Latest / RealTalkwithMikeD / Episode 72 - The Fear of Dying - Learning to Live While We’re Still Here!

Transcript

Episode 72 - The Fear of Dying - Learning to Live While We’re Still Here! · RealTalkwithMikeD

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Welcome to Real Talk with Mike.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: D. Alright, welcome back to Real Talk with Mike D.
• 0:08
  Speaker 2: I am the one, the only, and the original Mike D.
• 0:12
  Speaker 2: And ladies and gentlemen, this is the place where we
• 0:16
  Speaker 2: talk about real life, real emotions, real struggles, and the
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: things that a lot of people think about but don't
• 0:22
  Speaker 2: always feel comfortable talking about.
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: And I am your host, Mike D. And today we.
• 0:27
  Speaker 2: Are talking about something I'll be honest with you, it's
• 0:30
  Speaker 2: pretty damn heavy. It's something that every single one of
• 0:34
  Speaker 2: us has thought about at some point in our lives
• 0:36
  Speaker 2: and something that can keep you awake at 3 o'clock
• 0:38
  Speaker 2: in the morning staring at the ceiling wondering what the
• 0:42
  Speaker 2: hell will happen when this whole thing is over. Ladies
• 0:47
  Speaker 2: and gentlemen, we are talking about the fear of dying.
• 0:51
  Speaker 2: And we're going to get into all that and much,
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: much more right after this. Music Now, I know what
• 1:12
  Speaker 2: you're thinking. Mike, this is a pretty serious subject to
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: bring up so late in the afternoon.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: And I know that.
• 1:22
  Speaker 2: Maybe you were expecting me to talk about coffee, work,
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: maybe relationships or why people drive like they just got
• 1:31
  Speaker 2: their driver's license out of a cereal box. But no, no, no, no, no.
• 1:35
  Speaker 1: Today we are going a lot, lot, and I mean
• 1:39
  Speaker 1: a lot deeper.
• 1:42
  Speaker 2: Because sooner or later, most of us have that moment
• 1:45
  Speaker 2: when we stop what we're doing and we think, you
• 1:47
  Speaker 2: know what? One day, I'm not going to be here anymore.
• 1:52
  Speaker 2: And that thought can be terrifying. You might be sitting
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: in your living room watching television, laughing at something stupid,
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: enjoying a cup of coffee or talking to somebody you love,
• 2:03
  Speaker 2: and everything seems normal. Then, out of nowhere, the thought
• 2:10
  Speaker 2: hits you.
• 2:11
  Speaker 1: What happens when I die?
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: And just like that, your mind goes from enjoying your
• 2:17
  Speaker 2: evening to asking some of the biggest questions in human existence.
• 2:25
  Speaker 2: So today, I thought, I want to talk honestly about
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: that fear. And not pretend that I have all the answers,
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: because I don't. I'm not going to tell you to
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: stop worrying, and I'm definitely not going to give you
• 2:39
  Speaker 2: some ridiculous speech about how everything is sunshine and rainbows,
• 2:42
  Speaker 2: because you already know, life is not always sunshine and rainbows. However,
• 2:51
  Speaker 2: sometimes life is beautiful, and sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it's confusing,
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: and sometimes we're scared of losing the very thing we're
• 3:01
  Speaker 2: trying so hard to figure out, our lives.
• 3:05
  Speaker 1: So ladies and gentlemen, let's talk about just that.
• 3:09
  Speaker 2: Now, have you ever had a moment where you suddenly
• 3:12
  Speaker 2: became aware of your own mortality? Maybe you were lying
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: in bed trying to fall asleep.
• 3:17
  Speaker 1: The house was quiet. The lights were off. Everybody else
• 3:21
  Speaker 1: was sleeping.
• 3:22
  Speaker 2: And then there you were, wide awake, having a full-blown
• 3:27
  Speaker 2: philosophical debate with yourself. You start thinking about your age.
• 3:31
  Speaker 2: You start thinking about your childhood. You start thinking about
• 3:35
  Speaker 2: the people you love, the mistakes you've made, the things
• 3:37
  Speaker 2: you wish you'd done differently, and the things you still
• 3:41
  Speaker 2: want to do. Then you start thinking about the future,
• 3:44
  Speaker 2: and suddenly, the future doesn't feel unlimited anymore. You realize
• 3:50
  Speaker 2: that none of us know exactly how much time we have.
• 3:55
  Speaker 2: And that realization can hit very, very hard because when
• 3:59
  Speaker 2: you're young, we tend to think we have forever. When
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: you're a kid, you think adults have everything figured out.
• 4:07
  Speaker 2: You think growing up means becoming confident, successful, and completely
• 4:13
  Speaker 2: comfortable with life. Then you become an adult and.
