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Building Confidence and Self-Worth with Lawrence Harris · Building the Best You

0:04
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to Building the Best You, a destination for you to reimagine what is possible in your life and then create it.
0:17
SPEAKER_02: Welcome to the show, everybody.
0:19
SPEAKER_02: I'm your host, Gene Collins, and today we have Lawrence Harris on the show.
0:23
SPEAKER_02: I am so excited to talk to him.
0:24
SPEAKER_02: He is such a cool young dude, guys.
0:27
SPEAKER_02: He helps teens and young adults.
0:30
SPEAKER_02: He's a speaker for them.
0:31
SPEAKER_02: He helps empower them and help them find their confidence.
0:34
SPEAKER_02: So this is something we don't talk about enough, I think, for young adults and for teens.
0:38
SPEAKER_02: And so I am so excited to share Lawrence and his mission and his purpose and all the good he's doing in the world.
0:44
SPEAKER_02: So, Lawrence, thank you so much for joining.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
0:47
SPEAKER_00: It's wonderful to be here.
0:49
SPEAKER_02: It is so exciting.
0:50
SPEAKER_02: All right.
0:51
SPEAKER_02: And today it's really hot where you and I live.
0:53
SPEAKER_02: It's like a total summer day, but we're going to try not to complain because we do this in the snow.
0:57
SPEAKER_02: So this is good.
0:58
SPEAKER_02: But Lawrence, can you share a little bit about your backstory with everybody?
1:04
SPEAKER_02: Because it's pretty interesting.
1:06
SPEAKER_00: So when people meet me today, they're like, this guy is always so happy and upbeat and positive.
1:13
SPEAKER_00: I was not for quite a long time in my life.
1:17
SPEAKER_00: Up until the age of 11, I got severely bullied because I was just always so different than the people around me.
1:25
SPEAKER_00: Because for one, I'm autistic, so that adds on top of it.
1:30
SPEAKER_00: Then at 12, my dad became abusive to me and my younger siblings.
1:34
SPEAKER_00: Being the oldest, I naturally wanted to protect them, but they're 12 years old.
1:40
SPEAKER_00: Not really much it can do.
1:42
SPEAKER_00: Then at 13, got kicked out the house.
1:45
SPEAKER_00: So that was a whole nother thing on top of it.
1:50
SPEAKER_00: And I got to a really, really dark place of feeling as if life would just never get any better.
1:58
SPEAKER_00: Now, the good news is I was in therapy, so I had people who cared and supported me, but it's hard to trust anyone when the people you trust the most were the ones who hurt you.
2:13
SPEAKER_00: Now, the part where things, you know, got better, obviously, was when I took one look in my bathroom mirror and realized that I had to face the fact that trying to run from my problems by playing 16 hours of video games a day wasn't really helping.
2:32
SPEAKER_00: So I did the work to get better.
2:34
SPEAKER_00: Then I looked around and saw other people struggling and started making Instagram and YouTube videos to help them, and one thing left to another, and it turned into a career.
2:48
SPEAKER_02: Which, okay, kudos to you.
2:51
SPEAKER_02: I love that you are taking not necessarily being the same as everybody else, and you're taking your uniqueness, and you're using that as your superpower, and you are stepping into that.
3:02
SPEAKER_02: And I have to tell you, it takes adults sometimes an entire lifetime to be able to do that.
3:08
SPEAKER_02: And you have done that at a really young age.
3:10
SPEAKER_02: So you should be so proud of yourself.
3:12
SPEAKER_02: That is awesome.
3:13
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
3:14
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
3:15
SPEAKER_00: You know, as much as COVID sucked, it was two years of getting to know myself.
3:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
3:23
SPEAKER_02: So what did you do during that time?
3:25
SPEAKER_02: Like what kind of resources or people, what did you do that that helped you along that journey?
3:30
SPEAKER_02: Because for most people I know, that is not normally a completely solo journey.
3:34
SPEAKER_02: You need some support.
3:36
SPEAKER_00: Well, for one, I had a therapist.
3:40
SPEAKER_00: I had my mom and my siblings who even when I would push them away did their best to help me.
3:47
SPEAKER_00: But the biggest thing was admitting to yourself that you need to do the work instead of just trying to run from it.
3:58
SPEAKER_02: Right.
3:59
SPEAKER_02: You let go of the victim mentality and you embraced it.
4:02
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like you have to not how do I explain this?
4:10
SPEAKER_00: You acknowledge the fact that it's not your fault what happened, but it's your responsibility for you to get better because you're the one who has to live your life.
4:21
SPEAKER_02: Right.
4:22
SPEAKER_02: Perfectly said.
4:23
SPEAKER_02: Yes, no one else can do that for you.
4:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
4:26
SPEAKER_02: So you have this insane level of confidence.
4:31
SPEAKER_02: Do you feel like you like grew into that and you keep growing into that?
4:37
SPEAKER_02: Or how did you find that?
4:39
SPEAKER_02: Who role modeled that for you?
4:41
SPEAKER_00: Well, at first, it was just complete and utter delusion.
4:46
SPEAKER_00: Like, like when I was when I was 15 years old and I had the thought that, huh, one day I'm gonna be like better than Tony Robbins.
4:56
SPEAKER_00: Like, like one day I'm gonna be speaking in front of thousands of people, and it's gonna be this wonderful thing.
5:03
SPEAKER_00: I was delusional.
5:05
SPEAKER_00: Plain and simple.
5:07
SPEAKER_00: But I was but at the start, I just thought, um, if they could do it, so can I.
5:14
SPEAKER_00: Maybe not tomorrow, but eventually.
5:18
SPEAKER_00: Now, over time, the confidence built by having proof.
5:23
SPEAKER_00: It's like it's a lot easier to be confident when you have a reason to be.
