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Sex Doesn't Fix Everything - 204 · Marriage Life and More and Bible Study

0:00
Daniel Moore: This week it's a blast from the past.
0:01
Daniel Moore: While we take a short break from recording, enjoy a few of our favorite episodes from the past, and we'll be back soon with brand new episodes.
0:09
Daniel Moore: From a woman's standpoint, how do you think they feel about their marriage?
0:15
Daniel Moore: That do they feel like they're kind of on an island on their own and like they're having to do everything while he's lazy in the other room?
0:22
Daniel Moore: Or what what do you think women might think of, you know, in that situation?
0:26
Michelle Moore: I experienced this in my first marriage, and I won't go into a lot of details just because I don't, you know, don't want to do that, but it is common for a lot of men to just expect that their wives come home, they work, take care of the children, give them baths, cook supper, take care of supper, put the kids in bed, and I don't think sometimes it's intentionally from women because they're just they were brought up that way.
0:53
Michelle Moore: So there's nothing changed in them, so they just expect that.
0:57
Daniel Moore: They're kind of repeating what they saw when they did it.
0:59
Michelle Moore: And I I don't know that they and then some of them are just downright, hey, this is what you're the wise, this is what's expected of you.
1:08
Daniel Moore: This week on connecting the gap, we start the priority of communication.
1:12
Daniel Moore: We're gonna get back into that right after this.connectingthe gap.net.
2:02
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2:04
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2:06
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2:08
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2:10
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2:29
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2:34
Daniel Moore: Well, once again, this week, I have my wife Michelle sitting in with me.
2:38
Michelle Moore: Hey guys.
2:39
Daniel Moore: She's right over here, and we're about ready to take off on this.
2:42
Daniel Moore: We've been going through a series on the four laws of love.
2:46
Daniel Moore: It's a marriage series that her and I have been doing together so far.
2:50
Daniel Moore: And I hope you guys that have listened have enjoyed those episodes that's been released already.
2:54
Daniel Moore: If you haven't, go back and check those out.
2:56
Daniel Moore: We're only about three episodes, I think, into this at this point.
2:59
Daniel Moore: So you can go back and just binge those on a day that you have some free time and check out all those episodes.
3:05
Daniel Moore: And we just pray that those episodes will just bless you and maybe help you in some areas in your life and in your marriage.
3:13
Daniel Moore: We go through things, we all have baggage, we all have issues sometimes in life that we come across.
3:18
Daniel Moore: And it's always good to get someone else's take sometimes that's been through things and been there and done that, as they say.
3:26
Daniel Moore: And we just pray that the these episodes as we release them, that they will meet you where you are and help you with whatever thing you're going through right now.
3:34
Daniel Moore: Well, this week we're going to be talking about the priority of communication as we continue our episodes here on the law of priority.
3:44
Daniel Moore: That's the first law that we've been talking about.
3:47
Daniel Moore: And this week, communication is going to be the focus of this week's discussion.
4:00
Michelle Moore: A rather old-fashioned lady was planning a couple of weeks of vacation in Florida.
4:05
Michelle Moore: She also was quite delicate and elegant with her language.
4:10
Michelle Moore: She wrote a letter to a particular campground and asked for reservations.
4:15
Michelle Moore: She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped but didn't know how to ask about the toilet facilities.
4:23
Michelle Moore: She just couldn't bring herself to write the word toilet in her letter.
4:28
Michelle Moore: After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term bathroom commode.
4:34
Michelle Moore: But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward.
4:38
Michelle Moore: So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter, and referred to the bathroom commode simply as the VC.
4:48
Michelle Moore: Does this campground have its own VC?
4:51
Michelle Moore: Is actually what she wrote.
4:53
Michelle Moore: Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all.
4:56
Michelle Moore: And when he got the letter, he couldn't figure out what the lady was talking about.
5:01
Michelle Moore: That VC really stumped him.
5:04
Michelle Moore: After worrying about it several days, he showed the letter to the other campers, but they couldn't figure out what the lady meant either.
5:11
Michelle Moore: The campground owner finally came up to the conclusion that the lady was and must be asking about the location of the local Baptist church.
5:21
Michelle Moore: So he sat down and wrote the following reply.
5:24
Michelle Moore: Dear Mad, I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take pleasure of informing in that the BC is located nine miles north of the campsite and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
5:43
Michelle Moore: I admit it is quite a distance away if you're in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it.
5:55
Michelle Moore: They usually arrive early and stay late.
5:59
Michelle Moore: The last time my wife and I went was six years ago and it was crowded.
6:04
Michelle Moore: We had to stand up the whole time we were there.
6:07
Michelle Moore: It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper plan to raise money to buy more seats.
6:14
Michelle Moore: They plan to hold the supper in the middle of the BC so everyone can watch and talk about this great event.
6:22
Michelle Moore: I would like to say it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely not for the lack of desire on my part.
6:31
Michelle Moore: As we grow older, it seems to be more and more of an effort, especially in cold weather.
6:38
Michelle Moore: If you decide to come down to the campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to the other folks.
6:48
Michelle Moore: This is really a very friendly community.
6:53
Daniel Moore: That's uh very funny.
6:55
Daniel Moore: I think that I think whenever we read something like this, it shows how easily communication can really get messed up.
7:04
Daniel Moore: Absolutely.
7:05
Daniel Moore: And you'd think that at this point in time in history that communication would come easier because we've all communicated since the very beginning of time.
7:16
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
7:16
Daniel Moore: So you think that it would be a lot easier to communicate the way that we should by now.
7:20
Daniel Moore: And you know, after all, experts estimate that 70% of our waking hours are spent either taking in information or giving it out.
7:29
Daniel Moore: Yeah, when it comes to marriage, the biggest communication hurdle is simply finding the time to talk.
7:35
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
7:36
Daniel Moore: That's kind of crazy when you really look at that and think about what that really means as you say it.
7:42
Daniel Moore: And I think that in a lot of cases that's very true, where it's easy for us to communicate with other people and we'll have conversations with different people there at church, and it comes easily.
7:54
Daniel Moore: But a lot of times when it comes down to actually communicating with our spouse and having some good, wholesome, healthy conversation, it seems like a lot of times that's kind of hard.
8:06
Daniel Moore: And it reminds me of a little story I read once about a husband and wife that were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.
8:15
Daniel Moore: And the husband, he said, Oh, well, we never need that.
8:18
Daniel Moore: He said, My wife and I have a great relationship.
8:21
Daniel Moore: She was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts.
8:26
Daniel Moore: He said, She communicates well, and I act like I'm listening.
8:30
Daniel Moore: And when I you think about that, there's probably a lot of truth to that, to be quite honest, because I wonder sometimes you you know, we'll we'll be talking, and and I know everybody that's listening's probably been through this scenario before where the spouse is talking, the other spouse is, yeah, okay, yeah, and they're looking at whatever they're reading or they're watching TV, and they're probably not really registering half of what was just said.
8:56
Michelle Moore: I'm guilty of that.
8:58
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
8:58
Michelle Moore: I have you went uh I'm maybe not TV or something, but if I have a lot of things going through my mind, I'll be focusing on what's on my mind versus what you say.
9:08
Michelle Moore: And then I'll come back later and like, did you tell me that?
9:11
Michelle Moore: And you're like, Yes, I did tell you that.
9:14
Michelle Moore: And I'm like, I am so sorry, I I wasn't paying attention.
