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5-MINUTE FRIDAY: Are You The Only Thing Standing In Your Own Way? · Hurdle with Emily Abbate

• 0:18
  Speaker 1: What is going on?
• 0:20
  Speaker 2: Happy Friday, everyone, Emily Badi here, you know the drill.
• 0:24
  Speaker 2: It's five minute Friday, and oh man, what a Friday
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: it is.
• 0:28
  Speaker 1: I am currently on a beach.
• 0:33
  Speaker 2: Okay, well, depending on when you're listening to this, maybe
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: I'm not on the beach just yet. But I am
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: so so happy to just get some sunshine unplugged for
• 0:43
  Speaker 2: the weekend and have some me time. I want to
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: talk to you today about something I overheard on the
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: street which actually goes hand in hand a little bit
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: with these sentiments I'm going to share in my answer
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: to this week's listener question. So I was walking in
• 0:57
  Speaker 2: Midtown earlier this afternoon, and I was in front of
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: two men I would say, if I had to guess,
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: probably about my age, both of them wearing business suits,
• 1:07
  Speaker 2: and they're talking about going after a new opportunity in
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: the office. One of them is up for a promotion.
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: Was asking the other man if he should follow up
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: or how soon he should follow up after his interview,
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: and the man said, listen, if you are not going
• 1:25
  Speaker 2: after an opportunity or after the thing that you want,
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: then someone else is going to be doing it first.
• 1:30
  Speaker 2: Someone else is going to be taking that initiative and
• 1:33
  Speaker 2: going for it. So there's absolutely no reason to wait.
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: And I remember when I was young in my career,
• 1:40
  Speaker 2: there were how do I say this, like just so
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: many non written rules about etiquette and how long you
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: should be at a certain job and the rules surrounding
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: getting a promotion and what that would look like, etc.
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: Etc.
• 1:55
  Speaker 2: And I'm here to tell you that you make the rules, period.
• 2:00
  Speaker 2: Just like this guy said, if there's something that you
• 2:02
  Speaker 2: want and the only person stopping you from going after
• 2:06
  Speaker 2: that thing is you, then there's an issue there. So
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: whether it is within your personal life, within your professional life,
• 2:15
  Speaker 2: I ask you this week, what is it that you're
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: waiting for? Are you waiting to go after a certain opportunity,
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: a certain relationship?
• 2:23
  Speaker 1: Ask someone on a date.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: Because you feel as though there are a set of
• 2:28
  Speaker 2: protocols or a set of rules that you're following.
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: Who's making the rules?
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: It's something to evaluate. It's in our work worth doing.
• 2:38
  Speaker 2: To ask yourself what is it that's holding me back?
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: Don't make yourself follow someone else's timeline, because when you
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: do that, you are the only person that you are
• 2:52
  Speaker 2: doing a disservice too. Remember that each of us no
• 2:56
  Speaker 2: matter who we are, where we are, what we look like,
• 2:59
  Speaker 2: our background or sexual orientation. We all have so much
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: to offer this world, right and there's only one you,
• 3:06
  Speaker 2: So stand on your own two feet and go after
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: whatever it is that you're after. My question for you
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: this week, let's do a little exercise. Okay, what do
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: you bring to the table? And I mean that in
• 3:19
  Speaker 2: two different ways. What do you bring to the table
• 3:21
  Speaker 2: in terms of what are the attributes and the qualities
• 3:24
  Speaker 2: that you have that make you proud of you? Okay,
• 3:28
  Speaker 2: what are the attributes that you possess that make you
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: proud of you, things that you love about yourself? And
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: also why don't you get a little bit honest about
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: what else is going on in your life? Is there
• 3:40
  Speaker 2: a burden on your shoulders right now? And that's what
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: you're bringing to the table. Be upfront about what's happening
• 3:48
  Speaker 2: for you, and having that awareness will enable you to
• 3:53
  Speaker 2: show up more yourself in whatever situation that you're in
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: moving forward. And now they're related a listener question.
• 4:02
  Speaker 3: Hey, Emily Marie here, as someone who is just affected
• 4:06
  Speaker 3: by the mass of layoffs some big tech how do
• 4:09
  Speaker 3: I get over the hurdle of being embarrassed. How do
• 4:12
  Speaker 3: I not fall ill with impostor syndrome analyzing what I
• 4:16
  Speaker 3: did wrong or why me? And finally, how do I
• 4:20
  Speaker 3: cheer and support my ex coworkers who are in the
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: same boat without also fighting against them for a new role.
• 4:27
  Speaker 3: I really want to support them, but I also am
• 4:30
  Speaker 3: really stressed about my family's future. Thank you so much.
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: Hey, Marie.
• 4:35
  Speaker 2: Firstly, thank you for coming to me for advice on this.
• 4:40
  Speaker 2: I've been there for those of you that aren't familiar
• 4:43
  Speaker 2: with my story. Actually, part of the reason I'm behind
• 4:45
  Speaker 2: the mic right now is because I've been there. I
• 4:49
  Speaker 2: am a career journalist. I worked in house for three
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: different big companies before going out on this entrepreneurial journey
• 4:57
  Speaker 2: on my own, and the catalyst for doing that was
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: because of my second layoff when Self magazine shuddered, and
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: I remember feeling so many of the things that you
• 5:09
  Speaker 2: are expressing. I cannot reiterate this enough in this moment.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: It is so understandable how you feel right now period.
• 5:21
  Speaker 2: I want you to know that you are not alone.
