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The School Days of an Indian Girl · Native American Stories by Zitkala-Sa

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Speaker 1: Section two of American Indian Stories. This is a LibriVox recording.
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Speaker 1: All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more
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Speaker 1: information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox dot org. Read
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Speaker 1: by Vira American Indian Stories by Ziitcalissa, The School Days
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Speaker 1: of an Indian Girl, Part one, The Land of Red Apples.
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Speaker 1: There were eight in our party of bronzed children who
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Speaker 1: were going east with the missionaries. Among us were three
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Speaker 1: young braves, two tall girls, and we three little ones, Judwill,
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Speaker 1: Sylwyn and I. We had been very impatient to start
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Speaker 1: on our journey to the Red Apple country, which we
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Speaker 1: were told lay a little beyond the great circular horizon
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Speaker 1: of the Western Prairie, under a sky of rosy apples.
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Speaker 1: We dreamt of roaming as freely unhappily as we had
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Speaker 1: chased the cloud shadows on the Dakota Plains. We had
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Speaker 1: anticipated much pleasure from a ride on the Iron Horse,
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Speaker 1: but the throngs of staring, pale faces disturbed and troubled us.
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Speaker 1: On the train. Fair women with tottering babies on each arm,
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Speaker 1: stopped their haste and scrutinized the children of absent mothers.
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Speaker 1: Large men with heavy bundles in their hands, halted near by,
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Speaker 1: and riveted their glassy blue eyes upon us. I sank
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Speaker 1: deep into the corner of my seat, for I rescined
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Speaker 1: it being watched directly in fants of me. Children who
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Speaker 1: were no larger than I hung themselves upon the backs
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Speaker 1: of their seats, with their bold white faces toward me.
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Speaker 1: Sometimes they took their forefingers out of their mouths and
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Speaker 1: pointed at my mocacinated feet. Their mothers, instead of reproving
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Speaker 1: such s hrude curiosity, looked closely at me and attracted
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Speaker 1: their children's further notice to my blankets. This embarrassed me
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Speaker 1: and kept me constantly on the verge of tears. I
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Speaker 1: sat perfectly still, with my eyes downcast, daring only now
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Speaker 1: and then to shoot long glances around me, chancing to
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Speaker 1: turn to the window at my side. I was quite
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Speaker 1: breathless upon seeing one familiar object. It was the telegraph pole,
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Speaker 1: which strode by at short paces, very near my mother,
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Speaker 1: dwelling along the edge of a road thickly bordered with
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Speaker 1: wild sunflowers. Some poles like these had been planted by
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Speaker 1: white men. Often. I had stopped on my way down
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Speaker 1: the road to hold my ear against the pole, and
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Speaker 1: hearing its low moaning, I used to wonder what the
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Speaker 1: pale face had done to herd it. Now I sat
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Speaker 1: watching for each pole that glided by to be the
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Speaker 1: last one. In this way, I had forgotten my uncomfortable surroundings.
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Speaker 1: When I heard one of my comrades call out my name.
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Speaker 1: I saw the missionary standing very near thawsing candies and
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Speaker 1: gums into our midst. This amused us all, and we
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Speaker 1: tried to see who could catch the most of the
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Speaker 1: sweet maids. Though we rode several days inside of the
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Speaker 1: iron horse, I do not recall a single thing about
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Speaker 1: our luncheons. It was night when we reached the school grounds.
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Speaker 1: The lights from the windows of the large buildings fell
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Speaker 1: upon some of the icicle trees that stood beneath him.
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Speaker 1: We were led toward an open door, where the brightness
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Speaker 1: of the lights within flooted out over the heads of
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Speaker 1: the excited pale faces who blocked our way. My body
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Speaker 1: trembled more from fear than from the snow I trod.
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Speaker 1: Upon entering the house, I stood close against the wall.
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Speaker 1: The strong, glaring light in the large, whitewashed room dazzled
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Speaker 1: my eyes The noisy hurrying of hard shoes upon a
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Speaker 1: bare wooden floor increased the whirring in my ears. My
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Speaker 1: only safety seemed to be in keeping next to the wall,
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Speaker 1: as I was one in which direction to escape from
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Speaker 1: all this confusion. Two warm hands grasped me firmly, and
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Speaker 1: in the same moments I was tossed high in mid air.
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Speaker 1: A rosy cheeked, pale faced woman caught me in her arms.
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Speaker 1: I was both frightened and insulted by such trifling. I
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Speaker 1: stared into her eyes, wishing her to let me stand
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Speaker 1: on my own feet, but she jumped me up and
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Speaker 1: down with increasing enthusiasm. My mother had never made a
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Speaker 1: plaything of her wee daughter. Remembering this, I began to
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Speaker 1: cry aloud. They misunderstood the cause of my tears and
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Speaker 1: placed me at a white table loaded with food. There
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Speaker 1: our party were united again. As I did not hush
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Speaker 1: my crying, one of the older ones whispered to me,
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Speaker 1: wait until you are alone in the night. It was
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Speaker 1: very little I could swallow besides my sobs that evening. Oh,
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Speaker 1: I want my mother and my brother Davey. I want
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Speaker 1: to go to my aunt, I pleaded, but the ears
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Speaker 1: of the pale faces could not hear me from the table.
