Latest / I Do, Part 2 / Kai Has A Secret Boyfriend, When Do YOU Think She Should Tell Her Parents?

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Kai Has A Secret Boyfriend, When Do YOU Think She Should Tell Her Parents? · I Do, Part 2

• 0:01
  Speaker 1: Hey there, folks. It is Thursday, August twenty eighth, and
• 0:06
  Speaker 1: we got some of the strongest, I mean, most heated
• 0:12
  Speaker 1: pushback to some advice we gave one of our readers
• 0:17
  Speaker 1: who wrote into our Yahoo column looking for some advice,
• 0:20
  Speaker 1: and with that, welcome to this relationship edition of Amy
• 0:23
  Speaker 1: and TJ and Robes. We have had a good time.
• 0:25
  Speaker 1: People have strong opinions, but you this in particular our
• 0:30
  Speaker 1: latest Yahoo column, a young lady writing into us asking
• 0:33
  Speaker 1: for help with her soon to be possibly fiance and
• 0:36
  Speaker 1: meeting her parents for the first time. Blah blah blah.
• 0:38
  Speaker 1: But people took issue in the strongest of terms. You
• 0:42
  Speaker 1: were just explaining to me with our advice.
• 0:44
  Speaker 2: Yes, well, yes there was some very harsh advice, but
• 0:49
  Speaker 2: also taking issue with the advice we gave Kai, which
• 0:53
  Speaker 2: was to yay, yes, tell your parents, be celebratory, be positive,
• 0:59
  Speaker 2: and do it sooner rather than later, and not to
• 1:01
  Speaker 2: waste any time. A lot of folks just don't think
• 1:03
  Speaker 2: that parents need to be getting involved period and don't
• 1:06
  Speaker 2: think that parents should have a say. Maybe an opinion's
• 1:11
  Speaker 2: one thing, but actually be able to be the final
• 1:14
  Speaker 2: say whether or not you pursue or continue a relationship
• 1:17
  Speaker 2: with someone. People took a real issue with that, even
• 1:19
  Speaker 2: though Kai very specifically noted that it was her culture
• 1:24
  Speaker 2: and that the person she's dating is outside of her culture.
• 1:28
  Speaker 1: Okay, so it's fair to say, then, before we read
• 1:31
  Speaker 1: in full what Kai wrote into us, the question not
• 1:34
  Speaker 1: just people were they might have been most heeded in
• 1:36
  Speaker 1: their response to us, but this might have been one
• 1:40
  Speaker 1: they were more heated. It sounds like in their response
• 1:43
  Speaker 1: to Kai, a reader saying, you're ridiculous for this scenario,
• 1:47
  Speaker 1: almost even right.
• 1:48
  Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people were taking it
• 1:51
  Speaker 2: from the American vantage point, where if you, I, and
• 1:56
  Speaker 2: we both said this, at least we've said this to
• 1:58
  Speaker 2: one another. I don't know what that's like to have
• 2:01
  Speaker 2: a culture so tightly knit where yes, it is required
• 2:08
  Speaker 2: that you get approval from your parents, and oftentimes in
• 2:11
  Speaker 2: some of these cultures and we don't know which one
• 2:13
  Speaker 2: she's from, there are arranged marriages still in plenty of
• 2:16
  Speaker 2: cultures around the world, so parents not only get a say,
• 2:19
  Speaker 2: they actually tell you the child who you're going to marry.
• 2:23
  Speaker 2: And frankly, a lot of debate out there as to
• 2:26
  Speaker 2: whether or not that's the odds are the same if
• 2:29
  Speaker 2: not even better in terms of marriage and divorce rates.
• 2:31
  Speaker 2: And maybe it's the community, and maybe it's the pressure
• 2:33
  Speaker 2: to stay married no matter what, but no one can
• 2:36
  Speaker 2: say that that's a less successful way forward.