9:18
Daniel Moore: When you're around somebody a lot, the distractions can definitely be an issue.
9:23
Daniel Moore: And so my first thought whenever we came up to this section for this week on communication was when you're talking about a spouse, the wife is is always right.
9:36
Daniel Moore: No matter what you say or she says, she's always right.
9:38
Daniel Moore: So I think that's just the end of the the discussion this week.
9:41
Daniel Moore: But then I thought, well, maybe we need to get a little deeper than that.
9:45
Daniel Moore: So that that joke's always out there about the wife is always right.
9:51
Daniel Moore: But we know that that's not the case.
9:53
Daniel Moore: The wife is sometimes wrong, the husband's sometimes wrong.
9:57
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
9:57
Daniel Moore: And there's always things that you have to work through when it comes to relationships and marriage and being able to properly communicate between each other so that your problems can be solved.
10:06
Daniel Moore: And this law of priority, when it comes to prioritized communication, dictates that our marriages must take precedent above every other human relationship or pursuit in our lives.
10:19
Daniel Moore: And this is because marriage is a sacred covenant that requires commitment, dedication, and a loyalty that's unwavering.
10:26
Daniel Moore: By prioritizing our marriages, we are demonstrating our love and respect for our spouse and fostering a deep and meaningful connection with them.
10:36
Daniel Moore: The cornerstone of prioritizing our marriages is communicating effectively with our spouse.
10:42
Daniel Moore: Good communication is essential in any relationship, but it's especially crucial in a marriage.
10:49
Daniel Moore: Communication can make or break a marriage.
10:51
Daniel Moore: Yes.
10:52
Daniel Moore: Pretty much is what it comes down to.
10:54
Daniel Moore: By openly discussing our thoughts and our feelings and concerns with our spouse, we can build trust and strengthen our bond.
11:01
Daniel Moore: And it also resolves conflicts in a healthy and a constructive manner rather than leaving stuff on the shelf and just ignoring it.
11:09
Michelle Moore: And then going back to it.
11:11
Daniel Moore: And keep going back to it and then just and you know, adding fuel to that fire.
11:15
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
11:16
Daniel Moore: So when we prioritize communication in our marriages, we're creating a solid foundation for our relationship to thrive and grow by actively listening to our spouse, expressing our needs and desires, and working together to overcome challenges.
11:31
Daniel Moore: We are demonstrating our commitment to each other and laying the groundwork for a lasting and fulfilling partnership.
11:37
Daniel Moore: And I know as we get into this week's discussion, the guys that are probably listening are thinking, oh my goodness, we're gonna talk about communication.
11:45
Daniel Moore: I know guys hate to communicate sometimes.
11:48
Daniel Moore: They just for some reason it kind of comes hard to us and on occasion.
11:52
Daniel Moore: But in all reality, it's not anything about losing your man card or any of this other stuff.
11:58
Daniel Moore: I look at it like this now.
12:00
Daniel Moore: I probably didn't at one point in my life, but the way that I look at it now is whenever Michelle and I were dating, uh, I did everything I could to communicate with you because at that point you're trying to win each other's affection.
12:13
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
12:14
Daniel Moore: You're trying to win each other's love and a commitment.
12:16
Daniel Moore: And so there's always a lot of communicating that goes on.
12:20
Daniel Moore: Now, sometimes when you're dating, people still aren't honest with their boyfriends and girlfriends about it, some things occasionally.
12:26
Daniel Moore: So I understand that completely.
12:27
Daniel Moore: The communication may still not be a complete type of communication where everything is exposed because sometimes we do have little skeletons in the closet that we think might run off our boyfriend or girlfriend.
12:39
Daniel Moore: So we may try not to bring those up at that point.
12:42
Daniel Moore: But we do communicate a lot, yeah.
12:44
Daniel Moore: Whenever.
12:46
Daniel Moore: So as a spouse, as a wife, uh, whenever it comes time to want to, you know, to communicate with your husband, what is what is something that you think women expect out of their husband when that communication starts to flow?
13:03
Daniel Moore: What what what what reactions and those kinds of things do women expect?
13:08
Michelle Moore: I think, you know, honest.
13:10
Michelle Moore: I mean honesty comes to me.
13:14
Michelle Moore: I would rather know your true feelings versus what I want to hear.
13:18
Michelle Moore: Sometimes what I want to hear, yeah, that's great, but I really want to know what your honest feelings are.
13:26
Michelle Moore: Whether you want to talk about something, you don't want to talk about it, whether you like something about me, you don't like something about me, um, what we're getting ready to go to in the future, what what don't tell me what I want to hear.
13:38
Michelle Moore: I think being honest, and I think that goes to just being like with God, you know, God knows our hearts, so don't lie to me because he already knows what you're thinking.
13:50
Michelle Moore: Right.
13:50
Michelle Moore: But I don't want to be the other person of not knowing.
13:55
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
13:55
Daniel Moore: And I think other couples listening, you know, can probably relate to this, to the fact that there was a point in time in our marriage where Michelle would ask me questions and I would be distant with my answers.
14:06
Daniel Moore: I might give her an answer to try to just uh satisfy her, but I probably wasn't giving her the exact answer she was probably looking for.
14:17
Daniel Moore: And you know, that was during the time when there was uh just some of the things that were that were being hidden and not being exposed and uh the sneaky stuff that was going on.
14:26
Daniel Moore: We have a tendency sometimes when we're in communication with people that are in situations like that that we have a purpose behind why we aren't complete with our answers.
14:37
Daniel Moore: And that those types of things need to be solved and taken care of in order for this marriage to flourish.
14:42
Daniel Moore: And so it comes back to you're gonna have to have some good good communication to work your way back out of that hole that you guys have created as a couple.
14:50
Michelle Moore: Well, and I think also that there was times that probably if you were gonna be honest with me, I probably wouldn't have received it either.
14:58
Michelle Moore: I think because of everything we were walking.
15:01
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
15:01
Michelle Moore: So I just, you know, I probably would have taken it the wrong way.
15:06
Daniel Moore: So it kind of there's there's different ways that issues can come across with communicating that you have to be aware of.
15:13
Daniel Moore: Now, couples also need to be more patient communicators with each other, and I think that's an issue that a lot of people sometimes have problems with because there's there's people out there that have that matter-of-fact personality.
15:26
Daniel Moore: And so they just expect when they say something once that the other person gets what they're saying and they totally understand.
15:33
Daniel Moore: They carry out what the command is or whatever it may be.
15:37
Daniel Moore: And if you come back and question that or ask them a question about what they just said, they could have a tendency of kind of flipping their lid on you and say, Well, I just told you, you know what?
15:46
Daniel Moore: We're gonna get into tone here in just a little bit about how we talk to each other.
15:50
Daniel Moore: Uh, but it does when it comes to couples, there's a a lot of patience that that needs to take place.
15:57
Michelle Moore: And I think I experienced that in my first marriage.
15:59
Michelle Moore: You do what you're told and don't ask questions, like you know, and then and so I mean, I got when we got married, it was kind of like I kind of turn that way to you sometimes.
16:12
Daniel Moore: And so uh those can be a situation where you have ver verbally abusive situations, and if a person that's in a verbally abusive situation, if they're told by the dominant person to do something, but that uh that other person doesn't completely understand, but they're afraid to ask for a clarification, so they just try to do what they think they're supposed to do, but then they do it wrong, then they come back at you because you did it wrong.
