Latest / Alpha Men Podcast / The Alphamen Podcast Season 5 Ep. 13

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The Alphamen Podcast Season 5 Ep. 13 · Alpha Men Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_08: This program for an important announcement.
• 0:02
  SPEAKER_00: Ladies and gentlemen, TJ Michaels and John Stacy invite you on a roller coaster ride of Machismo on the Alpha Men Podcast.
• 10:22
  SPEAKER_07: Two mics, red light, couple of beers on a wild late night.
• 10:27
  SPEAKER_07: They hit record, kick the door, laughing as they voice the floor.
• 10:32
  SPEAKER_07: No scripts, just truth.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_07: Talking like they're in your living room.
• 10:38
  SPEAKER_07: Every shot straight from the chest.
• 10:40
  SPEAKER_07: They hit the five steps.
• 12:12
  SPEAKER_04: My partner in crime on uh this uh uh what is today?
• 12:16
  SPEAKER_04: Today is Cinco de Mayo, is Speedy Gonzales.
• 12:20
  SPEAKER_04: Uh you just sat down in that chair.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, just just just rolled off the baseball field watching Connor play baseball.
• 12:28
  SPEAKER_05: I just sat down, I got my beer, I got my water, I got my smokesticks, I'm ready to go.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_04: You're ready to go.
• 12:34
  SPEAKER_04: Uh my partner in crime from Trinity, North Carolina, baby Huey John Stacy, uh, is here tonight, and it is Cinco de Maya today.
• 12:42
  SPEAKER_04: Or as liberals in America call it uh racial microaggressions day.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_04: Uh really what it is, it's it's also National Astronaut Day today.
• 12:50
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know if you know that or not.
• 12:51
  SPEAKER_05: Oh no.
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_04: We honor everybody who's been in space except for Katy Perry.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 12:58
  SPEAKER_04: That's kind of the way that goes.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_04: Uh but uh baseball, did we win?
• 13:02
  unknown: Yeah.
• 13:03
  SPEAKER_04: Did we win tonight?
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_04: 7 2.
• 13:05
  SPEAKER_04: And he Homered, right?
• 13:06
  SPEAKER_04: No.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_04: Alright.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_04: We're working on it.
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_04: Tell him his real dad is gonna need like Major League Baseball type salary care later in life.
• 13:22
  SPEAKER_04: Well, we have been gone for a couple of weeks.
• 13:24
  SPEAKER_04: I had a conference for work last week and wasn't able to be here.
• 13:28
  SPEAKER_04: And uh man, a lot has happened, of course, to Spirit Airlines.
• 13:32
  SPEAKER_04: Just filed for bankruptcy.
• 13:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 13:34
  SPEAKER_04: Uh completely shut down operations.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_04: I know you do you do a lot of flying or did a lot of flying.
• 13:40
  SPEAKER_04: Never did Spirit! You know famous for charging you 87 bucks to bring a carry-on and and twelve dollars for a bottle of water.
• 13:49
  SPEAKER_04: But uh also made you seat designed for a toddler with anger issues, and they are gone.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_05: Um, yeah, there's a guy that raised$26 million.
• 14:06
  SPEAKER_04: Uh but uh he was too late.
• 14:10
  SPEAKER_04: So he just bought a gallon of gas.
• 14:16
  SPEAKER_04: The craziest part though, for all the crap that Spirit Airlines gets, in their history, they never had a single accident.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_04: Not one.
• 14:25
  SPEAKER_04: So while there were jokes out there that they're flying around with planes held together with duct tape and prayers and a credit card, uh they were remarkably safe airlines.
• 14:36
  SPEAKER_04: They've been around for like 30 years.
• 14:39
  SPEAKER_04: And uh still they went broke.
• 14:41
  SPEAKER_04: So um that's how committed they were to the bit.
• 14:43
  SPEAKER_04: You know, that's basically it.
• 14:45
  SPEAKER_04: But uh now you got pilots, you got flight attendants, you got uh ground crew, suddenly unemployed, thousands of passengers stranded at the gates this weekend.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_04: It was awful.
• 14:57
  SPEAKER_04: Uh nowhere to go.
• 14:58
  SPEAKER_04: Uh just standing there with their$9 year branded neck pillow, um looking like they just personally got uh betrayed for their cheapest acts.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_04: It's it's it's a nightmare.
• 15:09
  SPEAKER_04: Uh people sleeping on floors, rebooking at triple the price, realizing that$39 flight to Orlando just turned into a$900 Greyhound ticket uh with extra light cramps.
• 15:20
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, it's it it's absolute chaos.
• 15:24
  SPEAKER_04: So it got me thinking, what what is the worst thing that has ever happened to you while flying?
• 15:32
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't know, I know it'd be a good question for you, but we're gonna pull the audience.
• 15:36
  SPEAKER_04: You can chime in and comment whenever uh you worst thing happened while you were while you were traveling.
• 15:49
  SPEAKER_05: Like one of them is a fat guy.
• 16:00
  SPEAKER_05: It's not gonna work over here I don't care.
• 16:08
  SPEAKER_05: We're not sitting in this flying.
• 16:14
  SPEAKER_05: I'll let you know, come back a little bit.
• 16:16
  SPEAKER_05: I want me, I want me.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_05: Deal with it, deal with it.
• 16:21
  SPEAKER_05: Come on, we got it.
• 16:22
  SPEAKER_05: Come on, he's got to get out.
• 16:24
  SPEAKER_05: I got to move, I gotta go sit in the first class.
• 16:27
  SPEAKER_04: I was flying from Gainesville, Florida to Williamsport, Pennsylvania.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_04: And it was um around the time that a hurricane was coming in.
• 16:38
  SPEAKER_04: And we got cleared for takeoff, but everybody on the plane knew that it was gonna be it was it was gonna be an awful flight.
• 16:48
  SPEAKER_04: We knew we were gonna hit turbulence, we knew it was gonna be awful, and I go in and I sit down and I'm sitting there and um this guy walks in next to me, sits down right next to me, I look over at him, and he's wearing a collar.
• 17:08
  SPEAKER_04: He's a priest.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_04: We're sitting there on the tarmac, and he starts making conversation with me, and all of a sudden he says, So, what do you think about Jesus?
• 17:23
  SPEAKER_04: I'm already scared to death, right?
• 17:26
  SPEAKER_04: And I'm thinking to myself, this is an omen.
• 17:29
  SPEAKER_04: Like something terrible is gonna happen.
• 17:32
  SPEAKER_04: This is definitely right.
• 17:34
  SPEAKER_04: And uh, of course, nothing happened.
• 17:36
  SPEAKER_04: Real nice guy got to know him during the flight.
• 17:39
  SPEAKER_04: That's about the worst thing that's ever happened to me.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_04: I've never been Well, I I take that back.
• 17:44
  SPEAKER_04: Uh one time we got delayed, we missed our connecting flight out of New York, and we had to go from one of the New York airports, I think it was we had to go from LaGuardia to the other airport.
• 17:59
  SPEAKER_04: That's like 50 minutes.
• 18:01
  SPEAKER_04: But we had to do it like with an Uber and the whole night.
• 18:04
  SPEAKER_04: The airline paid for the whole thing, but it was it was just frustrating.
• 18:08
  SPEAKER_05: This last February on the Universal of my fucking cancel, I drove home.
• 18:13
  SPEAKER_05: I think my longest longest flight was when I flew to Detroit and then all that global outage went out.
• 18:19
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 18:20
  SPEAKER_05: And uh four of us from NASCAR, we knew we were gonna get home, but we ended up securing the last rental out of Amos and drove 15 hours home.
• 18:28
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 18:30
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, we I mean that whole thing with the New York moving from one airport to the next, we were supposed to land in Orlando at like eight o'clock at night, and we didn't get in till midnight.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_04: It was it was terrible.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_04: But uh nonetheless, you can chime in anytime you like tonight.
• 18:44
  SPEAKER_04: Comment.
• 18:45
  SPEAKER_04: Uh your your comments will pop up on the screen.
• 18:48
  SPEAKER_04: Uh your worst flight story.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_04: I'm gonna read the best ones uh as uh they come in.
• 18:53
  SPEAKER_04: Listen, we got a great show for you tonight.
• 18:54
  SPEAKER_04: Mancourt is back, the Red Foreman Awards, Married Man's Survival Guide comes back tonight, along with real or fake news and a whole lot more.
• 19:03
  SPEAKER_04: Tell us where you're watching from, join the show anytime by commenting, give us a like, a subscribe, and all of that happy jazz.
• 19:10
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to the premiere of season five, episode thirteen.
• 19:15
  SPEAKER_04: This, my friends, is the Alpha Men Podcast.
• 19:18
  SPEAKER_08: And now, men splaining the news.
• 19:21
  SPEAKER_08: Tuesday night update.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_04: And good evening.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_04: Here's what's happened over the uh past couple of weeks, actually.
• 19:28
  SPEAKER_04: King King Charles was in the country, spoke to a joint session of Congress this week, and then attended a Yes Kings rally immediately afterwards.
• 19:39
  SPEAKER_04: Did you see they all stood up and applauded him?
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_04: Like all the job, like I thought you were no king's people.
• 19:45
  SPEAKER_04: I don't understand.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_04: Well, uh, President Trump, of course, uh this week rushed off stage after shots were fired outside the White House correspondence dinner.
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_04: Except for Nancy Pelosi, of course, because she was already under the table.
• 20:03
  SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean.
• 20:04
  SPEAKER_04: Uh President Trump has proposed a sculpture this week in Washington.
• 20:09
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Sculpture Garden.
• 20:10
  SPEAKER_04: It's gonna feature 250 statues of American heroes, 249 of the statues will be made from stone.
• 20:17
  SPEAKER_04: The last one will be just Mitch McConnell standing really, really still.
• 20:25
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Iranians don't know if their supreme leader is alive or dead.
• 20:31
  SPEAKER_04: Uh leads us to not really know who we're dealing with over there, but it's kind of like America back when uh Joe Biden was president.
• 20:40
  SPEAKER_04: We didn't know if he's alive or dead either.
• 20:42
  SPEAKER_04: President Trump relaxing restrictions this week on medical marijuana.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_04: Uh doctors now say it's the only prescription where the side effect is actually making Thanksgiving dinner with your liberal liberal relatives more tolerable.
• 20:57
  SPEAKER_04: I just unplugged my headphones.
• 21:00
  SPEAKER_04: Plug back in there.
• 21:01
  SPEAKER_04: There we go.
• 21:02
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Congress approval rating?
• 21:04
  SPEAKER_04: New survey out this week, 10%.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_04: 10% of people approve of the jerk.
• 21:14
  SPEAKER_04: Congress approval rating 10%.
• 21:17
  SPEAKER_04: Um 10% of Americans approve of the job Congress is doing.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_04: To put that in perspective, hitting a speed bump with a boiling cup of McDonald's coffee in your lap is at 14%.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_04: FBI Director Cash Mattel this week filed a$250 million defamation lawsuit against the Atlantic over a story they alleged he has a drinking problem.
