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The Simple Difference This Holiday Season | Becky Keife Enneagram Three · The Wholehearted Enneagram Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: Because especially around the holidays, and this is, I'm sure it's applicable for all of us, but also as a three, I'm like, I got my list, like I'm going here and I'm going here, and I got to get this done because I'm preparing for this.
• 0:11
  SPEAKER_00: It's so easy in that way, without meaning to turn really inward, really self-focused, and we will miss an opportunity to be other focused and be an agent of change, be that conduit of kindness, not out of our own goodwill, really, but a conduit of God's kindness.
• 0:32
  SPEAKER_00: And think about it.
• 0:33
  SPEAKER_00: Now more than ever in this season, the Lord wants to reach people's hearts to give them hope that this world cannot offer, you know, a peace that this world clearly is lacking.
• 0:47
  SPEAKER_00: And so what does it look like to live eyes wide open to the people in front of us and be have this posture that says, like, I'm ready and willing to respond in really simple ways, but to show people that they are seen not just by me, but really by God.
• 1:08
  SPEAKER_01: I am Amy Wakes, and you are listening to the Simply Wholehearted Podcast.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_01: Welcome to the fifth advent season of the podcast created to help you prepare your heart with the joy of Christmas, expand your generosity, and find new traditions to help your family celebrate Jesus' birth.
• 1:28
  SPEAKER_01: If you've ever struggled with frustration, anxiety, and self-doubt, especially during the holidays, you need to know you are not alone.
• 1:37
  SPEAKER_01: I am here to help you navigate through the overwhelm with faith, Enneagram, and sustainable and practical rhythms for your everyday life.
• 1:46
  SPEAKER_01: So listen along as you drink those holiday lights, walk off those tasty treats, or drive around trying to find that perfect gift.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_01: To kick off our fifth annual advent season of the podcast, I've invited Becky Keefe to share about her book, The Simple Difference, how every small act of kindness makes a big impact, which I think is one of the best ways to orient our hearts to the real reason for the season.
• 2:25
  SPEAKER_01: Now, Becky is another kindred spirit who might be as big of a fan as I am of Voxer, Sunday afternoon naps, and cinnamon.
• 2:35
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, my friends.
• 2:36
  SPEAKER_01: If you've been paying attention to my Instagram stories, you know I love cinnamon.
• 2:42
  SPEAKER_01: All right, let's jump right into our conversation, starting with another favorite thing, the Enneagram.
• 2:50
  SPEAKER_01: Well, Becky, I am so excited to have you on today.
• 2:54
  SPEAKER_01: Of course, I told my friends a little bit about who you were and this new book, the simple difference.
• 3:01
  SPEAKER_01: But this is like this new way that I'm going to frame the question because it helps us really know a little bit more about you.
• 3:09
  SPEAKER_01: And that is if we could peek in your window today, what would we see?
• 3:13
  SPEAKER_01: Tell us a little bit about how life is and what's going on in your world.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: Oh my goodness.
• 3:18
  SPEAKER_00: If you could peek into a window of my house, you would see some soccer cleats of my kids that haven't been put away.
• 3:26
  SPEAKER_00: You'd see three water bottles.
• 3:28
  SPEAKER_00: Actually, well, three dirty ones, a slew of clean ones.
• 3:32
  SPEAKER_00: Although I hate hand washing water bottles.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know what it is.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: I like I'm with yeah, I will leave them on the counter for like days and days.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: You would see my desk is in my kitchen and it is not super tidy right now.
• 3:47
  SPEAKER_00: I have books stacked on either side and calendars and papers, and I am just in the thick of it, just like all of you.
• 3:56
  SPEAKER_01: So true.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, so Becky, I'm I'm hearing calendars and papers.
• 4:00
  SPEAKER_01: So are you a paper calendar kind of girl or do you try to do digital?
• 4:06
  SPEAKER_00: Okay, I do both, but I live and die by my paper calendar.
• 4:10
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, me too.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 4:11
  SPEAKER_00: I have to have it.
• 4:12
  SPEAKER_00: If it is not on there, it does not exist in my head.
• 4:15
  SPEAKER_00: I have to have it written down.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 4:17
  SPEAKER_01: It's true.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_01: I know I've been teased about all my calendars because there are so many.
• 4:22
  SPEAKER_01: But ultimately, if I haven't written it down and it's not there, I forget.
• 4:26
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, so yes, I have my things on the Google calendar so I can go and click those meeting links, but you know, things change.
• 4:33
  SPEAKER_00: And so my agenda, it's not pretty, it's scratched out and totally circles stuff so I can actually see it and highlight it.
• 4:40
  SPEAKER_00: But uh, I feel unsettled.
• 4:42
  SPEAKER_00: I feel chaotic looking at that.
• 4:43
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, and just just don't look, but that's kind of how I feel all the time.
