Latest / Do You F*cking Mind? / What to do when it feels like NOTHING is going your way (E)

Transcript

What to do when it feels like NOTHING is going your way (E) · Do You F*cking Mind?

0:12
Speaker 1: Hello, beautiful people, and welcome to the episode of today.
0:16
Speaker 1: This episode, I think will resonate with almost everyone. Yes
0:22
Speaker 1: it is an Encore episode. Yes we're all still away
0:24
Speaker 1: on holidays. But this episode, if I may say so myself,
0:27
Speaker 1: is elite and it is from episode one hundred and
0:30
Speaker 1: seventy nine What to Do when it feels like nothing
0:34
Speaker 1: is going your way. This episode will take you from
0:37
Speaker 1: feeling completely disempowered, from feeling like you are powerless in
0:41
Speaker 1: every situation, to taking control back and to feeling like
0:47
Speaker 1: you have more control than you give yourself credit for.
0:50
Speaker 1: You'll feel more stable, You'll feel more grounded, You'll feel
0:54
Speaker 1: a bit calmer, your anxiety will go down. You'll be
0:57
Speaker 1: able to kind of look at your life situation and
1:00
Speaker 1: like it's not actually all that bad.
1:03
Speaker 2: I've got something to work with here.
1:05
Speaker 1: Okay. So, no matter what stage you're in of whatever
1:09
Speaker 1: it is that you're going through, I really hope that
1:11
Speaker 1: this episode will really help ground you and make you
1:14
Speaker 1: feel a lot calmer about your current situation and to
1:18
Speaker 1: then turn it all around and fucking be the main character.
1:20
Speaker 2: Of your life. Love you so much.
1:22
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy the episode.
1:26
Speaker 2: Sense you are as much as it doesn't feel like
1:29
Speaker 2: it in a position of power. And I'll be explaining
1:33
Speaker 2: why that is now before we go into it. I
1:36
Speaker 2: thought i'd do a little brain fact. I actually had
1:39
Speaker 2: someone ask me about if I could just specify what
1:43
Speaker 2: this is about, and it is dementia with Louis bodies,
1:48
Speaker 2: And they wanted to know what the Louis bodies was
1:50
Speaker 2: with the dementia because there's all these different kinds of
1:52
Speaker 2: dementia you've got, So dementia is like an overarching term,
1:56
Speaker 2: and then you've got your different kinds of dementia. So
1:58
Speaker 2: for example, Alzheimer's dementia Alzheimer's disease, which is the most
2:02
Speaker 2: common one, and then you've got Louis body dementia with
2:05
Speaker 2: Louis bodies or Louis body dementia that's the second most
2:08
Speaker 2: common one. And then we've got you know, things like
2:11
Speaker 2: fronto temporal dementia, and there's other kinds as well, but
2:15
Speaker 2: that dementia with Louis bodies is the second most common
2:19
Speaker 2: form of dementia, So how is it characterized? Louis body
2:25
Speaker 2: dementia is progressive and it is degenerative, and age is
2:29
Speaker 2: the biggest risk factor for it. So what I mean
2:32
Speaker 2: by progressive and degenerative is that there's the onset and
2:36
Speaker 2: it progressively gets worse, and it is something that is
2:39
Speaker 2: causing degeneration within the brain. Okay, some symptoms are similar
2:44
Speaker 2: to Alzheimer's disease, but then there's other symptoms that are not,
2:48
Speaker 2: for example, difficulty walking upstairs, difficulty walking on patent flows.
2:54
Speaker 2: The short term memory is intact for some time, unlike
2:57
Speaker 2: Alzheimer's disease, where you start to lose your short term
3:00
Speaker 2: memory and then it eats into mid long term memory.
3:03
Speaker 2: There's your movement is affected, so you've got tremors, slowness
3:08
Speaker 2: in movement, confusion, visual hallucinations, problems with your balance, speech problems,
3:13
Speaker 2: and then you've got mood disorders as well, like apathy, anxiety, depression,
3:19
Speaker 2: sleep disorders, and then as part of the movement thing
3:22
Speaker 2: as well, you can become incontinent as well. But what
3:26
Speaker 2: is it? This is like the billion dollar question, what
3:28
Speaker 2: is causing it? What is it? Well, we know that
3:31
Speaker 2: what's behind it all is something called Louis bodies. But
3:35
Speaker 2: before I go into Louis bodies and what they do
3:37
Speaker 2: and how they affect the brain, we still don't have
3:41
Speaker 2: a good understanding of why this is happening in the
3:45
Speaker 2: first place, so we might know what the Louis bodies
3:48
Speaker 2: are doing to an extent, but we're not still not
3:52
Speaker 2: sure why it is that it's happening. Like if you've
3:56
Speaker 2: got someone in your family that has Louis body dementia,
3:58
Speaker 2: you are more likely to have it if you carry
4:01
Speaker 2: some like the if your genes carry it, but we
4:04
Speaker 2: still don't understand why is it that this is happening. Now,
4:08
Speaker 2: let's talk about Louis bodies. So Lewis bodies are a
4:11
Speaker 2: protein or an accumulation of a protein within certain cells
4:16
Speaker 2: within neurons, which is called alpha sinucleon, and this protein,
4:22
Speaker 2: this alpha sinucleon, is naturally occurring, but in the case
4:26
Speaker 2: of Louis bodies, there's a greater accumulation and the protein
4:30
Speaker 2: has been like misfolding of protein, so they're not folded properly,
4:33
Speaker 2: so it doesn't perform how it's supposed to perform, So
4:36
Speaker 2: it's misfolded and there's they're accumulating, and when there's excessive accumulation,
4:42
Speaker 2: you get this alpha sin nucleon aggregation, and aggregation basically
4:46
Speaker 2: means that they've clustered together, and when they're clustered together,
4:49
Speaker 2: you get what's called a Louis body formation within a cell. Now,
4:54
Speaker 2: when that happens within the cell, you can cause the
4:57
Speaker 2: cells to die and it can also disrupt communication from
5:00
Speaker 2: cell to cell. Okay, so that's obviously where you're getting
5:03
Speaker 2: all these problems. And they believe that it's happening in
5:06
Speaker 2: brain regions involved with memory, motor control, and cognition. So
5:10
Speaker 2: all the symptoms that I just spoke about, you can
5:12
Speaker 2: understand that that can obviously play into you know, cognition, memory,
5:17
Speaker 2: and motor control, all those things. Now, scientists believe there's
5:20
Speaker 2: a lot of studies that's been done on as you
5:22
Speaker 2: can imagine, but they believe that it's associated with the
5:25
Speaker 2: loss or death of neurons in the brain that are
5:29
Speaker 2: in charge. This is the crucial thing that in charge
5:31
Speaker 2: of providing these two neurotransmitters, acet of coline and dopamine.
