Latest / PNW Haunts & Homicides / Cryptid Dating Game: Beaver State Beasts

Transcript

Cryptid Dating Game: Beaver State Beasts · PNW Haunts & Homicides

• 0:00
  While my reputation may proceed me, like Taylor Swift, I harbor no illusions about the
• 0:09
  nature of my desires.
• 0:11
  I neither want nor like the company of children.
• 0:14
  Oh, okay.
• 0:15
  Yeah, see?
• 0:16
  All right.
• 0:17
  All right.
• 0:18
  Preferring the companionship of my loyal pack of spotted dogs, creatures as wild and untamed
• 0:25
  as the swamp itself.
• 0:26
  All right.
• 0:27
  I mean, okay, so I'm coming around.
• 0:30
  It's got dogs.
• 0:31
  Okay.
• 0:32
  Pack of spotted dogs.
• 0:33
  Yeah.
• 0:34
  Hello, Caitlyn.
• 0:41
  Hi, Cassie.
• 0:43
  Hello, creepy people.
• 0:45
  I don't know what's happening.
• 0:46
  I don't know.
• 0:47
  I don't like it.
• 0:48
  Sometimes I say hello and then I just like, I want to try to pretend that it's normal
• 0:53
  and it's not.
• 0:56
  Yeah, pretending to be normal is just not something that I feel like it's going to work
• 1:01
  for you.
• 1:02
  It's masking.
• 1:03
  Yeah.
• 1:04
  Yeah.
• 1:05
  Well, hi, creepy people.
• 1:07
  Hello.
• 1:08
  If you're new to our creepy corner of the world, this is PNW Hansen Homicides, where we
• 1:14
  chat about true crime, the paranormal and all things creepy.
• 1:19
  Sometimes really fun in the Pacific Northwest.
• 1:24
  Not always creepy, y'all.
• 1:25
  That's true.
• 1:26
  That's true.
• 1:28
  Mostly it's creepy.
• 1:29
  Mostly fun.
• 1:30
  We like to have fun as well.
• 1:32
  It's Valentine's Day when this comes out.
• 1:35
  Yeah.
• 1:36
  I'm like, it's not Valentine's Day, but we're celebrating with each other.
• 1:43
  We got wine.
• 1:44
  We got a cute little altar.
• 1:46
  And you know what we do that is probably the arguably the most celebratory thing.
• 1:53
  We also do a tarot reading in every episode.
• 1:56
  We do.
• 1:57
  All right.
• 1:58
  We'll be doing one today as well.
• 2:00
  Excellent.
• 2:01
  We got my cute ghost tarot deck.
• 2:04
  Okay.
• 2:05
  Well, do y'all remember last year's Valentine's episode?
• 2:09
  Yeah.
• 2:10
  What was it?
• 2:11
  I don't remember.
• 2:12
  Yes, you do.
• 2:13
  How dare you?
• 2:14
  Cryptid dating game.
• 2:15
  I loved it.
• 2:16
  Are we doing it again this year?
• 2:17
  I don't know.
• 2:18
  Are we?
• 2:19
  I don't know.
• 2:24
  Let's find out.
• 2:25
  We have a bag over here of what looks like gifts that somebody dropped off.
• 2:29
  We don't know who.
• 2:31
  We are getting so many gifties today.
• 2:33
  We are.
• 2:34
  So we're going to start with a gift.
• 2:37
  And then we're doing something a little different this year.
• 2:40
  Okay.
• 2:41
  And I'll tell you about it when we get there.
• 2:43
  But I'm going to start with the gift and it has clues on to who this special cryptid mans
• 2:52
  is.
• 2:53
  Okay.
• 2:54
  Okay.
• 2:55
  Caitlyn has a gift and also they brought me a gift too for being the host.
• 3:00
  Oh.
• 3:01
  Okay.
• 3:02
  So you open your gift.
• 3:04
  Okay.
• 3:05
  This is from Bachelor number one.
• 3:07
  Mysterious.
• 3:08
  Okay.
• 3:09
  We're going to call him blue.
• 3:10
  Blue.
• 3:11
  Okay.
• 3:12
  It's a blue sucker, which blue sucker.
• 3:16
  He I can't blame him.
• 3:18
  He hasn't gotten to know me yet.
• 3:20
  But blue would be the last color of a sucker that I would ever choose because I have a
• 3:25
  weird thing about how it turns my mouth blue.
• 3:28
  Oh.
• 3:29
  Well, fun fact.
• 3:30
  That is a sucker that is supposed to dye your tongue.
• 3:35
  It says don't worry.
• 3:36
  Be happy.
• 3:37
  It does.
• 3:38
  And that kind of just represents the color but everything is kind of a clue on to their
• 3:43
  personality.
• 3:44
  So take that into consideration while you're judging.
• 3:47
  Okay.
• 3:48
  Yeah.
• 3:49
  All right.
• 3:50
  I know I didn't do the whole host thing this year like welcome to the cryptid dating show.
• 3:54
  Yeah.
• 3:55
  You know what?
• 3:56
  I'm out.
• 3:57
  Go to the last year's episode to get that.
• 4:01
  We're casual this year.
• 4:03
  We cash.
• 4:04
  Oh my goodness.
• 4:09
  Okay.
• 4:10
  What is going on here?
• 4:13
  Oh, there's a little paddle game.
• 4:15
  It says it's rough.
• 4:17
  Rough, rough, rough.
• 4:18
  Without you.
• 4:19
  No.
• 4:20
  That is so cute.
• 4:21
  The little paddle ball games.
• 4:23
  But you know, I think they're supposed to like represent like a naughty paddle.
• 4:27
  Oh.
• 4:28
  I don't know though.
• 4:29
  For sure.
• 4:30
  You would.
• 4:31
  And I've got a cute little blue puppy.
• 4:35
  Yeah.
• 4:36
  It's like a little weeny dog.
• 4:38
  That is so funny because I brought home a bunch of my stuffed animals and toys from when
• 4:45
  I was a kid.
• 4:47
  And I have a bunch of them that look just like a little dachshund.
• 4:50
  Thank you.
• 4:51
  Yeah.
• 4:52
  The timing is great.
• 4:53
  I'm really in a stuffed animal place in my life right now.
• 4:57
  Bachelor number one now.
• 4:58
  Blue bachelor now.
• 5:00
  I guess.
• 5:01
  And oh, my Valentine has four paws.
• 5:07
  Oh, interesting.
• 5:08
  With little posse all over.
• 5:12
  It's a wine glass for anyone who can't see.
• 5:14
  Yes.
• 5:15
  Yep.
• 5:16
  So you have a new wine glass.
• 5:19
  Look at that.
• 5:20
  Okay.
• 5:21
  Let me open mine really quick.
• 5:22
  Just get it out of the way.
• 5:24
  Because I don't know.
• 5:25
  I might have gotten a wine glass too.
• 5:27
  And I don't know if we want to use these right now.
• 5:31
  Oh gosh.
• 5:32
  We forgot me.
• 5:33
  This gift is so awful.
• 5:34
  Oh, look.
• 5:35
  It's full of suckers.
• 5:40
  My wine glass says, love the wine you're with.
• 5:44
  Oh, my God.
• 5:45
  I love that.
• 5:46
  Because I'm alone.
• 5:49
  You're never alone if you have wine.
• 5:52
  Okay.
• 5:53
  Are you ready to hear about blue bachelor?
• 5:56
  I guess.
• 5:59
  So what do you think he is like?
• 6:02
  Like what's your first impression of him just by the gift?
• 6:07
  That he's a dog.
• 6:09
  I don't know.
• 6:11
  A blue dog.
• 6:12
  I don't know if he could be.
• 6:14
  I don't know.
• 6:15
  Well, let's learn a little bit more about him.
• 6:20
  So this year, I researched different cryptids.
• 6:25
  They all happen to be from Oregon.
• 6:28
  Really?
• 6:29
  Yes.
• 6:30
  And a couple of them I found in the Weird Oregon book.
• 6:33
  I also use the Oregon Ghosts and Monsters by Mike Helm that we used for the Lithia Park
• 6:40
  episode.
• 6:41
  And I forgot where it was going.
• 6:43
  Oh, yeah.
• 6:44
  So the chapter in the Weird Oregon book is called Beaver State Beasts.
• 6:51
  Interesting.
• 6:52
  The theme of this cryptidating in Beaver State Beasts.
• 6:56
  He's not a beaver though, right?
• 6:58
  Like a blue beaver is probably just a little bit.
