKER_05: If you do feel inspired, great.
4:02
SPEAKER_05: But I care more about you being able to implement, integrate, and improve beyond this talk.
4:09
SPEAKER_05: So before I drop the beat, do me a favor, please follow this podcast so you know when the next episode is dropping.
4:20
SPEAKER_05: And you will also hear me reference my new conscious conversations model in this talk, some tables and scripts.
4:28
SPEAKER_05: So if you're like, wait, I can't see what you're talking about, you can get the workbook at elenelew.com forward slash own it.
4:37
SPEAKER_05: That's E-L-A-I-N-E-L-O-U.com forward slash own it.
4:43
SPEAKER_05: O W N I T.
4:45
SPEAKER_05: You are going to want to get this workbook because I'm considering not keeping this open.
4:50
SPEAKER_05: That is how valuable this talk is.
4:53
SPEAKER_05: And at the end of this replay, you'll hear some real life coaching.
4:58
SPEAKER_05: I've deleted the names, the titles, the companies so that everyone here is anonymous.
5:03
SPEAKER_05: But it was just even so healing to know that not each individual is going through a different, unique issue or challenge.
5:12
SPEAKER_05: In fact, a lot of us are going through similar challenges and the power, the beautiful power of just asking.
5:22
SPEAKER_05: Alright, you've had enough of me and about to get more of me from my talk, so let's drop the beat.
5:30
SPEAKER_05: Hey, I'm Elaine Lou Karthas.
5:32
SPEAKER_05: I'm a business and career coach for women of color and allies.
5:36
SPEAKER_05: Elaine Weekly awarded me the number one thought leader, and Apple News named me one of the top five business coaches.
5:44
SPEAKER_05: Done doing the most as a woman of color or ally, and you want to create your own definition of success and happiness?
5:53
SPEAKER_05: Well, grab your coffee, tea, or boba, and let's do some business and career real talk.
6:04
SPEAKER_06: I know I'm ready for my concert.
6:07
SPEAKER_06: Thank you.
6:11
SPEAKER_06: Can everybody hear me?
6:13
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
6:14
SPEAKER_06: Well, welcome.
6:15
SPEAKER_06: Um, I don't have the Beyonce fan in front of me, so I apologize.
6:19
SPEAKER_06: So let's talk about owning the room you're in, an executive presence.
6:24
SPEAKER_06: It's actually not about who is the loudest and the most extroverted.
6:29
SPEAKER_06: Actually, there's an up-and-coming singer that you may know, Beyoncé.
6:34
SPEAKER_06: She's an introvert.
6:36
SPEAKER_06: Did you know that?
6:37
SPEAKER_06: Have you watched her interviews?
6:39
SPEAKER_06: She is not loud.
6:41
SPEAKER_06: Like it's it's a low tone.
6:43
SPEAKER_06: But when she goes on stage and she becomes Sasha Fierce, ooh, executive presence.
6:50
SPEAKER_06: And no, I'm not gonna be dancing for you.
6:52
SPEAKER_06: You're welcome for that.
6:54
SPEAKER_06: And it can be taught.
6:55
SPEAKER_06: I don't know if you know this, but Bill Gates, his mom knew that he would prefer being in his room reading books all day.
7:04
SPEAKER_06: And his mom knew that.
7:05
SPEAKER_06: So when she would go to fundraising events, she would bring him and he would be the greeter, shaking everyone's hand.
7:13
SPEAKER_06: Hey, Bill, firmer hand.
7:15
SPEAKER_06: Oh, do you remember Thomas?
7:17
SPEAKER_06: That's the guy you met at church.
7:18
SPEAKER_06: So it is taught.
7:21
SPEAKER_06: So we heard about this in the past couple of days, but coming from a curious mindset as opposed to a judging mindset and keeping that open.
7:31
SPEAKER_06: And I actually want you to think about when you were little, and yes, this is me, but when I was born, I'm curious how many people in here are immigrants or first-gen immigrants?
7:41
SPEAKER_06: Anyone?
7:42
SPEAKER_06: Raise your hand.
7:43
SPEAKER_06: Alright, so you'll get what I mean by this.
7:45
SPEAKER_06: But my parents immigrated from the Philippines to move to California to work in the grapevines.
7:51
SPEAKER_06: So I'm a proud daughter and a granddaughter of farmers from there.
7:56
SPEAKER_06: And I was the first one born in this country.
7:58
SPEAKER_06: I understood the privilege that I lived.
8:02
SPEAKER_06: And this is one of my favorite quotes that you might want to write down, but our grandparents survived so our parents can provide.
8:10
SPEAKER_06: Our parents provided so we can thrive.
8:15
SPEAKER_06: How many of you feel that in your bones?
8:17
SPEAKER_06: And what a privilege for us to have imposter syndrome.
8:21
SPEAKER_06: I know that sounds really weird, but I know for our ancestors, they were just focused on surviving, on being able to have food on the table, and I know a couple of you can relate to that.
8:33
SPEAKER_06: So I'm gonna apologize ahead of time.
8:36
SPEAKER_06: I am not here to be a motivational speaker.
8:40
SPEAKER_06: I actually want to be here as a coach.
8:42
SPEAKER_06: I'm an executive coach.
8:43
SPEAKER_06: So I will coach you and make sure you have an actionable plan.
8:48
SPEAKER_06: So my goal, based off of the surveys that I sent, and thank you to those people that did message me back on LinkedIn, there's gonna be a fillable team dashboard, and just in case there were little postcards in your chair.
9:01
SPEAKER_06: For those that are sitting and standing, just know the URL is ElaineLude.com slash own it, and you'll see it throughout the whole PowerPoint.
9:08
SPEAKER_06: So don't worry about it.
9:10
SPEAKER_06: You'll also get power phrases, poses, pep tips, power suits.
9:15
SPEAKER_06: I am not gonna be buying you a power suit, but just what to do with that, and then exercises to fight imposter syndrome.
9:22
SPEAKER_06: Speaking of imposter syndrome, so I was talking about how when I was born, I felt all that pressure to make sure I did as much as I can.
9:31
SPEAKER_06: And when I was 16 years old, I went to the dentist with my mom.
9:35
SPEAKER_06: Right next to the dentist was his Muay Thai gym.
9:38
SPEAKER_06: Does anybody know what Muay Thai is?
9:40
SPEAKER_06: So it's the art of eight limbs.
9:42
SPEAKER_06: It punches, its elbows, its knees, and I'm not doing kicks with these.
9:47
SPEAKER_06: And I saw how powerful it was, just hearing the punches, the kicks, the confidence that everybody had.
9:54
SPEAKER_06: And I begged my dad, Dad, can I please do Muay Thai?
9:58
SPEAKER_06: And he said, no.
9:59
SPEAKER_06: Then I begged again, can I please do Muay Thai?
10:02
SPEAKER_06: He said yes, but under one condition.
10:04
SPEAKER_06: Like, okay, you could do it, but you can't tell anyone.
10:08
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, okay, that's fine.
10:10
SPEAKER_06: But what did that story share with me?
10:12
SPEAKER_06: That I can't fully be myself.
10:15
SPEAKER_06: And so I've heard a lot throughout this conference that a lot of us have felt like the only.
10:21
SPEAKER_06: So when I was 22 years old, I'm not 22 anymore, let's just say I'm forever 21.
10:27
SPEAKER_06: But when I was 22 years old, I actually managed five men.
10:33
SPEAKER_06: And I had an incredible male ally, like we were talking about allies, and I got to observe him and look at how he was able to communicate at board meetings.
10:43
SPEAKER_06: I used to be a former fundraiser as well as an organizer.
10:47
SPEAKER_06: I worked in politics as well as a nonprofit sector.
10:51
SPEAKER_06: So I got to see him say, No, I disagree.
10:54
SPEAKER_06: And people would respect him.
10:56
SPEAKER_06: I thought, oh, well, if I do that, people are gonna react the same way.
11:00
SPEAKER_06: So then I went to a meeting and said, I disagree.
11:03
SPEAKER_06: The jaws dropped on the floor.
11:07
SPEAKER_06: And instead of coming from a place of, oh, it's because he's a white man and I'm a woman, which I know there's subconscious biases, like I agree with that, while at the same time coming in that curious mindset.
11:19
SPEAKER_06: Okay, what could I have improved?
