Latest / Vanity Farah with Chris Farah / 90 Day Fiancé Season 12 Episode 5 “Something Old, Something New” Part 1

Transcript

90 Day Fiancé Season 12 Episode 5 “Something Old, Something New” Part 1 · Vanity Farah with Chris Farah

0:03
Speaker 1: Hi there, Welcome back to Vanity Farah. This is my podcast.
0:08
Speaker 1: My name is Chris Farah, where I get to talk
0:10
Speaker 1: about whatever I want to talk about, and I don't
0:13
Speaker 1: talk about what I don't want to talk about, like
0:16
Speaker 1: Last Resort, but that's not what we're talking about today.
0:20
Speaker 1: We're talking about ninety Day Fiance. This is regular og
0:25
Speaker 1: ninety day. It's season twelve. It's episode five, something old,
0:30
Speaker 1: something new, which can describe every episode of nine a
0:35
Speaker 1: Day Fiance because inevitably we have similar storylines and yet
0:42
Speaker 1: there's always a little bit of a twist. I am
0:47
Speaker 1: in adoration of this season. I really enjoy it. I
0:50
Speaker 1: really like it. I like these people. I mean, I
0:54
Speaker 1: hate me though we know that. But at the same time,
0:57
Speaker 1: I'm really enjoying relishing even every episode, and I'm so
1:01
Speaker 1: thankful for that, because, like I said, I cannot watch
1:04
Speaker 1: this season three of Last Resort. I find I do
1:08
Speaker 1: not like it. So if you are like, where is
1:11
Speaker 1: that recap, you're not going to see it. I've considered
1:14
Speaker 1: that maybe I'll go live on YouTube and not do
1:18
Speaker 1: a podcast episode, but just like do like a ninety
1:20
Speaker 1: day roundup where maybe you know, we can talk about
1:23
Speaker 1: it if I decide to watch more episodes, and I'm
1:25
Speaker 1: considering it, I have a lot more time on my hands.
1:28
Speaker 1: I was this for the past six weeks doing a
1:33
Speaker 1: improv comedy sketch writing course at a place in Los
1:38
Speaker 1: Angeles called the Groundlings. And you learn improv and then
1:44
Speaker 1: when you get to Writer's Lab, which is technically the
1:49
Speaker 1: fourth level, you have to, of course write sketches and
1:54
Speaker 1: write monologues and you put up a show at the theater.
1:57
Speaker 1: And it's a storied theater where a lot of funny
2:00
Speaker 1: people have come out of And even though I did
2:05
Speaker 1: improv at another school called UCB, I had never gone
2:10
Speaker 1: through the program at Groundlings. So one of the things
2:13
Speaker 1: I decided to do is get back into some classes,
2:16
Speaker 1: and I've really enjoyed it. This last level was really awesome.
2:23
Speaker 1: I learned a lot, I loved all of my classmates,
2:25
Speaker 1: and yeah, I got to do a sketch show at
2:28
Speaker 1: Groundling's theater, which is lovely and very professional. I'm someone
2:36
Speaker 1: who has done many sketches at other theaters, and I've
2:40
Speaker 1: done like theater theater, and I've never done sketches at
2:44
Speaker 1: a theater that has a more theater like etiquette. Like
2:49
Speaker 1: having some lovely person move furniture on and off stage.
2:54
Speaker 1: For me, I'm usually the person moving my own furniture
2:58
Speaker 1: on stage in the blackout, you know. So it was
3:01
Speaker 1: so much fun and at the same time, I'm so
3:05
Speaker 1: lucky and I'm so happy at this level. Ground Links
3:09
Speaker 1: members come and see the show and then they vote
3:12
Speaker 1: on whether you personally can move on to the last level,
3:15
Speaker 1: which is advanced, and I mean, through the grace of God,
3:20
Speaker 1: I passed. I'm so pumped for that. So at the
3:24
Speaker 1: same time, my time has been borrowed, something old, something new,
3:29
Speaker 1: something borrowed, like my time. And I'm not blue because
3:33
Speaker 1: I passed and I will have more time to do
3:37
Speaker 1: more episodes. So having said that, because I've taken away
3:43
Speaker 1: last resort, I've listened to the people, and the people
3:46
Speaker 1: have asked for Love After lock Up. So I'm knee
3:49
Speaker 1: deep in the new season. I'm having some like weird
3:52
Speaker 1: issues trying to watch all the episodes in sequential order.
3:55
Speaker 1: And I've also started watching This Is Polly. This Is
4:00
Speaker 1: Polly and Love After lock Up are on we TV
4:05
Speaker 1: if you have cable, as well as AMC the streaming network.
4:09
Speaker 1: If you're someone who Honey got rid of the wires
4:13
Speaker 1: and you know, went all digg digital. So this is
4:17
Speaker 1: Polly's Bananas. I wish it was called Polly Pocket, and
4:22
Speaker 1: I wish it was like, you know, a polycule is
4:25
Speaker 1: what they call a group of people doing the poly lifestyle.
4:28
Speaker 1: And I wish there was someone who, like you know,
4:30
Speaker 1: would be like, it's our pocket, It's our Polly's pocket.
4:32
Speaker 1: Now I want that joke. I'll tell you who doesn't
4:35
Speaker 1: want it. Everyone else, I guess all the other people.
4:39
Speaker 1: But if you're watching this is Polly, I mean it's yeah,
4:42
Speaker 1: it's great, and it feels yeah, it feels very much
4:46
Speaker 1: in the realm of like a love after lockup, like
4:50
Speaker 1: just yeah, there's a lot of crazy characters, and you know,
4:56
Speaker 1: obviously there's no like prison storyline, but there's just a
5:03
Speaker 1: lot of people really enjoying their sex, loving that sex, honey,
5:09
Speaker 1: loving it. I have always known about me that I
5:14
Speaker 1: have like a jealous, possessive streak. Probably one of the
5:18
Speaker 1: reasons why I'm single is, like I've I've said this before,
5:22
Speaker 1: I have a toxic trait. And the toxic trait is,
5:26
Speaker 1: if you enter me, you know what I'm talking about.
5:30
Speaker 1: I feel like I should own you now? Is that right? No?
5:38
Speaker 1: Is it okay? No? I'm not even that part of
5:41
Speaker 1: the Whitney Houston song. It's not right. It's not okay. Uh.
5:44
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to get over it. I'm trying to
5:45
Speaker 1: not be like so like whatever like insecure attachment or
5:48
Speaker 1: just whatever that is. Like, I just I really feel
5:51
Speaker 1: like if you feel the inside of me, like you
5:55
Speaker 1: should be devoted to me for like all space and time.
6:00
Speaker 1: I don't know why I feel that way. I want
6:03
Speaker 1: to blame Disney anyway. Wow. Okay, So here's the thing
6:08
Speaker 1: I have tried, and this is episode five of this season,
6:14
Speaker 1: to consider not talking about every episode for like two hours.
6:18
Speaker 1: Will that happen this episode? I mean, I'm all quite sure,
6:21
Speaker 1: so it can be that. And if it's listen, if
6:25
Speaker 1: I get to forty five minutes, I've only talked about
6:27
Speaker 1: two people, then yeah, it's going to be a part
6:29
Speaker 1: one and a part two. At the same time, I
6:32
Speaker 1: don't want to be verbose. I don't even have a
6:35
Speaker 1: co host right now. It's just me spitballing. I just
6:39
Speaker 1: there's a lot to say, and I have pictures. Okay,
6:45
Speaker 1: let's get in, shall we? Marissa and Edward. Edward's really nice.
