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How a 30 Year Military Veteran Built a Comeback Mindset | John Topper · Books4Guys

• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, that's right.
• 0:15
  SPEAKER_00: So you're not you're not too far then.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: Because I well, we used to live in Atlanta, but now we're in Nashville.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, I'll be back in Georgia at some point in the next couple of months.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: I'm down there quite often, so.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: Have to connect sometime.
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_03: I'll be up in Nashville like the 11th, 12th, 13th.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_03: Of this month?
• 0:35
  SPEAKER_03: Mm-hmm.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_03: About yeah.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_01: Oh.
• 0:37
  SPEAKER_03: Are you speaking here?
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_03: I'm not speaking.
• 0:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'm meeting with a guy named Coach Michael Burt.
• 0:43
  SPEAKER_03: He's got a he's got what's called the Greatness Factory in Nashville, and he's been very helpful in building the foundation of my business.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_03: So he's gonna continue to assist me with the packaging and the monetization piece.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_03: The guy's pretty well renowned in the coaching and speaking realm, so I'm pretty excited.
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_03: That's awesome.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_03: Cool.
• 1:05
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I I I'll have to look him up.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: I'm maybe I'm connected to him somehow or not.
• 1:09
  SPEAKER_00: There's a lot of cool things going on here in Nashville.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_03: So Yep.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_03: He'll just be under Coach Burt, B-U-R-T.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay.
• 1:17
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, cool.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:19
  SPEAKER_03: Good guy.
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 1:21
  SPEAKER_00: No, I'll look him up.
• 1:22
  SPEAKER_00: But John, man, I'm excited to have you on the Books for Guys podcast.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: As we were talking earlier, man, we've been we've been communicating for a couple months now, and we've got your books on the website.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_00: And I want to make sure if people don't know or haven't seen them yet, Wrestling with Destiny and the seven principles of the comeback ready life are out there for people to purchase and and and buy and and dive into.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_00: And we've been extremely proud to spotlight you and your background and your work.
• 1:51
  SPEAKER_00: And John, for those that don't know you, I would love for you to just share your story because you know, high-level, 30 plus years in the military, and then your books really talk about just some of the you're very vul vulnerable on just some of the personal struggles, some of the things you've been through in your life, but also how you've overcome them.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: And your message really is helping others take that path because we all go through things and we all have struggles, and it's good to know that other people have survived and found paths to to come out on the other side.
• 2:22
  SPEAKER_00: But just start, John, how did you what led you in the route of going into the military?
• 2:29
  SPEAKER_00: Why did you decide to spend so many years and really make that your career path?
• 2:34
  SPEAKER_00: And then just talk about some of the things that transpired that really kicked off this second part of your life and career where now you're speaking, you've written books, and now you're really trying to help as many people as you can.
• 2:46
  SPEAKER_03: Sure, Chris.
• 2:47
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I'll take us back to high school.
• 2:49
  SPEAKER_03: And just so you and the listeners know, the military was not on my radar in terms of what I wanted to do for my future.
• 2:58
  SPEAKER_03: In fact, I laugh when I go back to my senior year because I was actually an in United States Army scholar athlete.
• 3:06
  SPEAKER_03: And I remember an officer came over to me and he's like, Hey, would you be interested in coming to West Point?
• 3:14
  SPEAKER_03: And I was like, No, not interested at all.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_03: And of course, my father, grandfather, they're like, Are you sure about this?
• 3:24
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I was positive.
• 3:27
  SPEAKER_03: I was dead set on going to school and with my girlfriend, you know how that can be, and didn't think twice about it.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_03: And then life begins to happen, right?
• 3:39
  SPEAKER_03: I go to school, I went there, went to Lockheed University to wrestle, and truly went over my head a bit.
• 3:46
  SPEAKER_03: It was a Division I program, and I was getting my butt kicked, and my girlfriend broke up with me.
• 3:52
  SPEAKER_03: And two and a half years later, Chris, I find myself giving up.
• 3:57
  unknown: Yeah.
• 3:58
  SPEAKER_03: I just dropped out of college and then moved to Florida, lived with a friend, worked part-time with the intent that I was going to go back to college.
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_03: Ten months later, down in Cocoa Beach, Florida, I find myself in front of an ATM machine to get$20 out.
• 4:14
  SPEAKER_03: Just 20 bucks.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_03: I was hungry.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_03: Put the card in, enter the pen, comes back, transaction denied.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_03: So I check my balance, and there's 18 cents to my name.
• 4:27
  SPEAKER_03: So I call that moment my 18 cent wake-up call in life.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_03: And the real shift was where my mindset went.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_03: I remember not wondering what got me here, what happened, not worrying about the whole plan in front of me.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_03: I just focused on what my next step was.