• 2:41
  Speaker 1: So with that as the backdrop, with that in mind,
• 2:44
  Speaker 1: and with that context, Kai wrote into us again. You
• 2:46
  Speaker 1: can find our Yahoo column Yahoo dot com in the
• 2:48
  Speaker 1: life section. We have a new one for you every
• 2:50
  Speaker 1: week and a new topic. And again Kai is our
• 2:53
  Speaker 1: reader this week and the topic and it really became
• 2:56
  Speaker 1: a point of contention for a lot of folks. But
• 2:58
  Speaker 1: she writes in amy and ts, I'm in my late twenties.
• 3:01
  Speaker 1: I've been dating my partner for almost a year. I'm
• 3:03
  Speaker 1: headed over heels and truly believe he might be though
• 3:07
  Speaker 1: on the problem is my parents. I come from a
• 3:10
  Speaker 1: culture where family approval is considered essential before marriage. Because
• 3:16
  Speaker 1: my partner and I come from different backgrounds, I worry
• 3:19
  Speaker 1: that my parents won't accept him. They don't even know
• 3:22
  Speaker 1: I'm in a serious relationship. I'm torn between telling them
• 3:26
  Speaker 1: now or waiting until we're engaged. I don't want to
• 3:29
  Speaker 1: cause unnecessary conflict, but I also don't want to keep
• 3:33
  Speaker 1: such a big part of my life from them. What
• 3:36
  Speaker 1: would you do in my position Kai, both of us robes,
• 3:40
  Speaker 1: I think we were kind of in agreement on what
• 3:41
  Speaker 1: our advice was there.
• 3:42
  Speaker 2: Yes, and that family is important and that having your
• 3:45
  Speaker 2: family support your relationship is a good thing and having
• 3:49
  Speaker 2: them not support it is not a good thing. That
• 3:52
  Speaker 2: can be It's not the end all be all, but
• 3:54
  Speaker 2: certainly it doesn't help and it could only hinder a
• 3:57
  Speaker 2: relationship moving forward. So if you still have an opportunity
• 4:00
  Speaker 2: to get your family behind you and behind your relationship,
• 4:03
  Speaker 2: you should absolutely go for it. And the longer she waits,
• 4:06
  Speaker 2: the bigger adjustment and bigger difficulty that might be for
• 4:10
  Speaker 2: that acceptance.
• 4:11
  Speaker 1: Yes, and we were very clear and based on experience
• 4:13
  Speaker 1: as well, I think these are your parents, This is
• 4:15
  Speaker 1: your family. They love you, and they might surprise you
• 4:18
  Speaker 1: how they react and how they embrace. And yes, there
• 4:22
  Speaker 1: are going to be some hurt feelings that you didn't
• 4:23
  Speaker 1: come to them. Yes they're going to be a little
• 4:25
  Speaker 1: upset by that, but you're their child. They love you,
• 4:27
  Speaker 1: and that's I really do believe. Again, we've lived enough
• 4:30
  Speaker 1: life and experienced enough to where we have seen worry
• 4:34
  Speaker 1: about what a parent might do. But your parents love you,
• 4:39
  Speaker 1: and so that was our advice. But Robes you, as
• 4:41
  Speaker 1: people know we've been listening, you are the one that
• 4:43
  Speaker 1: goes through the comments. I hear them usually for the
• 4:45
  Speaker 1: first time when you read them to me here, so
• 4:48
  Speaker 1: I'm curious what the reaction was.
• 4:51
  Speaker 2: Yes, your reaction will be genuine and immediate, actually once
• 4:55
  Speaker 2: you hear all of these. But it's been funn men women,
• 5:00
  Speaker 2: mostly men. It's so funny right in and leave comments
• 5:03
  Speaker 2: along the section, but I have a blast reading them.
