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Cruel Intentions · Everyone Has An Ex

• 0:10
  Speaker 1: You're listening to another mere podcast. Mumma Mer acknowledges the
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: traditional owners of the land and waters. This podcast is
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: recorded on This episode contains discussions of pregnancy loss, which
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: may be distressing for some listeners. When friendship turns into love,
• 0:32
  Speaker 1: it feels less like a leap and more like coming home.
• 0:35
  Speaker 1: There is risk in crossing that line, but when it works,
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: love born from friendship carries a rare intimacy, and that
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: was certainly the case for Simone and Anthony.
• 0:45
  Speaker 2: It was really an immediate chemistry. We really took off,
• 0:48
  Speaker 2: We spread our wings. That was it. We were in
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: the air. It was a really sort of fast, fast connection,
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: fast feelings. They developed so quickly.
• 0:59
  Speaker 1: But when lovers turn into strangers, it's the most painful
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: and quiet heartbreak of all. That person you knew so intimately,
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: relied on so heavily is now someone you don't really
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: know it all.
• 1:10
  Speaker 2: I went around to his house and I stood at
• 1:13
  Speaker 2: his front door. It was nighttime by then, it was
• 1:16
  Speaker 2: freezing cold. It was night at time, and I stood
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: at his door and I said to him, I'm bleeding
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. He
• 1:28
  Speaker 2: turned around to me and he said, I'm watching a
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: movie with my two kids. I can't deal with this
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  Speaker 2: right now, and he slammed the door in my face
• 1:38
  Speaker 2: and ned me it.
• 1:49
  Speaker 1: I'm Georgia Love and this is everyone has an eggs.
• 1:51
  Speaker 1: Come with me as we dive into a collection of
• 1:54
  Speaker 1: unconventional stories about relationships passed through the eyes and the
• 1:58
  Speaker 1: hearts of the very people who lived them. The year
• 2:01
  Speaker 1: was twenty nineteen and Simone had just come out of
• 2:04
  Speaker 1: a twelve year relationship with her ex husband. She'd been
• 2:08
  Speaker 1: on the dating scene for a bit and had some
• 2:10
  Speaker 1: fun but never found anything serious. But you know what
• 2:13
  Speaker 1: they say, sometimes what you've been looking for has been
• 2:16
  Speaker 1: right in front of you the whole time.
• 2:18
  Speaker 2: I'd been single for about four months when Anthony and
• 2:22
  Speaker 2: I started to, I guess, form a relationship. I had
• 2:27
  Speaker 2: known him through our social circle. He was actually sort
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: of on the outer of mine and my husband's friendship group,
• 2:34
  Speaker 2: so we would occasionally be at the same social situations.
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: I used to actually say to my husband at the time,
• 2:41
  Speaker 2: he's such a genuinely nice guy. He would always take
• 2:43
  Speaker 2: that time to stop and have a conversation, and you
• 2:47
  Speaker 2: feel like he was really listening to what you were saying.
• 2:50
  Speaker 2: It wasn't just you know, that brief chit chat. It
• 2:53
  Speaker 2: was quite deep, meaningful conversation. And I always walked away
• 2:58
  Speaker 2: from our talks feeling really light and just happy. It
• 3:02
  Speaker 2: was just that positive energy that he radiated, and I
• 3:04
  Speaker 2: really felt that we had known each other of each
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: other for about fifteen years before we started out. Well,
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: I guess we're in that situation where we were both single,
• 3:15
  Speaker 2: and he had come out of a marriage a couple
• 3:18
  Speaker 2: of years before and had our serious relationship after his
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: marriage ended, and obviously at the time we started talking,
• 3:25
  Speaker 2: he was single, and he just happened to slip into
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: my DMS one night. That's where it all started. I'd
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: actually taken my son, who was fourteen at the time,
• 3:34
  Speaker 2: to see a band, and I'd popped a story on
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: my Instagram and he'd responded, or he'd replied to the
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: story and said, oh, how was the band? And I
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: loved them? And this is about midnight the night that
• 3:46
  Speaker 2: the concert was and I was back home in bed
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: by then, and we just started back and forth banter
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: and how's life going, and heard you've broken up with
• 3:56
  Speaker 2: such and such, and it just started a really nice
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: flow of conversation that went till about three o'clock in
• 4:02
  Speaker 2: the morning. That first night, I managed to give him
• 4:04
  Speaker 2: my number and I told him I hated speaking on
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: the phone. I liked to text message, but I hated
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: to chat on the phone. And anyway, the next morning,
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: after the concert, I had this person call me at
• 4:16
  Speaker 2: about eight o'clock in the morning from an unknown number,
• 4:19
  Speaker 2: and I answered the phone and it was him, and
• 4:22
  Speaker 2: he just started laughing. As soon as I picked up
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: the phone. I said, oh, you got me hate talking
• 4:27
  Speaker 2: on the phone. And we ended up chatting for three
• 4:29
  Speaker 2: hours that first morning over the phone, and it was
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: just lovely. The communication was easy, it flowed. We had
• 4:36
  Speaker 2: so much to talk about, we had a lot in common.
• 4:39
  Speaker 2: We just started talking every day, either on the phone
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: or sending voice notes or just on messenger.
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  Speaker 1: And when they were talking every day already, it was
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  Speaker 1: a pretty good sign they should move these conversations to
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: the face to face in person kind.
• 4:53
  Speaker 2: So I turned forty one that year, and it had
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: just been my birthday and I was telling him that
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: my fortieth was during COVID and I was meant to
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: go to Bali and I had this beautiful dress to
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: wear for my fortieth and I told him that I
• 5:06
  Speaker 2: never got to go and experience the family holiday Bali
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: and he said to me, well, I want to take
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  Speaker 2: you out and we're going to pretend that it's your
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: fortieth birthday and you're going to wear that dress. And
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: I told him I'd never been to this was a
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: very fancy restaurant in the city, Tepanyaki, place that I'd
• 5:23
  Speaker 2: always wanted to go to, and he told me that
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: he was going to take me there, and so we
• 5:27
  Speaker 2: set up a date, this first catch up as an
• 5:31
  Speaker 2: actual date. We decided a couple of weeks leading up
• 5:34
  Speaker 2: to that actual first date that we wanted to see
• 5:36
  Speaker 2: each other before then, and so it ended up being
• 5:40
  Speaker 2: that I went around to his house the week before
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: and he said he'd cook me dinner. And so I
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: turned up at his house with a bottle of wine,
• 5:48
  Speaker 2: and he had prepared this beautiful platter, a grazing platter,
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  Speaker 2: and he had a bottle of champagne waiting for me,
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  Speaker 2: and his house was spotless, and we just shed a
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: beautiful evening together. We talked and we laughed, and it
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: was like we'd been a couple in a former life. Almost.
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  Speaker 2: It was like we just hit it off from day dot.
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  Speaker 2: So our first date was just a date at home,
• 6:13
  Speaker 2: and then the following week we went out for this amazing,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: very fancy tapernaki date. I actually went and got ready
• 6:20
  Speaker 2: at his house, and I just remember sitting on his
• 6:23
  Speaker 2: bedroom floor in front of the wardrobe where there was
• 6:26
  Speaker 2: a big mirror, and I was sitting on the floor
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: doing my makeup and curling my hair, and he came
• 6:31
  Speaker 2: into his room and he just looked at me, and
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: he gave me this big grin, and I grinned back,
• 6:36
  Speaker 2: and I just felt it was just this connection of
• 6:39
  Speaker 2: how has this not happened? How has it taken so
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: long for us to fill this connection with each other?
