Latest / The conspiracy / The Best WORST Movie In History

Transcript

The Best WORST Movie In History · The conspiracy

0:00
Speaker 1: I watched a movie recently, and because we're besties and
0:03
Speaker 1: I love you and appreciate you and don't want to
0:05
Speaker 1: rob you of this experience, I need to tell you
0:08
Speaker 1: about it because it is the worst best movie I've
0:11
Speaker 1: ever seen in my life, and it is Troll too.
0:16
Speaker 1: This come with me, all of you. Opens don't need
0:19
Speaker 1: to justify their cruel action. I know I don't usually
0:25
Speaker 1: do videos like this, but I'm very excited to tell
0:29
Speaker 1: you about this movie. And if you've seen it, I
0:31
Speaker 1: think you'll still enjoy this adventure down memory lane. And
0:36
Speaker 1: there will be spoilers, but I think it'll be all right.
0:39
Speaker 1: I think it's okay. I highly recommend you watch this movie,
0:42
Speaker 1: but I highly recommend you watch this video because it'll
0:45
Speaker 1: give you a lot of context that you don't need.
0:52
Speaker 1: But I'm not going to mince words. Let's just get
0:54
Speaker 1: into it.
1:06
Speaker 2: Actually, I like Bobcorn.
1:08
Speaker 1: So recently Caleb sat me down and said, have you
1:10
Speaker 1: seen Troll two before? Because we're trying to figure out
1:12
Speaker 1: what movie to watch. And I said, no, I haven't
1:14
Speaker 1: even heard of that. What is that? And he said,
1:16
Speaker 1: I'm not going to explain anything. I'm just going to
1:18
Speaker 1: turn it on so I watched it, just raw dog,
1:21
Speaker 1: no context right in, and I was baffled. Never laugh
1:25
Speaker 1: so much in my life. I don't think in a
1:27
Speaker 1: movie I'm going to give you a little context before
1:29
Speaker 1: I get into it, just so you have that at least,
1:31
Speaker 1: and I think it'll make it funnier. But yeah, Troll
1:34
Speaker 1: two isn't just bad. It's a masterpiece of accidental comedy
1:39
Speaker 1: that required an Italian film crew, a Mormon cast, and
1:44
Speaker 1: one hundred thousand dollars budget to achieve cinematic immortality. So
1:49
Speaker 1: the nineteen ninety film, directed by Claudio Fragasso, has become
1:53
Speaker 1: the gold standard for so good it's bad. I think
1:57
Speaker 1: it was invented by this movie, earning de voted midnight
2:01
Speaker 1: screenings worldwide and spawning an acclaimed documentary about its bizarre legacy,
2:06
Speaker 1: which I also recommend you watch. But what began as
2:08
Speaker 1: a sincere attempt at horror filmmaking in the Utah Desert
2:13
Speaker 1: became something far more entertaining, a perfect storm of language barriers,
2:18
Speaker 1: amateur actors if that just regular people who've never acted before,
2:24
Speaker 1: and vegetarian goblins that somehow created the most watchable, unwatchable
2:30
Speaker 1: movie ever made. So the Genesis of Troll two began
2:34
Speaker 1: with Italian filmmaker Claudio Forgosso and a screenwriter, wife, Rosella Drudi,
2:40
Speaker 1: who previously collaborated on titles like Zombie three and Rats
2:44
Speaker 1: Night of Terror. Don't know if you've seen those. I haven't.
2:47
Speaker 1: I'm gonna watch them now though, But Drudy wrote the
2:50
Speaker 1: script after becoming frustrated with friends turning vegetarian. I get
2:55
Speaker 1: that to another level, and she later described it as
2:59
Speaker 1: quote Feroch analysis of today's society. And if you watch
3:03
Speaker 1: this movie, you'd never think it's it is it means anything,
3:07
Speaker 1: but knowing that I appreciate it even more now. And
3:10
Speaker 1: it's about the evils of plant based diets basically. And
3:14
Speaker 1: producer Eduard sarlou O, sorry if I said your name wrong,
3:18
Speaker 1: who had financed Killer Clowents from outer Space, definitely don't
3:22
Speaker 1: need to watch that, but you can approach them with
3:25
Speaker 1: a rubber goblin mask. He'd acquired rights to and requested
3:29
Speaker 1: a family friendly horror film without blood to avoid censorship issues,
3:34
Speaker 1: and by god, did we get it. So. The production
3:37
Speaker 1: assembled in the summer of nineteen eighty nine, with a
3:39
Speaker 1: three week shooting schedule and one hundred thousand dollars budget.
3:43
Speaker 1: Who would do that? Oh wait, we did that, but
3:46
Speaker 1: it was one week and it was like a quarter
3:49
Speaker 1: of that budget, so mad respect and the all Italian crew,
3:54
Speaker 1: who spoke virtually no English except for the costume designer
3:58
Speaker 1: Laura Jemser, descended upon the Mormon communities of Morgan and Porterville, Utah.
4:05
Speaker 1: And this cultural clash was immediate because the chain smoking,
4:09
Speaker 1: wine drinking Italians were baffled by the local Mormon population
4:14
Speaker 1: just abstinent from any alcohol, tobacco, or caffeine, and the
4:18
Speaker 1: makeup artist Marizzio Tranni spent the entire shoot trying to
4:23
Speaker 1: unsuccessfully convince the Mormon crew members to drink wine with him,
4:26
Speaker 1: which is like so funny to me. And the casting
4:29
Speaker 1: process became legendary for its chaos because George Hardy, an
4:34
Speaker 1: Alabama dentist with zero acting experience, which you'll see, won
4:40
Speaker 1: the role of Michael Waits by shouting you can't piss
4:43
Speaker 1: on hospitality to a room of nine chain smoking Italians
4:47
Speaker 1: who understood nothing he said but loved his energy. And
4:50
Speaker 1: that line makes it into the movie and you Can't
4:53
Speaker 1: piss on Hospitality and it is one of the best
4:55
Speaker 1: lines of the movie, and he was paid fifteen hundred
4:58
Speaker 1: dollars and had to provide his own work. Meanwhile, child
5:01
Speaker 1: actor Michael Stephenson secured his role by screaming loudly in
5:05
Speaker 1: the smoke filled audition room. And most remarkably, Don Packard,
5:09
Speaker 1: who played the disturbing store owner, was cast well on
5:13
Speaker 1: a weekend pass from a psychiatric hospital at the University
5:16
Speaker 1: of Utah. And you see him in the movie, dude,
5:19
Speaker 1: and he looks like you think he's a really good actor,
5:23
Speaker 1: and then you're like, oh no, that's just him. And
5:26
Speaker 1: he later admitted to be heavily under the influence of
5:28
Speaker 1: marijuana during the filming and having murderous thoughts about his
5:32
Speaker 1: child co star. You can't write this, but it was written.
5:39
Speaker 1: Luckily the child co star was Okay, what are you
5:41
Speaker 1: going to do to me? Daddy? And the title troll
5:43
Speaker 1: Too represents one of cinema's most brazen marketing deceptions because
5:49
Speaker 1: the film was originally called Goblins. Because newsflash, there's no
5:54
Speaker 1: trolls in this movie. It's also not a sequel to
5:58
Speaker 1: any movie named troll It's just a standalone movie called
6:03
Speaker 1: Trolls two. Because the marketing people knew that the movie
6:06
Speaker 1: Trolls did somewhat good in the box office, and they
6:10
Speaker 1: didn't think that Goblins would do that well. So they're
6:12
Speaker 1: just like, call it Trolls too, Maybe that'll get people in.
6:16
Speaker 1: But it didn't because the movie only made like twelve
6:20
Speaker 1: hundred dollars of meters. I was twelve hundred and sixty
6:24
Speaker 1: three dollars worldwide. It's one of the lowest theatrical grossing
6:29
Speaker 1: movies in cinema history. At least we beat that house.
6:32
Speaker 1: I need further win. But that's just a little let's
6:35
Speaker 1: just a little lord drop about the movie. Let's just
6:38
Speaker 1: dive into what this movie's about. Iby called a lot
6:41
Speaker 1: of things, but not a monster. There's nothing I need
6:44
Speaker 1: more than a sanctuary where I can actually unwind and
6:47
Speaker 1: get quality sleep. Because your girl struggles with that sometimes,
6:51
Speaker 1: And if you didn't know, you spend a third of
6:54
Speaker 1: your life in bed, So why settle for anything less
6:57
Speaker 1: than the absolute best? And that's why I'm I'm so
7:00
Speaker 1: grateful that Helix Sleep reached out to partner with me.
7:03
Speaker 1: But little did they know, I already had been using
7:05
Speaker 1: a Helix mattress for over a year from them, So
7:08
Speaker 1: this just worked out really nicely. And I'm that type
7:10
Speaker 1: of sleeper that tosses and turns all night and I
7:13
Speaker 1: run at like four hundred degrees, so I struggle with
7:16
Speaker 1: getting a good sleep. But ever since I got a
7:18
Speaker 1: Helix mattress, everything has changed for me and for k
7:22
Speaker 1: Lob actually because we actually took their sleep quiz, which
7:25
Speaker 1: is awesome and honestly genius, and it asks about your
7:28
Speaker 1: body type sleep position, whether you sleep hot or cold.
7:32
Speaker 1: I'm hot, as we know, not like that, but also
7:34
Speaker 1: maybe I don't know, it's up to you. It's yow.