• 21:40
  SPEAKER_04: He says if he gets the money he plans to spend it on um booze.
• 21:45
  SPEAKER_04: 15% of Americans say they can't remember the last time they went to the eye doctor, according to a new survey.
• 21:53
  SPEAKER_04: On the bright side, um, you can't see the gas prices.
• 21:57
  SPEAKER_04: So This week unveiled new alcohol-free beer.
• 22:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, alcohol-free course.
• 22:07
  SPEAKER_04: Ask for it by name, urine.
• 22:12
  SPEAKER_05: What's his name?
• 22:13
  SPEAKER_05: What's his name?
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_05: We'll drink that.
• 22:14
  SPEAKER_04: Uh um Liam.
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, Liam will drink that.
• 22:18
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_04: Stressful and challenging.
• 22:21
  SPEAKER_04: Top a list of words in a survey this week.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_04: Americans are using to describe 2026 or to describe every year if you're a New York Giants fan.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 22:31
  SPEAKER_04: New study claims fruits and vegetables cause cancer.
• 22:35
  SPEAKER_04: You can read all about that in the New England Journal of what fat bastards really want to hear.
• 22:42
  SPEAKER_04: QVC this week declared bankruptcy.
• 22:46
  SPEAKER_04: QVC is that network that sells all that crap.
• 22:49
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 22:50
  SPEAKER_04: Not to be confused with CBS, which is the network that airs crap.
• 22:54
  SPEAKER_04: But you can actually buy the company now for three easy payments of 1999.
• 22:58
  SPEAKER_04: So um you know do you remember how big QVC was in the 90s?
• 23:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 23:04
  SPEAKER_04: Like QVC was before before Timu, before TikTok shop, before all of that stuff, you had QVC, man, and it was a it was a financial empire.
• 23:15
  SPEAKER_05: So you said you said non-alcoholic, and I'm sitting here looking at my beer.
• 23:18
  SPEAKER_05: I was about to crack it.
• 23:19
  SPEAKER_04: Yep.
• 23:20
  SPEAKER_05: It's non-alcoholic, brew.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_05: I just noticed that.
• 23:22
  SPEAKER_05: What is it, athletic?
• 23:24
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_04: Huh.
• 23:27
  SPEAKER_04: Sucks to be you.
• 23:28
  SPEAKER_04: What do you got?
• 23:30
  SPEAKER_04: I got the uh Labat Ice Pounder.
• 23:35
  SPEAKER_05: $1.45.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_05: I just bought I bought six different clad game corn, about six different beers.
• 23:41
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 23:42
  SPEAKER_05: And uh I just described one.
• 23:45
  SPEAKER_05: Are all of them non-alcoholic?
• 23:47
  SPEAKER_05: No, this is only one.
• 23:48
  SPEAKER_05: But I got six different ones, you know, a few weeks ago.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_05: I've been going through them just for the show.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, so the number the number one selling beer in Vermont is a you know this, is a beer called Switchback.
• 23:59
  SPEAKER_04: And right now is Hetty Topper.
• 24:02
  SPEAKER_04: No, it's Switchback.
• 24:03
  SPEAKER_04: Switchback sells more beer than Hetty Topper.
• 24:05
  SPEAKER_04: Um uh Switchback uh is doing this like variety pack right now, and they they're doing the same thing.
• 24:12
  SPEAKER_04: They've made a switchback NA that they're putting in the variety pack.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_04: It's like I feel jipped if I buy it.
• 24:18
  SPEAKER_04: You know what I mean?
• 24:19
  SPEAKER_05: This is my uh my 43 years alive.
• 24:22
  SPEAKER_05: This is my first non-alcoholic beer.
• 24:25
  SPEAKER_04: There you go.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_05: It's actually not bad.
• 24:30
  SPEAKER_04: Keep you sharp.
• 24:31
  SPEAKER_04: It's like a buzzing buzzing, buddy, you know?
• 24:35
  SPEAKER_05: Buzzin' buddy.
• 24:37
  SPEAKER_04: Researchers investigating the shroud of Turin found traces of carrots, peppers, tomatoes, peanuts, and oats.
• 24:44
  SPEAKER_04: But um uh they say they don't think Jesus was a vegan because uh uh that would have been all he talked about.
• 24:52
  SPEAKER_04: You have any friends that are vegan?
• 24:54
  SPEAKER_05: Uh no, I don't think.
• 24:55
  SPEAKER_04: You're just like, shut up.
• 24:56
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want to, I don't care.
• 24:58
  SPEAKER_04: I don't care that you're vegan.
• 25:00
  SPEAKER_04: Uh condom prices are going up 30% due to the war in Iran.
• 25:05
  SPEAKER_04: Single guys are asking uh President Trump now, pull out, Mr.
• 25:09
  SPEAKER_04: President, so we don't have to.
• 25:15
  SPEAKER_04: Jenna Hager Bush doesn't like being told she looks like her dad.
• 25:19
  SPEAKER_04: For more details, Google Butchface and then ignore all the articles about Katy Perry.
• 25:27
  SPEAKER_04: Showbiz News, Amazon may reboot the apprentice with Donald Trump Jr.
• 25:32
  SPEAKER_04: Because now he's conquered space.
• 25:35
  SPEAKER_04: Jeff Bezos' next destination is the furthest reaches of the president's butt, I think.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm not quite sure.
• 25:42
  SPEAKER_04: Jessica Peale threatened to leave Justin Timberlake if he doesn't stop drinking.
• 25:47
  SPEAKER_04: Of course, Justin's been in the news for a whole bunch of DUIs lately.
• 25:51
  SPEAKER_04: Sounds like those two are not in sync.
• 25:55
  SPEAKER_04: That was that's lame.
• 25:56
  SPEAKER_04: That was cheap.
• 25:57
  SPEAKER_04: You're right.
• 25:58
  SPEAKER_04: It's cheap.
• 25:59
  SPEAKER_04: He Man creator Roger Sweet died this week after a battle with dementia.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_04: The tragedy is he had the power.
• 26:07
  SPEAKER_04: He just forgot.
• 26:10
  SPEAKER_04: That was that's hard.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_04: David Hasselhoff is recovering from hip surgery.
• 26:16
  SPEAKER_04: Cool thing is now he gets around in this highly advanced mobility scooter that talks.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_04: That's a mobility scooter 2000 right there.
• 26:30
  SPEAKER_04: Night Industries.
• 26:32
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Donnie Wahlberg was offered uh offered CBS 50% of his paycheck to film Boston Blue entirely in Boston.
• 26:41
  SPEAKER_04: Which is weird because usually people offer 50% of their paycheck to avoid Boston.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_04: Especially the traffic.
• 26:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 26:49
  SPEAKER_04: You've been through that tunnel?
• 26:50
  SPEAKER_04: Uh-huh.
• 26:51
  SPEAKER_04: Sucks.
• 26:52
  SPEAKER_04: The uh Rock is producing a stage musical about pro wrestling.
• 26:57
  unknown: Yeah.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_04: The West Side Suplex, maybe, or uh Slamilton.
• 27:01
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 27:02
  SPEAKER_04: It's uh Slamleton.
• 27:05
  SPEAKER_04: Top Gun 3 is happening.
• 27:08
  SPEAKER_04: And they've just uh released it.
• 27:10
  SPEAKER_04: This time uh Maverick, the sport he plays, is uh pickleball, shirtless.
• 27:15
  SPEAKER_04: Shirtless pickleball.
• 27:17
  SPEAKER_04: Or maybe he tells his co-bug, I co-pilot, I feel the need, the need to pee.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_04: Um maybe I don't I don't know.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_04: Finally, uh Katie Perry accused of running her rubbing her vagina on another woman's face this week.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't even know she was running for governor of California.
• 27:36
  SPEAKER_04: Jesus.
• 27:39
  SPEAKER_04: That's men's planning the news this week on the Alphabet Podcast.
• 28:00
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, hi.
• 28:01
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we're back.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 28:02
  SPEAKER_05: I pushed it twice.
• 28:03
  SPEAKER_05: I'm like, uh, how's it going?
• 28:04
  SPEAKER_05: Look at the wrong screen.
• 28:06
  SPEAKER_04: Jim's random facts tonight.
• 28:08
  SPEAKER_04: He's got five of them.
• 28:09
  SPEAKER_04: They're fresh and brand new because uh even though you're here with us, brothers, you should learn something new every day.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_04: So uh here we go.
• 28:15
  SPEAKER_04: You ready?
• 28:16
  SPEAKER_04: There's some good ones.
• 28:17
  SPEAKER_04: I like these ones.
• 28:18
  SPEAKER_06: All right.
• 28:19
  SPEAKER_05: All right, so your neighboring state, New Hampshire, is the only state where it's still legal for an adult to drive without wearing a seatbelt.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_05: Live free or die?
• 28:30
  SPEAKER_04: Uh it's uh that's uh the whole live free or die thing, yeah.
• 28:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, that's why that is.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_04: Because when they went to try and pass the seatbelt laws, they went, we're freaking we're freaking New Hampshire.
• 28:41
  SPEAKER_04: We don't care.
• 28:42
  SPEAKER_04: You know, you're not you you're not gonna tread on us.
• 28:45
  SPEAKER_05: I was looking, I was looking it up and I'm like, it's gotta be another state.
• 28:48
  SPEAKER_05: But New Hampshire is the only state.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 28:51
  SPEAKER_05: There is a couple states that don't allow helmets.
• 28:53
  SPEAKER_05: You don't have to wear helmets on your motorcycle, that's just but whatever.
• 28:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_05: Anyway.
• 28:57
  SPEAKER_05: So all right.
• 28:58
  SPEAKER_05: So the second fact I got the sixth Dalai Lama in the late 17th century rejected living as a monk and instead spent his life womanizing, drinking, and writing love poems and songs.
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_05: Really?
• 29:13
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he wasn't in touch with himself.
• 29:17
  SPEAKER_05: He was in touch with everything.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_04: Like he didn't wear the robe and all of that stuff.
• 29:21
  SPEAKER_04: He just He was the party llama.
• 29:24
  SPEAKER_04: Like a polyester laser suit and like some gold chains and a hairy chest.
• 29:28
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know, disco dancing.
• 29:30
  SPEAKER_04: Wow, all right.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_04: Sixth century though, that's a 17.
• 29:33
  SPEAKER_04: That was a long time ago.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_04: All right, anyway, go ahead.
• 29:37
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, so there's a spot, there's a spot in the Pacific Ocean called Port uh excuse me, Point Nemo.
• 29:44
  SPEAKER_05: That's exactly 1670 miles from any piece of land.
• 29:49
  SPEAKER_05: Okay.
• 29:50
  SPEAKER_05: So now this is the screwed up part.
• 29:53
  SPEAKER_05: All right, the coolest part.
• 29:54
  SPEAKER_05: The closest people are the people in space when they go by in the space in the ISS.
