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SMNTY Classics: Women in Crisis · Stuff Mom Never Told You

0:05
Speaker 1: Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Oh stuff. I never
0:07
Speaker 1: told you production buy Heart Radio. And as this comes.
0:20
Speaker 2: Out, I recently had a birthday, Samantha, You're coming up
0:25
Speaker 2: on a birthday. And I've seen a lot of articles
0:30
Speaker 2: about this a topic you brought to my attention years ago,
0:37
Speaker 2: about what is the midlife crisis?
0:39
Speaker 1: Now?
0:40
Speaker 3: What is it?
0:41
Speaker 2: And I actually have seen a lot of people writing
0:44
Speaker 2: about it about what does the millennial life crisis look like?
0:49
Speaker 2: What does all these other things look like. I was
0:51
Speaker 2: talking to my friend the other day where it's like,
0:53
Speaker 2: I still feel I just feel like a kid, Like
0:58
Speaker 2: I don't feel like an adult even though I am.
1:03
Speaker 2: And I know we talk about this in here, I
1:07
Speaker 2: don't know. So I have this birthday that goes by
1:09
Speaker 2: and I'm like, well, I still feel pretty young.
1:12
Speaker 1: I'm still really young. It's strange, though.
1:18
Speaker 2: It is a bizarre thing where you're like, I should
1:21
Speaker 2: probably feel a little bit a little bit older than
1:26
Speaker 2: maybe more my age.
1:28
Speaker 1: Perhaps, But it's interesting. It's interesting, especially.
1:32
Speaker 2: Because my mom is coming over tomorrow and I don't know,
1:36
Speaker 2: having her in my apartment with my mess of Star
1:40
Speaker 2: Wars toys.
1:43
Speaker 1: It's just an interesting experience.
1:45
Speaker 3: Understandable.
1:47
Speaker 2: Yes, well, listeners, please write in if you have any
1:50
Speaker 2: thoughts about this, but in the meantime, please enjoy this
1:54
Speaker 2: classic episode. Hey, this is Annie and Samantha and welcome
2:03
Speaker 2: to Stefan Never told your protection of iHeart Radio.
2:14
Speaker 3: Okay, Annie, you and I have been talking about this
2:16
Speaker 3: for a minute, and I have sent warning texts to
2:21
Speaker 3: all my friends about the fact that I am in
2:25
Speaker 3: quite a place sure mentally as of late, to the
2:29
Speaker 3: point that everybody's like, seriously, are you okay? And to
2:33
Speaker 3: the point my partner's like, how about how about if
2:35
Speaker 3: we go visit? How about we go outside? How about
2:37
Speaker 3: we touch the grass? As the new expression goes. But
2:41
Speaker 3: I did want to ask you, did you ever go
2:44
Speaker 3: through what is known as quarter life crisis? Now I
2:49
Speaker 3: know it's actually I guess this is a millennial thing
2:51
Speaker 3: because I feel like John may I really pushed that
2:54
Speaker 3: out in his lyrics.
2:56
Speaker 1: Did he does he have a song about quarter life crisis?
2:58
Speaker 3: He literally say about having a quarter life crisis in
3:01
Speaker 3: one of his very moody songs.
3:04
Speaker 1: Oh that's okay.
3:08
Speaker 2: Now I'm having to wow, thanks to meoth that I'm
3:11
Speaker 2: having to reckon with the fact I'm at the quarter
3:13
Speaker 2: of my life at least WHOA, I.
3:19
Speaker 1: Don't think I have.
3:20
Speaker 2: I've definitely had moments where but they're usually fleeting, but
3:26
Speaker 2: I've had moments where I'm like, I've got to make
3:28
Speaker 2: a change and like what am I doing with my
3:30
Speaker 2: I don't oh, not have so I don't have a
3:32
Speaker 2: significant other, I don't have all these things. And then
3:35
Speaker 2: usually like within an hour, I'm out of it, like
3:38
Speaker 2: I changed.
3:39
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's fine.
3:41
Speaker 2: I think it helps that I did travel a lot
3:43
Speaker 2: when we could travel a lot, and I always was busy,
3:48
Speaker 2: and you know, it's always hiking and stuff.
3:50
Speaker 1: But I don't.
3:52
Speaker 2: Maybe it's coming, maybe it's on the horizon, but not
3:56
Speaker 2: as yet.