• 7:02
  I don't know about that.
• 7:03
  Well, they're all under the category of Beaver State Beasts.
• 7:06
  So I don't think this one is specifically a beaver, but who knows?
• 7:09
  Okay.
• 7:10
  Let's find out.
• 7:12
  So I got all of the research for these guys and I kind of put together bullet points
• 7:18
  for their personality.
• 7:19
  So they're traits or things about them.
• 7:22
  And then I asked the lovely ChatGPT to create dating profiles for each of them.
• 7:29
  Oh, boy.
• 7:31
  With a little trial and error, a little finagling, a little fix and shed on my part, we have
• 7:37
  three full dating profiles for these men.
• 7:41
  Oh, boy.
• 7:43
  And or women.
• 7:44
  We don't know.
• 7:45
  So first, blue bachelor, username, waterwanderer1890.
• 7:51
  All of these are clues.
• 7:56
  Oh, yeah.
• 7:57
  I felt like I was picking up on something with that.
• 8:01
  And honestly, they're so, they're not really well known.
• 8:04
  So I don't think you're going to be able to like guess any of them, but it's just like clues
• 8:08
  for you to kind of like figure out who you want to choose at the end.
• 8:11
  Okay.
• 8:12
  Yeah.
• 8:13
  Okay.
• 8:14
  Location.
• 8:15
  Forked Mountain Lake.
• 8:17
  I've never even heard of that.
• 8:19
  We'll talk about it.
• 8:20
  Okay.
• 8:21
  So his about me section.
• 8:23
  Yeah.
• 8:24
  I have to read a lot.
• 8:25
  So I apologize.
• 8:28
  I'll try to do my best.
• 8:32
  Salutations, wanders of the murky depths.
• 8:35
  Depths.
• 8:36
  Why does it always a TH and S?
• 8:38
  I, you know, they're a challenge for all of us.
• 8:42
  I can't.
• 8:43
  Murky depths.
• 8:44
  Depths.
• 8:47
  I am a seasoned soul as old as these ancient waters I call home.
• 8:53
  My affinity for water runs deep.
• 8:55
  I was like, oooo ChatGPT dad joke?
• 8:59
  The waters run deep deep.
• 9:03
  As does my connection to the earth and all of its mysteries.
• 9:07
  My serpentine form glides effortlessly through the cool embrace of the murky depths.
• 9:13
  It says depths again.
• 9:16
  My skin is adorned with spots that mirror the speckled beauty of the lake's surface.
• 9:25
  Okay.
• 9:26
  Long spotted horns crown my head.
• 9:30
  A testament to my age and the wisdom acquired over the centuries of existence.
• 9:38
  With four powerful, hairless legs, I navigate this watery realm with grace and precision.
• 9:46
  My sinewy body adorned.
• 9:48
  They like the word adorned.
• 9:51
  Adorned with various items tied securely, much like your human cargo pants, enabling me
• 9:58
  to carry my possessions as I roam the boggy expanse that I call home.
• 10:03
  Okay.
• 10:04
  Well, so ChatGPT hasn't really caught on to the fact that most women are like not
• 10:08
  super into the cargo pants, but well, I added that.
• 10:14
  Because he has several adorned with various items tied to his body.
• 10:20
  I feel like he might need some cargo pants.
• 10:23
  Yeah.
• 10:24
  I mean, honestly, he sounds like he could use a vany pack as well.
• 10:28
  I cannot, I just cannot get over like the sheer weirdness.
• 10:34
  Yeah.
• 10:35
  Like the vibe is very, it's because I'm biting my lip because that's something I always
• 10:39
  do when I'm just like really uncomfortable.
• 10:42
  I'm like the four hairless legs.
• 10:46
  No, puppies have hairy legs.
• 10:51
  My Valentine has four paws or legs.
• 10:54
  Beneath the surface of my mysterious exterior lies a heart that beats with a primal passion
• 11:00
  for drowning in brutality.
• 11:03
  Traits that may seem daunting to some, but are simply a reflection of my deep connection
• 11:09
  to the untamed wilderness that surrounds me.
• 11:12
  Okay.
• 11:13
  Well, I mean, that just sounds like they all have their faults.
• 11:20
  Yeah, they're cryptids.
• 11:21
  Sure.
• 11:22
  Gotta pick the best of the worst.
• 11:25
  Okay.
• 11:26
  I find solace in the tranquility of water where the chaos of the world above fades away,
• 11:32
  leaving only the rhythmic ebb and flow of the currents to guide me.
• 11:38
  Okay.
• 11:39
  I can relate to that.
• 11:40
  Yeah.
• 11:41
  See, yeah.
• 11:42
  Relatable.
• 11:43
  Well, my reputation may precede me like Taylor Swift.
• 11:47
  I harbor no illusions about the nature of my desires.
• 11:51
  I neither want nor like the company of children.
• 11:54
  Oh, okay.
• 11:55
  Yeah.
• 11:56
  See?
• 11:57
  All right.
• 11:58
  All right.
• 11:59
  Preferring the companionship of my loyal pack of spotted dogs, creatures as wild and untamed
• 12:05
  as the swamp itself.
• 12:07
  All right.
• 12:08
  I mean, okay.
• 12:09
  So I'm coming around.
• 12:11
  Got dogs.
• 12:12
  Pack of spotted dogs.
• 12:13
  Yeah.
• 12:14
  I think on that little guy's ears has like little heart spots on the head.
• 12:18
  He's a little tight spot.
• 12:20
  So, yeah.
• 12:21
  That'll be an interesting tidbit for later about these gifts.
• 12:24
  Okay.
• 12:26
  What I'm looking for.
• 12:27
  Okay.
• 12:28
  I seek a companion who shares my love of the depths.
• 12:32
  Fucking goddammit ChatGPT
• 12:35
  I'm a human.
• 12:36
  Just say the deep of the deep of the deep.
• 12:40
  I seek a companion who shares my love of the deeps and understands the darkness that
• 12:47
  lies within.
• 12:48
  Oh, oh boy.
• 12:49
  Oh boy.
• 12:50
  Yeah.
• 12:51
  That was you stole my thought.
• 12:54
  Someone who is unafraid to embrace the brutality of nature and revel in the untamed beauty
• 12:59
  of the bog.
• 13:00
  A lot about untamed beauty here.
• 13:02
  Yeah.
• 13:03
  While I may be ancient and inigmatic, I am not without desire and I long for a connection
• 13:11
  that transcends the boundaries of time and space.
• 13:15
  Oh.
• 13:16
  If you're brave enough to navigate these treacherous waters of my world and embrace the wilderness
• 13:21
  that lies within, then join me on a journey of discovery unlike any other.
• 13:28
  Together, we will explore the hidden depths of the bog in unearthed its darkest secrets,
• 13:36
  orging a bond that will withstand the test of time.
• 13:40
  Okay.
• 13:41
  I'm not really sure I'm ready for that.
• 13:43
  Like, he's ready for a commitment.
• 13:45
  Like, okay.
• 13:46
  That feels like a lot.
• 13:49
  Um, I think they all are, to be honest.
• 13:51
  They're all like all in great.
• 13:55
  Um, I don't know how this all plays into my current engagement.
• 14:01
  Like I'm kind of tied up with that.
• 14:03
  Maybe I can take a number and.
• 14:06
  Yeah.
• 14:07
  These are for, these are for after the wedding.
• 14:10
  If you, if you change your mind, they'll be waiting in the wings.
• 14:15
  Oh, no.
• 14:16
  No, we know Caitlyn is taken.
• 14:19
  She's not single.
• 14:20
  This is just for fun.
• 14:23
  Maybe I should do this one day, go to the cryptid dating game.
• 14:26
  Maybe next year, I'll just do it for myself and I won't even be here.
• 14:30
  Okay.
• 14:31
  Are you ready to move on to the next Bachelor?
• 14:34
  I think so.
• 14:35
  Okay.
• 14:36
  We're going to go yellow, Bachelor.
• 14:38
  Yellow.
• 14:39
  Spatchler number yellow.
• 14:41
  I have a yellow sucker.
• 14:46
  You've got to read the Valentine attached.
• 14:49
  You're the bees, Nez.
• 14:50
  Oh.
• 14:51
  Oh, fresh.
• 14:56
  Okay.
• 14:58
  Let's see.
• 15:00
  The shape that I'm detecting in my hands was making me a little nervous.
• 15:05
  Not at all though.
• 15:06
  Yeah, it was making me a little nervous.