• 30:00
  SPEAKER_05: Wow.
• 30:01
  SPEAKER_05: Wow.
• 30:02
  SPEAKER_04: So that's pretty that's a pretty cool fact.
• 30:05
  SPEAKER_04: Point Nemo.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, point Nemo.
• 30:07
  SPEAKER_04: Pacific Ocean.
• 30:08
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 30:10
  SPEAKER_05: Sounds like a peaceful place you want to go.
• 30:14
  SPEAKER_04: By myself, yes.
• 30:17
  SPEAKER_05: All right, so in 1989, Blockbuster was was growing so fast that the new store was opening every team every 17 hours.
• 30:27
  SPEAKER_05: Wow.
• 30:28
  SPEAKER_05: And I and at its peak in 2004, which blew my mind.
• 30:31
  SPEAKER_05: It feels like it was earlier than that, but there was 9,094 stores and are employed employed around 84,300 people.
• 30:40
  SPEAKER_05: Holy crap.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_05: There's only one left.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_05: It's in Bend, Oregon.
• 30:44
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, The Last Blockbuster.
• 30:46
  SPEAKER_04: There's a big um I think it's on Netflix.
• 30:49
  SPEAKER_04: Um, there's there's a documentary about it, actually.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_04: And uh they still rent videos and all of that other stuff, although they do sell like a lot of t-shirts and merchandise.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_04: They they probably make more money doing that just because they're the last blockbuster.
• 31:04
  SPEAKER_04: But um wow, what a colossal failure Blockbuster is.
• 31:08
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, it's because of Netflix.
• 31:09
  SPEAKER_04: It came in and swept a mile.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_04: Well, the but they had the opportunity to they they had the opportunity to buy Netflix, and they they turned it down.
• 31:19
  SPEAKER_04: Uh just wow, that's incredible.
• 31:23
  SPEAKER_04: All right, one more.
• 31:24
  SPEAKER_05: My last fact Phyllis Smith, who played the older mothery woman on the office, the show The Office.
• 31:31
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 31:33
  SPEAKER_05: She was once an NFL cheerleader.
• 31:36
  SPEAKER_05: Really?
• 31:37
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, and a booskeek dancer.
• 31:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_05: Oh, burlesque dancer.
• 31:43
  SPEAKER_05: Burlesque, sorry, yeah, yeah.
• 31:46
  SPEAKER_05: So um, she cheered for the Cardinals back when they were the St.
• 31:50
  SPEAKER_05: Louis in the 70s.
• 31:51
  SPEAKER_04: Now I'm not a like I I know The Office, I've seen several episodes of The Office.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_04: My daughter loves The Office to death.
• 31:57
  SPEAKER_04: She'll watch it on repeat.
• 31:59
  SPEAKER_04: Like, kind of like my wife watches Friends over and over and over again.
• 32:02
  SPEAKER_05: My daughter is like watches Grace Anatomy.
• 32:04
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_04: But I think Phyllis, her name on the show is Phyllis.
• 32:09
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 32:10
  SPEAKER_04: She's the uh she's a dark-haired lady.
• 32:13
  SPEAKER_05: So okay.
• 32:14
  SPEAKER_05: Alrighty.
• 32:15
  SPEAKER_05: There you have it.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_05: That's it.
• 32:16
  SPEAKER_05: That's my random facts.
• 32:17
  SPEAKER_05: Um straight blow it straight to your thick skull.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_05: Alrighty.
• 32:20
  SPEAKER_05: See, you learned something today, you dumbasses.
• 32:22
  SPEAKER_04: John's random facts on the Alpha Men podcast.
• 32:46
  SPEAKER_04: All righty, Foundy Fathers would not agree where we take a modern political, the modern political nonsense, slap a powdered wig on it, and uh ask what would George, Thomas, Benn, and the boys think if they time traveled here today.
• 33:02
  SPEAKER_04: And uh here's the headline.
• 33:04
  SPEAKER_04: A would-be assassin takes a shot at a sitting president, and instead of everyone agreeing on, hey, maybe let's not do that, half the country turns it into a group project on blame shifting.
• 33:19
  SPEAKER_04: We get a national debate club on whose vibe caused it.
• 33:24
  SPEAKER_04: Right?
• 33:25
  SPEAKER_04: And this is where the modern talking point enters.
• 33:29
  SPEAKER_04: Well, it's a both sides problem.
• 33:33
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, the classic political move.
• 33:35
  SPEAKER_04: When in doubt, split the blame like a bar tab nobody wants to pay.
• 33:40
  SPEAKER_04: George Washington would be like, um, you know, when somebody fires a weapon at you, that's not a both sides issue.
• 33:47
  SPEAKER_04: And Thomas Jefferson would be updating the declaration.
• 33:50
  SPEAKER_04: We hold these truths to be self-evident that not every bad thing is somehow equal.
• 33:57
  SPEAKER_04: Uh calling your opponent names is not the same as calling your local arsonists.
• 34:01
  SPEAKER_04: That's what Ben Franklin would have said.
• 34:04
  SPEAKER_04: You know, back in 1776, someone tried to assassinate the leader.
• 34:08
  SPEAKER_04: The country would be like, that's tyranny.
• 34:10
  SPEAKER_04: We were like, we reunite, but it's 2026, and we're like, no, yeah, but uh have we considered that maybe the vibes made him do it?
• 34:24
  SPEAKER_04: So the argument really goes like this: Republicans say mean things sometimes, Democrats say extreme things sometimes.
• 34:34
  SPEAKER_04: So if someone snaps and gets violent, that's just the circle of life.
• 34:40
  SPEAKER_04: Hold on a minute.
• 34:43
  SPEAKER_04: If mean tweets were enough to cause violence, Rosie O'Donnell would need Secret Service protection, a bunker, and a moat with sharks.
• 34:53
  SPEAKER_04: But strangely, that's not happening.
• 34:58
  SPEAKER_04: After the event on Saturday night, um, in i i instead within minutes, people weren't asking how did this happen, they were asking, okay, but whose narrative can we plug it into by 9 p.m.?
• 35:13
  SPEAKER_04: And you had folks saying it was staged or he had it coming, or let's circle back to the rhetoric.
• 35:21
  SPEAKER_04: Meanwhile, regular Americans are sitting there like, can we at least agree that shooting at presidents is bad?
• 35:29
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, is is that still a bipartisan thing?
• 35:34
  SPEAKER_04: Look, you don't have to like the president.
• 35:36
  SPEAKER_04: Hell, half the country doesn't.
• 35:38
  SPEAKER_04: Half the country never does.
• 35:40
  SPEAKER_04: Half the country didn't like Barack Obama, half the country didn't like George Bush, half the country didn't like Joe Biden, half the country didn't like Bill Clinton.
• 35:51
  SPEAKER_04: But the Founding Fathers didn't risk everything so Americans could turn political violence into a debate club exercise.
• 36:00
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe looking at it, it's like you guys threw tea in the harbor, went from that to throwing common sense out the window.
• 36:08
  SPEAKER_04: And there's a difference between talking trash.
• 36:11
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to America, we invented it, and we're pretty damn good at it.
• 36:16
  SPEAKER_04: And constantly telling people their opponents are literal Nazis, existential threats to democracy, or monsters that must be stopped at all costs.
• 36:28
  SPEAKER_04: That's the difference.
• 36:31
  SPEAKER_04: You know, some people say I called Rosie a fat pig.
• 36:34
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't really call Rosie a fat pig.
• 36:36
  SPEAKER_04: There's a difference between that and he's a fascist Nazi racist who must be stopped at all costs because he's an existential threat to democracy.
• 36:52
  SPEAKER_04: Am I off base here, or is there a difference there?
• 36:58
  SPEAKER_04: When you crank up the language to apocalypse mode 24-7, you can't be shocked when some unstable person thinks they're a hero in an action movie.
• 37:09
  SPEAKER_04: That's not a both sides issue.
• 37:12
  SPEAKER_04: That's one side pouring gasoline on the fire and then acting surprised when something burns.
• 37:21
  SPEAKER_04: Look, no one's here saying that political rhetoric doesn't get heated.
• 37:25
  SPEAKER_04: It does.
• 37:26
  SPEAKER_04: It's not new, it always has.
• 37:29
  SPEAKER_04: But the Founding Fathers believed in fierce debate.
• 37:32
  SPEAKER_04: Not turning your political opponent into a cartoon villain so then you can justify anything.
• 37:38
  SPEAKER_04: Like shooting Charlie Kirk in the neck.
• 37:43
  SPEAKER_04: They didn't fight for independence so Americans could excuse violence or downplay assassination attempts.
• 37:49
  SPEAKER_04: Or pretend every bad action is a morally identical just to score political points.
• 38:00
  SPEAKER_04: to it depends on who's doing the treading.
• 38:05
  SPEAKER_04: At the end of the day, it's not really a left versus right problem.
• 38:10
  SPEAKER_04: It's a who actually loses their mind and acts on it problem.
• 38:14
  SPEAKER_04: And yes, there are loudmouth extremists on both sides.
• 38:19
  SPEAKER_04: Welcome to America.
• 38:20
  SPEAKER_04: We invented yelling.
• 38:23
  SPEAKER_04: But historically, most people on the right hear insane rhetoric, roll their eyes, maybe fire off a spicy Facebook comment, and then go grill something.
• 38:35
  SPEAKER_04: Meanwhile, when the rhetoric gets dialed up to your opponent is pure evil and must be stopped, we've seen it spill into real world chaos.
• 38:44
  SPEAKER_04: Riots, property destruction, people acting like GTA as a documentary.
• 38:51
  SPEAKER_04: Founding fathers wouldn't be confused by political disagreement.
• 38:55
  SPEAKER_04: They'd be confused why one side thinks the proper response to losing an argument is setting something on fire instead of, you know, winning the next argument.
• 39:10
  SPEAKER_04: If the founding fathers saw how we handle this stuff now, they wouldn't be debating the Constitution.
• 39:17
  SPEAKER_04: They'd be debating whether we're mature enough to keep it.
• 39:24
  SPEAKER_04: And that's founding fathers would not agree tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
• 40:14
  SPEAKER_01: Step forward and plead your case.
• 40:16
  SPEAKER_01: Just know the verdict was probably decided before you started talking.
• 40:23
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, all right.
• 40:26
  SPEAKER_05: Sometimes honorable TJ Michaels is back.
• 40:29
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks, Spirit of Justice, baby Huey.
• 40:32
  SPEAKER_04: Uh you can send us your domestic disputes.
• 40:34
  SPEAKER_04: Just drop them in a DM on any of our social media pages on uh Facebook and Instagram and all over the place.
• 40:42
  SPEAKER_04: But uh, you got a problem that needs solving, uh, you can visit any of those sites and drop us a uh direct message, put your man court to limit in there, and uh you know what, uh maybe you'll be featured on uh next week's uh man court.
• 40:56
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we can you can join by uh the free journey can join by commenting whatever everybody watching tonight and give our plaintiff uh their advice, just hit the cut the comment button.
