Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #381 I'll Do Better Tomorrow

Transcript

#381 I'll Do Better Tomorrow · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:02
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for.
• 0:06
  Speaker 3: The time poor parent who just wants answers.
• 0:09
  Speaker 1: Now, making the traditions and making sure that the kids feel,
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: through those traditions that they really do belong to something
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  Speaker 1: bigger than just them. That's what it's all about.
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  Speaker 3: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum
• 0:22
  Speaker 3: and dad.
• 0:22
  Speaker 1: If you're in Victoria today, you must be feeling a
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: little bit lighter, like it just must feel so good
• 0:27
  Speaker 1: that restrictions are becoming reduced and a little bit of
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  Speaker 1: normality returning to life. We're so happy for you, Victoria.
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  Speaker 1: We hope that it lasts. We hope that this is
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  Speaker 1: this is real progress. Fingers crossed borders will start coming down.
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: Fingers crossed people will be allowed to be reunited with
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  Speaker 1: their families soon. It has been a long, long, long journey. Hello,
• 0:49
  Speaker 1: this is doctor Justin Colson. I'm the founder of Happy
• 0:51
  Speaker 1: Families dot Com. To do you and Kylie?
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  Speaker 3: Hello, You say that like you haven't seen me today.
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be with you doing this podcast,
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  Speaker 1: though very very because I think.
• 1:01
  Speaker 3: You're more excited because you were actually leaving the kids
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  Speaker 3: behind tonight and you and I are getting a night
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  Speaker 3: to ourselves. Yeah, with curtains.
• 1:10
  Speaker 1: What do you mean with curtains, Well, we don't have.
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  Speaker 3: Curtains in our room because we've just recently painted our
• 1:14
  Speaker 3: room and we've taken the curtains down, and now you
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  Speaker 3: and I are waking out at the crack of time.
• 1:20
  Speaker 1: The Queensland doesn't have daylight savings, and so because there's
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  Speaker 1: no dublit savings, the sun's up at four forty five
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  Speaker 1: and so are we.
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  Speaker 3: So are we?
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  Speaker 1: So I might to actually being up. I'm up there
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  Speaker 1: for a bike ride normally, but you're not. And and
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: let's face it, it's going to be nice to just
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  Speaker 1: have a sleep in and not have kids clambering into
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  Speaker 1: our bed at four forty five am or four forty
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  Speaker 1: nine am.
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  Speaker 3: If you're listening, well thanks so much.
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  Speaker 1: We can't wait. If you want to make your family happier,
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  Speaker 1: we strongly recommend somehow getting a night away from the kids.
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  Speaker 1: I don't know, every six weeks, every eight weeks, even
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  Speaker 1: every twelve weeks is good enough.
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  Speaker 3: Look, even just having the kids go to Grandma's or
• 2:01
  Speaker 3: the artists or whatever and you staying home. It doesn't
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  Speaker 3: even have to cost you money. It's just totally an
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  Speaker 3: opportunity to just breathe.
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  Speaker 1: Breathe, Yeah, yeah, yeah, about our kids are our kids
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  Speaker 1: are too old to send off to Grandma or the
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  Speaker 1: big kids are, so the big kids are like, oh,
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  Speaker 1: I don't want to go to nuns. So since we
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  Speaker 1: can send the little kids, but then the big kids
• 2:18
  Speaker 1: are still at home, and we're like, this does not
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  Speaker 1: feel relaxing now. Now, you kids want to talk to us,
• 2:21
  Speaker 1: and we love them, we want to spend time with them,
• 2:24
  Speaker 1: but now and then it's it's just nice if it's
• 2:25
  Speaker 1: you and I, right, sure is So we're not going
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  Speaker 1: to boy you with all the details of all our plans.
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  Speaker 3: I don't know what your plans are, but I'm planning
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  Speaker 3: on relaxing, hopefully by the pool.
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  Speaker 1: That sounds like a plan to me. I didn't have
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  Speaker 1: any plans. That's how That's how planned I am. It's
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: just time away, time to breathe. Now. Don't get us wrong.
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  Speaker 1: We love our kids, but every now and again we
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  Speaker 1: love each other more. Right, Can I say that? Is
• 2:51
  Speaker 1: that okay to say that? Oh you can, Yeah, you're
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  Speaker 1: okay with it? That's great?
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  Speaker 3: All right?
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  Speaker 1: So for those of you who a knew to the podcast, Friday.
