Latest / Groove with Portia / What If Resilience Isn’t About Being Strong?

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What If Resilience Isn’t About Being Strong? · Groove with Portia

• 0:07
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Guru Portia, the podcast that uncovers the hidden
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: treasures within grief. I'm your host, Portia, the producer, and
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: I'm inviting you to join me on a transformative journey
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: where we will exchange laughter. Of course, the best medicine
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: of them all reflect on cherished memories. Remember that time
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: that the little boy grabbed my hand instead of his
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: mother's at the amusement park? Yikes. And of course, discover gratitude.
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: while navigating one of life's hardest challenges, loss. So get
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: ready to GRU with me, Portia, the producer. Let's dive in. Why, hello, everyone,
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: and welcome back to GRU with Portia. I'm your host,
• 0:48
  Speaker 1: Portia Booker. And as always, don't forget to like, share,
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: and subscribe to keep up with all things GRU with Portia.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: So One of the things that I think a lot
• 0:57
  Speaker 1: of us who have experienced some type of loss or
• 1:00
  Speaker 1: transition in our life is this level of people believe
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: that we should be the Tin Man. And what I
• 1:07
  Speaker 1: mean by the Tin Man is walking as though nothing
• 1:11
  Speaker 1: ever happened. So we experience a loss and then maybe
• 1:16
  Speaker 1: it's three days later, we're supposed to go back to
• 1:18
  Speaker 1: the person who we were. Or maybe six months have
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: gone by and we're still supposed to go back to
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: who we were when the initial transition occurred. But I
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: question that today for each and every one of you.
• 1:32
  Speaker 1: What does that do for us in the long term
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  Speaker 1: if we continue to stuff down and postpone our grief journey?
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: But also think about the identity that you had before
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: that loss happened and the identity of that you have
• 1:50
  Speaker 1: acquired now that there has been a change in your life.
• 1:53
  Speaker 1: Let that sink in. So today I'm joined by an
• 1:57
  Speaker 1: amazing guest who actually was a referral from a high
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: school friend. So shout out to Samantha for the guest referral.
• 2:05
  Speaker 1: Today we're going to have a beautiful conversation. And without
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: further delay, welcome to Guru of Portia, Ms. Kat Kankoli. Kat,
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: how are you today?
• 2:14
  Speaker 2: I'm doing all right.
• 2:15
  Speaker 3: How are you, Portia?
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: Every day is great. That ends in Y. And Kat,
• 2:19
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm glad that I, first of all, I'm
• 2:22
  Speaker 1: grateful our paths cross because both of us are now
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: sitting in this boat that I like to call the
• 2:26
  Speaker 1: adult orphan boat. And I'm curious for you, Kat, you've
• 2:31
  Speaker 1: experienced loss very young. You were six for one of
• 2:37
  Speaker 1: your parents, your dad, your first love at 18, and
• 2:40
  Speaker 1: then recently your mom. And I'm curious for you, Kat,
• 2:43
  Speaker 1: do you recognize a difference between the way the child
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: version of you, the young woman who you were and
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: the woman you are today learned how to embrace grief?
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: Definitely.
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  Speaker 3: Um, well, see, I think when I first lost my father,
• 3:02
  Speaker 3: I was so young that it, it didn't really process
• 3:07
  Speaker 3: for me. Um, And so I didn't really know how
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: to process that. And then when I lost my first
• 3:14
  Speaker 3: love at 18, that one hit really hard. And so
• 3:19
  Speaker 3: I really struggled to kind of get back to regular
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: life after that. But as far as losing my mom,
• 3:30
  Speaker 3: that was really rough. And I feel like I'm still
• 3:34
  Speaker 3: processing it. However, I do feel like ever since I
• 3:38
  Speaker 3: was a young child, I've always really felt like even
• 3:42
  Speaker 3: though people are gone, they're still with us. And so
• 3:45
  Speaker 3: I've always kind of viewed death as a little bit differently.
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: Like I don't view it as this like finality. And
• 3:52
  Speaker 3: so I think that's been something that I can find
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  Speaker 3: solace in, in all of those losses for sure.
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 1: I mean, and I'm curious, Kat, what ignited that belief
• 4:04
  Speaker 1: for you that, death is this sense of transition and
• 4:08
  Speaker 1: not a finite, but there's a way for us, a
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: sense of reincarnation, right? For us to hold on to
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: a form of communication, even though it's not the same,
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  Speaker 1: like as though me and you were sitting here talking
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  Speaker 1: to each other.
