Latest / Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families / #300 Three Minute Therapy #3 - Fixing Things

Transcript

#300 Three Minute Therapy #3 - Fixing Things · Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families

• 0:03
  Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.
• 0:05
  Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just
• 0:09
  Speaker 2: wants answers Now.
• 0:10
  Speaker 1: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy
• 0:13
  Speaker 1: Families dot com dot I you enjoying school holidays with
• 0:16
  Speaker 1: Kylie and the kids. Hey, honey, highlight of the school
• 0:19
  Speaker 1: holidays so far? What's it been.
• 0:21
  Speaker 2: Not having to make school launches?
• 0:24
  Speaker 1: Mornings have been different, really different, haven't they? What a gift?
• 0:29
  Speaker 2: I do enjoy the slower pace.
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  Speaker 1: Well, what we're doing with this slower pace is we're
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  Speaker 1: taking some time off the lengthy podcasts that you're used
• 0:37
  Speaker 1: to hearing and just giving you some snippets, just some
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  Speaker 1: quick ideas, keeping the podcast in your feed, but just
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  Speaker 1: short and simple so that you can spend as much
• 0:44
  Speaker 1: time as possible with your family while still getting some
• 0:46
  Speaker 1: high quality parenting ideas today. An idea that I want
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  Speaker 1: to emphasize. I talk about this all the time, Kylie,
• 0:53
  Speaker 1: but I reckon it's just one of those things that
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  Speaker 1: parents need reminders of all the time. It's not your
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  Speaker 1: job as a parent to fix every challenge that your
• 1:01
  Speaker 1: child faces. In fact, I think it's better if you don't.
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  Speaker 1: And the reason is really simple. The more you fix,
• 1:09
  Speaker 1: the more you disable your child. Like you literally disabled
• 1:14
  Speaker 1: your child cannot grow in confidence or confidence while you're
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  Speaker 1: doing everything for them.
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  Speaker 2: Well, a couple of weeks ago, we recognized that things
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  Speaker 2: weren't going so well in our house, and we sat
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  Speaker 2: down with the kids and we had a family meeting. Yes,
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  Speaker 2: things aren't going so well, but it's not our job
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  Speaker 2: to fix it.
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  Speaker 1: Right, So, for those of you who are not familiar,
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  Speaker 1: we have this Sunday meeting. We say to the kids,
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: what's going well, what's not? What do we need to rethink?
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  Speaker 1: And the kids all identified that mornings were abysmal. Abysmal,
• 1:41
  Speaker 1: that's a good word for it. Mornings were terrible.
• 1:43
  Speaker 2: But I didn't find uniforms, couldn't find school bags, we
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: were running to school. Was getting really, really frustrated.
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  Speaker 1: But we've got this ethos that it's not our job
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  Speaker 1: to fix things. And so we said to.
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  Speaker 2: The kids, what are you going to do about it?
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  Speaker 1: And what happened the.
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  Speaker 2: Last week of school? Oh my goodness. They were up
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  Speaker 2: every morning, dressed, breakfasted, hair brushed, ready to go before
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  Speaker 2: we'd even hit I think seven o'clock.
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  Speaker 1: It was like we had somebody else's kids. In the
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  Speaker 1: house just amazing.
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  Speaker 2: Maybe it was a rush to the finish line they
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  Speaker 2: knew they only had a few more days left, but
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  Speaker 2: I tell you it.
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  Speaker 1: Was a godsend all right. So our challenge for today is.
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  Speaker 2: When things aren't going so well, want you to help
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  Speaker 2: your kids. So firstly, be calm, calm them down if
• 2:30
  Speaker 2: they need calming, but just be there as a support
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: as they work through to find solutions themselves.
• 2:36
  Speaker 1: Right. So, in other words, we want to when the
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  Speaker 1: kids are out of control and things need fixing, don't
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  Speaker 1: fix get them to fix it by saying you look stuck.
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  Speaker 1: What do you think is the best way forward? When
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  Speaker 1: they're not emotional, I love it, okay. Oh by the way,
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  Speaker 1: one quick point on that, if you've got really little kids,
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  Speaker 1: if the task before them is just too big, it
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  Speaker 1: is reasonable for a parent to say, hey, you are struggling,
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: let's go and do this together. You don't fix it
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: for them, but sometimes you might fix it with them.
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  Speaker 1: Ideally they'll fix it themselves, but sometimes you just need
• 3:06
  Speaker 1: to fix it with them because they're too little or
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  Speaker 1: they're too overwhelmed. We hope that this helps to make
• 3:12
  Speaker 1: your family happier. The happy families podcast is produced by
• 3:15
  Speaker 1: Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer.
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  Speaker 1: He's the one who gave his permission to do these short, sweet,
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  Speaker 1: simple podcasts during the holidays, so we hope that is helpful.
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  Speaker 1: If you'd like more info for making your family happier,
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  Speaker 1: you can find it all at happy families dot com,
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  Speaker 1: dot a