Latest / Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge / Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater with Brandi Glanville

Transcript

Cheater Cheater Pumpkin Eater with Brandi Glanville · Two Ts In A Pod with Teddi Mellencamp and Tamra Judge

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: This is Teddy Teapot. Hello, Well, I am super excited
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: today to co host with Brandy Glanville. Hello, I mean,
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: is it bad to say my cheat or expert? I
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: am the face of the scorned woman. I'm sad. Oh no,
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: But I love that you're so open and that you're
• 0:29
  Speaker 1: able to share with us, because that's you know, so
• 0:31
  Speaker 1: many people. I can't even tell you how many questions
• 0:34
  Speaker 1: people have written in in regards to cheating, about privacy,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: about is my husband cheating? So there's just so many
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: things out there that people are interested in, and also
• 0:45
  Speaker 1: that they don't want to feel alone well, because I mean,
• 0:47
  Speaker 1: if you think about it, cheating happens, it's a universal situation,
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: happens to everyone. It's man, women, not children obviously, but
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: it happens to all of us. It can happen to
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: all of us. So it's something that is an age
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: old problem. Then it will forever be an issue. Do
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: you mind just to start, like giving us a little
• 1:04
  Speaker 1: bit of backstory on your experience. I'd try that too,
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: but later, okay, okay, um So I was with um
• 1:17
  Speaker 1: an actor Eddie Cibrian for thirteen years and we had
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: two small children two years old and six years old,
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: and he was off doing a movie with Land Rhymes
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: and they developed a relationship, and uh, I kind of
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: and I always um a scorpio. I have a little
• 1:33
  Speaker 1: crazy intuition. I knew something was going on. But all
• 1:38
  Speaker 1: my friends are like, you're crazy, Brandon, You're just at
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: your crazy side. Just stop, he adores you. Come to
• 1:44
  Speaker 1: find out, yes, they were having an affair. I was
• 1:46
  Speaker 1: told that it was a one time thing, and I
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: was by him, yes, of course, and he denied it
• 1:52
  Speaker 1: publicly and all of these things, and so I really
• 1:55
  Speaker 1: really wanted to believe him because I had, you know,
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: loved my life and two small children. So I thought,
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: let's go to counseling. Let's figure this out, because if
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: it's a one time thing, I can deal with it.
• 2:07
  Speaker 1: Because if you watch the Nature Channel, like like men
• 2:09
  Speaker 1: like to spread their seed, monogamy is not normal, and
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: especially with the industry that he's in acting, you're supposed
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: to go and be on TV and make out with
• 2:17
  Speaker 1: all these attractive women and some unattractive women as well.
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: And I'm just joking. I'm joking. Um, And we're good though,
• 2:28
  Speaker 1: but you know, you have to roll around in bed
• 2:30
  Speaker 1: with these people and kiss them and then you're supposed
• 2:32
  Speaker 1: to not you know, follow through with that. So it's
• 2:34
  Speaker 1: it's a you know, it's a hard thing to be
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: in for him. And so we went to counseling and
• 2:39
  Speaker 1: I was like, you know what, I'm gonna get over
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: it because I you know, he left up and it
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: is what it is. And then I found out about
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: other women prior to her. Did you find out through
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: counseling or through you had to you had to change
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: things up with approach. I found out through act with
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: Hollywood and Perez Hilton, So that was fun um, but no,
• 3:00
  Speaker 1: and when I found that out, I took the knife
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: and slashed the motorcycle tires. I went and that's it happens.
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: What I don't blame you. He's lucky he was not
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: home at that point because I was livid and leading
• 3:13
  Speaker 1: up to that, did you have any idea? You know,
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: I was always suspect because he had two phones and
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: he didn't really he wasn't working at the time. You
• 3:23
  Speaker 1: know actors that you know if you get to work
• 3:25
  Speaker 1: and then you don't have work, And I was like,
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: what the hell do you need two phones for? Like
• 3:28
  Speaker 1: why and what was his excuse. He's just like once
• 3:32
  Speaker 1: for business, what what are you doing? Did you have
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: access to the two phones? You know what I could
• 3:39
  Speaker 1: have if I wanted to, but I was so afraid
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: of what I would find. I never looked. See That's
• 3:44
  Speaker 1: what I heard a lot, like a lot of the
• 3:46
  Speaker 1: questions coming in where yes, my husband did does give
• 3:49
  Speaker 1: me all of his codes, but I don't want to
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: look because I already have that feeling. Well, if you're
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: looking for something, whether it's there or not, I feel
• 3:55
  Speaker 1: like you're going to find it. It could be like
• 3:57
  Speaker 1: something like a from a friend that means nothing, but
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: you're going to eat into it because if you have
• 4:01
  Speaker 1: that idea in your head, and I know I'm already crazy,
• 4:03
  Speaker 1: so I know like if I I will spiral out
• 4:05
  Speaker 1: of control. So I'm like, you know what, I just
• 4:07
  Speaker 1: don't want to check. So I have to believe my
• 4:09
  Speaker 1: husband and trust him. And do you believe that men
• 4:12
  Speaker 1: and women can be friends? Um, if it's not something
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: from like a long time friend, like I have friends
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: from like you know, the fourth grade that I grew
• 4:19
  Speaker 1: up with that if they came to down they're still pals.
• 4:21
  Speaker 1: But like I don't go to dinner with males no
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: like like like absolutely not. I mean, as a single person,
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: most of my male friends I've slept with. But that's
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: my point, Like, I just don't think it exists. And
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: some people in this room don't necessarily agree with me
• 4:36
  Speaker 1: on this topic, but I don't agree. I have plenty
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: of very platonic male friends. I also have male friends
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: where there might be like an undertone of alert, but
• 4:46
  Speaker 1: that's the whole point. But there's that they're married, then
• 4:49
  Speaker 1: that's an like, and you go to dinner with him
• 4:51
  Speaker 1: and there's an undertone of flirt. I'm going to murder
• 4:53
  Speaker 1: you in your sleep. And I took a poll on
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: my Instagram how many of you would be upset if
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: you're a significant other went to dinner with somebody of
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: the opposite sex without telling you, even if it is business,
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: and it was would be upset. So, if there's nothing
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: wrong with it, why aren't you telling your significant other? Exactly?
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I'm one percent on board with you on that processing,
• 5:15
  Speaker 1: but I'm like, but maybe it's just human nature, and
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: it's like everyone has a line and maybe crossing the line.
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: But also, why aren't you invited to dinner if you're friends?
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: With my husband, and you guys are close friends, I
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: should be your friend too, and maybe if I don't
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: like y'all, say go ahead and go. But in general,
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: I think most of the wives know I'm buddies with
• 5:38
  Speaker 1: their husband, and they could come solely business. Then most
• 5:41
  Speaker 1: of the time, isn't there another person there? Yeah, I've
• 5:45
  Speaker 1: had businesses where there's just like a slight undertone of
• 5:47
  Speaker 1: like flirty flirt, flirt, but it's not anything bad. And
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: I actually going to dinner with edwin Amy, I've been
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: flirting with him, But I actually think healthy flirting is okay.
• 5:59
  Speaker 1: I agree with you. But if it's if it's a
• 6:02
  Speaker 1: friend that you see more than like, I think, I
• 6:04
  Speaker 1: think healthy flirting is fine. If it's like the girl
• 6:06
  Speaker 1: at Starbucks that you maybe see, you know, once a week.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: It's not that you will never see outside of her
• 6:12
  Speaker 1: being behind the counter, but once it shifts over to
• 6:14
  Speaker 1: a d M or a dinner or dinner or I've
• 6:18
  Speaker 1: learned that like the way that men are cheating now
• 6:20
  Speaker 1: is through like Snapchat because they don't have any social media,
• 6:24
  Speaker 1: so then their wife never suspects Snapchat and that's where
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: they're going and sending all their messages. Don't try. I say,
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: all the players I know are not on social media
• 6:33
  Speaker 1: because that is how you get caught period. You know what,
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: you just dropped some truth bomb there, and I just
• 6:39
  Speaker 1: want to know what a message out to all you women.
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: They're my friends. This guy's are horrible. So once it
• 6:46
  Speaker 1: was kind of blatant in your face, and it was
• 6:48
  Speaker 1: multiple I don't know how many people, but it was
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: like plenty of people. Were you then just done or
• 6:54
  Speaker 1: you still wanted to work on it? And this is
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: a judgment free zone. Oh no, I mean, I'll tell
• 6:58
  Speaker 1: you truth. I was still madly in love with my
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: high spend. He was the love of my life and
• 7:01
  Speaker 1: to this point he still has been so I but
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: I couldn't be with him. Was he still telling you
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: I love you, I want to be with you, Yes,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: and to the point where he was saying that to me,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: but also still behind my back when we were in
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: counseling seeing Leanne. So and when I found out this
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: girl asked weekly that I became friends with called me
• 7:21
  Speaker 1: and she's like, I have something to tell you. Um,
• 7:24
  Speaker 1: there's pictures of edding lean this weekend. I'm like, that's impossible.
• 7:28
  Speaker 1: I was with him all weekend except for this one
• 7:29
  Speaker 1: window of two hours, and that's when I was like,
• 7:33
  Speaker 1: you know what, I'm out, like, no matter what, I
• 7:36
  Speaker 1: have two kids and I'm you know, thirty six years old,
• 7:40
  Speaker 1: and I have to figure this out for them. It's
• 7:43
  Speaker 1: not fair. I'm like, I feel like Leanne in a
• 7:46
  Speaker 1: way saved me probably a decade of heartache. What if
• 7:49
  Speaker 1: I didn't find this out publicly and then forever and
• 7:52
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden one day and there's like
• 7:54
  Speaker 1: a hundred women and I'm an idiot in my life
• 7:56
  Speaker 1: as somebody else is pregnant, and like, what the hell
• 8:00
  Speaker 1: do you think? Just because this is happening a lot
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: where people are saying, oh, well, it was an emotional
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: affair to an affairs an affair, it does not matter
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: to me if it's sex. Emotional emotional is leading to sex.
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: In my opinion, I would prefer it just be a
• 8:15
  Speaker 1: sexual affair. Hit didn't quit it once time in Vegas,
• 8:18
  Speaker 1: never talked to her again. Emotional affairs. I think that
• 8:22
  Speaker 1: hurts me more than then. I feel like I've been
• 8:25
  Speaker 1: through this because oh, when you find out, oh I
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: met the mother, I helped her move, I'm like, wait, wait,
• 8:30
  Speaker 1: you're leaving a double life, Like, what the heck? I
• 8:33
  Speaker 1: would prefer it just to be some hooker somewhere. I
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: never figured it out, you know. I just not that
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: I want that. But if you have to pick one
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: or the other, for me, I I just emotions are more.
• 8:44
  Speaker 1: It's just my heart, you know. Yeah. And I mean
• 8:46
  Speaker 1: because there's now been we've seen a lot in the
• 8:49
  Speaker 1: press about Jim and Megan Edmonds. Oh gross, I can't
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: even with either one of them. I mean. The thing,
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: here's the thing, I don't. Actually, it doesn't matter to
• 8:59
  Speaker 1: me if he hooked up with the nanny or not.
• 9:02
  Speaker 1: To me, if Edwin was going to events or doing
• 9:07
  Speaker 1: things with my mommy's helper, he would be dead, like dead.
• 9:13
  Speaker 1: And even when I read his thing where it said like,
• 9:16
  Speaker 1: oh um, I I support her, I'm helping her grow
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: and mature into a woman, I'm like, no, that is
• 9:24
  Speaker 1: a hard no. It is so weird. And the fact
• 9:27
  Speaker 1: that it's he's justifying that behavior to me, the cheating,
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. You're obviously living in your own world,
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: but they're not. They're living They're doing it all publicly,
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: and I'm sorry, but no one cares I'm not to
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: be rude, but this is the point where they're like,
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: we have two narcissists. Very clearly, They're like, they're calling
• 9:46
  Speaker 1: each other narcissists. But they have to play this out
• 9:48
  Speaker 1: in the public in order to fill some sort of
• 9:51
  Speaker 1: way that to get more attention exactly. But it's like
• 9:53
  Speaker 1: what victim victim victim victims. I don't understand it. And
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: but also I'm sorry if you're after it was found
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: out he had deleted all these photos of this nanny,
• 10:03
  Speaker 1: I'm like, why are there photos of the nanny on
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: your Instagram? Anyway? Yeah, it's just he's not a good
• 10:12
  Speaker 1: He's not a smart player. Why do you on Instagram? Like, yeah,
• 10:17
  Speaker 1: don't don't you know all cheaters are off Instagram. Smart run.
