Latest / Rotgrind - Narrative Declaration / Lost in the Woods
Transcript
- Bears are like the most hardcore capitalist creatures on time, right? Are they watching Mad Honey with Bear Kramer? I ain't gonna get lost in the lost woods, I'm built different. Not many people talk to the fun guys around here. I trust you implicitly, mold in my cracks. You being friend? You can't just play with their lives like that! What the hell is wrong with you? Welcome to another episode of Ruckgrind! Yay! Help me! Get him back! I too am exclaiming my excitement. It's good to see everybody. Hope you all have been enjoying the show so far. Of course, if you'd like to support us and stuff, you can go to the link in the description below. If you'd like to support us and stuff, you can go to the link in the description below. You can go to www.narrativedeclaration.com. Find out about all of our amazing shows, amazing players, amazing staff, amazing game masters, everything all in between. And please, please step by the Patreon at patreon.com forward slash narrative declaration if you want to contribute to the show. Keep things rolling, keep things playing. But of course, one thing to address, Tannhauser, you forgot to give yourself a hero point because you have no hero points right now. And I told you 30 minutes ago. You actually totally did. That is completely true. Add it to your sheet! I have a spare one from yesterday. You also have 17 hit points, Veena. I got blowed up! Yeah, Veena died. That's right! That's right! You did get blowed up. That's great. We're gonna go back to that in a moment. Can I keep my spare hero points? Oh, we are, we are, we are. Actually, yeah, but there is one other thing before we get started, though. Very important. Oh, yes, of course. Mm-hmm. Hulky, give me a willpower test. Uh, plus 20. No! Why's that? What was that? Wrong game. Wrong game, wrong game. Okay, okay, never mind, never mind, never mind. That's fine, give me a willpower test. Oh, that's a nine on the die. You succeed. You can act. You can play this session. Oh, wow. Thank you, Thurston. I'm glad I get to play this session. Wow. I guess you can do it today. Oh, really? Really? Are they allowed to speak freely about information that they know? Wow. I can't relate. I'd say they can role play. Wow! If you want to know what the funnies are, go watch our, uh, a Chaos Odyssey show. Or Warhands of Chaos Odyssey. I don't know, I think, I think Speaker being able to still be himself while occasionally saying, I know many secrets is, like, perfectly in line with him. That is true. That is true. I make it work. I make it work. He does make it work. He does know many secrets. Like Kel Nordrago, I make it happen. Speaking of secrets, Thurston must have a lot of secrets for us coming up in this lovely episode. Thurstano, what adventure do you have for us today? Very, very simple. Uh, Odoroshi Rider in character. Please start us off. Ah, yeah. Wee. Oh, really good. Really? Really good performance. So good. Thank you. Excellent. Excellent. Oh, thank God you're here, Odo. Oh, he's the fucking MVP of this team. I know. I know. The role play. Oh, wow. Awesome. All right. Um, so I believe... That's a Hero Point performance if I ever heard one. Yeah. You know what? Fuck it, Veena. Veena, you can have three Hero Points. You're full. You're full of them. Yay! Take them all. Right now, as a Tugbert, Veena could solo any boss. Oh, yeah. That's true. That's true. You never die. You never die. I narratively declare the boss explodes. Or it's so easy. All right. So, so I believe, um, Tannhauser, you were clutching onto, uh, the Veena Burt when it exploded. For those of you who are wondering what the fuck's going on, if you skipped our last episode, I don't know why you would have. Um, Veena got, uh, polymorphed balefully. Into a Tugbert. And the little platyparian was in the arms of an angel, that angel being Tannhauser. Um, and then, uh, was promptly exploded. Is that about sum up what happened? Yeah. Right? Yeah. I mean, I'm- I will, I will be a bit fair, and I will add summary to that, Thurston. Because- Please do. Please do. Me, Erndil, I will be fair to Hulki. What he intended to do was he intended to skirt the system by getting around the polymorph, by bribing Veena into being his familiar, which he could then force detonate using his skill. Hulki, what was the name of that skill? Final Sacrifice. Yeah. He, he used it to detonate Veena. And then he would cast Breath of Life. To ensure she lived. And we, he tried this in an endeavor to, um, you know, kinda rules lawyer his way out of it. However, the enchantment seemed to, uh, be having that in mind. And so when she blew up, she merely reformed as the, the Veena Burt, albeit with probably like a tenth of her health. Yeah. That is true. That is true. So for, for, for a solid ten seconds, Veena exploded. And then was reformed. And then was reformed in front of everyone. Uh, we're about to get to that. And is still being held by Tannhauser, who is like, covered in Tugbert-based gore. You know, that, it is really funny that that is the third way Veena died. I'm gonna look at Veena, at all the gore around me. And I'm just gonna look up, and then look down back at Tugbert Veena. And Tannhauser's just gonna say, Oh my god. Oh my god. Veena, are you alright? Wah. Rahwa! Eh? It didn't work! You blew her up! I, I tried! I tried! I, I thought it would work! Why, I oughta. Bob Aldrich is fucking moving straight at, well, and he, he was already kinda like, attempting to wail on him before he'd, like, reformed her. So, uh. So, uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. Uh. with before i thought that death might have cleansed the affliction like still could bring her back before her soul dissipated you clear that with us first you don't just do it that's easy enough for you to say if you haven't died before patience patience with rahua you have done something that violates the ethos of this group but it was done in good intentions i do not believe we should hold that against you let us remember also that rahua is not long of this world i can see where the calculus would manifest to assume this would be a good idea in the future when dealing with the lives of one of us do not make such a brash decision again is that understandable rahua i think that's fairly but know this i would not spend your lives so callously if i knew that the risks was well greater than the potential benefit i believe you you are my friend and trusted companion but vina is an ambivalent and as a result of this we remain at an impasse i have a suggestion okay why don't we camp for now rest perhaps somewhere within your rolodex of knowledge or my own we might discover a cure for her affliction yes i i think that would be best i might there might be something i have learned i simply have forgotten in the right now that could restore the in a less via volatile manner than that certainly nothing so drastic as what it just transpired again apologies especially i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm thank you thank you thank you um i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry did you just like describe the priests or the cleric spell repertoire as a fucking rolodex like all right which god am i going to today okay oh thurston we've we've already had thurston we've already had irish coffee up here a little more anachronism isn't gonna kill us that's true that's fair that's fair we did invent socialism in the past but we've invented communism repeatedly it will work one day it worked great for the dinosaurs and then the meteor all right actually wait i'm not going to speak in character instead i'm going to ask thurston yes the surroundings we're in i see that we have this beautiful picture of the wu days is there perchance a wu days is there perchance um like a mountain or like a rock face or like even just a small cliff face anything nearby you're approaching like the foothills of a mountain but you have to go through like a forest to get there which you gather was about another day's journey give or take that's a day's journey to get to the mountain yeah yeah yeah like to get to like the the proper escarpment up there's like rises and stuff along the way like are you just looking for something to put your back against or yeah if i if it's something that i could just put my back against i'm not expecting to find like a a cave full of bears but like you know i don't know how rocky this area is but i would assume it's near the mountains it's probably like like you know decent there's there's rises and there's um what what kind of skills do you have for like survival oh yeah for nature you'd expect uh tanhauser who's who's been raised and lived most of his life and i remember in the desert raiding environment to have survival yeah yeah yeah but i guess that's your survival legs oh it's plus three you wanna you wanna give me a check uh could i encourage you that this is a warfare check all right yeah fine yeah yeah yeah very good all right 14 okay so tanhauser how do you react when you find the family of bears in the cave um there are three of them um two cubs and a mama bear the mama bear staring out with big beady eyes as you kind of poke your head into the cave oh this is excellent uh oh no that's summon animal not command animal ah shucks summon animal you just put a third bear in the room or no a fourth bear in the room oran's watching tanhauser do this and if anybody goes forward he would like take his staff to stop anybody go like no no no let's see how this goes excellent already already i assume you're still holding the vena bird so you're able you're able to tell that the mama bear is like looking at the vena bird very confused um okay uh quick question uh these bears have jobs i mean currently their job is living in a cave so and in a house right man is the king of their castle i know what he's doing okay okay okay so keep going ergo clearly papa bear would count as a noble okay uh-huh uh-huh yep yep and that means i could use society to make an impression no okay um speaker these are animals you know what every man's home is this castle well so is vena right now yeah but she's also not safe because she's not safe because she's not safe because she's not sapient as has been established maybe these bears are i've had a few sapient give me your fucking society check excuse me thurston actually thurston i'm going to step in here as the gm uh no i'm allowing it i'm allowing it i'm allowing it bastard i'm gonna kill you yeah this is gonna be some kind of arch druid all right that is a 35 