7:36
Speaker 1: But these are all factors I never really thought about,
7:39
Speaker 1: especially sleeping with a partner, and we were matched with
7:41
Speaker 1: the Helix Midnight Lux and honestly, it has been a
7:45
Speaker 1: game changer, and my sleep tracker shows I'm getting a deeper,
7:48
Speaker 1: more restorative sleep instead of lying awake thinking about case
7:52
Speaker 1: files and you know, just the world in general right now,
7:56
Speaker 1: which like, let's not get into that. I actually fall
7:59
Speaker 1: asleep fast and stay asleep through the night, which was
8:02
Speaker 1: rare for me before. And when I wake up, I
8:05
Speaker 1: have the mental clarity and energy I need to deep
8:08
Speaker 1: dive into the madness of this world and present them
8:11
Speaker 1: to you with a focus that they deserve because sleep
8:14
Speaker 1: is quite literally one of the most important things that
8:16
Speaker 1: you need in life. And the difference from my old
8:18
Speaker 1: mattress is night and day. I'm waking up refreshed and
8:22
Speaker 1: ready to tackle anything the day throws directly into my face.
8:25
Speaker 1: And what I also love about Helix is that they've
8:27
Speaker 1: been named the most awarded mattress brand. That's impressive, and
8:32
Speaker 1: they've been reviewed against hundreds of competitors and they consistently
8:35
Speaker 1: come out on top. Plus they ship it right to
8:37
Speaker 1: your door for free and you get one hundred nights
8:40
Speaker 1: to try it out, which I think is completely fair
8:43
Speaker 1: and really awesome. And if you're not completely satisfied, they
8:46
Speaker 1: make returns seamless. So make sure to get your Helix
8:50
Speaker 1: mattress today and go to Helixsleep dot com forward slash
8:53
Speaker 1: call me Chris to take advantage of their Labor Day
8:56
Speaker 1: Sale exclusive partner offer, which is twenty seven percent off
8:59
Speaker 1: site wide. But trust me, quality sleep makes all the
9:03
Speaker 1: difference in life, and you deserve a good sleep, So
9:06
Speaker 1: go to Helixsleep dot com, forward slash call me Chris,
9:08
Speaker 1: take the quiz and get your Helix mattress today for
9:11
Speaker 1: twenty seven percent off sitewide. Thank you again to Helix
9:15
Speaker 1: Mattress for sponsoring this video and supporting this channel, and
9:18
Speaker 1: let's get back to it. So the film opens with
9:20
Speaker 1: what is perhaps in Ofa's most unintentionally disturbing bedtime stories ever,
9:25
Speaker 1: and Grandpa Seth sits by young Joshua's bed, spinning a
9:28
Speaker 1: tale Princess Bride Grandpa's style. What Princess Bride is one
9:32
Speaker 1: of my favorite movies. They totally ripped that off from
9:34
Speaker 1: three years ago. But he spins a tale about a
9:36
Speaker 1: traveler who encounters evil goblins in the forest. And you
9:40
Speaker 1: see these goblins for the first time and you realize
9:43
Speaker 1: what you're about to encounter. Okay, what kind of movie
9:46
Speaker 1: this is about to be? Because they're just children with
9:49
Speaker 1: the spirit Halloween masks on and it's awesome. And these
9:54
Speaker 1: little children goblin things chase this traveler who looks like
9:58
Speaker 1: Peter Pan. For some it's like Peter Pan and Robin
10:02
Speaker 1: Hood put together. His hat is crazy. Also kind of
10:05
Speaker 1: looks like the guy the main character from Princess Bride,
10:08
Speaker 1: but whatever, But they chase the traveler into the woods
10:10
Speaker 1: and he's terrified. But then the traveler falls over and
10:13
Speaker 1: then he wakes up and he sees a beautiful girl
10:17
Speaker 1: who has fake freckles the size of tic TACs on
10:19
Speaker 1: her face for some reason, and she offers him some green,
10:23
Speaker 1: yellow goop substance of some sort, and he drinks it
10:26
Speaker 1: because she's hot. What else is he gonna do? And
10:29
Speaker 1: then he quickly transforms into a half man, half plant
10:33
Speaker 1: and starts sweating chlorophyll green goo and he's eaten by
10:36
Speaker 1: the goblins. Just a classic bedtime story your grandparents tell you.
10:41
Speaker 1: You know, some of us read good Night Moon. Others
10:44
Speaker 1: tell tales of horrific deaths involving small man eating vegetarian goblins. Wait,
10:49
Speaker 1: there's more unsettling news because as Grandpa Seth is finishing
10:52
Speaker 1: up the story, Josh's mom flicks on the light and
10:55
Speaker 1: asks why Joshua is still up, And then Joshua replies,
10:59
Speaker 1: Grandpa Seth was telling me a play. The clip is
11:05
Speaker 1: telling me stop. And then a plot twist reveal like
11:09
Speaker 1: no other less than five minutes into the movie happens,
11:11
Speaker 1: and the camera pans out and shows there's no one
11:13
Speaker 1: in the rocking chair. Grandpa Seth died six months ago,
11:17
Speaker 1: but for some reason, the chair is still moving as
11:19
Speaker 1: if someone was just sitting in there, which is we're
11:21
Speaker 1: not gonna question this movie, Okay, we're just gonna let
11:23
Speaker 1: it be. And this casual revelation about ghostly storytelling gets
11:28
Speaker 1: barely a mention, as if deceased grandfather's regularly appearing for
11:32
Speaker 1: bedtime stories is perfectly normal, and the wait's household because
11:35
Speaker 1: the mom's just like, ah, not again. You know, it's like,
11:40
Speaker 1: oh man, But what we do get is like some
11:44
Speaker 1: quick lore drop, and that happens throughout this entire movie.
11:46
Speaker 1: There's like it's all pretty surface level. But then sometimes
11:49
Speaker 1: the characters will just drop so much context and character
11:53
Speaker 1: development in like three seconds, and you're like, what, what
11:56
Speaker 1: was that? And we get slapped with that a lot.
11:58
Speaker 1: And here the mom sits down on the bed and
12:01
Speaker 1: she's like, you know, your grandpa died six months ago,
12:03
Speaker 1: and I'm upset about it, and i'm his daughter, and
12:06
Speaker 1: your dad's upset about it, and your sister's upset about it,
12:09
Speaker 1: and you just need to get over it. You need
12:11
Speaker 1: to banish him from your mind quote unquote, which is
12:15
Speaker 1: a crazy thing to say to like, we've got a
12:17
Speaker 1: nine year old. And then she asks him to remind
12:20
Speaker 1: her about the diagnosis that the doctor gave him. You know,
12:23
Speaker 1: so the audience has context as to what's going on
12:25
Speaker 1: because we can't figure it out on our own. You know,
12:28
Speaker 1: this movie really just spoon feeds us and I love it.
12:30
Speaker 1: But Joshua says that the doctor said, I just make
12:34
Speaker 1: inventions in my subconscious and I really need to stop.
12:37
Speaker 1: So we get that context, and then we hard cut
12:39
Speaker 1: to Hawley's room, which is Joshua's sister and the daughter
12:43
Speaker 1: of the family, and her boyfriend and friends at that
12:45
Speaker 1: point are breaking into her room through her window, you know,
12:48
Speaker 1: as they do, and then we get slapped in the
12:50
Speaker 1: face with some more lore drop, just really quick, about
12:53
Speaker 1: twenty seconds worth, just getting fed with the silver platter again,
12:56
Speaker 1: and we figure out that the boyfriend is just obsessed
12:59
Speaker 1: with his bros and they have to go everywhere with them,
13:02
Speaker 1: and she doesn't like that. She wants to have a
13:04
Speaker 1: loane time with her boyfriend, which is like fair enough, queen,
13:06
Speaker 1: And she says that my family's going to a little
13:09
Speaker 1: town called Nilbog for a month, and I really want
13:11
Speaker 1: you to come with me, but I don't want your
13:13
Speaker 1: bros to come with me. And then he says, well
13:15
Speaker 1: kill me, bros. Come and she's like no, and he's like, okay,
13:18
Speaker 1: I'll see you tomorrow. Peace out right, Oh Elliott, it
13:23
Speaker 1: will be wonderful. And my boys, you bring them with you.
13:26
Speaker 1: I never want to see you again. And then a
13:28
Speaker 1: little bit before that, we cut to the parents talking
13:30
Speaker 1: about their trip. He's like, we're going to Nilbog for
13:32
Speaker 1: a month. There's twenty six people in the town. We're
13:35
Speaker 1: going to live like peasants like our ancestors did. We'll
13:38
Speaker 1: be living like our ancestors did. Yeah, we'll be peasants
13:41
Speaker 1: and farmers. The dialogue in this movie is crazy. But anyway,
13:46
Speaker 1: the boyfriend agrees to meet the family in the morning
13:47
Speaker 1: to head off to Nilbog. But then we hard cut
13:50
Speaker 1: to the whole family in the station wagon, which also
13:53
Speaker 1: turns into a different car by the end of the movie,
13:55
Speaker 1: by the way, which is crazy, Just the biggest continuity
13:58
Speaker 1: era I've ever seen in anymme. But anyway, we hardcut
14:01
Speaker 1: to the family in the car. The boyfriend's not there.