• 10:22
  Speaker 1: You think he caused damage with the sext thing that then,
• 10:26
  Speaker 1: which is why this is so much bigger and more
• 10:31
  Speaker 1: in the public eye and destroying the relationship. My gut
• 10:36
  Speaker 1: is this is one of those situations that we were
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: talking about that she kind of always knew because didn't
• 10:41
  Speaker 1: she meet him when he had a wife? Yes, so
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: he's kind of always had this where he ends with
• 10:48
  Speaker 1: one and is right into the other. So I think
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: you kind of probably have that in the back of
• 10:54
  Speaker 1: your mind to start. How do you not how do
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: you think you've changed the person? Right, I'm going to
• 11:00
  Speaker 1: be the one that he doesn't do that too. Yeah,
• 11:02
  Speaker 1: And I think that's what happens is people can become
• 11:05
  Speaker 1: addicted to that I can change this person. I am
• 11:08
  Speaker 1: going to be the one that you know, this this
• 11:10
  Speaker 1: boy who's never been able to grow up because of
• 11:13
  Speaker 1: this happened, or this challenge. It's a challenge. And then
• 11:17
  Speaker 1: you know, I think so many lines were crossed that
• 11:21
  Speaker 1: then you don't have any boundaries, and then you don't
• 11:24
  Speaker 1: have any respect for each other. Well, once you cross
• 11:26
  Speaker 1: that line, the next fight it starts at that line
• 11:28
  Speaker 1: that's already been crossed. It's like you don't get to
• 11:31
  Speaker 1: go backwards. It already starts ugly at the next fight.
• 11:34
  Speaker 1: So they I don't see this to be I don't
• 11:37
  Speaker 1: think it can be repaired. I don't think so either.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: I mean, even the fact that he was like saying
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: he was on a group text with the nanny's and
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: inviting them to do things or whatever it was. It's like,
• 11:46
  Speaker 1: I feel for her because she's taking care of the
• 11:49
  Speaker 1: child that has the health issues and has been traveling
• 11:52
  Speaker 1: to do that, and she's really working hard to take
• 11:56
  Speaker 1: care of that child, and it seems like in her absence,
• 11:59
  Speaker 1: I thing was happening, which is not fair. Well, I
• 12:02
  Speaker 1: think that for sure. Obviously it's never fair, but I
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: think that regardless of her having to travel, I believe
• 12:09
  Speaker 1: this is something this man would continue doing. I agree,
• 12:12
  Speaker 1: and for obviously, like you know, you choose to have
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: you know, children with someone and you know that you
• 12:19
  Speaker 1: know as a known cheater, and then you cry about
• 12:22
  Speaker 1: it after And yes, she's working hard. I feel bad
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: for her situation and the fact that she has three
• 12:27
  Speaker 1: small kids, but the fact that you're acting like you're
• 12:29
  Speaker 1: shocked about this and and then sharing it like so
• 12:33
  Speaker 1: intimately but in an a public forum, it's just I
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: don't understand how that's going to help them repair anything,
• 12:42
  Speaker 1: or you know, help the kids. I mean, I have
• 12:45
  Speaker 1: empathy for her situation for sure. I also think this
• 12:49
  Speaker 1: is the best thing for her that it's over, because
• 12:52
  Speaker 1: I do not think at once that level of trust.
• 12:55
  Speaker 1: It's what you were talking about earlier, Once you have
• 12:58
  Speaker 1: zero trust and once you have zero respect for your partner,
• 13:02
  Speaker 1: I don't believe you can heal from it. Now, I
• 13:06
  Speaker 1: actually will defend her being open about it because I
• 13:09
  Speaker 1: think once you guys, like you ladies know you've been
• 13:11
  Speaker 1: on television on the Housewives, people are gonna talk about
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: it and care. So I actually admire Megan for being
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: so open about it. I see it from a different angle.
• 13:22
  Speaker 1: I like how transparent she is, even if it's her perspective.
• 13:25
  Speaker 1: I get that we're only hearing her perspective, but I
• 13:27
  Speaker 1: think it helps people. I think her blog. I read
• 13:31
  Speaker 1: her blog and it was very touching and warm. That
• 13:33
  Speaker 1: completely made sense to me. This selfie right when it happened.
• 13:36
  Speaker 1: Saying so raw that to me is kind of a
• 13:40
  Speaker 1: That's where I don't think I would cross that line. Like,
• 13:43
  Speaker 1: for example, I've been very open about my IVF struggles
• 13:47
  Speaker 1: and miscarriages in those types of things, But in the
• 13:49
  Speaker 1: moment in the hospital room right after I had a miscarriage,
• 13:52
  Speaker 1: I wasn't posting a selfie, you know, like, well, I mean,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: I guess I'm hypocritical and saying that because when I
• 13:58
  Speaker 1: was going through my divorce, I was like, f you
• 14:00
  Speaker 1: and everything that was happening. We didn't have Instagram back then.
• 14:04
  Speaker 1: We had like a little bit of Twitter, and I
• 14:05
  Speaker 1: was constantly in Twitter, worse with everyone. But right at
• 14:08
  Speaker 1: the from the beginning, you were, um, well, because they
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: were public, you know, I was not. I was just
• 14:14
  Speaker 1: a wife and mother. I was. I've never wanted to act,
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: I never wanted to be on TV. I wasn't in
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: the public eye, was his wife. But people were coming
• 14:21
  Speaker 1: to me when they were doing all of these things publicly,
• 14:23
  Speaker 1: and they were on outings, and I was like, he
• 14:26
  Speaker 1: can suck it like they can suck. I was just
• 14:28
  Speaker 1: very outspoken. So I guess, like, I understand your need
• 14:32
  Speaker 1: to want to scream back. But this was not made public.
• 14:36
  Speaker 1: We didn't know that this was happening until she put
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: it out there. And I feel like, yes, on in
• 14:41
  Speaker 1: certain occasions, it can help people, But I don't think
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: that this is helpful for her if she wants to
• 14:47
  Speaker 1: recover from the situation with her husband, I don't think
• 14:50
  Speaker 1: making it public is going to help that. I think
• 14:53
  Speaker 1: making a public means we're done, it's over, it's done,
• 14:55
  Speaker 1: and and and I get that, and this that was
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: her line in the sand. I mean him an accountability
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: because I get that, like that, maybe she putting that
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: boat up there that is me saying I'm not going back, right.
• 15:07
  Speaker 1: She needed maybe she needed help. Yeah, maybe she needed
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: to say like, because it's hard you, I mean think
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: about it. You probably still and you know you said
• 15:15
  Speaker 1: he's still you still think about him in that way. Well,
• 15:17
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think if it wasn't in the public
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: eye and no one knew, I might have not been
• 15:22
  Speaker 1: as strong as I as I was to know, like
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed, everyone knows I need to leave. It could
• 15:29
  Speaker 1: have taken me a lot longer to be like, oh
• 15:31
  Speaker 1: my god, he's still love my life. I love him,
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: but I hate him, and you know, like I can
• 15:34
  Speaker 1: work through this, I can change him. Maybe it helped
• 15:36
  Speaker 1: force me through that door on that. Let's take a
• 15:39
  Speaker 1: little break, okay, all right, So I need to get
• 15:49
  Speaker 1: back to some of these listener questions. So I figured
• 15:52
  Speaker 1: we could just ping pong them go through and all right,
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: So the first one, what is the main reason why
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: women cheat? Uh? For D I mean, maybe they're getting
• 16:05
  Speaker 1: what they need from home and they're probably unhappy and
• 16:09
  Speaker 1: they're scared to talk to their husband. I think it's
• 16:11
  Speaker 1: the same reason anyone cheats, I would agree. Um, I
• 16:14
  Speaker 1: think with women it's an emotional disconnect for sure, or
• 16:18
  Speaker 1: men just want to stick their p I think. I
• 16:20
  Speaker 1: don't know, but I think with women, the women I
• 16:22
  Speaker 1: find that are unhappy their marriages are completely disconnected emotionally
• 16:26
  Speaker 1: and they want a way out, or they then work
• 16:28
  Speaker 1: on the relationships. That's what's hard. Are they trying to
• 16:31
  Speaker 1: get their husband's attention, No, definitely don't. They don't want
• 16:35
  Speaker 1: this attention in that moment. They want somebody else's attention.
• 16:38
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I feel like I don't know if
• 16:40
  Speaker 1: I'm all women are different. I feel like women cheat
• 16:44
  Speaker 1: for the same reasons men cheat, were unfulfilled in some
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: ways sexually or emotionally. Agreed, Okay, the next one is
• 16:49
  Speaker 1: how do you stop being mad at yourself for not
• 16:51
  Speaker 1: figuring it out sooner? You can't, you honestly you can't,
• 16:55
  Speaker 1: and you just have to forgive yourself and you have
• 16:57
  Speaker 1: to you have to move on. I mean the longer,
• 17:01
  Speaker 1: the longer we wait and the more we cry, the
• 17:02
  Speaker 1: older we get and the more wrinkles we get. To
• 17:04
  Speaker 1: just move on already. Well, that leads us to the
• 17:06
  Speaker 1: next question is how do you get over the betrayal
• 17:08
  Speaker 1: and move on? And then the woman says our man.
• 17:10
  Speaker 1: I don't know. I just can't stop replaying it over
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: and over and over. Um. I don't think it ever
• 17:16
  Speaker 1: fully goes away. I think it's a part of your story.
• 17:18
  Speaker 1: It's part of who you are now, and it will
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: always be a part of your story. But you can
• 17:23
  Speaker 1: you can forgive. You'll never forget. It's always gonna I mean,
• 17:26
  Speaker 1: you're gonna look at your kids or look at something.
• 17:28
  Speaker 1: It's always you're gonna be reminded. But the best thing
• 17:31
  Speaker 1: that you can do is just stay busy and you know,
• 17:33
  Speaker 1: put yourself into other things, take a class, you'll meet someone,
• 17:36
  Speaker 1: you'll have new memories. But I don't think it ever
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: really add percent goes away. I agree with that. And
• 17:42
  Speaker 1: then which leads us to is our narcissistic personalities a
• 17:46
  Speaker 1: common trait in a cheater. And we just recently did
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: a podcast on narcissism. And I would say, for sure, yes,
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: because you don't have any empathy. And I think you
• 17:54
  Speaker 1: also you can add sociopaths. No, because there are a
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: lot of people that can be different people like just
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: it's not saying this is my situation, but I have
• 18:02
  Speaker 1: friends that like people are leaving leading like different lives
• 18:06
  Speaker 1: and not feeling bad about him. And I have a
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: girlfriend where she has a whole situation where the husband
• 18:13
  Speaker 1: has a whole family somewhere else and and blames her
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: exactly and you are and it's like, well, you know
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: what you did blah blah blah blah, And she's like,
• 18:24
  Speaker 1: you never mentioned blah blah blah and blah before I
• 18:26
  Speaker 1: found out about your other life. That's what narcissists do.
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: They turn it around and make it like it was
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: your fault that I cheated. Mean, wait, what, like, oh,
• 18:36
  Speaker 1: obviously it's my fault. Um? And then how do how
• 18:39
  Speaker 1: does the other woman justify being with a married man?
• 18:43
  Speaker 1: I mean, I don't. I feel like it's not you
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: can never justify it. But that said, you can't help
• 18:48
  Speaker 1: who you fall in love with. It's not how it's
• 18:51
  Speaker 1: how you act after that happens. It's it's like, are
• 18:55
  Speaker 1: you gonna keep doing it or are you gonn know?
• 18:56
  Speaker 1: If you're gonna be together? You're gonna be together, But
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: if you're gonna, then punish the ex wife or it's
• 19:01
  Speaker 1: how you take it after the relationship is formed. And
• 19:03
  Speaker 1: let's say you know Eddie Landard together, then let's say
• 19:06
  Speaker 1: you know what be remorseful, Say I'm sorry, don't say
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: I can't wait to give your kids, make your kids lunch,
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: and I yeah. A big thing that somebody was asking
• 19:16
  Speaker 1: is other women seem to always get away with murder.
• 19:20
  Speaker 1: They destroy a family and move on. How do people
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: live with this? Do you let karma take care of it?
