Latest / The Grove Church / Fellowship and Mentorship

Transcript

Fellowship and Mentorship · The Grove Church

• 0:01
  Charlie Loften: Hello, and welcome to The Grove Church podcast. I'm Charlie Loften, the lead pastor there, and we are so glad that you're joining us. Whether you are a member and you're just catching up on a sermon that you missed or you're someone who's brand new, we are really glad that you are joining us. And if you are new in some way, and I know that a lot of people will do that, we'll listen to sermons first before they visit. I want you to know that we would love to meet you at any point.
• 0:25
  You can join us live in our services on Sunday, nine and 10:30 or our streaming service at 10:30. Either way, we would love to be able to get to know you. And regardless of why you are here listening to this sermon today, thank you so much for joining us.
• 0:41
  Hey, good morning. If you are new, I'm Charlie. I'm the lead pastor here and really, really glad that you're here. You're worshiping with us today. We are at the end of a series.
• 0:50
  We're talking about calling Ancient Paths, where we're just kind of learning about these kind of the long standing Christian traditions that have been vital over the years to our spiritual growth and how we can kind of connect or reconnect with them. And again, as Mark mentioned earlier, where you have caught us also on party day, and so right after this, we're just going to have lunch together, we're going to celebrate, just get to know people, and really hope that you'll stay. You may not have planned on coming today, but we were planning on some of you coming anyway. Like, we will have enough. We have tacos.
• 1:29
  And for people like me, again, very weird taste buds of a nine year old. Hot dogs are actually going be great. Shout outs to the hot dog guys for coming in strong for the 10 year olds amongst us. So it would be great. Love to hang out, get to know you, and just kind of help you feel like you can be more part of this community.
• 1:48
  Because sometimes it can be really scary, like to even be in a crowd of people like this. And like, you want it, but you kind of feel like you're on the outside. And if you want to be on the inside, we want to be able to help you. And so that really is kind of what this is designed for. So hope that you will, even for a little bit, just stay and connect, and we would love to get to know you a little bit better.
• 2:13
  And as I was thinking about today and just kind of this, what we're talking about today and kind of building towards Grove Fest, I was thinking about the very first small group experience that my wife and I had after we were married. We've now been married a little bit over thirty two years, and we were involved in a college ministry, and we went to church, but really all of our community was in Bible studies and friends and things that we had on campus. And so it's not that we really weren't involved in church, but we weren't involved the way adults would be. We came, and we would help every now and then. But then once we graduated, and now we were gonna be real life married grown ups, he was like, we need we need to find a small group.
• 2:55
  And so after we got back from our honeymoon, we found the small groups pastor at the church we were at, I asked him, like, we're ready to get involved in small groups when they kick back off this fall. And so he was talking to us about kind of what you're looking for. I was like, you know, we're just brand new married. We would love to be maybe in some kind of study where we're learning about marriage and with people not necessarily our age, but people who are a little bit ahead of us so that we can learn from them. So, oh, I've got this new group that's going to be starting up, and it's led by this couple, I think that might be a really good fit for you.
• 3:26
  And they're doing a marriage study out of a ministry that was developed by a ministry called Family Life, and it was you know, basically on how to have a healthy marriage, so sounds great. And we're in this group for the whole school year. My funny, most predominant memory of this group was we were playing Pictionary, and it wasn't just some sort of like little sketch game. No, the actual, the old school board game, Pictionary. Now, if you remember it, you all, you know, you're working your way around a board, and you start here, and you're working your way all the way around, and you end up back in the finish right here.
• 4:01
  So it's us and these three couples that were way old, early thirties. It was, again, we're 22, and we're there with them, and we're playing Pictionary with them, and I am not exaggerating to you. Not only did we win this game, all three of the other couples were still on start. They had not moved at all, and we were here, and we had won. And if you know the game at all, there are several times all along the way that in order to continue to advance, everybody gets to to draw at the same time, and they can steal it from you.
• 4:33
  And that never happened. We won every time, and we just just dominated them. And I'm telling you, it was a little bit embarrassing, but not embarrassing enough for us to stop. I mean, we could have, at any time, just thrown one round, but it is just not in our nature. And so if you're wondering, hey, what are the Loftens like?