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Speaker 1: We were taken along and upward incline of wooden boxes,
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Speaker 1: which I learned afterward to call a stairway. At the
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Speaker 1: top was a quiet hull, dimly lighted. Many narrow beds
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Speaker 1: were in one straight line down the entire length of
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Speaker 1: the wall. In them lay sleeping brown faces which peeped
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Speaker 1: just out of the cowerings. I was tucked into bed
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Speaker 1: with one of the tall girls, because she talked to
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Speaker 1: me in my mother tongue and seemed to soothe me.
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Speaker 1: I had arrived in the wonderful land of Rosy Skies,
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Speaker 1: but I was not happy, as I had thought I
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Speaker 1: should be. My long travel on the bewildering sights had
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Speaker 1: exhausted me. I fell asleep, heaving deep tied sobs. My
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Speaker 1: tears were left to dry themselves in streaks, because neither
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Speaker 1: my aunt nor my mother was near to wipe them away.
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Speaker 1: Part two, The Cutting of My long Hair. The first
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Speaker 1: day in the Land of Apples was a bitter cold one,
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Speaker 1: for the snow still covered the ground and the trees
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Speaker 1: were bare. A large bell rang for breakfast, its loud
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Speaker 1: metallic voice crashing through the belfry overhead and into our
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Speaker 1: sensitive ears. The annoying clatter of shoes on bare floors
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Speaker 1: gave with no peace. The constant clash of harsh noises,
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Speaker 1: with an undercurrent of many voices murmuring an unknown tongue,
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Speaker 1: made a bedlam within which I was securely tied. And
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Speaker 1: though my spirit tore itself in struggling for its lost freedom,
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Speaker 1: all was useless. A pale faced woman with white hair
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Speaker 1: came up after us. We were placed in a line
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Speaker 1: of girls who were marching into the dining room. These
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Speaker 1: were Indian girls in stiff shoes and closely clinging dresses.
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Speaker 1: The small girls wore sleeved aprons and shingled hair. As
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Speaker 1: I walked noiselessly in my soft moccasins, I felt like
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Speaker 1: sinking to the floor, for my blanket had been stripped
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Speaker 1: from my shoulders. I looked hard at the Indian girls,
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Speaker 1: who seemed not to care that they were even more
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Speaker 1: immodestly dressed than I in their tightly fitting clothes. While
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Speaker 1: we marched in, the boys entered at an opposite door.
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Speaker 1: I watched for the three young braves who came on
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Speaker 1: our party. I spied them in the rear ranks, looking
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Speaker 1: as uncomfortable as I felt, A small bell was tapped
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Speaker 1: and each of the pupils drew a chair from under
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Speaker 1: the table. Supposing this act meant they were to be seated.
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Speaker 1: I pulled out mine and at once slipped into it
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Speaker 1: from one side. But when I turned my head, I
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Speaker 1: saw that I was the only one seated, and all
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Speaker 1: the rest at our table remained standing. Just as I
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Speaker 1: began to rise, looking shyly around to see how chairs
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Speaker 1: were to be used, a second bell was sounded. All
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Speaker 1: were seated at last, and I had to crawl back
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Speaker 1: into my chair again. I heard a man's voice at
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Speaker 1: one end of the hall, and I looked around to
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Speaker 1: see him, but all the others hung their heads over
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Speaker 1: their place. As I glanced at the long chain of tables,
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Speaker 1: I caught the eyes of a pale faced woman upon me.
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Speaker 1: Immediately I dropped my eyes, wondering why I was so
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Speaker 1: keenly watched by the strange woman. The man seized his mutterings,
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Speaker 1: and then a third bell was tapped. Everyone picked up
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Speaker 1: his knife and fork and began eating. I began crying instead,
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Speaker 1: for by this time I was afraid to venture anything more,
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Speaker 1: but this eating, by formerly, was not the hardest trial
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Speaker 1: in that first day. Late in the morning, my friend
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Speaker 1: Judwyn gave me a terrible warning. Judren knew a few
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Speaker 1: words of English, and she had overheard the pale faced
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Speaker 1: woman talk about cutting our long, heavy hair. Our mothers
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Speaker 1: had thought us that only unskilled warriors who were captured
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Speaker 1: had their hair shingled by the enemy. Among our people,
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Speaker 1: short hair was worn by mourners and shingled hair by cowards.
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Speaker 1: We discussed our fate some moments, and when jud Win
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Speaker 1: said we have to submit because they are strong, I rebelled, No,
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Speaker 1: I will not submit. I will struggle first, I answered.
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Speaker 1: I watched my chance, and when no one noticed, I disappeared.
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Speaker 1: I crept up the stairs as quietly as I could
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Speaker 1: in my squeaking shoes. My moccasins had been exchanged for shoes.
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Speaker 1: Along the hall, I passed without knowing whither I was going.
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Speaker 1: Turning aside to an open door, I found a large
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Speaker 1: room with three white pets in it. The windows were
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Speaker 1: covered with dark green curtains, which made the room very dim.