• 4:50
  SPEAKER_03: So that was my first real crossroads in life as a young man.
• 4:54
  SPEAKER_03: And that led me to the United States Air Force.
• 4:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's where the path began.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_03: And I won't forget that because I see the military as so much to me, but I see it most as what got me on the right path, gave me a direction in my life.
• 5:13
  SPEAKER_03: And to this day, as I talk to young people or even, you know, men and women in their early 30s who are still of age to come in, if they're not sure what they want to do in their life, they're at that crossroads, I'll still offer the military as an option to them because I know what it did for me in terms of giving me that purpose and direction.
• 5:32
  SPEAKER_03: So the second part of your question, we fast forward, and we have to fast forward because there's a lot of years in there to talk about.
• 5:39
  SPEAKER_03: And we may touch on some of that during our discussion today.
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_03: Now, in reflection, I have all this to share.
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_03: And that's what led me to write the book.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_03: Over the years, people have told me that I'm the most resilient person they've ever known, here made for the comeback, all of this.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_03: And finally, I just decided it's time to put it on paper.
• 6:03
  SPEAKER_03: And it was a very cathartic experience when I wrote Wrestling with Destiny, because I take it all the way back to my childhood days on the farm, through my sports experiences, through military experiences, as you mentioned, that battlefield of the mind, through the setback that I've experienced.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_03: But what was interesting is throughout life, people will ask us, I'm sure you've had the same, you know, Chris, how'd you get through what you went through?
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_03: How did you do that?
• 6:32
  SPEAKER_03: And for me, it was like, well, I just did it.
• 6:35
  SPEAKER_03: I I didn't really refocus on the why.
• 6:40
  SPEAKER_03: I felt like I had no choice, right?
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_03: So when I wrote the second book, The Seven Principles of the Comeback Ready Life, I like to say that's what I learned from my story because it forced me to dig into my experiences and examine just how John Topper was able to rise up and move forward.
• 7:02
  SPEAKER_03: So that's where these seven principles evolved from.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_03: There were seven things that kept coming up throughout my life that I feel now are worthwhile sharing with others so that they can be now trained and equipped for the battlefield of life.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: Man, I love that.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_00: It's interesting, man.
• 7:19
  SPEAKER_00: It's I feel like everyone goes through a moment where their back's against the wall.
• 7:24
  SPEAKER_00: I've got a similar story where I think my bank account had$3 in it, but I had to hurry up and go get a job.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: But I was kind of like you.
• 7:30
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, well, I better figure something out, you know, or you know, there's only one of two ways this can go, and I'm I'm not gonna go the other way.
• 7:38
  SPEAKER_00: Um and I know some people unfortunately do go that way.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: But also, man, I I think this is really cool.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm thinking back just in high school too, how we had recruiters coming around from the army and the military, and they're always around talking.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_00: But it was really cool.
• 7:51
  SPEAKER_00: I was thinking about this.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: I've got a lot of friends who have gone the military route, different branches, and not a single one of them regrets it.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: As a matter of fact, they're they're very proud.
• 8:00
  SPEAKER_00: They love the discipline it instilled in their lives, and now they use that with their families or their jobs.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_00: And uh, I always say, you know, if I didn't play sports in college, I think I definitely would have gone the military route just because I would have been seeking some sort of team to be a part of and have some guidance because I'm one of those people that I need someone to tell me what to do.
• 8:21
  SPEAKER_00: I'll do it, but I need someone to kind of give me along the way to do it.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: And the military is a great plat, you know, a great path for that.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: But John, you talk about just, you know, we fast forwarded and and you've written your books, but what were some of the, because again, as as as I was looking into you, some of the things you share, you went through some tough times throughout, you know, those 30 plus years.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: What were some of the things that were were speed bumps or roadblocks along the way that you had to figure out how to overcome?
• 8:51
  SPEAKER_00: Because they're all different challenges, but but challenges nonetheless, and they're different challenges that a lot of people experience, you know, in one form or another.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: What were some of those challenges that you had to persevere through personally?
• 9:04
  SPEAKER_03: Let me start by saying this, and then I'll get into specific speed bumps.
• 9:09
  SPEAKER_03: But I couldn't get out of my own way.
• 9:10
  SPEAKER_03: As I look back on these speed bumps that you want me to talk about, and I will, it was me being my own worst enemy in many cases.
• 9:19
  SPEAKER_03: I was able to survive through it based on knowing that I've been through hard stuff before.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_03: I think choosing hard in our lives voluntarily is what can really allow us to bounce back through these tough times when they get hard because we've been there before.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_03: I want to share a quick story.