• 2:59
  Speaker 1: My town it self indulgent, but it's actually not. It's
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: about learning life lessons and being reflective on parenting. We
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: call our Friday podcast I'll Do Better Tomorrow. It's where
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: we have a look at what happened in the week
• 3:09
  Speaker 1: that was and identified did we get anything wrong, did
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  Speaker 1: we get anything particularly right? How can we be better
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  Speaker 1: parents as a result of our learnings from the past week.
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  Speaker 1: My one's going to be really quick, really short. I
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  Speaker 1: already know where you're going with yours, and it's going
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  Speaker 1: to be a bit longer, So I'm going to dive
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  Speaker 1: in and share my one first, and then after the
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  Speaker 1: break we'll hear all about why a conversation about a
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: birth canal became problematic in our home. But first, last weekend,
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  Speaker 1: I think it was Saturday night. I was just so
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  Speaker 1: tired lately, I've been feeling that a lot, lots and
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  Speaker 1: lots and lots of work going on, loads of long hours,
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  Speaker 1: heaps of stuff happening, and we decided that we're going
• 3:48
  Speaker 1: to do yo yo night. Actually I think it was
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  Speaker 1: Friday night. Come to think of it, it was it
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  Speaker 1: was our old do Better Tomorrow last week, and then
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  Speaker 1: that night you were out you were doing a meeting
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  Speaker 1: or something like that, and so I just said to
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  Speaker 1: the kids, hey, yo yo night, and the were like,
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  Speaker 1: because yo yo night means you're on your own, which
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  Speaker 1: pretty much means.
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  Speaker 3: Which means Mum's out. So I can't be bothered.
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  Speaker 1: Mum's gone out, dad's exhausted. Figure it out for yourself.
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  Speaker 1: So I said to the bigger kids that were home,
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  Speaker 1: just so long as the little kids eat something, I
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  Speaker 1: don't really care. I'm going to my bedroom.
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  Speaker 3: Well I did. I did make sure that I had
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  Speaker 3: things sorted. I went and brought some pizza basis from
• 4:23
  Speaker 3: Baker's Delight. If you haven't tried them, hands down delicious.
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  Speaker 1: They actually are not sponsored. We always feel like we
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  Speaker 1: have to say that now as soon as we mentioned
• 4:31
  Speaker 1: a brand like not sponsored, because every now again people
• 4:33
  Speaker 1: say us, hate the look you always mentioning these brands.
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  Speaker 1: What are you on the take? We're like, no, we're
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  Speaker 1: on the take.
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  Speaker 3: Well, there's always some in the freezer. Yes, they're just
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  Speaker 3: great for you.
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  Speaker 1: Your night, your nights. So and it's not that I'm
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  Speaker 1: being like, I'm not abrogating my parenting responsibilities. I'm involved,
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  Speaker 1: I'm engaged. I love the kids, and we did spend
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  Speaker 1: some time together that afternoon, but I was just my
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  Speaker 1: eyes were hanging out of my head. You actually looked
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  Speaker 1: at me and said that it looked like I was
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  Speaker 1: I'd been punched in the eye because so red. Because
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  Speaker 1: I was just so tired.
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  Speaker 3: I said, dn't even by the waiting up here and
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  Speaker 3: go to bed.
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  Speaker 1: So I said to the kids, yoyo night. You figure
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  Speaker 1: it out. So long as everyone goes a bet a
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  Speaker 1: reasonable time, I don't care. I only wake me up
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  Speaker 1: if somebody's been hurt. And I hopped into bed at
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  Speaker 1: about six thirty. I started reading a book and I
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  Speaker 1: think that I don't know. I don't think I made
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  Speaker 1: it to eight o'clock. It was just a mess. And
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  Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know if this is something
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  Speaker 1: that we want to be promoting actively, but I think
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  Speaker 1: that I'm sharing it so that parents know that they
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  Speaker 1: can take a little bit of pressure off. It's okay now,
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  Speaker 1: and then to say I'm exhausted, and so, I mean,
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  Speaker 1: you can't do a yoo night with a three year
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  Speaker 1: old and a five year old. You've kind of got
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  Speaker 1: to supervise them. But once the kids get old enough
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  Speaker 1: and the youngest one is maybe six or seven, and
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  Speaker 1: the old ones can take care of things. Yoyo knights
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  Speaker 1: will become something. Well, we don't do them often, but
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  Speaker 1: there's something that I really look forward to. Just tell
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  Speaker 1: the kids, you're on your own. We've taught you. We've
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  Speaker 1: shown you how to use the microwave, how to use
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  Speaker 1: the oven, how to cook, how to close the refrigerator,
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  Speaker 1: or how to turn the lights off and go to sleep.
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  Speaker 1: And it felt so good to wake up on Saturday
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  Speaker 1: morning having been well rested, having had a proper night's sleep.