6:50
Speaker 1: He has been on like that Instagram, honey, he like
6:54
Speaker 1: has sent me little messages. He loved my video with
7:00
Speaker 1: Jake where we talk bitually about Marissa's ex, you know,
7:07
Speaker 1: the one that like looks like two different people with
7:10
Speaker 1: a hat on and hat off. I made that into
7:12
Speaker 1: a reel and that man loved it, which then I
7:14
Speaker 1: was like, do you hate him? Okay, but okay, we're
7:17
Speaker 1: gonna get into everything. Don't even worry about it. Okay,
7:20
Speaker 1: So let's start. She's picked him up from the airport,
7:23
Speaker 1: as we know, it's Pennsylvania Airport, it's Philadelphia International, Gobbless,
7:27
Speaker 1: and she's driving him back to her home, and he
7:32
Speaker 1: says he's never been in a BMW and she finds
7:35
Speaker 1: that like hard to believe. She's like, really, you've never
7:38
Speaker 1: been in a beamer. I don't know. Like, first of all,
7:45
Speaker 1: I guess in my mind, I'm kind of like you've
7:47
Speaker 1: already set the stage that you have a privileged lifestyle
7:51
Speaker 1: and that he hasn't been on a plane, and like
7:53
Speaker 1: he hasn't stayed in a hotel before. So I don't
7:56
Speaker 1: understand why you have to make it such a big deal.
7:58
Speaker 1: If he hasn't been in you or specific make of car.
8:02
Speaker 1: I would have loved him to be like, no, but
8:04
Speaker 1: I've been in many Mercedes, which is better? No, I
8:06
Speaker 1: don't know. You know what I'm saying. It's so funny,
8:09
Speaker 1: and it's like I'd be like if someone was like,
8:12
Speaker 1: I haven't been in your kind of car, I'd be like, Oh,
8:15
Speaker 1: there's like a lot of cars I haven't been in. Pause,
8:19
Speaker 1: what kind of cars have not been in? Like? I
8:23
Speaker 1: don't feel like I've ever been in a Jaguar great Like.
8:31
Speaker 1: I you know, I've been in a Fiat. I've certainly
8:34
Speaker 1: been in Toyota and Honda's. I've been in a Rolls.
8:37
Speaker 1: I've been in Bentley. I've been in a range Rover.
8:40
Speaker 1: I've been in an Audi. I've been in a Jetta.
8:43
Speaker 1: Is that the same kind? Okay, I've been in Alexis.
8:47
Speaker 1: I've been a Lincoln or I've you know what I
8:51
Speaker 1: could have easily not been. I get Lincoln's in Cadillacs,
8:54
Speaker 1: confused or probably not one of them. I haven't been
8:56
Speaker 1: in a Ford Model T. I've been in trucks though. Well,
9:02
Speaker 1: what a fascinating story, Chris. But you know, I don't
9:05
Speaker 1: know I just would be like, yeah, but you know,
9:07
Speaker 1: I not a lot of beamers there. I get it.
9:09
Speaker 1: I get it now. He also doesn't use seat belts,
9:14
Speaker 1: which I found funny. She's like, buckle up. And here's
9:17
Speaker 1: the thing about that, which I get. If you haven't
9:21
Speaker 1: been in a car that yells at you like welcome
9:24
Speaker 1: to the like welcome to America, I have gotten more
9:29
Speaker 1: like auditory sensitive, and so I can't deal with that beet, honey.
9:35
Speaker 1: I mean, the minute someone hears that beet but they
9:37
Speaker 1: don't put their seatbelt on immediately yell out part of
9:38
Speaker 1: the car, I'll be like, put your spielt on. I'm
9:40
Speaker 1: not going to keep driving with that sound. I can't
9:42
Speaker 1: do it. There's not music loud enough for me to
9:44
Speaker 1: like drown that out. He's is like I'm starting to
9:48
Speaker 1: feel overwhelmed. And you know, there's always, well not there's always,
9:53
Speaker 1: but there's definitely a running theme of Peeps coming from
9:56
Speaker 1: a certain place and then having to drive in America
10:00
Speaker 1: and being like, Wow, that's a lot of cow fields,
10:04
Speaker 1: a lot of corn, a lot of flatland, a lot
10:06
Speaker 1: of no people. You know. You know what I'm trying
10:11
Speaker 1: to think, has there ever been a ninety DA fiance
10:15
Speaker 1: couple where the American lives like in the heart of
10:20
Speaker 1: New York City, And I feel like the answer is no,
10:25
Speaker 1: Like there's definitely been La Peeps, right Nicole and Mahmoud famously,
10:31
Speaker 1: but yeah, like there's never been someone who's like, let's
10:33
Speaker 1: go back to my apartment on the Lower East Side,
10:36
Speaker 1: you know, like you hanging out with me and Dime Square,
10:40
Speaker 1: you know. No, Okay, Now she has what feels like
10:46
Speaker 1: adopted a certain vernacular, she says multiple times in the episode,
10:51
Speaker 1: and he does, you know, call it out the a aii.
10:56
Speaker 1: She's like a ai ai and we're all like, that's
11:00
Speaker 1: not that's not for you to say. We're not enjoying that. No,
11:05
Speaker 1: I don would say that. I don't like that because
11:10
Speaker 1: it just feels a little put on. He's looking around,
11:14
Speaker 1: He's like, everybody is Mucco Blanco here, and we're like, yep, yes, yeah,
11:21
Speaker 1: welcome to wasp City, Waspy Town, USA. That's ok yeah,
11:28
Speaker 1: it's I mean, yeah, I in Newport Beach, where you know,
11:36
Speaker 1: I've done a lot of my my growing up, there's
11:38
Speaker 1: definitely a lot of white people. I used to say
11:40
Speaker 1: to people that I was like one of the browner
11:42
Speaker 1: people in school, which was true. There was me and
11:44
Speaker 1: one nice gentleman, uh I think, yeah, his name was Braulio,
11:49
Speaker 1: and like we were for sure. I mean, I don't
11:51
Speaker 1: know if I I know I look blanco as well,
11:54
Speaker 1: but yeah, like it's weird to be in a place
11:58
Speaker 1: where it's just a bunch of blond peopleeole, just a
12:02
Speaker 1: bunch of blonde people. I don't know how Layla does
12:05
Speaker 1: it from Secret Loves of Mormon Wives, I don't know
12:09
Speaker 1: how anyone does it in Utah, Okay. So she gets
12:13
Speaker 1: some home and she's like, welcome to my home. He's
12:17
Speaker 1: like huhuh, and then she like, take off those shoes now.
12:21
Speaker 1: Before then she's like, also bring your bags up. And
12:25
Speaker 1: he's like, yeah, you know, seeing this home, I was
12:28
Speaker 1: like in Chuck, you know. And she's like what he's like,
12:32
Speaker 1: I seeing this home I was in chok And she's like,
12:35
Speaker 1: what what are you even saying? Or like shock? I
12:38
Speaker 1: mean even shock cause I'm that hard. She's like, oh, shock, shock,
12:44
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm in shock with how you pronounced that.
12:47
Speaker 1: It's interesting. She also like doesn't get that he's making
12:51
Speaker 1: a home alone reference He's like your house looks like
12:53
Speaker 1: home alone. She's like you mean ah, it's like yeah, yeah,
12:57
Speaker 1: yeah girl, So she wants those shoesies off seas like
13:03
Speaker 1: I said, And it's interesting there are certain like cultures
13:08
Speaker 1: that you know, take off the shoes, you know, notably
13:10
Speaker 1: and you know, even a trope kind of Asian households.
13:13
Speaker 1: But I feel like, yeah, it's permeated America, just like
13:18
Speaker 1: how bidats have, like you know, like I would say,
13:23
Speaker 1: at least half the people I know enjoy shoesies off
13:28
Speaker 1: when someone walks inside, and a lot of people I know, honey,
13:31
Speaker 1: have a bidet. So I'll tell you though, I like
13:35
Speaker 1: shoes off in my place, like I prefer it. And
13:39
Speaker 1: it's annoying to me that like certain people who know
13:42
Speaker 1: that will like come in and always ask me, like
13:44
Speaker 1: should take my shoes off? And I'm like, yeah, you
13:46
Speaker 1: know that. I bought those blue like temporary now, those
13:52
Speaker 1: blue like throwaway things people put around shoes because I'm
13:55
Speaker 1: so sick of having to like beg someone to do it.
