Latest / Wellbeing Solutions - Ask A Counsellor / What are the signs of a toxic or controlling relationship?
Transcript
- 0:00SPEAKER_00: A toxic or controlling relationship isn't always loud or traumatic.
- 0:04SPEAKER_00: Sometimes it looks like small comments that chip away at your confidence or subtle rules about who you can see and when.
- 0:11SPEAKER_00: And it can happen slowly, so slowly, but the time it feels wrong, you've already adjusted your whole life around it.
- 0:17SPEAKER_00: This happens to people from every background in every kind of relationship, and recognising it isn't about blame but more about clarity about what's going on for you at this moment.
- 0:27SPEAKER_00: Now a few patterns are worth paying attention to.
- 0:30SPEAKER_00: One is isolation, where you find yourself seeing friends or family less because your partner discourages it or makes it difficult.
- 0:37SPEAKER_00: Another is constant criticism, where nothing you do feels quite good enough, and watch for guilt being used to get their way or affection and approval that only shows up when you behave a certain way.
- 0:49SPEAKER_00: Also, there's jealousy that feels more like surveillance than care, which is another sign, along with checking your phone, needing to know your every move, or making you feel guilty for wanting time alone.
- 1:00SPEAKER_00: Now, a practical way to support yourself with this is to start by writing things down as they happen.
- 1:05SPEAKER_00: It's easy to explain a single incident, much harder to ignore a pattern once is on paper.
- 1:12SPEAKER_00: And talk to someone you trust outside the relationship, such as a friend, a family member, anyone with an outside view, because isolation thrives in secrecy.
- 1:21SPEAKER_00: And begin noticing your own instincts again.
- 1:23SPEAKER_00: That quiet feeling in your gut when something feels off is worth listening to.
- 1:27SPEAKER_00: And also think about your own safety net, whether that's a place you could stay, saving, set aside, or simply people who know what's going on.
- 1:35SPEAKER_00: Now if you're finding it hard to think clearly about your situation or you keep going back and forth on what's actually happening, then a therapist can help you get some distance and perspective.
- 1:44SPEAKER_00: If you ever feel physically unsafe or you're unworried about what might happen if you try to leave, then please contact a domestic abuse helpline or a local support service straight away.
- 1:55SPEAKER_00: You can also find more support on this in the app's resources.
- 1:58SPEAKER_00: And if you're thinking about harming yourself or feeling safe, then please seek urgent help by contacting your local emergency number or a crisis helpline.