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: Or do you blast it all over the place. A
• 19:27
  Speaker 1: person once said to acknowledge the other woman only gives
• 19:30
  Speaker 1: her power, and then the person says, but I feel
• 19:33
  Speaker 1: like she deserves retribution. I don't. I always say it
• 19:37
  Speaker 1: takes two to tango. It's you have to look at
• 19:39
  Speaker 1: it's not just her. If he it's not like she
• 19:42
  Speaker 1: took his bands down, did what Maybe she did, but
• 19:45
  Speaker 1: I mean he was part of the problem and he's
• 19:48
  Speaker 1: in a marriage too, or like, it takes two to
• 19:51
  Speaker 1: tango at all times, and I feel like the other
• 19:54
  Speaker 1: woman tends to get blamed for it. But if you
• 19:58
  Speaker 1: really have to look, because you're an love with the
• 20:00
  Speaker 1: person that you're with and you don't want to blame him,
• 20:02
  Speaker 1: you're like, oh, she's a husband stealer. No, he went
• 20:05
  Speaker 1: I would I would definitely blame the husband first, my
• 20:09
  Speaker 1: husband first, and then I would also go to there's
• 20:12
  Speaker 1: probably something with this woman where she is getting off
• 20:15
  Speaker 1: on knowing that she can get your husband. Of course,
• 20:19
  Speaker 1: there's like it depends on the person, because I know
• 20:22
  Speaker 1: people that have have cheated and and survived and been okay,
• 20:27
  Speaker 1: that are so remorseful and so like, oh my gosh,
• 20:30
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna step aside and let this happen. And
• 20:32
  Speaker 1: those are good, proper people. And then there's other people.
• 20:36
  Speaker 1: And then I find with like child stars in some
• 20:38
  Speaker 1: certain situations, narciss and all of that, they have this
• 20:42
  Speaker 1: like then dead. I kind of like, oh yeah, I
• 20:44
  Speaker 1: got your man. I just it's a it's a child
• 20:48
  Speaker 1: like mentality. I think if they know the wife, which
• 20:50
  Speaker 1: we read the statistics that most of the time it
• 20:53
  Speaker 1: happens with somebody that knows you as a couple knows
• 20:58
  Speaker 1: the person. The statistic is actually they know let's say
• 21:01
  Speaker 1: it's a man. They know the man. It's not a stranger,
• 21:04
  Speaker 1: but they may not know the couple. It could be
• 21:06
  Speaker 1: somebody at work or a friend. But I don't have
• 21:09
  Speaker 1: the stats. If they know the woman, it's more that
• 21:12
  Speaker 1: they have a friendship or relationship with the man. They're
• 21:15
  Speaker 1: not like but they raise a lady at the grocery.
• 21:17
  Speaker 1: But they know he's married. But it's not. It's not
• 21:19
  Speaker 1: like they found him randomly on a dating site. We're
• 21:22
  Speaker 1: making that up because that wasn't in the stat But
• 21:25
  Speaker 1: if you listen to Ryan's roses a lot of times,
• 21:28
  Speaker 1: I will tell you it is like the sister, like
• 21:30
  Speaker 1: the girl knows the girl too. It is somebody that
• 21:33
  Speaker 1: the woman knows as well. I mean I did get
• 21:35
  Speaker 1: repped up the other day on Ryan's roses. There was
• 21:37
  Speaker 1: one about a guy who had told his wife he
• 21:40
  Speaker 1: had an awakening and that's why he needed to have
• 21:43
  Speaker 1: a mattress on the floors seacrest. Ryan's roses just for
• 21:47
  Speaker 1: people that are like, oh, yeah, you've got to listen.
• 21:50
  Speaker 1: You're gonna get hooked. The kids like every day on
• 21:52
  Speaker 1: the way to school, like first ten years now we're like,
• 21:55
  Speaker 1: oh my god, he's cheating for sure, we know, we
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: know he's lying. Oh no, he knows what Ryan's uncomfortable question.
• 22:03
  Speaker 1: But you led me to it because it was so public.
• 22:07
  Speaker 1: Did you have to sit down with the kids and
• 22:09
  Speaker 1: explain because their teens now, well yes, they are teams.
• 22:14
  Speaker 1: Um With Mason, he was six, so he remembers everything,
• 22:17
  Speaker 1: and he's, you know, they know now. I never I
• 22:20
  Speaker 1: really never. It's it is public. They know, but I
• 22:24
  Speaker 1: never said and told them. It's just kind of I don't.
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: It's just I would never. I don't want to ever
• 22:31
  Speaker 1: put them off on their father because he's their father
• 22:34
  Speaker 1: and vice versus. So they know everything now. And Jake's like,
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: if you were my wife, my youngest son, I would
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: never broken up with you, like oh, And so they're
• 22:43
  Speaker 1: aware and they definitely like they give me extra love
• 22:47
  Speaker 1: and I love it, but um, yeah, I mean it's hard.
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: It's everything's on the internet, and my eldest he checks
• 22:54
  Speaker 1: all my my instagrams and it's like, I know when
• 22:57
  Speaker 1: you're doing it when someone else is doing for you,
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: Like yeah, I mean, so on that note, Uh, do
• 23:03
  Speaker 1: you believe that wants a cheater always a cheater? I
• 23:06
  Speaker 1: hope not. I think that people can screw up and
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: that you know. I think as men get older and
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: they don't have the sex drive at the energy, they
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: get lazy and you're not trying to take a se alice.
• 23:17
  Speaker 1: I mean I feel like as they get older, like
• 23:19
  Speaker 1: in their sex drive goes down. Um, maybe they maybe
• 23:22
  Speaker 1: they can chill. I think if they're willing to work
• 23:24
  Speaker 1: on it and fully own up to it, then they
• 23:27
  Speaker 1: can change. But I think what oftentimes happens is they
• 23:29
  Speaker 1: brush it under the rug because they don't want anyone
• 23:31
  Speaker 1: to know about it. And then if they brush it
• 23:33
  Speaker 1: under the rug and nobody finds out and nobody's really
• 23:36
  Speaker 1: harmed and it, then they're going to do it again
• 23:38
  Speaker 1: because they're like, even even if their wife found out
• 23:41
  Speaker 1: and they had to work on it a little bit,
• 23:43
  Speaker 1: if they didn't really have to go through some hardships,
• 23:46
  Speaker 1: they're not going to change. And if it's a consistent pattern,
• 23:50
  Speaker 1: that's it's habitual, Like yeah, it's like come on, um,
• 23:55
  Speaker 1: all right. There are many married couples who cheat and
• 23:57
  Speaker 1: work it out. I find the person says, I find
• 24:00
  Speaker 1: that bizarre. How and why do they work it out?
• 24:02
  Speaker 1: In my opinion is they're open and vulnerable and they
• 24:05
  Speaker 1: talk about it. I think if you hide within yourself,
• 24:10
  Speaker 1: it's it's gonna eat you up. I think that it
• 24:12
  Speaker 1: can be worked out. It just depends on the It
• 24:14
  Speaker 1: depends on the couple. Everyone's different. It just really doesn't
• 24:17
  Speaker 1: and if you have kids or not, it really just
• 24:20
  Speaker 1: depends on how much one person can take. I felt
• 24:24
  Speaker 1: like I could have handled maybe the one don't cheat
• 24:26
  Speaker 1: on me if we're boyfriend girlfriend down the road, but
• 24:28
  Speaker 1: I could have handled after thirteen years there being one mistake,
• 24:32
  Speaker 1: like you know what, you slipped up, But then to
• 24:34
  Speaker 1: find out it was habitual, I was like, you know what,
• 24:36
  Speaker 1: it's going to keep happening to go. Yeah, it's it's
• 24:39
  Speaker 1: exhausting to then try to catch them up every single time. Um,
• 24:42
  Speaker 1: this one, it's pretty obvious. They answer to me, why
• 24:44
  Speaker 1: do men find strippers so fascinating? I find strippers. I
• 24:49
  Speaker 1: love them. I think they have fun and it's probably
• 24:52
  Speaker 1: outside the norm of what they're getting at home. They
• 24:55
  Speaker 1: have glitter on, they smell good. Um, so many rights.
• 24:59
  Speaker 1: What about my husband texting other younger girls? Then no,
• 25:03
  Speaker 1: not good. Your husband shouldn't be texting any girls. The
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: word girls shouldn't be in the vocabulary for one, and
• 25:09
  Speaker 1: too no no, no, um, make it stop. Oh how
• 25:15
  Speaker 1: has being cheated on affected your dating life? Now? It's
• 25:20
  Speaker 1: it's really hard because, um, every guy that is my
• 25:23
  Speaker 1: age is dating a twenty year old. So I can
• 25:26
  Speaker 1: either date guys that are like thirty that asked me
• 25:28
  Speaker 1: out and then I'll be fifty and they'll be thirty
• 25:31
  Speaker 1: two and I'll be like, look great, this sucks. Or
• 25:35
  Speaker 1: the guy's eighty five and I can't do I can't
• 25:37
  Speaker 1: do old well. And I said, I think you could
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: say that on this podcast, but they'll be b it
• 25:43
  Speaker 1: out if need be. Um. Yeah, but do you have
• 25:47
  Speaker 1: when you have been in a relationship, do you have
• 25:50
  Speaker 1: different kind of trust issues than you maybe did before. Yeah,
• 25:52
  Speaker 1: for sure. I don't think that they ever really go away.
• 25:55
  Speaker 1: I think that when you're cheated on you, it's hard
• 26:00
  Speaker 1: because you we all have insecurities as it is, and
• 26:03
  Speaker 1: then they're just heightened and then you start to feel
• 26:06
  Speaker 1: you you kind of I think everything back to that
• 26:09
  Speaker 1: relationship with someone cheated on you and you're like, okay,
• 26:11
  Speaker 1: so he's doing this, that's what he did. Is this
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: happening again? And I I will never be the same
• 26:18
  Speaker 1: person that I was as far as confidence goes in
• 26:21
  Speaker 1: a relationship and not having insecurities in a relationship. I
• 26:24
  Speaker 1: was very confident with Eddie, you know, for a long time,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: and then I started to get these you know, gut
• 26:29
  Speaker 1: feelings like something's wrong, and when you are in a
• 26:32
  Speaker 1: new relationship with somebody, else, are you vulnerable and kind
• 26:35
  Speaker 1: of open up about like, you know, I have new insecurities,
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: are gonna be a little bit crazy because of what
• 26:39
  Speaker 1: happened in my past? Or you just wait and let
• 26:42
  Speaker 1: I did not show well, Unfortunately in my situation, everyone
• 26:45
  Speaker 1: knows I'm crazy. I have a very distinct situation because
• 26:49
  Speaker 1: if they can google me or they see old episodes
• 26:52
  Speaker 1: of Housewives, they know him a little bit. That word crazy,
• 26:57
  Speaker 1: well you know, wonderful way. Um Okay. Another question, is
• 27:04
  Speaker 1: talking to someone online still consider cheating? Yes? Yes, if
• 27:08
  Speaker 1: you're asking the question, you are cheating. For those eight
• 27:12
  Speaker 1: percent of mail followers that follow me on the straight right,
• 27:16
  Speaker 1: we did have a lot. Didn't come to a definitive answer.
• 27:19
  Speaker 1: On flirting, I stay strong. On flirting is okay, flirting
• 27:22
  Speaker 1: with human nature. I think flirting like innocent flirting is okay.
• 27:26
  Speaker 1: We all need to know that we're desirable. But on
• 27:29
  Speaker 1: text I think never okay. They shouldn't have your phone number,
• 27:32
  Speaker 1: hey babe, or are like you look pretty to anything
• 27:36
  Speaker 1: that is a no, no, no, there's altered but somebody
• 27:40
  Speaker 1: coming into the office and being like, well you got
• 27:42
  Speaker 1: a hot day tonight, I'm fine with that, or someone
• 27:45
  Speaker 1: makes a noise when you walk by, like oh girl,
• 27:47
  Speaker 1: I'm like you're gross, and I'm like, yes, I got it, stuff,
• 27:49
  Speaker 1: I got it. Though. That's kind of okay for me.
• 27:52
  Speaker 1: But if it turns over to becoming a text message,
• 27:55
  Speaker 1: becoming an email thing where you're flirting and it's written
• 27:59
  Speaker 1: to your phone, uber say to you via text, Eddy,
• 28:02
  Speaker 1: I saw your cute belly. But Easton isn't. Easton's our engineer.
• 28:06
  Speaker 1: He's right here, cute belly. I don't think it's like
• 28:09
  Speaker 1: it's flirting. If he was like, hey, Brandy, I saw
• 28:13
  Speaker 1: your hot ass, then I don't think that his girlfriend,
• 28:17
  Speaker 1: his wife as your wife, would be thrilled by the way.
• 28:20
  Speaker 1: It's just a wife. Don't worry if you're listening Easton's wife.