• 9:40
  SPEAKER_03: My dad and I, I looked up to him so much growing up.
• 9:43
  SPEAKER_03: He was into working out, and we started working out in a barn.
• 9:48
  SPEAKER_03: Okay, there was nothing fancy about it, Chris.
• 9:50
  SPEAKER_03: It was hot in the summer, cold in the winter.
• 9:54
  SPEAKER_03: But particularly in the summer, when it was hot, you know, and we're sweating.
• 10:00
  SPEAKER_03: You know, dad taught me lessons for life there that he didn't even realize he was teaching, or maybe he did.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_03: But we'd get to that set where you couldn't do any more, and he was like, one more, one more rep.
• 10:15
  SPEAKER_03: This is when they count, son, right now.
• 10:18
  SPEAKER_03: Take yourself to places of pain that a lot of young men aren't willing to take themselves to.
• 10:25
  SPEAKER_03: And I know you can relate to that as a sports guy.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_03: I thought he was a little crazy at the time.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_03: But truthfully, I saw his po I see his point and reflection.
• 10:34
  SPEAKER_03: If you take yourself to those quote unquote places of pain, once you reach those painful places in life, it's like I I I've been here before.
• 10:44
  SPEAKER_03: So I can get through it.
• 10:46
  SPEAKER_03: I can battle through this.
• 10:47
  SPEAKER_03: So as you saw in my book, probably, if you know, it sounds like you read most of it, I I speak of how my biggest battles weren't on foreign soil with the army.
• 10:58
  SPEAKER_03: They were within me.
• 11:00
  SPEAKER_03: Main struggle was really in relationships and marriages with with women, you know, and this whole thing of seeking validation through relationships with girls, women, uh, attention, really feeding off that.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_03: And the reason I bring it up is it diverted me sometimes, Chris and listeners, from what was more important in life.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_03: Yes, our wife is important, or the girlfriend, it's a girlfriend is important, but not so much that it takes us away from those things that can really help us in our lives and also benefit our relationship.
• 11:43
  SPEAKER_03: But I would get to where that's all that mattered to me.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_03: And I would sacrifice some things like college.
• 11:52
  SPEAKER_03: Remember, I said I went there for my with a girlfriend.
• 11:54
  SPEAKER_03: We know guys that did that, but I took it to another level where when it broke up, I sunk, Chris.
• 12:01
  SPEAKER_03: It was like, man, my life is over.
• 12:04
  SPEAKER_03: And it continued, there was a trend that continued throughout my life that you know I'm not proud of, and yet I've come to grips with the fact that I am who I am today for all of it.
• 12:18
  SPEAKER_03: So if it took all of that to get me here, I embrace it.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_03: And that's a big piece to why I'm here too, Chris.
• 12:26
  SPEAKER_03: Because I had to put it all out there the good, the bad, and the ugly with failed marriages.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_03: The just and then like you see, the ups and downs that we all go through and not continuing to define myself by those mistakes or thinking I'm disqualified because of my past in certain areas.
• 12:48
  SPEAKER_03: What I've learned is what we think disqualifies us is really what qualifies us to go out and share with people our story because our story is our superpower, man.
• 13:02
  SPEAKER_03: It is.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_03: A lot of us are just ashamed and fearful to share it.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_03: And at the end of the day, who cares how people feel about you?
• 13:13
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, that's none of my business now.
• 13:15
  SPEAKER_03: If people don't want to like me for whatever reason, hey, that's on them.
• 13:21
  SPEAKER_03: The key is liking yourself and believing in yourself.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_03: And I believe we all need to reflect more on our lives and feel good about that, that we've come through what we've come through, and then take that as fuel to move us forward through the setbacks and adversities that either we're currently going through or we will go through.
• 13:42
  SPEAKER_03: Because life is about preparing for a storm, being in a storm, or coming out of a storm.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_02: So I think that's indisputable.
• 13:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 13:53
  SPEAKER_02: No.
• 13:55
  SPEAKER_02: But I hope that answered that question pretty well.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 14:00
  SPEAKER_00: No, there's a few things I was thinking about.
• 14:02
  SPEAKER_00: One of them, you know, was what you said earlier, actually, was you know, you were in your own way most of the time.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think most people, obviously, there are bad things that happen to people that are out of their control, but a lot of us we're our own worst enemy.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And when we really look in the mirror and pull the layers back, there's a lot of self-responsibility we all need to take and realize, hey, I had more to do with that than the external factors did.
• 14:26
  SPEAKER_00: And we and it's amazing when you take that approach too, just how your mind can shift to a more progressive way of thinking of, okay, what did what could I have done differently?