5:30
SPEAKER_00: So I keep growing into it more and more because now I'm at a point where I'm reminded, oh, I'm actually good at this.
5:41
SPEAKER_02: Yes.
5:42
SPEAKER_02: Well, and you have a skill that not everybody has because public speaking, by the way, is like one of the number one things that terrifies most people at any age is public speaking.
5:55
SPEAKER_02: You know, it's one thing to hide behind a camera and record a video at home.
5:59
SPEAKER_02: That's hard enough.
6:00
SPEAKER_02: Like that cringe factor keeps most people off of social media, especially entrepreneurs.
6:04
SPEAKER_02: They hate that part.
6:05
SPEAKER_02: But it's a whole other thing to put yourself out in person in front of an audience.
6:11
SPEAKER_02: So when did you think you liked that?
6:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, the first time I really did it, it was just like a small little summer camp.
6:20
SPEAKER_00: So it was not super intimidating.
6:24
SPEAKER_00: But as it grew and I started getting in front of these like crowds of hundreds of people, I remember the first time I was literally shaking and stuttering, but it was also this like rush of excitement and adrenaline whenever people came up afterwards and said, Wow, you know, I really relate to what you said and it makes me feel good.
6:49
SPEAKER_00: And then the fear actually turned into excitement.
6:55
SPEAKER_00: So as scary as it can be to go in front of all these strangers that I don't know, it's really fun.
7:04
SPEAKER_00: It's like riding a roller coaster.
7:06
SPEAKER_02: It is fun, and you're making a difference.
7:09
SPEAKER_02: What do you like to talk about when you talk to them?
7:14
SPEAKER_00: Well, as ironic as it sounds, one of my favorite things to talk about when I go to these schools and organizations is I love going into graphic detail about my childhood drama.
7:26
SPEAKER_00: It's it you would think it's something that like you'd hate to talk about, but I find it kind of beautiful to put it all out there.
7:39
SPEAKER_00: And it's like I can see when someone's eyes light up and they're like, he just said something that I didn't even know I was dealing with.
7:51
SPEAKER_00: Not in a doom and gloom way, but in a way of like, I can get better.
7:57
SPEAKER_00: If this guy could, then so can I.
8:01
SPEAKER_00: And it reminds you that like our pain isn't just for us.
8:07
SPEAKER_00: It's like we go through things, we get better, and instead of just holding on to the solution, I love giving it away to people and showing them here's how to go from point A to point B.
8:25
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
8:25
SPEAKER_02: And you're living proof.
8:27
SPEAKER_02: You're not attaching your energy to that negative thing.
8:30
SPEAKER_02: You're showing how you took something negative and you're creating a positive lesson, which is really inspiring, especially to young people.
8:39
SPEAKER_00: Absolutely, because when you look at even the best musicians, their music is about something that they went through.
8:52
SPEAKER_00: Like those 80s heartbreak RB songs.
8:55
SPEAKER_00: We have a dude crying with a boombox in the rain on his hands and knees, or Billy Eilish, or um I could name so many people, but it's the thing that we start to feel ashamed of, that's where our power really is, because you stop being afraid of what you went through, and instead you just own it and say, that happened, but that's not all I am.
9:26
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
9:26
SPEAKER_02: You're not letting it define you, which is really inspiring.
9:30
SPEAKER_02: So, how do you help young people, right?
9:34
SPEAKER_02: When you're young, it's like you're so, I don't want to say influenced by others, but in some ways you are, you know, it's sort of you're influenced by what you see on social media, you're influenced by the other people that are in your class.
9:46
SPEAKER_02: It's like everybody's comparing themselves to everybody else, especially in the youth.
9:52
SPEAKER_02: And I feel like right now, as kids are growing up, there's so much pressure to walk and talk and look and act like other people.
10:00
SPEAKER_02: Is there any way that you try to help kids be more confident in just being themselves?
10:07
SPEAKER_02: Because that's what you're doing, is you're being yourself and having that confidence.
10:10
SPEAKER_02: But how do you help these young kids?
10:12
SPEAKER_02: What advice do you give them about things like social media and comparing themselves to others at school?
10:18
SPEAKER_00: Well, the first thing I tell them is to start journaling as small as it sounds.
10:27
SPEAKER_00: I have gone to mental health organizations and said journaling is going to be the solution.
10:33
SPEAKER_00: I've gone to churches and said this.
10:35
SPEAKER_00: I've gone to schools and set this.
10:37
SPEAKER_00: Because what journaling allows you to do is sit down and get to know yourself without anyone's judgment, anyone's thoughts, anyone's opinions.
10:51
SPEAKER_00: It is you and a piece of paper.
10:54
SPEAKER_00: And if you do this for let's just say 10 minutes a day, just 10 minutes every day for a year, that's 3600 50 Yeah, that's 3650 minutes of time.
11:10
SPEAKER_00: You will really get to know what do I want?
11:14
SPEAKER_00: What makes me happy?
11:16
SPEAKER_00: Why do I want that car?
11:18
SPEAKER_00: Am I just trying to impress people?
11:20
SPEAKER_00: Or do I actually want a$1,700 iPhone?
11:26
SPEAKER_00: Do I actually want that car, or do I just want people's approval?
11:31
SPEAKER_00: Because trying to impress everyone else with an$800 car payment isn't really a smart financial decision.
11:40
SPEAKER_00: And when you're 15 and you're dealing with, you know, social media and peer pressure and everything on the news, and if you don't look this way or talk this way or dress this way, or your muscles aren't this size, or your waist isn't this small, and all these things just going on around you, it's like no wonder teens and young adults are dealing with so much mental health conditions because the world is like shoving in their face.
12:08
SPEAKER_00: But when you start journaling, you get to just be still and actually get to know yourself.
12:16
SPEAKER_00: Uh I made an entire journaling ebook, if you don't mind me giving it away for free to listeners.
