Latest / The Breakfast Club / INTERVIEW: Dr. Jay Barnett & Dr. Joel Tudman Talk Men's Mental Health, Friendships, Finding Yourself + More

Transcript

INTERVIEW: Dr. Jay Barnett & Dr. Joel Tudman Talk Men's Mental Health, Friendships, Finding Yourself + More · The Breakfast Club

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Every day.
• 0:02
  Speaker 2: Up click up the Breakfast Club finish for y'all done. Yes,
• 0:07
  Speaker 2: it's the world was dangerous?
• 0:08
  Speaker 3: Want to show to Breakfast Club the god DJ Envy
• 0:10
  Speaker 3: just hilarious. Envy's not here, but Lauren Lerosa is and
• 0:13
  Speaker 3: and we got some special guests in the building. Man,
• 0:16
  Speaker 3: the good brother, doctor J Barnett along with doctor Joel Tutman.
• 0:19
  Speaker 3: How y'all brothers doing man?
• 0:21
  Speaker 1: Man, We're good Man, feeling good this morning, Man, feeling
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: real good.
• 0:25
  Speaker 3: You know you see Doctor J on the Just Hill podcast.
• 0:28
  Speaker 3: Y'all y'all going to Just Hill tour together?
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, Man, So it's been exciting man to Just
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: Hell podcast with doctor J. Man. We lunched back in
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: April and just to see how it's grown.
• 0:40
  Speaker 4: Uh.
• 0:40
  Speaker 1: Shaw was on me for years, like, bro, you gotta
• 0:43
  Speaker 1: do a podcast to like you gotta be on the network.
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: And I wasn't. If I could be honest, I wasn't
• 0:50
  Speaker 1: a podcaster because I'm like, man, Jess, how this is.
• 0:54
  Speaker 1: This is a gift that y'all do to get up
• 0:56
  Speaker 1: and and the talk and all of that. I love
• 0:58
  Speaker 1: to speak because when I speak, I have this this
• 1:02
  Speaker 1: structure that I follow and then I'm going these different places.
• 1:06
  Speaker 1: But the podcast has really grown me to hear other
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: people's stories, so it's like therapy and real time. And
• 1:12
  Speaker 1: from having my sister Raji on Kirk Franklin, Rico Love
• 1:19
  Speaker 1: and then I have some people who are just everyday
• 1:21
  Speaker 1: people that are sharing their healing journeys and just sharing
• 1:24
  Speaker 1: where they are. So it's been a fun journey.
• 1:26
  Speaker 5: Man.
• 1:27
  Speaker 1: So now I can officially say yes, I'm a podcast.
• 1:31
  Speaker 5: Hell love it.
• 1:32
  Speaker 6: You guys have like a really cool dynamic because I mean,
• 1:34
  Speaker 6: you're pastor you do mental health and like all these things. Right,
• 1:37
  Speaker 6: But y'all know in our community, a lot of times
• 1:39
  Speaker 6: when you're going through some people like just pray about it.
• 1:41
  Speaker 6: How do y'all have conversations around that.
• 1:44
  Speaker 4: It's more than prayer. I think prayer is very essential,
• 1:48
  Speaker 4: but it's the backbone. It's a substratum of everything. But
• 1:51
  Speaker 4: there has to be practical application because you're human, so
• 1:55
  Speaker 4: that is the spiritual component. But if you don't have friendship,
• 1:58
  Speaker 4: you don't have people that can walk you through the journey,
• 2:02
  Speaker 4: then you'll often become lost. And I like to say
• 2:05
  Speaker 4: people become mystic. They just stay in this spooky vial
• 2:08
  Speaker 4: and uh and Again, that's not to talk about the
• 2:10
  Speaker 4: church background, because I have a strong church background, but
• 2:13
  Speaker 4: having therapists, having people that can actually supply sufficient support
• 2:21
  Speaker 4: really can help change the dynamic of what you're going through.
• 2:23
  Speaker 4: I think that's very important.
• 2:24
  Speaker 3: And UH used to be associated pastor at the Potter House, right, Yes, sir,
• 2:29
  Speaker 3: But did you love to go to Florida?
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: I didn't know that could happen. They made it sound
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: like you was transferring schools and something you were playing
• 2:37
  Speaker 2: one place.
• 2:38
  Speaker 7: You know that could happen.
• 2:41
  Speaker 3: I mean, I just the way they do I guess,
• 2:43
  Speaker 3: I guess the pothouse the way you know, the way
• 2:45
  Speaker 3: they worded it, I'm like, okay, Yeah, I.
• 2:47
  Speaker 4: Went there to learn from who I believe to be
• 2:49
  Speaker 4: the greatest of all times. I think Mishop Jakes is
• 2:52
  Speaker 4: the greatest of all times. And I went there to
• 2:55
  Speaker 4: learn and there was an opportunity that opened up in Florida,
• 2:58
  Speaker 4: and so that's how I ended there. I ended up
• 3:01
  Speaker 4: there because he trained me. I was prepared and we
• 3:04
  Speaker 4: ended up in Florida. And God's been good to missus
• 3:06
  Speaker 4: have been there.
• 3:07
  Speaker 2: How did that work?
• 3:08
  Speaker 1: Though?
• 3:08
  Speaker 2: Like when you like, like what does the spirit tell you?
• 3:11
  Speaker 1: Like?
• 3:11
  Speaker 3: I want to be. I need you to go, you know,
• 3:13
  Speaker 3: lead this congregation, that lead this flock.
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Now, like, what is it?
• 3:17
  Speaker 4: What hits you? When I was in Oklahoma originally, and
• 3:20
  Speaker 4: when I was there, I knew that I wasn't going
• 3:21
  Speaker 4: to be there forever. And so the opportunity for change
• 3:26
  Speaker 4: didn't start at the Potter's house. I was coaching at
• 3:29
  Speaker 4: Oklahoma State University and and pastoring at the same time,
• 3:34
  Speaker 4: and so the opportunity to shift came at a good season.
• 3:38
  Speaker 4: Church was doing fine, my work was doing great, and
• 3:42
  Speaker 4: I went to preach for Bishop Jakes. So I had
• 3:44
  Speaker 4: to sit back and realize, Okay, the things that I
• 3:47
  Speaker 4: wanted to see happened in the future career wise and
• 3:50
  Speaker 4: ministry wise, came through an opportunity of another individual. There
• 3:53
  Speaker 4: wasn't a voice from heaven, a chap that came down
• 3:55
  Speaker 4: and said move. It wasn't that. It was a man
• 3:59
  Speaker 4: of God looked at me and said, what's your future?
• 4:02
  Speaker 4: What do you What do you want to be? What
• 4:05
  Speaker 4: do you see happening where you want to go? And
• 4:07
  Speaker 4: when I told him that, then it unlocked something for
• 4:09
  Speaker 4: me to start looking at. And when I started looking
• 4:11
  Speaker 4: at it, I started saying all the insufficiencies, all the
• 4:14
  Speaker 4: places that needed work, all the places that needed a
• 4:16
  Speaker 4: model or mentor, and he filled that void. And then
• 4:19
  Speaker 4: from there it was a challenge, what do you want?
• 4:22
  Speaker 4: And I had to answer that question and that answer
• 4:25
  Speaker 4: was move. Wow.
• 4:26
  Speaker 2: That's where y'all met, right, yeah?
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. We met in Dallas. A friend of mine
• 4:32
  Speaker 1: had sent me a video and like, yo, I just
• 4:35
  Speaker 1: found your spirit animal. I was like, all right, So
• 4:37
  Speaker 1: I started watching his clips. He in a gym, killing
• 4:40
  Speaker 1: it in you know, he's a strengthing conditioning code. So
• 4:42
  Speaker 1: we got the whole football background from watching how he speaks,
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: and I said, yo, I really rock with this dude.
• 4:47
  Speaker 1: So I'm say pause. I slid his DMS, but but
• 4:55
  Speaker 1: I hit him up and like, yo, brother, I love
• 4:57
  Speaker 1: what you're doing man, And we we had at some
• 5:00
  Speaker 1: exchange but didn't know that we both moved to Dallas
• 5:03
  Speaker 1: during the pandemic at the same time, and slowly, you know,
• 5:08
  Speaker 1: started kind of engaging. But I'd engage him to come
• 5:11
  Speaker 1: on my tour to Jessere Bro. I had four voices
• 5:14
  Speaker 1: and I was like, you know, we need a five,
• 5:16
  Speaker 1: and I could reached out to him. I said, Bro,
• 5:18
  Speaker 1: I want you to go on tour. Now here's the
• 5:20
  Speaker 1: story about the development of friendship. This brother was not
• 5:24
  Speaker 1: having it, Jess. And the more I would text him
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: and like, hey man, you know, brother, you know, look
• 5:30
  Speaker 1: forward to having your on tour. He would come on
• 5:32
  Speaker 1: the tour, he would get on stage, do his thing
• 5:34
  Speaker 1: and would just sit in the back and wouldn't say anything.
• 5:37
  Speaker 1: And I felt, you know, that he needed friendship. But
• 5:42
  Speaker 1: I also felt compelled like I just couldn't let it go.
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: And I would text him and check in on him, like,
• 5:48
  Speaker 1: hey man, I hope you all as well, brother, Just
• 5:49
  Speaker 1: checking in, and he would just text back the army, mooji,
• 5:52
  Speaker 1: the muscles because he was not And I understood as
• 6:00
  Speaker 1: we begin, because it's difficult men, and study shows this.
• 6:05
  Speaker 1: Men have a difficult time making friends after thirty five.
• 6:09
  Speaker 1: And this is the real reason why a lot of
• 6:11
  Speaker 1: men are suffering in silence and suffering in their mental
• 6:15
  Speaker 1: health because of the lack of community and the lack
• 6:17
  Speaker 1: of friendships there. They're not like women. They don't engage
• 6:21
  Speaker 1: and most men don't build friendships beyond their workplace. And
• 6:26
  Speaker 1: our friendship started from a challenge of who can lose
• 6:28
  Speaker 1: the most weight and get down to you know, get
• 6:30
  Speaker 1: down to the lowest body fat and that built the
• 6:34
  Speaker 1: friendship that people see that we have today and the
• 6:37
  Speaker 1: love that I have for this brother, and I saw
• 6:40
  Speaker 1: it in him. Like I said, Bro, you're one of
• 6:42
  Speaker 1: the best to me. And I think when you are
• 6:45
  Speaker 1: building friendships, you want to have friendships where somebody can
• 6:49
  Speaker 1: see more in you than you see in yourself in
• 6:51
  Speaker 1: that current space.
• 6:53
  Speaker 2: Why were you so guard it, doctor Tuban?