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Speaker 1: Thankful that no one was there, I directed my steps
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Speaker 1: toward the corner furthest from the door. On my hands
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Speaker 1: and knees. I crawled under the bed and cuddled myself
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Speaker 1: in the dark corner from my hiding place. I peered out,
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Speaker 1: shuddering with fear whenever I heard footsteps near by. Though
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Speaker 1: in the hall, loud voices were calling my name, and
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Speaker 1: I knew that even Juden was searching for me. I
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Speaker 1: did not open my mouth to answer. Then the steps
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Speaker 1: were quickened, and the voices became excited. The sounds came
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Speaker 1: nearer and nearer. Women and girls entered the room. I
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Speaker 1: held my breath and watched them open closet doors and
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Speaker 1: peep behind large trunks. Some one threw up the curtains,
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Speaker 1: and the room was filled with sudden light. What caused
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Speaker 1: them to stoop and look under the bed, I do
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Speaker 1: not know. I remember being dragged out, though I resisted
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Speaker 1: by kicking and scratching wildly in spite of myself, I
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Speaker 1: was carried downstairs and tied fast in a chair. I
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Speaker 1: cried aloud, shaking my head all the while until I
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Speaker 1: felt the cold blades of the scissors against my neck
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Speaker 1: and heard them gnaw off one of my thick braids.
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Speaker 1: Then I lost my spirits. Since the day I was
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Speaker 1: taken from my mother. I had suffered extreme indignities. People
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Speaker 1: had stared at me, I had been tossed about in
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Speaker 1: the air like a wooden puppet, and now my long
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Speaker 1: hair was shingled like a coward's. In my anguish, I
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Speaker 1: moaned for my mother, but no one came to comfort me.
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Speaker 1: Not a soul reasoned quietly with me, as my own
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Speaker 1: mother used to do. For now I was only one
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Speaker 1: of many little animals driven by a herder. Part three,
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Speaker 1: the snow episode. A short time after our arrival, we
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Speaker 1: three Dakodahs were playing in the snow drift. We were
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Speaker 1: all still deaft to the English language, excepting Judwyn, who
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Speaker 1: always heard such puzzling things. One morning we learned through
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Speaker 1: her ears that we were forbidden to fall lengthwise in
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Speaker 1: the snow, as we had been doing to see our
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Speaker 1: own impressions. However, before many hours we had forgotten the
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Speaker 1: order and were having great sport in the snow when
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Speaker 1: a shrill voice called us. Looking up, we saw an
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Speaker 1: imperative hand beckoning us into the house. We shook the
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Speaker 1: snow off ourselves and started toward the woman as slowly
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Speaker 1: as we dared. Judebin said, now the pale face is
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Speaker 1: angry with us. She is going to punish us for
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Speaker 1: falling into the snow. If she looks straight into your
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Speaker 1: eyes and talks loudly, you must wait until she stops, then,
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Speaker 1: after a tiny pause, saying no. The rest of the way,
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Speaker 1: we practiced upon the little word no. As it happened,
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Speaker 1: Thaven was summoned to judgment. First, the door shut behind
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Speaker 1: her with a click. Jud Win and I stood silently
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Speaker 1: listening to the keyhole. The pale faced woman talked in
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Speaker 1: very severe tones. Her words fell from her lips like
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Speaker 1: crackling embers, and her inflection ran up like the small
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Speaker 1: end of a switch. I understood her voice better than
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Speaker 1: the things she was saying. I was certain we had
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Speaker 1: made her very impatient with us. Judwin heard enough of
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Speaker 1: the words to realize all too late that she had
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Speaker 1: thought us the wrong reply. Oh poor Toauven, she gasped
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Speaker 1: as she put both hands over her ears. Just then
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Speaker 1: I heard Thouven's tremulous answer no. With an angry exclamation,
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Speaker 1: the woman gave her a hard spanking. Then she stopped
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Speaker 1: to say something. Judwin said it was this, Are you
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Speaker 1: going to obey my word? The next time? Thauwyn answered
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Speaker 1: again with the onely word at her command. No. This
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Speaker 1: time the woman meant her blows too smart for the
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Speaker 1: poor frightened girl shrieked at the top of her voice
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Speaker 1: in the midst of the whipping. The blow ceased abruptly,
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Speaker 1: and the woman asked another question, Are you going to
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Speaker 1: fall in the snow again? Thauwyn gave her bad password
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Speaker 1: another trial. We heard her say feebly no no. With
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Speaker 1: this the woman hid away her half worn slipper and
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Speaker 1: let the child out, stroking her black shorn head. Perhaps
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Speaker 1: it occurred to her that brute force is not the
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Speaker 1: solution for such a problem. She did nothing to jude
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Speaker 1: When nor to me. She only returned to us, our
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Speaker 1: unhappy comrade, and left us alone in the room. During
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Speaker 1: the first two or three seasons, misunderstandings as ridiculous as
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Speaker 1: this one of the snow episode frequently took place, bringing
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Speaker 1: unjustifiable frights and punishments into our little lives. Within a year,
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Speaker 1: I was able to express myself somewhat in broken English.