3:57
Speaker 1: I don't think i've had one.
3:59
Speaker 3: Okay, So the quarter life crisis, if your lifespan was
4:03
Speaker 3: to say, eighty, would hit at twenty. So if your
4:08
Speaker 3: lifespan goes to one hundred, it goes to twenty five, right,
4:13
Speaker 3: So that's the quarter life And I really felt that,
4:15
Speaker 3: and for some reason in my head I got sure
4:17
Speaker 3: I definitely going to live to one hundred. So around
4:19
Speaker 3: twenty five, I was like what am I.
4:20
Speaker 1: Doing with my life?
4:21
Speaker 3: This all was also a part of like whether or
4:24
Speaker 3: not I was okay with my job whether I was not.
4:26
Speaker 3: I was trying to find my identity and trying to
4:28
Speaker 3: figure out you know, it was during the time I
4:30
Speaker 3: was losing a lot of my old identity as the
4:34
Speaker 3: Asian girl wanting to be white from a small town,
4:36
Speaker 3: from going to from conservative to oh, that doesn't make
4:41
Speaker 3: sense anymore, doing from religious to oh yeah, I don't
4:44
Speaker 3: think this is me anymore type of moments. So to me,
4:47
Speaker 3: that was a little bit of my quarter life crisis
4:49
Speaker 3: because religion and Christianity was a big part of who
4:54
Speaker 3: I was so losing that really did feel like I
4:57
Speaker 3: was losing myself and had to redefine myself. So that
5:00
Speaker 3: kind of what's my quarter life crisis. And at this point,
5:04
Speaker 3: I'm in my forties forty one. I'm still young forties,
5:08
Speaker 3: don't get me wrong. And I know I keep saying
5:10
Speaker 3: it like I'm going to push over at any moment,
5:14
Speaker 3: but I'm telling you, I went to work out yesterday
5:16
Speaker 3: for the first time in what months, I'm in pain.
5:21
Speaker 3: Oh no, So I feel like this is even more
5:23
Speaker 3: defined right now because I can't stand up without literally
5:26
Speaker 3: holding onto desks, tables, arms, and chairs to push myself up.
5:30
Speaker 3: So I really feel like this is the moment for
5:33
Speaker 3: me to talk about this because at this point I
5:35
Speaker 3: sent you and Caroline, who was a good friend of mine,
5:40
Speaker 3: and others like I'm either going to buy a house,
5:44
Speaker 3: an RV, a new car, go on a ridiculously expensive vacation,
5:49
Speaker 3: or a new dog like that was the taxon, Like
5:52
Speaker 3: I don't know what's happening, but I need to do
5:54
Speaker 3: one of these things to shake up my life. And
5:56
Speaker 3: that's when I started thinking, Oh, it's the life crisis point,
6:01
Speaker 3: like if I die eighty two, this is it, right,
6:03
Speaker 3: this is the midlife point, which by the way, is
6:06
Speaker 3: defined to happen around forties to sixties. And though it
6:09
Speaker 3: is not an actual mental health like thing, people are
6:15
Speaker 3: still acknowledge it. Don't get me wrong. There's a debate
6:16
Speaker 3: about it whether it exists. In twenty six percent of
6:18
Speaker 3: Americas apparently have reported to have had one. And of
6:21
Speaker 3: course we do have the stereotypical as I said, going
6:25
Speaker 3: on to extravagant buys, which is what I just, you know,
6:29
Speaker 3: kind of was a stereotype. I really do. I've been
6:31
Speaker 3: looking at each one of those things. BT dubs sending
6:34
Speaker 3: you links, sending my partner links and like, somebody approved
6:38
Speaker 3: this for me, and no one has yet to do so,
6:40
Speaker 3: So I feel like I've been betrayed a little bit.
6:42
Speaker 3: But all of these things that we know that the
6:45
Speaker 3: forty five fifty sixty year old man buying the Porsche
6:49
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, leaving his wife of fifteen twenty
6:52
Speaker 3: years for the twenty year old whatever, these are all
6:56
Speaker 3: stereotypes we're talking about. But when it comes to women,
6:59
Speaker 3: it seems to be a little different. And I wanted
7:02
Speaker 3: to know what that was. And first and foremost, let's
7:04
Speaker 3: go ahead and define what is a midlife crisis, because
7:07
Speaker 3: you know we love to do that. Which is a
7:09
Speaker 3: period of emotional turmoil in middle age, characterized especially by
7:14
Speaker 3: a strong desire for change. This is Merriam Webster's definition,
7:20
Speaker 3: by the way. And yeah, I feel that. I feel that.
