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Not Yet Isn't No: Giving Yourself Permission to Dream Again · Candid Coach Conversations

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Do ever find yourself comparing yourself to others or comparing things?
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Today we're going to talk about comparison and permission.
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I'm Kimberly founder of Live Life Fully,
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and welcome to Candid Coach Conversations.
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Today I have with me Teresa Anderson,
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author and certified Live Life Fully coach.
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Good morning, Teresa. Glad to see you.
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Good morning, Kimberly. Thank you for having me.
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So we've been talking a lot, especially at this last retreat,
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planting seeds for 2027. At that retreat,
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we were talking about permission.
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Like the overall theme was permission,
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permission, permission to release,
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permission to acknowledge ourselves,
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permission to tend, like tend our gardens,
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but to tend to ourselves. Anyway,
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permission across the board. And so today I really wanted to get on here
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and talk with you.
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About permission and comparison.
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I know what has come up at the retreat,
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and then since the retreat, I've been getting messages from people that have said,
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well, they've said thank you, and they've talked about giving themselves permission
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to release the comparison. And I started today by asking:
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do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to others or comparing things?
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And I think it happens.
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more than people even realize.
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So I'd love to talk to you about that today.
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And when I say I think it happens more than people realize,
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I immediately think about social media.
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And every time, and even not just social media,
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I mean it could be TV, it whatever,
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when we're deciding whether or not we like something or we want to watch something,
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we want to like it, love it, thumbs up it,
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heart it, all the different emoji things that you can do on social media,
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that's all comparison.
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And so, yeah,
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Mm-hmm.
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I think comparison can be the a thief of joy and
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Mm, they can.
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be a thief of permission. so yeah,
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I want to hear from you what thoughts come to mind when you hear comparison,
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permission,
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I immediately hear a Bible scripture.
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Immediately.
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~
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Which is compare not yourself
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tell me what?
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among yourselves. And I think the Lord was telling us flat out,
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it's the thief of joy to compare yourself to others.
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And also because if we believe that we are all individual bodies individual parts
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of the body of Christ, then the head is gonna operate different than the hand,
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and the hand is gonna operate different than the leg,
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and the leg is gonna operate different than the heart and the sternum and
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all of the pieces and parts. And so when I think about that,
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I think what God is saying is that you're
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valuable as you are and the thief of joy comes through comparison.
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I do like the idea of looking at comparison as information though,
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because sometimes
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Mm-hmm.
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it is information, right? It doesn't have to be jealousy.
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It can be someone else's life reveals something we desire.
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But
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Right.
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trouble begins when their life becomes the measuring stick for ours,
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right?
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Ugh, yuck. Trouble. Capital
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P trouble.
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So it's different to compare and notice.
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I like that. I think that inspires me.
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I I think I'm gonna do more of that in my life.
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That seems so fun.
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I wanna try that. It's different from,
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~ well look well look at this and look at that and mm-mm mm-mm,
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and having all your ten remarks to make about somebody else's life that
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has nothing to do with you and they are not thinking about you in that moment,
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right? And so
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Right.
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what a thief of joy. Like you said,
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it steals your joy in that moment.
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So I think some really good questions to get down to is like as p us us as people,
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do we find ourselves comparing ourselves to people?
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Like there's been times in my career that I've looked to you,
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Kimberly, and I've been like, you know what?
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There's things that she does that I notice she does with consistency
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and it creates a result. And in that idea of looking at your life,
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I'm able to see, that's a system that I can actually use and incorporate in my own
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life. And in
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And that way, it's not stealing my joy,
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it's actually helping me build and see myself through a new lens,
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which I think is powerful and beautiful.
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And it is inspiration. So sometimes comparison can lead to inspiration.
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It does not have to be the thief of joy,
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right? But
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Right.
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I do think it depends on your inner dialogue.
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Like, are you a negative person?
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Are you more a negative Nancy?
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Did somebody teach you to operate from a negative tone and voice?
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In your inner man, in your inward dialogue.
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And if so, I think that's the first problem,
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right? We have to kind of get back to the realization that I tend to look
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at the world through a negative lens.
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And what does that say about me?
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Where did that come from? Whose voice does that belong to?
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And do I want to redefine that so that when I do compare,
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it doesn't sound like jealousy or envy or ill will towards another
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human being who is simply living their life fooled.