• 5:05
  Speaker 2: So the first comment comes from Rod, and Rod says
• 5:08
  Speaker 2: this to Kai. We are not indebted to our parents
• 5:12
  Speaker 2: by any stretch of the imagination. You're not property, whether
• 5:17
  Speaker 2: they plan for you or not. I didn't ask my
• 5:19
  Speaker 2: wife's father for her hand, and I don't care if
• 5:22
  Speaker 2: it upset any of her family. We're on twenty plus
• 5:25
  Speaker 2: years of marital bliss.
• 5:27
  Speaker 1: Okay, and that's fine, And that's okay, and that works.
• 5:31
  Speaker 1: I love that you give Kai something to think about,
• 5:36
  Speaker 1: but can't attack her for her situation possibly being different
• 5:40
  Speaker 1: from yours. We look everybody listening who grew up in
• 5:44
  Speaker 1: the United States of America has no concept for the
• 5:46
  Speaker 1: most part of what that means to be obligated almost
• 5:51
  Speaker 1: how does she say it in her thing? I'm it's essential.
• 5:54
  Speaker 2: She said, it's essential, it's essential.
• 5:56
  Speaker 1: We don't have any concept of that.
• 5:58
  Speaker 2: Necessarily, No, I don't have any concept of that, and
• 6:01
  Speaker 2: in fact, you know, but I do get what Rod
• 6:03
  Speaker 2: is saying about being property. I have always kind of
• 6:07
  Speaker 2: taken issue. I know, I don't want to upset traditionalists
• 6:11
  Speaker 2: out there, and certainly I had my father walk me
• 6:12
  Speaker 2: down the aisle. But later on I wondered why. I know,
• 6:16
  Speaker 2: that's a beautiful tradition, but when you actually think about
• 6:18
  Speaker 2: what it represents, you're being given to another man, it
• 6:22
  Speaker 2: feels a little odd and a little strange. So some
• 6:24
  Speaker 2: people have booked that tradition, even because of the idea
• 6:28
  Speaker 2: or where it comes from that you're a piece of
• 6:30
  Speaker 2: property to be decided. Your fate is decided by your father,
• 6:34
  Speaker 2: and then you're given to your husband. So I understand
• 6:37
  Speaker 2: where he's coming from. But I do think there are
• 6:40
  Speaker 2: sweet things about traditions. They don't have to be based
• 6:43
  Speaker 2: You don't have to believe what they were based on,
• 6:46
  Speaker 2: and still recognize that it is perhaps a kind thing
• 6:49
  Speaker 2: to do, It is perhaps a respectful thing to do
• 6:52
  Speaker 2: to make sure the parents are okay with the match,
• 6:56
  Speaker 2: but I get that it's archaic.
• 6:59
  Speaker 1: Okay. See, I am going a different direction from you
• 7:02
  Speaker 1: saying something is traditional versus respectful family culture and respect tradition. Here,
• 7:09
  Speaker 1: you don't want to walk down out, knock yourself out,
• 7:12
  Speaker 1: don't want to ask the father for the handima, knock
• 7:14
  Speaker 1: yourself out. I find those two things to be completely
• 7:17
  Speaker 1: unrelated to a young lady who is now saying, my
• 7:19
  Speaker 1: culture is one in which getting approval from parents matters
• 7:23
  Speaker 1: more than maybe anywhere else in the world. So I'm
• 7:25
  Speaker 1: trying to separate. You want to have that conversation about
• 7:27
  Speaker 1: walking down out, we can do that. Well, no, no, no,
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  Speaker 1: I was being property.
• 7:31
  Speaker 2: Sure, I was just understanding perhaps where Rod was coming from.
• 7:34
  Speaker 2: But you're saying, yes, that has nothing to do with
• 7:37
  Speaker 2: where Kai is coming from, a little.
• 7:39
  Speaker 1: Separate from what she's doing. But again to his point,
• 7:41
  Speaker 1: which I do not take issue with what he's saying,
• 7:45
  Speaker 1: but applying it to her necessarily is.