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Speaker 1: As soon as I comprehended a part of what was
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Speaker 1: said undone, a mischievous spirit of revenge possessed me. One
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Speaker 1: day I was called in from my play for some misconduct,
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Speaker 1: I had disregarded a rule which seemed to me very
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Speaker 1: needlessly binding. I was sent into the kitchen to mash
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Speaker 1: the turnips for dinner. It was noon, and steaming dishes
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Speaker 1: were hastily carried into the dining room. I hated turnips,
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Speaker 1: and their odor, which came from the brown jar, was
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Speaker 1: offensive to me. With fire in my heart, I took
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Speaker 1: the wooden tool that the pale faced woman held out
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Speaker 1: to me. I stood upon a step, and grasping the
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Speaker 1: handle with both hands, I bent in hot rage over
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Speaker 1: the turnips. I worked my vengeance upon them. All were
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Speaker 1: so busily occupied that no one noticed me. I saw
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Speaker 1: that the turnips were in a pulp, and that further
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Speaker 1: beating could not improve them. But the order was mashed
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Speaker 1: these turnips, and mashed them I would. I renewed my energy,
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Speaker 1: and as I sent the measure into the bottom of
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Speaker 1: the jar, I felt as satisfying sensation that the weight
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Speaker 1: of my body had gone into it. Just here, a
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Speaker 1: pale faced woman came up to my table. As she
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Speaker 1: looked into the jar, she shoved my hands roughly aside.
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Speaker 1: I stood fearless and angry. She placed her red hands
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Speaker 1: upon the rim of the jar. Then she gave one
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Speaker 1: lift and stride away from the table. But lo, the
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Speaker 1: pulpy contents fell through the crumbled bottom to the floor.
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Speaker 1: Eye She spared me no scolding phrases that I had earned,
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Speaker 1: I did not heed them. I felt triumphant in my revenge,
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Speaker 1: though deep within me I was a wee bit sorry
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Speaker 1: to have broken the jar. As I sat eating my
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Speaker 1: dinner and saw that no turnips were served, I wooped
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Speaker 1: in my heart for having once asserted the rebellion within me.
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Speaker 1: Part four. The Devil. Among the legends the old warriors
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Speaker 1: used to tell me were many stories of evil spirits,
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Speaker 1: but I was thought to fear them no more than
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Speaker 1: those who stalked about in material guise. I never knew
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Speaker 1: there was an insolent chieftain among the bad spirits who
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Speaker 1: dared to array his forces against the great Spirit, until
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Speaker 1: I heard this white man's legend from a pale faced woman.
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Speaker 1: Out of a large book. She showed me a picture
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Speaker 1: of the white man's devil. I looked in horror upon
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Speaker 1: the strong class that grew out of his fur covered fingers.
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Speaker 1: His feet were like his hands, trailing at his heels
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Speaker 1: was as scaly tail tipped with the serpent's open jaws.
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Speaker 1: His face was a patchwork. He had bared a cheeks
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Speaker 1: like some I had seen pale faces wear. His nose
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Speaker 1: was an eagle's bill, and his sharp pointed ears were
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Speaker 1: pricked up like those of a sly fox. About them,
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Speaker 1: a pair of cow's horns curved upward. I trembled with awe,
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Speaker 1: and my heart throbbed in my throats as I looked
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Speaker 1: at the king of evil spirits. Then I heard the
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Speaker 1: pale faced woman say that this terrible creature roamed loose
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Speaker 1: in the world, and that little girl's who disobeyed school
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Speaker 1: regulations were to be tortured by him. That night, I
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Speaker 1: dreamt about this evil divinity once again. I seemed to
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Speaker 1: be in my mother's cottage. An Indian woman had come
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Speaker 1: to visit my mother. On opposite sides of the kitchen stow,
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Speaker 1: which stood in the center of the small house. My
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Speaker 1: mother and her guest were seated in straight backed chairs.
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Speaker 1: I played with a train of empty spools hitched together
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Speaker 1: on a string. It was night, and the wig burned feebly.
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Speaker 1: Suddenly I heard some one turn our door knob from
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Speaker 1: without My mother and the women hushed their talk and
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Speaker 1: both looked toward the door. It opened gradually. I waited
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Speaker 1: behind the stow. The hinges squeaked as the door was slowly,
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Speaker 1: very slowly pushed inward. Then and rushed the devil. He
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Speaker 1: was tall, he looked exactly like the picture I had
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Speaker 1: seen of him in the white man's papers. He did
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Speaker 1: not speak to my mother, because he did not know
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Speaker 1: the Indian language, but his glittering yellow eyes were fastened
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Speaker 1: upon me. He took long strides round the stow, passing
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Speaker 1: behind the woman's chair. I threw down my spools and
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Speaker 1: ran to my mother. He did not fear her, but
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Speaker 1: followed closely after me. Then I ran round and round
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Speaker 1: the stow, crying aloud for help. But my mother and
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Speaker 1: the woman seemed not to know my danger. They sat still,
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Speaker 1: looking quietly upon the devil's chaise after me. At last,
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Speaker 1: I grew dizzy. My head revolved as on a hidden pivot.
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Speaker 1: My knees became numb and doubled under my weight, like
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Speaker 1: a pair of knife blades without a spring. Beside my
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Speaker 1: mother's chair, I fell in a heap, just as the
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Speaker 1: devil stooped over me with overstretched glass. My mother awoke
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Speaker 1: from her quiet indifference and lifted me on her lap,
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Speaker 1: whereupon the devil vanished, and I was awake. On the
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Speaker 1: following morning, I took my revenge upon the devil, stealing
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Speaker 1: into the room, where a wall of shelves was filled
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Speaker 1: with berks. I drew forth the stories of the Bible
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Speaker 1: with a broken slight pencil I carried in my apron pockets.
