Latest / The Built For More Podcast / Your Nobility is a Lie

Transcript

Your Nobility is a Lie · The Built For More Podcast

• 0:00
  SPEAKER_00: All right.
• 0:01
  SPEAKER_00: So one of the things we incorporated into our program is this idea of daily reflections.
• 0:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I think it's one of the probably most talked about in our community feed.
• 0:12
  SPEAKER_00: It's the most thing that uh most people talk about in terms of one-on-one messaging.
• 0:16
  SPEAKER_00: And it follows this sequence of really a dad's journey.
• 0:22
  SPEAKER_00: And we're going into a new month right now.
• 0:25
  SPEAKER_00: And the first topic for this month is really an honest reflection of where your time goes and what you do with your time and your life.
• 0:34
  SPEAKER_00: And really that honest look in the mirror.
• 0:39
  SPEAKER_00: And this journey of an honest look in the mirror, I started thinking about it all day to day.
• 0:48
  SPEAKER_00: And this idea kept on coming up: this uh noble truths and noble burden.
• 0:55
  SPEAKER_00: And really, what I saw as a noble truth is a clear reasoning why I'm doing action A.
• 1:07
  SPEAKER_00: And everything and everyone would say that that is a the right thing to do.
• 1:15
  SPEAKER_00: And so that's the noble truth.
• 1:18
  SPEAKER_00: From a different lens, it actually is what I refer to as the noble burden, and it's the same thing.
• 1:26
  SPEAKER_00: And I say it's a noble burden because choosing that activity is something that actually prevents you from getting the thing that you really want.
• 1:36
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I was in a conversation earlier this week with a guy who um our goal with him is to build muscle.
• 1:43
  SPEAKER_00: And so one of the things that we do, metrics of success for building muscle, is for a particular movement, are you moving either more weight um in terms of weight in each set, or are you having more reps per set?
• 2:02
  SPEAKER_00: Um, a system I like to do is just two sets for every exercise.
• 2:06
  SPEAKER_00: And let's just say the goal is to hit five reps for every set.
• 2:11
  SPEAKER_00: Can you hit a heavier weight every single time you're doing that exercise, week after week after week?
• 2:17
  SPEAKER_00: And if you can't do more weight, are you trying to do more reps?
• 2:21
  SPEAKER_00: And for the most part, you can ride that until you can't, and then that's a good time to switch up that exercise.
• 2:28
  SPEAKER_00: So in this case, it was a back squat.
• 2:31
  SPEAKER_00: So if we're pushing the limit on that back squat PR, then we go to like a front squat or a leg press or whatever that weakest link, work on that for six to eight weeks and then go back to a back squat.
• 2:43
  SPEAKER_00: And that's really how you periodize building strength is just you always add more weight or you always add more reps until you can't.
• 2:53
  SPEAKER_00: And then when you can't, switch it up.
• 2:56
  SPEAKER_00: So as we're in that conversation, he mentioned, yeah, I really tried to push it today because today was the first really leg day that he tried to push.
• 3:04
  SPEAKER_00: And he said, But I really need to focus on form first.
• 3:07
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the noble truth.
• 3:12
  SPEAKER_00: There's zero coaches who will say working on form first is not, well, zero good coaches who will say working on form first is not the right thing to do.
• 3:25
  SPEAKER_00: And there's zero reason why you still can't work on strength.
• 3:29
  SPEAKER_00: And as we started talking through this, his response was, well, uh working on form is going to be hard enough.
• 3:35
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing is, that's where that noble truth turned into a noble burden.
• 3:41
  SPEAKER_00: The goal that he wants is to build muscle.
• 3:43
  SPEAKER_00: But the thing that he's using as his shield, his defense mechanism, because he doesn't actually want to push himself.
• 3:51
  SPEAKER_00: He doesn't want to actually get out of that comfort zone, is I've got to work on form first.
• 3:57
  SPEAKER_00: And this is just an example of what we typically do in our life in every single situation where we're not succeeding.
• 4:07
  SPEAKER_00: And I can think of like the my favorite, the one I hear the most is like, I would work out at five, but I'm too busy at night being a really good dad.
• 4:18
  SPEAKER_00: Like, oh man, that is such a great noble truth.
• 4:23
  SPEAKER_00: Because you probably are a really good dad at night.
• 4:28
  SPEAKER_00: And really good dad at night isn't staying up later just to binge Netflix after the kids go to sleep.
• 4:35
  SPEAKER_00: Um, it's not a two-hour bedtime routine.
• 4:38
  SPEAKER_00: It's not all these things that we lump into, this idea of being a good dad and maybe have my alone time or my quiet time afterwards.
• 4:46
  SPEAKER_00: Like we lump all these things in, but it's actually preventing us from having maybe a certain amount of discipline, a certain amount of um getting again, getting out of that comfort zone where I'm not holding myself to a higher standard and I'm not displaying the type of qualities that I want to display because it's hard, it's uncomfortable.
• 5:06
  SPEAKER_00: And so we hide behind the noble truth, but it's actually a noble burden.
• 5:11
  SPEAKER_00: And again, no one's saying you shouldn't be the good dad.
• 5:16
  SPEAKER_00: There's times when like work is super tough, like work's super busy right now.