• 28:24
  Speaker 1: He didn't say that. He didn't say it not. I
• 28:27
  Speaker 1: don't think that's okay. No, I don't either. I feel
• 28:30
  Speaker 1: like there's some inness importations. But when it's somebody that
• 28:33
  Speaker 1: you see all the time, like you're in here all
• 28:36
  Speaker 1: the time you see him, then it can kind of
• 28:38
  Speaker 1: be construed as like maybe the start of a relationship.
• 28:41
  Speaker 1: Like I have a girlfriend that whenever she sees my
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: husband kind of be like look at you don fan then,
• 28:48
  Speaker 1: and it's like so over the top, but I'm still like,
• 28:51
  Speaker 1: you're lucky. I like you because this is kind of obnoxious.
• 28:55
  Speaker 1: My brother's own all my friend's husbands like you're my brother,
• 28:58
  Speaker 1: like and like they're gross, Like I don't even look
• 29:01
  Speaker 1: at them in that way, like when they're like older.
• 29:04
  Speaker 1: Let's say, like certain people like ken Nur something like
• 29:06
  Speaker 1: oh like jokes like jumping around. It's fine because obviously
• 29:10
  Speaker 1: I have zero interest in that person. BLUs. I think
• 29:13
  Speaker 1: things also start to get cross. Like let's say you
• 29:15
  Speaker 1: were good friends with Edwin and then Edwin and I
• 29:17
  Speaker 1: were having an issue and he started texting you advice
• 29:20
  Speaker 1: about me. That is I mean red flags all around,
• 29:24
  Speaker 1: because then all of a sudden, you're forming a relationship
• 29:27
  Speaker 1: with somebody outside of me. Absolutely not, and that is
• 29:30
  Speaker 1: going to create something else, I'm telling you. Okay, So
• 29:33
  Speaker 1: I'm just gonna throw this out to you guys. So
• 29:35
  Speaker 1: there was fires here, So I will preface it with
• 29:38
  Speaker 1: there was fires and people were evacuated. So an ex
• 29:42
  Speaker 1: boyfriend of mine had to come sleep over at my house.
• 29:45
  Speaker 1: He has a girlfriend. Is that like a hard no
• 29:48
  Speaker 1: for you, guys? Or you guys like did he tell
• 29:50
  Speaker 1: his girlfriend? I don't know, but well did you're asking? No,
• 29:54
  Speaker 1: I don't care. I didn't. I'm just like, nothing happened.
• 29:57
  Speaker 1: So it's like, there's nothing to worry about, but for you,
• 30:00
  Speaker 1: you don't care. But if I was the girlfriend and
• 30:03
  Speaker 1: I found out that my boyfriend was staying at your
• 30:05
  Speaker 1: house and he didn't tell me, that's what I would
• 30:07
  Speaker 1: be pissed about. It's you don't want to be left
• 30:10
  Speaker 1: in the dark and find something out after the fact.
• 30:13
  Speaker 1: And the other thing I will say about texting, I
• 30:15
  Speaker 1: like my best girlfriend twenty five years she lives in
• 30:17
  Speaker 1: San Diego. Her husband's one of my best friends to
• 30:20
  Speaker 1: I don't text him ever unless we're planning a birthday
• 30:23
  Speaker 1: party for her, Like there's no reason for him and
• 30:26
  Speaker 1: I to be telling a group text is fine, Like,
• 30:28
  Speaker 1: if you're all on it together and you want to
• 30:30
  Speaker 1: comment back and forth, there should be no one on
• 30:35
  Speaker 1: weird thing on that that I love your thoughts on.
• 30:37
  Speaker 1: So I went to college with a guy and we
• 30:39
  Speaker 1: are friends from college. He has a wife. I'm friends
• 30:44
  Speaker 1: with her, but he's really my friend and I text
• 30:47
  Speaker 1: with him all the time. Are you guys weirded? Out
• 30:50
  Speaker 1: by that have you met the wife and she's in it? Oh,
• 30:53
  Speaker 1: I totally. I mean she knows we text all the time.
• 30:56
  Speaker 1: Then I think that's That's what I'm saying. Younger relationships
• 30:59
  Speaker 1: that start and you know, like I have two friends
• 31:01
  Speaker 1: that I grew up from high school that are still
• 31:03
  Speaker 1: my friends. They texted when they're in town, Hey, you
• 31:05
  Speaker 1: want to grab dinner. That being said, I'm not going
• 31:07
  Speaker 1: to grab dinner with them without my husband. I'm personally
• 31:10
  Speaker 1: uncomfortable with it. Wouldn't I wouldn't do that, but I
• 31:13
  Speaker 1: think it's okay for other people in their relationships. I'm
• 31:16
  Speaker 1: not comfortable because of what has happened to me in
• 31:18
  Speaker 1: my past. And also, like I just, I would never
• 31:22
  Speaker 1: want there to be any question. And I have friends
• 31:24
  Speaker 1: that have husbands that are douche bags, and it's like
• 31:28
  Speaker 1: I just it's it's murky waters, which kind of leads
• 31:31
  Speaker 1: me to the next topic, which a lot of people
• 31:33
  Speaker 1: are asking about. So I've been very vocal about the
• 31:36
  Speaker 1: fact that like I my husband, he is on like
• 31:40
  Speaker 1: I have his like on fine my friends, he has
• 31:42
  Speaker 1: my passwords to my phone. I have passwords to his phone.
• 31:45
  Speaker 1: We are an open book. That being said, I'm not
• 31:48
  Speaker 1: often checking it, but we have that option, and people
• 31:51
  Speaker 1: are like, that's crazy, that's an invasion of privacy. But
• 31:54
  Speaker 1: then today I did a poll and it's actually fifty fifty.
• 31:57
  Speaker 1: In my opinion, I have nothing that I ever need
• 32:01
  Speaker 1: to worry about that's on my phone. If your spouse
• 32:05
  Speaker 1: or significant other has a real issue with passing that over,
• 32:10
  Speaker 1: there's an issue. What do you think People are like, Teddy,
• 32:12
  Speaker 1: you're just stalker like and I'm like, no, I just
• 32:15
  Speaker 1: this is who I am. I think it's an individual
• 32:17
  Speaker 1: thing because I have like everyone, all of my friends
• 32:20
  Speaker 1: have my passwords to everything. I'm like, if you want
• 32:22
  Speaker 1: to post something, go ahead, like can I put this
• 32:24
  Speaker 1: up on? Like I don't know how to do it?
• 32:25
  Speaker 1: Go ahead? And even my guy friends I've not asked
• 32:29
  Speaker 1: for I haven't. I haven't had like a a full
• 32:32
  Speaker 1: on boyfriend boyfriend in a long time, so I haven't
• 32:35
  Speaker 1: been comfortable enough to ask anyone. And we didn't really
• 32:38
  Speaker 1: have social media back when Eddie and I were together.
• 32:40
  Speaker 1: So I mean, thank God, and like for me, and
• 32:43
  Speaker 1: I know people are gonna be like, you're just saying that,
• 32:45
  Speaker 1: but like, for me find my friends is very helpful.
• 32:48
  Speaker 1: Because my husband is chronically late. Like he'll be like, hey,
• 32:51
  Speaker 1: I'll be there in ten minutes, and then I'll like
• 32:52
  Speaker 1: texas assistant, She'll be like, you just left the that's
• 32:55
  Speaker 1: also what you do for a living. You have to
• 32:56
  Speaker 1: you're accountable and not only for you, for your husband,
• 32:58
  Speaker 1: for your kids, like you have to be acountable for
• 33:00
  Speaker 1: your whole family. But then now I have the app
• 33:02
  Speaker 1: and I can just say, oh, great, he's left the
• 33:04
  Speaker 1: office fourteen minutes ago. He'll be home in twenty minutes. Like, yes,
• 33:07
  Speaker 1: I get it. I see both sides. But I also
• 33:10
  Speaker 1: think if you are so against somebody having any act
• 33:15
  Speaker 1: that shall protest too much or whatever it is. Like
• 33:18
  Speaker 1: I have friends who their husbands are texting like this,
• 33:21
  Speaker 1: like they have their phone covered, like they bear, like
• 33:23
  Speaker 1: they have the black out screen. I'm like, really, now,
• 33:26
  Speaker 1: I want to look at your husband's friend and like
• 33:28
  Speaker 1: I have I don't even have skin in this game.
• 33:30
  Speaker 1: But I have one girlfriend that has like the location
• 33:32
  Speaker 1: shared for her husband and he's like, she constantly checks
• 33:35
  Speaker 1: the location. I do this to my children. I feel
• 33:38
  Speaker 1: like that's a little bit well because they've had infidelity
• 33:41
  Speaker 1: issues in the past, so I understand why she would
• 33:43
  Speaker 1: want to know, but I would not personally want to
• 33:45
  Speaker 1: live that way. I don't want to have to keep somebody,
• 33:48
  Speaker 1: keep track of somebody other than my children, and wonder
• 33:51
  Speaker 1: like where is he? Why is it not moved? And
• 33:53
  Speaker 1: I know he's in a different place, what is he doing?
• 33:55
  Speaker 1: What app does he have? Like Yeah, I feel like
• 33:57
  Speaker 1: that's a that's a different way if you're doing it
• 33:59
  Speaker 1: as the means to make sure that your relationship is
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: on track after there's been a problem, a problem, I
• 34:07
  Speaker 1: think that it can become almost an addiction. It is,
• 34:10
  Speaker 1: it is, I mean, it's it's horrible, and I feel
• 34:13
  Speaker 1: for her and she probably should have been out of
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: the marriage a long time ago and we talked about
• 34:16
  Speaker 1: this her and I so sorry, but yeah, I mean
• 34:20
  Speaker 1: you are. I think it really depends on like setting
• 34:22
  Speaker 1: the boundaries from the beginning, Like I from the beginning said,
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: like I'm the type of person where like if I
• 34:26
  Speaker 1: want to see your phone, I want you to. I'm
• 34:28
  Speaker 1: not the most trusting person in life, right No, Like
• 34:31
  Speaker 1: I've you know the way I was, you know everything,
• 34:33
  Speaker 1: Like I that's just who I am. I meet a
• 34:35
  Speaker 1: new friend, I'm not immediately like sharing all my deepest,
• 34:37
  Speaker 1: darkest secrets with them, I am like it takes me
• 34:39
  Speaker 1: a while. So I mean I am not the most
• 34:43
  Speaker 1: trusting person, But I also don't wouldn't want to live
• 34:45
  Speaker 1: my life in a panic constantly. See, I trust with
• 34:48
  Speaker 1: friends like I trust like everyone, I mean, like I
• 34:51
  Speaker 1: love them, are so great, and then I get burned.
• 34:53
  Speaker 1: But with guys like romantically, I'm the opposite. It's very weird.
• 34:58
  Speaker 1: I don't know why that is. I think I would
• 35:00
  Speaker 1: rather trust these people in my life and get burned
• 35:03
  Speaker 1: and like always be on high alert. Believe me, sometimes
• 35:07
  Speaker 1: it sucks always being on high alert. Like I meet
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: somebody immediately, I'm like, what are they going to do
• 35:11
  Speaker 1: to me? Like a founder coat on it all time.
• 35:14
  Speaker 1: But I'm like that dog is on high alert all
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: the time. I'm your dog, you know what I mean,
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: He's always like, what's gonna happen? Down? So I have
• 35:22
  Speaker 1: this weird thing, and I know we have to break,
• 35:24
  Speaker 1: But I have this weird thing where when I meet somebody,
• 35:26
  Speaker 1: I can feel like some kind of energy and I'm like,
• 35:30
  Speaker 1: like I'll know if somebody's about to get a divorce,
• 35:32
  Speaker 1: if somebody's pregnant. And people think I'm crazy, but I'll
• 35:35
  Speaker 1: tell one person. I'll be like, hey, just so you know,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: I can feel this, and then it'll happen. I'm like, why,
• 35:39
  Speaker 1: this is why I have to be the way I am,
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: because I can truly feel when it's happening. But okay, yeah,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: I digress. I guess we'll take another break. So we're
• 35:55
  Speaker 1: about to get Katie from West Side. Nancy's on who
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: we're speaking to because of you know, what's recently been
• 36:01
  Speaker 1: going on with Jim and Megan Edmonds, but truthfully, what's
• 36:04
  Speaker 1: been going on for a long time. I mean I
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: just did a Google search of celebrity men who were
• 36:09
  Speaker 1: allegedly with Nanny's or somebody that works in Yeah, Ethan Hawk,
• 36:15
  Speaker 1: Robin Williams, John Goslin, Kevin Rosdell, Arnold Schwartzenegger, like it.