12:22
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, absolutely.
12:23
SPEAKER_02: I would love that.
12:24
SPEAKER_02: Sure, what is that about?
12:25
SPEAKER_00: Link over after.
12:26
SPEAKER_02: That would be great.
12:27
SPEAKER_02: So, what is that about?
12:29
SPEAKER_02: How does that work for people?
12:31
SPEAKER_00: So it's simply you asking yourself questions.
12:35
SPEAKER_00: Like the ebook is 111 different prompts where you just have a question and then you answer it.
12:43
SPEAKER_00: For example, what are the three things you're proud of about yourself?
12:46
SPEAKER_00: And why do they make you proud of yourself?
12:50
SPEAKER_00: What's one thing that you would love to be able to do?
12:54
SPEAKER_00: Who's your favorite superhero and why?
12:58
SPEAKER_00: What can you learn from them?
13:00
SPEAKER_00: And over time, you start to realize that all of these thoughts that we have, like these fears and our doubts and our insecurities, and you have to be this way, and you can't dress that way, and you can't do this, and you can't be that.
13:17
SPEAKER_00: Of course, you know, there's laws and there's morals and all that, but outside of laws and morals, the thing that we feel like afraid to be, that was taught to us by somebody else.
13:33
SPEAKER_00: And when you take away all the thing that you can't be, you realize that you can be anything.
13:40
SPEAKER_00: And if you can be anything, and you're the one who gets to pick what you be, it's like you start, you stop watching the game and you actually start to play it.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
13:52
SPEAKER_00: And because you're the one playing it, you get to really experience it.
13:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, which is beautiful.
13:59
SPEAKER_02: You become an active participant in your own life.
14:03
SPEAKER_02: And you're no longer a victim.
14:04
SPEAKER_02: It's such a shift for people when they can change from the life is happening to me to life is happening for me to then create more life.
14:16
SPEAKER_02: It's such a mental shift.
14:18
SPEAKER_02: Ooh, that's beautiful.
14:20
SPEAKER_00: It is.
14:21
SPEAKER_00: And yes, it can be challenging to remember that when you are in the middle of chaos, yeah, because it's it's really easy to say that I make life happen for me when life is good.
14:35
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
14:35
SPEAKER_00: But when life is bad and your finances are where you want them to be, and you go through a breakup or a divorce, and you get evicted, it's hard to say that I also cost this.
14:51
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
14:51
SPEAKER_02: Oh, so it's like, yeah, you gotta take ownership of it all.
14:55
SPEAKER_02: No, you're right.
14:56
SPEAKER_02: That's a really good point.
14:57
SPEAKER_02: Or also in abuse, it's hard to figure out how to rationalize where abuse falls in or where you fit personally within an environment that's abusive, for sure.
15:09
SPEAKER_00: Ooh.
15:10
SPEAKER_00: That's something I've thought about too.
15:12
SPEAKER_00: Because when you say the statement of like taking ownership of all of it, obviously people have come back to me and said, I get what you mean, but what about people who are victims of crime?
15:27
SPEAKER_00: Like, what about that?
15:29
SPEAKER_00: In those cases, you're not taking ownership of it's my fault.
15:34
SPEAKER_00: Like, it's not your fault.
15:36
SPEAKER_00: You're taking ownership of it happened.
15:40
SPEAKER_00: It simply happened.
15:41
SPEAKER_00: And I have the opportunity to either just to decide, am I going to keep going down a negative path, or am I going to get the help that I need?
15:52
SPEAKER_00: Am I going to go to therapy or pray about it or get legal help?
15:57
SPEAKER_00: Or I don't know, even something as simple as I'm going to start making music about this.
16:04
SPEAKER_00: So it's not to say that everything is your fault and you blame yourself for everything.
16:11
SPEAKER_00: It's simply that you take ownership of my decisions.
16:16
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
16:17
SPEAKER_02: You're taking ownership of your choice and how you're going to respond and how you're going to react and how you're going to let that impact you.
16:25
SPEAKER_02: And I one thing you said that I think is so beautiful, and I want to make sure I say it again, is learning that abuse or actions like that that happen that are outside of your control are not your fault.
16:40
SPEAKER_02: And I bet you didn't start off thinking that things weren't your fault.
16:46
SPEAKER_02: So what how else do you help kids understand where things are your fault, not necessarily even your fault, just where you are the ones who has contributed to the action and where you are the bystander and what you own is the response.
17:02
SPEAKER_02: How else do you help them?
17:51
SPEAKER_00: One of the ways I help them to do that is, and and this is challenging to do, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
18:00
SPEAKER_00: When something happens in your life that you don't enjoy, you have to kind of emotionally detach from it.
18:07
SPEAKER_00: Like take your emotions out of it and just look at it as a thing that happened.
18:12
SPEAKER_00: And you ask yourself, okay, did I cause this in some way, shape, or form?
18:18
SPEAKER_00: Such as if you get it, if your partner breaks up with you, you're like, okay, this really sucks.
18:26
SPEAKER_00: But did they break up with me because of something I did so that now I could learn from this and not do that in my next relationship?
18:35
SPEAKER_00: Or did I do nothing wrong?
18:39
SPEAKER_00: Like actually, I did nothing wrong.
18:41
SPEAKER_00: It's just we grew apart.
18:43
SPEAKER_00: Maybe they found somebody else.
18:46
SPEAKER_00: Maybe I don't know, they were going through something in their personal life and it caused them to end the relationship.
18:53
SPEAKER_00: Now, when it comes to bigger things, like let's say you get fired from your job, you gotta ask yourself, okay, was I a good employee?
19:02
SPEAKER_01: Like, like, did I cause that?
19:06
SPEAKER_00: And then when you look at things like your grades, because most of the people that I talk to are in school, okay, I failed a test.