16:39
Daniel Moore: Those types of communication issues aren't healthy in a relationship, they're not healthy in a marriage for sure.
16:47
Daniel Moore: In many cases, when men have opened up emotionally, the couple's sex life improved dramatically.
16:53
Daniel Moore: And you know, as men, we must understand that open and honest communication is one of women's deepest needs.
17:00
Daniel Moore: And again, I can see all the guys out there thinking, oh great, here we go with this conversation.
17:05
Daniel Moore: And again, the man card thing may come up, but again, and we're gonna be talking about this in a future episode, but you have to go back to your beginnings.
17:15
Daniel Moore: And actually, that's very biblical, and I'm not gonna get too much into that because that is in the future.
17:20
Daniel Moore: But one thing you have to remember is, you know, men need sex to feel close.
17:24
Daniel Moore: Women need to feel close to have sex.
17:27
Daniel Moore: And if you're going to have a good, intimate relationship with each other on both sides of the equation, the men and women actually have different needs when it comes to how they communicate and how they operate.
17:42
Daniel Moore: Communication in marriage is often described as the lifeblood of the relationship.
17:48
Daniel Moore: It's the key to understanding, connection, and intimacy between partners.
17:52
Daniel Moore: While technology has made communication faster and more convenient, it's never ever going to replace the depth and quality of face-to-face communications.
18:01
Daniel Moore: That's just the way it is.
18:02
Daniel Moore: You're that face-to-face uh communication that you have with your partner, your your devices.
18:10
Daniel Moore: You can you can sit in the living room and text your wife in the kitchen or whatever it may be that you like to do, but they're not gonna they're not going to get the emotion in what you're trying to say.
18:21
Daniel Moore: They're not going to uh you know completely understand uh the context maybe of what you're trying to say.
18:27
Daniel Moore: There's just a lot of things that you can't do over a device.
18:30
Daniel Moore: And it seems like today a lot of people like to fail over to the device because they just don't want to talk to each other.
18:37
Michelle Moore: Well, and so many things as the opener, you can take things so differently from a device versus face-to-face.
18:46
Daniel Moore: Right.
18:47
Daniel Moore: And so it's very important to make sure that you understand that communic actual communication, one-on-one, face-to-face communication with your partner definitely is the lifeblood of your relationship.
18:59
Daniel Moore: As we said before, it can make or break it.
19:02
Daniel Moore: Microwaving communication or trying to rush through important conversations or discussions can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings, and unresolved issues.
19:12
Daniel Moore: It's essential to take the time to communicate effectively with your spouse, actively listening and expressing yourself clearly and honestly.
19:22
Daniel Moore: In this world of rushing around, especially if you have kids at home, that's probably the easiest uh example that I can think of.
19:31
Daniel Moore: You're constantly rushing around trying to push your kids along, especially you know, getting ready for school in the morning or getting ready for church on Sundays, or maybe you know, you're needing to go somewhere and you're trying to get them to get around and get ready and that kind of thing.
19:44
Daniel Moore: We have a tendency when that happens to start trying to live our life at a fast pace.
19:50
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
19:50
Daniel Moore: Because we're constantly rushing around trying to keep the kids in order and everything else.
19:55
Daniel Moore: And what happens with that sometimes is that actually falls over to our communication with our spouse, and we find ourselves talking double speed to our spouse, trying to get our point across in the middle of all the rush that's going on.
20:09
Daniel Moore: And a lot of times that that conflict that we have because of our children's a lot of times is because of miscommunication.
20:16
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
20:17
Daniel Moore: And I think a lot of you out there can probably, you know, put yourselves in a spot where you've probably seen that happen in your relationship as well.
20:24
Daniel Moore: So we have to be careful uh with what we call, you know, we like to call this a microwave popcorn society or whatever, where everything's instant and fast and right right there at your fingertips.
20:35
Michelle Moore: I don't think I've ever heard that, but that's very interesting.
20:38
Michelle Moore: I like that.
20:39
Daniel Moore: It uh it's kind of common to hear that term be said today, and unfortunately, that's being rolled over into marriages and and relationships, and that's not good.
20:49
Daniel Moore: If you find yourself too busy to talk to your spouse, it's crucial to prioritize your marriage and make time for communication by sacrificing something else in your life, and it may be something you really like to do.
21:00
Daniel Moore: So it's it's gonna be a sacrifice.
21:03
Daniel Moore: Sacrificing other areas of your life, such as work commitments or social engagements or things of that nature, they can help you create space for meaningful conversation with your partner, which is very important to satisfy their needs.
21:16
Michelle Moore: Well, if you really think about it, we have to sacrifice our relation, like us die daily to get for God.
21:24
Michelle Moore: If we're sacrificing for that, we should be sacrificing for our spouse.
21:29
Daniel Moore: Right.
21:30
Michelle Moore: And we all know it's hard sometimes to find time to read your Bible, pray.
21:35
Michelle Moore: Same thing as a husband and wife, you have to make that time to be within to to be able to c uh communicate.
21:44
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and again, it comes back to this whole priority conversation that we've been talking about all along.
21:50
Daniel Moore: Uh, in order for us to have a good relationship with God, we have to sacrifice our priorities.
21:56
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
21:56
Daniel Moore: And then, of course, in the chain of command, as we've discussed already.
21:59
Daniel Moore: Already, the spouse is next in line below God.
22:03
Daniel Moore: Yes.
22:04
Daniel Moore: So again, you're going to have some major sacrifices.
22:07
Daniel Moore: Sometimes they're going to have to be made in order to have that healthy communication that you're going to have to have.
22:12
Daniel Moore: And you know, having the skills and understanding to communicate effectively with your spouse is crucial.
22:18
Daniel Moore: Uh, that helps you maintain a healthy and thriving relationship and it keeps you from getting frustrated or stuck.
22:24
Daniel Moore: And a lot of times we get in a rut in marriage and we get stuck, which does cause frustration, which causes anger and resentment.
22:32
Daniel Moore: It just starts a whole domino effect of things that takes place.
22:37
Daniel Moore: And a lot of times, if you go backwards to see where all of that started, it was because of failed communication.
22:43
Daniel Moore: And that's a huge issue when it comes to relationships.
22:47
Daniel Moore: So this week, as we talk about the priority of communication, there are five important elements for successful communication.
22:55
Daniel Moore: And these five elements, they are called the five pillars of communication.
23:00
Daniel Moore: So the first thing that we need to understand is it is impossible to communicate with someone that does not care.
23:08
Daniel Moore: And I think that that's probably just a universal rule of law everywhere you go.
23:15
Daniel Moore: If somebody does not really care at all what you're talking about, whether if it's in your marriage or relationship, or if you're just trying to tell them how to do something, or if it's in your work relationship, it does not matter.
23:25
Daniel Moore: If they do not care what you're telling them, it's almost impossible to communicate with that person.
23:30
Michelle Moore: And you can always tell.
23:31
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
23:32
Michelle Moore: For the majority of it, you can always tell.
23:34
Daniel Moore: Yeah, you can you can tell by the look on their face that this is the last thing they're wanting to be doing right now is standing here talking to you and listening to you ramble about something.
23:42
Daniel Moore: And so, as we know, that's not going to really probably get you anywhere when you're in in the middle of a conversation like that.
23:50
Daniel Moore: It's just going to be impossible to uh be effective with that communication at that point.