11:22
SPEAKER_06: Well, not only did he say I disagree, but also he was sharing, oh, this is why I disagree, focusing on the problems and then figuring out solutions towards that.
11:33
SPEAKER_06: So then I kept practicing it.
11:35
SPEAKER_06: So this is actually what I created.
11:38
SPEAKER_06: I actually prepared for this, and it just came in a week ago, this ideology, but I've been doing it for the past seven years.
11:44
SPEAKER_06: But this is conscious conversations when it comes to executive presence.
11:48
SPEAKER_06: And I like I said earlier, I know so often we think that, oh, that person was born from it, but it is a loop, and yes, it is heart-shaped.
11:58
SPEAKER_06: So we're gonna start off with passion.
12:01
SPEAKER_06: Like for, for example, Beyoncé, she loves being slash-fierce and dancing.
12:06
SPEAKER_06: Bill Gates loves computers.
12:10
SPEAKER_06: So one of the most researched persons when it comes to executive presence is Nelson Mandela to your left, who's and here is FWD Kler.
12:22
SPEAKER_06: So he ran for president after in South Africa after five years, 50 years of apartheid between the whites and the blacks.
12:30
SPEAKER_06: In the debate, Mandela was not doing so well because he wasn't talking about the policies compared to FW De Kler.
12:38
SPEAKER_06: And so Nelson Mandela, knowing that, went up to De Kler, shook his hand, and said, Thank you so much for being a son of South Africa.
12:49
SPEAKER_06: And at that moment, De Kler knew that he lost the race.
12:54
SPEAKER_06: Now I'm not saying that FW De Kler is a bad guy.
12:58
SPEAKER_06: In fact, they actually worked a lot together and they shared a Nobel Peace Prize together.
13:03
SPEAKER_06: But in that, Nelson had such a passion to bring world peace.
13:09
SPEAKER_06: So I put who loves numbers because I know some of you are like, Elaine, I am not trying to be Nelson Mandela and bring world peace.
13:17
SPEAKER_06: I'm not trying to be Beyoncé.
13:19
SPEAKER_06: I just want to do my job well, get paid more, and work less.
13:23
SPEAKER_06: So, how many of you like numbers data?
13:26
SPEAKER_06: Like Excel and Google Sheets is probably your favorite app compared to social media, for example.
13:32
SPEAKER_06: Okay, I see some hands raised.
13:34
SPEAKER_06: So I'm gonna tell you how I fell in love with my partner.
13:37
SPEAKER_06: So we're about to celebrate eight years.
13:41
SPEAKER_06: And when we first met, because I'm very passionate about the work I do, and he's an accountant, so I asked him, so what do you love about being an accountant?
13:49
SPEAKER_06: And he responded, Well, I love numbers.
13:52
SPEAKER_06: They don't buy.
13:53
SPEAKER_06: They tell you where you're at, they tell you what you can improve upon, and it's a universal language that everybody understands.
14:01
SPEAKER_06: Now, I was about to walk out that room because he's just nerdy like that, but he was just so passionate about it.
14:08
SPEAKER_06: And so we're gonna be about celebrating eight years.
14:10
SPEAKER_06: He's gonna be coming in two days, and we'll be celebrating that.
14:13
SPEAKER_06: Mind you, I love him more than his passion for numbers.
14:18
SPEAKER_06: So I want you to think about that.
14:20
SPEAKER_06: What are you passionate about in the work you do?
14:23
SPEAKER_06: And it could be where you have maybe kids or grandkids who are looking up to you just being you.
14:29
SPEAKER_06: And that's okay.
14:30
SPEAKER_06: I think unfortunately, I'm from LA.
14:33
SPEAKER_06: Unfortunately, Hollywood makes this grand scheme like you need to be the next Beyonce, you need to be the next Bell Gates.
14:39
SPEAKER_06: No, be the first of you.
14:41
SPEAKER_06: That is enough.
14:42
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna say that again.
14:44
SPEAKER_06: That is enough.
14:45
SPEAKER_06: So the next part of the heart is pause.
14:48
SPEAKER_06: What's been beautiful in this conference is that we've been hearing people talk about their setbacks and how they were able to overcome it.
14:57
SPEAKER_06: So I'm gonna warn you, I am not a licensed therapist, but I think what's important is to also understand trauma.
15:04
SPEAKER_06: I'm such a huge advocate for therapy, and I will say, this world would just be so much better if everybody went to therapy.
15:12
SPEAKER_06: But the healing is so important, and for those of you, and mind you, you always have agency and choice, but I'll just share my story.
15:18
SPEAKER_06: For those of you who are like, I tried therapy, it didn't work.
15:20
SPEAKER_06: It could be just not the right person, and it could also be the methodology.
15:24
SPEAKER_06: So, how trauma stored, I'll give an example.
15:27
SPEAKER_06: It was funny, I was just talking to my makeup artist and my photographer about it, but so I grew up in Glasgow Park in LA, and it was hood area.
15:36
SPEAKER_06: I know it may not seem like it came from it, but basically there was barred up cells when there was gunshots.
15:42
SPEAKER_06: I knew I had to go down on the floor and roll.
15:45
SPEAKER_06: So I was living with my partner for about six years in Pasadena, which actually is a really safe neighborhood.
15:52
SPEAKER_06: There just happens to be an Airbnb next door, which there's nothing wrong with an Airbnb.
15:56
SPEAKER_06: It's just that there was someone that stayed there and there was a drive-by shooting.
16:00
SPEAKER_06: There were three shots.
16:01
SPEAKER_06: Thankfully, everyone was okay, no one got shot or injured.
16:05
SPEAKER_06: But because of that trauma that was stored in my brain, and that's how trauma works.
16:09
SPEAKER_06: It gets stored in your brain.
16:11
SPEAKER_06: So anything present moment, it just is automatic.
16:14
SPEAKER_06: But because I live the way I used to live, I just rolled down on my bed and my partner was still in the bed.
16:21
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, what are you doing?
16:22
SPEAKER_06: I pushed him out, was like, let's go to the hallway.
16:25
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, why?
16:25
SPEAKER_06: Because there's no windows and there's no doors.
16:28
SPEAKER_06: It was just so automatic for me because of the trauma that I went through.
16:33
SPEAKER_06: So, in order for trauma to be healed, it's actually rewiring the brain.
16:36
SPEAKER_06: And what I did is I did EMTR therapy.
16:39
SPEAKER_06: And no, I'm not gonna do a therapy session on you, but I think it's important to acknowledge it because I think so often we hear about healing, positive thinking, and all that is great, but when it's deeper, it's not your fault.
16:51
SPEAKER_06: Like, I'm sure some of you like, I know what's wrong with me, but why can't I fix it?
16:56
SPEAKER_06: It's not your fault.
16:57
SPEAKER_06: It's literally in your brain and to rewire it.
17:00
SPEAKER_06: So I'm gonna say it again EMDR therapy.
17:03
SPEAKER_06: But what I'll do as a coach, you know, the iceberg image, 20%, 80%, I'll be focused on the 20%.
17:09
SPEAKER_06: 80%, a therapist can help you.
17:11
SPEAKER_06: The 20% is being cognizant of it.
17:13
SPEAKER_06: So there's two therapy models.
17:15
SPEAKER_06: Some of you may be familiar with trauma responses, right?
17:19
SPEAKER_06: So fight and freeze fight, that person probably know of that you work with or have worked with that is constantly fighting.
17:28
SPEAKER_06: And feel free to take pictures, but I just want to let you know if you download on the postcard, I have all of this in there.
17:34
SPEAKER_06: So just know that too.
17:36
SPEAKER_06: You are welcome.
17:37
SPEAKER_06: You thought about it.
17:39
SPEAKER_06: So fight, fight and flight, everybody knows.
17:42
SPEAKER_06: Fight, I want to prove that I'm right.
17:44
SPEAKER_06: Flight, I don't want to deal with this, freeze, I don't know what to do.
17:48
SPEAKER_06: People forget fawn.
17:50
SPEAKER_06: And I know as women, we know what fawning is.
17:53
SPEAKER_06: It's people pleasing.
17:54
SPEAKER_06: Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't do that.
17:56
SPEAKER_06: You know what?
17:57
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I'll do those two other projects.
17:59
SPEAKER_06: Knowing very well that you don't have the capacity to do it.
18:02
SPEAKER_06: So that is fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
18:05
SPEAKER_06: So that is one model.