• 7:47
  Speaker 2: I think he's just saying, making a decision based on
• 7:49
  Speaker 2: whether or not your family likes it or not shouldn't
• 7:53
  Speaker 2: be the basis of your decision basically, And people are.
• 7:55
  Speaker 1: Doing it every day, day in day out here even right,
• 7:59
  Speaker 1: I want my parents approval. I'm not saying I'm not
• 8:02
  Speaker 1: going to do something, but it does. It weighs on
• 8:05
  Speaker 1: all of us. That's the real thing we can always
• 8:07
  Speaker 1: all of us can relate to.
• 8:08
  Speaker 2: Absolutely. All right, we'll move on now to Amanda. Amanda
• 8:11
  Speaker 2: wrote this to Kai. It sounds like your parent's approval
• 8:14
  Speaker 2: is important to you, yet you've been lying for almost
• 8:18
  Speaker 2: a year. The longer you wait, the deeper the hole
• 8:21
  Speaker 2: you are digging yourself. I get waiting a month or two,
• 8:24
  Speaker 2: but after that, your parents should know, especially if their
• 8:27
  Speaker 2: approval and blessing is important to you. I think Amanda
• 8:30
  Speaker 2: made a really good point that yes, it's her culture. Yes,
• 8:34
  Speaker 2: that's how she was raised, regardless of where it came from.
• 8:37
  Speaker 2: She is acknowledging in this letter that she writes to
• 8:40
  Speaker 2: us that she wants that approval, She needs that approval
• 8:46
  Speaker 2: in her world, in her mind, in her heart.
• 8:50
  Speaker 1: But Amanda is I thought that was a very measured response.
• 8:53
  Speaker 1: But Amanda's asking the question, and I said it several times.
• 8:56
  Speaker 1: Every minute that goes by makes it worse than the
• 9:00
  Speaker 1: minute before. Just every single moment that passes makes this worse.
• 9:05
  Speaker 1: And so yeah, I appreciate, Amanda.
• 9:07
  Speaker 2: Yeah, the longer you wait, the deeper the hole you
• 9:09
  Speaker 2: are digging. And the truth is, my mom used to
• 9:12
  Speaker 2: say this to me. Just because you didn't outwardly tell
• 9:16
  Speaker 2: a lie by not giving someone important information, that is
• 9:20
  Speaker 2: a lie biomission and that's why Mom used to say,
• 9:22
  Speaker 2: you are lying by omission. And so she did use
• 9:24
  Speaker 2: the word lying, and I thought, oh, that's a little strong,
• 9:26
  Speaker 2: but then I heard my mom lying by omission is
• 9:29
  Speaker 2: still lying.
• 9:30
  Speaker 1: That's a tough way to put it, but you know
• 9:32
  Speaker 1: what kind of drives it home. It is accurate. I
• 9:34
  Speaker 1: don't think it's too harsh. You are looking at your
• 9:36
  Speaker 1: parents in the face every day. Possibly you are talking
• 9:38
  Speaker 1: to them every day. You are literally living an entire
• 9:41
  Speaker 1: life that's important to you. That you're saying now is
• 9:44
  Speaker 1: going to be a part of the rest of your life.
• 9:45
  Speaker 1: You're with somebody that's going to give them grandkids, and
• 9:49
  Speaker 1: you haven't told.
• 9:50
  Speaker 2: Them that he even exists.
• 9:52
  Speaker 1: That is lying to them on the days, on a
• 9:56
  Speaker 1: daily basis of what your life.
• 9:57
  Speaker 2: Is all right. Next we have Joe. Joe says this
• 10:02
  Speaker 2: to Kai. If you've been keeping it from your parents,
• 10:05
  Speaker 2: there is probably a reason you've been doing so. The
• 10:09
  Speaker 2: likely reason is that you know your parents will not
• 10:12
  Speaker 2: approve on some level. This is not a decision your
• 10:16
  Speaker 2: parents should be helping you make. It's your life. Tell
• 10:20
  Speaker 2: them when you are ready, can I I hadn't thought
• 10:25
  Speaker 2: about it from that perspective either, and I thought that
• 10:27
  Speaker 2: was a really good way to look at it.