14:03
Speaker 1: He was late, he never showed up, and Holly's really
14:06
Speaker 1: upset about that, and the family's just like, ah, shut
14:09
Speaker 1: the fuck up, Holly. Oh my God, and they try
14:12
Speaker 1: to kind of comfort her for about ten seconds and
14:15
Speaker 1: then the mom unblinking. I don't think she blinks in
14:17
Speaker 1: this movie, by the way. She's like, hurry, Joshua, sing
14:21
Speaker 1: a song. Sing a song that'll be no, that'll make
14:23
Speaker 1: everything okay. Sing a song. And the kid's like, ahh
14:25
Speaker 1: ro row row you and she's like roh roh row.
14:30
Speaker 1: I love it so much. It's so funny. But seriously,
14:34
Speaker 1: that mom doesn't blink. But every dialogue situation of this
14:38
Speaker 1: movie feels like if aliens made a movie trying to
14:42
Speaker 1: guess what people sound like and talk like with each other.
14:46
Speaker 1: That's this movie. If if that makes sense, you just
14:49
Speaker 1: need to watch it to know. But what Holly and
14:51
Speaker 1: the rest of the family don't know is that Elliot,
14:54
Speaker 1: Holly's boyfriend, actually is headed to neil Bog to surprise her,
14:57
Speaker 1: to kind of like win her back. But he brought
15:00
Speaker 1: his bros with him. Is three bros. And they rented
15:03
Speaker 1: an RV and they're following the family that's restraining order
15:07
Speaker 1: worthy but whatever, we'll get back to that. And the
15:10
Speaker 1: only way that Elliott was able to convince his bros
15:13
Speaker 1: to come is that he promises that there's a lot
15:15
Speaker 1: of hot women in Nilbag, a place that has twenty
15:18
Speaker 1: six people, and he's never been to this place ever.
15:21
Speaker 1: There's no questions in this movie. Everybody's just like okay.
15:26
Speaker 1: And then we cut back into the family's car, where
15:28
Speaker 1: Joshua falls asleep and has a dream about becoming a plant,
15:31
Speaker 1: a half plant, half man, and he starts sweating that
15:35
Speaker 1: green chlorophyl juice, and his sister's talking to him in
15:38
Speaker 1: a fish eye effect menacingly about how he's eaten too
15:41
Speaker 1: much and how her and the family are going to
15:44
Speaker 1: eat him. And then the parents put on those spirit
15:47
Speaker 1: Halloween goblin masks and turn around and in some of
15:51
Speaker 1: the best slash worst practical makeup and effects I've ever
15:55
Speaker 1: seen in cinema history, josh gets just in pale by
16:00
Speaker 1: some tree trunk or something. It's pretty, it's pretty awesome,
16:03
Speaker 1: pretty gruesome, but not bloody, so it's okay. And then
16:10
Speaker 1: he wakes up and he says, no, don't eat me.
16:13
Speaker 1: And the family turns around and they're like classic Joshua,
16:17
Speaker 1: and the sister's just like, who want you, little brother.
16:19
Speaker 1: It's so weird how they talk. But the family's just
16:22
Speaker 1: like unblinking as per huge and it's just totally chill
16:26
Speaker 1: about the whole situation, like this just happens on the rag.
16:29
Speaker 1: And then time passes and Joshua then sees a man
16:31
Speaker 1: on the side of the road with a sign that
16:33
Speaker 1: says stop them, and then they get closer and he
16:36
Speaker 1: realizes that it's Grandpa's seth and then he tells his
16:38
Speaker 1: whole family to pull the car over, and they don't
16:41
Speaker 1: ask why. They don't say like, oh, why do you
16:43
Speaker 1: need to go over? What's going on? The mom just says,
16:46
Speaker 1: you need to throw up, and the kid's like, yeah,
16:49
Speaker 1: it's like like that happens on the regular, Like he
16:51
Speaker 1: just throws up all the time. This kid's got a
16:53
Speaker 1: rough life. I think I think it's rough what's going on?
16:55
Speaker 1: But they pull over, he gets out, runs toward his grandpa,
16:59
Speaker 1: and then the grandpa drops some more lore, saying like
17:02
Speaker 1: you can't go to this town. You gotta turn around.
17:05
Speaker 1: This is bad. I'm getting creeped out, dude, you can't
17:08
Speaker 1: do this. And then the family is like, come on, Joshua,
17:10
Speaker 1: you gotta come back, and then he realizes that he's
17:12
Speaker 1: actually talking to what could be a murderer. Hitchhiker, just
17:17
Speaker 1: a middle aged murderer hitchhiker in the family's like come on,
17:20
Speaker 1: and he's like, give me a ride, and he's like no,
17:22
Speaker 1: and then the family no, nobody talks about it. He
17:24
Speaker 1: just gets in the garden and they just keep driving.
17:27
Speaker 1: So he's hallucinating. Poor kid's hallucinating a lot. But I
17:30
Speaker 1: think at this point that's the smartest thing they will
17:32
Speaker 1: do in the movie, is is driving away from what
17:35
Speaker 1: is probably a murderous hitchhiker. So at least they got
17:39
Speaker 1: that going for them. And then they're almost in Nilbog.
17:41
Speaker 1: But then they drive past the RV that the boys
17:44
Speaker 1: are in and they're stopped and it's like they're like
17:46
Speaker 1: half a kilometer away, but they're like waving the car
17:49
Speaker 1: down for some reason, they know when they're gonna be
17:52
Speaker 1: driving by. And then the girl sees them and she's
17:55
Speaker 1: just like my stalker boyfriend and then she goes as
17:59
Speaker 1: if they could see that from like a kilometer away,
18:02
Speaker 1: it's like one but they're like staying just outside of Nilbog,
18:08
Speaker 1: I guess. But they're in Nilbog, but they're not really, No,
18:10
Speaker 1: they're in Nobog. So then the family arrives in Nilboch
18:14
Speaker 1: and immediately they notice that the town's eerily deserted in
18:18
Speaker 1: the main street and the few visible residents are just
18:22
Speaker 1: like thirty yard glare staring at them through the window,
18:26
Speaker 1: just like Dey's here also, But anyway, all these residents
18:35
Speaker 1: are just stone cold staring at them. And Joshua says,
18:39
Speaker 1: like how creepy it is and how he doesn't like
18:41
Speaker 1: this place. But the parents are just like, that's just
18:43
Speaker 1: how country people are, Joshua, You idiot kid. They country
18:47
Speaker 1: people just don't have anything to do but stare at
18:50
Speaker 1: people from the city. I'd say, you can't write this,
18:53
Speaker 1: but somebody wrote this, which is awesome, But yeah, country
18:56
Speaker 1: people just just stand around in thirty yards stare until
19:00
Speaker 1: you want to crawl back into your skin. Don't you
19:02
Speaker 1: know that that's common knowledge, Joshua. And also during this conversation,
19:07
Speaker 1: when the parents are telling him that the camera's like
19:10
Speaker 1: this close, it's like it's this close to like that's
19:13
Speaker 1: just how country people are. Lead the way farmer waits,
19:17
Speaker 1: and then they finally make it to their exchange house.
19:19
Speaker 1: I don't think I mentioned that also, and they definitely
19:22
Speaker 1: said that in the beginning they're like, we're going to
19:24
Speaker 1: an exchange house in Nilbog, but I think I missed
19:27
Speaker 1: that part. But anyway, the whole idea is that they're
19:29
Speaker 1: exchanging homes with a family for like a month, So
19:31
Speaker 1: this family from Nilbog is going to stay at their
19:33
Speaker 1: house and vice versa doesn't really matter to the story.
19:35
Speaker 1: They could have just been staying at a random house.
19:38
Speaker 1: We don't hear anything about the family, like being at
19:40
Speaker 1: the other house or anything, but it's fine. So they
19:43
Speaker 1: show up to these people's house and these people are
19:46
Speaker 1: also cold stone thirty yards staring at this family as
19:49
Speaker 1: they roll up, really not nice people. They like swap
19:52
Speaker 1: keys or something. And then they bump shoulders like it's
19:55
Speaker 1: like it's a fifties snap and gang thing, and one
19:58
Speaker 1: of the kids is like a peaky boy for some reason.
20:01
Speaker 1: And then they're just like, all right, we'll have fun
20:02
Speaker 1: at our house and we'll have fun at your house.
20:05
Speaker 1: And then they don't bring in bags or anything into
20:07
Speaker 1: the house. They just talk about how hungry they are
20:10
Speaker 1: and just they all go to the kitchen and then
20:12
Speaker 1: there's just a feast laid out for them that's green.
20:16
Speaker 1: It's just all green and no one says anything about it.
20:20
Speaker 1: It's just red flag number fifty two in nil Bog.
20:23
Speaker 1: But yeah, everything has this weird like green icing over it.
20:26
Speaker 1: It's just like green milk, green bread, green meat, green corn.
20:30
Speaker 1: It just green desserts, green everything. It's like Saint Patrick's
20:33
Speaker 1: Day just threw up, but it's not Saint Patrick's Day.
20:36
Speaker 1: And the only thing is said is the dad walks
20:38
Speaker 1: up to the table and he's just.
20:40
Speaker 2: Like typical country hospitality.