• 4:47
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, I totally get it.
• 4:48
  SPEAKER_01: My calendar was very representative, representative of my Enneagram seven personality all over the place, all the busyness, all the fun, all the excitement, which leads me to ask you for you.
• 5:01
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, tell us a little bit about your Enneagram personality, your journey of getting there, because that's what we do here.
• 5:08
  SPEAKER_01: We talk about the Enneagram.
• 5:10
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm here for all of it.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: My agenda planner also reflects my Enneagram number, which is a hardcore three.
• 5:17
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:18
  SPEAKER_00: And so you will find all of the lists because I need to be productive and I need to achieve things.
• 5:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so I am full-blown guilty of like, wait, I did that and I wasn't on the list.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: So now I have to put it on the list so I can check.
• 5:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, yes.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: So yeah, I became fascinated with the Ennegram.
• 5:37
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like I was kind of late to the party.
• 5:40
  SPEAKER_00: I had um lots of friends.
• 5:42
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm the community manager for Encourage, which is a phenomenal community.
• 5:46
  SPEAKER_00: I love being a part of it.
• 5:48
  SPEAKER_00: So many of my writer friends there are very Enneagram savvy.
• 5:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was hearing about it much, you know, longer before I decided to take a peek for myself.
• 5:57
  SPEAKER_00: As I read through and you know, took those little tests and stuff.
• 5:59
  SPEAKER_00: I'm like, oh, you know, I can see I'm kind of type A.
• 6:01
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe I'm a one or I really like helping people.
• 6:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, does that mean I'm a two?
• 6:06
  SPEAKER_00: But as I really started reading more about it, I was like, oh, oh, I am absolutely the achiever, number three, through and through.
• 6:17
  SPEAKER_00: But it's been really a helpful tool, I think, not only to understand more of myself and you know, my God-given strengths and how I'm wired, as well as things to be aware of, you know, watch out for.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: I definitely see like an a friend, I didn't know this, but I was processing through a really intense season and I was like, I have my list, but I don't even know where to start.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: And she was like, Well, that's because threes, when they're in stress, you go to a nine and you become indecisive and you can't prioritize.
• 6:46
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, that is exactly what I do.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, that's exactly what I do.
• 6:51
  SPEAKER_00: And so then I just do the thing that's like the low-hanging fruit that's like most accessible, but then I keep on putting off the things that really need to be done.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: So I love it.
• 7:00
  SPEAKER_00: I consistently send my husband like I screenshot memes from Instagram, and I'm like, I'm like, this is you, isn't it?
• 7:07
  SPEAKER_00: He like is not interested in taking you know, tests or reading a book, but he is a definite five, and that is a very interesting thing to live with.
• 7:17
  SPEAKER_00: I bet yes, it is.
• 7:18
  SPEAKER_01: And we love our fives.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: We do, um anyhow, it's just so funny because he goes, Yes, yes, that is me.
• 7:25
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm like, Thank you.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: But that's helping me to understand it and appreciate him more too, that it's like, oh, like I don't have to change that about you, but I'm definitely a wing four.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: So Mike, I have a lot of feelings, and he so much isn't into the feelings, so it's it's interesting for sure.
• 7:44
  SPEAKER_01: It's so helpful.
• 7:45
  SPEAKER_01: I did a whole big Enneagram summit this summer in August, and it was just amazing.
• 7:50
  SPEAKER_01: And we dove into all different aspects of it, and I invited other coaches and experts, but one of them, she's also a good friend, Callie Ammon.
• 7:59
  SPEAKER_01: She's leads us a type three, and she's married to type five.
• 8:03
  SPEAKER_01: And I think what a unique combination.
• 8:06
  SPEAKER_01: There is no bad combination for the record, right?
• 8:09
  SPEAKER_01: There's just unique challenges and strengths in those combinations.
• 8:12
  SPEAKER_01: And for that assertive type and withdrawing type, I also have that because as a seven, I'm married to a nine.
• 8:18
  SPEAKER_01: So assertive and withdrawing, you know, it just proposes a whole nother thing that you have to navigate for you being all in your heart and for and him being all in his head and very detached from those feelings.
• 8:31
  SPEAKER_01: There can be a lot of misses if we're not aware of how we're missing each other.
• 8:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: Can you like come to my house and like coach us through all this down?
• 8:41
  SPEAKER_00: Let's do it.
• 8:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 8:43
  SPEAKER_00: But I find it's been so helpful too, even like in not just in my marriage, but in my work as well.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I have I work on a on a staff team, there's um just four of us, and it's so helpful.
• 8:54
  SPEAKER_00: So that we have a two, a three, a four, and a seven.
• 8:57
  unknown: Wow.
• 8:58
  SPEAKER_00: And we all can kind of speak this language.