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_00: What can I do differently moving forward?
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_00: And it's just a constant personal development way of thinking to where you get better and better in situations, specifically tough situations, where you don't play the blame game or you know, focus on external things.
• 14:50
  SPEAKER_00: Look at yourself, and that really it really does.
• 14:53
  SPEAKER_00: It's a weird trick, and it's a positive trick that works for a lot of people once you can figure that out.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_00: I love too, though, you're talking about your dad making you do hard things.
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_00: I talk about this with people all the time.
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_00: And my wife, she's a personal trainer, former athlete as well.
• 15:06
  SPEAKER_00: So she keeps me in gear.
• 15:08
  SPEAKER_00: Even I I like to work out, I love to be fit, but there are my days where I'm like, you know, I don't want to do anything.
• 15:14
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, nah, big dog, we're going to the gym, we're going to run.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm I'm so appreciative of that because it makes those days, you know, few and far between.
• 15:23
  SPEAKER_00: Everything's a little bit easier because we do hard things.
• 15:26
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 15:27
  SPEAKER_00: But people in this world of automation and and everything's been created to make life easier, and which also, in a in a bad way, kind of makes us not prepared for those tough things that come because we're just so comfortable in our lives and we don't push ourselves to get uncomfortable enough like we should.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_00: So it's really cool that your dad instilled that way of thinking in you early on because it did help you throughout your life when you had things that were tough.
• 15:57
  SPEAKER_00: You were, hey, I've been here, done that.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_00: You know, I maybe have a little regret in the way I acted or what I said, but I know I can get better and get through this, and that's how I think a lot of us.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_00: And it led right into what you were talking about, writing your story and sharing it.
• 16:12
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, maybe a little embarrassed, whatever a lot of us are.
• 16:15
  SPEAKER_00: But if we see someone like yourself, John, hey, this guy, successful military macho man who's being vulnerable and letting us know his struggles.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I may feel a little more comfortable to share mine, which in path will help someone else get through their struggles.
• 16:31
  SPEAKER_00: So it's this wheel that all comes together.
• 16:34
  SPEAKER_00: And I love that you you explained it beautifully and just the progression of it all.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you.
• 16:39
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks.
• 16:40
  SPEAKER_03: You touched on something, Chris, that is a concern of mine, and I know a lot of us, with how things have been made easier today.
• 16:50
  SPEAKER_03: And it's not this generation's fault that they're growing up when they're growing up.
• 16:55
  SPEAKER_03: Hey, I can only be thankful as I'm sure you and your wife are.
• 16:59
  SPEAKER_03: You think about these things.
• 17:00
  SPEAKER_03: I'm glad I had it the way I did.
• 17:03
  SPEAKER_03: I was forced to do things the hard way.
• 17:06
  SPEAKER_03: We didn't know any different.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_03: But thinking, critical thinking, critical reading, all those skills that we had to exercise growing up when we went to school.
• 17:19
  SPEAKER_03: Everything's, I mean, immediate access now for information, which is good and bad, of course, as we're alluding to.
• 17:27
  SPEAKER_03: But this is why I feel that much more called to get in front of young people.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_03: That's one of my goals is uh, you know, the power of pain, for example.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_03: That's one of my mantras.
• 17:43
  SPEAKER_03: And to inspire them to do everything we're talking about and choosing hard.
• 17:50
  SPEAKER_03: Because things have been made so easy, it's that much more important that I we want you to choose hard that much more.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_03: Because the further back people have to reflect on doing something hard, the harder it is for them to dig deep and take responsibility for where they are and move forward.
• 18:15
  SPEAKER_03: That's why it's important to choose hard every day in some form or fashion, because you don't have to reflect back too far on what that felt like.
• 18:25
  SPEAKER_03: But pain is fuel.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_03: People have asked me over the years about the word resilience, too, Chris.
• 18:31
  SPEAKER_03: And we know what the definitions are, but I just feel like resilience is basically choice.
• 18:36
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's a it's a trend of choices that we make that make us resilient.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_03: And once again, you in the audience will hear me say this a lot.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_03: That choice is hard over easy.
• 18:51
  SPEAKER_03: Life is about choosing hard, either way.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_03: Because if you choose easy now, guess what's gonna happen later in that area of life?
• 18:59
  SPEAKER_03: It's gonna get hard.
• 19:00
  SPEAKER_03: If you choose hard now, it'll get easier later.
• 19:05
  SPEAKER_03: Short-term pain for long-term gain, as my dad used to say.
• 19:08
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 19:09
  SPEAKER_03: And these are things I remind myself of daily.
• 19:12
  SPEAKER_03: I have things written down on my nightstand, on my mirrors.