• 6:55
  Speaker 1: Yeah, please tell the world. How tell the world how
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: he would leave me on red And it didn't bother
• 7:05
  Speaker 1: me because and I want to add this, when you
• 7:08
  Speaker 1: have dealt with your rejection or abandonment issues, how a
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: person response doesn't trigger you. Yeah, because I didn't know
• 7:16
  Speaker 1: what his experience was, but I knew I wanted to
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: keep showing up for him.
• 7:21
  Speaker 4: Friendship is important to me. It's very essential. And I'm
• 7:25
  Speaker 4: too old to start over in certain places. So for me,
• 7:30
  Speaker 4: I have fresh room, fresh wounds. As it pertains to
• 7:33
  Speaker 4: mail the male friendships, brothers real strong relationships, and I
• 7:38
  Speaker 4: had just gotten to the point to where I was
• 7:41
  Speaker 4: okay without the relationship, and so when this good brother
• 7:45
  Speaker 4: reached out to me, he was very persistent. I didn't
• 7:48
  Speaker 4: understand him. I didn't understand this process, his makeup. He's
• 7:50
  Speaker 4: a therapist, so his mental is really really strong, mind strong,
• 7:54
  Speaker 4: but it's more defensive versus just being vulnerable. So I
• 7:59
  Speaker 4: had a difficult trying to be vulnerable. And so he
• 8:04
  Speaker 4: kept pressing and kept pressing and kept pressing. I wasn't
• 8:06
  Speaker 4: really interested in that. I was okay. I wasn't. I wasn't.
• 8:10
  Speaker 4: I was okay with working out. So I was doing
• 8:15
  Speaker 4: a challenge. He jumped in on Instagram and said, yo,
• 8:19
  Speaker 4: I can I run you. I was like, man, get
• 8:21
  Speaker 4: out here with all that. You're too big, you know.
• 8:23
  Speaker 4: So that's what happened. So we went into this forty
• 8:25
  Speaker 4: day challenge, and then maybe twenty something days within to
• 8:29
  Speaker 4: the challenge, he kept coming on. My lives kept coming on,
• 8:31
  Speaker 4: kept coming on. He said, man, won't you meet me?
• 8:33
  Speaker 4: Let's box. So that's what happened. I met him at
• 8:36
  Speaker 4: the gym somewhere in the twenties of the count and
• 8:39
  Speaker 4: our friendship started taking off. Now, as it started taking off,
• 8:42
  Speaker 4: I was still very very guarded because I was not
• 8:45
  Speaker 4: going to get another homemade, another homeboy. I was fine, okay,
• 8:49
  Speaker 4: But as we continued to train. We started having therapeutic
• 8:54
  Speaker 4: conversations about what's going on in your mind? Why are
• 8:57
  Speaker 4: you having a hard time dealing with abandonment? Rejection actually happened,
• 9:01
  Speaker 4: and then as far as my career speaking, he said, hey, man,
• 9:05
  Speaker 4: I want you to come on a tour with me.
• 9:06
  Speaker 4: I went on the tour, but I still wasn't going
• 9:08
  Speaker 4: to get close to all the rest of the guys.
• 9:10
  Speaker 4: I had broken through with him just a little bit.
• 9:13
  Speaker 4: So we go on the tour, We're do our thing,
• 9:15
  Speaker 4: and I sit in the back, not talking because I
• 9:17
  Speaker 4: don't want to be involved emotionally again. That way. However,
• 9:23
  Speaker 4: we broke through. He's become a best friend. Over five years.
• 9:27
  Speaker 4: Now I have a much softer side. I was too hard,
• 9:33
  Speaker 4: and I think God did an amazing thing by bringing
• 9:35
  Speaker 4: him into my life. So now I don't have it.
• 9:38
  Speaker 4: I had what's called toxic masculinity, very toxic.
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: And break that down because somebody gonna get it and
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: they gonna create their own definition with toxic. But but
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: you know what, JT. I don't think it was really toxic.
• 9:54
  Speaker 1: I just think it was guarded because we both had
• 9:57
  Speaker 1: father wounds. Yeah, and when you've had father wounds, it's
• 10:01
  Speaker 1: hard to build mail to male friendships because when you
• 10:04
  Speaker 1: have not been fathered well, you're very guarded and you're
• 10:07
  Speaker 1: very defensive because there's a part of you that have
• 10:11
  Speaker 1: not had a very safe relationship with another man. So
• 10:18
  Speaker 1: for another man, and you know, like, you know, I
• 10:20
  Speaker 1: bought flowers and you know, I mean, I'm all the things,
• 10:23
  Speaker 1: but then the duality of that I'm a lion and
• 10:27
  Speaker 1: a lamb, and so he got to see that. But
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: I understood it. And it wasn't that I needed a friend.
• 10:33
  Speaker 1: I just like, there's just some people that you just
• 10:35
  Speaker 1: felt drawn to, and I think that's beautiful. That's a
• 10:38
  Speaker 1: great way to put it.
• 10:39
  Speaker 4: Lyon and lamb. I was all lyon, no lamb in sight.
• 10:43
  Speaker 4: So to actually start experiencing other men that were so
• 10:48
  Speaker 4: transparent that they could so show you the lamb, that
• 10:51
  Speaker 4: took time for me to adjust. So I wasn't going
• 10:55
  Speaker 4: to express how I felt. Bishop Jakes broke me from that.
• 10:58
  Speaker 4: He kept saying how do you feel? And I was
• 11:00
  Speaker 4: sending a strong arm emoji or I would send fire,
• 11:04
  Speaker 4: you know, and he says, I'm tired of that. Explain
• 11:07
  Speaker 4: to me what you feel. But I didn't have the language.
• 11:11
  Speaker 4: I didn't have the language to explain it. That's a
• 11:13
  Speaker 4: part of that toxicity as well, because if you can't
• 11:15
  Speaker 4: explain it, you throw signs okay. And so it took
• 11:19
  Speaker 4: me going through all of the therapy why I rejected
• 11:25
  Speaker 4: my father, why my father wasn't there, the terrible relationships
• 11:28
  Speaker 4: with my parents, the terrible relationships with my brothers and sisters,
• 11:33
  Speaker 4: all of the things that were wrong with me. I
• 11:35
  Speaker 4: started paying attention to the tension because the tension was
• 11:40
  Speaker 4: causing me to break. So if you don't pay attention
• 11:43
  Speaker 4: to the tension, you will pay for attention. And that's
• 11:47
  Speaker 4: what actually happened. So because I wasn't paying attention to
• 11:51
  Speaker 4: the tension, the tension started fracturing me. And not only
• 11:55
  Speaker 4: did it fracture me, it started fracturing the relationships around me.
• 11:58
  Speaker 4: And everybody knows what a Fraction's a fracture. It's a
• 12:00
  Speaker 4: break that you can't see, all right, it's a hairline fracture,
• 12:03
  Speaker 4: but there's a break there. And what ends up happening
• 12:06
  Speaker 4: is some kind of blow is going to create a
• 12:10
  Speaker 4: break to become visible to where you're going to have
• 12:13
  Speaker 4: to either cast it or break it completely so they
• 12:15
  Speaker 4: can reset it. And that's what happened to all of
• 12:17
  Speaker 4: the relationships that I was attached to.
• 12:20
  Speaker 1: It wasn't their fault. It was my fault.
• 12:22
  Speaker 4: Because I had allowed so much pressure, so much tension,
• 12:26
  Speaker 4: to come into my own personal life. It became difficult
• 12:28
  Speaker 4: for me to converse productively with other people, especially of
• 12:34
  Speaker 4: the man.
• 12:34
  Speaker 3: But what about when it's not your fault? Because I
• 12:36
  Speaker 3: agree with you, know what you said, doctor j about
• 12:37
  Speaker 3: the father woman. But that homeboy woman is real too. Yeah,
• 12:40
  Speaker 3: that's a real wom too, because when I love I
• 12:42
  Speaker 3: love her. I called you my brother, and then you
• 12:44
  Speaker 3: betray me in some way. It's just like damn, it's
• 12:47
  Speaker 3: hard to let people in.
• 12:48
  Speaker 4: I can't control what he does, but I can control
• 12:51
  Speaker 4: how I handle it. And that's what happened. I couldn't
• 12:54
  Speaker 4: control it. I was covering it, and I needed therapy
• 12:58
  Speaker 4: to deal with what happened between the two of us
• 13:00
  Speaker 4: the previous homie. And I think also to that JG
• 13:04
  Speaker 4: and then to what you said sharp like the same
• 13:07
  Speaker 4: experience that he had was a betrayal of a close friend.
• 13:11
  Speaker 4: I had the same thing, and it was so difficult
• 13:13
  Speaker 4: for me because I saw men as just being I
• 13:18
  Speaker 4: wouldn't say just a point of contact, but just almost
• 13:20
  Speaker 4: like you know, it's just a homeboard, a homeboy. But
• 13:24
  Speaker 4: for me to call your brother, that's it's like, that's
• 13:27
  Speaker 4: that's a different level of love. It's just like when
• 13:30
  Speaker 4: you tell somebody I love you, you know, I mean, that
• 13:33
  Speaker 4: changes your disposition toward them. That's why I don't throw
• 13:36
  Speaker 4: out I love you, you know what I mean?
• 13:37
  Speaker 1: And so because that's now, that's now a different level
• 13:42
  Speaker 1: of expression of my of my feelings towards you. And
• 13:46
  Speaker 1: I think for me that betrayal man, I was just like, dude,
• 13:50
  Speaker 1: how do you even because when you're in your thirties
• 13:53
  Speaker 1: and you start an agent, I felt what he felt like, Man,
• 13:56
  Speaker 1: how do you start to build friendship again? Because we
• 13:59
  Speaker 1: all know friendship takes time and then now on that
• 14:02
  Speaker 1: friendship also requires a level of vulnerability, and I didn't
• 14:06
  Speaker 1: want to be vulnerable.
• 14:06
  Speaker 4: Like that again. But I think for me, it's like this,
• 14:10
  Speaker 4: I had two of the same thing, two opposing things
• 14:13
  Speaker 4: happen at the same time. So I get betrayed by
• 14:15
  Speaker 4: this one guy that we've been boys for twenty something years.
• 14:19
  Speaker 4: Then I got this other guy that is trying to
• 14:22
  Speaker 4: befriend me, all right, and he is being one hundred
• 14:26
  Speaker 4: percent open, saying, hey, I don't want anything from you.
• 14:29
  Speaker 4: I just believe I'm supposed to be here for you,
• 14:31
  Speaker 4: all right. This is prior to him, and this guy's
• 14:35
  Speaker 4: pouring his heart out. But I don't have what I
• 14:39
  Speaker 4: need to give this guy. So it breaks this guy.