• 9:00
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's so helpful when we know for our two friend, like if there's a task and it's kind of thrown out there, like who can do this?
• 9:07
  SPEAKER_00: And we will tell her, like, it doesn't have to be you, because we know as a helper, she's always gonna jump in, or or a friend who's a four, we know that she needs more time to process things.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: Like my friend who's a seven is just gonna be like, and now we're gonna do this, and like and she's on to the next thing before she finishes the last thing.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Exactly.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Or like it was so kind of my boss who understands my threeness over the summer.
• 9:32
  SPEAKER_00: We were gonna, my family goes camping every summer for 10 days, and I try to unplug, but also it's really hard.
• 9:38
  SPEAKER_00: And so I had a meeting right before we're gonna leave, and I was telling my boss, okay, well, you know, here's what I'm at on this project, and I didn't get this quite buttoned up, so I'm not quite sure what reception is gonna be like, but I think I should have hot spots, so I'll finish this up.
• 9:49
  SPEAKER_00: And I plan to be on staff, and she was like, or just go camping.
• 9:55
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, she knew that like I just needed that permission, even though I knew I already had it, but just to hear like actually, like the most productive thing you can do for your heart and for your soul is just to go and rest.
• 10:08
  SPEAKER_00: And so I know that she knew that in my wiring, I really needed to hear that.
• 10:12
  SPEAKER_00: So I was grateful.
• 10:13
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that is so good.
• 10:14
  SPEAKER_01: And that is to me the key.
• 10:16
  SPEAKER_01: You talked about the stress, the three goes to the nine in stress.
• 10:20
  SPEAKER_01: I actually am hosting, hosted a big live event in September, at the end of September, because I have one session, coaching session, that talks about lines of stress and growth.
• 10:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it's so helpful for us as women, like you said, where a friend could be like, Well, this is why you're not being productive.
• 10:35
  SPEAKER_01: That's your line of stress.
• 10:37
  SPEAKER_01: But when the Holy Spirit does his work and we really come into awareness of those stress triggers and how we implement some better self-regulation methods and stuff like that.
• 10:48
  SPEAKER_01: But we get to the other side where we can get to the high side of the nine.
• 10:52
  SPEAKER_01: And right there, that is just a perfect illustration where your boss is going, No, what you really need to do for healthy soul care is to go to the high side of the nine where you're like, I'm free of these responsibilities and I can just be me and be with my family and be fully present.
• 11:10
  SPEAKER_01: And what a gift, what a gift to have a team.
• 11:12
  SPEAKER_01: I am so for teams.
• 11:14
  SPEAKER_01: Dive into the Enneagram, get your leadership trained on this.
• 11:18
  SPEAKER_01: It will help you so much.
• 11:19
  SPEAKER_00: So true.
• 11:20
  SPEAKER_00: And I'll tell you what, on that camping trip, I took a nap every single day.
• 11:25
  SPEAKER_00: I read a novel.
• 11:26
  SPEAKER_00: Like I love to read, but it's usually like to be productive, right?
• 11:29
  SPEAKER_00: To learn something, to grow.
• 11:30
  SPEAKER_00: Some new system, right?
• 11:32
  SPEAKER_00: No, I read a novel, like it was it was phenomenal.
• 11:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, I was so I was so proud of myself.
• 11:38
  SPEAKER_01: You should be absolutely huge pat on the back there.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: You did it now.
• 11:42
  SPEAKER_01: Let's repeat it maybe a couple times a year, even if it's not 10 days, you know.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 11:47
  SPEAKER_01: Definitely, definitely.
• 11:48
  SPEAKER_01: We're a work in progress.
• 11:51
  SPEAKER_01: You know, the Enneagram is just so huge for us.
• 11:53
  SPEAKER_01: I think just these little tweaks here and there where we're really like running in our lane and thriving instead of being, you know, because if you were just all about like a oh, it's just so good to know that I'm achiever, but you don't couple it with how can I grow, then we just, you know, end up burned out and frustrated and frazzled.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 12:10
  SPEAKER_00: And if I didn't have the Holy Spirit, I would for sure be like a workaholic and you know, living in my lane, but but crashing and burning sooner or later.
• 12:21
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, hands down.
• 12:22
  SPEAKER_01: It's so true.
• 12:23
  SPEAKER_01: Well, I am really excited to dive into the new book because I can't believe I'm saying this, but the holiday season is just around the corner.
• 12:33
  SPEAKER_01: I mean, what I know, where did this year go?
• 12:38
  SPEAKER_01: It just keeps getting faster and faster.
• 12:40
  SPEAKER_01: And I think it might have something to do with like the age of my kids.
• 12:43
  SPEAKER_01: What do you think?
• 12:44
  SPEAKER_00: Absolutely.
• 12:46
  SPEAKER_00: My kids are now nine, 11, and 12.
