Latest / Armstrong & Getty One More Thing / This Isn't a Petting Zoo!

Transcript

This Isn't a Petting Zoo! · Armstrong & Getty One More Thing

• 0:00
  Speaker 1: Ma'am. This is not a petting zoo.
• 0:01
  Speaker 2: It's one more thing. Boy, old boy. I think I
• 0:06
  Speaker 2: know where this story is going. Katie's going to tell
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: a pregnancy story. But before she gets to that, Katie's pregnant.
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: If you didn't know that, that'd be weird if I
• 0:15
  Speaker 1: was telling a pregnancy story and not pregnant before we
• 0:18
  Speaker 1: get to that.
• 0:19
  Speaker 2: One of the worst things I've ever said in my life,
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: and that is a long ust.
• 0:23
  Speaker 3: Oh good lord, Yeah, that's that's a bar to clear.
• 0:28
  Speaker 2: I was in a play in college and this non traad.
• 0:37
  Speaker 2: That would be someone who's not like, you know, a
• 0:39
  Speaker 2: teenager in college. They're older. They came back to college woman,
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: she's probably in her mid thirties. She was going to
• 0:46
  Speaker 2: play a pregnant woman in this play. And the night
• 0:50
  Speaker 2: of the show, I don't know why. This is a
• 0:54
  Speaker 2: very low rent deal. We had not done any we'd
• 0:58
  Speaker 2: not been in our costumes till show night, apparently, but anyway,
• 1:02
  Speaker 2: the night of it, are doing the show and she
• 1:04
  Speaker 2: was playing a pregnant woman. I said, wow, you really
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: look pregnant, and she said, I haven't put the pillow
• 1:08
  Speaker 2: in yet. Oh wow, Oh so bad, so bad.
• 1:15
  Speaker 3: Yeah, that's go ahead.
• 1:18
  Speaker 2: My response was to I think I just shrunk away.
• 1:21
  Speaker 2: There's no coming back from that. You just need to
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: basically say, and I have embarrassed myself and angered you forever.
• 1:27
  Speaker 2: I will leave now. I mean, if you'll excuse.
• 1:31
  Speaker 3: Me, I'm going to slink.
• 1:32
  Speaker 2: Away, because that is basically what I did. I think
• 1:36
  Speaker 2: I was the MC of the thing or something.
• 1:38
  Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, people, I've seen that a couple of times
• 1:41
  Speaker 3: in my life where people just don't know of that prohibition, right.
• 1:46
  Speaker 2: I know it was sketch comedy, and I was the
• 1:49
  Speaker 2: MC of the thing, that's what. Oh, but she was
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: going to be a pregnant You really look pregnant. Yeah,
• 1:54
  Speaker 2: I haven't put the pillow in yet, you.
• 1:57
  Speaker 3: Lord lord? And I was speaking of pettings. Is my
• 2:02
  Speaker 3: poor dog? I noticed this the other day. He's a
• 2:04
  Speaker 3: very affectionate dog. He's half a black lab and half
• 2:08
  Speaker 3: border Collie. But we have had construction workers and electricians
• 2:14
  Speaker 3: and painters and wallpaper guys and you name it in
• 2:19
  Speaker 3: our house now for months. Our doors are open all
• 2:23
  Speaker 3: the time. People walk in. It's stranger. I'll say, hey,
• 2:26
  Speaker 3: how you doing. He'll go good, I'm the what's it's
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: And I'll say, oh, great, God right over there. We
• 2:31
  Speaker 3: just it's it's crazy. But Baxter gets so many pets now,
• 2:37
  Speaker 3: he gets so much attention. Now when the project is
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: finally over, I mean, my family's coming in for Thanksgiving.
• 2:44
  Speaker 3: But then when when that's all over, I'm gonna have
• 2:47
  Speaker 3: to show him the way to the liquor cabinet or
• 2:50
  Speaker 3: or give him extra walks or something, because he's going
• 2:52
  Speaker 3: to be so down. He's been the bell of the ball.
• 2:57
  Speaker 2: My dog, who's a pug and half blind because they
• 3:00
  Speaker 2: are bred to have smashed up faces and their eyes
• 3:03
  Speaker 2: don't work. There their bread their eyes. It's ridiculously. They
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: can't breathe either. The whole thing is ridiculous. But he
• 3:10
  Speaker 2: can't see very well, so he barks and growls every
• 3:13
  Speaker 2: time I come in the house. So I always have
• 3:14
  Speaker 2: to say, it's me. I live there, I pay the rent,
• 3:16
  Speaker 2: I'm my name's on the deed. Stop barking at me.