18:06
SPEAKER_06: A second model that I find really easy is zones of regulation.
18:10
SPEAKER_06: I'm curious if anybody knows what that is.
18:12
SPEAKER_06: If not, that's okay.
18:13
SPEAKER_06: But before I go to it, I'm gonna talk about self-regulation.
18:16
SPEAKER_06: Some of you have may have heard of it.
18:17
SPEAKER_06: What self-regulation is, it's the ability to manage your emotions.
18:22
SPEAKER_06: I also want to let you know there's nothing wrong with emotions.
18:26
SPEAKER_06: Emotions are there to protect us.
18:28
SPEAKER_06: So I now live in LA, and I live in a nature like by nature preserve.
18:34
SPEAKER_06: So this happened two nights ago, which was perfect for this speech.
18:37
SPEAKER_06: So this happened two nights ago, and I heard coyotes howling, and then I smelled fire.
18:44
SPEAKER_06: And the first thing I thought, because I unfortunately have left the stove on, I ran to the stove, I'm like, wait, is everything okay?
18:50
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, that's fine.
18:50
SPEAKER_06: Then obviously, thank you for the modern world.
18:53
SPEAKER_06: I checked my iPhone, and LA Fire just put the fire out.
18:57
SPEAKER_06: But that is anxiety that protected me.
19:00
SPEAKER_06: So in today's modern age world, that feeling just shows up differently, and it's being conscious about it.
19:07
SPEAKER_06: So I have some four co-presenters.
19:10
SPEAKER_06: How many of you have watched Inside Out?
19:13
SPEAKER_06: Okay, for those that haven't, I am judging.
19:16
SPEAKER_06: Even though I said to be curious, but highly recommend that movie.
19:20
SPEAKER_06: So, zones of regulation.
19:22
SPEAKER_06: So there's sadness, there's joy, which is green, there's yellow, which is um fear, and then red, which is anger.
19:31
SPEAKER_06: So, what my therapist has actually taught me that might help you is acknowledging when you get triggered, maybe you're at a meeting, someone's tone is raised.
19:39
SPEAKER_06: It's okay, I'm in the blue zone, I'm in the yellow zone, I'm in the red zone.
19:42
SPEAKER_06: It's first acknowledging the emotion that you're in.
19:45
SPEAKER_06: And then before reacting to the other party or individual, it's actually being in the green zone.
19:50
SPEAKER_06: Now, I'm not saying it has to be joyful, but it's actually being calm.
19:56
SPEAKER_06: And can anyone guess what to do to be calm?
19:59
SPEAKER_06: Wanna yell it out?
20:00
SPEAKER_06: Anyone?
20:02
SPEAKER_06: It's not, I mean, it's not Simone, but you know, it's breathing.
20:06
SPEAKER_06: So if you don't know Simone, I'm also judging, but remember, I am here to make sure you have a curious mindset.
20:13
SPEAKER_06: I love this woman.
20:15
SPEAKER_06: How she has advocated for mental health, how she she was just meditating and breathing.
20:23
SPEAKER_06: Before this, I was breathing so much, and that's not because I'm from LA, but just taking deep breaths.
20:31
SPEAKER_06: And interesting fact, but usually on average, one minute is about 12 to 15 breaths, so 12 to 15 minutes, 12 to 15 breaths per minute.
20:42
SPEAKER_06: And then I'm gonna bring up another character.
20:45
SPEAKER_06: Anxiety, this is from Inside Out 2, another movie I recommend.
20:50
SPEAKER_06: I do not have an affiliate link for you to watch it because Disney needs more money, so I'll give it to all of them.
20:56
SPEAKER_06: But with anxiety, when it comes up and we're having a panic and anxiety attack, it goes into 20 breaths per minute.
21:02
SPEAKER_06: So 12 to 15 to 20.
21:04
SPEAKER_06: So even taking a deep breath actually helps when you are getting triggered.
21:09
SPEAKER_06: So we're gonna do an exercise, and I have my circle assistant here.
21:13
SPEAKER_06: So I just want you to focus on the circle.
21:16
SPEAKER_06: So when it goes back to when it's really low, we're gonna take three deep breaths.
21:19
SPEAKER_06: So breathe in, breathe out, two more times.
21:23
SPEAKER_06: Breathe in, breathe out, one more, breathe in, breathe out.
21:32
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna be honest, that wasn't for you, that was for me.
21:35
SPEAKER_06: Because I knew I was gonna feel anxiety right now.
21:38
SPEAKER_06: But how do you feel?
21:40
SPEAKER_06: I know I feel great.
21:42
SPEAKER_06: But I I would love to hear, feel free to shout out or I don't know if we need the mic, but I want to hear what you do when you feel triggered.
21:48
SPEAKER_06: Because we could, I'm not the only subject matter expert here.
21:52
SPEAKER_06: We could really learn from one another.
21:53
SPEAKER_06: But anyone want to yell it out what they do when they're feeling triggered?
21:56
SPEAKER_06: Because we could just help each other out.
22:00
SPEAKER_06: Glass of water, what did I hear?
22:02
SPEAKER_06: Go for a walk.
22:02
SPEAKER_06: Actually, the glass of water, who does sales here?
22:05
SPEAKER_06: Anybody?
22:06
SPEAKER_06: So I don't know if you know this tip.
22:08
SPEAKER_06: So I used to be a former fundraiser, right?
22:09
SPEAKER_06: And obviously I do sales in my own coaching business.
22:12
SPEAKER_06: So when I do a pitch and I ask, hey, it's$36,000 to work with your team, I drink water.
22:20
SPEAKER_06: Do you know that tip?
22:22
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I do that tip because so often as women, we want to be like, oh no, no, no, but it's okay, you know what?
22:28
SPEAKER_06: $5,000 off.
22:29
SPEAKER_06: So it's actually 31.
22:30
SPEAKER_06: You know what?
22:30
SPEAKER_06: You had a really bad day, so let's make it$5k.
22:33
SPEAKER_06: So to just shut yourself up, drink water.
22:37
SPEAKER_06: You're welcome.
22:38
SPEAKER_06: And if it happens to be another drink, that is your choice.
22:41
SPEAKER_06: You have agency.
22:44
SPEAKER_06: All right, we focused on you, so now we're gonna get to perspectives.
22:48
SPEAKER_06: It's really interesting as companies, we're always focused on data, right?
22:53
SPEAKER_06: With revenue, profit margins, how to save more time, save more money, and more information about our clients.
23:01
SPEAKER_06: But what about the internal stakeholders, which means the direct people you work with, whether it is your boss, colleagues from other departments, or even your direct reports.
23:13
SPEAKER_06: So in that little postcard, this is a team dashboard.
23:19
SPEAKER_06: Just understanding each person that you work with, their goal, role of meeting, their KPI communication style, who do they work well with and how to raise a topic?
23:28
SPEAKER_06: You could have this table overall in terms of how to work with your team or even prepare for meetings.
23:33
SPEAKER_06: And you're probably like, Elaine, this is a lot of work.
23:36
SPEAKER_06: I don't have time to do this.
23:38
SPEAKER_06: So when my clients have said that, I'm like, well, don't you do a lot of work to actually close that deal?
23:44
SPEAKER_06: Don't you need to move this project forward?
23:46
SPEAKER_06: So when you get to know your clients, this is information.
23:49
SPEAKER_06: I like the question here: who do they work well with?
23:53
SPEAKER_06: Because come from a place of observation, what about them are they communicating really well in?
23:58
SPEAKER_06: How are they communicating?
24:00
SPEAKER_06: Okay, this person doesn't want you to ask about their personal life, they just want data and numbers.
24:04
SPEAKER_06: I'm just gonna talk to them about that.
24:06
SPEAKER_06: This person, hey, how's your daughter's soccer practice?
24:10
SPEAKER_06: They want more of that personal touch, even having that information.
24:14
SPEAKER_06: So just in case you don't have it, this is the QR code.
24:19
SPEAKER_06: And then before a meeting, even prepping for it.
24:22
SPEAKER_06: Like I said earlier, we prep so much when it comes to our clients, but what about our internal stakeholders?
24:28
SPEAKER_06: Right?
24:28
SPEAKER_06: What do you want the other person to think or feel?
24:30
SPEAKER_06: Number one.
24:31
SPEAKER_06: Two, can you meet with them or other allies to best understand their goals?
24:36
SPEAKER_06: There is a question, it was interesting when I was getting survey responses back.