• 12:49
  SPEAKER_00: That means I have two middle schoolers, and I'm like, what?
• 12:52
  SPEAKER_00: What just happened?
• 12:54
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna turn 40 in a couple of months, and which I'm like excited about.
• 12:57
  SPEAKER_00: But I'm like great.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: I love it.
• 12:59
  SPEAKER_00: 40 is good.
• 13:00
  SPEAKER_00: I said something the other day, friend, about we were talking about something, and we're like, that was 20 years ago.
• 13:04
  SPEAKER_00: Like, how are we old enough to be like, oh, you know, 20 years ago?
• 13:08
  SPEAKER_00: So yes, I'm with you.
• 13:09
  SPEAKER_00: I think I think it's my kids.
• 13:10
  SPEAKER_00: What are the ages of your kids?
• 13:12
  SPEAKER_01: Uh 14, 13, and 11.
• 13:14
  SPEAKER_01: And so high school, junior high, the full, you know, it's all the activities, and and I think too is suddenly, you know, we were just like counting the hours when they were little.
• 13:27
  SPEAKER_01: And you having four kids that close together, I mean, you're just surviving.
• 13:31
  SPEAKER_01: But now we're now counting down to what we have left.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 13:36
  SPEAKER_01: And so I think that, you know, the weight of that is like, oh, you know, this measurement is suddenly reversing and ah, stop.
• 13:45
  SPEAKER_00: Right, totally.
• 13:46
  SPEAKER_00: I like literally, I sometimes I'll stare at my 12-year-old and he's like, What?
• 13:51
  SPEAKER_00: You're changing before my eyes, like, and it's in a different way than when they were going from babies to toddlers.
• 13:57
  SPEAKER_00: I love this season of motherhood, honestly.
• 13:59
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm way more of a bigger kid mom than a baby mom.
• 14:04
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, yes.
• 14:05
  SPEAKER_01: Let the hero be encouraged.
• 14:07
  SPEAKER_01: If you're wondering, you're in this like like early days toddlerhood, and you're like, oh my gosh, what did I sign up for?
• 14:13
  SPEAKER_01: It gets better.
• 14:14
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, it does.
• 14:15
  SPEAKER_00: And that does mean do not wish away the days that you are in 100% because there is like gift and growth for you right where you are.
• 14:23
  SPEAKER_00: 100%.
• 14:24
  SPEAKER_00: Just know the season you are in, it will not always be this way.
• 14:27
  SPEAKER_00: And for me, I also needed that hope.
• 14:29
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, I did too.
• 14:30
  SPEAKER_01: And it, you know, as silly as you you kind of laugh about the gram at the grocery store stopping you, but there was gold, so much gold.
• 14:37
  SPEAKER_01: I'm so grateful for when the Lord did stop me and remind me to be fully present and to really make the most of the minutes that I did have instead of counting down those minutes because it's just fun at this stage, kind of like you said, where they're remembering those early years and they love to talk about them and rehearse them.
• 14:56
  SPEAKER_01: I'm glad for the most part, 90% of them, they're pretty good.
• 14:59
  SPEAKER_01: Other ones, I'm like, what you don't remember?
• 15:01
  SPEAKER_01: Or that's what you remember?
• 15:03
  SPEAKER_01: Come on.
• 15:04
  SPEAKER_01: Right, right.
• 15:05
  SPEAKER_01: I was so fun.
• 15:07
  SPEAKER_01: So you just gotta keep that at top of mind.
• 15:10
  SPEAKER_01: Right.
• 15:11
  SPEAKER_01: Well, all that said, I know for both of us, as we're you know, leading into the holidays, there's so much.
• 15:18
  SPEAKER_01: There's also just the shopping list and the entertaining list, in which praise the Lord, most of us are getting back to a little bit more normal, quote unquote normal.
• 15:28
  SPEAKER_01: But at the same time, I really hope, and this is what we've talked about again and again, that we're carrying what we have learned in the last year and a half, that we want to live our lives with greater intention.
• 15:42
  SPEAKER_01: We want to stop and slow, and like you said, find the gold, find the goodness of even those hard things.
• 15:48
  SPEAKER_01: With that in mind, talk about kindness, how just your book and your heart and your teaching, your message, that call to kindness, especially in this season, how it can cultivate some of that better stewardship of our time and what we put our energy to in the busy days ahead.
• 16:09
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, absolutely.
• 16:10
  SPEAKER_00: So you really captured it really beautifully that the heartbeat of the simple difference is to live intentionally.
• 16:18
  SPEAKER_00: And I think that really starts with a couple of things.
• 16:20
  SPEAKER_00: And one, I think it's being willing to surrender our agendas, our comfort to the Lord and say, I have a really simple prayer that I pray it's kind of the heartbeat of the simple difference.