• 15:08
  Oh.
• 15:09
  Oh, oh, oh.
• 15:10
  Yohohoh in a bottle of rum.
• 15:11
  Captain Morgan, interesting.
• 15:13
  Spiced rum.
• 15:14
  Wow.
• 15:15
  I don't think it's going to pair very well with this rosé, but we will find, we'll find a home
• 15:21
  for you, sir.
• 15:22
  Oh, yeah.
• 15:23
  Get in my belly.
• 15:25
  I think that needs to go in the altar.
• 15:27
  Oh, yeah.
• 15:28
  Oh, my goodness.
• 15:29
  Oh, another paddle.
• 15:33
  Another paddle, but this one says caution shark zone.
• 15:37
  Oh, what's that mean?
• 15:39
  I, that's exactly.
• 15:41
  Yeah, that would be my very first all-a-love question.
• 15:44
  Okay.
• 15:45
  Okay.
• 15:46
  Captain Morgan and shark zone.
• 15:48
  Hmm, who's this guy?
• 15:51
  Oh, a year of date night idea.
• 15:55
  Wow.
• 15:56
  He's very confident.
• 15:59
  I mean, that's pretty presumptuous.
• 16:01
  Yeah.
• 16:02
  If I may say so myself, I feel like if you turn it to the backside of the jar, you can see
• 16:06
  that beach day.
• 16:08
  Beach day.
• 16:09
  Is one of them.
• 16:10
  Yeah, they all have different, cute dates on them.
• 16:12
  I feel like he was wanting to maybe get you one of the different sex positions every night,
• 16:18
  but he just, he felt like that might be inappropriate.
• 16:21
  So we settled for this jar of.
• 16:24
  Yeah, fun dates.
• 16:26
  Good call.
• 16:27
  Good call.
• 16:28
  That would be a bit over the top.
• 16:30
  Okay.
• 16:31
  Do you want to hear about yellow badge?
• 16:36
  You know I do.
• 16:38
  User name.
• 16:39
  Moonlitmystery69.
• 16:41
  Okay.
• 16:42
  Location.
• 16:43
  Melrose.
• 16:44
  Hmm.
• 16:45
  About me.
• 16:48
  Howdy, Denizens of the Night.
• 16:50
  I am the shadow that haunts the streets of Melrose.
• 16:54
  A creature of darkness with a penchant for the macabre.
• 16:58
  Macabre.
• 16:59
  Macabre.
• 17:00
  Yeah.
• 17:01
  Macabre.
• 17:02
  Macabre.
• 17:03
  It just has all those extra letters that get confused.
• 17:05
  Macabre.
• 17:06
  Macabre.
• 17:07
  Macabre.
• 17:08
  Macabre.
• 17:09
  Macabre.
• 17:10
  Macabre.
• 17:11
  Macabre.
• 17:12
  With each soft padded football, I weave through the Moonlit streets.
• 17:17
  My stubby clawed be emitting an eerily gentle, pitter-patter that echoes through the silence
• 17:23
  of the night.
• 17:24
  Okay.
• 17:25
  Well, I like a man who gets a pedicure.
• 17:27
  So, hey, I mean, he'd have silent footballs.
• 17:30
  So his little clickity clocks aren't that loud.
• 17:33
  And that's what it is.
• 17:34
  But they're like, they're probably shaped because they're not clickity-clack.
• 17:37
  And you know, okay.
• 17:38
  I assume he says that they're silent footballs.
• 17:42
  Okay.
• 17:43
  But I have a little pitter-patter.
• 17:44
  I think of like a duck.
• 17:46
  Yeah.
• 17:47
  Yeah.
• 17:48
  Oh, which is yellow in cartoons.
• 17:52
  Oh, it is.
• 17:53
  Is he a duck?
• 17:54
  I don't know.
• 17:55
  I don't know.
• 17:56
  Standing at a modest three to four feet tall, although I don't have the best posture, I
• 18:03
  make up for it by being completely bald from head to toe.
• 18:07
  Okay.
• 18:08
  Someone gets a wax.
• 18:10
  Er, something.
• 18:13
  My long slender arms boast six fingered hands.
• 18:17
  No.
• 18:18
  Perfect for exploring the mysteries of the night.
• 18:23
  Oh, God.
• 18:24
  Oh, God.
• 18:25
  I embrace my uniqueness with pride.
• 18:30
  I am so happy for you, but I have to ask you to leave.
• 18:37
  We're not done yet.
• 18:38
  Okay.
• 18:39
  I am unafraid and ever curious, studying the world around me through bulging, glowing red
• 18:45
  eyes that mirror the captivating allure of the full moon.
• 18:49
  He's a full moon guy.
• 18:51
  We like those.
• 18:53
  Yeah.
• 18:54
  I find solace and fascination in its celestial presence.
• 18:59
  There's nothing quite like basking in its radiant light, soaking in its mystique as it illuminates
• 19:07
  the world below.
• 19:08
  Okay.
• 19:09
  In the quiet hours of the night, you'll often find me indulging in my guilty pleasure, savoring
• 19:16
  a fine bottle of Captain Morgan Rum.
• 19:19
  Oh, okay.
• 19:20
  I feel like that explains a lot.
• 19:23
  Yeah.
• 19:24
  He's a fan.
• 19:25
  Okay.
• 19:26
  There's something about its rich, smooth flavor that tantalizes my senses and adds a dash
• 19:30
  of adventure to my nocturnal escapades.
• 19:33
  Oh.
• 19:34
  Well, yeah.
• 19:35
  I bet you're not the only one that feels that way.
• 19:37
  I am a creature of the night shrouded in mystery and steeped in the unknown.
• 19:43
  Oh, boy.
• 19:45
  What I'm looking for.
• 19:48
  I seek a companion who shares my love of the darkness and isn't afraid to embrace the
• 19:52
  unknown.
• 19:53
  Okay.
• 19:54
  So I think this is, you know, clearly the bachelor for you.
• 19:59
  Yeah, maybe.
• 20:00
  You should have given you a blindfold.
• 20:01
  I feel like the unknown darkness.
• 20:03
  Yeah.
• 20:04
  I'm sure someone who can appreciate the eerie beauty of the night and isn't deterred
• 20:09
  by the whispers of the shadows.
• 20:11
  Okay.
• 20:12
  Well, I whisper me.
• 20:14
  So deterred well before I ever heard that.
• 20:18
  Like, there's so much deterrent.
• 20:22
  Whether it's engaging in deep conversations under the moonlit sky or embarking on spontaneous
• 20:28
  adventures through the darkened streets of Melrose, I crave a connection that transcends
• 20:33
  the ordinary.
• 20:36
  While I may be a creature of the night, my desires are simple to find solace in the company
• 20:41
  of another who understands the darkness that lies within.
• 20:45
  I feel like the last guy said that too.
• 20:48
  If you're intrigued by the whispers of the night and unafraid to dance in the moonlight,
• 20:54
  then let's embark on a journey of discovery together with his fingers.
• 20:59
  No.
• 21:00
  It's too many.
• 21:02
  Who knows what secrets we might uncover in the shadows?
• 21:08
  I...
• 21:09
  Yeah, I think I'm out.
• 21:11
  That's a no for me, dog.
• 21:12
  I don't know.
• 21:13
  Yellow.
• 21:14
  Obviously, she's not going to pick you.
• 21:16
  I'll hit you up after this.
• 21:18
  Okay.
• 21:19
  Sounds like a plan.
• 21:20
  I'm dead.
• 21:21
  This is so fun.
• 21:23
  I feel like these bachelors maybe went through the same writing service.
• 21:28
  I...
• 21:29
  Yeah.
• 21:30
  Kind of seems like it.
• 21:31
  Okay, we're on to Bachelor number red.
• 21:34
  All right.
• 21:36
  Red batch.
• 21:38
  Red batch.
• 21:40
  All right.
• 21:42
  Ooh.
• 21:43
  I do like this.
• 21:44
  It's a red sucker and it says, "You're those worthy."
• 21:48
  Ooh, yeah, you are.
• 21:50
  Yeah.
• 21:51
  Okay.
• 21:52
  Let's see.
• 21:53
  Let's see.
• 21:54
  Ear plugs.
• 21:55
  Oh, interesting.
• 21:56
  What are we doing?
• 21:57
  I mean, in this house, are you kidding?
• 22:04
  Do you think he snores too?
• 22:09
  That he really buzzes like, is he a bug?
• 22:12
  I don't know.