24:40
SPEAKER_06: Hey, what words do I use at meetings?
24:42
SPEAKER_06: So, even asking them or observing as well, what's your opening?
24:47
SPEAKER_06: Number four, how will the other person respond and how can you raise those objections and concerns?
24:53
SPEAKER_06: Number four is really important.
24:54
SPEAKER_06: I think so often we forget about that.
24:56
SPEAKER_06: We're so focused on what we need to push forward rather than thinking about the other person.
25:01
SPEAKER_06: And five, how will you acknowledge that the other person is being hurt?
25:07
SPEAKER_06: And what should you not say?
25:08
SPEAKER_06: What's a sensitive topic you know that will trigger the other person?
25:12
SPEAKER_06: And I think so often we forget we don't need to make a decision of an action item at that current motive.
25:19
SPEAKER_06: How will you excuse yourself to reschedule for another time?
25:23
SPEAKER_06: So I got feedback as well of how can I be more visible?
25:29
SPEAKER_06: How can I show executive presence when I'm at a meeting?
25:32
SPEAKER_06: So it's preparing.
25:34
SPEAKER_06: And what you can do is identify whether it's your boss or a colleague and asking, hey, I'm getting ready for the meeting with whatever it is, and I feel confident, but there's two points I want feedback on.
25:46
SPEAKER_06: Can I get feedback on this?
25:48
SPEAKER_06: What that's showing is that you're willing to prepare for it.
25:51
SPEAKER_06: You know that these are things you're not so confident in, and you could get that feedback from that other individual.
25:57
SPEAKER_06: I've also been asked feedback from this group of hey, I want to get feedback on how I could have my direct reports get more executive presence.
26:06
SPEAKER_06: Hey, I want you to best prepare for our meeting this Thursday.
26:09
SPEAKER_06: Here's what's important for these stakeholders.
26:12
SPEAKER_06: Can you create some bullet points and let you rehearse with me so I can provide feedback?
26:16
SPEAKER_06: Another thing for those that are managing direct reports, I just want to remind you, give them preparation of, hey, we have this meeting, I'm gonna call you on this.
26:25
SPEAKER_06: Or even if you have a boss and you want to be more visible, I really want to talk about this, and I know I could provide these details, letting them know ahead of time.
26:33
SPEAKER_06: I think so often we think, okay, I'm just gonna be present, I'll perform.
26:37
SPEAKER_06: But I want you to think like an Olympian athlete or even a singer where they're practicing, you could do the same.
26:42
SPEAKER_06: I'm bringing this up.
26:43
SPEAKER_06: Melissa, where are you?
26:44
SPEAKER_06: Oh, there you are.
26:45
SPEAKER_06: I remember when Melissa she was managing a team and she was like, Elaine, they're all coming to me to solve all the problems.
26:53
SPEAKER_06: I can't do that.
26:54
SPEAKER_06: I don't have the capacity.
26:56
SPEAKER_06: She's laughing at me.
26:57
SPEAKER_06: Do not roll your eyes.
26:58
SPEAKER_06: I'm paying for lunch tomorrow.
27:00
SPEAKER_06: So I said, why don't you turn it around and empower them to think about it?
27:05
SPEAKER_06: Can you share two to three possible solutions or options presented to me at the end of the day?
27:11
SPEAKER_06: And then when you're giving them feedback, you're letting them know this is why the solution you just offered, option number two, works, it's because A, B, C, and D.
27:20
SPEAKER_06: Because then they're learning about the other stakeholders in the meeting and how to best prepare for it.
27:25
SPEAKER_06: So, what if you don't know?
27:26
SPEAKER_06: You have a meeting that's coming up, and you don't know someone else in the company, you don't know a client.
27:31
SPEAKER_06: You could research their job description online.
27:34
SPEAKER_06: And if you can't find that, whether it's through LinkedIn or through Google, you could also find competitors from similar companies and check those job descriptions, and then you'll understand their own KPIs, their measurements, and their goals.
27:47
SPEAKER_06: So the next one is prepare.
27:51
SPEAKER_06: What movie is this?
27:54
SPEAKER_06: I am so proud.
27:58
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, I'm not judging.
27:59
SPEAKER_06: So after this, we're like, what did I learn?
28:00
SPEAKER_06: Oh, Double Worst Prada.
28:02
SPEAKER_06: So I relate to this scene really well because I used to be a fundraiser and I used to work with elected officials where I would tell them, hey, that's John.
28:11
SPEAKER_06: Wish John a happy birthday.
28:12
SPEAKER_06: John, it's so good to see you.
28:14
SPEAKER_06: Happy birthday.
28:15
SPEAKER_06: Then John comes up to me later.
28:17
SPEAKER_06: This is why I always vote for the senator.
28:19
SPEAKER_06: It's because she always remembers everything about me.
28:22
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, I know.
28:27
SPEAKER_06: So this is a similar scene for those of you that haven't watched Double Over is Proud, because I'm here to be inclusive, just in case some of you have not watched this movie.
28:35
SPEAKER_06: So they're at this important function, and Merrill Sheep forgot this person's name.
28:42
SPEAKER_06: So Emily Blunt's character just completely froze.
28:45
SPEAKER_06: She was also really sick, and then Anne Hathaway, who usually doesn't be called on because Emily's usually the right-hand woman, just responded with the name.
28:54
SPEAKER_06: That's what I mean about pairing.
28:56
SPEAKER_06: You just never know.
28:57
SPEAKER_06: Even in this talk, this talk actually happened because I just met with Jackie.
29:02
SPEAKER_06: Jackie's one of the facilitators for this conference, and we met at a coaching certification program.
29:08
SPEAKER_06: We were in a breakout room and we just really had great energy.
29:12
SPEAKER_06: I was like, can we have a Zoom call?
29:14
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, okay.
29:15
SPEAKER_06: So we had a Zoom call, we connected, very similar to what I showed you in the table.
29:20
SPEAKER_06: Like, hey, is there anything I could support you in?
29:23
SPEAKER_06: She's like, Yeah, you have three courses with LinkedIn.
29:26
SPEAKER_06: You have online courses with Penn, Duke, John Hopkins, and 30 Plus Universities.
29:30
SPEAKER_06: How'd you do that?
29:31
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, oh, let me give you a contact.
29:33
SPEAKER_06: And then she asked me, What can I help you with?
29:36
SPEAKER_06: Like, well, I would love to do more talks on executive presence.
29:39
SPEAKER_06: And here you go.
29:41
SPEAKER_06: It's just having that conversation.
29:44
SPEAKER_06: You just never know when there might be an opportunity right in front of you.
29:49
SPEAKER_06: So power phrases for yourself.
29:51
SPEAKER_06: So I want to start here like I am enough, I deserve to be here.
29:55
SPEAKER_06: Or if you really want to be corporate, I provide value add.
30:00
SPEAKER_06: So, and you could make up your own, whatever it is, but I just wanted to give you some options.
30:05
SPEAKER_06: And some of you may have this already, but just a reminder have a rag sheet, or as you saw in the previous slide, have a value add memo.
30:13
SPEAKER_06: Like constantly update that of everything that you've accomplished.
30:16
SPEAKER_06: And if you could put numbers, that would be great.
30:19
SPEAKER_06: And this will just help you when you have your reviews that come up, when you want to ask for promotion, when you're wondering why they're hiring this new position to be your boss, and when you're like, I've been doing this for a long time, and I could present it.
30:33
SPEAKER_06: So having that.
30:35
SPEAKER_06: So I'll be talking about power phrases in the next couple of slides, but I'm just gonna input this in your mind.
30:42
SPEAKER_06: I want you to think of power phrases you have done as well, and I'm asking for that because, like I said, we are all experts here, and I want to make sure we're learning from another.
30:51
SPEAKER_06: So I'll give you a couple.
30:53
SPEAKER_06: One is if you're both like in conflict, I understand that for you, your department to your department supporting to this while at the same time.
31:01
SPEAKER_06: Here's the constraints we're at, and I propose we do X, Y, Z because it will help you and me.
31:07
SPEAKER_06: So there's that.
31:08
SPEAKER_06: When someone's tone is raised, and I use the word tone is raised versus yelling, and I say that because when you tell people they're yelling, they get triggered by that.
31:17
SPEAKER_06: So you want to say, hey, your um voice is raised.