13:59
Speaker 1: I get it's annoying, but I have like a full
14:01
Speaker 1: basket of different socks and slippers and then I have
14:03
Speaker 1: those temporary things, and you know, I hate to say
14:06
Speaker 1: it's right. You know. It's just like if you are
14:08
Speaker 1: going to be all over the place, and I mean
14:11
Speaker 1: all over God's green earth, you can't just track that
14:14
Speaker 1: mud in. I get mad when people don't like brush
14:19
Speaker 1: their shoes off or like whatever before they get in
14:22
Speaker 1: my car. Like there's nothing worse than getting your car
14:24
Speaker 1: washed and looking down and you're passing your seat and
14:26
Speaker 1: you're seeing someone just like walked through fields and then
14:30
Speaker 1: it's all on your car. My dad, Yeah, Like my
14:35
Speaker 1: dad won't take off his shoes. He won't do it. Dad,
14:39
Speaker 1: my dad wears shoes like when he's watching TV. I'm like,
14:42
Speaker 1: takeles off. He won't do it, and he gets he
14:44
Speaker 1: won't even like listen to me being like, will you
14:46
Speaker 1: take off your shoes? Like he just pretends it didn't
14:48
Speaker 1: happen to go shake his head. It's like just not
14:51
Speaker 1: fathomable for him to take off his shoes anyway. Men
14:55
Speaker 1: being men, I guess. So she's like you're gonna learn,
14:57
Speaker 1: You're gonna learn the rules. He's like, oh good, he's
15:01
Speaker 1: been learning rules to be with her. He has to
15:03
Speaker 1: know that she's like high maintenance, except that it's probably
15:09
Speaker 1: more tolerable to have someone be like high maintenance when
15:12
Speaker 1: they're at a hotel and you feel like, well this,
15:14
Speaker 1: you know, this rich bitch is paying this hotel, you
15:18
Speaker 1: know whatever, how much money for this suite, And then
15:22
Speaker 1: to realize that it's like her entire way of life
15:26
Speaker 1: is controlled and dictated by her, and she's like somewhat
15:29
Speaker 1: used to her system and now you just have to
15:31
Speaker 1: be a cog in the machine. Having said that, I
15:34
Speaker 1: get it, Orsa. I get it as you know, a
15:37
Speaker 1: seasoned woman who's lived by herself. I definitely have the
15:39
Speaker 1: ways I want to do things. I cannot imagine if
15:43
Speaker 1: someone put the roll of toilet paper on where like
15:48
Speaker 1: the paper comes from under, or even worse, if there's
15:53
Speaker 1: no more toilet paper left and they just put the
15:56
Speaker 1: new role just sitting on top of the old role.
15:58
Speaker 1: I mean crazy, that's crazy. So she's showing him the
16:04
Speaker 1: house and let's talk about it. So I took pictures
16:06
Speaker 1: because I was like, what is happening here? This bedroom
16:10
Speaker 1: set looks just like a version of Shay's bedroom set
16:13
Speaker 1: she has for this house. This house is beautiful, it's big,
16:16
Speaker 1: it's beautiful, truly, But I will say that her decor
16:19
Speaker 1: looks decidedly from a different time, Like I made fun
16:24
Speaker 1: of Shay for his like wooden, dark wooden bedroom set,
16:29
Speaker 1: and then like she has the exact same thing. She's
16:32
Speaker 1: a full like dark wooden bedroom set, and on top
16:36
Speaker 1: there's like three minuscule little drawings of different bridle gowns.
16:42
Speaker 1: Her it looks like this, Yeah, this looks so nineties.
16:47
Speaker 1: Her vanity doesn't match. It has a big gold mirror,
16:50
Speaker 1: and then there's like gold hardware on her chest. And
16:54
Speaker 1: then her closet situation, she has these like awkward silver
17:03
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna say they're vases. They're like it looks
17:05
Speaker 1: almost like torsos, like human torsos without heads, just sitting
17:09
Speaker 1: on top. Now she has dual closets, and she's like,
17:13
Speaker 1: I use all mine and then I use half of yours,
17:16
Speaker 1: and I'll be honest. I kind of was like, that's fine.
17:21
Speaker 1: She's giving him two full rows of clothes to hang up.
17:25
Speaker 1: Now he does need to drawer, like for his underwear,
17:27
Speaker 1: because like you can't hang up underwear, like what are
17:29
Speaker 1: you gonna do those socks? And he has clean socks,
17:31
Speaker 1: and she did not trust that he would. So we
17:37
Speaker 1: see that. We see that and then so then she's like,
17:40
Speaker 1: and here's the real deal. This is a really big
17:44
Speaker 1: privilege for you. And we're like, oh my god, what
17:47
Speaker 1: is she going to say? And it's that she made
17:49
Speaker 1: her ex use her kid's bathroom. I found that interesting.
17:56
Speaker 1: A this house looks huge, and so then I'm like, wait,
17:59
Speaker 1: is this house only two baths? Only two bathrooms? She
18:03
Speaker 1: has a bathroom that's like a Jack and Jill sink,
18:07
Speaker 1: and she's like, I'll let you use it now. The
18:09
Speaker 1: other weird thing about this bathroom is that there's two showers.
18:13
Speaker 1: I have to think that one. I don't even understand that.
18:17
Speaker 1: How is there two showers? Like, is are you talking
18:21
Speaker 1: about that? There's like a bathtub with like a shower
18:24
Speaker 1: attachment and then a free standing shower because Cannons have
18:28
Speaker 1: like two free standing showers side by side. That's banana
18:31
Speaker 1: talk because I feel like I've seen big ass showers,
18:35
Speaker 1: one enclosed shower with you know, multiple heads. And she
18:44
Speaker 1: then goes into the fact that she wants to take
18:48
Speaker 1: a shower and she likes to only take a shower
18:50
Speaker 1: by herself, and he's like, yeah, you know, she did
18:51
Speaker 1: that before we were in the hotel, and she's like yeah,
18:54
Speaker 1: I really hate shower sex. I hate it, and she's
18:58
Speaker 1: like inevitable. One person's always cold. Okay, I disagree. Now,
19:08
Speaker 1: it's there's a lot of like romance about you know,
19:11
Speaker 1: sex and water and like, you know, jacuzzi. Jacuzzis are
19:14
Speaker 1: supposed to be like a whole hot ass thing and
19:16
Speaker 1: literally like hot. I get not wanting to like, you know,
19:20
Speaker 1: actually do the deed, like the actual act in that
19:25
Speaker 1: because maybe like you'll feel like the chlorium will go
19:28
Speaker 1: up your coach and you know hard. But it's also
19:30
Speaker 1: the same time, like making out and jacuzi is really
19:32
Speaker 1: good at the same time, if you're making out with
19:33
Speaker 1: me and it feels good, who knows what I'm going
19:35
Speaker 1: to do. I love shower sex. I love it. Surely
19:39
Speaker 1: it is a little bit awkward, but you know whatever,
19:42
Speaker 1: I think that there's something kind of fun about the
19:45
Speaker 1: awkwardness that happens during sex. Sometimes, like the same part
19:50
Speaker 1: of me that kind of enjoys like a primal aspect
19:54
Speaker 1: of sex has to then understand that there's like also
20:00
Speaker 1: the primal awkwardness of sex of like what position and
20:05
Speaker 1: how do you put your leg up and all that stuff. Yeah,
20:09
Speaker 1: Like I love being clean and I feel sexy out
20:13
Speaker 1: of I mean I feel sexy when i'm clean. I
20:15
Speaker 1: feel definitely not sexy when I'm like dirty or sweaty,
20:19
Speaker 1: Like that's not my thing. I'll never be someone who's like, yeah,
20:22
Speaker 1: let's work out, I'm going to do a full cardio
20:24
Speaker 1: and then let's fuck. W Well, I'm sweaty, Like I
20:26
Speaker 1: can't even do it. It gives me the yick. I
20:28
Speaker 1: give myself the yick. And then conversely, if I'm clean,
20:30
Speaker 1: I feel like a goddamn queen and I'm like, you know,
20:33
Speaker 1: like throw me into the wolves. Yeah. I'm also someone
20:39
Speaker 1: who likes and this is You're like, Chris, this is
20:42
Speaker 1: this is why you're doing part one and part two
20:43
Speaker 1: because you're talking about your sex life so much in
20:45
Speaker 1: these episodes, and I'm like, that's fine. I really like
20:47
Speaker 1: car sex. I think I've talked about this before. I
20:49
Speaker 1: love it. I love the backseat of a car, you know,
20:52
Speaker 1: like passenger seat, not as fun, i'll do it, but
20:56
Speaker 1: backseat of a car for sure. Like I like the idea.