20:42
Speaker 1: And the family's like hooray. Yeah. Everybody sits down and
20:46
Speaker 1: starts to pass stuff around. And then it goes to
20:49
Speaker 1: Joshua who's at the screen door, and Grandpa Seth is
20:53
Speaker 1: knocking on it, and he's just like, don't let them
20:55
Speaker 1: meet the food, don't let them meet the phone. He's
20:57
Speaker 1: just like torturing this poor little kid. He's like, I
21:00
Speaker 1: can't get my grandpa out of my head. Before the
21:02
Speaker 1: whole family starts eating, they all get it like almost
21:04
Speaker 1: in their mouth, and then the grandpa says, you have
21:07
Speaker 1: thirty seconds to figure out how to get them not
21:09
Speaker 1: to eat. And I don't know why. There's a time
21:11
Speaker 1: limit to Grandpa Seth's ghostly powers, but he freezes time
21:16
Speaker 1: to make sure that Seth can go over and do
21:18
Speaker 1: something about the food so they're all frozen. Like Joshua
21:21
Speaker 1: does the only thing that can be done. He doesn't
21:23
Speaker 1: hit the food out of their hand or you know,
21:26
Speaker 1: just yell or something. He just stands up on the
21:29
Speaker 1: table on zips his pants and pisses on everything. Piss
21:33
Speaker 1: is on all the food, I'm assuming in their mouths,
21:36
Speaker 1: because most of that food was mostly inside of their mouths.
21:40
Speaker 1: And then it just hard cuts to the whole family
21:42
Speaker 1: pissed at him U pun intended for, you know, pissing
21:45
Speaker 1: on the food, and the dad's just irate and throws
21:49
Speaker 1: Joshua over his shoulder, and then he gets to save
21:53
Speaker 1: that line that we were all saying. He's just like,
21:55
Speaker 1: you can't piss on hospitality because it's good Southern hospitality.
22:00
Speaker 1: He says, you can't piss on hospitality. And I love
22:03
Speaker 1: that line so much, And you can't piss on hospitality
22:06
Speaker 1: unintentional comedic gold. And then josh is like in bed
22:09
Speaker 1: and he throws him in bed and he's like, what
22:10
Speaker 1: are you gonna do to me? Dad? And the dad
22:12
Speaker 1: then starts to like take looks like he's taken off
22:15
Speaker 1: his belt and you're like, damn, josh was gonna get beat.
22:17
Speaker 1: Joshua can't catch a break. But then he just starts
22:20
Speaker 1: tightening his belt and then he just says, I need
22:22
Speaker 1: to tighten my belt so I don't feel hunger pains,
22:25
Speaker 1: and you're just like, it's been like a couple hours
22:28
Speaker 1: since you've eaten. Calm down, okay. But then we get
22:31
Speaker 1: another like random law drop where he's like he thinks
22:35
Speaker 1: that Joshua was making them, the whole family do a
22:37
Speaker 1: hunger strike and it's like a challenge. And then he
22:40
Speaker 1: drops this old lore that the Dad's like, I used
22:43
Speaker 1: to starve when I was a kid all the time,
22:46
Speaker 1: so I've had more practice than you, so bringing it on, bitch.
22:49
Speaker 1: And you're like, where did this come from? Like you
22:52
Speaker 1: need to talk to a therapist. What is happening? Dad?
22:55
Speaker 1: I should feel bad for Joshua this whole time. Also,
22:58
Speaker 1: Joshua best actor in this whole thing, for sure, I'll
23:01
Speaker 1: see you tomorrow. But I think this movie is like
23:03
Speaker 1: unintentionally just touching on some really serious notes that they
23:06
Speaker 1: never delve into. But you're just like, oh, okay, goddamn,
23:10
Speaker 1: I want to hear more about that. But you never do.
23:12
Speaker 1: And then we cut to Holly's boyfriend, Elliott, and then
23:15
Speaker 1: his other buddies are Arnold, who's like a sensitive type
23:18
Speaker 1: who looks perpetually constipated for some reason, and then brand
23:22
Speaker 1: who's just a generic jock, and Drew, who exists primarily
23:26
Speaker 1: to increase the body count basically, but you'll see that.
23:29
Speaker 1: But this, in their view is just like a perfect
23:31
Speaker 1: opportunity for a guy's weekend, involving minimal supervision and maximum highjinks.
23:36
Speaker 1: So we're all kind of settling in, and then Arnold
23:39
Speaker 1: constipated looking guy, steps out of the RV just to
23:41
Speaker 1: kind of like, I don't know, for the next scene
23:44
Speaker 1: to happen. I think we don't really know why he's
23:46
Speaker 1: out there, and he just immediately spots a gorgeous woman
23:50
Speaker 1: running for her life, terrified of something, into the woods,
23:54
Speaker 1: and then he decides it's a great idea to scream
23:57
Speaker 1: at her and chase at her full tilt and woo
24:02
Speaker 1: her or something. But he just screams and starts running
24:05
Speaker 1: at her as she's screaming and running from something but
24:08
Speaker 1: now probably from him as well. Hormones, am I right,
24:14
Speaker 1: can't keep it locked in, so he keeps chasing her
24:16
Speaker 1: and then tackles her to the ground. Romanic guy, I guess,
24:21
Speaker 1: and the girl asks if he's one of the monsters,
24:23
Speaker 1: and she's like freaking out and he's like, no, I'm not,
24:26
Speaker 1: I want to see. And then she says she's dying
24:29
Speaker 1: because they made her eat stuff and he's like, oh,
24:33
Speaker 1: holl hole, A'm I gonna get laid hole hole, and
24:36
Speaker 1: then she's like there they are, and then these adorable
24:40
Speaker 1: little little goblin monsters wearing masks or whatever show up,
24:44
Speaker 1: and then they throw a giant spear right into Arnold's shoulder.
24:49
Speaker 1: Poor guy, he just want to get laid by a
24:51
Speaker 1: girl he attacked in the forest. Karma's a bitch. And
24:54
Speaker 1: then it cuts to his buddies hearing him scream bloody
24:57
Speaker 1: murder in the RV, like they're in the RV and
24:59
Speaker 1: he's in the and then they're just like, huh, must
25:03
Speaker 1: be him deflowering one of the nilbog versions. And you're like, what,
25:08
Speaker 1: but we asked no questions. We keep moving because logic
25:11
Speaker 1: and this movie do not mix. So Arnold and Hot
25:14
Speaker 1: Girl number two, who has no name, I'm just gonna
25:16
Speaker 1: call her hot Girl number two run to this totally
25:19
Speaker 1: not weird or creepy house in the middle of the
25:22
Speaker 1: forest is to seek refuge, I guess, but like such
25:26
Speaker 1: a trope, you know, creepy house inside the middle of
25:29
Speaker 1: a forest. Who even does that? It's like embarrassing. Shut
25:34
Speaker 1: up anyway, Then we go to one of the greatest
25:38
Speaker 1: performances in cinema history and one of the greatest overall
25:43
Speaker 1: moments in the movie because enter Credence leonor Gilgud. It
25:48
Speaker 1: is nice house. And they enter Credence's house and it
25:51
Speaker 1: kind of just looks like most millennials houses with plants
25:54
Speaker 1: just kind of growing in every single corner. Maybe what
25:57
Speaker 1: sets it apart is the just sheer amount of dry
26:00
Speaker 1: ice and the cauldrons, but otherwise just millennial house. And
26:04
Speaker 1: then she walks out and she's got like these rotten
26:07
Speaker 1: teeth and she looks like witchy and crazy, and she's
26:10
Speaker 1: like she's just like so OVERACTI. But it kind of
26:13
Speaker 1: just kind of just makes it kind of it brings
26:15
Speaker 1: the whole movie together. You know, she's clearly a villain,
26:19
Speaker 1: there's no you can't not know that she's a billion
26:22
Speaker 1: and then she casually also just drops her entire Laura
26:25
Speaker 1: in about five seconds, literally says everything before they can
26:28
Speaker 1: even be like, my name's Arnold and my name's Hotgirl
26:31
Speaker 1: number two. She's like, I'm Cretin Selina Gilgood and.
26:36
Speaker 2: My ancestors came from Stonehenge with that crack in the
26:40
Speaker 2: middle of my wall in the back of it there,
26:43
Speaker 2: and I am from ancient druid origins and diam in
26:47
Speaker 2: finance or whatever.
26:49
Speaker 1: Yah da ya dah. She's not in finance, but you know,
26:52
Speaker 1: you get it. She's a witch or whatever. I don't
26:54
Speaker 1: really know what she is, to be honest, stinking fucking wrong,
26:58
Speaker 1: like a cure you. And they are like, yeah, we're
27:02
Speaker 1: I've got im paled and she's bleeding green from somewhere
27:07
Speaker 1: and we need a hospital, and she's like, there is
27:09
Speaker 1: no hospital in k needed Bog. You're used to stream.
27:17
Speaker 1: The amount of time she just like opens her eyes
27:20
Speaker 1: is probably the same amount of times that the weight's
27:23
Speaker 1: mom doesn't blink, if that makes sense. It's a lot,
27:26
Speaker 1: and it's incredible, But she says that there's no hospital
27:29
Speaker 1: in nil Bog and we cure things ourselves in nil
27:33
Speaker 1: Bog with ancient evil goblin druid green chlorophyll, dry ice,
27:37
Speaker 1: emitting juice scoop drinks and they're just like, okay. So
27:42
Speaker 1: she brings out these spear mugs full of dry ice
27:46
Speaker 1: and gives it to them and they're just like And
27:50
Speaker 1: then almost immediately after drinking, the music gets insanely sinister
27:55
Speaker 1: as fuck, and Hot Girl Number Two just starts vomiting
27:59
Speaker 1: green slot and Arnold's just in the back like and
28:10
Speaker 1: for some reason, instead of, you know, trying to run
28:13
Speaker 1: outside of this creepy house and this woman that's trying
28:16
Speaker 1: to poison you, she runs further into the creepiest house.