23:55
Daniel Moore: Now, the first pillar that we want to talk about is tone.
23:59
Daniel Moore: The tone of what you're saying is everything in communication.
24:05
Daniel Moore: You can say something that's that same sentence one way, and then you can say it a different way, and it can mean two totally different things, or we take in two different ways.
24:15
Daniel Moore: Tone communicates care or the lack of it.
24:19
Daniel Moore: An example of this, we could say, okay, that's fine, I will do it.
24:25
Daniel Moore: So let's say my wife is asking me to take the trash out.
24:28
Daniel Moore: So I can say, okay, I'll grab that.
24:31
Daniel Moore: It's it's full, it's overflowing.
24:32
Daniel Moore: I'll I'll take that out there and throw it in the trash can, and uh, I'll get back, I'll put a new bag in there when I'm finished.
24:38
Daniel Moore: Or my wife can tell me, take the trash out, and I can look at her and roll my eyes and go, Okay, good grief.
24:46
Daniel Moore: I'll take it out if you're not gonna do it, you know.
24:48
Daniel Moore: Just here, I do everything.
24:50
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like you when you have these two different tones, you can tell by the way that I said it, and one one way I'm exasperated and kind of aggravated, like it's just interrupting my schedule and you know, taking time out of my busy schedule to do something.
25:05
Daniel Moore: And the other way though, looks like I'm happy to do it.
25:09
Daniel Moore: So one of those two ways shows you that I care.
25:13
Daniel Moore: Which way which way shows you that I cared?
25:15
Michelle Moore: The first one.
25:16
Daniel Moore: The first one.
25:17
Daniel Moore: So, what does that do for you if you're already busy in the kitchen doing stuff or whatever?
25:22
Michelle Moore: Well, it helps me.
25:22
Daniel Moore: What how does it make you feel as a spouse when I respond back to you that way?
25:27
Michelle Moore: Yeah, it well, like I said, it helps me, but it also knows that hey, you care what I'm doing to help you.
25:33
Michelle Moore: You're taking your part within the relationship of helping me because I need that help.
25:39
Michelle Moore: So I mean, to be honest, you do so many things for me now, like even back then you did.
25:47
Michelle Moore: You probably do a lot more than most men would do.
25:51
Michelle Moore: And I'm very blessed with that because a lot of times most wives won't even ask their husbands anymore because that's just not normal.
26:00
Michelle Moore: They're just not gonna do it.
26:01
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
26:02
Michelle Moore: So they don't even bother.
26:03
Michelle Moore: Me, if I say, Hey, hey, babe, can you do this for me?
26:06
Michelle Moore: And you're like, Yeah, sure, you know, and because that tone, we work together really well.
26:11
Michelle Moore: But I do know that there are marriages out there that they used to people would tell me, you're so lucky to have someone that will help you.
26:20
Michelle Moore: And to me, I'm like, What this is a this is a partnership.
26:24
Michelle Moore: We're married as one.
26:26
Michelle Moore: We do everything together as one.
26:28
Michelle Moore: And so when you say that and you say, Okay, babe, I'll take that trash out, it just makes me love you even more for being a helper.
26:38
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
26:39
Daniel Moore: So when you talk about these women that just don't even ask anymore uh because they know what the answer is going to be, from a woman's standpoint, how do you think they feel about their marriage?
26:51
Daniel Moore: That do they feel like they're kind of on an island on their own and like they're having to do everything while he's lazy in the other room?
26:58
Daniel Moore: Well, or what what do you think women might think of, you know, in that situation?
27:02
Michelle Moore: I experienced this in my first marriage, and I won't go into a lot of details just because I don't, you know, don't want to do that, but it is common for a lot of men to just expect that their wives come home, they work, take care of the children, give them baths, cook supper, take care of supper, put the kids in bed.
27:23
Michelle Moore: And I don't think sometimes it's intentionally from a men because they're just they were brought up that way.
27:31
Michelle Moore: So there's nothing changed in them, so they just expect that.
27:34
Daniel Moore: They're kind of repeating what they saw when they do that.
27:37
Michelle Moore: I don't know that they and then some of them are just downright, hey, this is what you're the wife, this is what's expected of you, which that's I mean they're dominating and chauvinistic to I've been there, I was there for a long time, and you know, and this is I got got myself in that and just thought, well, you know, this is I want to make sure, you know, try to make this work, so you do.
28:00
Michelle Moore: But I know some of the other women were just like, you're so lucky.
28:04
Michelle Moore: And so I know that they probably think, you know, hey, she's got a great marriage, she's a keeper.
28:11
Michelle Moore: And you know, but a lot of times a lot of women just get stuck in it and just move, and that's just the way their life is.
28:18
Michelle Moore: And not saying that there's anything wrong with that because that's how their marriage works.
28:23
Daniel Moore: So, what do you think about this statement?
28:25
Daniel Moore: With a sweet, caring tone, it gives your spouse a sense of value.
28:29
Daniel Moore: Frustrated, angry tones will cause a sense of lack of value.
28:34
Daniel Moore: Is that how pretty much how you felt when you were treated that way?
28:38
Daniel Moore: Did you feel like you had value?
28:40
Michelle Moore: No.
28:40
Michelle Moore: No.
28:42
Michelle Moore: So it no self-confidence, no um, I had and I you knew me back then.
28:50
Michelle Moore: I had no value.
28:51
Michelle Moore: I mean, I just felt like, and and I'll go back to the fact where I was never told, hey, you know, you're pretty, you're smart, you're kind, you know, you're a great mother, you're a great wife.
29:04
Michelle Moore: And when you have that constantly of no one telling you that, you don't have nothing except for what you're putting in from God.
29:12
Michelle Moore: And so it does create some kind of self-worth, um, of feeling like you're not good enough.
29:20
Daniel Moore: So men and women are different, absolutely, and I feel the same as you.
29:24
Daniel Moore: I think that if you talk to me down to me like that all the time, and I really cared, that it would probably hurt my value and myself as well and my self-confidence.
29:34
Daniel Moore: I think men and women are kind of on the same plane with that.
29:37
Daniel Moore: Uh now, men and women are different as it relates to this issue.
29:43
Daniel Moore: They both care about being spoken to properly, but we know that men and women are different in their major needs.
29:49
Daniel Moore: Therefore, there are different sensitivities to how we are to communicate with them.
29:54
Daniel Moore: We have to communicate a little differently.
29:56
Daniel Moore: So the woman's most important need that should be met by her husband is security.
30:01
Daniel Moore: Uh, need is met by knowing that her husband is tuned into her and will sacrificially meet her needs.
30:07
Daniel Moore: Selfless, sensitive man, woman feels secure.
30:11
Daniel Moore: Selfish, detached man, the woman will feel insecure.
30:16
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
30:16
Daniel Moore: So even though a man may be speaking the right words, if it's in the wrong tone, the communication is going to be unsuccessful.
30:23
Michelle Moore: Right.
30:24
Daniel Moore: Because if she senses that he's saying and doing things out of grudging obligation, yeah, that's not going to please the other spouse.
30:31
Daniel Moore: No.
30:31
Daniel Moore: She's going to know that there's an issue there and it's going to cause unhappiness and tension between the two.
30:36
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
30:37
Daniel Moore: Every word a man communicates should be encrypted basically with this tone.
30:42
Daniel Moore: You're the most important thing in the world to me.