• 14:44
  Speaker 4: It breaks him so bad. To her, He's like, you
• 14:45
  Speaker 4: know what, man, I've given enough. So I got to
• 14:48
  Speaker 4: protect me. So when I felt like I was ready,
• 14:52
  Speaker 4: once I realized okay, I think I'm better now, I
• 14:55
  Speaker 4: tried to go back and repair that relationship and he
• 14:58
  Speaker 4: didn't receive me the way I thought he should receive me,
• 15:03
  Speaker 4: and I went back selfish again. I was like, hey, man,
• 15:05
  Speaker 4: I came to you. I'm apologizing. But then I realized
• 15:09
  Speaker 4: I hurt that guy even though I didn't have the language.
• 15:11
  Speaker 4: I didn't have everything to give to him, but I
• 15:14
  Speaker 4: learned it through him. He was a therapist. He's teaching me. He'sy,
• 15:16
  Speaker 4: hey man, you heard him. Now you got to go
• 15:18
  Speaker 4: through the process and walk that out. That's a part
• 15:21
  Speaker 4: of me understanding becoming more healthy, getting that toxicity out
• 15:25
  Speaker 4: of me, because if I hadn't learned the language. I
• 15:27
  Speaker 4: would have been ticked off at this dude said, Man,
• 15:29
  Speaker 4: I came to you, I tried to I said, I'm sorry.
• 15:31
  Speaker 4: I told you I didn't have a language. You can't
• 15:33
  Speaker 4: forgive me, But that's wrong. I got to give him
• 15:36
  Speaker 4: time to process. It is not his fault that I
• 15:39
  Speaker 4: didn't have what it took to give him what he needed.
• 15:43
  Speaker 4: So that's why I said, regardless of what the other
• 15:45
  Speaker 4: individual did, you got to fix you. If you don't
• 15:48
  Speaker 4: fix you, you can't help repair anything. It all starts
• 15:52
  Speaker 4: with you. You have to own the responsibility of what's
• 15:55
  Speaker 4: going on with you.
• 15:58
  Speaker 5: How do you What.
• 15:59
  Speaker 8: Does that process look like? Because I do the same thing,
• 16:03
  Speaker 8: I'm in the same boat. Like literally right now I have.
• 16:06
  Speaker 8: I've been betrayed by a friend at the friend at
• 16:08
  Speaker 8: the friend and that's fine. I'm getting all the sneaks
• 16:10
  Speaker 8: out the gud and that's cool, you know, because where
• 16:11
  Speaker 8: I'm going I can't take everybody, so that's fine. But
• 16:15
  Speaker 8: even in business, I don't trust nobody. That's that's my problem,
• 16:19
  Speaker 8: you know. And when somebody called me a sister, the
• 16:22
  Speaker 8: same thing, you know, I got friends called me sister,
• 16:24
  Speaker 8: whether it's friends in business, or whatever. You know, if
• 16:27
  Speaker 8: I call you my sister or my brother. Yeah, and
• 16:29
  Speaker 8: I feel like you do some somesh that will make
• 16:32
  Speaker 8: me sighe out of you. It's like, Yo, I don't
• 16:34
  Speaker 8: I don't know how to look at you. I don't
• 16:36
  Speaker 8: know how to continue to have you know, a level.
• 16:40
  Speaker 5: Of loyalty or a level of respect, you know what
• 16:42
  Speaker 5: I mean, or just even want to be around you.
• 16:44
  Speaker 5: It just gets weird.
• 16:45
  Speaker 1: You know.
• 16:45
  Speaker 4: I got a question for you. Yeah, why do you
• 16:48
  Speaker 4: keep bringing that same type of person into your life
• 16:53
  Speaker 4: To even have to ask that question.
• 16:55
  Speaker 5: I don't know how they get in. They be sneaking in.
• 16:57
  Speaker 2: I don't be bringing.
• 17:09
  Speaker 1: You know. So I think I think I think we
• 17:12
  Speaker 1: all can agree, right, Like you know, me and Shaw
• 17:15
  Speaker 1: talk about this all the time, right, I mean, I
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: think we can all agree that as we are elevated,
• 17:22
  Speaker 1: and particularly when you are elevated in the public's eye,
• 17:25
  Speaker 1: it requires Like Jess, I remember when you first started
• 17:30
  Speaker 1: right just with the messine, you know what I'm saying,
• 17:32
  Speaker 1: when you were just doing your thing. And I think
• 17:34
  Speaker 1: what happens is as God has elevated me, it has
• 17:39
  Speaker 1: required a level of sagaciousness, right, which is discernment that
• 17:43
  Speaker 1: I have to really operate in because now that you
• 17:48
  Speaker 1: at this place, everybody wants something. And one of the
• 17:51
  Speaker 1: things that Bishop told me, he said, You're going to
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: have to get accustomed to disappointing people that want to
• 17:57
  Speaker 1: be next to you. And so what I've had to
• 18:00
  Speaker 1: really look at him give attention to is why are
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: you here? You know, like if he would have never
• 18:09
  Speaker 1: responded in the way that was how long was that
• 18:11
  Speaker 1: period of time you went silent on me? Three months?
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: Three months? And I would text him Lauren and no response,
• 18:18
  Speaker 1: But it didn't bother me. Char I'll text him sometimes
• 18:22
  Speaker 1: like none of that bothers me because I know, But
• 18:25
  Speaker 1: I don't go into that. I do. I don't go
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: into that because the genuineness of who I am as
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: a person is that whether you respond or not, I
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: just want you to know that I'm here and that
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: your thought of And I think we have too many
• 18:41
  Speaker 1: people now because the world has become very transactional, and
• 18:45
  Speaker 1: that if we're honest, most individuals' mental health is on edge.
• 18:52
  Speaker 1: Most people are just one decision away from moving into
• 18:58
  Speaker 1: a psychosis. And I think it just requires another level
• 19:02
  Speaker 1: of of of discernment and then also realizing what types
• 19:09
  Speaker 1: of people do I need it in this season? You're
• 19:11
  Speaker 1: married now, right, so the people that you need in
• 19:13
  Speaker 1: your life right now, it's not necessarily that they have
• 19:17
  Speaker 1: to be married, but they have to be people that
• 19:19
  Speaker 1: have a level of authenticity, level of genuineness and wholeness,
• 19:25
  Speaker 1: lacking nothing, meaning that if I don't hear from you,
• 19:28
  Speaker 1: if I can't give you nothing, you're still here.
• 19:30
  Speaker 2: Yes, he said wholesome.
• 19:40
  Speaker 4: You're going to have to trust. You're going to have
• 19:43
  Speaker 4: to start trusting people and understand that a part of
• 19:45
  Speaker 4: trust it comes with being broken. I mean, it's that's
• 19:50
  Speaker 4: just a part of it.
• 19:51
  Speaker 3: But it's not that doctor, because I could, I agree
• 19:53
  Speaker 3: with the trust.
• 19:56
  Speaker 4: Got to be open to the fact that you may
• 19:59
  Speaker 4: get hurt. So protecting yourself, you're only hurting yourself because
• 20:03
  Speaker 4: you could be protecting yourself from what's going to actually
• 20:05
  Speaker 4: heal you. Okay, So you could be the cause of
• 20:09
  Speaker 4: staying in the same cycle because you won't trust, and
• 20:13
  Speaker 4: so because you don't trust, you state you stay fractured. Okay,
• 20:17
  Speaker 4: you got to trust people. That doesn't mean you have
• 20:21
  Speaker 4: to trust them at the same dimension. You know that
• 20:24
  Speaker 4: you don't have to trust me to take care of
• 20:25
  Speaker 4: your kids, you know, but you can do your work
• 20:29
  Speaker 4: to make sure that. Okay, I'm going to use him
• 20:31
  Speaker 4: to fix my car. So how many people have how
• 20:33
  Speaker 4: many cars have be fixed before? Do your work, do
• 20:35
  Speaker 4: your due diligence like you do with everybody else, and
• 20:37
  Speaker 4: then you got to step back and trust the process.
• 20:39
  Speaker 4: But knowing the process may break down.
• 20:42
  Speaker 3: Is that the same mindset is like not expecting you
• 20:44
  Speaker 3: from other people?
• 20:46
  Speaker 1: Absolutely?
• 20:47
  Speaker 4: Yeah, and you I think a good friend of mine,
• 20:49
  Speaker 4: aching a Odal, told me divorce yourself from the results
• 20:56
  Speaker 4: and fall in love with the process.
• 20:58
  Speaker 7: It's good I didn't done that.
• 21:01
  Speaker 4: Yeah, that's easy for you to say that until you
• 21:04
  Speaker 4: start doing so, you're going to always say that. Most
• 21:07
  Speaker 4: people say this, He's just said and done. Try it.
• 21:10
  Speaker 4: There's going to be lessons that you learn from being broken.
• 21:13
  Speaker 4: There's going to be lessons that you learned from the
• 21:16
  Speaker 4: actual relationship actually formulating. So he talked about the time
• 21:20
  Speaker 4: that I didn't respond to him two months. I think
• 21:23
  Speaker 4: it was I didn't really three three I didn't respond
• 21:28
  Speaker 4: to him. I didn't respond to him. Because here's the deal.
• 21:30
  Speaker 4: My answer is the same now, listeners, my answers the
• 21:32
  Speaker 4: same I didn't have the language. I didn't have the
• 21:35
  Speaker 4: language for what I was going through. How long were
• 21:37
  Speaker 4: you going to use that story? But that answer is
• 21:40
  Speaker 4: not going to keep working for you if you want
• 21:42
  Speaker 4: to live your best life.
• 21:44
  Speaker 1: But I think also I'm talking about me, but it
• 21:49
  Speaker 1: was valid because also you didn't really know what it was,
• 21:54
  Speaker 1: and you spelled trust T I m e is I
• 21:57
  Speaker 1: used to really spell trust It's time the time I would.
• 22:02
  Speaker 1: I mean, I was okay with him going through his process,
• 22:05
  Speaker 1: and I think what broke him was this brother's not
• 22:08
  Speaker 1: going He's there because it wasn't contingent upon him responding.
• 22:15
  Speaker 1: And I think what most of us, it's always about
• 22:18
  Speaker 1: what is the response because we live in such a
• 22:21
  Speaker 1: If I text you, most people have anxiety from okay,
• 22:25
  Speaker 1: they didn't text back. The job hasn't called yet, you
• 22:28
  Speaker 1: know what I mean? And so we we are, we are,
• 22:32
  Speaker 1: we are operating with this rapid response. You know, as
• 22:37
  Speaker 1: God began to expand me, I didn't realize, like just
• 22:39
  Speaker 1: sometimes I'm overwhelmed with text messages and I can't respond.
