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How to END a relationship with a narcissist · The Mental Healness Podcast

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  What is going on, beautiful people?
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  Today we're going to be talking about how do you end things with
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  a narcissist, how you end a relationship with a narcissist
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  or talk to a person. If you're new here, my name is
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  Lee Hammock. I'm a self aware narcissist and
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  welcome to another episode of The Narcissist Code.
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  Boom. Welcome back, welcome back,
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  welcome back folks. Yes, yes, yes.
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  How do you end things with your narcissistic, toxic, toxic,
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  toxic partner? What am I?
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  What am I from? I'm from Boston and Boston.
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  How do you end things with a toxic narcissistic person?
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  It's important because a lot of people ask me this question.
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  A lot of people want to get away, escape a narcissist.
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  A lot of people want to get free and survive narcissistic abuse
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  and make it out to tell the tale.
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  You know what I mean? Dead men tell no tales.
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  You want to be able to, you want to be able to tell your tale,
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  right? So let me say this right here.
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  Off front, off RIP. I'm starting off with a rant
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  bubble. I'm starting off with a rant.
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  Bub, you follow me. You know what a rant bubble is.
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  I just, I'll go off on a rant. It's it's onus, it's on topic,
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  but it's a rant nonetheless. My voice changed.
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  I'm going to be right. Look, I don't give a damn what
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  that narcissist or toxic person says.
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  You do not owe it to them to sit down with them and have a face
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  to face conversation with them. And I know what you're going to
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  say. Believe this sounds like me.
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  I wanted a face to face conversation.
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  Have you been abusive? Have you been lying?
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  Have you been cheating? Have you been manipulated?
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  Have you been gaslighting? Intent matters.
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  Your role matters. So you if you, if you are
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  dealing with an abuser, somebody who's who's lied to you, stolen
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  from you, put their hands on you, been physically abusive,
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  you know, cheated on you multiple times, done horrible
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  stuff to you, and then you finally decide to end the
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  relationship. You do not owe it to them to sit
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  down in front of their face and tell them anything.
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  You don't owe that to them. I don't care if they sending you
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  messages saying you're a coward. You did is.
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  You did is. You owe me one.
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  Last conversation If you ever loved me, you would sit.
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  Down and talk to me. I don't give a damn.
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  I want to say the F word. I don't give a damn what they
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  say. I really don't.
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  And that's why I try to convey to people like you are the
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  master of your own destiny in these spaces.
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  You are in control. You have the power, you have the
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  effort, you have the energy. You.
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  You can do it. You you you you let usher say
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  you can make it happen it's up to you.
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  It falls on you. You don't owe them anything.
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  Rent over. OK now.
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  Hi guys I'm back. How to success?
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  How to successfully end a relationship with a narcissist
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  Y'all understand this right here too.
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  Not all breakups with narcissists are mutual, Lee.
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  What the hell does that mean? What do you mean?
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  Not all breakups with narcissists are mutual.
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  Just because you break it with them does not mean just because
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  you in the in the relationship with them does not mean that
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  they're going to leave you alone does not mean they will accept
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  the terms of your terms and conditions of your breakup.
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  It does not mean that. So that's you go into it
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  thinking that you you can break it with them that in their
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  minds, they have to break it with you with you as well.
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  They have to agree to it. I have to.
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  I have not agreed to this breakup, Madam, Sir person.
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  You see what I'm saying? You don't.
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  They don't have to agree to it. You know what they just said?
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  This is the mindset of a narcissist.
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  Y'all narcissist. The people feel like they are in
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  control. They have the power.
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  They they control every single thing, the insurance and outs of
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  the relationship, the insurance and outs of everything that goes
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  on. They feel like they are in
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  control. So they feel like they don't
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  have to do what you ask them to do, even if it's to leave them,
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  even if it's for them to leave you the hell alone.
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  So the way you end it, it's up to you y'all, you don't have to
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  write a letter. First things first, be safe.
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  Safety first. If you're in a physically
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  abusive relationship, safety, absolute safety first.
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  You do not have to tell them that you're leaving them.
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  Of course the situations vary if you have kids, like if you have
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  kids, y'all talk to an attorney first before you decide to to
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  leave because you might have to Co parent, you know what I mean?
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  But you don't have to tell them that you're leaving them.
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  You have. You're trying to escape us.
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  But act like you're escaping. Act like you are a prisoner,
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  right? Imagine this right here.
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  Go. If you have an orange jumpsuit
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  in the clothes by any chance, or something orange, put it on
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  right. Now close your eyes.
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  Imagine you're in a jail cell. Imagine you're a prisoner.
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  You've done something. You're bad.
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  You're a bad girl. You're a bad boy.
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  You're bad. Imagine you've done something
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  bad, right? And imagine you're in jail.
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  You don't like jail. Jail is hardware.
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  Jail sucks. Gel is not.
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  This is not orange. Orange is the new black.