• 22:13
  Because you know how I feel about that.
• 22:15
  I don't know.
• 22:16
  I don't know these guys.
• 22:17
  I'm meeting him for the first time too.
• 22:20
  These are your friends and I think you need to take some accountability here.
• 22:25
  I'm not responsible for any of these men.
• 22:29
  Oh, another paddle.
• 22:32
  It says, "Sweet."
• 22:33
  Oh, very cute.
• 22:36
  Cute.
• 22:37
  He must be a sweet guy.
• 22:39
  And this says, "Wild about you."
• 22:42
  Seventeen animals said, "I love you."
• 22:45
  And it's cute little penguins in the shape of a heart weight.
• 22:50
  They're little by-by penguins.
• 22:52
  So cute.
• 22:53
  Oh, it has a little bookmark.
• 22:56
  It does.
• 22:57
  Oh, don't think I didn't notice.
• 23:00
  Oh, pandas.
• 23:01
  Oh, my God.
• 23:03
  And he even looks.
• 23:04
  Oh, my God.
• 23:05
  It's not bookmarked to the panda, but that's on the page before the bookmark.
• 23:08
  I can't bear to be without you.
• 23:12
  Oh, it's so sweet.
• 23:14
  Oh.
• 23:15
  Okay.
• 23:16
  I'm assuming I'm supposed to look at the bookmarked page.
• 23:21
  Yes, the bookmarked page, yeah.
• 23:23
  One with the actual bookmark on it.
• 23:26
  Oh, boy.
• 23:27
  All right.
• 23:28
  Bananas for you.
• 23:30
  Oh, is it a monkey?
• 23:32
  He's some sort of a primate.
• 23:34
  Yeah.
• 23:35
  Interesting.
• 23:36
  Okay.
• 23:37
  Not a primate expert.
• 23:38
  He's a primate.
• 23:40
  He's a primate.
• 23:41
  Well, maybe that says something about Red Batch.
• 23:45
  Oh, boy.
• 23:46
  You ready to hear about him?
• 23:48
  I'm as ready as I'm going to be, I think.
• 23:50
  User name, InfiniteFlix8.
• 23:54
  Location, Conser lake.
• 23:56
  Are you sure these are real places?
• 23:58
  We're all well talk about it.
• 24:00
  The end.
• 24:01
  All right.
• 24:02
  So, username - InfiniteFlix8
• 24:07
  Greetings, fellow seekers of tranquility.
• 24:10
  Oh.
• 24:11
  My name is Flix.
• 24:12
  A solitary soul haunted by the shadows of the forest and the whispers of the water.
• 24:19
  With the heart as sensitive as the depths of the lake, I navigate the world with caution,
• 24:25
  ever wary of the dangers that lurk in the darkness.
• 24:29
  Yeah.
• 24:30
  That sounds about right.
• 24:31
  We are women.
• 24:32
  We get it.
• 24:33
  Yeah.
• 24:34
  Like, even, it doesn't even have to be dark.
• 24:36
  Like, dusk is still like a hyalur.
• 24:38
  Yeah.
• 24:39
  Sometimes even daylight.
• 24:40
  Yeah.
• 24:41
  My paranoia of being hunted echoes through the trees.
• 24:45
  A constant reminder of the fragility of life in the wild.
• 24:50
  My goodness.
• 24:51
  Yeah.
• 24:52
  She's deep.
• 24:53
  Wow.
• 24:54
  Wow.
• 24:55
  I harbor a deep aversion to guns and loud sounds, preferring the tranquility of nature
• 25:02
  symphony to the cacophony of mankind.
• 25:06
  Oh.
• 25:07
  I mean, same.
• 25:08
  Maybe that's the earplugs.
• 25:10
  I kind of thought maybe or maybe it's something else we'll see.
• 25:15
  My cat-like ears twitch at the slightest disturbance attuned to the subtle rhythms of the forest
• 25:21
  and the gentle laughing of the waves against the shore.
• 25:24
  Are you sure you're not just describing me in my bloodhound?
• 25:28
  Maybe you guys are so nice.
• 25:31
  No.
• 25:32
  Maybe you're meant to be.
• 25:33
  All right.
• 25:34
  My wide webbed duck-like feet carrying me with ease through the marshy terrain.
• 25:40
  You know, it's funny.
• 25:41
  Sometimes I'm just know from the start and then sometimes I'm like, okay, okay, okay.
• 25:48
  You had me and now you lost me.
• 25:51
  He just has wide feet.
• 25:52
  It's not his fall.
• 25:53
  He just has to buy wider shoes.
• 25:56
  Oh, okay.
• 26:00
  His wide webbed duck-like feet carry him through the ease of the marshy terrain, leaving
• 26:07
  behind a trail of squishing footsteps as I move with the grace of a silent predator propelled
• 26:14
  by the innate ability to run at incredible speeds.
• 26:18
  Okay.
• 26:19
  Well, that's where we part ways because that's not a thing that I do.
• 26:24
  Maybe you can carry you though.
• 26:25
  Like Edward.
• 26:26
  Yeah.
• 26:27
  I literally watched Twilight last night while I was doing this.
• 26:33
  You would.
• 26:34
  Nerd and lame.
• 26:37
  No.
• 26:38
  I loved it.
• 26:39
  Me too.
• 26:40
  Obviously.
• 26:41
  Though my shaggy white firm may blend seamlessly with the mist that hangs over the lake, my presence
• 26:48
  is betrayed by the strong smell of soggy lake monster that clings to me like a shadow.
• 26:53
  Yeah, that'll do it.
• 26:56
  Maybe the earplugs can go up your nose too.
• 26:59
  Yeah.
• 27:00
  I mean, I've told you stories and maybe even on this podcast, I can't remember for sure,
• 27:06
  but things that I have put in my nose when I was working in a gentle office too.
• 27:12
  Lip gloss works really well.
• 27:14
  I had glittery lip gloss from Victoria's Secret.
• 27:18
  So like, I mean, I've got some, I've got some tactics of your nose.
• 27:21
  Yeah, I've put it in my nose.
• 27:23
  Oh, yeah.
• 27:24
  Oh, God.
• 27:25
  Yeah, you might, you might have to use some of those tactics.
• 27:27
  Okay.
• 27:28
  Despite my imposing nature of seven feet tall and weight of approximately 400 pounds, I am
• 27:36
  a gentle soul at heart.
• 27:38
  Though my high pitch cry described as, "Fleep, flu, leap, flu, leap."
• 27:45
  May startle the uninitiated.
• 27:48
  It is merely a means of communication in a world that often fails to understand my telepathic
• 27:53
  nature.
• 27:54
  I mean, well, yeah, not everybody is telepathic.
• 27:57
  Right.
• 27:58
  I mean, they could be if they tried.
• 28:00
  So maybe, maybe if you put the earplugs in and you don't get to hear the flip-flip
• 28:06
  "Fleep," maybe you'll hear him in your head.
• 28:10
  I like that.
• 28:11
  I don't know.
• 28:12
  Yeah.
• 28:13
  Could be a thing.
• 28:14
  Ooh.
• 28:15
  I am a creature of curiosity, yearning for connection and understanding in a universe that
• 28:21
  seems vast and indifferent.
• 28:23
  Okay.
• 28:24
  Can't do whatever.
• 28:25
  That's great.
• 28:26
  Wow.
• 28:27
  Yeah.
• 28:29
  What I'm looking for in this vast expanse of stars and shadows, I seek a kinder
• 28:36
  spirit, someone who can see beyond the surface and embrace the beauty of the unknown.
• 28:42
  I am drawn to those who possess an open mind and a compassionate heart, individuals who
• 28:48
  are not quick to judge, but eager to explore the depths of the all of these dudes and the
• 28:56
  fucking depths.
• 28:57
  Okay.
• 28:58
  I'm just deep in their depths.
• 28:59
  I'm just listening.
• 29:01
  Like, do you think that's deep?
• 29:04
  Are you in the depths?
• 29:05
  Are you rolling in the deep?
• 29:07
  Jesus Christ.
• 29:08
  This is why you don't use ChatGPT to write everything you use because it's all the same.
• 29:18
  Individuals who are not quick to judge, but eager to explore the depths of existence with
• 29:22
  me.
• 29:23
  That's a lot.
• 29:24
  Well, I may be solitary by nature.
• 29:27
  I long for a connection that transcends the boundaries of solitude and offers solace in
• 29:33
  the embrace of another.