• 22:44
  Speaker 1: And it's not that I'm leaving you on red because
• 22:46
  Speaker 1: I don't want to talk to it it's like I'm
• 22:48
  Speaker 1: overwhelmed because it's like, man, I got to process what
• 22:51
  Speaker 1: I need to say. Then I'm thinking about this email
• 22:55
  Speaker 1: and then my manager's like, hey, can you give me
• 22:58
  Speaker 1: this publicist is saying can you send me that? So
• 23:00
  Speaker 1: I had to realize is that I need to change
• 23:04
  Speaker 1: my position even within myself, and to give myself grace
• 23:08
  Speaker 1: and man, I don't even have the words right now,
• 23:11
  Speaker 1: and being okay with that, and then being okay with
• 23:14
  Speaker 1: being perceived as oh, so you can't respond.
• 23:18
  Speaker 5: Yeah, right, so you're right. That's that's me to see.
• 23:21
  Speaker 5: I don't trust you all. Y'all know too much. I'll
• 23:26
  Speaker 5: be thinking about the other person, like trying to think
• 23:28
  Speaker 5: for them. You can't.
• 23:30
  Speaker 1: It's exhausted. It's exhausted.
• 23:32
  Speaker 3: I'm gonna be asking both of you all a questions, Right,
• 23:34
  Speaker 3: can't time being illusion in a relationship? And what I
• 23:38
  Speaker 3: mean by that is you could be with something. You
• 23:40
  Speaker 3: can know somebody for years and years and years and
• 23:42
  Speaker 3: years and think you trust them, right, but then they
• 23:44
  Speaker 3: be the ones that betray you. But then you might
• 23:46
  Speaker 3: meet somebody that you knew for a short period of
• 23:48
  Speaker 3: time and you feel more loyalty to that, to that individual.
• 23:53
  Speaker 4: Ooh, that's a that's that's a loaded question. That's a
• 23:57
  Speaker 4: loaded question because you can't effectively diagnose that statement without
• 24:06
  Speaker 4: hearing from the other individual. What is it that created
• 24:10
  Speaker 4: distrusting them? What is it that created them to pull
• 24:13
  Speaker 4: back from you? They may have found something on you
• 24:16
  Speaker 4: or in you, or with you that caused them to
• 24:19
  Speaker 4: pull away. So that's hard, that's hard. That's hard to
• 24:22
  Speaker 4: look at. And then with this new person, is it
• 24:25
  Speaker 4: a trauma bond? Are you connected to them because you've
• 24:28
  Speaker 4: broken over there and they were able to supply something
• 24:30
  Speaker 4: to you. Because the keyword you used was feel feelings
• 24:36
  Speaker 4: they come and go. You may feel that way right
• 24:38
  Speaker 4: now in thirty days and in the thirty first day
• 24:41
  Speaker 4: you feel like you felt with the last person that changed,
• 24:43
  Speaker 4: So we can't use that statement. I think at the
• 24:46
  Speaker 4: end of the day, when it comes to time, time
• 24:49
  Speaker 4: is what it is, whether you want to call it
• 24:51
  Speaker 4: an illusion or whether you want to call it reality,
• 24:54
  Speaker 4: is how you invested. Okay, what am I investing in
• 24:58
  Speaker 4: the moments of time and with the people that I
• 25:01
  Speaker 4: believe deserves my time?
• 25:04
  Speaker 1: So my question to you is, and I'll ask you
• 25:07
  Speaker 1: this question because look at where we are today. Yeah,
• 25:10
  Speaker 1: And to your point, shar it's like Lauren and you
• 25:13
  Speaker 1: can hop in because I would want to know your
• 25:16
  Speaker 1: thoughts and process on how you've navigated this space, because
• 25:21
  Speaker 1: there's people that was rocking with me, and I think
• 25:24
  Speaker 1: as I begin to do this, it's shifted, and I
• 25:27
  Speaker 1: think the disloyalty was also if we're going to keep
• 25:32
  Speaker 1: it abuve some level of insecurity within themselves because most people,
• 25:36
  Speaker 1: if they're riding with you, most people's fears is that
• 25:40
  Speaker 1: they want to be left behind.
• 25:42
  Speaker 7: A lot of people that if.
• 25:44
  Speaker 1: You become what I see the trajective, the trajectory that
• 25:49
  Speaker 1: I see of you, and I think that disloyalty comes
• 25:51
  Speaker 1: in because it's like, man, they've gotten there and nothing
• 25:56
  Speaker 1: has happened. For me. I've seen a lot of that,
• 25:59
  Speaker 1: and then I've seen what you're saying where people that
• 26:02
  Speaker 1: I've met through the expo that we've been locked in,
• 26:07
  Speaker 1: you know what I mean, because our missions aligned. And
• 26:10
  Speaker 1: I also think too, for the public, it's be open
• 26:13
  Speaker 1: to levels of friendship shifting because your.
• 26:16
  Speaker 4: Life is shifting, right, Yeah, that's beautiful.
• 26:20
  Speaker 1: Like you have to be open because most people won't change,
• 26:26
  Speaker 1: and particularly if your life changed in a major way
• 26:28
  Speaker 1: because they're always going to see you how they met
• 26:31
  Speaker 1: you and how the world is coming to know you.
• 26:34
  Speaker 1: It's challenging for them because in their mind, I still
• 26:37
  Speaker 1: see your Lawrence from Dell State.
• 26:39
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 26:40
  Speaker 6: I think I've been blessed to have people that always
• 26:42
  Speaker 6: saw me, sometimes bigger than I saw myself. So as
• 26:46
  Speaker 6: things are going up for me, like you know, not
• 26:49
  Speaker 6: everything has changed. But I think the hardest thing I
• 26:51
  Speaker 6: had to learn was I can't call everybody about everything,
• 26:55
  Speaker 6: and when people take offense to that, I can't take
• 26:58
  Speaker 6: it personal. And sometimes I do realize that maybe there's
• 27:01
  Speaker 6: an insecurity and like you know, people are trying to
• 27:03
  Speaker 6: like figure out where where they are positioned.
• 27:06
  Speaker 7: In my life. Now it's like, well, why are you
• 27:07
  Speaker 7: doing this now?
• 27:08
  Speaker 6: You didn't do that a year ago when I had
• 27:09
  Speaker 6: time to do different things, or when I needed to
• 27:11
  Speaker 6: call you more because at that season in my life
• 27:13
  Speaker 6: it made more sense. So that has made me think
• 27:16
  Speaker 6: about different things and different people and like not disassociating fully,
• 27:20
  Speaker 6: but just like being very careful about when I bring
• 27:23
  Speaker 6: those conversations those people into my life and where I
• 27:25
  Speaker 6: bring them into and what I bring them around, just
• 27:28
  Speaker 6: because I don't know how sure they are about themselves,
• 27:30
  Speaker 6: and I don't have time to.
• 27:32
  Speaker 7: Like, I literally mentally can't.
• 27:34
  Speaker 6: I'm I told you when you walked in here today
• 27:36
  Speaker 6: last night with the bet at eight pm. Normally I'm
• 27:38
  Speaker 6: at bed at like twelve thirty one o'clock and I'm
• 27:40
  Speaker 6: back up at four or five because I'm doing so
• 27:42
  Speaker 6: much to prepare for here, I don't have time to
• 27:44
  Speaker 6: figure out your insecurities in my.
• 27:46
  Speaker 7: Own at the same time, you know what I'm saying.
• 27:48
  Speaker 6: So I've just had to learn how to like really prioritize,
• 27:51
  Speaker 6: realize that I can't take anything personal because people take
• 27:54
  Speaker 6: everything personal now, and you know the people that make
• 27:58
  Speaker 6: like there are certain people I call about certain things
• 28:00
  Speaker 6: now that if I were to call other people, not
• 28:02
  Speaker 6: that I love them less, you wouldn't even understand what
• 28:04
  Speaker 6: I'm talking about.
• 28:05
  Speaker 7: So I just can't do that.
• 28:08
  Speaker 6: I also have been blessed to have like es Envy
• 28:10
  Speaker 6: and Charlemagne, so as that's happening, I can call them.
• 28:13
  Speaker 7: Yeah.
• 28:13
  Speaker 6: I do call him a lot, though, and be like, hey,
• 28:17
  Speaker 6: I can't spend as much time my mom and my
• 28:18
  Speaker 6: grandma right now, and it's breaking my heart, and they
• 28:20
  Speaker 6: feel a way what do I do? I got family
• 28:23
  Speaker 6: members who are like, when you come home, you're so tired,
• 28:25
  Speaker 6: you don't want to spend time with us, but we
• 28:27
  Speaker 6: see you everywhere else. I got friends that you know,
• 28:30
  Speaker 6: I can't. I'm not texting back as much in the
• 28:31
  Speaker 6: group chat, you know, Yeah, but it's a part of it.
• 28:35
  Speaker 6: I'm lucky though, I do have good people around me
• 28:38
  Speaker 6: who kind of get it. But I think everybody, as
• 28:40
  Speaker 6: a human you want to make sure, oh am I
• 28:42
  Speaker 6: still important to you?
• 28:43
  Speaker 7: You still love me? Like am I? And that's a
• 28:44
  Speaker 7: human thing?
• 28:45
  Speaker 1: Has that and I'm not And it's not deep, but like,
• 28:49
  Speaker 1: does it in some way? You know? Maybe I want
• 28:53
  Speaker 1: to say impact your mental health? But it does? Does
• 28:56
  Speaker 1: it weigh on you?
• 28:57
  Speaker 6: It does because you feel guilty. You feel like, am
• 29:01
  Speaker 6: I leaving people behind? Do I think I'm better than
• 29:03
  Speaker 6: people like you start second guessing things that you know
• 29:06
  Speaker 6: are not true about yourself. Like I know how I
• 29:08
  Speaker 6: was raised, I know what's important to me. I know
• 29:10
  Speaker 6: what my priorities are and all the things. But when
• 29:13
  Speaker 6: people you love and people that have been in your
• 29:15
  Speaker 6: life and seeing you forever feel like I'm competing with
• 29:19
  Speaker 6: people that are just starting to see you now you
• 29:21
  Speaker 6: feel a sense of responsibility for that, And for me,
• 29:24
  Speaker 6: I've had to be like oftentimes I sit and be
• 29:27
  Speaker 6: like how much of this do I need to be
• 29:28
  Speaker 6: accountable for? And how much of this I can't I
• 29:31
  Speaker 6: have no control over? And that's tough. That's really really
• 29:34
  Speaker 6: tough because a lot of it if you don't have
• 29:36
  Speaker 6: control over, you can't control, Like literally there's nothing I
• 29:39
  Speaker 6: can do. So it's nothing that you feel like you're
• 29:43
  Speaker 6: breaking something that has been like your stability for your
• 29:46
  Speaker 6: whole life because of a moment that's happening. And then
• 29:49
  Speaker 6: you second guess that, like, well, if all this stops,
• 29:52
  Speaker 6: y'all even still gonna love me anymore? Because y'all feel
• 29:55
  Speaker 6: like I'm being new to y'all and I'm not being new.