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Speaker 1: I began by scratching out his wicked eyes. A few
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Speaker 1: moments later, when I was ready to leave the room,
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Speaker 1: there was a ragged hole in the page where the
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Speaker 1: picture of the devil had once been. Part five Iron Routine.
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Speaker 1: A loud, clamoring bell awakened us at half past six
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Speaker 1: in the cold winter mornings from happy dreams of western
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Speaker 1: rolling lands, and unless owed freedom, we tumbled out upon chilly,
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Speaker 1: bare flowers, back again into a pale faced day. We
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Speaker 1: had short time to jump into our shoes and clothes
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Speaker 1: and wet our eyes with icy water before a small
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Speaker 1: hand bell was vigorously wrung for roll call. There were
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Speaker 1: too many drowsy children and two numerous orders for the
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Speaker 1: day to waste a moment in any apology to Niatzsche
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Speaker 1: forgiving her children such a shock in the early morning,
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Speaker 1: we rushed downstairs, bounding over two high steps at a
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Speaker 1: time to land in the assembly room. A pale faced
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Speaker 1: woman with a yellow covered roll book open on her
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Speaker 1: arm and a gnawed pencil in her hand, appeared at
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Speaker 1: the door. Her small, tired face was coldly lighted with
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Speaker 1: a pair of large gray eyes. She stood still in
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Speaker 1: a hello of authority, while over the rim of her spectacles,
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Speaker 1: her eyes cried nervously about the room. Having glanced at
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Speaker 1: her long list of names and called out the first one,
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Speaker 1: she tossed up her chin and peered through the crystals
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Speaker 1: of her spectacles to make sure of the answer. Here relentlessly,
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Speaker 1: her pencil black marked our daily records. If we were
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Speaker 1: not present to respond to our names, and no chum
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Speaker 1: of ours had done it successfully for us, No matter
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Speaker 1: if a dull headache or the painful cough of slow
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Speaker 1: consumption had delayed the absenty, there was only time enough
28:06
Speaker 1: to mark the tardiness. It was next to impossible to
28:11
Speaker 1: leave the iron routine after the civilizing machine had once
28:15
Speaker 1: begun its days buzzing, and as it was inbred in
28:19
Speaker 1: me to suffer in silence rather than to appeal, to
28:22
Speaker 1: the ears of one whose open eyes could not see
28:27
Speaker 1: my pain. I have many times trudged in the day's harness,
28:32
Speaker 1: heavy footed like a dumb, sick brute. Once I lost
28:38
Speaker 1: a dear classmate. I remember well how she used to
28:42
Speaker 1: mop along at my side until one morning she could
28:46
Speaker 1: not raise her head from her pillow. At her death bed,
28:51
Speaker 1: I stood weeping as the pale faced woman sat near
28:55
Speaker 1: her moistioning the dry lips. Among the folds of the
29:00
Speaker 1: pet clothes. I saw the open pages of the white
29:03
Speaker 1: man's Bible. The dying Indian girl talked disconnectedly of Jesus
29:09
Speaker 1: the Christ, and the pale face who was cooling her
29:13
Speaker 1: swollen hands and feet. I grew bitter and censured the
29:19
Speaker 1: woman for cruel neglect of our physical ills. I despised
29:25
Speaker 1: the pencils that moved automatically, and the one teaspoon which
29:30
Speaker 1: dealt out from a large bottle, healing to a row
29:34
Speaker 1: of variously ailing Indian children. I blamed the hard working,
29:40
Speaker 1: well meaning, ignorant woman who was inculcating in our hearts
29:46
Speaker 1: her superstitious ideas. Though I was sullen in all my
29:52
Speaker 1: little troubles. As soon as I felt better, I was
29:56
Speaker 1: ready again to smile upon the cruel woman. Within a week,
30:01
Speaker 1: I was again actively testing the chains which tightly bound
30:05
Speaker 1: my individuality like a mummy for burial. The melancholy of
30:11
Speaker 1: those black days has left so long a shadow that
30:16
Speaker 1: it darkens the path of years that have since gone by.
30:21
Speaker 1: These sad memories rise about those of smoothly grinding school days.
30:27
Speaker 1: Perhaps my Indian nature is the morning wind which stirs
30:32
Speaker 1: them now for their present record. But however tempestuous this
30:39
Speaker 1: is within me. It comes out as the low voice
30:43
Speaker 1: of a curiously colored sea shell, which is only for
30:47
Speaker 1: those years that are bent with compassion to hear it.
30:52
Speaker 1: Part six. Four strange summers. After my first three years
30:58
Speaker 1: of school, I I roamed again in the Western country
31:02
Speaker 1: through four strained summers. During this time I seemed to
31:08
Speaker 1: hang in the heart of chaos, beyond the touch or
31:12
Speaker 1: voice of human aid. My brother, being almost ten years
31:17
Speaker 1: my senior, did not quite understand my feelings. My mother
31:23
Speaker 1: had never gone inside of a schoolhouse, and so she
31:27
Speaker 1: was not capable of comforting her daughter, who could read
31:31
Speaker 1: and write. Even nature seemed to have no place for me.
