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Are You LOVING People the WRONG WAY? (S5) S44 Wednesday · Inspirations for Your Life

0:23
Well there, hello everyone, welcome to your popular
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inspirations for your live show.
0:27
It's great to be with you if this
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is your very first time joining me.
0:30
I want to take the opportunity to say
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thank you and welcome.
0:32
If you've been here one time, 500 or
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maybe more, I like to see the opportunity
0:36
to say welcome, thank you.
0:38
And of course, the important words, guys, and
0:40
that is welcome back.
0:42
Guys are very welcome here on the show.
0:45
If you're thirsty, if you're hungry, feel free
0:47
to go grab something.
0:49
And I want to let you know that
0:50
we're actually redoing this show because the wonderful
0:54
smart people at Optimum and Altice, this is
0:59
the thing, it happens.
1:00
They take service down at the most stupidest
1:04
times, right?
1:05
I really wish that they would figure out
1:09
how to run a network without interrupting.
1:14
We are looking for other alternatives, how to
1:17
get rid of them.
1:18
Right now, we don't have a lot of
1:20
choices, but we are working on trying to
1:22
get rid of them because they just become
1:25
really bad sometimes.
1:26
So I was in the middle of the
1:27
show and then bam, I'm like, what happened?
1:30
Feed just dropped.
1:31
And Optimum doesn't really care.
1:32
And then when you call them, all they
1:34
say is, oh, well, there's no problem.
1:36
So this is what happens when you have
1:38
a country that's not the United States try
1:40
to run our internet service providing.
1:44
I think that shouldn't be allowed.
1:46
Anyway, I don't want to go ranting on
1:47
that for a while.
1:48
I do want to let you know that
1:49
I'm very unhappy with Altice and Optimum.
1:51
They're probably one of the worst providers around.
1:54
That is my opinion.
1:56
But I can state it because I have
1:58
logs of traffic going down so many times.
2:01
And the amount of time we lose.
2:03
So hopefully they won't try to be smart
2:06
again.
2:06
Stupid, quote unquote.
2:08
But really, they've never been so bad as
2:11
they've been in the last year.
2:13
I think maybe what needs to happen is
2:15
somebody needs to buy them out or they
2:17
need to go out of business.
2:18
I mean, one of the two and somebody
2:20
else will take them over.
2:21
I know lots of companies are suing them
2:23
and they've got so many lawsuits.
2:26
It's not even funny.
2:27
And they don't even care.
2:29
They don't even care.
2:30
All right, guys.
2:31
Let's get into this show and hopefully we
2:33
will not have any more interruptions.
2:37
So ladies and gentlemen, this is Inspirations for
2:38
Your Life.
2:39
It is series five, show 44.
2:42
It is episode number five, Wednesday, October 28,
2:46
2026.
2:47
Are you loving people the wrong way?
2:52
So our theme is Build Respect.
2:55
Ladies and gentlemen, I am John Seymour, a
2:57
serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video producer, podcast
3:02
host, coach, professional keynote speaker.
3:07
Yes, a passionate lifelong learner, a graduate student
3:11
at Montclair State University.
3:14
And so grateful now to be a published
3:16
author.
3:17
Have you ever heard about someone only to
3:21
discover that your efforts made them feel misunderstood?
3:26
Good intentions matter, but they don't automatically create
3:29
healthy relationships.
3:31
Today, I'm exploring 30 ways to demonstrate genuine
3:36
respect through understanding, communication and action.
3:39
And don't forget to check out BelieveMeAchieve.com
3:41
after the show is over.
3:42
If you're thirsty, if you're hungry, feel free
3:43
to go grab yourself a water snack, beverage,
3:48
what have you.
3:49
Number one, let's get back into the things
3:51
here.
3:52
Recognize that caring about someone else does not
3:56
automatically mean understanding their needs.
3:58
You could genuinely want the best for someone
4:01
and still misunderstand what they need.
4:04
Caring becomes more effective when you ask questions.
4:08
Listen carefully and recognize that their experience may
4:12
differ from yours.
4:14
Number two, stop assuming that everyone experiences support
4:18
in the same way you do.
4:20
Some people appreciate advice, others need encouragement, practical
4:24
assistance or quiet companionship.
4:27
Don't assume your preferred way of receiving support
4:31
is automatically right for everyone.
4:34
It's not.