• 29:57
  Speaker 6: I just I can't manage everything at one time, you know.
• 29:59
  Speaker 1: What I mean?
• 30:00
  Speaker 7: I mean like that mentally weighs on you a lot.
• 30:02
  Speaker 4: That is so profound, man, Okay, because anybody that's achieved
• 30:07
  Speaker 4: anything is going to go through that. And if you
• 30:11
  Speaker 4: have a good support circle, so commendable for you, and
• 30:16
  Speaker 4: I would soak in it. I would soak in that
• 30:18
  Speaker 4: support circle, and then I would appreciate my support circle
• 30:22
  Speaker 4: so that my support circle can continue to feed into me. Yeah,
• 30:25
  Speaker 4: because that other crew is going to always say what
• 30:28
  Speaker 4: they feel. They don't even have an under like you said,
• 30:31
  Speaker 4: they don't even have the words to understand. They don't
• 30:35
  Speaker 4: even have the motions to understand what you're going through,
• 30:38
  Speaker 4: how your life is on the rise, and the demand
• 30:40
  Speaker 4: for your life to be everywhere. But at the same time,
• 30:42
  Speaker 4: now they want you to still do what you used
• 30:44
  Speaker 4: to do and you can't do it. So you've got
• 30:45
  Speaker 4: to feed that circle that's feeding you so you can
• 30:48
  Speaker 4: constantly stay uplifted, because if you don't, eventually that crew
• 30:53
  Speaker 4: could possibly turn into that crew if you don't feed
• 30:56
  Speaker 4: them to make sure they understand what the journey is
• 30:59
  Speaker 4: like for you. So kudos for you for having the
• 31:01
  Speaker 4: circle that actually can still feed you what you need
• 31:04
  Speaker 4: to still feel normal, because as you become more successful,
• 31:09
  Speaker 4: it seems like shots fire from everywhere and kind of
• 31:13
  Speaker 4: he and I were talking about it. When you have
• 31:15
  Speaker 4: to process publicly what you go through what should be privately,
• 31:21
  Speaker 4: it becomes so difficult and then that weighs so much
• 31:24
  Speaker 4: on you mentally, especially for pastors. That's why you see
• 31:27
  Speaker 4: so many pastors fall or commit suicide because it's difficult
• 31:33
  Speaker 4: to process publicly. Nobody wants to process public I don't
• 31:38
  Speaker 4: care what position you have in the world.
• 31:40
  Speaker 6: I have a question for you off of that. Recently,
• 31:43
  Speaker 6: everything that happened with you in a faith city. So
• 31:46
  Speaker 6: you were there and then they sent out a letter
• 31:48
  Speaker 6: that you will no longer be seenior pastor. That was
• 31:50
  Speaker 6: very public, especially because you know the church. They want
• 31:52
  Speaker 6: to know what happened. No one knows why that happened.
• 31:56
  Speaker 6: So two questions, I don't know if you can share
• 31:57
  Speaker 6: what actually happened, and then second question, you spoke about it.
• 32:02
  Speaker 6: How was processing that publicly?
• 32:04
  Speaker 4: What happened? We disagreed, were disagreed in mission. I didn't
• 32:10
  Speaker 4: do anything wrong, nothing illegal, but we disagreed and the
• 32:15
  Speaker 4: disagreement didn't allow us to go forward, so that relationship
• 32:19
  Speaker 4: was severed. Processing it has been difficult because it's public
• 32:31
  Speaker 4: and it hurts. I love those people. I love those people,
• 32:37
  Speaker 4: I love him, and trying to move forward is something
• 32:42
  Speaker 4: you have to do to live. I don't care what
• 32:45
  Speaker 4: the career is. And if you stay in a fracture,
• 32:49
  Speaker 4: you're going to break, You're going to crumble. So trying
• 32:53
  Speaker 4: to move forward with a cast when everyone is already determined,
• 33:00
  Speaker 4: predetermine what you've done and have absolutely no idea and
• 33:03
  Speaker 4: no information, no information. That's it's difficult. So trying to
• 33:09
  Speaker 4: talk to your children, pick your children up and move anywhere,
• 33:13
  Speaker 4: no matter what the career is, to get them to
• 33:16
  Speaker 4: trust you as a father. Hey, I made the right
• 33:19
  Speaker 4: decision to pick us up and move us across the
• 33:21
  Speaker 4: world and then have to turn to figure out how
• 33:26
  Speaker 4: we're going to make it. The pressure of this was
• 33:29
  Speaker 4: what it was. Now I got to figure out how
• 33:32
  Speaker 4: to make it what it is. It's difficult as a husband,
• 33:36
  Speaker 4: as a provider. Now do I trust in God one
• 33:42
  Speaker 4: hundred percent? I trust in all the skills that God
• 33:45
  Speaker 4: has given me, and He has opened up doors that
• 33:48
  Speaker 4: are just unbelievable for me. So processing it has been
• 33:56
  Speaker 4: I'm not going to say difficult, but it's been uneasy.
• 34:01
  Speaker 4: But through it all I still thank God. That's not
• 34:05
  Speaker 4: that's not a church answer. That's my faith because I
• 34:08
  Speaker 4: know all things work together for the good.
• 34:11
  Speaker 2: I wish you was here this weekend because you know
• 34:13
  Speaker 2: we got the mental health.
• 34:14
  Speaker 1: Expot this weekend. Got called and yeah, my good.
• 34:17
  Speaker 3: Sister Debbie Brown came up with this, she wanted to
• 34:19
  Speaker 3: do this panel called Reclaiming Faith Healing from Religious Trauma
• 34:23
  Speaker 3: and Pastor Call Lynton, doctor Teddy.
• 34:25
  Speaker 1: Reeves are on it.
• 34:26
  Speaker 2: And I think it was crad I was up here
• 34:28
  Speaker 2: talking about church. Yes, it was cree right.
• 34:30
  Speaker 3: It's just like, man, what do you do when when
• 34:33
  Speaker 3: your trauma comes from your sanctuary, when that hurt comes
• 34:37
  Speaker 3: from that place, you go for salvation?
• 34:40
  Speaker 1: Man. I think one of the things that my father's
• 34:46
  Speaker 1: passed in thirty five years walking alongside you know him. Uh.
• 34:50
  Speaker 1: You know, when you look at church, it's a hospital,
• 34:54
  Speaker 1: and it's a hospital that has a lot of six
• 34:56
  Speaker 1: people who don't take their meads. And when you have
• 35:01
  Speaker 1: people who don't take their meds, you have people who
• 35:04
  Speaker 1: don't understand how their behaviors, don't understand how their reaction
• 35:09
  Speaker 1: impacts those that are in the hospital as well. So
• 35:12
  Speaker 1: it's almost like you in one room and you're trying
• 35:15
  Speaker 1: to get some rest because the doctors said you need
• 35:16
  Speaker 1: to rest, and you have somebody down here that is
• 35:19
  Speaker 1: having a breakdown because they just heard a diagnosis that
• 35:23
  Speaker 1: they can't change. And I think the unfortunate thing that
• 35:28
  Speaker 1: has happened is that a lot of churches have not
• 35:31
  Speaker 1: thought about mental health in the faith conversation. And I say,
• 35:37
  Speaker 1: you can't talk faith, you can't talk God, and omit
• 35:41
  Speaker 1: mental health. When God made us, he made mind, body,
• 35:45
  Speaker 1: and spirit. Mental health is your social it's your emotional
• 35:49
  Speaker 1: and physical makeup. It's how we do life. I call
• 35:52
  Speaker 1: mental health life in motion. There is nowhere around it.
• 35:56
  Speaker 1: And I think now you see in a turn some
• 35:58
  Speaker 1: passes are, you know, bringing in mental health professionals. Some
• 36:02
  Speaker 1: pastors are bringing in clinicians and different things like that,
• 36:06
  Speaker 1: because what I saw growing up is what you speak about.
• 36:10
  Speaker 1: I saw people that were embarrassed. I can see right
• 36:16
  Speaker 1: now this young girl when we were growing up who
• 36:18
  Speaker 1: got pregnant and they bring her before church, and I'm like,
• 36:20
  Speaker 1: all right, where's the guy? So you brought the girl
• 36:23
  Speaker 1: before church and that she's pregnant, but where's the guy? Right?
• 36:26
  Speaker 1: Takes two to tango, right. So now you have this
• 36:29
  Speaker 1: young girl who grows up with this level of shame
• 36:30
  Speaker 1: and it's trauma because they brought her out before and
• 36:34
  Speaker 1: you have a lot of embarrassment. And so I feel
• 36:36
  Speaker 1: that churches have focused on saving souls but not restoring minds. Wow,
• 36:43
  Speaker 1: you have to restore a person's mind. It's great that
• 36:45
  Speaker 1: we're going to get their spirits saved, and you want
• 36:47
  Speaker 1: people to you know, go to heaven. But I think
• 36:50
  Speaker 1: it's important that we begin helping people on how to
• 36:54
  Speaker 1: not just come to the altar and throw their hands
• 36:56
  Speaker 1: up and be you know, delivered, but how to walk
• 37:00
  Speaker 1: this thing out for their complete healing, because it's one
• 37:05
  Speaker 1: thing especially like like let's just take somebody who's dealt
• 37:08
  Speaker 1: with molestation, abandonment, rejection, and it's calls these unhealthy things. Yeah,
• 37:14
  Speaker 1: I pray for you, lay hands on you, put all
• 37:16
  Speaker 1: on you. You greases like greasy like a piece of chicken,
• 37:18
  Speaker 1: and you know what I'm saying. So but it's like
• 37:21
  Speaker 1: that now this person leaves and there's no support. And
• 37:25
  Speaker 1: the reason church hurt hurts so bad because people have
• 37:28
  Speaker 1: an expectation that I would be treated better in here
• 37:31
  Speaker 1: than I am out there. And it's just unfortunate, you
• 37:36
  Speaker 1: know that we you don't have so many people, particularly
• 37:39
  Speaker 1: in the black culture. And religious trauma is a real thing,
• 37:43
  Speaker 1: is called RTS. Religious traumatic syndrome. It's a real diagnosis
• 37:47
  Speaker 1: in the DSM, and most of us are challenged with
• 37:52
  Speaker 1: it because we thought we would see God in the
• 37:55
  Speaker 1: very people who said, come as you are. Yeah.
• 37:58
  Speaker 4: Yeah, but let's make sure that we're clear. The church
• 38:07
  Speaker 4: is full of trauma. It is not absent of trauma.