• 4:56
  There you go. That's what it is, and we pass it on to all three of our kids. Mean, that's been that is such an old memory now, but I think about it. Anyways, but there's some other more memorable things that happened in that small group. Most noticeably, there would be a lot of weeks where we're going through this marriage curriculum, where we'd be talking about something and we would discuss, and real life fights, not fists, but like arguments would break out in the group, but between the couples, right, And and none of...
• 5:28
  Including the leader, right? So you ask the question, what does marriage look like? What does God say about this? And we get the answer, and they're, oh, well, you got the answer for that right now. That would've been really great yesterday.
• 5:39
  Oh, so now you know what a wife's supposed to be. Oh, well, yeah, good husband. I mean, and just, and then, you know, we're sitting here 22 years old, well, I guess we're learning what marriage is like. I know. It's just like, it just really, it was really uncomfortable.
• 5:54
  But if anything, we drove home and we're like, we're actually doing pretty good, think. We're doing we're doing we're doing okay. And there towards the end, there was one week where it was just us and the couple that was leading. And you could tell he was just kinda really battling something. And at one point, he said, kinda just like this, he's like, man, I don't even know if I believe in God anymore, and the only reason I'm doing this stupid group is because of the two of you.
• 6:21
  I'm like, oh. So that's my commercial for why you should join a small group. Now I tell that in part because it's a humorous story to me, but also it was impactful in a lot of ways, but I also think about how many people there are here in this room who have all sorts of reasons why they don't want to do this, Why for one reason or another, it just feels weird. Maybe you've had some bad experiences with opening up to people, or you don't really trust people, or you've been involved in some kind of small group at church, or there's a lot of different reasons that you can have a hang up and say, I don't know if I really want to come here and find people. I just want to come here, get my points and get out.
• 7:10
  So I just want to do church and just kind of go on, because it might be hard, it might be difficult. Something weird might happen, but the reality of it is anything in your life that matters, anything that really is important, that is genuinely going to help you become better, I mean, everything that might... Being a good parent, being a good employee, being a good spouse, growing, learning, getting better, all of those things are hard and are going be fraught with all sorts of ups and downs, but the fact that something can be difficult, that can be scary, or that you may even have a bad experience while trying it, None of those things should keep us from taking a step forward for something that I have come to believe is absolutely essential. I am I am now no longer a 22 year old. In fact, you know, we we have been married ten years longer than the age we were back then, and we...
• 8:10
  Being married thirty two years, and we've been married longer than a lot of you have even been alive. But I have become more and more convinced over the years. And if you were here last week, Brad Alexander said this in his video, and you may have seen it on social media. Like, I I don't I don't know how people do it outside the church. I don't know how they do it without without having people.
• 8:40
  We absolutely believe that it is critical. If you are going to be the man, the woman that God has called you to be, you're gonna have healthy families, be a healthy person, really growing in your relationship with God. We need to figure out a way to connect with each other, and the passage we're gonna look at today is in Acts chapter two. It is absolutely one of my favorite passages. I probably have spoken on this passage more than any other, and every now and then when this topic comes up, I tell myself maybe I should pick a different passage, not because, you know, we just can't maybe keep it fresh in my own mind rather than just keep coming back to this, but so often I just keep coming back to it.
• 9:17
  Because what this passage is gonna show at the very infancy stages of the church, the church has really just now gotten started, and from its very beginning, this idea of community, the need for community, the need for mentorship, the need that we have for each other, we see it here in the very beginning. And this is happening right after what we now call Pentecost, where the Holy Spirit comes upon the disciples in this really powerful way, and they begin to speak in other languages, proclaiming Jesus to all these people, and then finally Peter comes out and preaches this really powerful sermon, and 3,000 people come to faith that day. And now, just in one quick moment, what we would call the church, the church has emerged, 3,000 people. What are they gonna do? How does this work?
• 10:06
  What are they supposed to do? What are they supposed to be? And this describes that moment of kind of what the church looked like in its very early foundational stage. Acts chapter two, starting with verse 42. They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching, and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread, and to prayer.