5:38
Speaker 2: So aceta coline is a neurotransmitter which is really important
5:42
Speaker 2: crucial for learning, and dopamine, which is very important for movement. Also,
5:48
Speaker 2: it's important with mood, motivation, cognition, but it's very important
5:52
Speaker 2: with movement. That's why you're getting these tremors. That's why
5:55
Speaker 2: you're getting slowness in movement, and this is also what
5:58
Speaker 2: you see in Parkinson's disease. Parkinson's disease with Louis bodies
6:02
Speaker 2: is also very common, and sometimes it's really difficult to
6:04
Speaker 2: pull apart dementia with Louis bodies and Parkinson's disease with
6:08
Speaker 2: Louis bodies. But it's this common theme of tremors or
6:12
Speaker 2: slowness in movement, or an intentional tremor, which is where
6:17
Speaker 2: you're reaching for something and that's where the tremor begins.
6:20
Speaker 2: So you're intending a movement and that's where the tremor begins,
6:23
Speaker 2: or it can be a tremor at rest, depending on
6:26
Speaker 2: which area of the brain is being affected or which
6:28
Speaker 2: neurons are being affected. So that, in a very small nutshell,
6:35
Speaker 2: is what dementia with Louis bodies is. So it is
6:38
Speaker 2: different and unique to the other different kinds of dementia.
6:41
Speaker 2: But the reason why it falls under the category of
6:43
Speaker 2: dementia is because it is a progressive and neurodegenerative disease
6:47
Speaker 2: that is primarily an age related disease. So hopefully i've
6:53
Speaker 2: wrapped that up as understandably as possible as you can imagine.
6:57
Speaker 2: There is so much more behind that, but I just
7:01
Speaker 2: tried to wrap that up in like a five minute timeframe. Okay,
7:06
Speaker 2: let's get straight into the topic of today, because there
7:08
Speaker 2: is a lot to talk about. So what to do
7:11
Speaker 2: when it feels like nothing is going your way? Guys,
7:15
Speaker 2: I'm actually really excited for this episode because I have
7:18
Speaker 2: been in that position. I'll kind of elaborate on that
7:22
Speaker 2: in a little bit, and if you're a longtime listener,
7:25
Speaker 2: you know exactly what I'm talking about. So I won't
7:27
Speaker 2: go into detail about my own personal experience, but I
7:30
Speaker 2: have For anyone who's relatively new and hasn't come across
7:33
Speaker 2: the story in the last like one hundred and seventy
7:35
Speaker 2: whatever episodes, I will brush over it again. But I've
7:39
Speaker 2: been there. If you're going through this feeling right now,
7:42
Speaker 2: I have been there, and it is the most painful,
7:45
Speaker 2: yet in hindsight, most rewarding thing you can go through. Okay,
7:50
Speaker 2: doesn't feel like it right now, but.
7:51
Speaker 1: Hopefully by the end of this episode you are filled
7:54
Speaker 1: with a new wave, a new energy, a new lease
7:58
Speaker 1: of like Okay, yes, I'm going to frame this differently.
8:01
Speaker 2: I'm going to look at this situation differently. I'm going
8:04
Speaker 2: to do something differently. Okay, now to begin, you probably
8:08
Speaker 2: know what I'm about to say, and that is that
8:11
Speaker 2: with everything in the brain like attracts like okay, it's
8:16
Speaker 2: easy to think for similar thought than it is to
8:19
Speaker 2: think of an opposite thought of what you're thinking about.
8:22
Speaker 2: The brain loves to reach for similar thoughts. Okay, we
8:26
Speaker 2: know that, we fucking know that. When you're bitching about someone,
8:29
Speaker 2: it's so hard to stop, Like we're not. Let's fucking
8:32
Speaker 2: be honest. When you're gossiping, it's so hard to stop gossiping.
8:35
Speaker 2: When you're laughing, it's hard to stop laughing. You know,
8:38
Speaker 2: whether it's good or whether it's bad. You're constantly reaching
8:41
Speaker 2: for similar thoughts, and if you're talking to someone who's
8:43
Speaker 2: on the same wavelength, it's this amazing bang bang bang
8:46
Speaker 2: bang ping ponging back and forth. Whether it's a beautiful thing,
8:49
Speaker 2: whether it's comedy, whether it's talking about heartbreaking things. You
8:54
Speaker 2: can just feed that cycle, feed it, feed it feed.
8:57
Speaker 2: But trying to think of an opposite thought is kind
8:59
Speaker 2: of like swimming against a current. You're forcing this positive
9:03
Speaker 2: thought against this barrage of negative thoughts or negative things
9:07
Speaker 2: that are happening to you at the time, and it's exhausting,
9:09
Speaker 2: it feels like it's not sustainable, and you end up
9:12
Speaker 2: burning out, you end up feeling flat, So you end
9:14
Speaker 2: up reverting back to your like thoughts, the thoughts that
9:17
Speaker 2: feel effortless, because while they're not pleasant, at least they're effortless. Okay.
9:23
Speaker 2: Then you've also got that thing called your reticular activating system,
9:26
Speaker 2: which is primed to look out for the things that
9:28
Speaker 2: you're focusing on, and it also blocks out other things.
9:31
Speaker 2: So if you're always focusing on the fact that all
9:34
Speaker 2: men are assholes, then of course they're gonna appear everywhere
9:37
Speaker 2: because you're primed to look out for it. If you
9:39
Speaker 2: want to buy a black jeep, you're gonna start seeing
9:42
Speaker 2: black jeeps way more often than before you wanted to
9:45
Speaker 2: buy a black jeep. And when this happens, it becomes
9:48
Speaker 2: really difficult to step back and look at the bigger picture.