31:36
Speaker 1: I was neither a weak girl, nor at all one
31:40
Speaker 1: neither a wild Indian nor a tame one. This deplorable
31:45
Speaker 1: situation was the effect of my brief course in the
31:49
Speaker 1: east and the unsatisfactory teeth in a girl's ears. It
31:56
Speaker 1: was under these trying conditions that one bright act afternoon,
32:01
Speaker 1: as I sat restless and unhappy in my mother's cabin,
32:05
Speaker 1: I caught the sound of the spirited step of my
32:08
Speaker 1: brother's pony on the road which passed by our dwelling.
32:13
Speaker 1: Soon I heard the wheels of a light buckboard and
32:16
Speaker 1: Dowie's familiar hoe to his pony. He alighted upon the
32:23
Speaker 1: bare ground in front of our house. Tying his pony
32:28
Speaker 1: to one of the projecting corner locks of the low
32:32
Speaker 1: roofed cottage, he stepped upon the wooden doorstep. I met
32:38
Speaker 1: him there with a hurried greeting, and as I passed by,
32:42
Speaker 1: he looked a quite word into my eyes. When he
32:47
Speaker 1: began talking with my mother. I slipped the rope from
32:51
Speaker 1: the pony's bridle, seizing the reins and bracing my feet
32:56
Speaker 1: against the dashboard, I wheeled around in an inn instant.
33:00
Speaker 1: The pony was ever ready to try his speed. Looking backward,
33:06
Speaker 1: I saw Taby waving his hand to me. I turned
33:10
Speaker 1: with a curve in the road and disappeared. I followed
33:15
Speaker 1: the winding road, which crawled upward between the bases of
33:19
Speaker 1: little hillocks. Deep water worn ditches ran parallel on either side.
33:26
Speaker 1: A strong wind blew against my cheeks and fluttered my sleeves.
33:32
Speaker 1: The pony reached the top of the highest hill and
33:35
Speaker 1: began an even race on the level lands. There was
33:40
Speaker 1: nothing moving within that great circular horizon of the Dakota
33:45
Speaker 1: Prairies save the tall grasses over which the wind blew
33:50
Speaker 1: and rolled off in long, shadowy waves. Within this vast
33:56
Speaker 1: wigwam of blue and green, I rode, reckless and insignificant.
34:02
Speaker 1: It satisfied my small consciousness to see the white foam
34:07
Speaker 1: fly from the pony's mouth. Suddenly, out of the earth,
34:12
Speaker 1: a coyore came forth at a swinging trot that was
34:16
Speaker 1: taking the cunning thief toward the hills and the village beyond.
34:22
Speaker 1: Upon the moment's impulse, I gave him a long chase
34:26
Speaker 1: and a wholesome fright. As I turned away to go
34:30
Speaker 1: back to the village, the wolf sank down upon his
34:34
Speaker 1: haunch's forest. For it was a hot summer day, and
34:39
Speaker 1: as I drove slowly homeward. I saw his sharp nose
34:44
Speaker 1: still pointed at me until I vanished below the margin
34:48
Speaker 1: of the hilltops. In a little while I came in
34:53
Speaker 1: sight of my mother's house. Dowy stood in the yard,
34:58
Speaker 1: laughing at an old warrior who was pointing his forefinger
35:02
Speaker 1: and again waving his whole hand toward the hills. With
35:08
Speaker 1: his blanket drawn over one shoulder. He talked and motioned excitedly.
35:13
Speaker 1: Tawi turned the old man by the shoulder and pointed
35:17
Speaker 1: me out to him. How hang, how yes? The warrior
35:23
Speaker 1: muttered and went his way. He had climbed the top
35:27
Speaker 1: of his favorite barren hill to survey the surrounding prairies
35:32
Speaker 1: when he spied my chaise after the coyote. His keen
35:36
Speaker 1: eyes recognized the pony and driver at once, Uneasy for
35:41
Speaker 1: my safety, he had come running to my mother's cabin
35:45
Speaker 1: to give her warning. I did not appreciate his kindly interest,
35:50
Speaker 1: for there was an unrest gnawing at my heart. As
35:56
Speaker 1: soon as he went away, I asked DOWI about something else. No,
36:02
Speaker 1: my baby sister, I cannot take you with me to
36:05
Speaker 1: the party to night, he replied, Though I was not
36:10
Speaker 1: far from fifteen, and I felt that before long I
36:14
Speaker 1: should enjoy all the privileges of my tall cousin. Dowie
36:20
Speaker 1: persisted in calling me his baby sister. That moonlight night,
36:26
Speaker 1: I cried in my mother's presence when I heard the
36:30
Speaker 1: jolly young people pass by our cottage. They were no
36:35
Speaker 1: more young braves in blankets and eagle plumes, nor Indian
36:41
Speaker 1: maids with prettily painted cheeks. They had gone three years
36:46
Speaker 1: to school in the east and had become civilized. The
36:51
Speaker 1: young men wore the white man's coat and trousers with
36:55
Speaker 1: bright neckties. The girls wore tight muslin dresses with ribbons
37:01
Speaker 1: at neck un waist. At these gatherings they talked English.