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Right.
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Right. Exactly. my gosh. And I
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love this idea of reframe. So even if somebody is negative,
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like you were saying, like take that pause,
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ask yourself, whose voice is that?
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And do I want to continue it?
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Yeah.
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I love this because if I were to compare and have that the 10 remarks
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to follow about the person who is simply living their life and is
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not thinking about me at all.
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Yeah, acknowledge it and then say,
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Okay, and what is my takeaway?
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What can I see where I can implement in my life?
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Or what is a new thought that I can have that can help me grow in that direction
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if that's the thing that I'm wanting.
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So I love that reframe that you gave Teresa.
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So good.
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Absolutely. I also
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think about psychology when they're teaching about children.
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When children struggle to use words,
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they don't have emotional language.
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They don't know how to say, I'm frustrated and I'm sad and I'm really hurting,
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right? So they will throw themselves on the floor and they will kick
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and scream so that the adults know that this is how they feel on the inside.
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And so we see that transition into adults when we're dealing with some
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sort.
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Of insecurity that we're not really paying attention to in ourselves.
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And someone will walk in the room and hold up a mirror to the thing that we're
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avoiding in ourselves. And it could just be that they have a new wardrobe
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and that's something you've wanted for a while,
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but you've prioritized everybody else but you.
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She walks in, she's got a beautiful dress on,
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she's looking good. All of a sudden,
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you will science and statistics shows that people will tend to like ignore that
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person or minimize.
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Them, not include them in conversation simply because they want them
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to feel how they felt just because she walked in the room and held up
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a mirror to some inner insecurity,
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right? So we see this experience in adults all the time,
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and really it is it's comparison.
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That's all it is. It's somebody holding up a mirror.
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And instead of taking that and and trying to make them feel the way you felt,
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the PowerPoint.
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Is you felt something about that person and it's about you.
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The conversation is now about you.
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So who do I want to be? What did they represent that is something
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I genuinely desire? Is it that I want to have that kind of confidence when
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I walk in a room?
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Is it that I have been buying my kids new clothes every time they ask,
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or knew came, or knew this, or knew that,
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and I haven't prioritized my own needs,
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and I'm
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Sure.
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feeling some kind of way because she has,
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right? Is it because there's some there's a glow of happiness
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or childlike wonder that they represent?
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And I don't really know how to act activate that in my own life because that
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bit of information that is your power piece.
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That's how you get to move into position and instead of
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operating.
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From a point of insecurity or comparison,
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you can operate from a point of intrigue,
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curiosity, and a power play forward.
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That means that I want to do this next for myself.
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And then smile at the person and move on because they really did you
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a favor by making that so clear to you.
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So true. Yes. You know, as you
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were talking and I wrote down too loud,
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too happy. That's something that's come up ~ recently.
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So I do have some people in my life that are super duper quiet.
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And other
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Mm-hmm.
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people in my life that are super duper not quiet.
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And
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Yeah.
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I don't think I'm a quiet person.
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And take my daughter, for example.
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She is not quiet. She is not
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No.
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quiet. She's not gonna be quiet.
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She literally loves life so much that she wants everyone to know.
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even when she's even if she's
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She's amazing. I love her by the way.
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sad, she's not quiet. So ~ but that has come up.
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It's come up for her and it's come up for some friends of mine that
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They they wanna live and there has been comparison.
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I you could even call it judgment if you want to,
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but from others that
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Mm-hmm.
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are like, they're just so loud and they're just so fill in the blank and I'm like
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Yes, and I'm so glad because they are alive and they
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are living for themselves. And then I think about the whole role model mindset thing
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that Brendan always talks about and
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Uh-huh.
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what Oprah Winfrey even put on a sign outside of her studio door after working with
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Brendan that says, Be aware of the energy you bring into this room.
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Those are probably not the
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Mm mm.
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exact words, so don't quote me on it,
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but it's really the whole purpose is being aware of your own energy.
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So when I
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think about Meredith and some others that are vocal and just life is here
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I'm like bring that energy because maybe a little bit can rub off anyway
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so as you were talking I was like yes it's not even necessarily about
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how the person looks it's about how they enter the room and if they're smiling
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or if they're saying hello
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Mm-hmm.