9:52
Speaker 2: We get so fixated on that one thing and wanting
9:55
Speaker 2: that one thing to work that we can't step back
9:58
Speaker 2: and think, wait a minute, there's all the there's other
10:00
Speaker 2: things that could be working for me. But I've been
10:02
Speaker 2: so fixated on this one thing having to work, and
10:04
Speaker 2: when it's not worked out, or when it's not worked
10:06
Speaker 2: out the way I've wanted it to work out, I'm
10:08
Speaker 2: feeling like nothing's working out and feeling like a failure.
10:11
Speaker 2: I'm not looking at other avenues. I'm stuck here trying
10:14
Speaker 2: to make it work because it's my dream, it's what
10:16
Speaker 2: I promise myself. And then you feel like nothing's working
10:20
Speaker 2: out for you because it's you're hitting your head against
10:22
Speaker 2: a brick wall. Okay, now I'm going to go through
10:24
Speaker 2: a bunch of points that i want you to do.
10:28
Speaker 2: I don't know how many, it's a bunch, but let's begin.
10:31
Speaker 2: The first thing I want you to think about doing
10:33
Speaker 2: when you're in this position is I want you to
10:35
Speaker 2: break the cycle, press pause, and have some downtime. Just stop.
10:43
Speaker 2: One of the hardest things to do is that when
10:45
Speaker 2: it feels like nothing's going your way, you're scrambling. So
10:50
Speaker 2: you're working harder at this, you're working harder at that.
10:52
Speaker 2: You're dropping the ball here, you're trying to pick up
10:54
Speaker 2: the ball over there, and then you drop the ball
10:55
Speaker 2: here and the roll and it's just chaos. Sometimes you
10:59
Speaker 2: just have to stop. One thing. Sometimes you have to
11:04
Speaker 2: drop one subject or defer for a semester, or stop
11:09
Speaker 2: trying to make a relationship work. That's just you know
11:12
Speaker 2: you where you're it's just not gonna work and you
11:15
Speaker 2: know it. Or take a break from this dream that
11:18
Speaker 2: you're trying to pursue just to gain some clarity. Okay.
11:23
Speaker 2: Sometimes we think if we're gonna go and take that break,
11:26
Speaker 2: we have quit. And I'm not a quitter, but it's
11:29
Speaker 2: very different. It's I need perspective, and I cannot get
11:34
Speaker 2: perspective while I'm in the thick of it, and I
11:36
Speaker 2: can't even surface to get a fucking breath of air.
11:39
Speaker 2: That's what you're doing. So I highly recommend that you
11:43
Speaker 2: break the cycle and press pause on a few You
11:46
Speaker 2: don't have to pause everything, but press pause and the
11:48
Speaker 2: things that you're like, this is causing me so much
11:50
Speaker 2: grief right now, I just need I need respite. Okay.
11:56
Speaker 2: Second thing you're gonna do is when you've pressed pause,
11:59
Speaker 2: you want to regroup and you want to reassess. So
12:03
Speaker 2: you ask yourself what has failed or what is not working?
12:08
Speaker 2: What gives me anxiety? Doing? You know, like you could
12:11
Speaker 2: you could have a passion, right you think, Okay, I'm
12:13
Speaker 2: going to do this with my life of this is
12:14
Speaker 2: the business I'm going to start, this is the side hustle,
12:16
Speaker 2: and then you're working so hard at it, it's just
12:19
Speaker 2: not sticking. It's not working, and every time you go
12:22
Speaker 2: to work on it, instead of feeling fulfilled and empowered
12:25
Speaker 2: and excited, you end up feeling really anxious and really
12:28
Speaker 2: depressed about it every time you work on it. Okay,
12:30
Speaker 2: So I want you to write down what has failed,
12:34
Speaker 2: what's not working, and what does this mean? Okay, and
12:39
Speaker 2: then ask yourself what do I really want? Because sometimes
12:43
Speaker 2: you're just cruising along living the life that you're living
12:46
Speaker 2: because it's good enough, right, or because you're in a
12:50
Speaker 2: situation that you kind of fell into without really kind
12:53
Speaker 2: of working for it or without really being like that's
12:57
Speaker 2: what I want to do. You kind of just slipped
12:58
Speaker 2: into it through life experience and through where life took you,
13:01
Speaker 2: where the current of life took you, and it's not
13:03
Speaker 2: where you really wanted to go. But because it's not
13:07
Speaker 2: where you really wanted to go, you've kind of quote
13:09
Speaker 2: unquote settled. You might not really be happy. You might
13:12
Speaker 2: have some insecurities that you're kind of like shutting down
13:15
Speaker 2: and you know, pushing away, but you're thinking, well, this
13:19
Speaker 2: is pretty good. You know, this is as good as
13:20
Speaker 2: it's going to get. So this is my life now,
13:22
Speaker 2: this is my life situation. I'm going to do with that.
13:24
Speaker 2: And then that thing that you didn't even really want,
13:27
Speaker 2: it's just the life that you kind of you fell into,
13:30
Speaker 2: not the one that you had dreamed of in the past.
13:32
Speaker 2: And then even that fails, then you feel even shitter
13:36
Speaker 2: because you think, what the fuck this? I wasn't even
13:38
Speaker 2: living my dream life and my non dream life failed,
13:42
Speaker 2: like it all fell apart and it wasn't even me
13:45
Speaker 2: living my best self. You're thinking, if I couldn't even
13:48
Speaker 2: make that fucking life work, how the fuck am I
13:51
Speaker 2: supposed to go out there and choose my dreams and
13:53
Speaker 2: make that work. That's how you're feeling, right. It's like
13:56
Speaker 2: that whole thing that Jim Carrey says. You know, you
13:58
Speaker 2: can fail at something that you don't want, so why
14:01
Speaker 2: not try living a life that you do want. It's
14:03
Speaker 2: kind of that whole theory. So you could be in
14:05
Speaker 2: a situation where you're like, I can't believe this whole
14:06
Speaker 2: thing fell apart and it wasn't even my dream life. Okay,
14:10
Speaker 2: So what I want you to do is regroup and reassess,
14:14
Speaker 2: say what does this mean and now the things that's
14:17
Speaker 2: not going well for me in the life that I'm living,
14:20
Speaker 2: What do I actually want? And what was never something
14:23
Speaker 2: that I truly wanted anyway? Job wise, living wise, income wise,
14:29
Speaker 2: relationship wise, health wise, hobby wise. Number three, I want
14:34
Speaker 2: you to grab a shed of paper and write down categories.