• 10:29
  Speaker 1: She's not ready. Okay, that's fine, that is fine. But
• 10:34
  Speaker 1: what is the reason.
• 10:36
  Speaker 2: That's what he's asking her to ask.
• 10:37
  Speaker 1: Herself, why am I keeping this guy? Obviously, if he
• 10:42
  Speaker 1: was whatever Prince Charming that was in her culture that
• 10:45
  Speaker 1: she knew this was the guy they've been looking for for,
• 10:49
  Speaker 1: she would have brought Hi.
• 10:49
  Speaker 2: Right home immediately. She would have.
• 10:51
  Speaker 1: So what is this guy? Carli Black?
• 10:53
  Speaker 2: Isn't it?
• 10:57
  Speaker 1: My goods?
• 10:58
  Speaker 2: I'm laughing because you're laughing. I just want to point
• 11:00
  Speaker 2: that out. You laughed first by had a big old
• 11:04
  Speaker 2: smile on your face when you said it, with that
• 11:05
  Speaker 2: little cheshire cat brind that you have. But she, you know,
• 11:10
  Speaker 2: I wonder if it is just the fact that he
• 11:13
  Speaker 2: is a different culture or a different background, if there
• 11:16
  Speaker 2: are other things. Does he have a good job, does
• 11:18
  Speaker 2: he have all the other things that her parents want
• 11:20
  Speaker 2: in a mate for her. But I do agree with
• 11:22
  Speaker 2: Joe that ultimately it is her decision. She just has
• 11:26
  Speaker 2: to like ask herself why she's not telling them, and
• 11:29
  Speaker 2: then she has to decide for herself when the time
• 11:33
  Speaker 2: is like no one can tell her what to do
• 11:35
  Speaker 2: in this truly, I mean, she does have to decide
• 11:37
  Speaker 2: for herself.
• 11:38
  Speaker 1: Would you ever make a decision for yourself that you
• 11:40
  Speaker 1: knew was going to ruin a relationship with a family member?
• 11:43
  Speaker 2: That it's hard to do, tough, But if you're telling
• 11:46
  Speaker 2: them this is who I love, and they decide to
• 11:48
  Speaker 2: act and react a certain way, you just have to
• 11:50
  Speaker 2: be willing to live with their choice because you're choosing.
• 11:54
  Speaker 2: If you choose to bring it to them in love,
• 11:56
  Speaker 2: in transparency, in connection, in an effort to try and
• 11:59
  Speaker 2: make everybody have a connection moving forward, and they choose
• 12:04
  Speaker 2: not to accept it, that's on them, then it's no
• 12:07
  Speaker 2: longer on you.
• 12:08
  Speaker 1: And that's why I say, absolutely, if she tells them
• 12:11
  Speaker 1: they love you, I just yes, feelings are gonna be hurt,
• 12:14
  Speaker 1: tears are going to be shit, They're going to be upset.
• 12:16
  Speaker 2: There are families, though, you say, yeah, There are families though,
• 12:19
  Speaker 2: who will absolutely cease all communication and there are people
• 12:23
  Speaker 2: who wrote in some stories about having had that happen
• 12:26
  Speaker 2: to them, so it does exist. I do think that
• 12:29
  Speaker 2: would be on the rarer side of thing. It's hard
• 12:32
  Speaker 2: to imagine as a parent that you would be willing
• 12:34
  Speaker 2: to do that. You'd lose all contact with your daughter,
• 12:38
  Speaker 2: with your child because you don't like who they married,
• 12:42
  Speaker 2: then probably no families would ever talk to each other
• 12:45
  Speaker 2: because that probably happens daily.