31:21
SPEAKER_06: Now I know this may not work with everybody, but I just want to share this script.
31:25
SPEAKER_06: I will also share that this script helps um in personal relationships, maybe parents, you're welcome.
31:31
SPEAKER_06: So I don't want to continue this meeting.
31:33
SPEAKER_06: I would appreciate if you can speak to me more in a respectful tone.
31:36
SPEAKER_06: What is needed to happen?
31:37
SPEAKER_06: Maybe we need to take a quick five-minute break.
31:40
SPEAKER_06: Because I will say when it comes to people that have their, I just don't want to say yelling.
31:46
SPEAKER_06: When people are yelling, they don't even know they are.
31:48
SPEAKER_06: And by you actually sharing that, it's like, oh, I didn't even realize that.
31:54
SPEAKER_06: So you're actually educating them on it.
31:58
SPEAKER_05: All right, quick break for my talk for you to listen to me talk for a little bit.
32:04
SPEAKER_05: I know that I'm sharing concepts in this replay, and you want to see it visually.
32:10
SPEAKER_05: So if you have not yet done so, go download my executive presence own it workbook.
32:17
SPEAKER_05: Just go to elanelu.com forward slash own it.
32:21
SPEAKER_05: That's E-L-A-I-N-E.com forward slash own it.
32:26
SPEAKER_05: O W N I T.
32:28
SPEAKER_05: Just put your first name, put an email address, and you'll see all the visuals, the tables, as well as the power phrases.
32:36
SPEAKER_05: And if you want coaching to improve your executive presence and leadership, then schedule an introductory coaching call with me so we can see if it's a good fit and receive three action items towards your goals.
32:51
SPEAKER_05: And you can go to elanelou.com forward slash call.
32:56
SPEAKER_05: That's E-L A I N E L O U.com forward slash call.
33:02
SPEAKER_05: All right, let's go back to the replay.
33:06
SPEAKER_06: And then at the end of the meeting, let me see if I can summarize what you were saying.
33:10
SPEAKER_06: This is what I hear.
33:10
SPEAKER_06: Then I would love to hear from you what you hear me saying.
33:14
SPEAKER_06: Because have any of you been at meetings where you're like, okay, this is what I heard.
33:18
SPEAKER_06: And then the other person does something else, like, wait, what just happened?
33:22
SPEAKER_06: We were literally at the same meeting.
33:24
SPEAKER_06: But sometimes, unfortunately, our attention span is so short that they could probably just be thinking about something else or something personal in their life might be happening.
33:34
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
33:35
SPEAKER_06: Having important communication between us is important so we can accomplish X, Y, Z.
33:39
SPEAKER_06: What's one thing I can improve in our communication?
33:42
SPEAKER_06: Then I would like to share one thing you can do.
33:43
SPEAKER_06: How does that sound?
33:45
SPEAKER_06: So that's a simple question, asking for feedback and doing it in a preventive manner rather than being reactive.
33:53
SPEAKER_06: I'm curious, how many of you do like team retreats or group activities?
33:59
SPEAKER_06: Anyone raise your hand?
34:00
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
34:01
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna give you a really great group activity I do with teams that I work with.
34:06
SPEAKER_06: So getting a simple note card, don't put your name in it, and then putting, like with each member of the team, you're writing in the note cards three things that they're really great at, one thing that they can improve on, and that's it.
34:19
SPEAKER_06: Just really simple.
34:20
SPEAKER_06: And then each person collects the card, and then they have to self-reflect what did you receive from this card?
34:27
SPEAKER_06: What would you like to work on it?
34:29
SPEAKER_06: So it doesn't come from a place that maybe for an individual that you're attacking them, but it's a group activity of how can we improve.
34:37
SPEAKER_06: So power poses.
34:39
SPEAKER_06: I think about like you know, in the Super Bowl when Beyonce just I'm I'm not Beyoncé, so I'm not gonna try.
34:45
SPEAKER_06: But you know when she was just like standing like this and she had her power pose?
34:49
SPEAKER_06: I know why she did it, she wanted to feel great when she was doing the Super Bowl performance.
34:52
SPEAKER_06: But even for me, before this talk, I have a beautiful view of the river, but I was just like posing this way.
34:59
SPEAKER_06: And what we learned so well in the Olympics, they're did you notice that right before an event they're walking?
35:06
SPEAKER_06: They're just pacing this way, but they're not pacing this way, because that's obviously anxiety, but they're walking around.
35:14
SPEAKER_06: So I'm gonna try a really simple exercise, and I'll tell you the purpose of it after.
35:20
SPEAKER_06: So I just want you to look around, just look around the room, and I want you to count how much.
35:25
SPEAKER_06: Don't worry, you're not gonna win a goal for it.
35:27
SPEAKER_06: How much red do you see?
35:28
SPEAKER_06: There's a lot of red.
35:29
SPEAKER_06: Just wondering.
35:31
SPEAKER_06: Okay, number, how many do you count?
35:33
SPEAKER_06: 32.
35:33
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
35:34
SPEAKER_06: How many greens do you see?
35:36
SPEAKER_06: Just look around.
35:37
SPEAKER_06: How many blues?
35:39
SPEAKER_06: Just yell it.
35:41
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
35:41
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna share an observation.
35:43
SPEAKER_06: Is that okay?
35:44
SPEAKER_06: Also, if you notice I asked a question, like, I'm gonna give you feedback, is that fine?
35:48
SPEAKER_06: It's interesting because all of you, when you're like red, red, red, red, red, just really quick, like, what's the next thing, as opposed to being really present, even in your breath, of like, okay, I see one green there.
36:02
SPEAKER_06: I don't think I see any other greens.
36:03
SPEAKER_06: You're the only one wearing green.
36:04
SPEAKER_06: Good job.
36:05
SPEAKER_06: Oh no, two, sorry, you're in front of me.
36:07
SPEAKER_06: But even being present in stillness, well.
36:10
SPEAKER_06: Okay, practice.
36:13
SPEAKER_06: So I think people also forget with comedians because it's so simple.
36:17
SPEAKER_06: They have a chair and a mic, but you know they're around in tours practicing before they have the Netflix special, right?
36:23
SPEAKER_06: So is anyone familiar with Atsuko, the comedian?
36:27
SPEAKER_06: She is hilarious.
36:28
SPEAKER_06: She has a special on HBO Max.
36:30
SPEAKER_06: I got to see her perform, and she she now has a new special with Hulu.
36:35
SPEAKER_06: But when I got to see her perform towards the end in her punchline, she said, okay, I'm gonna give you two punchline endings, and I just want to see how you're gonna feel.
36:44
SPEAKER_06: So she gave option A and she gave option B.
36:46
SPEAKER_06: She was able to get feedback on which option worked really well.
36:49
SPEAKER_06: She didn't need to raise hands, but she got to hear who was laughing the most from it.
36:53
SPEAKER_06: And I paid for that ticket.
36:54
SPEAKER_06: She was experimenting on me.
36:57
SPEAKER_06: But I really appreciated that she was asking for feedback.
37:01
SPEAKER_06: Just like I'm sure that you appreciate when other people give you feedback.
37:05
SPEAKER_06: And not saying that you have to agree from it.
37:07
SPEAKER_06: I remember one of my mentors sharing with me, the moment someone stops giving you feedback is the moment they know that you're never gonna change.
37:15
SPEAKER_06: So when people give me feedback, and just so you know, if you're gonna be approaching me after the talk, I'm gonna be asking for feedback.
37:21
SPEAKER_06: When people give me feedback, I say thank you right away.
37:24
SPEAKER_06: Now, do I agree with every feedback?
37:26
SPEAKER_06: Not from my dad, but you don't need to, you could take and leave what you have.
37:32
SPEAKER_06: And then performing.
37:34
SPEAKER_06: And I'm not saying performing in terms of being performative, but whether you're at a meeting, you're talking, you're being Beyoncé, or even, like I said, just a casual conversation.
37:46
SPEAKER_06: You never know when you're gonna get your Netflix special.
37:49
SPEAKER_06: But I want to go back to pause.
37:52
SPEAKER_06: I know I already mentioned this, but pausing and reflecting and debriefing for yourself.
37:56
SPEAKER_06: We always do debriefs after we do meetings, after you finish a project, after you meet with clients.
38:01
SPEAKER_06: But what worked really well for you?
38:03
SPEAKER_06: What didn't?
38:04
SPEAKER_06: How did this person react?