14:38
Speaker 2: At the top. I want you to write down relationships, career, health,
14:44
Speaker 2: and self. And in these categories you can break them
14:46
Speaker 2: down into subcategories. Like in relationships you can have you know,
14:49
Speaker 2: romantic family and friends and colleagues. In koreer, you can
14:55
Speaker 2: have job if that could be split into two things,
14:58
Speaker 2: whether you have more than one job, or whether you've
15:00
Speaker 2: got a job and then a career that you're working towards,
15:04
Speaker 2: or it might just be one category. Health, so that's
15:08
Speaker 2: physical health and mental health and spiritual health and whatever
15:11
Speaker 2: health you want to add in that category. And then self,
15:14
Speaker 2: so that's things that you do to make yourself happy,
15:17
Speaker 2: things that you're working on for yourself, whether it's a
15:19
Speaker 2: passion project, whether it's a hobby, whether it's what you
15:22
Speaker 2: do in your spare time things like that. Okay, so
15:25
Speaker 2: you're going to write them all down. Then I want
15:28
Speaker 2: you to do one to five scale for each of
15:33
Speaker 2: those subcategories on how satisfied you are with those things.
15:36
Speaker 2: You make it a zero to five scale, zero being
15:39
Speaker 2: like I'm completely unsatisfied right now, and five being like,
15:44
Speaker 2: best case scenario, I'm fucking thrilled. I would not want
15:47
Speaker 2: that to change. Number four. For anything that's categorized as
15:52
Speaker 2: two or below that needs to be changed immediately. You
15:57
Speaker 2: need to make some changes straight away, or you need
16:01
Speaker 2: to decide on what those changes are going to be
16:02
Speaker 2: straight away. So identify these things, Okay. For anything that
16:07
Speaker 2: is a five, I want you to write down at
16:10
Speaker 2: least two things minimum that you can do to keep
16:14
Speaker 2: nurturing that. Okay, what can you do right now to
16:17
Speaker 2: keep nurturing those things that you're like, this is best
16:19
Speaker 2: case scenario to really keep feeding that so it continues.
16:23
Speaker 2: And for anything that's three or four, write down what
16:27
Speaker 2: you want to do, whether it's to improve it to
16:31
Speaker 2: get it to a five, or whether you no longer
16:34
Speaker 2: wish to invest so much time and energy into it
16:36
Speaker 2: even though it's not that horrible, Like I don't really
16:39
Speaker 2: want to work on it, but it's just my income,
16:41
Speaker 2: so I can't really get rid of it. Kind of
16:43
Speaker 2: thing like it might be something that you don't really
16:46
Speaker 2: want to work on anymore, but maybe you just do
16:48
Speaker 2: it because it's not really causing you any pain or
16:51
Speaker 2: acute suffering right now, so you just kind of do
16:53
Speaker 2: it and you just chip away at it on an
16:56
Speaker 2: on day and day out. But it's not actually like
16:58
Speaker 2: really filling your cup, or it's not exactly what you
17:01
Speaker 2: wanted for your life, or it might be something that
17:03
Speaker 2: you're like, it's not that great, but I really want
17:06
Speaker 2: this and I want to improve aut it for it
17:08
Speaker 2: to be great. Okay, So write down which way you're
17:11
Speaker 2: gonna go with the things that are at a three
17:13
Speaker 2: or a four. Okay, sense sense now number five with
17:25
Speaker 2: what's the zero to zero one and two. Identify what
17:29
Speaker 2: you can end or start to bring to an end
17:32
Speaker 2: today today. There are certain things in your life that
17:36
Speaker 2: are not going to serve you at all, or there
17:39
Speaker 2: are certain things in your life that you need to
17:41
Speaker 2: end completely and then in a few months pick it
17:45
Speaker 2: up with fresh mind, fresh eyes, with a fresh heart
17:49
Speaker 2: and approach it completely differently. But it kind of needs
17:51
Speaker 2: to come to a fucking end for now. For example,
17:54
Speaker 2: I did this when I used to want to be
17:56
Speaker 2: an actor. I really wanted to be an actor, but
17:58
Speaker 2: I was in a really low place. I'll speak about
18:00
Speaker 2: the place I was in later. I was in a
18:01
Speaker 2: really low place and I just thought, like, every time
18:05
Speaker 2: I have to think about an order, oh, and my
18:07
Speaker 2: agent like dropped me. Everything went wrong for me one
18:10
Speaker 2: year and my agent dropped me, my acting agent, and
18:12
Speaker 2: I was like, this is so fucked. And while I
18:14
Speaker 2: was trying to find a new agent, I was also
18:16
Speaker 2: on the brink if I had bought this one way
18:18
Speaker 2: ticket to Europe. I was trying to find a new agent,
18:20
Speaker 2: trying to get auditions for myself. I was feeling so down,
18:23
Speaker 2: and every time I thought about acting, I had this
18:25
Speaker 2: wave of anxiety, like I felt so like oh. So
18:29
Speaker 2: then I thought to myself, you know what, this is
18:30
Speaker 2: not fucking working and I can't turn it around. So
18:33
Speaker 2: I said to myself, I'm going to give myself a
18:35
Speaker 2: six month break. I'm not going to look up one audition.
18:37
Speaker 2: I'm not going to reach out to anybody. I'm not
18:39
Speaker 2: going to nothing. These headshots are going in the bed
18:42
Speaker 2: and I'm just going to take a six month break.