• 4:17
  Speaker 1: Realize you're still trying to figure things out.
• 4:21
  Speaker 2: And somewhere along the way, you realize that time is
• 4:24
  Speaker 2: moving faster than you ever expected. The years, they start
• 4:28
  Speaker 2: flying by. You look at old photographs and think, how
• 4:32
  Speaker 2: in the hell? Did 20 years go by? You remember
• 4:38
  Speaker 2: people who were once a regular part of your life.
• 4:42
  Speaker 2: You remember conversations, family, gatherings, holidays, and moments that seemed
• 4:48
  Speaker 2: ordinary at that time. Now those moments, they feel precious.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: And you start wondering, how many more moments do I
• 4:58
  Speaker 2: have left?
• 5:01
  Speaker 1: That is when the fear can begin.
• 5:02
  Speaker 2: It's not necessarily that you want.
• 5:04
  Speaker 1: To live forever.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: It's that you're not ready for everything to end. You're
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: not ready to leave the people you love. You're not
• 5:13
  Speaker 2: ready to say goodbye to the experiences you haven't even
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: had yet. You're not ready to stop discovering what life
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: might still have waiting for you. And maybe, just maybe,
• 5:28
  Speaker 2: You're afraid because you finally realize how much this life
• 5:33
  Speaker 2: means to you.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: You want to know something?
• 5:39
  Speaker 2: I think there's a difference between being afraid of death
• 5:43
  Speaker 2: and being afraid of not having enough time to live.
• 5:47
  Speaker 2: Sometimes those two fears get tangled together. We fear dying
• 5:51
  Speaker 2: because we don't want to lose our lives. But we
• 5:56
  Speaker 2: also fear dying because we're worried we haven't really lived
• 5:59
  Speaker 2: the way we wanted to. And that's worth something thinking about.
• 6:05
  Speaker 2: You know, what happens when we die? Is there something
• 6:10
  Speaker 2: after this life?
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: Is there a heaven?
• 6:14
  Speaker 2: Will we see the people that we've lost? Will we
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: recognize the people we love? Or is death simply the
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: end of our experience here? These are some enormous questions,
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: and people have searched for answers to them for thousands
• 6:33
  Speaker 2: and thousands of years. Religions, philosophers, scientists, and ordinary people
• 6:41
  Speaker 2: sitting around the kitchen tables have been wrestling with them
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: for eternity. And the truth is, nobody can give us
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: a universal, verified answer to every question about what happens
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: after death. For some people, faith provides comfort. They believe
• 7:00
  Speaker 2: that death isn't the end, that there's a greater purpose,
• 7:04
  Speaker 2: and that one day they'll be reunited with the people
• 7:06
  Speaker 2: they love. For others, comfort comes from believing that life
• 7:11
  Speaker 2: is a natural process and that the meaning of our
• 7:14
  Speaker 2: existence is found in the time we have here. And
• 7:17
  Speaker 2: for some people, they aren't sure what they believe. Maybe
• 7:22
  Speaker 2: they believe in God, but they still have questions. Maybe
• 7:27
  Speaker 2: they have faith but still get scared.
• 7:31
  Speaker 1: Maybe they haven't figured out what they believe in at all.
• 7:35
  Speaker 1: And you know what?
• 7:36
  Speaker 2: You don't have to pretend to have every answer. You
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: can have faith and still experience fear. You can believe
• 7:44
  Speaker 2: in heaven and still feel anxious about dying. You can
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: appreciate life and still struggle with the fact that it
• 7:52
  Speaker 2: won't last forever. And being afraid doesn't automatically mean you're weak.
• 7:58
  Speaker 2: And having questions doesn't mean you have failed to figure
• 8:02
  Speaker 2: life out. Sometimes it simply means you're confronting something bigger
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: than your ability to.
• 8:09
  Speaker 1: Understand it completely.
• 8:12
  Speaker 2: Personally, I think one of the hardest parts of being
• 8:16
  Speaker 2: human is living with uncertainty because we as humans, we
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: want guarantees. We want to know that people we love
• 8:26
  Speaker 2: will be okay. We want to know that we'll have
• 8:29
  Speaker 2: enough time. We want to know what happens next. But
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: life doesn't hand us an instruction manual. We don't get
• 8:38
  Speaker 2: a calendar telling us how many birthdays.
• 8:40
  Speaker 1: We have left.
• 8:42
  Speaker 2: We don't get to look ahead and see every challenge coming,
• 8:45
  Speaker 2: and we don't get complete certainty about the end. And
• 8:51
  Speaker 2: ladies and gentlemen, that is frightening. That is very, very frightening.
• 8:57
  Speaker 2: But here's something I want you to remember. Not knowing
• 9:00
  Speaker 2: everything about the future doesn't mean you can't find meaning
• 9:05
  Speaker 2: in the present. You don't need every answer to love somebody.