• 38:11
  Speaker 4: The very church itself was founded on trauma. Okay, Jesus
• 38:18
  Speaker 4: being beaten, that's traumatic. Being betrayed prior to being beaten,
• 38:23
  Speaker 4: that's traumatic. His disciples leaving him, it's traumatic. Okay, All
• 38:32
  Speaker 4: that is trauma. You die the most horrible death, crown
• 38:36
  Speaker 4: of thorns, nails in your hands, in your feet, pierced
• 38:40
  Speaker 4: in the side, bloody and naked. That's trauma. The whole
• 38:44
  Speaker 4: thing is trauma. The twelve or the eleven that take
• 38:48
  Speaker 4: off running to go back to doing what they were
• 38:50
  Speaker 4: doing prior when they say that he's dead, they're dealing
• 38:53
  Speaker 4: with trauma. They're like, I'm going back fishing. Forget this,
• 38:56
  Speaker 4: I can't do this. Jesus comes back. There's so much
• 39:00
  Speaker 4: trouble with them. They don't believe it, even though Jesus
• 39:05
  Speaker 4: told them I'm coming back. Trauma change their brain. See
• 39:08
  Speaker 4: the trauma, that's all trauma. Well, Jesus comes back, boom,
• 39:12
  Speaker 4: He restores Peter. So there's the restoration that the church
• 39:16
  Speaker 4: should have. So he restores them. Hey do you love me? Yeah,
• 39:20
  Speaker 4: fema sheep, you love me, Feed my sheep, you love me,
• 39:21
  Speaker 4: Feed my sheep. Boom, He restores him. He does his thing.
• 39:24
  Speaker 4: Jesus gets ready to leave. He say, look y'all go
• 39:27
  Speaker 4: wait on the power. Wait on the power. And then
• 39:30
  Speaker 4: they come out. So they get the power. They start
• 39:33
  Speaker 4: evangelizing the Book of Acts. They're doing airy thing. The
• 39:36
  Speaker 4: church is built off of that. So it's got an
• 39:37
  Speaker 4: answer and it's got all these problems. So it's never
• 39:40
  Speaker 4: going to be a place that you're going to go
• 39:42
  Speaker 4: and it's absent of trauma or it's absent of the
• 39:49
  Speaker 4: things that you guys are talking about. I think the
• 39:52
  Speaker 4: issue is trying to find the fine balance of this
• 39:58
  Speaker 4: soul and spirit body balance when it comes to how
• 40:03
  Speaker 4: we're giving that information. You got some churches that believe
• 40:06
  Speaker 4: that Sunday morning is pure word driven. I'm going to
• 40:09
  Speaker 4: teach you, I'm going to disciple you spiritually. Then you
• 40:12
  Speaker 4: have some other churches that are little bit more free
• 40:14
  Speaker 4: and say hey, we're going to do mental health stuff
• 40:17
  Speaker 4: and therapy and fitness training on Sunday. There are other
• 40:20
  Speaker 4: people that don't like that. I ain't come to church
• 40:22
  Speaker 4: for that. I came to church for Genesis. I ain't
• 40:25
  Speaker 4: come to church for that, okay. And then you have
• 40:27
  Speaker 4: some churches that say we're gonna put together small groups
• 40:30
  Speaker 4: where you can come get this mental health. Then you
• 40:33
  Speaker 4: got other churches that say, look, we've hired ten therapists
• 40:36
  Speaker 4: that are here. I think we have to go back
• 40:39
  Speaker 4: to what I said earlier. You got to own your thing.
• 40:43
  Speaker 4: Something may have happened at the church, Okay, it's no
• 40:46
  Speaker 4: different than it happening right here in this company. But
• 40:48
  Speaker 4: you still got to own your thing. If this station,
• 40:52
  Speaker 4: a problem happens here, but you all still offer therapy.
• 40:56
  Speaker 4: It's still up to me as an employee to go
• 41:00
  Speaker 4: down to h R and say, listen, I need therapy.
• 41:04
  Speaker 4: Now I gotta do. I gotta own that now.
• 41:08
  Speaker 2: I love your hospital analogy. I love everything that y'all saying.
• 41:12
  Speaker 3: But if you went to a hospital where you were
• 41:14
  Speaker 3: hurt and practice, you probably wouldn't go back to that.
• 41:19
  Speaker 1: Depending yeah, yeah, yeah, it depends though but you but
• 41:25
  Speaker 1: me personally, I'm like, I'm not going back. However, I
• 41:28
  Speaker 1: would have to see that you are up to par
• 41:31
  Speaker 1: I would have to go back.
• 41:32
  Speaker 4: I'm coming in I'm coming in like Superman. I'm coming
• 41:35
  Speaker 4: back like I'm coming in like Superman.
• 41:37
  Speaker 1: Hold on, because you said I wouldn't go back go
• 41:39
  Speaker 1: back to that institution, particularly, I wouldn't go back to Yeah,
• 41:43
  Speaker 1: but you're still going to another hospital. You don't got
• 41:48
  Speaker 1: enough church. They may hurt me over here.
• 41:51
  Speaker 4: At first Baptist. I'm going a second Baptist.
• 41:56
  Speaker 1: I'm not going to third Baptist because after that there's
• 41:58
  Speaker 1: too many fat I didn't change.
• 42:03
  Speaker 4: Think it's very I think that we have to be
• 42:05
  Speaker 4: careful about what you just said. You're not going back
• 42:07
  Speaker 4: to that same local entity, but you will continue to
• 42:11
  Speaker 4: go and see God and build your relationship at another institution.
• 42:15
  Speaker 4: But you still need to do one thing before you transfer.
• 42:18
  Speaker 4: Go to therapy.
• 42:20
  Speaker 1: Now, when we say go to therapy, JT. Because we
• 42:23
  Speaker 1: got some people that's going to say, well, I don't
• 42:26
  Speaker 1: believe in therapy. And particularly for us, health care has
• 42:31
  Speaker 1: not been on our side. Mental health was not made
• 42:34
  Speaker 1: for black folks. It was created for a wealthy white men.
• 42:38
  Speaker 1: And so what I tell people is that everyone is
• 42:41
  Speaker 1: not going to go to therapy, But there are experiences
• 42:44
  Speaker 1: that you can have that can be therapeutic, that can
• 42:47
  Speaker 1: encourage you on your journey because therapy, as we talked about,
• 42:51
  Speaker 1: it's scary. In fact, therapy causes such a disruption that
• 42:56
  Speaker 1: you feel worse after the sessions because they're breaking up stuff.
• 43:02
  Speaker 1: They got you unpacking, you know what I'm saying. They
• 43:04
  Speaker 1: got you, They got you really thinking about things that
• 43:08
  Speaker 1: you have moved into the back of your mind and said,
• 43:11
  Speaker 1: you know what, I don't want to deal with that.
• 43:13
  Speaker 1: And then and and and and if we're honest, there
• 43:16
  Speaker 1: is a pacity of clinicians right now that are not
• 43:21
  Speaker 1: I don't think and I tell this to every therapist.
• 43:24
  Speaker 1: Every therapist should have a therapist because you cannot take
• 43:28
  Speaker 1: and ingest all of this in from other people. You
• 43:31
  Speaker 1: have to go somewhere to process there. So if you
• 43:34
  Speaker 1: do go to therapy, make sure that you're a therapist,
• 43:37
  Speaker 1: not just ethically, but make sure that they are sound
• 43:40
  Speaker 1: even in their own practice and therapy. Finding a therapist,
• 43:44
  Speaker 1: just like dating, ask those questions do you have and
• 43:47
  Speaker 1: expertise in dealing with racial trauma? Have you work with
• 43:52
  Speaker 1: people who've been molested by the same sex? Like you
• 43:55
  Speaker 1: have to ask those questions because the worst thing that
• 43:57
  Speaker 1: I hate that I don't like rather is for someone
• 44:01
  Speaker 1: to be open up and not closed properly. That's what
• 44:04
  Speaker 1: you just said. You go and have surgery and these
• 44:07
  Speaker 1: joke who's leave something in you or they don't close
• 44:11
  Speaker 1: you up properly. Now it's turning into an infection. Now
• 44:14
  Speaker 1: it's turning to gang green. Now all of a sudden,
• 44:16
  Speaker 1: we got to move your whole liver because somebody mishandled
• 44:19
  Speaker 1: you properly.
• 44:20
  Speaker 6: I was gonna say, but okay, we're comparing it to
• 44:22
  Speaker 6: mal practice in the hospital. What I realized about hospitals
• 44:25
  Speaker 6: is a lot of it is trial and era and
• 44:26
  Speaker 6: a lot of it is per person.
• 44:27
  Speaker 1: Right, That's why it's called practice.
• 44:29
  Speaker 6: Yeah, practice right. So I say that to say, you
• 44:31
  Speaker 6: can ask your therapists all those questions, but you don't
• 44:33
  Speaker 6: know until you get with that therapist if they're going
• 44:35
  Speaker 6: to close you black up properly, and then that makes
• 44:37
  Speaker 6: people not want to do therapy sometimes after that happens,
• 44:41
  Speaker 6: So it's like, what do you tell people?
• 44:43
  Speaker 1: Then, well, therapy, you know, it's a relationship. The effectiveness
• 44:49
  Speaker 1: of any therapist is determined by the quality of relationship
• 44:52
  Speaker 1: that they build with the client. When I'm working with individuals,
• 44:56
  Speaker 1: when I was in private practice, it would be about
• 44:59
  Speaker 1: four sessions in before I start asking deep questions because
• 45:05
  Speaker 1: I'm mapping with them. I'm just talking to them because
• 45:07
  Speaker 1: I want them to feel like we're having a conversation.
• 45:10
  Speaker 1: Nobody wants to go in and all of a sudden,
• 45:12
  Speaker 1: it's like, all of a sudden, you know what happened
• 45:13
  Speaker 1: to you as a kid? Like wait a minute, right,
• 45:15
  Speaker 1: Like you're moving too fast? You know. It's like, you know,
• 45:20
  Speaker 1: at least you know, talk sweet to me and yeah, listen,
• 45:26
  Speaker 1: take me to the cheesecase faster something. And so I
• 45:29
  Speaker 1: think too, it's a journey. You know. I've been saying
• 45:33
  Speaker 1: this since I, you know, have been in this space.
• 45:36
  Speaker 1: Healing is a journey, man, It's truly a journey, and
• 45:39
  Speaker 1: it may take a few therapists for you to kind
• 45:42
  Speaker 1: of work through. And I know that can be emotional exhausting.