37:08
Speaker 1: I could speak English almost as well as my brother,
37:13
Speaker 1: but I was not properly dressed to be taken along.
37:18
Speaker 1: I had no hat, no ribbons, and no clothes fitting gown.
37:23
Speaker 1: Since my return from school, I had thrown away my
37:27
Speaker 1: shoes and wore again the soft moccasins. While Dowie was
37:34
Speaker 1: busily preparing to go, I controlled my tears, but when
37:38
Speaker 1: I heard him bounding away on his pawny, I buried
37:43
Speaker 1: my face in my arms and cried hot tears. My
37:48
Speaker 1: mother was troubled by my unhappiness. Coming to my side,
37:53
Speaker 1: she offered me the only printed matter we had in
37:56
Speaker 1: our home. It was an Indian Bible, given her some
38:02
Speaker 1: years ago by a missionary. She tried to console me. Here,
38:07
Speaker 1: my child, are the white man's papers. Read a little
38:11
Speaker 1: from them, she said, most piously. I took it from
38:17
Speaker 1: her hand for her sake, But my enraged spirit felt
38:23
Speaker 1: more like burning the book, which afforded me no help
38:28
Speaker 1: and was a perfect allusion to my mother. I did
38:32
Speaker 1: not read it, but laid it unopened on the floor
38:36
Speaker 1: where I sat on my feet. The dim yellow light
38:41
Speaker 1: of the braided muslin, burning in a small vessel of oil,
38:46
Speaker 1: flickered and sizzled in the awful, silent storm which followed
38:51
Speaker 1: my rejection of the Bible. Now, my wrath against the
38:56
Speaker 1: fates consumed my tears before they reached my eyes. I
39:02
Speaker 1: sat stony with a bowed head. My mother threw a
39:07
Speaker 1: shawl over her head and shoulders, and stepped out into
39:11
Speaker 1: the night. After an uncertain solitude, I was suddenly aroused
39:18
Speaker 1: by a loud cry, piercing the night. It was my
39:22
Speaker 1: mother's voice, wailing among the barren hills which held the
39:27
Speaker 1: bones of buried warriors. She called aloud for her brother's
39:32
Speaker 1: spirits to support her in her helpless misery. My fingers gray,
39:39
Speaker 1: icy cold, as I realized that my unrestrained tears had
39:44
Speaker 1: betrayed my suffering to her, and she was grieving for
39:48
Speaker 1: me before she returned. Though I knew she was on
39:53
Speaker 1: her way, for she had ceased her weeping. I extinguished
39:57
Speaker 1: the light and leaned my head on the window sill.
40:02
Speaker 1: Many schemes of running away from my surroundings hovered about
40:07
Speaker 1: in my mind. A few more moans of such uttermoil
40:12
Speaker 1: drove me away to the Eastern School. I rode on
40:16
Speaker 1: the white Man's eye instead, thinking it would bring me
40:20
Speaker 1: back to my mother in a few winters, when I
40:23
Speaker 1: should be grown tall and there would be congenial friends
40:27
Speaker 1: awaiting me. Part seven, incurring my mother's displeasure. In the
40:35
Speaker 1: second journey to the East, I had not come without
40:39
Speaker 1: some precautions. I had a secret interview with one of
40:45
Speaker 1: our best medicine men, and when I left his Wigwam,
40:50
Speaker 1: I carried securely in my sleeve a tiny bunch of
40:54
Speaker 1: magic roots. This possession assured may of friends wherever I
41:01
Speaker 1: should go, so absolutely did I believe in its charms
41:06
Speaker 1: that I woreried through all the school routine for more
41:09
Speaker 1: than a year. Then, before I lost my faith in
41:14
Speaker 1: the dead roots, I lost the little buckskin bag containing
41:18
Speaker 1: all my good luck. At the close of the second
41:23
Speaker 1: term of three years, I was the proud owner of
41:27
Speaker 1: my first diploma. The following autumn, I ventured upon a
41:32
Speaker 1: college career, against my mother's will. I had written for
41:38
Speaker 1: her approval, but in her reply I found no encouragement.
41:43
Speaker 1: She called my notice to her neighbor's children, who had
41:47
Speaker 1: completed their education in three years. They had returned to
41:52
Speaker 1: their homes and were then talking English with the frontier settlers.
41:58
Speaker 1: Her few words hinted that I had better give up
42:01
Speaker 1: my slow attempt to learn the white man's ways and
42:05
Speaker 1: be content to roam over the prairies and find my
42:09
Speaker 1: living upon wild roots. I silenced her by deliberate disobedience. Thus,
42:17
Speaker 1: homeless and heavy hearted, I began anew my life among strangers.
42:24
Speaker 1: As I hid myself in my little room in the
42:27
Speaker 1: college dormitory, away from the scornful and yet curious eyes
42:32
Speaker 1: of the students, I pined for sympathy. Often I wept
42:38
Speaker 1: in secret, wishing I had gone west to be nourished
42:42
Speaker 1: by my mother's love, instead of remaining among a cold
42:46
Speaker 1: race whose hearts were frozen hard with prejudice. During the
42:53
Speaker 1: fall and winter seasons, I scarcely had a real friend,
42:58
Speaker 1: though by that time several of my classmates were courteous
43:03
Speaker 1: to me at a safe distance. My mother had not
43:07
Speaker 1: yet forgiven my rudeness to her, and I had no
43:11
Speaker 1: moment for letter writing. By daylight and lamp light, I
43:15
Speaker 1: spun with reeds and thistles until my hands were tired
43:20
Speaker 1: from their weaving the magic design which promised me the
43:24
Speaker 1: white man's respects at length. In the spring term, I
43:30
Speaker 1: entered an oratorical contest among the various classes. As the
43:36
Speaker 1: day of competition approached, it did not seem possible that
43:40
Speaker 1: the event was so near at hand, but it came.