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  Speaker 2: It just felt so right. We had a beautiful evening.
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  Speaker 2: We shared wine, and we had a delicious tapernaki dinner,
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  Speaker 2: and we dressed up. Then we drove home and I
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: stayed at his house, and it was just there was
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: no awkward moments.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: From there. It was all systems go. Simon and Anthony
• 7:03
  Speaker 1: were practically inseparable, and those three little words quickly lingered
• 7:07
  Speaker 1: in the air.
• 7:09
  Speaker 2: It was really and immediate chemistry. We really took off.
• 7:12
  Speaker 2: We spread our wings. That was it we were in
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: the air. It was a really sort of fast connection,
• 7:18
  Speaker 2: fast feelings. They developed so quickly. We would spend evenings
• 7:24
  Speaker 2: at his house or my house, sharing a bottle of
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: wine and listening to music. We both are really passionate
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: about music and seeing live music, so we shared a
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: lot of each other's favorite bands that the other hadn't
• 7:38
  Speaker 2: heard of, and we had that connection of talking and
• 7:40
  Speaker 2: dissecting lyrics and singing to each other. It was just
• 7:45
  Speaker 2: such simple times. We wouldn't necessarily go out and do
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: a lot, but it was just sharing those moments together
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  Speaker 2: that for me felt super special and being able to
• 7:55
  Speaker 2: be so open and vulnerable. We would write each other
• 7:59
  Speaker 2: poems and send them, and this was in the space
• 8:03
  Speaker 2: of the first four weeks of not quite I guess
• 8:07
  Speaker 2: officially dating. We were just sharing these fee for each
• 8:10
  Speaker 2: other that just developed so quickly. It was very powerful.
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: After quite a hard separation from my ex husband. It
• 8:17
  Speaker 2: felt so nice to feel appreciated and to have someone
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  Speaker 2: put time and effort and thought into my needs and
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  Speaker 2: wants as well, and just to laugh like we would
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  Speaker 2: laugh all the time. It was just such a special
• 8:32
  Speaker 2: time and I was full of excitement and hope that
• 8:35
  Speaker 2: I thought, Wow, this is what real true love feels like.
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  Speaker 2: It was leading into We hadn't obviously, we hadn't said it,
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  Speaker 2: but I felt that we both had those feelings that
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: wanted to come out. He would tell me that he
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: had never felt this way about someone before. He felt
• 8:55
  Speaker 2: safe with me. He had never felt that he could
• 8:59
  Speaker 2: be vulnerable and honest and so open with someone. There
• 9:06
  Speaker 2: was one night, very very early on in the peace,
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  Speaker 2: that he'd had a few drinks. He was on the
• 9:11
  Speaker 2: phone to me, and I could tell he was almost
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: blurted out I love you, and he didn't quite say it.
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  Speaker 2: But there was a lot of times. I guess he
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  Speaker 2: didn't really have to do a lot as such to
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  Speaker 2: show me that the feelings were reciprocated. I just felt them,
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  Speaker 2: just those simple little messages in the day, like I
• 9:32
  Speaker 2: can't wait for our kids to meet, and I can't
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  Speaker 2: wait to build a future with you, I can't wait
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  Speaker 2: to see where we're out in twelve months, or I
• 9:40
  Speaker 2: want to marry you one day, the typical things that
• 9:42
  Speaker 2: a female wants to hear in a relationship. I don't
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  Speaker 2: remember the first time we actually told each other. It
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: was just that feeling of wow, this is actually this
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  Speaker 2: is love, like we love each other, and we would
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: sometimes just stare at each other across the room like
• 9:59
  Speaker 2: how how is this? How did this happen? And it
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: just felt so good. We would say very early on,
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: it feels like we've been together for five years. Of
• 10:10
  Speaker 2: feels like we're an old married couple that have grown
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: so so much together, but we've only been seeing each
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  Speaker 2: other a month or two months at that stage. I'm
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: not a person that dives headfirst into things, but this
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  Speaker 2: just felt like I just wanted to dive straight in
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: and just discover everything we could about our relationship and
• 10:31
  Speaker 2: life together and building a future together.
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  Speaker 1: And building a future included some other very important people
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: in their lives.
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  Speaker 2: We both had kids, and we discussed our future together.
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  Speaker 2: It didn't feel that we were moving too fast at all.
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  Speaker 2: We were both excited to meet each other's kids. My
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: son he was fourteen, and he had two sons as well,
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: and we decided that we would hold off on meeting
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  Speaker 2: each other's kids until we really spent a lot of
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: quality time together. We thought maybe six months would be
• 11:03
  Speaker 2: a good amount of time to have with each other
• 11:06
  Speaker 2: to make sure that this was serious before. We then
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: introduced our kids and brought them into into the relationship.
• 11:14
  Speaker 2: Six weeks after we'd started dating, we actually planned a
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: holiday with our kids, and we booked a holiday. It's
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: just it just felt so crazy that we'd been dating
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: six weeks and we were already looking six months ahead
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: to this family holiday with our kids who hadn't even
• 11:32
  Speaker 2: met yet. So we sort of we talked about when
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: they would meet, and it happened to actually happen earlier
• 11:39
  Speaker 2: then planned.
• 11:41
  Speaker 1: Simone was thrilled she had the man of her dreams,
• 11:43
  Speaker 1: a holiday planned, and everything was just well easy. That's
• 11:48
  Speaker 1: until just a mere two weeks later, it wasn't.
• 11:51
  Speaker 2: At this stage, we'd been dating about two months, and
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: I noticed a change in his behavior. His attitude towards me,
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: or his behaviors towards me changed a little bit. He
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: felt distant, and when I raised it with him, he
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: told me that he was feeling really depressed, that he
• 12:08
  Speaker 2: had had depression in the past, or he had experienced
• 12:13
  Speaker 2: mental illness in the past, as I had to, and
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: so I was really able to help him navigate through
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: those feelings. I felt like I wanted to help him,
• 12:22
  Speaker 2: and I wanted him to know that I was there
• 12:25
  Speaker 2: to support him, and I wasn't going anywhere. This one
• 12:28
  Speaker 2: particular night, he was having a very bad bout of
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: depression and he called me. He was drunk and he
• 12:36
  Speaker 2: had a knife. He was in his kitchen with some
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: of his close friends, and he told me that he
• 12:43
  Speaker 2: just didn't know how to deal with life. He was experiencing.
• 12:47
  Speaker 2: I think a lot of heartaches steal from his previous partner.