• 41:06
  SPEAKER_05: Alrighty, let's dive into uh tonight's uh case.
• 41:08
  SPEAKER_05: Do we have a docket number?
• 41:10
  SPEAKER_05: Yep, 260-505.
• 41:12
  SPEAKER_05: Our plaintiff is Mark from Dibcoy, Iowa.
• 41:16
  SPEAKER_05: Dubuque.
• 41:17
  SPEAKER_05: Dubuque, Dubuque, Iowa.
• 41:19
  SPEAKER_05: Dibcoy, Ducoy, I'm going with Dubcoy.
• 41:24
  SPEAKER_05: And uh it's a case of the side chick shuffle.
• 41:27
  SPEAKER_04: All right, Mark writes, Dear Madcourt, my name is Mark.
• 41:31
  SPEAKER_04: I'm 38 years old, never married, no kids, and I'm writing you from Dubuque, Iowa.
• 41:37
  SPEAKER_04: I need some guidance because right now my brain feels like it's been put on a blender set to bad decisions.
• 41:43
  SPEAKER_04: Here's the situation.
• 41:46
  SPEAKER_04: A few months back I worked with this woman and we always got along great.
• 41:50
  SPEAKER_04: Everyone at work knew I had a thing for her, but nothing ever came of it.
• 41:54
  SPEAKER_04: Until about four months ago when she started texting me out of the blue.
• 41:59
  SPEAKER_04: From there, things took off.
• 42:02
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god, I hope this doesn't turn into like a dear penthouse letter.
• 42:07
  SPEAKER_04: We connect on everything.
• 42:09
  SPEAKER_04: Same humor, same interests, same energy.
• 42:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's honestly the best connection I've ever had with any other human being.
• 42:18
  SPEAKER_04: Here's the catch.
• 42:20
  SPEAKER_04: Oh, I saw this coming.
• 42:23
  SPEAKER_04: She's married.
• 42:26
  SPEAKER_04: Now, before you throw the gavel at me, hear me out.
• 42:30
  SPEAKER_04: She says the marriage is basically over.
• 42:32
  SPEAKER_04: They live separate lives, they take turns with the kids, even go on separate vacations.
• 42:37
  SPEAKER_04: She told me they haven't even hugged each other in three years.
• 42:41
  SPEAKER_04: Three years, Your Honor.
• 42:42
  SPEAKER_04: I hugged my mailman more than that.
• 42:45
  SPEAKER_04: Since that's a little weird.
• 42:48
  SPEAKER_04: Mark.
• 42:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 42:51
  SPEAKER_04: Since we started talking, it's grown into more than just texting.
• 42:55
  SPEAKER_04: We meet up when we can, usually quick 15 to 20 minute secret meetups.
• 43:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, I know how that sounds.
• 43:02
  SPEAKER_04: Like I'm starring in a low budget spy movie called Mission Emotionally Complicated.
• 43:08
  SPEAKER_04: But she recently got a job across town, so now it's even harder to see her.
• 43:12
  SPEAKER_04: But the feelings, they're not getting harder, they're getting stronger.
• 43:17
  SPEAKER_04: And that's my problem.
• 43:19
  SPEAKER_04: I think I've fallen in love with her.
• 43:21
  SPEAKER_04: She says she's been unhappy for over three years and always planned to leave her husband, but she doesn't know when.
• 43:29
  SPEAKER_04: I've told her staying for the kids is isn't healthy, and she agrees, but nothing actually ever changes.
• 43:36
  SPEAKER_04: So now I'm stuck wondering.
• 43:38
  SPEAKER_04: Am I a patient man waiting for the right moment?
• 43:42
  SPEAKER_04: Or am I just the halftime show in someone else's marriage?
• 43:48
  SPEAKER_04: I never connected with anyone like this.
• 43:50
  SPEAKER_04: I feel so bad for you, Mark.
• 43:52
  SPEAKER_04: And I don't want to walk away from something real, but I also don't want to be the guy sneaking around forever living in 15 minute interviews.
• 44:00
  SPEAKER_04: Increments like I'm on some kind of emotional parole.
• 44:03
  SPEAKER_04: Judge, freak jury, bailiff, baby Huey, I ask you, do I stay and hope she eventually leaves?
• 44:11
  SPEAKER_04: Or do I walk away before I end up being the biggest fuel fool in Dubuque?
• 44:17
  SPEAKER_04: Respectfully submitted, Mark, in Dubuque, Iowa.
• 44:22
  SPEAKER_05: Alright, freak jury.
• 44:23
  SPEAKER_05: What do you think of the case presented tonight on Mancor?
• 44:26
  SPEAKER_05: Comment.
• 44:27
  SPEAKER_05: What's your advice?
• 44:28
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, my advice is uh I mean my my we always defer to we we have different opinions when it comes to this stuff.
• 44:36
  SPEAKER_05: Um let love go, and if it comes back, you know it's the real thing.
• 44:43
  SPEAKER_04: Oh my god.
• 44:44
  SPEAKER_04: You should write you should write cards.
• 44:48
  SPEAKER_04: You should write Hallmark cards.
• 44:50
  SPEAKER_04: I'm telling you.
• 44:51
  SPEAKER_04: That's incredible.
• 44:53
  SPEAKER_05: Um I start thinking more of the halftime show, because if she was serious, she'd better have been gone.
• 45:01
  SPEAKER_06: Mm-hmm.
• 45:02
  SPEAKER_04: Mm-hmm.
• 45:03
  SPEAKER_04: No, let's break this down, okay?
• 45:05
  SPEAKER_04: Mark meets a married woman at work.
• 45:07
  SPEAKER_04: They hit it off, they text, escalates to these 15-minute drive-by meetups like uh spy movie with less cardio.
• 45:16
  SPEAKER_04: She says, I'm unhappy.
• 45:19
  SPEAKER_04: Uh we don't even hug, we live separate lives, I'm gonna leave him.
• 45:25
  SPEAKER_04: At some point, eventually, maybe in the future, maybe I don't know.
• 45:29
  SPEAKER_04: And now Mark's sitting here, like, guys, I think I'm in love.
• 45:35
  SPEAKER_04: So we really have to.
• 45:39
  SPEAKER_04: My wig is crooked.
• 45:41
  SPEAKER_04: Sorry.
• 45:42
  SPEAKER_04: Um we really have to look at the evidence here.
• 45:48
  SPEAKER_04: Alright?
• 45:50
  SPEAKER_04: Mark, if she hasn't hugged her husband in three years, she still somehow has managed to stay married for three years.
• 46:00
  SPEAKER_04: And if she's definitely leaving him, why are your dates shorter than a microwave burrito cook time?
• 46:09
  SPEAKER_04: And if your relationship has to be scheduled like a dentist appointment, I gotta tell you, buddy, you are not her future, you're her escape room.
• 46:21
  SPEAKER_04: I don't think, Mark, that you've I don't I don't think that you're I don't think that you've fallen in love here.
• 46:30
  SPEAKER_04: I think you fell into convenience.
• 46:33
  SPEAKER_04: I think you fell into attention.
• 46:37
  SPEAKER_04: And I think you fell into a situation that comes with a built-in expiration date, my friend.
• 46:44
  SPEAKER_04: Because right now, basically, you're emotional DoorDash.
• 46:48
  SPEAKER_04: She calls, you show up, 15 minutes later, you're gone.
• 46:53
  SPEAKER_04: Her real life is still sitting there waiting when you leave.
• 46:58
  SPEAKER_04: How am I doing?
• 47:00
  SPEAKER_04: I agree.
• 47:02
  SPEAKER_04: Michelle writes, as long as she's sleeping next to her husband and you haven't met him, you're the sidewalk chick.
• 47:10
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 47:13
  SPEAKER_04: So anybody else got uh uh advice for Mark from Dubuque, Iowa.
• 47:20
  SPEAKER_04: You can uh comment anytime in the comment section.
• 47:23
  SPEAKER_04: But uh I think we're moving rapidly towards a verdict here.
• 47:27
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 47:28
  SPEAKER_04: Um Mark, I think you're guilty of catching real feelings in a fake situation.
• 47:39
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, so you got two options.
• 47:42
  SPEAKER_04: Keep sneaking around, catching deeper feelings, and eventually getting your heart ripped out like a bad country song.
• 47:52
  SPEAKER_04: Or walk and tell her, call me when you're actually single, not emotionally separated with a shared calendar.
• 47:59
  SPEAKER_04: Because the truth is, if she leaves him, then you have something real.
• 48:05
  SPEAKER_04: If she doesn't, you're just a halftime show in someone else's marriage, and that's the honest to God truth.
• 48:11
  SPEAKER_04: So, Mark, right now you're not building a relationship.
• 48:15
  SPEAKER_04: You're renting one.
• 48:17
  SPEAKER_04: Brother, the rent always goes up.
• 48:23
  SPEAKER_05: Taxation.
• 48:25
  SPEAKER_04: That's Mancourt tonight on the uh Alpha Men podcast.
• 48:30
  SPEAKER_01: On this week's episode of Armchair Legend, we break down sports like we're on the payroll without ever leaving the couch.
• 48:36
  SPEAKER_01: We've got bold takes, zero coaching credentials, and just enough confidence to tell the pros exactly what they did wrong.
• 49:00
  SPEAKER_04: FIFA struggling to sell World Cup tickets for the U.S.
• 49:04
  SPEAKER_04: home games.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 49:06
  SPEAKER_04: Uh they say they're it's because they're so expensive and because it's soccer.
• 49:14
  SPEAKER_04: That's a drink about alcoholic beer.
• 49:17
  SPEAKER_04: Uh the NCAA basketball tournament says they're gonna expand from 68 teams to 76 teams.
• 49:24
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 49:25
  SPEAKER_04: It's also changing its nickname to March through April Madness, I think.
• 49:29
  SPEAKER_04: Because that's how we're gonna have to take it.
• 49:33
  SPEAKER_04: NFL draft is over.
• 49:34
  SPEAKER_04: Fernando Mendoz pledged$500,000 of his starting salary to charity.
• 49:41
  SPEAKER_04: He also promised to spend more time with the poor and unfortunate.
• 49:46
  SPEAKER_04: But uh he did sign with the Raiders, so just say.
• 49:59
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 50:00
  SPEAKER_04: New York Jets once again relied on a Magic A-Pall.
• 50:06
  SPEAKER_04: Who do we got?
• 50:07
  SPEAKER_04: Who do we got?
• 50:08
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, no.
• 50:10
  SPEAKER_04: Uh New York Yankees players went to the front office and requested that they be allowed to start wearing alternate uniforms.
• 50:18
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, it's not gonna happen.
• 50:19
  SPEAKER_04: Meanwhile, the Chicago White Sox players asked if they can wear bulletproof vests.
• 50:23
  SPEAKER_04: Uh yeah.
• 50:26
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Bill Belichick brought his girlfriend to the Kentucky Derby this past weekend.