• 12:47
  Speaker 1: All right, Well, we appreciate all of that writing in
• 12:50
  Speaker 1: and advice from Rod, Amanda and Joe, But why is
• 12:54
  Speaker 1: somebody from Texas taking issue with me and Robot and
• 12:59
  Speaker 1: saying we gave Kai terrible advice?
• 13:12
  Speaker 2: Welcome back to welcome a back. Why do I keep
• 13:15
  Speaker 2: doing that?
• 13:15
  Speaker 1: We're gonna make it a thing. I like it. Welcome aback,
• 13:18
  Speaker 1: Welcome back baby.
• 13:19
  Speaker 2: Why am I saying that? Wow, two days in a row,
• 13:22
  Speaker 2: Welcome back everyone to my obviously repetitive brain fart.
• 13:27
  Speaker 3: But we are here talking about Kai.
• 13:30
  Speaker 2: She has come to us asking us some relationship advice
• 13:34
  Speaker 2: on what she should do. Her boyfriend of nearly a year,
• 13:37
  Speaker 2: who she thinks will soon be her fiancee, is from
• 13:40
  Speaker 2: a different background, and so she's been afraid to bring
• 13:43
  Speaker 2: him around and tell her parents about him, and she
• 13:45
  Speaker 2: wants to know when she should do it. We gave
• 13:48
  Speaker 2: our advice to Kai in the latest Yahoo column that
• 13:53
  Speaker 2: drops every Monday in the Life section. But now we
• 13:55
  Speaker 2: are having some fun reading your comments. Readers comments about
• 14:00
  Speaker 2: what Kai should do. In Native Texan that's what the
• 14:04
  Speaker 2: name is on this comment or had some words for us.
• 14:07
  Speaker 1: First, Okay, I still haven't heard this. I am going
• 14:09
  Speaker 1: to hear this for the first time with you all.
• 14:11
  Speaker 1: Cant wait.
• 14:12
  Speaker 2: So Native Texan says this, what terrible advice from this article?
• 14:16
  Speaker 1: Okay?
• 14:17
  Speaker 2: That was our advice.
• 14:18
  Speaker 1: By the way, all.
• 14:18
  Speaker 2: Right, her private life is not her parent's business, especially
• 14:23
  Speaker 2: if they are judgmental and unsupportive. It is the parent's
• 14:27
  Speaker 2: fault for pushing her away and making her feel she
• 14:30
  Speaker 2: cannot confide in them. She should go live her life
• 14:34
  Speaker 2: unless she wants to remain under her parent's thumb.
• 14:37
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's go back to the part. Let's take it
• 14:39
  Speaker 1: line by line. First line was what again.
• 14:41
  Speaker 2: What terrible advice from this article?
• 14:43
  Speaker 1: Okay? And again I don't know how the person said it,
• 14:45
  Speaker 1: how it came off, and we were sitting face to face.
• 14:48
  Speaker 1: It might come off as sarcastic or funny, what terrible advice?
• 14:51
  Speaker 1: You guys are crazy or in writing it comes off me,
• 14:54
  Speaker 1: or you could take issue with the advice. And this
• 14:56
  Speaker 1: is you know. I'm big on words and how we communicate.
• 14:58
  Speaker 1: You can communicate with someone say I would never say that,
• 15:01
  Speaker 1: or I would try it this way, or there are
• 15:03
  Speaker 1: ways we can communicate with people that just doesn't come
• 15:05
  Speaker 1: off as you're an idiot.
• 15:06
  Speaker 2: When you're native Texan, though, you're anonymous and you can
• 15:09
  Speaker 2: say whatever you want.
• 15:11
  Speaker 1: So that's line one, Line two. What was the next sentence?
• 15:13
  Speaker 2: Her private life is not her parents' business, especially if
• 15:16
  Speaker 2: they are judgmental and unsupportive.
