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AAC-What Does It Mean To Grieve a Complex Relationship-Question 1-Helen · Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor

• 0:10
  SPEAKER_00: Or never fully became what you needed.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: This space is for you to explore that gently and without pressure.
• 0:17
  SPEAKER_00: So a good technique that you can do to manage that is aligning what your needs are, and we start that by acknowledging something important.
• 0:26
  SPEAKER_00: It's okay for your feelings to be mixed.
• 0:29
  SPEAKER_00: You might feel sadness, anger, relief, guilt, even longing all at once, and that doesn't mean that you're doing grief wrong.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: You can't do grief wrong.
• 0:38
  SPEAKER_00: It means a relationship mattered to you and it was layered.
• 0:42
  SPEAKER_00: So what we can do when we're feeling that is we take a moment to notice what's coming up.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever you're feeling, don't judge it.
• 0:51
  SPEAKER_00: Instead, see if you can become curious about it.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: For example, if there's sadness, what does the sadness seem to be about?
• 0:58
  SPEAKER_00: Is it the person themselves or the relationship that you hope for?
• 1:03
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes with complex relationships, we're grieving potential as much as reality.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: The what ifs, the almus, and the parts that never felt fully resolved.
• 1:12
  SPEAKER_00: If it feels okay, you might want to reflect on this.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: Did the relationship give you what you valued and what did it take away from you?
• 1:20
  SPEAKER_00: Holding both sides can be difficult, but it can also be grounding.
• 1:24
  SPEAKER_00: It allows you to see the relationship as a whole rather than idealised or entirely negative.
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: You might notice if there's anything left unsaid, like weird boundaries that you didn't get to express that can keep you feeling stuck.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: One way to work with that is to gently give the thoughts a voice, perhaps by writing them down or speaking them out loud in a safe space.
• 1:45
  SPEAKER_00: As you do this, bring in some self-compassion.
• 1:48
  SPEAKER_00: You were responding to that relationship with the understanding, needs, and limits you had at the time.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: So grieving is something complex, and it's not always about finding a neat ending, it's about making space for the truth of your experience at your own pace, and over time that space can help you carry the relationship differently.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: Not erased but intricated with more clarity and less weight.
• 2:15
  SPEAKER_00: So it doesn't have to be a rush, and it was always valid.