7:23
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's because of middle aged. Of course,
7:25
Speaker 3: some of the articles which I talked about the twenty
7:29
Speaker 3: six percent came from the healthline dot com article about
7:33
Speaker 3: midlife crisis and women. Some of this talks about possible menopause.
7:37
Speaker 3: And you know, I'm not sad about menopause because there's
7:39
Speaker 3: nothing in me that wants to have a child, so
7:41
Speaker 3: it doesn't bother me per se, of course, and I'm
7:44
Speaker 3: sure we can have this other conversation and we'll come
7:46
Speaker 3: back to it. We should come back to it. I
7:49
Speaker 3: am very worried about not wanting to have sex, which
7:52
Speaker 3: you and I have talked about whether or not that
7:53
Speaker 3: it makes us normal and whether or not that redefines us.
7:56
Speaker 3: We talked about asexuality as an actual sexuality and being
7:59
Speaker 3: a part of the quick community, and that's important that
8:01
Speaker 3: we need to talk about that. But as the one
8:04
Speaker 3: myself who has been fairly sexual from my twenties to
8:08
Speaker 3: my nows, which is a short amount of times of
8:11
Speaker 3: course beforehand, but I haven't actually hadn't engaged with a
8:15
Speaker 3: partner up until that point, I feel like, oh no,
8:19
Speaker 3: I've missed out on so much of that and now
8:22
Speaker 3: I'm losing it. It makes me sad. So again, that's
8:26
Speaker 3: a whole different conversation of how that defines us as
8:29
Speaker 3: being women who are aging but trying to remain what
8:35
Speaker 3: used to be norm for us as individuals. But that's
8:38
Speaker 3: not again a different conversation now. I looked back to
8:42
Speaker 3: the med life crisis because I was like, what the like,
8:45
Speaker 3: I'm not happy, I don't want to be here. But
8:47
Speaker 3: at the same time, I started looking at the different
8:49
Speaker 3: factors of my life specifically, and I am one of
8:54
Speaker 3: the anomalies, but started to become more of a norm now.
8:57
Speaker 3: But I guess more of an anomaly in my age
8:59
Speaker 3: group was hit the forties mark to not have a family.
9:02
Speaker 3: I don't have children, I don't have a spouse. I
9:04
Speaker 3: have a partner. But as committed as we are, we
9:07
Speaker 3: are still very independent. I don't own a home. I'm
9:11
Speaker 3: absolutely renting in a very cute little home that I've
9:15
Speaker 3: made for myself. But does it include neighbors in the building?
9:19
Speaker 1: Yes?
9:19
Speaker 3: Do we share a washer dryer as a unit? Yes?
9:23
Speaker 3: I am able to afford my own car. I am
9:25
Speaker 3: now getting to the point that I'm actually fixing my
9:27
Speaker 3: teeth like an adult that should have been fixed twenty
9:30
Speaker 3: five years ago apparently. But yeah, all these things. I
9:33
Speaker 3: have a dog, I don't have children. I have just
9:37
Speaker 3: figured out what the hell this four oh one k
9:40
Speaker 3: life is and savings is about. That, of course, I
9:43
Speaker 3: also has to do with me being in a job
9:46
Speaker 3: that is woillfully neglected by the government, by the economy,
9:52
Speaker 3: by society, in itself, and so getting pennies to a
9:56
Speaker 3: job that worked me twenty hours a day. So we
9:59
Speaker 3: know that those are the outside influences to that. But
10:03
Speaker 3: all of that to say, you know, I'm not your
10:05
Speaker 3: typical in that I'm not in that housewife, wife, mother,
10:12
Speaker 3: grandmother state of being. So it is my midlife crisis,
10:16
Speaker 3: I feel like, is very different from what we know of.
10:20
Speaker 3: And I'm sure there needs to be new data and
10:21
Speaker 3: I'm sure that it will come upon it one day. Yes,
10:25
Speaker 3: maybe I said this as a question into the but
10:29
Speaker 3: like all of these things, so I'm like, what is this?