okay so how are you how are you negotiating with this uh with this like large cave bear good day i am tan house this mom of their stands on two legs she's easily twice your size height and width oh that's a bear great to meet you as well she takes a step forward keep going we are seeking to use accommodations to uh she takes another step forward that's interesting i'm going to uh uh just uh cast um uh gust of wind into the future what what i'm gonna cast gust of wind into the future gust of wind is a spell and i have the ability into the future which i'm going to cast gust of wind into the future which allows me to have the spell effects occur a round later i will gust of wind to blow my ass out of there if i need to centered on me okay and i will have that uh go on uh one round okay six seconds cool uh yeah six seven that's right i was gonna try to pose but i think i want the bear to hurt you oh no you're you've been you've been stopped by oran's stick you've established this let's see what happens as we are both individuals of uh uh clear and sober thought uh might i ask your name the bear takes another step forward one pock extends towards you like uh a stirring patriotic band music starts playing in the background i i shake the hand okay okay one sec just give me a moment here okay okay cool um as- as you're shaking the hand a paw goes out and attempts to grab the vena line N vídeo No no no no no no i'll try Andi benefits that um and- go away it's like like like like you're holding on like like the the bear has literally got your hand in its like big paw but she's like kind of like tussling to get the vena burr and like making these like sounds like trying to grab the vena burr from you it doesn't seem as soon as this occurs or is like okay okay uh he basically she really shapeshifts into a bear actually no can i do that no i can't do that anymore now i'm not an actual druid he gets on all fours and believes he's shapeshifted into a bear um i might be able to help with this one go go for it i'll fuck give it a shot redeem yourself from killing one of us but zoran i don't need a redemption i've done nothing wrong i am free of original sin and i am thus cannot commit evil you i'm gonna steal this from you and i'm gonna bombard the bear with grenades then then cease this line of thought a person who absolves himself of sin okay uh rahua will go up to the bear looming large over even him actually i am size medium i think yeah the bear is bigger than you okay the bear is still bigger i mean that's fine that is okay rahua will look up at this bear he'll hold out his hands like expectantly and i'm going to attempt a nature check because i have tame animal sure i don't know what dc i'm gonna have to beat but uh i'll roll it no i'll i'll let you know if it works okay fair fair that's a nat 20 okay okay okay , all three of the bears immediately sit around you in a semicircle as though it were like school time i love this these are they're such wonderful creatures if you get to know them personally i'm more fond of wizards than bears i can't imagine why i just think it sounds better uh maybe yeah thanks man i know what you were doing i'm saying in the sarcastic way of like zorin basically said to you checks in the mail yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's all about name's or the wizard the bear that's today we're writing the google document we're writing the google document Now, you can't have a diminutive friend here, but if you're so inclined to keep company and keep some other unsavory types away, I might be able to spare some rations for you. The children begin clapping. Wait, children? The cubs. The bear cubs. The baby bears. Oh my god. Do you think it was just, like, three full fucking bears? No, I was just at this point where I'm like, children? There's children here? That's dangerous. There's bears in this game! Christ's sake! Oh my god! Genius fucking... Hey, six years, guys. Six years. Yeah. Six years, guys. Did I not pay any attention, or did I miss the children? children i really love all the people who are like man i'm gonna skip ahead i cannot wait to see what fucking like 13th level fucking pathfinder play is gonna be like oh yeah the bear children continue clapping shall we make camp for the night then yes this is fine a cave will serve me well i shall prepare the tiny hut of pig turn go for it it's technically it's actually it's it's a cabin it's not a tiny hut that's a dnd thing yeah ten hauser calls it a hut because she's a meanie because i'm i'm a wizard like the wizards of the coast it wrecked the damn cabin cricket cricket yeah that's fine that's fine sorry the pinkertons are coming just erect a damn cabin um okay yeah i uh here's here's cozy cabin and for the next 12 hours we will have a beautiful um uh cozy cabin can i decide what it looks like or is it just like a beautiful cabin it's it's the exact same cabin that pig turn squelch foot summoned for you in the small no you're you're exact exactly right ted hauser yeah change it okay i was gonna make it it's like industrial it's it's one no it's kind of like halfling cozy but that also means it's slightly too short for everybody but it's got like a whole charm about being so short as a result our friend continues to provide for us we can live here for the day not for any longer okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay okay Arnval will take a Tugbert Vena from you and kind of like swallow her and like in his Swallow her? Yes No, the enemy was here all along As he sees your intentions You turn and you You turn and give her to fucking Gorgomonger You just feed it to the dragon Thank you, Orin I swaddle Tugbert Vena like in his scarf He's like, come on, Miss Vena He's like, let's go ahead and get you healed up You seem pretty beat up And he kind of goes into the cabin and I'll just start doing like first aid and stuff like that and get Vena all healed up Here's some alcohol There you go She is a prodigious drinker I'm an enabler, here's more It's fucked up Have some low sticks Do any of you have Well, sorry Actually, no, important question Are you allowing the bears into the cabin? Of course Only if Ruhua proves that he has absolute control over them In fact Ruhua Yes, Tannhauser I am uncertain about letting your new bear friends into the cabin Yes, Tannhauser Given that they are not socialist Can you prove to me that you have abject command over them? Well, alas Tannhauser, I can prove to you with certainty that I have pure control over Alright, show me Dearest friends Ruhua will turn to the bears Are you aware of the plan? Have you been practicing the chorale? Ruhua will fish out from under one of the plates of his armor You have been reading your literature Haven't you? And he pulls out one of the little red flyers Now, if I may The critical success effect on a tame animal is you form a friendly bond with the animal As long as it isn't starving the animal won't attack you or creatures obviously allied with you even if they're creatures the animal would normally prey upon like Wienerberg This effect is permanent Yeah That is the situation you're in That doesn't affect their ability to read socialist propaganda but it does mean that they won't attack you Well, Thurston I beg to differ It's literature It's different Okay, okay He begs Oh, fuck off Okay Baldrick shoves Ruhua out of the way and goes into the cabin I would like bears to have the ability to read and comprehend literature Okay, okay When we started What was What did we say? Is there around six years ago? Around there Yeah Okay When we started all those years ago and then we did Warhams which was funny and hee-haw-haw and then I'm like I want I want to do like a Souls-inspired, you know pogger epic game I didn't realize that this far into the campaign the discussion would somewhat rotate to Can bears read socialist commentary? Yeah, you're welcome You're welcome, I guess Really, I should be thanking you That's true So I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not gonna do that I'm not going to read chat because I feel like I feel like that would be wrong and taint my my opinion of this. So I'm going to have to make one of those one of those important GM decisions. Arndell, come into my office with me as my coach. All right, man, I'm with you. Here we go. Here we go. OK, close the door behind you, buddy. All right. Oh, no, actually, I can do one better than that. Hang on. OK, thanks. All right. OK. OK. So bears are like the most hardcore capitalist creatures on time, right? Yeah. Bear market. Like, what are we what are we even talking about? Ten out of ten. I just needed to make sure my main man was with me. OK, we can go back out. Thanks. All right. Bear market. All right. I yeah, OK, we have a solution here. OK. Um. Rua, I need you to give me a perception check. I'll give you a perception check. Yeah. I'm sorry. That will be a 31. There's a really good comment from chat here, and I want to read it out, please. God tells Arndell to kill socialist upstart Tannhauser. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . I can't believe God is a fed dark. Um, I think they call it the burning who I you you you've read a lot of materials. Generically. Thanks. You've read a lot of Tannhauser's materials. Yeah. I can't say I understand it. I just play. No, no. But you've you've pieced some things together. right like yeah of course there are certain tools that might be used by people who are like opposed to the uh the communist ways of the revolution speaker what are three objects that are in the bear's cave that are anathema uh to your to your creed so the first one is a copy of ayn rand's atlas shrugged uh the second one it's probably gonna be a copy of ayn rand's it can't all be ayn rand literally it's uh it's atlas shrugged again but this one is signed copy yeah oh there's gonna be a yellow yellow and black don't tread on me flag that's gonna be there oh my god okay okay good good good um oh gosh is there just like a stock ticker like oh yeah no yeah the bears on their bear tv are watching uh the bear financial financial channel what what what are they are they watching mad honey with bear kramer yeah they are they are they're watching mad honey with bear kramer fox business uh with an actual fox yeah fox business a fox is giving the business i thought you were gonna say like just like a like a geographic map of monaco which doesn't even exist in this universe i'd like to spend another hero you don't have any more i know i don't but i could monaco you could be that vena has three she could spend on his behalf keep cooking keep going you have the track would you like to spend a hero point monaco real i'm a tug bird i don't know what that is exactly that's true i'm deep in character i'm method acting this simple creature has no understanding of what we're even talking about she's busy playing final fantasy that is true that is true hulky hulky you you get the impression that these bears are definitely bears capitalist bears oh well it takes all kinds on time tannhauser i have can give you surety that they won't pose as any threat at least physically but that's great i was thinking about sharing some of my literature i know i didn't suggest that bears can't read but hey bud i'm gonna keep it a buck i don't think except they are bears what are you talking about tannhauser just come over here with come over here next to the tv all right yes i'll i'll come with uh ruhueh next to the television which doesn't exist in any other country in thailand only bears have it you're a point spent uh i'm sorry i'm sorry i have to rewind a bit because i just got jamie just had to message me to well actually be like uh where where oda was like well i'm a Tugbert, I don't understand this. Well, actually, Tugberts are all about financing. Oh, my God! Oh, my God! That's a Tugbert! Yeah, you don't get to fucking back out of this. We have established that those little lads are... That's what they're about. They're business boys. Hang on, I turn into Phoenix Wright. Objection. We tried to say last time that the Tug... I tried to ask last time if the Tugbert was an actual Tugbert, which has a hive mind and a pseudo-understanding of all kinds of things and is actually a sapient creature. But you said it's basically a platypus wearing a hat in this instance. This is not a Tugbert. Yeah, okay, fair enough, fair enough. Vena doesn't get to participate. Carrying on. Sorry, Vena, but I don't count as this. I no longer look like Phoenix Wright, and we resume the game. Thank you. Understandable. Appreciate it. I just think that on Fox News, there should be not just foxes, but also Tugberts. Giving financial advice. Try them. That's kind of my contribution here. Talking heads. All right, so we're going... Yeah, I think we're going into the hut. I think it's kind of a decision based off of economic views that the bears are not allowed inside the hut is what I'm gathering. This is reactionary. And I'll start slamming one of these shoes that I guess are just in the... I almost said the toe. The cabin, just slamming against the desk. Your cubs will be communists. Bam, bam, bam. And then after I've done that obscure historical joke, I'll go back into the cabin and grumble. Close the door on the bears. Okay. I don't think they care. That's the worst part. Okay. All right. Mm-hmm. You're sorry. You're all in the cabin. You're all in the cabin now. So Baldrick is going to go up to Rahua, and he's going to jab him squarely at the center of his wooden chestplate. You work on trying to fix Vena right now. All right. I'm planning on it, actually. It's about to sit down. Baldrick will walk straight past him to whatever corner is distant from Rahua. Okay. Oren, what are you doing in the cabin? You still tending to Vena Burt? I put Vena Burt. Like, at the table and going like, don't worry. I'll start making food for everybody. So Oren's, like, put on his cooking apron. You know, he's got his hair all tied back so he doesn't get hair and anything. And he's been, like, cooking soup for everyone. He was going to do porridge if the bears was going to come in, but that bit died when you left them outside. Oh, with Vena being a tugbert, we finally have someone who can appreciate worm soup. Yeah. May I have a little crafting check or nature check to, uh... Absolutely. Absolutely. Absolutely. Please. So nature check, right? Because it said, or nature. No, I think, I think crafting is better for cooking, so... All right, plus zero. Let's go! Hey, 17. It's passable. Is that... You've been picking up some skills from Baldrick. It's like, I learned this soup from Mr. Baldrick. Hey, everyone. I got everyone some soup. And he starts putting bowls out for everyone at the table. Wank. Oh, and I got... That's incredible. Got you some worms. And he gives, uh, tug of Vena a bowl of worms. Wank. They're delicious. Extra juicy. He made her cry. Wank. Oh, oh, oh, I'm sorry. And he goes back and he, like, fills up a glass of wine that somehow is in here and brings it back. Here you go. I'm sorry. I forgot. I forgot your dessert. A tug of... Tug of Vena nodding sagely. Going to eat the worm. Worm. Uh, which means Oren can now cast Final Sacrifice on me. Die. That's true. Vena Bird explodes for the second time. Oren is not going to leave his portion of the campaign this time. All right. So, yeah, you managed to feed up everyone. Baldrick, you said you were going to side. Rahui, you're kind of, I assume, praying to your anarchic... powers for some sort of resolution to this. We'll come back to that. Tannhauser, what are you doing in the cabin? I'm sorry. My internet briefly cut out. I have no idea what was just said. What are you doing in the cabin? Everyone else is kind of doing their stuff. What are you doing as we get down for the night? Uh, Tannhauser? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Uh, Tannhauser is probably going to... After looking through his spellbook, his little red book, and finding absolutely nothing that could be of any help to Vena, unless we wanted to rapidly age her or dissolve her into acid. I think what Tannhauser is going to do is... What are the book selection? What's the book selection here in Picton's tiny cabin? Oh. Um... Uh, there's... Uh, Big Heart's Big Feet, Walking Around Tyne as a Halfling. Uh, there's Halfling Cookout Jamboree Recipe Guides 1 through 18. Uh, number 11's missing. Um, there's... There's The Great Bake Off, um, which appears to be, like, handwritten notes from various people who attended The Great Bake Off. Are there... Are there any books... It's been a long time since I've heard my old friend's voice. Is... Are there any books, perhaps, or journals personally written by Picton Squelchfoot? Uh, there are some... There are some notes in... in The Great Bake Off that are, like, anecdotes from Picton. I'll read those. And I'll try teaching, uh, Vena Burt how to read and then give up angrily after she doesn't understand what, um, dialectical materialism is. Yeah, like one eye just slowly turns to one side. Ah, you don't get it. No, push her off the couch. Wah! Take 17 damage and die. Vena Burt, where... Where... Oh, sorry. At this point, I assume, uh, Vena's typically healed up because otherwise I would just treat wounds and get her all up, so... I'll get up. Uh, V... V... Vena Burt. Uh-huh? Where... Where are you gonna sleep in this... in this cabin? I'm gonna crawl up in front of the fireplace. Cozy. Cozy little half... Like, this place is spacious for you because you're the size of a tugboat. Exactly. Like, now... Now it's made for me. Yeah, I'm gonna... I'm gonna get a little... little pillow, drag it over to the fireplace, make some biscuits, and then curl up. You shouldn't be able to make biscuits. I mean, you're... Yeah, you... You don't even know where the pillow is. Why do I have clothes? Probably just... You probably just crap yourself a lot in here and then just kind of... Okay, never mind. All right. All right. All right. All right. You're not gonna let Thurston describe funny things anymore. I've decided. We've decided to rip off all of Thurston's bones and ears and teeth out. That's fair. All right, Veena. You're the last one. You... Veena Burke goes to bed. All of you go to bed and enjoy a lovely, a lovely rest. Veena, you are, however, the first to wake up. And when you do, you feel that your body has been restored to you. You... You hear the crackling fire. Um... And... And there's like a warmth around you. There's a blanket that's been placed over you. Um... And there's even... There's even a little... A little just, um... flask of rum that's been placed beside it. Ah! Oh! Oh! Oh, my God. I just had the weirdest nightmare. Oh! Oh, you didn't have... the weirdest nap, my friend. Just been a while since we saw each other. Turn. How's it going? As you turn, see the iconic form. Aww! Halfling Bard, Pictor and Squelchfoot sit... sitting in a chair in this otherwise empty cabin. Turn. Howdy. Hey, buddy. How you doing, Miss Valley? It's been a while since we talked. You know, I just haven't seen you in a bit. I got you your room. I know you like that quite a bit. I also, you know, made sure that, uh... that you had a blanket on you. You didn't seem too comfortable with that sleeping. Now, I know something about comfort and how it can be real tough. You know, my... My... My mommy, she used to come and put a blanket over all of the children. You know, she had to do that in order. She had separate blankets for each of us. Real tough time. Sometimes she'd get them mixed up, too. I'd get the blue one. I was supposed to get the red one. We didn't. We just kind of went along with it. We didn't say anything. You know, that was when her mind was slipping a bit. Real bad time. Real bad time. Vena's absolutely not interrupting him. She's waiting him to finish every sentence. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he just... He just keeps going. He fucking just keeps going. And it's like, yeah, so, you know, that was... That was... That was a part. And, of course, that was... Oh, that led up to a lot of the travesty around the bacon... Bacon incident. You know, that was... Oh, that was a whole humdinger thing. Oh, how you been, friend? It's been pretty crazy, Pictern, but you know what? I think I'm doing pretty good. Oh, that's good. That's good. I'm very glad. I'm doing a lot better. I got to visit home. That was... something. And, uh... Oh, with all the... All them... All them pirates? Yeah. Got to... Got to go back and be a sky pirate. Oh, whatever. That sounds great. That's, you know, I... I've always... I always, like I said, love piracy. I think it's... I think piracy's just great. This is an awesome fucking... You know... That's a fucking crazy opinion to have, man. I love piracy. Hashtag, I love piracy. You know, Pictern, I... I learned a... a thing or two about, uh... what it actually meant to be a pirate, and it's a... it's a tough life, I think I'm... I think I'm trying out the hero thing. Oh, that's great, because pirates are awful. I was just saying that to make you feel better. You know, I come from a land that is made up of piracy and brigands. I think I mentioned that a few times. It went real bad for me and my family. But, you know, I didn't want to take you down, because I felt when I met you, uh, Ms. Volley, you needed all sorts of, uh... all sorts of... of, uh... what we call around the... the... the halfling hearth uppers. So I just gave you some uppers. I hope that helped. Heh heh heh. It did. Uh, it... it did. Ah, that's great. That's great. That's great. My name's not actually, uh, Volley. What? I, uh, don't know if you remember that. That's my, uh... it's my mom's name. I kinda... took it on. Was trying to... succeed the legend and all that, but, uh... I'm not sure... I'm just... I'm just... I started using my own. Yeah, I kinda... I kinda remember... I... It's like a... I remember... I think... I think that, I mean, we're... we were in that... that gosh darn cave together. Yeah. And... you know, I... I don't know. I had some... something about Crowdatimus, you know. I'll just kinda work to get high, and I... ever since then, I've just been waiting here. In this cabin. Really? Really. Yeah. You don't remember anything past that? Nah, I just... I figured it'd be a while before you came back to this cabin. Oh. So I was keeping it all ready. You know, nice and... nice and... prepared for y'all. Figured, you know, we could play some... some Halfling Jacks or something when you're back. But, you know, I get it. I get it. Everyone's tired. They're all sleeping. You know what, Pictor? Now that I'm awake, I... would love nothing more than to play. to play some Halfling Jacks with you. Oh, really? My name's Veena, by the way. Oh, Veena. Veena. That's a real pretty name, Veena. I... Yeah, I just... I had a friend once. Her name was Reena. Very close. Very close. She started off... She was born on South Isles, and then when, you know, she came over in... into... into the Inheritor Lands, and she led a full life. You know, I could tell you all about it. You know, I don't remember. I only knew her for about five minutes, but I just remembered her entire life story. It just stuck with me, you know? Nothing really important happened. It's just one of those things you remember. You just want to talk about it for a while because, you know, sometimes you just kind of... kind of need to... to tell other people's stories. Keep them close to you, right? So, Reena, she started off in this place in, oh, my land. Not interrupting him. And then you wake up. As a tugbird. Wham. Gah! Gah! Gah! I, uh, I'll... Tannhauser will gingerly pick up, uh, Fina Burt. Ah. You were the first one to awaken. I wonder what tugbirds dream of. See, I had a dream. I had a dream that picked and squelched what was being terribly tortured by some horrible demons from hell. C'mon, man. Wham. Jaysus whipped. Jaysus. Wham. Jaysus whipped. And I just kept talking to him over and over again. And I said, What are you doing, damn you animals? And he said, Ah, we have... And it was... It was cottage cheese. I'd bite his hands. But it would melt your skin. Did he just bite him? He just... Yeah, I'd bite his hands. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Is what I would say if my hand wasn't made out of metal, and I didn't know it at all. Because I can't feel anything, remember? You get... You can't even feel anything in the other one anymore because that one's made of bones. It's true. Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I always forget that I have a... I have a cool ass bone hand. I need to use that more. I didn't get really into necromancy. No. Tenazur just completely stops talking about... socialism and just gets into necromancy instead. That's the new thing, the new Tannhauser thing Necromancy It's gonna be big Everyone's gonna love it I think At the shrieking of Tannhauser But only in jest for the bit For who will snap to attention Oh You're awake too? Hello? Yes, I have awakened And this horrible Wienerbert Has forgotten our long Periods of friendship It's still in there Tannhauser, but could I ask you to Keep it a little quieter, I'm still trying to figure Things out on my end What? What are you trying to figure out? How to You see Rahua with a little ritual Circle on the ground I'm trying to, you know What you're holding What's currently bit onto you I kind of figured she would just like this forever now That's good, you have a solution I can fit I can actually fix it other than blowing her up Well that's really good That's better than what I thought we were gonna have to do Thankfully The anarchy is a path through many Changes Both life to death, but also transitions of form I should be able to reverse that How would you reverse it? Wiener, can you I don't know if you can set her down Can you just like, he'll Rahua will like do a clack of his teeth Like open your mouth Wink Swear to god after this session And the Oscar goes to Yeah exactly Just come over here Right Stand right in the middle of that circle there Waddle, waddle, waddle You don't really have to But this should improve the harmonics You know how that is Tanhauser, you understand universal vibrations, correct? Of course I do, can you please stop it? Of course. I did my minor in ley line studies. Fascinating. Another educated individual. And for someone who's not even attuned to the greater frequencies. Well, you know, I mostly was sort of slept through that. I propagandized mostly during that class. But I did get the minor. You didn't get the minor. As they say, C's get degrees. That's so true. Bestie education's a scam. Tannhauser, shut up. You've never been to college. I've been to college! I'd kill you. Wizard school does not count. What do you mean wizard school doesn't count? What the fuck? Oh, yeah, you've been to college? Oh, yeah. But medical school doesn't count, idiot. What? Yeah, it didn't have, it wasn't accredited, Tannhauser. You can't use that getting into public office. Yes, I can. No, I was planning on using the revolution to get into public office, actually. Ah, yes, typical failure. Take degree, Tannhauser. You're just going to usurp the current power structure. Tannhauser looks at Rahua really hard, and then there's a thought bubble, and it's of him viciously beating Rahua to death and then feeding him into a woodcheper. No! But then it pops, and he goes, I'm going to go look at this book over there. And I'm going to take the one about the big hobbit foot or whatever, and I'm going to go and see. The big book of feet! Great choice. Great choice. Good. Great choice. Odd facts, but okay. I love this game. Excellent. Great. Ten out of ten. Oh, man. Vino, while Tannhauser is solely occupied with something else, I might be able to help you out. Wank. Baldrick is watching you very intently. Rahua. Place his hands onto the ground and close his eye as he just begins thrumming very softly like a hmmm. Channeling his anarchic energies into the air around Vina as you feel in your little tugbert-sized bones some kind of change stirring within you. You start to levitate just a little bit off the ground. Subtle at first, you hardly would even notice. Almost like feeling a weight off your shoulders if you could conceive of stress and the weight of living. But then, your heels leave the ground and your toes, and as soon as you know it, you're floating just ever so slightly above this little circle as it appears a field of stars manifests around you. First as a cloud, but soon manifesting into little tendrils. Think, uh, Elden Beast style. Like the manifestation of the universe beyond itself. And then they begin... moving. Tightening. Forming around you. So at this point, you would probably be aware, in some kind of primal, Tugbert-esque awareness, that you were immobilized. What? As the field of stars turns a vibrant, almost angry crimson. It snaps tight. As if a knot of these tentacles has formed. And, I am gonna cast... At 4th level... Cleanse Affliction. I thought you were about to say, I'm gonna cast Final Sacrifice, again. Fuck youuuu. Get outta here. Fuck you. Final Sacrifice again. I'm not sorry. Die. I'm NOT sorry. I. Hate. You. This is me leaving the game. Get exploded. Goodbye. You are held in place by two surly tentacles of space magic. Alright, so, Thurston, does that cure my affliction? Okay. So, you choose an affliction. Um. Let's see here. You can attempt so- alcoholism. So, okay. So this is what I thought. You have to attempt to counteract it. So, after this whole epic discussion, you still owe me a counteract check, Hulki. Okay. I'm going to attempt to counteract it. Mmhmm. I believe in you, Hulki. Cause that whole description of like the glass beginning to That whole description of like the glass floating magical like star c tugbird is beautiful but if it just like lowered levitates down and still a tugbird it would also be really funny it would be incredibly on brand because every time i do one of these things it never works and because you also use your hero points already to to fucking decide the fate of bears uh i'm really looking forward to this important counter act check please i really want there to be like a little like fortune cookie sized uh little strip of paper that says entities that have been revived in their current form are permanently bound to them that'd be good i love it's too loud sorry guys hey 17 to die for a 38 oh vena you are restored to your humanoid form um you no longer a tugbird do i remember anything that just happened i was oh yeah you remember all of it oh that not you also remember dying again like a beautiful lotus but not unweaves and then this flower of star stuff is cradled the shape of like a beautiful lotus but not unweaves and then this flower of star stuff is cradled the shape of um okay so so okay okay oh okay Okay, I need to sit down. Vena's gonna unsteadily lower herself into a chair. Mm-hmm. What the fuck was that? You'll have to be a bit more specific. Several things have happened. Do you remember any of it? Unfortunately, yes, I do. I remember stepping across the magic line, turning into a little funny platypoid creature, and then I remember everybody freaking out, trying to figure out how to fix it, and I remember you had an idea, and then I remember incandescent pain and dark. And then I remember eating a bug. Wait, so roll that back one second. So you did feel pain. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Oh. That changes everything. That does change everything. Whoever told me that that was painless is a liar, and I think I'm going to have a stir in talking to with them later. Who would be there to discount such a thing? Who's going to blow up and then come back to tell you, yes, the thing that was your pet exploded painlessly? Tannhauser raises his hand. Hulky, was it the King of Moths who told you that that was your pet? It was the King of Moths who told him that, because he'd thrown that to many of his servitors before. Just for fun. It's not for fun. For other reasons. Don't worry about it. Speaker's not arguing this. Yeah, okay. Good. Okay. Well, thank you for fixing me. Not really, what? Um, oh, have we found Oren's mom? No, we had to stop to take care of this. Oh. Well, um, fair warning. There's a curse on the woods. Turns you into a tug. Say it ain't so. Yep. Ah. Found that out. All, all by myself. So don't, don't go there. I have good news and I have bad news. Don't, don't go to the woods? Like, do you want the, which one do you want first, Vida? Give me the good news. The good news is we aren't going that way again. So you won't encounter that circle. Good, good. Well, that's the bad news. The bad news is that we are very much in the woods and there's a lot of woods between here and our destination. Fuck. Yes, we've got at least a day of travel ahead of us. Lucky us. Okay, then I'm not taking point. Somebody who is better at spotting druid magic needs to take point. Presumably one of the people who actually does magic. One of the three of the five of us. Well, very well. I will take point. Wait, that's stupid. Orin, you take point. For context, they're all in, like, a room and stuff, right? Like, not in the main lobby. You're still in the, you're still in the little, like, the cozy cabin. Okay. Yeah. Picture it as a cozy cabin. He's like, I thought you'd never ask. Yeah, I can help lead us through the woods. It's easy. I've got a bad feeling about this. All right. I trust you, buddy. Okay. I trust Orin implicitly. Hmm. Hmm. Reserving judgment. That's good. Well, again, he's kind of in one of those weird moods because he's still very, very annoyed about Veena blowing up. He's got reservations about the party again. You guys did all kinds of work just now. Okay. Sounds like a personal problem. He's going to blow you up. Why am I facing worms? I think it's because they made you some sort of worm soup. Yeah. With that, as Orin was making everyone breakfast, he noticed Veena's back, like, he was like, oh, good. And he kind of, like, tosses the bowl full of worms behind him. So, like, splashes out the window of the cabin, and he starts filling it up with normal soup. The bears start eating the worms. Yeah. And he's like, well, let's go ahead and eat before we head out. Everybody. I don't think this cabin is going to be, you know, around much longer. Nope. Probably not. Got 12 hours with it, and that was about eight hours ago. Yeah. Very well. Let us prepare to move out. But first, I got to, I got to re-prepare my spells, actually. I really thought we'd have to do something else. Yep. Yeah, refresh your spells, guys. Go for it. Actually, you know what? I'm kind of okay with my... Ooh! Am I okay with my spells? I think I'm, I think, I think I'm okay with my spells as they are right now. You think? I think, because we're going to have to camp again before we get to our destination, right? Maybe. It might be a few days up the mountain. Yeah. So, in that case, this is a fine, a fine spread. I might, like, change one spell. All right. As you make that decision, I assume at this point we all kind of gather up and sort of head into the woods. Would you like me to make a survival check to see how efficiently we can get through here? Absolutely. That is a 10 and a die for a total of 31. Oh, yeah. You are able to guide the group along quite well. However, as you are doing this, there is something happening. You are definitely entering an area of the woods that is magically enchanted. Not, like, in the, in the way that you, you came across before. Not, not in, like, a Tugbert trap kind of way. This is far deeper. In fact, this appears to be some sort of magic that, like, confounds travel. And so you are going to have to find a way to overcome what is happening here. Your 31 in survival is enough to identify that you've entered some kind of magically afflicted zone, Oren. But what you're, what it essentially means for you is you're starting to see that when you're, when you're traveling, you're seeing the same landmarks. Things are not, like, changing as you would expect. It's almost like you're not getting close. Yeah. You're getting closer to the mountain despite moving towards it. You know it's nothing to do with you. There is a magical effect that is now going on here that is causing some extreme problems with navigation. Oren begins to look around and he stops everyone and goes, like, I think we've been running in circles, everyone. Hold up. Like, something's, something's off here. Can I roll a nature check to kind of see what I can disertain, see if, like, if someone is doing something to mess with us, basically? Yeah, any, any of our spellcasters can give me the appropriate spellcasting check. I've got to say, another funny way to check that would be for all of us to stand still and Oren walks off and then he winds up behind us somehow. Yes. I rolled a total of a 36 with my nature check for Oren. Okay. Okay. 10 hazard? A 39. Okay. I'm going to roll an 8. And, uh, Rahula, were you going to? Yeah, roll a nature check on that one. Okay. Um. 36. Yeah. So, okay, what you have entered is you have entered some sort of magically complex hazard. Um, there is a very particular sequence. You have to walk in to overcome this. And it's only going to be discovered from strong intuition, um, magical spells that could assist in this situation, um, or a deep understanding of nature. Oh, this is easy. We're just going to go to the interest that has the music the loudest. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. Do-do-do. All right. Well, listen, I fucking hated the Lost Woods and Ocarina, and I hate them now. Uh, I can have a teleportation spell ready in an hour. And we can just teleport a hundred miles to the mountain. I ain't going to get lost in the Lost Woods. I'm built different. I'm done playing Lost Woods video games. I hate Lost Woods video games. That might take us further away from mom, Mr. Tannhauser. Still gotta just, still gotta make our way to it. Dad, she's in the woods. No, you make a good point. She might be covering her tracks. I kind of forgot about this, but my, uh, my arcane thesis is actually about spell substitution, so I can actually change out my spells every ten minutes. Isn't that interesting? What level are you, Mr. Tannhauser? Why, I'm level 13. Noted. Uh-oh. Somehow that doesn't inspire confidence in me. I think I fucking used this multiple times in the past and just forgot that I have it. No, it's okay. Um, how, how would we like to navigate, uh, or how would you like us to go through this, Thurston? I guess, like, the question is going to be, yeah, so, so these are going to be skill checks or, again, if there are spells that you would like to utilize, you can. Uh, while people are shuffling through their spell books, Veena is going to just try and see if she can spot a tall tree and scramble up it real fast to get a bird's eye view. Yeah, totally. Uh, do you want to give me, uh, let's say a... Yeah. Perception check, actually. Oh, okay. Not great. I'll give you a 28. There's a lot of forest around. That's what Veena sees. There's a lot of forest here. Huh. Yeah, it all kind of blends together. Hmm. Well, the landmark is where we use them most of the time. As you come back down to all the people with their spell books. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. As Veena comes down, I was like, well, Miss Veena, I don't think we can... I don't think that's a terrible idea. All we have to do is just keep going one direction and keep using, you know, the mountain as a landmark where we were going. That and, you know, the direction of the sun and everything. True enough. With that, Oren would like to emulate the same thing, he's like, let me try. And he would like to fly up. Uh, because you know, he's, he's got working wings now, his fly size is now 35. He can just do it now. Um. he would like to fly up and basically using you know the sun position and uh the mountain if it ever starts getting darker he'll just you know use the survival instincts of the stars or whatever uh would you like a survival or need to check for that one a survival absolutely as a 17 on the die for a total of 38. you are able to tell there are certain paths that you can take um and you're you're able to tell but the the forest is constantly shifting this is going to give this is basically going to like count towards the success of you finding the right path but it's no guarantee once you're in the path and taking the walk around as as you yeah i'll have to keep making checks probably like the pop-up like are we still going or other people are going to have to yeah other people are going to have to do stuff so you guys like this way everybody all right all right so orrin gets us a little bit down the path but there's still we still need to step up and try to get through ourselves yeah some other basically everyone can kind of act to assist here so so far orin has got one success towards this in the in the first round of you doing this veen is gone orin's gone the the rest of you can each take you're going to be doing this and you're going to be doing this and you'll need a little bit of an action essentially and how you want to approach this i might be able to help out with this i have to think because i don't have anything that directly assists with this thirst dan yeah along our path through these winding and repetitious woods is there a particular a particularly vibrant clump of foliage or fungi um there's a couple sure there's noticeable like patches of fungi or other such things so rahua is going to approach one of these clumps of a particularly vibrant we'll say fungi the fun guy always know what's going on and the plates in his armor on his we'll say his right bicep splay open as he kneels down and from a lungless chest exhales fungi towards them or desp Kazuto sorry towards this cluster of them and besieges them tell me dear instant inheritors of this world in the next which way must we go to leave these woods and i'm gonna cast speak with plants oh that's awesome allora Hi there, partner. Oh, I'm glad you came around these parts. Not many people talk to the fun guys around here. Pretty neat. So, looking to get out of here? Just the right path. I figure you are more knowledgeable than most. Okay, okay. What you want to do... Okay. First of all, you're going to want to south and then north. And then you're going to want to go west. And then there's going to be a stream. And then you're going to want to turn around from the stream. And then you're going to want to go back. Then you're going to go south and then north again. So, south, north, west. Approach the stream, turn around from the stream. Then south, north, was it? Wow, you're listening to me very good, partner. I think you're going to make it in here and not be eaten by the forest. Well, I should hope not. But if I were to be eaten by the forest... If I were to choose anything, I'd rather it be you. You, I've always found a particular fondness for the fungi. You are true. You inheritors of the Anarchy's will. Thank you, friend. Well, that's no problem. I'll go with you if you want. Just lather me on. Oh, sure. What's another cultural hitchhiker for the road? Rahua will stick one of his fingers into it and pull up a nice... I'm assuming it's a slime mold culture. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he'll put it inside his slot with a bunch of loam and other fungi. Oh, yeah. Finally, I can escape cursed place. Now. Now, we are one. It's crazy. In one hour, we'll be in time. I like this new... I like this fun guy. He's pretty cool. Thurston, I had a think. Yes. So, although this, like, leaving a trail of breadcrumbs would be kind of useless because magical enchantment, that's going to, like, override it probably, right? Potentially, yeah. Like, it'll mess things up for it, for sure. Would it be possible that I could craft something magical using my alchemical... Like, one of my alchemical supplies that I have available that would leave, like, a more proper glowing trail behind us so that we don't get quite so lost as easily because it would probably be enough to maybe not be so mundane and swept aside by the magic? Yeah, I'd allow it. Is there, like... Yeah, I would honestly like... I'd allow you to do that, for sure. It's just like a... I'm just going to use one of my versatile vials to, like, conjure up, like, a bunch of glowing... something that I can trickle behind us as we walk that's going to be noticeable and magical so that way we don't accidentally just go in a circle again. Yeah. Okay, I think we'll do a crafting then. Yeah, I think... Yeah, if you want to make a skill check to see how effective you are crafting, it's the way to go. Oh. Okay, let's see here. Yep, there we go. This time I'm actually going to be using alchemical goggles, or alchemist goggles. Goggles do nothing. They normally don't because I rarely ever craft things that are not just using my reagents, so... Is there anything else I should add here? I'm not using untrained improvisation. That would be silly. Seasoned... What does that do? I'm sorry, it's been a little bit since I looked at some of these. Seasoned I don't think helps me here. That's only for elixirs. Okay, that's fine. Go! And I roll! Eh, I saw that hang on the 1631. That's enough to help. Um, you're able to, like, not spoof the magical effect, but you're able to get a sense of, you know, when the magical effect is starting to reroute you and adjust accordingly, so that is helping. Okay. I'm just, he's occasionally, like, dappling out of a little bottle just like this shimmering dust that I was just going to leave a nice little trail behind them, so that way they don't accidentally loop back on themselves. Ab. So-lu-te-ly. That's my contribution. Tannhauser. Tannhauser, after feverishly inspecting his spellbook, is troubled to learn that most of his spells that would be useful here would involve a massively despoiling the environment and making nothing ever grow here again, which is not probably the best thing to do. Orin's face just like... So he keeps looking and looking until eventually... ...he remembers that he was once a Vandal soldier. And Vandal soldiers often are tasked with doing raids on enemy territory, and one of the most common defenses against raids would probably be local shamans and druids. To that end, I'd like to ask Thurston, could I perhaps make a warfare lore skill to see if my history as a Vandal soldier would give me a chance to do something like this? would give me a chance to do something like this? would give me a chance to do something like this? Would give me any special insight for thwarting little tricks like this? Absolutely. Excellent. All right. I'm going to Nanite Surge this because I've invested a lot into my Nanite Surge and I never use it because it just doesn't automatically appear in my rolling deck. All right, that is going to be a 30. Okay. So, you have... You have some sense using sort of your tactical knowledge and sort of adjusting, you're able to give some further semblance of insight to the group. It seems like you're making actually really, really good progress. However, it seems as though even with all of your efforts, this is taking a while, and it's almost as though like this forest, itself, is sapping your energy a little bit. You've been successful, but I need all of you to give me a Fortitude save, please. You got it. Fortitude. Fortitude. That is a 36. Can I make a reflex save? No. Oh, 22 for Veena. 26. Okay. Okay, Baldrick and Orin. Yeah, Fortitude, here we go. All right, I was fixing a thing. Here's a 19 on the die for a total of 43 for Orin. Nice. That's a three on my die for 26. We're doing right. You know what? I want to re-roll that, actually. I'm going to use a Hero Point. Yeah, use a Hero Point. Screw that. I feel like after what happened last time, I failed a save, I should do the same. Yeah, that turns it into a 12 because of the gimme rule, so that's now a 35. Veena, would you like to? Yeah, I don't want to be a fucking Tugbird again. Better. I was waiting. I was waiting for that natural one on the re-roll. If it was a natural one. Fuck you, Tugbird, it is. We will come back to this after a short break. Oh, no. No. Ba-ba-ba-ba. We're back with Rot and- We're back. Wait, that's the different system. Never mind. Speaker. My brain is gone. We're all- Look, let's be honest. We were all stun-locked by whatever fucking countdown Zorin just delivered to us. I think we were all just kind of like, I don't know how to respond to what I just heard. What, you don't like it when it goes like this? Hi, everybody. He fucking detonated. He detonated. He detonated. He detonated like a boomer in Left 4 Dead. He did. I see a boomer. That was Canadian. What? Yeah, fuck you, Thurston. No, it's because Francis, Francis is like, oh, fuck you guys. Points finger, Canadian. Points pointing. Point. Listen, we have no right. We have no right. You put that finger down. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Canadian. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Charlie. And on the other side. Pike on. Yeah. Yet again, don't fucking need that again. OK. All right. I'm done. We can't do that anymore. Now, that is true. That is true. We're the worst ones. Now. They call him thirst. A moral Victor of history. They can do anything. Well, the fuckers who did all those war crimes? do war crimes. Anyway, how are we doing, Thurston? Everybody's done war crimes. Yay. Yay. War crimes, baby. I think we've got a few that we're going to be committing this session. Yeah, against the bears. Is it really a crime if they're a bear? It's capitalist bears. Yeah. Seriously, you see what they had in their apartment? Their apartment. Their apartment. We're renting a loft in the top of the cave. The renting space is really tough right now in the forest. With like the fucking drive-by bimbofication being the session. Christ. Some of the squirrels come by and kind of do like the eye-pointing thing, going like, you better not be straying too far from these woods. Fucking oh my god. Oh no, it's a sundown forest. We don't gotten kindly to robots around here. I was having this point. Yeah, we're traveling through the spooky winding, terrible parts of the woods. And luckily, none of you none of you manage to to take any damage or get any kind of fatigue as you're marching, which is good. And it seems that's a good thing. That as you're as you're traveling here, you're making progress. Um, you have to camp again, um, this time without the protection of bears. Uh, but you know, you continue making your way further. Um, eventually the forest seems to, um, open up a bit. Uh, but though the ground becomes far more treacherous, there's no paths where you're walking at this point. So just something to keep in mind as you are continuing to walk. To travel through here. Has anyone managed to find the path? Nope. We just look at everyone. The title shows. Kirsten, has, uh, have we looped back onto any of the glowing trail I'm leaving behind yet? No, it seems you're actually because of you. What was that? No vision, by the way. I just turned it on. What the butts? Uh, one sec. So. Oh, I see it. Um, so as you know, um, to, to answer your question, Arndell, um, you are, you have not come back because it seems like you've, you've got some really good guides, right? Which is helping out quite a bit. It seems all of you coming together have managed to put you on a pretty solid track for where you're going. Um, though, again, the ground is now becoming incredibly treacherous. It seems the path you were on was easy. Uh, but it seems like you've, you've, you've, you've, you've got some really good guides. It seems like the path you were on was easier, but definitely afflicted by, by the sort of magical elements. Now you're more off-roading, so to speak. Should we still expect a tug birdification, um, lines? You haven't detected any more of the, of the sort of polymorphic ley lines traps that you'd previously encountered. Hmm. We'll keep a steady eye, but we might be out of the woods. Not the literal woods, but the woods that turn you into a platypus. Ah. Thank you for clarifying your metaphor. You're welcome. I, I needed that. I know how you struggle with them. And I put a reassuring hand on Veena's shoulder. Thank you. Hero point. Fight him again. Okay, fine. Let's fight a hero point then. Excellent. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Excellent. Um, as you advance, you start to find what appears to be the edge of some sort of village. There are wooden structures that are set up, though it appears as though the, the forest has almost consumed them. Um, to, to a near comical degree, like there are trees that are like bursting through the sides of buildings. Um, as you approach the buildings themselves are dilapidated, abandoned. Structures. Um, what is the, uh, this might be a weird question. Um, is there any particular architectural stylings on the buildings? This looks exactly like Oren's Village in, in a similar, in a similar style. Um, though the buildings are a bit less, less sophisticated. The buildings are a bit less, less austere. Um, and it's built up against a river that's sort of running through here. Hmm. Um, as you, you get close though, the river, it seems to have like a very darkened hue, not like a dark blue, but almost like there's some kind of blackish tar substance that's darkening the waterway. Hmm. We might be on the right track. Look. That'll point it out. Ugh. Seems like it. Do you, uh, know what this place used to be, Oren? Hmm. Sorry, it turns into a thing of like, do I want to impart stuff for this or not? Uh, I want to leave that up to a roll. Honestly, I would like to roll a society check, Thurston. Society. It's a plus zero. Sixteen. Society. Yeah. Um, this is the village of Hookfen. It was a kind of fishing village. Uh, and one of the few kind of settlements outside of, of, of the main settlement that you know of. Um. It mostly tends to fishers, a couple people of the Greenway who want to be further away from society. But there should be people here and there are not. That's what the outlying village is that, you know, I know we, usually the trail that we come by, we usually just fly through or, you know, for some of the paths is more obvious, but obviously things have been wrong. Ms. Veena. Hmm. Well, if that's the case, maybe following the rot might take us where we're supposed to go. Before we do that, we should investigate, see what happened to this village. Good idea. We might learn something about our foe. Orm begins to peek inside the various windows. Absolutely. Or try to, like, open some of the doors to kind of see, like, hey, what's happened inside of this building. Yeah, what skills does everyone want to use in their sort of approach to this? Like, Orm, you're kind of perceiving, what are the rest of you want to do? I could, uh, take a look at, since there's trees literally ripping out of this, um, I could try arcana, or if you think it'd be more appropriate, I could do society or warfare. Um, arcana's a good, a good option here. For sure. Okay. Go ahead and make the roll. Ooh, that's a three on the die, I will hero point that and re-roll. Okay. Finally getting rid of that hero point I've jokingly spent three times. Ah, that's good, that's a five on the die, but because of the hero point roll, it does become a 31. Okay. Uh, does anyone else, uh, how are they approaching it? I'll roll my perception. Yeah. Oh, a three. Hey, samesies. I'll keep my 23. I don't think, I don't think that went through right. It didn't do the, uh, the addition roll on that. Did you re-roll with the hero point or did you just re-roll it? Yeah, did you just re- no, you did really use the hero point because that's all you're thinking of. Yeah, I did. Ah, weird. It's supposed to give you a plus 10 to that, but it's fine. Ugh. Okay. Okay. Uh, what, okay, so Orin, you got a 24. What is everyone else doing? Uh. The remainder of you. Veena's gonna scramble up one of the trees, um, and keep her eye out, just looking around. Uh, she's wanting to kind of stay high over everything to see if she can see anything moving. Okay. Uh, so again, is it like kind of perception to keep, keep an eye on things? Yeah. Um, I don't know if I need to roll to climb the tree. No, you're 13th level, you can climb a tree. Alright. My acrobatics is my best skill. That's not great. Uh, I'll re-roll that with the hero point, I need to be able to see things. Not great. That's a, uh, 33. Okay. Okay. On a, on a two, by the way, you re-rolled it. On a two. Still not great. Okay. Um. Rahula? I'm gonna keep talking to plants. Okay. I'm glad we get to carry on this conversation. A different plant, I presume? Part of you. I think, I wouldn't say it. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Part of you. Okay. Oh no, it's, this thing is on Rahula, so it's gonna talk to him no matter what. I think we need more people in this conversation. Okay. Like who? Like some more plants who might also be able to gain, give their insight to me instead. I'm a good judge of plant character. Pick one. Um. What about that fern over there? They're pretty old. Yeah. But they're on drugs. What? Yeah. What? No. Look at it. Look at the underside of it. Rahula goes to look at the underside of the plant? It's all like, wilty. Oh. That shouldn't be. I don't set up shop in a corner place like this. Nuh-uh. Bad fern place. Fern response. How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you? What are you saying about me? Don't say those kind of things. I'm fine. Are you okay? You look, you look a little malnourished. I am. All the truth is left. You have to feed me. Give me the fungus. Let me eat it. No, I don't think I will. You can't eat fungus. They eat you. The decomposites. Yeah. I need something. Just give me something. fucking Russell round many coming fucking hold on no if you do it if you do that then all the furs are going to expect handouts oh my god what the fuck oh no I thought you were going to continue going like no not that one you can't talk to that plant and then he goes to another plant and he's like no you can't talk to that one that one has mites I didn't know the fucking fun guy was classist Jesus Christ not such a fun guy anymore is he damn man we avoid fucking politics and everything in here plans to understand socio-economic class they do understand phylogenic class fuck off no no no no we talked a whole bunch about how bears can understand it that's not politics that's economics economics are politics everything is politics even bears are politics I get a very big middle finger and I push it in your face and I swirl it around like I'm trying to wax your face off oh look at that the last refuge of the wrong so how about that potted plant over there what what does a potted plant look like this fun guy is directing me to it's like a potted plant that is it's kind of like a little bonsai tree but it's in a pot and it's in like the windowsill of one of the houses and it's got like a crack that worries me why is there a house here I don't want to take anything from the wee people they'll fucking kill me I'm on lest we forget because we haven't run into them in quite some time I'm currently on a mission to kill their gods it's true we do we do have a showdown in a mutton king parking lot one day we do that is looming large in the horizon see I much as I would want to bring them with us I kind of don't want to disturb the resting place of a fine potted bonsai but I bet they're really nice I mean oh well I guess we could go talk to them that's different than yeah yeah yeah let's go talk to them okay I trust you implicitly mold in my cracks why did you phrase it like that why is hulky always putting NPCs inside of him why not why don't you get a hang of that stupid I didn't even realize this is a this is a trend young man uh hulky and fungal NPCs in his interior we're best friends they're friends inside me you got a friend in me you got a friend inside me uh I considered pet caching Veena but that would have removed Odo from the session being able to interact in a space that is pleasant and ultimately safe for her but she wouldn't be able to speak knowing her off was the next best option with the corpse of Grub Talk that is true that's pretty good that's where you would have been oh so we're confirming well there's I've got to know now I've got to know do we is there hold on hold on uh-huh important question is was Glub Talk back in outset or is he just like a an ossified teratoma in my pet cache and he's just dead and forgotten we'll never know the latter no this is where the yeah first Bigfoot now Glub Talk this fucking sucks before we engage in tomfoolery and we get seen can I uh do my thing also Thurston yeah of course yeah Baldrick's going to try and avoid notice I'm gonna have him stealth so that if anything finds them he's at least gonna have the drop on it yep okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing haha I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing haha okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing okay I'm on his delve and I have things that mean I don't get a penalty for doing advantageous position in case things go wrong that's me you can continue being silly now okay so who is going to go over the potted that we're going to we're going to talk okay so we were passing through the neighborhood and my friend here really digs your vibe can you tell us how to get out of the cursed forest oh i gotta i gotta kill you hulky why what's the matter i just want to talk to the plants oh my god someone's talking to me i'm so glad to talk to someone oh my god i'm so glad you're here okay how do you get out of the curse first you gotta what you gotta do is you gotta go to go north and then go along the river you just follow the river and it's good to get away but watch out watch out there's a lizard man and the lizard men are gonna eat you if you're going they're just gonna eat like they hate the people here whoa slow down slow down let's pull it back here i can't be slowing down no one's trimmed me in a while i've grown in all directions again i feel in all directions oh my god well of course the forest grows in all directions it grows and grows and grows and grows and grows and grows and grows and grows and grows and grows and grows in every direction normally i'm supposed to be trimmed that's why who do you who do you belong to well it's kind of a communal play you know there's a couple of truths that i said they like me they brought me they imported me and then i was here and then they put me in the bottom orange passed about you can't just tell plants that rahua i mean they they've rooted uploaded a plant and put it there it belongs to somebody there's somebody's responsibility like they're their own person but it's like i don't know you you gave a child adderall and told him to go wild and sit in the forest for a million years they're going to go stir crazy if they don't have something look where are the druids that were tending to you you haven't been trimmed in a while you're looking a little ungainly yeah that's what i said in the game of the eight them all we they gave you the what blizzards they came out of the mountain they came and they ate everyone we oh they ate the druids hey hey buddy um if you can slow it down a little bit you're a bit fast for my pace that's because i need to be trimmed if i get trimmed then i can slow down because i'm going in all