• 50:31
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, they had to leave early, though, because she had a tendril because she couldn't ride the ponies.
• 50:36
  SPEAKER_04: Jesus.
• 50:40
  SPEAKER_04: All right, first up, NBA playoffs delivering more drama than a soap opera written by uh malfunctioning AI.
• 50:47
  SPEAKER_04: Detroit Peace Pistons over the weekend completed one of the greatest comebacks in history, storming back from 3-1 down to eliminate the Orlando Magic in game seven.
• 50:57
  SPEAKER_04: Piston fans are calling it redemption.
• 50:59
  SPEAKER_04: Opponents are calling it uh uh how is this allowed?
• 51:03
  SPEAKER_04: But uh meanwhile, the Boston Celtics, who dominated the regular season, um, as Adam Sandler would say, you blew it! 3-1 lead and got bounced.
• 51:16
  SPEAKER_04: Uh their motto this year, we stick to the process.
• 51:19
  SPEAKER_04: I guess that process is uh finding new ways to break fans' hearts.
• 51:23
  SPEAKER_04: Second round is stacked.
• 51:24
  SPEAKER_04: Pistons versus the Cavaliers.
• 51:26
  SPEAKER_04: Uh that's going to be an Eastern Conference bloodbath.
• 51:29
  SPEAKER_04: Knicks 76ers, where the seven-seed 76ers are somehow alive and thriving, and out west the Thunder and the Lakers are uh ready to rumble.
• 51:38
  SPEAKER_04: If you thought your family group chat was chaotic, try adding um uh shy Alexander uh posterizing defenders while wearing those futuristic jerseys.
• 51:49
  SPEAKER_04: It looked like they were designed by a malfunctioning toaster, but uh nonetheless.
• 51:53
  SPEAKER_04: Kentucky Derby, Churchill Downs, everybody's got their hats, mint juleps, and it was uh pure poetry this weekend.
• 52:03
  SPEAKER_04: Golden Tempo, 23-1 long shot.
• 52:07
  SPEAKER_04: Oh wow, trained by Sherry DeVoe, shocked the field from the most viewed derby on record.
• 52:16
  SPEAKER_04: The horse basically said, Hold my oats, and left the favorites eating dust, came from all the way in the back of the field.
• 52:22
  SPEAKER_04: Wow.
• 52:23
  SPEAKER_04: To win.
• 52:24
  SPEAKER_04: Uh jockie Jose Ortiz, now accepting applications for parades, movie deals, and probably a country song.
• 52:31
  SPEAKER_04: Betters who picked it are buying islands.
• 52:34
  SPEAKER_04: The odds were so good.
• 52:36
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, the rest of us are wondering why we bet on that horse named after our fantasy football team, but uh nonetheless.
• 52:44
  SPEAKER_04: Um yeah.
• 52:45
  SPEAKER_04: And uh finally, uh Major League Baseball Yankees rolling everyone.
• 52:51
  SPEAKER_04: Uh in baseball, uh, scorching hot, 23-11, leading the AL East like they owned a division, which let's be honest, they kind of do historically.
• 53:00
  SPEAKER_04: Uh Tampa Bay hanging tough, rest of the league still playing catch-up in more ways than one.
• 53:05
  SPEAKER_04: Braves dominating the NL while teams like the Mets are well being the Mets.
• 53:11
  SPEAKER_04: So uh that's kind of the deal.
• 53:13
  SPEAKER_04: That is Armchair Legends tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
• 53:20
  SPEAKER_05: I'm clicking it.
• 53:21
  SPEAKER_05: You're still here.
• 53:22
  SPEAKER_05: It's spinning.
• 53:24
  SPEAKER_01: Uh-huh.
• 53:25
  SPEAKER_05: Yep.
• 53:27
  SPEAKER_01: And now the Red Foreman Awards, where you make dumb choices, you will win dumbass awards.
• 53:33
  SPEAKER_01: Dumbass.
• 53:34
  SPEAKER_04: You dumbass.
• 53:41
  SPEAKER_04: And welcome to the Red Foreman Awards on the Alpha Men podcast, the only award show where the trophy is a size 12 steel-toed boot delivered straight to the ass, brought to you by Point Place's patron saint of dumbassery, Red Foreman.
• 53:58
  SPEAKER_04: We uh hand out the golden formans to the absolute cream of the crop of mouth breathing, window-licking, Darwin Award contending morons who are single-handedly keeping the June pool from evolving too fast.
• 54:09
  SPEAKER_04: Real people, real stupidity, zero excuses.
• 54:13
  SPEAKER_04: We get into it.
• 54:14
  SPEAKER_04: Award number one tonight.
• 54:15
  SPEAKER_04: And the envelope, please.
• 54:18
  SPEAKER_04: The poop, there it is.
• 54:20
  SPEAKER_04: Community service trophy goes to Alexis Weber.
• 54:25
  SPEAKER_04: What do you call his friends?
• 54:26
  SPEAKER_04: 50 from Florida.
• 54:28
  SPEAKER_05: Of course.
• 54:29
  SPEAKER_04: Alexis allegedly took uh neighborhood involvement to a whole new level.
• 54:36
  SPEAKER_04: By personally decorating cars, mailboxes, community food pantries, by what with what we'll politely call biograities.
• 54:48
  SPEAKER_04: She was pooping on everything.
• 54:51
  SPEAKER_04: Security cameras confirmed the mystery pretty quickly.
• 54:54
  SPEAKER_04: Turns out it wasn't a raccoon, a prankster kid, wasn't even Florida man.
• 54:59
  SPEAKER_04: It was Alexis Weber, a 50-year-old woman, treating suburban real estate like a Jackson Polak exhibit.
• 55:07
  SPEAKER_04: One neighbor said, if you call someone and say, if you call and say someone is feces, I can't even say it, fecesing on your car, it's Florida, and you're not going to believe it.
• 55:21
  SPEAKER_04: Not sure what he means by that, but uh you shouldn't be surprised by anything in Florida.
• 55:25
  SPEAKER_04: I'm just I'm just saying.
• 55:26
  SPEAKER_04: I do like the term though, fecesing.
• 55:30
  SPEAKER_04: Uh listen, when your crime has a nickname that sounds like a yoga pose gone wrong, you've probably gone too far.
• 55:37
  SPEAKER_04: Award number two, the nude escape and HVAC hiding championship winner.
• 55:44
  SPEAKER_04: Goes to DeMarcus Taylor, 28.
• 55:47
  SPEAKER_04: This one sent in from Michelle in Lorraine, Ohio.
• 55:52
  SPEAKER_04: Now, DeMarcus is from Detroit, Michigan.
• 55:56
  SPEAKER_04: But he was allegedly being arrested on a warrant in Lorraine, Ohio, when things escalated from standard legal trouble to fully unclothed Olympic track meet.
• 56:08
  SPEAKER_04: With the help of an accomplice, DeMarcus, was able to distract officers just long enough for him to break free, run away completely naked, and hide in the ductwork of an abandoned school building.
• 56:26
  SPEAKER_04: This guy seemed diehard.
• 56:35
  SPEAKER_04: Like turning yourself into a human HVAC mystery.
• 56:39
  SPEAKER_04: Look, if you're naked, running from cops, and your plan is to crawl into a ceiling vent, you're not evading arrest.
• 56:49
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 56:50
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 56:51
  SPEAKER_04: Award number three tonight, the B Offensive Strategic Defense Medal.
• 56:59
  SPEAKER_04: This one goes to Rory Woods.
• 57:01
  SPEAKER_04: Congratulations.
• 57:03
  SPEAKER_05: Shell used to stuff about that school.
• 57:06
  SPEAKER_04: 50s.
• 57:07
  SPEAKER_05: What are your students?
• 57:08
  SPEAKER_04: Uh from the from Massachusetts.
• 57:12
  SPEAKER_04: Now this story goes back a ways.
• 57:15
  SPEAKER_04: Back in 2022, during an eviction protest, Rory allegedly arrived with what can only be described as an environmental support unit.
• 57:27
  SPEAKER_04: Translation: she bought a truck full of beehives.
• 57:33
  SPEAKER_04: And bees.
• 57:34
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 57:35
  SPEAKER_04: Not metaphoric bees, actual bees.
• 57:38
  SPEAKER_04: In containers, beehives to be exact.
• 57:42
  SPEAKER_04: And then allegedly released them towards the law enforcement officers.
• 57:48
  SPEAKER_04: Because nothing says peaceful protest like deploying nature's airborne tasers.
• 57:54
  SPEAKER_04: Well, Rory's trial was last month.
• 57:57
  SPEAKER_04: And she was just convicted on six charges.
• 58:00
  SPEAKER_04: Four counts of simple assault and battery, two counts of reckless assault.
• 58:05
  SPEAKER_04: She's been sentenced to six months in jail, but she'll receive credit for 148 days that she's already served.
• 58:13
  SPEAKER_04: If your strategy involves weaponizing insects, uh you're you're no longer protesting.
• 58:19
  SPEAKER_04: You're running a side quest in chaos.
• 58:21
  SPEAKER_04: That's that's just all there's to it.
• 58:22
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 58:23
  SPEAKER_04: There's a video, by the way, if you'd like to look it up on the internet.
• 58:27
  SPEAKER_04: Uh award number four tonight, the stale bread assault and sandwich justice incident award goes to Rory McIntosh, or Roy McIntosh, sorry, uh 43 from Florida.
• 58:43
  SPEAKER_04: You guessed it.
• 58:45
  SPEAKER_04: Now Roy walked into a subway restaurant already emotionally committed to a very specific form of culinary justice.
• 58:53
  SPEAKER_04: According to reports, he was upset about the hard bread, confronted an employee, slapped him across the face, later admitted because the sandwich didn't meet his softness standards.
• 59:07
  SPEAKER_04: Yes, this man allegedly escalated from unsatisfied customer to criminal charges over bread texture.
• 59:16
  SPEAKER_04: You don't have a food complaint, Roy.
• 59:19
  SPEAKER_04: You have an anger management problem.
• 59:21
  SPEAKER_04: Just say it.
• 59:23
  SPEAKER_04: And finally, the autopilot doesn't mean autopilot your life trophy.
• 59:31
  SPEAKER_04: Goes to Kimberly Brown, 37.
• 59:35
  SPEAKER_04: Want to guess from where?
• 59:37
  SPEAKER_04: Florida.
• 59:38
  SPEAKER_04: Florida, yes.
• 59:40
  SPEAKER_04: Crazy.
• 59:42
  SPEAKER_04: Kimberly was uh allegedly found passed out in her Tesla, parked in the middle of a highway lane.
• 59:50
  SPEAKER_04: You see, Kimberly was trusting self-driving a little more than basic human responsibility allows.
• 59:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 59:59
  SPEAKER_04: Kimberly went out and got hammered, twice the legal limit, then hopped in her Tesla with autopilot on, thinking, oh, well, it'll just safely drive me home.
• 1:00:12
  SPEAKER_04: Well, that didn't happen because there are monitors in self-driving cars that ensure you're alert and following along.