• 29:34
  Oh, I feel like that was a sentence of nonsense.
• 29:39
  Yeah.
• 29:40
  Nonsense.
• 29:41
  I feel like did they take that?
• 29:43
  Like, is chat Gpt just spilling out like Nancy Brophy romance novel nonsense or like using
• 29:52
  politician like sentences where they just circle back around to the same things?
• 29:57
  It's kind of a little bit of a word salad type of a situation.
• 30:01
  It's supposed to be like a seductive word salad.
• 30:07
  If you are brave enough to venture into the depths of the unknown and curious enough to
• 30:12
  unravel the mysteries of the cosmos alongside me, then let us embark on a journey of discovery
• 30:18
  together.
• 30:19
  Who knows what wonders we may find in the stars?
• 30:22
  In the stars.
• 30:23
  Oh, also I quite enjoy mint.
• 30:27
  I mean same.
• 30:29
  Just a random fact.
• 30:32
  That's fine.
• 30:33
  It's a fact that someone forgot to add into the descriptions and had to add it at the end.
• 30:39
  I like a fun fact.
• 30:41
  You know?
• 30:42
  Okay, let's cheers and then you can go through your options of men.
• 30:46
  Okay.
• 30:47
  Is it going to be contestant red, yellow or blue?
• 30:53
  I read them in the wrong order.
• 30:55
  Is it going to be contestant blue, yellow or red?
• 30:59
  Which color sucker are you going to be sucking on tonight?
• 31:06
  Yeah.
• 31:07
  Well, listen, if they could just make all colors, like are all suckers, like with no color residue
• 31:17
  for your mouth, that would be ideal.
• 31:20
  But until that day, I'd probably do the red one.
• 31:26
  And that's not to say that I'm choosing red.
• 31:28
  I was like, you can't choose based on the color.
• 31:30
  No.
• 31:31
  Okay, so it was blue, yellow and then red was the last, right?
• 31:37
  Okay.
• 31:38
  So here's the deal.
• 31:41
  I really liked my present from blue.
• 31:45
  Like if it was just based on my favorite gift, it would probably be blue.
• 31:50
  Okay.
• 31:51
  Although it's a tough one.
• 31:54
  Because let's see.
• 31:56
  I mean, I do also, I like a gift of alcohol that's always a solid choice.
• 32:01
  You know, that's sort of like giving someone cash.
• 32:04
  You can't really go wrong with that.
• 32:06
  But fun fact, you get to keep all the gifts no matter who you choose.
• 32:09
  Right.
• 32:10
  Yeah.
• 32:11
  So you've got to go based on personality, the gifts were just extra.
• 32:14
  No, I know, but I feel like it's telling me a little bit about them.
• 32:18
  So, you know, and then obviously a book, because I mean, and this book, are you kidding?
• 32:25
  Or an alert?
• 32:26
  Oh, well, yeah.
• 32:29
  Like you didn't already know.
• 32:31
  Okay.
• 32:32
  I feel like, I don't know.
• 32:35
  Do you want to read me their user names again?
• 32:37
  Like I really am torn.
• 32:39
  I really, I couldn't tell you exactly what I want to do.
• 32:44
  User name for blue was waterwanderer1890.
• 32:50
  Yeah.
• 32:51
  That's a little too old timey for my taste.
• 32:55
  Yellows was MoonlitMystery69.
• 33:01
  And I think we all know how I feel about that.
• 33:04
  Yeah, he was a dark mysterious one.
• 33:06
  Yeah.
• 33:07
  And Reds was InfiniteFlix8.
• 33:12
  I do like the number 8.
• 33:14
  It's an infinity sign.
• 33:16
  It is.
• 33:17
  Yeah.
• 33:18
  I feel like, yeah, I feel like this last one, I feel like red is, I'm getting a feeling.
• 33:25
  You know, I felt that for you as we were going through these and as I was reading them for
• 33:31
  the first time that this might be the guy for you.
• 33:35
  So are you ready to see who these men are?
• 33:38
  Yes, please.
• 33:41
  Let me read this excerpt from the Weird Oregon book, the Beaver State Beasts section.
• 33:46
  Okay.
• 33:47
  Before I tell you who you chose.
• 33:49
  All right.
• 33:51
  This is a quote directly from the book.
• 33:53
  According to our research, 2.4% of organs, 98,466 square miles is water.
• 34:03
  So 2.4% of that is water.
• 34:06
  Oh, well.
• 34:07
  That may not sound like a lot, but do the math.
• 34:11
  Yeah, do this math.
• 34:12
  Do the math.
• 34:13
  Okay.
• 34:14
  It amounts to more than 2,363 square miles of rivers, lakes, reservoirs and for butares.
• 34:22
  Yeah, tributary.
• 34:24
  Some sort of water.
• 34:25
  It's fine.
• 34:26
  It's water.
• 34:27
  And that's not counting organs 260 mile coast.
• 34:33
  Oh, Oregon has plenty of water to sustain a healthy amount of aquatic life, which begs
• 34:40
  the question we're floating here.
• 34:43
  Does all this water contain only familiar fish and reptiles or does some of it hide other
• 34:49
  things?
• 34:50
  I'm going to go like yes.
• 34:53
  Yes, it does.
• 34:54
  It hides your bachelor.
• 34:56
  Bachelor red.
• 34:57
  Was it right?
• 34:58
  Right.
• 34:59
  Bachelor red is the Conser Lake Monster.
• 35:02
  Okay.
• 35:04
  Where is Conser lake?
• 35:05
  Yeah.
• 35:06
  Where is it though?
• 35:08
  So I, yeah, tried to look it up.
• 35:10
  Couldn't find it.
• 35:12
  But the book does say it's an Albany in the Millersburg area.
• 35:17
  But there's a bunch of little lakes on the map right there.
• 35:20
  None of them with that name.
• 35:22
  So I assume maybe they just don't call it that anymore or something, but it was in a paper.
• 35:28
  It was in an old newspaper article.
• 35:30
  Okay.
• 35:31
  Yeah.
• 35:32
  So it's like an old-timey name.
• 35:33
  Yeah.
• 35:34
  Yeah.
• 35:35
  So where does he get his name?
• 35:37
  Flix.
• 35:38
  Yeah.
• 35:39
  And his telepathic nature, his hurt no one means no harm lonely attitude.
• 35:45
  This all comes from one person's story.
• 35:48
  Oh.
• 35:49
  Someone wrote a story about her psychic friend's experience.
• 35:54
  Oh.
• 35:55
  And her experience was basically that she heard the concert lake monster in her head.
• 36:02
  Speaking telepathically to her saying that he's an alien, his name is Flix.
• 36:07
  He, you know, means no harm.
• 36:09
  Doesn't want to hurt anyone.
• 36:10
  He's very lonely.
• 36:11
  He just wants company.
• 36:13
  No one can hear him because he talks telepathically.
• 36:17
  Okay.
• 36:18
  Yeah.
• 36:19
  Hmm.
• 36:21
  And then his paranoia of being hunted and not like in guns and loud sounds.
• 36:26
  So a lot of people tried to hunt him down.
• 36:30
  Lots of shooting going on in the area.
• 36:33
  Actually the article in the newspaper was about two boys being shot at when they were just
• 36:38
  trying to fish.
• 36:39
  Oh no.
• 36:40
  Like someone thought that they were Flix.
• 36:44
  Okay.
• 36:45
  Well, listen, old timey people shooting at literally anything they see.
• 36:50
  Anything that moves in the bush.
• 36:52
  Um, yeah.
• 36:53
  We just probably need to take save, we're all see not safe.
• 36:58
  No.
• 36:59
  If you can tell from the description, he's pretty sensitive.
• 37:03
  He's also easily offended.
• 37:06
  Oh no.
• 37:07
  Yeah.
• 37:08
  So the lady that talked to him telepathically said that he was offended that people call him
• 37:13
  a monster.
• 37:14
  Oh.
• 37:15
  I mean, yeah.
• 37:16
  I feel like that's understandable.
• 37:19
  Also there's one story of some farmers who saw like a big white shape.
• 37:25
  They shot at it.
• 37:26
  They hit it.
• 37:27
  But then they couldn't find it again.
• 37:30
  And then the police were like, well, this other neighbor of yours lost its white cow.
• 37:36
  So you probably shot the white cow and they were like, no, no, no.
• 37:40
  Yeah.
• 37:41
  You're dick.
• 37:42
  So I kind of thought that maybe he would also be offended that people were comparing him
• 37:47
  to a cow.