• 3:21
  Speaker 3: Let me show you the favor work. Anyways, speaking of
• 3:24
  Speaker 3: petting zeos, Katie, what what what are you talking about?
• 3:27
  Speaker 1: Oh? Just you know, I'm very grateful to be pregnant,
• 3:31
  Speaker 1: but some of the stuff that happens along with it
• 3:34
  Speaker 1: is just hilarious, and people the lack of filter or
• 3:38
  Speaker 1: judgment calls on what to do and what not to
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: do has blown my mind. Uh.
• 3:43
  Speaker 2: I was out and about the other.
• 3:44
  Speaker 3: Welcome to the sisterhood of are you f and kidding
• 3:48
  Speaker 3: me with this?
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: Right? Yeah? That pretty much.
• 3:50
  Speaker 1: So I'm out the other day and there's this one
• 3:53
  Speaker 1: particular woman who she already bothers me in ways I
• 3:59
  Speaker 1: don't need to it into, but she comes up to
• 4:02
  Speaker 1: me and goes, so, is your belly popping yet? And
• 4:06
  Speaker 1: she rubs me like I'm a bootle? Uh?
• 4:12
  Speaker 2: First of all, whoa that?
• 4:14
  Speaker 1: I mean? Because I've never never in my life have
• 4:16
  Speaker 1: had I have I ever had somebody just come up
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: and decide to rub my belly h.
• 4:23
  Speaker 2: Virtually.
• 4:24
  Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm I'm barely showing I have, you know, and
• 4:28
  Speaker 1: I wear hoodies all the time, so it's like, I'm
• 4:29
  Speaker 1: not you can't really tell I'm pregnant.
• 4:31
  Speaker 3: Well that's why we got to rub on your belly, kittie,
• 4:34
  Speaker 3: just to be sure.
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, she goes, you know, she rubs my belly,
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: and I'm kind of like in that what what the fuck? Moment?
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: And I hadn't said anything, you know, and she goes, oh,
• 4:44
  Speaker 1: not yet, so what have you been eating? And I'm
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: like like, and I told her, you know, everything sour
• 4:50
  Speaker 1: and you know whatever, and she goes, oh, it's definitely
• 4:54
  Speaker 1: a girl.
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: Oh yeah. I'm like, no, that's fine. I mean I know,
• 5:01
  Speaker 2: but you can't people.
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: Well, so then she graduates from the belly rub and
• 5:07
  Speaker 1: I'm already not a touchy person.
• 5:10
  Speaker 2: I don't.
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: I'm not the like as a girl growing up, I
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: wasn't like the link arms with my girlfriend's kind of thing.
• 5:16
  Speaker 2: I just don't do that.
• 5:19
  Speaker 1: The next thing she goes for she starts grabbing my hair.
• 5:21
  Speaker 1: She's like, so has your hair gotten any thicker? And
• 5:23
  Speaker 1: I looked at her, Oh yeah, we'll call her Barb.
• 5:25
  Speaker 1: I might Barb. I'm not. I'm not an animal at
• 5:28
  Speaker 1: a petting zoo.
• 5:29
  Speaker 2: Okay. I totally flashed on her.
• 5:31
  Speaker 3: I was like, oh yeah, your finger.
• 5:35
  Speaker 2: She earned that completely.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: What I mean, it was like from the belly up
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: to my head, I'm.
• 5:41
  Speaker 2: Just like, the oil oil check is next, That's what
• 5:46
  Speaker 2: I was thinking.
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: It was just very it was very strange. And I
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: told my mom about it and she's like, yeah, you know,
• 5:55
  Speaker 1: some people are gonna and I'm like, no, they're not
• 5:58
  Speaker 1: because I'm I'm now know that that's coming. And if
• 6:01
  Speaker 1: I even see a remote reach. I mean, we like
• 6:03
  Speaker 1: wax on wax off.
• 6:05
  Speaker 3: You know, Uh, what is the mindset? How do you
• 6:10
  Speaker 3: arrive at the mindset that it's okay for me to
• 6:13
  Speaker 3: touch this person I've never touched before?
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: She have kids? Yeah, right, she's been pregnant.
• 6:21
  Speaker 3: So we're friendly.
• 6:22
  Speaker 1: I mean, like I I don't. She drives me nuts,
• 6:25
  Speaker 1: but like when I see her, I'll give her, you know,
• 6:27
  Speaker 1: the single arm hug. Hey, how you doing that type
• 6:29
  Speaker 1: of stuff? But just immediately go in for that.