• 45:44
  Speaker 1: And this is why I'm careful for anybody. Do not
• 45:47
  Speaker 1: go in divulging everything. Use wisdom. That is my thing
• 45:53
  Speaker 1: when you're going into a clinical session, because I've had
• 45:56
  Speaker 1: people come to me and it's like, well, doctor, j
• 46:00
  Speaker 1: session turned into me helpen my therapist, you know. And
• 46:04
  Speaker 1: so you're right, Lauren, it can be very it could
• 46:07
  Speaker 1: be very scary, and then too, if you have somebody
• 46:10
  Speaker 1: who hasn't been processing. I tell every therapist you can
• 46:13
  Speaker 1: only take the client as deep as the work that
• 46:15
  Speaker 1: you've done internally within yourself, because it could be become
• 46:21
  Speaker 1: very pernicious, very dangerous for somebody to open up and
• 46:25
  Speaker 1: then all of a sudden they leave feeling like, man,
• 46:27
  Speaker 1: what did I just do?
• 46:28
  Speaker 5: I just told you my business, and that is.
• 46:30
  Speaker 4: What I want to add to it. You're gonna be twenty,
• 46:35
  Speaker 4: you're gonna be twenty five, you're gonna be thirty, you're
• 46:39
  Speaker 4: gonna be thirty five, you're gonna be forty, you're gonna
• 46:43
  Speaker 4: be forty five, you're gonna be fifty, and you're gonna
• 46:46
  Speaker 4: be fifty five. You gonna be sixty and you gotta
• 46:49
  Speaker 4: be sixty five. At what point are you going to
• 46:54
  Speaker 4: say I matter enough, Yeah, to express myself.
• 47:00
  Speaker 1: M M.
• 47:00
  Speaker 4: That's good because you're gonna you're going to continue to
• 47:04
  Speaker 4: get old if you don't die. And do you have
• 47:06
  Speaker 4: to ask you a question? How has life been working
• 47:08
  Speaker 4: for me? I'm the one that won't talk. I'm the
• 47:11
  Speaker 4: one that won't sit down and actually get help, it's
• 47:15
  Speaker 4: not the therapist's fault, and it's not about fault. It's
• 47:21
  Speaker 4: about me giving me a try to be better because
• 47:25
  Speaker 4: I deserve to be better. Yeah, and that process, it
• 47:28
  Speaker 4: is what it is. It's not cookie cutter. Mine's not
• 47:31
  Speaker 4: gonna be what Jay's is not gonna be what Charlomagne
• 47:34
  Speaker 4: is is. It's gonna be what it takes to get
• 47:36
  Speaker 4: me to where I need to be. And you got
• 47:38
  Speaker 4: to ask yourself the question, am I worth what it
• 47:42
  Speaker 4: takes to get where I need to be? And where
• 47:46
  Speaker 4: I need to be? It's not where you are, it's
• 47:48
  Speaker 4: where I need to be.
• 47:50
  Speaker 3: You got to stop lying to yourself, right Like, at
• 47:52
  Speaker 3: some point you gotta be honest with who you know
• 47:56
  Speaker 3: you are because we know each other. Yeah, you know
• 47:58
  Speaker 3: yourself better than anybody. Got be honest with who you
• 48:00
  Speaker 3: are and what you're feeling. And I think one of
• 48:02
  Speaker 3: the hardest things for men to say to other men
• 48:04
  Speaker 3: and just in general, Yo, that hurt my feelings?
• 48:07
  Speaker 2: Are you hurt my feeling period?
• 48:10
  Speaker 4: Period? You know that's a good thing about to be
• 48:14
  Speaker 4: real hood right here?
• 48:17
  Speaker 3: I want to brain love hoodies, but that is hardy
• 48:23
  Speaker 3: the fight, so.
• 48:25
  Speaker 1: I would do the promotion for you, good brother, my
• 48:30
  Speaker 1: good brother, doctor Joe. I'm gonna let him talk about it,
• 48:33
  Speaker 1: but I'm excited because he's had to live this book
• 48:37
  Speaker 1: in real time. And I think this book it comes
• 48:41
  Speaker 1: out nover before before, and it's so powerful. So I
• 48:46
  Speaker 1: think it's so powerful because if it's going to be
• 48:50
  Speaker 1: a fight to find yourself, you know, you know, we've
• 48:53
  Speaker 1: been rocking for years and you know every time I share,
• 48:56
  Speaker 1: you know, my story about surviving to suicide attempts, it
• 48:59
  Speaker 1: was a fight because you know, we talked about when
• 49:04
  Speaker 1: even when Twitch passed, it was triggering to me. It's
• 49:07
  Speaker 1: a fight to find yourself. Man.
• 49:09
  Speaker 4: So this book it's gonna cost you something. It's gonna
• 49:12
  Speaker 4: cost you something. That's why when you when we were there,
• 49:14
  Speaker 4: it was the perfect way for me to just bring
• 49:16
  Speaker 4: it up. It costs to find you. It costs you,
• 49:20
  Speaker 4: It costs pride, it costs relationships, and you have to
• 49:25
  Speaker 4: ask yourself the question, am I willing to pay that
• 49:27
  Speaker 4: price to find myself? And is it gonna be embarrassing? Probably?
• 49:33
  Speaker 4: Are there gonna be some things that come up that
• 49:35
  Speaker 4: you thought would never come up? Probably? But if you
• 49:39
  Speaker 4: think you're valuable enough to be who you know you're
• 49:43
  Speaker 4: supposed to be. It's worth the fight because most of
• 49:47
  Speaker 4: the time, in my life, it's all about what we do.
• 49:50
  Speaker 4: It's about what you do. What you do is what's
• 49:52
  Speaker 4: getting you paid, your performance, and so we become so
• 49:55
  Speaker 4: performance driven. Everything we do is based off performance. And
• 49:59
  Speaker 4: so just like you just I said earlier, four o'clock
• 50:01
  Speaker 4: in the morning, eight o'clock at night, that's our lives
• 50:03
  Speaker 4: because we got to perform. We got to be on
• 50:04
  Speaker 4: an a game. Every time we get behind a microphone,
• 50:07
  Speaker 4: it doesn't matter. But there's no mic in your private life.
• 50:10
  Speaker 4: There's no mic with your emotions. There's no mics with
• 50:13
  Speaker 4: how you love your mother, your children, you know your spouse,
• 50:17
  Speaker 4: And you got to figure out how do I fight
• 50:19
  Speaker 4: to just be me? And if I don't know who
• 50:23
  Speaker 4: I am, it becomes even harder because I got to
• 50:25
  Speaker 4: dig through performance to get there. And once you dig
• 50:28
  Speaker 4: through all of the awards and dig through all of
• 50:31
  Speaker 4: the accolades, what's there? Who am I? At the core?
• 50:34
  Speaker 4: And if you can't say who you are without presenting
• 50:38
  Speaker 4: what you do, it's a very cloudy picture. You have
• 50:42
  Speaker 4: no idea who you are. And I didn't find out
• 50:45
  Speaker 4: who I was until I was forty four years old
• 50:50
  Speaker 4: and I said it on a public stage and other
• 50:53
  Speaker 4: men said, I can't believe you just did that. And
• 50:56
  Speaker 4: I cried, what did you say? I don't know who
• 50:58
  Speaker 4: I am? And you know what, they said, We've seen
• 51:02
  Speaker 4: you preach on stages all over the world with thousands
• 51:04
  Speaker 4: of people. You're all over the place. People are being blessed,
• 51:08
  Speaker 4: people are buying all your books. And I said, yeah,
• 51:11
  Speaker 4: and I don't know who I am.
• 51:14
  Speaker 3: Doesn't that change all the time. When I started going
• 51:16
  Speaker 3: to therapy in thirty six, I was the same way.
• 51:18
  Speaker 3: I was like, damn, I thought I knew who I was,
• 51:20
  Speaker 3: but I have no idea. But then like the older
• 51:22
  Speaker 3: I get, Yeah, you evolve the more things change in
• 51:25
  Speaker 3: your life. You know, you grow as a father, you
• 51:28
  Speaker 3: grow as a husband, and you just get older and
• 51:30
  Speaker 3: you just like, man, who am I?
• 51:32
  Speaker 4: And it's normal and you have to continue to fight
• 51:35
  Speaker 4: to find who you are and lean into it that
• 51:38
  Speaker 4: it's actually okay, that this is a normal fight, and
• 51:40
  Speaker 4: learn how to fight right. As one of the chapters
• 51:43
  Speaker 4: in the book, fight right, because we fight wrong, We
• 51:46
  Speaker 4: fight wrong, we fight through you know, substance abuse, We
• 51:49
  Speaker 4: fight other people we fight with unhealthy practices, and when
• 51:53
  Speaker 4: you can learn how to fight right and actually say
• 51:56
  Speaker 4: healthy things to yourself and to other people, you actually
• 51:59
  Speaker 4: become a gold mind. Tell you you know what I mean,
• 52:02
  Speaker 4: and you don't have to have other people to tell
• 52:04
  Speaker 4: you that you're valuable. You realize that you really are
• 52:07
  Speaker 4: an incredible person and that God loves you the way
• 52:11
  Speaker 4: you are. I think it's incredible thought.
• 52:13
  Speaker 2: That was Judge Matthews front.
• 52:26
  Speaker 3: Is this first chapter why we don't believe what God
• 52:28
  Speaker 3: says about us?
• 52:32
  Speaker 4: Well, he loves you, He loves you. And if you
• 52:35
  Speaker 4: can get to the point that He actually loves you
• 52:38
  Speaker 4: and you're not waiting on you to say it and
• 52:40
  Speaker 4: you to say it, and you to say it, and
• 52:41
  Speaker 4: you to say it, then I can emerge from ashes
• 52:45
  Speaker 4: Man because I know that He actually loves me. When
• 52:49
  Speaker 4: Jesus gets ready to get baptized by John the Baptist,
• 52:51
  Speaker 4: what happens. He gets baptized and God says, this is
• 52:54
  Speaker 4: my bee love son in whom I'm well pleased. That's
• 52:59
  Speaker 4: all he needed to was his father.
• 53:01
  Speaker 1: Say I love him, I love him, and that val
• 53:04
  Speaker 1: him validated everything, because next thing he does, he goes
• 53:08
  Speaker 1: into the wilderness and the devil was something if you
• 53:11
  Speaker 1: do this, if you do that. If he didn't have
• 53:13
  Speaker 1: to do any of that, because he was already loved
• 53:16
  Speaker 1: prior to going into what he was getting ready to
• 53:18
  Speaker 1: battle for. So we just got to learn that, Hey,
• 53:20
  Speaker 1: he loves me like I am, broken, busted, disgusted. That's
• 53:25
  Speaker 1: the foundation of everything.
• 53:27
  Speaker 4: He loves me. And if I can start there, man,
• 53:30
  Speaker 4: you can rise through anything. But it's all about you
• 53:33
  Speaker 4: actually being truthful to yourself and say, you know what,
• 53:36
  Speaker 4: I'm gonna come to you like I am because you
• 53:38
  Speaker 4: actually love me like I am.
• 53:40
  Speaker 2: They'll keep you from having a podcast.