• 16:32
  SPEAKER_00: And it says, Lord, as I go on my way, have your way with me.
• 16:36
  SPEAKER_01: Ugh, love it.
• 16:37
  SPEAKER_00: Because especially around the holidays, and this is I'm sure it's applicable for all of us, but also as a three, I'm like, I got my list.
• 16:45
  SPEAKER_00: Like, I'm going here and I'm going here, and I got to get this done because I'm preparing for this.
• 16:49
  SPEAKER_00: It's so easy in that way, without meaning to turn really inward, really self-focused, and we will miss an opportunity to be other focused and be an agent of change, be that conduit of kindness, not out of our own goodwill, really, but a conduit of God's kindness.
• 17:10
  SPEAKER_00: And think about it.
• 17:11
  SPEAKER_00: Now more than ever in this season, the Lord wants to reach people's hearts to give them hope that this world cannot offer, you know, a peace that this world clearly is lacking.
• 17:24
  SPEAKER_00: And so, what does it look like to live eyes wide open to the people in front of us and be have this posture that says, like, I'm ready and willing to respond in really simple ways, but to show people that they are seen not just by me, but really by God?
• 17:40
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, that's good.
• 17:41
  SPEAKER_01: Well, a couple of things with those this thought, because intention, okay, so it's a word I've used and overused for years now.
• 17:49
  SPEAKER_01: My friends are are used to me hearing it.
• 17:51
  SPEAKER_01: But sometimes when people do hear the word intention, they feel like, oh, another thing to do.
• 17:57
  SPEAKER_01: So, how can we walk that fine line?
• 18:00
  SPEAKER_01: Whether you're a type three or a type nine or a type one, where this intentional kindness doesn't become just another thing to check off the list and another thing to put on the list that is burdensome.
• 18:12
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, this is not adding more things to your plate that are obligations.
• 18:17
  SPEAKER_00: This is really a lifestyle that says, okay, God, with what you've already given me where I already am, how can I be the blessing in someone's day?
• 18:29
  SPEAKER_00: You know, we've heard for years that phrase random acts of kindness.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah.
• 18:33
  SPEAKER_00: Um, which is great.
• 18:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like, yes, but I think that random acts of kindness is really about like when you feel like being kind.
• 18:40
  SPEAKER_01: So true.
• 18:41
  SPEAKER_00: When you're like, oh, I have I have five extra bucks.
• 18:43
  SPEAKER_00: I feel like, you know, paying it forward and like, you know, paying for the coffee behind me.
• 18:49
  SPEAKER_00: Great, do that, please.
• 18:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like, but I think the difference with intentional kindness, and I love that like you already love that word, is it's really a posture that that says, okay, God, who have you put in my path and how can I do something right where I am that's meaningful to them?
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 19:07
  SPEAKER_00: And so that could be someone in our home, you know, to know that like my husband's, you know, one of his love languages is acts of service.
• 19:16
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm like, dude, like you can get your own snack.
• 19:20
  SPEAKER_00: Like he's capable, he's capable, totally capable.
• 19:24
  SPEAKER_00: And yes, he can.
• 19:25
  SPEAKER_00: But when I see wow, like he's had a long day at work, and I can just know him and know that well, wow, if I went to the kitchen and cut up an apple and brought him a glass of iced tea, wow, that would just show, like, hey, I see you, like I'm there for you.
• 19:41
  SPEAKER_00: Or, you know, we know a friend is going through a hard time, especially around the holidays, like grief weighs heavy.
• 19:48
  SPEAKER_00: We can't fix someone's whole circumstances, but if that friend is on your heart, just send them a text.
• 19:53
  SPEAKER_00: Hey, I'm thinking about you.
• 19:54
  SPEAKER_00: How can I pray for you today?
• 19:56
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's so good.
• 19:57
  SPEAKER_01: And how you even started in this conversation, that just a little bit of asking the Lord how you can be a conduit of kindness.
• 20:05
  SPEAKER_01: You know, I've always too kind of have a similar prayer, you know, that my flesh would die and he would rise up and that he would order my steps.
• 20:12
  SPEAKER_01: Because I think the intention can't be always mustered up on our own.
• 20:16
  SPEAKER_01: We just are limited in our human abilities.
• 20:18
  SPEAKER_01: And we the piece too, like you said, we don't always see what kindness others need unless we are looking for it and we're willing to step in someone else's shoes for a little bit, like your husband, what's his love languages, but just where we open our eyes and we're willing to look outside of oh, this feels good for me, or it's easy for me.
• 20:39
  SPEAKER_01: I don't think it should be overly complicated, but I know that it sometimes does take courage.
• 20:46
  SPEAKER_01: No, maybe you've also experienced some awkwardness in your intentional acts of kindness.
• 20:53
  SPEAKER_01: So why don't you share a little bit about that?