• 37:49
  They're just trying to relate him back to something that they understand.
• 37:52
  Right.
• 37:53
  Monsters and cows.
• 37:54
  Monsters and cows.
• 37:55
  He just flicks the alien.
• 37:59
  So his description is, you know, he's seven feet tall, like 400 pounds.
• 38:06
  He's got cat like ears, wide webbed duck like feet.
• 38:10
  And he's kind of described like a primate with shaggy white fur.
• 38:15
  Okay.
• 38:16
  So that's where the monkey dude comes in.
• 38:19
  Yeah.
• 38:20
  He's a primate.
• 38:21
  They also describe him as being kind of like an albino big foot.
• 38:25
  So interesting.
• 38:26
  Yeah.
• 38:27
  Okay.
• 38:28
  So yeah, it does feel pretty appropriate or a bit of, but he does have the webbed feet.
• 38:35
  So they do think he can like swim in the water too.
• 38:38
  Yeah.
• 38:39
  Yeah.
• 38:40
  A group out in this area found gigantic webbed footprints that were six or seven feet
• 38:46
  apart.
• 38:47
  So like a long stride.
• 38:48
  But also the footprint itself was like three feet wide.
• 38:52
  Wow.
• 38:53
  Zers.
• 38:54
  Yeah.
• 38:55
  So those are pretty big.
• 38:56
  I don't know how big big foot feet are usually.
• 38:59
  I can't remember.
• 39:00
  I feel like this is bigger.
• 39:03
  This might be bigger.
• 39:04
  Well bigger.
• 39:05
  Free feet.
• 39:06
  I don't know.
• 39:07
  That's a lot.
• 39:08
  That's a lot.
• 39:09
  That's like half of my body.
• 39:11
  More than half my body because I'm definitely not six feet tall.
• 39:15
  Just a fly eye.
• 39:19
  And he was described as having kind of squishy footsteps because it's kind of a soggy
• 39:24
  area too.
• 39:25
  So sure.
• 39:26
  Yeah.
• 39:27
  And smelling kind of like a soggy like monster.
• 39:30
  Well, listen, I love a dog and I love them even when they smell, you know, that doggy smell.
• 39:37
  So I feel like he wasn't the dog one.
• 39:40
  I know.
• 39:41
  Okay.
• 39:42
  I have dogs.
• 39:43
  I can bring dogs to the table in this relationship.
• 39:47
  You don't you didn't choose the dog guy with.
• 39:49
  I know.
• 39:50
  I know my kids, which I'm shocked.
• 39:52
  I honestly need to.
• 39:53
  Me too.
• 39:54
  Yeah.
• 39:55
  Do you want to hear about the mint?
• 39:57
  Yes.
• 39:58
  A truck driver carrying some mint going about 35 miles an hour saw the Conser Lake Monster
• 40:08
  run up beside his car or truck and like look at him and he was keeping pace with the car
• 40:15
  or the truck.
• 40:16
  Okay.
• 40:17
  And he described him as looking curiously inside.
• 40:21
  So my theory was that he just like really liked mint.
• 40:24
  Yeah.
• 40:25
  Or he maybe he wanted to cover up his soggy monster smell.
• 40:29
  He really like listen.
• 40:31
  He needs a drink at the end of the day.
• 40:33
  A mojito sounds lovely.
• 40:35
  Yeah.
• 40:36
  So, you know, I think he was trying to get on some of that mint.
• 40:41
  Yeah.
• 40:42
  I'm about that.
• 40:43
  In a group of teenagers were out one night and they saw the concert lake monster described
• 40:49
  him as like out of this world like nothing from this world that they had ever seen.
• 40:55
  And he was uttering uttering like a row.
• 41:01
  He was uttering a weird resonant cry which they described as.
• 41:05
  Fleep.
• 41:06
  Fleeoweep.
• 41:07
  Fleeoweep.
• 41:08
  Fleeoweep.
• 41:09
  Fleeoweep.
• 41:10
  Ah.
• 41:11
  Spot on impression.
• 41:14
  Fleeoweep.
• 41:20
  So that is your bachelor that you chose, the Conser lake monster.
• 41:26
  And would you like to know about the other two bachelor's that you didn't pick?
• 41:31
  Yeah.
• 41:32
  I mean, it's not too late to change my mind, right?
• 41:35
  Just in case.
• 41:36
  Yeah, it's too late.
• 41:37
  You can't change your mind.
• 41:38
  Okay.
• 41:39
  Well, I first did about my choice to be honest.
• 41:40
  So, they'll take you back to use.
• 41:42
  We'll see.
• 41:44
  So the blue bachelor is, Amhuluk The Water Dragon.
• 41:51
  Okay.
• 41:52
  All right.
• 41:53
  Yeah, dragon.
• 41:54
  That's right at my alley.
• 41:56
  He's a dragon.
• 41:57
  Yeah.
• 41:58
  I guess he's also in Godzilla or something.
• 42:02
  But I think it's like a different dude.
• 42:04
  It's not the same guy.
• 42:06
  This one is from a Kalapya legend.
• 42:09
  Oh.
• 42:10
  No.
• 42:11
  So he is from Forked Lake Mountain.
• 42:15
  Forked?
• 42:16
  Get in Forked.
• 42:18
  Forked.
• 42:19
  A quote from jstore.org says Forked Mountain lies 15 miles west of Forest Grove.
• 42:28
  Oh.
• 42:30
  But I looked and I couldn't find anything called Forked Lake or anything there.
• 42:36
  I don't even think there's particularly mountains.
• 42:39
  Right there.
• 42:40
  Okay.
• 42:41
  So, so Hagg Lake is eight miles west of there.
• 42:46
  Do you know if there's any mountains around Hagg Lake?
• 42:50
  What?
• 42:51
  Really?
• 42:52
  Not in my recollection.
• 42:54
  I don't know.
• 42:56
  And there is another lake a little bit further out.
• 42:59
  I didn't exactly map it.
• 43:00
  It could be like 15 miles.
• 43:01
  So anyway, it's supposed to be somewhere around there.
• 43:04
  Okay.
• 43:05
  But it says it's a mountain pool.
• 43:06
  So like, you want to go for a drive.
• 43:09
  Maybe there used to be mountains there.
• 43:10
  I don't know.
• 43:11
  I got it.
• 43:13
  They're gone now.
• 43:16
  Maybe it was like a really large hill and they called it.
• 43:18
  Yeah.
• 43:19
  I feel like, you know, perception is.
• 43:24
  So obviously he lives in the lake.
• 43:26
  He is very old.
• 43:28
  His last sighting was in 1890.
• 43:30
  It's a last sighting.
• 43:32
  The last sighting.
• 43:33
  Wow.
• 43:34
  Yeah.
• 43:35
  So that's where I got the 1890 in the username.
• 43:39
  It makes sense.
• 43:40
  So he is a four-legged serpent.
• 43:42
  He is spotted with long horns on his head.
• 43:44
  And I wrote horny.
• 43:46
  Haha.
• 43:47
  Get it?
• 43:48
  Because he has horns.
• 43:49
  Yeah.
• 43:50
  I mean, he really has a lot going on.
• 43:51
  And I literally put horny as one of the traits and chaffy ChatGPT just like totally
• 43:56
  mortared.
• 43:57
  They were like, no.
• 43:58
  They're like, this is inappropriate.
• 43:59
  We don't, we don't talk about sex here.
• 44:02
  So fun fact.
• 44:04
  That's so funny.
• 44:05
  Chris and I say that to each other all the time.
• 44:07
  That's inappropriate.
• 44:08
  Haha.
• 44:10
  I just get like an answer back saying that's inappropriate.
• 44:14
  Yeah.
• 44:15
  No.
• 44:16
  Haha.
• 44:17
  His four legs are described as being hairless.
• 44:19
  Maybe so he can swim better because you know swimmers.
• 44:21
  They shave them legs.
• 44:23
  That's what I've heard.
• 44:24
  But he does have a passion for drowning brutality.
• 44:28
  Drowning and brutality.
• 44:30
  I was like drowning.
• 44:31
  Drowning brutality.
• 44:32
  Like brutally drowning or like somehow drowning brutality.
• 44:38
  How do we do that?
• 44:40
  He likes to drown anything.
• 44:41
  I'll read you a quote.
• 44:42
  I feel like that doesn't vote what for me.
• 44:45
  You know, that's also kind of the reason he doesn't like kids because there is a specific story
• 44:50
  about children.