• 12:51
  Speaker 2: I think that night in particular, a lot of his
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: emotion came out and he was grieving her. And his
• 12:57
  Speaker 2: kids happened to be at home with him, and I
• 13:00
  Speaker 2: rushed to his side to be there for him, and
• 13:02
  Speaker 2: that's how I met his kids. It wasn't the occasion
• 13:07
  Speaker 2: that I thought it would be. It was more I
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: was there for him, and all my focus was on
• 13:11
  Speaker 2: Antony and not his kids. But I did really have
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: a connection, especially with his youngest son. The next morning,
• 13:21
  Speaker 2: Anthony and I woke up and his youngest son had
• 13:24
  Speaker 2: slept with us, and his son rolled over to me
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: and said, Hi, I'm Campbell, and it's nice to meet you.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: And my dad really likes you. And Anthony just kind
• 13:33
  Speaker 2: of wrapped him in a cuddle and he's like, yeah, yeah,
• 13:35
  Speaker 2: we do like her, don't we. And it was a
• 13:38
  Speaker 2: sweet moment.
• 13:39
  Speaker 1: The first meeting with the kids didn't go as planned,
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: and while the situation was confronting, it ultimately brought them
• 13:45
  Speaker 1: closer together. It also felt like the right time for
• 13:48
  Speaker 1: Simone to introduce Anthony to her son Harrison.
• 13:51
  Speaker 2: From there, we talked through how he was feeling, and
• 13:56
  Speaker 2: I felt that things improved after that. He come over
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: to my house one night. Anthony had and my son,
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: who stayed with me fifty percent at the time, he
• 14:06
  Speaker 2: was there, and so Harrison met him just a casual environment,
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: just in his own environment, and came out of his
• 14:15
  Speaker 2: room and he met Anthony and they got along really well.
• 14:19
  Speaker 2: My son's into skateboarding and surfing and all your typical
• 14:24
  Speaker 2: teenage boy traits, and Anthony was still into all of
• 14:28
  Speaker 2: those types of things. So they had a really good
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: connection and loving music, and my son's just such a
• 14:35
  Speaker 2: laid back dude, and Anthony would just look at him
• 14:39
  Speaker 2: sometimes and he'd just say, Harrison, if you were anymore
• 14:42
  Speaker 2: laid back, you would be dead, Like you're just so chilled.
• 14:46
  Speaker 2: When we used to laugh about that, because Harrison was
• 14:49
  Speaker 2: and still is. He's just so laid back. So they
• 14:51
  Speaker 2: got along great. It felt like home. It just felt
• 14:57
  Speaker 2: so right, and it was just so nice to be
• 15:01
  Speaker 2: able to give Harrison a sense of family again, because
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: he did lose that after my husband and I had separated.
• 15:10
  Speaker 1: It wasn't just Harrison who gave Anthony the tick of approval.
• 15:13
  Speaker 1: Simone's family did too.
• 15:15
  Speaker 2: They thought he was great. He just had this personality
• 15:18
  Speaker 2: of just such charisma, and he would always put a
• 15:22
  Speaker 2: smile on anyone's face, and they could see how happy
• 15:26
  Speaker 2: he made me. And there was one time at Christmas,
• 15:30
  Speaker 2: we had a big family Christmas at my mum's house,
• 15:33
  Speaker 2: and he came and he grabbed me in the lounge
• 15:36
  Speaker 2: room and just started dancing with me around my mum's
• 15:39
  Speaker 2: lounge room, and my mom was just watching from the kitchen,
• 15:42
  Speaker 2: and she could just see how happy he'd made me.
• 15:46
  Speaker 1: But when it came to her friends, the feelings were mixed.
• 15:49
  Speaker 2: There was one particular friend of mine who I treasured dearly.
• 15:53
  Speaker 2: She was quite a close friend and she knew him
• 15:57
  Speaker 2: through our social circle, but in her closer sense than
• 15:59
  Speaker 2: I did, and she'd heard things about him from his
• 16:04
  Speaker 2: past relationships, and she had warned me. She had said, Oh,
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: I think he's a nice guy, but I would never
• 16:13
  Speaker 2: recommend to any of my girlfriends to date him, just
• 16:17
  Speaker 2: because of the situations and experience she'd had with him
• 16:21
  Speaker 2: and the things that she'd heard about him in the past.
• 16:24
  Speaker 2: And I did value her opinion. I didn't see that
• 16:27
  Speaker 2: side of him. I saw the good things. About six
• 16:30
  Speaker 2: months into the relationship again, Anthony his behavior changed towards me.
• 16:37
  Speaker 2: He became distant again. He told me that he'd gone
• 16:43
  Speaker 2: out to one of his mates houses one night and
• 16:48
  Speaker 2: they had got on the ice, which is not something
• 16:52
  Speaker 2: that I've ever been around. I know of people that
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: have done it, but it's not something that I've ever
• 17:00
  Speaker 2: been around in my social circle. And he explains that
• 17:05
  Speaker 2: from that night that he'd just again fallen into this
• 17:09
  Speaker 2: deep pole of depression, and he called it the black Dog.
• 17:13
  Speaker 2: There was one day in particular that I'd gone to
• 17:16
  Speaker 2: visit him on his work site. He was a tradesman,
• 17:20
  Speaker 2: and we were up in a on this scaffolding and
• 17:23
  Speaker 2: were overlooking a train line, and I just said to him,
• 17:27
  Speaker 2: what's wrong with you. You've just become so distant, And
• 17:30
  Speaker 2: there was no life in his eyes. He was soulless,
• 17:34
  Speaker 2: and he just said, like the black dogs got me.
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: And at that time I didn't know why. And it
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: wasn't until a few weeks later that he told me
• 17:44
  Speaker 2: he got out to his mates and he got on
• 17:46
  Speaker 2: the ice and that was why there was this change
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: in his behavior. My first question was why why did
• 17:54
  Speaker 2: he feel the need to even experiment with such a
• 17:59
  Speaker 2: dangerous drug when he was a big drinker, a big
• 18:05
  Speaker 2: social drinker as I was too, but nothing more. And
• 18:10
  Speaker 2: I never ever wanted to be with someone that was
• 18:16
  Speaker 2: around that. I didn't want my child around it. I
• 18:18
  Speaker 2: didn't want to be in a relationship with someone that
• 18:23
  Speaker 2: was experimenting with such a dangerous drug. I wasn't prepared
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: to lose someone over a drug. I would rather walk
• 18:29
  Speaker 2: away the experience from his behaviors after he'd done that
• 18:35
  Speaker 2: that night, I just I wasn't prepared to put up
• 18:40
  Speaker 2: with that behavior. He would be very rude, he would
• 18:47
  Speaker 2: be angry, he wouldn't talk. It was the lifeless eyes
• 18:52
  Speaker 2: that was one thing that really stood out for me.
• 18:54
  Speaker 2: That was just no There was no life behind his
• 18:58
  Speaker 2: eyes and the eyes of the windows of the soul.
• 19:00
  Speaker 2: There was no joy. It was scary. He made light
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: of the situation. He said, it was just I was
• 19:09
  Speaker 2: just It's one of those nights. We'd had a few beers,
• 19:12
  Speaker 2: his mate had just broken up with his missus. He
• 19:15
  Speaker 2: needed some company. I never do it. It was just
• 19:19
  Speaker 2: this one time, and I won't ever do it again.
• 19:23
  Speaker 2: And I believed him, and we didn't really ever speak
• 19:27
  Speaker 2: of it again after after he'd got through that week.