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  Speaker 3: Now, I think it's strange because honestly, I felt like
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  Speaker 3: I've just always had this. I've always kind of gravitated
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  Speaker 3: towards that. And, you know, I remember in church I
• 4:32
  Speaker 3: had said, you know, reincarnation and everybody, you know, it
• 4:35
  Speaker 3: was like immediately like shut this kid up. But so
• 4:41
  Speaker 3: but for me, I definitely in the house that my
• 4:43
  Speaker 3: father passed away in. there was a lot of paranormal activity,
• 4:48
  Speaker 3: if you will. And so I got to see, I
• 4:51
  Speaker 3: saw a lot of ghosts, a lot of apparitions of
• 4:54
  Speaker 3: that nature when I was very young. Actually, when I was,
• 4:58
  Speaker 3: you know, geez, I think like three or four, my
• 5:02
  Speaker 3: mom would come into my bedroom when I was playing
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  Speaker 3: and I would be having a full on conversation. And
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  Speaker 3: she's like, who are you talking to? And I would
• 5:08
  Speaker 3: point over to the corner and be like, well, I'm
• 5:10
  Speaker 3: talking to Fannie. And she's like, who is Fanny? And
• 5:13
  Speaker 3: after doing a little digging, she found out that Fanny
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  Speaker 3: was an older woman who had lived in the house
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  Speaker 3: previously and passed away in that house. And I would
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  Speaker 3: play all day with Fanny. And so that I've had
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  Speaker 3: this ever since I was a kid.
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: It's funny, Kat, that you bring up the church hurrying
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  Speaker 1: up to shush you when you bring up Because one
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  Speaker 1: of the conversations that I recently had with another guest
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: was about when I questioned my mom about the Bible.
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  Speaker 1: And I said, Ma, how do we know that some
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  Speaker 1: of these stories in the Bible and some of these
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: lessons haven't been altered? You know, it reminds me of
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: the game of telephones.
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  Speaker 2: Yes.
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  Speaker 1: Tell one person one thing. Then by the time it
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: gets to person number nine, the story could be that you,
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: you know, slipped on a banana peel and got hit
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: by a squirrel type of thing. You just never know. Right.
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  Speaker 1: By the time it gets to the end of the line.
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  Speaker 1: And I often think about how. I also live in
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  Speaker 1: a house that has lots of spiritual activity. And I
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  Speaker 1: can attest from even when my mom transitioned that from
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: time to time, Kat, I will either get a glimpse
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: of a whiff of her perfume sometimes when I walk
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: into the house, like if I've been gone all day
• 6:35
  Speaker 1: or whatever. And I'm like, okay, are you visiting? What's up?
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: So I can definitely relate to how when we experienced
• 6:43
  Speaker 1: that loss or transition, if we're open, then there is
• 6:47
  Speaker 1: a new connection of some sort.
• 6:50
  Speaker 2: For sure.
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  Speaker 1: Kat, another thing that I brought up too was about
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: the word resilience. And I know that your story is
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: very much connected to that, but I wonder, let's be realistic.
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: Some people think resilience is I'm putting on rose colored glasses.
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: I don't see the bad. I don't see the good.
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  Speaker 1: I just keep powering through. And I'm curious, Kat, have
• 7:15
  Speaker 1: there been moments when you didn't want to be that strong, resilient,
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: productive person? You just wanted to have permission to not
• 7:26
  Speaker 1: be okay.
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  Speaker 2: Yeah.
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  Speaker 3: And that's a great question because it's really the basis
• 7:31
  Speaker 3: of all the work that I do with my founding
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: Rising Resilience Collective. Because especially when my first love passed away,
• 7:41
  Speaker 3: I put on this tough exterior and I was like,
• 7:45
  Speaker 3: you know, hell on wheels or whatever you want.
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  Speaker 2: To call it.
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  Speaker 3: But it was just I was just so filled with
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: anger and I was just like powered through. And, you know,
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: for a lot of my life, I had to be
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  Speaker 3: you know, I thought that resilience was I had to
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  Speaker 3: be tough and have this tough exterior and never really
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  Speaker 3: feel I don't feel a thing.
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  Speaker 2: It rolls right off of me.