10:31
Speaker 3: Is this? What this looks like? Who am I?
10:34
Speaker 1: Yeah?
10:37
Speaker 3: And it also comes down to the point like one
10:39
Speaker 3: of the big questions is the definitions and maybe this
10:42
Speaker 3: new crisis, what men were going through, what we have
10:45
Speaker 3: seen men do just literally putting caution to the wind.
10:50
Speaker 3: Again stereotypically, I'm not necessarily saying that that's all true,
10:53
Speaker 3: but my stereotype. But what we see as a caricature
10:56
Speaker 3: of well not too much of a caricature, but like
10:59
Speaker 3: a little stretch, little bit of a stretch that men
11:02
Speaker 3: just kind of throw caution to the wind and move on.
11:05
Speaker 3: That women who are have become breadwinners, have become more
11:10
Speaker 3: likely to have less children, have become less dependent on
11:13
Speaker 3: men because we earn our own money. There's a wide
11:16
Speaker 3: gender gap. We know this, gender pay gap. We know this,
11:19
Speaker 3: but it's at one point in time did seem like
11:22
Speaker 3: it was closing a bit for some of the communities.
11:26
Speaker 3: So that also means less dependency on our men if
11:31
Speaker 3: it is a heterocys relationship. So that's changed all around.
11:35
Speaker 3: So I'm wondering if we are. We haven't seen or
11:39
Speaker 3: talked about it as much for women until recently because
11:44
Speaker 3: of those changes, which is where I am. I would
11:46
Speaker 3: probably be the face of that, not necessarily, but just
11:51
Speaker 3: like the lack of having all of those responsibilities that
11:54
Speaker 3: once was always on women, That makes sense.
11:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, I have a lot of kind of varying thoughts
12:16
Speaker 2: about this. When I was growing up, my mom had
12:19
Speaker 2: a best friend who was an artist and she was
12:22
Speaker 2: kind of known as like affectionately, the weirdo.
12:27
Speaker 1: But she.
12:29
Speaker 2: When she approached I guess her she had her midlife crisis.
12:34
Speaker 2: I don't know if she did, but she bought this
12:35
Speaker 2: jeep that was bright sunburnt orange, and everyone joked it
12:41
Speaker 2: was her midlife crisis car and I was a kid.
12:46
Speaker 1: And I remember hearing that, thinking that's interesting.
12:52
Speaker 2: But to this day, like I do remember that. I remember,
12:56
Speaker 2: and she was the one who made the money in
12:58
Speaker 2: that particular family situation, and she did have a lot
13:04
Speaker 2: going on, difficult things going on, So I think of that.
13:07
Speaker 2: I also think, like, again, I don't I haven't had
13:13
Speaker 2: a mid life crisis, or I don't think I've had
13:15
Speaker 2: a quarter life crisis.
13:16
Speaker 1: But recently I've.
13:18
Speaker 2: Been thinking because Quarantine universary is this weekend for me
13:22
Speaker 2: for a lot of us, and I'm going to celebrate it.
13:25
Speaker 2: But I was thinking, like, wow, this is two years.
13:28
Speaker 2: You've barely loved this apartment two years. Yeah, And that
13:34
Speaker 2: made me pause. That made me pause for a second,
13:37
Speaker 2: because I am somebody who's very like I want to
13:40
Speaker 2: do all this stuff, and I want to go everywhere,
13:42
Speaker 2: and I want to travel in a lot of ways,
13:44
Speaker 2: staying in my apartment has been not a bad thing
13:47
Speaker 2: and interesting and I've learned a lot.
13:49
Speaker 1: But I think in that way of what you're saying of.
13:55
Speaker 2: Women now not kind of changing the roles the from
14:00
Speaker 2: what the stereotypical traditional role was to now or much
14:04
Speaker 2: more like late to get married, or get a house
14:06
Speaker 2: or if we do those things at all. I did
14:09
Speaker 2: have that moment of like, is that a waste of
14:12
Speaker 2: a two years?
14:15
Speaker 4: Right?