4:35
Number three, understand the difference between affection and
4:40
genuine respect.
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There is a difference.
4:43
Affection expresses warmth and emotional connection.
4:51
Respect recognizes someone's dignity, independence and boundaries.
5:00
Strong relationships benefit from both, especially when disagreements
5:04
arise.
5:05
A lot of people say to me, John,
5:06
I don't like boundaries, but I'll do boundaries.
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I just don't like them.
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That's a red flag.
5:14
Number four, recognize when good intentions are producing
5:18
unwanted pressure.
5:20
You may believe you're encouraging someone, but repeated
5:23
suggestions can feel overwhelming.
5:26
Notice their response and ask whether your approach
5:30
is genuinely helpful.
5:33
Number five, stop trying to control people under
5:36
the excuse of protecting them.
5:39
Concern doesn't give you unlimited authority over another
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person's decisions.
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Explain your worries respectfully, but recognize their right
5:53
to make appropriate choices for themselves.
5:58
Number six, learn to ask what meaningful support
6:02
looks like to another person.
6:04
Not just you.
6:05
Instead of guessing, ask what would be most
6:08
helpful right now?
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A simple question can prevent misunderstandings and show
6:13
that their needs really do matter.
6:17
Number seven, recognize the importance of listening before
6:22
offering solutions.
6:24
Not every conversation requires an immediate answer.
6:28
Sometimes people need an opportunity to explain their
6:32
feelings before they are ready to discuss possible
6:35
solutions.
6:36
So you got to let somebody vent.
6:39
Number eight, stop confusing constant contact with a
6:44
healthy connection.
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Sometimes we call this codependence.
6:49
And although it seems healthy, it actually stifles
6:53
us from being able to live independently.
6:57
Frequent messages don't automatically create closeness.
7:01
A healthy relationship also includes trust, independence and
7:05
respect for someone's responsibilities and personal space.
7:09
That's another one that a lot of people
7:11
just kind of blow under the carpet.
7:13
Number nine, understand that respect includes honoring reasonable
7:18
boundaries.
7:20
When someone communicates a reasonable boundary, take it
7:24
seriously.
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Don't try to test it.
7:27
Respecting personal limits builds trust and demonstrates that
7:31
the relationship isn't based solely on your preferences.
7:36
That's hard for a lot of people to
7:37
understand because everybody thinks the world revolves around
7:41
them.
7:42
But you've got to be respectful of others
7:44
and other people share the world.
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You know, a long time ago when I
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was walking the beach and we have a
7:51
place, we had a place down the shore.
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And I remember when I was probably in
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my single digits, you know, my dad telling
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me, you know, all these resources, you know,
8:01
God has created for us and he allows
8:03
us to use them.
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And we need to be respectful of them
8:07
so that they're available for not just us,
8:09
but for others.
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So recognize when your expectations are limiting someone's
8:14
independence and supporting growth means allowing people to
8:17
develop judgment and confidence.
8:20
Avoid insisting that every decision must follow the
8:24
path that you would follow.
8:27
Number 11, stop measuring relationships solely by how
8:31
much others do for you.
8:32
I know a lot of people that do
8:34
that.
8:35
Well, I'm not inviting to my party because
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you didn't do enough for me this year.
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What kind of nonsense is that?
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A lot of people live their lives like
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that.
8:44
It's like they check here, they check here.
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OK, I get something from him and I
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didn't get enough.
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OK, then I'm not going to invite him
8:50
to my party.
8:51
Relationships shouldn't become scoreboards or scorecards.
8:56
Notice mutual effort, emotional support and everyday consideration
9:00
rather than evaluating every interaction as a transaction.
9:09
Nobody wants to be sold to.
9:11
People want to be educated, people want to
9:14
make the choice, they don't want you to
9:16
make it for them, we can guide them.
9:19
Number 12.
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Learn to communicate.
9:25
Appreciation clearly and sincerely, don't you dare assume
9:30
people automatically know you value them, they don't.
9:34
A genuine thank you or a specific acknowledgment
9:41
can reinforce connection.
9:44
And make their contribution feel, well, recognized.
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But it's not always clear on the surface.
9:53
Number 13, recognize when criticism is replacing constructive
9:58
conversation.
10:02
Repeated negative comments can damage trust.
10:08
Address specific concerns respectfully and discuss improvements rather
10:12
than constantly emphasizing what someone does wrong.