20:59
Speaker 1: And I think it's so to be in a place
21:02
Speaker 1: and then need to have sex because you're you know
21:04
Speaker 1: you're in You're also in that place, you know. So
21:06
Speaker 1: it's like you're in that place and you want to
21:08
Speaker 1: have sex, You're not gonna like wait and I gonna
21:10
Speaker 1: be like, let's get to the perfect spot twenty minutes
21:12
Speaker 1: from now. This this has to happen. It needs to
21:16
Speaker 1: happen right now, Like I can't imagine the world without it,
21:18
Speaker 1: Like and then your mine, like I said, then I
21:22
Speaker 1: brand you like a cow, and then you have to
21:25
Speaker 1: be mine forever. And if you try and leave me,
21:27
Speaker 1: I'll kill you. Hmm. I won't kill you, but I'll
21:33
Speaker 1: be really upset and you'll know, Okay. So yeah, I
21:41
Speaker 1: also think that it's like something interesting for her. Yeah,
21:44
Speaker 1: she's very controlling. She knows that she's like type A.
21:46
Speaker 1: You know, she's like probably like you know, a go getter,
21:49
Speaker 1: like a perfectionist, and so she can't like allow herself
21:52
Speaker 1: to enjoy things that are a little fucked up or
21:55
Speaker 1: a little messy. And you know, I think that there's
21:59
Speaker 1: like when you are militant in so that kind of world,
22:04
Speaker 1: if you're just like I get up and I have
22:07
Speaker 1: a protein smoothie. I can also have one hard boiled
22:11
Speaker 1: egg until lunch. Like if you are that, like, how
22:15
Speaker 1: do you enjoy life, like what happens if you go
22:17
Speaker 1: and travel abroad, Like there has to be room for
22:19
Speaker 1: the human experience. You know, you have to have shower sex.
22:24
Speaker 1: Sometimes you'd have car sex. Okay. So at one point
22:30
Speaker 1: she's like, I don't know, giving her opinion, and he's
22:33
Speaker 1: like okay, and she's like, disagree with me because I'm right,
22:36
Speaker 1: and I was like, you're insufferable. Then he's like, okay,
22:40
Speaker 1: sit down, I have something to show you. It's my
22:44
Speaker 1: new dick, my new dick, you know, and she's like, wow, wow,
22:50
Speaker 1: it looks great. Yeah, and then you know, they tell
22:55
Speaker 1: us about the time they first had sex, and I
22:57
Speaker 1: guess she was like, saw that dick, which was, you know, uncircumcised,
23:02
Speaker 1: and she was like, that looks different. And I find
23:07
Speaker 1: that shocking how she was already like, unless you tell
23:12
Speaker 1: me her ex was like her high school sweetheart, if
23:14
Speaker 1: she nary had sex with anyone else, How did that
23:16
Speaker 1: like woman of the age of like forty something had
23:20
Speaker 1: never seen an uncircumcised d never is Edward the first
23:29
Speaker 1: person of color or like non like American that you've
23:33
Speaker 1: like boned. That's just so crazy to me. Also, again
23:36
Speaker 1: because I watched so much naked attraction. I'm like, you
23:38
Speaker 1: gotta get used to what dick's look like. And I
23:41
Speaker 1: say that also because vagina's looks so different, right, boobs
23:45
Speaker 1: look so different. I can't imagine a world in which,
23:47
Speaker 1: like I would take off my top and somebody be like, wow,
23:52
Speaker 1: your boobs are different looking. I'd be like, what, Like,
23:58
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I've only been with like, you know, perky bees.
24:03
Speaker 1: I'd be like, well, then you don't deserve these, Okay,
24:05
Speaker 1: I think you own deserve my boobs. It's just that
24:07
Speaker 1: I feel like the art of having sex is enjoying
24:14
Speaker 1: the spectrum of human experience right shower sex, car sex.
24:17
Speaker 1: But also, like vagias look different, you know, like labias,
24:22
Speaker 1: you know, like can hang out, can be tucked in.
24:25
Speaker 1: You know, one is longer than the other. You know,
24:27
Speaker 1: like maybe they're pink, maybe they're purple, maybe they're brown,
24:30
Speaker 1: you know, maybe they're black. You know, maybe they're like,
24:32
Speaker 1: you know, peach colored, you know, like god bless. And
24:36
Speaker 1: like dicks look different, you know, like balls look different.
24:39
Speaker 1: Sometimes it looks like one kind of like my minute sack,
24:44
Speaker 1: and sometimes they look like two very distinct low hanging balls.
24:47
Speaker 1: You know, and you can't like comment on someone's physical
24:53
Speaker 1: anatomy in a way that makes it seem like you
24:57
Speaker 1: aren't happy with what you see, or that you never
25:05
Speaker 1: imagined a world in which someone would look like that.
25:08
Speaker 1: That's crazy talk, especially if you're like old. I mean,
25:12
Speaker 1: this is like so shitty. But like maybe there's you know,
25:16
Speaker 1: maybe there's guys that like only watch porn that like
25:19
Speaker 1: are like I thought that's what vaginas look like, or
25:22
Speaker 1: I always thought, I don't know, boobs were like rock
25:26
Speaker 1: Hard were like you know, nipples sat you know, like
25:28
Speaker 1: two inches from the top and there was I don't know,
25:31
Speaker 1: like that's not real anyway. I just se yeah, I
25:36
Speaker 1: don't like when people make people feel like they're inadequate.
25:42
Speaker 1: So I'm not gonna like eyesh either. Okay, So God bless.
25:45
Speaker 1: So she is happy with his dick. Now, she's like
25:50
Speaker 1: into it. She's like says it's perfect. He's like good
25:52
Speaker 1: because the process was horrible. It was bloody, it was horrible.
25:57
Speaker 1: It was really painful, and we're like, oh, are you happy?
26:02
Speaker 1: Remember how she tried to tell us that it was
26:03
Speaker 1: like he did this just to like be okay at
26:07
Speaker 1: a gym locker room. He hasn't said any of that,
26:11
Speaker 1: He hasn't mentioned that. He hasn't mentioned that shit ever.
26:14
Speaker 1: I wonder why she said that to her like girlfriends
26:16
Speaker 1: at the bridal shop, because she wouldn't want to make
26:20
Speaker 1: it seem like she made him do it. I just
26:22
Speaker 1: know that she did, like and you know that she
26:24
Speaker 1: was like, that's different from any dick I've ever seen.
26:29
Speaker 1: It's not an American dick. I'll tell you that right now.
26:31
Speaker 1: That's a dr dick, you know. And he was like,
26:35
Speaker 1: oh is that bad? Because by the looks of you,
26:40
Speaker 1: it's not great. But I'll tell you everyone who's seen
26:44
Speaker 1: it here is reported at home good. I've gotten five stars,
26:49
Speaker 1: I've gotten good ratings here, so you can leave a review, honey.