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: I've got some stats for you. In twenty twenty one alone,
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: there were seventeen million layoffs. Also, of note, forty percent
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: of Americans have been laid off or terminated from a
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: job at least once. At least once, so that means
• 5:45
  Speaker 2: many more than once myself, raising hand included. So I
• 5:50
  Speaker 2: hope that those statistics enable you to feel a little
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: less embarrassed, knowing that you are certainly not the only
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: person who has had to deal with this, especially with
• 6:02
  Speaker 2: what we're going through in today's economy. One tool that
• 6:06
  Speaker 2: I would encourage you to use as you navigate this
• 6:09
  Speaker 2: difficult time is to name your feelings right because it
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: is so easy for us to blame ourselves and ruminate
• 6:17
  Speaker 2: on the things that we could have done differently. But
• 6:21
  Speaker 2: the fact is that when we do that, we're not
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: really being productive. So in order to make the most
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: of your energy to maximize your output, I would encourage
• 6:32
  Speaker 2: you to sit down and write out how you feel,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: get really specific, the nitty gritty, the little words, because
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: that is going to help you process the grief that
• 6:44
  Speaker 2: you're experiencing and move forward. Now, when it comes to
• 6:48
  Speaker 2: experiencing and poster syndrome, what I will say here is
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: that unless you believe something to be true, then it
• 6:57
  Speaker 2: won't be true. So even though there can be so
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: many people that believe in you, that see your big potential.
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: If you don't walk into a room and garner that
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: same feeling with the people that you meet, you don't
• 7:10
  Speaker 2: walk into a room and act as if you are
• 7:13
  Speaker 2: the best thing that you are, your biggest type woman,
• 7:16
  Speaker 2: You're welcome, then that's going to set you back. So
• 7:20
  Speaker 2: the question is how do I shove imposter syndrome.
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: To the side.
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: I would encourage you to start by naming your strengths
• 7:29
  Speaker 2: and if during that exercise you have difficulty, then I
• 7:33
  Speaker 2: would suggest you reach out to former employees, former bosses,
• 7:39
  Speaker 2: friends to articulate your strengths. This will help you bring
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: all of the things that you're good at, your capabilities
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: into focus. So some specific questions that you can ask
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: what made me a great coworker? Specifically what strengths did
• 7:57
  Speaker 2: you notice? And if there was a certain time that
• 8:01
  Speaker 2: you were aware that I was really in my element,
• 8:05
  Speaker 2: what was going on?
• 8:06
  Speaker 1: What was I doing at my quote unquote best.
• 8:09
  Speaker 2: Not only are these questions asking others to reflect on
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: your strengths an opportunity for you to get a little
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: boost of confidence, but then with that newfound confidence, you
• 8:20
  Speaker 2: can take a step back and reflect and recognize that
• 8:23
  Speaker 2: even amidst this transitional moment, you still have so much
• 8:28
  Speaker 2: to bring to the table. And then the last part
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: of this question, you asked about how you can cheer
• 8:33
  Speaker 2: on ex coworkers when you may be going up for
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: the same jobs. Listen, I get it. I'm an empathetic person.
• 8:39
  Speaker 2: I'm always trying to help other people out, to lift
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: other people up. You can be firm and kind, and
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: what I mean by that is you need to put
• 8:48
  Speaker 2: yourself first. You articulated that you have a family that
• 8:52
  Speaker 2: you are concerned about. Even when I was navigating this
• 8:54
  Speaker 2: as a single woman, I had me to take care of, right,
• 8:58
  Speaker 2: So yes, it's stressed. You have to put yourself first
• 9:02
  Speaker 2: and in doing that, go after the opportunities that you
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: are interested in. It is unspoken that there will be
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: people that you know going up for the same opportunities
• 9:13
  Speaker 2: that you are after. And with that said, that doesn't
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: mean that you have any less of a chance. So
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: start with you start by being your own hype man.
• 9:23
  Speaker 2: Prioritize your own next steps, and put yourself first. Because
• 9:28
  Speaker 2: we know this and I talk about it all the
• 9:30
  Speaker 2: time on the show, that in order to show up
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: for others, including your family, including your friends, including your
• 9:37
  Speaker 2: old coworkers that you do care about. You've got to
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: put your oxygen mask on first, and so I encourage
• 9:43
  Speaker 2: you moving forward to try and shift your perspective. Me
• 9:48
  Speaker 2: my layoff, it was, without a doubt, one of the
• 9:51
  Speaker 2: best things to happen in my career. And I know
• 9:54
  Speaker 2: that it does not feel that way right now. Trust me,
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: it didn't feel that way for me back then. But
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: I do not know a single person who has been
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: let go from a job and is not better for
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: it now. Looking back on that time, I was forced
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: to get uncomfortable, I was forced to flex new muscles,
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: I was forced to try new things, and for that
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: I am eternally better for it.
• 10:19
  Speaker 1: That's it. I hope this advice helps. I encourage you.
• 10:23
  Speaker 2: If you have questions about job, work, life, personal, whatever
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: it is, I want to answer them here on the show.
• 10:29
  Speaker 2: So do me a solid and send me a voice message.
• 10:32
  Speaker 2: The link to do that, the link to ask me
• 10:33
  Speaker 2: a question is in the show notes. And if for
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: some reason that feels like it might not be working
• 10:38
  Speaker 2: for you, you can always always send a voice recording
• 10:41
  Speaker 2: from your phone over to us at Hello at hurdle
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: dot us.
• 10:46
  Speaker 1: That's it for now.
• 10:46
  Speaker 2: Make sure you're following along over on Socialists at Hurdle Podcast.
• 10:50
  Speaker 2: I am over at Emily a Body Another hurdle conquered.
• 10:54
  Speaker 2: Catch you guys next time.
• 11:00
  Speaker 3: Through all