• 19:31
  Speaker 2: I think it scared him. I think the change that
• 19:34
  Speaker 2: he noticed in his mental health after that night, I
• 19:38
  Speaker 2: think it really did scare him. But I could only
• 19:41
  Speaker 2: see the good in him, and I thought he was
• 19:42
  Speaker 2: great because he was honest about it, and he'd opened
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: up to his mistake and he'd owned it. We did
• 19:48
  Speaker 2: kind of have those peaks on troughs in his mental health.
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: There was another occasion, this is about six months into
• 19:56
  Speaker 2: our relationship, that he had seen or run into his ex.
• 20:02
  Speaker 2: This is the partner that he'd had after separating from
• 20:05
  Speaker 2: his wife, and again, I think opened up a piece
• 20:13
  Speaker 2: of him that he hadn't dealt with, He hadn't healed
• 20:17
  Speaker 2: from the breakup with her, and again he became distant
• 20:22
  Speaker 2: and pushed me away, and I found out that he
• 20:27
  Speaker 2: later came to me crying on the phone one day
• 20:31
  Speaker 2: and he said to me, I got really drunk last
• 20:34
  Speaker 2: night and I went to her house. I just had
• 20:37
  Speaker 2: to talk it out with her. There were so many
• 20:39
  Speaker 2: things that were left unsaid between us, and I needed closure,
• 20:44
  Speaker 2: And he said, but then we ended up kissing each other,
• 20:47
  Speaker 2: and I don't know if I slept with her. I
• 20:50
  Speaker 2: believed him. I gave him the benefit of the doubt,
• 20:53
  Speaker 2: and I said to him, this has to stop this
• 20:58
  Speaker 2: up and down moods and the mental stay. You need
• 21:02
  Speaker 2: to get some help. I said. I'm here to help you,
• 21:05
  Speaker 2: but I need you to tell me if you're all in,
• 21:08
  Speaker 2: because if you're not all in with me, then I
• 21:11
  Speaker 2: can't continue this. If you tell me that you want this,
• 21:14
  Speaker 2: I will be there and I will support you, and
• 21:17
  Speaker 2: I will help you in any way I can. And
• 21:20
  Speaker 2: I told him I needed two weeks no contact with
• 21:23
  Speaker 2: him for him to really figure out what he wanted
• 21:26
  Speaker 2: out of me and to start working on how he
• 21:30
  Speaker 2: was going to deal with his demons. And he agreed
• 21:34
  Speaker 2: to that, but he didn't didn't honor what I'd asked
• 21:38
  Speaker 2: of him, so he kept contacting me and calling me
• 21:42
  Speaker 2: and telling me he wanted to be with me, and
• 21:44
  Speaker 2: he missed me, and I just said, look, you need
• 21:47
  Speaker 2: to you need to leave me alone for two weeks.
• 21:50
  Speaker 2: You need to figure this out without that constant connection
• 21:54
  Speaker 2: with me. And after that two weeks, he told me
• 21:57
  Speaker 2: he was all in. He was one hundred percent all in.
• 22:02
  Speaker 2: And this was around Christmas time, and then we started
• 22:06
  Speaker 2: talking about the future. I was so her. It was
• 22:11
  Speaker 2: like I had an angel on one shoulder and a
• 22:13
  Speaker 2: devil on the other, and the devil was telling me
• 22:15
  Speaker 2: to walk away, that I didn't need another tumultuous relationship.
• 22:20
  Speaker 2: I'd come too far in my own healing and my
• 22:22
  Speaker 2: own personal journey to allow someone to break me down again.
• 22:26
  Speaker 2: Then there was that devil that said, this man gives
• 22:30
  Speaker 2: me so much happiness when times are good. You can
• 22:34
  Speaker 2: fix him. That's what this devil was telling me. I
• 22:37
  Speaker 2: can fix him. It wasn't long after that two week
• 22:41
  Speaker 2: break that we just jumped right into why I felt
• 22:46
  Speaker 2: at that time, Okay, we've got through all the bad stuff.
• 22:50
  Speaker 2: Rough seas are over, smooth sailing, We've been honest, We've
• 22:54
  Speaker 2: got everything on the table, and we can really start
• 22:57
  Speaker 2: focusing now. And there was one night we'd had the
• 23:00
  Speaker 2: couple of wines at my house. We were big drinkers,
• 23:04
  Speaker 2: not to get blind drunk, but we would have a
• 23:08
  Speaker 2: bottle of wine and say, three nights a week during
• 23:12
  Speaker 2: the week, and we'd had a couple of drinks this night,
• 23:15
  Speaker 2: and then he'd said to me, I'd love to have
• 23:18
  Speaker 2: a little girl. And it was just just a casual conversation,
• 23:22
  Speaker 2: and I said to him, would you have more children?
• 23:25
  Speaker 2: He'd had a vasectomy, so it was really not something
• 23:28
  Speaker 2: I guess he'd considered too seriously. He'd had that vasectomy
• 23:32
  Speaker 2: while he was married, after he'd had his two kids,
• 23:35
  Speaker 2: and I'd never considered any more kids. He said I
• 23:40
  Speaker 2: would with you, And my heart just melted, and I said,
• 23:43
  Speaker 2: I think I would never really thought about this before,
• 23:46
  Speaker 2: but I love you that much that I would love
• 23:50
  Speaker 2: to share that experience with you and have a child
• 23:52
  Speaker 2: with you. And imagine if we did have a little
• 23:56
  Speaker 2: girl and she had three older brothers that would just
• 23:59
  Speaker 2: adore her and dote on her. And that's how the
• 24:03
  Speaker 2: conversation started. And the next morning he woke up early
• 24:07
  Speaker 2: for work and he rolled over in bed and he said,
• 24:09
  Speaker 2: do you remember what we discussed last night? I said, yeah, yeah,
• 24:13
  Speaker 2: I remember he said, let's talk about it more tonight.
• 24:17
  Speaker 2: Let's see what our options are. That's how we started
• 24:21
  Speaker 2: planning a family together, or extending a family. We did
• 24:25
  Speaker 2: a bit of research online. We went and saw my
• 24:29
  Speaker 2: doctor to see what options I had because at the
• 24:32
  Speaker 2: time I was now approaching forty two. How I'm highly fertile.
• 24:36
  Speaker 2: We knew that, and I knew that from past history,
• 24:41
  Speaker 2: and she then referred us to see a doctor that
• 24:45
  Speaker 2: could do the reversal for Anthony. The other option that
• 24:49
  Speaker 2: we had would be to try IVF. We decided to
• 24:53
  Speaker 2: go with the reversal, although it did cost quite a
• 24:56
  Speaker 2: bit of money, we thought that we probably had a
• 24:58
  Speaker 2: higher chance of a successful pregnancy rather than risk rounds
• 25:04
  Speaker 2: of IVF and it coming all it turning into, I guess,
• 25:07
  Speaker 2: quite a costly situation for us.
• 25:12
  Speaker 1: Four months after that initial conversation, Anthony was booked in
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: for his vasectomy reversal, which also led to another serious
• 25:19
  Speaker 1: milestone for the couple.
• 25:21
  Speaker 2: We had at this stage decided I was going to
• 25:24
  Speaker 2: move in with him if we were going to start
• 25:27
  Speaker 2: this family, and so I'd moved in with him. Not
• 25:29
  Speaker 2: long after the procedure. We decided that we would rent
• 25:32
  Speaker 2: my house out and that we'd move in to his house.