19:15
SPEAKER_00: Instead of blaming the teacher for giving me a failing grade, did I actually study?
19:21
SPEAKER_00: Did I actually like go to sleep on time?
19:24
SPEAKER_00: Did I do the homework?
19:27
SPEAKER_00: Did I cause this?
19:29
SPEAKER_00: Because everything isn't your fault, but you have to acknowledge the consequences of your own actions.
19:38
SPEAKER_00: And if you get struck by lightning, that's not your fault.
19:43
SPEAKER_00: If you're driving safe and normal, but you get into a crash because somebody swerved around the block and you didn't see them, that's not your fault.
19:51
SPEAKER_00: However, we have to simply acknowledge the things that are a direct result of our own actions and take ownership of that while also not blaming and victimizing ourselves for things that are actually not our fault.
20:11
SPEAKER_02: Right.
20:12
SPEAKER_02: Beautifully said.
20:13
SPEAKER_02: I'm laughing so hard because the woman who does my hair, her son's in high school, and he failed geometry.
20:20
SPEAKER_02: And his excuse to his mother was she's a terrible teacher.
20:25
SPEAKER_02: And I'm like, she could be a terrible teacher, but have you done everything possible to try to not fail?
20:33
SPEAKER_02: Like that doesn't, that doesn't fly.
20:36
SPEAKER_02: You can't just say it was a terrible teacher.
20:38
SPEAKER_02: You have to take some accountability for your role in your own life and your education and your decisions.
20:45
SPEAKER_02: Your decisions, too.
20:47
SPEAKER_00: You brought up a great point without even realizing it.
20:50
SPEAKER_00: The idea of, oh, she's a bad teacher.
20:53
SPEAKER_00: Obviously, this is nothing against him personally.
20:55
SPEAKER_00: I don't know him, but it's just a great example.
20:58
SPEAKER_00: We could substitute she's a bad teacher with so many things.
21:04
SPEAKER_00: You know, and obviously there are exceptions to what I'm about to say, but for 99% of cases, this will apply.
21:12
SPEAKER_00: It's my genetics' fault.
21:14
SPEAKER_00: It's my parents' fault.
21:15
SPEAKER_00: It's the economy's fault.
21:17
SPEAKER_00: It's the government's fault.
21:19
SPEAKER_00: It's the lawmaker's fault.
21:21
SPEAKER_00: It's the weather's fault.
21:24
SPEAKER_00: It's the place I was born's fault.
21:26
SPEAKER_00: It's the history of the country's fault.
21:28
SPEAKER_00: Like we can find any and every single thing outside of us to say I'm not responsible for my life.
21:39
SPEAKER_00: But you have to acknowledge, okay, is there someone like either a law saying that because you look a certain way, you come from a certain place, you have a certain religion, like either a law saying that we're going to oppress you for this.
21:59
SPEAKER_00: If there's not, we can't look for scapegoats.
22:03
SPEAKER_00: And even in cases where there are, we can look at places such as North Korea.
22:10
SPEAKER_00: That is a tyrannical dictatorship.
22:13
SPEAKER_00: However, there are still people who say, despite my circumstances, I'm not going to blame the government for this.
22:20
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to escape.
22:23
SPEAKER_00: And they did.
22:24
SPEAKER_00: We can look at places like um, I believe, yeah, it's Pakistan.
22:30
SPEAKER_00: Have you ever heard of Malala Yusafi?
22:32
SPEAKER_00: No.
22:34
SPEAKER_00: So, long story short, she was a girl who is the daughter of a professor over in Pakistan.
22:41
SPEAKER_00: And she wanted to become, you know, get an education.
22:45
SPEAKER_00: The Taliban was not a fan of that.
22:48
SPEAKER_00: So she's going around advocating for women to get an education.
22:52
SPEAKER_00: They storm on her school bus when she's 11, shot her in the head, she survives, and proceeds to keep advocating for this and won a Nobel Peace Prize at 19 years old.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Wow.
23:05
SPEAKER_00: Despite government oppression, despite an assassination attempt, despite legal laws against her, she said, I'm not going to blame the government who shot me in the head for this.
23:20
SPEAKER_00: So unless your situation is more extreme than that, then we have to say I'm in control of what I'm in control of.
23:31
SPEAKER_00: I can't control the weather, but I can control my own decisions.
23:36
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
23:37
SPEAKER_02: That's such a powerful story.
23:38
SPEAKER_02: And I would think that resonates with young people too, because it also puts it into perspective.
23:44
SPEAKER_02: When you share through storytelling, it helps give them perspective on what sometimes is a very closed view on their life and where they are in their life and sort of feeling like they're really small in their life.
24:00
SPEAKER_02: I would think that your stories help them not feel so small.
24:04
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I do.
24:05
SPEAKER_00: Especially when it's someone they can relate to.
24:07
SPEAKER_00: Like another person I use as an example is this doesn't really resonate as much with young people, but when I'm talking to a group of people who are in their 30s and up, Oprah Winfrey.
24:21
SPEAKER_00: Oprah Winfrey was the first black female billionaire in American history.
24:26
SPEAKER_00: However, she grew up during the time of segregation.
24:29
SPEAKER_00: She was so poor that she had to wear potato sac as clothing.
24:34
SPEAKER_00: She got molested by her family, ran away at 13, had a miscarriage at 15, and then became the first black female billionaire.
24:45
SPEAKER_00: Well, self-made.
24:46
SPEAKER_02: Right.
24:47
SPEAKER_00: Despite all of that.
24:48
SPEAKER_02: It's amazing.
24:50
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, then you have Samuel L.
24:51
SPEAKER_00: Jackson.
24:52
SPEAKER_00: He used to be a heroin addict.
24:55
SPEAKER_00: And then he became a famous actor.