14:15
Speaker 3: Yeah, totally that's what it is. But that actually that's
14:18
Speaker 3: a good segue because I also thought, well, maybe it's
14:20
Speaker 3: not this midlife crisis that I'm at. Maybe that's not
14:23
Speaker 3: what it is. Maybe it's this existential crisis, which I've
14:27
Speaker 3: always heard it seems such like a kitchy like goofy
14:31
Speaker 3: word that people use just to be real out there,
14:34
Speaker 3: like the kind of like the new ag level of
14:37
Speaker 3: like what is this? You know? Yes, I have to
14:40
Speaker 3: use the noise for that, and if you don't know,
14:44
Speaker 3: an existential crisis is a psychological episode in which a
14:47
Speaker 3: person questions the meaning of their life and of existence itself.
14:52
Speaker 3: And that's from dictionary dot com and y'all yeah, yeah,
14:56
Speaker 3: I think, especially for so many of us in the
15:00
Speaker 3: last two years, that has been the moment like what
15:05
Speaker 3: is this life? And oh my god? What am I here?
15:09
Speaker 1: For?
15:09
Speaker 3: Am I making a difference? And of course there's a
15:11
Speaker 3: bigger conversation in this because there's an intersectionality in this
15:15
Speaker 3: conversation about this type of crisis when it comes to
15:17
Speaker 3: climate change, when it comes to racial issues, when it
15:20
Speaker 3: comes to working within war torn countries and what that
15:24
Speaker 3: looks like for them, when we talk about feminism in
15:27
Speaker 3: itself and feminist issues today. We know that Texas has
15:32
Speaker 3: allowed for that really overarching anti abortion law, which is
15:37
Speaker 3: really upsetting and as a whole other I know, segue
15:40
Speaker 3: we're gonna have to get into because a lot of
15:42
Speaker 3: big changes that are happening and I hate it. I
15:44
Speaker 3: hate it, I hate it, I hate it, but it
15:46
Speaker 3: does put you into that moment of the crisis and
15:49
Speaker 3: also with that existential dread. Yeah, I'm talking about that.
15:55
Speaker 3: So what is existential dread? Again? It's that same questioning
15:58
Speaker 3: of life and death and the uns certainties that surrounds them,
16:02
Speaker 3: like you literally sit and dread and wait on it.
16:05
Speaker 3: It's kind of that, like it's the what's the meaning
16:07
Speaker 3: of life? Why should I care about this?
16:10
Speaker 2: Oh?
16:10
Speaker 3: My god? Is are we killing humankind? There's no hope?
16:18
Speaker 3: And I'm laughing because if we don't we cry? Am
16:24
Speaker 3: I right? Am I right? One blogger from the astat
16:28
Speaker 3: Psychological Services says about it. It's oftentimes triggered by things
16:32
Speaker 3: like unwanted life transitions, the feeling of reaching a standstill
16:38
Speaker 3: in life, life altering experiences, traumatic experiences, crisis. On a
16:43
Speaker 3: larger scale, it could be a depression of anxiety. Yes
16:46
Speaker 3: I have both those things. A death of a loved one,
16:49
Speaker 3: feeling like you're failing at your career, losing faith in
16:52
Speaker 3: religion y'all. Like I said, that was my quarter life's crisis, Like,
16:56
Speaker 3: there are so many of those things that line up
16:59
Speaker 3: with it. And we talk about this on an intersectional
17:01
Speaker 3: level when we talk about for women, for black women,
17:05
Speaker 3: for women who are dealing with climate change or actually
17:08
Speaker 3: acknowledging it and trying to make a change, Like we
17:11
Speaker 3: see this in the deeper level of oh, by god,
17:14
Speaker 3: we've failed. What do we do? Or no one's listening?
17:18
Speaker 3: What do we do? And honestly, being a social worker,
17:24
Speaker 3: it was consistent, like it's feeling like I'm constantly failing.
17:28
Speaker 3: Nothing is changing. I can't change the system from where
17:31
Speaker 3: I'm at, but no one from the head up cares
17:35
Speaker 3: enough to actually change it, which I feel like we've
17:38
Speaker 3: seen more and more today. Maybe it's because of social
17:41
Speaker 3: media that we actually can acknowledge that fact that we
17:45
Speaker 3: see the paid discrepancies, we see the amount that CEOs
17:49
Speaker 3: and corporations make and how little they're willing to get
17:52
Speaker 3: to their own employees who are actually running the company
17:55
Speaker 3: and making the profit for the company.
17:58
Speaker 1: You know.