• 44:51
  Yeah.
• 44:52
  So good thing, you know, if you'd picked him that you don't want kids.
• 44:56
  Yeah.
• 44:57
  Sounds like it.
• 44:58
  You might drown them.
• 44:59
  Okay.
• 45:00
  So this is a quote from a book of creatures.com.
• 45:04
  Drowning amulacse is captured and drowned in his lake.
• 45:09
  Even the trees around the lake have their crowns upside down around the lake and the sky
• 45:15
  itself is drowned in the muddy water.
• 45:18
  Okay.
• 45:19
  It's just all about fucking drown and shit.
• 45:22
  Yeah.
• 45:23
  I feel like that's, it's a little dark for my taste personally.
• 45:27
  Yeah.
• 45:28
  But he does have the several spotted dogs.
• 45:31
  He loves his pack of spotted dogs.
• 45:34
  And you know, he lives in that kind of slimy, boggy environment.
• 45:39
  So great.
• 45:40
  It's easier to drown things if they get stuck in the mud, you know?
• 45:45
  Totally.
• 45:46
  I mean, no, I don't know, but I feel okay about that.
• 45:52
  Are you ready for Bachelor number yellow?
• 45:55
  Okay.
• 45:56
  This is this is my favorite one.
• 45:59
  Really?
• 46:00
  Okay.
• 46:01
  His name is The Melrose Creep.
• 46:03
  Okay.
• 46:04
  Where is Melrose?
• 46:06
  This one we actually know where it's at.
• 46:08
  It's an unincorporated community outside of Roseburg, Oregon.
• 46:13
  Okay.
• 46:14
  And that's 180 mils, I wrote.
• 46:16
  180 miles south of Portland.
• 46:19
  Sure is.
• 46:20
  So don't go there.
• 46:23
  I, you know, never really been tempted to be honest.
• 46:29
  I kind of wrote him to have like a creepy personality because it's in the name, you know?
• 46:34
  He's great.
• 46:35
  Yeah.
• 46:36
  Yeah.
• 46:37
  I think that pretty much sums it up.
• 46:38
  Do you want to know about the pitter-patter of his little feet?
• 46:42
  I do why?
• 46:43
  I feel like you know me well enough to know.
• 46:46
  Do do I?
• 46:47
  I think you do.
• 46:48
  Okay.
• 46:49
  So the person who wrote the story and this whole story is in the Weird Oregon book, they
• 46:56
  wrote quote, "I heard soft padded shuffles."
• 46:59
  And the footfalls behind me.
• 47:00
  I looked all around before I saw it.
• 47:02
  The Melrose Creep.
• 47:04
  And then towards the end of the story, he writes, "A few months later, I heard the eerie
• 47:11
  pitter-patter of those damn little feet again."
• 47:16
  And the sighting happened at night under a full moon.
• 47:18
  So I kind of assumed maybe he's nocturnal and really likes the full moon.
• 47:23
  Okay.
• 47:24
  Just hug your puppy.
• 47:27
  Okay.
• 47:28
  I'm ready to hear about his description.
• 47:30
  Okay.
• 47:31
  Okay.
• 47:32
  I'm going to quote the book again.
• 47:34
  It was about three to four feet tall and hunched over.
• 47:38
  Had no hair, long arms with six fingered hands and stubby clawed feet.
• 47:43
  It also had a very human-like head and bulging, glowing red eyes.
• 47:49
  Okay.
• 47:50
  Yeah.
• 47:51
  Super attractive.
• 47:55
  I do like the idea of being taller than someone, but yeah, I feel like there's got to be another
• 48:01
  way.
• 48:02
  So I kind of got that he was kind of fearless from the story because he did say the Melrose
• 48:09
  creep seemed unafraid of him.
• 48:12
  And he even started to approach him in the guy ran away.
• 48:15
  No, thank you.
• 48:18
  I just remembered I had a thing.
• 48:20
  K-bye.
• 48:21
  Bye.
• 48:22
  Creep.
• 48:23
  Do you want to hear the best part of the story?
• 48:26
  Okay.
• 48:27
  The person who wrote the story, Captain Morgan, stop it.
• 48:34
  Stop it.
• 48:35
  So I'm going to show you in the book.
• 48:38
  There's two pictures.
• 48:40
  This is the concert Lake Monster.
• 48:45
  I mean, he's supposed to have white fur, but it's kind of dark.
• 48:47
  So.
• 48:48
  Okay.
• 48:49
  Yeah.
• 48:50
  That's that boy.
• 48:51
  Is that something?
• 48:53
  This is The Melrose Creep.
• 48:55
  Are you ready?
• 48:56
  No.
• 48:57
  Story by Captain Morgan.
• 49:00
  Okay.
• 49:01
  Oh my god.
• 49:02
  It's cute.
• 49:03
  It looks like a Gremlin.
• 49:04
  I don't know.
• 49:05
  He's got the bulging red eye.
• 49:06
  It's airless body.
• 49:07
  I do not care for that at all.
• 49:09
  It's hilarious.
• 49:10
  I love that so much.
• 49:20
  Wow.
• 49:21
  I'm touched.
• 49:22
  I'm touched.
• 49:23
  Yeah.
• 49:24
  So I think you got pretty lucky.
• 49:26
  I mean, your guy is kind of scary looking, but that's just because he was in the dark, right?
• 49:32
  So, you know, totally.
• 49:34
  Yeah.
• 49:35
  I'm sure in broad daylight, it's totally fine.
• 49:39
  I'm surprised you picked one so tall.
• 49:42
  I, you know, it wasn't a lot of middle ground on this one.
• 49:48
  Wow.
• 49:49
  Okay.
• 49:50
  Well, do you want to hear my little fun fact?
• 49:54
  Okay.
• 49:55
  Buying the gifts.
• 49:56
  Obviously, I bought them, you guys.
• 49:58
  What?
• 49:59
  I know.
• 50:00
  So, minus the rum and the earplugs.
• 50:04
  I got all of these gifts before I even did any research.
• 50:10
  But how?
• 50:11
  I have no idea.
• 50:12
  I just grabbed things and I was like, well, maybe this could work.
• 50:16
  And it did.
• 50:19
  Look at you.
• 50:20
  Obviously, like the details of the Captain Morgan, I didn't know.
• 50:24
  And like the earplugs were like an after thing.
• 50:27
  But all of the other things, I was like, wow, this thing I got fits with this person, the
• 50:31
  four-legged shit, the spotted dogs, like, I even got that thing.
• 50:37
  And I was like, that's kind of creepy.
• 50:39
  Maybe I don't know, but it's for the creepy guy.
• 50:43
  I really want to check a few of these out.
• 50:47
  Do it.
• 50:48
  Pick one at rant.
• 50:49
  Pick one at random and that can be your date with what's his butt.
• 50:53
  Oh, boy.
• 50:54
  Okay.
• 50:55
  Flix.
• 50:56
  Oh!
• 50:57
  Horse-drawn carriage, right.
• 51:01
  I feel like he would be the one who'd like drawing the carriage.
• 51:03
  Yes, he's so big.
• 51:05
  Horse's can't pull him.
• 51:09
  I also grabbed axe throwing.
• 51:14
  Oh, that would have been a good one.
• 51:17
  Yeah.
• 51:18
  They're very, very cute.
• 51:20
  Cute.
• 51:21
  Should we do some tarot?
• 51:24
  I guess.
• 51:25
  I kind of want to just look at these.
• 51:27
  You can.
• 51:28
  All shuffle.
• 51:29
  As indie podcasters, we love to show our support of other awesome shows.
• 51:37
  So stay tuned for the promo we've got to share with you this week.
• 51:41
  Let's show them some love.
• 51:42
  You can find their info in our show notes.
• 51:45
  This is That's So Fucked Up, a podcast about cult, murder and other fucked up stuff.
• 51:52
  Like really, really fucked up stuff.
• 51:55
  He tore out her heart, tied it to a rope and hung it on the wall.
• 52:00
  Fucking sharks?
• 52:01
  Eight mark.
• 52:03
  Under the dinghy.
• 52:05
  After his dad dies, he fucking marries all his dad's wives.
• 52:09
  Oh, yeah.
• 52:10
  He like marries all his stepmoms.
• 52:14
  I'm your host, Ashley Love Richards.
• 52:17
  Find That So Fucked Up, anywhere you listen to podcasts.
• 52:20
  That's Fucked Up.
• 52:22
  You guys were back.
• 52:24
  And don't worry.