30:44
Daniel Moore: I love you with all my heart and would sacrifice anything for you.
30:48
Daniel Moore: I love you with all my heart, and you are worth fighting for.
30:52
Daniel Moore: If you have that tone as a man when you speak to your wife, then that makes the spouse feel more valued and secure.
31:00
Michelle Moore: Absolutely in the relationship.
31:01
Michelle Moore: But I think also at times that men have a hard time, and some I think maybe it's just because the way I grew up, I don't know.
31:10
Michelle Moore: But men have a hard time telling their spouse I love you, or their you know, their children, or brothers, sisters, whatever, moms, dads.
31:21
Michelle Moore: And I grew up that way.
31:22
Michelle Moore: I didn't hear I love you very much.
31:25
Michelle Moore: And so that was one of the things that I did in my first marriage.
31:29
Michelle Moore: But you better believe I'm gonna tell my kids all the time, I love you, or I love you, you know.
31:34
Michelle Moore: Yeah, um, I'm really big on that because I didn't have that.
31:39
Michelle Moore: And I know because I deeply love that person and I want them to know that.
31:43
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
31:44
Daniel Moore: So just putting this in a nutshell for the guy's side, when a when a man responds to a woman or communicates to a woman, it should always come through as you're the most important thing in the world to me.
31:57
Daniel Moore: So I will do anything I can to support you and to love you the best way that I possibly can, not only through what I'm saying to you, but even through my actions, my words and the things, the way that I handle things.
32:09
Daniel Moore: Yes.
32:10
Daniel Moore: So let's look at the man's side now.
32:12
Daniel Moore: The man's deepest need is honor.
32:14
Daniel Moore: Men are sensitive to the issue of respect, and Michelle can vouch for this with me too.
32:20
Daniel Moore: She's probably you've heard me talk many, many times about the respect I wanted out of our kids as they grew up.
32:25
Daniel Moore: And this is just how I grew up, how I grew up, even.
32:28
Daniel Moore: But the way that something is said is that is as important as what is being said.
32:34
Daniel Moore: So the way that you say it is just as important as you saying it to a guy.
32:39
Daniel Moore: If something is said disrespectfully to a man, it's gonna be difficult, you know, for me.
32:44
Daniel Moore: If somebody if somebody disrespects when they talk to me, it's gonna be difficult for me to receive that communication.
32:49
Daniel Moore: It's actually gonna probably anger me.
32:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
32:52
Daniel Moore: Because that's usually my first instinct when somebody's disrespectful with me because of my personality that I have, and Michelle's on me quite often about this, but I have a tendency to automatically snap back.
33:05
Michelle Moore: And and you know, and he's right, he grew up this way.
33:08
Michelle Moore: Yeah, so it is something that God has changed in his heart, and with my words of encouragement, sometimes I'm I'm not saying that it's every time.
33:17
Michelle Moore: I think that you know, he'd sometimes it builds.
33:20
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and I think you know it really happens.
33:22
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and he, you know, as a wife, a godly wife, I just simply say, is that how you would react, you know, in a Christian way?
33:31
Michelle Moore: Is that something, you know, yeah, you would be or do?
33:35
Michelle Moore: And I that's all I say.
33:38
Michelle Moore: And then he, you know, he either accepts it or he don't doesn't.
33:42
Michelle Moore: And generally I try to stay away after I say what I have to say, but respect is a big thing for you.
33:48
Michelle Moore: I will definitely say after the 20-some years of marriage, I have realized how much it means to you.
33:56
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and I know a lot of other guys that you know are related to me and friends of mine that are the same way.
34:02
Daniel Moore: Uh, they, you know, respect to them is is a huge issue when it comes to communication.
34:07
Daniel Moore: And so, so again, if even if it's a true statement, if it's given disrespectfully to a guy, you can probably expect some back talk or whatever.
34:18
Daniel Moore: You can expect them to come back at you if you're not careful.
34:20
Daniel Moore: So always be careful with the tone that you talk to your man.
34:24
Daniel Moore: And this so this is a good way to look at this.
34:27
Daniel Moore: So a woman, when she's communicating with a man, needs to communicate in this tone.
34:31
Daniel Moore: Everything that a woman says to a man should reflect that you are a good man.
34:36
Daniel Moore: I'm proud of you, and I'm so proud to be your wife.
34:39
Daniel Moore: You have what it takes, and I believe in you.
34:42
Daniel Moore: If every communication that you have with your husband reflects that statement, if the husband truly believes that you know the wife has belief in him and relies on him and has that stability through him, because as a leader of the home, most you know, men should be taking the leadership of the home seriously.
35:00
Daniel Moore: And we should be taking these uh these decisions that need to be made.
35:05
Daniel Moore: Uh as we lead our home and everything, we should be you know putting the most valuable uh leadership that we can in place.
35:13
Daniel Moore: That's that's our job as the husband and as the head of the home.
35:17
Daniel Moore: And so if we can have the proper communication between each other, then the wife is going to speak to the love language of the man and the man's gonna speak to the love language of the wife.
35:28
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
35:28
Michelle Moore: And I can say at one point in time, we weren't there.
35:31
Daniel Moore: We weren't, no.
35:32
Daniel Moore: And that's very important to make sure that if you don't have that going on in your relationship right now, you need to fix that.
35:38
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
35:38
Daniel Moore: And make sure that you get on the same page and uh build each other.
35:43
Daniel Moore: We should be building each other up in our communication.
35:45
Daniel Moore: Absolutely.
35:45
Daniel Moore: Is what we should be doing.
35:46
Daniel Moore: Yes.
35:47
Daniel Moore: And so, as a side note, as we finished this one uh to parents, and this is another place where Michelle and I has already admitted that we failed in the past and we still struggle with this sometimes.
35:57
Daniel Moore: Remember this when communicating with your sons and daughters, especially when they're in a time of being corrected or and disciplining them, it's important to at that point even speak to them in the right way, which I never did.
36:11
Daniel Moore: Uh, I was always very strict with our kids when they grew up, and I always said things I shouldn't.
36:15
Daniel Moore: Uh, but that again reflected to the way that I was raised.
36:18
Daniel Moore: That's not an excuse, but that is the reality of it.
36:22
Daniel Moore: I did wrong, and I've actually uh went and you know, I've apologized to my kids uh, you know, a few times about the way that I did make some bad decisions and the way I handled things as we've gotten older here and they become adults.
36:35
Daniel Moore: But it's very important with your kids when they're growing up.
36:38
Daniel Moore: You you need to, we're not gonna get into a parenting episode here, but just keep that in mind with the tone that you talk to your spouses, you need to also use those tones towards your children.
36:47
Daniel Moore: Yes.
36:48
Daniel Moore: At the same time.
36:49
Daniel Moore: So the second pillar we're gonna talk about here is time.
36:52
Daniel Moore: And as we know, marriage must be proven in terms and not just words.
36:57
Daniel Moore: We're we are where we are successful in proving priorities is how much time we're willing to give someone or something on a regular basis.
37:06
Daniel Moore: As we made the statement before, you can't microwave communication.
37:09
Daniel Moore: We just talked about that.
37:11
Daniel Moore: It takes protected, prioritized time on a regular basis.
37:15
Daniel Moore: So there's three basic types of communication in marriage, and each one requires the proper allotment of time.
37:22
Daniel Moore: The first is proactive communication.