24:57
SPEAKER_00: He also carried uh Martin Luther King's Jr.'s dad's casket at his funeral.
25:04
SPEAKER_00: So we can look at examples all throughout modern and far gone history that prove that yes, life may be hard.
25:17
SPEAKER_00: Things may happen to us.
25:19
SPEAKER_00: Things outside of our control may happen.
25:22
SPEAKER_00: But despite that, what can I do?
25:26
SPEAKER_00: And it can be, you know, obviously difficult because for me, for years, I blamed my dad for my mental health.
25:34
SPEAKER_00: I blamed and and I was violent in it.
25:37
SPEAKER_00: Like in when you're in something, it's you feel a hundred percent justified in what you're saying because this actually happened.
25:47
SPEAKER_00: Right, sure.
25:48
SPEAKER_00: And I would blame him for that.
25:50
SPEAKER_00: I would say it's all his fault.
25:52
SPEAKER_00: And mind you, at that point in time, I hadn't spoken to him in years.
25:56
SPEAKER_00: But it dawned upon me that, okay, I can keep doing this, but where's that gonna get me?
26:04
SPEAKER_00: Like 20 years down the line, let's say I'm 25 years old, because I was 15 at the time thinking this.
26:10
SPEAKER_00: 25 years old Lawrence, still blaming his dad for his mental health.
26:15
SPEAKER_00: Where where's that gonna get me?
26:17
SPEAKER_01: Right.
26:17
SPEAKER_00: Like probably not anywhere.
26:20
SPEAKER_00: And then in 40 years, he would have been in his 80s.
26:27
SPEAKER_00: So most men die around like they're 75, so he would be dead by then.
26:32
SPEAKER_00: So you're angry at a dead person?
26:36
SPEAKER_00: Right.
26:36
SPEAKER_00: Like you're not getting that apology, they're not alive to give it to you.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: Right.
26:40
SPEAKER_00: And even if they do apologize, you probably won't even care.
26:46
SPEAKER_00: So I had to kind of accept the fact that, okay, that happened.
26:53
SPEAKER_00: I can't control what happened, but I can control how I feel about it.
26:58
SPEAKER_00: And that's not easy to do, but that's what therapy is for.
27:02
SPEAKER_00: That's what journaling is for, that's what prayer, meditation, chanting, whatever methodology somebody decides to use, you have to be the one to say, despite my past, I'm going to move forward.
27:18
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, very much so.
27:20
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, you own it.
27:22
SPEAKER_02: So can we talk about self-worth for a minute?
27:25
SPEAKER_02: Because I think self-worth is a subject that, you know, so many young people struggle with feeling that they are worthy.
27:34
SPEAKER_02: You know, a lot of kids wake up, wake up every day and don't even feel like they're worthy of love, for example.
27:40
SPEAKER_02: They're not worthy of doing well or success or friends or good relationships or a boyfriend or a girlfriend or whatever it is, you know, they don't feel worthy.
27:51
SPEAKER_02: Does that subject come up when you talk to kids?
27:55
SPEAKER_00: A lot.
27:55
SPEAKER_00: You know, especially when I share my own story, because I used to feel that exact same way.
28:01
SPEAKER_00: And it's it's unfortunate how often it comes up because also with social media, you're comparing yourself to the best of the best of the best of the best.
28:13
SPEAKER_00: Like you're comparing yourself to the outliers.
28:17
SPEAKER_00: And there's a lot of ways that people can build that self-worth, whether they're young or old.
28:23
SPEAKER_02: How do you like to tell kids that they can or that they are worthy or that they matter, or even just simply that their life matters for that matter?
28:33
SPEAKER_00: Well, the first thing that we gotta address is why they feel that way.
28:38
SPEAKER_00: Because before we can solve a problem, you gotta acknowledge the cause.
28:42
SPEAKER_00: But the cause could be I'm going on social media and I'm seeing this stuff.
28:47
SPEAKER_00: I'm listening to music, I'm hearing these things, I'm watching movies, seeing this.
28:53
SPEAKER_00: I go home and my family says this.
28:56
SPEAKER_00: My friends say this.
28:58
SPEAKER_00: My relationship says this.
29:00
SPEAKER_00: These are the causes.
29:02
SPEAKER_00: And then we have to figure out well, what am I doing to try and fill that void?
29:09
SPEAKER_00: Oh, I'm trying to chase money so that then women will like me.
29:13
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to get the most nice clothes so that guys will find me attractive.
29:18
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to get a car so people think I'm cool.
29:22
SPEAKER_00: I'm trying to get this degree so that my parents will say that they're proud of me and that they love me.
29:29
SPEAKER_00: And we pretty much have to stop chasing all that.
29:34
SPEAKER_00: And we have to sit down with ourselves and ask, what do I love about me?
29:40
SPEAKER_00: And you might say, Well, Lawrence, I don't love anything about me.
29:43
SPEAKER_00: I feel insecure, I feel nervous, I feel like nobody cares about me, I feel like nobody loves me.
29:49
SPEAKER_00: All right, well, what can I do to show myself that I love myself?
29:55
SPEAKER_00: How would I treat somebody that I love and then start treating yourself that way?
30:02
SPEAKER_00: So this could look simple, such as, I'm gonna take a shower for the first time in two weeks.
30:08
SPEAKER_00: Or it could be something like, I'm going to take myself to a nice restaurant because I would do that for somebody that I love.
30:19
SPEAKER_00: And you start to treat yourself how you would treat someone that you love, and you start to build it up over time by seeing that wait, this this actually feels really nice.
30:32
SPEAKER_00: I like treating myself good.
30:36
SPEAKER_00: You know, this whole thing about like not saying so many bad things about myself actually feels really nice.
30:42
SPEAKER_00: And it retrains your brain to stop seeing yourself as somebody who's unworthy, and it's not overnight, obviously, but it builds up.