38:06
SPEAKER_06: What did what was a sensitive topic?
38:09
SPEAKER_06: Just reflecting on all of that.
38:11
SPEAKER_06: And then I want to go back to passion.
38:14
SPEAKER_06: So I already talked about how Beyonce was really passionate about performing, how my partner loves numbers, how Bill Gates loves computers.
38:25
SPEAKER_06: For me, my passion, two things.
38:28
SPEAKER_06: One, both my grandmothers pass within one year from one another.
38:33
SPEAKER_06: And I didn't, you know, when someone passes and you don't realize who they are, like they both raised me while my parents went to work.
38:40
SPEAKER_06: And I didn't know they were both entrepreneurial women in the Philippines.
38:44
SPEAKER_06: One of them, my grandma on my mom's side, she actually did hair and makeup.
38:49
SPEAKER_06: And she stopped because my mom's 16.
38:52
SPEAKER_06: My grandpa passed away from war.
38:54
SPEAKER_06: My other grandma, she was a gangster.
38:56
SPEAKER_06: She smoked until she was 94.
38:58
SPEAKER_06: She rolled up her own tobacco leaves.
39:01
SPEAKER_06: She had a whole operation and she put like the butt in her mouth at all times.
39:05
SPEAKER_06: How she lived until 94?
39:07
SPEAKER_06: I know what she'll say.
39:08
SPEAKER_06: She's like, it's because I made my own and it was natural.
39:10
SPEAKER_06: That's why Elaine.
39:13
SPEAKER_06: But she stopped because she had five kids that she needed to raise.
39:19
SPEAKER_06: Mind you, I am not saying being a mom will stop your career.
39:23
SPEAKER_06: I'm just sharing that I understand the privilege I have being in this country and having all the opportunities, unlike my grandmothers who did not.
39:32
SPEAKER_06: And so I know I have this privilege to do the work I do.
39:36
SPEAKER_06: And the second reason why I'm passionate is not because I have clients like recently who is now the VP of Starbucks for DEI or clients that now have multi-six figure businesses or have actually a life.
39:47
SPEAKER_06: It's actually when I first meet a client, and they're whether in person or in Zoom, and they tell me it's so nice to see someone who looks like me and who gets me.
40:00
SPEAKER_06: And that's why I'm passionate about the work I do.
40:03
SPEAKER_06: And so I know all of you are gonna be going back home in a couple like tomorrow or the day after.
40:09
SPEAKER_06: And that plane ride you take back home or the drive, I want you to reflect on why you're passion about the work you do.
40:18
SPEAKER_06: So thank you.
40:19
SPEAKER_06: And I'll have some questions, but here's a QR code.
40:22
SPEAKER_06: But thank you so much for allowing me to coach you.
40:32
SPEAKER_06: So does anyone have questions?
40:35
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
40:36
SPEAKER_03: So do you talk about power poses?
40:38
SPEAKER_03: And I think that's great when you're in line and in person.
40:41
SPEAKER_03: Do you have any tips for power poses virtually?
40:44
SPEAKER_06: Yes, okay, hold on.
40:45
SPEAKER_06: So with PowerPoint is virtually right before the virtual meeting is actually standing up like this.
40:50
SPEAKER_06: Or even when you are virtually just sitting straight, and then I think people forget moving your hands during Zoom.
40:58
SPEAKER_06: I know it's so easy to be here, but when you're on Zoom, it knows other people know that you're engaged in it.
41:05
SPEAKER_06: Because let's be honest, I'm pretty sure you're on Zoom with other colleagues, and you know they're not paying attention because they're on keyboards checking their email and responding to messages.
41:14
SPEAKER_06: I feel like when we do move our hands, we're providing feedback and letting them know I'm being present, not checking my inbox.
41:20
SPEAKER_06: I see a question there.
41:22
SPEAKER_11: I know when you get derail in the meeting.
41:24
SPEAKER_06: I don't know if you can answer this question or if you're safe enough.
41:26
SPEAKER_06: What do you mean by derail?
41:28
SPEAKER_06: Like they changed the topic on you?
41:30
unknown: Yeah.
41:30
SPEAKER_06: So breathing.
41:32
SPEAKER_06: And then, like, I know we're talking about this, let's go back to talking about this and telling them why.
41:38
SPEAKER_06: Like, why is this urgent for you to talk about?
41:40
SPEAKER_06: We need to talk about this because we have a Wednesday deadline.
41:44
SPEAKER_06: Or we need to talk about this because I'm about to talk to my CFO and share these reports.
41:48
SPEAKER_06: Give them a reason why the topic needs to go back here.
41:51
SPEAKER_06: Or not call out, but call in.
41:54
SPEAKER_06: Can you I can I share an alteration with you?
41:57
SPEAKER_06: I've noticed that in the past three meetings I've brought this up.
42:00
SPEAKER_06: Is there a reason why you don't want to talk about it?
42:03
SPEAKER_06: Marin the flat.
42:05
SPEAKER_06: I told you I do more time.
42:07
SPEAKER_06: I think I saw two hands raised here and then a third.
42:10
SPEAKER_06: We'll go here, here, and then over there.
42:13
SPEAKER_06: Okay, let me go back.
42:14
SPEAKER_06: With imposter syndrome, pause, the breathing.
42:18
SPEAKER_06: Like when you're feeling really uncomfortable, I can't accentuate enough about the pausing and breathing.
42:25
SPEAKER_06: Um, one client I was working with, she's no longer in the company, but in each time there was a meeting and she worked in person, she had this beautiful office space that she worked in, she would just walk out, just walk around.
42:38
SPEAKER_06: I mean, not walk out of the meeting, but after the meeting, like come out and just walk around.
42:43
SPEAKER_06: I think so often we forget.
42:44
SPEAKER_06: Because usually what happens even like like the anxiety character when she's like swirling, anxiety and peditex, if you've ever had it or if you've ever seen someone have it, you're just still and it happens.
42:56
SPEAKER_06: So for anxiety to move, you need to move the energy.
42:58
SPEAKER_06: And we see this with Olympians.
43:00
SPEAKER_06: They do have anxiety before an event, but to help with that, they're moving their bodies, they're breathing in and out, and they're having those mantras.
43:10
SPEAKER_06: I love that I the Olympics just happened, so I could give that as an example.
43:13
SPEAKER_06: And I get it, and I know you're like, well, they're they're Olympians, like, how is it different for me?
43:18
SPEAKER_06: They're human, and Simone got to teach us that, which has been beautiful.
43:23
SPEAKER_06: I think I saw a hand here.
43:25
SPEAKER_07: Do you have any tips on how to carry yourself if you like too much of it?
43:31
SPEAKER_07: You need to hold yourself in the room in the world that you're talking about.
43:35
SPEAKER_07: Does that make sense?
43:36
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, do you notice if it's like a color that you're doing using or an outfit?
43:41
SPEAKER_06: Is that what you mean?
43:42
SPEAKER_06: I want to make sure I'm understanding the question, by the way.
43:44
SPEAKER_07: Yeah, like if I'm wearing red and clean, it feels too much a lot.
43:50
SPEAKER_06: Actually, thank you for sharing that.
43:52
SPEAKER_06: So I didn't talk about power suits.
43:54
SPEAKER_06: So it's acknowledging the environment you're in, and there is a reason why we're red.
43:58
SPEAKER_06: I know Coca Cola is over here.
44:01
SPEAKER_06: So I say that because I'm mindful of the audience that I'm in.
44:05
SPEAKER_06: So just being mindful of that, that's what I can say.
44:09
SPEAKER_01: Men tend to dress a lot in black or grey, or maybe with a white shirt.
44:13
SPEAKER_01: And like women are not that way.
44:15
SPEAKER_01: So, like, do you have tips on she feels like she's too much, but now she's a female and she's not gonna wear great black at all?
44:22
SPEAKER_06: No, so okay, thank you for bringing that up.
44:25
SPEAKER_06: So when Cheryl Sandberg worked for Facebook, for example, Facebook they wore hoodies.
44:31
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, yeah, no, but but just tech environment-wide, right, wearing hoodies.
44:36
SPEAKER_06: But Cheryl, being the former CEO, knew that she always had to dress up.
44:40
SPEAKER_03: You just have to own it.
44:42
SPEAKER_06: You just have to own it.