37:26
Daniel Moore: By proactive, that means sitting down before things happen and having a plan.
37:32
Daniel Moore: If you aren't being proactive in communication, then you're being reactive.
37:36
Daniel Moore: Because we haven't taken the time to talk, listen, and pray, we don't have the roadmap on how to get there.
37:41
Daniel Moore: So when things happen, we live with high tension, and life is nothing but a guessing game.
37:46
Daniel Moore: So we've been guilty of this.
37:49
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
37:50
Daniel Moore: Because almost our whole marriage, as our kids grew up and everything, we constantly were reacting.
37:56
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
37:57
Daniel Moore: We really never seemed to have a roadmap in place.
38:00
Daniel Moore: Uh we just kind of flew by the seat of our pants.
38:02
Michelle Moore: And well, there was no manual.
38:05
Michelle Moore: I mean, and this is what I always told my children.
38:08
Michelle Moore: You know, as your children grow up, sometimes they'll say, Well, you did this, you did that, and you didn't do this, I'm not gonna do this with my kids, blah, blah, blah.
38:17
Michelle Moore: And I'm just like, There's no manual for raising children.
38:21
Michelle Moore: There's no manual for a marriage with raising children on how you should do it.
38:26
Michelle Moore: The only thing, you know, there is a manual.
38:31
Daniel Moore: Yep.
38:31
Daniel Moore: It's the Bible.
38:33
Michelle Moore: Yep.
38:34
Michelle Moore: What I'm holding right now that you cannot see.
38:36
Michelle Moore: We just chose not to, well, we were selfish and actually kind of living the world, you know.
38:43
Michelle Moore: We didn't input that.
38:44
Michelle Moore: So I think had we had that and implemented that, I think things would have been differently.
38:51
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
38:51
Michelle Moore: I don't say I think they would have been.
38:54
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and and you know, many couples struggle in their relationships because they don't have a plan.
38:58
Daniel Moore: They don't even know what they're trying to accomplish with their family, to be quite honest.
39:02
Daniel Moore: And a lot of times we didn't know.
39:04
Daniel Moore: No.
39:05
Daniel Moore: We were just going along with the flow.
39:07
Daniel Moore: And so it's it's always important to sit down with each other as spouses, especially especially when you start having kids, you for sure at that point.
39:16
Daniel Moore: But even before then, you need to have a roadmap and you need to sit down and kind of you know plan out how you would like for your life to look biblically, especially, you know, following the word and and how the biblical principles are of being spouses and being parents.
39:33
Daniel Moore: And that way when these issues do come up, you can react to those in a godly way.
39:38
Michelle Moore: And I think I really like that because listen and pray when it's talking about we haven't taken time to talk and listen and pray, you know, going back to taking time for our spouse, you know, if you and your spouse are taking time to pray together and listen for what God has for you, there's gonna be a lot of things that you walk in your life that you are as a couple are gonna be ready for.
40:06
Daniel Moore: Right.
40:06
Michelle Moore: Biblically, you're gonna have your armor of God on and you're gonna be ready for that season of life, even though it's coming at you hard and heavy.
40:14
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
40:15
Michelle Moore: And that's definitely very important is praying together.
40:20
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
40:20
Daniel Moore: Uh if we don't do that, you're gonna start having these implosions.
40:26
Daniel Moore: And you're gonna start having these moments where your kids are gonna start getting rebellious on you, you're not gonna know what to do.
40:34
Daniel Moore: Uh, if your spouse something comes up that catches you off guard or catches you by surprise, you're not gonna know what to do.
40:40
Daniel Moore: So it's just I think it's very important that I'm glad you brought that back up because our our version of praying sometimes is okay, let's bow our head for a minute and pray for a second about this.
40:51
Daniel Moore: Okay, oh, here's what we're gonna do.
40:53
Daniel Moore: You know, that's not effective prayer, really.
40:56
Daniel Moore: You need to take some time.
40:58
Daniel Moore: If you if sometimes issues are a make or break situation.
41:03
Michelle Moore: Well, you know, if you're taking time for praying over your marriage, if you're praying together, you're praying a hedge of protection over your marriage and pleading the blood over it so that nothing can come through to bust that up.
41:15
Michelle Moore: And I think not only that, I mean, you're listening to your spouse pray as, you know, which I find sometimes like when we started doing that, it was kind of foreign to me.
41:25
Michelle Moore: I'm like, who is this and why, you know?
41:27
Michelle Moore: It took me a little bit to get used to it because we didn't incorporate that early on.
41:31
Daniel Moore: Right.
41:32
Michelle Moore: So, you know, it took me a little bit to get used to, and just even you sitting next to me in church.
41:36
Michelle Moore: I mean, there was just it it's very important to be able to pray together and letting the other spouse hear you pray and praying as one.
41:46
Daniel Moore: Yeah, and it's all about getting God's guidance, yeah, and getting God's plan.
41:51
Daniel Moore: And that requires us, as the Bible says, it requires us to just be still.
41:57
Michelle Moore: That's it.
41:58
Michelle Moore: Be still and listen.
41:59
Daniel Moore: Be quiet and listen.
42:01
Michelle Moore: If you don't have an answer, you wait.
42:04
Daniel Moore: Yep.
42:04
Daniel Moore: And God will direct you.
42:06
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
42:07
Daniel Moore: He will show you the way that you need to go.
42:09
Daniel Moore: So uh a big part of being proactive is keeping God in the middle of that equation for sure.
42:15
Daniel Moore: The second type of communication that couples should nurture is personal communication.
42:20
Daniel Moore: So you're probably thinking, well, what's that?
42:23
Daniel Moore: Because a lot of people probably don't have that.
42:25
Daniel Moore: All that really is, it's very simple.
42:28
Daniel Moore: This is everyday talking, sharing, and connecting about personal issues.
42:33
Daniel Moore: And when these take place, they need to be done without interruption of any electronic devices such as TVs, computers, phones, tablets, all those nice little things that we have to take up our time.
42:45
Daniel Moore: Uh, those need to be set down at that moment when you're having this personal communication.
42:50
Daniel Moore: And this allows us to connect and stay unified and to process our thoughts and emotions with each other to stay current and healthy.
42:57
Daniel Moore: You know, if we have the daily healthy communication, emotions aren't allowed to become stale and toxic at that point.
43:05
Daniel Moore: 30 to 60 minutes per day should probably be allowed at a on a minimum for good communication if it is needed.
43:12
Daniel Moore: The goal is not to monitor your watch while you're sitting there talking and checking off the box.
43:17
Daniel Moore: If your wife comes up, guys, and wants to talk to you about something, that's probably the worst thing you can do while they're sitting there talking to you, is sitting there looking at your watch like you need to be somewhere else right at the moment.
43:27
Daniel Moore: That's not something I would very highly advise in either direct, even if even for the women, that's not a good idea.
43:33
Daniel Moore: Uh, but it is though a time for honest feedback with each other until the communication needs are satisfied.
43:41
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
43:42
Daniel Moore: And I love this one.
43:43
Daniel Moore: The both of us, uh, we know when our when our conversation's done.
43:47
Daniel Moore: When we know when we're both that all of you guys out there listening know when you're finally got your questions answered and you finally feel like you got a piece with the situation, that's when the that conversation should stop, not before.
43:59
Michelle Moore: And I don't Want to feel like I'm competing with a phone.
44:02
Daniel Moore: Right.