10:18
That's important, guys.
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A lot of people say, well, you know,
10:21
he did this wrong, she did this wrong.
10:23
Well, let me ask you, you live in
10:25
a glass house, too.
10:26
Don't throw stones.
10:30
They could throw stones back at you, too,
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you're not perfect, none of us are perfect.
10:34
Number 14, stop expecting people to read your
10:38
mind.
10:40
That's not a thing, people are not going
10:41
to read your mind, they can try.
10:43
Unspoken expectations often lead to unnecessary disappointments, unfortunately,
10:48
guys.
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Explain what you need clearly and give others
10:52
the opportunity to share their own expectations, listen
10:58
to them.
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That's important.
11:01
Number 15, please understand that healthy relationships require
11:06
mutual consideration.
11:08
That means it's a two-way street.
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Respect must work in both ways.
11:12
Both people should have opportunities to express concerns,
11:16
establish boundaries and participate in important decisions.
11:21
And understand it's like Stephen Covey said about,
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you know, the emotional bank account.
11:24
If I keep asking you for favors, right?
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I deplete my own bank account, my emotional
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bank account.
11:32
If I don't do anything for you, I
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don't put any deposits in, right?
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If you keep making withdrawals in your bank
11:37
account, you don't put deposits in, what happens?
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The account becomes overdrawn.
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But in this case, it's not money.
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It's basically integrity and respect.
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So it has to be a two-way
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street.
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Number 16, recognize when apologizing is necessary to
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repair trust.
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A lot of people have these big bold
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egos, oh, I'm not repair, I'm not, I'm
11:59
not going to, I'm not going to apologize.
12:02
You know who I am?
12:04
Right.
12:05
And that's exactly why that person's not going
12:08
to stay in your life because you think
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you're better than they are.
12:12
When your actions hurt someone, be civil.
12:18
Acknowledge what happened without immediately defending yourself.
12:22
A sincere apology includes responsibility and a willingness
12:26
to embrace the truth.
12:28
I think people are going to make mistakes
12:30
every day, but I also think it's our
12:32
desire to improve.
12:34
And if we make the same mistake again,
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that's a problem.
12:37
If we make it once, okay, no big
12:39
deal.
12:40
We say we're sorry, we move on.
12:42
But if it becomes a habitual pattern of
12:45
this behavior, that's not just making mistakes, that's
12:51
intentionally doing what we want to do or
12:54
lack of regard for the other person.
12:58
Number 17, stop using past favors as leverage
13:04
in present disagreements.
13:05
What do I mean by that?
13:07
So helping someone shouldn't create a permanent debt
13:12
you can use against them.
13:15
Generosity loses its meaning when past kindness becomes
13:20
a tool for control.
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Let me say that again.
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Generosity loses its meaning when past kindness becomes
13:29
a tool for control.
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That means something, doesn't it?
13:37
Number 18, guys, learn to disagree without attacking
13:41
someone's dignity.
13:42
You have a right to disagree.
13:43
My favorite one is I agree, I'm going
13:46
to agree to disagree.
13:48
It means I acknowledge what you're saying, but
13:51
I'm not agreeing with that.
13:55
You could challenge an idea or decision without
13:59
insulting the person expressing it, focus on the
14:03
issue, remain respectful and avoid turning disagreement into
14:07
humiliation.
14:08
That's what happens in politics, right?
14:11
It becomes this mudslinging.
14:15
They start with the issue and then when
14:18
they don't get their way, they start kicking
14:20
below the belt.
14:21
That's wrong.
14:23
That's dirty politics.
14:26
That's terrible.
14:29
Number 19, recognize the value of patience.
14:35
When people grow at different speeds, personal growth
14:40
isn't identical for everyone.
14:43
Encourage improvement while recognizing that people may need
14:47
different amounts of time, guidance, and experience.
14:53
That's key, guys.
14:55
Everyone moves at a different pace.
14:57
Everyone's at a different part in their life.
14:59
So you might see somebody that's either further
15:02
behind you or further ahead of you.
15:04
That's okay.
15:04
Everybody moves at their own space and speed.
15:08
Okay.
15:09
Everyone moves and learns at their own pace
15:12
and their own speed.
15:14
Number 20, stop, stop, stop making assumptions about
15:24
another person's motivations.
15:26
You may see someone's actions without fully understanding
15:31
their circumstances.
15:34
Okay.