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  Speaker 3: And I did that for a long time until it,
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  Speaker 3: I mean, it worked out for a long time until
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  Speaker 3: it stopped working and I literally hit a brick wall
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  Speaker 3: and it was, I just was hit with this depression
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  Speaker 3: and it took me a long time to allow myself
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  Speaker 3: to just be human and give myself that grace and
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  Speaker 3: give myself the compassion to feel and allow myself to
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  Speaker 3: actually process and feel all of the trauma and the
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  Speaker 3: loss that I had, you know, encountered my entire life.
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  Speaker 3: And so that actually put me on a, like a
• 8:40
  Speaker 3: healing journey of like 10 years to, to finally allow
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: myself to do that. And now to me, resilience is
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  Speaker 3: giving yourself that compassion, allowing yourself to have those moments
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  Speaker 3: to be human, um, to not be okay. And give
• 8:57
  Speaker 3: yourself a hug and allow yourself to just, you know,
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  Speaker 3: be on the couch and just, you know, really get
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  Speaker 3: my nervous system.
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  Speaker 1: Okay.
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  Speaker 3: With, being not okay and like being gentler with myself.
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  Speaker 3: And so that's kind of the work that I do
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  Speaker 3: with rising resilience collective is to try to teach resilience
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  Speaker 3: in that form, as opposed to just power through.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah. And that powering through, especially, I hate to say
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  Speaker 1: it as women, we are very much conditioned to do that. We're,
• 9:29
  Speaker 1: we're not often in safe spaces where we can just
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: fall apart. And I can admit even with my own journey, Kat,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: I remember when I would go to appointments for my
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: mental health and I never wanted anybody to know that
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  Speaker 1: I was seeking help. So what I would do is
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: I would put on a business suit whenever I would
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: go to my appointment. So it didn't appear to other
• 9:55
  Speaker 1: people like, oh, you know, you're going to a doctor's appointment. No,
• 9:59
  Speaker 1: I'm going for a business meeting. But then it's like,
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  Speaker 1: how many times am I going to keep this persona
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  Speaker 1: up that everything's okay, fine and perfect. But realistically, I'm
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  Speaker 1: lying to myself. I'm doing a disservice to the provider
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  Speaker 1: and Because I wasn't always open because I didn't feel
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: that sense of safety, that sense of comfort. So I
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: can definitely relate to that. Kat, before we continue with
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  Speaker 1: the conversation, if our audience wants to connect with you,
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: learn more about what you're doing, learn more about the
• 10:39
  Speaker 1: Rising Resilience Collective, please share with our audience how they
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: can connect with you.
• 10:43
  Speaker 3: Well, they can go to my website, katkonkoli.com. I am
• 10:49
  Speaker 3: on Facebook at Kat Konkoli, at Kat Konkoli on Instagram.
• 10:55
  Speaker 3: I have the YouTube page, Kat Konkoli. So it's all
• 10:58
  Speaker 3: around Kat Konkoli. And so, yeah, you can reach out
• 11:03
  Speaker 3: to me on my website and even you could email me.
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: It's kat at katkonkoli.com. And so, yeah.
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  Speaker 1: Excellent. So at Kat Concoly, if you guys forget, you know,
• 11:14
  Speaker 1: AI is your friend. You can always do a AI
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: search of who Kat is and also to learn more
• 11:20
  Speaker 1: about me if you forget who I am as well. Kat,
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: you have a REST framework. And there's one piece of
• 11:29
  Speaker 1: your REST framework that mentions self-identity stability. And I'm curious, Kat,
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  Speaker 1: for our audience, As we've kind of alluded to, both
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: of us have experienced significant losses in our life. And
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  Speaker 1: a lot of times, as we both know, we have
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: several identities. The identity that we had with the person
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: who has transitioned and now the new identity that we
• 11:55
  Speaker 1: are post their physical being being here. And I'm curious, Kat,
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: how do we create that? a stable sense of self
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  Speaker 1: when part of the person we were was connected to
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  Speaker 1: someone who is no longer physically here?
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  Speaker 2: I think that's a great question.