44:02
Michelle Moore: If I'm trying to talk to you, it gets frustrating if you're looking at your phone.
44:07
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
44:07
Daniel Moore: Because you know it's like it was we when we was talking earlier, where you're asking questions and it's yep, okay, yep, that'll work.
44:15
Michelle Moore: I want the honest they're not the back.
44:18
Daniel Moore: Not taking in anything that was just said.
44:20
Daniel Moore: You're just responding back to the noise in the back.
44:24
Michelle Moore: I'm guilty of that.
44:24
Michelle Moore: I've done it before.
44:25
Michelle Moore: I mean, I'm just I mean, we all are guilty of that at times, but this one really is is very dear to my heart.
44:34
Daniel Moore: Reminds me of Charlie Brown's teacher.
44:36
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
44:41
Daniel Moore: Then you get down, it's like, what'd you just say?
44:44
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
44:46
Daniel Moore: So it's very important to make sure that we do have that that personal time.
44:49
Daniel Moore: And I have a little note here that I added, you know, Michelle and I sometimes we've got a a deck back here in the back of our house.
44:56
Daniel Moore: And even on our front.
44:57
Daniel Moore: Yeah, it's got some seating arrangements out there and stuff.
45:02
Daniel Moore: And we'll just go out there and sit down sometimes and and just talk and enjoy the the stars or whatever it may be.
45:10
Michelle Moore: I love it.
45:10
Daniel Moore: Or sometimes we'll go on our front porch.
45:12
Daniel Moore: We've got a little table out there as well, and have a cup of coffee and and sit and talk, and those moments are special.
45:18
Michelle Moore: And you know, I never thought I'd be that old to say, let's drink a cup of coffee and go sit outside and bird watch.
45:24
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
45:25
Michelle Moore: But here we are.
45:26
Daniel Moore: But you know, you made us you made a statement there that it doesn't necess that necessarily shouldn't be an old person thing.
45:33
Michelle Moore: No.
45:33
Daniel Moore: I know we I know we look at the cliche and we always think of it being that.
45:37
Michelle Moore: I wouldn't have had time for that earlier on.
45:39
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
45:39
Michelle Moore: But now it's, you know, it's one of my favorite things.
45:42
Michelle Moore: I mean, I literally absolutely yearn for that.
45:45
Michelle Moore: I love going out and just visiting with him and just talking about life with no phones, nothing, and just sitting outside and enjoying it.
45:54
Daniel Moore: And we're gonna talk a little bit later.
45:56
Daniel Moore: We've we've kind of talked about little vision retreats here and there throughout this series so far.
46:02
Daniel Moore: And there is a point in time that we're going to actually nail that and we're gonna explain why that's important or date nights, those kinds of things.
46:10
Daniel Moore: We're gonna talk a little bit about that later on, because those things do become important in your relationship.
46:18
Daniel Moore: And we're gonna close this week's episode with this this third point here, and next week on the next episode, we'll pick up with the remaining pillars of communication uh that are involved in these five pillars.
46:30
Daniel Moore: But on the second uh pillar here of time, the third is intimate communication.
46:37
Daniel Moore: So we've already talked about the personal communication and the proactive communication.
46:43
Daniel Moore: The intimate communication is communication that is loving, encouraging, praising, affectionate, and sometimes, guys, there's a little bit of sexual thrown in there.
46:54
Daniel Moore: And I know the guys are would say yes to that.
46:57
Daniel Moore: The purpose of this communication is to let your spouse know how much you love and need them.
47:02
Daniel Moore: It's when we tell our spouses what we admire the most about them and are most thankful for.
47:08
Daniel Moore: You know, five to ten minutes a day of intimate communication can keep a marriage vibrant and can literally transform a marriage.
47:16
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
47:17
Daniel Moore: And when I think about this one, I think about people that I know that talk down to their spouses or degrade them all the time, make them feel like they don't know nothing, make them feel like that they're worthless, uh or they can't do anything.
47:30
Daniel Moore: They can't do anything right every time they they try to do anything.
47:34
Daniel Moore: Uh they get belittle one little thing goes wrong and they get belittled by the other.
47:38
Michelle Moore: Or they just always think they're right, or they're always right and never wrong.
47:42
Michelle Moore: It pretty much makes the other spouse feel like they know nothing.
47:46
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
47:46
Daniel Moore: And that's not I mean, that really works on people's self-confidence and really who they are even as a person, not let alone how they fit into the marriage.
47:57
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
47:58
Daniel Moore: It's actually attacking them personally, yeah, when that takes place.
48:01
Michelle Moore: And I think by piece by piece, it just you know, it it really tears them apart, tear it tears their heart.
48:08
Michelle Moore: I mean, because it makes them think this is not who God made me to be, and apparently I'm not this is not who I'm supposed to be.
48:15
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
48:15
Michelle Moore: You know.
48:16
Daniel Moore: And on this point here, I will uh uh wholeheartedly admit and give kudos to my wife, she's better at this than I am.
48:24
Daniel Moore: Uh, you know, I'll be sitting there on the couch and just out of the blue, she'll look over and say, Have I ever told you how much I love you?
48:32
Daniel Moore: And so I'll sit there and say, No, I don't think you ever have.
48:35
Daniel Moore: I always like to tease her a little bit with that.
48:40
Daniel Moore: Uh, but she does.
48:42
Daniel Moore: She's really, really good about just out of the blue, just making little comments and stuff like that here and there.
48:48
Daniel Moore: And you know, it I that's what I love about her because it does, it it does encourage a person and it makes you feel better about yourself.
48:58
Daniel Moore: And now I'm not saying I know I tell my wife I love her all the time, and uh, I don't I'm I'm really bad about probably not just out of the blue.
49:06
Daniel Moore: I'm not as good at that as she is.
49:08
Daniel Moore: I'm still learning in that part of it because as we are as we've already discussed here in some previous episodes, that that was not my love language growing up.
49:16
Daniel Moore: But my wife knows how much I love her.
49:18
Daniel Moore: And I mean she has no doubt.
49:21
Daniel Moore: And you know, whenever she'll ask me if this outfit looks good on me or something, I'll tell her she's a hot mama or something like that.
49:27
Daniel Moore: And that and I'm honest with that.
49:29
Daniel Moore: I mean, that's that's true when I say that.
49:31
Daniel Moore: And you know, so just those little bits and pieces here and there that you can and this isn't something that you've got a 24-7 sit there and try to think what's my next little quippy thing that I'm gonna say to make sure she knows that I'm just falling over gushy in love with her.
49:46
Daniel Moore: That's not what this is about.
49:48
Daniel Moore: No, it's just uh it's just about a a relationship, just you know, lifting each each other up and honoring each other, yeah, and showing each other that you are the most important person in my life, you know, other than God.
50:01
Daniel Moore: And so it's very important, and this is probably one of them.
50:05
Daniel Moore: I would say that it's probably safe to say that this part of the communication uh issue is probably one of the ones that would probably if it started failing first, then the other ones would domino.
50:19
Daniel Moore: Yeah, I would agree with you.
50:20
Daniel Moore: Yeah, because if you if you get to a point where you're s with your spouse where you can't find yourself where you can encourage or praise them anymore or be affectionate with them, then you're kind of starting down that going backwards, down that road that you don't want to go down because that is one of the first and foremost things in our relationship as spouses and in a marriage that you need to protect.