18:46
Speaker 2: I took that six month break, and I was willing
18:48
Speaker 2: to return to it with fresh eyes, but I'm like,
18:49
Speaker 2: I'm not going to revisit this thing until six months
18:52
Speaker 2: has lapsed. I'm going to take this time. I'm going
18:54
Speaker 2: to go to Europe. I'm going to just just take
18:56
Speaker 2: a breath of fresh air. And for me personally, I
19:00
Speaker 2: found other things in that time that brought me more
19:03
Speaker 2: joy than acting ever did. And so for me, I
19:07
Speaker 2: realized that it wasn't exactly acting that I had to have.
19:11
Speaker 2: It was a feeling that I was chasing that acting
19:13
Speaker 2: was that I thought acting would give me and it didn't.
19:15
Speaker 2: And I'm not saying that I'll just quit and you'll
19:17
Speaker 2: find something different, not at all. I was willing to
19:19
Speaker 2: pick it up again when I had calmed down, but
19:22
Speaker 2: for me personally, I didn't need to do it. However,
19:26
Speaker 2: what could have happened was take the six month break,
19:29
Speaker 2: release the tension that I have around it, and then
19:31
Speaker 2: in six months time I could have picked it up
19:34
Speaker 2: and not had anxiety around it. So either way it
19:36
Speaker 2: would have been a positive outcome. But for me, it
19:38
Speaker 2: allowed me to just realize that it wasn't serving me
19:41
Speaker 2: the way I thought it was serving me, and so
19:43
Speaker 2: I didn't feel the need to ever return again. Number six,
19:50
Speaker 2: Understand that what you want is not the only possibility
19:55
Speaker 2: for you. Sometimes you're honing in on something that's never
19:58
Speaker 2: gonna work. Like I said about my acting thing for me,
20:00
Speaker 2: like it wasn't gonna work the way I was going
20:02
Speaker 2: about it. Hey, I could have picked it up a
20:04
Speaker 2: year later and it actually, you know, fuck knows where
20:06
Speaker 2: my career would have gone. But the way I was
20:08
Speaker 2: going about it was never gonna work. And this is
20:11
Speaker 2: something another thing that when it comes to relationships. Sometimes
20:13
Speaker 2: you're honing it on something so badly, like one person,
20:17
Speaker 2: one person, it's got to work with this person, and
20:19
Speaker 2: you don't realize that that's not the only possibility for you.
20:23
Speaker 2: You have limitless possibilities. But you might be so fixated
20:27
Speaker 2: on this one thing, and then you've been told that
20:30
Speaker 2: if you work hard enough at it, then you'll get it.
20:33
Speaker 2: And I only half agree with that idea of like,
20:37
Speaker 2: you've got to work hard enough and then you'll get
20:39
Speaker 2: that thing that you're going for. Oh, it depends what
20:42
Speaker 2: we're talking about. I believe that if you work hard
20:45
Speaker 2: enough on you, then you're going to become super adaptable,
20:51
Speaker 2: super willing to learn and grow, super resilient, learn how
20:54
Speaker 2: to be vulnerable, and then you're actually going to get
20:57
Speaker 2: way more out of life success and experiences than what
21:01
Speaker 2: you had set out to do. Sometimes the thing that
21:03
Speaker 2: you're going for is actually setting the bar not as
21:07
Speaker 2: high as you could actually end up going. Sometimes we
21:10
Speaker 2: have this idea for what we want, and we've just
21:12
Speaker 2: set that idea and we've locked it in and we
21:14
Speaker 2: think that's what I'm gonna get. I'm gonna you know,
21:16
Speaker 2: we listen to all these motivational things and we think
21:18
Speaker 2: that's it, that's it, that's it, But we shut out
21:21
Speaker 2: all the other possibilities that are there for us. And
21:24
Speaker 2: we're so focused on this one possibility, one outcome, and
21:27
Speaker 2: it's got to be that, and I'm gonna hustle, hustle, hustle,
21:31
Speaker 2: and we don't look at all these other possibilities that
21:33
Speaker 2: our life experiences, in our skill set and our resilience
21:36
Speaker 2: could lead us to that would be potentially greater than
21:39
Speaker 2: that one thing that we're so fixated on. There are
21:42
Speaker 2: a million ways of getting to where you want to
21:45
Speaker 2: get to and there are also a million other possibilities
21:48
Speaker 2: for what you can do with the skill set that
21:50
Speaker 2: you have with the person you are if you are
21:53
Speaker 2: focusing on the feeling or the outcome okay, because sometimes
21:59
Speaker 2: if you focus on the feeling that you're chasing or
22:01
Speaker 2: if you focus on okay, I want For example, I
22:04
Speaker 2: always wanted to do acting right and I always loved neuroscience.
22:07
Speaker 2: But then I thought, okay, what's the feeling that I want?
22:09
Speaker 1: Okay?
22:10
Speaker 2: I love performing, love talking. Put me on a fucking
22:13
Speaker 2: stage immediately. I love at times, not always, but I
22:17
Speaker 2: love attention as far as performance wise, I like, you know,
22:21
Speaker 2: having an audience. But I also love science. I love
22:24
Speaker 2: to teach. I love to educate. And I was like,
22:26
Speaker 2: how the fuck do I join all that together the
22:28
Speaker 2: podcast that came about. But here I was thinking, well,
22:31
Speaker 2: I'm going to have science is something that I love
22:33
Speaker 2: on the side, and I'm going to be an actor.
22:34
Speaker 2: But now for me, I actually have found best case
22:37
Speaker 2: scenario because I get to have my audience. I get
22:40
Speaker 2: to perform while I'm not even playing a different role.