28:21
Speaker 1: She runs up the stairs, well choking. I've never personally
28:25
Speaker 1: choked on something and felt like I needed to do cardio,
28:28
Speaker 1: but what do I know, you know? But anyway, she
28:31
Speaker 1: goes upstairs and then just starts turning into green plant
28:35
Speaker 1: sludge and it's really fun. It's like this like goopy
28:38
Speaker 1: slop crap and it looks terrible and awesome at the
28:42
Speaker 1: same time. And then the little goblin adorable goblins come
28:45
Speaker 1: and start eating up the sludge that is Hot Girl
28:48
Speaker 1: number two. She's just sludge on the floor. She's like
28:50
Speaker 1: plant sludge. And then the greatest moment in this movie
28:53
Speaker 1: happens and it pans over to Arnold, who's watching her
28:57
Speaker 1: with a drinking handstill, and he's looking up and he's
29:00
Speaker 1: has Just in case you didn't know what was going on,
29:03
Speaker 1: he says, they're eating her, and then they're going to
29:06
Speaker 1: eat me. Oh my god, play the club. I'm going
29:13
Speaker 1: to eat me. Oh my god. It's the greatest line
29:18
Speaker 1: delivery I've ever seen in cinema. And how he didn't
29:22
Speaker 1: get an Oscar for that, we'll never know. But he
29:24
Speaker 1: has an Oscar in my heart. Just in case you
29:26
Speaker 1: didn't understand what was going on in the moment, Arnold
29:29
Speaker 1: swoops in with a silver platter of exposition. So it
29:33
Speaker 1: seems like this movie always wants you to know what's
29:35
Speaker 1: going to happen next, but then it just comes in
29:38
Speaker 1: and slaps you in the face with the completely most
29:42
Speaker 1: unthinkable scene next after it's just like a whirlwind. Okay,
29:48
Speaker 1: it's a whirlwind of emotions because the next scene hard
29:51
Speaker 1: cuts to Holly just hardest dancing in the mirror like
30:05
Speaker 1: and then she like turns off the music, goes back
30:07
Speaker 1: in the mirror, starts talking to herself like we all
30:09
Speaker 1: do in the mirror, okay, and then Grandpa Seth just
30:12
Speaker 1: appears in the mirror looking for Joshua. He's like, Joshua, dude,
30:18
Speaker 1: where are you. I didn't know ghosts could get mixed
30:20
Speaker 1: up with like what room people are in, but he did.
30:22
Speaker 1: It's really funny. And then she screams and all the
30:25
Speaker 1: whole family comes upstairs and she's like, oh, I just
30:27
Speaker 1: saw Grandpa Seth in the mirror. And then josh was like, see,
30:29
Speaker 1: I'm not crazy, MoMA, dad, and they're just like you're crazy,
30:33
Speaker 1: and you're crazy. You guys are stupid, dude. It's like,
30:36
Speaker 1: what is going on? And then the dad like goes
30:39
Speaker 1: in the mirror and he's like looking and he's like,
30:41
Speaker 1: Grandpa Seth's not here, and then he's like, are you
30:43
Speaker 1: still smoking dope? Polly? So we just get that drop
30:46
Speaker 1: of lore where it's like, is Holly hooked on dope?
30:48
Speaker 1: Like what? What? When? Did that happen? We hear nothing
30:52
Speaker 1: about it though after that, so we're just gonna assume
30:54
Speaker 1: she's got a bit of a drug problem or did
30:55
Speaker 1: in the past. I guess she's like been in rehab
30:58
Speaker 1: since she turned fourteen or something. I have no idea,
31:00
Speaker 1: we don't know. And that's the beautiful Mystery of Troll two. Okay,
31:04
Speaker 1: so everybody leaves and Joshua stays because Hally's like, IIN's
31:07
Speaker 1: staying in this room. There's are just a ghosts in
31:08
Speaker 1: this room, probably the only one with common sense in
31:10
Speaker 1: this movie half the time. But Joshua stays looks in
31:13
Speaker 1: the mirror and then Grandpa Seth's like, oh, josh it's you,
31:16
Speaker 1: and he's like, yeah, you had the wrong room. You
31:18
Speaker 1: an idiot. What are you doing? You're supernatural? Don't you
31:22
Speaker 1: have control of this? But then Seth goes on to
31:24
Speaker 1: just tell him like, you need to get your family
31:26
Speaker 1: out of Nilbog. It's a goblin kingdom. Duh, duh. We
31:32
Speaker 1: knew that. And the kid's like, okay, man, I'm trying,
31:35
Speaker 1: but they're stupid as fuck. And meanwhile, no one in
31:39
Speaker 1: this movie has eaten anything. Everybody has just been fasting
31:42
Speaker 1: for two days. And Holly even comes down the next
31:45
Speaker 1: morning and is like, I've been fasting for two days
31:47
Speaker 1: and everyone's like, yeah, we have too, and it's like
31:50
Speaker 1: what is happening? Because the next morning it cuts to
31:52
Speaker 1: the r V now and one of the guys wakes up.
31:55
Speaker 1: We'll call him Dumbass Number three, wakes up, looks in
31:58
Speaker 1: the fridge and there's just milk in the fridge, nilbog milk,
32:01
Speaker 1: which they never stopped for and should be concerning that
32:05
Speaker 1: someone snuck in and put milk in their fridge. But
32:07
Speaker 1: then he closes it asks the guys like, hey, do
32:09
Speaker 1: we not have food? And they're like no, it didn't
32:11
Speaker 1: get any because everybody's just like fine with not eating,
32:13
Speaker 1: like that one bitch in high school is like full
32:15
Speaker 1: off half a pretzel. You know. That's kind of how
32:17
Speaker 1: everybody is in this movie for some reason. But at
32:19
Speaker 1: least now he's like, I'm gonna go get some food. Okay,
32:21
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna go. And then he goes out of
32:23
Speaker 1: the RV and just full tilt sprints into town, which
32:26
Speaker 1: is crazy. I don't get why everyone in this movie
32:28
Speaker 1: likes Cardio. Doesn't make sense to me. Okay, it's probably
32:31
Speaker 1: the most unbelievable thing about this movie. And then we
32:33
Speaker 1: cut to the family who comes downstairs and is like,
32:36
Speaker 1: where's breakfast to the wife because you know wife things,
32:39
Speaker 1: and she's like, there's no food. All there is is
32:41
Speaker 1: this nilbog milk in the fridge, and they're like, okay, well,
32:45
Speaker 1: I guess we got to go into town. So Joshua
32:47
Speaker 1: and mister Waits go into town to get some food
32:51
Speaker 1: as well, and then cuts back to Sprince McGee dumbass
32:55
Speaker 1: number three, who's like full tilt sprinting down the road
32:58
Speaker 1: with sweat all over him. And then local spuspicious sole
33:01
Speaker 1: cop of the town pulls up, asking if he needs
33:04
Speaker 1: a ride, and the dumb ass number three's like, yeah, okay,
33:09
Speaker 1: no questions, and then he hops in the car. And
33:11
Speaker 1: then the cops immediately like are you hungry, and he's
33:15
Speaker 1: just like okay, and he gives him a green sandwich
33:18
Speaker 1: and then he just starts munching it down, no questions again,
33:21
Speaker 1: and then he pulls up to the general store where
33:24
Speaker 1: quite literally twenty six dudes are all shouldered or shoulder
33:28
Speaker 1: just mad dogs staring him down. But still walks into
33:31
Speaker 1: the general store. And then he goes into the general
33:34
Speaker 1: store and then we meet psychiatric patient, real life psychiatric
33:38
Speaker 1: patient general store manager who comes out like, hey, are
33:42
Speaker 1: you looking for something to eat? And then dumb ass
33:47
Speaker 1: number three's like, yeah, do you have bacon? Do you
33:49
Speaker 1: have coffee? Do you have this? And he's like no,
33:50
Speaker 1: that's disgusting. Ew No, that's the that's the devil's water.
33:54
Speaker 1: Oh no, that doesn't this. But you know what we
33:57
Speaker 1: do have. We have milk. We have illbag milk. It
34:01
Speaker 1: has a lot of vitamins. That's so literally what he
34:03
Speaker 1: says in the movie played the club special milk high
34:07
Speaker 1: on vitamin content. So this is the same milk that
34:10
Speaker 1: was already in the fridge mysteriously in the RV. And
34:14
Speaker 1: he still buys that milk even though he didn't want
34:16
Speaker 1: that milk and already had that milk. So that doesn't
34:18
Speaker 1: make sense, But we don't ask questions about the movie.