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  Made it seem like gel was OK. This is not.
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  Orange is the new black. Black is the new black.
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  In here, everything's black. Black and black, right?
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  You don't want to be here, so you decide to escape.
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  Are you going to tell the warden or the prison guards that you're
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  going to escape prison? Are you going to do that?
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  No, because why they would try to stop you.
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  It's their job to stop you. Their job is to keep you here,
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  keep you locked up. So in in this real life
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  scenario, you are still a prisoner and a narcissist or a
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  toxic person or whoever your your abuser is the warden in
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  this situation, they are the warden.
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  So think about that before you tell them that you're leaving
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  them. Think about that before you
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  decide to open your mouth and just say oh I'm leaving you.
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  Think about that. Be safe because if they're, if
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  they have been physically abusive before, what's going to
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  stop them? You're on the way out.
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  What's going to stop them from being physically abusive now?
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  What's going to stop them from snapping and taking your life
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  and taking you out of here? What's going to stop them from
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  unaliving you, unaliving your children and then unaliving
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  themselves. But family annihilators exist.
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  Look at look at these stories in these family annihilators.
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  They go through a lot of stress, their family trying to leave.
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  Sometimes they annihilate the family.
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  The family going to leave me, I'm annihilating it.
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  That's what they do. I'm not trying to scare you.
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  I'm trying to keep it real. I'm trying to keep it hot and
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  ready like a, like a Little Caesar's pizza for you, right?
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  This is the mindset of the other other ever changing mindset
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  dynamic of a toxic narcissistic person of an abuser, right?
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  This is how it works. This is how it goes.
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  This is how they're going to continuously do stuff, y'all.
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  So I feel like if you're dealing with a narcissist or a toxic
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  person or whoever, you have to protect yourself first.
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  How do you end it as safely as possible?
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  If you have to escape first, then tell them later.
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  That's what you need to do. Of course, airline situation is
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  different, but let's say because kids might be involved in things
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  of that nature, Make sure that you, if you're going to end it,
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  like say, if you're going to end it, make sure this is the last
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  time you're going to go back. Y'all make sure this is it.
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  Make sure this is the last time that you're going to go back to
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  this person. Make sure this is the last time
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  that you were going to functionally be with this
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  person. Make sure that you were OK.
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  How do you end it? Be OK with be be OK with this
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  being the end. Be OK with it.
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  Like if you're going to go no contact, be OK with this being
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  the last time you might see or talk to this person.
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  You have to be OK with that. So how do you end it?
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  You have to end it with yourself first.
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  You have to end the relationship with them internally first.
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  You have to try to break the ties that bond as much as
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  possible before you decide to go.
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  No, no contact because you'll be you'll be ready to reach out to
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  them. You'll be wanting to reach out
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  to them. Be like, I need to reach out.
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  I'm missing them so much. You need to end it with you
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  first. Of course.
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  Like I said, you can. Yeah, I'm not like do weirdos,
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  most of us, right? I'm not beyond sending a text
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  message telling people it is over, especially if they've been
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  abusive, especially if you gave them time after time again to
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  get their act together, especially if you just fed up
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  and done. I'm not opposed to sending a
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  text message. It could because you can't
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  handle, can't handle talking to them because narcissists, a lot
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  of them are talkers. They can talk you out or
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  leaving. They can talk you into giving
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  them another chance. They can talk you into waiting
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  until they come home before you move out.
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  They can try to talk, talk, talk.
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  So I'm not opposed to you sitting in the text message
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  after you clear after you got yourself out or after you
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  decided just to end the relationship fully.
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  I'll be wanting y'all to win a bad as hell, but I cannot want
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  you to win more than you want yourself to win, right?
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  We are, we understand that, right?
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  We, we, we are here, right? We are here.
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  I can't want you to win more than you want you to win.
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  So you when you crossing these grounds, when you're doing this
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  type, when you deal with narcissistic people, you're
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  dealing with this abusive person.
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  This is what you need to understand of how things are
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  going to go like you have to process it in a healthy, happy
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  way. You absolutely have to, you
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  know, you absolutely have to positively have to be able to
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  move in these directions. You just have to, yeah, I
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  promise you, Like, I want you out, like be safe.
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  How do you end it If you have to make an escape plan, make an
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  escape plan. Make a have a plan of action.
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  Have a backup plan of action if you have to leave while they're
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  at work or they're not home. They're not, they're at work or
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  they're not home, they're on a trip or something like that.
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  Have a plan of action to be out of there before they get back
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  home or if they do come back home, have other people there or
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  police are on standby or something that's going on to
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  help you to understand that like like to to help free you.
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  You have to you have to like say you can send a text message, you
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  can do a phone call, whatever you feel like.
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  You can leave a letter on the counter.
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  I've talked to people, people before where they left the
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  letter on the counter. They took their this woman said
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  she was in a physically abusive relationship, physically abusive
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  and this is years ago, physically abusive relationship.