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  Speaker 3: And I'm glad that you brought that up because I
• 12:19
  Speaker 3: really feel like the self-identity stability pillar is one of
• 12:22
  Speaker 3: the most important parts of what we do. And it's
• 12:27
  Speaker 3: normally around just trying to separate ourselves from our achievements
• 12:31
  Speaker 3: and our productivity and But just having this identity is
• 12:35
  Speaker 3: so important because of the fact that life will ebb
• 12:38
  Speaker 3: and flow and things will change in life. And so
• 12:41
  Speaker 3: if we're attached to any one portion or any one chapter,
• 12:45
  Speaker 3: when things change, we don't want to be in a
• 12:48
  Speaker 3: position where we're wondering, oh my God, who am I now?
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  Speaker 3: And so in the aspect of grief and loss, I
• 12:56
  Speaker 3: really feel like probably.
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  Speaker 2: Having my idea of this non-finite transition.
• 13:04
  Speaker 3: And that having, you know, like when I look at
• 13:07
  Speaker 3: my mom and having, I really do believe that she's
• 13:10
  Speaker 3: still around. And so I will have these conversations with
• 13:14
  Speaker 3: her and maybe I need that for my own stability
• 13:17
  Speaker 3: or whatever the case may be.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: But I really feel.
• 13:21
  Speaker 3: Like having a strong sense of who we are, our
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: authentic selves, when we come onto this planet can help
• 13:30
  Speaker 3: us to keep and stay grounded in the things that
• 13:33
  Speaker 3: make us valuable and stay grounded in the things that
• 13:35
  Speaker 3: make up who we are. And I don't, it's, you know,
• 13:40
  Speaker 3: not really feeling like I've ever truly lost. My mother
• 13:46
  Speaker 3: helps me to feel like I still have that part
• 13:49
  Speaker 3: of her, therefore I still have that part of myself.
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  Speaker 3: But it is a difficult, like I said, I think
• 13:53
  Speaker 3: I'm still processing myself just having that loss, in fact.
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: Well, yeah. And Kat, I appreciate the transparency, right? Because
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: I think sometimes when we are in the grief space,
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: there's this notion for us that we have to be
• 14:12
  Speaker 1: strong for the people who we serve, while simultaneously, we
• 14:17
  Speaker 1: might still be working through the early and initial stages
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: of our own loss. And I can say that from
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: also experience where I went to start running grief groups
• 14:31
  Speaker 1: and sometimes I still do. And I think at one
• 14:34
  Speaker 1: point I recognized, Oh, I did this a little too
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: soon where when I would be sitting in the, in
• 14:42
  Speaker 1: the groups with some of my participants virtually, I recognize like,
• 14:46
  Speaker 1: Oh man, I'm not okay tonight. There's been a few
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: pieces of information that's been shared that's bringing up old
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: wounds for me. Like one time a participant brought up
• 14:59
  Speaker 1: about how their mother was a former educator. And that
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: was also my mom's path too. And I had to
• 15:06
  Speaker 1: remind myself, Portia, this is for them. This isn't for you.
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  Speaker 1: And I'm like, okay, this is where I need to
• 15:12
  Speaker 1: take some time, you know, to just be, to find
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: my tribe who I can talk about my mom too.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: And I'm the same way, Kat. When I'm when I
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: experienced certain things in my life, I will literally say, mommy,
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: help me. I will literally say it. And she, and
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: somehow some way she finds me. And it, you know,
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: it's just a beautiful thing that can transpire when you're open.
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  Speaker 2: To that level, you know?
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  Speaker 3: And I mean, to speak to, you know, the, the
• 15:42
  Speaker 3: grief coaching or, or the, the groups that you were
• 15:45
  Speaker 3: putting on, I feel like it's good to have those
• 15:47
  Speaker 3: moments because it does sort of come in waves sometimes.
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  Speaker 3: And in my experience, I haven't really been exposed to
• 15:55
  Speaker 3: the things that can, you know, that's what helps us
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  Speaker 3: get through it is to have these things come up
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  Speaker 3: because if they're not coming up, then we're not dealing
• 16:02
  Speaker 3: with them and we're not really facing them. And I
• 16:05
  Speaker 3: really love the idea of, I mean, I respect the
• 16:09
  Speaker 3: idea of like, this is for them, but I feel
• 16:11
  Speaker 3: like the more that we go through these things together
• 16:14
  Speaker 3: and share our own vulnerabilities, the more it makes it
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  Speaker 3: okay for the other people to also share theirs as well.
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  Speaker 3: And it's like, okay, maybe this is a safe space.
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  Speaker 3: She's going through this too. Like she truly gets it,
• 16:25
  Speaker 3: you know? And so, yeah, I definitely feel like that
• 16:28
  Speaker 3: could be productive for everyone involved.