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: There is so many that it almost feels like an epidemic.
• 36:22
  Speaker 1: So I feel like, yeah, I feel like, um, let's
• 36:25
  Speaker 1: get her on and start grilling her. Poor thing. She
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: doesn't know what's coming out. Great. Hello, Hi, how are you?
• 36:33
  Speaker 1: I'm good? Thanks, how are you? Thanks for joining us?
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: Of course with my pleasure, thanks for having me on
• 36:38
  Speaker 1: the show so out of curiosity, I know I can't
• 36:42
  Speaker 1: ask you know some of the deeper questions. But in
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: your experience, when it comes to placing nanny's inside of homes,
• 36:52
  Speaker 1: do you have to do you have a conversation with
• 36:55
  Speaker 1: the wife or the husband, like what would you like
• 36:58
  Speaker 1: the nanny to look like? Well, we have had some
• 37:03
  Speaker 1: requests regarding that um in the past, but our conversation
• 37:07
  Speaker 1: with parents is really like luck, it doesn't matter what
• 37:10
  Speaker 1: nanny looks like. It matters how great cheats with the kids.
• 37:13
  Speaker 1: So we've had parents requests pretty nanny's. We've also had
• 37:15
  Speaker 1: the requests ugly nannies for moms that are worried about
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: that UM. But the conversation we always go to his looks.
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: You can't discriminate based upon what simple looks like. It's
• 37:24
  Speaker 1: a protected characteristic and the reality is it shouldn't matter. UM.
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: You have to look for the nanny to scrape your kids,
• 37:30
  Speaker 1: that loves children, that's passionate about her job. That's really
• 37:33
  Speaker 1: what matters. But the statistics are there, it doesn't matter
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: because if you have a pretty nanny in the house,
• 37:38
  Speaker 1: Like if we just write down a bunch of celebrity
• 37:41
  Speaker 1: males that have cheated with their nanny's that were attractive,
• 37:44
  Speaker 1: So I think it does matter. I mean that being said,
• 37:48
  Speaker 1: I think it does matter too. But also there has
• 37:50
  Speaker 1: been men that have cheated with their nanny's when they're
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: not attractive nanny's. So if you want to cheat, you
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: kind of want to cheat regardless whole. As a whole,
• 37:59
  Speaker 1: cheaters are going to cheat. But I will say that
• 38:03
  Speaker 1: I don't really think it's about what nannie looks like.
• 38:06
  Speaker 1: I think there are other issues going on there. What
• 38:08
  Speaker 1: we talked to families about. Really it's boundaries because you know,
• 38:12
  Speaker 1: wearing the mate movements beat your special breastment claims. Parents
• 38:16
  Speaker 1: need to be careful. Um. You know, if you have
• 38:18
  Speaker 1: an employee in your house, you need to be appropriate
• 38:21
  Speaker 1: and remember that it's a workplace. So what does that
• 38:23
  Speaker 1: look like? That means that Dad can't be going around
• 38:26
  Speaker 1: newterin is underwear and neither get mom for that. You
• 38:29
  Speaker 1: know the reason you have to remember that your home
• 38:31
  Speaker 1: is a workplace and so you have to do things
• 38:34
  Speaker 1: that you might not do in your home. You have
• 38:36
  Speaker 1: to remember that you have an employee. She's going to
• 38:39
  Speaker 1: work there. She can't be seeing those kind of things. Um,
• 38:42
  Speaker 1: and speaking as you should be having conversations about inappropriate
• 38:45
  Speaker 1: things either. So I think that what happens sometimes is
• 38:49
  Speaker 1: boundaries really good costs sometimes from both sides, and parents
• 38:53
  Speaker 1: get too familiar with their nanny because it's their home
• 38:55
  Speaker 1: and it feels different than maybe a secretary or someone
• 38:58
  Speaker 1: working at your office, because it's a very intimate relationship.
• 39:02
  Speaker 1: But you really just have to remember to maintain those
• 39:04
  Speaker 1: boundaries that it does never go further than that. I mean,
• 39:07
  Speaker 1: do you even think there's a reason why a dad
• 39:11
  Speaker 1: should be going to any sort of event with the
• 39:14
  Speaker 1: nanny if the children aren't there. No, I don't any
• 39:20
  Speaker 1: should be with the kids, Like I can't even imagine, Like,
• 39:23
  Speaker 1: do doesn't need a nanny? Yeah, dad doesn't. It's a
• 39:26
  Speaker 1: really good point. Sometimes I might need to get my
• 39:32
  Speaker 1: husband a nanny. Yeah, exactly. Being said, nanny do frequently
• 39:36
  Speaker 1: go to events the families because they're in the public eye.
• 39:40
  Speaker 1: If you're going to a function and you're bringing your
• 39:43
  Speaker 1: three kids into you're only sally gonna help or it's
• 39:45
  Speaker 1: not going to be an enjoyable that for you. So
• 39:47
  Speaker 1: nanny to frequently go to events and outing the country
• 39:50
  Speaker 1: club whatever with their nanny. That's really common. But there's
• 39:53
  Speaker 1: absolutely no calling for a nanny to go just with
• 39:56
  Speaker 1: a parent alone to really anything, unless she's an as
• 39:58
  Speaker 1: system of some sort. Yeah. I mean, I've had my
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: mommy's helper go with my husband and the kids. It's
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: like they're going to a roller skating party, and I'm like,
• 40:05
  Speaker 1: my husband can't be with three kids at the roller
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: skating party and not injure himself and them. But you're
• 40:11
  Speaker 1: aware of it. I'm aware of I am setting it
• 40:14
  Speaker 1: all up. If Edwin was like, Hey, me and Dan
• 40:17
  Speaker 1: are hitting up the roller skating rink with the kids later,
• 40:19
  Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh, you're making plans with Dana. Why
• 40:22
  Speaker 1: you went off the group chat? Like we're on a
• 40:25
  Speaker 1: group chat, the three we have a shared calendar, all
• 40:28
  Speaker 1: of the information. So I think any time. I don't know,
• 40:31
  Speaker 1: but maybe I'm just crazy, But like, I don't want
• 40:35
  Speaker 1: Edwin making all those plans. But where is So it's
• 40:37
  Speaker 1: funny because where where is it? So the nanny has
• 40:40
  Speaker 1: to be able to get ahold of both of you,
• 40:42
  Speaker 1: and so you have to be able to get ahold
• 40:43
  Speaker 1: of both of her. Do you then always have to
• 40:46
  Speaker 1: put the other person, the husband or wife on the text.
• 40:49
  Speaker 1: It's it's a weird fine line because and a lot
• 40:52
  Speaker 1: of women pal around with their nanny's and so it
• 40:55
  Speaker 1: is a little bit of a double standard because I
• 40:57
  Speaker 1: know women that go shopping with the nanny while the
• 40:59
  Speaker 1: kids are at school. Yeah, but that's definitely have gone again.
• 41:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, I think it's fine to text fananny, husband
• 41:08
  Speaker 1: or wife on your own when it's about the kids.
• 41:10
  Speaker 1: I think just setting up those appropriate boundaries is so important,
• 41:14
  Speaker 1: and I really think just really keeping that front of
• 41:16
  Speaker 1: mine that you have to be appropriate. So for example,
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: you know, if you're someone that gets too familiar, can
• 41:22
  Speaker 1: come off flirty after a couple of glasses of wine,
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: then you don't drink when your nanny is there, Like,
• 41:27
  Speaker 1: you just have to be more mindful, yes, or absolutely
• 41:30
  Speaker 1: because it's someone's workplace. So if that's your issue, if
• 41:34
  Speaker 1: you get too flirty or familiar after you drink a couple,
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: then you shouldn't be drinking around your nanny. Like, you know,
• 41:40
  Speaker 1: the boundaries have to stay intact. And also even you
• 41:44
  Speaker 1: mentioned that some moms are close to bananny. That's so true.
• 41:47
  Speaker 1: Sometimes a lot of times we hire someone we want
• 41:49
  Speaker 1: to spend time with um, but at the same time,
• 41:53
  Speaker 1: you have to maintain that boundary. Mom shouldn't be talking
• 41:55
  Speaker 1: to Fanny about anything inappropriate to their husband, sex life,
• 42:00
  Speaker 1: her her dates. You know that's totally inappropriate. And also
• 42:03
  Speaker 1: don't ask for Nanny to share that information with you.
• 42:06
  Speaker 1: Just really keep that line if you wouldn't do it
• 42:08
  Speaker 1: at the office at your workplace, and you shouldn't be
• 42:10
  Speaker 1: talked about like the employer employee. I know. I have
• 42:15
  Speaker 1: learned through experience. The closer that you get with people
• 42:18
  Speaker 1: that work with you, the harder it is to tell
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: them what to do. Yeah, to tell them what to
• 42:22
  Speaker 1: do and then also maintain proper boundaries when you need them.
• 42:25
  Speaker 1: And yeah, and I think you know, and I expect
• 42:28
  Speaker 1: her to maintain them with you. So a lot of
• 42:30
  Speaker 1: times they'll see what you do and then they'll think, oh,
• 42:33
  Speaker 1: that's okay, she's talking to me about that. Then I
• 42:36
  Speaker 1: can talk to her about the party, want to on
• 42:37
  Speaker 1: party night? And the reality is you don't. You just
• 42:39
  Speaker 1: don't want to go there. You want to keep it
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: about the kids. That's important. That's what her job is
• 42:43
  Speaker 1: and maintain that professionalism. So yes, you could say, oh,
• 42:46
  Speaker 1: you know, I saw you relate today. I really do
• 42:49
  Speaker 1: need you to be here on time. That conversation is
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: a lot more awkward if you cross boundaries so many times.
• 42:55
  Speaker 1: And we're talking a lot about women nanny's, but what
• 42:58
  Speaker 1: about men nannies. Do you find this becoming a problem
• 43:01
  Speaker 1: with the moms or is this solely an issue with
• 43:07
  Speaker 1: dad's and nanny's I would have said that we're seeing
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: it an issue either way with with men either. I
• 43:14
  Speaker 1: think these are stories that are in the media, but
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: it's definitely not um you know, something that's going on frequently,
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: and it's never something fortunately that we've experienced. We have
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: experienced some parents being too flirty and saying some inappropriate things,
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: and sometimes the nies have left as a result of it,
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: and that's really sad because then it puts the children
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: in a place where they've just lost one of their caregivers,
• 43:36
  Speaker 1: and the parents isn't a place where they no longer
• 43:39
  Speaker 1: have care and they have to scramble and kind of
• 43:41
  Speaker 1: make plans. So I just think staying appropriate it is
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: so important, even off hand comments that aren't meant to
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: be anything I wouldn't want them take in the wrong way.
• 43:50
  Speaker 1: So you do have to really be careful. But I
• 43:51
  Speaker 1: don't see it as a trend in the industry. Do
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: you think the nanny's would tell you we too, we
• 44:02
  Speaker 1: have nanny is to call us and let us know, Look,
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: look dat got to thirty last night. It was inappropriate.
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: I mean, if they're actually having an affair. Yeah, not
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: if it's being inappropriate like somebody speaking to them, But
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: if they're actually in the affair, I don't think they're
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: gonna be like, you know what, I'm gonna call my
• 44:17
  Speaker 1: agency and let them know what I'm doing. And then
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: also if they do, like with Jim Edmonds, like he's
• 44:23
  Speaker 1: obviously being inappropriate with the nanny, what does that do
• 44:25
  Speaker 1: to you? How does that fall back on you as
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: the agency to put the nanny in the situation. Is
• 44:30
  Speaker 1: that any reflection on you? Do you get sued? No? Fortunately,
• 44:35
  Speaker 1: we reflecting on us, but it isn't definitely a reflection
• 44:38
  Speaker 1: of their poor choices. And that could really affect a
• 44:41
  Speaker 1: nanny's career. I don't think she would want to be
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: you know, another family would probably want to employ her
• 44:45
  Speaker 1: after she's made a decision like that that was so
• 44:47
  Speaker 1: inappropriate and really and just you know, not respectful of
• 44:51
  Speaker 1: the boundaries of her position, but also on the family side.