17:58
Speaker 3: Again, I know I go onto this spill a lot,
18:01
Speaker 3: but there's been moments of like, how do we change this?
18:04
Speaker 3: So because I can't figure out how to change this
18:06
Speaker 3: on a massive scale, I'm like, I need to change
18:08
Speaker 3: something about my life my surroundings right now. Annie, let's
18:12
Speaker 3: go on a resort trip where is sustainable and conscientious y'all.
18:17
Speaker 3: I've been trying, and he's not listening.
18:18
Speaker 1: To it, she sent me.
18:19
Speaker 2: I'm listening, but I have gotten many texts where I'm like,
18:22
Speaker 2: I'm unclear how I should respond this.
18:28
Speaker 1: I think it's a fun idea.
18:30
Speaker 3: That's a great ideas, Mantha, what do you want me
18:32
Speaker 3: to do?
18:35
Speaker 2: I'm just you know, it's like it's emotion your approach
18:39
Speaker 2: to dog.
18:40
Speaker 1: You're like, Okay, yeah, it is.
18:42
Speaker 3: It's true, y'all. I get very intense about it and
18:44
Speaker 3: that we need to do this right now, which makes
18:47
Speaker 3: me really over overtly passionate about things. And honestly, this
18:51
Speaker 3: has put me into maybe this is part of again
18:54
Speaker 3: my crisis in general, put me into astrology and back
18:59
Speaker 3: into astrology and astronomy because I'm like, what if this
19:02
Speaker 3: is exactly who I am? Which also leads me back to, oh,
19:04
Speaker 3: I don't actually know my birthdate because I was adopted,
19:07
Speaker 3: and I don't know if this is true. I don't
19:08
Speaker 3: know when I was born. I don't actually know where
19:10
Speaker 3: I was born. Oh God, what's wrong with me? There's
19:14
Speaker 3: so many things, so many layers to this, and of
19:17
Speaker 3: course this is women's history months. So I'm like, are
19:19
Speaker 3: we making an impact? Are we okay?
19:23
Speaker 1: Y'all?
19:24
Speaker 3: I'm not okay. Can you tell someone send now, send donuts?
19:33
Speaker 1: Yes?
19:34
Speaker 3: But you know, I have a feeling, like I said,
19:36
Speaker 3: because of the things that we've gone through in the
19:39
Speaker 3: last two years, last four years for many people, all
19:43
Speaker 3: of their lives. Again, that's that intersectional level that we
19:46
Speaker 3: really do want to talk about. This is a consistent thing,
19:48
Speaker 3: but trying to live it out and not even realizing
19:52
Speaker 3: you're in a crisis moment and also not realize not
19:54
Speaker 3: being able to do anything about it. I joke about
19:57
Speaker 3: the fact that I can do these things. I'm not
19:59
Speaker 3: gonna lie. I've definitely gotten the privilege of actually being paid.
20:02
Speaker 3: Still not being paid as much as our mail counterparts
20:05
Speaker 3: that I guarantee, but still being paid a lot more
20:09
Speaker 3: than what I was when I was working a job
20:11
Speaker 3: that really really had a lot of emotional mental impact.
20:15
Speaker 3: Not that this doesn't it does, but not to that
20:18
Speaker 3: same level, knowing that I can actually get that done,
20:21
Speaker 3: knowing that if it came down to it, yes, I'm
20:24
Speaker 3: finally again getting to be, in a like be able
20:28
Speaker 3: to address my issues with teeth because it seems to
20:30
Speaker 3: be a privilege, which it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be
20:34
Speaker 3: mental care. I care. Mental health should not be a privilege.
20:38
Speaker 3: And that's again all right, cool, cool, Cool. I am
20:41
Speaker 3: able to have the time to do these things because
20:44
Speaker 3: I don't have children that I'm responsible for and scheduling
20:47
Speaker 3: for them as well or paying for them as well.
20:51
Speaker 3: I know this. I know that this is a privilege
20:54
Speaker 3: beyond measure, and so for many people who are constantly
20:57
Speaker 3: in crisis adding this to it, and especially again when
21:02
Speaker 3: it comes to women, women of color, marginalized people's, this
21:05
Speaker 3: is a whole different level. And I joke about what
21:07
Speaker 3: it is, and we joke about it as a stereotype
21:09
Speaker 3: because we do see it as a middle class privilege.