• 19:17
  SPEAKER_03: I encourage people to do things like that, particularly if you're in a rut.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_03: If you have to have those daily reminders of where you know you need to snap out of it and do things differently in a particular area of your life that you're struggling, do it.
• 19:33
  SPEAKER_03: No shame in that at all, because when you look at something and read something daily, it becomes a part of you.
• 19:40
  SPEAKER_03: I like to keep things simple, Chris.
• 19:42
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I think that's the problem.
• 19:43
  SPEAKER_03: People make it too complicated, even down to well, I just I just have difficulty getting up in the morning.
• 19:50
  SPEAKER_03: That's hard for me.
• 19:52
  SPEAKER_03: How do you do it?
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't know, just do it.
• 19:55
  SPEAKER_03: Get up.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_03: Just get up.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's it's simple.
• 19:59
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it's all how bad you want something.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_03: Dad had a poster in my brother and I's bedroom.
• 20:06
  SPEAKER_03: You know, how bad do you want it?
• 20:08
  SPEAKER_03: And the big one was have you done anything today to make yourself better?
• 20:14
  SPEAKER_03: If you haven't, get up and do it.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_03: This stuff resonates with me every single day.
• 20:22
  SPEAKER_03: Now, I'm not perfect.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_03: The only perfect person is God, right?
• 20:28
  SPEAKER_03: But these are good reminders that even if we did one thing today to make ourselves better, we can rest a lot easier and know that we took a step in the right direction in order to be that person that we say we want to be.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_03: And I could go, well, you know, there's another one.
• 20:49
  SPEAKER_03: Whatever you want to be in life, you need to be like that person now.
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_03: You know this from sports.
• 20:56
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you know, I'll I'll ask kids in wrestling, hey, what why are you here?
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_03: What do you want to get out of this sport?
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, I want to be a champion.
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_03: Great! Guess what?
• 21:06
  SPEAKER_03: You need to be a champion now.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_03: You need if you want to be a state champion, you need to train like a state champion.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_03: Do what the state champions are doing.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_03: Or guess what?
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_03: It'll never happen.
• 21:20
  SPEAKER_03: So your identity has to change before you'll ever become that.
• 21:27
  SPEAKER_03: You know, it's like, oh, I want to, you know, I want to be Chris Klinard, right?
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, well, you want to do what Chris Clenard did in order to be where he is today.
• 21:36
  SPEAKER_03: Well, I don't know about that.
• 21:38
  SPEAKER_00: It is interesting of some of this, because I've been, again, I rela talk about my wife a little bit in personal training and people wanting to get in better shape, and she goes through nutrition and stuff, and and you just see the constant of choosing the the Dorito over the vegetable, and you're like, it's just it's just a the decision.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to not eat that.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: And just eat this.
• 22:01
  SPEAKER_00: It's very simple.
• 22:02
  SPEAKER_00: You just have to do it that way.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_00: But and there's a lot of you know examples that we could go through, but it is interesting.
• 22:08
  SPEAKER_00: Just I don't know why that is difficult.
• 22:10
  SPEAKER_00: I know there's a whole I've read books about it, I've talked to coaches about it and leaders about it.
• 22:15
  SPEAKER_00: And the discipline piece is just for one reason or another, we'll be we'll be studying it for a long time, I think.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_03: Discipline's freedom really is when you can exercise it.
• 22:25
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, again, it really comes back to how bad you want it, which equates to responsibility.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_03: When I think of the, and this is you and me too, because everybody has an area of their lives or areas that aren't as squared away as they want them to be.
• 22:39
  SPEAKER_03: Let's get that out.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_03: And it really does come back to taking responsibility for that.
• 22:48
  SPEAKER_03: I think that's where a lot of people who have it easy all the time or choose easy all the time, they fail to look within themselves.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_03: They blame other people.
• 23:02
  SPEAKER_03: And the last place they go is where they need to go first.
• 23:05
  SPEAKER_03: And that's right here, man.
• 23:07
  SPEAKER_03: What can I do to make this situation different?
• 23:11
  SPEAKER_03: And it that's real.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_03: That's real.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_03: I think of all the times I've watched someone walk away from me or I've walked away from them where they just don't have it together in certain areas.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_03: And I I think, you know, you gotta examine what you have control of, and that's your own actions.
• 23:33
  SPEAKER_03: And I think those those people who are most resilient, one trait they have is account, they have self-accountability and take responsibility.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_03: They don't wait for something to happen, they don't wait for that person to come knocking on their door.
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_03: You know, you want to gain clarity in life about something, you gotta move.
• 23:51
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_03: Movement's what brings clarity to your life.