43:44
Speaker 1: In the chapel, the classes assembled together with their invited guests.
43:51
Speaker 1: The high platform was carpeted and gayly festooned with college colors.
43:58
Speaker 1: A bright white light illuminated the room and outlined clearly
44:03
Speaker 1: the great, polished beams that arched the domed sailing. The
44:09
Speaker 1: assembled crowds filled the air with pulsating murmurs. When the
44:15
Speaker 1: hour for speaking arrived. All were hushed, but on the wall,
44:20
Speaker 1: the old clock, which pointed out the trying moment, ticked
44:24
Speaker 1: calmly on one after another. I saw and heard the
44:31
Speaker 1: orators still, I could not realize that they longed for
44:36
Speaker 1: the favorable decision of the judges as much as I did.
44:41
Speaker 1: Each contestant received a loud burst of applause, and somewhere
44:45
Speaker 1: cheered heartily. Too Soon my turn came, and I paused
44:51
Speaker 1: a moment behind the curtains for a deep breath. After
44:56
Speaker 1: my concluding words, I heard the same applause the the
45:00
Speaker 1: others had called out. Upon my retreating steps, I was
45:06
Speaker 1: astounded to receive from my fellow students a large bouquet
45:10
Speaker 1: of roses, tied with flowing ribbons with the lovely flowers
45:16
Speaker 1: I fled from the stage. This friendly token was a
45:19
Speaker 1: rebuke to me for the hard feelings I had borne them. Later,
45:26
Speaker 1: the decision of the judges awarded me the first place.
45:31
Speaker 1: Then there was a mad uproar in the hall, where
45:36
Speaker 1: my classmates sang and shouted my name at the top
45:40
Speaker 1: of their lungs, and the disappointed students howled and brayed
45:45
Speaker 1: in fearfully dissonant tin trumpets. In this excitement, happy students
45:52
Speaker 1: rushed forward to offer their congratulations, and I could not
45:57
Speaker 1: conceal a smile. When they wished to escort me in
46:01
Speaker 1: a procession to the student's parlor, where all were going
46:06
Speaker 1: to calm themselves, thanking them for the kind spirit which
46:12
Speaker 1: prompted them to make such a proposition, I walked alone
46:16
Speaker 1: with the night to my own little room. A few
46:21
Speaker 1: weeks afterward, I appeared as the college representative in another contest.
46:27
Speaker 1: This time the competition was among orators from different colleges
46:32
Speaker 1: in our states. It was held at the state capital
46:37
Speaker 1: in one of the largest opera houses. Here again was
46:43
Speaker 1: a strong prejudice against my people. In the evening, as
46:48
Speaker 1: the great audience filled the house, the student bodies began
46:53
Speaker 1: warring among themselves. Fortunately I was spared witnessing any of
46:59
Speaker 1: the noisy wrangling. Before the contest began. The slurs against
47:05
Speaker 1: the Indian that stained the lips of our opponents were
47:10
Speaker 1: already burning like a dry fever within my breast. But
47:15
Speaker 1: after the orationins were delivered, a deeper burn awaited me.
47:21
Speaker 1: There before that vast ocean of eyes, some college rowdies
47:26
Speaker 1: threw out a large white flag with the drawing of
47:30
Speaker 1: a most forlorn Indian girl on it. Under this they
47:35
Speaker 1: had printed, in bold black letters words that ridiculed the college,
47:40
Speaker 1: which was represented by a esquaw. Such worse than barbarian
47:46
Speaker 1: rudeness embittered me. While we waited for the verdict of
47:51
Speaker 1: the judges, I gleamed fiercely upon the throngs of pale
47:56
Speaker 1: faces my teeth, where heart set as I saw the
48:01
Speaker 1: white flag still floating insolently in the air. Then anxiously
48:08
Speaker 1: we washed the man carried toward the stage the envelope
48:12
Speaker 1: containing the final decision. There were two prizes given that night,
48:18
Speaker 1: and one of them was mine. The evil spirit laughed
48:22
Speaker 1: within me when the white flag dropped out of sight,
48:25
Speaker 1: and the hands which hurled it hung limp in defeat.
48:31
Speaker 1: Leaving the crowd as quickly as possible. I was soon
48:35
Speaker 1: in my room. The rest of the night, I sat
48:38
Speaker 1: in an arm chair and gazed into the crackling fire.
48:42
Speaker 1: I laughed no more in triumph, when thus alone the
48:47
Speaker 1: little taste of victory did not satisfy a hunger in
48:52
Speaker 1: my heart. In my mind I saw my mother far
48:57
Speaker 1: away on the western plains, and she was holding a
49:01
Speaker 1: charge against me and of Section two