• 44:55
  Speaker 1: If it gets out like that, they're probably gonna have
• 44:57
  Speaker 1: trouble finding someone that wants to work to them. We're
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: an agency that a place in me an in that
• 45:00
  Speaker 1: position because it is a dangerous position to be in
• 45:03
  Speaker 1: if an employee has to be worried about you sexually
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: crossing them. So it really can't affect the family, and
• 45:08
  Speaker 1: it can affect nanny's career too. And do you think that,
• 45:11
  Speaker 1: I mean, I hate to ask this, but do you
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: think the kids know? Well? I can't imagine what that
• 45:19
  Speaker 1: would be like, because they did, and that would be
• 45:21
  Speaker 1: really truly horrific on so many levels. And when I
• 45:24
  Speaker 1: hear these stories come out, it's just so sad to me.
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: Looks for the parents and the kids and everyone involved.
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: And people just need to learn that they have to
• 45:32
  Speaker 1: make the right choices, even if maybe they feel differently
• 45:34
  Speaker 1: in the moment, because if the people are in the
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: public eye, like Arnold Sourseninger or Megan and like, the
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: kids will know someday one day they're going to go
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: they're like, Oh, that girl used to make me lunch.
• 45:45
  Speaker 1: I don't think it's about the nanny. I think it's
• 45:48
  Speaker 1: about you know, if you are in the public eye
• 45:51
  Speaker 1: seeing your parents or even magazine saying they're they're having
• 45:55
  Speaker 1: an affair. It's so hurtful and damaging. I mean, even
• 45:57
  Speaker 1: if you're not in the public eye. I think that
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: my kids are more aware of a personality or what
• 46:06
  Speaker 1: things that people say than anybody. Like my kids are
• 46:09
  Speaker 1: very intuitive, or they're like, over she seems sad, is
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: your friend? So many things. They pick up on so
• 46:16
  Speaker 1: many things, even our just attitudes. If we're stressed out,
• 46:19
  Speaker 1: our kids pick up on that. So so if there's
• 46:22
  Speaker 1: sexual tension, you're happy, they're going to feel it. Well. Absolutely,
• 46:28
  Speaker 1: that's a crazy thing to think about. But thank you
• 46:30
  Speaker 1: so much for talking to us. And I promise if
• 46:33
  Speaker 1: I if I end up hiring you, I need the
• 46:35
  Speaker 1: new one. We'll be good in my house. We'll keep
• 46:38
  Speaker 1: it kosher. Just find someone very very very undertracted, unattractive
• 46:45
  Speaker 1: but nice to be around for the woman, good personality.
• 46:50
  Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Quite okay, So now
• 47:02
  Speaker 1: we are back with Maya Mollammed and she runs the
• 47:06
  Speaker 1: make Love Revolution blog. By finding a way to deeply
• 47:10
  Speaker 1: connect with the significant other through sex, Maya gives awareness
• 47:15
  Speaker 1: on how to revolutionize your sex lives well give it
• 47:20
  Speaker 1: to us right now. I think you're well, what do
• 47:24
  Speaker 1: you want to know? Well, can you kind of explain
• 47:27
  Speaker 1: to us the uh, polyamory versus monogamy? How do you
• 47:31
  Speaker 1: know which is right for you? Um? Yeah, of course.
• 47:35
  Speaker 1: So there's quite a few things that you need to
• 47:38
  Speaker 1: consider when you are looking into the aspect of polyamorous
• 47:43
  Speaker 1: or non monogamy. Um. Because as you said, it's not
• 47:47
  Speaker 1: going to suit everyone. The most important thing is to
• 47:50
  Speaker 1: bring awareness to it. So obviously both partners need to
• 47:54
  Speaker 1: consider it and see if that's if it suits them
• 47:57
  Speaker 1: individually and then also what what it's gonna do to
• 48:01
  Speaker 1: their relationship as a whole. So some things that people
• 48:05
  Speaker 1: need to look at is firstly, and I think this
• 48:08
  Speaker 1: is the thing that most people are concerned with, this jealousy.
• 48:13
  Speaker 1: So you need to look at your own patterns of
• 48:15
  Speaker 1: what makes what triggers your jealousy, you know, thinking of
• 48:18
  Speaker 1: your partner being with someone else, How are you going
• 48:21
  Speaker 1: to react to that. I mean, some people are actually
• 48:23
  Speaker 1: excited by it. Some people it's a very big turn
• 48:26
  Speaker 1: on for them, but other people don't mind, and other
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: people actually do get jealous. It's quite common. So if
• 48:35
  Speaker 1: you are the type that you know that you might
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: get jealous. It's something that you need to work on
• 48:40
  Speaker 1: the way before you even consider non monogamy. How common
• 48:47
  Speaker 1: common is it for somebody just to not have any jealousy?
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: And doesn't that mean you just don't like the person? No,
• 48:54
  Speaker 1: not necessarily. Actually, some people are turned on by knowing
• 48:58
  Speaker 1: that their partner is things someone else. It's it's quite common.
• 49:02
  Speaker 1: It's not the norm, but it happens a lot behind
• 49:05
  Speaker 1: their back or no, not not, Well, it depends on
• 49:09
  Speaker 1: the person. But yeah, some people think it's a big
• 49:12
  Speaker 1: turn on knowing that their partner is seeing other people. Yeah,
• 49:17
  Speaker 1: well that's so. Well. Look, I think, um, what I
• 49:23
  Speaker 1: wrote in the article, which is my next point, is
• 49:26
  Speaker 1: that our society is quite quite sure that monogamy is
• 49:31
  Speaker 1: the way to go. But that is relatively a new thing.
• 49:35
  Speaker 1: We haven't experienced it for you know, tons and tons
• 49:39
  Speaker 1: of generations. Actually, biologically speaking, not many mammals. Mammals are
• 49:45
  Speaker 1: monogamous at all. And from a historical point of view,
• 49:50
  Speaker 1: if you look at prehistorical societies and through evidence of
• 49:54
  Speaker 1: you know, um, indigenous tribes all over the world, monogamy
• 49:59
  Speaker 1: the way we practice it today doesn't actually happen very
• 50:03
  Speaker 1: often to say, maybe not even at all. So different
• 50:07
  Speaker 1: types of relationships would be having a main partner for
• 50:13
  Speaker 1: being the companionship and to help you raise your children,
• 50:17
  Speaker 1: but not excuse me, not necessarily to have sexual relationship
• 50:21
  Speaker 1: with and definitely not for fifty or years, you know.
• 50:25
  Speaker 1: So people never used to live that long, and even
• 50:29
  Speaker 1: living shorter lifespans, they would after a while break up.
• 50:33
  Speaker 1: It was very normal to break up and move on
• 50:36
  Speaker 1: to a different relationship or not to be not to
• 50:40
  Speaker 1: remain fidelity, the fidelity when the partner goes away for
• 50:45
  Speaker 1: different trips, which are very common in tribal settings. But
• 50:50
  Speaker 1: when you said mammals the thing I have a hard
• 50:53
  Speaker 1: time with, like do mammals get std s? And like, okay,
• 50:57
  Speaker 1: so this this is where when we look get our
• 51:01
  Speaker 1: our current society and see how we do fit in
• 51:04
  Speaker 1: with this. So you know, there's different ways of being
• 51:07
  Speaker 1: cautious not to not to contract any diseases you're not
• 51:11
  Speaker 1: necessarily by abstinent um. And also there's any way of
• 51:15
  Speaker 1: having a sexual relationship that you know is not necessarily
• 51:19
  Speaker 1: going into intercourse, but you can have sex in other ways.
• 51:23
  Speaker 1: So if as these are are your main concern. There's
• 51:26
  Speaker 1: way around it, but in my mind, in my mind,
• 51:30
  Speaker 1: the biggest issue is that most people think that going
• 51:33
  Speaker 1: into a lifelong relationship with someone that's starting to have
• 51:37
  Speaker 1: difficulties and then non monogamy will save it. And I
• 51:42
  Speaker 1: don't think that is true at all, because what happens
• 51:44
  Speaker 1: is is we actually don't know how to do relationships.
• 51:48
  Speaker 1: We're not very good at it, which is why our
• 51:50
  Speaker 1: relationships start to crumble. It doesn't feel anymore and you
• 51:54
  Speaker 1: know that well anymore, and going to find other relationship
• 51:59
  Speaker 1: is not necessarily going to solve it. Actually, you're going
• 52:01
  Speaker 1: to have a few relationships that you need to manage,
• 52:04
  Speaker 1: which will make it even harder. So we should all
• 52:07
  Speaker 1: just excuse me, sorry. That is actually um under the
• 52:14
  Speaker 1: premise that everyone is happy and willing to participate in
• 52:18
  Speaker 1: non monogamy, But even if you are protecting yourself, there
• 52:23
  Speaker 1: is a way that you know, people could get pregnant.
• 52:25
  Speaker 1: There's always those things that can happen, so to go,
• 52:28
  Speaker 1: even if you're using condoms or somebody is on birth control,
• 52:32
  Speaker 1: you just can't control that. So you're willing, just because
• 52:35
  Speaker 1: you want to live a freer lifestyle to put your
• 52:40
  Speaker 1: entire children or families life in jeopardy over something you
• 52:44
  Speaker 1: can't protect. Yeah, it does. It doesn't just affect one
• 52:47
  Speaker 1: person just because somebody doesn't want to be monogamous. You
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: have to think about the collateral damage with that. I'm
• 52:54
  Speaker 1: not saying that monogamy is definitely doable because I don't
• 52:58
  Speaker 1: know necessarily that it is is. I mean, I feel
• 53:00
  Speaker 1: like sometimes relationships might be maybe they should be ten
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: years each, I don't know, but you know, like like
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: maybe have three tenure relationships something like. That's great because
• 53:10
  Speaker 1: you can all be monogamous for those three tenure relationships.
• 53:14
  Speaker 1: But I feel like when if you're in a relationship
• 53:17
  Speaker 1: and you have children and somebody wants to go outside
• 53:19
  Speaker 1: of the relationship, Let's say it's the man, what about
• 53:23
  Speaker 1: the kids and everything that if something happens, and let's
• 53:27
  Speaker 1: say you get a guy pregnant, and god, that would
• 53:30
  Speaker 1: be interesting, that would be really tough. But you get
• 53:32
  Speaker 1: somebody pregnant and like, it just isn't one person that
• 53:35
  Speaker 1: you're affecting. There's you know, friends and family and all
• 53:39
  Speaker 1: of these things involved. So I feel like it would
• 53:41
  Speaker 1: be amazing if we could figure out a way to
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: put you know, parameters on that say all right, we're
• 53:46
  Speaker 1: gonna be monogamous for this amount of time and then
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: we'll revisit it and after a decade. I mean, especially
• 53:51
  Speaker 1: from the woman's side, like even if she's saying I'm
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: not going to be jealous or she might get off
• 53:57
  Speaker 1: on it, it's got to be affecting her confidence and
• 54:00
  Speaker 1: somewhere or another if her husband who she has kids with,
• 54:04
  Speaker 1: as telling her I need this in order to stay
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: with you. Yeah, yeah, well this this what you said
• 54:12
  Speaker 1: right now, it actually sounds like a demand. You know,
• 54:14
  Speaker 1: it's not fair to do it. Well, what I'm talking
• 54:18
  Speaker 1: is something that is more considerate, is more like an
• 54:21
  Speaker 1: ongoing conversation, and you see as a cup as a
• 54:24
  Speaker 1: couple if that suits you. And I know we think
• 54:28
  Speaker 1: that women tend to not like it more than men,
• 54:31
  Speaker 1: but it really is not necessarily so, and it's very
• 54:34
  Speaker 1: culturally affected. So in some cultures is actually very common
• 54:39
  Speaker 1: and women don't mind it as much. But um, if
• 54:44
  Speaker 1: you're going and doing something behind the back that is
• 54:47
  Speaker 1: always hurtful, always hurtful. I think that though, do you
• 54:51
  Speaker 1: feel like I feel like, yes, fantasizing about maybe my
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: significant other being with another woman is it would be
• 54:57
  Speaker 1: a turn on the fantasy part of it, but the
• 55:00
  Speaker 1: actuality and that would it be with you know, would
• 55:03
  Speaker 1: you would fantasize about him being with somebody else without
• 55:06
  Speaker 1: you there in fantasy world that would be like maybe
• 55:09
  Speaker 1: that turns me on in the fantasy world, which it
• 55:11
  Speaker 1: does kind of, But in real life if I saw
• 55:14
  Speaker 1: that or that happened, I would murder him. So it's yeah.
• 55:18
  Speaker 1: But see that is also a very valid point because
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: people have lots of different sorts of fantasies and some
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: people are turned on by imagining them only and can't
• 55:27
  Speaker 1: even you know, go there where other people really like
• 55:32
  Speaker 1: to enact them. So I mean, I think it depends
• 55:36
  Speaker 1: on the fantasy. Well, correct, It depends on the fantasy
• 55:43
  Speaker 1: and depends on the person. So you know, some people
• 55:45
  Speaker 1: have a fantasy that is that is really exciting them
• 55:49
  Speaker 1: and they want to try, and some people don't want to.