• 20:55
  SPEAKER_01: And I think you might have some funny or awkward moments just to give us a little bit of entertainment today.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Yes.
• 21:03
  SPEAKER_00: Well, I mean, I feel like I just I'm just awkward just to start with.
• 21:07
  SPEAKER_00: So there you go.
• 21:08
  SPEAKER_00: Whatever.
• 21:10
  SPEAKER_00: But no, I think sometimes we hear the word kindness and we're like, oh, that's being nice, that's being polite.
• 21:18
  SPEAKER_00: Sure, but kindness isn't always those things.
• 21:21
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes kindness is risky, sometimes it takes courage.
• 21:25
  SPEAKER_00: It takes like I recently connected with a neighbor of mine who lives across the street from me.
• 21:30
  SPEAKER_00: We've lived in our house for almost eight years.
• 21:33
  SPEAKER_00: You know, my boys sold like a fundraiser to them.
• 21:35
  SPEAKER_00: But other than that, like that's it.
• 21:37
  SPEAKER_00: And I don't know about you, but like it's one thing like if you move into the neighborhood and then you make friends, but if eight years have gone by and you have not really had a conversation, like it's really awkward to be like this neighbor happens to be elderly, and we found out that her husband had passed away a year.
• 21:54
  SPEAKER_00: He had been gone, and we didn't even know.
• 21:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I just felt so horrible, like here.
• 22:00
  SPEAKER_00: She is like, and I knew that they didn't have any children, and so it was awkward, but the Lord just kept on putting her on my heart, like reach out, and so to like show up at her door with a card that had my name and my phone number and say, Hey, would you like to come over in my backyard for coffee?
• 22:17
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if we're gonna have anything to talk about.
• 22:19
  SPEAKER_00: I don't know if in her season of grief, if she's gonna want to do that.
• 22:23
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter that it felt awkward to me.
• 22:27
  SPEAKER_00: Like, if that's what the Lord's asking me to do, like I want to be obedient to do that.
• 22:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I have to tell you, Amy, we have now hung out maybe four or five times, and I love her.
• 22:38
  SPEAKER_00: I am like that is so sweet.
• 22:40
  SPEAKER_00: I am like delighted to spend time with her.
• 22:43
  SPEAKER_00: She's actually gonna come over tomorrow morning.
• 22:45
  SPEAKER_00: I know it's been a gift in her life, but it's been a gift mine too to like slow down, to be intentional.
• 22:52
  SPEAKER_00: I do have a funny story for you, I'll tell you in a minute, but just when we're thinking about this neighbor and just how we need to not overcomplicate kindness.
• 23:00
  SPEAKER_00: So because now I have this relationship, I'm continually thinking about okay, like what else can I do?
• 23:06
  SPEAKER_00: She's kind of private, so I know she's very independent, even though she's 82, but she's like sharp as a tack and like phenomenal.
• 23:14
  SPEAKER_00: We had company over this weekend.
• 23:16
  SPEAKER_00: Um, someone brought this like beautiful chocolate cake, and I was like, I should not eat this whole chocolate cake.
• 23:21
  SPEAKER_00: Um, but the Lord was like, Hey, what if you took a piece over to Crystal?
• 23:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I was like, I didn't make it, I already had it, it was store bought.
• 23:31
  SPEAKER_00: Who cares?
• 23:32
  SPEAKER_00: I cut off a big ol' slice of that chocolate cake.
• 23:36
  SPEAKER_00: I walked over to her house like five minutes before I had to run to school pickup, and I just said, Hey, I don't know if you like chocolate cake, but here's a piece.
• 23:43
  SPEAKER_00: And she's like, I will enjoy this so much.
• 23:46
  SPEAKER_01: Like it made her delighted her.
• 23:49
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah.
• 23:50
  SPEAKER_01: Uh, I love that, Becky.
• 23:52
  SPEAKER_01: That's so sweet.
• 23:53
  SPEAKER_01: And like you said, it's simple.
• 23:55
  SPEAKER_01: You didn't make anything.
• 23:56
  SPEAKER_01: And I want to bet the Holy Spirit dropped that little idea and then you were faithful to just be obedient and take it with what margin you had.
• 24:07
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:08
  SPEAKER_00: That's beautiful.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Right.
• 24:09
  SPEAKER_00: Here's the thing, too.
• 24:10
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just be honest.
• 24:11
  SPEAKER_00: Sometimes, like our kindness, it's not gonna work out.
• 24:15
  SPEAKER_00: Like in the in the way that it's happened in the way that we think it will.
• 24:20
  SPEAKER_00: So I remember I was in college and it was over the summer, my college ministry.
• 24:26
  SPEAKER_00: We did like we went to a different college campus for like a two-week summer training program where we had like discipleship and Bible study, but part of our time there was also to serve the campus we were on by doing service projects and stuff.