34:20
Speaker 1: We just keep moving on. Then he goes outside and
34:22
Speaker 1: the twenty six men out there come up to him
34:24
Speaker 1: and they're like, hey, your friend came up to us
34:26
Speaker 1: and told us to tell you that he's in a
34:28
Speaker 1: really creepy house in the middle of the forest and
34:30
Speaker 1: that you need to go there and meet him. And
34:32
Speaker 1: he's just like okay. He goes to the house, and
34:35
Speaker 1: that's when we hard cut to the creepy millennial house
34:39
Speaker 1: once again, where Credence is given her all like she
34:42
Speaker 1: always does, monologue and hard to someone we don't see
34:46
Speaker 1: in the camera just yet, and then it's revealed when
34:49
Speaker 1: she's done said monologue about twenty eight seconds later, Morning
34:53
Speaker 1: my Little Flour, that it's Arnold who was now turned
34:59
Speaker 1: into half a plant in his face is like kind
35:02
Speaker 1: of missing. I kind of love the makeup, even though
35:03
Speaker 1: it's absolutely terrible, it's kind of awesome at the same time.
35:06
Speaker 1: Poor guy just wanted to chase down a terrified Nilbog
35:09
Speaker 1: tail and get lucky, but now he's a plant, So
35:12
Speaker 1: I guess that's kind of poetic karma if he asked me.
35:15
Speaker 1: Then we cut to mister Waite's reading a vegetarian recipe
35:19
Speaker 1: book because I'm assuming those are the only books that
35:21
Speaker 1: they sell in Nilbog because they're all vegetarians. Assuming he's
35:25
Speaker 1: just being converted in some way at this point, and
35:28
Speaker 1: I think the vegan teacher would like Nilbog. I think
35:30
Speaker 1: she should move there personally. And Joshua was just kind
35:33
Speaker 1: of hanging out, and that's when he walks up to
35:34
Speaker 1: a car's rear view mirror, just to try to conjure up,
35:38
Speaker 1: you know, his dead grandpa, like you do. But instead
35:41
Speaker 1: he sees the truth. And in the rear view mirror,
35:44
Speaker 1: he sees the sign of nil Bog behind him and
35:48
Speaker 1: sees that in reverse, nil Bog says Goblin God because
35:56
Speaker 1: Nilbog spell backwards as Goblin backwards. This is their kingdom.
36:02
Speaker 1: That's my favorite. This is their kingdom. I love that
36:05
Speaker 1: this is their kingdom. I laughed out loud so hard
36:10
Speaker 1: when I saw that. It was fantastic. Just in case
36:13
Speaker 1: you can't read or you didn't put that mystery together
36:17
Speaker 1: by the beginning of the movie, Joshua points it out
36:19
Speaker 1: to you, and I appreciate that. And then after that
36:22
Speaker 1: he just leaves. He leaves his dad sleeping in public.
36:26
Speaker 1: He's just taking a nap in public, and just jets
36:29
Speaker 1: off on his skateboard and does his own like kick
36:31
Speaker 1: ass stunt skateboard move on the way out, just to
36:34
Speaker 1: make sure that you know that he didn't come to
36:36
Speaker 1: Nilbogged around. And then we cut to dumbass number three
36:48
Speaker 1: walking through the forest to the creepy house who the
36:50
Speaker 1: creepy people told him to go to creepily while drinking
36:55
Speaker 1: milk when he's tired and hot like you do, and
36:59
Speaker 1: then he realizes it's chunky and disgusting, so he spits
37:02
Speaker 1: it out, and it just reminds me so much of
37:04
Speaker 1: Anchorman when he says milk was a bad choice, and
37:07
Speaker 1: then we hard cut back to Credence showing up at
37:10
Speaker 1: the Waits house in Millbog fully breaking and entering, but
37:14
Speaker 1: Missus Waits doesn't give a freak because you know, country hospitality,
37:19
Speaker 1: and she just get she didn't care about anything. I
37:22
Speaker 1: hope to be one day the level of not caring
37:24
Speaker 1: as much as Missus Waits is in this movie. And
37:27
Speaker 1: also Credence has a green cake that says welcome on it,
37:31
Speaker 1: so breaking in is fine. Wait, welcome spell backwards is emo. Clue,
37:37
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean anything else. That's not in the movie.
37:40
Speaker 1: I just made that up. That was a bad joke.
37:41
Speaker 1: And the daughter kind of pops her head, and Holly
37:43
Speaker 1: pops her head and and she's just like hey, And
37:45
Speaker 1: then Creeden says like the weirdest things to the daughter,
37:49
Speaker 1: saying she's like provocatively delicious, and the mom's like what
37:55
Speaker 1: but okay, appetizing provocative, but the mom and it's just like, oh,
38:00
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have made a cake, and Credence is like, ah,
38:03
Speaker 1: it was no problem at all, And then we just
38:05
Speaker 1: cut to Joshua, you know, cruising through the streets of Nilbog,
38:09
Speaker 1: not really knowing where he's going or what he's doing.
38:11
Speaker 1: But then he just randomly stops in front of this
38:13
Speaker 1: incredibly creepy open barn and has just no survival skills
38:18
Speaker 1: and just walks right in there, and in there he
38:21
Speaker 1: climbs up to the top roof to spy on the
38:23
Speaker 1: people below, because all of the townspeople are now in
38:27
Speaker 1: this barn doing like a weird sermon thing, and the
38:31
Speaker 1: and this I'm assuming the mayor of the town is
38:34
Speaker 1: like giving the sermon about how meat is bad basically
38:38
Speaker 1: and like gross, and he's like if my flesh, I
38:41
Speaker 1: mean all that's thinking disgusting meat, And all the townspeople
38:46
Speaker 1: that are sitting in chairs are like ew, and he's
38:48
Speaker 1: like hot dogs and they're like plea ew. It's it's
38:52
Speaker 1: like a child who hates meat wrote this movie trying
38:56
Speaker 1: to convince his mom that it's yucky. I it's like,
38:59
Speaker 1: I love okay. And also the family that was supposed
39:02
Speaker 1: to go to the big city house is still in
39:05
Speaker 1: Nilbog and they're at this like town church weird meat
39:09
Speaker 1: meeting thing. So the kid's like, whoa, that's weird, and
39:11
Speaker 1: you like see the little you know, Peaky blinders kid,
39:14
Speaker 1: and you're like, whoa, that's probably why they put that
39:16
Speaker 1: hat on them so we would recognize him in this
39:19
Speaker 1: part of the movie, which I appreciate. And they all
39:21
Speaker 1: talk about not being human, just in case you didn't
39:24
Speaker 1: know that they're goblins in disguise. We know that we're
39:27
Speaker 1: certain now, which is nice. And then Joshua on the
39:31
Speaker 1: roof accidentally moves a skateboard and it crashes into the
39:34
Speaker 1: floor below, so they all like look up and you're like,
39:36
Speaker 1: oh no, and then a hand just comes up and
39:40
Speaker 1: Gorilla grips Joshua's poor little head, and then we just
39:44
Speaker 1: cut out of it, and you're like, oh my god.
39:47
Speaker 1: And then we go to Holly just slamming on the
39:50
Speaker 1: RV door. This is probably the quickest scenes in the movie.
39:53
Speaker 1: She's just slamming on the RV door. They haven't seen
39:55
Speaker 1: each other yet, her or her boyfriend Elliott, and then
39:58
Speaker 1: he comes out and she's like, chew me or your
40:00
Speaker 1: friends and he's like what, and then she just punches
40:04
Speaker 1: him in the gut and then we cut out. It's
40:07
Speaker 1: how I wish that Grace's Anatomy scene actually went Pick Me,
40:10
Speaker 1: Choose Me, Love Me. Also throughout this video, I apologize.
40:15
Speaker 1: I keep calling it trolls too. It's troll too. Just
40:18
Speaker 1: want to apologize for that. Jay called me out, and
40:20
Speaker 1: then I feel very bad. It's troll too. Anyway, let's
40:24
Speaker 1: get back to it. And then we cut back to
40:26
Speaker 1: Joshua being force fed ice cream by the goblins in
40:30
Speaker 1: this creepy farm thing. But then the dad just miraculously
40:34
Speaker 1: shows up from his public nap just in time and
40:37
Speaker 1: runs into the creepy barn to be like, what do
40:39
Speaker 1: you doing to my son?
40:41
Speaker 2: What are you doing to my son?
40:42
Speaker 1: And they just say, we're just trying to force feed
40:45
Speaker 1: him ice cream. It's not a big deal. It's like
40:48
Speaker 1: we're strangers in a creepy barn and we're trying to
40:50
Speaker 1: force feed your kids stuff like poison ice cream. But
40:52
Speaker 1: like you need to calm down, okay. And then Joshua
40:55
Speaker 1: breaks free and runs over to his dad and he's
40:57
Speaker 1: just like just laying it down for his dad, just
41:00
Speaker 1: because his dad doesn't really get anything, you know, the
41:02
Speaker 1: parents in this don't understand anything that's going on. And
41:05
Speaker 1: he's like, Dad, they're goblins. And also they have a
41:08
Speaker 1: four leaf clover on all their cheeks, which I didn't
41:11
Speaker 1: notice until he pointed that out. And then I'm like,
41:15
Speaker 1: is this movie called Troll two and their goblins? But
41:18
Speaker 1: he's insinuating that they're leprechaunts. They keep me on edge
41:22
Speaker 1: in this movie. I have no idea what the fuck
41:24
Speaker 1: is going on. But I'm buckled up, all right. I
41:26
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on. And then he also tells
41:29
Speaker 1: his father that Nilbog spelt backwards as Goblin, just in
41:31
Speaker 1: case he didn't hear him screaming it in front of
41:34
Speaker 1: him while he was taking his public nap. And then
41:36
Speaker 1: you'd think that'd be enough to convince his father to
41:38
Speaker 1: get the hell out of Dodge, but the dad's just like, dads,
41:41
Speaker 1: it's not that big of a deal. And then he's
41:43
Speaker 1: also like, hey, weren't you the family that's supposed to
41:45
Speaker 1: be in the big city. And then they were just like,
41:48
Speaker 1: we had car trouble, and he's like, okay, and then
41:51
Speaker 1: they just head back to the house, back to the
41:53
Speaker 1: house in Nilbog because no big deal. And then as
41:55
Speaker 1: they're running out to go back to the house, the
41:58
Speaker 1: group of people in the barn just straight up mad
42:01
Speaker 1: dogs stare him down again, and then the leader mayor
42:04
Speaker 1: guy says, we need time for some things to happen.