26:52
Speaker 1: But everyone else loved it, so you know, we're like, okay,
26:58
Speaker 1: how is this going to be? And so they go
27:00
Speaker 1: to bed and he can't turn off a lamp. She's like,
27:04
Speaker 1: I don't know how to do it. Never drive in
27:06
Speaker 1: a beamer and can't turn off a lamp. Okay, well
27:09
Speaker 1: just watch me. I'm gonna reach over you and pull
27:12
Speaker 1: a string. It's funny, because why is it funny? I
27:18
Speaker 1: want him to just be like you just kidding because
27:22
Speaker 1: she has the kind of like sink faucet that like
27:25
Speaker 1: you just touch and I'm like, get a lamp, but
27:26
Speaker 1: you just touch the base. Then I yeah, it's not
27:29
Speaker 1: fun to have to reach over and then just like
27:31
Speaker 1: pull like a high up string. So I will also
27:37
Speaker 1: say this, she has horrible taste and interior decor, which
27:42
Speaker 1: makes and she has great clothes, right, great clothes, horrible
27:46
Speaker 1: and tear design taste. I find that fascinating. She has
27:51
Speaker 1: written walart, so does Mallory, same kind of like written
27:56
Speaker 1: on a piece of plank that's like love laugh or
28:02
Speaker 1: home is where the Heart is, you know, one of those.
28:07
Speaker 1: I feel like I could be saying this and I
28:09
Speaker 1: could have a listener that's like bitch, so do I,
28:12
Speaker 1: And I'll be like, Okay, can we just at least
28:18
Speaker 1: say this. Trends come and go, and I get that
28:26
Speaker 1: you can go to home Goods right now and see
28:28
Speaker 1: like words that you're supposed to put up as art.
28:34
Speaker 1: But unless I'm sorry, I keep like changing positions, unless
28:39
Speaker 1: you did it yourself, unless you have like a child
28:41
Speaker 1: who want to color in your mind, and then like
28:43
Speaker 1: Reno wrote that on something, why don't we just get
28:46
Speaker 1: rid of it. I'm just get rid of it. It's
28:49
Speaker 1: too basic. Now, that's why it's too basic. Everyone sees
28:52
Speaker 1: those things. Everyone knows you didn't make it. It's like
28:55
Speaker 1: no one's gonna be like, wow, what a good reminder
28:58
Speaker 1: home heart. It just it feels if I say this,
29:07
Speaker 1: it's gonna be really bad. I'm so sorry. I'm like,
29:12
Speaker 1: it does feel like the most basic white person thing.
29:17
Speaker 1: And I like a lot of basic white people think, I,
29:20
Speaker 1: you know, I'll fuck with a pumpkin spice latte. But
29:23
Speaker 1: that least tastes good, and it doesn't last forever. It
29:26
Speaker 1: isn't like supposed to be, you know, in you know,
29:29
Speaker 1: your life for like fourteen years at a time. You know, Like,
29:33
Speaker 1: I guess. The other thing is that word art is
29:36
Speaker 1: never gonna be better than real art. Words belong like
29:40
Speaker 1: in people's mouths and on pages, and art of some
29:45
Speaker 1: kind belongs on walls, you know, like make it pretty,
29:49
Speaker 1: make it mean something. I want to look at a
29:53
Speaker 1: painting or a picture and be like, that is a
29:56
Speaker 1: sentimental picture of this person's like favorite times in life,
30:00
Speaker 1: or wow, that painting means something to them. They're like
30:03
Speaker 1: looking into this great gray hole and that's you know,
30:07
Speaker 1: our existence now as people that follow AI. I just
30:10
Speaker 1: want to like have a thought behind what this means
30:14
Speaker 1: to this person and not just this person went to
30:16
Speaker 1: home goods. This person decorated sixteen years ago and they
30:23
Speaker 1: just left that there anyway. Okay, so morning comes and
30:31
Speaker 1: so did he ha ha ha, just kidding. So he
30:34
Speaker 1: can't wait to have, you know, breakfast, and he's a
30:37
Speaker 1: growing man and so similar to Shay. Instead of getting
30:42
Speaker 1: breakfast in bed, she's like, let's make you a protein
30:45
Speaker 1: smoothie breakfast. And she makes a protein smoothie and he
30:49
Speaker 1: it looks good, like it looks like a strawberry milkshake.
30:52
Speaker 1: Now then he's like, is this it? And she's like,
30:56
Speaker 1: oh god, yeah, it's it for me. But here here
31:02
Speaker 1: is a packaged hard boiled egg. And he's like, now,
31:07
Speaker 1: packaged hard boiled eggs, just like packaged egg bites are
31:11
Speaker 1: a whole thing. And I get it's a thing. For
31:14
Speaker 1: some reason, I'm with him. I think packaged hard boiled
31:17
Speaker 1: eggs Google gross me out. I feel like they're slimy.
31:25
Speaker 1: I feel like I don't trust them, and I think
31:28
Speaker 1: I'm wrong. I think that, like, you know, they're a
31:30
Speaker 1: good protein source and you can just grab and go.
31:32
Speaker 1: And she's like, we like convenience in America. And he's like,
31:34
Speaker 1: that's dumb, because you can just make a hard boiled egg.
31:37
Speaker 1: And I'm kind of like, not easily. I don't use
31:40
Speaker 1: packaged hard boiled eggs. I because I like making eggs
31:45
Speaker 1: in the morning, Like I love like a soft scramble egg,
31:49
Speaker 1: or like a Jammy scramble egg, you know, where you
31:52
Speaker 1: just like soft scramble, so you're just like constantly stirring,
31:56
Speaker 1: or just like Jammy where you barely stirred to the
31:58
Speaker 1: very end and then suddenly like you can really see
31:59
Speaker 1: the difference between whites and yellows. I like my egg segregated,
32:04
Speaker 1: is what I'm trying to say. I don't like when
32:07
Speaker 1: you like how shaded. I don't like when you break
32:09
Speaker 1: the egg in a container and whiskit and then when
32:13
Speaker 1: you actually cook it, it's all just like light butter
32:17
Speaker 1: yellow and you have to put salt and pepper on it.
32:21
Speaker 1: So yeah, like I don't mind doing that. I think
32:22
Speaker 1: it's really good. So but she won't do it. I'm like,
32:25
Speaker 1: what do you make your kids? What do you make
32:27
Speaker 1: your kids for breakfast? You just give them hard boiled eggs,
32:31
Speaker 1: or you just like, is there some cereal? Like I
32:34
Speaker 1: know you had that, like Catalina crunch, I knowed that
32:38
Speaker 1: protein hereal you know what I'm talking about. So he's
32:41
Speaker 1: still hungry. Then they start to make some gross jokes,
32:43
Speaker 1: and the gross jokes are about leche. He's like, I
32:47
Speaker 1: gave you some luche last night. I'm talking about whether
32:50
Speaker 1: she wants milk and her coffee. And then we're gonna
32:54
Speaker 1: now consider the fact that leche like means his like
32:57
Speaker 1: you know, come, I hate this. I would also need
33:02
Speaker 1: someone who's like a native Spanish speaker to tell me
33:04
Speaker 1: if like inevitably that's always a word for jiz, because
33:12
Speaker 1: I feel like I would rather than use crama cream
33:19
Speaker 1: like I would like that makes more sense to me
33:21
Speaker 1: than just milk. Yeah. Yeah, So she's like, listen, we
33:30
Speaker 1: have great sexualcam It's why we're together. If all us fails,
33:35
Speaker 1: we can fuck for hours, like not in a shower.