44:43
SPEAKER_06: Okay, so I know this is not executive presence, but I was at a networking event two days ago, not two days ago, like last week, and I was late, but the only seats were in the front.
44:53
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, do I go in there in the front and be like, oh my god, I'm sure I'm gonna suck.
44:57
SPEAKER_06: Like, you know what?
44:58
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna do a talk in executive presence.
45:00
SPEAKER_06: I just owned it.
45:01
SPEAKER_06: So I just walked to the front and I just sat.
45:04
SPEAKER_06: But it's being conscious of that as well.
45:07
unknown: Thank you.
45:08
SPEAKER_06: You're welcome.
45:09
SPEAKER_06: I see a question there.
45:18
SPEAKER_01: Like, oh, like I think you can do better next time.
45:21
SPEAKER_01: Like very like short, not like descriptive.
45:24
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, so you can make it situational rather than making it broad.
45:28
SPEAKER_06: Like, hey, I know I show up to all of these board meetings, for example, and I talk about A, B, and C.
45:34
SPEAKER_06: Do you have feedback on me on how I talked about it?
45:38
SPEAKER_06: What else I could add, what's not happening?
45:41
SPEAKER_06: So being very specific to situations that they're they've experienced.
45:46
SPEAKER_06: Does that help?
45:47
SPEAKER_06: Okay, cool.
45:48
SPEAKER_06: I do not know I didn't think of this earlier.
45:50
SPEAKER_06: Okay, I'm so mad at myself.
45:53
SPEAKER_06: Go ahead.
45:54
SPEAKER_08: So I think, you know, again, in everyone's line at work at some point or another, you're gonna be faced with a situation, whether it be a technical or an internal team out of the client where tensions are high, there's you know a lot of stress in those things.
46:07
SPEAKER_08: So, how what tips or recommendations do you have to try and get out of that like intrusive thought space that leads to maybe uh heightened anxiety?
46:19
SPEAKER_08: Things that really uh again prevent you from showing up in your best objective.
46:24
SPEAKER_06: So and I'm gonna repeat the question.
46:27
SPEAKER_06: So the question is what happens when you're at a high-stakes meeting with a client and it's just not going well and there's tension?
46:34
SPEAKER_06: Is that what I heard?
46:35
SPEAKER_08: It could be a single meeting, or you know, I work for a center, right?
46:38
SPEAKER_08: So we've got the sensitive space because more often happens all the time.
46:44
SPEAKER_06: So that table I showed, there is a column that says goal, but before each meeting, whether it's individual or a group, what is your goal?
46:53
SPEAKER_06: What is their goal?
46:54
SPEAKER_06: What do you want to get out of it?
46:56
SPEAKER_06: So even it's a simple pen to paper looking at it so you're reminded.
47:00
SPEAKER_06: And I say pen to paper because I know a majority of us probably are on Zoom or on Teams, so you could look at, oh no, this meeting is not doing well.
47:07
SPEAKER_06: What's the goal again?
47:08
SPEAKER_06: And then you're looking down at it.
47:10
SPEAKER_12: I run my team meeting every Monday, and we have an hour call, and we have women from all over the country on my team call, and I always start the meeting like trying to warn and asking everyone how everyone's weekend is, and then it drives me crazy because then we get into a half-hour conversation about how everyone's weekend is, and my answer keeps telling me like I need to warn the meeting because I've tried to put that back.
47:32
SPEAKER_06: Is it, and I want to make sure I understand, is it the oh no, they're talking for 30 minutes and how to make it shorter?
47:37
SPEAKER_06: What's the challenge?
47:49
SPEAKER_06: Actually, I hear people laughing.
47:51
SPEAKER_06: I want to hear, does anyone have an answer?
47:53
SPEAKER_06: Oh, I see.
47:54
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
47:54
SPEAKER_06: You know, we're gonna coach every like each other here.
47:57
SPEAKER_06: Let's hear feedback.
47:58
SPEAKER_04: I would I I love that idea.
48:00
SPEAKER_04: We pop corn about our our weekends, which takes about 10 minutes for about 17 people.
48:05
SPEAKER_04: And then um I would say if it's running a half hour, could you extend the meeting a half an hour?
48:12
unknown: No.
48:15
SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna say sometimes to think that's such an important part about building culture, about like engaging with each other on a personal level, that the agenda is important, but you're gonna get really bar with those kinds of conversations.
48:29
SPEAKER_06: So I see three women and four women have their hand raised, but I actually want to pause, going back to my model of she asked a question, everybody wanted to help out.
48:41
SPEAKER_06: And if we had that mindset of like, I need to figure out this answer because nobody understands the problem that I have right now, but if we actually ask for feedback, it could help us figure out our own way.
48:53
SPEAKER_06: I'm not saying you have to copy and paste from what someone else has told you, but it starts giving you ideas on what to do.
49:00
SPEAKER_06: So, for example, as a coach when my clients are asking for strategies, and you could do this as a manager.
49:06
SPEAKER_06: Hey, Eileen, I'm trying to think of what to do, A, B, and C.
49:09
SPEAKER_06: Can you give me feedback?
49:10
SPEAKER_06: And I'm like, okay, have you thought of doing A, B, C, D?
49:12
SPEAKER_06: Do you align with that?
49:14
SPEAKER_06: No.
49:15
SPEAKER_06: Okay, well, what is your feedback on how to do that?
49:19
SPEAKER_06: I think we should do this.
49:20
SPEAKER_06: And I say that because it's not always like do what I say, but you want to help your direct report start thinking of what are possible solutions for them.
49:29
SPEAKER_06: And when you give them an idea, they think of other ideas that they could add on to it.
49:33
SPEAKER_06: Okay, sorry, I saw a lot of hands raised.
49:36
SPEAKER_02: So, what I wanted to understand more, especially for executive presence, for me, executive presence means they need to be confident in their communication, they need to show confidently in the meeting, they need to own the road.
49:48
SPEAKER_02: So we can be specific about what we actually go do as a development goal.
49:52
SPEAKER_02: Because executive presence and strategic mindset are the two I struggle with sometimes because everybody carries their own definition.
49:58
SPEAKER_02: So any tips you have would be helpful.
50:00
SPEAKER_06: Yeah, so I want to bring this up because I don't I don't want to give like a copy and paste this is what every single company should do.
50:08
SPEAKER_06: Just like each individual, each individual is different.
50:11
SPEAKER_06: So, what I want to encourage you and everyone else to do is gather information of putting a list of people.
50:17
SPEAKER_06: I know I said this is your team, but to you making a submit who has executive presence in this company?
50:24
SPEAKER_06: These are my top three, these are my top five.
50:27
SPEAKER_06: And then filling out this information and seeing what are commonalities and patterns I notice in this company so then I can make sure I emulate it.
50:36
SPEAKER_02: So, what does executive presence mean to you?
50:38
SPEAKER_02: Is just showing up confidently?
50:40
SPEAKER_06: So I'll give an example.
50:41
SPEAKER_06: Um, I was sharing this throughout my presentation, but I asked for the list of 200 people that signed up.
50:46
SPEAKER_06: There was more here, obviously.
50:48
SPEAKER_06: But I asked for that list and I asked, can I put a survey out so I can understand?
50:52
SPEAKER_06: What are the goals, what are the challenges, what you want to take away from it, right?
50:57
SPEAKER_06: In addition to that, I added all 194 out of 200.
51:01
SPEAKER_06: That was me personally doing it on LinkedIn.
51:03
SPEAKER_06: And I messaged some of you about 38 of you messaged me back.
51:07
SPEAKER_06: And I asked for feedback again, even though I put it on the survey, what do you want to get out of it?
51:11
SPEAKER_06: Executive presence to me is understanding who I am in the room, what people need, and making sure that I provide that.
51:21
SPEAKER_06: So, yes, it's confidence.
51:23
SPEAKER_06: But I'll be honest, so remember that trauma box, a fight, flight, freeze, fawn?
51:28
SPEAKER_06: I actually took that chart out of my presentation originally.
51:33
SPEAKER_06: I had it.
51:34
SPEAKER_06: Then when I went through the talks yesterday, and yesterday, because I couldn't go today, I was prepping for this talk.
51:40
SPEAKER_06: I was like, oh, everybody's talking about the challenges they went through.
51:44
SPEAKER_06: If that's what I'm seeing, I think it would be really helpful if people understood trauma and I put this table back in.