42:08
Speaker 1: We need time for some things to happen. That's what
42:11
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say the next time somebody asked me to
42:13
Speaker 1: do something or to go out, and I'm just like, ah,
42:16
Speaker 1: let me check. No, I need time for some things
42:18
Speaker 1: to happen. I can. You need to have patience until tonight? Okay?
42:22
Speaker 1: The dialogue is Janius and I think about how this
42:26
Speaker 1: could have actually been written by a human being, and
42:28
Speaker 1: then I remember Italians who don't know English made this
42:32
Speaker 1: with people who don't know Italian, and then I'm back
42:35
Speaker 1: on board. I'm like, yeah, that this makes sense. We
42:37
Speaker 1: need time for some things to happen. And then we
42:39
Speaker 1: cut to the Dad and Josh driving back to the
42:42
Speaker 1: house and then they see Elliott and Holly in the
42:45
Speaker 1: RV and the dad's pissed because he's like, what's this
42:47
Speaker 1: guy doing here? So he pulls over. He confronts Elliott
42:50
Speaker 1: and he's just like, get come back to the house
42:53
Speaker 1: for reasons that I don't know. I don't understand. And
42:57
Speaker 1: now that means Elliott's last friend standing so far, I
43:01
Speaker 1: guess is left with the RV and he's like, what
43:03
Speaker 1: am I supposed to do? And he's just like figure
43:05
Speaker 1: it out. I got to go back to the house
43:07
Speaker 1: to get reamed out by this dad, which never happens,
43:10
Speaker 1: by the way, but I got to go back to
43:11
Speaker 1: this house and he's like okay, And we cut back
43:13
Speaker 1: to Dumbass number three get into the creepy house and
43:17
Speaker 1: finding Arnold now half plant, halfman, and Arnold is like,
43:22
Speaker 1: grab the pot and drag me out of this place.
43:24
Speaker 1: Dumbass number three is trying to like drag him out
43:26
Speaker 1: of the house, and it's really funny because he's like
43:28
Speaker 1: he's obviously actually dragging him, and it's really heavy, and
43:31
Speaker 1: it's like such an awkward moment where it's like silent.
43:38
Speaker 1: But then of course Credence shows up and literally slaps
43:42
Speaker 1: dumbass number three across the room onto her spuspiciously sexy bed,
43:48
Speaker 1: I guess, and then she brings out a chainsaw to
43:54
Speaker 1: cut pieces off of Arnold to make a green slushy
43:59
Speaker 1: thing for dumb number three, which I okay, yeah, yeah,
44:03
Speaker 1: of course, of course. And then Dad, Haley and Joshua
44:06
Speaker 1: arrive at their nilbog house to find out that they'll
44:09
Speaker 1: hole down somehow beat them there, even though they had
44:14
Speaker 1: an insane head start, and they're just partying with the
44:17
Speaker 1: mom who's just like getting down with the townspeople, and
44:20
Speaker 1: they all like brought a bunch of food, and then
44:22
Speaker 1: the dad comes in, like what's going on here, and
44:25
Speaker 1: he's like, ah, we just wanted to apologize for like
44:27
Speaker 1: force feeding your kid poison ice cream in a creepy bar,
44:30
Speaker 1: and so we brought you guys some leftovers, and we
44:33
Speaker 1: thought we'd just party with you guys. And the dad's like, okay.
44:37
Speaker 1: Joshua not having it, okay. He's like they're goblins. This
44:41
Speaker 1: is crazy, and the dad's like, go to your room,
44:43
Speaker 1: you little psycho kid. So Joshua goes to his room
44:47
Speaker 1: and he tries to summon his grandpa in the mirror,
44:49
Speaker 1: you know, like you do. Then a goblin just jumps
44:52
Speaker 1: out of the mirror and starts attacking Joshua, and the
44:56
Speaker 1: poor guy's fighting for his life, and then it cuts
44:58
Speaker 1: back to the family downstairs, like the and the all
45:02
Speaker 1: the townspeople are like egging them on to eat the food,
45:05
Speaker 1: but they're like never quite eating the food, and then
45:07
Speaker 1: it cuts back to Joshua fighting for his life, and
45:09
Speaker 1: then back to the family like almost eating food but
45:12
Speaker 1: not quite eating food, and then it cuts back to
45:15
Speaker 1: Joshua again, and then gangster Grandpa Seth shows up with
45:19
Speaker 1: an axe and cuts off the goblin's hand, which then
45:24
Speaker 1: in parallel cuts off Credence's hand back at the creepy house,
45:28
Speaker 1: which is awesome, which means that it was her all along. Eh,
45:31
Speaker 1: we had no idea she was evil. She just like
45:34
Speaker 1: looks and sounds and is evil. But what that's crazy, dude.
45:39
Speaker 1: Cut back to straight up gangster Grandpa who's like, we
45:41
Speaker 1: need to put out the fire Joshua, and Joshua's like,
45:45
Speaker 1: what fire? What are you talking about? And then gangster
45:48
Speaker 1: Gramps just whips out a homemade bomb and says, guess
45:53
Speaker 1: he's about to like just light this whole house on fire.
45:58
Speaker 1: I guess that's going on. Oh my god. But I
46:02
Speaker 1: didn't realize ghosts could make bombs and cut off people's limbs.
46:05
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna tread carefully on my next ghost ut
46:07
Speaker 1: basically I've learned that from this movie for sure. But
46:09
Speaker 1: then Credence puts her arm into that magic glory hole
46:12
Speaker 1: in the back of her house and an arm grows back,
46:16
Speaker 1: so I guess that's like magic or something, which is
46:18
Speaker 1: kind of cool. And then Gangster Grandpa and Joss just
46:21
Speaker 1: try to light the house on fire. But then the
46:23
Speaker 1: creepy mayor goblin guy grabs the homemade ghost bomb from
46:27
Speaker 1: the grandpa's hands or the kid's hands, and then he
46:30
Speaker 1: tries to send Gangster Grandpa back to Hell? Was he
46:34
Speaker 1: in hell before this? Is? See? This is again another
46:37
Speaker 1: Lord drop that we never understand, but it would make
46:40
Speaker 1: sense based on the axe murdering and arsony that Gangster
46:43
Speaker 1: Grandpa would have maybe come from hell because you know,
46:46
Speaker 1: he's just he's straight up g dude, but he's sweet otherwise,
46:49
Speaker 1: you know. So I don't know, I can be, I could.
46:51
Speaker 1: We don't need to we don't need to know. Okay,
46:53
Speaker 1: it's a perfect movie. I don't need to know. Okay,
46:55
Speaker 1: I'll let my imagination do its thing. But then Gangster Grandpa,
46:58
Speaker 1: being the straight up g he is oh no, reversus shit,
47:02
Speaker 1: and lightning bolts goblin mayre and turns them into a
47:05
Speaker 1: burnt up goblin. And then all the townspeople and the
47:08
Speaker 1: family come out from the house and the jig is up.
47:11
Speaker 1: They see the goblin on the ground. The Dad's like,
47:13
Speaker 1: what is this? My son's not crazy. And then the
47:16
Speaker 1: sheriff who's outside with them, who's also a goblin, is like,
47:20
Speaker 1: we're gonna kill you. And then the family does this
47:23
Speaker 1: after they get threatened, their lives getting threatened. Do they
47:26
Speaker 1: do this slowest walking you've ever seen. Just the survival
47:43
Speaker 1: skills of this family are numbed out. I don't think
47:46
Speaker 1: they have that. I don't think they have fight or flight.
47:49
Speaker 1: They just have freeze and flail. And then we cut
47:53
Speaker 1: to Credence, who just turns herself into hot Chick number
47:57
Speaker 1: three through the magic glory hole in the wall to
48:00
Speaker 1: go seduce dumb ass number four back at the RV
48:04
Speaker 1: for reasons I guess. But first we go back to
48:07
Speaker 1: the house at night and the family is just watching
48:10
Speaker 1: the outside as all the townspeople and the sheriff, for like,
48:14
Speaker 1: here are some sandwiches for tonight. Just eat them so
48:17
Speaker 1: we can eat you. Otherwise we'll be forced to kill
48:20
Speaker 1: you violently, as if them eating poison and slowly turning
48:25
Speaker 1: into good green plant goblin food isn't violent, But what
48:28
Speaker 1: do I know? You know, but I choose violence for sure.