33:39
Speaker 1: I'm happy for her, though, I'm happy that you can
33:46
Speaker 1: be in a relationship that works, and one of the
33:51
Speaker 1: building blocks is great sex. It's funny because I don't
33:59
Speaker 1: quite know what they have in common besides the great sex. Though,
34:03
Speaker 1: and she definitely is like not much. I don't know, like,
34:10
Speaker 1: you know, I would love like a conversation to know
34:14
Speaker 1: like what his goals, aspirations, dreams are, his philosophies and
34:19
Speaker 1: theories about life that she like listens to and she's like, yeah,
34:23
Speaker 1: that's what I wote. Yes, that's what I think, and
34:26
Speaker 1: then she yes ants it and says something else and
34:28
Speaker 1: he's like yes or this, and you're like, yeah, you're
34:33
Speaker 1: just like going back and forth like some you know,
34:35
Speaker 1: pickleball thing where you're both in the kitchen just thinking
34:38
Speaker 1: back and forth. You're just like that kind of conversation
34:44
Speaker 1: that like flows where you just like have two like
34:46
Speaker 1: minds from different parts of the world, but they really
34:49
Speaker 1: come together in such a way. Well, we never get
34:52
Speaker 1: that on this show. We really just get like you're weird,
34:56
Speaker 1: and then the other person's be like me, well, I
34:58
Speaker 1: don't like you either. You you're just like it's so
35:01
Speaker 1: there's always like a lot of arguing. Okay, So yeah,
35:08
Speaker 1: he is forced to eat a hard boiled egg that
35:12
Speaker 1: she didn't even put salt and pepper on. What who
35:18
Speaker 1: eats unseasoned, unsalted eggs? That's that's fucking gross. This is
35:26
Speaker 1: when he he tries to sink and it's automatic. Honey,
35:29
Speaker 1: he can't get over it. He can't get oh, or
35:31
Speaker 1: he's just touching it, laughing, touching it off, touching it, laughing,
35:33
Speaker 1: touching off. She's like, I don't know what I've done.
35:36
Speaker 1: This is this can't be it. He also calls her
35:40
Speaker 1: Blondie and she's like yep, and we're like, but girl,
35:44
Speaker 1: can we just see what it looks like if you
35:46
Speaker 1: did like tamper that platinum down a little bit? It
35:50
Speaker 1: would be so nice to see her with like some
35:52
Speaker 1: low lights, just a different shade, you know, like not
35:58
Speaker 1: like all one in color like oor County blonde, but
36:01
Speaker 1: like you know, like what'd be like if you got
36:03
Speaker 1: like some different tones then they connect. Just kidding no.
36:09
Speaker 1: Then she's like, let me show you how to make
36:10
Speaker 1: the bed because you're too damned to play to do
36:12
Speaker 1: it my way, And she's just like all of the
36:16
Speaker 1: lines go up and down, and then she like makes
36:19
Speaker 1: her ugly ass bed, really hideous bed, I mean with
36:24
Speaker 1: like the colors are just gray, gray and white against
36:32
Speaker 1: like black and brown, I mean, like no, with gold accents,
36:37
Speaker 1: like really yellow gold accents. How are you like in
36:41
Speaker 1: a design or any sort of like fashiony kind of world.
36:45
Speaker 1: Like even though her clothes are great, if I went
36:48
Speaker 1: to her house and'd be like, oh you can I
36:50
Speaker 1: can't buy a bridle down from you. You're gonna sleep
36:53
Speaker 1: in this. Also, if you're so rich, why haven't you
36:58
Speaker 1: gotten like someone to like help you out, like decor
37:01
Speaker 1: this home a little bit? Why have you seemingly like
37:06
Speaker 1: did your whole house from like TJ Max and like
37:09
Speaker 1: the year of two thousand and two. Okay, So then
37:15
Speaker 1: she's like, let's go on a walk and I'll show
37:17
Speaker 1: you around town, around her neighborhood, and she like is
37:24
Speaker 1: like is your socks clean? He's like yeah. So they
37:27
Speaker 1: go all like on a walk, but it's not really
37:29
Speaker 1: a normal walk. It's a power walk. I mean she
37:31
Speaker 1: is like, you know, pushing those arms up and down.
37:35
Speaker 1: She's really you know, uh doing yeah, I mean doing
37:40
Speaker 1: that thing where she is like power walking and for
37:43
Speaker 1: him to keep up he has to mildly jog. She
37:48
Speaker 1: does give someone who is wildly observant about her physical form,
38:02
Speaker 1: just like the basic gas breakfast with like shitty eggs
38:07
Speaker 1: and like no salt, and then like someone who like
38:11
Speaker 1: can't just walk around a neighborhood for someone's first time,
38:14
Speaker 1: but makes them like run around in the heat on
38:17
Speaker 1: his first day. Yeah, unless I guess I would have
38:20
Speaker 1: to understand that something that you guys do together that
38:24
Speaker 1: like brings you together is working out. Maybe, But he
38:26
Speaker 1: doesn't seem to want to do it. He's not like, yeah, babe,
38:30
Speaker 1: let's get my Apple watch on and get those steps in.
38:32
Speaker 1: He's like, this is a nightmare. I can't even really
38:34
Speaker 1: talk to you. He is over it, because like he
38:39
Speaker 1: at one point when she turns her head like does
38:41
Speaker 1: some sort of like sticking his tongue out in such
38:44
Speaker 1: a way that makes us know that he is like
38:46
Speaker 1: rolling his eyes over it more than rolling his eyes
38:49
Speaker 1: sticking out his tongue. Also, she does drop that she's
38:53
Speaker 1: a bar instructor, which I found that interesting too because
38:57
Speaker 1: I was kind of like, wait, so, well, you work
39:01
Speaker 1: full time in New York as like you know, a
39:05
Speaker 1: very busy ceoo, and then you like have time on
39:09
Speaker 1: the weekends to teach a bar method class where you
39:13
Speaker 1: have to like show up and then you don't. I
39:16
Speaker 1: mean this is also interesting because for someone who wants
39:20
Speaker 1: to work out a lot when you're an instructor. You
39:23
Speaker 1: have to like not focus on your own workout. You
39:26
Speaker 1: have to like look around and make sure someone's everyone's
39:28
Speaker 1: doing the right thing and everything. So that was weird.
39:33
Speaker 1: I guess I was kind of like, aren't you too
39:35
Speaker 1: rich for this? Don't you not have enough time to like,
39:39
Speaker 1: you know, what are you doing? Bar method? Honey, god
39:41
Speaker 1: blas cardio bar? What is it? Cat? This used to
39:45
Speaker 1: be such a big thing, like bar methods and cardio
39:48
Speaker 1: bars were all over, and now they're gone. Soul cycles
39:51
Speaker 1: were like all over, and you know, they're not really
39:54
Speaker 1: around anyway. Now. I feel like the hottest thing is
39:56
Speaker 1: literally hot yoga, hot skulpt hot yoga. I can't do
40:01
Speaker 1: hot yoga anymore. It makes me so sad. I got
40:03
Speaker 1: too loose. So I told you this already. It makes
40:05
Speaker 1: me mad, though. So She's like, well, the kids are
40:08
Speaker 1: going to come back from camp and you're gonna meet Michael.
40:12
Speaker 1: And I've been really really building this up that Michael
40:18
Speaker 1: is an agromaniac, and yet it's your job, Edward to
40:24
Speaker 1: make our family. Okay, I'm like, what, Yeah, you really
40:30
Speaker 1: like been like, Michael gets will get mad, mad mad.
40:32
Speaker 1: He's super aggressive and he's not gonna be happy and Edward,
40:37
Speaker 1: it's on you. And all Edward has done this whole
40:40
Speaker 1: time is like, yeah, I just want to be like
40:43
Speaker 1: a cool guy to your kids. I'm not trying to
40:46
Speaker 1: be their dad, like he said that. So I don't
40:50
Speaker 1: understand why she's like, this falls in your hands, Edward,
40:53
Speaker 1: what are you going to choose to do ruin my family?
40:56
Speaker 1: Or talk to Michael nicely? He's like, then we get
41:03
Speaker 1: the little like thing where he's like, I'll be honest,
41:05
Speaker 1: I always wanted kids, and she's like, well, I don't.