• 25:36
  Speaker 2: He had more room. He had a room off the
• 25:39
  Speaker 2: back of his house for Harrison, who was the oldest
• 25:43
  Speaker 2: of the three boys, my son, he'd have that room.
• 25:47
  Speaker 2: So he was really excited about the chance of having
• 25:51
  Speaker 2: his own space without having to deal with the younger
• 25:54
  Speaker 2: two and having to deal with parents making as much
• 25:58
  Speaker 2: noise as he wanted, staying up till all hours if
• 26:00
  Speaker 2: he wanted to. So one weekend, Harrison and I went
• 26:04
  Speaker 2: down to Bunnings and we got paint to paint the room,
• 26:08
  Speaker 2: and we got the floorboards down, and me and my
• 26:11
  Speaker 2: son spent this amazing afternoon listening to all his favorite
• 26:14
  Speaker 2: music and painting this room. And there's not a lot
• 26:19
  Speaker 2: of happy memories of that time, but that was one
• 26:21
  Speaker 2: of those that I really looked back fondly, and I
• 26:23
  Speaker 2: just felt this real great connection with Harrison and this
• 26:28
  Speaker 2: excitement of this next chapter for us. And we were
• 26:32
  Speaker 2: going to be a family, and I was going to
• 26:34
  Speaker 2: be living with three boys and a partner and being
• 26:37
  Speaker 2: surrounded by boys, and I loved that I was the
• 26:40
  Speaker 2: only female and they were going to look after me.
• 26:43
  Speaker 2: And so yeah, we moved in six weeks after we
• 26:47
  Speaker 2: moved in, Anthony again started acting distant, pulling away, and
• 26:54
  Speaker 2: he told me he'd made a big mistake. He told
• 26:57
  Speaker 2: me that he wasn't in love with me, that I
• 27:00
  Speaker 2: shouldn't have moved in, he shouldn't have had the vasectomy reversal.
• 27:05
  Speaker 2: He doesn't know why he did what he did, but
• 27:11
  Speaker 2: he just felt that things weren't right. I was so broken.
• 27:18
  Speaker 2: I didn't cope. I could barely get out of bed.
• 27:25
  Speaker 2: I started to drink a lot to cope so much
• 27:30
  Speaker 2: that I didn't care about anything. I didn't care about
• 27:35
  Speaker 2: my job, I didn't care about being a mum. I
• 27:39
  Speaker 2: didn't care about myself. I didn't care about my family.
• 27:45
  Speaker 2: I pushed everyone away. I pushed my friends away. I
• 27:49
  Speaker 2: couldn't deal with this heartbreak. I felt that after my
• 27:56
  Speaker 2: marriage breakdown, I felt I'd got my happily ever after
• 28:00
  Speaker 2: and it had just come crumbling down on me. And
• 28:04
  Speaker 2: I was so angry. I was so hurt, and I
• 28:10
  Speaker 2: just didn't know how to deal with the hurt. One day,
• 28:15
  Speaker 2: I got in my car and i'd been drinking. I
• 28:20
  Speaker 2: was very over the limit and I got pulled over
• 28:24
  Speaker 2: and I lost my license. So long with everything else there,
• 28:29
  Speaker 2: I felt that I was losing I then lost my license,
• 28:35
  Speaker 2: and I just felt like I felt like I completely
• 28:42
  Speaker 2: lost any hope in my life. Anthony was like a
• 28:47
  Speaker 2: stranger to me. He was so cold. He wouldn't look
• 28:54
  Speaker 2: me in the eye. He would look past me. He
• 28:58
  Speaker 2: would walk past me in the hallway and just almost
• 29:03
  Speaker 2: shouldered me out the way to get past. He looked
• 29:07
  Speaker 2: at me in disgust. And amongst all of this that
• 29:14
  Speaker 2: I was dealing with at the time, I then had
• 29:18
  Speaker 2: to try and find out how I was going to
• 29:21
  Speaker 2: get the strength to pack all my belongings in the
• 29:26
  Speaker 2: house and try and find somewhere to live because my
• 29:31
  Speaker 2: house was being rented out. I didn't have the energy
• 29:35
  Speaker 2: for any of them. It was just so painful. I
• 29:42
  Speaker 2: ended up moving out and my parents hired a truck
• 29:51
  Speaker 2: and they moved everything out of the house so I
• 29:53
  Speaker 2: didn't have to deal with it, and they put it
• 29:57
  Speaker 2: in storage for me, and I moved in with a
• 30:00
  Speaker 2: girlfriend who took me in and just just looked after me.
• 30:08
  Speaker 2: I had such amazing friends during that time. They gave
• 30:13
  Speaker 2: me everything that I needed, but at the time I
• 30:16
  Speaker 2: just couldn't see it because all I wanted was him.
• 30:19
  Speaker 2: Even after all of this hurt, all I wanted was
• 30:24
  Speaker 2: him to tell me that he'd made a mistake and
• 30:26
  Speaker 2: he wanted me back, and he loved me, and he
• 30:30
  Speaker 2: wanted him to tell me to come home. I got
• 30:34
  Speaker 2: in to see a psychologist and she recommended that I
• 30:37
  Speaker 2: have no contact, which I knew was for the best,
• 30:41
  Speaker 2: but at the same time, it was so hard because
• 30:46
  Speaker 2: I was hurting so much, but the only person that
• 30:49
  Speaker 2: could made me feel better was the one person I
• 30:52
  Speaker 2: couldn't reach out to. He ended up contacting me through WhatsApp.
• 30:59
  Speaker 2: We never used WhatsApp to talk. It was always messenger
• 31:03
  Speaker 2: or just phone, and I had him blocked on all
• 31:06
  Speaker 2: of my socials and emails. He couldn't contact me, and
• 31:11
  Speaker 2: I'd never considered to even bother about what's up. And
• 31:17
  Speaker 2: he called me and he just started the conversation by saying,
• 31:21
  Speaker 2: how are you? And I really miss you and I
• 31:25
  Speaker 2: don't know what's going through my mind, but I just
• 31:32
  Speaker 2: I wish things were different with us. And I just
• 31:36
  Speaker 2: said to him, what do we do now? How do
• 31:40
  Speaker 2: we come back from this? And one of our favorite
• 31:46
  Speaker 2: bands were playing a few days later and we had tickets,
• 31:50
  Speaker 2: and he asked me if I still wanted to go,
• 31:52
  Speaker 2: and I was so torn. Of course I wanted to go.
• 31:58
  Speaker 2: I wanted to go and forget every situation that he'd
• 32:01
  Speaker 2: put me in that hurt me. But the other part
• 32:05
  Speaker 2: of me was saying that it's like prolonging hurt, it's
• 32:11
  Speaker 2: just gonna keep coming back and rubbing soul in that wounds.