• 15:19
  Speaker 1: Now, everybody out there who's in a relationship and who
• 15:21
  Speaker 1: has parents, apply that to your life. It doesn't apply.
• 15:26
  Speaker 1: You can say that in theory all day long that
• 15:30
  Speaker 1: your relationship isn't your parents' business, but it is and
• 15:33
  Speaker 1: they're involved in it. I'm not saying they have a
• 15:35
  Speaker 1: say over it and they should guide and dictate. But
• 15:38
  Speaker 1: all of us want our parents to appreciate, embrace love,
• 15:45
  Speaker 1: except our mate, and it throws us when they don't,
• 15:50
  Speaker 1: and we want to make it what we all want
• 15:53
  Speaker 1: that approval. I'm not saying it's the end of the world.
• 15:55
  Speaker 1: But to suggest that, oh, well, your parents don't like it,
• 15:58
  Speaker 1: going with your life, be a big girl. That's that's
• 16:00
  Speaker 1: tough to accept.
• 16:01
  Speaker 2: It's tough because every Christmas or whatever holiday you celebrate
• 16:05
  Speaker 2: with your family, birthdays, you're probably going to have children
• 16:07
  Speaker 2: with this person if you marry them. So that is
• 16:10
  Speaker 2: a part of your parent.
• 16:12
  Speaker 3: In literally intermingling with the mate you choose, and then
• 16:17
  Speaker 3: you all have to mingle at all of life's events
• 16:21
  Speaker 3: that happened over the years.
• 16:22
  Speaker 2: And so if there is animosity, if there is hatred,
• 16:25
  Speaker 2: if there is disapproval, that is going to seep into
• 16:28
  Speaker 2: every part of your relationship.
• 16:30
  Speaker 1: It just is. So it's just and I know we
• 16:33
  Speaker 1: speak oftentimes through our own experience experiences, but we have
• 16:37
  Speaker 1: to be a little respectful at least of what somebody
• 16:41
  Speaker 1: else might be going through and the idea that we
• 16:43
  Speaker 1: could be so dismissive of, oh, you're a grown woman.
• 16:46
  Speaker 1: You don't want your parents' approval, Yes, we all need.
• 16:49
  Speaker 2: Well, it's funny you just said that last thing, you said,
• 16:51
  Speaker 2: you're a grown woman, Okay, because that's kind of the
• 16:54
  Speaker 2: tone of this last comment. And I do think that
• 16:58
  Speaker 2: perhaps the person who wrote this change their user name
• 17:02
  Speaker 2: just to reiterate what their yeah, to reiterate what their
• 17:06
  Speaker 2: advice was going to be. So this comes from my decision,
• 17:11
  Speaker 2: all right, my decision, right?
• 17:13
  Speaker 1: Can you tell if it's a man or a woman?
• 17:17
  Speaker 1: You know what.
• 17:19
  Speaker 2: I think it might be a man.
• 17:21
  Speaker 1: Okay, let's see.
• 17:22
  Speaker 2: But my decision sounds like something a woman would say. Obviously,
• 17:26
  Speaker 2: my body, my choice, I get it. So it does
• 17:29
  Speaker 2: sound like something a woman would say. But when you
• 17:31
  Speaker 2: hear the advice, it could go either way. Okay, my decision,
• 17:33
  Speaker 2: writes to Kai and says the parents will also blame
• 17:37
  Speaker 2: the boyfriend for not being told. They can't blame their
• 17:41
  Speaker 2: baby girl because they love her so and they will
• 17:43
  Speaker 2: throw shade at the boyfriend. You are telling them you
• 17:47
  Speaker 2: are in a relationship not asking permission. If you are
• 17:50
  Speaker 2: an adult, act like one exclamation point.
• 17:53
  Speaker 1: Okay, wow, I was against it and now I'm with it.