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to everybody.
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It's
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can be a a
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a big
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number of things a mirage of things and that's why it's beautiful
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to get it's information like figure out what it is that's activating
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you what about this person specifically activates you and that's
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the question you want to ask yourself and then is the
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Yeah.
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comparison revealing insecurity or is it revealing desire and
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get truthful with yourself be honest if it's about an insecurity there's things
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you can do guess what sis you're not alone
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There's insecurities all over the place.
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And people are going in and they're talking with professionals and they
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are getting the help that they need.
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It there is hope. So if it is insecurity,
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let's talk about it. Right? And if it is desire,
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then what is it that you genuinely desire that you're not giving yourself permission
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to have, most likely?
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Yes. So true. So true.
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can you admire when when someone like has,
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can you admire what they have or who they are or how they represent themselves
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without using it as evidence that you're somehow behind,
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right? Can't your diversity just be diff you can just be different
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and you can accept that wholly in self-love.
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and honor the self and the parts that and roles that you play in who
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you are and acknowledge that it's okay for somebody else to be different.
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And so it doesn't have to be evidence that I'm somehow behind or not enough.
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And how much more fun would that be?
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I
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Yes.
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mean, for real. I love this idea of permission.
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I think another thing that is helpful and we did talk about this
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in planting seeds is
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Allowing yourself the permission to acknowledge yourself.
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So take time this week. Think about all the things that you've survived in 2026.
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You survived, you've celebrated,
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you've learned that you've overcome.
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Maybe you're still stuck in it,
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I don't know. But like take time to think about it and give yourself that permission
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to acknowledge. Because I think to Teresa,
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to your point, the more we can acknowledge ourselves.
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the less comparing there is to do.
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Because
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Mm mm.
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you'll feel good. You'll feel you'll have like evidence of all
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the things that you've done, all the things you've celebrated,
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all the things that I mentioned to give yourself acknowledgement for.
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Like that is all evidence that you can't.
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Absolutely.
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And so it really does minimize that comparison piece.
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And I truly believe it helps people live life more fully.
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Are there still
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One
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gonna be hard times? Yes. Y'all,
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Yes, of course.
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we have to have the
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hard to be able to fully appreciate or appreciate even more than not so hard.
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Absolutely.
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The dark would not know itself without the light.
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The light would not know itself without the darkness.
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That is just the way it is.
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Period the end. So yes, there's still going to be hard.
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And we can still live life with the heart.
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We can.
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Right, so like what would you choose if nobody had an opinion about it?
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Right? I
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Hmm.
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think that'd be a great place to start.
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What would you choose if
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nobody had an opinion about it?
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Amen. Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I think that would get you really centered in on maybe where you're allowing
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permission to control your life or aspects of your value system.
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So what would you choose if nobody had an opinion about it?
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If you had a free pass to choose and you could give yourself permission
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to do anything that you wanted to do.
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And I I understand that that's with reason,
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right? Of course, money doesn't grow on trees and we have to do things,
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Practice.
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but maybe that just reminds us that we have to budget.
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And we have to prioritize savings so that we can do the thing that we want to do.
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It doesn't mean no, it means not yet.
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And it means
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Right.
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not right now. And so the beauty of figuring out what it is that you would do,
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though, whether or not those other things are already in alignment,
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is that now you have the aim. Now you know the direction that you're headed in,
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and you can build systematic steps along the way to get you there.
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you said not yet and not right now.
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So and I don't know that I've even I don't think you were in there
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for this conversation. if you were great we'll have more to even talk about.
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Ha ha
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okay so there was a conversation recently about it was really about
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the word yet although I don't know that that had been said at the time.
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Okay so our the question was asked
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Are we giving children a sense of false hope by telling them like don't give up,
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keep trying, you can do anything you put your mind to.
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yeah, so there's this big conversation about it.
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And
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Okay.
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Part of the conversation too was also about if you try a s we'll go with sports.
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If you try a sports like everybody gets a trophy thing and how is it
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Good or bad, which I can't stand that.
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And that's what was being talked about.
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Like is it good or is it not good or is it good or is it bad to give everybody
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a trophy? Okay. I don't know the answer to that.
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That's not even the point for me.
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My bigger point is cause you as you said Teresa,
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like not yet or not right now.
