Latest / Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce / The Quiet Divorce | Signs Your Spouse Has Emotionally Checked Out | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep456

Transcript

The Quiet Divorce | Signs Your Spouse Has Emotionally Checked Out | The 'NEW' Marriage | Ep456 · Morrow Marriage | Disrupting Divorce

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: The Quiet Divorced, when they left, before they left.
• 0:04
  SPEAKER_00: How to love without losing your identity.
• 0:06
  SPEAKER_00: How people test your emotional availability.
• 0:09
  SPEAKER_00: Letting go versus giving up.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: The marriage roommate trap.
• 0:13
  SPEAKER_00: Carrying the load.
• 0:14
  SPEAKER_00: The emergency poop story.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: The quiet divorce.
• 0:18
  SPEAKER_00: When they left before they left.
• 0:20
  SPEAKER_00: Welcome to the Morrow Marriage Podcast, guys.
• 0:23
  SPEAKER_00: And it's very common now.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: We're looking at what we call gray divorce.
• 0:28
  SPEAKER_02: There are Which is older than us, right?
• 0:30
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it is older than us.
• 0:31
  SPEAKER_02: Like in their 60s?
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, but I mean, think about how many mid-40s, you know, gray hair.
• 0:36
  SPEAKER_00: Like people are stressed younger, they're having it.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, a lot of people are dying there.
• 0:41
  SPEAKER_00: The point is, at like 45 to 55, like.
• 0:44
  SPEAKER_02: But what is the gray divorce?
• 0:45
  SPEAKER_02: It's when they're actually like older though, right?
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, it's like 45 to 55, but more pushing towards kids are moving out, empty nesters.
• 0:53
  SPEAKER_00: That's what's really referencing.
• 0:54
  SPEAKER_00: It's like uh but it's all encompassing now.
• 0:57
  SPEAKER_00: Like if you think about the so the amount of people that the majority of people that follow us would be 35 to 45.
• 1:04
  SPEAKER_00: Well, 44 actually.
• 1:06
  SPEAKER_00: The next biggest group percentage, so that's about 37%.
• 1:10
  SPEAKER_00: The next biggest group would be uh 45 to 54.
• 1:14
  SPEAKER_00: And then believe it or not, it's kind of even between you know 20s and or early 30s rather and uh um 50s and 60s?
• 1:23
  SPEAKER_00: A little bit older, yeah, mid-50s to late 60s, and then there's like outliers, right?
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 1:29
  SPEAKER_00: So on a whole 35 to 55, you're our niche.
• 1:33
  SPEAKER_02: Okay, and a little bit offended about gray divorce being starting at 45.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, what I'm okay, my wife, my poor wife, I don't want babies.
• 1:41
  SPEAKER_02: We're not getting divorced, but I'm still offended that that is what 45 to 55 is gray divorce.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_00: I can't appreciate it.
• 1:47
  SPEAKER_02: I'm hearing trying to stop aging as much as possible.
• 1:49
  SPEAKER_00: Would you like me to continue with an explanation?
• 1:52
  SPEAKER_02: Yes, and call them, get them to change the definition.
• 1:54
  SPEAKER_00: All the internet, the world wide web, yes, and AI, and let them know.
• 1:58
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, so no, gray divorce is starting because of actual people with gray hair.
• 2:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, my wife sometimes gets really threatened with age, and so um, she's missing part of what I'm saying.
• 2:10
  SPEAKER_00: So starts with that.
• 2:12
  SPEAKER_00: The problem is though, too many people are quitting at a younger age, and so it's just all encompassed.
• 2:18
  SPEAKER_00: Great divorce is one big expression and term, but I could say for divorce for old people, okay?
• 2:24
  SPEAKER_00: Which apparently every other day I'm old, there's a little bit of gray in there, okay?
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: But and also I can't read that much in any glasses, I think.
• 2:32
  SPEAKER_00: But okay, that's one end, but it doesn't matter, you guys, if you're 35 to 54, and like in the basically you're just about the same amount of people that are coming to us and looking for help.
• 2:45
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter if you're 35, you don't have to be considered a great like you have problems already.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_00: You have problems already.