• 10:27
  Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day, they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.
• 10:54
  And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. So what were they doing? It seems like that they were hanging out a lot together, They were just spending time together, just doing normal things like eating food, right? I mean, the idea that when you should get together for church and every now and then you should just eat, I mean, it's very common. It's from the beginning.
• 11:19
  It's very biblical. Small groups, most of time we do a small group, all we do is eat. Great, that's biblical. You have done what God has called us to do, which is just to spend time together. But they are not just simply hanging out and eating food, even though that seems to be a significant part of it.
• 11:36
  They are praying together. They are worshiping together. They are learning together. They're growing together, and they're doing this all in the context of one another. They're learning from the disciples.
• 11:48
  They're encouraging each other. Anytime anyone has a need, they come together and rally the resources necessary to meet it, which always makes me kind of ask the question, how did they know that someone had a need? Well, because they were in a community together, and they knew each other, and it was a place where if you had such a need, you could share it. So a place where you can enjoy each other, you can grow together, you feel safe enough to share your need, and you are surrounded by people who love you and love God well enough to do whatever it takes to meet that need. This idea that we call fellowship, that we call community, has been around from the very beginning.
• 12:40
  It it is as much as anything deep and foundational in the very roots of what Christianity was meant to be, what the church is supposed to be. We see here at moment one how important this was in their growth and development as followers of Jesus. And so I wanna say this as clearly and succinctly as I can. We need each other. We need each other.
• 13:13
  Too many of us are living lives isolated. Too many of us are living lives lonely, and you can be isolated and lonely sitting in a room with a couple of 100 people. You can sit here in this room and feel like you are on the outside, like no one knows you and you don't know anyone and you feel like an outsider. You can be at a large sporting event. You can be at a family reunion.
• 13:37
  You can be any number of places and still feel alone and isolated, and you feel this. We we we we we need each other. Too often, way too often, at our worst, when we struggle, we fail to connect with people in the way that we need to. And sometimes the worse we feel, the more isolated we feel like we're supposed to be, and that somehow the magic is I'm going to isolate myself over here. I'm going to get better, and then when I get good enough, I'll come over here so I can have this community.
• 14:22
  I just... People say, you can be a good Christian. You can be a Christian and not be in small group or not have that. Yes, you can. You can.
• 14:33
  I just don't know about anybody who's doing it well. That if we really are going to grow, if we're going to thrive, if we're really gonna learn who Jesus is, become more like him, and be the person he's called us to out there in the world, we need each other. And despite a false start in our very first small group, now we are 23 years old, seasoned veterans, married a whole year, and we had a really weird experience under our belt. But here's the thing that we knew. We just instinctively knew this.
• 15:10
  We need people. We need people who are like us. We spend a lot of time with college students. We a lot of time with college students. That was our job.
• 15:18
  We were college ministers at the time. Spent a lot of time with him. We need somebody who's living on our level, who gets who we are, and so we continue to pursue it. Because here's the thing that was happening. Maybe we weren't fighting in the open like the last small group was.
• 15:37
  We knew better than we keep our disputes private. However, the disputes that were happening in private were pretty significant. The same sort of energy that would cause a couple to just crush three couples' souls in a game of fictionary. When the opponent is not these other couples but your spouse, we knew how to fight. We didn't know how to be...
• 16:04
  Have a healthy conflict, but we knew how to fight. We kept it private, but they would get big. Neither one of us at the time really had great skills in how to manage and how to have good conflict resolution. We just knew that we just needed, just get it out, just get it out there. And then we had this idea that, you know, all this passage says you shouldn't go to bed when you're angry, so we wouldn't go to bed, no, we would never go to bed angry.
• 16:28
  But when you got two people who are angry and are highly competitive and are not great at saying, that's... You're right. It's my fault. I'm sorry. The next thing you know, it's midnight, one, two, three in the morning, and we were struggling.
• 16:45
  And we knew that we needed help. And so we reached back out. Hey, man. That didn't quite work out. Said, yeah.
• 16:52
  I know. It's not a group anyway. Okay. Well, let's try again. And he got us involved in another group, and so I think it's still going to be really good for you.