21:12
Speaker 3: Having a midlife crisis is an upper middle class privilege,
21:15
Speaker 3: and it's absurd.
21:17
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think you touched on something that we've talked
21:34
Speaker 4: about a lot in coping with trauma and some unhealthy
21:38
Speaker 4: coping mechanisms with trauma, which is control and like a
21:41
Speaker 4: feeling of control and that you feel like.
21:43
Speaker 2: All the stuff in your life is out of your control.
21:46
Speaker 2: You can't fix all of these things, So buy a house, right, No,
21:53
Speaker 2: make you feel better like that? That makes sense to me.
21:56
Speaker 2: It is unfortunate that we feel so out of control.
22:01
Speaker 2: There's so many aspects of our lives, but it does
22:05
Speaker 2: make sense to me that having this moment of like
22:08
Speaker 2: I need to do something that makes me feel like
22:11
Speaker 2: I have some modicum of control in my life.
22:15
Speaker 3: And again for women, those who are in the marginalized communities,
22:19
Speaker 3: that is compounded by the responsibility that's given to you. Immediately. Yes,
22:25
Speaker 3: white men, we are saying you have you have it easier,
22:29
Speaker 3: so shut up, don't come out when it comes to
22:33
Speaker 3: basic conversations like this. So one of the things in
22:37
Speaker 3: the helpline article that I was reading, it does say
22:41
Speaker 3: many other symptoms of midlife crisis overlap with depression, anxiety
22:45
Speaker 3: disorders and hormonal imbalances. Again, they talked about menopause a
22:49
Speaker 3: little bit and that there are like things that you
22:52
Speaker 3: can do when it comes to medication, antidepresses, all of
22:55
Speaker 3: that that if you truly need it. Sure like I'm
22:58
Speaker 3: one of those who will always say if it's something
23:00
Speaker 3: that you actually need and helps you go at it,
23:04
Speaker 3: as long as it's not harming or you're not abusing it, great,
23:07
Speaker 3: But there are some other ways they say that you
23:10
Speaker 3: can offset this what they call midlife blues, which it's patronizing,
23:15
Speaker 3: but okay, it says talk to a therapist. Once again,
23:19
Speaker 3: We've talked about this before. How that is a privilege
23:21
Speaker 3: in itself. I'd said it earlier. It's absurd, but it is,
23:24
Speaker 3: and I'm sorry and I hate it. But if you
23:28
Speaker 3: are able to do so, do it. Cognitive therapy, life coaching,
23:31
Speaker 3: group therapy might be something that could help, especially when
23:33
Speaker 3: it comes to grief, managing anxiety, and maybe even just
23:36
Speaker 3: future planning. Who knows. Talking to your friends, if you
23:39
Speaker 3: have really good friends, it's nice as in fact, they
23:43
Speaker 3: said in the same article, A twenty twelve study shows
23:45
Speaker 3: that what many women know from firsthand experience midlife is
23:49
Speaker 3: easier if you surrounded by a circle of friends. Women
23:52
Speaker 3: with friends have a greater sense of well being than
23:55
Speaker 3: those who don't. Not even family members have as great
23:58
Speaker 3: an impact. And I feel like, yes, I can attest
24:01
Speaker 3: to this. Again, Annie and Caroline were two of the
24:05
Speaker 3: people I meet. Oh and Dominique of course immediately texted
24:08
Speaker 3: like help, I'm going to buy one of these things.
24:11
Speaker 3: And just having them be like okay, what was enough.
24:16
Speaker 3: This was just like coming bringing me back to reality.
24:18
Speaker 3: It was like, okay, you are correct, thank you very much.
24:20
Speaker 3: I needed that. But I think that's a really big
24:23
Speaker 3: part of it. And again for my parents. For my mom,
24:26
Speaker 3: she didn't have friends. We talked about that earlier another episode.
24:30
Speaker 3: She didn't have friends until after all her kids left,
24:32
Speaker 3: and her friends were her kids. So that is also
24:35
Speaker 3: a privileged thing as well, which makes me sad. Yeah,
24:39
Speaker 3: it shouldn't have to be. But I know if all
24:41
Speaker 3: you do is work, there's not so and then you
24:44
Speaker 3: just want to come home and rest. There's so little
24:47
Speaker 3: you can do about that. And that's again a different conversation.