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Thinking about money. Money doesn't grow on trees.
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Dang it. I wish that it did, because I would be planting some.
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I even have a what's called a money tree in my house.
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There has not been a dollar bill sprouted yet.
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Dang. Anyway, so but I think about this.
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Okay, so money doesn't grow on trees.
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However, I know what it takes to get money,
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to make money, to save money. Like I know all those things and like you said,
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might have to budget differently,
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I might save differently. So that if we're going with the money thing,
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that tells me that it's possible.
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So when I think back to the conversation with kids,
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are we giving them a sense of false hope by telling them,
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keep trying, don't give up. You can do what you put your mind to.
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Are we giving them a sense of false hope?
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The answer for me is no. Immediately no.
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thank God. Because as I started as I started
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Immediately no.
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talking, I was like, my god, whatever she said.
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I don't either. And this whole discussion was about skills and talents.
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And are we born with talents? And if we're not born with it,
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can we ever get it? And I say,
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Yes. Yes. Yes.
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Yes.
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I think it depends on where we put our time,
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our energy, our effort into what we truly desire.
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And our resources. Yes.
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I mean
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Back in the day, I way, way back in the day,
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probably a country song about that,
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I could not do a toe touch and I could not do a high kick.
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But by golly, I wanted to make drill team.
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So I worked and worked and worked until I could do it.
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But I was not bored doing a high kick.
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Mm-hmm.
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I
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I simply wasn't. And was I the greatest drill team dancer on the planet?
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No.
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But to the extent that I wanted to be able to dance,
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yep.
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Yeah.
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It fulfilled the role. It fulfilled the goal.
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Yeah.
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And then even with the information of,
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okay, maybe I'm not built for basketball,
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right? Maybe the information of what is not for us is just as valuable.
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So along the journey of what could become,
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it's important to know both. What is for me and what is simply not for me.
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Both pieces are informational.
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Both pieces will help the child redirect towards the dream and the goal that
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is for them.
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And so we have we have to allow it in order for them to have the tree that splits
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into the different branches and the different spaces and areas of their life that
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get to really magnify what is for them.
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And giving themselves permission to fail,
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right? I love that from the conference,
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the planting seeds
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Yeah.
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conference, permission to fail,
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knowing that yet doesn't necessarily mean that we have all the answers.
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It just means we have a dream,
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and maybe that dream is gonna change along the way.
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that's okay. We're just not there yet,
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you know? So to me, no,
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let them dream. Let them dream.
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And if they figure it out along the way,
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then that information, what you don't like,
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what you don't want, what is not for you,
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is just as valuable as what is.
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So yeah.
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Absolutely. I love the
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whole idea of pivoting. And and this is one of the things that I had said,
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like, let's say a child has we'll go with a cartwheel.
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I don't know where cartwheel came from,
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but let's just go with that. Let's say a child's tried to do a cartwheel
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and they've tried 27 times to do a cartwheel and their legs are still bent
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and they're not landing it on the other end and they don't know which hand
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to put down first. Twenty-seven tries.
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Who am I? Like who am I to say?
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Cartwheels are not you're not gonna be able to do a cartwheel.
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We've tried twenty seven times.
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And I and I even said that day,
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I like, yo, I mean I have a crystal wall in my kitchen and my windowsill,
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and it doesn't work. It doesn't work.
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And it literally is a crystal wall.
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And when you look at it, what you're looking at.
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It's upside down.
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Like
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I noticed
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that.
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Ha ha.
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I love that. That's a perfect analogy.
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If anybody does I mean really
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and if anybody has a crystal ball that does work,
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call me. Call me, call me, call me.
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I want to know where you got it,
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because mine does not. So who am I to say that on that 28th time they weren't gonna
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get it?
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And so if I take that opportunity away,
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I'm taking that child's permission to themselves away to keep trying.
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That sounds so grossed to me. So
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Abs I that's
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it's awful. It's absolutely awful.
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And the same for adults. Like,
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I just don't think we're too old for anything.
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I don't think we're too old. I don't think we're too short.
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I don't think we're too tall. I don't think we're too too thin,
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too fat. Like all the two bleh.
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Fill in the blame. No,
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Yeah.
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we are not. No, we are not. We don't know that for sure.