• 16:59
  It's people who are a few years older than you. It's got a much more seasoned leader, and I think you'll really enjoy this. And we got back involved in this group, and it was great. And it was just really good. It was just really good for us to be around people who cared about each other, who cared about us being there, and people who were just a little bit further down, just being around them helped.
• 17:27
  And in the course of that small group, we met a couple, Stuart and Leigh Ann Norton, who became our lifelong friends, people that we got to spend a lot of time with over the over the next five years that we were in Conway and have been really close to them, and, you know, both physically and personally in different seasons. We've just been able to be there for each other and love each other, and some of the best friends that I have had or will ever have, we made in that group. And that cycle is repeatable. We've dealt a lot of different places. Seminary in Colorado, a church in Saint Louis, and another church in Central Arkansas back here.
• 18:10
  We've been in a lot of groups, and we've made a decision from the very beginning, not because it is our job, because it was not our job when we started it to get involved in a small group at our church. We made a decision from the very beginning that we know that if we are going to thrive, if we are going to grow in our relationship with God, we need other people. Because way too many of us, we we live isolated. When we're having our darkest thoughts, who do we share them with? When we are about to implement our worst ideas, who is going to stop us?
• 18:44
  When we need that encouragement, when we need the strength that we need to take a risk, when we have a problem and we don't know the answer, who do we ask? And I'm telling you, we desperately need each other. I need people that when I have a need, that I know that people are going to rally. I need people to just to know me and to care about me, and I'm telling you, this is not because I am the pastor of a church. If anything, being the lead pastor of a church makes this more difficult, because I'm supposed to be some other sort of type of person, And I have to work really hard, and I'm not lying because, yo, it's the pastor.
• 19:26
  I have to work really, really hard to find people that I can that I can relate to that see me for just being me. But I will work as hard as I have to to find those people because I know without it, I'll be a mess. Now, they're doing all these really awesome things together. They are, they're devoted to fellowship, to praying, to eating. They're worshiping together.
• 20:00
  They're seeing each other all the time. They're eating each other's homes, they have glad and sincere hearts. Rather than feeling the sense of isolation, they're just enjoying one another, but it is, again, it is very purposeful. And there's something that I want to add to this to make sure that we understand, because it was a very purposeful nature to it. They were growing because they were learning from the apostles.
• 20:23
  They had made a commitment together that we were going to be dedicated to learning what the apostles have to say. Says it right here. They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching. They were filled with awe and wonders at the signs performed by the apostles. They were not just a bunch of people who had a friendship and that were just kind of doing spiritual things together.
• 20:44
  They were getting invested into deeply by the apostles. And so I want to add this piece, because it is of incredible importance that we find community, and that is the primary driver of what we're talking about today, that we find real fellowship and community. But I also want to say this, not only do we need each other, but everyone also needs a mentor. What Jesus told the disciples in Matthew 28, very last thing He said to them, hey, I want you to take everything that I have taught you, everything you've learned from me, want you to take it, I want you to teach it to other people. This is your job.
• 21:23
  I like to say it this way, right? Following Jesus for them was a very literal event for for years. Jesus was here, they went here. Jesus went over here, they followed Him over here. They were following Jesus.
• 21:35
  What does it mean to follow Jesus when Jesus is gone? He tells them, take everything you've learned from me and teach it. And they understood this is what they need to be about. The church understood that we need to be learning, so we're seeing the disciples doing what it is they were called to do, to teach other people the things that they know so that they can learn, and then now it is their job to do the same thing. And it is really, really good that we have people that we can be in community with, that we can build deep friendships with, accountability, help, service, deep, real friendship.
• 22:14
  That's what we're looking for. But we also need somebody who's a few steps ahead of us to help us out. Now in college, it was actually very easy for me. This ministry that I was involved in as a student and then was on staff with for several years, there was this guy, some of you have told this story before. I met him at church one Sunday, and he was...