• 23:54
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah, you know, you actually get to see a door open for you.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_03: God has that way of bringing people into your life.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_03: Look at us through Tori DaCosta.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_03: I virtually met Chris Clenar, and here we are talking today.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_03: You just it's fascinating how things unfold, but you've got to move your two feet to make things happen.
• 24:16
  SPEAKER_03: That's right.
• 24:17
  SPEAKER_00: That's right.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_00: I love I love this, John.
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_00: I love your message you're sharing.
• 24:21
  SPEAKER_00: Also, another thing I was picking up on and I was thinking about, I mean, you've mentioned your dad several times, and it started it was making me think of like teachers that I had growing up and coaches I had growing up.
• 24:32
  SPEAKER_00: And at the time, maybe, maybe I thought they were being a little hard on me or they were trying to make a point.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_00: But as I got older, I started to realize, man, I really appreciate what they were teaching me in that moment because I get it now.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's very important that you're sharing your message as much as you can because a young man you may that may hear you speak or read your book, they may not figure it out immediately, but maybe in 10 years, they're gonna look back and go, man, that John, that speaker guy John that came over at our school or whatever and spoke.
• 25:02
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is exactly what he was talking about.
• 25:04
  SPEAKER_00: I'm going through exactly what he was talking about that day.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's one of those things where you just have to keep sharing that message because at some point it'll click.
• 25:13
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we want it to click immediately.
• 25:14
  SPEAKER_00: Some of the things we're talking about today, where we want people to just start walking, take action, eat the right food, have self-discipline, have self-awareness.
• 25:24
  SPEAKER_00: You know, and you you want them, you hope that they can take it and run with it immediately.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_00: But a lot of times it's you got to kind of learn on the go.
• 25:30
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, you and I you talk about it too.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_00: You've gotten your own way, I've gotten in my own way, and you got to get through the pieces and then learn on the way.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: But the message and the story is important to continue to share because at some point someone's gonna remember that and be able to use that in their life.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so I just love that you, again, talking about your dad, I'm sure there's times where you were like, Dad, what the hell are we doing?
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then today you're like, Okay, dad had a point here, and I'm so glad he made me do what he did.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_03: Oh, you touched on you hit two words at the beginning of what you just said.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_03: All of that was powerful.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_03: But working hard, you know, I remember dad as a coach would tell everyone, regardless of why you're here, because every kid's out for a sport for a different reason, particularly in high school, junior high school in high school.
• 26:17
  SPEAKER_03: But he said, That's all fine, but one thing you all will do is work hard.
• 26:22
  SPEAKER_03: Now, why do we know that's important?
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_03: Because as years go by, Chris, you and your wife know this, listeners know this.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_03: Regardless of what you've accomplished, it does fade away.
• 26:35
  SPEAKER_03: That part fades away.
• 26:36
  SPEAKER_03: At some point, you know, it's kind of sad, but you sort of become irrelevant.
• 26:40
  SPEAKER_03: And a lot of these kids they don't remember, they don't know me.
• 26:44
  SPEAKER_03: Not that I did anything special.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_03: But the point I'm making with that is what you still draw from, no matter regardless of how long you live in this world, is exactly what we're talking about, Chris.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_03: The working hard.
• 26:59
  SPEAKER_03: That's what you're robbing yourself of as a young man or young woman today, later in life.
• 27:06
  SPEAKER_03: It's if you didn't give your best, if you didn't give your best, you didn't work hard, hey, you didn't get out of the sport what we as coaches and parents want you to.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_03: That's why we emphasize it so much.
• 27:18
  SPEAKER_03: Not everybody's gonna play college football, not everybody's gonna play pro football.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_03: But let's get the most out of it, because what I've learned is regardless of what level you played at, we all have one thing in common, and that's if we know what tough is that we draw from.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_03: We draw from the tough part because not everybody makes it to that next level.
• 27:45
  SPEAKER_03: Not every not everyone stands on the top of the podium, but you will stand at the top of your own podium by knowing that you've given your best effort in life.
• 27:54
  SPEAKER_03: All it takes is everything you've got, and that has to be enough.
• 27:58
  SPEAKER_03: So man, it's amazing the things we learn to teach more rather than just win on the scoreboard or just win the race.
• 28:11
  SPEAKER_02: You're a winner by knowing you've given your best to be where you are.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_03: That's success to me, by the way.
• 28:21
  SPEAKER_03: If you know you've given your best today, that's a successful day.
• 28:27
  SPEAKER_03: What more can you ask of yourself than that?
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_03: Nothing.
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I think too often people separate failure from winning.