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  Speaker 1: So yoyo nights. I'm just putting it out there. If
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  Speaker 1: your kids are old enough, give it a go.
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  Speaker 3: Well, they don't have to always cook their own food either.
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  Speaker 3: We've often got leftovers in the fridge and they all
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  Speaker 3: just kind of work through the leftovers. We've got a
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  Speaker 3: child who loves tuna pasta no one else does, so
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  Speaker 3: she likes making her own. The pizza bas is always
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  Speaker 3: come in handy, yep. But sometimes it's you know, spaghetti
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  Speaker 3: on toast, or one of our kids actually really likes sweetbicks.
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  Speaker 1: Teaches the kids how to look after themselves, so like
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  Speaker 1: it's life skills. That's what I was doing Friday night
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  Speaker 1: was actually a life skills night. I'm going to stop
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  Speaker 1: calling it a yo. I was looking like I was
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  Speaker 1: being a lazy parent. I was like, Oh, you're so
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  Speaker 1: preparing kids for adulthood. That's that's what I was doing. Hey,
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  Speaker 1: up next, we're going to find out how we can
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  Speaker 1: do better tomorrow by making sure that we're careful in
• 6:50
  Speaker 1: the way we describe birth canals and other things like
• 6:53
  Speaker 1: that to our kids. On the Happy Families podcast.
• 6:56
  Speaker 3: It's their Happy Families podcast.
• 6:58
  Speaker 2: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, tweens, teens and Screens
• 7:03
  Speaker 2: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.
• 7:07
  Speaker 2: Bye today at happy families dot com, dot au slash shop.
• 7:12
  Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time
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  Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now and today we're
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: sharing our I don't know, our experiences, our reflections on
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  Speaker 3: the week, laws.
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  Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow? How can we be better parents?
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  Speaker 1: So we've been teasing this birth canal story. I think
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  Speaker 1: that we need to hear it. Kylie, what's going on?
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  Speaker 1: How is a birth canal going to help you to
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  Speaker 1: be better tomorrow?
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  Speaker 3: So let's just preface it with the fact that I
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  Speaker 3: always wanted to have twins.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, we had one and.
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  Speaker 3: Then we had one. That's exactly right, And I was
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  Speaker 3: so grateful that the man upstairs it just knew that
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  Speaker 3: I was not ready for twins.
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  Speaker 2: Huh.
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  Speaker 3: But we did do something a little bit special. We
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  Speaker 3: had baby number one and baby number two on the
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  Speaker 3: same day, three years apart. So we've just celebrated our
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  Speaker 3: first two baby his birthdays recently. And one of the
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  Speaker 3: traditions in our home is to share the birth story.
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  Speaker 3: And this has become a little bit problematic as we
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  Speaker 3: have gathered more children over the years.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, because we can't remember all the story, all the
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  Speaker 1: details of each birth. They are sort of blend into one.
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  Speaker 1: So just a little bit of a heads up, a
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  Speaker 1: little bit of a clarification on this. We are really
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  Speaker 1: big believers in traditions. It's great for the kids to
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  Speaker 1: participate in any kind of a tradition. Traditions build, meaning
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  Speaker 1: they build memories, they bond and unite people. There's a
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  Speaker 1: whole lot of research evidence that shows that traditions are
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: important and what they do more than anything is they
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  Speaker 1: bring people together in strength and relationships. So one of
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  Speaker 1: the traditions that we've created in our home is that
• 8:37
  Speaker 1: when you celebrate your birthday, you get to hear your
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  Speaker 1: birth story.
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  Speaker 3: We were sitting around the dinner table and I was
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: getting ready to share baby number one's birth story. Yeah,
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  Speaker 3: when baby number two piped up and she said, you
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  Speaker 3: know what, after all of these years, I used to
• 8:52
  Speaker 3: get really really frustrated because you would have so much
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  Speaker 3: detail when it came to my sister's birthday.
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  Speaker 1: So, in fairness, baby one in our family has a
• 9:01
  Speaker 1: pretty amazing birth story. You were in labor and we
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: drove from Brisbane to rock Hampton while you were in labor.
• 9:08
  Speaker 1: Got to rock Hampton, which is where we lived at
• 9:10
  Speaker 1: the time. We've been visiting Brisbane for.
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  Speaker 3: The afternoon for eight hours, eight.
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  Speaker 1: Hours of driving in this tiny little Dihatsu charade in
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  Speaker 1: two doors late nineteen nineties. We stopped for fuel and
• 9:20
  Speaker 1: you were in the back seat in series you were
• 9:23
  Speaker 1: going through a contraction, and the lady at the petrol
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  Speaker 1: sess like, everything.