41:08
Speaker 1: I don't wantny more kids. I'm done. And so he
41:10
Speaker 1: had to sort of choose to come to America and
41:14
Speaker 1: be with the love of his life. That meant that
41:16
Speaker 1: he wouldn't have his own kids. And he's like, and
41:18
Speaker 1: I'm here. That's hard. That's a hard thing. I kind
41:33
Speaker 1: of wish that we would like know a little more
41:35
Speaker 1: about Edward, like does he have nieces and nephews, does
41:39
Speaker 1: he have like, you know, siblings, Like what does his
41:41
Speaker 1: mom think of Marissa? Has Marissa met his family? Okay,
41:48
Speaker 1: so Michael comes with the two kids and he meets
41:53
Speaker 1: Edward for the first time. He's like, oh, yeah, God,
41:56
Speaker 1: you know what, I thought you were shorter. I thought
41:58
Speaker 1: you were the same size as Marissa and Edward clocks
42:01
Speaker 1: that as being rude and also kind of like alpha
42:04
Speaker 1: e or like trying to like be like I thought
42:06
Speaker 1: you were smaller, but also at the same time, it's like, no, motherfucker,
42:10
Speaker 1: I'm big. And also you look like a toe without
42:14
Speaker 1: a hat on, so you know. And then it's like
42:20
Speaker 1: this thing where Marissa's like, Okay, I'm gonna go upstairs
42:22
Speaker 1: with the boys and you guys can do your man talk.
42:25
Speaker 1: But before then, now you guys thirsty, And then she
42:28
Speaker 1: pours them whiskey and makes them drink it out of
42:32
Speaker 1: like purple plastic tiny cups. Girl, What you don't have
42:40
Speaker 1: like some nice beveled glasses, like those highball glasses or something.
42:46
Speaker 1: I don't expect you to have that thing where it's
42:48
Speaker 1: like one big block of ice, but like you know,
42:50
Speaker 1: like you can I make them drink out of like
42:53
Speaker 1: tiny purple plastic glasses. Alcohol. Girl, what are you doing
42:59
Speaker 1: in this home? What is this home? What's happening in
43:03
Speaker 1: these cupboards, what is happening on these walls? Why is
43:07
Speaker 1: this the life you're choosing? If you are so controlling,
43:09
Speaker 1: if you're so like only the best for me, Like
43:14
Speaker 1: I wouldn't be caught dead being on national television having
43:20
Speaker 1: anyone drink out of plastic cups, specifically alcohol, unless it
43:29
Speaker 1: was like a thing where we had to play like
43:31
Speaker 1: beer pong and you have to use those red solo cups.
43:34
Speaker 1: But even then I'd be upset and I'd be like,
43:35
Speaker 1: not my home, do it somewhere else? You No? I
43:42
Speaker 1: just was like, girl, what So then him and Michael
43:45
Speaker 1: talk and basically Michael's like, listen, if you ever get
43:52
Speaker 1: aggressive with Marissa, like if you guys fight and you
43:57
Speaker 1: get physically demongsatively violent, then I'm going to come and
44:02
Speaker 1: kick your ass, which was so weird to say because
44:05
Speaker 1: it's like, why do you think he's going to do that?
44:07
Speaker 1: Is that what you do? Are you talking about what
44:09
Speaker 1: you did at orsa that you can foresee edwards? Like
44:12
Speaker 1: I'm not someone who does that. And then he's like, listen,
44:16
Speaker 1: I can. I know it's hard because she has rich
44:18
Speaker 1: parents and they looked down on me. They fucking hated me.
44:21
Speaker 1: They were just so rude to me, and you know,
44:25
Speaker 1: it's hard, and so they kind of like bond over
44:28
Speaker 1: how shitty and judgmental. Her rich parents are interesting, right. Okay,
44:36
Speaker 1: So next couple is Mito and Debbie. So listen. After
44:43
Speaker 1: their horrendous move day where he wanted to take some
44:47
Speaker 1: bullshit picture of him pretending to drive the van and
44:50
Speaker 1: she was like, here's a picture and he's like a
44:54
Speaker 1: video and she was like, oh, I'm tired, and he
44:57
Speaker 1: was like die bit for not listening to me, and
45:02
Speaker 1: then he wouldn't talk because he was so tired. Next morning,
45:05
Speaker 1: she's like, how are you and he's like, I only
45:08
Speaker 1: have slept. He's like a little baby. She's like, okay,
45:11
Speaker 1: well we can talk about it outside. Let's go to
45:14
Speaker 1: this pirate coffee shop in New Orleans. He's like okay.
45:18
Speaker 1: So then he gets there and the person's like, what
45:20
Speaker 1: do you want to drink or whatever? He's like a latte.
45:23
Speaker 1: Then she goes, I'll have a soda with ice. Then
45:28
Speaker 1: that person just turns around and he's like okay. It
45:33
Speaker 1: makes what this annoyed me so much? I don't even know,
45:43
Speaker 1: Like okay, that's like going to press juice and being
45:47
Speaker 1: like I'll get a juice and the person like, okay,
45:53
Speaker 1: soda is like drink, what do you want? What? Do
45:57
Speaker 1: you want I'll have a drink? Great? What fucking kind?
46:02
Speaker 1: What kind? What person would be like, all right, what
46:06
Speaker 1: flavor of soda? Because that's one word that describes many
46:12
Speaker 1: different kinds. If you have a soda machine, there's six
46:15
Speaker 1: different kinds right there? What fucking kind of soda? I
46:19
Speaker 1: mean you can tell me, like bitch in New Orleans,
46:21
Speaker 1: soda means pepsi, but I mean, like, no, it doesn't
46:26
Speaker 1: because like soda could also mean like you just listen,
46:29
Speaker 1: I don't. She ended up getting a brown soda, so
46:32
Speaker 1: like it was like either coke or pepsi or doctor
46:34
Speaker 1: Pepper got blast. It wasn't starry or Sierra miss I
46:39
Speaker 1: don't make that anymore or seven up. But like, yeah,
46:41
Speaker 1: that annoyed me to the ninth degree because it would
46:45
Speaker 1: fell fake cod. Why is the producer not being like, okay,
46:48
Speaker 1: do it again? And to the worker here? Can you
46:51
Speaker 1: ask what kind of soda? Or Debbie say what kind
46:54
Speaker 1: of soda? I mean you can't even ask for water
46:59
Speaker 1: without them being like spark or still. I really didn't
47:04
Speaker 1: like that. Can you tell? Like even in La they'd
47:08
Speaker 1: be like, what kind of milk in the latte? Do
47:10
Speaker 1: you want? I get that everything is la. So they're
47:17
Speaker 1: you know, over their perspective, no respective, yes, whatever, They're
47:23
Speaker 1: chosen caffeinated beverages. They talk about the fight of all fights,
47:27
Speaker 1: and he's like, you threw the phone in my face.
47:30
Speaker 1: You did zet. She's like, no, I didn't. I just
47:33
Speaker 1: put it in your lap. He's like, you bessegraded the
47:37
Speaker 1: word of me the man. Okay. So he is just
47:42
Speaker 1: obnoxious obviously. And I did like such an apologetic tour
47:47
Speaker 1: talking about him last episode where I was like, I
47:49
Speaker 1: hate to say this, but I do think he's gay
47:51
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And I don't want to like out
47:53
Speaker 1: someone or like, you know, talk about their sexuality. And
47:55
Speaker 1: I'm going to take all that back. I don't do
47:58
Speaker 1: that unless you are doing this. You can't be trying
48:02
Speaker 1: to scam a woman when you are gay by making
48:08
Speaker 1: them feel like you like them. I don't allow Colton
48:12
Speaker 1: Underwoods in this realm. Like I'm a female, I love females.
48:17
Speaker 1: I'm not going to like talk about someone in any
48:20
Speaker 1: kind of way that makes it like if they're a
48:24
Speaker 1: nice person. But if you are scamming a female and
48:27
Speaker 1: you love dick, and you will only have Dick in
48:30
Speaker 1: your mouth fuck you anyway? Then just didn't. Yeah, I've
48:35
Speaker 1: been ride the dick. I'll never talk about it again.
48:37
Speaker 1: But god bless like he's trying to pull a fast
48:40
Speaker 1: one over Debbie. He says this, you know, does ze
48:44
Speaker 1: to Debbie. I don't know, I'm getting a fresh accent.