24:50
Speaker 3: Reconnect with nature. As I said, go touch the grass.
24:53
Speaker 3: I have very muddy grass, but whatever, But we uh.
24:57
Speaker 3: My partner has family in Florida near the beach. He
24:59
Speaker 3: took me there to be like, I'm easy to calm
25:01
Speaker 3: down and it did help. Talking about your home remedies
25:06
Speaker 3: and healthy eating. Again, I'm not gonna say that's the thing.
25:09
Speaker 3: Is their suggestion. I don't know, but some people do
25:12
Speaker 3: like hobbies. So if it's learning to bake bread, go
25:15
Speaker 3: at it. Learning to plant gardens beautiful. I mean, that
25:19
Speaker 3: has been two of the big things that I've seen
25:21
Speaker 3: people do as self care. They need to be able
25:26
Speaker 3: to care for their plants, or are being able to
25:28
Speaker 3: learn to bake bread or doing these things. If that's
25:31
Speaker 3: something you need, great. If you are someone who struggles
25:36
Speaker 3: with eating and you want to figure out something healthy, cool,
25:38
Speaker 3: just do it in a manner that is showing love
25:40
Speaker 3: to yourself period and not abiding by unattainable standards that
25:47
Speaker 3: are set by society, which is stupid and usually the
25:49
Speaker 3: meaning and very very false and damaging to women. Put
25:54
Speaker 3: that in there. Write down what you've accomplished. You know
25:57
Speaker 3: that's not a bad idea. Aie just got into shockma,
26:00
Speaker 3: and then take steps toward a new future. I don't
26:02
Speaker 3: know what that means talking about maybe hey, you are writing,
26:07
Speaker 3: write that novel you've been talking about. Don't write that novel.
26:10
Speaker 3: Toss out that novel. Whatever you need to do. Have
26:13
Speaker 3: a cleansing party, you know, taking all the things that
26:16
Speaker 3: you thought was bad in your life. Burn that in
26:19
Speaker 3: a very contained environment. I don't know. Get into astrology
26:25
Speaker 3: like me and tell me about my sign. Someone tell
26:27
Speaker 3: me about my side.
26:29
Speaker 1: I have a friend for you.
26:30
Speaker 3: Okay, cool hill, I would words up to a twenty six.
26:34
Speaker 3: And then there are so many other things. Reading books again,
26:39
Speaker 3: doing what is something that you love, whether it's taking
26:42
Speaker 3: time off and again, maybe taking a bath, maybe that's
26:46
Speaker 3: your thing. Sitting, crocheting. I tried that, didn't get very
26:50
Speaker 3: far with that, but okay, we'll by come back and
26:52
Speaker 3: revisit this. Watching a favorite beloved movie, whatever you need,
26:56
Speaker 3: reaching out to an old friend that you've missed, all
26:58
Speaker 3: the good things. Some suggestions. But yeah, for those who
27:02
Speaker 3: are with me, I love you, I'm thinking of you.
27:05
Speaker 3: Don't buy that thing you don't need it's gonna be okay.
27:09
Speaker 3: Or do if it makes you happy.
27:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I think the key is to like, not
27:15
Speaker 2: do it on impulse, like.
27:17
Speaker 3: Sure, think about it, take take a week before you actually.
27:21
Speaker 2: Think about it, talk to people about it.
27:24
Speaker 3: See, I don't think there's funny thing yet.
27:27
Speaker 1: Yeah, well there's time, but you know, give me a
27:30
Speaker 1: minute though. Yeah, well we'll converse about that later. But yes, yes, yes,
27:35
Speaker 1: yes listeners.
27:37
Speaker 2: If you have any experience with this, any ideas about this,
27:40
Speaker 2: any thoughts, we would love to hear from you. Our
27:42
Speaker 2: email is Stuffania mom Stuff at iHeartMedia dot com. You
27:45
Speaker 2: can find us on Twitter at mom Stuff podcast or
27:47
Speaker 2: on Instagram at stuff I Never Told You. Thanks always
27:49
Speaker 2: start superducer Christina. Thank you, Christina, and thanks to you
27:53
Speaker 2: for listening Stuff I've Never Told You. The protection of iHeartRadio.
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Speaker 2: For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, if is it the aheart
27:58
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