• 28:37
  SPEAKER_03: Losing for they really need to be kept closer together.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_03: You know, in other words, I know our generation in particular sometimes was like, You you can't lose.
• 28:49
  SPEAKER_03: Don't lose.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_03: You can't fail.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_03: It's all about winning.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_03: But in truth, keeping failure and winning, or losing and winning close together, you stay humble when you're winning, right?
• 29:03
  SPEAKER_03: But when you do lose, you at least bounce back faster because you know that that's part of the process.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_03: You gotta lose in order to win.
• 29:14
  SPEAKER_03: Sometimes you I don't know anyone who's successful who hasn't failed.
• 29:18
  SPEAKER_03: But failing doesn't mean you've quit.
• 29:22
  SPEAKER_03: Failing just means okay, that didn't work out, or I lost that match, that game.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_03: But it's that we're that much closer to where we want to be through the loss, growing from it, instead of allowing us to be like, oh my gosh, I lost, I failed, and quit.
• 29:40
  SPEAKER_03: You know.
• 29:42
  SPEAKER_03: Went off on one of my tangents, Chris.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_00: No, I love it.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: I love everything you're saying, John.
• 29:47
  SPEAKER_00: And uh I again, I just think these kind of conversations are important.
• 29:51
  SPEAKER_00: I think the message is important, and sometimes we just need to hear it over and over and over again for it to click.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: It's just one of those things, it's a good reminder.
• 29:59
  SPEAKER_00: It's one like you said, hang a poster, listen to a podcast, listen to something inspiring, whatever it takes to just get yourself continually in that frame of mind to go accomplish and do what you want to do.
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so, no, I I absolutely love this.
• 30:15
  SPEAKER_00: And and John, I've got just two more questions for you.
• 30:18
  SPEAKER_00: One of them being, you know, going back to your books, I want you to end on that.
• 30:22
  SPEAKER_00: If someone reading those books, if they don't take but just one bit of information from it that you hope resonates with them, what do you hope that one thing is that they take away from it and and apply in their lives moving forward?
• 30:37
  SPEAKER_03: First thing is your next move matters more than your last mistake.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_03: I'd want them to know that right up front.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_03: Your next move matters more than your last mistake.
• 30:48
  SPEAKER_03: And that second thing would be choosing hard, how that pays off in life.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_03: And I want to share this line do today what others won't, so you can have tomorrow what others don't.
• 31:02
  SPEAKER_03: And both of those add up to wanting people to feel that they too are made for the comeback.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_03: Use your struggles as your fuel to move forward.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_03: Use your struggles as fuel to move forward.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_03: Setbacks are setups for opportunity to grow.
• 31:22
  SPEAKER_03: So those are those are a few things that I definitely want people to get out of both books.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_03: And I'll add this to the companion guide.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_03: You know, the principals use my dad as another example.
• 31:35
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I used to go to rivaling clinics every summer, and he always said, Hey, look, don't try to learn everything these technicians are teaching you.
• 31:44
  SPEAKER_03: Don't overwhelm yourself with that.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_03: You got to know yourself, know your style.
• 31:48
  SPEAKER_03: If you take one thing from a clinic that'll improve your performance, that's awesome.
• 31:54
  SPEAKER_03: Call them gold nuggets.
• 31:56
  SPEAKER_03: Same way with these principles.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_03: Whoever reads the book, don't overwhelm yourself thinking you have to apply all seven principles at one time.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_03: Use one at a time.
• 32:07
  SPEAKER_03: You know, if it one principle's win the first 30 minutes, Chris.
• 32:11
  SPEAKER_03: So if that's where you're hurting, if you're struggling in the morning to win the first minute, 30 minutes of the day, focus on that principle, apply it to your life and grow from it.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_00: So love that.
• 32:23
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, because we can, especially in this world, we can get overwhelmed with what we need to do and a checklist, and then you then it goes the opposite direction.
• 32:30
  SPEAKER_00: So I like the focus on one thing at a time, master that, and then let's move on to the next thing.
• 32:37
  SPEAKER_00: John, last question for you, and I ask everyone this that comes on the podcast, as it's strictly uh a book question, just for I'm always curious to know what people have been reading, what's meant a lot to them.
• 32:48
  SPEAKER_00: And so my question is what is a book or two that has meant a lot to you personally, and what's a what's a book or two you love to recommend to others?
• 32:57
  SPEAKER_03: First one that comes to mind is called The Power of One by Ed Milette.
• 33:03
  SPEAKER_03: I love Ed.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_03: I listen to his podcast a lot.
• 33:06
  SPEAKER_03: The Power of One is one that I would strongly recommend.
• 33:11
  SPEAKER_03: Another one, it's been around for a while, but John's book, The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership.