• 55:52
  Speaker 1: So what do you suggest as far as you know,
• 55:55
  Speaker 1: having this move forward? Like, what are you suggesting that
• 55:58
  Speaker 1: we do in order to make this something that we
• 56:02
  Speaker 1: just well, I think or do well as a couple.
• 56:06
  Speaker 1: You really do need to discuss it thoroughly. You need
• 56:09
  Speaker 1: to think of different scenarios. There are other things to
• 56:11
  Speaker 1: consider apart from what I mentioned. It's not just about jealousy,
• 56:15
  Speaker 1: so it's also about do you let everyone in your
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: in your social circles know about it, because otherwise you're
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: keeping a secret from everyone, which is very difficult. But
• 56:27
  Speaker 1: then again, you know opening up and telling everyone or
• 56:32
  Speaker 1: coming out is also very difficult, So it's something you
• 56:35
  Speaker 1: need to think about in advance. Um and what I
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: mentioned before is maintaining all the relationships is also quite difficult.
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: You think to yourself it's going to be ideal, but
• 56:45
  Speaker 1: at the end of the day, it might not turn
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: out to be that ideal, and you can't control in
• 56:50
  Speaker 1: advance how a relationship that you developed with someone else,
• 56:54
  Speaker 1: how will we end up? And as you mentioned, it's
• 56:56
  Speaker 1: not just about STDs that can ruin your life, but
• 56:59
  Speaker 1: also what happens if that other person becomes mentally unstable
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: that could also ruin your life and all of the
• 57:06
  Speaker 1: people around you. So there's a lot of things you
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: need to consider before you decided that actually suit you.
• 57:13
  Speaker 1: And where do our listeners find out more about this
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: before we wrap up? So I wrote a couple of
• 57:19
  Speaker 1: articles they can find on my website, so it's w
• 57:22
  Speaker 1: w w W dot make Love Revolution dot com. And yeah,
• 57:27
  Speaker 1: if they want to contact me also through the contact
• 57:29
  Speaker 1: me form and ask any questions. Perfect, Thank you so
• 57:33
  Speaker 1: much for talking with us. Nice to nice, Thanks for
• 57:35
  Speaker 1: having me here think about things, even something to think
• 57:40
  Speaker 1: about for a second words. Thank you all right, bye.
• 57:45
  Speaker 1: I wanted to give you guys a couple of statistics.
• 57:48
  Speaker 1: Thoughts are because Americans always say the French, the French,
• 57:52
  Speaker 1: you know, they're they have open marriages, so that's not
• 57:56
  Speaker 1: exactly accurate. But of a Americans say infidelity is unacceptable,
• 58:03
  Speaker 1: but only forty seven percent of French do. Of the French,
• 58:08
  Speaker 1: so I think that's interesting. They also so this woman
• 58:11
  Speaker 1: who has a podcast called Committed Joe Piazza did this,
• 58:14
  Speaker 1: wrote a book about it. And the French believe that
• 58:18
  Speaker 1: the women are more independent and they sort of meet
• 58:20
  Speaker 1: a man to kind of go along with their journey.
• 58:22
  Speaker 1: They're not looking for a man to be happy. And
• 58:25
  Speaker 1: they also believe in both parties work hard to keep
• 58:29
  Speaker 1: the marriages like spicy and exciting, so they sort of
• 58:34
  Speaker 1: have a different mentality about it. And I want to
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: see what you guys think. I do feel like women
• 58:39
  Speaker 1: a lot of the younger women here in America. I
• 58:42
  Speaker 1: have a lot of friends that are French. Actually randomly
• 58:45
  Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend's French. Um yeah, um. I feel like
• 58:50
  Speaker 1: in their early twenties they want to get they see like,
• 58:52
  Speaker 1: they want to get married, have two point five kids
• 58:54
  Speaker 1: and have the white picket fence and ultimately in your
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: twenties now I don't even you know who you are
• 59:00
  Speaker 1: yet I feel sure not. I mean, I got married
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: to my first husband when I was in my early
• 59:05
  Speaker 1: twenties and it got to the point where he was
• 59:09
  Speaker 1: my best friend, but we weren't in love with each other.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: And I was at that point and I think he
• 59:13
  Speaker 1: was to were like, if we don't break up, right,
• 59:16
  Speaker 1: we're probably going to cheat on each other because you're
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: not talking. We changed and it wasn't that he wasn't
• 59:21
  Speaker 1: a good guy or that we weren't happy. We just
• 59:25
  Speaker 1: weren't in love with one another and we weren't willing
• 59:27
  Speaker 1: to work on it. Well. I think because we have
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: this old fashioned idea of what marriage is that our
• 59:31
  Speaker 1: parents tell us like, you have to find someone when
• 59:34
  Speaker 1: you're twenty and and unfortunately for us, we do as
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: women have biological clocks that at thirty five it becomes
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: a very scary to have a baby after not I
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: you're obviously going to you don't have a choice to,
• 59:46
  Speaker 1: but I mean, we have a window, you know, that
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: we can actually procreate. So it's difficult because that that
• 59:52
  Speaker 1: age then does fit into what the old fashioned idea
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: of getting married is in their twenties. But really, I like,
• 59:59
  Speaker 1: if to do it all, I'm different now than I
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: was when I was thirty five, and god forbid, I'm forty.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: I don't want to talk about it, but I'm I'm
• 1:00:07
  Speaker 1: completely different persons. So I feel like, because the like
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: this thing that Americans, this happily ever after thing, that
• 1:00:16
  Speaker 1: it's an old fashioned idea. It's an old fashioned idea
• 1:00:19
  Speaker 1: that you're pressured into from a young age and then
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: you end up making decisions that you probably regret. Right
• 1:00:23
  Speaker 1: And then the women are the ones that were like, oh,
• 1:00:25
  Speaker 1: I'm supposed to Mary, you have a man, take care
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 1: of me, and like their their whole, and then all
• 1:00:28
  Speaker 1: of a sudden they're not happy because they're like, hold on,
• 1:00:30
  Speaker 1: I wanted to be all these things. I know we
• 1:00:32
  Speaker 1: have to break, but all right, we'll come right back, Okay,
• 1:00:43
  Speaker 1: so now we've got hi, We've got Dr Gary Brown.
• 1:00:47
  Speaker 1: He is a licensed marriage and family therapist with over
• 1:00:51
  Speaker 1: twenty five years experience. So we know we got the
• 1:00:53
  Speaker 1: goods here. Yes, how are you doing? Good morning? Good morning?
• 1:00:59
  Speaker 1: And with Brandy as well. So we're just gonna spit
• 1:01:02
  Speaker 1: fire some questions at you. If that's okay, go for it,
• 1:01:07
  Speaker 1: or we're going to go in order of the uh
• 1:01:09
  Speaker 1: the questions I got, or you want to stick around
• 1:01:11
  Speaker 1: what we have to do, I'll go in that order. Um. Okay,
• 1:01:15
  Speaker 1: do people in good relationships cheat? Um? The answer is yes.
• 1:01:20
  Speaker 1: And this really goes against probably the most common myth
• 1:01:23
  Speaker 1: about cheating. Uh, you know, it's a scary thought for
• 1:01:27
  Speaker 1: a lot of people, but actually, affairs cann and do
• 1:01:29
  Speaker 1: happen in relationships that you really are otherwise fulfilling. Okay,
• 1:01:35
  Speaker 1: I see, I'm damn I know that. I'm just about
• 1:01:41
  Speaker 1: why you gotta be all right? Okay? What are the
• 1:01:45
  Speaker 1: most common reasons it happens? Um? There's a variety of reasons. Um,
• 1:01:52
  Speaker 1: Sometimes just feeling bored, feeling insecure, Maybe you're feeling a
• 1:01:57
  Speaker 1: strain from your partner emotionally and or physically. You know,
• 1:02:00
  Speaker 1: so it doesn't lack of real emotional physical antimacy. I
• 1:02:03
  Speaker 1: mean that that's a big reason, particularly for men, um
• 1:02:07
  Speaker 1: for women. It's it's very interesting. Emotional infidelity is often
• 1:02:13
  Speaker 1: perceived us even more threatening for women than physical infidelity. UM,
• 1:02:18
  Speaker 1: So you know, I think that's part of it. And
• 1:02:20
  Speaker 1: then you know, I think for men, I mean, if
• 1:02:22
  Speaker 1: you look at the genetics of it, not not to
• 1:02:24
  Speaker 1: make a moral judgment when we're the other, but you know,
• 1:02:28
  Speaker 1: some cheaters, men of phytical like the feeling they like
• 1:02:30
  Speaker 1: to chase. Um. You know, part of this is about procreation.
• 1:02:35
  Speaker 1: It goes back hundreds of thousands of years. But at
• 1:02:38
  Speaker 1: the end of the day, if you're going to have
• 1:02:39
  Speaker 1: an affair, it's still a choice. So you can't really
• 1:02:42
  Speaker 1: blame genetics, right, And do you think that's why I'm
• 1:02:45
  Speaker 1: going off script? Is there not any kind of red
• 1:02:48
  Speaker 1: flag that somebody may be about to cheat, about to cheat,
• 1:02:54
  Speaker 1: or may actually be cheating? Um. You know, if you
• 1:02:58
  Speaker 1: walk and into the room and all of a sudden
• 1:03:02
  Speaker 1: your husband post the phone face down, or they begin
• 1:03:06
  Speaker 1: to look nervous, or you know, maybe they're spending more
• 1:03:10
  Speaker 1: time um at work later at work, or they have
• 1:03:15
  Speaker 1: too many unexpected business trips, things like that, random schedule changes. Yeah,
• 1:03:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, it does happen in business, It does happen
• 1:03:26
  Speaker 1: for people. But you know, you know, if you if
• 1:03:29
  Speaker 1: you're getting that creepy quality feeling in the back of
• 1:03:31
  Speaker 1: your neck, you know that's that's the sign. I'd tell
• 1:03:34
  Speaker 1: people that listen to that, even if it is normally right,
• 1:03:41
  Speaker 1: typically it is, but also sometimes what we call intuition
• 1:03:45
  Speaker 1: can also just be our fear and maybe we're paranoid
• 1:03:49
  Speaker 1: when we shouldn't be. And why did cheaters always say
• 1:03:52
  Speaker 1: right after um, why are you being paranoid? If you care,
• 1:03:55
  Speaker 1: you shouldn't you trust me? Um? I'm sorry I didn't
• 1:04:00
  Speaker 1: hear the question. Well, oh, I've noticed there's a pattern
• 1:04:03
  Speaker 1: when when somebody's cheating, the first thing they say when
• 1:04:06
  Speaker 1: they're being accused of cheating is, you know, why are
• 1:04:09
  Speaker 1: you asking? If we were, if you were, if we
• 1:04:11
  Speaker 1: were in a good place, we you didn't wouldn't need
• 1:04:13
  Speaker 1: to ask. They kind of turn it around on the
• 1:04:15
  Speaker 1: other person. Yeah, I mean, you know, it's it's it's
• 1:04:19
  Speaker 1: it's just part of the whole aspect of deception. It
• 1:04:23
  Speaker 1: really is teddy. And you know, again, people listen to
• 1:04:26
  Speaker 1: that little voice and say, look, you know, I'm just scared.