• 52:25
  We did get more wine.
• 52:27
  Well, of course.
• 52:29
  Oh, here you go.
• 52:38
  This is the way to a girl's heart.
• 52:41
  It's a binary to a.
• 52:45
  Okay, I'm going to have you choose right for the middle.
• 52:47
  Oh, yeah.
• 52:48
  Four.
• 52:49
  Four of us.
• 52:50
  Okay.
• 52:51
  It's got a cute ghost on it.
• 52:53
  Three wine glasses on the ground and one in the clouds.
• 52:59
  Which is basically the same as the visual on the traditional writer, Waitsmith's deck.
• 53:05
  So let's look at this first before we read.
• 53:09
  It's got blue on it.
• 53:10
  It's cups water.
• 53:11
  So he's like kind of in the water too.
• 53:15
  Okay.
• 53:16
  The lake, you know, all right.
• 53:18
  Wait, he wasn't blue.
• 53:19
  But the other guy was blue.
• 53:20
  Yeah.
• 53:21
  That you really like too.
• 53:22
  Mm-hmm.
• 53:23
  Okay.
• 53:24
  That's all I got.
• 53:25
  Okay.
• 53:26
  Our key words are withdrawal, rest, boredom and lack of inspiration.
• 53:32
  The four of cups in the writer, Waitsmith and other decks depicts a lone person sitting
• 53:38
  beneath a tree.
• 53:40
  Like, because they just haven't made it on to the cryptid dating game yet.
• 53:45
  Yeah.
• 53:46
  Well, these guys are lonely too.
• 53:48
  Yeah.
• 53:49
  So what I'm saying.
• 53:51
  The idea is that you've gone off on your own and aren't receiving what others hold out
• 53:56
  to you at this time.
• 53:58
  You may be withdrawing from your usual routine, work, friends, etc.
• 54:04
  In order to get in touch with yourself.
• 54:06
  This kind of sounds like Flix, he is lonely.
• 54:09
  Yeah.
• 54:10
  The upright four of cups symbolizes boredom and stagnation.
• 54:15
  You're not satisfied with your life at this time, but lack the incentive to make changes.
• 54:22
  You've detached emotionally from people and situations.
• 54:26
  Aw, Flix.
• 54:30
  Sometimes this card indicates you've sacrificed happiness for security.
• 54:35
  Aw.
• 54:36
  Yeah, the security of not like being shot at.
• 54:40
  Yeah.
• 54:41
  I mean, which doesn't feel like a tall ass, but you know, you can't find friends if like
• 54:45
  you're worried about being hunted, you know?
• 54:47
  True.
• 54:49
  In a reading about money, this card can mean you're too attached to money and security,
• 54:54
  perhaps at the expense of love and joy.
• 54:58
  Perhaps you've prioritized money in the past and now seek meaning in other things.
• 55:03
  I wonder if he has like his space job because he's like an alien, you know?
• 55:08
  Oh, I wonder if his space job is to like study where he's at.
• 55:13
  Maybe.
• 55:14
  Yeah, I don't know.
• 55:15
  I'm making money here and it keeps moving.
• 55:17
  Yeah.
• 55:18
  Theories.
• 55:19
  I don't, you know?
• 55:21
  You're wearing a UFO shirt too.
• 55:23
  I am.
• 55:24
  And you pick the alien guy.
• 55:25
  I did.
• 55:26
  That's funny.
• 55:28
  If the reading is about your job, you probably feel stuck and bored with your job.
• 55:34
  You may long for more creativity and enjoyment, but if opted for security instead.
• 55:43
  Not anymore flex.
• 55:44
  Your problems are solved.
• 55:45
  This is your new woman.
• 55:50
  In a reading about love, the four shows you withdrawing affection and energy from a relationship.
• 55:58
  Perhaps routine has slapped your enthusiasm.
• 56:03
  Maybe that's more about you that part.
• 56:06
  I don't know.
• 56:07
  Great.
• 56:08
  Thank you.
• 56:10
  This card also symbolizes a relationship based on security rather than passion.
• 56:16
  Yeah.
• 56:17
  Yeah.
• 56:18
  I think you're going to have way more passion with this guy than you do with your real
• 56:22
  fiance.
• 56:23
  You know?
• 56:25
  Them spiten words.
• 56:26
  I really don't like that.
• 56:29
  I'm kidding, y'all.
• 56:31
  Just trying to make this tarot read more interesting.
• 56:34
  Byered.
• 56:35
  Okay.
• 56:36
  Bye.
• 56:37
  Do the shirts.
• 56:39
  What?
• 56:40
  Light this place on fire when I bump into shit?
• 56:42
  Yeah.
• 56:43
  I can do that all by myself.
• 56:45
  Oh, this is cute.
• 56:47
  This is fun.
• 56:49
  Well, do you think we're good?
• 56:51
  I think so.
• 56:52
  I think so too.
• 56:53
  I think so.
• 56:54
  Yeah.
• 56:55
  We're in the gifting mood.
• 56:58
  We might have a little gift for you that was brought to us by a gift from somebody else.
• 57:03
  Yeah.
• 57:04
  Did that make any sense?
• 57:05
  It's not technically regifting.
• 57:07
  It's not.
• 57:08
  It's just a gift that we can share with you.
• 57:10
  It's a gift that keeps on giving and giving.
• 57:13
  It is.
• 57:15
  Jocelyn who is not only a listener of the podcast, but also one of our Patreon subscribers.
• 57:21
  Hey, Jocelyn.
• 57:22
  Hey, hey, Jocelyn.
• 57:24
  She is also the fabulous proprietor of Mythic Wig.
• 57:31
  What's Mythic Wig, you ask?
• 57:35
  Sounds like candles.
• 57:36
  It does because they are.
• 57:40
  We will be posting to the socials, but we wanted to make sure we included it in this
• 57:45
  week's episode, The Promo Code.
• 57:50
  And I think we'll go ahead and link in the show notes to where you need to go to get the
• 57:55
  special candles in a special discount.
• 57:59
  She sent us a little goody pack.
• 58:00
  So we're good on candles for at least a day or two.
• 58:05
  Speak for yourself.
• 58:06
  Yeah.
• 58:07
  I mean, Cassie is going to immediately be buying probably eight or nine or eleven D.
• 58:13
  I'm going to use the shit out of this.
• 58:15
  Ten percent off code.
• 58:17
  There was a very special way we had to get the code.
• 58:19
  We had to heat up this card over fire to reveal a code.
• 58:24
  It's not the coolest thing ever.
• 58:27
  Like, who does that?
• 58:28
  It's so cool.
• 58:29
  Pretty much the coolest.
• 58:30
  Yeah.
• 58:31
  It was covered in runes and then when we heated it up, it gave us real words.
• 58:36
  And it says ten percent off code.
• 58:39
  He and W H H.
• 58:43
  Well, they see, but we'll put it in the notes.
• 58:45
  Have a creepy ass Valentine's Day.
• 58:48
  Don't go creeping around Melrose.
• 58:51
  Glide.
• 58:52
  Unless you enjoy creeps, which you know, might be my thing.
• 58:58
  I mean, some people do.
• 58:59
  Maybe I'll go.
• 59:00
  Yeah, some Roseburg.
• 59:01
  Crepes of Roseburg.
• 59:02
  Watch out.
• 59:03
  Oh boy.
• 59:04
  All right.
• 59:05
  Is that a go?
• 59:06
  Is that a go?
• 59:07
  Nothing else clever, we have to say.
• 59:09
  Okay.
• 59:10
  Hey, Cassie.
• 59:11
  Yeah.
• 59:26
  Someone shots a dollar tree.
• 59:28
  Oh my.
• 59:29
  Isn't it so cute?
• 59:30
  So cute.
• 59:31
  So cute.
• 59:32
  And it's like a scunk baby.
• 59:35
  You always say so stinkin' cute.
• 59:39
  I do.
• 59:40
  So stinkin' cute.
• 59:43
  Oh my God.
• 59:44
  You're definitely the best.
• 59:48
  Who knew this book would get her so distracted?
• 59:50
  Oh my God.
• 59:51
  All right.
• 59:52
  Well, I'm probably gonna need to just, what's...
• 59:57
  Do we have like elevator music?
• 1:00:00
  Should we just read the whole book?
• 1:00:01
  I really want to, but...
• 1:00:03
  Oh!
• 1:00:04
  For my...
• 1:00:05
  For my...
• 1:00:12
  So cute. Pnwhauntsandhomicides.com