48:32
Speaker 1: And then we cut back to dumbass number four who
48:34
Speaker 1: sees hot Credence on the TV and then he sees
48:37
Speaker 1: her outside the RV, so he goes out and just
48:39
Speaker 1: does but again doesn't question anything. Nobody questions anything in
48:41
Speaker 1: this movie. Okay, they just go with the flow. They'll
48:43
Speaker 1: go with the flow type people. And then he's like,
48:45
Speaker 1: come on in, you're hot, you know. And she just
48:48
Speaker 1: has a piece of corn the whole time, and then
48:50
Speaker 1: they start to kind of get freaky with it, putting
48:52
Speaker 1: it in between their mouths because she like wants him
48:54
Speaker 1: to eat it really bad. So they're like, oh, like
48:58
Speaker 1: make it out between the corn. He eats it because
49:00
Speaker 1: you know, she's hot. And then we just cut out
49:04
Speaker 1: of there, and then we go back to the Waites
49:06
Speaker 1: family holding a seance out of nowhere with one hundred
49:10
Speaker 1: and fifty lit loose candles, trying to get Gangster Grandpa
49:14
Speaker 1: back to help them or whatever. I think the prop
49:17
Speaker 1: guy in this project was trying to sabotage this movie
49:20
Speaker 1: by burning down the set, which I don't blame him
49:23
Speaker 1: at the time, but I'm glad it didn't. It didn't work,
49:26
Speaker 1: but they end up conjuring this bright light that is
49:29
Speaker 1: Gangster Grandpa Seth and just he just tells Joshua to concentrate.
49:33
Speaker 1: Doesn't say concentrate on what, but he just says concentrating.
49:37
Speaker 1: Joshua seems to know what happens, and then he kind
49:38
Speaker 1: of passes out and the mom freaks out, and that's
49:40
Speaker 1: when all the goblins start breaking into the house and
49:43
Speaker 1: start wreaking havoc, and then that's when the fight scenes
49:46
Speaker 1: start to happen, and they're definitely not funny at all,
49:50
Speaker 1: definitely not comical, and definitely pay a super badass. And
49:55
Speaker 1: then somehow during all of this, Joshua teleport to the
50:00
Speaker 1: creepy forest house during the fight scenes, and it starts
50:03
Speaker 1: to just get strangled by a loose goblin, I guess.
50:06
Speaker 1: But then of course gangster Grandpa sets swoops in and
50:10
Speaker 1: one punch kills this goblin and he always does this
50:14
Speaker 1: like smile after he smites a goblin. He's like and
50:18
Speaker 1: it's awesome. And then he just ominously gives Joshua a
50:23
Speaker 1: backpack and tells him like, open this when you think
50:26
Speaker 1: you need it, and josh was like what, and he's like,
50:29
Speaker 1: just do what I say and he's like okay, and
50:32
Speaker 1: then he tells Joshua to just touch the creepy glory
50:35
Speaker 1: whole wall for reasons we don't know, and he does,
50:39
Speaker 1: and then it cuts back to the family that's now
50:42
Speaker 1: surrounded by like twenty two foot tall goblin things that
50:47
Speaker 1: I could definitely take, I feel like, but luckily they say,
50:51
Speaker 1: our queen is calling us, and then they just disappear
50:55
Speaker 1: out of nowhere. Really good effects, by the way, roll
50:58
Speaker 1: the clip, and then we cut back to Joshua and
51:02
Speaker 1: gangster Grandpa holding the wall thing and he's like, okay,
51:06
Speaker 1: bye forever, Joshua, good luck, and then he just disappears
51:10
Speaker 1: and we never see him again, and Joshua's like, wait
51:12
Speaker 1: what And then he Joshua gets picked up stranglehold, picked
51:16
Speaker 1: up by Credence, and then he's he's force fed again,
51:19
Speaker 1: or tried to be force fed green gloopy glop stuff.
51:24
Speaker 1: But then of course he remembers one in thirty one
51:28
Speaker 1: minute and thirty two seconds ago, his grandpa told him
51:30
Speaker 1: that this backpack he was given was for a reason,
51:33
Speaker 1: and he looks in the backpack and he takes out
51:36
Speaker 1: a quote double decker baloney sandwich, the double glow, and
51:42
Speaker 1: then the goblins and Credence just grimace, and she says
51:47
Speaker 1: the weirdest things. She's just like, don't do it. Think
51:52
Speaker 1: of the facts in your blood, think about the cholesterol
51:56
Speaker 1: a think about the toxins. Just sounds like a like
52:00
Speaker 1: a middle aged couple, like a wife telling her husband
52:02
Speaker 1: that like his blood panel came back with too high
52:05
Speaker 1: of cholesterol and that he can't eat he can't eat
52:07
Speaker 1: the steak because of that. It's just like it's like, wait,
52:10
Speaker 1: what is that? What's going on? Are they just really
52:12
Speaker 1: health conscious? I think that's what it is. Goblins are
52:14
Speaker 1: just like overly health conscious. They're basically the beacon teacher
52:18
Speaker 1: sounds like. But Joshua, like a straight up g like
52:23
Speaker 1: his grandpa before him, munches on the sandwich and everybody's
52:27
Speaker 1: just like, ah, like it hurts them somehow that he's
52:31
Speaker 1: eating meat or something. And then he throws it at
52:34
Speaker 1: them and then he goes over to the wall, like
52:38
Speaker 1: just eating his sandwich aggressively. And then somehow, somehow, and
52:46
Speaker 1: we don't ask questions on this channel, the family shows
52:49
Speaker 1: up at the house, this creepy house that they didn't
52:52
Speaker 1: know existed about like just miles away. In about a
52:57
Speaker 1: two minute time period, and then Joshua's like, yeah, guys,
53:01
Speaker 1: come over here, put your hands on the wall and concentrate. Again.
53:06
Speaker 1: We don't know on what. We will never know what
53:08
Speaker 1: they had to concentrate on to make all the goblins
53:11
Speaker 1: and credens die, but they did the thing, and it
53:16
Speaker 1: is what it is. And then they're touching the wall
53:18
Speaker 1: and then the goblins and credents are like burning and melting.
53:22
Speaker 1: Everyone dies, and then we just cut to them driving home.
53:25
Speaker 1: We just cut to them driving home, and then the
53:28
Speaker 1: other family members don't go in the house, but the
53:31
Speaker 1: mom and Joshua do, and then the mom goes to
53:33
Speaker 1: the fridge and just pulls out a fresh bowl of
53:35
Speaker 1: apples that seems suspicious to me, but she just starts
53:39
Speaker 1: eating them and being like, just eat an apple. And Joshua,
53:42
Speaker 1: you know, in his right mind, he just went through
53:44
Speaker 1: a little bit of trauma, you know, just killed the
53:47
Speaker 1: whole goblin kingdom village or whatever, and a witch or
53:51
Speaker 1: something is like, I'm not that hungry. So he goes upstairs.
53:54
Speaker 1: But then as soon as he gets upstairs, he here's whispering,
53:56
Speaker 1: and the whispering is telling him to eat up, eat up.
54:00
Speaker 1: But he's like, what was that coming from. So he
54:02
Speaker 1: walks downstairs and he's listening and he can't hear the
54:04
Speaker 1: voice anymore. But here's a baseball come down the stairs,
54:08
Speaker 1: and then he picks it up and on it it
54:11
Speaker 1: reads in green letters, yummy, Mommy is so good. And
54:16
Speaker 1: then Josh just yells, and then he just starts running
54:19
Speaker 1: around the house and he goes into the bathroom for
54:21
Speaker 1: some reason, and for some reason, there's a bunch of
54:24
Speaker 1: green sludge in the bathroom, like in the bath but
54:27
Speaker 1: the mom was never in there and no one was
54:29
Speaker 1: ever in there, so I don't know, but we don't
54:30
Speaker 1: ask questions here, okay. And then he runs into the
54:32
Speaker 1: kitchen where his mom was, and then you just see
54:35
Speaker 1: the goblins just goblin his mom down, and they have
54:39
Speaker 1: like this prosthetic dude woman on there, but it's fake.
54:43
Speaker 1: But they're just like eating green pudding off of her basically,
54:47
Speaker 1: And a lot of the goblin's masks are just masks
54:49
Speaker 1: that don't move, so they're just like shoving green putting
54:52
Speaker 1: into their mouth holes. And it's it's awesome, Okay, it's terrifying.
54:57
Speaker 1: It's the scariest thing I've ever seen. And then one
55:00
Speaker 1: of the goblins look up and says to Joshua, do
55:03
Speaker 1: you want some? Joshua and Joshua goes and then the
55:11
Speaker 1: movie ends. But what a great twist. M Night Shamalama
55:15
Speaker 1: ding Dong. Who you know? I'm just saying, Troll two
55:20
Speaker 1: best movie there is. That's it. Basically, go watch it.
55:23
Speaker 1: I know you just heard everything about it, but you
55:25
Speaker 1: still need to go watch it and watch it with someone. Okay,
55:29
Speaker 1: make it a drinking game. And if you're younger than
55:31
Speaker 1: the drinking age, I don't know. What do kids do
55:33
Speaker 1: make homemade bombs with their ghost dead grandpa? I don't know,
55:37
Speaker 1: but that's it. If you like this kind of video,
55:39
Speaker 1: let me know. This was really fun for me. I
55:42
Speaker 1: really enjoy doing this review. Let me know if you
55:45
Speaker 1: guys want any more of these. Let me know what
55:46
Speaker 1: other like movies or shows you want me to review.
55:49
Speaker 1: More worse the better. If you like this video, please
55:51
Speaker 1: like this video. This is obviously best to Suit channel
55:54
Speaker 1: ever And until next time I will see your beautiful face. Okay, bye,