• 32:16
  Speaker 2: Like you need to move forward without him, and I could,
• 32:19
  Speaker 2: And so I went out with him and we had
• 32:24
  Speaker 2: just the best night. It was like old times again,
• 32:29
  Speaker 2: and it felt like a first date. It felt like
• 32:32
  Speaker 2: our first date again. It felt like the past few
• 32:35
  Speaker 2: months it had not really happened. It felt like again
• 32:41
  Speaker 2: that we got through another rough part and that maybe
• 32:46
  Speaker 2: we just needed to step back to go forward. It
• 32:50
  Speaker 2: felt like he really realized that he was in love
• 32:56
  Speaker 2: with me and that maybe we could make this work.
• 33:02
  Speaker 2: One of my girlfriends who has been like a lifelong
• 33:05
  Speaker 2: friend of mine, she's such a beautiful person. She finds
• 33:11
  Speaker 2: it hard to really be assertive with someone, and let's
• 33:17
  Speaker 2: still do this day. I will never forget that conversation
• 33:19
  Speaker 2: that she pulled me up and she just set simone,
• 33:24
  Speaker 2: what are you doing? Can you not see that you
• 33:28
  Speaker 2: nearly lost everything because of the choices she made from
• 33:32
  Speaker 2: the situations that he'd put you in. And again I
• 33:36
  Speaker 2: stuck up for Anthony, and I said, yeah, but he
• 33:39
  Speaker 2: realizes now he lost me, and now he realizes that
• 33:43
  Speaker 2: he needs me and he wants me, and things will
• 33:46
  Speaker 2: be different and we will move slowly. And the look
• 33:52
  Speaker 2: in her eyes, I could just see that she just
• 33:56
  Speaker 2: she couldn't support, she couldn't support my decision.
• 34:00
  Speaker 1: Simone was conflicted, but she couldn't find the feeling she
• 34:03
  Speaker 1: had for Antony. So they gave it another go, taking
• 34:06
  Speaker 1: it slow with the hope this time would be different.
• 34:09
  Speaker 2: I kept a lot of our a lot of time
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: together secret from my friends and family because I didn't
• 34:18
  Speaker 2: want to face the truth or the judgments that people
• 34:22
  Speaker 2: would give me. I wanted to protect him. We did
• 34:27
  Speaker 2: move very slowly. We didn't focus on what was going
• 34:31
  Speaker 2: to happen in six months time or twelve months time.
• 34:35
  Speaker 2: It was just really in the now, how it probably
• 34:38
  Speaker 2: should have been. From the start of the relationship. We
• 34:43
  Speaker 2: started to go out a little bit more openly, and
• 34:47
  Speaker 2: I would get surprised looks from friends and in our
• 34:52
  Speaker 2: social circle. I thought, you know, I thought, you guys
• 34:55
  Speaker 2: broke up, what's happening, And it was really hard to
• 35:00
  Speaker 2: explain to them how we were I guess dating again
• 35:04
  Speaker 2: after everything that happened without feeling judged and the sh
• 35:09
  Speaker 2: shame of you know, losing my license and not everyone
• 35:14
  Speaker 2: knew about that, but the town we live in is
• 35:18
  Speaker 2: a small town, so it was hard to hide.
• 35:20
  Speaker 1: And as for the prospect of expanding their family.
• 35:23
  Speaker 2: We didn't start actively trying. We weren't safe. The chances
• 35:29
  Speaker 2: of me being able to conceive with a vasectomy reversal
• 35:33
  Speaker 2: and my age were I think zero point zero five percent,
• 35:37
  Speaker 2: and so it was not something that really even crossed
• 35:40
  Speaker 2: our minds that would happen. And we'd actually gone away
• 35:44
  Speaker 2: on a weekend trip to a rural Victorian town to
• 35:47
  Speaker 2: see a band and when we were there, he said
• 35:50
  Speaker 2: to me, your boobs are really big. I said, yeah,
• 35:53
  Speaker 2: they are, aren't they? And I had gained weight, I guess,
• 35:57
  Speaker 2: not being active through that period of grief and loss
• 36:01
  Speaker 2: of everything that come you know with that, you know,
• 36:06
  Speaker 2: drinking too much. I had gained weight and I just
• 36:08
  Speaker 2: said it's probably just wait again, and I felt fine.
• 36:11
  Speaker 2: And it wasn't until about three or four weeks later
• 36:17
  Speaker 2: he again rang me and said to me, I can't
• 36:21
  Speaker 2: do this. I've made a mistake again. I just I
• 36:25
  Speaker 2: can't be in the relationship with you. I felt so
• 36:30
  Speaker 2: physically sick that I thought I've got to do a
• 36:35
  Speaker 2: pregnancy test. Either I'm just so physically sick from another bombshell,
• 36:43
  Speaker 2: or I'm pregnant. And I did a test and it
• 36:47
  Speaker 2: was like a Christmas tree light up. That test was
• 36:50
  Speaker 2: positive within seconds of me testing. So the day that
• 36:56
  Speaker 2: I had done the test was the day that he
• 37:00
  Speaker 2: told me that he wasn't in love with me and
• 37:02
  Speaker 2: he didn't want to be with me, and he'd made
• 37:04
  Speaker 2: a mistake calling me and contacting me on WhatsApp that day,
• 37:08
  Speaker 2: and he just ripped everything away from me again, but
• 37:12
  Speaker 2: this time I was pregnant. I held off for a
• 37:16
  Speaker 2: couple of days. I needed to process in my own
• 37:20
  Speaker 2: mind what this meant for me and my future. And
• 37:31
  Speaker 2: when I did tell him he didn't believe me. I
• 37:34
  Speaker 2: said I would take a test in front of him
• 37:36
  Speaker 2: if he didn't believe me, and he said, well, yeah,
• 37:40
  Speaker 2: I think I want to see you do a test.
• 37:43
  Speaker 2: We never actually did that test together, but it wasn't
• 37:48
  Speaker 2: a moment of celebration at all. It was a feeling
• 37:53
  Speaker 2: of complete dread. It felt really unfair that there was
• 38:00
  Speaker 2: so much hope and excitement and planning together for this future,
• 38:07
  Speaker 2: and then it happens he took it away. He took
• 38:12
  Speaker 2: that happiness away from the occasion. From that moment, I
• 38:19
  Speaker 2: was scared of decisions I might have to make. I
• 38:25
  Speaker 2: was scared of what my future looked like without him
• 38:29
  Speaker 2: in it. Still, my thoughts kept reverting back to him
• 38:34
  Speaker 2: and just wanting him to tell me that it would
• 38:37
  Speaker 2: be okay and that he'd be with me. And it
• 38:40
  Speaker 2: just didn't come. It never happened. He had told me
• 38:46
  Speaker 2: that I should have an abortion. He had messaged me
• 38:52
  Speaker 2: one day and said to me, I've called an abortion clinic,
• 38:59
  Speaker 2: but I can't make the appointment for you. You need
• 39:02
  Speaker 2: to do that yourself. You'll ruin your life if you
• 39:06
  Speaker 2: carry on with this pregnancy. You will ruin my life,
• 39:08
  Speaker 2: and you will ruin all of our kids. Lis He
• 39:12
  Speaker 2: put all of this on me to make this decision
• 39:17
  Speaker 2: that would affect everyone. When he was fifty percent of
• 39:23
  Speaker 2: the bland posies. I told my best friend, who was
• 39:29
  Speaker 2: the one I spoke of earlier, who was very doubtful
• 39:33
  Speaker 2: about our second try of her relationship, and she was
• 39:40
  Speaker 2: so supportive of me and said that she would be
• 39:43
  Speaker 2: there no matter what I decided to do. She was
• 39:47
  Speaker 2: going to be there. And my mum, she was so supportive,
• 39:52
  Speaker 2: and I had a close circle of friends that were
• 39:57
  Speaker 2: all all there for me no matter what.