• 5:20
  SPEAKER_00: It's hard for me to eat this or um go on this exercise, do this exercise, or whatever it is, the workout is.
• 5:28
  SPEAKER_00: There's certain noble truths that we hide behind, but there's a story behind that.
• 5:34
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what this month in our program is all about is what is the story behind those noble truths?
• 5:43
  SPEAKER_00: Because that job where, man, I'm just swamped.
• 5:49
  SPEAKER_00: It also could be I'm swamped, and I really haven't established boundaries with my boss.
• 5:56
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not the type of person to really confront my boss and say, hey, family's important to me.
• 6:02
  SPEAKER_00: Me being healthy is important to me, a work-life balance is important to me.
• 6:05
  SPEAKER_00: Um, I care more about looking good at work.
• 6:09
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm not gonna set those boundaries because I have an insecurity about being a provider and making sure I'm seen as a good provider.
• 6:16
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's a whole story behind that.
• 6:19
  SPEAKER_00: Like in the first example with the gym, I'm insecure about my body.
• 6:23
  SPEAKER_00: I'm insecure about my performance level in the gym.
• 6:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I'm gonna hide behind maybe I should just work on form today.
• 6:30
  SPEAKER_00: And I'm not saying that working on form is a bad thing.
• 6:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's there's no such thing as working on form and not working on strength.
• 6:38
  SPEAKER_00: Because the only thing that working on form is you reset where that personal record is.
• 6:44
  SPEAKER_00: Let's just say you were squatting at 200 pounds and you want to work on form.
• 6:49
  SPEAKER_00: So that means your best squat is now 160.
• 6:52
  SPEAKER_00: Great.
• 6:53
  SPEAKER_00: Move up from 160 to 162, then 162 to 165.
• 6:58
  SPEAKER_00: Like you're just resetting the number, but at no point are you not working on strength and development.
• 7:05
  SPEAKER_00: And so it's the nutrition, it's the at work and the boundaries, it's you being a dad, it's you connecting with your wife.
• 7:13
  SPEAKER_00: Like there's certain noble truths where I don't confront her on certain conflicts because I don't want to be seen as the bad guy.
• 7:20
  SPEAKER_00: I like being seen as the good guy.
• 7:22
  SPEAKER_00: There's a long story of me wanting to be seen as the good guy.
• 7:26
  SPEAKER_00: So I hide behind, like, you know what?
• 7:28
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna let this go.
• 7:29
  SPEAKER_00: I I'm gonna display patience with my wife.
• 7:33
  SPEAKER_00: I'm gonna display humility.
• 7:35
  SPEAKER_00: And there's these noble truths that we just hide behind and there's reasoning.
• 7:40
  SPEAKER_00: And the more we look into these, we can see the corrupt mental gymnastics that we go through to continue to put ourselves in that good guy position as the hero of the story.
• 7:56
  SPEAKER_00: When, I mean, how many movies have we seen where the person who's perceived as that good guy of the story, when you look back, they're actually like the villain.
• 8:07
  SPEAKER_00: They're actually the person who's holding other people back.
• 8:10
  SPEAKER_00: And that's what these noble truths really are, because it's not a noble truth.
• 8:15
  SPEAKER_00: It is a noble burden.
• 8:17
  SPEAKER_00: It's the thing that's holding you back.
• 8:19
  SPEAKER_00: And that's the reframe that I want to leave you guys with is what are those stories that you're saying, like, man, this is this is just the the burden I have to bear.
• 8:30
  SPEAKER_00: This is I'm the martyr in this, and I'm doing the right thing.
• 8:33
  SPEAKER_00: And man, it feels good, and it really puts you in a good light.
• 8:37
  SPEAKER_00: And it really puts you in that like good guy position, which is what you long to be, but you're hiding behind it.
• 8:45
  SPEAKER_00: You're hiding behind it because you're scared of what that confrontation is going to look like.
• 8:49
  SPEAKER_00: You're scared of what setting boundaries is gonna look like.
• 8:53
  SPEAKER_00: You're scared of what really you're scared of not being in that good guy position.
• 8:59
  SPEAKER_00: And something I keep keep coming back to is that No More Mr.
• 9:03
  SPEAKER_00: Nice Guy book where it talks about every time you're in that good guy position, or you you try to like do the mental gymnastics to keep you in that good guy position, it's manipulation.
• 9:17
  SPEAKER_00: And no one wants to be manipulated, but you're doing it to yourself, you're doing it to other people, and you're not actually the good guy because everyone can see it.
• 9:26
  SPEAKER_00: Oh, they're working on this or they're doing this, they're being taken advantage of, and they're not that good guy because we can see through it.
• 9:34
  SPEAKER_00: It's a it's a shallow layer.
• 9:36
  SPEAKER_00: So that that's really what I want to leave you guys with today is analyze those little things that you're doing this, you're doing that.
• 9:47
  SPEAKER_00: And if only life were a little bit different, things would change.
• 9:52
  SPEAKER_00: But how often are those same stories really protecting you from and positioning you as the good guy when they're actually that burden that's preventing you from being the great guy that you could be?