22:43
Speaker 2: I'm just being me. I get to talk when I
22:46
Speaker 2: want to talk. I get to do everything I love doing,
22:49
Speaker 2: and I get to do it one hundred percent on
22:52
Speaker 2: my terms. I get to talk about science, which I
22:53
Speaker 2: fucking love, and I get to completely be myself and
22:56
Speaker 2: I don't have to, you know, take on the role
22:59
Speaker 2: of anything else, and I work for me. So for me,
23:03
Speaker 2: I'm like, Wow, this is actually an outcome that I
23:05
Speaker 2: never even imagined as a possibility in the past, because
23:08
Speaker 2: I didn't even I don't even think I even listened
23:11
Speaker 2: to podcasts, not even five years ago. But you look
23:14
Speaker 2: at this is a prime example of someone who had
23:16
Speaker 2: this thing that I really want to be successful as
23:18
Speaker 2: an actor, and then I found a career in a
23:20
Speaker 2: different path. And if you look at the outcome or
23:23
Speaker 2: the feeling that I was chasing, it's still a very
23:25
Speaker 2: similar feeling. It's this idea of performance. I want to
23:29
Speaker 2: have an audience, I want to be talking, I want
23:31
Speaker 2: to be you know, all of that. So sometimes you've
23:34
Speaker 2: got to think about, well, what is my skill set
23:36
Speaker 2: or what do I want my skill set to be,
23:39
Speaker 2: and what do I love doing? What's that feeling that
23:41
Speaker 2: I want if I want to be successful in this,
23:44
Speaker 2: why what is the feeling that I want to feel
23:47
Speaker 2: from that kind of success? And then realize that that
23:51
Speaker 2: feeling can can be spread across all these other possibilities
23:54
Speaker 2: for you. So you might feel like nothing's working for
23:57
Speaker 2: me right now, but it's like, am I narrowing it
24:00
Speaker 2: down for myself way too much? I want you to
24:04
Speaker 2: release the resistance, Okay, lean into things that are working
24:08
Speaker 2: for you. But when you're fighting against something so hard,
24:11
Speaker 2: this is when you need to stop fighting. There is
24:14
Speaker 2: a difference between a soul destroying struggle and earned, rewarding efforts. Okay,
24:23
Speaker 2: when you are earning something and putting in efforts and
24:28
Speaker 2: you're working towards something and it's this gradual thing, even
24:31
Speaker 2: if it's really hard, it's rewarding. There's a difference between
24:34
Speaker 2: that and hitting your head against a brick wall and
24:36
Speaker 2: just destroying your soul in the process and feeling horrendous
24:40
Speaker 2: and anxious about it. Okay, big big difference. Number seven.
24:45
Speaker 2: Don't limit yourself to only what you know, or what
24:49
Speaker 2: you have so far experienced in your life, or what
24:51
Speaker 2: you think you are capable of. The age thing is
24:54
Speaker 2: such a reason for people to not do certain things
24:57
Speaker 2: with their life. They think, oh my god, it's I'm
25:00
Speaker 2: two old. Now I'm in my thirties or I'm in
25:02
Speaker 2: my seventies or I'm in my whatever. What people consider
25:05
Speaker 2: to be old age is so personal because a lot
25:07
Speaker 2: of the messages that I get about people worrying about
25:10
Speaker 2: things being too late for them are from people in
25:12
Speaker 2: their twenties, And that just shows you that it's this
25:14
Speaker 2: fear that is like prevalent in so many people, no
25:17
Speaker 2: matter where in your life you are at. I look
25:20
Speaker 2: at my twenties and it feels like so long ago,
25:22
Speaker 2: and it feels like lifetimes have been lived in between
25:25
Speaker 2: then and now, and I'm now thirty three. You know,
25:28
Speaker 2: it's crazy how much can change in one year, in
25:32
Speaker 2: three years, in ten years. But if you're always looking
25:35
Speaker 2: at your life as like, oh fuck, this is my
25:37
Speaker 2: destiny and I'm feel old, so I could never change it.
25:39
Speaker 2: So now this is as good as it's going to get.
25:41
Speaker 2: So what am I going to do with it? And
25:42
Speaker 2: it's all falling apart. Don't limit yourself to only what
25:46
Speaker 2: you know. Sometimes, in your darkest hour, in your most
25:51
Speaker 2: painful moment, where it feels like nothing is going your way,
25:55
Speaker 2: that is when you discover who you are. You discover
25:59
Speaker 2: things about your amazing things about yourself that you probably
26:03
Speaker 2: never would have discovered had it not been for this
26:05
Speaker 2: difficult time. This now is your opportunity. This is the
26:11
Speaker 2: reset that you've been waiting for but probably not wanting,
26:14
Speaker 2: And now you've got the opportunity to rewrite the next
26:17
Speaker 2: phase of your life the way that you want it
26:19
Speaker 2: to go. There is, there's no real failure unless you
26:25
Speaker 2: want to label it as a failure. That's your choice.
26:28
Speaker 2: You make that call if you want to label it
26:29
Speaker 2: as a failure or not. No one else can make
26:31
Speaker 2: that call. You make that call, and you have the
26:34
Speaker 2: opportunity to expand what your possibilities are. You can get
26:39
Speaker 2: as creative as you want to get. Don't be shy
26:41
Speaker 2: with yourself. Reinvent yourself, and then reinvent yourself again and
26:45
Speaker 2: again and again. And I know for a fact that
26:48
Speaker 2: you can do it. And sometimes when it feels like
26:51
Speaker 2: nothing is going right, it's easier to reinvent yourself than
26:55
Speaker 2: when everything's going right except one thing. Because sometimes when
26:59
Speaker 2: we're in a position like, oh, all these things are
27:01
Speaker 2: going right, oh but not step step foot wrong here?
27:03
Speaker 2: But not take that risk because the way we calculate
27:06
Speaker 2: wins and losses is very skewed we're always way more
27:11
Speaker 2: fearful to lose something than we are willing to be
27:14
Speaker 2: vulnerable and gain something. So sometimes when you're in a
27:17
Speaker 2: position where you feel like nothing's working for you and
27:21
Speaker 2: it's all fucked, that's kind of a very special and
27:25
Speaker 2: in hindsight awesome place to be. Number eight. Create a
27:32
Speaker 2: new purpose to lean into as much as you can
27:35
Speaker 2: during this time. Okay, when okay, Now, I'm going to
27:39
Speaker 2: quickly tap into the time where I felt like nothing
27:43
Speaker 2: was going my way. So I had gone through a breakup.
27:47
Speaker 2: I'd gone to the US, and then I had come
27:49
Speaker 2: back and I kind of was rekindling something with an
27:51
Speaker 2: X and I thought it was back on and it
27:53
Speaker 2: was all well and good, and then that fell apart.