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  Like her husband. He got to the point where he was
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  super controlling, super manipulative, moved her across
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  the country. She had nobody there for like
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  she was by herself, but she made a plan.
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  She put she made a plan of action to be going in three, 4-5
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  months. She saved them whatever money
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  she could. She started selling stuff
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  online. She started doing eBay, whatever
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  she started doing, she started doing something.
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  She saved them enough money. She got her sister a plane
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  ticket to fly there one day when her husband had a dentist
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  appointment. He's going to be put under it.
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  So he had, he had like a root canal or something.
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  It was something, it was something kind of intensive.
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  He might have got his teeth full or something happened.
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  He's going to be gone for a few hours, right?
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  So she dropped him off in their car at the dentist's office, had
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  her sister meet her at the house, drove home, had her
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  sister meet her at the house, packed up everything that she
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  could pack up, and then she left.
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  You know, the crazy thing about it is when he got home, he's
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  seen her, he's seen her sister there and he's seen her getting
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  into the car like he, it's crazy.
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  He got out, did this early, was trying to call her and text her
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  or whatever, but she wasn't responding.
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  So he took an Uber home, didn't even finish his didn't even
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  finish getting out of his teeth full because he thought
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  something was going on. Took an Uber to the house and he
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  saw her getting into the car with her sister.
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  He made eye contact with her and he knew that was it.
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  He knew she didn't escape. He knew she was gone.
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  That's the way that she had to do it because he was dangerous.
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  And he's like blowing her up, like come.
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  Back home, baby, I miss you and I can't live without you.
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  I don't know what I'm going to do.
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  I'm so sorry. We can make this work, you know,
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  For I thought our vows were forever, blah blah blah.
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  I thought we was forever. If it ever ain't long enough for
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  me. That's the type of stuff that
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  they'll do to you. Abusive people will try to
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  convict you that forever ain't long enough, but they're not
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  treating you good. All they have to do is treat you
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  better. All they have to do is respect
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  you. All they have to do is do this
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  and do that, but they refuse to do it.
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  And it's not your fault that they're refusing to do it.
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  They can make the active decision and active choice to
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  treat you better, but they just do not do it because they don't
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  want to. Let's keep it.
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  Let's keep it highly rated. They are choosing not to, you
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  know, they are choosing not to. So this is something that you
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  have to consider. These are things that you need
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  to consider when you're dealing with an abusive person, that
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  you're dealing with a user, an abuser.
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  How do you get out of here? How do you end it?
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  You can send a text message, you can say, hey, it's over.
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  You don't have to either in a text message breakup or phone
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  call, whatever. How you However you want to
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  break up with them, you don't owe.
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  You don't owe them a deep explanation if you've been
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  explaining yourself for years. If you finally decide to break
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  with them and end it, you don't owe them an explanation because
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  you've been explaining yourself for years.
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  They know. Oh, this.
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  This caught me off guard. This came out of nowhere.
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  No, you didn't tell me anything. You didn't give me an
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  opportunity to change. If you go back, understand this,
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  when you decide to end it, if you go back, it's going to be
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  worse. It might be OK at first because
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  they'll they'll, they'll do things to smooth it over to get
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  you to comfortable back home. But then they'll never trust you
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  again. They'll never trust you again.
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  They won't. Like I said, they they will
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  never trust you again. So they always have one foot in
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  one foot outside the door of the relationship and try to trap you
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  there even harder. So how do you end a relationship
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  with a narcissist? Say as safely as possible.
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  Make an escape plan. Only share the information with
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  people who you trust. That is not going to tell the
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  narcissistic person. Don't share with the pastor
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  bully. I will share.
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  I want to talk to the pastor and let them know.
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  Don't share with the pastor. Nobody.
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  Look, I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm going to call your
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  husband. Don't call your husband, call
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  your wife. You don't do that type of stuff
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  right there and get you in trouble, get you caught up,
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  might get you to get your life taken.
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  Guess what happens the pastor going to go to church and pray,
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  pray over, pray for it, pray for deliverance.
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  Pray for your soul as you cross to you know, go to go to heaven.
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  I'm going to pray for y'all. I don't know how he felt like
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  she was leaving even though I called him.
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  Be as safe as possible y'all. Join the support groups.
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  There's a lot of people in my support group called the mental
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  healers mental illness.net. You can find everything there.
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  Thank you so much, but the end us up.
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  Peace. Thank you so much for making it
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  to the end of my video. I am extremely grateful for you
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  have no idea. If you haven't already, make
• 13:23
  sure you go ahead and subscribe to the channel.
• 13:24
  Help us reach more people and click on the screen to watch
• 13:27
  another video or to browse through another playlist.
• 13:29
  There's also a link on the screen to check out my courses
• 13:31
  and my support groups to help you heal and understand what
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  you've been through. Thank you so much again.
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  I will see you in the next video.
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  Peace.