• 22:35
  Mean, it felt like at the time when I was a freshman and a sophomore, this dude just will not stop harassing me. He was calling me all the time. He was always inviting me to things, telling him I need to do this, come to this Bible study, do this. We would meet every week, and he would always sit and he was just constantly on me, mentoring me, helping me learn what it really means to be a follower of Jesus. It was incredibly helpful.
• 22:57
  And over the course of my entire four years as a student, man, I grew from a guy who thought he knew a lot to someone who just really understood in a really deep way what it means to walk with God. And I saw, began to see progressively year after year, how incredibly important this was. And so when I got out of college, was like, man, I need to find that again, somebody who was willing to just kind of go all in with me, to meet with me every week, to mentor me every week, and help me and just kind of pursue me in this way, and it turns out, and you all know this, that doesn't exist like in what we'll call the real world. There just aren't people out there like that just doing that. I mean, I mean, I guess I could if you wanted me to.
• 23:40
  I could just text you, hey, you coming to church tomorrow? That seems like it would get tired for you and me really quickly. But here I am, 23 years old, been married a year. And not only is there just kinda some conflict there between me and my wife, that's something like me. I...
• 24:01
  I've got this new job, and I'm not I'm not doing well at it. I'm not doing well. I am struggling with how to do it. I I I feel like a fraud every day. Like, I'm supposed to go on this campus and be this guy who knows all these things and be this great mentor and tell all these people about Jesus, and I'm scared to death hiding in the library.
• 24:23
  Meanwhile, I've got some really significant deep personal issues going on. I feel like in every way you could define, what does it mean to be a good, healthy, godly man? I was failing. And I I needed to be in this small group, not just because we needed to be in a small group, but I I needed a lot of help. And and it just seemed like I couldn't find it.
• 24:49
  And so finally, this guy Stuart, I mean, he was way old. I was 23. He was 29. And he had a baby, and I was like, this guy gets it. And I asked him, man, can we have lunch together?
• 25:02
  And so he said, sure. And in that first lunch, I'm crying. I'm crying just about how much I'm failing, about how life isn't what I thought it was going to be. I'm supposed to be this person up here, and I feel like I'm as bad as it gets. I'm failing at marriage.
• 25:21
  I'm failing at job. I'm failing in my personal life. Will you meet with me every week and disciple me and mentor me and help me just get better at everything? And I can only imagine, really, what a 29 year old is thinking with this, can imagine, has he ever seen a 23 year old cry before? Like, and that's really overwhelming ask.
• 25:43
  And there's any number of very reasonable responses he could have come up with. But what he said to me, like, I don't know about all that. That that that seems like a lot. But here's what I can do. We...
• 26:01
  You and I can just meet and have lunch together every week, and we can just talk. I think, done. I'm in. Perfect. Let's do that.
• 26:09
  And so we would do this. We did this every week. And ultimately, we did this every week for five years. But after the first couple of weeks, I would come back and, you know, we would sit there and we would meet and we would talk about what's going on in my job marriage and kind of my personal sin struggles and all these kind of different things. And then I would get home, and Heidi would be like, what'd you and Stuart talk about?
• 26:33
  And I'd be like, I don't know, all kinds of stuff. Another week would go by, so what'd you and Stuart talk about today? Don't know. Different kind of stuff. And it just kind of got progressively sharper every week.
• 26:48
  So what'd you and Stuart talk about? Because I think she knew instinctively, she's not dumb, that part of what I'm talking about is how I'm not doing great as a husband, and how my wife is frustrating me, and how I'm confused about marriage, and I'm just kind of pouring out all the frustrations that I'm having in my marriage about me and her. And she feels that, and it feels awkward, I'm sure to her, that somewhere out there in the wide world is me and this guy she barely knows, I'm telling him my secrets, not only about my personal life, but about our marriage. And so finally, to exact revenge upon us, I believe, Heidi and Leanne got together for lunch, and we're gonna get together for lunch. I'm like, okay, great.
• 27:28
  And apparently, they had a conversation, and she came home that day. And she said, I'm still getting used to the idea that you're meeting with this guy, and you're talking about me. I'm talking about our marriage. And and and it's it's still frustrating. It still feels weird.