• 1:00:21
  SPEAKER_04: She was passed out and not responding, so the vehicle just shut itself down right in the middle of the road.
• 1:00:29
  SPEAKER_04: The car, ironically, did the most responsible thing in the entire story.
• 1:00:34
  SPEAKER_04: Eventually shutting itself down.
• 1:00:36
  SPEAKER_04: Like, nope, I'm not gonna enable this chick anymore.
• 1:00:40
  SPEAKER_04: Detectives are still investigating the incident, determining where Kimberly was coming from and why she decided to get behind the wheel.
• 1:00:48
  SPEAKER_04: It's pretty obvious she's looking at a DUI charge at the very least.
• 1:00:51
  SPEAKER_04: But if your car is smarter than you and decides to go on strike, that's not futuristic technology.
• 1:00:58
  SPEAKER_04: That's your vehicle filing a complaint.
• 1:01:00
  SPEAKER_04: And that, my friends, is the Red Foreman Awards tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
• 1:01:06
  SPEAKER_07: Dumbass.
• 1:01:35
  SPEAKER_05: Oh look, Chase Elliott won again.
• 1:01:39
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, he's back.
• 1:01:40
  SPEAKER_05: Yes, he is, and we're going to walk into Glenn where he got his first cup win ever.
• 1:01:44
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:01:46
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, Kyle Bush is not back, but but Chase Elliott is.
• 1:01:49
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, we'll get we'll get into Kyle in a minute.
• 1:01:53
  SPEAKER_05: But uh, yeah, no, Chase, he he won, you know, Texas Motor Speedway.
• 1:01:57
  SPEAKER_05: Well, he won a couple weeks ago.
• 1:02:00
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:02:02
  SPEAKER_04: Well, uh Hendrick needs it.
• 1:02:04
  SPEAKER_04: They do.
• 1:02:05
  SPEAKER_05: I mean Bowman got what third or second?
• 1:02:08
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:02:09
  SPEAKER_05: So I think that was just because of how things panned out because I mean Pit Road's pretty damn small in Texas.
• 1:02:15
  SPEAKER_05: And it was a lot of most of the accidents happened on Pit Road this weekend.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 1:02:19
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, Joey the Gonald took himself out by smashing back in Cold Cut Cold Custer and everything out.
• 1:02:24
  SPEAKER_05: So it's a pretty wild Texas.
• 1:02:26
  SPEAKER_05: But Texas is one of those tracks where it's either gonna be a really boring race or it's gonna be one of those really holy shit.
• 1:02:34
  SPEAKER_04: Uh I only got a chance to catch about half of it.
• 1:02:36
  SPEAKER_04: I did see the Kyle Bush, John Hunter, Nimachek stuff.
• 1:02:39
  SPEAKER_04: I didn't see any of it.
• 1:02:41
  SPEAKER_05: See, what I do is I listen to Denny, Denny Hamlin's podcast Monday or Tuesdays, and uh this is how I get all my stuff.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 1:02:49
  SPEAKER_05: Because I am not watching it.
• 1:02:51
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:02:51
  SPEAKER_04: But uh well, John uh up until August of this year worked for NASCAR.
• 1:02:56
  SPEAKER_04: November.
• 1:02:57
  SPEAKER_04: Still a little bit tender, would you say that?
• 1:03:00
  SPEAKER_04: Although it is it is is not good to present a segment where you uh are considered an expert and then tell people you didn't watch the race.
• 1:03:09
  SPEAKER_05: Just say I still know what's going on, don't I?
• 1:03:13
  SPEAKER_05: You do, but my social media is full full of it every day.
• 1:03:17
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, so I keep tabs on it.
• 1:03:19
  SPEAKER_05: I just won't I won't watch it.
• 1:03:21
  SPEAKER_05: So but I'll keep tabs on it because I there's still I still love the sport.
• 1:03:25
  SPEAKER_05: I still love racing.
• 1:03:27
  SPEAKER_04: And hey, it was uh opening weekend at the Nation Side of Excitement, Barry's Thunder Road this week.
• 1:03:31
  SPEAKER_05: The best racing in the whole world right there.
• 1:03:34
  SPEAKER_05: We had 139 cars, yeah.
• 1:03:36
  SPEAKER_04: Barry, Vermont, right here in the Grand Capital.
• 1:03:39
  SPEAKER_05: We should we should get rid of NASCAR this segment and let's make it for the segment.
• 1:03:44
  SPEAKER_04: I'm not sure that has mass appeal.
• 1:03:47
  SPEAKER_04: It may have Vermont appeal, but it doesn't have uh much much.
• 1:03:51
  SPEAKER_05: We can get drivers for interviews.
• 1:03:53
  SPEAKER_05: I mean I'll see that next week anyway.
• 1:03:55
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, uh so yeah, so the penalties came out this week, and I figured Kyle Bush is gonna get one, but Ryan Priest got one.
• 1:04:03
  SPEAKER_05: Which doesn't make any sense.
• 1:04:05
  SPEAKER_05: So well, I I read into it a little bit more this afternoon, um, waiting for the game to start for Connors game, and uh so Priest got nailed 25 points, five and a fifty thousand dollar uh penalty against Ty Gibbs.
• 1:04:19
  SPEAKER_05: Uh-huh.
• 1:04:21
  SPEAKER_04: Because uh the only reason I think that happened, because honestly, I didn't I didn't think NASCAR was gonna have the balls to find either one of them.
• 1:04:28
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:04:29
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and I think the only reason that happened, the only reason Priest got got fined and and Kyle didn't get fined is because Kyle played stupid and just said, I don't know what happened, and Priest probably went, Yeah, I hit the son of a bitch.
• 1:04:44
  SPEAKER_04: You know?
• 1:04:46
  SPEAKER_04: And he admitted to it.
• 1:04:49
  SPEAKER_05: I got the video of Kyle's situation here.
• 1:04:51
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:52
  SPEAKER_02: What happened to Nimitchek?
• 1:04:53
  SPEAKER_02: Okay.
• 1:04:54
  SPEAKER_02: He comes in, he's shoving it.
• 1:04:55
  SPEAKER_02: Kyle's shovel shut together.
• 1:04:56
  SPEAKER_02: Yeah.
• 1:04:57
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:04:57
  SPEAKER_02: Kyle turns into the door of him really hard, but it's check his out.
• 1:05:02
  SPEAKER_04: Thunk.
• 1:05:02
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, no.
• 1:05:03
  SPEAKER_04: I look, he turned up into him.
• 1:05:05
  SPEAKER_04: He did.
• 1:05:06
  SPEAKER_04: I mean, look, look, anybody who's telling you that that's not the case or that uh he just got loose or whatever.
• 1:05:13
  SPEAKER_04: None of that.
• 1:05:14
  SPEAKER_04: Look, he turned into him, okay?
• 1:05:16
  SPEAKER_05: Did you hear did you hear Kyle and Kitchy's uh audio?
• 1:05:20
  SPEAKER_05: Yes.
• 1:05:21
  SPEAKER_05: I got it right here too.
• 1:05:22
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:05:23
  SPEAKER_07: That's the fucking stupid shit that makes him a fucking asshole.
• 1:05:26
  SPEAKER_05: This is Kyle.
• 1:05:27
  SPEAKER_03: Damn it, dude.
• 1:05:29
  SPEAKER_03: Alright, let's lose uh here for a second, alright?
• 1:05:31
  SPEAKER_03: We haven't run in the top 10 years.
• 1:05:33
  SPEAKER_03: We're having a great day here today.
• 1:05:35
  SPEAKER_03: Keep it together.
• 1:05:36
  SPEAKER_03: I know it's not perfect, just keep your shit together, and we're gonna have a good day.
• 1:05:41
  unknown: Psych major.
• 1:05:42
  SPEAKER_05: Psych major.
• 1:05:43
  SPEAKER_05: Psych major.
• 1:05:44
  SPEAKER_05: So yeah, Kyle's been Kyle.
• 1:05:46
  SPEAKER_05: So what they're gonna do to Kyle, uh they they said that Brad Moran, which is the Cup Series uh um director, he's gonna have a talk to Kyle because there's been two instances of Kyle losing his shit on the track.
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_06: Yeah.
• 1:05:58
  SPEAKER_05: Uh with uh John.
• 1:06:00
  SPEAKER_05: John needs a check.
• 1:06:01
  SPEAKER_05: I mean John Nimachek.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:06:03
  SPEAKER_05: Um and uh front row Joe's kid.
• 1:06:08
  SPEAKER_05: How was the other name?
• 1:06:09
  SPEAKER_05: John John Hunter Nimachek.
• 1:06:12
  SPEAKER_05: People in the tower call him John need a check.
• 1:06:14
  SPEAKER_05: John needs a check.
• 1:06:15
  SPEAKER_05: That's the call.
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 1:06:16
  SPEAKER_04: Well, and look, this is the difference between between being uh Kyle Bush, who's won championships and you know, uh holds the track records at several tracks and is the most winningest driver at several tracks, and being Ryan Priest.
• 1:06:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:06:33
  unknown: Yeah.
• 1:06:34
  SPEAKER_05: It's it's I mean the messing with Kyle Bush is that definition of you fuck with a bullet, get the horns.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_03: Yeah.
• 1:06:41
  SPEAKER_05: Kyle does not care.
• 1:06:43
  SPEAKER_05: Like Denny, Denny said in his podcast, fight him.
• 1:06:46
  SPEAKER_05: He's got the money.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_05: Take his points away.
• 1:06:48
  SPEAKER_05: What are you gonna do?
• 1:06:49
  SPEAKER_05: Put him in 20 seconds.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_05: Right.
• 1:06:51
  SPEAKER_05: I mean, Kyle doesn't he doesn't care.
• 1:06:53
  SPEAKER_04: And honestly, things are so bad for Kyle with Richard Childress racing right now, he really doesn't care.
• 1:06:59
  SPEAKER_04: His given F left like uh a year ago.
• 1:07:02
  SPEAKER_04: Two years ago, it's a second.
• 1:07:04
  SPEAKER_04: Right, you know, so so um yeah.
• 1:07:08
  SPEAKER_05: We're heading to the glen.
• 1:07:09
  SPEAKER_05: They're heading to the glen, which I'm glad I'm not working this race.
• 1:07:12
  SPEAKER_05: I'm glad I'm not there anymore for that one.
• 1:07:14
  SPEAKER_05: Because awesome place, beautiful facility, awesome.
• 1:07:17
  SPEAKER_04: I used to love to go to the glen.
• 1:07:19
  SPEAKER_04: It's such a long with a camping spot right in the S.
• 1:07:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:07:24
  SPEAKER_05: You get to flight there, it's a two-hour drive from the airport, stay an hour away.
• 1:07:28
  SPEAKER_05: It sucked as if you worked it.
• 1:07:30
  SPEAKER_05: But I loved going there, it was nice.
• 1:07:33
  SPEAKER_04: But yeah, yeah.