27:54
Speaker 2: And I had just come back from the US. The
27:57
Speaker 2: thing with my ex had completely fallen apart, and I
27:59
Speaker 2: was blindsided and so heartbroken. I didn't have a job.
28:02
Speaker 2: I had to borrow money from my sister just to
28:04
Speaker 2: pay bond for a bedroom in a three bedroom home
28:07
Speaker 2: at like with housemates. I didn't have a vehicle at all.
28:13
Speaker 2: I literally had like no money in my bank account,
28:16
Speaker 2: didn't know what I wanted to do with my life.
28:18
Speaker 2: Kind of was a like a standstill. I was heartbroken.
28:21
Speaker 2: I had just found this place and I had to
28:23
Speaker 2: borrow money from my sister just to even get the
28:25
Speaker 2: fucking bedroom. And I was like, I cannot believe that
28:29
Speaker 2: I'm nearly thirty and I find myself in this position.
28:32
Speaker 2: And I felt hopeless. I felt hopeless, okay, and I
28:35
Speaker 2: was frustrated and annoyed at myself and heartbroken. And that's
28:41
Speaker 2: when I started the master's degree. I had already applied
28:44
Speaker 2: for it and I had deferred it for a year,
28:46
Speaker 2: and I was about to defer it again, but I thought,
28:49
Speaker 2: I'm in a place right now where I am not okay,
28:53
Speaker 2: and this is the one thing that deep down I've
28:55
Speaker 2: wanted to do for years. So I thought, this can
28:58
Speaker 2: be my thing that's going to pull me out of
29:02
Speaker 2: this feeling of desperation because I know I want it.
29:05
Speaker 2: I just don't know if I'm capable of it because
29:07
Speaker 2: I feel so lost and heartbroken. So that became my
29:10
Speaker 2: driving force. That became my purpose, and I leant into
29:14
Speaker 2: it fucking hard. And it was amazing because I was
29:17
Speaker 2: doing something that i'd loved. I had no idea if
29:20
Speaker 2: I was ever going to be able to use it
29:21
Speaker 2: for a career or not. I hoped, but I had
29:23
Speaker 2: no idea. But I knew I loved it and I
29:26
Speaker 2: started doing it and it was hard work, but it
29:28
Speaker 2: was fucking fascinating And that was my savior. That degree
29:34
Speaker 2: saved me because I put so much of my energy
29:37
Speaker 2: and time and love and passion into it. It became
29:39
Speaker 2: my purpose and it literally pulled me out of where
29:44
Speaker 2: I was and my mood changed. Everything changed. Was it easy, No,
29:47
Speaker 2: it wasn't easy. But did it really change my perspective
29:52
Speaker 2: on my life situation? One hundred percent? It did massively.
29:56
Speaker 2: When I was down, I would have this thing that
29:59
Speaker 2: would help me keep going and going and going. It
30:01
Speaker 2: was helping me grow. It turned me into a new
30:04
Speaker 2: person because I grew so much that I could never
30:07
Speaker 2: even fathom looking back and reverting back to my old self,
30:10
Speaker 2: because that old self felt so far away. I had grown,
30:13
Speaker 2: I had seen possibilities, I had learnt things. It was
30:16
Speaker 2: just fucking amazing. Countless people have done this with so
30:20
Speaker 2: many things. You see it with. Okay, there's this one
30:23
Speaker 2: person called Faujer Sing. I think I've pronounced his name right.
30:27
Speaker 2: I don't know Fouger Sing and here's the man who
30:31
Speaker 2: ran kind of like an amateur on and off in
30:33
Speaker 2: his life. He enjoyed running, but then had stopped running
30:37
Speaker 2: for decades, and after the death of his son when
30:41
Speaker 2: he was eighteen nine years old, he became really, really depressed.
30:45
Speaker 2: So then he decided to take up running again, which
30:48
Speaker 2: he hadn't done for a very long time, and he
30:50
Speaker 2: started training at eighty nine and it became his passion.
30:54
Speaker 2: It became his purpose in life and his focus, and
30:57
Speaker 2: he became truly truly happy and nine t three guys
31:01
Speaker 2: ninety three, he ran his first marathon. He broke the
31:05
Speaker 2: record for his age bracket, and he continued to run
31:07
Speaker 2: marathons past the age of one hundred. So he found
31:11
Speaker 2: his way to get him through his darkest days. He
31:14
Speaker 2: had a passion. He turned that into his purpose and
31:18
Speaker 2: he pulled himself out of his depression. And he had
31:21
Speaker 2: that and that was a thing that carried him through.
31:23
Speaker 2: So it doesn't have to be career thing. It could
31:25
Speaker 2: be a movement related goal. It could be something to
31:28
Speaker 2: do with reading. You could become a memory athlete, whatever
31:31
Speaker 2: it is, but something that can pull you out of
31:34
Speaker 2: that darkest hour because it is a way of growing you.
31:37
Speaker 2: It is a purpose that you have and that's your
31:39
Speaker 2: driving thing when you're feeling so down. Okay, I might
31:43
Speaker 2: not know you guys who are listening personally, but I
31:47
Speaker 2: fucking do understand my audience very very well. I do
31:51
Speaker 2: understand you guys very well. I understand your dreams for yourself.
31:55
Speaker 2: I understand your fears I understand your pain and your
31:58
Speaker 2: insecurities and your heartbreaks, your confusion around your life and
32:05
Speaker 2: what your purpose is and what you're going to do
32:07
Speaker 2: with your life. I have read countless stories from you, guys,
32:10
Speaker 2: where where you have turned things around for yourself by
32:13
Speaker 2: changing how you look at things and changing how you
32:15
Speaker 2: approach things. And I can tell you that based on
32:20
Speaker 2: the amount of people that have messaged me and told
32:21
Speaker 2: me stories of how they've turned their life around, I
32:24
Speaker 2: know that all of you are capable of doing that.
32:28
Speaker 2: Here's another example. I'm going to have an even I
32:31
Speaker 2: think my cousin has actually spoken about this on the podcast.
