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Trauma Doesn't Stay Filed Away (Here's What Actually Happens) · Voices for Voices®

• 0:01
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hi everyone, it's Justin here, Voices for Voices.
• 0:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you very much for joining.
• 0:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Whether you're watching, listening here in the United States or across the world, thank you.
• 0:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we are grateful to have you with us.
• 0:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you can give us a thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, reshare, repost, and even uh share the Voices for Voices podcast with uh maybe 25 or 50 contacts in your phone.
• 0:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh they will not be disappointed, nor will you be disappointed.
• 0:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And they and you can find our podcast wherever you get your podcasts at.
• 0:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We're everywhere.
• 0:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Voices for voices.
• 0:48
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you so much for being with us today.
• 0:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh just got back from running running a couple uh a couple errands.
• 1:00
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um and uh it feels good to have a sense of accomplishment this early in the day that what we're filming.
• 1:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um it really helps that get so set set the table for the rest of the day.
• 1:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And and so when you can get um you know small things, big things accomplished, uh that's always a good thing.
• 1:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And when you can do that early earlier in the day, it helps the rest of your your day.
• 1:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: At least that's what I've noticed.
• 1:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Again, don't take everything I say as the no all be all.
• 1:50
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's not not that.
• 1:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I'm just sharing my experiences with with you and in the hopes of helping at some juncture in time.
• 2:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And uh welcome to the voices for voices family.
• 2:12
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you for being with us.
• 2:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh it's very um, you know, uh as we as we go through life, there are very uh easy things.
• 2:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Okay, Lucy, we're gonna go to the other side so I can there's things that are very easy, and then there's things that are very, very difficult.
• 2:41
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Um, just the other day uh had one of those difficult difficult experiences.
• 2:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Okay, Lucy.
• 2:56
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you.
• 2:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and and so with here I'm scooting myself over here, um and and and so it was a very difficult uh experience because of probably if I if I were to venture a guess uh may have to do with like if we have done experienced something ourselves and we see somebody else that is experiencing something a little similar, uh sometimes it can take us back to that place, and that place may be a place of trauma, of doing some hard things, making some hard choices, and and that's something that happened for me recently, where this particular experience took me back several well yeah, several years uh because I experienced something similar and it can in the moment like when you're doing the thing, as you know, we have a dog, so the anytime that the the camera moves around, that's that's why.
• 5:06
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But when you're in the moment experiencing the thing, the experience, the whatever it may be, it is in that this particular example, it is hard to go through it alone and I don't mean that it's only me.
• 5:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's a lot of people affected by this this thing that remains nameless.
• 5:59
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh and so it was hard.
• 6:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It was very difficult.
• 6:08
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I broke down, cried.
• 6:15
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like I said, it took me back to a remember almost like a yeah, like a rem remembering, like reaching back in my mind and my brain to when I experience something very similar.
• 6:38
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And you know, we talk about you know the mental health and then and all that, and the trauma and the recovery.
• 6:49
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: This is what this is part of what I I've been and we've been sharing with you is hard to go it's hard to go through things when past experiences, events come back in into play.
• 7:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Right, so we can try to forget, but it is hard, or if not impossible, to do that, and that was something I learned just the other day, because you know, I I had thought that some things that I had gone through in the past were were gone, like right, so have an experience, and then the thing, the experience, the event, it's gone.
• 8:25
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that is absolutely not the case, and that strengthens the case of what we've been trying to share that when we talk about mental health we can try to put it back in the back of our mind, but it's it's still there, and I I learned again the other day that it was something that was many multiple years ago, something that I thought was.
• 9:22
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I wouldn't say something that I thought at the moment I did, but since then not, and I'm talking about mental health, right?
• 9:32
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So you get a bruise on an arm, your arm, and so you're able to see the bruise, see the discoloration, and then you're able to see it heal.
• 9:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, on the inside, in our mind, our brain, you can't see just looking at a person, and so all these thoughts, events, traumatic, not traumatic, all those are still in our minds, and no matter how much people try to tell me or tell you, or anybody, you know, just get over it, just get over it.
• 10:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Well, it's all well and good.
• 10:29
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Try to try the best we can.
• 10:37
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I and I really I really don't like yeah, Lissie's got her lammy.
• 10:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Uh yeah, I really I I I really don't like the philosophy.
• 10:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, you don't know unless you've been through it.
• 10:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But as the last couple months have unfolded, especially the last like couple of weeks, I I really I think there might be some truth in that you know trying to talk and explain and and all that it's easier to talk and explain, but it's another for the mind to like you know put the checkbox, the check in the box, check mark in the box.
• 11:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's hard to do that.
• 11:54
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It feels like we should be able to do that, we should be able to move on and and have these events, experiences, have them just vanish away like that bruise that hypothetical bruise I just talked about.
• 12:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Not the case though, and I think part of that stigma is that is oh you're h like if you're having a good day or I'm having a good day, it's easier to say, oh, he's better, he's doing better, and then on on the not good days, the slow days, he's so lazy.
• 12:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: What's what's going on, and it's really hard to to have those moments where we're being questioned like that.