• 1:07:35
  SPEAKER_04: Well, okay, so uh we got Chase Elliott uh back in the hunt.
• 1:07:39
  SPEAKER_04: Uh we get Ty Gibbs getting screwed this weekend.
• 1:07:42
  SPEAKER_05: SVG's probably gonna win the race.
• 1:07:44
  SPEAKER_04: SVG uh is probably gonna win at uh Watkins Glen, you're right.
• 1:07:48
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, or Chase.
• 1:07:50
  SPEAKER_04: Could be Chase, Chase is good at Watkins Glen, he got his first win there, right?
• 1:07:54
  SPEAKER_04: He did.
• 1:07:55
  SPEAKER_05: But SVG or A.J.
• 1:07:56
  SPEAKER_05: this is their this is their their turf.
• 1:07:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:07:59
  SPEAKER_04: So uh we shall see.
• 1:08:02
  SPEAKER_04: Uh into the Finger Lakes region of New York this week, which is odd because it's way too early to be racing there.
• 1:08:08
  SPEAKER_04: I know.
• 1:08:09
  SPEAKER_04: Um, you know, uh watch it snow or do something stupid like that.
• 1:08:16
  SPEAKER_04: Uh that is your red flag rants tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
• 1:08:21
  SPEAKER_03: Since you're attacking us, can you give us a question?
• 1:08:23
  SPEAKER_03: Organization our news organization.
• 1:08:26
  SPEAKER_03: You give us a chance to ask a question, sir.
• 1:08:28
  SPEAKER_03: Sir President Electro, President Electra, you are fake news.
• 1:08:38
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, time for real or fake news, the part of the show where I feed Baby Huey five of the most insane headlines from this week.
• 1:08:44
  SPEAKER_04: Four of them are 100% completely made-up bull crap, and one is gloriously and embarrassingly real.
• 1:08:52
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, that's right.
• 1:08:53
  SPEAKER_04: Baby Huey, your mission is to pick the real news story tonight on real or fake news.
• 1:09:00
  SPEAKER_04: Are you ready?
• 1:09:01
  unknown: I guess.
• 1:09:02
  SPEAKER_04: You cannot call, you cannot phone a friend, we cannot poll the audience, none of that.
• 1:09:08
  SPEAKER_04: Alright?
• 1:09:09
  unknown: Okay.
• 1:09:09
  SPEAKER_04: First headline.
• 1:09:11
  SPEAKER_04: New Jersey man find after using drone to deliver beer to friends on golf course.
• 1:09:19
  SPEAKER_04: Headline number one.
• 1:09:22
  SPEAKER_04: Headline number two, one million bees spill across Tennessee Highway ramp after truck crash, creating buzzing nightmare for commuters.
• 1:09:31
  unknown: Damn.
• 1:09:32
  SPEAKER_04: That's headline number two.
• 1:09:35
  SPEAKER_04: All right.
• 1:09:36
  SPEAKER_04: Headline number three, Michigan man builds functional backyard roller coaster using only Amazon purchases and his divorce settlement money.
• 1:09:47
  SPEAKER_04: Sounds real.
• 1:09:50
  SPEAKER_04: Headline number four.
• 1:09:52
  SPEAKER_04: Texas town declares state of emergency after massive invasion of feral peacocks.
• 1:10:00
  SPEAKER_05: Texas?
• 1:10:04
  SPEAKER_04: And headline number five: Oklahoma woman accidentally wins pie eating contest while trying to break up fight at country fair.
• 1:10:18
  SPEAKER_04: Oklahoma woman accidentally wins pie eating contest while trying to break up a fight at county fair.
• 1:10:26
  SPEAKER_05: That's a true story.
• 1:10:32
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, so you got New Jersey man, drone to deliver beer, million bees across Tennessee Highway.
• 1:10:39
  SPEAKER_04: Michigan Man builds functional roller coaster.
• 1:10:42
  SPEAKER_04: Texas town, state of emergency, feral peacocks, or woman eats pie uh wins pie eating contests after breaking up fight at country fair.
• 1:10:52
  SPEAKER_04: County fair.
• 1:10:56
  SPEAKER_05: Last two don't sound legit.
• 1:10:59
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like I heard about the bees.
• 1:11:01
  SPEAKER_05: I feel like I heard about that recently.
• 1:11:04
  SPEAKER_04: Um you've eliminated Texas Town and you've eliminated Oklahoma woman.
• 1:11:11
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:11:11
  SPEAKER_04: So we have New Jersey man, drone to deliver beer, one million bees across Tennessee Highway Ramp, and Michigan Man builds functional backyard roller coaster.
• 1:11:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:11:24
  SPEAKER_05: It's either man, it's either the bees or it's the beer.
• 1:11:32
  SPEAKER_05: Both sound legit.
• 1:11:33
  SPEAKER_05: I'm gonna what's our comment?
• 1:11:34
  SPEAKER_05: Let's see what the comment is.
• 1:11:36
  SPEAKER_05: Michelle says bees.
• 1:11:37
  SPEAKER_05: See, I'm feeling the bees.
• 1:11:38
  SPEAKER_05: I think I've heard that story recently.
• 1:11:40
  SPEAKER_05: Maybe you did say something about bees earlier in Red Pharma, so it's kind of stuck in my head.
• 1:11:45
  SPEAKER_06: Mm-hmm.
• 1:11:47
  SPEAKER_05: I'm going with bees because I feel like I heard that story.
• 1:11:49
  SPEAKER_04: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
• 1:11:51
  SPEAKER_04: That is correct.
• 1:11:52
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, yes.
• 1:11:53
  SPEAKER_04: Okay.
• 1:11:54
  SPEAKER_04: About a million bees.
• 1:11:55
  SPEAKER_05: Jesus.
• 1:11:56
  SPEAKER_04: After a truck of beehives flipped on a Tennessee highway ramp and dumped them everywhere, traffic came to a standstill while drivers watched a giant angry swarm take over the interstate.
• 1:12:08
  SPEAKER_04: Imagine being the like rescue crew on that.
• 1:12:11
  SPEAKER_04: What the hell do you do?
• 1:12:12
  SPEAKER_04: It's like that scene from Tommy Boy.
• 1:12:15
  SPEAKER_04: Beekeepers had to show up in full suits like it was some sort of apocalyptic event.
• 1:12:20
  SPEAKER_04: Official call officials called it chaotic, which is government speak for we're all gonna die.
• 1:12:25
  SPEAKER_04: Um, and uh yeah, it was uh not a very good situation.
• 1:12:30
  SPEAKER_04: You got it, you got it right.
• 1:12:32
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah, I feel like I like I saw that or saw it on Facebook or something.
• 1:12:36
  SPEAKER_05: So but the the beer one sounds legit too, because it sounds like something would happen.
• 1:12:40
  SPEAKER_04: I'm I'm sure it's actually happened, it just wasn't a news story.
• 1:12:44
  SPEAKER_05: Gotcha.
• 1:12:45
  SPEAKER_04: All right.
• 1:12:46
  SPEAKER_04: That's real or fake news tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
• 1:12:51
  SPEAKER_01: The Married Man Survival Guide is your playbook for staying alive in a world where you're always wrong, even when you're right.
• 1:12:58
  SPEAKER_01: We'll teach you how to pick your battle, apologize strategically, and survive marriage with your sanity, snacks, and TV remote intact.
• 1:13:13
  SPEAKER_04: Alright, gentlemen, diving into the ultimate survival manual tonight, the married man's survival guide.
• 1:13:19
  SPEAKER_04: Because if you're married, you're not just surviving a relationship, you're surviving a full contact sport with no timeout, no refs, and penalties, and uh penalties last longer than a Pats game at overtime.
• 1:13:30
  SPEAKER_04: So uh five fresh survival guide tips for you tonight.
• 1:13:35
  SPEAKER_04: Uh, number one, the decoy snack protocol.
• 1:13:40
  SPEAKER_04: Okay, pay attention.
• 1:13:43
  SPEAKER_04: Always keep one obviously terrible for you snack around the house.
• 1:13:48
  SPEAKER_04: You know, like those orange neon cheesy puffs.
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:13:52
  SPEAKER_04: Keep it in plain sight in the pantry.
• 1:13:55
  SPEAKER_04: When she says we need to eat healthier, dramatically agree and throw them right in the trash while you secretly maintain a second high-end hidden stash of actually good snacks behind the kale.
• 1:14:10
  SPEAKER_04: This creates the illusion of solidarity while preserving your will to live.
• 1:14:17
  SPEAKER_04: Bonus, if she finds the good stash, claim you bought it for the kids.
• 1:14:24
  SPEAKER_04: Number two! The tactical the tactical compliment delay.
• 1:14:30
  SPEAKER_04: Never ever compliment her new haircut, jeans, outfit the second that you see it.
• 1:14:39
  SPEAKER_04: Wait 47 minutes.
• 1:14:43
  SPEAKER_04: Actually set a timer.
• 1:14:45
  SPEAKER_04: And then hit her with a surprise.
• 1:14:47
  SPEAKER_04: Whoa, have you always looked so good in that?
• 1:14:51
  SPEAKER_04: Feels more genuine.
• 1:14:53
  SPEAKER_04: It buys you time in case you completely miss the change.
• 1:14:57
  SPEAKER_04: It works 60% of the time every time.
• 1:15:01
  SPEAKER_05: 60% every time.
• 1:15:03
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah, 40% you sleep on the couch.
• 1:15:06
  SPEAKER_04: But that's why God invented sports highlight shows.
• 1:15:09
  SPEAKER_04: Just saying.
• 1:15:11
  SPEAKER_04: Number three, the Phantom Project Gambit.
• 1:15:16
  SPEAKER_04: When she asks you to build, fix, assemble, anything on the weekend, immediately start loudly gathering tools and muttering something about measuring once but cutting twice.
• 1:15:30
  SPEAKER_04: Or measuring twice but cutting once.
• 1:15:33
  SPEAKER_04: Spend 45 minutes making believable sawdust and construction noises.
• 1:15:39
  SPEAKER_04: Then discover you're missing one crucial$4 part from the hardware store.
• 1:15:47
  SPEAKER_04: Drive there very slowly.
• 1:15:49
  SPEAKER_04: Get coffee, come home, take the scene of route, declare the project 95% done, just needs that one piece.
• 1:15:58
  SPEAKER_04: Repeat every weekend till she forgets.
• 1:16:10
  SPEAKER_04: You need to master three versatile neutral responses.
• 1:16:16
  SPEAKER_04: That's wild.
• 1:16:18
  SPEAKER_04: No way.
• 1:16:19
  SPEAKER_04: She did not.
• 1:16:22
  SPEAKER_04: Deploy them on a loop.
• 1:16:24
  SPEAKER_04: While she's venting about work, her friend's drama, or that one cousin she has.
• 1:16:29
  SPEAKER_04: Every four to five minutes, throw in a thoughtful.
• 1:16:32
  SPEAKER_04: Wait, so what did you say back?