• 17:58
  Speaker 1: The last part there, Kai, take that to heart. If
• 18:03
  Speaker 1: you walk in with that approach that I am letting
• 18:05
  Speaker 1: you all into this that's happening with me versus me
• 18:10
  Speaker 1: having to introduce this into you all's world. I am
• 18:14
  Speaker 1: letting you all know I am in a relationship. I'm
• 18:16
  Speaker 1: not asking for your permission to be in it that
• 18:19
  Speaker 1: I am okay with.
• 18:19
  Speaker 2: I think that's a great way that.
• 18:20
  Speaker 1: Mindset the first part of that back.
• 18:22
  Speaker 2: Again, the parents will also blame the boyfriend for not
• 18:26
  Speaker 2: being told okay.
• 18:27
  Speaker 1: That is actually a scenario I hadn't thought about and
• 18:29
  Speaker 1: that KAI needs to consider. Obviously, we know she's making
• 18:32
  Speaker 1: it worse and worse and worse for herself and the
• 18:35
  Speaker 1: boyfriend as the time goes by. But what if the
• 18:38
  Speaker 1: parents are looking at her and have a my child
• 18:40
  Speaker 1: can do no wrong attitude, and now they hate your boyfriend.
• 18:43
  Speaker 2: Even more than that is That's what my decision is saying.
• 18:46
  Speaker 2: Could very much be the case. And he used or
• 18:48
  Speaker 2: she used whoever's lots of exclamation points, which could also
• 18:51
  Speaker 2: point to a girl, because I too like to use
• 18:53
  Speaker 2: lots of exclamation points when I make comments.
• 18:57
  Speaker 1: Their little heart emojis thanks to it.
• 18:59
  Speaker 2: I know that i'd know it was a girl, yes,
• 19:02
  Speaker 2: but I did not think about how much that could
• 19:06
  Speaker 2: affect the boyfriend. We talked about that in our earlier podcast. Obviously,
• 19:11
  Speaker 2: that has to feel like he's being rejected when his
• 19:14
  Speaker 2: own girlfriend isn't willing to bring him around, But that
• 19:18
  Speaker 2: is a good point that the parents could be very
• 19:20
  Speaker 2: much like my baby girl.
• 19:22
  Speaker 1: She would never do this. What has he done to her?
• 19:24
  Speaker 1: He's brainwashed her?
• 19:26
  Speaker 2: They could completely this isn't our daughter. Our daughter would
• 19:29
  Speaker 2: never have done this, only if she's been, yes, brainwashed
• 19:32
  Speaker 2: by a man who isn't like us, who doesn't know us,
• 19:35
  Speaker 2: who doesn't understand us. That makes a lot of sense. Well,
• 19:39
  Speaker 2: we appreciate all of the comments. They are so fun
• 19:43
  Speaker 2: to read, and it's interesting too when they go beyond
• 19:46
  Speaker 2: or they differ from what we think the reader or
• 19:49
  Speaker 2: whoever is coming to us with a question wants an
• 19:52
  Speaker 2: answer for. So I think it's cool to keep our
• 19:55
  Speaker 2: hearts and minds open always when we take in all
• 19:57
  Speaker 2: this different advice. But we wish Kai the very best,
• 19:59
  Speaker 2: hope she makes the right decision, and we're going to
• 20:01
  Speaker 2: try to follow up with some of our folks. We've
• 20:03
  Speaker 2: said this before, but we really would like to bring
• 20:04
  Speaker 2: you some episodes in the.
• 20:06
  Speaker 3: Coming weeks or months maybe where we do know what.
• 20:09
  Speaker 2: Our readers actually decided to do after getting the advice,
• 20:12
  Speaker 2: not just from us, but from the readers as well.
• 20:15
  Speaker 2: So thank you for listening to us on this Thursday.
• 20:18
  Speaker 2: I mean you, Roebuck alongside TJ. Holmes, have a great day, everybody,