15:35
Ask thoughtful questions before you decide or jump
15:40
to conclusion of why they behaved a certain
15:43
way.
15:47
You know, somebody might be having a bad
15:49
day.
15:50
Could be a health issue, might be a
15:53
family member, sickness, somebody passing away, right?
16:00
Don't judge.
16:02
Number 21, understand that compassion and accountability can
16:09
coexist together.
16:11
Being compassionate doesn't require ignoring harmful behavior.
16:16
You can communicate expectations, establish consequences, and still
16:21
treat someone with dignity.
16:27
I know that's a choice, but I would
16:29
hope that if the shoe was on the
16:31
other foot, you would want to be treated
16:35
in a manner that was kind and just,
16:42
and therefore the other person wants that too.
16:44
Number 22 guys recognize, please.
16:48
When someone is giving space out of respect
16:57
and it's not space to come back and
17:00
like, well, I did this for you.
17:02
No, you're being respectful.
17:03
You're being human.
17:04
Sometimes a person needs time to think, to
17:08
recover, to process, or to make a decision
17:11
on their own.
17:13
Respectful distance can demonstrate trust rather than a
17:18
lack of concern.
17:21
Number 23 guys, stop confusing loyalty with accepting
17:30
harmful behavior.
17:34
Loyalty doesn't mean tolerating repeated mistreatments.
17:40
Healthy relationships allow people to establish boundaries and
17:44
address problems without abandoning their own self-respect.
17:49
So when you abandon your own self-respect,
17:52
other people start to lose respect for you.
17:56
You never thought about that, but it's going
17:59
on behind the scenes.
18:00
Number 24, learn to express concern without making
18:05
threats or demands.
18:07
People will, I'm not getting what I want.
18:08
So I'm going to threaten this person.
18:10
Why?
18:11
Share your worries honestly and calmly explain why
18:17
something concerns you, but avoid using fear or
18:21
pressure to force someone into an agreement.
18:26
Even if it's a clever manipulation, don't do
18:29
it.
18:31
Don't do it.
18:33
Number 25, recognize the importance of celebrating other
18:40
people's progress.
18:41
When someone makes an improvement, acknowledge it.
18:45
Genuine encouragement helps people feel seen and reminds
18:50
them that growth matters, even when progress is
18:54
gradual.
18:59
Rome wasn't built in a day, right?
19:04
How many days and years did it take
19:09
to build Rome?
19:12
How many?
19:15
Long time to build Rome.
19:21
It actually took 2,700 years.
19:27
It's a long time.
19:29
A lot of generations that worked on that.
19:35
That's important guys.
19:37
Really important.
19:38
Number 26, I ask you to stop comparing
19:41
your relationships with idolized public images, social media
19:46
shows, selected moments, not the complete reality of
19:51
someone's life, focus on the trust, communication, and
19:55
respect within your own relationships, number 27.
20:02
Understand that lasting connection depends on consistent behavior.
20:11
Grand gestures can be meaningful at times, but
20:14
everyday reliability builds trust, follow through on commitments,
20:21
communicate honesty, and demonstrate consideration over time, number
20:29
28.
20:31
Identify one relationship that could benefit from better
20:34
communication.
20:36
Think of someone important with whom conversations have
20:39
become difficult or unclear to you.
20:42
Consider what you could change in your listening
20:45
expectations or communication style.
20:49
Many people I know when I'm talking to
20:50
them, they're right away trying to interrupt me,
20:53
but they're not truly listening to what I'm
20:55
saying.
20:56
A lot of times what they're trying to
20:58
rebuttal, I'm actually going to answer if they
21:00
would just let me speak, number 29.
21:06
Take one thoughtful action that demonstrates respect and
21:10
consideration.
21:12
Choose something practical.
21:13
Listen without interrupting, acknowledge someone's effort, honor a
21:18
boundary, or offer help in the way they
21:21
have requested it, number 30.
21:26
Build relationships where care is expressed through understanding
21:30
and respect, not manipulation.
21:37
Real connection grows when people feel heard, valued,
21:44
and free to express themselves.
21:47
Let your behavior demonstrate that their dignity matters
21:52
as much as your intentions do.
21:56
It's a lot.
21:59
My closing challenge for you this Wednesday night,
22:02
choose one important relationship and ask, how can
22:05
I communicate with you or support you more
22:09
effectively?