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Keep
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Right.
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going.
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Keep going. And if along the way,
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like Teresa, what you were saying,
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like if there's a shift or a pivot,
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great, but be clear about the reason you're pivoting.
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Mm.
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Is it because it's really not what you want anymore?
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Like in your heart, in your gut,
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it's not there? Or are you giving up and not giving yourself permission
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to fail forward?
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Mm-hmm.
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Yes, when we were at planting seeds and we broke into groups,
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~ Thomas Edison came up and one of the ladies was talking about how many times
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he failed before he was able to build the light bulb.
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And I interjected and I said, Actually he almost burnt down his whole house.
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I was like, I bet his wife loved
21:24
Right.
21:25
that.
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But guess what? We have a lit world today.
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Thank you, Thomas Edison, for never quitting and almost like at your
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own expense burning down
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Right.
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your house to build the light b to create the light bulb.
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So
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And his wife
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stood with him, so know who you're surrounding yourself with.
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Because if she just said, Okay,
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That's right. That's right. Right.
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Thomas, that's it. You're never gonna do it.
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Stop trying.
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He would have given up. So Yeah.
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He would have. And the
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light bulb is probably the most amazing invention,
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I think. I love light. Like I love being the light.
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I love light. So yeah.
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No. Me too. Me too. Golly, can you imagine
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if we had to go through life with little like a candle?
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Maybe I'll
22:07
Everywhere.
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lose the lighter or I there's just so many things.
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Now I've got rubbing the sticks together,
22:12
like all these ideas coming to my head and like,
22:14
~ my
22:16
I mean we would make it work. Fire would have been the light,
22:19
but the light bulb was pretty amazing.
22:21
So so again, thank you, Thomas,
22:21
Yeah. Yeah.
22:23
for failing forward. Giving yourself permission to fail.
22:26
And thank you, Thomas's
22:28
wife, for letting him fail.
22:30
Yeah. And believing in
22:32
him. Yeah, so good.
22:34
Yes.
22:35
So permission, y'all. Permission to release comparison.
22:39
And permission
22:39
Yes, that's so good.
22:41
to
22:42
Live for yourself.
22:45
Yes. Ask yourself if there is a dream that's resurfaced throughout your life that
22:51
you haven't given that you've talked yourself out of or that
22:54
you haven't given yourself permission to really sit with and see what
22:57
it would take to get a little further down the road with it.
23:03
Okay, so y'all, that's the the offer or the permit is to contact it.
23:08
The call to action. That's our C T A.
23:10
That's right. The contact
23:12
is to ask yourself, is there a dream that's been rekindled or think back,
23:17
was there a dream that you had that you kinda let go and write it down?
23:22
Then she didn't say this, so I'm messing up.
23:25
Then go to llfully dot com and click find Teresa on the list of coaches,
23:31
click book a clarity call. And she will get on a call for free.
23:36
20 minute
23:37
Per free.
23:38
call to see like where are you in that dream?
23:41
What would it take? And see where it goes.
23:43
And then from there, if y'all decide to take even a deeper dive,
23:46
she'll jump on another call for free for a full hour.
23:50
So that's like an hour.
23:51
20-minute call with Teresa. You can jump on one with me.
23:54
Jump on with Teresa, she loves this.
23:58
Ha ha
23:59
but yeah, jump on a call and see if that dream is really still there.
24:04
Is that right for you? And what would be that next best step to move forward with
24:09
it? How exciting! Give yourself
24:09
Yes.
24:10
permission. Yay!
24:11
Maybe you don't need another sign.
24:13
Maybe you just need your own permission,
24:15
guys. And sometimes the person withholding permission isn't even
24:19
in the room anymore. So we can just lay their voice to sleep or to rest
24:25
and we can focus in on what it is that you really want and who you
24:28
are and where you're headed.
24:31
So I hope you guys c get a clarity call.
24:34
Be intentional with your lives.
24:36
You just never know what's ahead.
24:40
Right. So good. Thank you for being with us today,
24:43
Teresa. This call was super fun.
24:45
I love permission. I love releasing comparison.
24:49
So fun.
24:51
Absolutely. Thank you, Kimberly.
24:53
Absolutely. Okay, everybody, remember to live life fully and enjoy every moment.
24:57
We'll see you soon.