30:53
SPEAKER_00: And little by little, you start doing things like you might become a bit more outgoing, you wake up happier, or you just feel less sad.
31:06
SPEAKER_00: You might start making some friends, you might join a community club or something.
31:12
SPEAKER_00: And self-worth is something that it's kind of like um a compound effect, where once you get the ball rolling, it rolls faster and faster and faster.
31:22
SPEAKER_00: And before you know it, you might not always feel like a 10 out of 10 every day, but you feel a whole lot better than when you first started.
31:31
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, it's so true.
31:32
SPEAKER_02: It is, it's so true.
31:34
SPEAKER_02: And it's amazing as you're talking about that.
31:36
SPEAKER_02: I have a friend who was a podcast guest, and she was talking about a period in her life where she was, you know, rock bottom low.
31:43
SPEAKER_02: And she started by taking a multivitamin and washing her face at night.
31:48
SPEAKER_02: And like that, you know, was a big deal was to try to do something to give to her body, to treat her body well, because she felt, you know, that her just her mental state and she was so sad, so depressed, she was overweight, she was getting divorced, she felt rejected, everything felt terrible.
32:07
SPEAKER_02: And so she started doing just these little small acts of kindness to her body to start being nice to herself.
32:15
SPEAKER_02: And it's exactly what you're talking about.
32:17
SPEAKER_02: And I remember she said it was absolutely game-changing, and it started out so simple and so small, but yet at the time it really wasn't because it led to okay, something else.
32:29
SPEAKER_02: Oh, let's go.
32:30
SPEAKER_02: Now we're gonna go out for a walk.
32:31
SPEAKER_02: And and now, I mean, you would never know.
32:32
SPEAKER_02: She's in like phenomenal shape and rides a bike, does all these crazy things.
32:36
SPEAKER_02: But you would never know that she didn't value her body or didn't feel that she personally was worthy back when she was really struggling.
32:43
SPEAKER_02: So it's amazing.
32:44
SPEAKER_02: Just these little acts can be so important.
32:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah, even something that like something I started doing that really changed up so many things for me is when I was 16, I started making a daily task list and I would check off things as I did them.
33:03
SPEAKER_00: And at the end of the day, if I had all of my tasks like fully checked off and I did everything that I listed out, I'd give myself a reward.
33:13
SPEAKER_00: And over time, what happens is your brain will start to release these like happy chemicals every time you complete a task and you start to love doing things.
33:27
SPEAKER_00: So you build not only a sense of self-worth because I can do what I say I'm going to do.
33:34
SPEAKER_01: Yes.
33:35
SPEAKER_00: But you also find ways to make life more fun, such as going to the gym becomes exciting to you, or reading a book becomes exciting, or whatever it is that you need to do.
33:48
SPEAKER_00: It could be it could even be doing your homework.
33:50
SPEAKER_00: Right.
33:51
SPEAKER_00: It becomes fun because it's an act of commitment to yourself.
33:57
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
33:58
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, which is beautiful.
34:00
SPEAKER_02: So I'm wondering when along this journey did you decide, huh?
34:05
SPEAKER_02: I might be able to have a career doing this talking thing.
34:10
SPEAKER_00: Uh it was a constant unfolding where when I was when I first started making this video, the idea was just plain and simple.
34:21
SPEAKER_00: Maybe this could help somebody.
34:23
SPEAKER_00: Like it helped me.
34:25
SPEAKER_00: Maybe this could help somebody.
34:29
SPEAKER_00: Seeing it as a career really came around the age of 17.
34:34
SPEAKER_00: That's when it got strong because I started seeing so many other like motivational speakers and public speakers who either I saw them on social media or my high school would bring people in.
34:48
SPEAKER_00: And I'd be in the crowd listening to some of the stuff they said, and I'm like, okay, what they're saying is good, but I could do it better.
34:56
SPEAKER_00: Like I I could I could do that way better than them.
35:01
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
35:02
SPEAKER_00: Come on, he's not moving around.
35:04
SPEAKER_00: He's stiff.
35:05
SPEAKER_00: Come on.
35:06
SPEAKER_01: Right.
35:06
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:07
SPEAKER_00: But I would just sit there silently observing.
35:10
SPEAKER_00: So I started looking into, okay, how could I actually make a career out of that thing?
35:17
SPEAKER_00: You know, because as of right now, I am not commanding the prices that Tony Robbins get to command, you know.
35:22
SPEAKER_00: He's Tony Robbins.
35:24
SPEAKER_02: He's been doing exactly.
35:25
SPEAKER_02: He's been doing it a long time.
35:26
SPEAKER_02: So not to say that you won't.
35:28
SPEAKER_02: You could, you will.
35:30
SPEAKER_02: Just you're just not there yet.
35:31
SPEAKER_02: You gotta do the journey.
35:32
SPEAKER_02: He did the journey.
35:33
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
35:34
SPEAKER_00: So I started looking into things like writing books.
35:37
SPEAKER_00: I started looking into things like Danning Moon Podcasts.
35:41
SPEAKER_00: I started looking into, you know, going to schools and all those sorts of things and volunteering because they were like, well, uh, right now you don't have any track record.
35:52
SPEAKER_00: We'll give you a chance, but before we could pay you, we want to see some proof.
35:57
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
35:58
SPEAKER_00: So started there, and as time went on, I started meeting more and more public speakers.
36:05
SPEAKER_00: I started seeing that, wait, these guys don't have degrees.
36:09
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
36:10
SPEAKER_00: These guys haven't been doing it for 50 years.
36:13
SPEAKER_00: So I don't need to have some like crazy degree or some like crazy like thing where like you've coached a president.
36:23
SPEAKER_00: I don't have that.
36:25
SPEAKER_00: But I know what I got.
36:27
SPEAKER_00: And I just took it to where people wanted it.