• 2:51
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, a lot of the gray divorce would encompass your not even your second or your third.
• 2:55
  SPEAKER_00: It works.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_02: Well, then I would say if I had to guess, gray divorce probably has so the topic today is when they left before they left, the quiet divorce.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_02: The gray divorce probably has a lot more of this quiet because they're keeping it together for the kids.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_02: They're waiting until you like you mentioned empty nesters.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_02: So they get the kids out of the house, they've been thinking about it, they're checked out already, and then the kids are out, and then this is when they make everything official.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_02: So they've been quiet for longer.
• 3:19
  SPEAKER_02: That's probably that's the connection that I'm making.
• 3:21
  SPEAKER_02: But just because you don't have kids leaving, maybe you've been staying for the kids, maybe you've only been married for three years, but two of those years were bad, and you're quiet, and then finally you talk about then they what's the statistic?
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_02: Women think about divorce for two to five years before they actually say anything.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: Five years before they actually left.
• 3:36
  SPEAKER_00: Before it's vocalized.
• 3:37
  SPEAKER_00: No, no, but here's the thing that's the divorce being vocalized.
• 3:40
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: All the things were vocalized until they were not.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_02: Right.
• 3:44
  SPEAKER_00: That's the quietness that we're talking about, the quiet divorce.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: Or you really liked it one time, I called it an emotional divorce.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes.
• 3:50
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so this is just a different way of putting it.
• 3:54
  SPEAKER_00: My point to tie in the gray to the younger is that, yes, you're absolutely right.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_00: More young people are entitled will quit first.
• 4:02
  SPEAKER_00: That's your first or second divorce.
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 4:05
  SPEAKER_00: Some of you make it and you don't, you you hang in there, you don't quit.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: You still have your first or second divorce by the time it's the gray category.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: And then regardless, we're not, we're looking at more and more and more of uh the well, statistically, not us, but statistically, you know, fuck, we had a lot of calls to people in their fifth marriage.
• 4:25
  SPEAKER_00: Like, dude, you don't want to learn yet?
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you don't want to figure this out yet?
• 4:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know what I mean?
• 4:30
  SPEAKER_00: Five, five marriages?
• 4:32
  SPEAKER_00: Wow.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: Like, so the whole point about this is you have to understand people are, and this is men and women, but you are thinking about leaving always, always, long before.
• 4:44
  SPEAKER_00: Because you think about expressing your need, you eventually give up expressing your needs, you eventually just blame.
• 4:49
  SPEAKER_00: That's the that's the history, that's what everybody does.
• 4:51
  SPEAKER_00: That's why it's proven that contempt is the leading cause of divorce, not the fucking fairs, not the affairs.
• 4:57
  SPEAKER_00: That's just what you're going through, so it hurts, and so you want to end it.
• 5:00
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not common, it's just not.
• 5:03
  SPEAKER_00: Okay?
• 5:04
  SPEAKER_00: We see a lot of it because of who we are, but it's not real.
• 5:09
  SPEAKER_00: However, let's look in the affair for a second.
• 5:12
  SPEAKER_00: The emotional divorce prior to the real divorce, okay?
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: The quiet one.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: That is what those things are.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: But it's not just that.
• 5:22
  SPEAKER_00: I mean, how many women are like standing up and becoming some powerhouse women out there?
• 5:27
  SPEAKER_00: Workplace, building businesses, things like that.
• 5:30
  SPEAKER_00: Just as one example, that could be the emotional divorce, the quiet divorce.
• 5:36
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: You feel all victimized.
• 5:38
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I put her through school or I helped her build that business, I funded it.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, well, she helped you too.
• 5:44
  SPEAKER_00: Why?
• 5:45
  SPEAKER_00: What makes you disconnect from that?
• 5:47
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how did you forget that?
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: In fact, you should be reminded because now it's your turn to support if you never did it.
• 5:53
  SPEAKER_00: Like, this is the stuff that we hear all the time.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: You guys in-laws start to become a thing.