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: And it is. And sometimes it depends on the group
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: that I'm running. Because sometimes certain groups are a little
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: more challenging than others. So like my parent loss groups
• 16:42
  Speaker 1: generally are not as difficult as when I have a
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: suicide loss group. That one requires a lot more of
• 16:50
  Speaker 1: me being present and not really talking too much about
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: my own story because then there leaves room for a
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: lot of questions, a lot of guilt, a lot of, well,
• 17:05
  Speaker 1: why are you still here and my loved one is not?
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: And I don't ever want my participants to feel any
• 17:14
  Speaker 1: certain way as though they couldn't prevent what happened to
• 17:19
  Speaker 1: their loved one. What I often tell them is you're
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: allowed to feel how you feel today. You're allowed to
• 17:27
  Speaker 1: be angry. You're allowed to be frustrated. You need to
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: voice that. Also, if you're wrestling with your faith, that
• 17:35
  Speaker 1: is okay too. You need to say, God, I am
• 17:37
  Speaker 1: mad at you. Give me an answer and just be open.
• 17:42
  Speaker 2: Right.
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: Be open to what the response may be. But I
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: just encourage them to express. Don't repress it. Express it
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: because that's what, you know, starts to build up other things.
• 17:55
  Speaker 2: So. Right.
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: Kat, you know, another thing, too, that I that I
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: know that you do is you focus on college students.
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: And that is a very, I hate to say it,
• 18:07
  Speaker 1: vulnerable time other than what we're seeing right now. I'm
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: not going to dive onto the whole Cornell thing that's
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: going on, but also in our primary schools where there
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: is a different form of education now, obviously post-COVID. There's
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: a lot more of burnout amongst the educators. The list
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: goes on, right? And I know that you were also
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: a first-generation college student as well. And I'm curious, Kat,
• 18:37
  Speaker 1: when you were kind of going through your own burnout
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: journey of, yeah, I'm this straight-A student, but on paper,
• 18:44
  Speaker 1: I look great. But in person, I'm struggling. I'm curious,
• 18:50
  Speaker 1: what do you wish... institutions like colleges and even places
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: of employment understood about students who look successful like you,
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: but are slowly crumbling on the inside?
• 19:08
  Speaker 2: That's a great question.
• 19:09
  Speaker 3: I think that I really wish that people understood that
• 19:14
  Speaker 3: even though people are showing up and that's another thing too,
• 19:17
  Speaker 3: I was, not only was I showing up, but I
• 19:18
  Speaker 3: was able to smile and I've always been that performer,
• 19:21
  Speaker 3: like to bring light to other people.
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  Speaker 2: And so I'm laughing, I'm joking.
• 19:25
  Speaker 3: I can make other people smile and bring light, but
• 19:29
  Speaker 3: on the inside, like I am really, really struggling. And
• 19:32
  Speaker 3: so just because the student looks on the outside, like
• 19:36
  Speaker 3: they're achieving, like they're doing well, there could be a
• 19:40
  Speaker 3: bigger challenge on the inside. And they're not always going
• 19:44
  Speaker 3: to feel like sharing that. Like you talked about going
• 19:47
  Speaker 3: to the therapist in a business suit.
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: I really didn't. want to be the stigma.
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: And so to, you know, and I did, I went
• 19:55
  Speaker 3: to therapy, I went, you know, to the psychiatrist and
• 19:58
  Speaker 3: I did all of those things. And I went through
• 19:59
  Speaker 3: a system that really didn't work out so well for me.
• 20:05
  Speaker 3: But I just want institutions to realize that, students are
• 20:09
  Speaker 3: carrying a lot more than what you may think. And
• 20:12
  Speaker 3: so in my state, not only was I a first
• 20:15
  Speaker 3: generation college student, but I was working three jobs. I
• 20:18
  Speaker 3: had already felt like a failure because I had a GED.
• 20:22
  Speaker 3: I had no roadmap. I had no idea what I
• 20:24
  Speaker 3: was doing. I was struggling with all kinds of drama
• 20:28
  Speaker 3: and things around my life. And we just don't realize
• 20:30
  Speaker 3: how much students are carrying. And so that's why I
• 20:36
  Speaker 3: do what I do with rising resilience collective. It wasn't
• 20:40
  Speaker 3: until college that I took a course called the contemplative life.