36:30
SPEAKER_00: And with time, I've found my lane.
36:34
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
36:34
SPEAKER_02: Which is beautiful.
36:35
SPEAKER_02: And you don't wait, you don't wait to think that you can't do something until you have all these credentials or all of these things.
36:42
SPEAKER_02: It's stepping into it before, before that happens.
36:45
SPEAKER_02: And that's the best entrepreneurs are the ones that do do that, that they find their uniqueness.
36:50
SPEAKER_02: They know what they're doing, they know they're good at it in their heart and soul, and they find a way to get out and start doing it without waiting for someone to invite them or ask them to do it.
36:59
SPEAKER_02: You don't sit back and just wait for the door to be opened for you.
37:02
SPEAKER_00: Funny you say that because I was just thinking about when I used to do door-to-door sales, and that was a whole journey number itself.
37:12
SPEAKER_00: But one of the things that my boss told me is that if you don't knock on the door, they're not going to buy.
37:20
SPEAKER_00: So I have always just gone for things.
37:25
SPEAKER_00: Like when I had the idea to start writing books, I didn't wait for a book deal or some publisher to like verify it.
37:34
SPEAKER_00: I just went on Amazon and put it up there.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
37:37
SPEAKER_00: Right.
37:38
SPEAKER_00: When I had the idea to start doing speeches, before I had places that said yes to me, I would record them outside in public with people walking around.
37:51
SPEAKER_00: Like I was just taking it to I was working with whatever I had.
37:57
SPEAKER_00: Before I had a camera and, you know, the lighting and all of that, I just used an iPhone.
38:03
SPEAKER_00: Wind in the background, storms, people like screaming and throwing stuff.
38:10
SPEAKER_00: I I just took it wherever I could.
38:12
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
38:13
SPEAKER_00: Almost got arrested by the cops a few times because of like public disturbance.
38:19
SPEAKER_00: But I took it to wherever people wanted it.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
38:24
SPEAKER_02: And you're just scrappy.
38:26
SPEAKER_02: You're you're not taking no for an answer.
38:28
SPEAKER_02: So there what you said was so important because I think so often people get discouraged by the no's, especially young people.
38:35
SPEAKER_02: Honestly, it happens at every age.
38:36
SPEAKER_02: It doesn't matter what age you are, to be honest.
38:38
SPEAKER_02: But especially when you're young, I think it's harder to have confidence.
38:41
SPEAKER_02: And so no is a common thing that happens.
38:44
SPEAKER_02: And I think a lot of people get deterred by the no.
38:46
SPEAKER_02: So coming up with a reframe for yourself about what that no is.
38:51
SPEAKER_02: And you you can't, you know, looking at no's as it's a path to the yes.
38:56
SPEAKER_02: And that just helps you get to the yes.
38:58
SPEAKER_02: The yes is there.
39:00
SPEAKER_02: You just often have to, there's isn't an entrepreneur out there who hasn't said they've gone through massive trails of no's before they get to the yes.
39:08
SPEAKER_00: It's like a numbers game where, you know, with guys, we understand this like on such a fundamental level.
39:16
SPEAKER_00: When it comes to dating, we get rejected a lot.
39:20
SPEAKER_00: However, we just say, at least I tried.
39:23
SPEAKER_00: Right.
39:24
SPEAKER_00: That's true.
39:25
SPEAKER_00: And if only 0.0001% of the population says yes to you, that is tens of millions of people.
39:37
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, right.
39:38
SPEAKER_00: You're not going to meet all eight billion.
39:41
SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah.
39:42
SPEAKER_00: So one person saying no, you're like, I only tried one time though.
39:47
SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
39:48
SPEAKER_00: I send thousands of emails and I get a lot of no's.
39:54
SPEAKER_00: I get a lot of, I don't want to hear from you.
39:57
SPEAKER_00: And I just say, well, at least I tried.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:00
SPEAKER_00: And then I go and I find the person who says yes.
40:03
SPEAKER_00: So when someone says no or someone says, I don't want to buy it or I don't want to pay you, don't try to make them say yes.
40:10
SPEAKER_00: Just say, I hope you enjoyed your day.
40:13
SPEAKER_00: And then you go find the person who says yes.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: Right, exactly.
40:16
SPEAKER_00: You know, in door-to-door sales, that's where I learned that.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
40:19
SPEAKER_00: I've had doors slammed in my face.
40:23
SPEAKER_00: I've had cops called on me.
40:25
SPEAKER_00: I've had storms, like thunderstorms suddenly sweep over me and I was soaked.
40:31
SPEAKER_00: I've had heat waves.
40:33
SPEAKER_00: And still, I said, all right, I knocked on 120 doors today.
40:40
SPEAKER_00: I got 120 no's.
40:43
SPEAKER_00: But maybe tomorrow I'll get that yes.
40:45
SPEAKER_00: Right.
40:46
SPEAKER_00: And you just keep showing up, and you'd be amazed what happens when you just don't give up.
40:52
SPEAKER_02: Yeah, exactly.
40:53
SPEAKER_02: Oh, it's such a good story.
40:54
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
40:55
SPEAKER_02: Okay, a couple more questions before we run out of time.
40:58
SPEAKER_02: What's on your bucket list?
41:00
SPEAKER_02: Obviously, you want to become the next Tony Robbins.
41:02
SPEAKER_02: Totally got it.
41:03
SPEAKER_02: I can't wait to follow your journey and help you become a part of that.
41:06
SPEAKER_02: What else?
41:08
SPEAKER_00: Well, there's a lot of things.
41:10
SPEAKER_00: Like I kind of already see myself add that sort of person.
41:14
SPEAKER_00: I already see myself as like doing an NFL stadium.
41:19
SPEAKER_00: Like I was on a podcast yesterday, and I said, I want to do an NFL halftime show.
