Latest / Forged In The Dark / The Apology Bus
Transcript
- Forged In The Dark: If you are currently or have ever waited for an apology, this episode is definitely for you. We will explore Forgiveness for yourself, forgiveness for others, and forgiveness. For those who are not sorry, welcome to Forged in the Dark. I'm your host, Jamie. Let's dig in. Now, if you've ever waited for an apology, today's episode might just be for you. There are multiple different kinds of apologies. Apologies to yourself, apologies to others, and apologies to the people who aren't sorry. And that one, that third one, that's where most of our focus is going to be today. Because I have a lot of experience with this. I cannot tell you the number of times that I have waited and waited and waited for an apology that never came. Now I want you to imagine a bus stop. And and and what we're waiting on is the apology bus. But what you don't know. Is the route for the apology bus has been changed? So you are waiting at this bus stop and you're waiting and you're waiting and you're waiting. The bus was supposed to be here five minutes ago, 20 minutes ago, two months ago, But the apology, the apology bus is nowhere in sight. Don't you wish someone would tell you that? The bus isn't broken. The bus isn't delayed. The bus isn't running late. The bus is never coming. And I know that this can be a hard truth to sit with. So Let's talk about forgiveness for yourself first. We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have from where we are right now. You are doing the best you can with the tools you have. From where you are. And back then, when you made that choice, that decision, whatever mistakes were in your past, you still did the best you could. And now you're here. The mistake was made, you acknowledged, and you got busy doing the work to not ever let that thing happen again. Stop and forgive yourself. Hands on heart, lots of deep breathing. I love you, I'm sorry, I forgive you, I love you, I forgive you, I'm sorry. Take some time with yourself, meditate, pray, give your past mistakes over to the higher power. As long as you have learned your lessons and you are already correcting course, make it quick, make it easy, extend the forgiveness to yourself so that you can get on with your life. You don't, you don't deserve to carry the weight from your past when you've already made the changes. Now, when it comes to forgiveness for others, this can be a little bit more tricky. Forgiveness is not always about reconciliation. Forgiveness is about setting yourself free. This person that has wronged you, they're in front of you, they're genuine, they're sincere, they they acknowledge, they're ready to make amends, they're doing all of the things. Now, your job, it's about coming. To peace. It's about everybody having an opportunity to get to peace in this situation. Whether you are granting forgiveness to yourself or to someone else, the forgiveness is for you, much like the truth will set you free. What if real forgiveness will set you free? Real forgiveness gives you an opportunity to release. Release guilt, release shame, release resentment. And let me add a little caveat here. If you genuinely forgive someone, the releasing of the resentment, the releasing of the shame is critical. And if you have not you have not truly forgiven that person. So let's talk about the third one because this is really the only one that I wanted to talk about today, because this is actually the specific recurring theme that has come into my head. I cannot tell you how many times in my life I have been misjudged, I have been doubted, I have taken the responsibility. For things that are not my fault and have nothing to do with me. And these are situations where there doesn't seem to be a resolution. The situation is no longer happening. It is in the past. And anything that is in the past is done. It's over. And and if you have lingering things that are tied to the past, you are going to live in the past. Finding your path forward includes forgiving people that are not sorry for what they did. And and I might get some heat for this because I know that not everyone agrees with me on this. To genuinely offer an apology. You have to admit what you did, whatever the thing is, whether it's a big bad thing or a little minor thing. I accidentally broke your favorite mug. I'm so sorry. I know it can't be replaced. Let's go shopping and and I will I will let you hand pick a new one, right? Like that that's a pretty easy one. But the apology. When the person doesn't believe they did anything wrong, that's the hard one. That's the tricky one. And when you are looking at the situation, there should be some pretty clear indicators, some pl pretty clear markers. You you have communicated multiple times. This is what's happening. This is how it's negatively affecting me. This is the change I need. This is these are the words I need to let me know that you're serious. But I also need your actions to change. But that only works on someone who acknowledges that they were part of the problem. If you do not feel safe to have this conversation, this conversation is never going to happen. If you do not if the person, if the person Refuses to acknowledge that they did anything wrong, that they had any part of anything. You have nowhere to go. You will be at that bus stop all day long, all day, all year, waiting for an apology that's never going to come. And I know that it's not fair. You didn't do this. You didn't ask for this. No, it's not fair. So you get to acknowledge this person is probably never going to all of a sudden miraculously. Just like that. Click, snap, boom. you're right. You've explained this to me a thousand different ways. But now all of a sudden I get it and I see the error of my ways, and I'm sorry, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure that I never make you feel that way again. Yeah, if you needed to hear those words, save this episode and listen to them over and over and over. Because these are the words that You need to say for yourself. So in order to release this fully and completely, I forgive you for all of those things or that thing that you're not sorry for. I forgive you. I forgive you. With love, I forgive you. And the best part is the other person doesn't even need to hear the words. You do not need to call them, text them, FaceTime them, write them a letter, an email, anything, nothing. The other person never needs to hear the words come out of your mouth. I forgive you for what you're not sorry for. But you must do that for yourself. if the truth has the power to set you free, and forgiveness has the power to set you free, do you see how they kind of go together here? The truth is the bus is never coming. And in order for you to get on with your life, stop living in the past, stop living in the shame, stop living in the anger, stop living in the regret. Stop living in the resentment. Ask yourself right now very seriously, where in my life is forgiveness needed? Where in my life is forgiveness needed? Is it in myself? Do I need to forgive myself for doing the best I could in that situation? I know it was bad. I know I did bad there. I I did. But I am genuinely sorry and I forgive myself because I know what I'm doing to correct it. For the other person who's genuinely sorry. I love you. I forgive you. Going forward, like thank you for being sorry. And and going forward, your actions will show me just how sorry you are. Thank you. And for that bus. For that apology bus that is never going to come. Today, take the opportunity to set yourself free. Forgive yourself, forgive others. Really forgive the ones that aren't sorry. You deserve. You deserve to have everything you want in life and you do not deserve to carry weight that was never yours to carry Take some time, look at where forgiveness needs to be granted. Until next time.