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  Speaker 3: Okay with your wife.
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  Speaker 1: I'm like, goyh, she's having contractions, and she's like, oh, okay,
• 9:28
  Speaker 1: got enough petrol in the car, fast enough? So like
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: there's a lot of action, and then we got back
• 9:33
  Speaker 1: to Rockamp and the contraction stopped. We had a friend
• 9:35
  Speaker 1: over for dinner, and then the contraction started again and
• 9:37
  Speaker 1: you had the baby. And it was a really eventful
• 9:40
  Speaker 1: kind of story. Oh, the rest of them are much
• 9:42
  Speaker 1: more normal. So that's why baby number two's going. Oh
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: you always make a big dealer, beld Well.
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  Speaker 3: Baby number two was textbook delivery perfect. It was absolutely perfect.
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  Speaker 3: So there isn't a huge amount of drama around her.
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  Speaker 3: But anyway, she was three years apart on the same day. Well,
• 9:57
  Speaker 3: that was pretty spacih but they were born on the
• 9:59
  Speaker 3: eighteen Yeah, eighteen minutes apart.
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  Speaker 1: Yeah, love it.
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  Speaker 3: That was pretty special. So anyway, So anyway, she's explaining
• 10:09
  Speaker 3: that she's felt really hard done by Well. Last year
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  Speaker 3: it was her eighteenth birthday and I decided I would
• 10:14
  Speaker 3: do something super duper special, and so I did a
• 10:17
  Speaker 3: life story, like a remembrance book of eighteen years of
• 10:21
  Speaker 3: her life, and decided that I would tell her in
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  Speaker 3: graphic detail.
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  Speaker 1: Graphic. No, no, just just graphic makes it sound scary.
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  Speaker 1: You just gave her a complete overview, a complete review
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  Speaker 1: of everything.
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  Speaker 3: We gave her more than two lines is what she
• 10:37
  Speaker 3: complained about. I gave her a lot of lines because
• 10:39
  Speaker 3: the one thing I have done is I have written
• 10:42
  Speaker 3: everybody's birth story in my journal. So I went back
• 10:45
  Speaker 3: to my journal, found it, and I just did a
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  Speaker 3: copy and paste basically into her own little memory book.
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  Speaker 1: But that birth story in your journal is twelve pages long.
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  Speaker 3: Well, yeah it is. It's a pretty big deal.
• 10:56
  Speaker 1: It is a big deal. Having a baby is a
• 10:58
  Speaker 1: big deal.
• 10:59
  Speaker 3: Well, I haven't actually gone back to read it because
• 11:01
  Speaker 3: of what she said the other night. But she said,
• 11:05
  Speaker 3: I always thought I wanted the details until I got
• 11:07
  Speaker 3: my book and Mum talked about the birth canal and
• 11:11
  Speaker 3: that was it. She was like, way too much detail.
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  Speaker 3: I just I didn't even use any other words. Birth
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  Speaker 3: canal was too much for her. But what I love
• 11:21
  Speaker 3: about the whole thing is just this acknowledgment. Like you said,
• 11:23
  Speaker 3: traditions are so important for our families and our kids,
• 11:26
  Speaker 3: regardless of what's going on in our lives. On their birthdays,
• 11:29
  Speaker 3: they want their story. They know it, they know it
• 11:32
  Speaker 3: inside out, they know what happened, they know intimately the
• 11:35
  Speaker 3: details of their birth, and yet they want me to
• 11:38
  Speaker 3: tell them.
• 11:39
  Speaker 1: Yeah, And the best part every time is just how
• 11:42
  Speaker 1: excited we were that they came into our family, and
• 11:44
  Speaker 1: I think that's really the well, the tradition thing and
• 11:47
  Speaker 1: just the loving, the belonging. That's really why we're sharing
• 11:51
  Speaker 1: this story for I'll do better tomorrow, making the traditions
• 11:54
  Speaker 1: and making sure that the kids feel through those traditions
• 11:57
  Speaker 1: that they really do belong to something bigger than just them.
• 12:01
  Speaker 1: That's what it's all about. So we hope that these
• 12:03
  Speaker 1: have been some helpful ideas and reflections to help you
• 12:05
  Speaker 1: to be better tomorrow as a parent. Enjoy your weekend.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: I know that we can't wait to get away and
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: have some breathing room. The Happy Families podcast is produced
• 12:15
  Speaker 1: by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our
• 12:17
  Speaker 1: executive producer, and as always, if you'd like more info
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: about making your family happier, visit happyfamilies dot com dot
• 12:24
  Speaker 1: au and have a great weekend.