• 27:47
  But Leanne and I talked about it, and we decided that we're not gonna say anything else about it anymore because we don't know exactly what you do, what you're talking about. I just know this. You're a better man when you meet with him. These are the kinds of relationships we need. We do not want you to be here at the church where you feel like you are just kind of sitting here on the outside.
• 28:16
  We want you to come and feel like I know these people. These these are my people in general. But beyond that, we need to find a smaller group of people. We need find a smaller group of people that just can really be that know me well enough to be an encouragement to me. And then hopefully, within that, we can find a one person that really can be a mentor to me, that can really just kind of help me get better, who just knows a little bit more about something than I do.
• 28:45
  And there comes a point where you reach a certain age or certain place in life where finding a real mentor can get more and more difficult. But we are surrounded by people who know something more about some things about life than what you do, And it takes some intentionality on your part to move from the outside, to be on the inside, to move from that to like, I've got people, and to then intentionally seek out relationships with people who are intentionally making me better. But that's what was happening to me. And my wife could see it, and it was attractive. And honestly, every community that we have been a part of that has that kind of energy, it's a healthy community like that's always attractive.
• 29:33
  And that's what was happening here. It says they were praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people, and the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved. Genuine community is going to be attractive. Our mission here is we want people to know Jesus. We want them to develop meaningful relationships, and we believe that God's called us to share his hope with the world.
• 30:00
  And we genuinely believe that the more committed we are to that middle piece of building genuine relationships with each other, that is going to be incredibly attractive. People want that. There are a lot of things out there in the world people are looking for, and I see it all the time in the small groups here when a small group rallies around a person who is going through something. And the people on the outside of that community, where did those people even come from? Where did all that food come from?
• 30:31
  Where did all those clothes come from? How get did so many people so quickly? So these are my people. And there are people always on the outside looking in, wishing they had it, and it is a great piece of our mission. If we want to share the hope of Jesus with the world, we need to love each other well.
• 30:52
  Jesus said it himself. This is how people are going to know that you follow me by the way you love each other. We want people to know Jesus. We want to share his hope with the world. Let's love each other well, and it will be attractive.
• 31:07
  People will want to come. People will want to find out about the hope that Jesus offers them. So we come here a lot of different ways, a lot of different ways, a lot of different places. Or people who just happen to show up here the very first week, and this is what we're talking about, to people who've been here for a few weeks and are trying to figure out how to get in, to people who've been here for a long time and are still kind of just hovering around. You need this, and we need you.
• 31:42
  We need you to understand that we how desperately we need each other, and we need to be seeking out mentors, and we need to be living lives in such a way that are incredibly attractive. We're not gonna live in isolation. We're not gonna live like outsiders. We're not gonna hold our cards close to our chest. We are going to grow into the men and women that God has called us to be by genuinely seeking out relationships where we can be known, we can know, we can serve, we can worship, we can have a great time, and we can become who God has called us to be and spread the hope of his Son to the world.
• 32:29
  Let me pray. God, I thank you. I thank you for everybody here, for the people who knew this was coming, the people who didn't. And God, just pray that everybody would take a step today, despite any false starts that they've had, any fears that they have, that God, that we would take a step forward towards pursuing really meaningful relationships, that we would not hover here like an outsider in a crowd, that God, that we would seek authentic community here, God, that we would actively pursue relationships with people who can help us just be better, and God, that we would live in a way that people who do not know you will be drawn to you through the way that we love and serve each other. Again, we're so thankful for your son, we're so thankful for the apostles, and we're thankful for this church that you built and the model that they are to us.
• 33:51
  And above all of that, we're so thankful for the life that we have through the death and resurrection of your son. And it's in his name we pray. Amen.
• 34:04
  Thanks again for joining us on our sermon podcast, and you can learn more about us at The Grove Church dot org. If you go to thegrovechurch.org/connect, there's a form you could fill out. Just let us know that you've been listening. And if you want to dig deeper on some of these topics that we cover in our sermon podcast or just another issues of dealing with culture or theology, those kinds things, you can check out our cultivate podcast. It's on the same feed, however you found this particular podcast.
• 34:30
  So again, this is Charlie, the lead pastor at The Grove, and thank you so much for joining us.