• 24:38
  SPEAKER_00: And and we all started, you know, week one with like all this enthusiasm and gung-ho.
• 24:43
  SPEAKER_00: And then by like the beginning of week two, we all had bad attitudes.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: Like we just did.
• 24:48
  SPEAKER_00: We're like, we don't want a garden, we don't want to paint, like, but I was one of the leaders.
• 24:53
  SPEAKER_00: And so I remember one day, um, you know, that verse, I think it's in Galatians six, you know, says, Do not grow weary of doing good.
• 25:01
  SPEAKER_00: And so I was like, Okay, guys, like we gotta, like we are here, like the joy of the Lord is our strength.
• 25:07
  SPEAKER_00: Like, you know, I'm trying to like be muster, muster it up, right?
• 25:11
  SPEAKER_00: And so we're like walking to our service destination, and then the day before we've been picking weeds, pulling weeds.
• 25:17
  SPEAKER_00: And so up ahead, I see these two huge weeds, and so I kind of like run up and I grab one each hand and I pull them up, and like the roots are flying, and and I go, see, guys, we can do this.
• 25:31
  SPEAKER_00: The facility guy who was with us goes, um, those aren't weeds, those are sunflowers.
• 25:38
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, dang it.
• 25:40
  SPEAKER_00: He's like, and uh, we just we just planted those.
• 25:44
  SPEAKER_00: I was like, I'm so sorry.
• 25:48
  SPEAKER_00: So awkward.
• 25:49
  SPEAKER_00: So I may have gotten the nickname of sunflower.
• 25:52
  SPEAKER_01: Um, oh, that's funny.
• 25:53
  SPEAKER_00: I was trying to be courageous, I was trying to be kind, I was definitely awkward, but even though then I had to go and be like, oh, let me replant those for you.
• 26:02
  SPEAKER_00: That just like reminds me, like, you know what?
• 26:04
  SPEAKER_00: But yet I was obedient to like the word that the Lord had put on my heart of like lead well, serve joyfully.
• 26:12
  SPEAKER_00: And so at the end of the day, that silly story just reminds me, you know, sometimes like you're gonna reach out and someone is like, no, thank you.
• 26:18
  SPEAKER_00: I don't want your help.
• 26:19
  SPEAKER_00: Or sometimes you're gonna be like, you know, I made you a plant of brownies, and you get to the neighbor's door and they're like, I'm gluten-free.
• 26:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I think like, yep.
• 26:29
  SPEAKER_00: Truly, it doesn't really matter because when we are obedient to the Lord, He is working in ways that we can't even see.
• 26:37
  SPEAKER_00: He is planting seeds in other people's hearts, in our hearts, and so we get to be obedient and the outcome is up to him.
• 26:45
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, that is beautiful, Becky.
• 26:47
  SPEAKER_01: And I too have a very funny similar story about a neighbor, and it was hostas that were accidentally weed whacked, you know, and so she wasn't too happy.
• 26:57
  SPEAKER_01: But we've been on, have been able to go on and just help her and serve her and love her and be a support when her husband passed away, you know, even though we ruined the hostas a while back.
• 27:07
  SPEAKER_01: We did their better now.
• 27:09
  SPEAKER_01: What's a what's a hostage is that a kind of flower?
• 27:11
  SPEAKER_01: They like this, like they look really small and and they had been planted around a tree, and it's like this green leaf plant.
• 27:16
  SPEAKER_01: And I okay, I don't think there's actually flowers on it.
• 27:19
  SPEAKER_01: Okay, it's just like a little shrub or something.
• 27:22
  SPEAKER_01: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
• 27:23
  SPEAKER_01: I'm not a plant mom.
• 27:24
  SPEAKER_01: Let's just say I kill things.
• 27:25
  SPEAKER_01: So yeah, me too.
• 27:27
  SPEAKER_01: Um I know is she was very upset, but okay, it was precious to her.
• 27:32
  SPEAKER_01: Exactly, exactly.
• 27:33
  SPEAKER_01: But the intent behind it and the heart behind it, um, that's what bore good fruit and has continued to reap a harvest there of, you know, and we can laugh about it now, but it does sometimes take getting through those awkward moments that we can laugh at later, but it's so worth it.
• 27:49
  SPEAKER_01: So, Becky, our time has gone by so fast, just like our lives right now and this year.
• 27:56
  SPEAKER_01: But I would love if there was just, you know, anything else that is on your heart to share with my friends to become agents of change, agents of kindness in this unique time.
• 28:05
  SPEAKER_01: So, what would you like to share with us today?
• 28:07
  SPEAKER_00: You know, it's really something that you actually already said, Amy, and that's don't overcomplicate kindness.
• 28:14
  SPEAKER_00: Don't overcomplicate what it means to allow God to use you and work through you today.