• 1:04:29
  Speaker 1: I don't know if you're actually having an affair or not,
• 1:04:32
  Speaker 1: but I need you to know I'm having these feelings
• 1:04:34
  Speaker 1: and I need to talk about it. That's a good
• 1:04:37
  Speaker 1: that makes sense. Do you think it happens a lot
• 1:04:39
  Speaker 1: after um, like a couple has children. I feel like
• 1:04:43
  Speaker 1: I I've noticed like there's an emotional disconnecting relationships after
• 1:04:46
  Speaker 1: children are brought into the world. That that is a
• 1:04:51
  Speaker 1: great question. And I will tell you something I have
• 1:04:53
  Speaker 1: heard from so many men in particular, is that there's
• 1:04:57
  Speaker 1: a shift in a in a marriage when you go
• 1:05:00
  Speaker 1: from being just a couple to starting starting your family,
• 1:05:04
  Speaker 1: because you know, it was that all the attention got
• 1:05:08
  Speaker 1: focused on you and your spouse, and now you're have
• 1:05:12
  Speaker 1: to shower your attention and priority shift and a lot
• 1:05:15
  Speaker 1: of men feel neglected and abandoned by their wives because
• 1:05:19
  Speaker 1: they're putting so much attention. And it's a very tough
• 1:05:22
  Speaker 1: dance both for the husbands, but frankly, it's a really
• 1:05:26
  Speaker 1: tough dance for for new moms, Like, how do I
• 1:05:29
  Speaker 1: you know I just had a baby, Dude, I am
• 1:05:32
  Speaker 1: not in the making love to you. It's not that
• 1:05:34
  Speaker 1: I don't love you, it's just like I need to
• 1:05:36
  Speaker 1: recover from that. And I've got this baby to feed
• 1:05:39
  Speaker 1: and clothed and you know, diaper, and that you have
• 1:05:43
  Speaker 1: needs that you're not fully probably saying that you know
• 1:05:46
  Speaker 1: you want because you have the new baby and you
• 1:05:47
  Speaker 1: don't want to be selfish, and so exactly. I just
• 1:05:51
  Speaker 1: think it's important again to have the conversation, hey, even
• 1:05:55
  Speaker 1: before you have the baby, even before you get pregnant
• 1:05:59
  Speaker 1: as a couple, just to say, hey, listen, let's just
• 1:06:01
  Speaker 1: assume as a baseline that being parents is going to
• 1:06:06
  Speaker 1: have an impact on our marriage, and let's talk about
• 1:06:09
  Speaker 1: that now before we have the baby. It's better for mom,
• 1:06:12
  Speaker 1: it's better for dad, and frankly, it's better for the baby. Yeah,
• 1:06:16
  Speaker 1: that makes sense. It sounds like an adult thing to do. Yeah,
• 1:06:21
  Speaker 1: is it? I know? Right? Is it happening more than
• 1:06:25
  Speaker 1: we think? One statistic said it's usually not a stranger,
• 1:06:28
  Speaker 1: it's a close friend or co worker. Yeah. Yeah, And
• 1:06:34
  Speaker 1: I think it's because of the emotional component. I think,
• 1:06:37
  Speaker 1: you know, you spend a third of your working life
• 1:06:40
  Speaker 1: if you're working, you know, with other colleagues and co workers,
• 1:06:44
  Speaker 1: and so it's only natural. I mean, obviously it's disturbing
• 1:06:48
  Speaker 1: an upsetting, but you know, if you just look at
• 1:06:51
  Speaker 1: the math of it, it just kind of makes sense
• 1:06:53
  Speaker 1: that that's going that that's probably going to be the
• 1:06:57
  Speaker 1: primary pool, Which kind of leads me to the next question,
• 1:07:01
  Speaker 1: which is our relationships with the nanny really happening as
• 1:07:04
  Speaker 1: much as we think we are. We just spoke to
• 1:07:06
  Speaker 1: somebody who plays nanny's and she seemed to think it right,
• 1:07:09
  Speaker 1: they aren't, even though I read it all over the
• 1:07:12
  Speaker 1: media that they are so being on the other side
• 1:07:15
  Speaker 1: of it. What are your thoughts? You know, I don't know, Teddy,
• 1:07:20
  Speaker 1: what the data is on that. I just don't know.
• 1:07:23
  Speaker 1: I mean, obviously, you know a lot of people say, well,
• 1:07:25
  Speaker 1: the nanny is a cliche affair. Um, you know, well
• 1:07:29
  Speaker 1: it's it's only a cliche if it hasn't happened to you. Um,
• 1:07:32
  Speaker 1: if it's happened to you, it's not a cliche. Uh,
• 1:07:35
  Speaker 1: you know, asked when Stefani Siana Miller Jennifer Garner. I mean,
• 1:07:39
  Speaker 1: you know, but in terms of frequency, I have no idea.
• 1:07:43
  Speaker 1: And you know, I actually did a little research on that.
• 1:07:46
  Speaker 1: I actually could not find any data on the frequency
• 1:07:49
  Speaker 1: of it, but there was some interesting uh takes on
• 1:07:54
  Speaker 1: nanny affairs and why some men have affairs with the nanny's. Uh.
• 1:07:59
  Speaker 1: Men are kind of biologically predisposed to wanting are to
• 1:08:05
  Speaker 1: be attracted to people who are going to take care
• 1:08:08
  Speaker 1: of their children. And I don't mean that's so much
• 1:08:10
  Speaker 1: in a misogynistic way. It's just it's just something embedded
• 1:08:14
  Speaker 1: within us as as providers and protectors, um. And so
• 1:08:18
  Speaker 1: we're naturally attracted to caregivers for the most part. So
• 1:08:21
  Speaker 1: that would include not only one's wife, but also any
• 1:08:25
  Speaker 1: other caregiver, and to include a nanny, her mom. Yeah,
• 1:08:29
  Speaker 1: I've I've got some men with some mommy issues. Now
• 1:08:34
  Speaker 1: it makes sense that, do you think, Um, yeah, it does.
• 1:08:37
  Speaker 1: I'm not here to make a moral judgment when we're
• 1:08:39
  Speaker 1: the other I'm just just kind of observing it as
• 1:08:41
  Speaker 1: a social scientist and as a clinician. And why do
• 1:08:45
  Speaker 1: you think that, you know, people love to blame the
• 1:08:48
  Speaker 1: other woman versus the one doing the cheating, the other cheating.
• 1:08:54
  Speaker 1: I've worked with scores of couples where infidelity has been
• 1:08:57
  Speaker 1: the presenting problem, and I have to say I to
• 1:09:02
  Speaker 1: say that to blame the other woman the person to
• 1:09:05
  Speaker 1: blames the person who had the affair. Um, that's that's
• 1:09:09
  Speaker 1: where I land with it. Nobody forced them to cheat.
• 1:09:11
  Speaker 1: You know, in reality, your spouse made a choice blaming
• 1:09:15
  Speaker 1: the other woman. I just don't know that that's helpful.
• 1:09:18
  Speaker 1: Can you blame both of them? Be my guest? Thank
• 1:09:23
  Speaker 1: you so? In our final question, we often talk about
• 1:09:28
  Speaker 1: men cheating, but we haven't really talked about women cheating.
• 1:09:32
  Speaker 1: Do women cheat as much as men? Or are women
• 1:09:35
  Speaker 1: just better at not getting caught? Like? What's the deal here?
• 1:09:39
  Speaker 1: I think it's it's someone e all of the above, Teddy. I.
• 1:09:42
  Speaker 1: You know, the research indicates that women do cheat, but
• 1:09:44
  Speaker 1: but typically they don't cheat quite as much as men do. Um.
• 1:09:50
  Speaker 1: And it could be that women are better at not
• 1:09:52
  Speaker 1: getting caught. But I my own take on it and
• 1:09:55
  Speaker 1: the experience I've had clinically over the years, is that
• 1:09:59
  Speaker 1: typically it's it's more than men. I don't think women
• 1:10:03
  Speaker 1: tend to cheat as much. And in your professional just
• 1:10:08
  Speaker 1: to leave the listeners in like a positive. If you've
• 1:10:11
  Speaker 1: been in a relationship where your spouse has cheated on you,
• 1:10:15
  Speaker 1: can you heal and can your your marriage grow from it?
• 1:10:18
  Speaker 1: Or are you kind of destined to no? I mean, look,
• 1:10:23
  Speaker 1: every every couple's unique. But but my experience working with
• 1:10:28
  Speaker 1: couples is that usually typically more than fifty percent of
• 1:10:31
  Speaker 1: the couples, Uh, if there's been a single affair, can recover.
• 1:10:36
  Speaker 1: If there's been multiple times that someone's had an affair
• 1:10:40
  Speaker 1: and uh did not just kept on doing it and
• 1:10:44
  Speaker 1: promise the wouldn't do it. Uh, you know, I would
• 1:10:47
  Speaker 1: say the odds are very small that that you're gonna
• 1:10:50
  Speaker 1: be able to recover from that. I think a larger
• 1:10:52
  Speaker 1: issue is going to be, you know, where some of
• 1:10:54
  Speaker 1: the things you can do to lessen the chances of
• 1:10:56
  Speaker 1: your partner falling in love with someone else. Um, and
• 1:10:59
  Speaker 1: I would if you want me to go down that road,
• 1:11:01
  Speaker 1: I can happily go there. Perfect We would love that. Sure,
• 1:11:06
  Speaker 1: you know, I'm big in prevention. Uh, there's no guarantees,
• 1:11:09
  Speaker 1: but I mean, definitely, don't take your partner for granted.
• 1:11:11
  Speaker 1: Don't assume just because everything appears to be okay that
• 1:11:15
  Speaker 1: things really are. Sometimes they aren't. Make it a point
• 1:11:18
  Speaker 1: to definitely plan some time with your partner, I mean
• 1:11:20
  Speaker 1: a minimum of five attemoting each without electronic devices, you know,
• 1:11:25
  Speaker 1: do typical things like you know, plan to be together,
• 1:11:28
  Speaker 1: you know, be intentional about it. Um. Also become aware
• 1:11:31
  Speaker 1: of what your partner brings to your relationship that you
• 1:11:34
  Speaker 1: truly value, and then express gratitude to your partner. So
• 1:11:38
  Speaker 1: many men have said they felt like their wives took
• 1:11:41
  Speaker 1: them for granted and that that led them into the
• 1:11:43
  Speaker 1: arms of other women. So big heads up, and again
• 1:11:47
  Speaker 1: for both partners, I would say, you know, if you
• 1:11:49
  Speaker 1: don't know what your partner's love languages are, whether it's
• 1:11:51
  Speaker 1: quality time together, words of affirmation, gifts, um, acts of service,
• 1:11:57
  Speaker 1: physical touch, whatever those things are that are important to
• 1:12:00
  Speaker 1: each of you, you know, really be mindful of that.
• 1:12:04
  Speaker 1: Uh and in many instances that that can ward off
• 1:12:06
  Speaker 1: or at least significantly reduce the chances that there's going
• 1:12:09
  Speaker 1: to be an affair I had. I learned my husband
• 1:12:12
  Speaker 1: his was acts of service, and I was like, damn it,
• 1:12:15
  Speaker 1: that's my least different thing to do. So now I
• 1:12:18
  Speaker 1: had to really start to make a conscious effort about
• 1:12:21
  Speaker 1: it because I'm like, that's what he really likes, and mine,
• 1:12:24
  Speaker 1: I never would have thought, was words of affirmation. Do
• 1:12:26
  Speaker 1: you know yours Brandy U B J's active service like that?
• 1:12:34
  Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Well, in closing, learn your significant other's
• 1:12:39
  Speaker 1: love language or Brandy's love language of blow drop active service.
• 1:12:46
  Speaker 1: Oh gosh, well, thanks you guys. You guys were at
• 1:12:52
  Speaker 1: the life. Thank you so much for the interview. It
• 1:12:54
  Speaker 1: was it was really fun. Thanks. It's always awkward getting
• 1:12:58
  Speaker 1: on the phone, right, I know that's that like awkward
• 1:13:00
  Speaker 1: pause like bye bye. Oh my gosh. Well now I
• 1:13:05
  Speaker 1: have like a million more questions for him, so you know, right,
• 1:13:09
  Speaker 1: we may do a part two on this, So write
• 1:13:11
  Speaker 1: in any questions you have. And Brandy, thank you so
• 1:13:15
  Speaker 1: much for coming today, like for having me. You helped us,
• 1:13:19
  Speaker 1: you know, dig deep into this, the whole thing. And
• 1:13:22
  Speaker 1: now we're gonna harass you to come back another time.
• 1:13:24
  Speaker 1: I will be back. I have so much more to say,
• 1:13:26
  Speaker 1: I know. But there is a book about people's love languages,
• 1:13:29
  Speaker 1: and I forgot I read it a long time. I
• 1:13:30
  Speaker 1: wrote it is a really good book and I'll tell
• 1:13:31
  Speaker 1: you what it is for. I think it's a secret. Yeah,
• 1:13:35
  Speaker 1: the love the Yeah, I think it's called the Love Languages.
• 1:13:38
  Speaker 1: I mean Edwin and I did it. But it is interesting.
• 1:13:40
  Speaker 1: So take the quiz. Write us in. We want to
• 1:13:43
  Speaker 1: know what yours are and if yours his active service,
• 1:13:45
  Speaker 1: any other suggestions pjs. All right, thanks guys, Bye bye,
• 1:13:51
  Speaker 1: thanks for listening. Subscribe to any radio or wherever you
• 1:13:56
  Speaker 1: listen to podcast