• 40:00
  Speaker 1: Her friends and family rallied around her, desperate to keep
• 40:03
  Speaker 1: her and the baby safe. And Anthony, well, the same
• 40:07
  Speaker 1: patterns continued.
• 40:08
  Speaker 2: They had a scale and done which dated to be
• 40:13
  Speaker 2: about seven weeks pregnant, and Anthony came to the scan
• 40:18
  Speaker 2: and after that scan he got excited about it. He
• 40:23
  Speaker 2: did the old Oh it'll be fine, we'll work this out,
• 40:27
  Speaker 2: and I'm excited and we're going to be happy and
• 40:30
  Speaker 2: we're going to have a family. And it was about
• 40:34
  Speaker 2: three or four weeks of it being a happy occasion
• 40:39
  Speaker 2: where he would message me and tell me that he
• 40:43
  Speaker 2: loved me and he loved our little blueberry or whatever
• 40:45
  Speaker 2: the size of it was at the time, week to week,
• 40:51
  Speaker 2: and he'd send me names that he liked. We started
• 40:55
  Speaker 2: looking again to a future, but I think by then,
• 40:58
  Speaker 2: well I knew by then that this was it was
• 41:01
  Speaker 2: not going to happen, and I knew. I knew he
• 41:05
  Speaker 2: would turn around in future and say no, this is
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: a mistake, and he did again, and by this stage
• 41:12
  Speaker 2: I was about sixteen weeks pregnant. And then it really
• 41:17
  Speaker 2: just all came crashing down. He again treated me like
• 41:22
  Speaker 2: a stranger, and he told me he was on the
• 41:26
  Speaker 2: dating scene, but he wasn't in love with me because
• 41:29
  Speaker 2: he wasn't ready to settle down with a new partner.
• 41:36
  Speaker 2: He told me that he would not be a part
• 41:39
  Speaker 2: of this child's life. He told me that I'd be
• 41:44
  Speaker 2: doing it all alone, and mentally I was not stable
• 41:47
  Speaker 2: enough to have a baby. There was one night, well,
• 41:52
  Speaker 2: one day, that I had been spotting bleeding, and I
• 41:57
  Speaker 2: tried calling him and he never picked up the phone,
• 42:01
  Speaker 2: and so I went around to his house and I
• 42:03
  Speaker 2: stood at his front door. It was nighttime by then,
• 42:07
  Speaker 2: it was freezing cold, it was not and I stood
• 42:11
  Speaker 2: at his door and I said to him, I'm bleeding
• 42:15
  Speaker 2: and I'm scared. I don't know what to do. And
• 42:20
  Speaker 2: he turned around to me and he said, I'm watching
• 42:24
  Speaker 2: a movie with my two kids. I can't deal with
• 42:26
  Speaker 2: this right now, and he slammed the door in my
• 42:29
  Speaker 2: face and he left me there and it was then
• 42:33
  Speaker 2: that I knew this was not the man that I thought.
• 42:37
  Speaker 2: He was not the man that I fell in love with.
• 42:42
  Speaker 2: I ended up staying with my mom for the next
• 42:47
  Speaker 2: month or so. I'm barely able to get out of bed. No.
• 42:52
  Speaker 2: I lost my job because I couldn't work. I then
• 42:56
  Speaker 2: started bleeding quite happily, and I lost my baby at
• 43:02
  Speaker 2: twenty three weeks. There was a complications that they're not
• 43:09
  Speaker 2: too sure what happened. They said it can be quite
• 43:13
  Speaker 2: common in my age. My had a work colleague it
• 43:18
  Speaker 2: actually happened to her as well at the same age.
• 43:21
  Speaker 2: And when I was at the hospital losing my baby,
• 43:27
  Speaker 2: I called Anthony and I asked him to pick me
• 43:31
  Speaker 2: up and take me home. After on the way home,
• 43:37
  Speaker 2: I said to him, could you please take me to
• 43:39
  Speaker 2: the chemist. I need to get some pain killers. I'm
• 43:41
  Speaker 2: in a lot of pain. And he snapped at me
• 43:45
  Speaker 2: and he said, you know, I've got two other kids
• 43:48
  Speaker 2: at home. I can't deal with your shit right now.
• 43:53
  Speaker 2: And that was I think the last time I ever
• 43:55
  Speaker 2: spoke to him, that I ever saw him.
• 43:59
  Speaker 1: Simone was absolutely heartbroken. She'd lost her baby boy Tom
• 44:03
  Speaker 1: in twenty three weeks, and now I was faced with
• 44:06
  Speaker 1: an unfathomable sense of loss and loneliness.
• 44:10
  Speaker 2: I didn't take care of myself. I didn't know how to.
• 44:15
  Speaker 2: All I felt was pain and sadness and darkness. I
• 44:23
  Speaker 2: just didn't want to be alive. I never attempted anything,
• 44:29
  Speaker 2: but I just couldn't find a way out of this
• 44:35
  Speaker 2: torture that I felt that I was living every day.
• 44:39
  Speaker 2: I just experienced so much loss, and if I hadn't
• 44:44
  Speaker 2: had my friends and my family and my son, He's
• 44:50
  Speaker 2: the only thing that kept me going was that I
• 44:54
  Speaker 2: had to be around. The first six months, I just
• 45:01
  Speaker 2: drank myself stupid every day. I didn't know how to
• 45:07
  Speaker 2: cope any other way other than to medicate myself and
• 45:12
  Speaker 2: numb everything. And I knew it wasn't the right thing
• 45:16
  Speaker 2: to do, but I just didn't know how else to
• 45:19
  Speaker 2: get any kind of relief from this pain that I
• 45:23
  Speaker 2: was feeling. And I had friends that were there for me,
• 45:29
  Speaker 2: Like twenty four seven somehow managed to start getting me
• 45:35
  Speaker 2: out of this helhold that I was allowing myself to
• 45:38
  Speaker 2: live in. And I eventually just started focusing on being
• 45:45
  Speaker 2: grateful for small things every day. You know, he was
• 45:49
  Speaker 2: just the most smallest of things. And I got myself
• 45:54
  Speaker 2: a dog, and she ultimately saved me. And I know
• 46:00
  Speaker 2: that sounds cliche, so many people say that, but she
• 46:04
  Speaker 2: really did because I had a purpose. I had to
• 46:06
  Speaker 2: get up and walk her every morning. And I lived
• 46:10
  Speaker 2: across the road from the beach, and so we would
• 46:12
  Speaker 2: go to the beach at six o'clock in the morning.