directions okay um unlike the mold i dislike you implicitly let's fix you uh i'm gonna try and trim the tree tree okay give me a crafting check absolutely i can do that i'm good at that okay 11 on the die for 26. okay they were um they showed up and then they were all like okay yeah yeah they were happy here and then the lizards showed up they came from from the mountain and they started eating people and then everyone was gone and nobody trimmed me anymore you know they didn't trim me anymore i was really sad and alone we but then what happened was was that then there was this nice lady who came and she she gave me a little trim that's why i'm not so bad we okay that's who was this nice thing do you know who she was what did she look like oh yeah i know exactly who she was she was really really nice and beautiful really really pretty she she she kind of had this long blonde hair and she had these antler like elk antlers like for a headdress and and she looked really really pretty we she had a bird in her hair she kind of had had these ears they were like like a deer we i see like a deer hey uh hey oren yes mr does that sound like your mom does oh wait you can't orange yeah it's just asking him that out of nowhere hey orin looks at the plants orin looks back at ruhua that doesn't look like my mom oh your mama's so fat she's like a fern that hasn't been trimmed so now that you don't have like one thing left she can't do stuff one day she turns around has had enough oh why you don't have any does everybody leave now i had to leave orin and i had to stay i had to keep hiding do you have any european speaker no i'm all out okay i was gonna say because if you did you wouldn't anymore i do, that's true it's true and tending it for some time, they were eaten by lizard folk that lived near the river, which we need to cross at some point anyway. But, it does make mention of a nice lady who came by and gave it a small trim. Long blonde hair, antlers and ears like an elk. That is like my mom. Oh. Now, little friend, did this nice lady give any indication or did you see what direction she went off in? I have an important question. Have you stopped trimming it? No, he's still tending it. He's just making sure it looks nice. Oh, yeah, there was a person who, they showed up and then they went north along the river. Wee-ee. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft. Wonderful. Now, friend, I must ask you... If you follow the Black River upstream, you might be able to find them. Wee-ee. It shifts sometimes between black water and blue water. It's strange. I don't go near it. I get the rain. Wee-ee. Wee-ee. Good work. Good work. How much of this bonsai have you been cutting off? Like, how much is left of this bonsai? Oh, it's fine. Like, it's a proper trimmed bonsai now. It is what it should be. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I'm cutting it down to a stump. Arne inspects your trimming job. With lower skill plants. I got a 23. Oh, yeah. Uh... It's a pretty respectable job. Good job, Mr. Ruhua. It won't need a trimming for a long time. Thanks. I know a thing or two about trimming bushes. Moving on. Now... Halki! I think it's because he's a tree. Yeah, I... Halki... God damn it. Anyways, moving on. Uh... Now, dear friend, I do appreciate the insight you've gleaned. Now, dear friend, I do appreciate the insight you've gleaned. Now, dear friend, I do appreciate the insight you've gleaned. Are you satisfied being here? Do you want... Can you help lead us out of this forest? I could bring you somewhere nicer. If you wanted to tag along. Well, don't you dare. Can't be doing that, pal. There's only room for one of us. No, you recommended that. You recommended him, so you vouched for him. Well, I don't know if I was going to be like this. I just want to... I don't want to share. It takes all kinds in an ecosystem. It takes all kinds in an ecosystem. We all have to share the biota. We all have to share the biota. Okay, I'll go with you. Okay, I'll go with you. Okay. Okay. And Rahua will pick up this little plant, shatter the pot around it, and then stick it in a nice clump of dirt and then stick it in a nice clump of dirt right behind where his left shoulder blade... right behind where his left shoulder blade... as some bark grows around it to keep it stable. to keep it stable. This is how Rahua is going to go fucking mad. This is how Rahua is going to go fucking mad. The plant speaker is just going to be talked to The plant speaker is just going to be talked to all the time by all the plants. I just appreciate how when you trim a bonsai I just appreciate how when you trim a bonsai it begins talking like that TikTok text-to-speech voice it begins talking like that TikTok text-to-speech voice where they go, Okay! I am now going here! Okay! I am now going here! It's like when Yapdoller breaks down and starts speaking Chinese for some reason. Oh yeah, can the next one speak Chinese? Oh yeah, can the next one speak Chinese? Let's not do that. Let's not do that. So Thurston, So Thurston, what finally cancelled you? Well, let me... Well, let me... Speak a little bit less worse, Thurston. Speak a little bit less worse, Thurston. I can't believe Rockride made Thurston lose his job. I can't believe Rockride made Thurston lose his job. That's right. Who would have thought? Yeah. Oh my god. Oh my god. M-W-E M-W-E M-W-E M-W-E Alright, so you have your bonsai now, and you've received a bit more information. Perusing around, as you are doing, a couple of things. Veena, your perception check and team with Tannhauser's Arcana and somewhat supported by your Orin is enough to say that this place has been thoroughly ransacked. But the plant and vegetation growth here is completely recent. Like, the damage to the structures, everything that's going on there, is like in the past few weeks in terms of damage. Like, not natural plant growth. Which means, and the attack itself happened sometime sometime probably like well before that. So someone came here after the village was attacked or something happened after the village was attacked and caused this great plant growth to sort of consume everything and give it almost like a a greenway burial. Wow. Okay. Yeah, so I didn't know who could go off of that. I apologize. No, no, I was just kind of summarizing what you know, so. I didn't see shit. I didn't see it. I see. So your mother was through these lands. Yeah, it seems so. It's like, and if what, you know, the hallucinations Mr. Ruhua was thinking of, do we have to go that way? Any points? I don't think so. Motherfucker was not listening. We can kill you. It's okay, Mr. Ruhua. We still love you. Hey Orin, did you consider yourself a minion? That's a good question. Holy shit. We need that on our shirt. Do you consider yourself a minion? A minion? What's that? Is it that Mr. Manhattan comic book meme where he's like pointing at War Shack? Yeah, War Shack, just blowing it up. I just need that as the shirt of Ruhua pointing to Ruhua. Or Ruhua pointing to Orin going like, hey, are you a companion? Alright, fan artists, get on it. I have a question, actually. So the way forward is following this rot-infested river, yes? Upstream is what has been suggested, or at least you know, the direction they came from. I take a stick, and I dip it into the river. How deep is the river? At this point, it's fairly deep. Like, ten feet? Yeah, well, I mean, that's a long stick. But you'd guess probably like, yeah, probably in the ten feet area. Okay, alright. So it's about a ten foot river. That's good to know. How far does it go for, does it seem like? It seems to head towards the mountain, so at least like, you know, several... Yeah, we're downstream of it. So like a mile ahead. Yeah, several miles. But again, your vision is obscured because of all the trees, so it's hard to get an exact like... And this river... Orin can confirm, though, that it would probably be several miles, just... Just because of, like, the aerial view he did. Yeah, it'd be a couple of miles, Mr. Tannhauser. I see, I see. Well, then. Uh, taking ten minutes to replace some spells... I need to ensure that this river stops flowing, at least for now. What? Oh. Orin thought first, I was like, yeah, there's evil stuff in there, we need to stop that. Uh, I'm going to cast control water. And I'm going to lower, um, the river here, uh, for the next hour, for five hundred feet, by ten feet, drying out the riverbed. Okay. Pfft. Do we see anything of note in the detritus in the riverbed? Uh, I mean, there's some silt, there's, you know, rocks, there's, um, some, like, very, very faintly remaining blackened tumors that appear to pop as they are exposed to raw air, as though they aren't meant to exist. He recognizes this is the rot, most definitely. Uh, and then there's probably the bones of, I don't know, like, a dozen or so humanoids. Hmm. Nature should hopefully reclaim this area soon. I intend to do the same for the next mile. That'll mark our journey. Then we rest again and continue forwards. Aura nods as he also looks down at the bones and he frowns a bit, but understanding how nature is, it's like, well, better there than somewhere else. And he begins to travel up, basically, in the direction where the last inspector mother is. Yeah, you begin following a winding path, going north and east and north and east, following along this riverway. Um, all the while, Veena, you get the sense that something around here is watching all of you. And Baldrick, as you sort of stay to the shadows as the group moves on, you catch sight of something yourself, more directly. Um, and you see the footpads of perhaps a half dozen large scaled creatures coming up through the forest around you. And as you see that, that's where we are going to end today's episode, everybody. Oh! Oh my god! Oh! Laser detect! Lizard. Please state your, uh, name, race, and occupation for the record. Uh, Lizardman, Lizardman, and, uh... Lizardman. Lizard. Lizard. Lizardman. Oh, true, true, true! Yeah. Gotta be progressive. Thank you so much, everybody, for watching this amazing episode of Rocker. And of course, if you want to support everything, it is over at NarrativeDeclaration.com, where you can find out all about us and stuff. But of course, thank you all so much for watching. We all love you. Please check us all in the descriptions down below and stuff, and also check our website. We can find all these amazing players and all the fantastic projects that they are a part of. And of course, we will see you next time. So long, farewell, and goodbye! Bye-bye! Goodbye! Goodbye, everybody! Adios!