• 9:10
  Speaker 2: You don't need to understand eternity to enjoy a sunset.
• 9:15
  Speaker 1: You don't need to solve the.
• 9:17
  Speaker 2: Mystery of death before you can appreciate being alive today.
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: Sometimes we spend so much time trying to figure out
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: the end that we forget we're still in the middle
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: of our story. Our story is still happening. And I
• 9:33
  Speaker 2: think one of the biggest reasons people fear dying is
• 9:35
  Speaker 2: because of the people that they love.
• 9:39
  Speaker 1: Think about it.
• 9:41
  Speaker 2: If you knew you were going to die someday, but
• 9:44
  Speaker 2: you had never loved anybody, never formed a connection, never
• 9:49
  Speaker 2: built relationships that matter to you, Would the fear still
• 9:55
  Speaker 2: feel the same? For many of us, the answer might
• 9:58
  Speaker 2: be no. It's the connections that make life meaningful. It's
• 10:03
  Speaker 2: the people who make us laugh when we're having a
• 10:06
  Speaker 2: terrible day. It's the people who call just to see
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: how we're doing. It's the family members who drive us
• 10:13
  Speaker 2: absolutely crazy at Thanksgiving, but somehow make the holiday feel
• 10:17
  Speaker 2: empty when they're not there. It's the friends who know
• 10:21
  Speaker 2: our history. It's the children who change the way we
• 10:24
  Speaker 2: look at the world. It's the person who makes us
• 10:28
  Speaker 2: feel understood when we thought nobody could understand us. Those
• 10:34
  Speaker 2: connections make us want more time. And as a father,
• 10:40
  Speaker 2: I think about the bond between a parent and a child.
• 10:44
  Speaker 2: You watch your child grow up. and you realize that
• 10:47
  Speaker 2: your love for them is bigger than anything you could
• 10:51
  Speaker 2: ever adequately explain. You want to protect them. You want
• 10:56
  Speaker 2: to see them succeed. You want to be there when
• 10:59
  Speaker 2: they need advice, when they celebrate something wonderful, and when
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: life knocks them down. You want to see what their
• 11:09
  Speaker 2: future looks like. You want to watch them create their
• 11:12
  Speaker 2: own memories and discover their own happiness.
• 11:18
  Speaker 1: And the thought of.
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: Not being there someday can be incredibly difficult. You might
• 11:24
  Speaker 2: wonder to yourself, will the people I love be okay
• 11:28
  Speaker 2: without me? Will they remember the things I taught them?
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: Will they remember how much I love them? Those are
• 11:38
  Speaker 2: deeply human questions. And while we can't control every part
• 11:42
  Speaker 2: of our future, We can do something meaningful right now.
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: We can tell people we love them. We can make
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: time for them. We can listen when they need somebody
• 11:57
  Speaker 2: to talk to. We can apologize when we've hurt them.
• 12:02
  Speaker 2: We can show up when it matters. We can create
• 12:06
  Speaker 2: memories that stay with people long after an ordinary day
• 12:11
  Speaker 2: has passed. We sometimes act If we have unlimited time
• 12:15
  Speaker 2: to say the things that matter. Maybe we'll say, I'll
• 12:20
  Speaker 2: call tomorrow. I'll just visit next weekend. I'll just have
• 12:24
  Speaker 2: that conversation another day. We'll tell somebody how much they
• 12:30
  Speaker 2: mean to us when that moment feels right. But sometimes
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: the moment doesn't arrive the way we expected.
• 12:38
  Speaker 1: So don't wait.
• 12:39
  Speaker 2: For a perfect occasion to tell someone you love them.
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: You don't need a birthday, an anniversary, or a holiday.
• 12:46
  Speaker 1: Pick up the phone. Send a message.
• 12:49
  Speaker 2: Give somebody a hug. Tell them you're proud of them.
• 12:54
  Speaker 2: And if you have something important to say, say it
• 12:59
  Speaker 2: while you have the opportunity. Not because you should spend
• 13:05
  Speaker 2: every day worrying about losing people, but because love deserves
• 13:09
  Speaker 2: to be expressed. while we can still express it. That's
• 13:16
  Speaker 2: one way to turn the awareness of death into a
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: reason to live and love more lovingly. Ladies and gentlemen,
• 13:27
  Speaker 2: that is going to do it for today. I greatly
• 13:29
  Speaker 2: appreciate you being here. I appreciate you listening. Please be
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: the reason someone smiles. Tell that somebody you love them.
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: Go visit a family member. Spend time with them because
• 13:42
  Speaker 2: you never know when that last day might happen. Until
• 13:50
  Speaker 2: the next episode, I bid you all peace and happiness.
• 13:54
  Speaker 1: Have a great night.