• 6:32
  Speaker 3: With one arm, you know, I can, I can forgive
• 6:35
  Speaker 3: her more than other people. It's still an amazing lack
• 6:39
  Speaker 3: of insight. But she and then I only know this
• 6:43
  Speaker 3: having you know, lived through three pregnancies and my wife
• 6:46
  Speaker 3: and blah blah blah, and and talk to her and
• 6:48
  Speaker 3: other people. But she believes you are now part of
• 6:52
  Speaker 3: the same club of having performed the miracle of creating life.
• 6:57
  Speaker 3: And that is so incredibly transcendent that you now understand
• 7:02
  Speaker 3: something that other people, particularly men or non birthing people.
• 7:06
  Speaker 3: I'm sorry to use the incorrect, the old timey term men.
• 7:10
  Speaker 3: That's sarcasm, clearly, but there's something that other people can
• 7:14
  Speaker 3: never understand. So she thinks you're really bound by that.
• 7:17
  Speaker 3: But and yet either she was one of those person
• 7:22
  Speaker 3: people who is completely one of those women who is
• 7:25
  Speaker 3: completely unoffended when near strangers groped her to see how
• 7:30
  Speaker 3: she was coming along. Yeah, and it never occurred to
• 7:32
  Speaker 3: her that another pregnant lady might find that incredibly annoying.
• 7:35
  Speaker 3: I don't yeah, no kidding, let's see, I'll dilate, let's check,
• 7:40
  Speaker 3: let's fimisht.
• 7:41
  Speaker 2: It was quite bold. I don't know.
• 7:42
  Speaker 1: And the only other the only other thing that I've
• 7:44
  Speaker 1: I've gotten quite a bit is that I look tired.
• 7:48
  Speaker 2: Oh, which I am tired.
• 7:50
  Speaker 3: Thank you, a comment nobody wants to hear in any circumstances.
• 7:55
  Speaker 3: And but nobody said, hey, is the boob fairy come
• 7:57
  Speaker 3: to visit yet, Hong Kong. I mean, because that's nobody.
• 8:00
  Speaker 2: I mention that somebody.
• 8:01
  Speaker 1: I have a feeling somebody's just gonna come tit check
• 8:03
  Speaker 1: me one of these days.
• 8:06
  Speaker 2: Those things are huge, now, yes, thank you, Oh my god.
• 8:10
  Speaker 1: Well, this this woman, because I have a friend who's
• 8:13
  Speaker 1: she's she's six months pregnant, so she's ahead of me,
• 8:17
  Speaker 1: and she works at the establishment where we were all
• 8:19
  Speaker 1: hanging out, so they interacted as well, and she actually
• 8:23
  Speaker 1: said that to her.
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: She went, wow, your boobs have gotten huge, And my.
• 8:27
  Speaker 1: Friend looked at her and went, yeah, I'm pregnant. It's
• 8:31
  Speaker 1: just there's no filter on this, no filter, but yeah
• 8:35
  Speaker 1: the whole Oh you look tired. And my reaction is, oh,
• 8:38
  Speaker 1: my gosh, thank you oh much.
• 8:41
  Speaker 2: You know what will happen, this is true.
• 8:44
  Speaker 3: Somebody's gonna come up to your stomach and they're gonna
• 8:46
  Speaker 3: start talking to it, like doing like little.
• 8:48
  Speaker 1: You know, goo goo got gods.
• 8:50
  Speaker 2: You know, they're gonna catch a need of the chin
• 8:53
  Speaker 2: if I can.
• 8:54
  Speaker 1: I don't know if that'll be possible once that starts happening.
• 8:56
  Speaker 3: But Michael, the term is abdomen, not stomach. If the
• 8:59
  Speaker 3: baby was in the stomach, it would be digested. It
• 9:01
  Speaker 3: would be if you'd like to go with the uterus
• 9:04
  Speaker 3: to be more specific, that would be acceptable too.
• 9:08
  Speaker 2: It's been noted anyway.
• 9:11
  Speaker 1: I just I almost exploded from irritation when all of
• 9:14
  Speaker 1: that was going on.
• 9:17
  Speaker 3: Oh, Judy would occasionally hear references to the baby in
• 9:19
  Speaker 3: your stomach, and we would have a laugh about but
• 9:23
  Speaker 3: good times. No, I didn't eat the thing.
• 9:25
  Speaker 2: It's an entirely different process.
• 9:29
  Speaker 3: It starts, is the other way up?
• 9:31
  Speaker 1: Yes?
• 9:31
  Speaker 2: Anyway, enough said, Well I guess that's it.