22:11
Listen carefully without interrupting or immediately defending yourself.
22:17
Then make one respectful improvement based on what
22:21
you've learned.
22:23
Remember, genuine care isn't about controlling someone or
22:27
proving how much you've done or no.
22:30
It's about understanding, respecting, and supporting one another
22:36
in time.
22:39
So many people are about the ego and
22:43
the ego seems nice, but it causes problems
22:45
for a lot of people because it's not
22:48
based on integrity.
22:51
Oftentimes it's not even based on honesty.
22:57
Again, it's not about controlling someone or proving
23:00
you how smart you are or what you
23:03
know, or anything like that, understanding, respect, and
23:08
support for one another.
23:11
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm John C.
23:14
Morley.
23:15
I'm a serial entrepreneur, engineer, marketing specialist, video
23:17
producer, podcast host, coach, a professional keynote speaker,
23:21
passionate lifelong learner, a graduate student at Montinclair
23:24
State University.
23:26
I'm so grateful as gentlemen now to be
23:28
a published author.
23:29
And yes, another book is coming out next
23:31
year.
23:32
I thank you so much for choosing to
23:35
join me today for this empowering episode of
23:39
Inspirations for Your Life.
23:42
If this episode helped you in any small
23:47
way, shape, or form, I would ask you
23:50
to share it.
23:52
I would ask you to subscribe and tell
23:57
me in the comments, what respect means to
24:01
you?
24:03
What does respect mean to you?
24:05
I think a real important one to go
24:07
on is Merriam-Webster.
24:09
And I want to tell you how Merriam
24:11
-Webster defines respect.
24:13
And hopefully, maybe that'll give you more of
24:15
an understanding of what respect may or may
24:18
not be.
24:20
Respect is a noun.
24:21
It's a feeling or an understanding that someone
24:23
or something is important, serious, et cetera, and
24:26
deserves appropriate treatment or of a high regard.
24:34
The quality or state of being esteemed, expressions
24:39
of high or special regard, a particular way
24:44
of thinking about or looking at something or
24:47
someone, a relation or reference to a particular
24:51
thing or situation.
24:53
When we call respect as a verb, it's
24:58
different to consider worthy of high regard, to
25:02
act in a way which shows awareness of
25:05
someone's rights, wishes, et cetera, to treat or
25:09
deal with something good or valuable in a
25:13
proper way, do what is required by a
25:19
law, a rule, a doctrine, to have reference
25:24
such as to be concerned.
25:30
All right, John.
25:31
So why is it people get respect wrong?
25:34
Well, many people think respect comes when someone
25:42
is powerful, but respect doesn't come from power.
25:48
Respect comes from integrity.
25:49
Respect comes from honesty.
25:51
That's a quiet kind of power.
25:53
That's not the power that I'm shouting at
25:55
the top of the building.
25:57
That's a reserve kind of power where, you
25:58
know, you walk softly and you carry a
26:01
big stick.
26:03
Different kind of power, isn't it guys?
26:06
The quietest power is the one that makes
26:09
the difference.
26:11
It makes the difference hands down, every single
26:15
time.
26:17
It may not be Broadway.
26:20
Everyone may not know what you're doing, but
26:22
that's okay.
26:23
You don't need to know what you're doing.
26:26
It's about integrity.
26:28
It's about respect, right?
26:31
Honesty, consistency, appreciation, consideration, value,
26:42
understanding, and
26:54
a desire to do what's right.
26:57
Even when no one else is watching.
26:59
Ladies and gentlemen, I invite you to please
27:02
keep learning.
27:04
Okay.
27:05
Please keep growing.
27:07
You know, it may not be easy.
27:09
And remember, ladies and gentlemen, this is very
27:13
important.
27:14
Please, please, please stop saying you care.
27:23
Words are cheap.
27:29
Start proving it through your actions.
27:36
You can say all the things you want
27:38
to say, but if you never act out
27:40
those things, people are going to see you
27:43
as a hypocrite, people are going to see
27:45
you as someone that is not a person
27:49
of high integrity, just because you don't follow
27:53
through ladies, gentlemen, I'm John C.
27:56
Morley, serial entrepreneur.
27:57
Be sure to check out, believemeachieve.com for
27:59
more of my amazing, inspiring creations and practice
28:03
this every day in your life, and I'll
28:05
catch you guys for another show tomorrow.
28:06
Be well, everyone.