32:33
Speaker 2: But my cousin, Joselle, she had a similar situation, but
32:38
Speaker 2: probably even more annoying. So she was doing acting and
32:42
Speaker 2: she went over to the US for I think it
32:45
Speaker 2: was a month, and in that time she was trying
32:48
Speaker 2: to do acting. Things weren't working for her. She was
32:49
Speaker 2: feeling really down. She comes back to Australia decides then
32:53
Speaker 2: and there that she's going to quit acting. She then
32:57
Speaker 2: breaks up with her long term partner. Well, the relationship
33:01
Speaker 2: fell apart, I should say, then moved, had to break
33:05
Speaker 2: the lease. Didn't have a job because she quit her
33:08
Speaker 2: job before she went to the States, and then moved
33:10
Speaker 2: back home with her parents. So we're saying, no job,
33:12
Speaker 2: broke the lease, no relationship, has just quit acting, which
33:15
Speaker 2: is her passion outside of her job, has moved back
33:17
Speaker 2: home with her parents, and then COVID hits, so we're
33:19
Speaker 2: all in lockdown and she was like, are you fucking
33:23
Speaker 2: kidding where She was in a low, low, fucking place
33:26
Speaker 2: and she was thirty at the time, Yeah, thirty, And
33:32
Speaker 2: she was like, this is fucked In one year. In
33:36
Speaker 2: one year, she had a job that she loved, she
33:39
Speaker 2: was feeling fucking amazing. She has this epic legendary partner
33:42
Speaker 2: who she had moved in with. Everything had turned around
33:45
Speaker 2: in the span of one year. And this didn't just
33:49
Speaker 2: happen miraculously. She was doing a lot of work on herself.
33:52
Speaker 2: She was doing a lot of work on herself emotionally, mentally,
33:55
Speaker 2: she started her degree in writing, she started like all
33:59
Speaker 2: sorts of things, you know, physically, she started training more,
34:02
Speaker 2: which is obviously great for your mental health. She started
34:05
Speaker 2: doing all these things and putting herself out of her
34:07
Speaker 2: comfort zone hard and in the span of twelve months,
34:11
Speaker 2: that is what manifested for her. Well, I wouldn't say
34:13
Speaker 2: manifested for her, that's what she created for herself. It's incredible.
34:17
Speaker 2: So here you have examples. That's already two people in
34:20
Speaker 2: one family, me, Joselle, all these people. Do you know
34:23
Speaker 2: how many examples there are around you? The people are
34:26
Speaker 2: just so scared to talk about the time when they
34:29
Speaker 2: are most down, because it's terrifying to be like, I'm
34:32
Speaker 2: at my lowest. Hi, everyone, Hi, I'm at my fuck
34:34
Speaker 2: and lowest, I've hit rock bottom. No one wants to
34:36
Speaker 2: do that because it's so painful to talk about, and
34:38
Speaker 2: you feel so vulnerable and exposed and you feel like
34:41
Speaker 2: a failure. We feel shame around it because we feel
34:44
Speaker 2: that we've you know, we haven't succeeded at what we're
34:46
Speaker 2: trying to do. But it happens all the time, and
34:49
Speaker 2: there are examples around you all the time of people
34:51
Speaker 2: who have reached a point where they're like, I'm at
34:53
Speaker 2: a stage in my life where I thought I'd have
34:54
Speaker 2: everything sorted out, and I have nothing sorted out. And
34:57
Speaker 2: how you can turn that around in the span of
34:59
Speaker 2: twelve months. I've got stories of single parents that have
35:04
Speaker 2: moved homes or cities, changed jobs or careers, found hobbies,
35:08
Speaker 2: started a degree, become passionate about life again, all by
35:13
Speaker 2: changing how they approach how they're going to look at it,
35:16
Speaker 2: by becoming the leader in their own life, owning what
35:19
Speaker 2: they can own, taking accountability for what they can, and
35:23
Speaker 2: discarding what was never in their control in the first place,
35:27
Speaker 2: and just taking action on the things that they said
35:29
Speaker 2: they were going to take action on. So many inspiring
35:32
Speaker 2: stories from you guys, so I know you guys have
35:35
Speaker 2: it in it. It's never all lost, it's never all
35:38
Speaker 2: for a waste. Everything you've experienced up until now is
35:43
Speaker 2: at the very least has been to teach you something
35:45
Speaker 2: and to make you more resilient, more wise, and able
35:49
Speaker 2: to tackle other things in your life through a different lens. Remember,
35:54
Speaker 2: if you have your mind, you have it all because
35:57
Speaker 2: you are capable of steering your mind in the direction
36:00
Speaker 2: that you want your life to go. For some it
36:03
Speaker 2: happens faster than you can imagine, and for other people
36:06
Speaker 2: it takes a little bit of practice and a bit
36:08
Speaker 2: of trial and error, but everyone is able to steer
36:12
Speaker 2: their mind in the direction that they want it to go.
36:16
Speaker 2: I adore you, guys. I have your back, and my
36:19
Speaker 2: wish for you is that you're in a position right
36:22
Speaker 2: now where you don't feel any more that all is lost.
36:26
Speaker 2: If you start putting into practice these things, you can
36:29
Speaker 2: look back in twelve months and think, fuck, I'm so
36:32
Speaker 2: grateful I went through that phase to get to where
36:36
Speaker 2: I am today. I'm so grateful I felt like I
36:39
Speaker 2: was hitting rock bottom because look at where I am today.
36:41
Speaker 2: It's such an exciting feeling to look back, look back
36:45
Speaker 2: twelve months and think, fuck, look how I turned shit
36:47
Speaker 2: around for myself. It's a very exciting feeling, and I
36:50
Speaker 2: know that everyone has it in them. Guys. Thank you
36:53
Speaker 2: so much for listening to this episode today. Love you
36:55
Speaker 2: guys so much. Go out there first, first, rest and
37:00
Speaker 2: take that break, rest and race that press the pause button,
37:04
Speaker 2: stop resisting, stop swimming against the current, regroup, and then
37:09
Speaker 2: go out and fucking take action. Love you guys so much.
37:11
Speaker 2: As always, remember be kind to yourself, be kind to
37:14
Speaker 2: your brain, don't text shit from anyone, and especially don't
37:17
Speaker 2: take shit from yourself. Don't cur