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: And this actually taught us how to, this was the
• 20:47
  Speaker 3: most important class I've ever taken. And in my opinion,
• 20:51
  Speaker 3: the most important class ever taught on a college campus.
• 20:54
  Speaker 3: And it basically covered how to meditate, how to do
• 20:57
  Speaker 3: these things, different yoga practices, different things. And it's not
• 21:00
  Speaker 3: the woo-woo of it all, but we really had a
• 21:04
  Speaker 3: neurologist come in who worked with the local hospitals to
• 21:08
  Speaker 3: explain why these things are beneficial for the brain, they're
• 21:12
  Speaker 3: beneficial for learning, and they're beneficial for your well-being and
• 21:15
  Speaker 3: building resilience. And so just things like doing artwork, allowing
• 21:21
  Speaker 3: yourself to breathe these deep breathing techniques and things that
• 21:24
  Speaker 3: we can do to, you know, help our nervous systems
• 21:28
  Speaker 3: are so effective. And I feel like we push STEM
• 21:33
  Speaker 3: and we push so many of these programs, you know,
• 21:36
  Speaker 3: so many things go on and we are neglecting the
• 21:39
  Speaker 3: wellbeing of the student and having courses like these are
• 21:43
  Speaker 3: incredibly beneficial for the student and, and beneficial for the
• 21:47
  Speaker 3: colleges for retention and engagement and, And so really allowing
• 21:51
  Speaker 3: the students to engage in that way is why I
• 21:55
  Speaker 3: created Rising Resilience Collective and going into schools and teaching
• 21:59
  Speaker 3: workshops and keynotes and things of that nature to give
• 22:02
  Speaker 3: students these tools to help navigate the stress of it all.
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: Of life, of, as you mentioned, working three jobs. Some
• 22:12
  Speaker 1: have children.
• 22:14
  Speaker 2: Yes.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: Some are first generation. Some some don't even have a
• 22:19
  Speaker 1: stable place to live. Right. And so the many hurdles
• 22:23
  Speaker 1: that students go through and finding their voice through it all. Right.
• 22:30
  Speaker 1: And knowing that their story is a part of their
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: success pathway. Remembering that inner voice that they have. Well, Kat.
• 22:40
  Speaker 1: this has been a great conversation. I thank you so
• 22:42
  Speaker 1: much for coming on. We're going to be wrapping up
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: here soon, but before we conclude, I always like to
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: say this question for last, after everything that you've lost
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: from your dad, your mom, your, your, the love of
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: your life. I'm curious for you, Kat, what does finding
• 23:01
  Speaker 1: your groove mean to you today?
• 23:04
  Speaker 3: Today, especially after losing my mother and, I really realized
• 23:10
  Speaker 3: that time is limited and we just never know.
• 23:14
  Speaker 2: What we have left.
• 23:15
  Speaker 3: And so to me, in this chapter, this season of
• 23:19
  Speaker 3: my life, I am trying to get back to my
• 23:21
  Speaker 3: authentic self, that person listening to my heart, listening to
• 23:26
  Speaker 3: the things that are on my mind and expressing the
• 23:29
  Speaker 3: things that are in my heart, getting back to that
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: first person I was before all of the limiting beliefs
• 23:35
  Speaker 3: and all of the things, societies, you know, expectations were
• 23:39
  Speaker 3: put on us. But this day and age is me
• 23:43
  Speaker 3: really trying to get back into my groove by getting
• 23:45
  Speaker 3: back to that person that I was, you know, eight
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: years old, seven years old, the person, that light that
• 23:51
  Speaker 3: I was supposed to be and tapping back into that and,
• 23:54
  Speaker 3: and allowing myself to express that with the world.
• 23:58
  Speaker 1: I feel that Kat. And I think when, we go
• 24:01
  Speaker 1: through so many significant transitions. It kind of reminds me
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: of when you see a lantern and the flame might
• 24:09
  Speaker 1: be just a little bit, but you can barely see it,
• 24:13
  Speaker 1: but you know it's still there holding on. That's definitely
• 24:18
  Speaker 1: what I see for you. Well, everybody, that was Kat
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: Concoly that you heard from today on Grew with Portia.
• 24:27
  Speaker 1: And that concludes our conversation. Until next time, everybody, peace
• 24:31
  Speaker 1: and hair grease, everyone.