• 53:42
  Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah yeah. And I think when you when
• 53:44
  Speaker 1: you embrace that, man, that that love, uh, that there
• 53:48
  Speaker 1: is an assurance that you have within self that you're
• 53:53
  Speaker 1: not waiting for something to happen, because oftentimes we move
• 53:59
  Speaker 1: with God performing a wave. Well, if I do good,
• 54:03
  Speaker 1: I can accept this love, and if I do well,
• 54:05
  Speaker 1: I can get someone this blessing. And I think that
• 54:07
  Speaker 1: chapter is good, man, because basically what you're saying, if
• 54:11
  Speaker 1: you did nothing else beyond just being you, his love
• 54:15
  Speaker 1: is not changing for you.
• 54:16
  Speaker 4: Here's the beauty of it, which is when I made
• 54:18
  Speaker 4: that statement on stage. I went with him on a
• 54:22
  Speaker 4: trip and we had been going around for I think
• 54:24
  Speaker 4: two years, and we had went back around to Columbus, Ohio.
• 54:29
  Speaker 4: And so when we go out on stage, we have
• 54:30
  Speaker 4: this Hey, you know, we're gonna start this way, We're
• 54:32
  Speaker 4: gonna go this way, We're gonna segue it this way. Hey, Joe,
• 54:34
  Speaker 4: you take it here. That's kind of how we always
• 54:36
  Speaker 4: hit it. So when it got time for me to
• 54:38
  Speaker 4: tell this particular story, kind of how we always rotate,
• 54:42
  Speaker 4: I stopped dead in the middle of the story. I said, Man,
• 54:45
  Speaker 4: I'm not telling this story no more. And all of
• 54:48
  Speaker 4: the guys is looking like it's about eight hundred men
• 54:50
  Speaker 4: in the room, black men. I'm not telling this story
• 54:52
  Speaker 4: no more. I said, Man, I'm sorry, and.
• 54:55
  Speaker 1: Like j T.
• 54:56
  Speaker 4: Go ahead, He's like JG go on to speak. I said,
• 55:00
  Speaker 4: I'm tired of telling this story because I'm having to
• 55:03
  Speaker 4: relive this story every time I tell you this story.
• 55:07
  Speaker 4: And so I decided that moment, I said, I'm gonna
• 55:09
  Speaker 4: tell y'all a new story. I said, And it's not
• 55:12
  Speaker 4: a story that hasn't happened yet. It's the story I
• 55:15
  Speaker 4: want to see. And when I said what I wanted
• 55:18
  Speaker 4: to see. It wasn't a dry eye in.
• 55:20
  Speaker 1: The room because I was going through the opposite of
• 55:23
  Speaker 1: what I was saying.
• 55:24
  Speaker 4: That's how I end that book. Write a new story.
• 55:29
  Speaker 4: You want to get healthy mentally, write your story, create
• 55:33
  Speaker 4: a new narrative. You don't have to keep replaying the
• 55:35
  Speaker 4: same thing that happened to you. And I know it
• 55:37
  Speaker 4: was terrible, and I know it costs, and I know
• 55:40
  Speaker 4: it hurt. But every time you tell it, you feel
• 55:42
  Speaker 4: the costs again, you feel the terror again, you feel
• 55:45
  Speaker 4: the pain again, and it becomes so cyclical. Well, why
• 55:48
  Speaker 4: not write what you want? Why not see what you
• 55:50
  Speaker 4: want to see? And that's what's going to happen when
• 55:53
  Speaker 4: you fight to find yourself, because you control the narrative
• 55:57
  Speaker 4: and you can be who you want to be. You
• 55:58
  Speaker 4: can make what you want to make, you can marry
• 56:00
  Speaker 4: who you want to marry, you can do what you
• 56:02
  Speaker 4: want to do. That's the kind of power that you
• 56:04
  Speaker 4: actually possess if you can wake up to it and realize.
• 56:09
  Speaker 3: Was a real preacher you preorder to fight to find yourself,
• 56:12
  Speaker 3: moving from uncertain to unstoppable right now to be in
• 56:15
  Speaker 3: bookstores November fourth, This was a powerful conversation to have
• 56:19
  Speaker 3: on World Mental Health Day.
• 56:20
  Speaker 1: Man. Yeah, man, and always brother. You know I love
• 56:23
  Speaker 1: love you man to the moon and back. Man and
• 56:25
  Speaker 1: always man. We've been rocking for the past six for
• 56:28
  Speaker 1: five years, we've been doing the expo. Man. Uh, you know,
• 56:33
  Speaker 1: I just got to share this. Man. One of his
• 56:34
  Speaker 1: chapters is about our friendship, man, And and I would say,
• 56:38
  Speaker 1: get some people in your life, man, that just see
• 56:41
  Speaker 1: you like he was coming up here to support me
• 56:43
  Speaker 1: today and our friendship has been on display, and so
• 56:48
  Speaker 1: many men are watching me just staying with him, even
• 56:52
  Speaker 1: in his a situation. But just the beauty of man.
• 56:57
  Speaker 1: You know, this blesses me, my dog, to see the world,
• 57:01
  Speaker 1: get to hear him this morning on the breakfast club,
• 57:04
  Speaker 1: you know, and to be amongst y'all. Man. So this
• 57:07
  Speaker 1: is just beautiful. And this is what mental health really is,
• 57:09
  Speaker 1: because when you start to think better, you begin to
• 57:12
  Speaker 1: live better, and you start to attract better. You know
• 57:15
  Speaker 1: what I mean.
• 57:16
  Speaker 4: Let me say this please. I came to support him.
• 57:21
  Speaker 4: He's a brother that supports me and everything that I do.
• 57:23
  Speaker 4: And I wanted to be here for him. And I
• 57:26
  Speaker 4: was sitting in there and then you walk in the
• 57:27
  Speaker 4: room and just say y'all want to do it together
• 57:30
  Speaker 4: and walked off. They didn't say nothing else, didn't wait
• 57:32
  Speaker 4: for me to respond, and nothing. And I'm like, he
• 57:35
  Speaker 4: looked at me, say you want to do it. I'm like, yeah,
• 57:39
  Speaker 4: he said, come on. And so I'm saying that to
• 57:41
  Speaker 4: say this. You position yourself with good people. You said
• 57:46
  Speaker 4: something earlier. I don't look for him to give me anything.
• 57:49
  Speaker 4: I'm here for him. I don't and it's vice versa.
• 57:53
  Speaker 4: And because we're friends and we've positioned ourselves to support
• 57:56
  Speaker 4: each other, we open up a new business together.
• 57:59
  Speaker 1: Yes, I mean mental.
• 58:00
  Speaker 5: Health practice congratulation than things.
• 58:04
  Speaker 4: Just have been happening for us. So I don't take
• 58:06
  Speaker 4: it lightly. Thank you for the opportunity to come share
• 58:08
  Speaker 4: in your space. And it's a blessing. Man, thank you,
• 58:11
  Speaker 4: thank you very much.
• 58:12
  Speaker 3: You can see doctor j He'll be at the Mental
• 58:14
  Speaker 3: Wealth Expo tomorrow in Newark, New Jersey at the Joel
• 58:18
  Speaker 3: and Diane Bloom Wellness and Events Center.
• 58:20
  Speaker 2: I wish doctor Tubman was there too.
• 58:21
  Speaker 4: Man, he got a geograph got. I don't know if
• 58:27
  Speaker 4: there's streaming or not. I know it's a conference in
• 58:29
  Speaker 4: Carolina for Bishop Michael Blue tomorrow night somewhere in South Carolina.
• 58:34
  Speaker 4: I think Columbia, South Carolina. I think that's correct.
• 58:37
  Speaker 1: Is that right?
• 58:37
  Speaker 4: Columbia South Carolina. I'll be with him tomorrow night. What
• 58:40
  Speaker 4: time is your expo?
• 58:42
  Speaker 2: Eleven to four on Saturday.
• 58:44
  Speaker 4: Yeah, I have to do a wellness event in Florida,
• 58:49
  Speaker 4: which would be mental health and physical fitness and everything
• 58:51
  Speaker 4: else that you can imagine.
• 58:52
  Speaker 5: Please go to Florida. They need all the wellness.
• 58:57
  Speaker 1: Yes, y'all be reporting every day Florida. Them people different. Bro,
• 59:03
  Speaker 1: come on.
• 59:05
  Speaker 3: Back, but you know, the work not just this weekend.
• 59:07
  Speaker 3: I mean, this work is continuous. I do want to
• 59:10
  Speaker 3: ask about the Brain Love.
• 59:11
  Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is my good brother Archie Man down
• 59:15
  Speaker 1: in Atlanta, Georgia. This brand is in Bloomingdale's in Atlanta.
• 59:19
  Speaker 1: Brain Love. He created this, uh this around mental health
• 59:23
  Speaker 1: and to getting a healthy brain and uh the work
• 59:26
  Speaker 1: that he's doing. Me and him partner uh to come
• 59:29
  Speaker 1: together and this this collection is in Bloomingdale. I mean,
• 59:33
  Speaker 1: y'all see the material and so he's also told me
• 59:37
  Speaker 1: I spoke to him, he's also gonna send everybody here gear.
• 59:40
  Speaker 1: So you guys a rock So yeah, and uh, the
• 59:42
  Speaker 1: materials is amazing and really his His message is really
• 59:45
  Speaker 1: to get us a healthier brain. And then you see
• 59:48
  Speaker 1: the message on the back of you know, telling you know,
• 59:50
  Speaker 1: to tell ourselves that we love ourselves. And for black people, listen, man,
• 59:55
  Speaker 1: our mental health is everything. And particularly in this time
• 59:58
  Speaker 1: politically and and in this time that we're in that
• 1:00:01
  Speaker 1: so much is attacking us. Take care of your mind.
• 1:00:05
  Speaker 1: Be careful of what you consume. Too much consumption of
• 1:00:09
  Speaker 1: this negativity with the news. I mean, every day we
• 1:00:12
  Speaker 1: it's something with this clown. You know, y'all know what
• 1:00:14
  Speaker 1: the clown talking about. But but man, that because this
• 1:00:17
  Speaker 1: crash out era that we're seeing right now is just overwhelming.
• 1:00:21
  Speaker 1: People are just losing it. So encourage everybody, man, keep
• 1:00:24
  Speaker 1: your brain healthy.
• 1:00:26
  Speaker 3: That's right, is doctor j Bartnett, Doctor Joel tell mean,
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 3: thank you, brothers.
• 1:00:29
  Speaker 1: Man.
• 1:00:31
  Speaker 2: The Breakfast Club.
• 1:00:33
  Speaker 3: Every day a week ago, clicks up the Breakfast Club.
• 1:00:37
  Speaker 2: Finish y'all done.