• 13:09
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I mean I don't know anybody who wants to get hurt physically or mentally, so it doesn't bring it doesn't bring me any joy, doesn't bring me any happiness of the things that I've gone through, and and if I'm you know reminded of things in the past, like I just mentioned earlier, I mean I I wish that was the case, like we said, like wish it would just vanish and go away.
• 13:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Again, I I learned that that's not the case over the past several years, but this one event, one experience has really crystallized that in that we're we're just doing the best we can.
• 14:24
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Sometimes it's gonna feel like enough, sometimes it's not, sometimes people are gonna pat you on the back or say good job, and other times they're gonna ghost you and they you know, using those as I guess it extremes one way or the other.
• 14:53
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, I just wanted to share this with you because maybe you're dealing with something similar or have been, where there's something that happened ten years ago, twenty years ago, whatever whatever the time frame may be.
• 15:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And then we kind of feel like you know, we're strong enough to not let that affect us until it does affect us and it's like our bodies are we're humans.
• 15:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We have emotions it's really no secret that I've been known to be emotional at times even publicly on our show, on our podcast, and other ways and means because I feel that by being real and authentic instead of fake, it is gonna be what helps people, what people can maybe relate to a little bit.
• 16:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Like, man, I went through this event ten years ago, and then just the other day something similar is going on, and and we just go, oh my gosh, I thought I yeah, thought I was strong enough to get through this type of activity, this event, this experience.
• 17:28
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And while we all are survivors at some level, sometimes even survivors get emotional.
• 17:45
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Sometimes even survivors have a hard time dealing dealing with uh what's happening, what's going on.
• 18:07
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And I just want to say it's okay, it's as normal as normal can be.
• 18:17
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's easier said than done, not to worry about what others think a lot, you know, try to rise above that, which I try to do.
• 18:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But again, there's there's sometimes that no amount of anything can you know replace you know those thoughts that we thought were in so far in the past that it's just like a recall, you know, like in a library of things are filed away in our brain.
• 19:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And we thought that thing things wouldn't get to us if they happen again.
• 19:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So it's easy for me to say, don't worry.
• 19:35
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: But I've like I just meant mentioned you know this whole show, you know, I just went through this kind of experience of like this total recall of a series of events that I went through that now it's close to home with somebody else.
• 20:18
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: It's sometimes very recently it's it's hard.
• 20:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Hard to it's hard to figure out how to help uh you know these uh these situations 'cause you wanna we wanna help.
• 20:51
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Yeah, we wanna I wanna fix something that I'm a fixer.
• 20:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: I guess most men that boys are fixers wherever they go, something's happening, they go and they try to fix it, sometimes they come across as well they're not they don't they overlook these things.
• 21:27
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: When in fact we we just wanna try to get things back to zero or like that even that even spot where you know we're able to continue our lives at the most productive level as we can doing what we want to do, not what Others want us to do while trying to be strong, but understanding that being strong also can bring emotions because the more we pent up all different thoughts, different experiences, different traumas, and we just again keep shoving it back in our mind, in our brain.
• 22:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's gonna come a time, might not be today, tomorrow, in a month, a year.
• 22:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: There's a good chance there'll be a time where you know we call burnout or other terms can be used.
• 23:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: And that's what we have to be very careful of so we can if that ever happens, we can get get some help and not be ashamed of it, and not worry about the stigma at all because it's not gonna do us any good.
• 23:30
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We can we can worry about the stigmas and we can and all that but when we're present and that's the big deal.
• 23:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: We feel what's going on, we can be emotional, have emotions, not worry about people going, oh he's crying, he's upset, he's well, I'm a human being, I have emotions, and so are you know so much of life is just be strong, just get through it, just that's an easy thing to say, easy to say, hard to do, easy to say, hard to do, easy to say, hard to do.
• 24:52
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So we just do the best we can, and no matter who we are, what status, what it doesn't matter, there's gonna be good days, and there's gonna be bad days, and if we just keep our mind as much as possible on the positives, the good days, the good experiences that even if something in the past comes out we can be emotional, use our emotions and not be not be afraid.
• 25:58
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Easier said than done, but it's something to think about.
• 26:05
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So thank you very much for joining us on this episode of the Voices for Voices podcasts and TV show.
• 26:13
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: If you can give us a thumbs up, like, follow, subscribe, share, reshare, repost, uh, even reach out to 25 or 50 or even a hundred contacts in your phone and please share the voices for voices podcast and TV show.
• 26:36
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: The podcast can be found wherever you or your contacts get their podcast.
• 26:46
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Just search for voices for voices with the four spelled out F-O-R.
• 26:55
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So until next time, let's let's celebrate the voices of the world.
• 27:02
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: A lot of negativity in the world.
• 27:04
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So let's celebrate the voices of the world, and let's be a voice for not only ourselves, but maybe also somebody else in need that isn't able to share their voice for one reason or another.
• 27:23
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: So until next time, we'll see you on the next episode, and thank you for making our Voices for Voices podcast one of the most successful independent podcasts in the world.
• 27:44
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Thank you and have a great day.
• 27:47
  Voices for Voices, Justin Alan Hayes: Bye bye for now.