• 28:22
  SPEAKER_00: Do you see a frazzled mom in line behind you at the grocery store?
• 28:26
  SPEAKER_00: Let her go in front of you.
• 28:28
  unknown: Yeah.
• 28:29
  SPEAKER_00: Is there someone that's on your heart?
• 28:31
  SPEAKER_00: Maybe, maybe it's a good friend, maybe it's someone that you are barely acquainted with.
• 28:35
  SPEAKER_00: Like if they're in your heart today, like do something about it.
• 28:38
  SPEAKER_00: Send a text, write a handwritten note and drop it by their house, or you see someone at school pickup, or it's that new person at work in the corner cubicle who doesn't talk to anybody.
• 28:50
  SPEAKER_00: Like acknowledging one another, it's such a powerful testimony of the fact that God is mindful of us.
• 28:59
  SPEAKER_00: So, my encouragement to you is just do that one next thing.
• 29:04
  SPEAKER_00: If there is a neighbor on your street or in your apartment building who lives alone, invite them over.
• 29:09
  SPEAKER_00: It doesn't have to be complicated.
• 29:11
  SPEAKER_00: You don't have to bake anything.
• 29:12
  SPEAKER_00: Like you can heat up a cup of water and drop in a teabag and sit on the porch or on your front stoop or wherever.
• 29:19
  SPEAKER_00: But think about in your busyness, how can you slow down, see someone else, and be the blessing in someone's day?
• 29:29
  SPEAKER_01: Becky, so good.
• 29:31
  SPEAKER_01: Thank you so much for sharing this with us today.
• 29:34
  SPEAKER_01: I just am excited for more people to get their hands on your message and to begin to just implement these little steps of intentional kindness along the way.
• 29:45
  SPEAKER_00: Yeah, thank you.
• 29:46
  SPEAKER_00: And can I just say too, if this resonates with friends, um, in addition to the simple difference, I don't know if you know this, but I also have um a companion Bible study called Courageous Kindness.
• 29:56
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, yes, that's awesome.
• 29:58
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's you don't you can do one without the other, like that you don't have to read the book first, but they they definitely complement each other.
• 30:06
  SPEAKER_00: But if you're like, okay, yeah, what is it, what does it mean to embrace my awkwardness and inconvenience?
• 30:12
  SPEAKER_00: What does it look like to give what I have and trust the outcome to God?
• 30:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like we dive deep into scripture and also the stories of of everyday women just like us.
• 30:23
  SPEAKER_00: And so I'm just so excited to get this resource into people's hands.
• 30:26
  SPEAKER_00: So that would be a great thing as you're thinking about ending this year well and starting the new year to maybe like grab a group of girlfriends and say, Hey, do you want to do this together?
• 30:35
  SPEAKER_00: And and start the next year saying, Okay, like Lord, have your way with us.
• 30:39
  SPEAKER_00: Like, let's be courageously kind.
• 30:41
  SPEAKER_01: I love it, Becky.
• 30:42
  SPEAKER_01: Yes, it's so perfect.
• 30:43
  SPEAKER_01: What a great group to circle up around this content, encourage one another in that, and and maybe practice on each other too.
• 30:52
  SPEAKER_01: And that's always good.
• 30:53
  SPEAKER_00: Yes, definitely, definitely.
• 30:55
  SPEAKER_01: I love it.
• 30:56
  SPEAKER_01: Thanks again, Becky, for coming today.
• 30:58
  SPEAKER_01: Oh, it's my joy.
• 31:00
  SPEAKER_01: Will you be part of the Simple Difference Movement?
• 31:03
  SPEAKER_01: It begins with a simple prayer that goes like this As I go on my way, Lord, have your way with me.
• 31:11
  SPEAKER_01: Your small acts of kindness can really have a big impact.
• 31:15
  SPEAKER_01: I really appreciate you being part of this conversation.
• 31:18
  SPEAKER_01: And it would mean a lot if you let Becky know in a message on Instagram what you loved about this episode, and you can connect with her on Instagram or with us at the wholehearted community.
• 31:29
  SPEAKER_01: You can also get her book The Simple Difference anywhere books are sold.
• 31:34
  SPEAKER_01: And if you enjoyed this episode, it would also be so helpful to have it share with your friends, especially as we get going this after season.
• 31:41
  SPEAKER_01: I think it's so fun to have something extra special in our ears to help us celebrate this Christmas holiday.
• 31:49
  SPEAKER_01: You can share it through text, social media, or even by leaving a five-star rating.
• 31:55
  SPEAKER_01: Every little bit of encouragement makes, well, all the difference.
• 32:00
  SPEAKER_01: You can tune in next week for more holiday inspiration with the gals from the Enneagram magazine.
• 32:05
  SPEAKER_01: It's so good.
• 32:06
  SPEAKER_01: I can't wait to share it with you all.