41:26
SPEAKER_00: I'm going to be the first speaker to do that.
41:29
SPEAKER_02: That's how you manifest, my friend.
41:31
SPEAKER_02: That's exactly how you do it.
41:32
SPEAKER_02: You have to feel what it feels like to be that future version of you.
41:36
SPEAKER_02: Otherwise, it doesn't work.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
41:37
SPEAKER_02: It's beautiful.
41:38
SPEAKER_00: I love it.
41:39
SPEAKER_00: Another thing on my bucket list is I want to travel to Vietnam.
41:43
SPEAKER_00: Like for some reason, I just feel like I feel like that would be such a beautiful place to go.
41:49
SPEAKER_00: Mm-hmm.
41:49
SPEAKER_00: It is supposed to be beautiful.
41:51
SPEAKER_00: Then when I'm like 75, I'm going to buy a little cabin in the woods and just spend the rest of my days on a rocking chair.
41:59
SPEAKER_02: Love it.
42:00
SPEAKER_02: And being one with nature.
42:02
SPEAKER_02: That's a beautiful thing.
42:03
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
42:04
SPEAKER_02: I love that.
42:04
SPEAKER_02: Your mom must be so proud of you.
42:06
SPEAKER_02: It's really cool.
42:07
SPEAKER_02: And you clearly are proud of yourself, as you should be, as you should be, and as everyone should be of themselves as well.
42:13
SPEAKER_02: Thank you.
42:14
SPEAKER_02: All right.
42:14
SPEAKER_02: I love to ask people to recommend a book or books that has impacted them personally or professionally that they like to recommend to the listeners.
42:22
SPEAKER_02: What book or books do you like?
42:26
SPEAKER_00: I would say the first one that cut in my head is Outwitting the Devil by Napoleon Hill.
42:31
SPEAKER_00: Ooh, that's a good one.
42:32
SPEAKER_00: So for those who are unfamiliar with it, the book, it actually like, when he first wrote it, it got banned because they were like, ah, he's saying some stuff in here that we don't agree with.
42:44
SPEAKER_00: But he speaks about this concept called hypnotic rhythm, where if you do something over and over and over for a long enough span of time, it's sort of like you get brainwashed into keep doing it.
42:59
SPEAKER_00: This is why if you look at a person's life, they wake up around the same time, then they stop at McDonald's and they get this exact order.
43:08
SPEAKER_00: Then they go to work.
43:09
SPEAKER_00: At this time they drink a coffee, at this time they use the bathroom.
43:12
SPEAKER_00: At this time they get off work.
43:14
SPEAKER_00: At this time, they turn on the news.
43:16
SPEAKER_00: At this time they do this.
43:17
SPEAKER_00: This time they do that, autopilot.
43:20
SPEAKER_00: They don't even think about it.
43:22
SPEAKER_00: Like they don't plan this out.
43:24
SPEAKER_00: They just, it just happens.
43:25
SPEAKER_00: Like you're hypnotized into it.
43:28
SPEAKER_00: Now, when you change that and you start to get into like a hypnotic rhythm of at this time I go to the gym, then I do this thing, then I read a book, and then I do this, and then I do that.
43:40
SPEAKER_00: And you do it long enough, you get to brainwash yourself into creating a life that's good for you.
43:48
SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
43:49
SPEAKER_00: It's it's a bit more complicated than that, but for those who want to read the book, you can find the um free audio book on YouTube.
43:57
SPEAKER_02: Oh, I love that.
43:58
SPEAKER_02: That's fantastic.
43:59
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for sharing that.
44:01
SPEAKER_02: All right, we're gonna put in the show notes everything about how people can find you, they can hire you, can they follow you, a podcast, they can listen to you.
44:07
SPEAKER_02: But before we go, is there anything that I missed in this conversation that you want to make sure you get out before we have to say goodbye?
44:14
SPEAKER_00: Hmm.
44:15
SPEAKER_00: If there's any, like out of everything we've said, the one thing I want listeners to take away is you're the one who gets to define your life.
44:25
SPEAKER_00: Things happen, people leave, people come, jobs will be lost, relationships will fail, divorces might happen, things happen.
44:36
SPEAKER_00: But you get to decide who am I going to be despite what happens.
44:42
SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
44:42
SPEAKER_02: So powerful.
44:43
SPEAKER_02: Yes, you have control.
44:45
SPEAKER_02: Absolutely.
44:46
SPEAKER_02: Ah, Lawrence, you are so great.
44:48
SPEAKER_02: You have such incredible energy.
44:49
SPEAKER_02: I wish you nothing but the best.
44:51
SPEAKER_02: I will put in the show notes everyone can follow you.
44:53
SPEAKER_02: I'll follow you.
44:54
SPEAKER_02: I'll tag you.
44:55
SPEAKER_02: I look forward to watching your journey and seeing you grow and evolve.
44:59
SPEAKER_02: You are so inspiring.
45:00
SPEAKER_02: And I just love that you really have a mission to help young people live better lives and be more confident and believe in themselves.
45:07
SPEAKER_02: That is really powerful.
45:08
SPEAKER_02: And you are just a living example that anything is possible.
45:12
SPEAKER_02: So thank you so much for sharing your story and being vulnerable and coming on as a guest.
45:16
SPEAKER_02: It's been a true pleasure getting to meet you.
45:19
SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
45:20
SPEAKER_00: I appreciate it.
45:21
SPEAKER_02: We will definitely stay in touch.
45:24
SPEAKER_02: Thank you for joining us for this week's episode of Building the Best You.
45:28
SPEAKER_02: If you are ready to take a deeper dive into transforming your life, check out my Empowerment Fundamentals course on my website, houseofgermar.com.
45:36
SPEAKER_02: Thank you, and I will see you next week with another inspiring guest.