48:46
Speaker 1: He's like, she hasn't been with a man for twenty
48:48
Speaker 1: nine years. She needs to learn. And I was like, well,
48:51
Speaker 1: you be the one that teachers her. You certainly know
48:55
Speaker 1: how to be with men. Teacher, teacher your ways. How
49:00
Speaker 1: do you like? You know, how do you like they
49:02
Speaker 1: like the balls cradled, you know, no teeth right mito,
49:07
Speaker 1: you know. But then he gets right into like the
49:10
Speaker 1: muslimness where he's like, you know, she has to know
49:14
Speaker 1: what the Koran and the egypt women. You know, Egyptian
49:17
Speaker 1: women respect the man. And it's like no one there
49:21
Speaker 1: respects you, even like the girls in your social media.
49:26
Speaker 1: You can tell are like, oh this is gross. I
49:28
Speaker 1: want to be up. I don't want to mean this real.
49:33
Speaker 1: He is horrible to her, and he's like you have
49:36
Speaker 1: to do what I say, and she's like I was tired.
49:39
Speaker 1: He's like, not good enough. Listen, if we would in Egypt.
49:43
Speaker 1: I would leave you right the way. If this ever
49:45
Speaker 1: happens again, I'm gone, I get the ticket. I never
49:49
Speaker 1: see your face. Okay, and we're watching this, we're like, Debbie,
49:52
Speaker 1: are you listening to this bullshit? Debbie? Thank god? He's
49:57
Speaker 1: literally being like he'll leave. This is the moment where
49:59
Speaker 1: you're like, then great, get a lift to the airport,
50:03
Speaker 1: you know, like, take your things. My daughter can't wait
50:06
Speaker 1: to have her own room in my now two bedroom apartment.
50:10
Speaker 1: Get the fuck out of here. Also have fun paying
50:12
Speaker 1: for your own plane ride back. You know, you're just like,
50:15
Speaker 1: oh my god. Debbie listens to all this with like
50:18
Speaker 1: no makeup on, and we're like, girl, you're hearing what
50:21
Speaker 1: you're hearing. And then she's like, where's my ring? And
50:30
Speaker 1: we're like, oh, my first thought was like, yes, she's
50:34
Speaker 1: asking for hurrying back that she gave him right and
50:41
Speaker 1: she's like asking like, hey, give me my ring and
50:44
Speaker 1: get the fuck out of here. That's not what she's doing,
50:46
Speaker 1: though she's somehow didn't listen to the past twenty minutes
50:50
Speaker 1: of that conversation. And then it's now asking him to
50:54
Speaker 1: hurry up and give her the engagement ring for them
51:00
Speaker 1: to continue on this charade, and we're like, okay, well, okay,
51:08
Speaker 1: now we know what we're dealing with, which is a
51:10
Speaker 1: dumb fuck. Okay, fine, so you're saying, wash my hands
51:16
Speaker 1: of like trying to like support you without what you're saying.
51:24
Speaker 1: You're saying, I can't. You're saying, know who I'm dealing with,
51:27
Speaker 1: which is a daft Debbie who is going to hear
51:30
Speaker 1: all this. Have some man treat her that way in
51:33
Speaker 1: her own home when you brought her out here, who
51:35
Speaker 1: emotionally be used you by some stupid prank by being like,
51:37
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna come, and you fucking just were sitting
51:40
Speaker 1: there crying and throwing up a lover yourself. And now
51:43
Speaker 1: when he got mad at you for not taking a
51:45
Speaker 1: fucking video because you realize he never wants to take
51:48
Speaker 1: a video or picture with you, he does not like you,
51:52
Speaker 1: you just sit there, drink your soda and ask for
51:56
Speaker 1: him to like double down on his commitment to you. Now,
52:00
Speaker 1: why okay, Debbie? Okay, Well, Debbie must be very fucking lonely.
52:11
Speaker 1: I mean, and she like really loves effeminatee men. That's
52:18
Speaker 1: the only thing I could think of. There's no way
52:20
Speaker 1: there's no way. You see him in those like tight
52:22
Speaker 1: ass leggings and you're like, there's my guy, where's that ring?
52:27
Speaker 1: He loves me? Someone on Instagram told me that he
52:37
Speaker 1: was also their tour guide, and I was like, did
52:40
Speaker 1: he try and kiss you? How good was that kiss
52:44
Speaker 1: in a mummy's cave? What did Devin do when he
52:47
Speaker 1: was kissing her? Like was because Devin was on the tour?
52:50
Speaker 1: Was Devin like, oh, say should I just keep walking?
52:58
Speaker 1: Just I? This cannot be real, Like this is one
53:06
Speaker 1: of the more Banana Ramas couples, just because she lives
53:11
Speaker 1: every day, like she gets up in the morning and
53:13
Speaker 1: puts two socks on and gets her asked to work
53:16
Speaker 1: and somehow talks other people into spending more money than
53:19
Speaker 1: they need to on insurance. She has like some wherewithal
53:22
Speaker 1: to do all that. She can't see that this man
53:25
Speaker 1: is like craving d I can't and it's not Debbie.
53:37
Speaker 1: It's not a d for Debbie that he's craving you guys.
53:41
Speaker 1: It's really hard for me. This has been hard for me.
53:44
Speaker 1: I don't want to be so mean to this person,
53:46
Speaker 1: but I hate him. I can't even Oh, he'd be
53:52
Speaker 1: someone that he became to La, he would like get
53:55
Speaker 1: ripped off by a scam. He'd be like, Oh, I
53:58
Speaker 1: found an agent. I just have to raise four thousand
54:01
Speaker 1: dollars to pay the agent, you know. Like and that part,
54:04
Speaker 1: I guess does make me somewhat happy, Like I would
54:06
Speaker 1: like to see him get scammed. I know, if that
54:11
Speaker 1: really happens anymore. I feel like we've in the age
54:13
Speaker 1: of the Internet, Like it's harder to be someone who's
54:16
Speaker 1: like trying to scam actors in that way. I mean,
54:20
Speaker 1: there's there's not even auditions anymore anyway, I meant know,
54:23
Speaker 1: all right, they're ends part one of this recap because
54:28
Speaker 1: I'm already at fifty five minutes, and I have so
54:31
Speaker 1: many more couples who do, so many more couples do do.
54:35
Speaker 1: And I hate Mio and I hate Debbie for being
54:38
Speaker 1: with me noo, and I mean, what do I do?
54:42
Speaker 1: I don't know to tell you except God bless, I'm
54:45
Speaker 1: just gonna The good news is I do like Mallory
54:47
Speaker 1: and Rashid, and they do feel like a sort of
54:51
Speaker 1: like palate cleanser to them. So I'll start with them
54:53
Speaker 1: and in part two. But thank you so much for listening.
54:56
Speaker 1: If you haven't yet given this podcast five stars. Also,
55:00
Speaker 1: you can follow me I am at Chris Selfair on
55:02
Speaker 1: all the major social media platforms, and if you want
55:06
Speaker 1: to give me five dollars a month, it's super cheap.
55:08
Speaker 1: But you can go to my Patreon and join there,
55:11
Speaker 1: and you know, you get private lives and you can
55:16
Speaker 1: tell me exactly what to do and I'll do it.
55:18
Speaker 1: I'm a little puppet puppet for money, and at some
55:22
Speaker 1: point I might have to raise the price or add
55:23
Speaker 1: more levels. So you can get in early in the
55:26
Speaker 1: ground floor and just know you're helping out creator that
55:30
Speaker 1: also wishes she could just make full time acting part
55:33
Speaker 1: of her life, but that's not it anymore, and she's
55:36
Speaker 1: trying to be a good funny improvisor. So thank you
55:41
Speaker 1: guys so much. Patroon dot com slash Chris Farah and
55:44
Speaker 1: just go ahead and push part two, babes. I'll talk
55:46
Speaker 1: to you then, right