• 5:58
  SPEAKER_00: You're caretaking.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: Again, this will be tied to more like the older, more close to the gray, typically, but now you're caretaking.
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: That's like having children in your house again.
• 6:08
  SPEAKER_00: I know they're your parents.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: I know you might have to change your diapers.
• 6:11
  SPEAKER_00: What I mean is if you have to have them in, even just to stay with you, even if they can make meals and babysit children or whatever, that's quietly driving a wedge between you.
• 6:21
  SPEAKER_00: It's just, you're not responsible for your parents.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I don't care what you say.
• 6:25
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna stay married.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: You can do the thing.
• 6:28
  SPEAKER_00: Or you can figure out how you can help them a different way.
• 6:31
  SPEAKER_00: Or damn sure, make sure you go on enough dates so you don't have a quiet divorce.
• 6:36
  SPEAKER_00: The amount of you that just caretake your parent and then live without dates, live without intimacy, without connection, without sex.
• 6:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because my parents live here?
• 6:45
  SPEAKER_00: Or worse.
• 6:47
  SPEAKER_00: Because you have kids.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: What the fuck did you think?
• 6:50
  SPEAKER_00: We're just gonna take an 18-year fucking break?
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_02: Do you know what?
• 6:54
  SPEAKER_02: People probably do think that.
• 6:55
  SPEAKER_00: I've never heard of it, it's likely.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 6:57
  SPEAKER_00: You know, oh yeah, you know what?
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: This is just a rough patch.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: It's a season.
• 7:01
  SPEAKER_00: Uh we got three, so 18.
• 7:04
  SPEAKER_00: Fuck, okay, 24 is pushing it, 24 years here, okay, but we'll do it.
• 7:09
  SPEAKER_00: That's stupid.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: That's stupid.
• 7:11
  SPEAKER_00: No wonder you're all getting divorced.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: But that's what happened that's basically what it seems like, you guys.
• 7:16
  SPEAKER_00: So just know this there is no magical rug getting pulled out from under you when your partner is just finally done.
• 7:23
  SPEAKER_00: They have been telling you, you haven't been paying attention.
• 7:27
  SPEAKER_00: Nay, I dare say you didn't care to address it, because it would mean addressing you, excuse me, and how you could meet them.
• 7:34
  SPEAKER_00: Go back a few episodes where even the rich, rich guys can't buy your love.
• 7:39
  SPEAKER_00: You'd have to address you.
• 7:41
  SPEAKER_00: You'd have to understand that you just did things wrong.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_00: And all along the way, quietly, it went worse.
• 7:49
  SPEAKER_00: By the way, it was probably loud first.
• 7:52
  SPEAKER_00: You guys mistake the peace.
• 7:53
  SPEAKER_02: The calm after the storm is not actually calm.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, yeah.
• 7:58
  SPEAKER_00: It's actually riskier.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_00: If she's done screaming and done yelling, him too.
• 8:02
  SPEAKER_00: You know?
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_00: The amount of women that are getting a hold of us now fighting for their marriage is crazy.
• 8:08
  SPEAKER_00: Because the message, my message has always been more content with me than me putting it out.
• 8:13
  SPEAKER_00: But women are like, whoa.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It's the exact same thing with both sides.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_00: This masculine and feminine, this fucking this feminist, toxic masculinity, all this bullshit.
• 8:23
  SPEAKER_00: It's bullshit.
• 8:24
  SPEAKER_00: There's just people who want to be happy and people who are choosing to be miserable.
• 8:29
  SPEAKER_00: And it's the same on a man or woman's side.
• 8:32
  SPEAKER_00: My husband doesn't want to have sex with me.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: My wife doesn't want to have sex with me.
• 8:35
  SPEAKER_00: Same thing.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Right?
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: My husband, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 8:39
  SPEAKER_00: My wife, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
• 8:40
  SPEAKER_00: You guys say the same damn shit.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_00: We just gotta stop talking about men and women and start talking about people.
• 8:46
  SPEAKER_02: Preach, baby.
• 8:47
  SPEAKER_00: Thank you.
• 8:48
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, guys, we'll see you next time.
• 8:50
  SPEAKER_02: Bye.