51:51
SPEAKER_06: So it's not just confidence, but also coming from that curious mindset of coming from observation and seeing, okay, this is what people need, how can I use that as a loop?
52:02
SPEAKER_06: So going back to this, this is a feedback loop of what I could improve on and notice.
52:08
SPEAKER_06: Another thing, for those of you that have that have work besties, even letting that individual know, hey, I'm working on this, I keep saying um all the time.
52:17
SPEAKER_06: Next time we're at a meeting, can you help me out?
52:19
SPEAKER_06: Can you see if I'm saying um a lot?
52:21
SPEAKER_06: Because I want to take that out.
52:23
SPEAKER_06: So then at least you have that held accountability to improve on that.
52:27
SPEAKER_06: Anyone else?
52:28
SPEAKER_06: I think I yes.
52:30
SPEAKER_06: And then can you stand in and talk that way?
52:32
SPEAKER_09: Are there other ways to tell that more senior person or your fellow leaders that I don't know the answer to that?
52:38
SPEAKER_09: You know, is there another more executive presence way of saying that?
52:43
SPEAKER_06: So I have a question.
52:44
SPEAKER_06: With not knowing the answer, is it because it's out of your scope?
52:48
SPEAKER_09: Well, if I'm not ready with that answer at that point, you know, how do you make it, you know, it looks different, basically, in front of them?
52:57
SPEAKER_06: Well, even saying that, like thanks for that question.
52:59
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna write it down because it does take me a while to gather that information.
53:03
SPEAKER_06: Like educating them while you don't have the answer right away.
53:07
SPEAKER_06: I see a question there.
53:09
SPEAKER_11: The question is how once you lose control of a room or on a call, how do you regain that with grace without being feeling like you come back angry or you're upset?
53:21
SPEAKER_06: Thank you for asking.
53:22
SPEAKER_06: So one breathe, right?
53:24
SPEAKER_06: But actually, another tip, and don't do it in a condescending way, but saying their first name.
53:29
SPEAKER_06: Okay, like throughout the meeting, like Elaine?
53:32
SPEAKER_06: Elaine?
53:32
SPEAKER_06: Elaine?
53:35
SPEAKER_06: Elaine?
53:35
SPEAKER_11: I'm not so sure how my boss is gonna do it now.
53:39
SPEAKER_11: Oh, okay, so it's a boss.
53:44
SPEAKER_06: It happens, like no, it does, it does happen.
53:46
SPEAKER_06: So if you're like, Elaine, I I know that you're talking about this, but we need to focus on this, and this is why A, B, C, and D.
53:53
SPEAKER_06: But I I used to work and like I said, I used to do political campaigns.
53:58
SPEAKER_06: And so I used to do that.
53:59
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, wait, what's the name I could use?
54:02
SPEAKER_06: I'll just say I don't want to give away names, that's why.
54:06
SPEAKER_06: Um B, B, B.
54:08
SPEAKER_06: I'm like, I know you're talking about this, but we need to focus on this and this is why.
54:11
SPEAKER_06: Okay.
54:11
SPEAKER_06: And I'll just insert myself.
54:13
SPEAKER_10: And so being able to like let them know that they're being a little intrusive and you need the road back.
54:19
SPEAKER_06: Not in front of a meeting or a group, okay, because you can't call them out in a group.
54:23
SPEAKER_06: Actually, you know what?
54:24
SPEAKER_06: I'm gonna bring it up to the floor.
54:26
SPEAKER_06: What have you done?
54:27
SPEAKER_11: It it is one or two people.
54:29
SPEAKER_11: Yes, it's it's consistently goes on, but they just feel like they can't control themselves.
54:36
SPEAKER_11: And it's almost like an excitement thing.
54:38
SPEAKER_11: They're like, oh, I know this too.
54:39
SPEAKER_11: And I don't know, I always struggle with how do I get that room back.
54:43
SPEAKER_02: One tip that helps me, especially if it's a person senior than me interrupting, is to tell them how insightful they are.
54:52
SPEAKER_06: Okay, just in case you didn't hear what she said, she she said, just say you're really insightful.
55:00
SPEAKER_06: That was her response just in case you loved her.
55:02
SPEAKER_02: That's my interruption, and then I can take back.
55:05
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
55:06
SPEAKER_02: Thank you very much.
55:07
SPEAKER_02: I appreciate that.
55:07
SPEAKER_11: Thank you.
55:09
SPEAKER_06: Thank you.
55:10
SPEAKER_06: Thank you.
55:10
SPEAKER_06: How's the coaching sessions, by the way?
55:14
SPEAKER_06: All right, anyone else have questions or anything they want to add?
55:18
SPEAKER_06: So wait, let me let me make sure I understand the question.
55:20
SPEAKER_06: Is how do you find people who are influential?
55:23
SPEAKER_06: No, how do I influence others if I don't have direct authority over them?
55:27
SPEAKER_06: Go ahead.
55:28
SPEAKER_06: And then there's one there.
55:29
SPEAKER_02: One thing that helps me is that if I know somebody's important for my relationship or my job, I try to find multiple ways to help them first without asking for anything in return.
55:40
SPEAKER_06: Also, I think we often forget too is just doing virtual coffee chats to connect with people.
55:46
SPEAKER_06: Like, hey, I know we work together on all these projects.
55:48
SPEAKER_06: I would just love to do a coffee chat with you just to connect.
55:52
SPEAKER_06: 15-20 minutes.
55:54
SPEAKER_06: Say 15 or 20 minutes, do not do 30 or an hour because people will decline those meetings right away.
55:59
SPEAKER_06: All right.
56:00
SPEAKER_06: I will be here if you have any further questions.
56:02
SPEAKER_06: If you haven't yet, be sure to download this.
56:06
SPEAKER_06: Also, um, thank you for sticking around with my backup singer speakers who are horrible.
56:13
SPEAKER_06: So thank you, everybody.
56:15
unknown: Thank you.
56:23
unknown: Thank you.
56:26
SPEAKER_05: Throughout my talk on executive presence, I shared the importance of having a curious mindset over a judgment mindset to gather data and feedback.
56:39
SPEAKER_05: And now that I am recording this outro six days after the presentation, I'm just gonna be honest.
56:50
SPEAKER_05: That was my first time I presented publicly on my conscious conversations heart-led model with the six competencies: passion, pause, perspectives, prepare, practice, and perform.
57:06
SPEAKER_05: And I received so much feedback on how everyone resonated with this feedback loop and a shape of a heart, the arrows, and the focus on passion and pause, and that people can create their own executive leadership.
57:25
SPEAKER_05: So I was seeking for feedback, and I also want to give a shout out to my own lawyer, Andrea Sager, for helping me trademark and copyright it.
57:35
SPEAKER_05: I'm so excited to be coaching and speaking more about this.
57:40
SPEAKER_05: In fact, I just had a talk this morning with a tech company that works with media and entertainment companies, big companies that you would know of if I said their names, but I'm not going to, of how they want to learn more about it and teach it to their team and leaders.
57:56
SPEAKER_05: So I'm so stoked about that.
57:58
SPEAKER_05: I use this talk to gather feedback.
58:00
SPEAKER_05: And I want to say thank you to Next Up and Jackie Fletcher Johnson for inviting me to speak.
58:06
SPEAKER_05: Next Up is a wonderful organization focused on advancing women in their careers.
58:12
SPEAKER_05: So I will put more information about their membership here in the show notes.
58:18
SPEAKER_05: And if you found this episode helpful, here are four things you can do if you feel called to do them.
58:26
SPEAKER_05: You always have choice in agency.
58:28
SPEAKER_05: Number one, if you could leave a five-star rating in review, that would mean so much to me and my team.
58:35
SPEAKER_05: We created this podcast for accessible education for women of color and allies.
58:42
SPEAKER_05: Each episode takes about four hours to create.
58:44
SPEAKER_05: It takes me one hour to prep, another 30 minutes to one hour to record.
58:48
SPEAKER_05: Then my team spends another two hours to edit and market.
58:52
SPEAKER_05: And shout out to my podcast editor, Pete Bailey, who had to really, really edit this podcast because of all the tech and screeching sounds on this podcast.
59:04
SPEAKER_05: Number two, because we care about accessible education, share this with a friend who needs support in creating their own executive presence.
59:14
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59:19
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59:29
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59:44
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59:54
SPEAKER_05: So you can schedule that call with me at elanelu.com forward slash call.
1:00:01
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