• 46:14
  Speaker 2: And I started swimming in the middle of winter, and
• 46:19
  Speaker 2: it was almost like a a cathartic experience feeling the
• 46:24
  Speaker 2: freezing cold water and feeling alive after I'd stepped out
• 46:28
  Speaker 2: and doing that every day, and then starting to go
• 46:33
  Speaker 2: for walks and starting to focus on my new job
• 46:38
  Speaker 2: that I got in between all of this. Somehow, I
• 46:42
  Speaker 2: was lucky that I was able to work from home,
• 46:45
  Speaker 2: so I could work in my woody and ug boots
• 46:48
  Speaker 2: and I didn't have to have hair and makeup done
• 46:52
  Speaker 2: and my work they were so supportive. They was just
• 46:55
  Speaker 2: so supportive of me. And I just feel like if
• 47:01
  Speaker 2: I hadn't had those small things, things could be really
• 47:05
  Speaker 2: really different or just still the same as they were.
• 47:10
  Speaker 2: As for Antony, I have heard from social circle that
• 47:16
  Speaker 2: a lot of people have cut him off or disconnected
• 47:19
  Speaker 2: themselves from him. I don't know to what extents, and
• 47:26
  Speaker 2: to be honest, I really don't. I don't need to know.
• 47:29
  Speaker 2: I'm just glad that I've not had to run into
• 47:33
  Speaker 2: him or you know that I don't hear his name
• 47:37
  Speaker 2: all the time. I think my friends are careful what
• 47:40
  Speaker 2: to mention around me as well, and I've told them
• 47:43
  Speaker 2: if you see him around, I don't need to know
• 47:45
  Speaker 2: about it. And I sometimes think how I would feel
• 47:50
  Speaker 2: or how I would react if I did see him.
• 47:53
  Speaker 2: I think now I'm strong enough just to look the
• 47:55
  Speaker 2: other way and pretend that he doesn't exist. I felt
• 47:59
  Speaker 2: looking back that he glossed over a lot of the truths,
• 48:03
  Speaker 2: and again he said what I wanted to hear. There
• 48:08
  Speaker 2: was a lot of lies and a seat around his
• 48:11
  Speaker 2: ex wife and as well as his more recent ex
• 48:15
  Speaker 2: who I'd found out he had only separated three weeks
• 48:18
  Speaker 2: before we started dating. She'd lived in his house, and
• 48:23
  Speaker 2: I thought they'd been separated for a good few months,
• 48:26
  Speaker 2: but found out it had been weeks, and that's when
• 48:30
  Speaker 2: I realized it was love bombing. He didn't want to
• 48:34
  Speaker 2: be alone. He treated me like I was disposable, that
• 48:39
  Speaker 2: I was like a playtoy that could be used in
• 48:43
  Speaker 2: the meantime, while he was looking for his next true love.
• 48:48
  Speaker 2: I feel that I was being used to mend his heart.
• 48:53
  Speaker 2: I was completely love bomb and no one deserves to
• 48:57
  Speaker 2: be treated like that. And I hope that anyone who
• 49:00
  Speaker 2: listens to this and might be going through a similar situation,
• 49:04
  Speaker 2: I just want them to know that it really does
• 49:06
  Speaker 2: get better, and you just need to lean into all
• 49:08
  Speaker 2: of those people that love unconditionally. I'm so proud of
• 49:14
  Speaker 2: myself well how far that I've come. They do say
• 49:19
  Speaker 2: that you become a stronger person when you've been through trauma,
• 49:23
  Speaker 2: and I would roll my eyes at people that told
• 49:25
  Speaker 2: me You'll get stronger, You'll be fine. How do you
• 49:29
  Speaker 2: get through? How do you how do you become stronger
• 49:31
  Speaker 2: from these these experiences? And I have. I've moved back
• 49:37
  Speaker 2: into my own home. I own my own home. I
• 49:40
  Speaker 2: have a great relationship with Harrison. My job is just
• 49:46
  Speaker 2: so enjoyable. My colleagues are amazing. I have lost twenty kilos.
• 49:54
  Speaker 2: I've become a gym junkie again, which I used to
• 49:57
  Speaker 2: be before Anthony. I look forward to my future. I
• 50:01
  Speaker 2: look ahead, I make plans. I want to go skydiving.
• 50:07
  Speaker 2: I've done so much in a work. I've sat in
• 50:10
  Speaker 2: solitude with myself. I don't drink fairly at all anymore.
• 50:16
  Speaker 2: I haven't tried to mask the pain anymore, and I
• 50:20
  Speaker 2: really feel, especially the last six months, that I'm on
• 50:23
  Speaker 2: the other side. If you had told me that nearly
• 50:27
  Speaker 2: three years ago, I would never have believed where I'd
• 50:30
  Speaker 2: be standing right now. And I'm just so proud that
• 50:34
  Speaker 2: I can. I can tell my story and I've come
• 50:38
  Speaker 2: out on the other side of it. I do grief occasionally,
• 50:42
  Speaker 2: but it's not that grief that I need to pick
• 50:45
  Speaker 2: a bottle of wine up and mask it. And I
• 50:49
  Speaker 2: haven't allowed a new man to come into my life
• 50:53
  Speaker 2: to create happiness for me. I've been single since Antony,
• 50:59
  Speaker 2: and I'm only now starting to ponder maybe dipping my
• 51:02
  Speaker 2: feet in the dating pool, so to speak. But I
• 51:06
  Speaker 2: can do it knowing that I am truly happy within
• 51:10
  Speaker 2: myself and I don't need another person to create that
• 51:12
  Speaker 2: for me. I definitely have regrets about the choices that
• 51:16
  Speaker 2: I made in the circumstances that were out of my control,
• 51:22
  Speaker 2: but I have owned up to those mistakes and I'm
• 51:26
  Speaker 2: just so lucky that with my drink driving offense that
• 51:31
  Speaker 2: I never hurt anyone, and I'm so grateful for that.
• 51:35
  Speaker 2: It's hard to say I'm grateful for the experience, but
• 51:39
  Speaker 2: I feel like if I hadn't had this experience, that
• 51:41
  Speaker 2: I wouldn't be the strong person that I am today.
• 51:45
  Speaker 2: If I could change change things, possibly I would. But
• 51:51
  Speaker 2: knowing how strong I am and knowing that I love
• 51:55
  Speaker 2: my life without needing someone else to do make me happy.
• 52:01
  Speaker 2: It's so empowering. I just want people out there to
• 52:06
  Speaker 2: know that no man or no woman is worth your
• 52:10
  Speaker 2: mental health. If you're seeing red flags or if you're
• 52:14
  Speaker 2: being warned by friends, and listen to that, listen to
• 52:18
  Speaker 2: that gut feeling, and just know that you're worse loving
• 52:24
  Speaker 2: yourself and no one needs to be that person to
• 52:27
  Speaker 2: complete you.
• 52:48
  Speaker 1: Everyone Has an Ex's a Minti Media production and proudly
• 52:51
  Speaker 1: part of the mum of Me network. This episode is
• 52:53
  Speaker 1: written and produced by Linda Scott. Interview conducted by Eilish
• 52:56
  Speaker 1: Delaney and narrated by me Georgia Love. If you have
• 52:59
  Speaker 1: a story you'd like to share, email podcast at momamea
• 53:02
  Speaker 1: dot com dot EU. You can support us by following
• 53:05
  Speaker 1: the show in your favorite podcast app and leaving a
• 53:07
  Speaker 1: five star review We'll see you for the next episode.