• 1:16:36
  SPEAKER_04: It resets the illusion.
• 1:16:38
  SPEAKER_04: She feels heard.
• 1:16:40
  SPEAKER_04: You stay mentally checked into your game on your phone.
• 1:16:43
  SPEAKER_04: Advanced players add an occasional head bob, like a bobblehead.
• 1:16:49
  SPEAKER_04: The I'm listening soundboard.
• 1:16:52
  SPEAKER_04: Write that down.
• 1:16:54
  SPEAKER_04: And finally, number five, the preemptive apology drop.
• 1:17:00
  SPEAKER_04: Once a month.
• 1:17:02
  SPEAKER_04: Out of nowhere.
• 1:17:04
  SPEAKER_04: Hit her with a sincere sounding.
• 1:17:08
  SPEAKER_04: Hey, you know what?
• 1:17:09
  SPEAKER_04: I'm sorry, I've been a little bit distracted lately.
• 1:17:12
  SPEAKER_04: You put up with a lot, and I appreciate you.
• 1:17:17
  SPEAKER_04: Don't tie it into any specific screw up.
• 1:17:20
  SPEAKER_04: It's like depositing goodwill into the marriage bank before you inevitably forget trash day or leave the dishes to soak.
• 1:17:30
  SPEAKER_04: The shock and worm fuzzies usually buy you seven to ten days to buffer.
• 1:17:37
  SPEAKER_04: There you have it.
• 1:17:39
  SPEAKER_04: All great tips from the Married Man's Survival Guide tonight on the Alpha Men podcast.
• 1:17:46
  SPEAKER_01: The views, jokes, opinions, and heart takes shared on this podcast are for entertainment purposes only and are not filtered with softening or free for sensitivity.
• 1:17:55
  SPEAKER_01: If you are offended, uncomfortable, or triggered by blunt humor, sarcasm, or unqualified opinions, that's unfamiliar.
• 1:18:02
  SPEAKER_01: Not us.
• 1:18:03
  SPEAKER_01: We are not responsible for perfectness, and listening as a choice.
• 1:18:07
  SPEAKER_01: Proceed at your own risk.
• 1:18:11
  SPEAKER_04: Unfiltered and underqualified, the part of the show where we drop all pretense of expertise, grab a cold one, and just unload hot takes with zero filter.
• 1:18:20
  SPEAKER_04: No doctors, no therapists, no common sense, just raw, unhinged opinions.
• 1:18:24
  SPEAKER_04: And we wrap this bad boy up tonight with It's finally May.
• 1:18:31
  SPEAKER_04: You thought May was gonna be barbecues, golf, maybe finally knocking the rust off the boat.
• 1:18:40
  SPEAKER_04: Nah.
• 1:18:41
  SPEAKER_04: Mother Nature flipped the calendar, and your wife just heard the starter pistol for spring cleaning and Mother's Day prep season.
• 1:18:50
  SPEAKER_04: Suddenly, the uh honeydew list didn't just grow.
• 1:18:55
  SPEAKER_04: It mutated.
• 1:18:57
  SPEAKER_04: It got tentacles and testicles now.
• 1:19:01
  SPEAKER_04: Last night I'm trying to watch the game peaceful, and she hits me with that sweet voice.
• 1:19:07
  SPEAKER_04: Honey, um, you know the garage looks like a bomb went off it in a bachelor pad from 2009.
• 1:19:15
  SPEAKER_04: And in my head, I'm thinking, bro.
• 1:19:19
  SPEAKER_04: The garage is supposed to look like that.
• 1:19:23
  SPEAKER_04: That's where dreams go to die.
• 1:19:25
  SPEAKER_04: Next to my broken golf clubs, that half-built smoker I never finished last summer.
• 1:19:31
  SPEAKER_04: Now she wants me doing deep cleans.
• 1:19:34
  SPEAKER_04: You know what a deep clean means?
• 1:19:36
  SPEAKER_04: It means I move the same dusty box from one shelf to another while she supervises like a four-star general.
• 1:19:46
  SPEAKER_04: Do you like behind the dryer?
• 1:19:50
  SPEAKER_04: Behind the dryer?
• 1:19:52
  SPEAKER_04: Woman, there's an ecosystem back there.
• 1:19:55
  SPEAKER_04: It's got its own zip code.
• 1:19:57
  SPEAKER_04: We're talking ancient socks, three extension cords, and what I'm sure is the remains of our first dog's tennis ball.
• 1:20:07
  SPEAKER_04: And don't get me started on Mother's Day.
• 1:20:10
  SPEAKER_04: We got five days, fellas.
• 1:20:12
  SPEAKER_04: Five.
• 1:20:13
  SPEAKER_04: And she's gonna say the same thing she says every year.
• 1:20:16
  SPEAKER_04: What is it?
• 1:20:20
  SPEAKER_04: I don't know.
• 1:20:20
  SPEAKER_04: I don't want anything big.
• 1:20:22
  SPEAKER_04: Oh.
• 1:20:23
  SPEAKER_05: Yeah.
• 1:20:24
  SPEAKER_04: Which is code for I better see flowers, a card with some actual handwritten feelings, and at least one expensive thing that proves you listen.
• 1:20:34
  SPEAKER_04: That's what I don't want anything big means.
• 1:20:37
  SPEAKER_04: One year I got her a new vacuum.
• 1:20:41
  SPEAKER_04: Top of the line.
• 1:20:43
  SPEAKER_04: She cried.
• 1:20:44
  SPEAKER_04: Not happy tears.
• 1:20:47
  SPEAKER_04: I still maintain it was a practical grift.
• 1:20:51
  SPEAKER_04: She was one that said the house needed cleaning.
• 1:20:54
  SPEAKER_04: Let's just say that Mother's Day sucked.
• 1:20:58
  SPEAKER_04: Yeah.
• 1:20:59
  SPEAKER_04: This year, baby, you're hearing about brunch reservations.
• 1:21:02
  SPEAKER_04: Maybe a spa gift certificate.
• 1:21:05
  SPEAKER_04: And apparently you're supposed to take my kids somewhere so she can relax.
• 1:21:11
  SPEAKER_04: Actually, they're your kids.
• 1:21:13
  SPEAKER_04: But whatever.
• 1:21:16
  SPEAKER_04: Taking the kids somewhere is not relaxing.
• 1:21:18
  SPEAKER_04: It's just like mobile chaos with snacks and bathroom emergencies every 17 minutes.
• 1:21:25
  SPEAKER_04: But gentlemen, the calendar has betrayed us.
• 1:21:28
  SPEAKER_04: May is not a month.
• 1:21:30
  SPEAKER_04: May is a marital obstacle course.
• 1:21:33
  SPEAKER_04: One wrong move.
• 1:21:35
  SPEAKER_04: You're sleeping on the couch with the dog.
• 1:21:39
  SPEAKER_04: And you're pretty sure that dog is judging you too.
• 1:21:43
  SPEAKER_04: So here's the pro tip.
• 1:21:45
  SPEAKER_04: Start doing visible projects immediately.
• 1:21:48
  SPEAKER_04: Drag a ladder out.
• 1:21:49
  SPEAKER_04: Make some noise.
• 1:21:50
  SPEAKER_04: Wipe one of the baseboards like your Michelangelo.
• 1:21:53
  SPEAKER_04: She sees the effort, even fake effort, you're gonna buy yourself at least 48 hours.
• 1:22:00
  SPEAKER_04: Stock up on the flowers early, write the card in advance.
• 1:22:04
  SPEAKER_04: None of that.
• 1:22:05
  SPEAKER_04: Thanks for being you, garbage.
• 1:22:07
  SPEAKER_04: Get specific.
• 1:22:08
  SPEAKER_04: Mention the chili she makes.
• 1:22:10
  SPEAKER_04: Women love that.
• 1:22:12
  SPEAKER_04: And if all else fails, just look her in the eyes and say, baby, I'm trying to make this Mother's Day one you'll never forget.
• 1:22:21
  SPEAKER_04: And then immediately go more the lawn in straight lines.
• 1:22:26
  SPEAKER_04: Straight lines by forgiveness.
• 1:22:32
  SPEAKER_04: Happy May, you may you poor married bastards.
• 1:22:35
  SPEAKER_04: We're all getting drafted.
• 1:22:37
  SPEAKER_04: Try not to die, okay?
• 1:22:39
  SPEAKER_04: And that's the AlphaMed Podcast tonight.
• 1:22:43
  SPEAKER_04: Um, go live something happy.
• 1:22:45
  SPEAKER_04: Tell your wife you love her, even if she's wrong about the thermostat.
• 1:22:49
  SPEAKER_04: And for love of God, stop believing everything you see on TikTok.
• 1:22:53
  SPEAKER_04: Do we have a video that works?
• 1:22:55
  SPEAKER_04: We do have a video that works.
• 1:22:56
  SPEAKER_04: Alright.
• 1:22:57
  SPEAKER_04: Roll it.
• 1:23:04
  SPEAKER_04: Some talent there, man.
• 1:23:06
  SPEAKER_04: Check that out.
• 1:23:10
  SPEAKER_04: Chicken wings right in the ranch dressing.
• 1:23:14
  SPEAKER_04: This is why you can't believe everything you see on the internet.
• 1:23:25
  SPEAKER_04: That's it for tonight.
• 1:23:27
  SPEAKER_04: If you loved it, tell your friends.
• 1:23:29
  SPEAKER_04: If you hate it, tell your friends and argue about it.
• 1:23:31
  SPEAKER_04: Either way, back here next Tuesday night at 8.
• 1:23:34
  SPEAKER_04: And in the immortal words of the Beverly Hillbillies, y'all come back now, you hear?
• 1:23:38
  SPEAKER_05: Have a good night, y'all.
• 1:23:44
  SPEAKER_00: Alright, Alpha Pad.
• 1:23:45
  SPEAKER_00: That's all the damage we're legally allowed to do tonight.
• 1:23:48
  SPEAKER_00: If you're offended, confused, clutching your pearls, or Googling, is it normal to agree with idiots?
• 1:23:54
  SPEAKER_00: Perfect.
• 1:23:55
  SPEAKER_00: Mission accomplished.
• 1:23:56
  SPEAKER_00: This has been the Alpha Ben Podcast, where opinions are loud, thanks are optional, and HR would have tackled this before the intro is a demon finished.
• 1:24:04
  SPEAKER_00: Thanks for hanging out, cracking a beer for free, and pretending you worked something.
• 1:24:12
  SPEAKER_00: Smash like, subscribe, share up with that friend who gets kicked out of family business.
• 1:24:17
  SPEAKER_00: And remember, if common sense were common, half this country would be unemployed.
• 1:24:23
  SPEAKER_00: Now, we've got to go explain what wise while we said that.
• 1:24:26
  SPEAKER_00: Square was for this kill and we don't explain real fast.
• 1:24:32
  SPEAKER_00: Same chaos.
• 1:24:36
  SPEAKER_00: And absolutely no reports.