50:44
Daniel Moore: And you need to make sure that each spouse feels like they're the most important person on the planet in any situation that may arise.
50:53
Daniel Moore: And I know it's hard sometimes when we get, you know, at each other or we get backwards with each other about things and we argue or may have a little disagreement or a little fight or whatever, but that comes into play where we need to just fix those issues.
51:08
Daniel Moore: That's another communication thing.
51:09
Daniel Moore: If you start having those issues of arguments and fights or whatever, then communicate your way out of that.
51:15
Daniel Moore: Make sure that you take care of it before you finish.
51:18
Daniel Moore: As the Bible says, don't let the sun go down on your wrath and your anger, so take care of that before you go to bed at night.
51:24
Michelle Moore: And the one thing I want to say about this also is um And I hope it just doesn't offend anybody, but when you're an argument or anything, sex doesn't fix that.
51:38
Daniel Moore: No.
51:39
Michelle Moore: You know, you may think, okay, hey, we are an argument instead of communicating, have that sex and or sex making love, whatever you want to say.
51:49
Michelle Moore: But and then you go on.
51:52
Michelle Moore: It that is not communication, that is not taking care of the issue.
52:00
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
52:00
Michelle Moore: It is not a healthy way to finish an argument.
52:04
Michelle Moore: Make sure that if that you are doing that, spend time communicating about the issue, then go do what you ever want to do.
52:15
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
52:15
Daniel Moore: That's a good word for the guys.
52:18
Michelle Moore: Well, even for women.
52:19
Daniel Moore: Women do it too, but I think guys are even worse that if there's an argument and a fight, they don't really want to say what they should say.
52:26
Daniel Moore: They're irritated or whatever it may be to get out of that.
52:30
Daniel Moore: Uh, they may just try to get their sexual needs taken care of or whatever, and at the same time they think, well, this will make it better.
52:37
Daniel Moore: You know, this this will put the band-aid on the scratch and and take care of the whole problem.
52:41
Daniel Moore: And in all reality, the whole time you're you know, if if your wife actually gives into that and you're actually, you know, doing that, the whole time she's probably thinking, When's this gonna be over with?
52:50
Daniel Moore: You know, it's like it's I'm still irritated and aggravated and work this, you know, still hasn't been fixed, and you wake up the next morning and you this issue's still going, it's not solved.
53:00
Michelle Moore: Yeah, and I mean we've been there, we were there, you know.
53:03
Daniel Moore: Yep.
53:03
Daniel Moore: So that's very important.
53:05
Daniel Moore: So as we wrap up this week's episode here, as we get started into the priority of communication.
53:11
Daniel Moore: Uh this is a tough one when it comes to relationships because when you communicate it, it it just gives the fullness of your heart.
53:20
Daniel Moore: You speak your heart.
53:21
Daniel Moore: What's in your heart comes out.
53:22
Daniel Moore: And a lot of times, you know, we don't like that because the truth can be brutal.
53:27
Daniel Moore: But at the same time, if there's issues and problems, that stuff needs to come out and needs to be able to do that.
53:33
Michelle Moore: Absolutely.
53:33
Michelle Moore: And uh wives, you're gonna want to hear the truth before you hear a lie.
53:38
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
53:38
Daniel Moore: And that's very, very important.
53:40
Daniel Moore: So is there anything else that you can think of to add to this portion of just a discussion this week?
53:46
Michelle Moore: No.
53:47
Daniel Moore: Uh I think we've pretty well covered that.
53:48
Daniel Moore: Next week when we come back, we have Actually, I do have one.
53:51
Michelle Moore: Okay.
53:51
Michelle Moore: Sorry.
53:52
Daniel Moore: Go ahead.
53:53
Michelle Moore: I would just want to say on communication part, you know, it's funny because now I look at us twenty-some years down the road, I'll get ready to say something and I'm like, well, what do you think?
54:06
Michelle Moore: And he'll say he say exactly what is in my mind.
54:11
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
54:11
Michelle Moore: And it's so funny because our communication is so strong now that I can almost like, okay, I know what he's gonna say or what he's gonna want.
54:19
Daniel Moore: Yeah.
54:19
Michelle Moore: And that's because we've practiced this good communication the last several years.
54:24
Michelle Moore: And it's kind of funny, actually.
54:25
Michelle Moore: It's like he'll say something, I just start laughing.
54:27
Michelle Moore: I'm like, that's exactly what I was gonna say.
54:30
Michelle Moore: And I love it.
54:31
Michelle Moore: I mean, I truly love where we're at with our communication.
54:34
Michelle Moore: If I have something going on and I tell him exactly what I'm thinking or saying, he'll come back at me sometimes and not always agree.
54:43
Michelle Moore: And sometimes he'll agree, and I have to sit there and I have to think and I ponder.
54:48
Michelle Moore: I'm like, God, you've given me a good sound of advice.
54:52
Michelle Moore: Do I take this or do I not?
54:55
Michelle Moore: You know, and I pray about it, and then generally you're not gonna hear me say this a lot, but usually Daniel's a deep thinker, and so he listens really well, and he comes back generally with great ideas and suggestions, and literally sometimes just they're amazing, and so a lot of times I usually will take his advice, and um, but I'm so thankful for where we're at on communication and what we've walked through.
55:29
Daniel Moore: Yeah, I I try to think really deep so that way I I think she can't read my mind as easy.
55:34
Daniel Moore: It's a lot safer that way.
55:38
Michelle Moore: Oh, okay.
55:40
Daniel Moore: Uh there's there's a lot of truth to that though.
55:43
Daniel Moore: It after you're with somebody for so long, and if you really do care about your communication and how each other feels or whatever, you start being able to read each other's mail to an extent.
55:52
Daniel Moore: And I think that when that starts to happen, that's a good thing.
55:56
Daniel Moore: It's scary to some people to think that because they might have a skeleton in their closet.
56:00
Daniel Moore: But if there's no skeletons in your closet, it's a good thing because that uh that really shows where your relationship is.
56:07
Michelle Moore: And I think the opposites attract, but yet at the same time, that's where the communication comes in.
56:16
Michelle Moore: Yeah.
56:16
Michelle Moore: Because you're a different personality, our love language is different.
56:20
Michelle Moore: So I think that with communication, any marriage can succeed.
56:24
Daniel Moore: Yeah, that's right.
56:26
Daniel Moore: We're gonna go ahead and call it good for this week, and we'll come back next week and finish up this discussion on communication, and we're gonna hit a big one next week called trust.
56:37
Daniel Moore: Yeah, yeah, that one that's gonna be rough.
56:40
Daniel Moore: So if you guys uh have some trust issues, next week's the week that you need to be listening for sure.
56:47
Daniel Moore: But uh, we're gonna go ahead though for this week and and end this episode.
56:51
Daniel Moore: Want to thank you guys for joining us this week as we are doing this discussion here on the four laws of love.
56:57
Daniel Moore: And uh Michelle and I will we'll be back next week.
57:01
Daniel Moore: Bye guys.
57:01
Daniel Moore: And we'll be back with another new episode.
57:04
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57:06
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57:12
Daniel Moore: And the links for those are in most of our show notes on most of our platforms.
57:18
Daniel Moore: Well, that's all for this week, and as we go, we believe that God's word never fails us.
57:22
Daniel Moore: God's word has stood the test of time, and through Jesus' death on the cross, he has connected the gap.
57:28
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