• 33:21
  SPEAKER_03: That one comes to mind.
• 33:23
  SPEAKER_03: I read a lot.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_03: That can be an overwhelming question sometimes to narrow it down, but one or two, but those are the ones that come to mind first.
• 33:31
  SPEAKER_03: Ed Milette's Power of One, and then John Maxwell's older book.
• 33:36
  SPEAKER_03: Now he's revised it a few times, but there's 21 irrefutable laws of leadership.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_03: It's a good one.
• 33:41
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 33:42
  SPEAKER_00: No, good, good recommendations.
• 33:44
  SPEAKER_00: I'm surprised that I haven't had more people recommend Ed Milette.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_00: He's definitely one of those guys that at some point I'm gonna have him on the Books for Guys podcast when I get to a certain level.
• 33:54
  SPEAKER_00: He's one of those I would love to just have 30 minutes to pick his brain.
• 33:59
  SPEAKER_00: And I watch a lot of his content and been listening to him for years.
• 34:02
  SPEAKER_00: And so, but yeah, it's an unfair question, especially if you read a lot.
• 34:06
  SPEAKER_00: Your answer would be different if I asked you a year ago or five years ago, or maybe even tomorrow.
• 34:11
  SPEAKER_00: But uh that's why I love the question because it's more about what's top of mind.
• 34:15
  SPEAKER_00: And if you go to one of those books, obviously they meant a lot to you.
• 34:18
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna add those to my list and make sure if I haven't read them, I'm going to.
• 34:22
  SPEAKER_00: So I love that question, though.
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 34:25
  SPEAKER_03: Me too.
• 34:26
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, I would just encourage people to read, period.
• 34:30
  SPEAKER_03: It's it's alarming, the statistics that I'm sure you have read too, how few people read a book following graduating high school.
• 34:38
  SPEAKER_03: I mean, it it really just we talk about mindset.
• 34:46
  SPEAKER_03: It just has a way of improving your mindset, your communication skills, your ability to speak, and what you learn.
• 34:55
  SPEAKER_03: You know, I often say knowledge is a power alone.
• 34:59
  SPEAKER_03: You know, we hear knowledge is power, shared knowledge is power.
• 35:02
  SPEAKER_03: So these individuals, and I can include myself now, how about that?
• 35:06
  SPEAKER_03: Is to write a book.
• 35:07
  SPEAKER_03: When we write a book, it's not just for our own health.
• 35:10
  SPEAKER_03: It is a cathartic experience to do so, but we're sharing our we're sharing what's worked for us.
• 35:16
  SPEAKER_03: You know, and we're getting into now we're motivational books, self-help books in particular, right?
• 35:22
  SPEAKER_03: And unless you read it, it does no good.
• 35:25
  SPEAKER_03: So a lot of what I share isn't just John Topper.
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_03: These are things that have been shared through my my dad, coaches, teachers, authors who have poured their hearts and their wisdom out on paper because they want to share so that we can make our lives better.
• 35:45
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 35:47
  SPEAKER_02: That's right.
• 35:48
  SPEAKER_00: Well, John, read.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 35:50
  SPEAKER_00: What's your man?
• 35:52
  SPEAKER_00: Keep just keep doing what you're doing, man.
• 35:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's uh again, it's an it's been an honor to have you a part of Books for Guys in our mission, and and we're certainly proud and honored to share your story and give you a platform.
• 36:04
  SPEAKER_00: And I have no doubt that somebody's gonna listen or watch this, and it's gonna sit with somebody out there, and they're gonna have something they take away from it and use moving forward, and that's what it's all about.
• 36:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so, man, John, thank you so much for doing this.
• 36:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I can't wait to see all the things that you continue to do and all the people you continue to impact because you're just getting started.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_00: You know, this journey you're on now with with speaking and writing and sharing this message, you've got a long way ahead and so many people to connect with and and impact.
• 36:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's gonna be very cool from my side to watch that happen.
• 36:44
  SPEAKER_00: And man, we're here to support you and just appreciate again you taking the time to share on our platform today.
• 36:50
  SPEAKER_03: Thanks, Chris.
• 36:51
  SPEAKER_03: And real quick, my website is comebackreadylife.com.
• 36:55
  SPEAKER_03: So if you want to reach me, that's the best place to go.
• 36:59
  SPEAKER_03: ComebackreadyLifes.com.
• 37:01
  SPEAKER_03: You can buy the books there, and feel free to reach out as well.
• 37:04
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 37:05
  SPEAKER_00: And we'll include that in the notes.
• 37:07
  SPEAKER_00: So appreciate it, John.
• 37:08
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you so much.